The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1873-04-12 00:00:00

SELECTED ANECDOTES.

A JOKE IN SEASON. —When the Brithili troops were
storming liadsJos, Lord Wellington rode up while the belle
were fallmg around, and observing an artilleryman particu-
larly active, inquired the man's name. He waa answered,
" Taylor "—"A very good name, too," he .aid. "Cheer up,
lads our Taylor will soon make • pair of breeches- In the
walls.' At this Idly the men forgot the danger of theirsitua-
lion, a burst of laughter broke from them, and the next
charge carried the fortress.

STAMMERING WIT. —Stammering, (says Coleridge,)
is sometimes the cause of a pun. Some one was mentioning
lii Lamb's presence the cold.hesrtedoess of the Duke of
Cumberland, in restrMning the duchess from rushing up to
the embrace of her 11011, whom she had not seen for a con-
si,erable time, and insisting on her receiving him in state.
" Dow horribly cold it was,' said the narrator. " Yes,' said
Lamb, in his stuttering may, "but you know he is the Duke
of Cu cunt be r-larid.

MIXING THEM UP !—A worthy old dame, who could
not read, had, several books lent to her, which she got a
little girl to read to her. One neighbour lent her the
Pizjrim's Progrces, and • nephew • copy of Robinson Crust..
Having them read alternately, the dame got them • little
mixed up and when the mighhour called upon her and
asked her how she liked the Pi/grins's Progress, he was 110010.
what surprised when she replied, "It'. a marvellous book,
truly ; why, what big troubles him and his man Friday
undergoed !"
A GuoI,.NATURED PRINCE.—The Prince of Orange
was very amiable, affable, and unaffected ; and, although
born to a throne, lived on • footing of perfect equality with
his brother aides-decamp, and entered Into their jukes with
the moat perfect good-humour, as will be Judged by the
following anecdotes Owing to his slimness of person,
the Prince hod received the sobriquet of "blender Billy,"
and upon one cc :ad., Lord Fitzroy $ menet, not being
aware of his presence, allied at the dinner table, "What has
become of 'Slender hilly ' to-Jay "—"Here I am, Fitzroy,"
watt the prince, "and shall be happy to drink a glue of wine
with you." Another ludicrous circumstance arose from a
alight baldness the prince had, even as a young man, and
which he attempted to conceal by having his back hair care-
fully combed and brought over the bald apt. One day, Fre-
n“ntle, In allusion to this, remarked, " You see, his Royal
litelmeas makes the afterguard do main- top duty."—" A well.
stored barn requires a thatch," replied theprince promptly.
ire malltle, who was unaware of hia presence, colvurel up,
mei began ataminiring an apology, when hi• brother alde-de-
camp set him ,nilte at his ease by the frl.mdly manner in
which he CICIDAMeII, Jack ! I'll pay you olf some day."
WHAT'S IN A NASIE.-0118 Alwright went to an
auction and bought goods. " What name, sir r inquired
the man with the hammer. " Alwright '"—What name, I
say?" was the irritated reply. " Alwright, 1 say."—'• All
wrung, yon mean." " Alwright !" said the purchaser. "Yea,
all right !" cried the crowd, taking the .ke; "all right—
go ahead, old Knock-em lown." The auctioneer now began
to lose his temper. A-I, Al" ..r ig h-t, weight," continued
the buyer. "o—b, thunder!' exclaimed Hammer, on whom
the laughter of the crowd began to operate ; "that's it, is
it? lieg pardon ! James, put this gentleman's name down.
All right, air ; go ahead."

DIFFERENT VIEWS RESPECTING MARRIAGE.—Dr.
Thomson has handsomely hit off the different views which
obtain among different chum and different communities re-
specting marriage. One says, "I wi.h to take advice about
serious matter that wei:hs heavily upon my rolmi."—" What
I, it r—"Gellinv. married. Is it beet ?'—" Well, whom have
you in view? If she Is young, handsome, and virtuous, the
sooner you get her the better. Who is she?'—" 0, nobody
particular ; it Is marrying In the abstract that I am thinking
about." Thiel., young Germany. ...Z. ninth I love her, and will
have her, 111 have to swim the river for h. r." Young America.
"No use to deny me or run from me Where you go I will
go, her you stop I will stop, where you live I will live,
where you die I will die, and where you are buried there
will Ibe hurled.' That is you-g Ireland. " She Is worth
three thousand one hundred and twenty-seven pounds, sin
shillings and fourpence halfpenny, which, under the circum-
stances, Is not guile sufficient." Young ELgland.
AN AGREEABLE Dun—One day a person entered
Duniaa's study, and said, "All ! Monsieur Dumas, I have
called upon you, because I know what • generous heart you
have, and that • family in dtstreu will never appeal to you in
vain. A poor man that I know is dead, leaving a wile and
three children in su,th extremity that they have not enough
money to pay the expenses of his burial. Give them that
sum"—" How much is it?" asked Dumas. " FdLy francs,"
was the reply. The novelist went to his escritoire and took
three napoleons out of a drawer and gave them to the peti-
tioner. •' kiere," said he, "take this. What was the
husband ?"—' A lawyer," was the reply. "What ! • lawyer,"
repeated Donnas. "My dear fellow, here, take these other
napoleons, and bury at least three lawyers : and if you know
of any more lawyers to be burled, just call on me. There Is
no way of spending money more agreeable to me than paying
to have lawyen put into the ground."

