The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1880-05-15 00:00:00

. ". 1

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS.

The Chicago Blunderbuss says that Josh Billings in
his pilosophical studies has the following item :—We heard
asked of one of the "dearest and best" wives, who was con-
spicuously happy in her dopiestic relations—how do you
manage him? " !" she said, with a merry twinkle in her
soft eyes, "the best way to manage a husband Is not to
manage him."

A ;niter in a New York paper, giving his view of
the difference betwee* British and American preachers, said,
"American preachers pay great attention to manners;
British preachers pay very little ; " but the printers made him
say, "American preachers pay great attention to manner;
British preachers pray very little."
A Wisconsin editor illustrates the prevailing ex-
travagance of people now-a-days, by calling attention to the
costly baby carriages in use, while, when he was a baby,
they hauled him round by the hair of his thead.
A man entered a ticket-office in San Francisco, and
asked for a ticket for "Destination." To prove that he was
not mistaken, he pointed to. a notice which read: " Pas-
sengers who intend going farther than Yokohama are re-
quested to purchase through tickets to destination."
"seletters I
have ‘‘Sa p a mc
correspondent," eessso nidse tiresome;nt
says variety r
Twain, whose
pleasing.
are always a refreshment to me; there is such a breezy, un-
fettered originality about his orthography. He always
spells ' cow ' with a large K. Now that is jrfst as good as to
spell it with a small one. It is better. It gives the
Imagination a broader field, wider scope. It suggests. to
the mind a grand, vague, impressive, new kind of cow."
Several passengers on the lower Mississippi were
attracted by the aligators basking in the sunshine. "Are
they amphibious, captain?" asked a looker-on. "Ambi-
tious ! Thunder," answered the enthusiastic officer, "they'll
eat a hog a minute !"
The editor of a paper, having an addition to his
family, writes :—" The storm winds of the equinox' of last
Saturday morning left at our house a little cherub of the
female persuasion—.a kind of leap-year tribute, as it were.
We bow gracefully to the dispensation, sharpen our lead
pencil, and call upon delinquent subscribers to materialise
at once."

Astronomers say that the planet Neptune is so far
from the earth that if Adam and Eve had from the first day
of their existence started on a railroad train and travelled
steadily, day and night, at the rate of thirty miles an hour,
toward Neptune, they would by this time have traversed
little more than half the distance to the vaporous orb. The
human race is, therefore, to be congratulated upon the fact
that Adam and Eve did not undertake any such foolish trip.
Rome Sentinel.

Political orators in the West indulge in some high-
flown asseverations in regard to their firmness of principld.
The following is a moderate specimen :—" Build a worm
fence around the winter's supply of summer weather; skim
the clouds from the sky with a tea-spoon; catch a thunder-
cloud in a bladder; break a hurricane to harness-; ground-
sluice an earthquake; lasso an avalanche; pin a napkin on
the crater of an active volcano,—but never expect to see me
false to my principles !"