The Sun.
London, England, 1862-09-03 00:00:00

VARIETIES.

(From Fun.)
LINES BY A LOAFER.
ON READING MR. TREMENIIFERR'S REPORT.
What is London bread made of?
What is London bread made of ?
Beetles, cobwebs, and dust,
And things of disgust,
That's what London bread's made of I

TWO DESPATCHES OF GENERAL M'CLELLAN.
No. 1.---For Publication,
All the rebels have fled,
Stonewall Jackson is dead,
And General Beauregard's banished;
In fact, without bouncing,
They've had such a trouncing,
Secession has totally vanished,

No. ll.—Strictly Pi ivate and :ionfidential.
Darn them rebels I I guess
We have got in a mess,
For advance you must read retrogression;
My plans are all addled,
The troops have skedaddled,
Once again we are licked by Secession.

EXTRAORDINARY FEAT —Mr. Driffield, a coroner, was
fined at Liverpool assizes for writing his depositions so
badly, that they were downright illegible. In short, he
put his foot into it through his bad hand, but we hear he
is progressing favourably.
THOUGHT OP IN A DREAM.—A FACT.—Is there any
connexion between a sweetbread and a sugar-loaf ?

What state of the late United States is the most de-
serving of pity P—The present state of affairs.
THE FLOWER OF THE ARMY.—Major COLIVOIVRIUS.

PROVERBIAL PHILOSOPHY (BY MR. W. ROTJPELL)..—
" Where there's a will there's a way of making away
with it.

TUE WORST ON " THE FIRST." —Said Jones to Brown,
as the covey got up out of shot for the sixth time, " Why
are those partridges not like the American press ?" " Give
it up I" said Brown. And Jones grinned horribly, and
said "Because the birds won't lie, and the Yankee papers

PUBLIC AMUSEMENTS..—ii Another Alarming Accident
:o an Acrobat."

QUESTION TO 111-IccuEsTEß.—" How are your poor
hands ?" Asked in sympathy for their sorrow and admi-
ration for their fortitude.
BURGLARS' ADVERTISEMENT.—Goods carefully re-
moved. _

THE MAN IN POSSESSION or ROME.—ltaly : " When
may I be allowed, Mr. Oracle, to come into my own draw-
ing-room ?" Oracle :—" Oh I I shall stay as long as I like
now your favourite has insulted me P"

A QUESTION FOR SELF-EXAMINATION.—Why am I,
when I prudently put by money, like myself when I
foolishly squander it ?—Because in either case I am-ass.
A SENSIBLE MAN.—A German, in talking, a few days
ago, about us, said, "'Tis a FuNder—'tis a real Yowder 1"
A QUESTION FOR THE HORSE GUARDS.—Ought a
soldier to wear a percussion cap ?

THE CRIMINAL ROBERTS.—The man Roberts, who
was tried at the late Glocester assizes for the murder of one
of his children and attempted murder of another, and who
was then acquitted by the jury on the ground of insanity,
turns out to be perfectly sane. The Secretary of State
called upon the visiting justices to send him a certificate of
the prisoner's insanity, in order to his removal to some
lunatic asylum. He was consequently examined by the
gaol surgeon, Dr. Bleeck, and subsequently by that gentle-
man in conjunction with Dr. Lyon, and we hear that neither
of those gentlemen has been able to discover the slightest
symptoms of lunacy in the wretched man. The consequence
is that, instead of a certificate being forwarded confirming
the view of the jury, the magistrates have been compelled to
send off one asserting, almost in direct terms, that Roberts
is in full possession of his senses. The chief evidence at
the trial for the prisoner's unsoundness of mind was that of
his father and mother, who declared that he was consi •
dered half silly by his family and neighbours. It was
known at Glocester that the verdict of the jury did not
commend itself to the judgment of the learned judge who
presided on the trial.—Bristol Post.
PUBLIC GARDENS OF LONDON.--perhaps about
one half of our readers are more or less habitual breathers of
coal smoke, and, properly, anxious to see every plot of
available ground in the midst of houses decently preserved,
and made verdurous for the public good. There are two
primary questions raised, irrespective of the two minor
ones which may be started. The first is, whether trees
and shrubs are desirable as objects of utility in towns, ir-
respective altogether of what may be called the "senti-
mental" part of the subject ; as, for instance the induce-
ment which public gardens offer to the inhabitants of
towns to take healthy recreation in the open air, in pre-
ference to other pleasures injurious to health, and
morally objectionable. The other question is, whether
trees, and what trees, will thrive in cities, where
the soil is so excessively drained, that it is scarcely capable
of affording nutriment to species that require a deep, moist,
soil, and where the atmosphere is usually so loaded with
soot, that the stomates of the laaves get choked, and the
matter becomes a pursuit of vegetation under difficulties.
In Paris, public gardens are acquiring importance, not as
accidents, but as integral parts of the plan of improvement
which the Emperor has long been engaged in. The gar-
dens of the great squares are admirably planted, and care-
fully kept; the trees and shrubs are mostly well chosen;
the flowers are selected for their gaiety rather than rarity;
and the people are freely admitted, an arrangement Which
contrasts strikingly with the padlocked palisades and grim
walls that inclose the gardens of towns in this country.—
city .Press,

