The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1874-08-22 00:00:00

SELECTED ANECDOTES.

AN INTRIGUING BISHOP.- Hinchliffe, bishop of
Peterborough. was the son of a livery-stable keepw,
and was educated at Westminster, of which school he

was appointed head-master in 1764. He married the
EXCELLENT ADVICE TO INTENDING sister of his liberal friend and pupil, Mr. Crews.
EMIGRANTS. Hinchliffe had been employed by the latter to persuade
the lady not to entertain the suit of an officer in the
On the subject of Emigration which has recently been re- Guards; and he did this so effectually that the lady
commended to those who are dissatisfied with "Old Eng-
land,' The Times has the following leader which will well graciously listened to own, and bestowed on him •
hisrepay a thoughtful perusal . hand that carried a large fortune with it.
The subject of Emigration is one with which the FOR CA.SH Dow.—A teacher in one of the
English people have been long and intimately
con- poulte schools, having occasion to punish one of his
cerned. Our own population is large, and presses for scone misdemeanour, placed him on the
closely upon the means of subsistence. It may be Pplatformi to wait until he had heard some classes recite,
that we have not, in the strict sense of the words,
be r any b'A the culprit took advantage of the teacher's engage-
surplus hands—i.e.an , hands for which no work could
being somewhat vexed, itromised another scholar a
hands in abundance for which no work is found, anti and escaped from the schoolhouse. The teacher,
' a
found—but we certainly have, and have always had,
reward of a shilling if he would bring the runaway back
to the school-house;. before this could be 11.1
do nothing for themselves at home. This is the natural
accomp r Ils
which, from some deficiency of skill or industry, can
however, the boy who had escaped heard of the offered
and 'and sent word to the teacher that he would
and permanent state of things here, and it has been in- „
creased and intensified of late by temporary causes, the return and take the licking for sixpence—cash down."
effect of which hats been that the English labourer has A GRAMMATICAL SOLUTION. - The wife of a well.
emigrated to almost every portion of the known or known literary gentleman, while reading one of his
habitable globe. There is one country, in particular, articles for the press, corrected it as she went along—
which has been always popularly regarded as the and the errors were somewhat numerous. "Why,
paradise of the working man, and this, of course, husband," she exclaimed, " you don't know the first
he has most sought as a refuge from his home rules of grimmer, or else you are very negligent"—
troubles. The vast North American Continent, with 'Well, well, my love," he exclaimed, looking up from
its millions of unclaimed acres its fertile cultivated his work, " what's the matter now ? "—" Why, in
lands, its abundance of mineral wealth, its liberal three cases you speak of our sex in the plural, and
wages, and its free government, has been pointed out write it in the singular number."—" I eall't help it,"
to thousands and hundreds of thousands of our die- was the retort ;," woman is a singular being."
contented labourers as the place of all others in which THE DANDY AND THE STATESMAN.— Dr. Randolph,
their favourite ideal of a good day's pay for a Rood the celebrated American orator and statesman, was in
day's work was most certain to be realized. They a tavern lying on a sofa in the parlour, waiting for the
might go, as they pleased, to the United States or to stage to come to the door. A dandified chap stepped
our own Colonial settlements, and they would find into the room with a whip in his hand, just come from
themselves in either of them equally welcome and a drive, and standing before the mirror, arranged his
I almost equally at home. They have been exhorted, hair and collar, quite unconscious of the presence of the
I therefore, just to pluck up their courage an-I cut gentleman on the eofix After attitudinising a while.
