The Press.
London, England, 1858-09-04 00:00:00

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THE PRESS, SEPTEMBER 4, 1858.
853
make the loan a gift, if we could have thereby secured results which EPISTLE REMONSTRATIVE
enabled
investments in Turkish Stock, and
decapitalists
traders
to embark
to consider their consignments to Turkish markets as something FROM V— 1) AT PARIS TO THE RIGHT HON. R. L—.
tra
better than mere gambling hazards.
DEAR L—,
Your letter travelled
Survivors of the Cawnpore massacre seem likely to outnumber fast
the massacred. On a recent occasion we expressed our belief in the
And far, to catch me here at last,
Gazing about in pleased surprise,
general veracity of a narrative which appeared in the Times, but it
Or shooting folly as it flies.
is impossible to be equally complaisant with regard to a statement
that is going the round of the press, purporting to come from the Thanks for your sundry flatt'ring phrases—
lips of a Mrs. Sergeant-Major MURRAY—byteh way, she herself I'm never critical of praises,
mentions her husband as a band-sergeant. There are many discrepancies But I could wish (forgive my freedom)
and absurdities in this talc, a few of which may suffice to shake the faith of You'd keep your hints for those who need 'em.
the most credulous. Imagine the wife of an English non-commissioned Whatever you may sing or say,
officer delivering herself to the following effect :—" The Mahommedan por-
know the time of day,
Nor can
-tion of the population—a class of men whose capacity for fabricating lies
I think I
'd from
intent
" could only be gleaned by perusing the ' /Arabian Nights'—had given out be warp my
" such reports as could never fail to rouse any one to madness," and By protest, jeer, or compliment.
so on. A little further on she becomes terse and epigrammatic, Yet mark, I claim no settled plan—
and then coolly ventures on all sorts of misstatements. Among I'll lake an innings if I can,
other falsehoods—for that is the mildest term to be used—we are asked to
But if no lucky chance should come,
believe that British officers, finding it too dangerous a duty to allow their
'lien to draw water at the well, sent little children to do so. In the first I'm not the man to fash my thumb ;
place, it is an odious calumny to impute such conduct to Englishmen in Nor shall I feel my conscience hurt,
any condition of life ; and secondly, it would be physically impossible for Tho " Lib'rals" choose to swallow dirt.
children to raise water out of an Indian well. It is strange, too, that Mrs. If BRIGHT and CARDWELL can't agree,
MURRAY should not have been aware that the wife of Sir lluou WHEELER
Pray, what the deuce is that to me ?
was universally addressed as Lady WHEELER; and we know it to
be simply untrue that the women were stripped of their Let ROEBUCK worry little JOHN,
clothing, and compelled to content themselves with a piece of blue cloth While GliLsos looks serenely on;
hardly three cubits in length, and less than a cubit in breadth. These are Fight, Whig and Chartist, Rads and Rats,
some of the minor discrepancies in this absurd story, but beyond these Fierce as the famed Kilkenny cats,
there is ample internal evidence that either Mrs. MURRAY is a very dis-
reputable myth, or else that she is an Eurasian penny-a-liner, asserting his 'Twill not vary my
aid their schemes wh designo
thwarted mine.
Oriental extraction by his Oriental exaggerations and tinting. To
A word about your Cockney jokes
A French pamphleteer has found amusement in sneering at " the On model farms and country folks
Sardanapaluses of the Thames" who quaff BARCLAY and PERKINS'S porter (Matters of which you know as much
out of golden goblets. The sneer, such as it is, may be supposed to be As Periwinkles of high Dutch).
directed against the English aristocracy. It is somewhat singular, how- You journalists accomplish wonders
ever, that these " Sardanapaluaes" should be so strenuous in all manly By blund ring and imputing blunders.
pursuits, so vigorous in sport, so heroic in action. But even were it true that , Both town and country have their charm—
their fabulous wealth enabled them to live like the gods on the classic I never idolized a farm,
Olympus, there is one consideration which " the Gaul " has accidentally
overlooked. All classes are alike amenable to discipline. A son of the But you, enamoured of the strife,
Royal House of England, a scion of a noble family, or the son of a yeoman Doat blindly upon public life.
