The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1875-01-16 00:00:00

AWKWARD INCIDENTS

The writer of "After-Dinner Talk" in tne tctorut World
narrates the following singular incidents :
- - -

H "Well, I commenced the new year in a cheerful
manner," said a dear old friend to me as we gathered
round his "mahogany-tree "on the evening of the Ist
January, 1875, and prepared to discuss his excellent
oyster-soup, good English mutton, and honest Bur-
gundy. "How so ?" we asked, eager for the first
anecdote of the year. "It was just in this fashion"—
and then we listened eagerly. "I was with my wife in a
famous shop in the Strand purchasing such pretty
siveetmeats, bon-bons and crackers, Japanese plates,
and other coloured delicacies as relieve the clammy
chill of an English white-cloth dinner-table, when
I was startled by the following outspoken, bold,
and determined remark by an elderly gentleman on my
left, who had just paid for his purchases. ' Shopman ?
I say, look here; come here, I tell you! I put down
half-a-sovereign on the counter, and I have just seen
that lady deliberately put it into her purse ! ' With
as much certainty and deliberation as he made the
remark he pointed to my wife 1 Long before the shop-
man had time to return I noticed that my poor wife,
naturally an extremely nervous woman, had turned
deadly pale and was stammering incoherently, and I
knew that I was violently protesting against so
reckless an insinuation. Mark my position. I was as
i .positive as of my own existence that such a thing could
not have, happened except by the most unfortu-
nate accident. I had but one thing to do—to
protect my wife's honour by all the strength and in-
vective in my power. 'What do you mean, sir? How
dare you accuse a lady in this unblushing and
impudent manner? I will make you beg her
pardon for this I' It was all of no use. The old gentle-
man merely replied firmly and unmoved, 'I saw her
do it.' I did not submit my wife to the indignity of
turning out her purse' and so proving the falseness of
the accusation; but I then summoned the shopman,
who had not heard the original charge, and I myself
confronted him. 'Look here! this old gentleman has
had the effrontery to declare that this lady has taken
up a half-sovereign which he deposited on the counter
and has put it into her purse!' The shopman smiled.
'Ridiculous I' he said; I took it myself and put it
into the till !'—and then, opening the drawer, 'Here it
is!' Then I turned round on the positive old gentle-
man and 'let him have it.' He made a sort
of shuffling, lame apology, and contented himself
with obstinately declaring that 'he thought' he
saw my wife put the half-sovereign into her purse.
I declared that 'his grey hairs protected him, and
so on, and then we left the shop." "Was he
a very old man ?" remarked a veteran joker at the
table. "Very." "Too old to defend himself ? "
"Certainly." "Too weak to return a very hard
blow ? " "Unquestionably." 'Then," replied the i
veteran, with a sly twinkle n the eye, "I should have
kicked him out of the shop ? " But another present,
more curious in his marvels of coincidence, ventured
to remark, turning to the hostess of New Year's dinner.
party, "But supposing your husband had asked you
to turn out your purse to prove your innocence, what
would have been discovered there ?" "Only one
coin ! " she answered. "And that?" "A half-
sovereign ! " This is an excellent start for a chronicle
of strange coincidences. With a passing remark on
the horrible situation, supposing the lost half-sovereign
had fallen down, supposing the purse had been
emptied out, and so on, touching upon the distress
of charges at the police - courts, and so on,
we proceeded to the recital of similar awkward
incidents. Many at the table had some incident to
relate. "I remember once," chimed in one at the
dinner-table, "that a very awkward affair happened
to me. I came up to London in a very great hurry
claimed my portmanteau at the railway station, and
drove to an hotel close by Portland-place. They told
me the number of my room but I was too pressed for
time to go up and see it. I had several calls to make
'before dinner, and gave orders that I should return to
;
!dress for dinner at six o'clock, and that everything
I'was to be prepared—hot water, fire, and candles. I
paid my visits, and duly returned to the hotel. I was
greeted with very black looks. The manager came
forward, and said there had been a tremedous disturb-
lance. A gentleman had followed me in a cab, had come
and claimed the portmanteau I had brought as his own:
he was in a desperite hurry' to cross to Ireland that
' night, and he had gone down to Scotland Yard to
consult the detective department. I instantlydeclared
there must be some absurd mistake, and rushed
,up to my room. It was only too true. It was not
my portmanteau. It was ray portmanteau's twin
brother' but certainly not mine. I was luckily known
at the hotel—a great point in my favour—and I im-
mediately took a cab and drove off to the station with
the porter of the hoteL There I found my port-
manteau in the lost luggage office. I produced my
keys, and described all the contents. And when I
returned to the hotel I found the unfortunate victim
with an 'active detective,'
'awaiting my arrival. He
missed the mail to Ireland • but he was my guest at
the hotel that night, and we made friends in the
smoking room."—[The writer also gives two other
singular illustrations of "awkward incidents."]