The Press.
London, England, 1854-08-26 00:00:00

THE PRESS.

AUGUST 26, 1854.

THE CONDEMN kTION OF THE COMMONS.

BY A MINISTERIALIST.

It is a question whether with a free public, a free press, and a free executive, we need keep
up this troublesome obstruction of a House of Commons.—Spectator, August 19, 1854.
Of what use are M.P.'s in these go-ahead days?
What's the use of our Constitution?
Thus again and again new questions we raise,
As we stumble along in these crooked byways,
Which conduct us to revolution.

Of what use are M.P.'s ? They are only a source
Of discomfort to Berkeley and Hay ter;
The Government has a much better resource;
It can take its cue quite as a matter of course
From the Chronicle, Times, and Spectator.

Of what use are M.P.'s who won't cry " Hear, hear !"
When the Treasury leader woos 'em,
Who at Gladdy's long sermons profanely jeer,
And smile at the constitutional tear
Which fell upon Johnny's bosom ?

Of what use are M.P.'s who will never vote
As the Coalition wishes ;
Who will not for convenience change their coat
And take an oar in the Government boat
Which carries the loaves and fishes ?

Of what use are M.P.'s ? To discuss and divide
And to " tell" into different lobbies ?
Such processes Ministers cannot abide,
For they're seldom themselves any two on a side
When they mount on their several hobbies.

Of what use are M.P.'s? To vote supplies,
And furnish of war the sinews ?
If the pensive public will shut its eyes
We can help ourselves, O'Flaherty-wise,
So long as the war continues.

Of what use are M.P.'s? To appoint (as boons)
Their constituents tax collectors ?
We can skim their gruel with cheaper spoons :
Our Sadleirs, Stonors, and Father M'Clunes
Know how to deal with electors.

Of what use are M.P.'s? The statesman to roar
From the senatorial sapling?
We see our way, as we fancy, clear,
By examination and drill severe
To get certified statesmen twice a year
From the Bishop of Oxford's chaplain.

Of what use are M.P.'s! To check or advise,
Or to represent opinions?
In the Cabinet we already comprise
All that any one holds or denies,
All the public truths or public lies
That are known in the Queen's dominions.
Of what use are M.P.'s Their countryfied spleen
At our pretty inventions to show ?
To be tangling the wires of the novel machine,
Which, to govern the country, we speedily mean
To place in a central Bureau?

Of what use are M.P.'s I Who act as they please,
And who don't know their proper level ?
Who are learning to fathom our plot by degrees,
And are perhaps even now preparing a breeze
Which may whirl us away to the devil ?

SCOTCH COMFORT IN RUSSIAN TROUBLE
A PREMIER • • • HIS SECRETARY.

Have you the morning papers there?
Yes, my lord.
Have you looked at the details of this affair at Bomarsund?
I have, my lord, and you will bo glad to know that matters are
more satisfactory than was stated.
Eh? The Russians have not recaptured the forts ?
The Russians, my lord ! No, certainly not.
Have the poor prisoners escaped, then?
Not one of them, my lord.
Then, sir, where is this improved condition of things ?
I meant, my lord, that the losses of the allies are more trifling
than was at first supposed. The English, indeed, have scarcely lost
anybody.
Of course, sir, the loss of life on either side would be matter of
regret to a humane person, but you may reserve your exultation.
Meantime, I will thank you to read to me one of the accounts of the
affair, for the shock which the news gave me prevented my examining
the details.

Certainly, my lord. (Beads).
Bomaratuid"—

805

" The Russians burned the town of

Stop ! How did the writer know that? To burn a town is a brutal
thing, and men ought not to be lightly charged with it, Why not
suppose the fire accidental ?
"to prevent its affording shelter to the assailants."
Ha! A bold and noble device, and an heroic sacrifice on the part
of General Bodisco.
Was the town his property, my lord ?
Go on, if you please, sir.
"There were four forts, mounting in all 150 guns."
I dare say there were not half so many; but these press-writers love
to exaggerate.
" The disembarkation of our forces was brilliantly effected."
Rubbish ! How can there be anything brilliant in putting a lot
of men into boats and turning them out again? The Russians were
too chivalrous to open fire upon them, I suppose.
As far as I can understand, my lord, the boats seem to have been
out of harm's way.
I'll be bound they were.

"The Amphion and Phkgethon moored themselves where none of
the enemy's guns could be brought to bear, and opened a heavy fire
of shot and shell."

Well. A more cowardly manoeuvre I never heard of. I believe,
indeed, that it was contrary to the practice of civilised war.
"Several days were occupied in landing guns and stores."
I wonder they don't call that dawdling " brilliant" also. The for-
bearance of Bodisco all this time is beyond praise.

" A spy was taken in the camp, attired as an old woman"—
Perhaps it was an old woman. Poor thing ! It makes me sad to
think that an old woman should have been maltreated.
" and was hanged."
Poor dear old soul ! Well; she is not the only old woman who has
been shamefully treated through this wicked war.
" On Sunday, the 13th, the French began to bombard in reality "
Sabbath-breaking wretches ! How could they hope for any
success ?
I don't know, my lord, hut it seems that they obtained it. " Next
morning the Chasseurs de Vincennes stormed the western fort, and the
allied flags were seen waving over the first material guarantee extorted
from Nicholas of Russia."
The disgusting flippancy of these writers ought to be repressed by
a censor. I quite agree with Cardinal Wiseman that the press has far
too much freedom allowed it.
" The Russians had asked for two hours' truce to bury their dead,
but the French general would allow one only"—
What ferocity ! As if Bodisco did not know better than Baraguay
d'Hilliers how many poor fellows had to be buried.
" and this one hour they used in getting in fresh powder and

stores."
And perfectly right. As the French had refused our demand—l
mean the demand of the Russians—we, that is they, were not bound
by the proposal first made.
" They asked a second truce, but this was refused, as they had
not respected the object of the first."
What a mean cavil! How Nesselrode must despise such special
pleading !
" When the French entered the fort they found the whole garrison
raving drunk."
And we have the impudence to charge this upon them Russians
always get drunk at funerals, and we, knowing this, and slaughtering
their companions, scoff at their piously rendering the last rites. If
the garrison had not been drunk the Chasseurs would never
have got into the fort.
" On the 15th the English ships attacked the ~astern tower, and
it was taken in the evening. This being the fête de Napoleon, a royal
salute was fired, with shotted guns."
Audacious mockery ! Salutes amid slaughter.
" On the 16th tremendous fire was opened ou the long fort and
on the smaller one, and soon after noon they surrendered. Two
thousand prisoners were taken."
That is well. They will come to England, where they shall be
treated with all consideration, and John Bull shall see in the bills
what he was about when he insisted on going to war in defence of the
heathen. The governor shall come here, and I shall ask you to show
him London life.
He is an old man, my lord.
What do you call an old man, sir? I hope you don't call a Mall
old at seventy.
He is eighty, my lord.
Eh ? Ah ! Well, that may be called old. Too old, certainly, for
his command. That explains the whole affair, and reduces our
victory, such as it was, to nothing at all. Had Bodisco been ten years
younger, Bomarsund would have been impregnable. Doubtless the
Emperor will take care that no such mistake occurs again. You were
quite right, sir, in saying that the news was more satisfactory than we
had supposed. This poor old man, with a drunken garrison, was
unable to hold out longer against the overwhelming forces of England
and France, which, from a cowardly distance, battered down his forts.
I think the less said about such victories the better, and I do not
imagine that my friend of forty years will be much disheartened by
this casualty. 1 will not detain you now; but you leave me iu excellent
spirits. Good morning.