The Press.
London, England, 1854-04-01 00:00:00

THE PRESS.

300

TO CORRESPONDENTS.
A.—The Editor of THE PRESS is particularly obliged by the public men-
tion of his journal in another place, but until the applicant is discharged
from the service of his " old friend" it would be impossible to employ
him to carry an advertising board between Argyle-street and West-

minster.

SEANCE WITH " THE MESMERIC YOUTH
OF THE FOREIGN-OFFICE."

THE celebrity which has suddenly been attained by the young gentle-
man to whom (and not to Mr. Astley) it now appears that the discovery
of the secrets of the Foreign-office is due clearly rendered it incum-
bent upon all journals whose conductors are aware of their duty to
the public to examine into his claims, and to place readers in a posi-
tion to judge for themselves whether he is a phenomenon or a sham.
Some propositions are so self-evident that argument upon them is
tantamount to insult to the reader, and some falsities carry with them
their own refutation. Who thinks it necessary to prove that Lord
Aberdeen's conduct has got us into a terrible war; or, on the other
hand, who will believe that Lord Aberdeen will, if he can help it, allow
this war to be prosecuted with more vigour than is necessary to pre-
vent actual hooting in the Lords when Ministers answer questions?
But the mesmeric capability of this foreign clerk pertains to a middle
term, and the revelations which have been connected with his name
demand that his qualifications should be fairly tested. We therefore
instructed a gentleman who has had a good deal of insight into hum-
bug in his time (his father having been a homoeopathist, his mother a
patroness of Exeter-hall, and himself a secretary to a Radical M.P.)
to obtain an interview with the mesmeric party, to put him through
his paces, and to report progress.
The individual in question is a well-dressed young man, who
occupies chambers in Regent-street, which our reporter states are
fitted up "ith an aesthetic attention to the fitness of things. Their
chief °mai., ents are comparative portraits of various celebrities. Lord
John Russell Erostratus—the virtuous Gladstone and the conti.
nent Scipio, in the cost famous acts of their respective careers—Sir
James Graham and Proteus, eminent ornaments of the sea—and other
classic and modern subjects are happily treated. The young man
himself is an interesting-looking person, frightfully addicted to
smoking, but otherwise inoffensive, and decidedly calculated to
excite the admiration of suburban tea parties.
A gentleman from the Times office attends regularly six times a
day to elicit from the young man those revelations hitherto erro-
neously attributed to Lord Aberdeen, and, on the assurance that the
information to be obtained on the occasion of our reporter's visit
should not be used until after its publication in the above journal, our
reporter was allowed to see the process.
The young man placed himself in an old armchair which had for-
merly been the dignified seat of Foreign Secretaries, but which be-
coming shabby had been sold and purchased for the virtues which
might be supposed to reside in it. A large despatch-envelope, sealed,
was placed behind his bead, a map of Europe at his feet, and his
hands were loosely tied with some red tape. The operator then took
a newspaper, faced him, and read a few passages from a speech of Sir
Charles Wood, which speedily threw him into an uneasy sleep. The
questioning then began.
Q, Where are you ?
A. Sir, lam attending to my duties in the Foreign-office.
Q. What are they?
A. lam discussing the Opera programme--wondering whyl was
not asked to Mrs. * * * * * 's the dansante—betting Fitzgibbings that
Lama and not Emily is the elder of the Salvington giris—making up a
little book on the Two Thousand Guineas—and congratulating my
colleagues on the easy life we have now compared to what it used to
be here in Pam's time.
Q. What do you see ?
A. I see Nahum, the Jew, coming down the street. He is going
to call about a little bill I forgot to take up. I see that I shall have to
take some studs of him—price ten guinea, value thirty shillings.
Q. Can you see into Lord Clarendon's room ?
A. Pretty well, considering the smoke.
Q. What is he doing?
A. Beading a letter from Lord Aberdeen.
Q. Can you read the letter ?
A. Easily.
Q. What's it about?
A. I only said I could read it—l cannot understand it, nor can
Lord Clarendon ; but it seems to be a regret on the Premier's part
that thew, is no longer any means of holding back certain documents,

