The Sun.
London, England, 1862-12-11 00:00:00

ARTEMUS WARD IN CANADA,

I'm at present existin' under a roonikal form of
gov'ment. In ether words, I'm travellin' among the
crowned heads of Canady. They ar'n't pretty bad
people. On the conery, they air exceedin' good
people. Troo, they air deprived of many blessina.
They don't enjoy, for instans, the priceless boon of
a war. They havn't any American Egil to onchain,
and they hain't got a Fourth of July to their backs.
Altho' this is a monikal form of gov'ment I am unable
to perceev much moniky. I tried to get a piece in
Toronto, but failed to succeed.

Mrs. Victoria, who is Queen of England, and has
all the luxuries of the markets, incloodin' game in
its season, don't bother herself much about Canady,
but lets her do 'bout as she's mightier. She, how-
ever, gin'ralry keeps her supplied with a lord, who's
called a Gov'ner Gin'ral. Sometimes the politicians
of Canady make it lively for this lord—for Canady
has politicians, and I expect they don't differ from
our politicians, some of 'em bein' gifted and talented
liars, no doubt.

The present Gov'ner Gin'ral of Canady is Lord
Monk. I saw him review some volunteers at Mon-
treal. He was accompanied by some other lords and
dukes and generals and those sorts of things. He
rode a little bay horse, and hisclose wasn't any better
than mine. You'll always noths, by the way, that the
higher up in the world a man is the less good harness
he puts on. Hence Gin'ral Halleck walks the streets
in plain citizen's dress, while the second lieutenant
of a volunteer regiment piles all the brass things
he can find on his back, and drags a forty-pound
sword after him. Monk has been in the lord busi-
ness some time, and I understand it pays, tho' I
don't know what a lord's wages is. The wages of
sin is death and postage stamps. But this has
nothing to do with Monk. One of Lord Monk's
daughters rode with him on the field. She has
golden hair, a kind good face, and wore a red hat.
I should be very happy to have her pay me and
my family a visit at Haldinsville. Come and bring
your knittin', Miss Monk; Mrs. Ward will do the
fair thing by you. She makes the beat slapjacks
in America. As a slap-jakist, she has no ekal. She
wears the Belt.

What the review was all about I don't know. I
havn't a gigantic intelleck, which can grasp great
questions at onct. lam not a Webster or a Sey-
mour. I am not a Washington or a Wadsworth.
Fur from it. lam not as gifted a man as Henry
Ward Beecher. Even the congregation of Ply-
mouth Meeting-house in Brooklin will admit that.
Yes, I should think so. But while I don't have the
slitest idee as to what the review was fur, I will
state that the sojars looked pooty scrumptious in
their red and green close.
Come with me, gentle reader, to Quebeck. Que-
beck was surveyed and laid out by a gentleman who
had been afflicted with delirium tremens from
childhood, and hence his idees of things was a little
irreg'ler. The streets don't lead anywhere in par-
tic'ler, but everywhere's in gin'ral. The city is built
on a variety of perpendicler hills, each hill bein' a
trifle wuss nor t'other one. Quebeck is full of
stone walls, and arches, and citadels, and things.
It is said no foe could ever git into Quebeck, and I
guess they couldn't. And I don't see what they'd
want to git in there for. Quebeck has seen lively
times in a warlik way. The French and Britishers
had a set-to there in 1759. Jim Wolfe commanded
the letters, and Jo Montcalm the:formers. Both
were hunky boys, and fit nobly. But Wolfe was
too many measles for Montcalm, and the French
was slew'd. Wolfe and Montcalm was both killed.
In arter years a common monument was erected by
the gen'rous people of Quebeck, aided by a bully
earl named George Dalhousie, to these noble fel-
lows. That was well done. Darin' the revolu-
tionary war B. Arnold made his way through dense
woods and thick snows, from Maine to Quebec,
which it was one of the huskiest things ever done in
the military line. It would have been better if B.
Arnold's funeral had come off immediately on his
arrival there.

On the plains of Abraham there was onct some
tal fitin', and ever since then there has been a great
demand for the bones of the slew'd on that there
occasion. But the real gincoine bones was long
ago carried off, and now the boys make a hansum
thing by cartin' the bones of bosses and sheep out
there, and Benin' em to intelligent American
towerists. Takin' a professional view of this dodge,
I must say that it betrays genius of a lofty cha-
racter.
air botherin
I say adoo to Quebeck with regret:he::
father's
money, fogyish, but chock full of interest. Young gentle-
men of a romantic turn of mind, who •
their heads as to how they can spend
money, had better see Quebeck.

Altogether, I like Canady. Good people and
lots of pretty girls. I wouldn't mind comin' over
here to live in the capacity of a duke provided a
vacancy occurs, and provided, further, I could be
allowed a few star-spangled banners, a
egil, a boon
of liberty, &c. Don't think I've skedaddled. Not
at all. I'm coming home in a week. Let's have
the Union restored as it was, if we can; but if we
can't, I'm in favour of the Union as it wasn't. But
the Union any how. Gentlemen of the editorial
corpse, if you would be happy be virtoous! I, who
am the emblem of virtoo, tell you so.
(Signed) A. WARD.

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