The Sun.
London, England, 1862-04-18 00:00:00

A PROBABLE CHRONOLOGY.

1860. Mr. Armstrong, of Newcastle-upon-Tyne,
invents rifled ordnance that will knock any ship to
Pieces. He is knighted, and the Admiralty is be-
nighted. 1861. The Admiralty recovers, and in-
Vents iron ships that resists any known cannon
balls, 1862. Sir W. Armstrong invents a gun that
enaashes the iron ships into blacksmithereens. The
Admiralty collapses. 1863. The Admit alty re-ex-
lands and invents nlatina ships fastened with dia-
3/10nd cement, and Sir W. Armstrong's balls fly to
pieces like bon-bons. Mr. Gladstone doubles the
income tax. 1864. Sir W Armstrong invents brazen
thunderbolts (supposed to be the original Jupiters)
and in a pleasing experiment sends the greater part
of the British fleet to the bottom of the sea. 1865.
The Admiralty invents torpedo vessels which sail
Under water, and below any range of guns. Sir W.
Armstrong tears his hair and swears in the New-
castle dialect. 1866. Sir W. Armstrong invents a
vertical gun that discharges Greek fire straight
down, and a second time he destroys the greater
Part of the British fleet. The Lords of the Admi-
ralty are about to hang themselves, when a thought
strikes them, and they don't. Mr. Gladstone again
doubles the income tax. 1867. Dr. Cumming, who
has for some weeks been having in his coals by the
sack only, suddenly proclaims the Millennium. As
there is now to be peace everywhere, the Admi-
ralty does not invent anything, but waits to see.
In order to test Dr Cumming's veracity, and to find
out whether lions will lie down with kids, the Zoo-
logical Society (against the advice of their excel-
lent secretary, Mr. Selater) let loose their biggest
lion while a charity school is i' the gardens. As
the lion, instead of lying down with a kid, only lies
down to digest him, the Admiralty thinks there is
some mistake somewhere and determines to invent
a new fleet. Mr. Gladstone once more doubles the
Income-tax. 1868. The Admiralty invents a stone
fleet, with cork keels, and defies Sir Win. Arm-
strong. 1869. Sir William Armstrong invents
the Hannibal, or alp •shell, which contains the
strongest vinegar, and melts the stone ships. Hav-
ing for the third time destroyed the British fleet,
he is raised to the peerage as Lord Bomb. 1870.
The Admiralty invents an aerial fleet, which sails in
the clouds, out of shot range, and the First Lord
takes a double sight at Sir Wm. Armstrong. Mr.
Gladstone a fourth time doubles the income-tax.
1871. Lord Bomb invents a baloon battering-train
and in an experimental discharge brings down all,
the British fleet into the Garman Ocean. 1872.
The Admiralty, in desperation, invents a subter-
ranean fleet, which is to be conveyed by tunnels to
all the colonies, bat Mr. Gladstone blandly suggests
that, as everybody now pays twice his income in
taxes, the people may object to further imposts un-
less some proof of economy is given. Government
therefore stop the pensions of 100 superannuated
clerks, discharge some extra night porters at the
'treasury, and bring in estiraates for the subterra-
nean fleet. 1873. Lord Bomb invents his typhons,
a. r earthquake shells, and suff'acates the British fleet
10 the Tasmania Tunnel. Mr. Gladstone a fifth time
doubles the income tax. 1874. The Emperor of the
French proclaims the Millennium, which of course
ilamediately occurs ; no IR lore war ships are wanted
and the collectors remit the quarter's income tax
not yet due. Lord Bomb invents his volcano fire-
'works in honour of the oecasion, and by some acei-
gaut burns up the public.—Punch.