Tag ltEaSON.—Guest 'How comes this dead fly
in my soup? " In fact, sir, I have no positive
Ides how the poor thing came to his death. Perhaps it had
not taken any fool for a long time, dashad upon the soup,
ate too much of it, contracted an luflsinmation of the
stomach that brought on death. The fly must have • very
weak constitution, for when I served the soup it was
dancing merrily upon the surface. Perhaps, and the Idea
presents itself only at this moment, it endeavoured to swal-
low too large • piece of vegetable ; this, remaining fast In
the throat, caused a choking in the windpipe. This is the
only • reason I could give for the death of that insect."

ONE TOO MANY FOR linf I—A supplicant for office
of more than ordinary pretensions called upon Mr. Lincoln,
President of the United States, shortly after he had teen
elected, and presuming on the activity he had shown on Mr.
Lincoln's behalf during the election thagrained him to the chief
magistracy, asserted, as • reason why the °Moe he desired
should be given to him, that he had made him President.
"You made me President, did you?" said he, with a twinkle
of his eye "I think I did," said the applicant "Then a
precious mins you're got me into, that's all," replied the
President, and closed the discussion.
CONJUGAL LOVE. —A negro preacher took the text,
" linibsuda, love your wives." Having proceeded to a great
length on the main subject, he arrived at his application
much out of breath. Pausing for • moment to wipe the
prespirrilon from his brow, he glanced towards his wife, and
bigan as follows ;—"Now, brethring, we fluting's don't love
our elves., we'd oiler ! I don't love Emly as I'd orter, but
if I was to have another wile, I'd love her better'n I her

A LITTLE HARD I—Two young men met one evening
at the house of an acquaintance, some young ladles, for one
of whom both gentlemen entertained tender feelinge. In a
spirit of frolic, f ne of the ladle, turned off the gag, and the
young men, thinking it • favourable moment to make known
the state of their feelings to the lair object of their regard,
moved seats Si the same Instant, and placed themselves, as
they supposed, by the lady's side; but she had also moved,
and the gentlemen were in reality seated next to each other.
As the young men could not whisper without betraying their
Whereabouts, they both gently took, as they thought, the
soft little hand of the charmer, and when, after awhile, they
ventured to give s gentle pressure, each was surprised to
find it returned with an unmistakable squeeze. It may well
be imagined that the filaments dew IN pidly In this silent in-
terchange of mutual affection. But one of the girls, wonder.
lag at the unusual silence of the gentlemen, stepped noise-
lessly out, and suddenly returneni with a light; and there
sat the young ,men—most lovingly, squeezing each other's
hands, and supreme delight beaming in their eyes. Their
consternation and the testacy of the ladies may be imagined,
but cannot be described. line of the young men was after-
ward, heard to sac." that he thought all the while his
friend's hind felt • little hard

NAT.ItAL FART.—" Papa, can't I go to the zoological
to see the camomile tight the ry-nowiree-hoss I" '• Sartin,
my son, but don't get your trousers torn. Strange, my dear,
what a taata that boy he. for nat'ral hlatory ! No longer
ago than seattrday he had eight tom cata hanging by their
tails to the clothe. lie,"

LUXURIOUS SMOICING.—" The moot luxurious smoker
I ever knew," says Mr. Paget, '' was • young Transylvanian,
who told me that his servant always insetted a lighted pips
Into his mouth the first thing in the morning, and that he
smoked it out before he awoke, 'it Is so pleasant,' he ob-
served, to have the proper taste restored to one's mouth
before one is sensible even of its wants?'

PILING EP nig AGONY.—" Well, Annie, have you
consented to be the wife of lir. White f" —No, Belly, I
r Idn't quite consent"— ' Why not? I think he loves you.
Yes, but he didn't pile Up the agony high enough. When
I give my hand to. wooer, I want him to kneel at my feet,
take one of my bandi between both of Ids, and with a look
that would melt an adamsntine rock to pity, to beg me to
take compassion on his sufferings, and then I wird him to
end by swearing to blow his braille out on the spot U I do
not compeestonate We goborles."