The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1880-02-03 00:00:00

6WA2I AG&

" pastes anb inicktris."

THE POSTAL PANIC ACCORDING TO
RIDDLE.

Lucis (i.ookhl ov-e-r-hl;l;;;liktaet cup) : "Good
morning, Kiddie.
Kid: "Good marnea, z'r, I 'or.4 I zee thee well this
marnen."

Lucia: "Rather tired, Kiddie ; but how are you
after your journey to Dorchester, for I hear that you
did go."
Kid : "ES., meaater (Kiddle says he is employed by
Lucia), I ded go, ar. glad enough I ded. But there
was a set out. I'd no soonder finished .1' thee, than
It shuts in.,' my head, like—like-- Muster Burbidges
Norven Diver duck gun—"
Lucia •' What is that, Kiddle?"
Kid: "Why whenever Meastor Burbibge do go
'buten we hear or knacked over a Norven Diver duck,
they wait, LII be do come whome I spose. 8o it Mir
a sudden pop that ded come into my yead, it dwont
come often zuzudden. 'Kid, my buoy, go on to Dar-
jester.' I did rin that hard up to Zummer's aster his
vastest ham, that my yeart dad come o' me socks—"
Lucia: •• Not so fast, Kiddie, you mean your heart
jumped out ;;f its socket."
Kid: Ti. all the tome, Meader, far at does
neither won thing nor tother, it be only a zayen.
Zummers wer 'gone hisself, so I jist hitched to the
best base I:ft, and away we ded go at a pretty pace,
and ded catch the down train in less than warty
minutes. Fust I ded zee Bob, Mallow Bob,' I zed,
LLee ilwont mean to say as thee be gwine to stand by
the ' Incur after all theest zed agin em?' That I be,
zed Bob, ' vur I d wut some of the talker aide kept
down to Darjester when they be there."FAs,' zed I,
' I do know what the mean, they have put thee name
to the paper ain't they"" They have, he zed, 'but
Bob be as wide awake a; they, an' a deal right
strai,dith rruder. They ded cwome to I, an' axed Ito
sign the paper. I red, 'No,' than they signed it
atween 'em for me." That 'll capsize thik paper any-
how I zed,' and turned away to zee who was about,
but I didn't zee 'em all till we got there, zu I coulden
say who they was. Directly I dad set eyes on 'em,
I saw what a funk they was in. There was brave
Charley, the 'Purbeck' poet, little Harry—stock an'
all—Worsterd, an' Georgy Horlock. I woo that zorry
to zee Muster Crickmay and the Justice and Maseter
Robinson wi' em, I eoulden e t nar bit o' denote."
Lucia: "Was young Mr. R ibinson there?"
Kid: "Ea, wi' his wig on. They do say his
cleverish, I do only hope he is (he oughter be VA' thik
'assume face), but ef he ain't, he'll wear his wift out,
score he'll get batter for travelling without leaf, mong
them blessed counsels."

Lucie "Without a brief, you mean, Kiddie."
Kid.: " biseetor, whet a yead thee he' to be sure.
Where do 'se car all the word' We do knew what
we do mean, though we dwont knew what we do zay
healf our time. Ner one o' our at Darjeeter seemed
to knew what to do. I zed I do wish Maester bed
come. Shooter Robinson, he did kr* white. ¶1 be
churchwarden del keep on wooryen the Board, and
dree timer, from eleven o'clock till dree in the after-
noon, he and Maester Robinson did go down on their
bonded knees and pray Maestro Willlan Meikle to
gee in. Our counsel did loose all R,stiosoe wi em, an'
zed at last, ' I advise composites.'

