The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1881-03-08 00:00:00

Oddnunts.

"RE is a very untrtnnata man," said Dr. Spooner.
'peskier of • nenticni in whose ill-luck is proverbial;
and I really believe if be should fall on his back that he
would break his now."

"Moue trouble in Ireland,* said Mrs. Partington, "I
wonder," said the oil lady, laying down her spectacles,
and blandly regarilin: like, " I wonder that Government
doesn't incorporate :hat Parnell for life and send the
ringleaders into blandishment, .4nd then there wouldn't be
any wore of these aquarium outrages."
A woutiir baronet in one of the Midland oonnties wee
lately returning home one evening from a visit, and found
his sect in the diog.c.irt rather colder than he expected.
His coachman, being attired in his lively great-coat, was
desired by his mastcr to let him put it on, and to take
his lighter one, as he would not feel the cold so much.
Ou the b.uouet's arrival at Mons and ringing the bell, the
footman, on opening the door, and without looking who
WM In the great-Tat, said, "So you have left the old fool
behind r " No, ex:l.iimed the baronet, "the old fool
Ii here. and he gives you • month's warning l"

-
PARK.—Att. ardent (trying to be civil) .• "Yes,
Miss, your feet are ; what ladies aren't? But the
skates -1 never see inch Pmall .kate.! I think it would be
lie bettor if you changed with the gent., I do.
A tmeridr,,ws %frown got mad at her husband, do
other .lay, and inwardly vowed that she wouldn't speak
to him again ; no, never. An. how that man did enjoy
himself. A restful calm settled all over him; he put his
feet on the windowsill, smoked his cigar in the parlour
went nut early and came in very late, ate with his knife,
brought friends home to dinner unexpectedly, stayed in
bed until the tire was kindled, and inhaled more true joy
than be had ever dr.r.irried the married state afforded.
And that woman was dancing mad, and grew madder
every day, till at last she ,broke out, and the freshet ol
tears was hut a deluge of talk that nearly wore the poor
man out.-2'ose Wearer.

A PIKE county editor wrote that he proposed to cook
the finest turkey in the county for his Thanksgiving
dinner. rue printer set it up "hook,' end the poor
scribe was under polkas surveillance every time he
wroulered into the outskirts of tho town.—Quency Modern
Argo.

DER BABY.
So help me gracious efery day
1 I ,q4h me wit I to see der ray
My nivall young baby dile to blay
Dot hum), lestle baby.
Vircn I look at them leetle toes,
1 I 'ASV .I.lt funny leetle nose.
L'ud Ilir i ,ler vay dat rooster crows.
1 elouile like I was grazy.
ITn vben I heard the real nice ray
I Limn pe.,pleA to my wife dbey say,
" .11.0 re i:ke his father every day,"
1 vas au brood like blazes.
S onetimes dhere comes a leetle schema.
'hes vhen der viody viod rill crawl,
Lighd in his leetle stomack schmall,
Dot's too bad for der baby.
no pulls my nose nod kicks my hair,
'hot -rawls meter everywhere,
Dad :blubbers on me— vat I care? .

_
Dot vas my small young baby.
Around my 11.14 do c leetle arm
Vi,ieblueezin me so nice nod rano
Oh I mar dhere never coom some harm
To dot salmi), leetle baby.

[From Pu nut.]

STATIC OF AFTAIRI4 IN THE THANSTASL.-MOIEEI-COUOT.

OWE!. APPLICATION.

Instead of "Treasoo-felony." the name for the Irish
sp,oics of this crime against the fute will, under the
Uocrcion Acts, be called "thgar
"Rtritesityx.zil

Dear Mr. Claim. The Itcorporated Law Society
want to aboliah " Refreshers." What, Sir if you are
virtuoiw, are there to be no fore cakes and ale? Isn't
the very raixou dare of a Sir a constant supply of
refreownent? No man objeeti to Corrupt Practices more
than I do. but if 1 can stand such corrupt theories dash
the legal wig of yours truly,
HENRY JAIIM

1110DMI MINERS.
The new arrangement of dianen is excellent. Soup
r:commeu ied by Sir Henry Thompson am a sort of
prelude, " which soothes the savage breast," and, like the
culture of the fine arts, "softvis the manners, and does
not allow us to be any longer ferocious " then next course
Fish, and then, without any intermediate flirtation with
vatic& comes the piece de risianbcc, the Joint.
. . .

