The Press.
London, England, 1856-10-11 00:00:00

THE PRESS.

OCTOBER 11, 1856.

LANDOR'S IMAGINARY CONVERSATIONS.

No M.D.CCC.LVI.

LANDOR. PALMERSTON.
LANDOR.—Good den, Lord. You have bin and red my letter offer-
ing a stipend to the family of the man who shall do man's work?
PALMERSTON.—I saw the letter, Mr. Savage ; and what the deuce
made you go and publish any thing so stupid ?
LANDOR.—I in earnest, you in sport. And stupidity is the qualifi-
cation of earnestness. Corpo di Facto !,
PALMERSTON.—I tell you what, Mr. Lander, the Home Secretary
came to me to know whether we ought not to lock you up. I assure
you, without meaning to take any merit for it, that but for me you
would have been held to bail by this time in a sum that would
have bought the body and soul of any of the fellows you intended to
stir up.

LANDoll.—Nothing of the kind would have occurred, for I should
have given no bail, but gone to your dungeons. And the sonnets I
should have written thence would have made the fortune of the
Examine, newspaper, and the reputation of British literature. You
have prevented my martyrdom, and I hate you, old man

15..u.mEasToN.---Old Man, be hanged! you are ten years my senior ;
but do not exercise the right of second childhood to be ungrateful. If
I did not send you to prison, I assure you it was with the best inten-
tions. Don't do that sort of thing again, however.
LANDOR.—And wherefor?

PALMERSTON.—Because George Grey has not the faintest respect
for your Paganism, and Platonism, and Pyrrhonism, and all the rest of
it, conceiving you to be a sort of heathen; and he will insist upon
ding his duty next time.
LANDOR.-4 honour him, and I despise you. He believes ; you scoff.
I had expected a different reception.
PALMERSTON.—Eh—a policeman, or a doctor from Hanwell ?
LANDOR.—OId Lord, you have joked for sixty years, and your face
is even as the comic mask, " plaited with mirth." But we cannot
almnys laugh.
PALMERSTON.—No, we must yawn sometimes, even when reading
your " Imaginary Conversations." But what did you expect from me ?
LANDOR.—Thanks.

PALMERSTON.—For calling? Accept them heartily. lam always
glad to see a celebrity.
LANDOR.—Palmerston ! Attend. You have spoken this day as if
you deemed me a fool.
PALMERSTON —Without insisting upon words, which are but
matters of detail, I am free to confess, my dear Mr. Lander, that you
have not much misinterpreted my sentiments. We are both of us
elderly, you know, and need not waste time in compliments. I think
you are an awful fool.
LANDOR.—I have no anger for you. I may be angry with an equal,
or with a superior, if I can find him. But whence your repudiation of
the man who is but doing your work ?
PALMERSTON.—Mine ! I am not engaged to write verses in the
Examiner.
LANDOR —Bah ! man.
tyrannicide.
PALMERSTON.—And what do you mean by my work ? Am I to go
about sticking people for 951 ?
LANDOR.—Hypocrite ! I had but one hundred pounds, which—
PALMERSTON.—Which you had better have sent to your relations
in Italy.
LANDOR.—What are relations to a philanthropist? D—n relations.
I tell you I had one hundred pounds, and I gave what I could to
the cause to which you give intrigues, diplomacy, shuffling, bullying,
Clarendon despatches, and Queen's ships.
PALMERSTON (puzzled) —To Italian liberty ?
LANDOR.—To tyrannicide, Lord Premier. No playing with words.
PALMERSTON.—By Jove, if you talk such nonsense as that, I shall
leave you to Sir George Grey. What have I done to justify such a
statement?

I spoke of the gold I offered the

LANDOR.—You are bold, sir, but truth is bolder. You have agitated
the Italian peninsula from end to end, you have sent the blood
boiling from the hearts of thousands of men, excited to madness by
your demonstrations, and then you affect to reprove me, who have but
sought to direct a dagger or two. Truly, my Lord, I begin to despise
Sir George Grey, for if he saw his duty in arresting me, you ought long
ago to have been in a cell in the Tower.

PALMERSTON.—My poor old friend, have you no relatives who will
take charge of you ?
LANDOR.—The insult passes by me as the wind, tyrannicidical
Viscount.

PALMERSTON.—ReaIIy, your view of things is rather amusing.
LANDOR.—You own its truth, through that hollow laugh.
PALMERSTON.—AII nonsense, of course ; but it is not worth arguing
with you.

fANDOII.—It is easy, very easy, to dismiss a truth in that light
manner, but it will turn again and rend you. Come, be honest, own
with me that in your private and noble heart you would gladly see the
dagger stroke that—
PALMERSTON.—This is becoming unpleasant. There are subjects
on which it is indecorous to joke.
LANDOR —And you have discovered that? I should not have
credited you with such a belief, to read your speeches. But we are
not joking now (exultingly). I have cloven away the rock and un-

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veiled the statue that existed there. I have found you, 0 Palmerston
the other was but your ai►uulacrum, or image. You are in your heart
a slayer of tyrants, and you will give me an order on the Treasury for
one thousand pounds to be added to my poor ninety-five, and the
sound thereof shall go out into all lands, and the hearts of the patriots
shall rejoice, and they shall lay hand upon the steel, and with a cry of
Palmerston and Landor, they shall strike deep into the hearts of
Kings, and-- _

-PALMERSTON (greatly alarmed).—Police, police, police !
(Runs out hastily.)

MR. GIBSON'S ACADEMY-MANCHESTER.
Hearken, Ministers of England—wily Peel—sagacious Wood—
Gentle Lowe—vivacious Vernon—here's a scheme to do you good !
Where the " Free-trade Hall " is rising o'er the factory chimnies high
(So, at least, the place is labelle•l—no one knows exactly why)
Seek the Manchester emporium—sit at modest Gibson's feet
(It will keep you out of mischief—that's to say, of Downing-street)--
Lessons given in elocution—but you need not dread the sneers,
Or of Bishops old and drowsy, or of supercilious Peers ;
Here is eloquence successful (if it's only " unadorned")
With an audience by whom logic, like the letter H, is scorned.
" Things not generally known," too, here by learners may be gained—
As—that brilliant expectations are of Lewis entertained.
Therefore, play no more at statesmen, but remember what you are,
Go to school to Milner Gibson, nor again attempt to " star."