The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1861-03-26 00:00:00

MILBORNE ST. ANDREW FARMERS'
CLUB.
A SECRET WORTH £l,OOO.

On Wednesday evening last, Mr. Wallace Fyfe,
the Editor of the Dared Chronicle, gave a lecture on
" Top Dressing and Cleaning of Land," before the
members of the Milliorne Farmers' Club. The chair
was taken by a Mr. G. Summers, of Houghton farm.
Before the commencement of the lecture,
Mr. Susmaks said he had a subject to bring before
the notice of the members—that was, the appearance
of a gentleman who was about to report for a paper,
in which they might object to see their names, not
in that paper especially any more than any other
paper, but he knew well that when their speeches
were reported it was a sort of clog on them. They
did not like to say very much when they knew it
was all written down and inserted in the county
papers. They knew that sometimes they invited
reportars, and then they were always glad to see
them, because they then brought forward subjects
which he thought would do good to the public as
well as themselves, but on that occasion he thought
it would be the best way to put it to the vote,
whether they should like to have their proceedings
reported or not.
A gentleman thought it would be the best way for
the lecturer to decide.
Mr. B. FooKs said he thought it was a too per.
renal matter for the lecturer to decide. Medal not
think it was right for Mr. Fyfe to give an opinion, or
in fact be asked, under the circumstances. It was

pretty generally understood anumpt the member, of
the chili, that no reporter should he anima,' to he
present, unless hu had been requested ti
they jail never WWI but one reporter in that room,
and he had always given them entire satinfactiun ; liu
thought it would Ins bad polwy to open their room
to anyone that might volunteer. Of course they hail
no personal feeling in the matter ; they allieled to
reporters in geneial, and he, as secretary to the club,
should raise his voice agairst the adenthuice of any
one unless it he by the request of their chairinau.
Ther.fore, ha should propose that the reporter now
present absiulil bu thwarts' to desist from taking
ally notes of the electing that night
Thu inotaini having been put to the members, it
was carried unanimously, mid our reporter with.
drew.

In consequence of this rather unceremonious —not
to say uncicil treatment—towards a portion of the
Dereetshire press on the part of the Milla.rne club,
a gentleman styling himself " Turnip Tops," who
evidently possums a shrewdness above his fellows,
has addressed us a note in reference to the proceed-
ings of the evening. liis real name and Adam*
(ruin prudential mutives no doubt—are withheld ;
but u nu aro nut unacquainted with the handwrit•
ing, we can guarantee the fidelity with which ho
took down the notes ho has forwarded to us, and
as his report will, no doubt, be read with a great
deal of interest by our iiiiii•agricultural, mrs W.:II is,
agricultural friends, xi, give Ulu report forwaide.l tim
us by •"Turnip Tops" in his own language. itu
COMMCDCWI by saying :—When nue of the members
untwisted that Mr. Irallace Fyfe—whes hail been
put forth as the " Editor of the Dureel Chronicle,"
"Author of Agricultural Scienic," "Nuruial Agri.
cultural Lecturer," lc., &c.,—shouldilezide whether
or not your reporter should ruuctin, that gentleman
made no reply. l'erhaps lie hail Solna faint mininis-
eences of lii, prodecbssor, who thought to cam the
whole county by storm 111 lecturing matters, but who
netwitlestaniling thu lutcr Attu prograumie of
lecturing subjects he hail caused to be issinal, never
showed his fillY7 in public after his appear:m*3lkt
Weymouth, when lie was so ably rt.:putted in the
DorAct County L'.rrresA. Be that as it may, Mr.
Wallace ',yin at NI ilhome St. Andrew, found in the
" tune of need, a friend indeed," who took the solue•
what delicate task into his own hands of suggesting
a mode of turning our reporter out of the room. 1
uota not state what were the expressions of Mr.
Wallace Fyfe's countenance at this timely rescue
from the dilemma in which lie had been placed by
the appeal to his ducisiou. lie seemed all at once to
breathe more freely, whole he at the same time

