The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1873-04-12 00:00:00

THE STOURBRIDGE OBSERVE It.

to the fully-developed matron, with htr ,infant tum-
bling in a cradle beside her, and the wrinkled hag, '
with her iron-grey locks bound with a gay bandana. I
Poor, but merry and impudent withal, they were; and
some of the sprightly hoydens with sprays of lilac and
roes-buds in their magnificent black hair were a little
too ready with a wink. There is s tradition that they
smoke, not dainty cigarettes but full-flavoured cigars;
in any case they are carefully examined before leaving
to see that they do not smuggle out any trabucos for
personal consumption or as gifts to their favoured I
swains. They were dressed invariably in lively cotton.
prints, with short shawls of red, or maroon, or saffron,
or other glaring hue. To be shockingly frank, not one
.4 them was conspicuously pretty ; they had all brilliant
eyes and teeth; but all had an ill-fed, dried-up ap-
pearance, even those who were inclined to flesh. The
Spanish woman, after a certain age, has a tendency
to get fat without passing through the buxom stage;
connoisseurs pretend that this is the combined effect of
rancid oil and sweetatuff. But it is not gallant to dive
into the secrets of female nature. Very assiduously
these' lazy Andalusiennes" bent to their tasks, picked
and sorted the leaves, rolled the cigars into shape,
clipped them, gummed the ends, and packed them into
handles tied with smart ribands of silk —for they are
paid by the piece, and the bull-fighting season is near,
md they must save the price of a seat at that on
Easter Sunday come what will. The cigars are askorted
in boxes according to their shape and size, their brand
and their strength, the latter being indicated by the
word "claro," " claro colorado,” "colorado," which
is the medium flavour; " colorado maduro" and
" maduro "as they advance in five gradations from
mild to strong. Leaving the cigar-hall, I was shown into
the cigarette-hall, where a number of quieter girls,
with shallow boxes of tobacco dust, almost as flue as
snuff, were rolling the paper cylinders exactly as it
is done by smokers, but with fingers surer and nimbler.
In another hall the cartuchos, or Packages to hold
cigarettes and tobacco, were made. They were ready
printed and cut, waiting to be put on a wooden frame,
turned over, and panted. One child of ten was pointed
out to me as the quickest in the lot. Her small hands
flew over her work with a rapidity that dazzled. She
had need to be expeditious, poor child, for she received
just one farthing for every hundred packages she
rustle.

—There are other people beeides the tantalising tile-
meters and the saucy cigarreraa who are rebellious to
the drowsy influences of clime, and profanely work
the gipsies and the beggars, There are some gipsies
here, though not so many as in the pages of Murray.
l'he excessively dirty and extremely picturesque race
with parchment skins and high cheek-bones Is dying
out. A few stray members of the tribe remain in the
remotest and raggedest part of the transpontine
suburb, and shear mules, cope horses, and do tinkering
jobs generally, filling in their spare time with petty
larceny. Their women shuffle cards and tell fortunes. A
splendid people they are, those gipsies, in Borrow's
book and on canvas. In private life their society is hardly
to be courted. If you do not want to see them they are
sure to turn up; if you do, as! do, you must lookfor
them and not always with success. I have been anxious
to come across the Rommanies since I have been in
Spain, and I have been almost as unsuccessful as I was
last year when I went to Cannstat to assist at that
septennial gipsy parliament, with the tale of which
Schwartz, the jovial journalist of Stuttgart, hoaxed
half Europe and a great portion of America. In fact,
I have encountered but one gipsy, • yellow girl who
was eager to exhibit her palmistry at my expense in
the immense coffee-house under the Fonda de Paris at
Madrid, and she left a strong impression in my mind
of having been own sister to a persuasive prophetess
who once cheated me out of half-a-crown on the
towing-path by Putney at a 'Varsity boat-race. Your
hopes of seeing • giosy dance at Seville will be disap-
pointed. If you give a courier two pounds sterling he
may be able to get you up one ; • lot of filthy bony
men and women will execute epileptic saltatory move-
ments before you—not the Esmeralda dance by any
means, but lewd swaying of the body from the hips,
and vehement contortions—and, finally, one creature
will throw her handkerchief at your feet. A well-bred
caballero will fill the handkerchief with shining dollars
and hand it back to her with a bow. This dance is
work, downright hard work ; but it is a dance: for
money. MllOlOlOO, not Terpsichore, is the genius
to whom worship is paid. The mendicants work
as industriously at their trade as thee dancing
gipsies. I counted fifty-seven mendicants In a
short morning walk yesterday, some robust and some
well-dressed, with the well-acted meekness of genteel
poverty. The cripples, the noeeless, the adults with
thin baby arms, and the jumping Billy-the-bowls,
could not be paralleled out of South Italy. They are
all past masters in the art of petitioning; they are
students of physiognomy like Lavater, and can tell at
face which " "