I themselves adrift from their old life of incessant
and unrewarded toiL There were better things wait- e turned to go out, when Mr. Randolph asked him :
"Oh'
Llt
" Has the stage come?"—" Stage, air ! stage !'' said
ing for them on the other side of the globe, if they theg
,00r pardon,"*
fop;, ` l' ven
d Randolph,tohaiingdo isi toi
hoiett,lsyn:..;--
.Ih‘
would only have the heart to seek them there. An be
appeal like this, supported as it has been by numerous you were the driver ! "
and respectable witnesses, has naturally not been
made in vain. The crowds to whotn these assurances A PUNNING ARCHBISHOP.—Sir William Dawes,
have been uttered have, for the most part at least. Archbishop of York, was very fond of a into, His
believed them to be true, and if they have not there- clergy dining with him, for the first time after he had
fore acted upon them it has been only because home lost his Lady, he told them he feared they did not find
ties have, for a variety of reasons, been too strong, things in so good order as they used to be, in the time
and the spirit of enterprise too weak to urge them of poor Mary ; and looking extremely sorrowful, added
forth. The majority has, accordingly, grumbled and with a deep sigh—" She was, indeed, Ma,.epaettieum."
stayed at home, while a more free and active minority A curate, who pretty well knew what she had been,
has left them behind, and has gone boldly out to seek called out: "Aye, my Lord, but she was Mare
a fortune for itself in the new lands of promise. The snorts sot first." Sir William gave him a living of 000
result, however, has certainly not in all eases cor- per annum within two months afterwards.
responded with the expectations of the emigrants. THE UNGRATEFUL ONE. - " Stanley," said Widower
Some have succeeded, and probably just those who Brown to his hopeful of fifteen summers, "I want you
would have succeeded if they had stayed at home; but to remain at home this evening."—" What for, pop?
an evil report has been brought back by more than one Where are you going?"—" That's a very impertinent
disappointed adventurer, who has found, to his dismay, question fur a son to propound to hie father, but I
that he has exchanged bad for worse, and has been suppose I must answer it. I am going to pay my
glad at the earliest opportunity to be quit of his delu- best respects to Miss Sally Patterson this evening."—
workenr e
at
all, and
and Itli is worhasbeenwhenfound, itliieul tforhi
has t°
be, fine.d "No you don't, pop? lam going to see her myself
, this evening, and 'taint no use of us both going to see
both harder and less highly paid. His living has been the same gal at the same time." Si saying, young
more costly than at home, and his incomings have been
Stanley took up his hat and walked off, leaving his
both scantier and more uncertain. His hope had been 1 father perfectly confounded.
that in the New World a life of industry would be 1 l,
held in honour, and that the workmen there would be , ee READY TEST !—Dr. Cadogan, of Charlee the
the social equal of the richest and loftiest in the State. I Second's time, secured as his wife a wealthy lady, over
The treatment he has actually experienced has been 1 whose property he hail unfettered control. Against
as far as possible the reverse of all that he had expected. the money, howetveeebtehereowere two imptobr:ant. points
He has been neglected, uncared-for, and despised, lists figuringl under the
Afatceir f " BeXt- if
" f brideht "8
been worked almost to death, and left to perish after-- old and
quernor ' I apendmgfew mon s
the
wards without a helping hand to assist him in his alternatefits jealoushate an jealous fondness, th
worst troubles, and he is glad now, before it is too late, poor creature conceived the terrible fancy that her
• husband was bent on destroying her with poison, and
to make his escape back again to the Old Country at
least a wiser, though a sadder and a poorer man. I BO ridding his life of her execrable temper. One day,
, when surrounded by her friends, and in the presence
There has been during some days past a series of 1 of her lord and master, she fell on her lack in a state
letters in our columns which, as our readers will have ' of hysterical spasms, exclaiming ,--" Ah ! he has killed
remarked, show certainly that there is sometimes a me at last. lam poisoned !"—" Poisoned !" cried the
considerable difference between the prospects held out lady friends, turning up the whites of their eyes. "Oh !
by emigration agents and the actual experiences of gracious goodness ! —you have done it, doctor! '—
Emigrants. It is, of course, natural that those whose "What do you accuse me of ? " asked the doctor, with
business it is to attract the largest number possible to surprise, "I accuse you—of--killing me —ex," re-
new fields of labour should dwell a little too exclusively sponded the wife, doing her best to imitate a
on one side only of the facts, and should leave out of death-struggle. " Ladies, ' answered the doctor, with
sight a good deal which, in the intending Emigrant's , admirable nonchalance' bowing to Mn. Cadogan's
interest, it is very desirable he should be made ac- bosom associates, "it is perfectly false. You all
quainted with. It is asserted, and no doubt with per- ' quite welcome to open her at once, and then you'll
feet truth, that abundant room is to be found in discover the calumny."
