The Press.
London, England, 1854-03-11 00:00:00

THE PRESS.

228

THE DISCARDED STEWARD.
A LONDON ECLOGUE.

Vinoque gravatus.—Poet. Lat. passim.
Prooumbit burnt.— Tirgit "En.
Past two at morn ! chill Februar's foggy air
Veil'd the green lawns that grace St. J—'s Sq---e :
Town slept : saloon, casino, club, and hell
Had closed reluctant on the latest " swell " ;
And slumbered, weary from their nightly chase,
E'en the chaste nymphs who haunt King's vestal-place.
None, save one luckless Ensign from the " Rag,"
Cleaned out and cursing, waked the echoing flag,
Striving in wreath'd Havannah's clouds to chok e
The clinging memory of " that d—d.revoke "!
When, as he paused before that mansion tall
That looks askance down J— Street to P—l M—l,
Sudden, emerging ghostlike on the night,
A woeworn form rose gaunt before his sight;
Childlike in sobs, and womanish in wail,
(Tho' much-oil'd whiskers show'd its gender male),
Strange and fantastic did his garb appear,
A King of shreds and patches,—like King Lear; *
A solid blue riband crosswise deck'd his breast;
With blighted strawberry-leaves his brows were drest;
And from his left knee dangled, there ill-girt,
One old odd garter, somewhat stained with dirt.
No common grief those sighs convulsive spoke ;
For no light shame those briny torrents broke.
Clutching at air the Phantom seem'd to stand,
As grasping still some visionary wand ;
Then, wildly-wailing, mid the frost-fog grey,
Took round the palisades his sinuous way.
" Gods ! is it thus ? And could no specious tale
" O'er that curst weakness fling a decent veil?
" Did pious fraud in vain assert the swoon
" My custom often of an afternoon ?
" Oh! why did that command ' unlucky come?
" Why, struck by headache, dined I not at home ?
" Or why, neglectful, in that hour untoward
" Did all good saints desert the house of H—d?
" Or wherefore—Heavens ! what idle words I waste !
" It is no dream ! and N—k is disgraced !
" 0 spite of Fate ! ancestral Nature's wrong
" That made me not less thirsty or more strong !
" Beast that I was, on that thrice fatal night,
"To reel inebriate in my S - 's sight,
" And sprawl, when Russia is our friend no more,
" Spread, like her Eagle, on the Palace floor !"
He paused, and sobb'd, by memory's pang subdued ;
Started afresh, and firmer thus renewed :
" Hear me, ye powers that o'er the feast preside !
" Great Bacchus, dangerous in the purple tide,—
" And Ceres, by whose aid, as sages say,
" Else-freezing Venus holds her glowing sway ;
" Ye lesser sprites, whose essences we drain
" Odorous in bordeaux, creaming in champagne,
" Hear me ! 0 hear me never from this hour
" Shall N—k yield to your insidious power!
" Not ev'n when curry-powder warms my veins
" Shall draughts too potent fire these feeble brains !
" Henceforth, at board, my purpose firm I hold
"To be, like my warn'd grandsire, not too bold.'
" What yet I can, I will—tho' unrestored
" To the rich cates that load V--a's board,
" 'Reft of my rod—(Had I been with it whipp'cl !
" Fool ! fool! who saw no danger as I sipp'd !)
" In my Q—n's grace for ever, ever, sunk,
" I never, never, never will get ! "
He said, and swore, by every oath whose sway
Hath bound mankind, from chaos till to-day ;
By him whose pipe before old Moses droned,
By all the powers that kind Moll Kelly owned;
And by that holy poker which, below,
Provokes hell's furnace to its fiercest glow ;
By George, whilome of England's sons revered ;
By Pharaoh's foot, and by Mohammed's beard ;
By the live Jingo, dread of negro souls ;
By Gum, by Gosh, by Gemini, by Goles ;
By the Pope's toe (this oath he did recal) ;
And his own head, most empty pledge of all ;
' He swore, and sighed (not CoBDEN deeper sighs
When tele rous'd Commons vote large war supplies) ;
4. Then, like Policeman X (on winter nights
To share her meal whom amorous cook invites),
Or furtive sneak, intent on casual plate,
Sank, swift and silent, thro' the area-gate !
The wondering Subaltern—what could he less ?
F Walked home, and wrote his vision to the PRESS.
H. L. T.

* The Author's comparison—not Shakspeare's.