"I don't know how WO regor felt when he had his foot
upon his native heath ; but I must say for myself that
walking on a moor is not by any means so easy as walking
along Moorgate• street. Perhaps wading is a fitter name to
give to it than walking, for one is more than half submer-
ged in a perfect sea of heather, and every here and there
one flounders into scarcely fathomable deeps, where a sports-
man of small stature becomes totally immersed. Crackshot,
who has legs of about the length of lamp-posts, of course
progressed more favourably than I could hope t 3 do, and I
fear that there was more of sarcasm than sympathy in his
repeated queries as to how were my poor feet.
" I have heat d that on the Scottish moors the midges are
a nuisance, but I'll back the flies at Coolmer to be found by
far a greater one. My head was all day long enveloped in
a cloud of them, and you can't think how I suffered from
the buzzing biting big and little children of Beelzebub. I
wished that Nature had provided them with better occupa-
tion than spending a whole morning in plaguing and tor-
menting us ; but flies are not the only idle creatures in the
world, that delight to spend their time in plaguing other
people.

"But, after all, the Blackcocks Were themselves the
greatest torment to us. We were under strict injunctions
not to shoot the hens, and you may fancy what our feelings
were at seeing five hens in five minutes rising each to
a dead point, and flying off unaimed at by our deadly
double-barrels. I hope that all who shoot at Coolmer
are as virtuous as we were, and with as noble resolution
keep their hands from henslaughter. The cocks too were
as tantalising as we found the hens; for they kept on get—
ting up just ten yards out of shot, and not even a wire
cartridge could perwail on them to stop' with us, In a
part of the ground called Pigmoor (which owes its name to
Roger Bacon calling for 'more pig' when he was at a pic-
nic there), I spied a fine old cock upon the low bough of a
fir-tree; and, like the admirer of the hapless Lucy Neal, I
thought if I were by his side how happy 1 should feel. But
when he saw me trying to stalk him, he waggled his old
head in the most provoking manner, as much as to say
' You are a young man, but you don't get over me."
So after wading for eight hours in a Turkish bath
of heat, our day's blackcock-shooting ended in our
not bagging one of them ; and when I tell you
as a sportsman that besides black game,' we saw
partridges and pheasants which We also might not
shoot, and plover, snipe, and wild duck which kept safely
out of shot, you may conceive that our position made us
somewhat think of Tantalus, and fancy that his torments
could have scarcely equalled ours.
"There is nothing vastly funny in this narrative, it is
true. But at least it serves to show what Englishmen will
cheerfully submit to in their ardour for le sport : and a
blank day's blackcock-shooting is a far more healthy pas-
time both for muscles and for mind than a morning spent
with dominoes in the manner of our neighbours, or 'with
the scarcely More laborious exercise of billiards. Wilb,
which beautiful reflection,
" I remain, my dear Punch, yours most sincerely,

" RAMROD."
" P.S.—Grouse-shooting was clearly a classical amuse-
meat, for we find it said of Ca3sar that 'ad Mauros pro-
jeetus est,' which evidently means that he went sporting on
the Moors,"

THE YANKEE CONSCRIPT ON
CONSCRIPTION.

(From Punch.)
They sez, to die for fatherland, a doin' of the dutiful,
Is sweet an' comely; it du look cadaverus kinder beautiful;
But ez to bein' sweet at all, I wun't say I've a doubt on it,
For this hero world of ourn ain't E of no way that's pleasant
out on it.

Wen dyin' of a bullet with the doctor can't extract, or
A shattered leg, tue stmgreen on a comminooted fracter,
Praps you may feel sum comfert in your torter, ef your trust
is
That your a sufferin' marterdum acause you fit for justis.
But ef so be you went to war for glory, pay, or plunder,
Wut then will ease the pangs of death ez you're a writhin.
under ?
When you reflects what acts o' yourn your agernies is
owin' to,

I guess it wun't relieve 'em much to think whar you're a
goin' to.
The homer you must leave below with that there crushed
and gory form,
I 'gree with that old Fatsides in the playbook, ain't no
chlory form,
Wun't stop the smart o' ne'er a wound, sword-cut, or stab
o' bagganet :
Honer ain't wuth a cent incept to them ez lives to brag
on it.

Neow, of I goes to fight the South, jest s'pose a saber
gashes me.
A jagged fragment of a shell rips up or round shot smashes
me,
Then, when I'm forced to bite the dust in misery, and
sprawl about,
I reckon honner aint't the thing I'm like to think at all
about.

