The Press.
London, England, 1854-01-21 00:00:00

THE PRESS.

60

THE PEELITES.---No.II.

TO THE EDITOR OF "THE PRESS."

Sin,—My friends the Peelites were reclaimed to an active state by
two processes—physically, by the properties of the well-known bark
which acts as a stimulus to languid nerves ; and morally, by an esoteric
accommodation of their dogmas to the test of worldly expediency ; so
that in both respects we may fairly attribute their recovery from their
Ultramontane coma to the ingenuity of the Jesuite.
As soon as they were sufficiently convalescent to make their first
appearance in public, those who were not aware of the expedients-to
which they had recourse were prepared for some extraordinary mani-
festations. In the House of Commons, to which they successively
gained an entrance, there was a lively apprehension of the severe
homilies with which as theologians they were supposed to he pregnant.
The Radical members took the measure of the young Oxfcrd monks
with an impatient curiosity, and it is supposed that some of the com
plaints as to the lighting of the House itself originated in a desire to
discover Mr. GLADSTONE'S " nimbus." There are those who still
remember the disappointment which was felt when neither he nor his
companions were disposed to prophesy. The inquietude of the back
benches was only gradually allayed when thi'y were discovered to be
slily reticent and assiduously dull.
Their disappointment of expectation was in no respect more
remarkable than in their submission to the statesman who at that time
led the Conservative party. In all essential particulars he was their
public antipodes. He was intent on the definite and the near—they
on the vague and transcendentally remote ; his objects were plain and
intelligible, if they were limited—theirs were as confused and compre-
hensive as chaos. While he was thinking of Capel-court, they were
dreaming of Cologne Cathedral ; while they were contemplating a new
Avatar, he was considering the next Quarter's balance-sheet. I might
go on with these antitheses—in the manner of MACAULAY with this
difference, that the antitheses in this case represent a reality in
the unprecedented gulf between Sir ROBERT PEEL and his Oxford
adulators. How this was got over is a mystery which no one has yet
thought of inquiring into. It was not by any " sacrifices "on the part
of PEEL. The inference will be, till the publication of Mr. GLADSTONE'S
" Confessions," that mediaeval aspirations were combined with Cocker's
arithmetic by a sacrifice on his part which resembled the immolation
of Tartuffe.

The " sacrifice " was accomplished somehow, and these virgin
Clorindas became the handmaids of the great Economist without any
obtrusive ululation upon the mountains. Incontinently they sub-
mitted to the requirements of their position. They studied cwrulean
literature, made long calculations in the intervals of shrift and penance,
bound up slates wi It their little manuals of private devotion, and
mingled " oughts" with their crosses. If Mr. GLADSTONE at that
time indulged in a rosary it served indifferently for two purposes—to
accompany his prayers, and to assist him in acquiring a knowledge of
the multiplication table.

He and his companions developed or acquired other inclinations
from the example of their great leader. Despite of his greatness, he was
not by nature self-reliant, but deferred incessantly to the vapid
sciolism of his time. As their jesuitry implied a tendency to submit
to a " Director," his disciples, in this sense, did homage to " the force
of circumstances," which he recognised. They took their cue from
the " spirit of the age," as they termed the spirit of the session, with
a pliable adroitness, and to this day they have never ventured to
assume the dignity of independent minds. At this moment they are
lifting up their hands in pious horror at the capacity of another great
statesman to proceed alone. To their submissive habits independence
is so strange that they are admitting their belief that such courageous-
ness is quite "satanic."

Another habit they also acquired in the same school, that of
incessant assertion of the purity of their motives. To such an extent
have they carried this amiable weakness, that they have become
accustomed to regard the obtrusive profession as identical with the
fact; and those who obey the rules of a better taste, who are more
reserved if they are not less honest, have come to be regarded by them
as " political infidels." They assert, and perhaps, to some extent,
believe their assertion, that there is something " sardonic " in a con-
temptuous resolve to leave mercenary calumnies to their confutation
by spontaneous truth.

