The Press.
London, England, 1853-09-24 00:00:00

THE PRESS.

492

REPORT OF THE OLMUTZ CONFERENCE.

(By our Special Telegraph.)
[,4 Chaselier at (Maids. The Emperor al Austria is sealed on a low roweh,
smoking a eitasretk. The Cenor of Russia is strident/ about the room. ,4
larre:asap ql Europa hangs asalinst Ms wall.
CZAR (impatiently) : My dear brother, there is one word which I
never can get you Germans to utter or to understand.
EMPEROR (Mnireltdly) : Alt ! What's that ?
CZAR : The word Now. This is what I have been trying to impress
upon you all the morning. And when I think I have ninth the ruse
clear you light a fresh cigar, and ask me in which opera 6 slat made
the greatest impression in Petersburg. Nobody likes singers and
dancers better than I do—in their place—but, young as you are, you
must feel that there is such a thing as business.
Eurzaon : Don't I feel it ? Ask EOM.
CZAR : Hee! There never was such an opportunity—l may sny
there never was such a necessity—for us to understand one another.
A bold united front now, and you, my dear brother, may sit &own in
peace, and enjoy your music, and your tobacco, and your alarming
female society for the rest of your life.
EMPEROR: Do you believe that? Because, to speak the truth, I
would really as soon be at peace as at war. Our people here like

peace.
CZAR : Our people like—what I like. But Ido not blame you for
consulting, so far as you properly can, the prejudices of your subjects.
What I propose to you seems to me the course they would desire. For
what on earth but a disturbance must follow if Austria takes part with
England and Franco against me ?
EMPILROB : It is not against you, my dear brother; but, after all,
there hangs the map, and we do not want to make a new edition

necessary.
CZAR : Don't be offended if I remind you that Konstrrii would have
made a new edition necessary some time ago but for a friend of

yours.
EMPRROR : I have not forgotten it. Have we not just—discovered
—the regalia of Hungary, providentially in perfect preservation, and
not a jewel lost?
CZAR: Dear me! I did hear that the Crown jewels of Hungary
were in America.

EmPsaon : The Court jewellers will give you any certificate you
please to the contrary. They are most upright tradesmen. I hope
you are satisfied with their assurance that those are the original
articles.

CZAR : Heaven forbid that I should doubt a Court thulesman.
But, if you should ever happen to lose them again, the same number
of men, or more if necessary, shall always be ready to assist in the
recovery. Remember that. I do nut know whether France or
England makes you the same offer.
Emraaoa : You know my feeling towards both. As for Fflonee—
but I suppose we have both the same reverence for paayentss. As for
England—
CZAR : ABERDRZN, I assure you, is a good man, a worthy man,
and one who thoroughly understands and trusts me.
EMPRROR : That we have never doubted. But he is powerless.

CZAR: Not so powerless. He can do nothing: except one thing,
which is better than if he did a great many things. He has the gift of
preventing stronger people from doing anything. ABERDEEN has, in
his dull, sour, obstructive way (fin' I admit he is not brilliant), done
me very good service all through this business. Perhaps I know the
English better than you. The islanders place a great value on some-
thing which continentals care little about—l mean public cha►acter.
Now, my good AnKunEEN has not serupled in his old age to sacrifice
all that remained to him of that article, for the sake of conforming to
my wishes. Do not, therefore, esteem him lightly. He is at this
moment the most unpopular man in England for the part he has taken
as regards me.

EMPEROR : Bah ! What are mob shouts in England ? One day the
people stone WELLINOTON, and another they gather in millions to
attend his funeral.

CZAR : But it is not the mob this time. It is the class whieh has
all the strength, the class that puts down mobs with dragoons just as
readily as you or I should. The rich, the ethic: ated, and the well-born
classes—all except a few cotton jobbers—are f till of bitter animosity
against ABIRDSZN, and one of these days he will be swept from
once by their indignation. All this he has ine urred for me, and the
day I hear of his fall I shall send him a whole b etch of orders.
Emnaoa : You see, if England keeps on terms with France--

CIAIII : Which she will. That maudit inedd ler, MALMESIWRY, con-
trived to lay so solid a basis for the union of Fi lime and England, that
•ve Assanaim's crabbed ingenuity could not sh Ake it; and PALmEastoN,
inn oquesiu,knows his business too well to :ru u risks in that quarter.

