The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1874-04-11 00:00:00

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS

" Let's go and inflate," is the way the statesmen
in Washington put their convivial invitations now.

The editor of the Utah Mining Journal calls one of
church dignitaries an "old ecclesiastical pelican."

An old maid's excuse for wearing tight gloves is tha
she feels her hand squeezed.
A Vermont newspaper advertises a cork leg recently
found in the street.

The following purports to be a model medical puff :
" Dear Doctor, -I shall be one hundred and seventy-
five years old next October. For over eighty-four years
I have been an invalid unable to step except when
moved with a lever. But a year ago I heard of your
syrup. I bought a bottle, smelt the cork, and found
myself a man. I can now run twelve and a half miles
an hour, and throw thirteen summersaults without
stopping."

_
A young lady while on her way to be married was
run over and killed. A confirmed old maid savagely
remarked, "She haa avoided a more lingering and
horrible fate."

A Kansas gentleman has thoughtfully put his front
gate in the parlour, so that his daughter and her young
man can swing on it without taking cold during the
cold weather.

The American ladies do their hair up MI high now
that they have, it is said, to stand on something to put
on their hats.

A San Francisco masked ball was attended by a
young lady who personated " Nicotine." lier dress
Was made of tobacco leaves, her necklace was cigars,
and she carried a fan and parasol constructed of the
weed.

As showing how the newspaper profession is looking
up, we notice with pride that eighteen duels were
fought among the newspaper wen of Paris last year.
With still meter pride "we " announce the fact that
two of "us" were killed.
A Cincinnati critic, in referring to the approaching
visit of a favourite musical artist, says, " Having won
great triumph in foreign lands, she returns to glean
fresh barrels here." Cincinnati is famed for its lager,
but we think the critic meant laurels.

Nicasio people think there is no rain anywhere else.
All has fallen there.
Chicago ladies, if unwell, deenrit vulgar to bitty they
are" Bilious," so complain f being " Williamous !"
- -

The dying request of a man recently hung in Nevada
was for a cigar, a minister, three cheers, and a New
York paper.

A recent bride is thus described by the Louisville
Journal "She was dressed in white Paris muslin
trimmed with lace, all of which contrastod bewitchingly
with the brunette of her complexion, while the sparkle
of her dark and luminous eyes seemed to outdo the
struggling flashes of her dimnonds. She was Iwo-
nounced to be too lovely for a bride. Half hid away
in the meshes of the muslin and lace, her delicate
beauty looked more that of an angel than a fairy of the
earth.'

Au American literary gentleman, who is great at
his swallow, says of the bird of the same name :
" The swallo is a lively bird. Swallos make their api
pearance late in the spring, and are alwuz in a twitter
as a boarding akule miss. They kan fli as swift ax an
arror, anti a great deal krookider. I have seen theta
skim a mill-pond close entail to take the cream off from
it, and even make the frogs dodge, and not tonek
water. When the swan,* cum, spring has cum sure,
but there is an old proverb (one of Solomon's, I pre-
sume) which sez, `one swallo don't make a spring,'
This may lie so, but I hay seen a spring lee
water) that would make a grate menny awallos.
Swabs never hit's the dimpepay, they live upon no-
thing, anti take a great deal of exercise in the open air.
They don't sit up at night hurting, and never cheat a
tailur out of his bill. They dint waste enny time in
the morning making their toilet, but like the flowers
shake oph the dew from their beds, and are ready fe
business. I kant think ov ennything more 1141'01048
than a swallow ; they are as free as the air they swim
in ; they won't live shut up in a sage longer than a
trout will."