The Sun.
London, England, 1839-09-04 00:00:00

NONSENSE.

( Frem the Monthly Magazine for September. )
Nonsense is only sense made easy : i: is the first faint
twinklings of the just-lighted intelligence and simplest
inklings of thought of babes and sucklings (Sir John
includd) ; wisdom in short sentences made up of words
of easy syllables. It is very popular among the few
wise who teach it to the many foolish ; but they are
slow to learn. The growing intellect of the age takes
to it, and is gettin., on extremely well with it ; its
Primer is between all sorts of thumbs. The heaviest
writers of it are your political economists ; but, what
with their excessive collocation of words, and their mis-
takes in the terms of their science, (which, they ac-
knowledge, are not yet thoroughly defined), they make
Nonsense hard to understand, and are doing their best
to render it dull and disagreeable. Patriots, and loyal
men to themselves, dole it out column after column,
and it is accurately reported, and reads smoothly, elo-
quently. It sells well, and sometimes reaches a second edi-
tion, done up in 3 vols. crown Bvo., price 1/. l ls. 6d. ; but
if you would make a stir with it, you must get a Lord or a
Lady to adopt it as their own, and put their title in the
title-page, which some of your Lords and Ladies are
poor enough to do " for a consideration." Then

" How the wit brightens, and the sense refines!"
Phrenologists fumble and feel about your head with their
fingers, and fall into the happiest vein of it immediately ;
the examinants meanwhile listen with much awe to the
Brummagem Greek and Water-lane Latin of the phre-
nologic nomenclature. The Homoeopathists talk it,
write it, prescribe it ; and it tells and sells.
- Nonsense writeth much, and readeth much ; though
newspaper columns are crowded, and all their space is
occupied, editors find room for him, and all the papers
are bespoken a hundred deep. Some of your critics
write it, and are not severe upon themselves ; but they
affect not to understand what the authors they review
mean by it. Some of your authors indite it, when they
are in the vein ; and in the moment of inspiration, if
they feel that they have been more than commonly
happy, they sometimes throw down their pens with an
air, fall back in their chairs, give their nostrils a pinch
of " thirty-seven" each, rap their snuff-boxes fiat on
their tables with a satisfactory report, and cry " That's
fine !" or " Delightful !" or " Beautiful, by Gosh !" or
"by Gomb !"—an old Catholic saint, whom your well-
read writers sometimes swear by. Nonsense speaketh
much, and very wisely ; for he speaketh advisedly, and
is listened to with profound attention, " the rapt soul
sitting in the eyes" of his hearers. He is indefatigable
in Parliament. He moveth the address—he secondeth
the motion—he divideth upon the motion—he taketh
the sense of the House—he moveth the previous ques-
tion—ha explaineth across the table—he covereth the
floor of the House with petitions as with rushes—he
readeth them—he enlargeth upon their grievances—he
bath no confidence in Ministers—he moveth for a new
writ for the borough of --, the late Member
having accepted the Chiltern Hundreds of a certain
Barebones Parliament (which we shall not more parti-
cularly describe, for very fear of committing a breach of
privilesre, and getting ourselves called up to the bar of
that House from which no reprehended person returns)
—he expatiateth upon the incorruptibility of the said
Member, and sitteth down exhausted, amid loud cries
of " Hear ! hear !"