SATURDAY,

EXTRACTS FROM THE DIARY OF A
RESPECTABLE RADICAL M.P.
MARCH 3.—ls the Reform Bill extinct, or is it to revive again in April?
What is a Radical to do ? The Whigs can give no information ; and
the Peelites are indifferent to our woes. Evident that they did not
take fondly to the measure ; else why Lord JOHN'S purely personal
defence? SHELLEY was astounded at its ferocity, and means never to
have a lucid interval again. Arnicus Plato seal magi* Arnica veritas ;
RUSSELL was his " noble friend ;" but Westminster thought RUSSELL a
humbug. Wonder whether my constituents agree with Westminster?
BRIGHT, they say, does ; HUME, the veteran Reformer, does not.
" Measures, not men," for me ; the " measure," in this case, a "dodge,"
to quote LOWE ; but the man—SHELLEY can know nothing about. For
my part, I shall follow my leader. The Reform Bill over, debate on
consumption of home-made grog in the navy arose. Whigs clear that
if you wished to adhere to the spirit of the Constitution you must have
rum ; Irish members considered the repeal of the union inevitable if
you did not insist on whisky ; and Scotch thought economy would be
promoted by the adoption either of teetotalism or gin. Differences
of opinion so great that Government called upon to pronounce. The
Secretary to the Admiralty put up accordingly to state that, whatever
the personal tastes of the Coalition, their aggregate conviction was
favourable to rum. (Applause from Admiral BERKELEY.) OSBORNE'S
remarks evidently extempore, and terribly droll. OSBORNE clearly
acting on the advice given him when he joined the Government, " to
put his trust in ABERDEEN, and keep his speeches dry."
March 6.—FORTESCUE, new member—Lord BELLEw's—introduced
by HAYTER. HAYTER, I observe, always singularly attentive to Irish
supporters of the Government. House laughed when Lord JOHN had
to refer Colonel DUNNE to PALMERSTON about the militia, the subject
having once been a sore one. PALMERSTON too sensible to mind that ;
so forgiving, indeed, as to be intending to-morrow night to eat salt
with his particularly good-natured friend the First Lord. The Budget
excellent; if the Reform Bill had been carried, divine. Increasing the
number of persons represented, and decreasing the number of persons
taxed at the same time : two truly liberal measures. There would
never be a difficulty about supplies if the generous and intelligent
masses had to vote, the wealthy and avaricious upper classes to provide
them. With universal suffrage and direct taxation the Government
might, indeed, be strong ; and, as they ought to know, taxation and
representation should go together. Let us have plenty more of both;
i.e., of suffrage for those without incomes, of impost for those with.
Property should have its duties, and every British citizen should have
his rights. Taxation and representation for ever !
March 7.—House adjourned to dine at the Reform Club, after a
mysterious communication (said to be from the Government), through
Lord Doorkeeper CHARLES, to Mr. SPEAKER. Dinner slightly delayed ;
some discussion as to the probable Coalition bishop. Dr. CUMMING,
it was said, had been recommended by Lord JOHN ; but episcopal ordi-
nation still thought necessary by the Peelites ; in consequence of
which, it was supposed the Rev. W. J. Fox stood no chance, notwith-
standing his claims upon the Government. MOLESWORTH had strong
opinions, and GLADSTONE innumerable applications ; but it was believed
that to check University jealousies, and prove the liberality of the
Cabinet, a gentleman of large views, from the seminary in Gower.
street, would be chosen. If otherwise, a divine of what SIDNEY SMITH
called " decent debility " and advanced years, for the Premier, though he
has ARGYLE always before his eyes, cannot be brought to believe in
youthful ability. MIALL and PETO have considerately forborne to
insist upon the appointment of their man; and PALMERSTON, who has no
religious prejudices, is ready to bow to the decision of his colleagues.
At length the dinner and the speeches, GRAHAM looking quite at
home in the Reform Club, and ingeniously explaining to those near
him the accident that prevented his being at the Palmerston banquet,
recently given there. Was surprised to find any fellow-Radicals so
warlike ; and begin to suspect I am not treated with the confidence
they enjoy. Believe some of them actually know what we are going
to fight for, and insist on: but have not myself heard a word of it in
or outside the House yet ! Lord PALMERSTON, jocular, of course, as
the occasion was a serious one ; nevertheless, intelligible in his
allusion to the wolf and the lamb. But what did Sir CINCINNATUS
NAPIERmean by his allusion to the propagation of thelatter ? " Our own
(nautical) correspondent" should study greater lucidity of expression
(can't help thinking what a mess he will make of it if his signals are
no clearer than his jokes !). He seems very grateful to GRAHAM, and
GRAHAM very fond of him. It was really kind of the First Lord to
give his faithful old panegyrist leave to declare war the moment he
got into the Baltic ; and it shows a manly independence in Sir JAMES
to seize the opportunity afforded by a Radical Club dinner to make
known a determination so far communicated to neither!. House. It is
really a good sign of the Coalition that, whilst it required a "clever
fellow" to get anything in Parliament out of Lord ABERDEEN, it only
required GRAHAM to blurt out all at the Reform. But why not shut
up the two Houses, and give a banquet, say at the'Whittington, when-
ever Ministers have anything more to disclose ? Admission, to members,
gratis ; and the Conservative gentlemen in the Cabinet to be treated
as guests. After Lord ABERDEEN'S treatment of the Senate, and Sir
JAMES'S confidential announcement to the Reform, I think I must
suggest this course : it is very comprehensive, and it will answer all
the purposes for which Parliament appears to be designed.