The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1874-06-27 00:00:00

SELECTED ANECDOTES.

A Vila Mot DtaTztrerotc—ln the reign of Eliza-
beth, one Peter Palmer, of Lincoln's Inn, brought an
-action against a barrister named Boyer, for having,
with the intent to injure him in his mime and practice,
sail that "Peter Palmer was a paltry lawyer, and had
as much law 84 a jackanapes.' It was moved in arrest
that the words would not maintain an action, because
they were not slanderous. Had Mr. Boyer said, "Mr.
Palmer had no more law than a jackanapes," it had
been actionable, for then he had leasened the opinion
of his learning: but the words were, " he has as mach
law as a jackanapes," which was no impeachment of
his learning ; for every man that bath more law than a
lackanapes, hath as much.—Judge Berkley says that
it has been decided, where a person said of a lawyer
that he hiui as much law as a monkey, that the words
were not actionable, because he had as much law and
more also ; but if he had said, "he has no more law
than a monkey," the words would have been action-
able.

-
SCENE IN A WESTERN COURT.—" Judge, I appear
for the defendant. Your time, I know, is precious, as
must be the case with so valued a member of society.
The ease is perfectly clear,and I know your learning and
lucid intelligence. For me to argue would be not only
a waste of time, but an insult to your penetration.
Much might be said, but I know nothing is needed.
Before any other judge I would lay down the rules of
the law, but here l know they have been deeply
studied, and wisely understood. I look around me and
behold a humble house of logs, yet I see before me the
spirit of truth, the unpurchased distributor of law,
and the old tenement rises before my mental vision
proud and beautiful as a majestic temple of justice.
Judge, I have a bottle of prime whiskey in may
pocket; for the respect I bear your character, allow
me to make you a present of it. Verdict for the
defendant.

A FARMER'S CARE FOR THE "WIDE, WIDE
Woludi."—A worthy farmer, not a hundred Miles
from Lochgoilhelad, was ~reatly exercised last year re-
garding the safety of his hay crop. The weather,
though often threatening, favoured his efforts till ha
succeeded in getting it safely gathered in, being in this
respect more fortunate than several of his neighbours.
After seeing the last wisp of straw round his stacks,
he exclaimed, with a aelf-satistied air-- Noo, sin' I
ha'e gotten my nay a' safe in, I think the wand would
be greatly the better o' a guid shower."
A LITTLE MISUNDERSTANDING !--"Now, then,
said an Aberdeen physician cheerily to a patient,
" you have got alont; far enough to indulge in a little
animal food, and- - " " I've suffered on your por-
ritch and other slop hang enoo, mon," replied the pa.
tient, " and I'd starve sooner than begin on hay and
oats "
A SINCERE REGRET—At a recent public dinner the
chairman proposed a toast to " The memory of Pal-
merston," and called upon a patriotic gentleman to
respond. The latter, being taken by surprise, arose,
and, after stammering a little, said, "Mr Chairman,
Palmerston was a great and good man, and an honour
to the country; and er -and I yes, I sincerely
regret that he is unable to be present with us on this
occasion."

THE TAILOR AND DEAN Swirr.—A tailor crown
tired of his shop-board, took a bold leap from his seat
to the pulpit, and soon acquired considerable popu-
larity. Elated with his success, he felt himself called
upon to attempt the conversion of Dean Swift to the
true faith. On being admitted to the dean, he thus
announced his purpose : "I am come," said he, "by
order of the Lord, to open your eyes, to enlighten your
darkness, and to teach you tLe proper application of
talents which you have so long abused."—" Indeed, my
good friend," replied Swift, who knew the tailor, "I
am inclined to believe that you are commissioned by
heaven, as you come so critically to relieve the per-
plexed state of my mind at this very moment." The
tailor already exulted in the certainty of success.
"You are well acquanted, no doubt," continued th 4
dean, "with that passage in the tenth chapter of the
Revelation-', where the apostle describes a mighty angel
coming down from heaven, with a rainbow on his head,
a book open in his hand, and setting his right foot on
the sea, and his left foot on the earth. lam quite at
a loss how to calculate the extent of such astride; but
I know it immediately li, u the line of your trade to
tell me how many yards of cloth would make a pair of
breeches for that angel."
•

-.„—
A Doc STORY.—Wa-shington was once out hunting
in the Virginia forests, accompanied by his favourite
hound Governor. A heavy storm of rain and mist
coming up, he lost his way, his powder was rendered
useless, and, to add to the perils and inconveniences of
the situation, he found that he had not his pocket-com-
pass with him. In this sorry plight he wandered in
circles, as people do who are lost in the bush, wet,
weary, hungry, for he had no food save wild berries.
He was almost exhausted, when a happy thought oc-
curred to him. Tyinghis pocket-flask and his powder.
flask to the dog's tail, he fastened his long sash around
the animal's neck, holding one end in his hand ; then
he gave the dog a tremendous kick. The animal was
so completely surprised at this treatment that he stood
for a moment paralysed ; then, wheeling about, he
struck a bee-line for home. It is a curious but
, undoubted fact that any sudden alarm or attack
will quicken a dog's perceptive faculties, render
more subtle his scent and powerful his memory, and
induce him to strike for his home. So the dog fled,
and Washington followed desperately over stumps,
through bogs, into briars, until finally the sash gave
way. With one tremendous yell Washington scared
still further the frantic animal, the terriTle banging
I slid clattering of the fluke at his heels added to his
speed, and in a momet the was out of sight. After a
! hearty laugh at the ncident, Washington leisurely
marched in the direction the dog had taken. It was
easy to do so by observing the mossy side of the trees,
the direction of the longer branches, and the
other signs with which an experienced hunter is
acquainted. It was not long therefore before he
reached a clearing, and was once more in safety. But
the dog, once faithfully attached to him, could not to
the day of its death endure his presence, or even he:c-
hin voice without relapsing into an agony of terror.