Not ef I wus the Gin'ral's self, and know'd when I was
gone you meant
Above my mangled carkiss for to stick a marble monument,
Instead o' seraph', where I fell, a foot or so o' mould on me,
Or leavin' me for sun to bake, a' vermin to get hold on me.
Don't think I'll volunteer for you to conker the ascendant
Of them that's as much right as we to flourish independent ;
An' ef you press me, onderstand you force a man unwillin'
That ain't the sort of sojer, quite, for being killed an' killin'.
Press me, destroy my liberty, then you are the aggressor
I holds my deadliest enemy, my tyrant, my oppressor.
Make me a military slave, a warfarin' white nigger on I
Mind that it ain't yourself I draws the bead, and pulls the
trigger on.

-----____ -
HEALTH OF THE ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY.
--From inquiries made yesterday it has been ascertained
that serious fears are entertained with reference to the life
of the Archbishop of Canterbury. His grace is lying at his
palace, at Addington, near Croydon, completely prostrated;
and it is said that, although he may from time to time
rally, there is, humanly speaking, no chance of his ultimate
recovery, or of his again being able to perform any episcopal
function requiring personal energy. During the last few
weeks the archbishop has been subjected to a succession of
severe epileptic fits, indeed some of them have been so seri-
ous as to lead the medical men who are in attendance to
believe that nothing but death could result from them. The
archbishop, however, has been until his recent illness a
man of great phystcal strength—a strength which now, at
the age of 8?, is rapidly failing. His grace was translated
from the Bishopric of Cheater to the Archbishopric of
Canterbury on the death of Dr. Howley, in 1848.
FRIGHTFUL OCCURRENCE.--An accident oc-
curred yesterday afternoon to Henry Caslon, a soap boiler
in the employ of Hayden and Sons, Mil!wall, Poplar, who,
while imprudently crossing a narrow plank which commu-
nicated from one boiling pan to another, suddenly slipped,
and was precipitated into the boiling fat. The pan he fell
into was not more than half, full, but his lower extremities
were so shockingly scalded that large pieces of flesh came
off with the stockings and trousers. He was removed to
the hospital in a deplorable condition.
The Semaphore of Marseilles publishes the follow-
ing explanation of the manner in which Garibaldi obtained
possession of the steamer General Abbatucci, which con-
Iveyed him to Melito :—" The General Abbatucci belongs
to the Valery Company, whose offices are at Marseilles.
Thiscompany has a contract for carrying the mails be-
tween Genoa, Naples, and Sicily, for the Italian Govern.
meat. It is to be reesarked that all these ships carry the
French flag. The agent of the company publishes and
distributes a monthly notice of the arrival and departure
of the boats at the several ports. According to the notice
for the month of August the General Abbatucci was to ar-
rive at Catania on the 24th, whence it should have sailed
on the same day for Messina; from Messina it was to have
carried the mails to Naples, Leghorn, and Genoa. As these
monthly notices are posted in each town, the expected ar-
rival of the General Abbatucci at Catania on the 24th was
well known to Garibaldi. It was thus that on that morn-
las
unt steamer, wee
eoermr' s
morn-
ing Garibaldi took
gvtohluenptereortsestto
ofok epoaspsteasisniesnaeotftotnhier
them at Melito. After the vo-
phealdledlahnidmedtothleand
captain was permitted to sail for
Messina, where he received the snails for Naples, Leghorn,
and Genoa. When the steamer arrived at Naples, the
captain and crew were committed to prison and the ship
was seized."

THE INTERNATIONAL EXIIIBITIGIsT.—The number
of visitors at the Exhibition yesterday was
By season tickets ................ 3 643
Ditto for Is. days .................. 'BO3
Bypayment ...................... 47,742

Totalwrotit,swriie. 52,188

A. BLANK DAY WITH THE BLACK COCKS. _ _

" (From Punch.)
My dear Punch,—By .he kindness of my friend Crack-
shot, who has Governmental influence, I have enjoyed a
day's blackeock shooting down at Coolmer Forest, and for
the benefit of Cockney sportsna 2n like myself, I purpose
now to give you some account of my enjoyment. Coolmer,
as of course you know, is near the old coach-road to Sherys-
mouth ; and, if any of the old coaches had been extant on
that road, I think they would have carried us pretty
well as quickly, and certainly more smoothly than the
railway caraiage did which we were forced to travel by.
Remembering the old saying about the early bird, and
believing that the Blaekcock family were birds that got up
early, and might then best be met with, we passed the night
at Istosehook, or a place of some such name, and started for
our shooting in the cool of the morning, with the ther-
rnometer at scarcely more than ninety in the shade. Our
virtue in performing this feat of early rising proved to be
its own reward, for nothing else rewarded it. With the
exception of a donkey, whom a short.-sighted sportsman
might have shot at as a deer, the only game we found is
the first hour and a half was a couple of wild ducks, which
we might certainly have bagged if they had but been tame
ones. But except Sir William Armstrong's, I know of no
breechloader that will kill at half a mile, and this is usually
the distance at which wildfowl think it safe to rise and fly
away from one.