The Press.
London, England, 1854-08-19 00:00:00

THE PRESS.

AUGUST 19, 1854.

Algratit of ahtct CaVstnt :

Vow be Conberteb Re Unßgbte of faarivta=33onnt.

upon a bait tobm Sainct Olabstone of bgss tharitie (b hereof Re
thronicles of Loijo bat WOO bass gi lookinge to befrenbe inabelss anb
peatbeno, be torus atoare of ane saltine it nnbte of St. ffilarie=la,
bonne nagnets Sgr Bmjamin pelt Cbgss knggte Wass of sot bgabo=
limit a btargnge tbat bee bibbe, of bps bailge use anb Wont, l'clept ge
13pusboppess tbeebess anb rolmers. 'Alssoe bee toms of ane proub anb
angtie burnout, rebgling Re Erie of Aberbeme anb ssaginge it beboobeb
to tut offe bps babe, anb gibing ane 33abglonisb gentilmannt g'clep'b
Eagarbe to knobse p bt bsouth be bass goobe manne anb treto against
ge saib etit. ebio itnggbte in ssootbe brass as salbage a Itngsbte as
tber came fortbr of Re marcbes of Males. But tbe Saint, notbing
fearing, armeb bgmstlfe toitb tbe rbeque.booke of tbe Creasurg, markeb
tbso thousanbe pounbs of golbe, anb, comgttge uppe to the knigbt, bee
tube ant bobs to Lainet Gammon It be imolbe offer bms bill at four
gears at bgs sbrint if bee toolbe conberte se knobte. fabereatte, to
stela forth 7 grate sanctitie of saint Qglnbstmte, aub no less 7 pokier of
airect Oammon, am agan l'eleptb )u2ne teas of a subbain struck b3ittt
unb babe 7 knot te to take 7 ettcque anb tolbe has peace ; b3tert-
apply= 7 knEglate bibbe !age talbt of 7 ttecint-book, nub kisse ge same
bitt at most etfeing bebotion, anb bibbe prase of sainet tilabstout to name
tam ant penance for ge ease of Ills sable. then might se SSainct, "ff
7 bee trableb, 7 stall suit se praises of 7 Vgsljappt of Oictufoorbe at
atins anb Vespers, unb 7 shall sgngt ant hmnt to 7 ezcclesinstitall
ommgssioimirto anb to 7 Alastoppe of Q3loutestre anb gristolt ; nub 7
stall stank( once upon 7 hustings of glarie-la-bonne to be rebilcb." Chen
gc knotte took ant haft of 7 rteque-booke anb putte ge same in has bosom,
anb putte off ins armour of rebellion nub turneb has matt insgbt out ;
Inttrefort, as tearneb clerkes (in Et Noartr of )taltt) relate, tee is resting in
ge parabise of 7 Coalition, to gainct 61abstant has grate tawny anb
pragst.

ILICE T.
Farewell to the Session !—its bustle,
Its changes, and rumours of change,
Its nights that drew tears from Lord Russell,
Its days that made Gladstone look strange.
The jokes are all gone from Lord Pam's pate,
Sir James cannot bother the House,
Opposition is bathing at Ramsgate,
And Government sailing at Cowes.

Farewell to the Session !—its treasons,

Its foreign flirtations and votes,
Misrepresentation of reasons,
And misunderstandings of notes.
Sir Charles, that "inutile lignum,"
Leaves India to ruin herself;
And Molesworth is off, " ecce signum,"
For Grotius is laid on the shelf.

Farewell to this promising Session,
With its very unpromising war.
Let Gladstone be off to confession,

And Herbert to stay with the Czar;
The Duke of Newcastle to feting
His very unfortunate friends ;
While Williams is dolefully stating
Where all this extravagance ends.

Farewell to the Session !—it finished
The firm of Lord A., Son, and Co.;
Farewell ! it has sadly diminished
Reputations two dozen or so.
Lord Aberdeen's wits must be prayed for,
Charles Greville will have to be feed,
The Exchequer Bills must be all paid for—
Alas ! how our pockets will bleed !

E A.

781

THE RESURRECTION OF MR. LAWLEY.
In his office, sadly toiling,
Perverse sums his efforts foiling,
Labours Gladstone, grimly moiling,
And no secretary near,
When, the door wide open throwing,
And his cheeks with anger glowing,
Lawley, who of late was going
To Australia, did appear.