SATURDAY,

and a suggestion that if, " without detriment .to the public service "
(interlined), any expressions which are merely offensive as regards a
great northern personage can be omitted, it would be well.
Q. What is Lord Clarendon doing now ?
A. Making faces at the letter—he pitches it into the waste-paper
basket. On second thoughts he takes it out, folds, and files it. Some
despatches are brought to him.
Q. From whom ?
A. Stop a moment—the paper is so thick that it is like a fog before
my eyes. He will not open the envelope. I see why. He has a note
before him telling him that Lord Malmesbury intends to ask a ques-
tion in the Lords to-night about the war, and it will save trouble to be
able to say that he has no information on the point to be mentioned.
No—he has changed his mind—he will open them—but he does no
more. He sends for the clerk who is sitting near me. The latter has
a presentiment that he is going to be asked to work, and is using very
severe language as he goes along the passage.
Q. What does the Earl say to him ?
A. I can hardly hear. He gives him the despatches—tells him
to show them to nobody, and to send in a précis of them to him in the
Lords after he has answered Lord Malmesbury. The clerk returns in
a frenzy of rage, being engaged to dine at the mess at the Tower. It
is hard upon him. He thinks of asking some one else to do the work
but Lord Clarendon knows his handwriting.
Q. What are the despatches ?
A. From Vienna. They announce that Gortschakoff has entered
the Dobruscha, taken Semendria, burnt Varna, ravaged Illyria,
invested Trebizond, and carried Svecherynischia by storm, killing
eighteen thousand Turks and capturing two hundred and seventy-four
guns and nineteen standards.
Q. I hope you are right in the names?
A. Right enough for the Foreign-office ; but, if you are going to
print anything about them, you had better look to the map, as every-
body in these days carries a map of the seat of war inside his hat, or
the newspapers would be incomprehensible.
Q. What makes you start?
A. (trembling and visibly agitated) Lord—Lord—Lord, Palmerston
is coming. He will demand the despatches, he knows they have
come, and won't Clarendon catch it for not knowing the contents ! I
must tell him—
The faithful subordinate rushed forward to assist his chef, and
this awoke him from his mesmeric sleep. But he has promised our
reporter another sitting.

" THE QUEEN OF THE MAY."
If you are not waking earlier, old mother ABERDEEN,
This will be the shortest session that ever yet was seen;
And instead of our debating till an early autumn day,
The Queen may prorogue us in May, mother, the Queen may prorogue
us in May.

Of all the pompous measures that were promised from the Throne,
Even too confiding JOSEPH sees you cannot carry one ;
You dare not bring on your Oaths Bill, your Reform is in Schedule A,
So the Queen may prorogue us in May, mother, the Queen may pro•
rogue us in May.
The Poor law Board fights the Home-office, and while Irish members

vow
That, like CATo, their " BAINES and antidotes are both before them

now,"
They consider your Bill as great a cheat as is your contract hay,
So the Queen may prorogue us in May, mother, the Queen may pro-
rogue us in May.

GLADSTONE might play at finance again in the way he played before,
And. " abortive " toys might cost us eight hundred thousand more ;
He's a talkative boy and a pious—but we might have less to pay
If the Queen would prorogue us in May, mother, if the Queen would
prorogue us in May.

GARRETT is settled by the lift which Ordnance jobbing gave,*
But SToßou " will come back again with summer o'er the wave ;"
So to give NEWCASTLE time to think what the devil he can say,
Let the Queen prorogue us in May, mother, let the Queen prorogue us
in May.

GRAHAM, grown sober partially from his late pall-mall carouse,
Has explained a bumper at the Club by a thumper in the House;
And PALMERSTON has recovered his health, disappointing Sir GEORGE

GREY,
So the Queen may prorogue us in May, mother, the Queen may pro-
rogue us in May.
You are kept (in office) by the Whigs, you have plunged us in a war,
Ungay deceiver ! by your anile flirtings with the Czar;
So lest SPOONER move to suppress you, who so far from virtue stray,
Let the Queen prorogue us in May, mother, let the Queen prorogue us
in May.

A. S.
• s. S. Garrett, a practising conveyancer, promoted over the heads of len senior clerks !