The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1866-12-25 00:00:00

" I would thank you to look to your own feet and lAA
mine alone," said the pig dealer. "I'll bet gimes
round that you don't beat it.
"I only wish we were as safe over °nano as we are
over Wurzel," said the Tillage tailor. "He Dad • dairy-
maid named Hannah that lived in his meek* ; would •
cutoff that cloth be anything like • resteli r
"No, it would not be of the right pattern," said the
schoolmaster, shaking his bead. "I have arranged that
in my intellectual laboratory, and to your satisfaction.
I have no doubt, gentlemen. Listen, and then decide."
And he moved his lips without speaking, while he kept
iv-muting on the tips of his fingers. Then clearing his
throat with a loud "hem," and taking a sip out of his
gay% he delivered himself of his great labour as
follows :
"As Ile who, in the wilderness, did give his people

-
manna,
So did our friend who sleeps below give unto on guano.*
"I don't protond to understood the sublime," said
the grazier, 'but if that isn't nest door to it I should
like to know what is. What ow you, Neiglabost
Farrow?" . .

"Ssy I why It's Isdwd, dr." wed She reply, "NA rye
often wondered whether they capped manna with •
spoon or out it with a knife. I should think It MU
made into some kind of soup if it want &joint."
"When our friend has finished his minutes,* rid
Fanner Page, pointiog to the schoolmaster, who was
bogy writing in a small memorandum book, "I awn
ring the bell to replenish. And I should my if, emir
our next glair. we could do a little at tiroder.drainte&
the job would be as good as done ; always boating 6
mind that we must trust to our respected arsholastie
friend to add a bit or take a bit out where it's wanted
to
.gire the thing a finish, and make all right anal

tight."
So the bell was rung, and the glasses replenished;
when. rafter a few momenes of silent*, the tailor mid—
"l think we shall find Under-draining pretty easy to
make poetry out of. What say you. friends, to laying
down pipes to keep the Rain in? Won't that do?
"You'.. very Dearly hit the mark, bat not quite,"
said Farmer Farrow; " for under-draining is to carry
the rein off, instead of keeping it in, or on the land.
Som.:thing might be said about Benny having been this
fint to do a little under-draining, before he pat his
Urain ic, that is, sowed it. But I can't poetry it."
"I think I see my way to an improvement," said the
pig-breeder. "A very many years ego he lost a little
daughter named Jane, that he was very fond of; he's
boned in the same grave with her. Now I think it
would touch any feeling heart just to mention thin;
and this is the way I would propose it should be don.:—
And now he's left his farming, and all his wider-
draining,
And sleeps sound in this silent bed which years silica
he put Jane in."
"It's very beautiful, and very affecting; it is
indeed," said the tailor; "quit. as much so as
; . .. .

• filietion sore long tioarr.l bore;"
inflicted for a month or more with the Scotch addle,
ro I know what I bore—caught it through working on
the rame ahop-board with a man named &mom who
came from the far north."

" Many men have come from there, air," said the
seboolmaater, "who have now a niche in the Temple of
Fame. If you teould but catch that, you might scratch
your own epitaph "
" As our friend Benny always signed himself ' yours
truly,' and I knew a man who, iron_ hie upright and
downright straightforward manner of doing things, had
a greeter right to do no, couldn't we manage to bring it
in somehow this v. 7?—
He was always straight-forward, and did his duty duly,
And all inen he'd dealings with found be use 'yours
truly.'

Just make a minute alit, friend; it may be found
handy at last if we run short." And Farmer Farrow
lit his pipe, feeling satisfied that be had dorm hie part,
which the old schoolmaster recorded as reported.
"It seems to me rather too long," said the tailor,
" but it's easy to nip a bit out cl the middle, then tack
the two ends together again."
"Keep still • minute or two," said the pig-jobber,
"I've got something in my noddle which is making it's
way out, sad will, I think, be an improvement on
Guano. Leastways, it will be worth mating • minute
of, if nor scholastic friend will be so kind.
"With pleasure," said the schoolmaster, pointing hie
pencil, and, after • minute or two of silence, the pork-
breeder shut his eyes, and said:—
"He fed the earth, and made it fat, with meals of good
guano,
And has now Knee out into the heavenly wilderness to
eat his fill of manna.
The last line's rather long, gentlemen, and might be cut
in two. Our friend will see to these things."
"That's very nicely put hi," said Farmer Farrow;
"and I think when our learned friend comes to sweep
up his arts, he'll find we have got quite enough of one
sort and another to make an epitaph oet of and • bit to
spare ; and I propose, gentlemen, that he make the best
he can out of the minutes and read it out to us the next
time we mixt. Then if we agree stem coo., that it's the
sort of thing we think it ought to be, that will be settled,
and we can begin to debate neat upon what we shall
order for supper. One gooier will not be enough for
six of us; it will hardly be • good bite a-piece."
The second meeting was a little stormy at first, and
one was heard to exclaim against having hie Guano
touched, another his Under- 'raining interfered with ;
and it was not until the "learned friend" threatened he
throw down his minutes, and have no more to do with
them, that they came to the decision Rem. con., that if
the whonlmaster gave it another such • brushing, it
would he an out end out piece of work, like prise
ploughing, and they should have no greater weight on
their minds than that of talking over what they should
order for their Christmas Eve supper.
When the epitaph was finished, it was suggested that
their ought to be something of • religious nature
attached to it ; and after a long debate, it was agreed
that the worda, "Hallelujah. Amen," should be ap-
pended, and all their names engraved in full underneath;
so it read as follows :