The Press.
London, England, 1854-09-02 00:00:00

MORE PLACES!

" The comprehensiveness of its relations saves the Government from falling. * • • It
is like an insect of the tribe called tipula, which can find a firm footing on the dancing blades of
grass, from the width with which its long legs straddle. • • • Instead of blaming the
Ministry for zotilition, we would have it coalesce yet more—take in broader relations—have more
legs to stand upon, until it became a very oentipede of Ministries. It may be asked, indeed, how
it can take in more men when the °dices are already tilled? Hut the Ministry might answer, in
pointing to its own acts, by creating new officer of the highest order."—Spectotor, August 26,
1654,
Want more places so the case is !
Governments on certain bases
Can't get on without more places.
Time was when a public crisis
Called for certain " sacrifices,"
And a set demure and oily,
So affectedly and coyly,
To each vacant place succeeded,
That the crowd, who little heeded,
Thought they might be self-denying,
Such effect has simple lying.
Now the lie has served the liars,
And the " sell" has had free buyers,—
Now the booty is divided,—
False pretences are derided,
And the swindlers in possession
Make ingenuous confession
Place has been the only tether
Which has held them all together ;
Place alone prevents them brawling,
And their one resource, when falling,
As they frankly state their case, is
To create a few new places.
Give them places ! let them struggle,
Let the crowd see out the juggle.
Places ten or places twenty—
Let them places have in plenty—
Place for all the " teatless piglings,"
Peelites, Radicals, and Whiglings—
Place for cousins Caledonian—
For explorers Babylonian—
For churchwardens Maryleboninn—
. Place for Brigadiers—broad-brimmers,
Prigs, Tractarians, and trimmers—
Place for hacks and place for helpers—
Place for dummies and for yelpers—
Pl'tce for all the "legs" and sharkers,
Bill-discounters, billiardmarkers,
Jesuits, propagandists, Papists,
Robbers, jobbers, and redtapists,
Dolts and medieval dreamers,
Forgers, simpletons, and schemers—
All, in fact, who have commission
To assist the Coalition—
Till they find (with help from Greville)
Some new office for the Devil.

SIR BENJAMIN'S FIRST REPORT.
TO VISCOUNT PALMERSTON.

or a

MY DEAR LORD,
In compliance with your facetiously-phrased but philosophically-
based suggestion that cleanliness, like charity, should begin at home,
I have, in the very first instance, directed my attention to the condi-
tion of Downing-street, and the localities connected therewith.
I have the honour of submitting to your Lordship the following
Report, prepared after an elaborate investigation by myself and as-
sistants :
Our examination commenced with the Treasury. I have to report
that this is in a state most prejudicial to the welfare of the public.
No constitution can long hold out against the deleterious agencies con-
stantly at work in this quarter. I instantly detected the presence of
what, in common with your Lordship, I will call antiquated imbecility,
which incessantly gave off an atmosphere of a most injurious character,
prostrating all energy and enfeebling all vigour. This, I fear, it will
be found very difficult to remove, from the tenacity with which it
adheres to any place unfortunately tainted by it. A prolonged com-
bustion of gunpowder, however, will probably be found available in
procuring its expulsion. I am also induced to believe that there is
some communication between this locality and a drain running from
Nicholas-lane to Gordon-square, which is in very bad odour, but I
have not as yet been able to trace the precise channel. The liberal
application of the deodorising fluid called Public Indignation may
arrest this most mischievous nuisance. Let me add that our inspec-
tion was vehemently opposed by the oldest inhabitant of the place, a
Scotchman, who resisted all suggestions for improvement, declaring
that any nuisance or degradation was better than a disturbance, but
he seemed to be much disliked by all around him.
We next proceeded to the Colonial-office, and I regret to say that
a still worse state of things was there manifest. Delicacy prevents my
entering at any length into the offensive details which presented
themselves. Suffice it to say that they amounted to evidence of actual
corruption. It is due to the present tenant, an invalid, to say that he
frankly attributed the evils, which he could not deny, to the neglect
of his predecessor. There is little hope, however, that the former
will have the will or the energy necessary to effect reforms, and I may
add that the indignation of those who are affected by the nuisances

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