The Press.
London, England, 1853-11-05 00:00:00

A QUIET SMOKE.

"The Turleah Minister visited the Earl of Clarendon yeatonlay."—rmol cirrutor.
Lord CLARENDON : Ah, your Excellency ! Very glad to See you.
Salaam alaikoom. Come, is that right? Ha! ha!
TURKISH MINISTER : Tahib, tahib—good. But indeed, my Lord, you
English have the gift of the double tongues. Fret, yes.
Lord CLARENDON : Ha! ha! Shall I order a pipe, or will you take
one of my cigars? I can warrant them.
TURKISH MINISTER: hiShanalt, I will take one. I have indeed
great reliance in your smoke. We shall not now speak together of your
ire.

1.0111 CL►RENDON : Fire ! By Jove, your Excellency, you are
taking all the work out of the hands of your friends. So you have
crossed the Danube, eh, and occupied Kalafat, and the provinces are
declared to be in a state of siege? Bravo! We shall have you round
Vienna next, and Francis Joseph on the top of St Stephen's, looking
out for another John Sobieski.
TPRKISII MIND4TER : Do you call unto your mind, my Lord, the
words in your Koran, on which a Vienna mond' preached after the
rescue of the city by Sobieski?
Lord Ct.AnEmnos : Let inc see. Monckton Milnes told me he had
made a poem on them. But. I have forgotten.
Tuamotu Mistsran : I think they were " A man eame forth whose
name was John." When another man comes forth whose name is
John—Do you know him''
Lord CLARENDON : Is he a Viscount, and jaunty ?
TURKIrrII MININTER : Very well. Inshallah, in that day Vienna
may shake, and your justing may become true. Perhaps we shall melt
back the big bell into the hundred and eighty guns which it pleased
Allah we should lose.
Lord CLARENDON : Well, who knows ? If you take up your
quarters on the Stephan I'latz tell you where to get good tobacco.
But, in the meantime, have you got anything to say about this last
news? I suppose Omer Peeha is particularly uncomfortable.
TURKISH MINISTER: I suppose there arc several uncomfortable
people near that river of Sheitan, the Danube. May it roll liquid tire
into the hottest lake of Gehenna!
Lord CLARENDON : Why, my dear Ambassador, the Danube is the
best friend you have.
TURKISH MINISTER: BOekallooni. We shall see. Yes, it is like
your notions of friendship : it keeps us from getting near the enemy.
Lord CLARENDON : You ought to be much obliged to us. See how
we have enabled you to put forth all the resources of your country, and
make it respectable show in the eyes of Europe. You would have had
no idea of your own strength if we had fought the battle tin• you, as
your Man Jahn wanted t►► do.
TURKISH MINISTER : It is well. At any rate it is done, and it is bite
to remember the fast when you have eaten the kabobbs. But shall we
get our money—this loan ? What do your Armenians say ?
Lord CLARENDON : They are deucedly frightened lest you should
take the money, and suddenly find some text in the Koran forbidding
you to pay it back again. If you had no religion a religious nation
would like you better.
TURKISH MINISTER : We paid hack the other money to the French-
men, with usury.
Lord CLARENDON ; You did ; and, for my part, I would advance this
on your word, if it were my business. But I need not tell yore• Excel-
lency who is tiling to spoil that game for you, and who dictates news
paper articles intended to chill the lenders of money front trusting

you.
Truman MINISTER : Your chief? The Scottishman? The friend of
the Russian Emperor? May his grave be defiled !
Lord CLARENDON : Jo no prie eomme toi, seals je prie (tree toi, as
Lamartine says. However, I hope you will get the money, if only to
please Aberdeen. But, to return to business, has your Excellency
anything official to communicate ?
TrRIISH MINISTER : Yoke.
Lord CLARENDON : Nor have I. But of course we are watching
you with great interest., and noticing can occur to alter the duty which
we owe to you and to Europe.
TIMMS!! MINISTER : 0, bosh, yes. I read all that in Lord Aber-
deen's morning paper. Also I know what it means, with your funds
up at 95, and French Three per Cents. at 99 francs 90 centimes.
Lord CLARENDON : By Jove, Excellency, how well you learn tignres.
I did not know half so much; but I see by the papers that you are
make out of that?

Peace. That you have all of you made up your
It to talk for us as long as we like. lam

nnotlier cigar.

:NO THE PREMIER.

the assistance of a eertain eminent Fellow
says that be has obtained the Danubilm

, . .
• • 1, THEATRICAL ON DIT.
WE are requested by Mr. CHARLES KEAN to contradict the report that
he had engaged I.ord ABERDEEN to perform, at the Windsor theatricals,
the lhiserimy Seotehmon. The malevolent rtunonr arose from its having
been generally remarked that his Lordship had lately been practising
the double shuttle.

SATURDAY,

MINISTERIAL SACRIFICES.

