The Sun.
London, England, 1839-09-23 00:00:00

WESTMINSTER COURT OF 1
REQUESTS.

MR. BYWATER'S BREECHES.—Certainly, very funny
things to write about ; but like Hotspur's treason, they
fell in our way," and we picked them up. In some
parts of the world, they make a man's broeches so that
he can jump into them, and it is a matter of indifference
whether the legs are large enough for a pillow or a mo-
derate-sized feather bed. " Hereaway," as the Yankees
express themselves, a man's breeches are " a matter of
pretty nice calculation." They:are of as much moment
as turtle to an alderman, and the mathematical tailor in
Gulliver (were he among us) would often find himself
" pretty ugly" at his figures, in making out, by algebra, a
pair of breeches for " the fashionable gents. who walk in
tights." All this was fully exemplified in the case of
Mr. Bywater's breeches.
In this case the plaintiff was a Mr. Fell, and it ap-
peared that the charge for the breeches was to be 365.
Upon their being sent home they were found to be too
large, and they were returned in order to be taken in.
When sent home again they were declared to be too
small. They were sent back a second time to be let out.
and upon the third visit of the breeches to Mr. By-
water, they were again found to be too large. In this
state they remained, Mr. Bywater having returned
them to Mr. Fell, with an intimation that, although
they did not exactly suit him (Mr. B.), they would
probably form a very profitable article of export to the
East, where the gentlemen are not so particular about
the size of their unmentionables.

The case having been thus amply detailed by the
plaintiff,
A COMMISSIONER. asked Mr. Bywater what he had
to say to the claim ?
Mr. Bywater said he had a very simple tale to tell,
premising at the same time that the Court would not
labour under an idea that he had a fastidious taste.
A C (smiling)—By no means—it might
be the
Mr. Bywater (laughing good-humouredly)—Exactly
my case. The facts are these. I gave Mr. Fell orders
to make the garment in a fashionable, but not in an
COMMISSIONER
ofs s I
theNE tailor.R
out of the way, style. Show the instep well, said I
(and Mr. Bywater threw an air of carelessness into his
manner highly amusing)—let them come a little tastily
from the hip down to the knee, where you must not
leave too much room to play in ; let them curve some-
what gracefully over the calf, and then descend nicely
down about the ancle. Now, gentlemen, you must
admit all this was plain sailing—a mere ordinary article.
Well (becomingquite familiar with the Court), I thought
no more about the matter. In the course of a week
or ten days they were brought home, and to my sur-
prise I found that not a single point to which I had
directed the tailor's attention had been attended to.
The legs were straight all the way down ; knee and
calf were alike lost in them—in short they were mere
sacks ;—a barbarous apology for
A COMMISSIONER—Cossacks.

Mr. Bywater—Truly, they were Cossacks.
The tailor's assistant protested that Mr. Bywater's
description was most willainously exhaggerated. True
it was that the breeches were large, but still they were
admirably proportioned. " I saw them," continued
the assistant, " and if I know anything of the set of
clothes, they were what I should call a splendid pair."
Mr. Bywater—Oh, magnificent ! I assure you, gen-
tlemen (addressing the Commissioners), you might have
poked the Monument through the legs.
The tailor's assistant looked aghast, and exclaimed
" Exhaggeration, gentlemen, I assure you ; nothing but
exhaggeration ; nothing."
Mr. Bywater—And as to the waistband (and the
tailor's assistant gave another wonderful look), it would
have embraced the dome of St. Paul's.
The tailor's man here attempted to speak, but the
description was quite overpowering, and he contented
himself with " fetching in his breath," and exclaiming
" Well !"
" Of course," said Mr. Bywater, " I couldn't think of
losing my legs in such a pair of wildernesses ; and I
made the young fellow here take a piece of chalk and
reduce them to something like a moderate size and decent
shape ; and I again went over my original instructions as
to the hip, the knee, the calf, and the instep. All this
was troublesome enough, you will admit; but I didn't
mind (shrugging up his shoulders), I submitted to it. In
about a fortnight they were brought home again, and
they were then as much too small as they had before
been too large. On the first occasion I could have
jumped into them ; on the second occasion I couldn't
get out of them. I couldn't even sit down in them, and
was (laughably enough to be sure it was) obliged to
lie down on the table in order to have them pulled off ;
and how the devil I ever got into them is a mystery to
me to this day."
A COMMISSIONER (to the tailor's assistant)—What
have you to say to this ?
Tailor's Assistant—l'm thunderstruck. He's ro-
mancing, gentlemen.
Mr. Bywater—Romancing !
Tailor's Assistant—Yes ; if you hadn't have kept
your boots on they'd have come off in a minute.
COMMI4•SIONEA—Did you (to Mr. Bywater) keep
your boots on when you got into the breeches ?
Mr. Bywater answered in the affirmative, assuring
the Commissioners that it was a common practice with
gentlemen so to do. " Indeed," said he, " I wouldn't
have a pair that I could not get into with my boots on."
COMMISSIONER—And spurs too ? But (to the
tailor's assistant) how do you account for Mr. Bywater's
not being able to sit down in the breeches ?
The assistant said it was all owing to Mr. By-
water's strapping them down too close, and bracing
them up too tight.
Mr. Bywater assured the Commissioners that close
strapping and tight bracing were absolutely essential to
the proper fitting of a pair of breecbes, second, indeed,
only to the cut of them itself. Mr. Bywater then went
on to relate the particulars relative to the third altera-
tion, showing how they came home again too large ;
that they did't show the instep, &c., and that "he
bight as well turn Turk as wear such a pair of bed
ticks."

Mr. Bywater eventually consented to take the
breeches, observing that he would send them to a friend
of his at Constantinople.

POLICE INTELLIGENCE.

G UILDHALL.

INDECENCY. —John Pacy, who stated himself to be in
the employ of Messrs. Barclay and Co., brewers, was
brought up charged with having committed an indecent as-
sault on a boy named Rosson, in Cheapside, last night,
about nine o'clock. He was observed by Sergeant Gib-
bet, whose attention had been called to his proceedings by
a gentleman who had been watching him for about twenty
minutes, and was then taken into custody. The officer
decribed the conduct of the prisoner as most infamous.
Pacey, who denied the charge, said that he had merely
stopped to look at a marine painting in the window of a
shop, and that he took hold of the boy's hand thinking he
was attempting to get his watch.
This statement was denied by both the officer and the
boy, and the prisoner was committed for trial.
Frederick Cleaver and William Davis, who hal been
apprehended on a charge of stealing a gold pin from the
shop of Mr. Emmett, jeweller, Holborn-hill, on Monday
last, were again brought up. Two other boys, named
Manning and Sweeney, who were taken at the same time,
had been discharged, the evidence against them being
slight. Another charge was preferred this morning by a
watchmaker, in Gray's Inn-lane, who stated that Davis had
confessed to stealing a watch from his shop, which he had
sold for fifteen shillings, and then cheated his three com-
panions by stating he had only got ten shillings for it, and
giving them half-a-crown a piece. The watch was sold
to a person in Monmonth.street. It was worth about
21. 10s.
The prisoners were sent to Bow-street, instructions be-
ing given to take into custody the person who bought the
watch.