The Press.
London, England, 1857-02-14 00:00:00

THE PRESS.

not see, and it is the same limited range of vision which prevents
his success as a law reformer. He only sees one thing at a time, and
not the whole of that ; and regards law as a conglomeration of acci-
dents, rather than one great system. In his position we require a
man who can generalise. Lord CRANWORTH is a good dissector; but
his skill is only mechanical, and he cannot rise from the contempla-
tion of particulars.

Lord PASMURE'S popularity with the army is notorious. He seems
still, however, desirous to increase it. It is rumoured that for the
purpose of bringing down the army estimates as low as possible ho
has resolved to compel those officers who have been receiving field
pay during the last year to refund the extra allowance. If this bo
true, it is a new feather in his cap, and the British soldier will have
additional reason to be grateful that his Lordship's sense of duty
overcame his private inclination, and led him to take upon himself
the charge of their interests.

• Thursday evening was fertile in explanation. Besides the secret
treaty scene—the effect of which no comment could heighten —we had
the apology of that "sweet youth," Sir ROBERT PEEr.. With what
delight must our veteran Premier contemplate the progress of his
latest and most promising pupil—se videt in puero. He sees himself
reproduced in his most jaunty and flippant days, and has the satis-
faction of knowing that the line of speakers of which he may bo said
to be the founder is in no danger of becoming extinct. In his hottest
years he could never have exceeded Sir ROBERT either in the insolence
of his offence, or the impertinence of his apology. For in what does
the apology consist? It is merely a recapitulation of the insults
offered. " I'm told that you have called me a swindler and a thief,"
says Ato B. "It is true," replies A, with marked emphasis. " that I did
" callyou a swindler and a thief, and I don't think I was wrong, but, if I
" have said anything offensive, I beg to apologise." This is exactly
the character of the speech delivered by Sir ROBERT on Thursday last.
Nothing is retracted, nothing is explained, nothing oven is softened
down. The narrow nature and coarse taste are perfectly apparent,
through all his affectation of good humour. This assumption of
jocularity upon grave topics is well enough in those who are real wits,
though even here it is rather excusable than justifiable. But nothing
is more absurd than the very common device by which superficial men
seek to disguise their own shallowness. As a sneer is the highest
mental effort cf which they are themselves capable, they would
have all the world believe that no higher one is ever demanded.
As patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel, so is wit the
last refuge of a fool. He who can do nothing else can at least grin.
If he cannot talk sense, he can at all events talk slang. And rapid
utterance united to continuous laughter will always go down as
smartness, as long as the impostor avoids personality. But the
moment he falls into that, ho at once provokes a collision; his veil is
torn from him, and he stands revealed in all his natural poverty,
without even a pun to cover his nakedness. The Prince DE DONE
has already answered his assailant in a style that would not long age
have demanded notice of a totally different kind. Impunity, of
course, breeds audacity, and the readiness m ith which Sir ROBERT has
repeated the insult when he could do so with safety, exactly marks
him out for the very man who would have been the first
to apologise in the face of a more dangerous alternative.
Sir ROBERT very wisely said not a word concerning his pitiful remarks
upon the Empress of Russia. Even he was thin-skinned upon this
point. Even he was dimly conscious that the first assembly of gt..ntle-
men in Europe would never have tolerated any vindication of that
breach of their code. He held his tongue in the right place on this
occasion, and won a parting cheer by an adroit and sudden appeal to
those feelings on which his whole speech had been an outrage.

We do not imagine it possible that the House of Commons can
accept the Budget promulgated by the CHANCELLOR of the EXCHEQUER
last evening. We listened with attention to that statement, and ad-
mired the ingenuity with which Sir G. C. Lewis endeavoured to
establish that the country ought not to be dissatisfied with excessive
taxation, as trade and commerce flourished under the burden. But
such reasoning is little likely to induce tire Legislature to acquiesce
in an addition to the expenditure of fully six millions more than pre-
vailed previous to the war. One of the leading objections to the
present scheme is, that it entirely overthrows the compact of 1853,
providing for the entire extinction of the income tax in 1860. On
that point the House of Commons must have a full debate, and must
come to a well-considered decision. The extravagant expenditure
proposed, will not only perpetuate the income tax as originally fixed
by Sir ROBERT PEEL, but it will prevent the immediate reduction of
the war duties on tea and sugar. The income tax will be altered so as
to render it, contrary to the opinion of all sound financiers, less general
than at present, but no comprehensive plan is submitted for modifying
inequalities so grievously complained of. We can here only give the
general impression made on our mind by the statement of the
CHANCELLOR of the ExeuEeuEs. While repudiating the settlement of
1833, he yet proposed a scheme of his own to run over a number of
years, though it is ridiculous to suppose that a future Parliament or
Ministry could consent to be bound by Sir G. C. LEWIS'S proposal.
The plan is not exceptional, neither has it any elements of perma-
nence. In opposition to it must be determinedly set a return to the
financial arrangements and expenditure of the year previous to
the war.

FEBRUARY 14,1857.

