The Sun.
London, England, 1836-10-19 00:00:00

CHELMSFORD PETTY SESSIONS.

OCT. 14.—A labourer named Eve, residing at Stock,
was charged with spiriting away certain chairs and tables
and three-legged stools, in order that Mr. Thomas Hutt,
his landlord, might not lay unceremonious hands upon them
to satisfy a claim for rent. Mr. Eve had occupied a house
at Stock, and would have occupied it even until this day. if
Mr. Hutt had been so unreasonable as to talk about pay-
ment of rent—a very ungentlemanly subject to be sure—
but as he could not for the life of him get the matter out of
his head, some steps were decidedly necessary. Accord-
ingly, on the evening of the 20th September, just after Mr.
Eve's appetite had played sad havoc with the eatables within
his reach, he began to unfold the result of his cogitations to
his spouse. " Mrs. Eve," says he, much in the glozing
way in which the serpent attacked her name-sake of old,
"it is high time we were gone ; old Hutt (says he) (for men
never call their creditors Mister behind their backs), old
Hutt looks tarnation sour cos that ere rent ar'nt paid."
Mr. Eve showed she was sensible of this unpleasant state
of affairs, by knocking the little one over the fender, and
Mr. Eve continued, though • not, perhaps, in l►nguage
poetical :
" And, lack-a-day ! here's Quarter-day ;
It always comes too soon;
So we by night must take our flight,

For we must shoot the moon ./"-
Mrs. Eve, being made of yielding materials, soon coincided
in her lord and master's plan of operations. Arrangements
were made, and by twelve o'clock the domestic army were
in full retreat. A bed and bedstead led the van—a broken
clock-case formed the right wing—and a frying-pan with a
hole through it, and two saucepans without handles, brought
up the rear. It might be said of Mrs. Eve, like her de-
scribed by Milton—
" Haste was in all her steps—a cupboard in her hand,
In every pocket tea cups, and a dish."
An asylum was found at the house of the mother-in-law ;
but, alas ! other parties interfered, and between the three
great powers—the constable,' the Magistrate, and the
gaoler, Mr. Eve nearly became the victim of a quadruple
treaty. Humbled in spirit, he now offered to liquidate the
debt by instalments.
Mr. BUTT thought Mr. Eve's word was not exactly a
bond.
At this insinuation the mother-in-law, in a rampant fit of
honesty, ascended a stool and exclaimed—" If he does not
pay you, you may take all the goods I've got in my house.
Mr. Hutt—l would not give you sixpence for all you
have (rot.
The lady was astonished ; her hair did not exactly push
her bonnet off her head, but she was wonderfully alarmed
notwithstanding, and in a fit of indignation she exclaimed—
Why, Mr. Hutto I gave fifteenpence for a mousetrap "
(Loud laughter).
This was decisive. Like the confounded arithmetical
questions which puzzled us at school, everybody began to
ask—" if a mousetrap cost fifteenpence, what. is the value
of adining-table . There was no withstanding this proof
of respectability, and the defendant was ordered to pay is.
a week...—Essex Herald.

Pity's purest dwelling is in a woman's breast."
This is a beautiful thought of Mr. James, and beautifully
expressed by him in his new work, " The Desultory Man,"
which is, perhaps, superior to his former productions, deeply
interesting as they are. Those who honour and respect
the fairer portion of creation will hail this work with plea-
sure, were it only for the ennobling tributes offered to wo-
man by a scholar and a gentleman.
Winchester is all bustle and activity, in preparing
fur the approaching festival for the benefit of the County
Hospital.