The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1875-07-10 00:00:00

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS,

The latest dental invention is everlasting teeth. A
Boston man says they will suit his wife's jaw, which is also
to be thus designated.
"My lecture," said a Californian orator, "will be
brief." A turnip hit him at that instant, and he announced
—"The meeting stands adjourned."
A county commissioner in the western part of Maine,
on inviting some lawyers to inspect the new court-house,
quoted the solemn lines of Dr. Watts—
"Ye sinners round, come view the ground
Where you will shortly lie.
A young widow in Indiana declares her willingness
to marry any man who can exhibit a certificate of respect-
ability and a schedule showing the possession of £50,000
worth of property. As young widows who are willing to
marry on such terms are very scarce, this one receives by
mail certificates and schedules weighing at least a ton.
•

"Yes, you may come again next Sunday evening,
Horace, dear ; but "—and she hesitated. " What is it,
darling? Have I given you pain ?" he asked, as she still
remained silent. You didn't mean to, I'm sure," she
responded ; "but next time please don't wear one of those
collars with the points turning outward ; they stick in one's
cheek.'
A Missouri paper says it knows of a girl there who
one night last summer attended a ball, danced all night,
went home in the morning, got breakfast, dinner, and
supper for ten harvest hands, did a two weeks' washing and
the milking, made a calico dress, practised her music lesson,
went blackberrying, gathered a gallon, walked to town in
the evening to attend a concert, and walked home again
before bedtime.

--------
In one of the courts at Hartford, Connecticut, re-
cently, a woman was testifying on behalf of her son, and swore
that he had worked on a farm ever since he was born. The
lawyer who cross-examined her, said, "You assert that your
son has worked on a farm ever since he was born?"—' I do."
—"What did he do the first year ?"—"He milked," she re-
plied. The whole court laughed heartily, and the witness
was questioned no further.

The American Rochofoucauld says, "When a man
reaches the top round in the ladder ov fame he thinks he
owns that round, and he can't make enny room onit for enny
body else."
A young lady of high accomplishments, the family
being without a servant at the time, stepped to the door on
the ringing of the bell, which announced a visit from one of
her admirers. On entering, the beau, glancing at the harp
and piano which stood in the apartment, exclaimed :—" I
thought I heard music—on which instrument were you per-
forming?" "On the gridiron, air, with the accompaniment
of the frying-pen," replied she. "My mother is without tt
servant, and she says that I must learn to finger those instru-
ments sooner or later, so I have this day commenced a course
of lessons."
A fever prevailed on board ship at sea, and a negro
man was appointed to throw overboard the bodies of those
who died from time to time. One day, when the captain was
on deck, he saw the negro dragging out of the forecastle a
sick man, who was violently struggling to extricate himself
from the negro's grasp, and remonstrating very bitterly
against the cruelty of being buried alive. "What are you
going to do with that man, you black rascal ? " said the cap
tam. "Going to throw him overboard, masa, 'cause he
dead."—" Dead, you scoundrel 1" said the captain; "don't
you see he moves and speaks? "—"Yes, massa, I know he
says he no dead; but he always lie so, nobody ever know
when to believe him."
- - - -

_
HOME, SWEET HOME !—A beavy fall of snow took
place in !ilainc, U.S., last December. In one of the towns
ark ,unfortunate
_man,. Was pas!ing- beneath a lofty building
when a " slide " of snow from the roof fell upon and com-
pletely buried him The bystanders set to work, and at
length dug him out. They found him unhurt, but in tears.
He said he was a Swiss, and had not felt so happy tor years.
It reminded him of days gone by in his native mountains.