The Press.
London, England, 1858-09-04 00:00:00

THE PRESS, SEPTEMBER 4, 1858,

remarks, if described after dinner to a party of
people in very high spirits, might excite the sort
of amusement which Mr. Ilardcastle's servants
were accustomed to derive from the story of
" Old Grouse in the Gun-room ; " but it would
not do for hearers who are fastidious as to the
quality of their wit. The following " balcony
scene "—the Romeo being a hackney coachman,
the Juliet a " Polly " of all work—will afford as
good a sample of Mr. Hastings's idea of fun as any
other :

At eleven o'clock Mary sought her dormitory, which was
• small room over the scullery, the window of which looked
into the yard. In a few minutes the back street door
opened gently, and was as gently closed by the late visitor ;
with cautious tread he mounted the sill of the scullery
window, which enabled him to reach the top of the wall
that divided the two houses.
Polly leaned forth from her chamber, as all the paintings
represent Hero, when they forget she was on a tower and a
beacon by her ; and Polly asked, in muttered tones, " Is
that you, Etry ? "
" Yes, love ! "
"Get on the rain tub, then ; put yer leg that way—there,
that's it," and the persevering suitor stood with his nose on
his maid's window-sill, and his feet on the wooden cover of
the rain•tub.
" is it quite safe, love—this here Dover?"
" Yes, I think so, if ye don't shuffle ; " and so in that ro•
mantic position they billed, and cooed, and rehearsed all
the droll things of the day.

Polly broke a silence that had existed for a few minutes.
" Eh, you were a funny 'un to go and kiss me a that road
in the dark," says she.
" Me kiss you! why, that's jist what I wanted to."
" And didn't ye ?" she exclaimed.
" Indeed I didn't, my girl."
" Well, then," said she, amazed to the utmost, " it was
some other feller !"
It was a fearful blow for " Effy " that anybody had taken
some of his honey from the rosebud, and especially to take
it by such a mean stratagem, but he said nothing.
" Has it made yer think? " inquired Polly timidly.
" IL has, love ; what was his lips like ? "
" Oh crikey, Effy, I never thought o' that; they might
a been plaguy rough, for I thought they were yours." Polly
did not mean any slight in her remark whatever, nor did
Effy feel any ; but it is best to caution our reader against
imagining such was intended. She merely confessed what
many girls dare not, that kisses soon lose their savour, and
become " insipid things, like sandwiches of veal," even the
hottest ones.

An alarm having been given, the lover gets soused
in the tub, and mistress and maid faint :

" What is it, watchman ? " faintly demanded Kate.
" Have ye got 'em all safe, and what they've stolen ?"
" Tt's the eat, ma'am," replied Mary,also coming to.
"Ours ?" asked Kate, in ectaaiea that it was not a gang
of housebreakers. . .

"No, mum," interposed watchy,
door."

"the one from next

"Oh, then, come down," said Kate, " and take something
warm before you go."
" Something warm ! " thought Ephraim with a sigh.
The watchman made a sign of doing u he was desired,
and Kate went down towards the staircase. Watchy looked
out of the window, " Keep quiet there a bit," said ho to
the man in pickle ; "I'll go round to the back and get you
out."

" What's that," asked Kate, " that's outside ?" coming
back and walking to look into the rain•tub.
" It's the cat, mum ! " observed watchy.
" Drowning? " Raked she.
Something like it, thought Ephraim.

Kate went nearer, to look exultingly at the cense of their
fears suffering a watery death; and watchy, thinking his
friend would yet be discovered, stooped down to the further-
must and whispered, " Put your head under water."

Kate looked over ; " Have yea stick ?" she asked.

" Oh, don't be crud, ma'am, to a dumb critter I "
"ft's not dead yet," said Kate, seeing the waters power-
fully troubled, with a heavy sea on them.

" No mum " rejoined watehy, but soon thinking it would
be; but Kate moved away, just as Ephraim—choosing
between exposure and drowning—selected the former, and
showed his head noisily above the liquid.
The watchman went downstairs, and accepted &goblet of
alcohol from the hands of the grateful Kate, who now
breathed freely, and afterwards left ; and by means of his
knife lifted the latch of the back door, and freed his friend
from his eccentric and damp position.

" What a noise it must have made! " remarked Kate, as
she went back to bed, followered by Mary.

