The Press.
London, England, 1857-02-21 00:00:00

THE PRESS.

" JOHN CHINAMAN."
There lived a nation in the West,
A nation proud and high ;
And they have sworn a solemn oath
John Chinaman should die.
They smuggled in a filthy drug
To addle his poor head ;
And they have sworn a solemn oath
John Chinaman was dead.
But when John felt the deadly ills
That did thereby befall,
John Chinaman rose up in wrath,
Which sore dismayed them all.
Says he, "You've filled your treasure-begs,
And made us beasts enough ;
You do without your silver !
And we'll do without your stuff! "
Thereat that nation in the West,
That nation proud and high,
Sent fire-ships out, and swore amain
John Chinaman should die.
They hammered down his forts of stone,
And all his cannon sunk;
They cut off every pigtail,
And they scuttled every junk.
They took a seal and sealed him down.

Put treaties on his head ;
And they have sworn a solemn oath

John Chinaman was dead.
But, spite of drugs, and guns, and pens,
And rebels in his land,
John Chinaman got on his feet
To make a further stand.
Says John, " I want a pirate-wretch
That rows in yonder boat;
I ween a thief's no less a thief

Though he wears an English coat."
Now, when that nation heard of this,
That nation proud and high,
They gave up swearing solemn oaths
John Chinaman should die.
They swore instead, that opened wide
John Chinaman should be;
As never native oyster yet
The eye of man did see.
And with their cruel shot and shell
They tore him part from part ;
John Chinaman said but, " Well, well,
This won't get at my heart."

THE BOARD OF TRUTH.
Who eould fill the post of President of the Board of Truth better than Mr. Roebnek.—Glebt,
Wednesday.
Scasx.—Downintsfrest. Dlisatvris PEnsonrE.—Lord Palmerston and the
Treasury Editor.
Lord PALMERSTON.—So. You have made another most absurd
blunder. You have made two, indeed.

EDITOR.—Really, my Lord, lam very sorry. What is the nature
of the error ?

Lord PALMERSTON.—Nature of the error! it's perfectly unnatural.
You talk about a Board of Truth in connection with my Administra-
tion! You must be insane ! Her Majesty's Ministry pique themselves
on the possession of certain strong :qualities ; but assuredly truth is
not among them.
EDlTOR.—Surely, my Lord, as even you can acknowledge an occa-
sional mistake, I may be permitted to blunder now and then?
Lord PALMERSTON.-0, of course, of course. But this was so
deucedly glaring. Two blunders —and both absurd. A Board of
Truth in connection with our Administration ! And as to Roebuck—
why, he's the last man I should like as President.
EDITOR.—Why, my Lord?
L. rd PALMERSTON —He's so awkward. It's no uce explaining to
you, for awkwardness is your failing also. In the very same article
you call my Government an " evanescent phenomenon."
EDITOR.—My Lord, all Governments are more or less evanescent.
Lard PAI.MERSTON.--One of your customary blunders. lam per-
manent. Anybody else may resign that likes. I won't.
EDITOR.—What would you say to a vote of " want of confidence,"
my Lord?
Lord PALMERSTON.—Say ! Say I'd confidence enough myself for all
parties. But the thing's ridiculous. They never had any confidence ;
and you can't feel the want of what never existed. But now, let me
warn you not to talk any more about a Board of Truth. I'll tell you
what we do want—a Board of Chaff. You may propose that, if you
like. _ _

EDITOR.—I will, my Lord. How about the organisation?
Lord PALM ERSTON.—First Lord of the Treasury—President, ex
officio. We should have Bernal Osborne and Peel, of course.
EDITOR.—Mr. Frederick Peel, my Lord?
Lord PA I.MERSTON.—Fred Peel be hanged ! No, Bob jollifica•
tion Bob; the fellow that always makes a favourable impression. He's
after my own helm ; and if at this advanced period of my career I
ventured to become prophetic.—
E DITO R.—Well, my Lord

- , L
Lord PALMERsTON (with much gravity).—l eh ould predict that that
young man will be Premier of England in 1895.

182

TO CORRESPONDENTS.
WE have not overlooked the strange articles which have lately
appeared hi the „Record newspaper; but they seem to us
muzli t,,0 contemptible for serious notice. We are only sorry
to see any member of the press, however " low " in character,
descend to scurrility, which has long been banished from the
columns of journals pretending to respectability.