a glance a ought to belong'to a charitable
person ; and then they have such a varied assortment
of tones, from the whine, the wheedle and the snuffle,
to the unctuous droning prayer or the fierce maledic-
tion.

suicide by ePenilag a—Vein of his arm with • razor.
The remainder ot the school, "in • state of the wildest
excitement," say the papers, proceeded to draw lots as
to which ten should give themselves up, one cited
alone surrendering himself spontaneously. On the
morrow at noon, as had been ordered beforehand, the
whole school were paraded opposite two Prison vain
which were to convey the ten victims to the military
prison in the Rue de Cherche-Midi for • month's
solitary confinement. The officers of the school were
visibly affected. Two or three could not refrain from
sobbing. The cadet-sergeant, who was the hero of
all the hubbub, staggered weeping up to the governor
and implored him to pardon the culprits, but the
governor, although himself overcome with emotion,
would relent no further than commuting to a fort-
night's imprisonment the sentence on the cadet
who had given himself up of his own accord. Now
there are points in this singular business which
must concern not Frenchmen alone, but all who ,
take any interest in the French aamy and its w-
eaned regeneration. To begin with, is it not a rather
grave matter that among a body of young men, who
will shortly become officers, and as such be expected
to net a pattern of honour to the whole country, but •
single one should have been found to step out manfully
and face the consequences of his misconduct? What
can be the moral condition of the others, who though
guilty, shrank from giving themselves up, and are now
suffering some probably innocent comrades to undergo
a mouth's imprisonment in their stead? Then, again,
it argues a strange want of harmony between the
cadets and their officers when conduct which the
latter eulogise as in every way honourable should
he baused by the former as deserving of Coventry.
One could understand such antagonism between
schoolboys and their masters; but the St. Cyrians
are gentlemen who are preparing for some of the most
important duties which can be intrusted to a man,
and it might fairly be expected that they should enter-
tain relations of • friendly and pleasant character with
the officers who are training them. AB to the
offence of stepping out of the ranks and insulting hie
sergeant, that might be passed over briefly if it were the
isolated act of one hot-headed young man, but followed
as it was by • raid of 50 other cadets on this one
sergeant, it looks as if French youths had learnt no-
thing by the events of the late war and the frightful
cataetrophee to which the want of discipline gave rise.
The governor and his staff appear to have acted with
judgment, but, taking the account of their demeanour
on parade as we find it in the papers we must cone
eider their emotion and sobbing to have been particu-
larly ill-timed. It is precisely by this affectation of
soft-heartednese in the sward of the most lenient and
most richly-deserved puniehments that Frenchmen
have shaken all respect for authority and encouraged
such writer. as M. de Giradin to question the right of
society to indict any punishment at all—the more so
a• the tears and sobs spring from no deep seated feel-
ing of humanity. The officer who weeps to-day in
slightly punishing • grave ereach of diecirline would
shoot flown revolutionißts and their wives ay the score
to-morrow without compunction. 'The two prison vans
which conveyed the misdemeanants to the common pri-
son of military defaulters are the only pleasant feature
in this whole bueinets ; and it is to be hoped for their
own sakes that the ten young gentlemen who stepped
Into th se vehicles were too much bewildered by their
own emotions to notice that of the general who had
sentenced them to this wholesome journey. On the
whole' we are not surprised to learn that the authori-
ties at St. Cyr and the War Office should have been
greatly vexed at the circumstances of this affair having
been made public, and we can well sympathise with
the journals who speak with bitterness and chagrin of
so pitiful a scandal. To • Bisinuckist German reading
of it, the business must have been but too welcome ;
to a Frenchman it can only suggest such reflections as
those we find in the Temps, which asks whether cadets
had not better pa's their probationary stage in the
*my itself instead of in • costly c illege maintained
by the State, where they clearly fail to learn those
simple rudiments of order and obedience which raw
recruits are taught in a single month.