or peasant, must alike commence his csreer from the lowest round of the The triumphs party zeal commends,
ladder and work his way upwards. No later than yesterday the public The crooked ways, the selfish .
ends—
prints told how Prince ALFRED had to pass his examination like any ordi-
I've tried them; and, let truth be told,
nary candidate before he could be admitted into the navy and permitted to
take his place among the servants of the country. having gained this They cease to please me as of old.
first step, the princely youth has:yet further ordeals to encounter before I like my farming; tho' no doubt
rank or emolument fall to his lot. Entered as a simple midshipman on St. Stephen's beats me out-and-out;
board a frigate, commissioned to sail round the globe, he will have
to mess on equal terms with his brother middies, and possibly to True, I should make but sorry battle
receive some salutary kicks and cuffs before he again finds himself Against the House in "heavy cattle,"
in "marble halls." There is no such thing as a drawing-room sailor. Nor have I (praise where praise most due is)
The winds and waves have no respect of persons, and princes and A boar to equal C— 14—.
peasants must equally expect to be buffeted and imperilled. My largest turnips but remind me
Feebly of heads once ranged behind me;
In another portion of our columns will be found a proposal from a My choicest trees produce, tho' good,
gentleman well known in the literary world on the subject of a recent No timber like the sconce of W—,
literary scandal. Sincerely as we regret the position into which Mr. While B— 0— beats by half
Lsxnon has recently brought himself, we can only say that we think My best machine for cutting chaff;
madness is his sole excuse. We honour Mr. SIIIRLF,Y nitwits for the And yet, my " sus" in Sligo proffers
chivalry which has induced him to come forward in defence of this veteran
of letters; but we almost doubt whether the plea which he puts forward What public life too seldom offers
will hold good. Nevertheless, let the old man by all means have the Not health alone (altho' a garter
benefit of the sympathy so expressed. If he requires pecuniary aid, let Were little to a bilious martyr),
him, in the name of all he has done for literature, have it. Excess of sym- But the light-hearted glee, which springs
pathy for such a man is better than excess of detestation. From unconstraint in little things.
Now I can call the day my own,
Can chat with friends, or stroll alone,
It is with much pleasure that we see an advertisement announcing the And, fearless of Reporters, jest
sale of the racing stud belonging to the Premier. In arriving at this de- Or moralize, as suits me best ;
termination he has followed the example of his late friend, that high- May act as feeling prompts, nor live
minded patriot, Lord GEORGE Bzwribrcz. We trust the nation will duly A Party's representative.
appreciate this sacrifice as it deserves, for where a man abandons a fa- Your final plea for Number One
vourite pursuit in order that he may more effectually devote his time and Shows pathos, with a dash of fun.
energies to the public service, assuredlthat man has a strong claim on Thank lleav'n, although I've had my readers,
public gratitude. Lord DERRY, Y, however, must be prepared not to expect I never took to scribbling Leaders ;
either the thanks or the praises of his political opponents. Ile could But if I did, methinks 'twere pleasant
hardly have taken any step
which would be more distasteful to them. It To treat a crisis like the present.
is particularly annoyingtothem in a double sense. In' the first place,.so "Hs in retreat, old proverbs say,
long as he was connected with the turf, it afforded them a special opportu- That " Leaders " best their art display ;
pity liar abusive declamation against him. Much malice was manifested Nor will the public stare to see
towards hu• t; on this point, and now malevolence will hereafter be at fault. The Times chop round or change its key;
In the
the Noble Lord's
place, the step cannot but be interpreted as a sign that, in If roasting me will hide a blot
arrive e opinion at any rate, his tenure of office is not likely to On the turn'd broadsheet—spare me not !
prematurely at a close.'Phis, again, will be wormwood to them And now, farewell! I can't consent
who are still looking out for a return to office. For every reason, there- To slave to death in Parliament;
fore, we rejoice at the step which the Premier has decided on taking. It But, " barrin' " this, believe me still
'viii give the greatest satisfaction to all his friends and admirers, and it will Yours, as of old, with much good will,
(IMP the confidence of his opponents, P—""-.