Lucie (aside," more light?: "C°llllPganilliKiddie.
That is well for both aides, nrlauth si es can
Kid.:
"lie ded. Be eoulden stand agin thinken
ahout his tower an' lamp.postr, an' he
joined the enemy al a zet off, though I ded 'ear 'en
think
they have won.' But did Mr. George Burt really
advocate for Mr. Robinson against the Board?"
thik hsuse at Stuffey Gate
: "Stuffey Gate, Us :t be 'ho new mad,. name.
orugayLtatedifonr:toe
~ellirao'wub.einntwbUhtihelrt..aetl'
Kid lle ?"
Kid.Diaester Robinson do want it called situffey-road."
Lucia: " It's the first time I have heard the name.
Aro you sure you are right?"
Rll. ; "It be the on'y one I do knew for. My
nsissus ha' a good memory fur ar thing I gay or do
wrang, so ye kean axe 'er when she do cwome in fur
the t tter skins fur our 15.2 g. So u,,w the private
carrege road don't belong to 1.0, so' NI tester ft Minton
has to lay fur openers o' en up, and will ha' to keep
en repaired at his own cost for ever; but we be gwine
to git a wider Taunton-lane meted, if we kean buy
Exeter House before dree years be up. Z now,
maetter, I must go up to Mr. Roe's and practice my
song. '
Lucia: "dour, Kiddie; do you sirg ?"
Kid.: " Ess. I do zing out when my missile be a bit
peppery, but I'm gwine to zing up this tie. I be
invited to the Composite Coneolathn Zu per as is
gwine to be gie'd away at the Par`oek' in honour ..f
aester Robinson's new car ege drive, an' lm one of
the zingers. I haM't gwine to zing nor zentimental,
but in honour o' the dree guineas the witnesses ha' had
war gvrine near Darjester. I'm gwine to zing a
comic ditty that my wive's hits a wrote a purpose. It's
called 'The Dries Maestere."
Lucia: " I should like to hear it, Kid le. But
wait till I have turned my dog out of the room, he
does not appreciate classii al productions; and drink
up this hot cup of c 'free, then we wid have the song
at your leisure." (Before Kiddie had reached the
grounds Lucia was called away.)
Kid. : "Jemimer, wer be the maester ?"
Jam. : (Maid servsot to Lucia): ' He is just sinned
up to Hardy's to get another of thee Teltqranta of
January 16th, Hardy have sent for • fresh lot of Mr.
Davis' sermon. Muter wants to send one to Oxford."
Kid. : "Sermon! It widn't the sarm in that z .1.1
thik paper 1 It was John Go-to-besi's donkey, tiast's
what it wer. John wer thik proud to zee his name in
prent that he twould ar body he ded meet, and ha lit
read to Cr vifty times a'inost ; and he twould I the
donkey war that happy er turned up er nose at some
oats Mr. Nat White sent mer."
Jam: "0, for shame. Kiddie, how can you?"
Kid.: " Well, I do knew that coal's ris a penny a
hunderd since, zo that the poor people do with James
Middleton had kept there, an not come down on the
donkey to rise them."
Jem : "Kiddie did you see Mr. Davis singing down
street with the Mission Hall people, yesterday'"
Kid.: " What d' think then, tint I zee sr thing
goes on here ablut? But Ido ate talken to wammen.
You tell master that I be gwine down street after I do
come vrom Mr. Roe's, ef be do want I."
Lucia (finding Kiddie sitting on one of the poste
which seem as hard to move as some other poets) :
'Kiddie, what are you after? Stafford is a dangerous
name for traitorn"
Kid.: "I did come here to admire Master Robinson's
taste, vtar down at the 'Purbeck' they ded tell I that
be ded like thik pietas.' of the posts wonderful. I've
clapped me eyes on Otis house, Idwon't wonder he's so
'asy to please. Talk ol traitors, there were a row, maester,
down street! I got foul of Black Boy and fiddled it
out o'er. Thik big Nisbet-man was callous yolk all the
names er could lay ex tongue to, an' er zed Black Boy
wer a spy, • talesbwer, an I doan know what all, so
the poor chap got his vourpenee an' bolted. Arters
wards the visherman's misuse ded vaint, and he aril
publicans got fighten, :others be another Wareham job.
Ef I'd ben Black Boy I'd spent the vonrpence in drank
an' drowed it ower en, though he couldn't a stank
more."
Lucia "You should never break the law, Kiddie."
Kid. : " Zo I ben zayen to Missile Stockley, up to
Renton. She ben Tined vur not zenden her kids to
skule, an' she ben an' twold the piecemeal that be will
ha' to take 'er yead avers she'll pay the vine, or send
'er kids, your on em, to Attie to pay drepence a week.
9he doesn't min' payen tuppenee each vur em."
Lucie: "Here, Kiddie, ju-t go and call on that lady
and tell her to send the children with the twopence,
and if she is really too poor, either the rector will
forgive her the remainder, or the Guardians will pay
It for her."

_
Kid. : " I will, maester. I know the law is sensible
on poor yolk. But how about the weather? Bob has
been axon me. Fle g'ed me a cigar, look."
Lucia: "It will keep fine and I think the frost will
break for a while. sometime next week. Here's a
scented fusee for you."
Locus.