North America for almost any supply of skilful and ~. .... ,
CHARLES MATHEWS 8 r 00TMAN. —One warm sum-
energetic labourers. Such men will, indeed, get on
mer day Mathews had a dinner party at Highgate.
anywhere, but their chance of raising themselves to
There were present among others Broderip, Theodore
independence and wealth will, perhaps, be better in , ' :
North America than at home. It would be easier for'
I Hook, General Phipps, Manners Sutton (then Speaker
them there to obtain land which they can call their of the House of Commons), and Charles Kemble.
own. Their life may be hard, and their comforts and Dessert was laid out the lawn. Mathews, without
on e .
hint' his intention, rang the bell in the dinmg-room
luxuries not numerous; but they will share in all mg .
this the ectninon lot of those around them, and they ' and,. on its being answered, man to follow told the
'
will find it far from intolerable. The chief thing need- ' him to the stables while he gave the coachman certain
ful is that they should begin work with a sufficient 1 directions
th ei n 'iprnsen nl:e eaTliz Ines tXet coachmanlla ewa
capital to maintain them through their first struggles. reached
' (who he k stable-door
t there), looked in and, before
These they will, of course, find most severe, but, ' new was
could
when these are once ended, their position will be morestarted back,'a d '
the
man-eervant come up,
secure and their ultiniate prospects will be brighter voice of horror cried net "God heavens. go back, go
back and tell Mr. Ke net,
that his horse has cut his
and more hopeful The condition we have named throat!" The . ill infected
is, however, the very one with which most labour- b h
simple
goose, y is master'.
ing men will find it least easy to comply. Th,,,,e well-feigned panic, and never pausing to reflect on the
who are not fortunate enough to do so would be abaurdity of the thing, burst on to lawn, and, with
cheeks blanched with terror, roared out. "Mr. Kemble
wise to attend carefully to the warnings which have . ,
been addressed to them, and they ought, in all fair- anted directly." ' " Seeing Mr. Kenible in.
air'
hurryyouretew move, he repeated-y hisgap appeal with
nese, to be made acquainted with the real dangers
no
ed emphasis. "For Heaven's sake sir come;
in-
to which they will inevitably be exposed. We may crew
h has his" M ' ' f C rie' ; cut throat! mow o ha
remark, in the first place, that there is just now a cm- your poor °rBe
mercial depression in the United States, which will Masse losing.