COACHING A CHANCELLOR.

SCENE—The AtlornryGeneral's Chambers. Enter to him, the LORD HIGH CHANCELLOR,

with papers,

CIIANCELLOR.-I hope I don't disturb you, Sir Richard.

ATTORNEY-GExEßAc..—That your Lordship disturbs me is a propo-
sition somewhat self-evident. That your Lordship has good reason
for doing so, we will assume, even in the absence of probability.
CHANCELLOR —You see, these bills. They do bother me so, you
can't think.
ATTORNEY-GENERAL .—I can approximate to an estimate of the
embarrassment they must occasion to your Lordship. In what way
can I aid in your extrication ?
CHANCELLOR.—WeII, there's this Divorce Bill. I wouldn't have
brought it in, if I had known that the other law lords were going to
fly at me like tigers about it.
ATTORNEY-GENERAL (smiliny).—And that ruffles you ? Dear me !
CHANCELLOR.—Who likes to be questioned on a dozen points at
once, and asked to reconcile this and that, and show the working of
one clause, and its agreement with another, and generally to stand an
examination in one's law ?

ATTORNEY.GENERAL.—And why (10 you stand it?

CHANCELLOR.—What's one to do, if a question's put?
ATTORNEY-GENERAL.—Do? You at once amaze and amuse me.
Do? Abuse the querist for his insolence and ignorance. I assure
you that your doing so will not encourage the others to imitate him.
CHANCE Ll.oll.—But suppose the question is civil?
ATTORNEY-GENERAL—How can any question be civil ? The very
fact that it is put implies that your explanation was incomplete, which
in itself is excessively disrespectful, and culls for immediate castiga-
tion. But without wasting time in endeavouring to indoctrinate your
Lordship with the science of reasoning, what is your particular diffi-
culty at this crisis?
CHANCELLOR.—They all say that this is such a bad bill.
Arroasey•GENEßAL.—lt is possible that I may not dissent from
so unanimous a decision, but that is beside the question. Can you
not reply that they are all fools, and that it is the best bill in the world
—I mean, of course, to that effect, with such amplification as your
vocabulary may contribute?
C HANCELLOR.—Hrn—to say that to Brougham, and Lyndhurst, and
Campbell—it would be a little strong.
ATTORNEY-GENERAL.—any argument, to be available, must be
strong. But your Lordship may not be constitutionally endowed with
the conviction that any one who differs from you must be an incapable
idiot. The absence of that instinct is to he deplored, as it materially
facilitates business. Well, if you stoop to defend your bill instead
of attacking its assailants—a blunder, mind—what points do they
take ?

CHANCELLOR.—Haven't you seen the papers ?
ATTORNEY-GENERAL—It is highly improbable 'that I shall ever
peruse a debate in the House of Lords until I do so to test the
accuracy with 'which some speech of my own has been recorded.
CHANCELLOIL—I heartily wish that you were there now. But I'll tell
you, I wrote the objections down, that I might understand them.
Now, here. Lord Campbell said that the Divorce Bill only allowed
people to be married for three years.
ATTORNEY-GENERAL.—The Caledonian Solon occasionally promul-
gates preternatural nonsense, but can hardly have displayed such
quintessential lunacy.
CHANCELLOR.—No, no, stop. I had written "only three years."
What he meant was, that any couple might separate for three years,
and then be entitled to divorce.

ATTORNEY- GENERAL—And what's that to him, if they can ?
CHANCELLOR —Ah ! but you must give me an answer.
ATTORNEY-GENERAL—The answer is obvious—namely, that, inas-
much as people who separate for three years are practically divorced,
the new bill, in recognising such separation, merely adapts the law to
the facts.

UnAscELLon.—That won't sound amiss, if T can recollect all the
words. Well, then, Lyndhurst says that there ought to be an end to
the husband's action for damages, which, he says, is humiliating and
disgusting.
ATTORNEY-GENERAL—My Lord Lyndhurst is an able man, but the
use of coarse words is not argumentative; and unless he applies him-
self to his theme in a worthier spirit, I should recommend you to
decline its discussion. A system which has grown up with our insti•
tutions—a system to which most eminent personages have had resort—
a syetem which is far from being opposed to the character of our
Anglo-Saxon ideas of property, may advantageously be approached
with reforms, but should unquestionably be sacred from abuse.
CHANCELLOR.—I would have given five pounds to be able to say
that to him. I'll have a shy at it though. Then there is Brougham.
He says that the bill is bad because it does not provide for a woman's
being heard in the case.
ArToRNEY-GENERAL—Here I think you might justifiably introduce
a little facetiousness, and after referring, by a sly inuendo, to my Lord
Brougham's large popularity in the female world, you might express
your surprise at his not knowing that a woman will make herself
heard in any conceivable case whatever.

CIANCELLOK.—But suppose he said that I was impertinent?
ATTORNEY-GENERAL—What harm would that do you? Yon can
expunge a plea for impertinence, but not a Chancellor.
CHANCELLOR.—TiIat's true. But, I assure you that I do not like
this kind of work.