THI DRAFT BALDININSVILLF..—"Thie is a sped-
moot of how thlnp was goin in my plane of restdense,
Artemis Ward, the Showman. "A few wee trim blue. Ths
schoolmaster was among 'am- He greeted me warmly. Be
said I was weikim thou shores. Be said I had a massive
mind. It was gratifyin, he said, to see that great intuits&
'talkie in their midst onct more. I have before had ooe
radon to notice this schoolmaeter. Ile Is Wedge* a yOnng
man of far more than ortrnary talenta The achoolsouter pro-
wiped we should git up • mass meetin'. The inutile was
largely attended. We held It in the open air, round a
traria' bonfire. The schoolmaster was the first orator.
He's pretty good on the speak. He also writ•-• well, his
composition bele' seldom marred by ingrammattichrna
lie said this inactivity surprised him. 'What do you ex-
pect will come of this kind of dome?' said he. 'Nail
—'Hooray for NMI!' interrupted I. 'Fellow cid-
zene, let's glv three cheers for Nthil, the man who II"
The schoolmaster turned • little red. but repeated, 'fihisiZ
fit'—' Exactly, I said. fit. Ile wasn't a strategy
feller.'—' Our venerable friend,' said the schoolmaster,
%mina' pleasantly, isn't 'posted in Virgil.'—' No, I don t
know him,' says I; 'but if he's a able-bodied man, he
most stand a little draft.' The schoolmaster wound up In
eloquent she, and I took the stand. I said the crisis had
not only cum itself, hut it had brought all Its relations.
It Au cum, I said, with the evident intention of main'
, us a good long visit. It's loin' to take Mr its things and
I stop with on. My wife says so too. This is a grand war.
For those who like this war, it. Just such a kind of war
I as they the, I'll bet ye. My wife says so too. If the
I Federal army succeeds in takin' Washington, and they seem
to be advancing that way pretty often. I shall say It is
strategy, and Washington will be safe. And that noble
banner, as it were—that banner, as it were—will be a
emblem, or rather, I should say, that noble banner—as it
were. My .if. says so too: '[l got a little mined up here,
but they didn't notice it. Beep mum.) Me and Betsy is
1. We shan't draft in Baldinsville if we can help It.

A SHARP RETORT—TWO young ladies, very gen-
teelly dressed, were lately riding in a London omnibus. One
of them, whose features were more remarkable for an exces-
sive prominence of nose than anything else, exhibited to the
other • likeness of herself, which she said had just been
taken, aud they were engaged in discussing its merits, when
an elderly lady Rot Into the 'bus. She was evidently one of
those inquisitive yet good-naturec souls who take • deal of
innocent liberty in the world without thinking any harm.
After riding a short distance she held out her hand, and said
to the lady with the picture, "Please let me look at It"
Her modest request was met with an indignant frown, and
the reply, as the case was returned to the lady's pocket, "Its
none of your business!" The old lady settled back In her
seat very complacently, when the companion of the one with
the picture asked, "What do you wish to do with it "
" Oh, nothing," replied the old lady : "I only wanted to Dee
bow succesafulty the artist has put such • nose on so small a
plate The lady with the likeness covered her face with
her veil, and dropped the subject during the remainder of
the ride.

PAYMENT IN KIND.—The Empress Catherine of
Russia hoeing sent, as a present to Voltaire, a small ivory
box made by her own bands, the poet induced his DiODO to
to instruct him in the art of knitting stockings ; and he had
actually half finished a pair, of white silk, when he became
completely Wed. Unfinished as the stockiest. were, how-
ever, he sent thorn to her Majesty, accompanied by a charm-
ingly gallant poetical els:title, in which he told her that, "A.
she had presented hint with a piece of man's workmanship
made bye woman, he had thought it his duty to crave her
acceptance, in return, of • piece of woman's work from
the hands of a mourn—When Cone...nth Phillips was in a
state of distress, she took • small shop near Westminster
Ilan, and sold books, some of which were of her own writing.
During this time, an apothecary who had attended her once
when she was in, came to her and requested payment of his
bid. She pleaded her poverty ; bet he still continued to
press her, and urged a.. reason for Ills urgency, that he had
saved her life. "Yea have, said Comilantia, "you have
indeed done no I acknowledge it; and, in return, here is
my life "—handing him at the same time the two volumes
of her "Memoirs," and begging that he would DOW take her
We in di.charge of his demand.
• •

