The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1875-11-20 00:00:00

AMERICAN HUMOUR.

Chicago has one hundred and forty•two church bells,
all tolled.

A scientific paper says :—" Keep your mirrors away
from the sun,"—" And from the daughters also if you can.",
A Georgia editor offers to dress his paper in mourn-
ing for the death of anybody, where mourners can pay ten
dollar.

A Milwaukie beauty, who visited West Point last
fall, displays a string of forty-three brass buttons. Ehe
claims that every button represents a desperately love-sick
cadet.

It is said that in New York 28,000 dollars have been
subscribed for a "Public Statue of memorial of the trotter
American Girl, Fairest and Swiftest-footed of Columbia's
Mares. Requiescat in Pace !"

4,` Stay," be said, his right arm round her waist, and
her face expectantly turned to him ; "shall it be the kiss
pathetic, sympathetic, graphic, oriental, intellectual,
paroxysmal, quick and dismal, slow and unctuous, long
and tedious, devotional, or what 2" She said perhaps that
would be the better way.

An itinerant preacher being called to account for
the statement that a certain meeting "was a large and re-
spectable one," when only one other besides himself was
present, insisted that his statement was literally true;
" for," said he, "I was large and the other one was respect-
able."

A Tennessee girl, riding on the cars, crossed the
atop, kicked a young man up against the window, and re-
marked, "I was brung up never to allow a yaller-haired man
wink at me!"

The Detroit Free Press has heard that a certain
woman is writing a lecture on "Woman's Duties," and
cruelly suggests that her first duty is to burn the manu-
script.
A poet has put forth the following :—" I have seen
swaying, lily-like above the churn, a beauty more perfect
thau that which bloomed full-grown from the bright focus of
the sea's ecstatic travail."

BILLINGS AS A MORALISER.—Josh Billings says :
"We often hear ov men who have come within an inch of
dieing, and I hain't anny doubt there iz sum that everybody
would like tew hear had cum within an inch ov bein born.
If there iz ennything on airth that angels kan't imitate, 'tis
a vartuons young man trampling temtashun under his feet.
Truth is the culla thing I know ov that kant be improved
upon. If you want to get a sure krop, and a big yield for
the seed, sow wild oats. In tew many kases marriage is only
bein happe akordin tew law.

PINS AND NEEDLES.
(From Judy.)
Tha Latest Cotton Tnrd The Lurd Mayor.
The Happy Dispatch—Sending the Prince of Wales to
India.

When may a man be said to be the picture of happiness?—
When he is in a contented frame of mind.
Music of the Future—A. Sloper's notes on an octave of
sherry.
A Sovereign and a Half—Old King CoaL
Civil cabmen, like the brave, best deserve the fare.
How to Examine the Crust of the Earth—Bake mud-pies.
Early Closing Movement—That of the convolvulus.

Mistritantous 'lnteltig curt,

HOME, FOREIGN, AND COLONIAL.

FROM THE SUBLIME TO THE RIDICULOUS.—
The Porte and its promises to pay. —Punch.

A NEW INDUSTRY. —Such of our readers as
take any notice of the preserved peaches now often to
be had in our shops may be interested to learn that in
the city of Baltimore 17,000,000 cans of peaches. were
" packed " this season. There are between forty and
fifty houses in the business, and these employ between
1,500 and 2,000 hands, chiefly women and girls.—The
Garden.

How TO BACK OCT.—On dit that Mr. Dis-
raeli, with his rare genius for apt nomenclature, has
designated the Cabinet Council-Chamber the "With-
drawing Room"! —Punch.

VEGETABLE INSTINCT.—There is much (says
The Gardener's Magazine) said about "vegetable in-
stinct," "vegetable sagacity," "vegetable volition,"
that I propose to direct attention to a fact that is as
familiar to every observer as the sun and moon and
seven planets. In my corn loft there is now a grand
growth of ivy, the result of the intrusion of stout long
rods from the wall outside. For a plant to thrust its
aims in a place destitute of the light, air, and mois-
ture requisite to its well-doing cannot be called
"sagacious." Anyone who thrusts an arm in where it
Is sure to be cut off must be wanting in instinct or at
all events in intelligent volition. As the tendency
just now is to claim for vegetables something like in-
failibility, it may be seasonable to make note of a case
of vegetable stupidity.

- -
KILLED ON THE RAILWAY.—An inquest has
b.en held at Reigate on the body of Mr. Arthur
Nichols. The deceased was 22 years of age, and,
besi&s being collector of poor-rates and assistant high
bailiff of the County Court, was in business as a tailor.
It appeared from thti evidence that on Saturday even-
ing the deceased left his home intending to proceeil by
train to Redhill on a visit to a young lady to whom he
was to be married. On arriving at the railway station,
finding himself rather late, he attempted to cross the
line from the down to the up platform instead of pro-
ceeding under the tunnel passage which is provided by
the company, and the use of which is strictly enjoined.
The deceased had scarcely stepped from the platform
when he was struck by the envine buffer of the 827
down train -and knocked under the engine. The
injuries he received were of such a nature that death
must have been instantaneous. It is supposed that in
his anxiety to catch the up train the deceased was so
excited that he did not notice the approach of the down
train, which was slowly drawing up to the platform at
the time of the accident. The jury found a verdict of
"Accidental death." The deceased leaves a brother
and sister, twins, aged 14, orphans, who were depend-
ent upon him.

ARCTIC DISCOVERY.—Captain Souter, of the
Intrepid, from Davis Straits whale fishing, reports
that while anchored in Isabella Bay on the 30th of
August he found it necessary, in consequence of a
great body of ice coming down, to proceed in shore.
After sailing some distance he came into a fine com-
modious natural harbour not marked in charts. There
was nothing to show it had ever been entered before.
Captain Souter and other officers left in a cairn a
writing indicating the discovery. Splendid water was
found, and there was less of the Arctic appearance
about the locality.

WET WEATHER AND FOWLS.—A correspon-
dent in the Live Stock Journal wriiies :—Lately all my
fowls began to look very bad and sickly, and I was
afraid I should lose many of them, and I could find no
other reason than the wet weather. If they came out
of their sleepmg house it was to go and mope in some
sheltered corner, even leaving their food. At last a
thought struck me that I must give them something to
do. I got a few loads of long stable manure, and
covered all my runs with a thick cost of it. I never
saw such a thing in my life. Host busy they all were
at once And the change is really surprising. In
only a week they look as well again. No doubt some
of your readers are in the frame state with their runs,
and the above may be interesting.
RATHER AWKWARD !—The Court Journal tells
the following :—A rich widower, und,r a fictitious
signature, advertised for a wife. Several answers were
received, among which was one that particularly
pleased him. The chirography was delicate and grace-
ful, the language chaste, and the signature, like his
own, fictitious. After a brief and mutually agreeable
correspondence a time and a place were agreed upon
for meeting. At the appointed hour the gentleman
was waiting in a private room at a certain fashionable
hotel, and shortly afterwards a lady entered veiled
She came in trembling, and did not venture to look up
until the voice of the gentleman, in respectful greeting,
fell upon hr ear, at which she started convulsively,
raised her eyes to the face of her swain, and then
uttered a suppressed cry—a cry. the one of which
struck upon the gentleman's ear with a sound not un-
familiar. He lifted the veil and looked upon the
scared face of his own daughter, who. he had supposed
was industriously pursuing her studies at a school in a
town some distance off. The young lady has since
been installed as housekeeper in the paternal mansion,
and'her papa is not likely.to advertise for a wife again
until his daughter is married.

tubition

azything

fashionable

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