157

ATTORNEY- GENERAL —My dear Lord Chancellor, you must submit
for the moment, to the decree of Providence, which apparently mis-
places you. Discharge your functions with what little aptitude you
may possess, and look forward to being relieved in due time. As for
these bills, get them through the Lords in any form you can, and I
will rectify yonr own errors and those of the other law lords when I
introduce the measures to the Commons. A, mediocrity in office must
submit to occasional humiliation, but, if also a philosopher, will
balance his accounts with satisfaction at the position he undeservedly
occupies. Adieu, my dear Chancellor. [Smiles him out.

THE VIZIER MEER-JA AND THE WARRIOR
LOCK-POL.-AN EASTERN TALE.
(COMMUNICATED.)
MR. EDITOR,—During the debate respecting Sir George Pollock, on
Thursday night I was seated in the gallery between two " illustrious
foreigners." They were Persians ; they seemed not much more amused
than I was, for one addressing the other (I understand a little of the
language), said—" By the beard of the Prophet, Abdottl, these
accursed infidels weary me ; tell me a tale of Ispahan, that my ears
be undefiled by the bosh' (this word is untranslatable) of these
sons of Shitan." And Abdoul, evidently a Persian understrapper,
replied, " I hear and obey." He then went on as follows :
" There was a great Bashaw, and ho had a Vizier whose name
was Meer-ja (he pronounced this syllable very broad—jaw), and this
Vizier was a mighty man (I think he said in his own opinion), and
he sat upon a board, on the carpet of content, and smoked the pipe
of self-esteem, with his face turned to the East; and there was a
valiant Bimbash named Ton-Reding, who leaned against a post, and
this post was a talisman, which, on being touched (once a quarter,
I think he said) produced bread.
" Now, this valiant Bimbash went into the war, and he said,
I must leave my post behind, peradventure it will embarrass me;
and he went to the war, leaving his talisman behind.
"And, behold, a certain Moollah (I think that means a scribe, or
a Clerk) came from afar, and he said to the great Bashaw, Give me a
talisman (or post) that shall give bread.'
"And the Bashaw said unto Nleerja, Give the Moollah a talis-
man ;' and the Meer•ja replied, Be chesm on my eyes be it ; behold,
Oh, Light of the Universe and Father to the Sun (he did not say
what sun), there is the talisman of the Bimbash, Ton Reding.'
" The Grand Bashaw roared, as none but Grand Bashaws can,
' Thou son of a burnt father, that talisman is not great enough for the
Moollah. Moreover, I intend that for a valiant soldier, who cometh
from Bagdad, called Son-Rawlin, who knoweth many tongues'
" God is great,' replied the Vizier; we will offer the talisman (or
post) to the Moollah, and peradventure he will refuse.'
" Then the Grand Bashaw stroked his chin (I presume from this
he had no beard)—a signal that he was pleased.
" Now the Vizier Meer.ja offered to the Moollah the talisman ;
and behold he said, Inshailah ! I am thankful ; and he took the
talisman.
Mashallah !' ejaculated Meer-ja, we are sold.'
" And the Grand Bashaw again roared, Meer-j a, thou son of a
(here I am in the same difficulty about a burnt father), find me a
talisman for Son-Rawlin.'
"And the Vizier replied, May tly shadow never be less, Oh,
Bashaw ! I have no talisman ; but, lo ! there sitteth on a seat beneath
my board a valiant warrior, who is old, and who can fight no longer.'
And the Bashaw said, Is it Lock-Put?' And Meer-ja replied, It is
Lock-Pol. He was a Rustum ; but I want him no mote. I will take his
seat and give it to Son-Rawlin, for it is as it were a little talisman, and,
like the post of Ton-Reding, yields bread.' And the Bashaw said,
' Meer ja, thou art a genius (or a Geni, I don't know which), on thy
head be it'
" And Meer-ja went to Lock-Pal and said, There is but one God,
and Mahouiet is his Prophet ! Thou art old, rise from thy seat,
and go.'
" And Lock-Pot said, Oh, Meer-ja, I have fought the fights of my
Lord the Bashaw in my youth, and now I am old I have but my Cloak
of Honour, which I won for myself, and the seat which my Lord the
Bashaw gave me.'
" And Meer-ja replied, Give up thy seat and go; but take the
Cloak of Honour, for of that I cannot strip thee.
" And the warrior Lock-Pol rose from the seat as Meerja desired,
and Son-Rawlin sat himself down thereon.
" Now the Bashaw was pleased thereat, and Meer-ja rubbed his
hands and said, ' Ha! ha!
Here my attention was attracted by hearing some person, who was
speaking loudly, exclaim, " Does the Honourable Member mean to
charge me with a job ?" And I forgot the Persian and his story,
which seemed to me much ado about nothing.

A SPOONEY.

" NI•GREGOR'S WARNING."
At Astley's, determined each peril to brave,
Rob Roy coolly springs from his steed to the wave ;
Of the modern Nl‘Gregor how different the feat,
Whose coolness is shown by retaining his seat !

158

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