The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1875-07-03 00:00:00

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS.

A male native of Michigan is now denominated a
Ifichigander, while his female mate is called a Michigoose,

_
A patent medicine fender in New York advertises
pills and ointment that will cure the worst fit of any pair of
boots.
"Setting a man-trap" is the title given to the pio-
tura of a pretty yoang lady arranging her curls at a mirror.

"Blizzard," meaning a blinding storm, is a new
word of general use "out West," over which etymologists
are puzzling their heads.
Josh Billings never attends a "spelling-bee." Ho
says they are frods," and only fit " tew amoot ignernt
foakes."

" Ah, Jemmy," said a sympathising friend to a
man who was just too late for the train, "you did not run
fast enough." "Yes, I did," said Jemmy, "I ran fast
enough, but I didn't start soon enough."

Josh Billings says civilisation slowly but certainly
elevates the mean ration of human life. As many live
now to seventy as ved to forty-three hundred years ago.
A woman in Wathena, Kansas, has just procured
her fifth divorce. Her lawyer has intimated his willingness
to entertain a proposition to take her cases by yearly con-
tract at reduced rates.

Speaking of the close of Cincinnati Festival, Church's
Musical Visitor says :—" The voice of the piseolo is hushed,
and the bassoon-blowers have gone where the eaprifoiium
periclymenum meandereth "
The American Rochefoncauld says the reason why
ladies' teeth decay sooner than gentlemen's is because of the
friction of the tongue and the sweetness of the lips.
- - •

A gentleman. said that he had been supping on a
eurious dish, which he had never seen before—calves tails.
"Extremes meet," was the comment othis pleasant friend.
The American Rochefoucauld says, "Could infants
understand half what mothers say to them, the grown-up
result would be young men and women filled with a conceit of
importance which would render them insupportable through
life."

Spellisg-matches in the United States are losing
their original educational and instructive character, and are
developing into displays of wit and party-feeling. A number
of coloured students recently organised a context at New
York, and gave some very queer renderings of the words sub-
mitted to them. Thus "Grant," was spelt "third term,"
"Shakespeare" as "Boticicanit," "April" as "December."

A man confined in gaol, in the State of Delaware,
under sentence of death, recently broke out, called on the
district attorney, and informed him that a prisoner who had
the scarlet fever had been placed in a cell near his—that he
had remonstrated upon the subject with the gaoler, who
paid no attention to him, and that he had now called to say
that he did not care a fig about the sentence of death hang-
ing over him, but that he would not be exposed to the scarlet
fever. The fastidious gentleman was accommodated with
another cell.

A Madison county (Illinois) damsel has offered her-
self as a prize to one of four suitors who outspells the others.
The maton will be held in a school-house, and an admission
fee of 25 cents will be charged, the proceeds to go towards
furnishing a house for the young couple. _ _

- - -
At a trial the other day, an old lady of some eighty
years was closely questioned by the opening counsel relative
to the clearness of her eyesight, "Can yau see me ? " said he.
"Yes." "How well can you see me ? " persisted the
lawyer. "Well enough," responded the lady, "to see that
you are neither a negro, an Indian, nor a gentleman."
CLIMBING TOR A SILK DRESS.—At Pioche, not long
ago, a party of ladies expressed a desire to inspect the
workings of the Raymond Mine, and were accordingly
escorted into the lower depths by the foreman. After satis-
fying their curiosity, the conversation turned upon the
means of egress, and the fatigue and danger of climbing the
ladders with which the shaft is furnished, whereupon one of
the fair visitors said that she believed she could climb the
ladder herself. After some badinage the foreman promised
the lady that he would present her with a handsome silk
dress if she climbed from one of the levels to another alone,
a perpendicular height of 200 feet. The challenge was no
sooner made than accepted, and the dauntless lady climbed
the ladder for the specified 200 feet, a task that few men
except miners would care to undertake. The foreman is
now of the opinion that if instead of 200 the ladder had been
1,000 feet in length, the lady would have climbed 11 11 there
was to he found a silk dress on reaching the top.
A BOSTON LADY "SHOPPING 1 "—A great many
curious stories are told of the shopping propensities of ladies,
and a Boston salesman in a carpet warehouse has just added
a good one to the number. One day a well-dressed lady
called and asked to look at some carpets. With the usual
politeness in such cases, the goods were shown, every shade
and pattern in the shop being spread out for her examination.
After looking at everything about the place, and driving some
very close bargains in the mattgy of price, the lady selected
a carpet for each room in her hBtise, running up a bill which
filled the courteous salesman's heart with soy. Some hours
had been spent in making out th*mportant order and when
all was completed the clerk asked where the carpets were to
be sent. The lady replied, without hesitation, that she
would call in and let him know "You see," she added,
"my husband has just bought a piece of ground, and talks
some of building a house on it. If he does, you know, I
shall want some new carpets, and then I will eall and get
these." The polite clerk thanked the lady very kindly
and she went away very well contented with her purchases.