The Press.
London, England, 1856-08-30 00:00:00

THE PRESS.

Lord G.—l wonder what he thinks of Charley Napier's visit.

COUNT.—You English are courageous—quiz retuperavit !—what
needed you to prove it by making that piece of ridicule for the world?
Lord G.—Who could help it, if the old ass chose to come? We
can't lock a man up, or send him to Algiers, my dear Count. Besides,
what does it matter?

COUNT.—That's true. By the way, why does not dear Lord Aberdeen
come to the show ? He has a right to see it, for he made the war that
vacated the Throne of Russia for this excellent Alexander.

4.- softl6 .•

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Lord G.—Excuse me, but that is entirely a mistake, arising from
your pardonable want of acquaintance with English politics. The
war was made by our Conservative party.
CousT.—Come, that is news to me. Ido not profess to read your
doleful debates very closely, but my memory reminds me that there
were many Conservative protests that the war was unnecessary.
Lord G.—lt is all a question of dates. They wanted Aberdeen to
interfere prematurely, declaring that if he did so, Russia would take
the hint. He would not, and then they compelled him to go with the
people, alleging that it was necessary to maintain the national honour.
But what is the use of going back to these old subjects—we are here
to crown A lexander.

COUNT.—StiII I think old Aberdeen ought to have been here.

Lord G.—Confound it, how pertinacious you are ! Would you
have had him here, instead of me ?
COUNT.—I am incapable of rudeness. But I think it would have
been a graceful intimation that the war had been au unpleasant duty.
Lord G.—lt was not unpleasant at all. It made us popular, and
threw a great many good things in our way.
COUNT.—Your vision, my dear Granville, is limited, at times. I
spoke of the general policy of your Government, not of an accident
to individuals. You wish to conciliate Russia, so you sutler the
monkey tricks of that old Admiral, and you send a man whom, of
course, I adore to excess, but who is not perhaps the type of a very
distinct individuality.
Lord G.—Who is nobody, you mean, and you mean me.
COUNT.—Sometimes, my dear Granville, your apprehension is pre-
ternatural.

Lord G. (laughing).—ln the first place, you bed—d. In the
next, my opinion is, and I say it without egotism, that a more compli-
mentary selection than myself could not have been made, or one that
was better calculated to please the Emperor.
COUNT.—You don't want me to compliment vou on your respect-
ability, or your good nature, or your blue coach, or her ladyship's
diamonds, but to come to the point. And therefore, my dear Gran-
ville, who and what the deuce are you ? Why, you are a Buckhound.
Lord G.—Not now, sir. lam President of the Council. Also I
have the confidence of the great Whig party in England—did not the
Duke of Devonshire entrust Lady Glanville with no end of his jewel-
lery ? I'll show it you, if you like.
COUNT.—But the great Whig party, as represented by the little
Whig leader, opened its mouth furiously against Russia, and declared
that her power ought to be limited.
Lord G.—But your memory, which is so good, should remind you
that the same Whig leader retracted his words in the House, and
showed the sincerity of his retractation at Vienna. I tell you, Count,
you don't understand English politics. The Whigs are what, for the
sake of argument, we'll call au oligarchy. You never need be afraid
that a party of that character will interfere offensively in European
politics. We have neither the Crown nor the people with us, there-
fore our instinct, to say nothing of higher considerations—
COUNT.—Which is just what you ought to say.
Lord G.—Be quiet—our instinct, I repeat, prevents our being
aggressive. _ _

COUNT.—You have proved to me very clearly that Whigs are weak,
timid, and unpopular, and I own myself convinced by your logic. But
this does not show why a Whig should have been selected to compli-
ment the Emperor.
Lord G.—My dear fellow, who else could have been sent?
COUST.—Ah. now wo come to the exhaustive process.
Lord G.—No ; but look. It was indispensable to send a Minister,
and a nobleman. Look at the list. Lansdowne is too old.

COUNT.—And Argyll too young.
Lord G.—Young prig—he would have rearranged the procession,
rewritten the coronation service, and reset all the Crown jewels.
Well, we couldn't very well send the Lord Chancellor—he wasn't born
noble.

CouNr.—lnfamous Plebeian ! But there was, what d'ye call him
—Vox—Vox.

Lord G.—Brougham? He isn't with us.
COUNT.—He ! No. Too big for you, my dear. No, I mean Pan
Maule.

Lord G.—Panmure ! War Secretary.
COUNT.—Just so—and a better friend Russia could not have had.

Lord G.—That's hard upon him. I think he did his best, be that
what it might. But he is not the man for such work as this. You
want a man of rank, wealth, affable manners, a good French accent,
a gracious demeanour, an hereditary name, moderate principles, and
an unexceptionable character.
COUNT —And his name should begin with G.
Lord G.—You may say what you like, my dear Count, but you
cannot put me out of conceit with myself, or make me think that a
better man could have been chosen for the office I have the honour
to fill.

COUNT.—Heaven forbid I should try ! I think that the nation
that could send Napier and you as its representatives ought to be
proud.

-
Lord G.—Napier be hanged—will you come and have some
maraschino?

COUNT.—Thanks—for private reasons I prefer eau d'or—Pactolus
in bottle.

Lord G.—Ah ! and they say you have bottled it extensively. Is
it so

COUNT.—Words are comparative, but I dare say I shall be able to
buy my chocolate in my oid age, my dear Buckhound. Come.

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