It cornea exactly when it is net wanted. The hungry
man kas not frilled away • goodappetite on "kickshaws,"
and is ready to tackle his beef or mutton with • will.
Then comes a tiny kickshiw, if you will; a separate
cour3e of vegetables, certainly; then a bird with a salad.
Clweve to finish. Sweets superfluou•
One thing more--let the "Menu" be the "Bill of fare,"
and let everything that tut be in Englith 14 in English.
So go it, ye livurruets!

111. EPEAKER.I VERT OWL

Being po.itively the Isva • 'nt of the new Supple.
tnentary Rules.
Prorretio:rs of Mr. S. Private Corns Ow.

- . ----
I. That, on all previously devised methotlis of ghing
effect to a declaration of " urgency " failing, it shall be
competent for Mr. Speaker to arrive early at the House.
close the doors in the (am of all the Members, and, send-
ing the mace to Mr. Attentswough's, order the Sergeant.
:A. Arms to supply him with such refreshment as he may
require for the evening, through one of the ventilators.
but/tension of Cooshintiot orithout Consideration.
2. That the lesnsiity of the above progeedings being
quest ed by a majority of not leas than nine-tenths of
both Houses, assembled for the purpose in the adjoining
lobbies. he shall forthwith invest himself with the Garter,
p Sergeant-at-Arms lace the upon the retired list, suspend
the Constitution, and, aononneing this delitmtely through
the keyhole, get out of • back window quist..ll with hie
Chair, and repair to Sostitjnd yard.

..orc u J tkc Chain
3. That, on a Motion still being made that "Afr,
S,,eaker do now leave the Chair," he decline to do so; but
that evin reinvestiimhiruoi forinsilly with all dellber-
nt.., inlilative, end executive functions, he shall avail
himself of such Parliamentary trains as he think fit, and
travel about with the Constitution in his pecket, reporting
his own progtb... till Nei," notice.

liroui Fanny Folks.'
NOM PERI LAIVIIONY.

"A lie get; round the World before Troia has finished
suiting her boots on." S.. soid Sir Wilfrid I.awsou in hie
weLli at the Al- ttttt Hal Hall butt week. We yedersteed
le hot.. Isar.stiet hes received indignant letters from the
.Vitiv hill IA irro. Vuxity Fair, kg, ashiug why their
superior eloitus were not reo,guised.

COXIMIXED.
The report of the Commi.wioners on Sandwieu. speaks
for itaAf VI to what should he done. It shows the Sand-
wich to he thoroughly corrupt, and It should therefore be
at on,e condemned by the Odieer of Electoral Health. A
rotten Sandwich cannot be gwel for the Constitution, and
nothing wholemune can Clone to any fresh taembinatiou of
vorrupt material.. It 1134 been in the market onlgatio
long, and there should he no further chance of its
how.rht or sold. or evett made tho vehicle of tionting:
though that .hould only
wich and a ulnas of al*.
take the humble form of 'Audi

