The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1873-03-15 00:00:00

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS.

The Ohio river has a remarkably long face. It is
twelve hundred miles from its head to Its mouth.

There are two sisters in Massachusetts, twins, who
are so much alike, that each of them occasionally mistakes
the other for herself.

The New York World ask—" Is it an appropriate
thine, now, for the proprietor of a skating-rink to put over
the door of his private sanctum. ' 'Maine.' off-tee?"
- - -

" I now pronounce you man and—hand over the ten
dollars before I go any further." Is the way Connecticut
clergymen have of securing their marriage fee._

It is stated that in a certain district in the Far West
mosquitoes are so plentiful that they are unable to get on a
stranger all at once; and so they stand round In reliefs, and
wait for theirturns, like customers in a barber's shop.
A young lady fainted when told that over 500,000 men
died last year, but wee revived by the Information that there
were 13,000,600 left.

The late N. P. Willie, when once &eked to make a
speech replied that it was not his forte. Said he, "1 am by
profession a writer, and you cannot expect a pump to give
water from the handle as well as from the mouth."
Cincinnati, mindful of the intereeta of its trade, will
contribute to the Vienna Exhibition three large oil-paintings,
representing the entire process of butchering howl and pack-
ing pork. The pictures are said to be very strking—doubt-
less, ° striking oil."

Pro!mlion-

An American paper says the ladies oho are at the
head of the Woman's Rights movement in that country are
making gigantic strides in comparison with former years, and
the progress to success seems more certain. What an odd
simile for our brethren to choose—" The ladles are making
gigantic strides
- •

A lady who recently made a call at one of the most
fashionable residencesin New York, was somewhat astonished
by the servant, a new importation, replying to her Inquiry if
the mistress of the house was at home, "Well. 'eddy,
dunnow, but yez can give me yer ticket (card), an 11l see if
hey'll be lettin' yer come Into the pirlours."
A Poston minister once told Wendell Phillips that
if his business io life was t.? save the usgroes, he ouiht to go
south, where they were, and do it. "That is worth think-
ing of," replied Phillips; "and what is your business in
life?' 'To save men from hell," replied the master.
"Then go there and attend to your business," replied

An Irish servant who had been taken in the rough
by a No York family immediately after her arrival from her
native soil, has electrified the family by informing them that
the salad oil given her was not tie same as the last, which
was labelled cantor oil, and with which she had consequently
replenished the caster when it was required.
--•• • • •

"What do you call that l" indignantly asked a
customer, polstirm out an object that he had discovered in
his soup, "Wristband, with • sleeve-button attached, sir,"
said the waiter, briskly. "Well co you consider that a
proper thing for a man to find in his soup?" asked the cus-
tomer io wrath. The waiter quietly replied, " Well, sir,
would you expect to find a ten-dollar silk umbrella in a
dollar plate of soup t"
-- •

An engaged young gentleman got rather neatly out
of a little scrape with his intended. She said she had heard
that he had kissed two ladies at some party at which she was
not present. He owned it. but said, laughingly, that, after
all, their united ages made only twenty.one. Thp_ simple-
minded girl thought of ten and eleven, and laughed off her
pout. Ile did not csplain that one was nineteen and the
other two years of age.
•

BEAUTIFUL SNOW.—A young man who proposed to
handsome but heartless creature, the other evening, Sug-
gested a very popular poem—the " The Beautiful's No.'