"Looked the thanks he cuuld not speak."
Mr. Wallace ryfe's lecture, or rather, I should say,
"reading," for it was not a lecture filter all, con-
sisted of 110/110 new things, and many old—a picquant
highly-seasoned or two, and a vast quantum
of sucking* from other people's brains. 'lhere is a
great advantage in lecturing before an ignorant
audience, became you may quote verbatim
from well known authors without their know-
ing it. Bombast they consider a sure sign of clever-
ness, and the eniployment of words, the meaning
of which they cannot understand, they call learning.
Mr. Wallace ryfe is consequently a " great gun" at
Milborne. After talking about the " fuci," and
antiseptic 'properties of seaweed, " saline impregna-
tions," "mucilaginous matter," " inorganic atinue•
phere," "empiricism," " enriching the pabulum of
the tender plant," and a host of other things which
the farmers no doubt were well verged in, be told
them something which undoubtedly they never
heard of before. He said that " top dressing was
the only method of manuring grass lands, and old
less which are never broken up." Having given
this valuable bit of information, ho travelled half
over the country in search of adventurai till he
came across a "raw-head and bloody-booed tribe" of
sheep, • lit expression, no doubt, for raw-boned
Scots; and I must therefore apologise for giving so
vulgar an expel-coon to your readers. It was quite
laughable to see how learned the farmers looked,
when our'Normal Agricultural Lecturer"spoke of the
Rouse: oldusilidius and if. II ydrolapathuni, Ranun-
culus acris, R. repent, R. talbosior, O.culis acetosa,
o. acetosella, &c., and when he talked of the de-
sirability of extirpating them, I could scarcely keep
from bursting to see them nod their beads by way
of approval, as much as to say "that is capital."
But, continued the lecturer " There is one comfort;
unless by mistake, which is iuevitable where these
weeds crowd the field, a cow is too particular to
partake 'advisedly' of any of these acrid produc-
tauns (butter cups.), knowing by experience, I pre-
sume, their inflammatory and blistering tendencies;
and will eet down every morsel of surrounding
herbage even to the crown roots of these plants,
rather ;ban taste a leaf of them." Now, I must
be Mr. Wallace ryfe's pardon for telling him that
this is not so—it it a libel on the cow's good taste.
Next we had another lung list of crack-jaw names,
Latin phrases, extracts from illackicood, the Times
newspaper, books of travel, and other sources
acknowledged and unacknowledged. What much
of the nonsense uttered had to do with "top-dres-
sing" I was statues to conceive, butone thing I learned
that whatever Mr. Wallace Fyfe's theoretical knowledge
of funning might be, he really knew but very little of
practical agriculture. Ile at length gave us a bit of
niformation, however, which was invaluable--worth at
least £l,OOO of anybody's money. It is nothing more
nor less than converting bean haulm into newspapers.
What • pity it is Mr. Wallace Fyfe could'nt convert
beans into editors and reporters. Fur the benefit of
your readers I will give Mr. Fyfc's own words, your
readers may believe the diseuvery to belong to the
editor of the Chronicle if they please. " I have never
divulged this secret belt-c." said Mr. I.) fe, " but I
assure you that the only thing that prevented my
putting in for the £l,OOO prize of the Times, for the best
substitute ter linen rags in the manufacture of paper,was
the consideration that probably I should be uipahle to
show a return of more than 2 cwt., or 3 cwt, per acre of
hemp from the been " A bundle of bean
haului has only to be rotted ten days in a ditch bottom,
dried, and seutcheil by a few blows of a mallet." Now
this put me greatly in mind of " scutching" the Dorset
(Iron e, at I have frequently seen many of its columns
knocked to nothing by two or three blows from a
Matte:tr. But who ever heard before .1 bean haulm
rotting in ten days? And now, said the elmiuent
lecturer, " you IMO what I sin driving at." I confe.a,
the idea of getting el,ooo by the bean haulni trick had
thoroughly aroused me, and no doubt I was storing at
him, with gaping mouth to gulp down all lie said, like
the rest if the coinpany premia, but uiuch as I tried
to do it, I could nit for the life of we see what he really
was "driving at;" but it came at last, and here it is.
Now, it is a fliers suggestion,—theoretioil it may be,
bet I confess I think it practical enough, to fit up •
long, thick, but sharp curved blade to cut open a plough
furrow with the .teain plough in the direction is wAint
the machine it poiny, the effect being if nut to help, at
least to retard its progress less. The knife laity be
called long, becnuse it is singly or in sets, to surround
the periphery of • bn:ad revolving disc, projected
on to the cultivatable soil from the working engine,
in the style of • fly wheel, and it is to be attached
to the penpliery in long spiral waves or worinx, as you
may have noticed that the furrow-slice cut by the must
fashionable plough., (such as Hurn.by's) is screwed up
by the action of an elongated spiral ; well, it is to he
thick, not at the edge, for that is to be sharp as any knife
can be, but something like • double-breasted plough, in
effect inflicting a deep gash, as any thick knife will, so
as to throw up the sinii-ridglets on each side of the cut."
As I think a pair of icismrsis much more in the Chriande's
line, I would suggest, Mr. Editetr, that you send Mr. W.
Fyfe a now pair, as it is evident that what • plough is
Is, the farmer so is a pair of *diners to that gentleman,
both in his occupation of editor and agricultural lec-
turer. I did intend to give you many other tit-bits of
the lecture, but having scribbled down my notes on
lmwe slips of paper-- I had left my pocket-book at
home----the wind blew several of them out of niy hand
as I was stepping into the train. The loss to the world
is exceedingly great, and (ho only way I know of to
repair the mischief is to send you reports of tutees
lectures. As I visit two cir three other clubs, I shall
frequently have an opportunity of doing this, and
what is better than all, the secretaries and chairmen
cannot turn we out, however they may serve your
reporters. The lectures not unfroquently contain some
capital bits of information, which, if not calculated in
a very high degree to enlighten your readers,, will at all
events give frequent play to their risible faculties. As
Mr. Wallace Fyfe was so kind as to tell us bow to make
£l,OOO out of rotten bean haulm, and, as one good
turn deserves another, I will, with your permission,
inform the public how they may prepare themselves
for first-rate agricultural lecturers. It could be done
for a few shillings, with a very trifling amount of
ingenuity. COIIIIIIOII am-flee is quite unnecessary, and all
that is required is • shilling dictionary fur a selection
of the hardest words that can be found ' • an elementary
book on botany' for a few latin names of plants; and an
old agricultural book or two which can be picked up for
• couple of 'shillings at any old book stall. Huh these
ingredients up pell-mell, and be sure to make the non-
fensical jargon as unintelligible as possible; get at
introduction to lecture before the Milborne Farmers'
Club, and the thing is complete. To an adventurer
rather out of the elbows, and greatly in need of cash,
this suggestion will be found as valuable as Mr. Wallace
Fyfe's about bean haulm paper. He niight beat the
editor of the Chronicle into fits by divulging • secret of
his own, nainely, that there is more hemp in nettles
than there is in bean haulm. Let him act upon this
advice, and his fortune will be made. It will be his
own fault if he does not get £l,OOO by lecturing
before such audiences as compose the Milborue St,
Andrew Farmers' Club.
I remain, . . .