SATURDAY,

EMPEKOR : Very well. Then suppose you march upon Constunti-

114/Jae--
CZAR : Suppose nothing. Remember the motto of the Golden
Fleece—Ankles-if yuam Amain mieet.
EMPEROR : It appears to me that mystery is pretty well exploded by
this time. So we will suppose what I say. You beat Omni PACHA out
of Sehuinbi and march on the capital. The English and French fleets
burn Odessa and bombard Sevastopol—
CZAR: They will do nothing of the kind, my beloved brother,
nothing. At least not if we put on, as I said, a bold and united front.
If you will join me, and, I du nut say, repay any little serviee I may
have dome you in the Hungary business (tin• you may command a
million or so of my 111C11 at any time for such a trifle), but if you will
Secure your own safety, by joining with 111 C against the constitutional
Powers, neither French nor English powder will waken the eehoes of
the Black Sea. Russia and Ail. trio united, and Prussia—(frhispers)—
yes, that at least—the others will see very good reasons for leaving the
Turks to settle their affairs with me, and for interceding just when. I
desire it.
EMt'snoß : I do not see the English papers.
CZAR : But I do ; and you will be glad to hear that, in anticipation
of your seeing the force of my arguments here at Ohniitz, the leading
English journal is already advancing reasons why the Turks should be
left to their fate—because they are wicked Mahometans, because they
have in other times persecuted Christians, and l,ecause war costs blood
and money. A sneaking Minister has always a sneaking organ ; and
you are wrong, my dear brother, not to read the journals.
EMPEROR : Well, if that is so, 1 confess that the interests of
Austria and of Europe would seem to demand that I should yield to
my wishes and side with you. Then, if it Mazzini outbreak in Italy, or
a Kossuth affair in Hungary, should occur--
CZAR : Send me word, and I will do the whole work for you, from
the first shot to the last gallows.
Ironton: Then 13uot. hail better see NEssmatonE. Now shall we go
to the ladies? I have invited—( Smiles.)
CZAR ( /aughx): 0, nothing I like better—in proper time and
place. Come along, won elan fri;re. One of these days you must come
and spend fL fortnight With me at Stamboul, and let me show you St.
Sophia, and the Seraglio, eh. ;jaw ("again.
Exentil—L 7'hr Czar pluYlnlly poking the Emperor Austria in his Imperial ribs.

A LEADER ON THE TURKISH QUESTION.
VERsinEl► FROM A MINISTERIAL PAPER OF SEPT. 19.—THE PARENTHESES
SUPPOSED TO OCCUR IN THE MINI► OF THE EDITOR.]
'Tis now understood that the insolent Czar
Has dared to reject the poor t'orte's alterations,
[lnto which we pitched lately, to stare off a war]
Which had the approval of all the Great Nations,
Who've shown themselves [small] in the cause of humanity—
Trying hard to win over a Bear by urbanity.

" Every &sputa' nut),
Mini; uM iestrlligetive
that the arbitration of
Europe bus bevonte
portitms. the 4.011.
141411tellreM Itussis is ex-
clusively resputisible."

" if the rztit, Instead
of objecting hi the source
of these proposittous
objects to their rub-
ruiner, lie invests theiu
with u cluulteter of ha-
porouice.

"On the fonner of theme
points (the source) It
was ineismaible U. deny
that Russia had ob-
tained a certain locus
*Nadi."

[Hum .1] Now, we [of course] are delighted to see
[Whew! Mercury's music will soon make the funds dance]
That all the reports, which have reached us, agree
That not on the grounds of the SOURCE but the SUBSTANCE
He refuses the Vienna note, as amended
To [totideni rerbis] mean what was intended.

We always maintained, and we do so to-day,
This impudent CZAR, son of parents nefausli,
Possessed—and we beg you to mark what we say—
On the grounds of the SOURCE, a correct locus staxdi ;
lint now on the SUBSTANCE we dare take our stand,
And agree with [confound it'] the sense of this land.

Elaborate arguments, tending to prove
The Powers [and ourselves] most untrue to our trust
Are nonsense [0 gentisti!], potent to move

" Elsbontteartrunteuts,
olowrte, have been
devised to pro% et hat the
first Vicuna lotto coup
prised tettlting more nor
less than the provost-
ti tttt s of Nicitol.m4
melt, returnotl to hint for
his owntraer jc,:,;tr Why, one would suppose, from the arguments used,
lanes th the s
of a thin! party. It Our Ministers guilty of bad tricks [and treason],
surely cannot be 'leers.
itary to plc pow, the peir. That first they the friendship of Turkey abused,
contradiction' ofsuch Then cheated the nation of asking the reason:
au suirerUou as this."
Which arguments plainly want sense ; in a word [stunt !],
Are self-contradictory [good at absurdum !]

" It mist also be clear
that they believed them-
pelves 14, have obviated
ohjections by the term%
of their note, for other-
wise the note aunt the
l'onferenee would have
both been nugatory al-
together."

The mob, but all powerless [on those who love dust).
[And as to this Journal, we've only to say,
That old talcs tell queerly at this time of day.]

