The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1875-03-27 00:00:00

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CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS
A Yankee journalist who is bald offers a reward of
one thousand dollars for a tale that will make his hair stand
on end.

Thirsty Virginians, when asking you to "liquor,"
say, "Specify your funeral promoter."

A western editor could not attend the Picayune
Club Ball because his) nly shirt was hi the wash and his
wife had the measles.

Behind a bar in one of the principal publichouses in
Brooklyn is hung a large placard, "No discussion about the
Beecher-Tilton trial is allowed in this establishment."

One evening lately, whilst a most beautiful actress
was performing in the Hunchback at the New York Theatre,
and just as she said, "Clifford, why don't you speak to
me?" one of the spectators replied, in an audible voice,
"Do, Clifford; I would if she'd talk to me in that way."

If you want to get an idea of how the Brooklyn
court-room looks during the Beecher trial, look at a box of
sardines.—Boston Post.

A man who had saved the life of the daughter of a
Boston millionarie, received 260 dols. from the grateful
parent. He was so overcome with magnificent bounty, that
he paid out every cent, of it to seventeen organ-grinders to
simultaneously serenade his benefactor.

And now they say William Penn would sit under a
tree with Indians about him, and telling them of the better
world beyond the sea, deal himself four aces and win the
game.
A New York cemetery sculptor, following after
other advertisements, publishes this card :—" As the holi-
days are approaching, and the time for presents is nearing,
I beg to call attention to my stock of tombstones. Persons
about to need them would do well to call Fits warranted
n all cases."

A petition has been presented to the Legislature of
Alabama, praying that Charles Francis Kellessinsti Von
Poniatowski La Poggest may be permitted to change his
name to Frank Duncan.

A dilapidated old darkey in Montgomery, while
watching the monkeys in a menagerie in that city, spoke
thusly :—" Dem children got too much sense to come outer
dat cage; white folks cut dare tails off, and set 'em to votin
and makin' constitewtions."

The girls of the Mo, in Missouri, are so sweet
that poets speak of them as Mo-lasses.
A tradesman in an Ohio city appends to his adver-
tisement,—" Ministers of the gospel supplied with goods
at cost, if they agree to mention the fact to their congrega-
tions.

- A Yankee down South advertises a few choice
rattlesnakes for sale, and appends a hint to such as do not
wish to purchase, that they must not handle the goods.

The latest Yankee notion is in the match-box way,
the match-boxes d la mode having model busts for their
tops of the various eminent men of America. Such is fame
in the States; in England it is Westminster Abbey.

"Quicker than the greased bolts of heaven's electric
luminosity glide down a dew-wet Lombardy poplar," is a con-
temporary's description of. the way in which the funds and
shares recently fell in Broad-street, New York. It is scarcely
ledger and financial like language.

A Yankee, being asked to describe his wife, said,
"Why, sir, she'd make a regular fast, go-ahead steamer, my
wife would, she has such a wonderful talent for blowing up."

An Illinois man, who sat) on the railway to read the
newspaper, furnished an item for the next day's column of
accidents.

A man in Michigan prociwed a divorce from his
wife, intending to marry another woman. The latter, how-
ever, got tired of waiting, and married another man on the
day the divorce was granted. Then the fellow hesitated
whether or not to try to make it up with his wife again, and
while he was hesitating his wife married another fellow.
This is what would naturally be called getting left all round.
A Memphis (U.S.) paper says that the aeronaut of
a circus exhibiting in that city evinces the agility of a cat,
and the fearlessness cf a double-headed tiger.

The following is the way they call out the figure of
a "reel" in Georgia :—" Dance to the gal with the yellow
shawl on; now down outside and up the middle; turn to
your partner, Isaac Smach, and now to that entire stranger;
sachez to the right and left; ra, de tan; da dude; now to
Peter Schwitchars daughter; turn to your partner every
one; set to the girl with the flaring frill; balance one and
spin about to the girl with the hole in the heel of her
stocking!"
An Ohio sheriff felt a good deal of embarrassment on
having to take to the penitentiary a man who had been con
victed of voting for him three times. Embarrassment is still
left in America among its redeeming qualities, especially also
n commercial circles.