The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1874-10-17 00:00:00

SELECTED ANECDOTES.

EPISCOPAL HUMOUR—Bishop Marley had a good
deal of the humour of Swift. Once, when the footman
was out of the way, he ordered the coachman to fetch
some water from the welL To this the coachman
objected, that his business was to drive, not to run on
errands. "Well, then," said Marley, "bring out the
coach and four, set the pitcher inside, and drive to the
well "—a service which was several times repeated, to
the great amusement of the village.
WHO WAR PETER? A Sabbath-school superinten-
dent, after inveighing against the " pernicious practice"
which some well-intentioned persons indulge in of
telling amusing stories to children, went on to give his
children something more to the point, and which should
in no manner create amusement. He would tell them
about Peter. 'And who was Peter!' he asked. No
reply. "What !" he exclaimed, "can none of you
tell me who Peter was?" At last a little boy, about
four years old, held up his hand in token of knowledge
on the subject. "There's a boy—a little boy—who
can tell me who Peter was," said the superintendent,
looking reprovingly at the larger children. "Now,
my lad, tell uawho Peter was::

"Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater,
}lad a wife and couldn't keep her,"

-
was the triumphant resp-mme. -
WELL Dorm, DUNLOP —At the hospitable mansion
of Judge Dunlop, one evening, a gentleman related an
anecdote which contained a capital pun on a name.
"Well, judge,' said one of the company, when the
laugh ceased, "it is fortunate for us that nobody can
pun on our names."—" Why, as to mine," returned the
judge, "if you lop off the first syllable, it is Dun."
EASTLY SETTLED !—An Indiana girl, who fell In love
with a fellow, rode twenty miles with a revolver in her
hand, to where the chap was chopping in the woods,
and told him if he didn't marry her she would make a
tunnel through him. The wedding came off that after-
noon. He said he never would quarrel with a woman
about a little thing like that. —American Paper.

EXHAUSTIVE PREACHINO.—CIATIes 11. was wont in
his humorous way to say of his chaplain, Dr. Barrow,
"that he was the most unfair preacher in England,
because he exhausted every subject, and left no room
for others to come after him." It was, indeed, too
much the doctor's way; when he got hold of a topic,
he never knew how to leave anything unsaid upon it.
One of his best discourses, that on "The duty and
reward of bounty to the poor," actually took him up
three hours and a half in delivering.
QUERY FOR THE SCHOOL BOARD.—" 0, ye maids of
merry England "—wives and mothers ! —give heed to
the distrust engendered in youthful minds of woman's
truth and beauty, by the present style of head-gear.
But a short time since, two sturdy little urchins of
about eight and ten summers were amusing themselves
with marbles upon the pavement of a fashionable
suburban street. Their sport was arrested by a young
and beautiful damsel, who chanced to be passing. "0
my!" exclaimed one little boy, "what jolly black
hair !"—" How do you know?" replied his playmate.
"Perhaps it's false, and perhaps its dyed I"
THE SAME Timm, BUT DIFFERENT.—A gentleman
having called a commiAsionnairy to carry a message,
asked his name: he said it was Russell. And pray,"
said the gentleman, jocularly, "is your coat of arms
the same as the Duke of Bedford's ?"—" As to our
arms, your honour," said the porter, "I believe they
are much alike ; but there is a great difference between
our coats."
ONE GOOD TRAIT.—II has been said that every man
has at least one good point in his character. A gentle-
man, travelling on Sunday, was obliged to stop to
have one of the shoes of his horse replaced. The
farrier was just goiN.,e to church, but suggested to the
traveller that Jem Idarrison might be at home at the
next forge. This proved to be true; and the rustic
who had led the gentleman's horse to the spot, ex-
claimed, "Well, I must say that for Jem, for it is the
only good point about him; he do never go to church."

THE OUTCOME OF AN INVASION.—A small landed
proprietor, discussing with a manufacturer the probable
consequences of an invasion of Scotland, the former,
with a feeling of self-congratulation' observed that,
although trade might for a time be destroyed, they
could not take away the land. " No," slyly responded
the latter, 'they couldna talc' awa' the land, but they
might change the laird."
A LOUD DIRPATCH.—A couple of chaps, evidently
from the rural districts, came into the telegraph cffice
for the purpose of sending a dispatch. 'rim menage
was taken by the operator, and the pair proceeded
down stairs. They had just reached the side walk
when the gong at the "Snell House' was sounded for
tea. Whereupon, one of the pair went into the air
several feet, exclaiming, "By Jerusalem ! there it
goes, Jim "—Aroostook Pioneer.
A MONKEY'S DEBACCIL—AA we ran down the coast
of
whole
ca.sioni
lucife
any.
darn
devoi
cb

;loom

thrown

Over

yacht by the death of one of our monkeys, oc-
ied by a too free consumption of vesuvians and
s matches, washed down by brandy, curacoa, or
her spirit it could manage to steal. One day
our absence from the yacht, this monkey, after
ring an incredible number of things, including
ce collection of butterflies, which it ate, pins and
ith some boxes of pills, managed to get hold of
r.i
n.enul case, and was found, on our return, lying
under the table, with some of the pine
had fastened the butterflies to pieces of cork
in its cheeks. It never recovered that day's
, and poor Joey's wasted body was thrown
.....00ard under the shadow of the green hills of
Lebos.—Townshend's Cruise tn area Wafers.

luring

hoice

the Ii
dead
whicl

ii

sticking
debauch,

overboard

pp. 7
.4
day's
. thrown
.n Ms of
AWL
MOW
V