The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1875-06-26 00:00:00

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS

"How long will my chop be, waiter?" angrily asked
a hungry man in a restaurant. "About five inches, sir,"
was the accurate reply.
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: Women have their rights in Charlestown. At the
Schiltzenfest recently held there a rifle range for women was
well patronised. The prizes offered were bird-cages, dress-
patterns, and other things of use or ornament._

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The American Rochefoucauld says :—" Sum marry
because they think the wimmin will be scarce next year, and
live to wish they had been a little more so."

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An ingenious Yankee has hit upon a good idea. He
proposes to capture the great Western pest, the grasshopper,
in ditches, squeeze a fine oil out of them, crush their bodies
into a compact mass, and utilise them as fertilisers.

An lowa bride made every girl of her acquaintance
attend her wedding by keeping the name of the groom a
secret until the last moment.

When an Ohio farmer hires a man he expects him
to saw wood before dayNght and churn after supper, and if
he is a willing hand they can generally manate to send him
after the doctor about midnight and turn him out at three
o'clock to see if he forgot to lock the barn doors.

"Time softens all things," except the young man
who parts his hair in the middle. Nothing can make him
any softer %Tian he is. Our American friends do not see the
advantages of a correct balance. It was so in Philadelphia.
We speak less of hair than of money.
This is the way a Boston actress is described :—" She
wore a handsome dress, and thereby hung a tail. Her subtle
grace, flexible as the sinuosities of a morning mist, and yet
thoroughly proportioned to the curves of the character, was
most especially noticeable."

The American poet-laureate Smith had a query put
to him which he thought it might be useful to the world for
him to try and solve; it was this—" Why is an egg under-
done like an egg overdone 1" Ho was at last compelled to
refer it to Congress. After sitting upon it several days they
called in Mark Twain, who said, "You see, it is because they
are both hardly done, which I hope is not the case with
Smith, for it is to be trusted he is quite done." Rival poets
will be severe.

Mark Twain went to a great base-ball match at
Hartford recently, and lost his umbrella, for which he ad-
vertised as follows :—" Two Hundred and Five Dollars
Reward.—At the great base-ball match on Tuesday, while I
was engaged in hurrahing, a small boy walked off with an Eng-
lish-made brown silk umbrella belonging to me, and forgot
to bring it back. I will pay five dollars for the return of that
umbrella in good condition to my house, on Farmington
Avenue. I do not want the boy (in an active state), but will
pay two hundred dollars for his remains. Samuel L.
Clemens."

Best thing to do when you go shopping with ladies
—Take notes —Judy.

A lady travelling from New York to Boston a short
time ago, took her seat in a drawing•room car, the only
occupants at 'which were two gentlemen. One was smoking;
the other held a fresh and unlighted cigar, just ready to
apply the match. The fair traveller did not like the odour
of smoke, and calmly remarked aloud that this was the draw-
ing-room car, and they would please find the smoking-car
forward, for the smoke was very offensive to her. The gen-
tlemen removed the obnoxious weed, but looked extremely
serious about it, and had a word or two with the conductor
when that functionary entered, who mildly requested the
lady to step into another car, but she was comfortably seated
and declined to move. By-and-by other gentlemen appeared,
and addressed the would-be smokers as "Mr. President
and when at last some one let drop the mystic word "Grant,"
the obtuse but well-meaning dame recognized her company,
and, summoning the conductor sought another car.