" Tu effect the junction of parties necessary to enable mini take office, we had to make
great sacritioes."—Sir Charles Wood at Halifax, Oct. 27.
SOME little doubt having been cast upon the accuracy of the above
statement by certain coarse-minded persons who are unable to place
that perfect confidence in Ministers which their habitual frankness,
candour. and sincerity demand, Sir CHARLES Woon has applied to
Downing•s`.reet for such particulars as would citable him to substantiate
his allegation. It appears that. shortly after the accession of the pre.
sent Ministry to office, Lord ABERDEEN invited his colleagues to scud
in such particulars of their supposed claims upon the gratitude of the
country as they might feel disposed to furnish, and these little bills
have been placed at the command of Sir CHARLES Woon. He has sent
copies to the journals, ourselves among the rest, and we have no
hesitation in lending our aid in making public what certainly supports
Sir CtiAm.Es in his Halifax statement.

The first bill on the tile is naturally that of the CHANCELLOR of the
ExenEerra, who may be presumed to be readiest at accounts. It is
as follows :

.1. lit Lt. to W. G.
For the sacrifice of a large quantity of Coma native sentiments
laid in at Oxford and elsewhere for several years past, and in 0,(100 per annum.
very good condition
For the sacrifice of the °logical objections to discuss Church I No extra
charge.
questions with the Editor of Hobbes

Dr.

The next bill handed in was that of the Lord Privy Seal
J. llut.t. to D. of A. Dr.
For the sacrifice of iny dignity and of my sense of what was
dne to the most exalted and logical intellect in the Legislature, £2,000 per anntun.
by consenting to hike any office except that of Premier ....JJJ

We then find it document presented by the First Lord of the

Admiralty:—

.1. 1111.1. Sir J. 0.
For the sacrifice of my political principles. [N.B. 1 Imam
this rharge under protest ?against being asked to send iu &row
per =num
which for several " reasons why " would be
inconvenient, and indeed impracticable.]
With the bill of the First Lord comes that of the Secretary:—
J. Iteu. to It. B. 0. Dr.
Fur the sacritiee of eleven Joe Millers, skilfully fitted into
Radical speeches of extreme violence, which I had intended
to let oft and such .10es being thereby rendered useless )
in my new situation tat fourpence per Joe)
For the sacrifice of my independence..

Dr.

41,500 per annum.

Dr.

The fifth is the really valid claim of the Home Secretary :-
3. Ira i.t. to Lord P.
For the sacrifice of my natural reluctance to accept office tinder
a pave of antiquated imbecility," and with men who in•
ft-limed me out of place at Christmas, 1551 (without charging £5,000 per annum.
for my objection to taking •ay other than the office of
Foreig► Secretary)
This is followed by Lord JOHN RessuLes memorandum
.1. ltt•t.t. to J.
H.
For the sacrifice of my dignity in consequence of my taking
the office of Foreign Secretary when I don't speak Freud.,
ocio per swam.
and consequently Wall obleeged to have a clerk in the room
with me to explain what the Foreign Ambassadors said I
For the sacrifice of the above salary, after a very short innings,
in consequence of the extreme awkwardness arising from my
ignorance of foreign parts, and the scandal excited by my l «•hat you please.
complaining to the Neapolitan tiovenunent that I could only I
find one Sicily on the map instead of the Two ones over )
which the Xing of Naples claims to reign
The First Commissioner of Public Works has, of course, his
chum

Dr.

.1. Ilvt.t. to W. M.
Fur the sacrifice of all the Radical doctrines I hate been pro- i xj,500
per annum.
mitigating for so many years

Dr.

Oddly enough, though Sir CHARLES WOOD himself talked of
•" sacrifices," he does not appear to have made any, or, which is still
more extraordinary, to have taken credit for any. But on the back of
one of the bills is a memorandum, apparently in the handwriting of
the Premier, and is as follows. We hope we do not commit an indis-
cretion in printing it :
" India and her interests mast be futerificed. It is very distressing, for C. W. is quite
incapable of the work; but there is really no alternative."
So that, after all. there was a sacrifice in Sir CHARLES'S case,
though he had the modesty not to make it a matter of boast.
Last of all, as might be expected, comes the Premier himself
null. to 0. IL 0. A. Dr.
For the sacrifice of my Conservative theories in consenting to
head a Radical Oovernment ; for the sacrifice of my personal
dignity in agreeing to unite with men who have called me all
sorts of names for years ; for joining P., who hates my friends 46,000 per annum.
the F.'s of IL and A.: for joining M., who is a Freethinker;
for joining .1. R., who brought in the Aggression Bill I
denounced ; and, lastly, for sacrificing a few remains of repu-
tatiuu

We have, therefore, much pleasure in saying that, hating con-
sidered these bills. we fully believe with Sir CHARLES WOOD that the
Members did make " sacrifices " in order to take office, and we have
reason to think that day by day those sacrifices arc better appreciated
by the nation. ttui;;_.

right. But what do you mall
TERRISH MINISTER : PCSC
fight for us, but
14' so?
•.;' N : Take
, MEANT
14ircif dur tinuattude for t.l
Al the An* Society) S
prorinoes pp. r.A.s. et