A. DISCONTENTED GIRL-4 Going to leave um
Mary ? "--.' Yes, mum; I find I'm very discontented."—" I
there is anything I can do to make you more comfortable,
let me know."—" No, mum; it. impossible. You can't alter
your [lager to suit my gager; and so I can't appear on Sun•
days as I need at my Put place, where miasma's clothes fitted
me 'ractly. It's best we part."

FUNNY JOE HAINEB.—One day Joe wan arrested by
two bailiffs for a debt of twenty pound., just as the Bishop of
Ely was ri.iing oy is his carriage. Quoth Joe to the bailiffs,
aeutlemen, here is my cousin, the Bishop of Ely ; let use
but speak a word to him and he will pay the debt and costa."
The bishop ordered the carriage to atop, whilst Joe close to
his ears whispered—" My lord, here are a couple of poor
waverer., who have such terrible scruples of conscience that
I fear they will hang themselves."—" Very well," replied the
bishop; so, t, the bailiff', he said, " You two men,
come to me to morrow, and I wfil satiety you" The bailiffs
bowed, and went their way. Joe (hugging himself with this
device) went his way too. In the morning the bailiffs re-
paired to the bishop's house. "Well, my good men," said he,
"what are your scruples of conscience?"—" Scruple. !" re-
plied the bailiffs, "me have no scruples; me ere WHIN my
lord, who yesterday arrested your cousin, Joe Haines!, for
twenty pounds. Your lordship promised to satisfy WI to-day,
and we hope you will be As good as your word." The bishop,
to prevent any further scandal to his name. Immediately paid
the debt,

NOT TO HZ CAUGHT !—Deari Aldrich's excessive fond-
ness for his pipe was so notorious among the student+ at
Oxford, that on one occasion s wager was laid between two
of them that the dean, who was at that time in his study,
It being ten o'clock in the morning, would be found then
in the act of amuicing. On their being admitted to iii. room,
and eating the object of their visit, the dean with perfect
good humour replied, addrf sting the party who gave the
challenge, "You see sir, you have lost the wager, for I am
now not smoklug, but only filling my pipe."

SCARCITY OF UGLY WOMEN.—An eccentric gentle-
man was once complaining that, after • great deal of trouble,
he had not been able to meet with an ugly woman ; an that
be much doubted whether, after all, much a being existed.
" For my part," continued he, " I almost believe such •
creature to be • mere chimera of the imagination, and to be
classed with those fictitious beings whose heads are said to
grow beneath their should era. Some years ago I made the
following experiments : .1 cutsed two advertisements to be
inserted in the papers for a housekeeper; one was for a lady
who should not only be competent for such an office, but
quallled also for a companion, and be a women of education
and elegant manners; the other required nothing of this; it
only required as • tine qua non that the applicant should be
ugly In answer to the former advertisement I was over-
whelmed with letters from so many accomplished, elegant
ladies, that I congratulate both the present age and my own
country on possessing so much female excellence But (would
ou believe it?) to the latter I received not • single reply ;
and I have since, more than once, inserted the same advertise-
ment, with exactly the game mecum'