We grant with their NOTES they've done nothing to speak of.
[ Whotproves they werefools doe s notprore they were badmen]
Let them be well advised [at present to sneak off]
To trifle with sharp tools would prove they were madmen
['Tilt clear we should try a few more notes before we
Try that sok—the war-note—note not nugatory.]

"It's clear that inter. Now, honour [a fig!], faith [fictitious trash!]
vention could be much
more conveniently et- Compel us to [notice how Turkey gets on]
fected before the sword Be bold ; [where's the harm l] but we need not be rash;
has been drawn than
when the CZAR hos been Till might join with right [we should leave her alone].
brought within re" of [The change in our tone will be noticed of course:
his prize with the title
(4 conquest, and after But we'll humbug the public with SUB ITANCZ and SotTHCS].
the awes of war."/

SEPTEMBER 24, 1853.

LORD JOHN RUSSELL AT GREENOCK.
(From our own Correspondent.)
GREENOCK, SEPIvrEMBER 19.
IT is impossible to deseribe the enthusiasm which the presenee of the
author of Pon Ca dos and the Reform Bill ; the theologian who snubbed
the Dean of !Isles:rose, and raised the anti-mummeries riots in London;
the statesman who proposed the Appropriation Clause, carried the
Ecclesiastical Titles Bill, and is now resetting Turkey from the gripe
of Russia, has excited in this ancient and once flourishing port. The
details of the voyage from Roseneath, performed in a " beautiful little
Government merew-steamer obligingly lent by Sir JAMES li RAIIA3I, the
reception by the bullies, in their chains of °like, the procession to the
Rev. Dr. Brown's Church, and the ',laving of Lord Jolts on the com-
munion-table of the sacred edifice, your special reporter leaves,
together with the speeches, to the ordinary reporters of the daily
press.
But I hasten to supply you with a few incidents illustrative of
the popular feelings excited by this event, and for the authenticity of
which I can vouch, as they were communicated to me by Bailie
Mucklewritth (a lineal descendant of the famous Minister of th.it
name in the time of the second Charles).
When it was discovered that the Town-hall was too small to
contain those who wished to be present On the , application
was made in the first instance to the incumbent of the Episcopal
Chapel for the use of that building, as it was felt that " Sec the
completing hero comes" played upon the organ which it possesses
would be an appropriate commeneement of the day's ceremonies.
Great and natural indignation was expressed when the refusal of that
reverend gentleman, and the terms (worthy of the bigoted sect to
which he belongs) in which it was couched, were made known. "My
chapel:. answered the Tory prelatist, " was built t'or the worship of
the Most High, and shall not be desecrated by that of the most little."
The conduct of the Rev. Pr. Itsows in cheerfully placing his
church at the disposal of the Corporation merits all praise. and
will not, it is hoped, be overlooked by a discerning and patriotic
Government. Be that, however, as it may, it is gratifying to know
that many of the most respectable tradesmen in the town have in
the course of the day applied for sittings in the Mid Church, and
have expressed their willingness to pay advanced rents for them.
The solemn and almost religious tone of his Lordship's address
was felt to be in accordance with the genius loci ; and the marked
absence of all specific allusion to away of the political controversies of
the day was as appropriate to the sacred edifice as it was, doubtless,
convenient to the noble speaker.
After his Lordship's departure a special meeting of the Corpora
tion was held, to consider whether some permanent record of an event
so honourable to Greenock should not hand the recollection of itdown

to posterity.
Various plans were suggested ; but were, on consideration, laid
aside, its too expensive. At length the proposal of a young Bailie,
who had just returned from a trip to Switzerland, and had visited
Feeney, was adopted. "We canna do better, I'm thinking," he
exclaimed, with the happy inspiration of genius, " than to adopt the
in:m.l.4lf put up over his kirk door by the immortal Voltaire, the
founder of that school of distinguished men in Edinburgh from whom,
as the Noble Lord has beautifully said, he received part of his cam%
t' . . Deo erexit Voltaire • is the inscription ; and we shall be
honouring Dr. ItnowN and the Mid Church, and Greenock, anal com-
memorating this great event at no expense att a. if we ,just put up ever
the kirk door (I'm no sure of the Latin terminations, but maybe the
I►octor will see to them), ' 3ohanni llnssellio eedit Deus.'" This pro-
posad was received with unbounded applause by the meeting, especially
by that portion of it which did not understand Latin, and is to be at
once carried into effect, together with a suggestion of a gentleman
connected with the Free Kirk at Glasgow, mho, reminding the meeting
that on the tower of that building were to be seen the sculptured
likenesses of the sainted ARGYLE and the gentle lixox, reeommendeil
that the effigies of Lord JOHN, which a local artist had volunteered to
execute at at very reasonable rate, should grace the portal of that
building which his eloaluence had immortalised.
The meeting then separated, highly delighted with the events of
the day and the manner in which they are to be commemorated.