" Yes, mum ; p'eaps it was a Tom."
This is not particularly refined, but, coarse as it
is, we prefer it to the passages where the author
attempts the sublime and beautiful. We do not
know whether he is determined to stick to litera-
ture. To recommend him to write more novels
with a greater sacrifice to the graces, and the
omission of the above flowers of fiction, would be
hike asking for more tripe without onion-sauce.
We rather counsel him, it he trill put pen to
paper, to toss up one of his highly-spiced dishes
in a slightly different form, for the al,tdietme of
110133 C trar,tspolltine theatre,

2. This " romance " exemplifies many of the
faults shown by beginners at fiction. Its authoress
relied on her fluency of language and rapid
power in forming sentences. She can construct
a plot tolerably well, but she cannot endow her
characters with life; they are not even as good
as well-dressed lay-figures. She tells a tale of
perils and conspiracies, interspersed with incidents
meant to be romantic, but she fails in moving the
reader's mind. We should recommend her to
practise copying from living persons, and endea-
vouring to conceive characters with distinctness.
The scene of the romance is placed in the north
of Ireland, the time being nearly contempora-
neous with the first French Revolution; and the
kind of life attempted to be depicted would
require the resources of a skilful historical
novelist. But the dramatis persorue talk and
think in the style of 1858. There is contrast of
classes, but not of character, in the volumes.
The writer has peers, priests, and peasants in her
work, but she does not portray their various
feelings with skill or knowledge of effect. The
plot of the work, involved as it is with the con-
spiracy of the " Steelboys" in Ulster, is not well
suited for a female pen ; and it would have been
better for the authoress to have selected a
subject requiring feminine instincts and know-
ledge, than one with so much evil passion and
violence in its p ages.

In the middle of the second volume the attack
on a gentleman's house in Ireland is thus de-
scribed :

The ladies at Lanraville had been busy with their pre-
parations all the evening, and our heroine's thoughts, I
believe, were even more occupitd with George, and the
embarrassment, and, perhaps, injury, which her disap-
pearance might occasion him, than even with her absent
lover.

She tried in vain to devise some plan for seeing him
again, or for conveying to him the relics she had in
charge. She knew not even how to leave for him a re-
assuring message, in case he should inquire for her.
Norrey she assuredly dare nct trust, and Mary, the old
cook, was both deaf and dull.
While tormented with these difficulties, she had some
trouble to give coherent replies to Mrs. Vining's questions
or remarks.

That lady, delighted as a child at the near prospect of
exchanging a tete-a•tete companionship with her sedate
sister, for the gay prattle of Mrs. Fitzgerald, itas in the
highest spirits ; for, unfortunately, it rarely happened
that these two sisters had their feelings tuned in unison.
Another moment, however, and they became so, although
—to continue the figure—it was in a different key from
the last.

Suddenly. voices were heard in altercation ; one of
them was Norrey's ; and almost at the same moment the
door of the r.iom burst open, and a man, with black crape
over his face, rushed forward, dragging the servant-girl
with him.

" Stir, and I will kill yon !" he cried to her as he loosed
his hold. " Laura! Quick! Barricade the windows! It is
I I " cried George, tearing the crape from his face, and
rushing to the indicated work.
Almost at the same moment, Mary, the cook, burst
into the room, with eyes wide staring and mouth agape,
brandishing a spit which she had caught up for her
defence ; gasping with terror, and scarcely able to articu-
late, she exclaimed :
" Och, murther, intirther ! Arks Laura, what will we do ?
The garden is filled with Steelboys ! "
One brief exclamation of terror, and then both Captain
Vandeleur's daughters were as collected, if not as cool, as
though they were trained in dangers.

Mrs. Vining saw that Laura knew and trusted the
stranger, and without asking a question, she followed with
promptitude all his directions. Already the shutters were
barred, and the tables and chairs were piled up against
them, when a fearful shout was heard, and a volley of atones
shattered every pane of glass in the lower rooms.
" Where are the firearms ? " cried George.
" Come ! " was Laura's laconic reply ; and seizing a
light she led the way up stairs, followed by the rest of the
temfied little party.
There was less lack of arms, than of those who could use
them; but each seized some weapon, in the delusive
notion that it might protect her. George looked caretully
at the loading of a musket, and renewed the priming,
from a powder•!! isk which Laura silently held towards
him, then approached a window which commanded the
garden.

" Do not fire !" whieperei Laura; " it wili only exas-
perate them."

"Of course not," replied George, " nntil there is need.
Now leave this room all of you, and hide where you can
be safest ; they seem to be consulting together just now ;
but we have no shutters here, and, doubtless, these windows
will go next."

"Come with ns then to the dressing-room," said Laura.
"Its only window is a small one at the end of the house,
and we shall be safer there—.for the present."

"No ; ga all of you. Mind that girl; do not let her out
of your sight. She betrayed you; ■nd be sure )ou tell me
if there is anything new. I will observe them here ; but
oh ! why did you not take my note yesterday, Laura ?
Before this time you could bare 4ail a suani, as ; Users
edvMed."