The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1880-07-20 00:00:00

FACTS AND FANCIES.
From Puna.

Tng Orngs. RIDE OP rug ACCOUNT. —" COUIp(MSESiOn for
Disturbanos (Ireland) BilL" What an enormous sum
Ireland will have to pay England !
A LITTLE Jescir —Son and Heir. " I wish you
wouldn't leave me alone with baby, 'cause I have to eat all
the lam, an' oranges, an' cakes, an' things to amuse her!!'
"DONKEYS HAVE ElRlL"—Zmily (playing at lawn tenois
with the new Curate). "What the game now, Mr.
Miniver r--Curata "Forty, Love."—lrreverent gardener
çoverhauing). 'Did y'ever hear inch impotence
Love,'indeedl And him not been in the parish above •
week! Just like them Parsons!"

A host WrisizsaTP.rs7 ilalkimore Hopkins (who
has been asked to bring one or two "dancing young men"
with her and brings a dozen or so) —These are only an
instalment, dear lira Jenkinson I There are plenty more
coming r

" LA CLOTHRr —ENGLISH A' 1D ORIGINAL
Much sensation has been excited by the daring act of
the Board School teacher who, the other day, sealed, with
a strip of sticking-plaster, the lips of one of her pupils
" who would not leave off talking."
Oh. if that school teacher's original and effective
remedy could but be introduced, by the authority of the
Speaker, into the House of Commons !
To be sure, the world would very soon be short of
sticking-plaster.
But, think how much the mat efficacious form this
would be of "La Mature" which everybody wants, and
nobody apparently dares ask for I
Imagine the Home Rule heads each in its sticking.
plaster
What plaster half so likely to heal the sores and raws
of Ireland!

RIGHT AND WRONG AT WIMBLEDON, I.
( Extrsota from a Couple of Diario&

ListinsArr LAZYDOY'S RECORD. (VIM WROYO WAY.)
XOSdi3E —Lounged down in the afternoon. Found that
my tent had not been planked over. Could not stand
that I came back to town and dinel at the club.
. . . _ _

-.--
Tussday.—Having nothing better to do, thought I would
look in at Wimbledon. The carpet I had ordered for my
tent not soft enough. Utterly impossible to remain.
Returned to town, and enjoyed • comfortable night's
rest.
_ _ _

--i'edassday.—Bothered by the Butterfly girls to take
them to see the camp. So had to do it. Horrid nuisance.
Got • headache from the firing, and in opening a gate
spoiled • pair if lavender kid gloves.
Thursday. —Nioe day, so thought I would go to the
camp. Had • little dinner in my tent. Rather pleased
that I was not obliged to follow the other fellows up to
town. Slept in my tent, after throwing the empty
champagne bottles into the open.
Prickly. —Dreadful night All sorts of trumpet-calls.
Too ill to move. Spent the day in retirement. The
salmon at yesterday's dinner has given me an awful
headache.
Satentay.—Woke up with a bad cold, in spite of the
sumptuous appointment of my tent, which is as luxurious
as a lady's boudoir. Loft the place, NI I can't stand
another week of it. Wimbledon the biggest mistake out I
Never saw such • disgusting hole ! Hang the National
Rifle Ageociation !

PRIVATE WOILICAWArs RICORD (THE RIGHT Way.)
Monday. —Reached Wimbledon. and set to work to pitch
my tent. Great fun. Did me • world of good. Dug the
ditch and spread the waterproof sheet over the heather.
Devoted the afternoon to setting-Iln drill. shmt like *

ay. —Up with the lark. Battalion drill in the
morning, shooting in the afternoon. Fresh as • roes!
Wednesday. —Saluted at daybreak Shooting I. the
morning, battalion drill in the afternoon. Lively as •
cricket I
Thursday. --Oa duty all day. Did my Proportion of
sentry-go and picket-work. No complaints. All on ths
alert and quite correct. Great fun !
Priday.—Raced the sun in rising, and beet him!
Attended military lecture. Fell in for ambulance drill.
Devoted the remainder of the day to shooting. Something
like • holiday !
Saturday.—Early parade. Got through three hours
steady drill in • workmanlike manner. Inspection of
FrEverything in apple-pie order. Then some really
shooting. Half-holiday in the afternoon. Racing,
jumping and other athletic sports. Never better In my
Re. Shall enjoy the second week as much as the fir 4
Wimbledon an enormous success! Never saw such •
delightful spot The National Rifle Association for
ever!