Nonsense is sometimes serious ; and then he putteth
away twenty quarto leaves of imitated manuscript, in a
dark cover, into a black coat packet, and walketh into a
church, and along the aisle, and into a pulpit ; and his
hair is parted We ley-wise, and his little fingers are
adorned with many rings, and his band is clear-starched,
and his white cambric sendeth up a pleasing savour, and
he readeth the imitative writing, and he expoundeth the
Hebrew of the Old and the Greek of the New to
'Squire Acres and a congregation of two hundred
tenants and their clod-hoppers ; and they are amazed,
and boast their curate as " the most learnedst man of
those parts," and the 'Squire dines him, and perhaps
drenches him, and sees a bishop in him. When Non-
sense taketh orders, besides growing pedantic. he be-
cometh priggish. He calleth his Maker " Gad I" and
he speaketh of St. Paul as " an apostle of no mean
celebrity l"
All hail to thee, great Nonsense ! best sense—best
understood—though some poor fools affect thee not !
Chief orator of that old Parliament convened at Babel—
bail ! Only undying one—immortal Nonsense—
hail ! Universal Nonsense—welcome! " Room, there,
for my Lord !" The Speaker of the new House salutes
thee—shakes hands with thee—congratulates thee that
thou art returned member for that great borough the
World, and representest that large constituency, the
foolish sons of men ! He loveth to hear thee volubly
discoursing—hateth to have thee hindered—and loudly
calleth the rising Common Sense to order when he in-
terposeth an interruption. He is never weary of hearken-
ing to thee—thinks thee great on small occasions—
eloquent on all. Wise men admire thy flowery fluency,
and doat upon thy periods, well turned. Dullards de-
liberate on the double-distilled droppings of thy melli-
fluous mouth, and deem them sweeter than the delicious
honey. The wisest sons of Sense wish they had thy
folly, and love to listen to the lively jingling of the
bells nodding about thy ears, " most musical—not me-
lancholy." Great men feel small in thy presence, and
vainly try to ape thy winning ways. This wise world is
governed by thee when thou art gravest, amused by thee
when thou art anticly disposed, and pardoneth readily
thy comical capriccios. Fools only hate thee and deny
thy too-provoking powers ! Great governor of states
and empires, and all the pomps and vanities of men—
grave Nonsense—hail ! " Your Lordship's right wel-
come back to Denmark !"

NONSENSE, only relation—(a nephew)—of SENSE,
that old infallible—not of Rome, but of the world—
who, good papa, cannot forego that almost-virtuous vice
of popes, nepotism, and intends nothing less than to
load thee with all the good things he can lay hands
upon—places of honour, in which peculation is a perqui-
site—places of trust, in which there are many private
golden keys—NONSENSE, great negative, I honour
thee ; and if ever thou shouldest rise to thy good
uncle's chair, and be pontiff of this foolish world, come
to it, sweet cardinal (the eighth cardinal Virtue), by no
other style and title than NONSENSE, the last and best
of all the INNOCENTS ; and if no one else will kiss thy
toe, claim thou of me that proud humility and Catholic
condescension.

THE LAKEs.—_For some time past, the several
excellent inns on the margin of Windermere, the " Queen
of English Lakes," have been thronged with fashionable
visitors, notwithstanding the unfavourableness of the
weather. The inns at the head and foot of Ullswater
have lately been crowded with tourists, who have chosen
this romantic spot for a temporary sojourn.—Kendal Mer-
cury.

FATAL ACCIDENT ON THE RIVER.—A few
evenings since a young man of respectable family and con.
nections, named James Wraith, the fore-cabin steward
of the Castor, French steam-ship, lying off the Tower,
was passing from the Emerald steamer to his own
vessel, when he slipped between the two, and struck
his head violently against the side of one of them,
which stunned him, end he was precipitated into the
water, and although immediate assistance was ren-
dered Le disappeared under the tier before any one
could reach him, and was drowned. The body was not
recovered until Saturday afternoon, when it was picked up
near Wapping Old-stairs by a waterman, and removed to
the dead-house, where it awaits the Coroner's inquest.
Soon after the body of Wraith was found, that of a boy
about 16 years of age, attired in a blue jacket and waist-
coat, corduroy trousers, white shirt, chequered neckcloth,
and lace-up boots, was picked up near to the same spot by
a seaman named Payne, and removed to the mine place.
The lad is unknown, and he appeared to have been in the
water several days.
A young European, as a Constantinople letter
states, has recently carried off the moat beautiful of the
shaves in the harem of the Sultana Esme. The female
fugitive took with her jewels belonging to her mistress
worth a million of francs. They have not been traced, but
if found will inevitably be put to death.