THROAT IRRITATION. —:iorenersAnd dryoeFF,Lickling
and irritation, inducing cough and affecting the voice.
For these symptoms use Epps' Glycerine Jujubes.
Glycerine, in these agreeable confections, being in
proximity to the glands at the moment they are
excited by the act of sucking, becomes actively heal-
log. Sold only in boxes, 'al and le. lid., labelled
".4m1:111 Epps & HOIWP ,patilic Chemists,
L.n Ion." A letter received : " Gentlemen,—lt m3r,
perhaps, interest yon to know that, after an extended
tri d, I have found your Glycerine Jujubes of con.
siderable benefit (with "r without medical treatment)
In almost all tonne of throat &ease. They soften and
clear the voice. In no case can they de any harm.—
Yours faithfully, Gordon Holmes. L.R.C.P.E
Senior Physician to the Municipal Throat and Ear
Infirmary.
" Mr. Johnson in his Chemistry of Common Life
pointed out that Cocoa had long reached the consumer
with too much of its own fat, or loaded with a variety
of farinaceous substance*, producing a soup rather than
a beverage. The Cocoa bean affords admirable
nutritive flesh forming qualities, and staying power.
In Cadbury's Cocoa Essence these are retained and
concentrated, providing an exhilarating infusion, not a
starchy soup."— WWVlllfil go Householders.
FITs.—EPILICPSTOR FALLING SICENICSS.-81MSATIOIDI
GIDDINESS, Fatiefit.—A certain method of cure has
been discovered for these distressing complaints, by a
Physician who is desirous that all sufferers may
benefit from this providential discovery. It will cure
the most hopeless case after all other means have been
tried. Foil particular* wil be sent by post, free of
charge. Addreas. —Ma. Willgang, 10, Oxford Terrace,
Hyde Park. London.
THROAT AFFECTIONS AFILI HOARSENESS. —All suffering
from irritation of the throat arel hoarseness will be agree-
ably surprised at the almost immediate relief afforded by
the use of " Brown's Bronchial Troches." These famous
" lozenges" are now sold by most respectable chemists in
this country at is. ltd. per box. People troubled with •
" hacking cough," a 'slight csld," or bronchial affections,
01110 not try them too soon, as similar troubles, if allowed
to progress, result in serious Pulmonary and Astnnuitie
affections. bee that the words " Broern's Bronchial
Trachea" are on the Government stamp around each hog.
—Prepared by JOHN I. Bauwa and SONS, Boston. United
State'. European depot, removed to 33. Farringdon
road, London.

_ ....
WARNING! ItRCXII7II PARIS BLUR. The marked
superiority of this laundry blue over all others, and the
quick appreciation of its merits by the public, have been
attended by the usual results. viz, a flood of imitations;
the merit of the latter mainly consista in the ingenuity
exerts...l, not simply in imitating the square shape, hut
"Ai" the general appearance of the wrappers resemble
that of the genuine article. The manufacturers bet
therefore to caution a buyers to see " iteckitt's Paris
Blue" on each Packet.
Ftoaitisat—Foa TIIIT6R7II AND Bandit .—A. few drops
of the lquid " sprinkled on swot toothbrush Pro-
ducer a plea-ant lather, which thoroughly cleanses the teeth
from all parasites or impurities, barderui the gums, prevents
torts:. sPiPs decay, gives to the teeth a peculiar pearly-
whiteness. arid a delightful fnierance ta tho breath. It
removes all unples•aat odour arising fritni decayed teeth or
tobacco smoke. "Th Fr . Pico i I ins," being composed
to part of honey and sweet herb., Is delicious ti the taste
pun the grent,at toilet discovery of the age. Prime. Ga. of
all Chemists and perfumers. Wholesale depot removed to
. Parringdon-road, L ,ndon.
;stusistx Discorzar FOR MR HAIL—If your hairs
turning grey or white, or falling oty uje "The Mexican
Hair Renewer,
i" for it will positively restore ifs @eery aid.aid.Grril 0? While egr t° original colour, without leaving
be isagreeable smell of most " Bestorem" It makes
the hair charmingly beautiful. IA well as Promoting the
growth et the hair on bald Vote, where the glands we not
decayed. 4sk your Chemist for "Tug Mexicali 11• I
BR!'1W": sold by Chemists and Perfumers everywhere
at 3a gd, per bottle. Wholesale depot removed to
Farringdon-road. London.

TOURISTS AND TILATZLLEILS, ladies rinking, visiting tbe
seaside, or other else exposed to the scorching rays ot the
sun and heated particles of dust, will end Rowlands'
Kalydor most cooling and refreshing for the face, hands,
and arini ; it eradicates sunburn, tan, freckles, ic.. *lbws
the pain and irritation caused by mosquito and eat bites,
and produces • beautiful and delicate complexion. Sold
In two sizes. Rowlands Macassar Oil prevents the hair
falling off during hot weather. Rowlands' (Mario
whitens the teeth. Sold by chemists, perfamms, and
hard:mem Buy may Rowlimors en