The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1875-02-06 00:00:00

SELECTED ANECDOTES.

AN UNWISE PROPHET.—An astrologer fixing his
eyes upon the countenance of tha Duke of Milan, said
to him, "My lord, arrange your affairs, for you have
not long to live."—" How dost thou knew this?"
asked the duke. "By my acquaintance with the
stars," answered the astrologer. "And how long
wilt thou live ?"—"My planet promises me a long
life."—" Well thou ialt shortly discover that we
ought not to tang to the stars." And he ordered him
to be hanged instantly.

EASY CIRCTJMSTANCES.—When Rothschild beard
that the head of the Agnade family was dead, be
asked, "How much does he leave?"—" Twenty
millions."—" You mean eighty ?"—" No, twenty."—
" Dear me, I thought he was in easy circumstances,"
remarked the modern Crcesus. _

A GENTLE HINT.—At Alderley Earl Russell
planted a Spanish chestnut to commemorate his son's
marriage. Throughout the festivities he was one of
the merriest of the merry. At the dance in the even-
ing the family and guests joined very heartily. Even
Earl Russell, oblivious of the cares of state, led a
buxom Cheshire lass down a long country dance, and,
on arriving at the bottom of the room, evinced signs
of exhaustion, when one of his friends went up to the
noble lord, and tapping him on the shoulder, advised
his lordship to "rest and be thankful." The venerable
peer enjoyed the well-timed joke, and joined in the
laugh it excited.
PIECE OF IMPUDENCE.—Professor Johnson was one
day lecturing before the students on mineralogy. He
had before him a number of specimens of various sorts
to illustrate the subject, when a roguish student, for
sport, slily slipped a piece of brick among the stones.
The professor was taking up the stones one after
another, and naming them. "This," he said, is a piece
of granite; this is feldspar," &c. Presently be came
to the brick-bat. Without betraying any surprise, o'
even changing the tone of his voice, This," said he,
holding it up, "is a piece of impudence."
A CANDID OPINION.—The late Dr. Jamieson, the
Scottish lexicographer, was vain of his literary repu-
tation, and, like many others who know not where
their great strength lies, thought himself gifted with a
kind of intellectual able-to-do everything. The doctor
published a poem entitled "Eternity.' This poem be-
came the subject of conversational remark, soon after
publicaticn, at a party where the doctor was present,
and a lady was asked her opinion of it. "It's a bonny
poem," said she, "and it's wed l named 'Eternity,
for it will ne'er be read in time."

" JUNIUS" DISCOVERED. —Mr. Rogers was requested
by Lady Holland to ask Sir Philip Francis m hether
he was the author of Junius." 'The poet approached
the knight, "Will you, Sir Philip—will your kindness
excuse my addressing to you a single question? "
"At your peril, sir !" was the harsh and the laconic an-
swer. The intimidated bard retreated to his friends,
who eagerly asked him the result of his application.
"I don't know," he answered, "whether he is Junius,
but, if he be, he is certainly Junius Brutus."
ROGERS AND BABBAGE.—Once, at a large dinner-
party, Mr. Rogers was speaking of an inconvenience
arising from the custom, then commencing, of having
windows formed of one large sheet of plate-glass. He
said that a short time ago he sat at dinner with his
back to one of these single panes of plate-glass : it
appeared to him that the window was wide open,
and such was the force of imagination, that he actually
caught cold. It so happened that I was sitting just
opposite to the poet. Hearing this remark, I imme-
diately said, "Dear me, how odd it is, Mr. Rogers,
that you and I should make such a very different use
of the faculty of imagination. When I go to the
house of a friend in the country, and unexpectedly
remain for the night, having no night-cap, 1 should
naturally catch cold. But by tying a bit of pack-
thread tightly rouusl my head, I go to sleep imagining
that I have a night-cap on; consequently I catch no
cold at alt" This sally produced much amusement in
all around, who supposed I had improvised it; but
odd as it may appear, it is a practice I have often
resorted to. Mr. Rogers, who knew full well the
respect and regard I had for him, saw at once that I
was relating a simple fact, and joined cordially in
the merriment it excited.—" Passages from the Life of
a Philosopher," by Charles Babbage, Esq., 111.. A,

, -
A BOOK FOR PRIVATE cIECELLTION ONLY.—The
late King of Prussia once sent to an aid-de-camp,
Colonel Malachowki, who was brave but poor, a small
portfolio, bound like a book, in which were deposited
five hundred crowns. Some time afterwards he met
the officer, and said to him, " Ah, well, how did you
like the new work which I sent you? ""Excessively,
sire," replied the colonel. " I read it with such in-
terest that I expect the second volume with impa-
tience."—The king smiled, and when the officer's
birthday arrived he presented him with another port-
folio, similar in every respect to the first, but with
these words engraved upon it: "This work is com-
plete in two volumes."
SIB ISAAC NEWTON'S COURTSHIP. —Sir Isaac Newton
once went a wooing, and had the greatest attention
and indulgence paid the peculiarities which were
known to distirignish him. Be was fond of smoking,
and his lady-love provided him with a pipe. Sir Isaac
smoked a few whiff; and seemed at a loss for some-
thing, whiffed again, and at last drew his chaii nearer
to the lady. A pause of some minutes ensued, and
Sir Isaac seemed more and more uneasy. The lady
thought he was bashful. The philosopher whiffed
with redoubled vigour, and seizing the hand of the
lady, drew it caressingly toward him. There was
no opposition to what seemed the prelude to a declara-
tion ; but, horror of horrors, the fair forefinger was
incontinently thrust into the bowl of the pipe. The
astronomer had absently used it as a tobacco-stopper.
The lady disengaged her hand, uttering a cry of pain,
and the courtship was brought to a sudden close.

SARCASM FOR SARCASM !—George the Second, who,
it is well known, had very little taste for either
poetry, painting, or music, being present at a concert,
to which he paid not the least attention, condescended
to compliment a woman of quality on the excellence of
her vocal powers; upon which the lady, who was one
of the finest amateur female singers then living,
curtsyed to his Majesty with a sarcastic formality,
saying, "My performance, sire, would have been
better, could I have flattered myself that it was worthy
a moment of your Majesty's attention."—" Nay,
madam," retorted the king, "your voice only requires
to be equal to your wit to command the attention of
St. Cecilia herself."

APT ThoLv.—Zimmerman, who was very eminent
as a physician, went from Hanover to attend Frede-
rick the Great in his last illness. One day the king
said to him :—" You have, I presume, sir, helped
many a man into another world." This was rather a
bitter pill for the doctor; but the dose he gave the
king was a judicious mixture of truth and flattery:
"Not so many as your majesty, nor with so much
honour to myself."
COMING DOWN THE WRONG CHIMNET.—Mr. Scott,
afterwards Lord Eldon, travelling the circuit with a
companion, who according to a custom not uncommon
in those days, always carried pistols with him, and
placed them under his pillow, slept one night at an inn
and at dawn of day Mr. Scott discovered in his room a
man's figure, seemingly dressed in black. The in-
truder being sharply challenged, said "Please, your
honour, I am only a poor sweep, and I believe I've
come down the wrong chimney.' "My friend," was
the reply "you have come down the right one; and
I'll give you a sixpence to buy a pot of beer; the
gentleman in the next room sleeps with pistols under
his pillow, and had you paid him a visit he would
have blown your brains out."