render it more than usually difficult for the " Moa'ar YOU'LL KEEP. —Some years ago an old
I unprovided labourer to meet at once with the sign-painter, who was very cross, very gruff, and a
comfortable place of which be LB in search. His little deaf, was engaged to paint the Ten Commands
chance of finding it, whether in America or else ments on some tablets in a church not five miles from
where, is probably at any time less than he has been Buffalo. He worked two days at it, and at the end of
induced to think; but, at the present time, and in the second day the pastor of the church came to see
the face of quickened native competition it will be how the work progressed. The old man stood by,
more than ordinarily vain for him to hope that his molting a short pipe, as the reverend gentleman ran
dreams will be translated into facts. This depression his eyes over the tablets. "Eh !" said the pastor, as
is, of course, not likely to last long, and is certain not his familar eye detected something wrong in the work-
to be perpetual; but it is none the less a fatal obstacle ing of the precepts ; "why, you careless old man, you
while it exists to the unfriended and unfurnished have left a part of one of the commandments entirely
Emigrant. It means that for sometime yet there will out; don't you see?" "No; no such thing," said the
' be less capital than formerly employed in maintaining old man, putting on his spectacles; "no ; nothing left
' workmen in America; that there will be fewer out—where?" "Why, there," persisted the pastor,
, places to be filled and more competitors eagerly "look at it in the Bible ; you have left some of that
an search of them. In fact, until trade revives work commandment out " " Yell, what if I have ? " said
will be scanty and pay low, and the prospect is not old Obstinacy, as he ran his eye complacently over his
Inviting. The intending Emigrant would do well at work ; "what if I have? There's more there now than
1 A t 1. • wait for in •re favourable tidings from you'll keep ! " Another awl a more correct artist was
the New World before he ventures on a bold step employed the next day. I
which is easier to take than to retrace. In •
A Paacrlcat. JOKE—On one occasion two or three
, the best of times, however, and when work is most
friencle came down for a day's shooting, and, as they
highly paid and most plentiful, he may have to
••ften did, in the evening they rowed out into the middle
, encounter difficulties and privations in America of the little lake in an old punt. They were full of
[ none of which could possibly occur to him at !Tints, and had played off one •••• twe praetical jokes
, . Is, use. A land in which the labourer is generally ion their beet, till on getting out of the lo ,at, leaving
, ielependent has not the same need as we have
him last, one of them gave it a push, and •sit went
• to make public provision for the destitute, and private lb od into the water. Fortunately it was the landing-
charity, too, is less likely to be extended to poverty place, and the water was not deep, but he was wet
awl misfortune for which presumably the sufferer is through. It was playing with edged tools to venture
. , himself to blame. The Agent-General for Canada, on such tricks with him, and he quietly determined to
. Mr. Edward Jenkins, writes to us, with an air of turn the tables. Accordingly, he presently began to
triumph, that, in the happy country for which he is complain of cramps and stitches, and at last went in
, concerned, Workhouses and Poor Laws are unknown; doors. His friends, getting rather ashamed of their
, but he seems strangely unaware of the consequences] of
1 rough fun, persuaded him to go to Led, which he im-
his own admission. The Workhouse may not be the
• • mediately did. His groans and complaints increased
beet or most honourable retirement for old age, but,
so alarmingly that they were almost at their wit's end
: for all that, there may be plenty who would be thank- what to do. My mother had received a quiet hint,
ful for its shelter. Poor Relief may be far enough and was, therefore not alarmed, though much amused
• from a desirable kind of income, but it is at least pre- at the terrified efforts and prescriptions of the repentant
' ferable to starvation. Mr. Jenkins Emigrants, it is jokers. There was no doctor to be had fer utiles, and
! clear, should lie proof against some of the very ordinary all sorts of
queer remedies were suggested and ads
incidents of humanity. They must make thew ministered, my father shaking with laughter, while
. fortunes before they can be either sick or old, or they they supposed he had got ague or fever. One rushed
[ will pay dearly for their mistake. lup with a tea-kettle of boiling water hanging on his
; The sum of the whole matter seems to be that ' arm, another tottered under a tin bath, and a third
a good labourer, with a little capital at his brought the mustard. My father at length, as well as
, command, will be very likely to do well in North he could speak, gave out in a sepulchral voice that he
l America. He must, of course, be willing to work, was sure he was dying, and detailed some meet absurd
, and to work hard ; and if the chapter of accidents directions for his will, which they were all too fright-
goes against him, he will be a good deal worse off ened to see the fun of. At last he emld stand it no
. than he would have been if he had remained longer, and, after hearing the penitent offenders beg
5 patiently at home. Emigration is, at belt, more or him to forgive them f orthnir unfortunate.joke, ! and
. 1 a lottery, with many good prizes, but with a beseech him to believe intheir remorse, he burst into
3 few terrible blanks. The conditions necessary for a perfect shout of laughing, which they thought first
• success abroad are, after all, very much the same as was delirous frensy, but which ultimately betrayed the
those which are necessary at home; and the man joke.—Met
notes of Thomas Hood.

T