The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1868-04-28 00:00:00

rarittiec

Tax FORTOYI OF WAR. —Prim money.
LOCAL Couroania.—Paint on cheeks.

ADviiirrismo for • wife Is as absurd as getting mea-
sured for an umbrella. "Talk up" to the dear creatures,
if you'd marry them. One half the world was born to
marry the other bolt.

A Mr Yon THII Fswor.-Bevere old Party (to lanky
swell): Going to a hal masqluf, eh Wall, chalk your
head and lo u a billiard ens irritated swell: You
might go dilguheed as a gentleman; no one would know
you.

"Way," inquired • young clergyman ot one of bin
dock, "do you always sleep in your pew when I am in
the pulpit, while you are all attention whom • stranger is
here ?" "Bemuse, sir," was the reply, "when you
preach I know it's all right; but I keep • good look-out
00 0 str.nger.”

COVIIIIO 'III. —The other night at a theatre, a gentle-
man felt the pressure of two little airy feet upon his
patent leathers. At fir.t the sensation was delightful. It
made inexpremibly delightful thrills pus through his
body •' but these sensations wore away, and the pres-
sure began to feel the least bit unconsfortebla.—
" Madam," be gently suggeste, "you are standing on
my feet." "Your feet, sir I"" Yee, madam." " Good-
nom I I beg your pardon, sir; I thought I was standing
one block of wood. They are quite large enough, sir l"
" Quit.; but you covered 'em madam r

_ .
MIL Seine dootor's pills, and
western chills, and other ills deliver us. From want of
gold, and wives that scold, and maidens old, and sharper
sold, deliver us. From stinging flies, and greenish eyes,
and bakers' pies, and babies' cries • man that lies, and
oloudy skies, and love that dies, tickle ties, and gawly
dyes, deliver us. Front bearded (*nude*, strong-minded
women, (this don't jingle), female lecturers, and all
other masculine ladies, deliver us. From creaking
doors, a wife that snores, confounded bores, deliver us.
From colic, gripes, and Mrs. Snipes, deliver us. From
modest girls, with waving curls, and teeth of pearls-..
Obi mind.-4ieserscoss Paper.

Nr.olo Loom AID L1041:10/. —Look be', ole feller,'
mid • negro, to • brother darkey, "look he', ole
Now, I halal bin out met in three minutes, on' some
feller hos teen my liquo'. Now, who gang dot lee'
brick?'—" I did," said the nigger addressed, spmking
with an air of empluitio positivenetio "I did dot —I
didn't do nuffin else."—" Den .by did you dose it?
13ploin dat to me."—" Yes, nigger, I'll lumernate. You
left your liqao' dor—sortin shush. WeU, does you
know dot durin' your absenee, if I hadn't taken it,
Julies Carr would He Italy bad his hoed on the
tumble'. But I says, 'No you don't;' an' so, to mu,
went him from drinkin' it. I drinks it royeelf."—" But
dar Wan% no prinosrple involved in that"—" Yes, dor
am. De priniterpis ob intortrention to pervent
erection." The logic s.serned to satidy his queetioner ;
and as that born of the dilemma was adjusted, they
took soother born.

BONG or THE DYING SWAN.
No rurrender No ounender I
No Reform I I used to bawl.
Then, of weak palate blind defender.
I Insured the lon of aIL
Irish Church Its on
In • measure giciprrt."ll Juit,
Would have been her premervation
Twas refused; and go she must
Ilad we Tories but connoted.
Long ago, to prune the tree,
Gladstone'. are, In time prom ted,
At Its root we should not see
Then It might have stood, to shelter
All Its own—perchance to grow.
Ireland having Indies desk her:
Now It will be all led low.
Wisdom'. lessons clean forgotten.
We
.psndsted o'er and o'er,
In decoding what was rotten :
Lon both that and something more.
All our use has been, po r butlers,
shocks to still keep on.
Ali, we put our trust In dares!
Now our occupation'. gam. —Previa
CiLIgeTIAL fisligatt—Thoge satirical roughs, the
Celestials—who, by the way, are not (rites° chi•alroos
ss we "outside barbarians," treating their women, in
foot, In a most shameful and barbarous manner—say
many bitter things of tl "fair flowers of creation," of
whiA the following may serve as specimens :—To cad.
tavola virtue is the @nitwit* of man; to renounee soignee
Ii the virtue of women. You must listen to your wife
and not believe her. If one Is not deaf or stupid, what
a position is that of a father•ln-law I If with a wife and
daughter-in-law' one has also sisters and aisters.in•law,
daughters and nleess, ooe ought to be • tiger to be able
to bold out. The happiest mother of daughters Is she
who has only sons. The minds of women are of quick.
silver, and their hearts of wax. The most curious
women willingly cast down their eyes to be looked at.
The tongues of women increase by all that they take
from their feet TllO finest roads do not go far. When
men are together, they listen to one another; but
women and girls look it one another. The mod timid
girl has courage enough to talk scandal.