ARTIFICIAL MEMORY. —A humorous comment on
this system was made by a waiter at an hotel where Feinaigle
dined, alter giving his lecture on artificial memory. A few
minutes alter the professor left the table the waiter enterdd,
with uplifted banns and eyes, exclaiming, " Well, I protest,
the memory-man has forgotten Ids umbrella!"
GOOD AND BAD QUALITIES. —" Ah, Sam, no you've
been in trouble, hal, you I'—" Yes, Jim, yes."—" Well, well,
cheer up man, adversity tries us, and shows up our better
Ah, but adversity didn't try me, it was an old
vagabone oh • fudge, and he showed up my worst qualities."
HIS WISH BEALIsED!—A romantic youth proznenad-
Ing in ear of the most fashionable streeta of New York,
picked up a thimble. Ile awe awhile, meditating upon the
probable beauty of the owner, when he pressed it to his lips,
saying. "Oh! tM it were the fair cheek of the wearer '—
Just as he had finished, a stout elderly negres• looked out of
an upper window, and said, "Mama, fist please to bring dal
flmlile of mine into de entry; I juit drapt it.
ONE As SOON AS THE OTHER !—Peter Pindar pre-
sented Madame Mara with one of his songs, which he after-
wards sold to • publisher. Madame, who liked money, also
sold the oig, and the two publishers threatened a suit.
Mara, meeting the doctor, faked "What into be lone? can't
you say you were Intoxicated when you sold it ?"—" Cannot
you say the same of yourself?" replied the satirist; "one
story would be believed as soon as the other."
A PIECE or PLATE. A young actor having played
a part tolerably well, hlliston one evening called him into
the green-room, and addressed him tot ia effect Young
man, you have not only pleased the pulite, but you have
pleased me; and as • smut Waal ot my regard and good
•Ishes, I beg your acceptauce of a small piece of Elite."
It was, beyond oil question, • very small piece, for it was a
silver toothpick! '

ARTLESS, BUT SHREWD.—A child, while Walking
thrush m art-gallery with her moiher, was attracted by a
Rtatue of Minerva.— ' Who Is Mat?" said she.— ' My child,
that Is Minerva, the goddess of adadom."—" Why didn't
they make her husband too?—'• Because she had Lone, my
child."—.. That was because she was wise, wasn't it, mamma?"
was the artless reply.

A COMPOSITIO-N WITH CoIifICIENCS.—LHIIy, the
composer, being once thought mortally SI, his friends called
a confessor, who, finding the patient's state critical, and his
mind very ill at ease, told him that he could obtain &Motu-
lion only one way—by burning all that he had by him of
• yet unpublished opera The remonstrance of his friends
was in vain: Lully burnt the music, and the confessor de-
parted well pleased. Die composer, however, recovered,
and teld one of his visitor., a nobleman who was his patron,
of the 'amine° he had made to the demands of the confessor,
" And so," cried the nobleman, "you have burnt your opera,
and are really such a blockhead as to believe in the absurdi-
ties of • monk !" " Stop, my friend, step," rota rued Lolly
"let me whisper in your ear ;I knew very well what I was
about—l have another copy"

- -
ASTONISHING THE CORPORAL —During the Ameri-
can Revolution, it is said that an officer, not habited in bin
military costume, was pasting by where • small company of
soldb rs were at work, making some repairs on a small re-
doubt. The commander of the little squad was giving
orders to those who were under him, relative to a stick of
timber which they were endeavouring to raise to the top of
the works. The timber went up hard, and on this account
the voice of the little great man was the of toner heard, in his
regular vociferation. of "Heave away ! There she guns!
Heave ho !" 't he officer before spoken of stopped his horse
when he came to the place, and seeing the timber sometimes
scarcely move, asked the commander why he did not take
hold and render a little Md. The latter appeared to be
somewhat astonished, and turning to the officer with the
pomp of an emperor, said, "Sir, I am I corporal!" "You
are not, though, are you?' said the officer; "I was not
aware of that;" and taking off. ht., hoant
tahnicni "I ask
rtung the bridle over ahe dispomsot, and
lifted tis elegant an t steed,
lifted till the .west Mood in drops upon kin forehead. When
the timber was elevated to Its proper station, turning to the
man clothed in brief authority, "Mr. Corporal commander,"
said he, "when yon have another such job, and have not
men enough, send to your coMmandevin.chiet, and I will
come and help you • second time." The corporal was
thunder-struck : it was Washington !—Pmxton Hood's "I.:Bre
of B.gFaPhY."_

