The Press.
London, England, 1857-01-31 00:00:00

THE PRESS.

JANUARY 31, 1857.

We have received several commtnications on the subject of our last
week's article upon Whitecross-street Prison, for which we beg to
express our thanks. We regret we have no space to insert the letter
of " Civicus" upon the condition of the poor debtor, but are greatly
obliged to him for his facts. At present we must content ourselves
with expressing a hope that the Mercantile Law Conference now sit-
ting will take some steps towards the abolition of this disgraceful
Eystern.

In another part of our columns will he found a review of Sir E. B.
LyrroN's inaugural address at Glasgow University. The criticism of
the new Lord Rector's speech will doubtless appear to many of our
readers as somewhat rigorous. But we have preferred to leave the
subject in the hands of our contributor, one of our ablest and most
valued, to mutilating it by the excision of such passages as are adverse
to our own opinion.

LORD JOHN OUT OF DOORS.

Ain--" Barney Brallaghan's Courtship."
Twas on a winter morn,
In the midst of the nineteenth century,
A plaintive voice was borne
Up Downing-street's dark entry.
At Viscount Palmerston's door,
Which is oft a scene of bustle,
This endless song did pour
From the lips of Lord John Russell—
Only say
You'll give me a chance to be Minister !
Don't say nay,
O Premier sharp and sinister!
England is still at peace,
Though you blow Canton to pieces;
And the Persian row don't cease,
Through Vernon Smith's caprices.
With Smith and Pea and Yeh
I guess you'll be off the track in a
Jiffey—so you see
You want a Deus ex maehina.
Only say
You'll give me a chance to be Minister !
Don't say nay,
O Premier sharp and sinister !
I've the name of an ancient Whig,
Which than anything feudal is better ;
I've run full many a rig—
I've written a Durham Letter.
It's perfectly clear and true
That none of my plans miscarry;
Andrews I'll finish for you
And I'll finish the Palace for Barry !
Only say
You'll give me a chance to be Minister !
Don't say nay,
O Premier sharp and sinister !
It's a matter of public note
How oft the House I've jabbered in;
'Twas I who kept afloat
The Coalition of Aberdeen.
And now I've a Bill of Reform,
On which most thoroughly I count—
'Twill take the House by storm,
And you'll be a fortunate Viscount !
Only say
You'll give me a chance to be Minister !
Don't say nay,
O Premier sharp and sinister !

A CHAT ON CROWN LAWYERS.

The PREMIER.—HOW do you do, Sir Richard ? Another vacancy
on the Bench. Another promotion from the ranks. What have you
got to say about it?

Mr. ATTORNEY.—The abstraction of a conscientious administrator
of justice is, my Lord, a subject for unaffected condolence.
The PREMIER.—O, just so, just so. Of course. But I was rather
thinking of the future. I suppose that you have no ambition to be-
come a Baron of the Exchequer?
Mr. ATTORNEY.—Your Lordship's constitutional facetiousness is
the only, but permit me to add an ample, excuse for the ventilation of
such a suggestion.

The PREMIER,—Then, twopence more, and up goes the Peelite.
And now for the new Solicitor. What do 3ou think ?
Mr. ATTORNEY.—The question might not assume proportions of
importance, my Lord, were it certain that I should remain in the
office which I have at present the honour to fill. The responsibilities
of a Solicitor-General while I am Attorney-General are comparatively
trivial.

