The Press.
London, England, 1853-08-27 00:00:00

THE PRESS.

SATURDAY,

AN IMAGINARY CONVERSATION IN TURKEY.
(FOUNDED ON ELECTRIC TELEGRAPHS.)

I The Kiosk, Constantinopk. Sultan Asnut MEDSCHID ii at his pianoforte.
abstractedly playing orer and over his favourite and only tune—a march,
Enter lissom) Pacha, almost hastily.]
RESCHID: Refuge of the World !
SULTAN : Worthy man—khosh
you in good spirits?
RESCHID: By my father's beard ! no, Vicar of Heaven. Your
servant is troubled in the last degree.
SULTAN : Staferillah ! Heaven forbid ! Let us hear. Man hath his
appointed trouble, and, as the device of the small Englishman, Russell
Effendi (he who eats so much dirt), hath it, the sara, sans.
RESCHID: Most preternatural among wise Monarchs! you have fore-
shadowed my sorrow. The Ambassador of England seeks the sunshine
of your presence.
SULTAN : Mashallah ! Be the omen averted.
REscHID: Allah kerim. Yet, if your servant might suggest, it may
be well to admit him. Doubtless he comes to explain to your Imperial
Majesty the conduct of his masters at home.
SULTAN : Does he bring me the head of that Lord of Scotland,
friend of the Great Bear? If so, his footstep shall be more welcome
to my ear than the silver bells of Paradise.
RESCHID: He has a large box with him, Padishah, but it will, I fear,
be but a Dead Sea apple as regards the hope your Sublimity is pleased
to express. That mountaineer's head is as yet safe upon his shoulders.
Your servant has, with much labour, read his harangue when his face
was blackened before the Lords of London.
SULTAN : The good time may come. Meanwhile, call in the Am•
bassador. He is a worthy person, and, I think, hath small love for
those whose envoy he now is.
The English AMBASSADOR is introduced with the due formal
AMBASSADOR : Your Sublimity, I have this day a despatch from my
Government, in which the most cordial sentiments of regard for your
Sublimity, and for the independence of your dominions, are conveyed
in the most impressive language.
SULTAN : The words aro the leaves and the acts are the fruits,
Stratford Effendi. Is that your fruit-basket in your hand?
AMBASSADOR: This box, your Sublimity, contains the despatch in
question, and other despatches ; but these, with your Sublimity's per-
mission, I will read to Resehid, in all their fulness ; troubling your
Sublimity only with the marrow and cream thereof. I have informed
your Sublimity that the one strong and hearty desire of the Govern-
ment of the Queen of England is the security, honour, and indepen-
dence of your dominions.
SULTAN! I have heard so, many times. We have a proverb, Strat-
ford Effendi, that the truth needs one word, the lie ten thousand.
AMBASSADOR: Having at home, your Sublimity, a thing called a
Parliament, we are painfully aware of the accuracy of the proverb.
SULTAN : Backallum! We shall see. Your masters have, doubtless,
commanded the Bear to get out of my dominions, and to pay me back
the vast sums his invasion has cost me. They have also ordered your
ships to enter the straits ; and, if needful, to sweep out the corners of
the Black Sea. It is well. I have faith in England, for she is strong
and honourable, and, though infidel, an eighth part of the morn shines
upon her. Allah Kerlm.
AMBASSADOR (producing a piper): Your Sublimity, when the sun
shines men go out of their dwellings , but when it is dark they stay at
home. He who hath money may drink sherbet, but he who hath
none must drink water. It is a good thing to ride, but rather than
abandon his journey the wise man will walk. The tall youth can
pluck the olive ; the child must wait until it falls.
SULTAN (exasperated): In the name of Sheittin, what is all this?
In the multitude of counsels the soul hungered'. We admit every one
of your accursed commonplaces—get on. What day is the last you
have appointed for these Russian dogs to retreat to their kennels ?
That day we will purify the land with prayers and fireworks, and the
ladies in the semi shall suck many bon-bons. IVallah
AMBASSADOR : It has not been thought well to name the day, your
Sublimity. But you will be gratified to know that the Russian
listens favourably to the terms we proposed on your behalf, and that
your Sublimity's face is whitened before him. He is disposed to
forgive your Sublimity, and to allow matters to remain us they were.
SULTAN (mystified) : Have we drunk wine, Resehid ? What dirt
is this? Who stands before us? Is it Stratfot d Effendi, our friend,
or that beast in boots the Russian Prince, on whose father's grave be
all defilement. Have we tat-en huschish, and are dreaming

! Kiefiniz eimi—are

~'T

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