, With these accompaniments of self-mistrust and superfluous
candour the Peelite " sacrifice " is still celebrated. It was not
originally completed by a single rite, such, for instance, as circumci-
sion, but was distributed through a protracted ceremonial, like that of
the Eastern dervishes. The Peelite followers had to participate in the
gymnastio exploits of their leader. As he bowed they bowed, as

SATIIRDAY,

he revolved they revolved, his jumps were their jumps, and his spins
their spins. They impute to others a transverse movement, deter-
mined by antipathies,—a description of chassez croisee ; their own was
a sympathetic waltz. They saw at the same moment the same reasons
for changing their course, and their simultaneous submission to the
same impulse suggested the parallel, which the world will not forget,
of the ingenuous Saxons who were " baptised in brigades and con:
vented in platoons."
Henceforth I shall hold myself absolved for admiring jesuitry,
when it can accomplish such admirable results. I propose, hereafter,
to examine its operation in detail ; but thus far I contend, that jesuitry
is justified, for without it my Oxford friends could never have taken
position at all in the world of politics. They would have dawdled
through life in one of those vegetable capacities I described in my
former letter ; or, like the dwarf KVASIR, of Scandinavian repute, who
died of a plethora of information because he could get no one to ask
questions enough to relieve him, they might have dwindled away in
some Puginized cloister, sickening into the last stage of saintly
collapse, for want of an outlet for superfluous virtues.
In the meantime I remain, sir, your humble servitor,
JOHN OF THE FUNNELS.

SEVEN REASONS
WHY THERE NEVER CAN BE ANOTHER DERBY MINISTRY.

1. Because the Viceroyalty of Lord &MINTON was the most popular
Government in Ireland since the Union.
2. Because the Court of Chancery was completely reformed.
3. Because the Militia, for the first time, was successfully established
on the voluntary principle.
4. Because our foreign affairs were so conducted that a cordial under-
standing was maintained both with Russia and with France.
5. Because our rights to our American fisheries were effectually
vindicated.
6. Because a fleet was prepared and manned, to become a source of
perplexity to the present Cabinet.
7. Because the interest on Exchequer Bills was reduced, while those
securities were, at the same time, maintained at a high premium.

THE ROYAL SPEECH, AS THE PREMIER
PREPARED IT,
(But as instantly rejected ignominiously.)

MT LORDS AND GENTLEMEN,

lam happy to meet you again. I should have assembled you
earlier, but that my Ministers have not had sufficient time to prepare
their attacks upon the honourable member for Bucks.
I am sorry that Mr. Disraeli's intrigues have involved this
country in a war with Russia. It was partly Lord Malmesbury's fault,
too, for, if he had not evinced so much willingness to be friends with
the Emperor of France, Russia would not have been jealous, and
would have accepted tho abject apologies Lord Aberdeen would have
been happy to proffer.
I receive assurances of friendship from all nations with which we
arc not at war, and, but for the misgovernment of the late chancellor
of the Exchequer and his colleagues, I dare say no qualification could
have been necessary.
J regret to state that my august sister, the Queen of Spain, has
not been successful in rearing her last baby, a result due to the
malignity of Mr. Disraeli, who dislikes children.

I am sorry to be compelled to say that I must now support the
Turks against the Russians. However, I find some consolation in the
affair at Sinope, and in the belief that the Turks are being beaten in
Asia. Our admiral has been ordered to take the worst side of the
Black Sea, and, under Providence, we may hope that our ships will be
disabled from injuring the vessels or fortifications of Russia. The
whole war is Mr. Disraeli's doing, as will be explained to you.

GENTLEMEN OF THE HOUSE OF COMMONS,
The criminal ambition of Mr. Disraeli has compelled us to engage
in war, and therefore you will have to vote more ships and more men.
You will clearly understand that my Ministers are in no way to blame
for this.

The estimates which will be laid before you have been framed ns
carefully as possible; and, if Mr. Disraeli abstains from picking
holes in them, I dare say you will find them satisfactory.

MY LORDS AND GENTLEMEN,
In remitting you to the work of an arduous session, which will
be rendered still heavier by the unjust hostility of the member for
Bucks, I have every confidence that you will remember the great
difficulties under which the present Cabinet came together, the awful
sacrifices of principle and character they were glad to make for the
good of the country, and the great services they have rendered by their.
financial skill and diplomatic tact in preserving the prosperity of this
country and the peace of Europe.