The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1872-11-16 00:00:00

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS.

The Rocha:ter Democrat gave an eighteen-year-old
canary bird a column obituary.
A paper advertises for a "girl for cooking." They
are better raw.
The charming girls of Peoria are reported to have
set the forest and themselves on iire by smoking cigarette§
at a plc-nic.
"Tell the truth and shame the devil !" "I kilo lots
of people who ken shame the devil easy snuff." Josh's critic
says he always judges people by their aeousintenos.
- - - - ." •

Of a miserly man who died of softening of the brain
a local American piper said, "flu head pro way, but lila
hand never did. Ilia brain Whined, but hie heart couldn't."
- - - -

Here is a gem, alleged to have been found in the
letter of a young lover—" Dearest love: I have swallowed
the postage stamp which was on your letter, because I knew
that your lips had touched it."
A couple were recently married in Terre Haute,
Indiana, after fourteen years' courtship, during which they
had each written and received two lettem per week, or a
total of two thousand nir e hundred and twelve !

The other day there appeared upon the placard of a
paper an announcement of " Fatal Cases of Drowning." We
hope that when any camel of drowning that are not fatal
occur they will be carefully reporte4,
- - - - - •• • •

, .
A young lady, on being asked by a feminine ac-
quaintance whether she had any original poetry in her
shunt, replied, " No : but some of my friends favoured me
with original spelling."
"I wonder whither those clouds are going," mid a
pnetic contributor to a magazine pensively, as she pointed
with her delicate finger to the heavy maws that floated in
the sky outside the editor's window. " I think thoy are
going to thunder," said the editor.
Dr. Brown courted a lady unsuccessfully for many
years, during which time he every day drank her health ; but, 1
being observed at last to omit the custom, a gentleman anti,
"Come, doctor, your old trust. " " Excuse me, "said he, 1
"as I cannot make her Brown, I'll toast her no longer." I
"I declare," said an old lady, reverting to the
promise made on her marriage day, by her liege lord, "I
shall never forget when Obadiah put the nuptial ring on my
finger and said, 'With all my worldly goods I thee endow.' 1
He used to keeps dry grants store then, and I thought he
was going to give me all there was In it. I was young, and
did not know till afterwards that it meant one calico dress a
A young lady, who has just returned to America
from Europe, advises her friends not to go there, " unless
you are litre that you know enough to appreciate the
beauties of Europe. It lends snobs charm to Italy to re.
member that among these groves of olive the immortal
Beethoven sculptured the Medicean Venue and Shakspeare
composed the sublime poem of "Paradise I. ,at !"
"I feel very queer !" wan the remark of a " corpse "
in Chicago, with whom a party of friends were sitting up.
ltits little deviatton from the general conduct of corpses
made the sittelaup feel very queer too, and they capered out
of there, leaving the Individual, supposed gone to better
society than that which was tilting up with him, to recover
at leisure.

Abraham Lincoln, the late Preeident of the United
States, was credited with a number of "Smart things," the
basis of which, however, did not rest upon fact. When told
of them he laughed and said, "The papers make me smarter
than i am ; I have said none of these things with one ex.
ception. I did say, when I bad the smallpox. • bow let the
office seekers come, for at last I have something I can give
to all of them.'"

WEIGHT IN GOLD.—The woman whole "worth her
weight in gold "1. not such s great match aff.er aIL The
average feminine avoirdupois would only balance about
seven thousand pond..

" ONit WonD 11-lonz."—A clerk in the Dead Letter
Office, of an inquiring mind, was curious to find out how
many lettere were written without e. postscript. One day
last week he found that out of a 851 lettere written by
females, only 878 were without poweripta Some of the
other letters contained three poetecr.pts.

"WE Ann Goon FRIENDS GIINVIALLT."—North
Carolina since the close of the war menu to be acquiring an
unenviable reputstion for lawleseness and crime. As • spe-
cimen of the tray in which the peaomble avocations of life
are carried on in the 'Om StMe." we give She following In-
cident as we and It reported—" Do you wish to sell that
cow?' sated one neighbour of another, as the 'attar WM
driving home one of his stray tine. "No, not by a good
deal." was the reply. "Wall, guise I'll take her then..
"That means one of us, I take t," mild the owner of the oow,
drawing a pistol. "Well. It does," coolly replied the other,
also drawing • revolver. Shots were instantly exchanged,
and the firing wee kept up until the pistol chambers were
exhauated. Zech men was slightly wounded, and one wet
Into his home and the ether drove his oow home. The tra-
veller who wilmeleed the ono:peeled affray had We =Malty
to sal the now driver what °mistimed li. 0 nothing
'honor," wad the reply, "we Mat y,
and se we lir Whim= WinfriXtlkii2Glaill

BPUTTERINGS FROM 'MY'S" PEN.

nw PasTall.—llia perm bat venom Mat Med.
"War shall we three reed again? niest
uniew the prices go down.
A YOl7/14) Yaehtesesn writes be Sak whet b the proper.
BOUM for pitching his boat. Take it out khe next rough
day and manage it yourself; the wind will moos pitch it over
for you.
A SPORTOG Friend eays that he does net understand why
the weather cannot hold up, seeing that the wind Is driven
with such a strong rein.
-

WARNING TO LoVint —Edwin Omit guilty to having
kilned Anceliux to the cornfield; the corn, she sate, vas
shocked..

WHY Is prima donna like a lewellert.-Beckuse she may
be called a dealer in precious (s)tones.
NUT In have too many egos in one basket, Is s good old
prov, rb ; but it savour. of chicken hasard, as sure as eggs is
eggs.
OH, tint mine enemy would write a book."
we add, "and have it puldhhed im commission ."in whkh
case his acquaintance with the prophets would be small, you
know.

NEGRO lately died In neat Street. The neighbours sad
he wee a blackamoor. JUDI centimes that he was not a black,
more, but a bleelry less.

A CAPTIVATING One Of JETT'S acquaintance bee Nat told
her yomg man, wbo is backward la coming forward, tbat she
won't be kept-a waiting any longer.

. -----
GEOGRAPHICAL CON.—IL the world la round, how on earth
can it come to an end

MEN OP MAR—Garotter, who have had the "cat.'
PUBLIC Characters—Barmaids.
GARDEN/NO Mex.—Now is the time to loot out your
Christmas Annuals.

STRANGE l--The heaviest speeches don't always have the
greatest weight
IF Heaves helps those who help themselves, how well
thieves must get along
. _ • . .

WHAT Is the Memos between a format minx and a shot
rabbit h—One's over, bold, and the other's bowled over.

Wnr la a certain place near the Lakes like be got On
tick (—Becauselie Borrowdale (borrowed sae).
—Judy.