_
A GOOD RESOLUTION.—" Ah, Jemmy, Jemmy,".
said kind-hearted Or. Ponsonby, Bishop of Derry, to •
drunken blacksmith, "I am sorry to see you beginning your
evil courses again; and, Jeremy, I am very unions to know
what you intend to do with that fine lad, your son? '—" In-
tend, sir,' said Jemmy, "to do for biro what you cannot do
for your son."—" Eh! eh ! how'• that— how's that!" To
which Jemmy, with a burst of genuine feeling, esid—" I in-
tend to make him • better man than his father !"
No "BLOWING UP" AN IRISIIMAN.--In blowing up
the magazine, in the old fortreu of Sadat %ban, at Luck.
now, the following curious circumstanoe is thus stated to
have occurred :—" Out house escaped, and also one Irish-
man. The °Meer to whom the Usk of tiring the train was
intrusted, thought that he was the hut to leave the fort, but
had Bahl to one of the men, 'Watt for me,' and forgot to tell
him where he was going. The poor man thought he was to
wait during the explosion, and, In the true spirit of military
discipline and obedience, actuilly did so, crouching in •
corner of the square and happily returned, safe and sound,
to give his compsnions a grotesque description of 'the way
In which it rained beams, and atones, and bullocks, and
bonus, for a quarter at an hoar ' : for many of those luckless
animals had been unavoidably left behind "

RoGERS A 1773 "JUNICS.;—Samuel Ikgere waa re.
questei by Lady Holland to ask fiir Philip Francis whether
he was the author of Junitto' Lefton. The poet, meeting
Sir Philip, approached the ticklish subject thus '' Will you,
Sr Philip—will your kiLdness excuse my addressing to you
a single question?" "At your peril, Sir !" was the harsh and
curt reply of the knight The intimidated bard retreated
upon his friends, who eagerly Inquired of him the mucosa of
his application. "Ido n A know," Rogers said, "whether
beta J witur : but, If he be, he is certainly Junius Bruttoo."

•
THE RECOGNITION.—The 11.111181111111 and Turks, in
the war of 1793 having diverted themselves long enough in
cutting each other's throats, agreed to treat for a reace.
The commissioners for this urpose were Marshal General
Keith on the part of Kumln. end the d Vizier on that of
Tarksy. These two personages met, and carried on their
negotiations by means of interpreters. When all was con-
cluded, they rose to separate; Keith made his bow with his
hat in Ms hand, and the Vizier Ms salaam with his turban on
his head. But when these ceremonies of leave-taking were
over the Vizier turned suddenly, and coming up to Marshal
Keith, took him cordially by the hand, and in the broadest
Scotch dialect declared warmly that it made him " unco
happy to meet a COUlaryrnlitk of hie tufted station." Keith
seared with astonishment, eager for an explanation of tide
mystery, When the Vizier added, ' ;Nona be surprised, mon ;
o' the same eounity Ter you/sell. I mid wool mein' you
an' Your hkitheY, when boys, Peasin' by to the school at
Kirkcaldy; my hither, dr, was basun o Sarkoaidv."

A SUDDEN Pop.—"A gentleman was riding with a
lady in an open carriage, ' all of • summer's day,' and ao-
ddentally—men's arms, awkward things,
ombeiecovtotioornainiwthemzy
aroundann her waist,
f;crlsT=l,aLd the arm
carriage of the pressure upon it.nallYßuret lotelva.asudhden afewashoefththeeer
from a late recognition of the Impropriety of the thing, or
the sight of another beau coming, never was known) the lady
started with volcanic energy, and with • flashing eye, ex-
claimed, ' Mr. Blown, I can support myself ! Capital I '
was the Instant reply, you are just the girl I have been
looking for these five years—will you marry me?' "
THE Fool2S CiioicE.—A cardinal kept a fool for
his amusement, and to him he once said. " Sirrah ! suppose
that all the world were dead but you and I, and that One of
us should be Woad to • horse and the other to a donkey,
say which of the two would you choose to be ? " The fool
answered, "Sir, you an my master; do you, therefore,
select first, and I will be contented to take that which you
leave "—" Why, then," said the cardinal, "I would be a
horse."—" No." said the fool, "let me entreat your worship
to be a donkey, for I would choose to be one above all
things,"—" Why," quoth the cardinal. "Marry," said the
fool. "because that I have known many donkeys come to
be justice., boil never knew the other animal come toe
like preferment.

SHUT YOUR MOUTH. —Jarvis, the witty portrait
painter, was painting the American Blalmp Moore, and while
he was sitting the prelate observed Mr. Jarvis, lam told
that you are not a believer in the Christian religion, and I
am very sorry to hear it." Jarvis, with his eyes partly closed,
as was his habit while painting, made a motion with the
brads in hand for the bishop to change his attitude, and
said, "Turn your head a little the other way, Mahon, and
shut your mouth."—" The thought never struck me,' said
the bishop to • friend soon after, until I left the studio,
that Jarvis took this method to turn the conversation, and
put an end to my homily. I could not help laughing at the
ruse all the way home."

