The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1875-02-20 00:00:00

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TIT FOR TAT I—Vernet painted a charge of cavalry,
and asked Gros to look at it. "It's very innocent,
said Gros; "your charge will do no mischief, as I see
the horses have only two legs apiece." Gros painted
an allegorical picture, and asked Vernet to look at it.
Vernet came, and his first question was, "What is it
meant to represent?"—" Weather," replied M. Gros ;
"what do you think of it?"—" Very bad weather,"
replied Vernet, putting up his umbrella, and walking
out of the room.
DANTE'S EXPLANATION !—When Dante was at the
court of Sigmore della Scala, then sovereign of
Verona that prince said to him, one day, "I wonder,
Signorhaute, that a man so learned as you are should
be hated by all my court, and that this fool (pointing
to his buffoon who stood by him) should be beloved.
Highly piqued at this comparison, Dante replied,
" Your excellency •would wonder less, if you con-
sidered that .we like those best who most resemble
ourselves."

_
SHERIDAN AND THE PRINCE REGENT. Sheridan
was once talking to a friend about the Prince Regent,
who took great credit to himself for various public
measures, as if they had been directed by his political
skill, or foreseen by his' political sagacity. "But,
said Sheridan, "what his Royal Highness more par-
.ticularly prides himself in is the late excellent harvest."

SYDNEY SMITH'S SARCASM.—Sydney Smith was once
looking through the hot-house of a lady who was very
proud of her flbivers, and used not very Accurately a
profusion of botanical names. "Madam," said he,
'have you the Septennis psoriasis ?"—" No," said she,
"I had it lasi Winter, and I gave it to the Archbishop
of Canterbury; it came out beautifully in the Spring.'
[Septenxis psoriasis is the medical name for a disease.]
LEAVING HIS VERDICT.—" I remember," says Lord
Bide; "Mr. Justice Gould trying a case at York,
and when he had proceeded for about two hours, he
observed, 'Here are only eleven jurymen in the box,
where is the twelfth?'—' Please you, my lord,' said
one of the eleven, 'he has gone away about some
other business, but he has left his verdict with me ! ' "

PREPARED FOR
•AN EMERGENCY !—Marshal Soult
came in great haste one day to Louis Philippe, and
said, "Sire, things are all going wrong !"—" 'What's
the matter, marshal?"—" Why, Sire, that Thiers is
always shuffling !"—" I know that, my dear marshal,"
replied the citizen-king, 'but then I am prepared to
cut 1" •

ONE FOR NELSON !—Nelson was told that Pitt said
"he was the greatest fool he ever knew when onshore."
—" lie speaks truth," said the hero, "and I would
soon prove him to be a fool if I had him on board a
ship; nevertheless, I am as clever an admiral as he is
a statesman, which is saying a great deal for myself."

DOING VOLTAIRE JUSTICE !—A French nobleman,
who had been satirised by Voltaire, meeting the poet
soon after, gave him a hearty drubbing. The poet im-
mediately hastened to the Duke of Orleans, told him
how he had been used, and begged he would do him
justice. " Sir," replied the duke, "it has been done
you already 1"
JOHNSON AND HIS CONUNDRUM !—A young lady at
a fashionable dinner party pestered Dr. Johnson with
a conundrum—a thing which the bluff old philosopher
utterly detested. "Why is the letter'J' like the end
of Spring, doctor? "was the question, and of course
the doctor couldn't tell. "Because it's the beginning
of June," was the solution. "Now, Miss, will you
tell me why the letter ' K ' is like a pig's tail? "sternly
asked the doctor. The young lady had to give it up.
"Because it's the end of pork, Miss." The doctor was
bothered with no more conundrums. _ _ __ _

No JOKE FOR THE AMBASSADOR !—Robert Moles-
worth, who was created Viscount Molesworth in the
Irish peerage, A.D. 1716, was for many years the
English envoy in Denmark. After resigning his post,
he wrote an account of the country and its institutions
that proved very offensive to that Government, par-
ticularly as the author's conclusions were incontrover.
tibly true. The Danish Ambassador in England went
in full court dress and magnificent indignation to St.
James's. He told the king (William III.) that if a
Dane had dared so to speak of the English system of
government, the Danish monarch, on catching him,
would have cut off his head! " Ah, I can't do that!"
said the less absolute King of England; "but 1 tell
you what I can do—l will let Molesworth know what
you say, and he shall put it in the next edition of his
book 1"
MAKING USE OF HIS NOSE !—When Handel visited
Haarlem he at once hunted up its famous organ. He
gained admittance, and was playing upon it with all
his might, when the organist entered the building.
The man stcrod awe-struck; he was a good playel him-
self, but he had never heard such music before.
"Who is there ?" he cried. "If it is not an angel, it
must be Handel ! " When he discovered that it was
the great musician he was still more mystified. " But
how is this? you have done impossible things," said
he; "no ten fingers on earth can play the passages
you have given; human hands couldn't control all the
keys and stops!"—" I know it," said Handel, coolly,
"and for that reason I was forced to strike some notes
with the end of my nose."
THE ADVANTAGE OF A CAST IN THE EYE !—The
famous John Wilkes had a squint, and when Lord
Mayor (in 1774) occasionally resorted to a marine
residence he had in the Isle of Wight. In those days,
when smuggling was extensively carried on along the
coasts, Wilkes was suspected of having connived at the
practice. A certain civic dignitary staying in the
Isle of Wight called to pay his respects to the then
Lord Mayor, and without being aware of the existing
suspicion, remarked upon the illicit trade which was
said to be then carried on in the island. "I have
never seen it," said Wilkes; "I have got a cast in my
eye."
TALLETRAND'S LOVE FOR VirilieT.—ln later years
Talleyrand loved whist better than conversation.
Leaving his accomplished niece, the Duchess de Dino,
to entertain his other guests, he would retire with some
of the foreign ambassadors—old friends and old foes—
into his own room, and play a scientific rubber, the in-
tricacies of which it was curious to watch, seeing that
the talents which were employed to settle the division
of Europe at the Congress of Vienna were now all con-
centrated on the odd trick. The stakes were gold
pieces; but they often reached the sum of thousands
of fristncs. One evening, at the termination of one of
these parties, the English ambassador suddenly dived
beneath the table and began fumbling on the carpet.
"What is your Excellency about?" "Looking for a
napoleon which has fallen." "Wait an instant," said
Talleyrand, with a twinkle of his light gray eye, and
a sarcastic twist of his thin and distorted lips; "you
cannot see to find so small a thing." As he spoke he
twisted a thousand franc bill into a paper match, and
setting fire to it, held it to the ground. "What are
you about ? " exclaimec the astonished ambassador,
pausing on his hands and knees and looking. "Merely
lighting your Excellency," said Talleyrand. Upon
which the discomfited minister, understanding the joke,
instantly arose, leaving the napoleon as a perquisite for
the servant who should find it.