The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1874-08-22 00:00:00

CUTTINGS PROM AMERICAN PAPERS.

A scientific lecturer says it takes a Hy a two-
billionth part of a second to wink. This may be true ;we
never timed one. But now that this thing has been net right,
we don't see wily baldness should not revive again

A Missouri man has offered to live forty days with-
out food, it anyone will give hint 500 dollars for doing it.
No offers.

A Broadway girl has just rejected a suitor becaude
his arm wasn't long enough to go round her. She said such
a suitor did not suit her.

A young lady out West who received 1,000
dollars damages for a kiss, is said to be looking out for dam-
ages again.

-
"Belated sisterS," is the term or manner in which
they allude to old maids in Virginia The Chicago Inter-
Ocean suggests '' Old Virginians," as an improvement.

- - _ .
An Illinois woman who wanted to go to a mas-
querade party as Mary Queen of Scots, looked through the
Bible to assertain how the character was dressed.
It in not definitely known how much an expert
street-corner beggar can make a day in San Francisco.
Some of them have bank accounts, and are nearly ready to
retire from business
"Dear George," said an Indianopolis young woman,
"I am willing to marry you if we have to live on bread and
water." " Well, said the enthusiastic George, "you furnish
the bread, and ill skirmish around and find the water.
An epicure in West Newbury Vt., recently won
fifteen dollars by eating twelve boxes 15f sardines, a quart of
raw pea-beans, and a pound of bar soap within three day&
Two Yankee barristela in dispute reflected upon
each other's veracity, tfne of them replied "that he was
never whiped but mice by his father, and that was for telling
the truth," "I believe, then, the truth was whipped out of
you, for you have never spoken it since."

A shrewish wife in Illinois, being very ill, called her
husband to conic and sit by 13cr bedside. "Thin is a sad
world, my dear," said the wile, plaintively. " Very ." coin-
cided the wan. "Were it not for you. I should hive to quit
it " Oh, my dear," eagerly responded the husband, "how
could you think I would interfere with your happine,is ?
by nil means !" The lady got well.

A physician recently, in his address to the graduates,
says a down-east editor, said that, " notwithstanding the
toils connected with a medical life, it is a happy calling."
This is just our opinion when we seen doctor shake his head
aflir pretending tat Understand his patient's disease, and
then charge a brace of gainless for that shake of the head,

A " Milk Producers' Association " has been formed
at Ohio, and nut a single cow has been admitted to member-
ship.
Of all jokes, Mori the &dem Gazette, that of the
legislature passing a law to prevent young men under eighteen
from hurting themselves by overwork is the greatest.
Won't Young America enjoy the laugh.

• -
A good way to restore a man apparently drowned is
to first dry him thoroughly inside and out, and then chip a
speaking-trumpet to his cm and inform him that Ids mother-
in-law is dead.
An eminent judge said to a jury who had passed a
sleepless night ii, their room, unable to wee on a verdict,
'• Gentlemen, I am surprised that you cannot agree in this
cue. I could agree either way in five minutes."
A vinegar spring has been discovered in Colorado.
The news is being acidulously circulated.
"Oh Lord ! Thou knowest," prayed a Connecticut
deacon in Church meeting, "that! am inflicted with a most
impious and depraved son. Thou knowest that he will swear,
and lie, and steal, and do all sinful things. Thou knowent
that on the last Sabbath day he was seen walking down the
principal street in the village with his hands in his pockets,
whistling the following ungodly tune "—and the congrega-
tion were astounded to hear "Yankee Doodle" flow melodi-
ously from the deacon's pursed-up lips.

A retiring American barrister, on being elevated to
the post of a judge, proudly boasts that he had never been
" horsewhipped, revolvered, knifed, kicked, licked, bricked,
pummelled, or cussed for anything said, written, done or left
undone," and in ceasing to be a barrister and becoming a
judge. he says, "I recall with pleasure the affability of those
who have called at my office, I might have presumed with
hostile intent, but who, on seeing me, generally said some-
thing flattering as to soy ruddy and healthy aspect, and power-
ful frame of body."