The Sun.
London, England, 1839-11-26 00:00:00

KILRUSH PETTY SESSIONS

The ball was opened on this occasion by a " dumpy
woman," who elbowed and jostled policeman, crier, ;and
by-stander indiscriminately, till she established herself
to her satisfaction, in the little pulpit-shaped sanctum,
the witness-box, from which she gazed around with an
eye of defiance, and an expression of countenance that
said very plainly—" I will a tale unfold."
Clerk—What's your name ?
Complainant—Judy Dimsey (Dempsey) tab be sure.
We're neither afraid or ashamed to tell id, thanks be to
the Lord—why should we ? Judy Dimsey—aye, do
write id down , that's it, Sir,—J u—Ju—d y—dy—a
capetal J, Sir (thanks be to the Lord we got the
schoolin')—D i m—Dim—a capetal D, you see—c y—
cee—Dimsey.—(Laughter.)
Magistrate—You complain of Mrs. Canty ?
" Complain of her 1" responded Judy. " No, but id
sthrikes me almost dumb, so it do—how she comes
nigh hand the Coort-house at all, that's what bewilders
me entirely, gintleinen, afther horsin' away me tannin'
petticoat an' me two check aprons."
Mrs. Canty, the accused, now clapped her hands to-
gether with a bang that would enchant a Lord Lieute-
nant on a " command night," and turning her back to
the Bench in the plenitude of her dismay, protested
that she " of'n an' oft) (often) tould Mrs. Dimsey an'
her daughter 'twas only funnin' she was."
Judy (sarcastically)—" Aye, funnin' you wor ! dear
me. Fakes then, I'm thinkin' when next you go to
confeshin' (if ever you take a spell ov id)" his reverence
'll give you a flea in the ear for your funnin'—or dead
sheep is no mutton, as Batty Foran said to the attorney."

—(A laugh.)
Magistrate—Did you see her stealinc, your things ?
" E'thin maybe I didn't," said sturdy Judy ; "be
ickurs I beheld her wid me own two eyes,• an' she
havin' a wattle that id reach—aye be dad, as long as

- .
to-day an' to-morrow, an' a crooked nail, or some sort
ov a hook or a crook in the ind ov idont, hookin' me

lawful property off o' the line in me little yard, over
her own wall, an' it duskish at the same time."
" Pale, pale," now become the rosy cheeks of Mrs.
Canty ; and on this manifestation of guilt becoming
apparent, Mrs. Dimsey indulged in several congratula-
tory chucklings, which ended in her calling loudly for
her daughter Jude.
Miss Jude, who made her appearance with a face
that had evidently received an unwonted scrubbing,
stated that she had " stud on the swatch," and caught
Mrs. Canty, not with " streamers waving in the wind,"
but " a bran new check apron," which she had gaffed,
and was quietly landing, when the witness hailed,
whereupon the accu;ed let all go by the run, and
evaporated.
Mrs. Canty (soothingly)—Whisper me this, Jude, an'
a lanna nzachree, you are this day ; didn't I tell you
an' your mother 'twas jokin' I was, didn't I ? Jest in a
manner for divarshin' sake—didn't I, asthore
" Upon me word, then," lisped Miss Dimsey, "'twat
dhroll divarshin to go clap the other apron an' petty-
coat in the pawn, an' rise your three and thruppence on
'em—an' thin swear 3 ou never seen 'em all the dear days
ov your life."
Magistrate—Mrs. Dempsey, did you get any of those
things back ?
Judy—Wisha—l got the best o' me two aprons,
riddled and creased in a manner that you'd give the
vesmint, 'twas carrying red hot twelvepeany nails she
was wid it.—(Laughter.)
Magistrate (to Mrs. Canty)—We must commit you,
as the petticoat's not forthcoming.
" Oh, blud alive, don't," sung out Mrs. C. " Oh,
d—n 'em for rags, what a bother there's about 'em ; oh,
Judy ! Judy ; Judy ! is this me thanks for never tellin'
the nibors about the jar o' whisky ?"—(A laugh.)
Mrs. Judy applied her ap-on to her eyes, and hoped
their worships would see her justified.
At this stage of the proceedings, and just as the
gendarmes were handing Mrs. Canty into " Spike
Island," Paddy Dimsey, the proprietor of Mrs. and
Miss D., came into Court and stated that he had suc-
ceeded in recovering the article in question, and now he
hoped, as it was the first time, that their honours would
liberate the " hooker," when she paid the costs.
" Why then do, gintlemen, and confusion to her,"
chimed in Mrs. Dimsey, " though indeed we'll not be
sure of a room rubber ever more, when the wattle is at
' work ; but God is good, and we must only look sharp."
Mrs. Canty then received a lecture on the " appro-
, priation principle" from the Bench, after which she
followed her accusers, mutterinf, curses, " not loud but
deep," on the female portion of them, as they left the
Court in Indian file.