The PaEmtEa.—l'll promise not to move you, if I can help it.
ArroasEy (ca/m/y).--13n a reconstruction of the Cabinet,
either with or without your Lordship, it is possible that the decision
might rest with the person most concerned. But assuming that
matters remain as at present, your Lordship has several gentlemen
before you, every cue of whom is perfectly at your service and his
country's.

~~~~

109

The PREMIER.—Let's see. Would you like old Shee fora colleague..?
Mr. ATTORNEY.—Sergeant Shee, doubtless, has merits, and
although either myopia, or a press of other objects requiring my atten-
tion, has hitherto prevented my discovering any of them, I should not
be inclined to oppose an ohrtacic to his promotion, Were it not that as
a politician ho is uninformed and virulent; that as an orator he is
noisy and inexact; and that as an English statesman he is an Irish
barrister.

The PREMIER.—DO you know the game of a pie sat on a pear-tree?
Mr. ATTORNEY.—I am, unfortunately, unacquainted with the en-
tertaining relaxation referred to by your Lordship.
The PREMIER.—" Once so merrily hopped Shee,
Twice so merrily hopped Shee,
Thrice so merrily hopped Shee,
Heigh° ! heigho ! heigho !"
He has been ready upon three or four occasions ; but, I suppose, as
you say, he won't do. Else, you know, it would not be a bad thing to
give it to an Irishman.
Mr. ATTORNEY.—Are not the Government Bills sufficiently in-
drawn to satisfy your Lordship ? I have not had any complaints from
the profession that they are so precise as to impede litigation.
The PEEMIER.—Ha ! ha! But that's a wipe for yourself, Mr.
Attorney.
Mr. ATTORNEY.—My own Bills are not Government Bills, my
Lord, and I endeavour, however humbly, to render them worthy of my
professional reputation. Mr. Sergeant Shoe might certainly achieve
the same thing, in regard to his own, with no great difficulty.
The PREMIER.—You are severe. He's a good old chap, and I like
him; but as he must be given up, he must. Shall we try Tom
Chambers ?
Mr. ATTORNEY.—Mr. Thomas Chambers has views which must
render him peculiarly acceptable to your Lordship's Roman Catholic
supporters. Those views are excessively foolish, hut he advocates
them with so much pertinacity that I presume he has some object
before him.

The PREMIER.—Why do you impute motives? Perhaps he really
doesn't like Popery. Some people do not.
Mr. ATTORNEY.-It is not for me to point out how eminently fitted
a gentleman who is unable to discard prejudices must be for a promi-
nent place in the Government.
The PREMIER.—Who else is there? Mr. Collier?

Mr. ATTORNEY.—I have not the remotest doubt that Mr. Collier
will be quite ready to take the office your Lordship proposes for him.
Of his capabilities for discharging it, I should prefer not speaking.
His estimate of himself is probably not mine, but he may be able to
acquit himself without disaster.
The PREMIER.—You'd be invaluable at a water-cure place, Sir
Richard; you'd be a wet blanket always ready.
Mr. ATTORNEY.—Passing over your Lordship's wit, of the purity of
which there cannot be two opinions, I may he permitted to suppose
that in asking my idea upon a subject your Lordship expected me to
reply with frankness.
The PREMIER.—MI right, my dear Mr. Attorney, and when you
take the Peerage to which I hope to see you elected, I trust you'll
select an Irish title Vinegar Hill.
Mr. ATTORNEY.—I am not precisely an admirer of Irish titles, or of
all their holders.

The PREMIER.—Good again. I hope you'll be as happy in debate
next week, and take the shine out of the Opposition. You did not do
much in that line last session, but then to be sure you were in an
awkward position.
Mr. ATTORNEY.—The awkwardness was that of those who withheld
the support which I ought to have received. Should that line of
conduct be attempted a second time, it is possible that I may deem it
my duty to compel a reconstruction of the Cabinet.
The PREMIER.—How would you do it? I only ask for infor-
mation.

Mr. ATTORNEY.—By resigning, my Lord.
The PREMIER.—AII! that would be dreadful. I wonder what the
new Solicitor would think of such a threat It would terrify him so
much, that he would not be able to support your Bills ; he might even
be bewildered into advising me not to support them. So don't talk like
that. By the way, we never mentioned Murrough.
Mr. ATTORNEY (in great wrath)—And why should we mention
Murrough? But why should any reasonable person mention Murrough?
[Exit, hurriedly.

A MOAN FOR MARYLEBONE.
(As sung by Mr. N—h—y.)
We dreamt that we'd found in our Member, Hall,
A man who'd be staunch to our side,
A chief who would break taxation's thrall,
And humble the Church's pride ;
For he bullied and blustered well, I weeu,
To win a Reformer's fame,
And we fondly hoped (Oh! weren't we green ?
That he'd always be the same.

We dreamt that to nobles he ne•er would bow,
Nor the People's cause disgrace,
Till he crouched for a coronet rather low,
And wriggled a t last to a place.
And then when we fancied fight he must
'Gainst the taxes he used to blame,
We found, to our most extreme disguqt,
That his views were not the same!