The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1868-12-29 00:00:00

Varittins.

OSOOSAPHICAL DSPISITIOS.—PoinI de Gealc.—
Marringe
AKILIAS'S BPSCIAL CEIBIMIAS BOOS.—His
banker
TRAP DOOM—The doors of too many Limited
Liability Companies.
CHARON OF A PROTISTANT BISHOP AGAINST ALTAI
CASDLIS.—" Alter Candles."
FASHION/A—The ladies are still wearing "diadem'
bonnets. They bars beg only worn oroWne.
No APPARCIPP COSNIXIOII.—Nre ilfalaeroN whose
bead is still running on polities, asnnot make oat why
the new ministers are obliged to go cod be elected again,
because of • astute of Queen Anna !
Tel I,Ltirrgag Bons.—lt is said that "when Greek
meets Greek then comes the tug of war." Never mind
that ; but for the pesos of Europe, let lui hope that,
when Greek meets Turk the ease will prove otherwise.

ODE TO DECEMBER.
December, final month of .11th. yaw.
Now 'Us when claret end when bottled beer
Should placed be by the Ore, but not too near.
Now when frog nips 00110 and lip endear,
And cold oongere to be the trickling tear.
Old parr promenade the road for fear
01.1 W..! The year re past Ito ohs+e of sere
And yellow, and Is very black and decor:
And those whom rant. are greatly in erre.
Bring In their bilis, declaring food's so dear,
And burner altogether isso queer,
They really must regret that you will clear
The old account. Now don't be cavalier
To poor relations' shabby clothes, nor Jew
At sentiments, let creity flow freer
At Cbrixtmas time, nor check its gisd erre.
Let Chrieria•Obsering ring with chrtetsass cheer.
Defying the old dictum -4 hbaksisere,
Two ran beep not their motions in one sphere."
LITTLZ Roc BLUIL —ln answer ton question pot by
correspondeut u to the colours of political parties, a
contemporary observes :—" The cutom varies in
different localities ; 'blue' is the Conservative °ohm, in
some places, and 'yellow' the Liberal odour. In
London • blue is Conservative, red' Radical, and
' bar Liberal-Cloosersative. Blur" however, is the
prevailing oolonr for Conservatism." There son be no
doubt at ?regent that the Conservatives do look blue—
but then that is became it has not been the prevailing,
bat the coagolated eeloor.
lIIIXORIA TECHNICA
Lint January should be hot
It boars • Mea wifA Waier.peL
Bt. Val. in February rare
That love should mien like little nisei.
A Rams appears in March, nor soros
To take the winter by thee horse.
Inetrul wstef.ballunte full
And tr are dirt In Ina
Cricket and Raring start in May,
And so the Trai shout it play.
In June we've out-olsdoor confab,
And what are pie-nice ere Crab.
Tbe days of dogs proclaim July,
And doss before • Lioll fly.
Good corn and wine in August merle
A month made ben>, by • Virgin.
SeptemberEstb, inspect
If your bank Bream le correct.
When leaves in rich Orobertall,
Then Scorpsores and Meseta crawl.
Novernber's A erre stands to try
And shoot the meteor in the sky.
December crawls in tattered cost,
And shakes htigrey-boad like • Goat.

PICKINGS FROM PUNCH'S RLMANACK.
Hare pip been known to lend there spare ribs?
"Tag ACT OP TOL4OI SOL),IIATIOH."--Nalin4
comic songs.
Panviaßox Paitogonilf. —Do not kill the golden
calf for its veaL
If • redbreast somas into your fruit garden, does he
stoma there a robbin
LOCAL EXAMISATIO% PAPOL—Geogroplay.—Nimo •
bigger Isle of Dogs than our own. Newfoundland.
STRONG Moms POTFUL—There is perhaps no mecha-
nism equal to that of the beer-engine in its power of
elevating the meows.
There are two periods in the life of man, at which he
Is too wise to tells woman the exact truth : when he is
In love—and when he isn't.
THB HEIGHT OF MODESTY.—The most bashful ist
we ever knew was one who blushed when she was asked
: if she had not been courting sleep.
PBOVERBIALLT Toting lady's taste in poetry Is
not always unexceptionable. When you see • pile of
books OD her table, you know pretty well what will be
Tupper-most.
A COMMON COMPLAINT.—Young clergymen whose
hearts are in their work often suffer much when first
they address their congregations. The canoe is well
known— pelpii-ation.
Ctzvn Lirrce Posa.—"Mammi dear, there were
two such rode boys in the toyohop this morning I They
did stare at me so! I stared at them attia, but as they
did not mind that, I took to winking !'

WINN IN NIS GlNNRATlON.—Fasbinnable
"Cod Liver ! ! ! My dear dJetor, I oould'ist take
such horrible stuff as that !' Fashionable Doctor—
" Well—well—well—what do you any to—a--Cream sad
Cameos' r _ .

FICYLLZ EMANCIPATION.—k paper is read at the
Social Science Congress "On Women's Rights." The
ladies unanimously agree that their wrongs are innumer•
able, and resolve to demand complete re-dress on every
change of fashion.
roz Ern:cm or EDUCATION.—Oar housemaid
(Amelia) is fond of fine words. The other day ihe
gave warning. When asked the reason. instead of the
wee! ...leer that the wanted to better herself, the said
that she wished to ameliorate heroin.

• CO•TIBIDION0•101 CANT.
Bill Coster said, "See them two fish?
Them there's both females roister •

A pilchard oho In this here dish;
That 'enes her 'win alstoor."

My uncle was six feet two. He used to take me and
Billy (my brother, aroakics iamb°, twins coin, aged 11),
out for a walk. He improved the occasion edamtionally by telling us how we three illustrated a dactyl.
Be would playfully walk before us and say, "Now,
here it is : • long followed by two shorts."
The ROOT Or to. NATTlL—Prudent mother of
thoroughly brooght.op marriageable daughters, to the
new sod well-connected curate—" I ern most happy I
dear Mr. Cecil Newton, to and that you are sound.
need not express my hope that you do not hohl to that
sad heresy about the celibacy of the clergy r
Hann Lings.—'Burilriver (12.30 p.m. in • hoarse
whisper): "I'm like the Pilgrim o' Love, ;Jr !" Prosaic
Passenger (startled): "Like the what?" 'l3ae.
driver: "Pilgrim o' Love, sir I 'No rest for me but
the grave' I" And then he ezplained how he'd been on
the log from nine in the morning, with two pulling
horses, and rheumatics in both shoulder.blades
Hembree I Kn.:Herrn ! Aunt Sophy : "Now
suppose, George, as • simile woman I should have my
name put on the register, what should I get by it ?"
Pet Nephew: "Oh, • rod deal. You'd be allowed
to serve on coroner's juries, common Jeri's, annoyance
juries, pay powder tax and armorial bearings, act as
parish beadle and night constable of the maul ward,
and inspector of nuisances, report on fever districts', and
all jolly thinp of that sort."
MUM or The FOTSIUL SENSATION OPIRA.—
Managera (to his primo tenors, triumphantly)—" My
dear fellow, I've brought you the wore of the new
Opens. We've arranged sucA a scene for you la the
third sot I o' board of the pirate screw, after the keel-
hauling scene, you know I Heavy rolling INS. air?—
Yes, and we csui have some real spray pumped on to
you from the are-engine 1 Volumes of smoke from the
funnel, close behind your head—in fact, you'll be
enveloped as you rush on to the bridge! And then
you'll sing that lovely barcarolle through the speaking-
trumpet! And mind you hold tight, as the ship blows
op
just as you come upon your high 1) in the last
bar 1! r