The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1874-12-19 00:00:00

SELECTED ANECDOTES.

A LITTLE MISTAKE -A well•laiown member of the
French Corps Legishtif was at a ball of Prince
Metternich's in Paris, and everybody smiled when the
illustrious member paced the room in his silk stockings
and breeches. He thought the admiration was paid
to his person, when suddenly he gazed in a looking-
glass, and, alas ! saw that the pads of his legs had
been sliding to the front.

SURGICAL OrEnanorm.—The French surgeons are
very brilliant, and the Germans learned, but none so
sure of hand, so steady and thoughtful of the result,
as the Englishman. When Sir B. Brodie was looking
over the Paris hospitals a cam in point occurred. The
eminent French surgeon who was acting the part of
cicerone, speaking of a particular operation, said, "It
is a very difficult and a very brilliant thing to do; I
have performed it one hundred And thirty times." Sir
Benjamin looked astonished, and said he had only, per-
formed the operation nine times in his life, and added,
" How many of the patients' lives did you save ?"
" Monsieur,' said the Frenchman, with a shrug. "not
one; and you, Monsieur Brodie, how many did you
save ?"—'`lsane, sir," replied Sir Benjamin.

RETURNED, WITS INTER/Al.—Turner the painter
WRB a ready wit. Once at a dinner where several
artists. amatenrs, and literary men were present, a
poet, by way of being faeeti.ms, proposed Si a t)ast
the health of tho painters and piers of Great
Britain. The toast was drunk ; and Turner, after
returning thanks for it, proposed the health of the
British paper st now.

MAKING HIM USEFUL i—The duties of a school-
master in 1661 were as follows :—`• To act as a Court
messenger, to serve summonses, to conduct services in
the church, to lead the choir on Sundays, to ring the
bell for public worship, to dig the graves, to take
charge of the school, and to perform other occasional
duties."

WESTERN ETIQUETTE.—A Yankee out West, who
recently wrote home to his mother that he had seen a
live hoosier, has sent home another epistle on West: rn
etiquette. Here it is : " Western people go to their
death on etiquette. You can't tell a man here that
he lies, as you can down East, without fighting. A
few days ago a man was telling two of his neighbours
in my hearing a pretty large story. Says I, ' Stranger,
that's a whopper.' Says he, 'Lay there, stranger,'
and in a twinkle of an eye I found myself in a ditch, a
perfect quadruped, the worse for wear and tear. Upon
another occasion says I to a man I never saw before,
as a woman passed him, 'That isn't a specimen of
your Western women, is it?' Says he, 'You are
afraid of the lever and ague, stranger, aren't your
Very much," says I. Well,' replied that lady
is my wife, and if you don't apologise in two minutes,
by the honour of a gentleman, I swear that these two
pistols,' which he held in his hands, 'shall cure you of
the disorder entirely—so don t fear stranger.' So I
I knelt down and apologised. I admire the country
I much, but I can't stand so n.tich etiquette ; it always
takes me unawares."

A BEAUTIEL L OPERATION !--A distinguiahed sur-
geon, whose love of the art was such that he would at
any time sooner amputate a leg than eat his dinner,
had performed a very difficult and dangerous opera-
tion, and was expatiating to some friends on the ex-
quisite beauty of the job. It was the most succeedul„
be said, that he had ever performed. "Then the
i patient s recovering? " said a bystander. "Recover-
ing! Why, bless you, man ! said the doctor, "no
patient was ever known to survive that operation.
The patient is as dead as Julius Caisar, but the opera-
tion was beautiful—lovely.
THERE'S MANY A CHANGE IN A WINTER DAY.--
The late Professor Duncan, of St. Andrew's, was,
prior to his appointment to his chair, rector of an
academy in Forfarshire. He was particularly re-
served in his intercourse with the fair sex ; but, in
prospect of obtaining a professorship, he ventured to
snake proposals to a lady. They were walking to-
gether, and the impoitant question was put without
preliminary sentiment or note of warning. Of course
the lady replied by a gentle "No !” The subject was
immediately dropped; but the parties soon met again.
"Do you remember," at length said the lady, "a
question you put to me when we last met?" The pro-
fessor sand that he remembered. "And do you re-
member my answer, Mr. Duncan ?"—" Oh, yes," said
the professor. "Well, Mr. Duncan," proceeded the
lady, "I have been led, on consideration, to change
my mind." —"And so have I," drily responded the
professor. He maintained his baohelorship to the
close.—Scottish Character, by the Rev. C. Rogers.
MAGISTERIAL SAGACITT.—In a certain royal Scotch
burgh, a medical officer waited one of the baffles to
make the requisite affidavit for receiving his half pay,
when the following conversation took place :—" Weel,
Mr. 5—," inquired the worthy magistrate, "are ye
no tired of this kind of life ?"—" Very tired, bathe,
indeed," was the reply. I am very anxious to pro-
cure professional employment, but it is not so easy to
be had at present."—" No, not easy to be got, I dare
say," responded the man in authonty, "but micht ye
no go out to Van Deemen's Land ,• plenty o' settlers
there noo."—" Plenty of settlers, bailie, but greater
plenty of medical men; the towns are overrun with
them."—" Weel, wed, man, but should ye no go up
to th' interior ?",—" The interior, bailie ! why there's
nothingin the interior but kangaroos"— "What that,
man? what o' that, man ?" rejoined the bailie, with a
leer of self-complacency on his rubicund countenance ;
"what for should ye be sae pernickitee? Is nae a
kangaroo's siller just as gods as ony ither
.man's ?"

-
A MONARCH'S GENEROSITY.—Frederick the Great
one day ringing his bell, but nobody coming, he
opened the door of the ante-chamber, and found his
page sleeping on a chair. In going to awaken him, he
saw a written paper hanging out of his pocket This
excited the king's curiosity and attention; he drew it
out and found it to be a letter from the page's mother,
wherein she thanked her son for his kind assistance in
sending part of his wages; for which heaven would
certainly reward him, if he continued faithful to his
majesty. The king immediately fetched a roleau of
ducats, and slipped it with the letter into the page's
pocket. Soon after he rang the bell and awoke the
Page, who made his appearance. Surely you have been
asleep,' said the king. The boy stammered part of an
excuse, madepart of a confession, and putting his hand
in his pocket, found to his surprise, the roll of ducats.
Ile drew it out, pale and trembling, but unable to
speak a syllable. "What is the matter ? " said the
king? "Alas ! your majesty," said the page, falling
on his knees, "my ruin is intended, I know nothing
of this money." "Why." said the king, "whenever
fortune does come she comes sleeping; you may send it
to your mother with my compliments, and assure her
I will provide for you both."