" Falsest of the Coalition !"
Said he, " look at my position,
And remember the condition
On which Gordon got my seat.
Think you basely thus to use me,
And let canting Grey abuse me,
And all recompense refuse me,
For so foelingless a cheat?

" Was it not enough, depending
On your projects' happy ending,
That my latest sixpence spending
On the Stock Exchange I went?
On your luckless plans I rested,
And to every stag protested
That for every pound invested
They would net a cent. per cent.
Now, though I'm choused so cleverly
Of both place and seat for Beverley,
Don't the flattering unction ever lay
That I'm swindled and content!"

Then said Gladstone, " Make no riot;
Take your pen and stool in quiet,
And our former dodge we'll try it,
With more fortune than before."
So the " Governor " descended,
His proconsulate quick ended,
And his clerkly pen he mended,
" Confidential" as of yore.

THE SPEAKER'S MANUAL.

SOME of our daily contemporaries have stated—and with accuracy—
that in the course of the session, the Speaker, charitably desirous to
instruct the new members, and, it may be, scandalised at the irregu-
larities of some of the old ones, prepared a little manual, in which the
forms of the House are set forth, and advice is given to our legisla-
tors how they ought to proceed in the discharge of their functions.
The handbook is drawn up with the skill which might be expected
from its author, but there are a few omissions from the pages devoted
to " Officials in the House," which we have pleasure in supplying, and
which the Right Hon. Gentleman is perfectly welcome to incorporate
into his next edition.

PREMIERS.
The Premier is not, at the present time, a member of the House
of Commons, but, as the next change is expected to confer that dignity
upon an elected legislator, it may not be amiss to mention that the
duty of the Premier of England is to promote the interests and policy
of the nation, and, at least, not to betray the one and impede the
other. Non-observance of this rule has occassioned much in-
convenience.

LORDS OF ADMIRALTY.
A Lord of Admiralty should upon all occasions abstain from
observations calculated to excite mutinous ideas among the men
engaged in the service of the Crown. A Secretary to the Admiralty
should study good English, and eschew bad jokes.

CHANCELLORS OF EXCHEQUER.
Chancellors of the Exchequer are of various kinds, and there are
two specimens in the existing Cabinet. Neither is a model. A
Chancellor of the Exchequer should sometimes be able to state a sum
without blundering, but fluency and apparent accuracy may ho pur-
chased too dearly at the price of truthfulness. It is better to blunder
at the table of the House, like Wood, than in the Bank parlour, like
Gladstone.

- -
HOME SECRETARIES.
A Home Secretary may be entirely unfit for his office, and pro-
bably will be, if selected rather with a view to the strengthening a cabal
than with that of serving a country. But if he accepts such an office
he should give his full strength to its drudgery. It is the extreme of
benevolence to take care that your department shall be inefficient, for
fear of injuring, by contrast, the reputation of departments filled by
those whom you know to be incapable of their duty.
FOREIGN SECRETARIES.
A Foreign Secretary should be able to talk French. He should
also condescend on taking office, just to read the despatches of his
predecessor with sufficient care, not to stultify thorn by his own.
COLONIAL SECRETARIES.
A Colonial Secretary's office is so nearly a sinecure that it will
shortly be suppressed. Tho system of detaching the colonies from
the mother-country is in full development, and every year brings fresh
proof of its success. Meantime, a Colonial Secretary's chief duty is the
selection of Colonial Governors, and ho cannot too constantly bearCin

PPE

784

.. . - .
mind that he will best show his adhesion to the system above referred
to by choosing men who, if unknown, are unfit for office, or if known,
insult a colony by accepting it. The power of elaborately and pa-
thetically defending such appointments Is a gift, which may, however,
be improved by the practice likely, under existing circumstances, to
be afforded.

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LAW OFFICERS.
The House does not love lawyers, and therefore lawyers should
intrude themselves but seldom. The officers of the Crown are not
called upon to make themselves unpopular by departure from this
rule. But when they have to defend their colleagues it is customary
to evince as much contempt for them, and for lay intellect in general,i
as possible, and to make it clear to the House that if the Crown officer
had given his leisure and his great mind to the measure at issue, it
would have been another kind of thing altogether ; indeed, it is not
unusual to state this in terms.

TREASURY SECRETARIES.
These useful officials should attach themselves to separate cliques
in a Cabinet, and be as impertinent to its other members as is safe.

MMI•••••..^-- -

SATURDAY;

Their special patrons must see to their interests NOwri/everannent
takes place. There is no particular objection to their talking sheer
nonsense in the House, or to their being publicly apprised by a col-
league that they do so.