The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1872-01-20 00:00:00

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS.

A New York chiropodist points with pride to a
harvest of 20,000 corns, lie may be decidedly called a pa
taking man.
A Milwaukee woman, whose husband had been per-
secuted to death by a creditor, married the creditor and
persecuted him to death In less than six months. Time sets
all things even.
The other day a gentleman, for being in very high
spirits (of wine), was sent to prison. "Why did you not bail
him out I" inquired a mutual friend. "Bail him out r ex-
claimed the other ; "why you could not pump him out."
Abraham Lincoln, being annoyed on one occasion
by is fiddler, nbc persisted in playing in front of his home,
seat out a dollar, with a message tnat one scraper was
enough at the door. _ .

An English farmer's wife, who, some time ago, found
that a party of Baptists had performed the inaugural cere-
mony of their sect on her premises. exclaimed indignantly,
•• Drat the creatures! rn teach them toleave all their nasty
sins in my pond !"
- -

A short time back the question was asked, "Why
do men marry r The following reply was not less singular
than true ,—" Some young men marry for dimples, some
ears, some noses ; the contest, however, generally lies
between the eyes and hair. The mouth. too, is occasionally
married, the chin not so often."

THAT. ONE Tiiixn.—Pnele Peter, who flourishes in
the mountains of Vermont as a horse-dealer, was called
upon the other day by an amateur of "equine" who was in
search of something fast. The result is told as follows
" Mere," said Uncle Peter, pointing to an animal in the
meadow below the house, "there, sir, is a mare who would
trot her mile in two minutes and seventeen seconds were it
not for one thing." "Indeed" cried his companion.
" Yes," continued Uncle Peter, "she is tour years old this
spring; is in good condition i looks well ; is a trot-rate mare ;
and she could go a mile in two-seventeen were it not for one
thing." " Well, what is that r "That mare," resumed the
jockey, "is In every way a good piece of property. She has
a heavy mane, a switch-tail, trots fair, and yet there is one
thing only why she can't go a mile in two-seventeen." "What
in the Old Harry is It, then r cried the ameteur impatiently.
" The distance Is too great for the time !" was the old wag's
reply.
AN EDITORIAL PRESENT—Some ladies in Texas
were desirous of doing honour to the editor of a local
journal, so they presented their hero with an embroidered
shirt, which contained a splendid history of Texas, and also
pictures of the fruits and cereals of the State, worked all
over it in red worsted. Now, this particular editor
had never worn a shirt, and supposed the brilliant
specimen before him to be a banner for an ap-
proaching temperance procession. In his speech of
thanks he puzzled the lady-donors by declaring that
he would " fling it out for ever to the breezes of
heaven, that they may kiss its folds, and till his hand
palsied it should never be trailed in the dust." The ladies
blushed, and regretted baring made it too long. Being in-
formed of the purpose of the gift, the editor, wore it over
his coat, to the great edification of the boys of the town, who
followed him in regiments, studying the history of Texas
"behind his back."