The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1873-02-08 00:00:00

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS.

An old bacbelor'oomparee life to a ehirt button, be.
cane.) it so often hangs by a thread.

A " sufferer " at an American hotel pays, "The Hies
come down to breakfast at the sound of the gong."
. . .•- •

- ---
A beautiful young actress is deecribel by an Arne.
ricau critic as haying • face a painter might dwell upon.
What • delightf 01 residence

Doctors in Tennesse are said to have a rather hard
time If the patient lives he seldom pays, if he dies the rest
of the family want to shoot the physician.
A man who has invented a new recipe for cleansing
clothes parades it in hi, advertisements under the standing
head of " Every Man His Own Washerwoman!"
The following obituary notice of a digtinguished
Munn is from • Western paper:—" Peter Ink, an old cuisrn
of Knox county, Ohio, was blotted out the other day, aged
75 "
" Vegetable pill!" exclaimed an oil lady. "Don't
talk to me of such stuff ! The best vegetahle pill ever made
h. an appledumpling. For destroying a gnawing in the
stomach there is nothing like it. It always can be relied

" 1)., you east thingi here?' inquired a Yankee the
other day, as he sauntered into • foundry and addressed the
proprietor. "Ye., we do." "You east all kinds of things
In iron, eh," was the next query. " Certainly ; don't you
see it is our business ? " "Alt well, cast a shadow, will
you ? " lie WU cUit 011 t.

A mother, who had with her a little danghter, wee
examining the figure of • horse on • tombstone, and won-
dering of what it was an emblem There wee nothing to
explain It in the Inscription 'Stemma," said ttie little one,
as they moved away, "1 shouldn't wonder if she died of the
nightmare "

Mark Twain, in • recent letter shout the nations
tipple of the Sandwich Islands, smarts that the late king and
his late sister Votoria both drank unlimited whisky, and
no would the rest of the natives if they could get it. The
native beverage, awa is so terrine that mere whisky is
foolishness to It. It turns a man's skin to white fishweales
that are so tough • dog might bite him, and he would not
know it till he read about it in the papers. it la made of •
root of some kind.

A chemical contemporary containa the story of a sea
captain to whom a sailor applied for relief for "something
on his stomach." The csptain cointlited his book of direc-
tions, and prescribed "No. 15." Unfortunately, however,
there had been a run on No. 15, and the bottle was emp"y.
But the allipper, remembering old game, of cribbage, made
up a dose by combining Now land 7, saying, "Sand 7 make
15; " and the sailor, to whom the calculation seemed quite
natural, took the mixture with startling effect.

THREE WEEKS AFTER MARRIAGE.
My dearest, you are going out/
Indeed, 'Us vary cold .
Let me, sweet love, around your neck
This handkerchief lot old.
You know bow anxious for your health,
My own dear George, am I.
One loving kiss before we part—
(toothy, sweet chuck, good-by!
THREE TEARS AFTER MARRIAGE.
You're gotog out !—why don't yes go
I cau not help the rain.
You wouldn't grieve me mightily
To ne'er come back again !
Umbrella! I don't know where 'lto'
What 11 you want next, I wonder f
I) m't pester me about your cold
Good gracious '—go to thundtr !

SPUTTERINGS FROM " JUDY'S" PEN.
AN Important Member of the Bar.—A nice bar girl.
THEy are building new bathing-machtnes at Brighton in
the turo-dair style.
WARN the Claimant washes his hands in 5 large ewer, doe'
he ever think of Wapping Haute?
THE Feature of our Age—Cheek.
A MAN Overdoored—A used-ip swell.
TEE Gentle Art—The art of catching dab with gentles.
A RoUGH'S REToR is often Jack Ketch in the end.
rsn ANTRY.—M amonlsm.
A PRETTY 00—A go of whisky.
Tile F glish ye ,pie have always made fun of the Scotch
climate. ASc 'Lehman writes to say he supposes they prefer
their stn.
WHY are twenty ewta. of coal like a crack-brained mortal?
Because they are a simple-ton. •
ADMIRALTY Mixture.—A composite gunboat.
A PRESSING Affair.—A cuddle.
IN decrlblng a peculiarity of the lifeboat, what part of a
French theatre would you most likoiy mention —lts part air
(parterre>.
NAETICAL —When a sailor strikes his colours, h he guilty
of an sunsuit
WRA r is that which& blind man can very often lee as well
as anyone who has eyes t—A joke.
CLERICAL CON —Why Is the River Thames like the Bishop
of Bath and Wells 7—Because it connects two Sees—Chelsea
and Battt

Angie !—Some folks who give themselves such absurdly
Nigh and mighty airs, had better consult the cookery book
and jug " them.
WRY is a man with the Sheriff's (dither close after him like
a barrel of beer 7—Because he expects to be tapped every
minute.
STRANGE !—A too quiet sermon often proves to be a mot).
jug discourse.
"GIVE me none of your jaw," u the filbert sold to the
man. —Judy.