THRIVING OCCUPATION.
WE are informed by the Greenock reporters that Lord Jon% IlussEii.
is in possession of " vigorous health." We congratulate his Lordship
that, having worn out the Cuubtitutiou of his country, ho has his own
to fall back upon.

CORRESPONDENCE

403

BETWEEN THE SECRETARY TO THE ADMIRALTY AND
PAUL PRY, Esq., Ex-M.P. FOR CORK.
No. 1.

14:An PAut.,—You are aware of the real object of my Lord's going
over to Queenstown. As it will be necessary to take soundings of how
the Papal title is running now in Ireland, the First Lord will go over
himself, and heave the lead in one of after-dinner
speeches. He has desired me to try and get points for him; and as,
next to myself, your ready-made wit is unfailing. 1 hope you will oblige
me by suggetiting mom popular local allusions with which Sir JAMILI
can season his speech to the gulls of Cork.—Ever yours,

It. 0.

NO. 11.
FROIII Alit. CON11111V410Wil:11 PAUI. PUY TO THE SKettliTAltY OW TIM
ADMlittl.TY.

NY DEAR RALPH,—I ItCIO you the private joke-book which I
al ways used in my addresses to my opuniditos constituents. You eau
have its reversion to assist your own parliumeittatry impromptus. 1
will desire my friends. once there, to be sure to prepare the laugh when
the First Lord gets on his legs.—Ever truly,

PAUL PRY.
MEMS. FOR Silt JAMES GRAHAM'S C 1,1711 SPEECH.
I. lie will have to enter the harbour between a pair of geographical
mints, called on the map "Cork Bead," and " Poor Head," and the first
local notabilities who will wait on him will be the City Members.
vim tan, who is a manufaeturer of " Cork Stout," will lint him in mind
of the first point; and FAGAN, whose speeches will inevitably make him
reeollect the other. It will be better, however. not to he kw t allay
on these points. as they are. fireadem (nab°, coalitionists both. and he
111115111111 511111 upon them. Ile must remember, however, that fur all
their civility they will expect " equiraloas."
Just as he has arrived he will he saluted by a discharge of guns
from a battery whose name will much interest him. lie will be' told
that it is " Fiat" and that it was erected during the Viceroyalty
ot* the Earl of l'Ausami.K. in the days of the Irish Volunteers. lie, kw,
van 11111111 the compliments with significant allusions to the present
Irish Brigade, and the reports of his own explosions from Carlisle.
and how, on Papal Aggression, his volleys made more noise than even
" the great gun of Athlone."
:t. Iliac steamer will be moored right under a well-known loeslity
called " The Holy Ground," a name with deep suggestiveness
for the Peelite allies of his Holiness the Pope.
lie must not allow himself to be taken up to the height over-
topping the tAiwn of COW. It is called " Spy Hill," on account of its
extensive views seaward. Hut it would be most Ind apropos to sett the
victimiser of the Handlers' brothers ascending a bill "hpy."
5. Ile should eommend Cork Harbour for the facility with which
it can be reached under any wind : he may also make some remarks on
the eliffieulty of entering the port of Downing-street, and describe his
own experience in tacking, and the variety of currents which the
Netherby Privateer has had to encounter.
N.H. In praising the present Hoard of Admiralty. he can also
gracefully allude to the Secretary's skill in raising the wind, as shown
when the. Miihnexcx craft was short of fuel, and could not succeed iu
getting up the steam.

ALL THE TALENTS.
A bungle of " dry sticks," together I►ound,
Ily faction tightly twisted round and round,
A Coalition nicknamed by the nation,
One rather thinks is net.", for conflagration.
See "All the Talents," what at curious jumble—
Talent to tell tales, bungle, cajole, fumble ;
Talent Ii 'r place, power, peace—why, on one's trial',
One thinks they'll 'split the put that holds the much-
sl►oiled broth!

WIIArS IN A NAME?"

THE First Lord of the Admiralty is said to be very intent on the
sul►ject of education in the Navy. Mr. ItEes.u. °slams,: the other
►lay, when inspecting the books of the Hag-ship at Plymouth, and
observing A B written after many of their Mt is said to have ad-
dressed the commander with great seriousness. and intimated Ills
► pnviction that his chief would be much displeased at finding so many
of the shills company hut yet up to) the A It C of their I►rufessluu.
The captain looked astonished, and the secretary dignified.

MEN AND MEASURES.
GRAHAM'S "Large Measure Of iteforle"
Looka small in apeci•Loa
But ARaunay.s at least can boaat
That all his measures are Imperial.