The Sun.
London, England, 1870-12-03 00:00:00

LOVE'S TREACHERY.

A Mr. D. A. Spalding, Barrister-at-law, has been
lecturing on " How to make the most of Life," at Dundee.
A large portion of his last address referred to the expe-
diency of self-control in affairs of business, or of the
heart. The following is an extract from the report of
what Mr. Spalding said on the subject :—ln the romantic
courting days the young people, under the influence of a
heated imagination, dream and swear impossible things.
The bearded lover is absorbed in compliment and endless
attentions. Sometimes, I fear, he talks fine sentiment
because it is the fashion. Often, however, he believes it
all himself. But the poor girl always believes it. How
could she ever doubt such charming truth? The incense
of flattery is sweet, and she likes to pet and be petted.
After marriage a man cannot he bothered telling his wife
twenty times a day that he really loves her. He thinks
she should take that for granted. But to the love-craving
heart of the poor wife this is an awful change. It is the
first black cicud that darkens the sunshine of her early
summer. She is disappointed, her love is not appreciated,
and in secret she grieves over a hidden sorrow, and thinks
herself the unfortunate victim of a •loveless marriage.
Young ladies are all quite willing to marry, whether you
flatter them or not ; and they will make much better and
more contented wives if, instead of intoxicating them
with delicious ravings—that are at least insane, if not
insincere—you treat them from the first with some-
thing approaching the quiet kindness and affection
that nature will enable you to continue unto the end.
And to accomplish this, the endeavour ought to
be rather not fully to express than to exaggerate
feelings that must subside, and grow less fer-
vent. At the same time men should cultivate tender.
ness. Of all our pleasures, it is the kindest and most
lasting. In our moments of greatest need, when deserted
by the more active delights, then comes sweet, gentle
tenderness to soothe and comfort us. Then take care of
your early love ; let not the tender plant be trodden under
the course hoofs of your money-making and gross worldly
pursuits. When broken with toil or disappointment,
when bowed down by disease or old age, all these will
forsake you. And if, when thus left, the moist eye,
the soft touch, and the gentle voice, cannot gladden and
cheer, then, indeed, your feast of life is over. To
the ladies I would say, when your lover whispers to you
that yours will be an endless courtship, and all
the rest of it, be sure he is either talking nonsense without
knowing it, or he is doing worse—he is telling you what
he does not believe himself. Be careful not to be taken
by mere words and glitter. The man that is most showy
in his love and attentions is by no means likely to be the
most trustworthy in his attachment.
" The stern
Have deeper thoughts than surface eyes discern ;
And when they love, your smilers guess not how
Beats the strong heart, though less the lips avow."

Lastly, you sometimes speak of striking the iron when it
is hot. That implies that you know it will cool, yet you
forget this, which, above all things, you should remem-
ber—the fire of youth's young love must cool down ; and
it will cool in your husband sooner than in yourself. Be
prepared for the change ; do not misunderstand it. Re-
member that in tender emotion you are more richly en-
dowed by nature than he is ; that he has pursuits and
anxieties of which you know little. You must bear with
him ; and though you may not like the falling off of
the love-making, be careful not to make matters
worse by complaining. Subdue yourself to your
circumstances, and if it is trial, meet it with the
calm dignity of patience and common sense. —Dundee
Adrertiser.