The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1866-10-06 00:00:00

THE PERILS OF LOVE-MAKING!

The following Interesting story ts extracted from the Cork
Exanthter

An adventure worthy of Don Quixote of Mr.
Pickwick has recently shown that the love which
laughs at locksmiths indulges in an occasional snigger
at other crafts. In a village not two score miles from
Cork the belle of humble life had long been the
daughter of a gardener in the employment of a
neighbouring gentleman. From amongst a crowd of
sighing swathe the rustic beauty selected for her
favoured cavalier a sturdy eon of Crispin. This lucky
swain had but one fault. Immersed in the pro-
fundities of the !clear system, to which he sacrificed
every resource—his last, his awl—he used in the pur-
suit of his studies certain concave glasses, the
continued application of which enabled him to see
double. Those little aberrations of the philosopher
were, however, alternated by periods of steady indus•
try, and, making due allowance, local gossip looked
confidently to a speedy union between the pair—more-
over, as the gardener himself rather encouraged the
pretensions of the bold corlonnier. •

But here a big pebble obstructed the course ol love,
in the person of a dusty miller, sad, solitary, and sixty,
but with gold in coffer, who, like younger men, hail
yielded to the'graticl passion, and tendered himself in
proper form to the maidenii father. There was indeed
a alight aadvantage on the part d the elderly wooer,
a peculiar configuration of the spinit oehmin and an
abnorMal nasal prolongation giving him • rather isv
elegant resemblance to the portraits of Punch, as ex-
hibited in the vignette of that periodical. But the
unsentimental gardener, dazzled by his brilliant
offer, called the lady into council, and upon her in.
dignant rejection declared his iron will on the subject.
The girl at next interview with her devoted informed
him of the dreadful doom which awaited her. Affairs
demanded instant action. He therefore invited her father
to a negotiation at the nearest public. But there the
stern parent was inexorable, and the powers becoming
exasperated the conference was concluded through
the medium of a pewter pint and a parlour candle-
stick, involving a subsequent application of sticking.
plaster.
The fracas raised new hopes in the venerable
miller, who now grew so persistent that the girl,
driven to despair, consented to elope with the man of
her choice. A hint of this design was unaccountably
conveyed to her father with the intimation of the
hour, and vowing vengeance in every form of popular
oath, he took his stick and station in ambush at
the rear of his dwelling, near a pool sacred to
agricultural fertility and of great depth, being navi-
gable almost up to the doorway by ducks of the
heaviest draught.
Meanwhile, his daughter having completed her pre.
parations, stole out at the front, leaving her unoon-
scion' father on the spring. The romance of the affair
lies in the circumstance that the sexagenarian suitor,
returning to his home farther on, and incited by the
ardour of love as well as probably under spiriturgi.
guidance, it having been a rural fete day, decided to
call, and tumbling over the fencewith the agility of
his years, approached the cottage. His step smote on
the ear of the watcher, who, lookimr from his lair,
saw—ha' It was quite dark. Fury overcoming
patience, the pardoner leaped forth, and with th•
usual bleating in such MOM, throttled the Intruder.
One vigorous whack supplemented by a kicki
a push into the pool and several °lours from
Araby the blest, told how dreadful the retribution yak
being enacted. The ancient Leander having recovered
the effects of his first immereion, 'truck out for he
opposite shore, and drawing his slimy length exhausted
on the land was recognized by the astounded chatelain
who, however, with rare presence of mind, seized the
occasion, and having thundered inquiries to which
fright and feculence prevented a reply, ordered the
nocturnal visitant to agree to ring his daughter or he
should wring his neck. Do not," quoth, it may be
supposed the miserable miller, , `do not and I shall
knot. Mutual explanations succeeded, but upon
entering the house they found ho belle to ring, no
daughter to wed, a gruff echo . only answering for
Mary. •

Next day a penitent miccive fmm the fugpiti
cleared np mattem, and the priblent gardper, hav
regard IC aylnYerb op Tilled Milk, a maar-ilial
kaa eeotod, hia,aon-in•law elect premixing ton take
Th• offs* *mina up' Ito& after Witil.4 OrechVni
which, it must be added, the lolling party
'appear, that liickleaa individual being laid op no
a combined attack of rheumation, ridicule,
chagrin.