TIDE THIME STUTTEREI3B.—A gentleman, afflicted
with an impediment in his speech, sat down to dinner at a
tavern, and calling to • waiter, addreased him thus :
" We-w-waiter, gi.give me me s-s.some r-r roast b.b-beef."
The Walter stammered out in reply, " W.w-we a-a-ant
g-g-got a-arany." At which the gentleman, highly enraged,
supposing the servant was mocking him, sprang from his
seat, and was proceeding to knock him down, when a third
person arrested his arm, and cried to him not to strike,
saying, "He st-at-rtntters s.s.same a. w.w -we d-d-do."

TRUE PITIL—A farmer has the singularly happy
talent of not saying a word too much. A young man wishing
to obtain his consent to marry his daughter, celled upon him
one day when he happened to be in the field ploughing. The
hesitating lover, after running parallel with the farrow
several times round the field, and essaying with all his
courage to utter the Important question, at last stammered
out—" I—l—l—l've been thinking, Alr. Giles, that—that—
that—that—.ss how—l—l--I—l should be
to—m—m—m—rnar—mar -mar marry your daugh-
ter.' Farmer—. Take her, and use her well. Whoa haw
buck !"

_
TAKING THEM IN.—A travelling Yankee lately put
up at • country kin where • number of loungers were as-
sembled, telling stories. After lattlne some lime and atten-
tively listening to then folly, be suddenly turned and asked
them how much they supposed be had been offered for his
dog, which he had with him. They all started, and curiosity
was on tip-toe to know; one guessed live dollars, another ten
dollars, another fifteen, until they had exhausted their
patience, when one of them seriously asked how much he had
been offered. " Not a cent !" he replied.

AN UNFOUNDED CHAEGE.—A leading officer in one
of She courts was charged with never going to bed sober.
0/ course he Indignantly denied the soft impeachment; awl
he gave the particulare of a particular night in proof. We
quiite his own words : "Pretty BOOD after 1 got into bed, my
wife said—' Why, husband, what Is the matter with you? You
act so strangely.'— There's nothing the mattir with me,' said
I, nothing at all.'—' Pm sure there la,' said she ' you don't
act natural at all. Shall I get up And get something for your
And she got up, lighted • candle, and came to the bedsl le to
look at me, shading the light Into her hand. 'I knew there
waa something strange about you,' said she. 'Why you are
sober !' ow, this is • fact, gentlemen, and my wile will
swear to It. So don't you slander me any more by laying
that I havea% been to bed sober in sin months. 'cause I have."
Such testimony was mist^ ered reliable, and the man now
enjoy. this new-found reputation.

"I TOLD You So! "—An old lady, who was in the
habit of declaring, after the occurrence of an unusual event,
that she had predicted it, was one day very nicely sold by her
worthy spouse, who, like many others we have heard of, had
got tired of her eternal " I told you so !" Rushing Into the
house, breathless with excitement, he dropped into hts chair,
elevated his hands, and exclaimed, • Oh, wife, wife ! What
—what—what do you think The old brindle cow has gone
and eat hp our grindstone !" The old lady wan ready and
hardly waiting to hear the hat word, shealsjoke out at the
top of her lungs, " I told you so I I told you so You always
would let it Man onto' door !"

A VERT CROOKED RlVER.—Speaking of the Rio
Grande, an American writer says :—" I imagine one of the
crookedest things in the world, then imagine one twice as
crooked, and imagine to yourtelf • large river three time...
crooked small these pt t together, and )ou haven faint ides
of the crooked disposition of this crooked river. There is no
drift-wood in it, trom the fact that it is so crooked that
timber cannot and its way far down enough to lodge two
inlets together but few snakes, because it is not straight
enough to swim in; and the fish are all in whirlpools in the
bends, because they cannot find their way out. Birds fre-
quently attempt to fi, across the river, but slight on the
same side they start from—being deceived by the crook.
Indeed, you may be deceived when you think you see across
It and some people ma) it lose twisting there is but one side
to it..