The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1875-08-21 00:00:00

[From Punch.]
HOW TO ENJOY A HOLIDAY.

A Social Contrast.

I.—THE WRONG WAY.
Pater. Here at last! A nice reward for a long and
tedious journey!
Mater. Well, you were always complaining in town.
Pater. Broken chairs, rickety table, and a hideous
wall paper!
Mater. Well, I didn't buy the chairs, make the
tab4+, or choose the wall-paper. Discontent is your
strottg point.
Pater. And is likely to remain so. Really, that
Gertnan band is unbearable!
Mater. My dear, you have no ear for music. Why,
you don't even care for my songs! You used to say
yon liked them once.
Pater. So I did—thirty years ago!
Mater. Before our Marriage! And I have sur-
d thirty years!
Wen Eh? What do you mean by that, Madam?
Mater. Anything you please. Cut come—dinner's
ready.
Pater. Dinner! The usual thing, I suppose—under-
done fish and overdone meat I
Mater. Well, I see that you are determined to make
the best of everything, my dear!
Pater. I am glad you think 40, my darling!
[And so they sit down to dinner.

Vivo
P

lI.—THE RIGHT WAY.
Pe {ter. Here at last! What a charming spot A'
fitting sequel to a very pleasant journey!
Mater. And yet you are very fond of town
Pater. This room reminds me of my own cozy study.
Venerable chairs, a strange old table, and a quaintly-
designed wall-paper.
Mater. Well, I think if I had had t a furnish the
house, I should have chosen the same things myself.
But had they been ever BO ugly, I feel sure that you
would have liked them. You know Sir, that content
is your strong point.
Pater. I am sure that I shall find no opportunity of
getting any merit (after the fashion of Mark Tapley)
for being contented in this pleasant spot. What a
capital German band!
Mater. I don't believe that you understand any-
thing about music, Sir. Why, you even pretend that
you like my old songs!
Pater. And so I do. Every day I live I like them
better and better. And yet I heard them for the first
time thirty years ego !
Mater. When we were married! And so I have sur-
vived thirty years!
Pater. Eh? What do you mean by that, Madam? •
Mater. That I am a living proof that kindness never
kills. How happy we have been! But, come—dinner's
ready.
Pater. Dinner! The usual thing, I suppose—a nice
piece of fish and a juicy joint. Now, that's just what
I like. So much better than our pretentious London
dinners! Not that a London dinner is not very good
in its proper place.
Mater. Well, I see that you are determined to make
the best of everything, my dear.
Pater. I am glad you think so, my darling!
[And so they sit down to dinner.

CAPTAIN WEBB'S ATTEMPT TO SWIM
ACROSS THE CHANNEL.
At five o'clock on Thursday evening, in last week,
Captain Webb started from the Admiralty Pier,
Daver, in his attempt to swim across the Channel.
Between nine and ten o'clock, however, a heavy fall
of rain occurred, and he was compelled to abandon his
experiment. From five o'clock until a quarter to
twelve he battled bravely with asea that was becoming
more rough every moment, and it was not until the
time last mentioned that, finding, to use his own words,
that "it was impossible for any mortal mlin to swim
as far again in such a sea," he got on board the lugger
which had accompanied him, and was taken to Calais.
He had, as far as could be judged, swum about ten
miles, and had been carried by the tide in the direction
of the Goodwin Sands, where he had hoped to get the
benefit of the ebb tide. To all appearance his strength
was not failing him when he left the water, and the
crew of the lugger, as well as several practical seamen
on board, were of opinion that had the weather bten
fine he would have succeeded in reaching the French
coast. While in the water Captain Webb took refresh-
ments once an hour, coffee, old ale, and sandwiches
being conveyed to him by a young man who was in.
readiness on board the lugger to render him any assis-
tance he might require. Captain Webb states that he
means to make a second attempt to swim the Channel
some time during this month or in September.