OUR NEXT•DOOR RSIOUBOUR."
(Si. Alban'. and St. Peter's.)
0 Conf.:Won'. ether.r serious thing
Under the dome. of St. Peter :
True tahe the penitent has to bring.
And with discipline keen they treat her.
Unseen in • dm* mysterious eeU
The pallid pried roust listen,
While faltering lip. sad stories tell,
Ant. eye. with salt teen gitatem.
Sharp and severe is the voice of fear
That comes front that Mahe mysterious:
Tremble. the penitent to he.,
Words that now stern and serious.
0 Oenfeesion's rather I charming thing
With St. Alban the pndodnartyr ;
Sweet pious reap the ladle. bring,
Which for soothing words they barter.
On. hamock soft, in dainty dress,
They kneel to .him items curate,
And he looks on their dormeast eyes,
And i. not at all obdurate.
Slight prnence hare they when they go away,
And there'. nothing at all alarming,
And the beautiful penitent. WGIII CO say
They think Conti...ion charming.
—Echoes from the Clubs.

FIRM—The secretary of the Sun Fire Insurthes
Office Meted to the Commons' Select Committee of last
semion on fires, "(hot carelessness In ming limiter
matches causes to that office a lose of £lOOOO. year.
Surely statements of this kind should inclose the Fire
°Mem sad the public to do every.ging in Meth pomr
encourage the use of Bryant and May's Patent feir7
Matebse which light only on the boo.
HOLLOWAY'S 01111%1ST MID Plua—Disesees of tho
skin, ringworm, scurry, jaundice, oorehaa• or king's
et* sore hoods, and the most inmeerate skin Moms to
with whiskend
h theaurneolutcorMasis
sttbj
iy an the
Oletinent and Pill., whiskarittese Mares
constitution and as petits M."— O4 C huigh,g
S's &t once *milkweed from the sysesno.
ean efileaons in the eve
are obtained. They tho si"won
of tumours, berm. "814 - JAM, nem
oosapisubmadwcyrutbaki.nds,mrandhowepwaiumperanwameatis.imuldlyporsan.traetedd
...inthdyapporen. stiff The
roaliaff:stt

"HOWE" SEWING MACHINE.

ZBT4BLIBMED 1845.
THE PARENT AND MODEL or ALL OTHERS,
THREE GRAND PRIZES
AT PARIS.
Cross of the Legion of Honour.
GOLD XIIDAL &

DOMESTIC MACHINA complete wit/
ell appliance" ••• ••• ••• £7 10 •
lArge gise for Thaws, BoamisAcre, La 9 0 •
Catalogues, Samples, and address of owed
authorised Agent, post tree CO aPpliCS6on tt
THE HOWB MACTSINE COMPANY,
84 REGENT STREW, LONDON.
immunicaticsis to Humes W. Soya, Mem/pr.

PAM moswlow, lefit
stio Nolo Silver Modal et Meow.
With the Jame' damtag
moonneedlatice.
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Q 4174 -44 aoTt—
• 444---•• jat 400,113 whim
•Pciti retail
sol WwW•cix•
Allittwatoxir „ taming .11101711 r 4.0 •
0444..
I*P"A" MOW egAZ ASIO
Tim 'mOLLTEinril goculton

vaiqr
aal.ta mos

" Lamaism sad Basatiful Hair Is Ws dietbribldog
badge of Youth."

_
The following is madly what
MRS. S. A. ALLEN'S
TT WORLD'S
lIAIR RESTORER OR DRESSING

WILL. Do.
Wits use Grey or Faded Hair is quickly
restored to its youthful colour and beauty, and
with the first application a beautital gloss hod
delightful fragrance is given to the Hair.
IT will cause Hair to grow co Bald Spots.
IT will promote lurnriant growth.
FALLING HAIR is immediately checked.
THIN Hair thickened.
BALDNESS prevented. •
IT makes the Hair rich, soft and glossy.
IT invig,rates, thereby strengthens the Hair.
IT keeps the Head cool and clean.
IT removes all scurf and dandruff.
IT contains neither oil nor dye.
IT will not soil white cambric.

In Large Bottles. Price Six Shllllll/11.
7YLOBALSASIUId (Mrs. 8. A. Allen's).
LA —This isa clear, transparent preparation with-
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To those whose hair is naturally dry, requiring fre-
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In Large Bottles, pries Three elating&
Bold by most Chemist. and Perfumers.
B•ILOWN DM" AVID 84144 °MC/L—
-IM, MOH HOLBORN, LONDON, ENG.

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