Colored News.
London, England, 1855-08-11 00:00:00

THE COLORED NEWS.

A Handbook of Dorking. Willis, London, 1855.
WE notice this amusing little book chiefly because we are
attracted to it by the oddity of the notices and puff bills which
are sewn up with it, giving its prefatory appearance a protean
aspect and chamelion color, which we certainly did not ex-
pect to see in an otherwise unpretending little volume. It is
said at fairs that the sport on the outside is more amusing
meet than the spectacle within. So it is with the sheets which
our eyes whon we open the Handbook. Among the advertise-
ments to which we allude, is one announced by "W.Batchelar,"
who is an "undertaker" in Dorking, and probably finds his vo-
cation a sinecure in a place famed for its pure air, that he
" does every description of horticultural work ;" whereby
may be meant that he not only coffins the man, but will look
to the flowers on his grave, and that, as his advertisement
has it, " on the most approved principle and on the lowest
possible terms." Old Fuller tells us that Dorking was, and
we believe it still is, renowned for its " box," and it is clear
that "W. Batchelar" deals in two sorts,—makes one, clips
the other, and sees to the safe position of each in its mother-
earth. But there is a greater wit than the coffin-maker and
flower-raiser in Dorking. See how one George Wicks an-
nounces himself :—" George Wicks, Town Crier, Dorking ;
Surgeon to the Parasol and Uubrella Hospital, Broken
bones carefully set ; joints neatly mended ; in fact, the whole
frame undergoing a speedy restoration in less than twenty-
four hours. N. 8.," adds witty Wicks, " German, French,
English, and Itatiau patients taken in and attended to daily
by a native." This is as facetious as the card of a literary
tailor in Edgware-road, on which it was announced, to the
perplexity of natives and the despair of foreigners, that he
manufactured " slap-up kicksis, kept by an artful dodge from
the knee." The other advertisements are rather curious than
witty. As, for instance, the hairdresser sells eggs ; one
hatter deals in gutta-percha soles, and is a tailor to boot ;
and another not only unites the two callings, but vends fiddle
strings. We further learn by these announcements that Her
Majesty's cameo-engraver lives in Dorking, and that his
name is Nicholson. There is evidently a great deal of beer
drank in the locality, and probably much hilarious breaking
of punch-bowls and tumblers, for the brush-maker not only
sells but mends both. Then William Watts, the rope-maker,
thanks his friends for a support which the article he produces
is so well able to give in return. The landlord of the " Bull"
buys and sells that, and all other sorts of cattle, "on the
most liberal terms." That useful functionary the chimney-
sweeper also offers to procure " live bait,"—and that no one
may suppose that he alludes to the attractive faces for which
Dorking has a reputation, the ramoneur emphatically prints
it " Live Bait, for fishing, to be had on the shortest notice."
The barbers seem to be jokers, and they probably might have
announced of their clients as the grocers do of their coffee,
namely, that each is " roasted daily on the premises." A
man-milliner advertises that " Ladies residing at a distance
are waited on by Mr. D." Is he ungallant enough to de-
cline attending upon ladies at his very door, like the Glasgow
mercer, who told an angry female customer, when she com-
plained that he would not come to her in her carriage, adding
that she was " the Bishop's lady," that he would not so
attend her even if she were the bishop's wife ! Then we
have the advertisement of a second undertaker in Dorking,
who informs his friends that his " goods are let on hire ;"
and, as graves may be hired, too, for a specified period, per-
haps there is nothing incongruous in the intimation of the
undertaker that he lets out his goods. Some of these petites
qffiches are also rather curiously emphasised,—and one of
them is at once so highly moral and supremely literary as to
warrant all the attention we have devoted to this portion of
the book. A brace of chemical Adelphi inform the public
that, with respect to the preparing of prescriptions, they are
" satisfied that the moral responsibility of the Compounder
is but little inferior to the Prescriber of Medicines, and that
the skill of the Physician is of no avail uuless carried out by
the conscientious care and practical skill of the person who
compounds the prescription." In short, the chemist is to
the physician what the blower is to the organ-player. Alto-
gether, the Handbook is really amusing, and will repay
perusal despite our jokes.

Anna Clayton ; or, the Mother's Trial. A Tale of Real
Life. Low & Co.
FROM some little experience in novel reading, we can assert
that the great majority of stories professing to be of " real
life" might be more truly called tales of Bedlam. We have
seldom read "a story of real life" without feeling thankful
that both the scenes and the people were safely shut up be-
tween two boards, bearing on their back a gilded and lettered
warning to the wary reader not to meddle further with the
" realities" within. ' Anna Clayton' is the reprint of a very
vulgar American story, intended to warn the world against
the wickedness of Catholics in general, and of Catholic priests
especially. It is one of the coarsest stories of this kind we
have met with, and has not even the redeeming quality of
being amusing. Some of the scenes are laid in England,
and the English priests are made to talk a peculiar dialect,
composed of American provincialisms, Irish peculiarities, and
the remains of murdered grammar. Bernaldi, the family
confessor, after kidnapping two children to confine them in a
monastery, in order to appropriate their fortune to the Church,
is made thus to address the little boy on consigning him to
" Father Francis," with a very intelligible hint to ill-use
him :

"No more o' your pulling round me, you young brnt ! I've
had enough of you, 1 hope As I hated your vile heretic mother,
so do I hate yon;—and now you have got to smart for all the
bother you've 'been to me ! Yes, and that little, pale-faced wretch
of a sister of yours has got to take it, now I reckon ! We'll see
who's master round here now !"

We should think this style of authorship would be undertaken
on very moderate terms, and no doubt it has been, hut whatever
the remuneration paid for it here or in America, it is so much
good money thrown away.

A Quaker lady, at Southport, in her 100th year, has made 20
purses by knitting this year, and is going to sell them for the
benefit of the poor. Her name is Mary Wright, and she some-
times preaches amongst the Friends. One purse of her making
has been sent to the Queen, as a present from a lady of 100
summers. Another person at Southport, Mrs Hodge, is in her
95th year, and is in very good health.