The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1875-01-30 00:00:00

SELECTED ANECDOTES.

A MATCH FOR SIR ROBERT PEEL !—When 'Orator
Hunt (who was a blacking manufacturer) was in Par-
liament, the late Sir Robert Peel so far forgot himself ,
as to taunt him with this fact, whereupon Hunt
sarcastically replied, "The truth is, the honourable
member is the first gentleman in his family, and I am
the first tradesman in mine."
GARRICK'S WELL-TIMED REPROOF.—Sterne, who
used his wife very ill, was one day talking to Garrick
in a fine sentimental manner, in praise of conjugal
love and fidelity. "The husband," said Sterne, "who
behaves unkindly to his wife, deserves to have his
house burnt over his head."—" If you think so," said
Garrick, "I hope your house is insured."

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RIGID IMPARTIALITY.—Sydney Smith, calling one
day upon a fellow contributor to the Edinburgh
Review, found him reading a book preparatory to
writing a critique on it, and expostulated with him.
"Why, how do you manage ?" asked his friend. "I
never,' said the wit, "read a book before reviewing
it; it prejudices one so."
EXPLAINING THE WORD "ILLUSTRIOUS ! "—Lord
Brougham was speaking one night in the House of
Lords, when his lordship experienced some interruption
from a conversation which was being carried on during
his speech bythe Dukes of Cumberland and Wellington.
Taking occasion in the course of his argument to explain
the word "illustrious," he said that we sometimes use
that word conventionally, and sometimes literally.
"For instance," said the noble lord, "we apply it by
courtesy to the royal duke who is talking so loudly,
and who has done nothing whatever to deserve it,
whilst we apply it in its primary and real signification
to the illustrious duke whom his Royal Highness is
addressing."
ERSKINE'S READY WlT.—Counsellor Lamb, an old
man when Lord Erskine was in the height of his
reputation, was of a timid and nervous disposition,
usually prefacing his pleadings with an apology to that
effect; and one occasion when in oposition in some
cause to Erskine, he happened to remark that he felt
himself growing more and more timid as he grew
older. No wonder," replied the relentless barrister;
"every one knows the older the lamb grows, the more
sheepish he becomes."
ANECDOTE OF BERTHOLLETT.—This celebrated savant,
in the most dangerous times of the Republic, sustained
his fearless love of truth. Some days prior to the
ninth Thermidor, a sandy deposit was found in a
barrel of brandy intended for the army. The con-
tractors, suspected of poisoning, were immediately
arrested, and the scaffold was already prepared.
Berthollett, however, examined the brandy, and re-
ported it free from all adulteration. "You dare
maintain," said Robespierre to him, "that that
brandy does not contain poison?" As his reply
Berthollett drank off a glass, saying, "I never drank so
much before."—" You have plenty of courage," ex-
claimed Robespierre. "I had more when I signed
my report," replied the chemist, and here the matter
terminated.
NEWTON AND HIS DINNER !—lt is said of Sir Isaac
Newton that he often forgot to eat his dinner, which
his housekeeper was accustomed to leave in a closet
near his study door. His head was too much in the
heavens to mind the earth; so a friend, knowing this
peculiarity, one day slipped his dinner out of the
basket and ate it up. When at last the philosopher
came out and greeted his friend, he asked to be ex-
cused till he took his lunch. On looking into the
basket and finding it gone, he simply exclaimed, much
to his friend's amusement, "Oh, I forgot I had eaten
my dinner !"
A HUMOROUS CONTRAST. Lord Chief Justice
Pollock, when a boy, was placed under Dr. Roberts at
St. Paul's school. A story is related on good authority
that young Pollock, fancying that he was wasting his
time there, as he intended to go to the Bar, intimated
to the headmaster that he should not stay; and that the
doctor, who was desirous of keeping so promising a
lad, thereupon became so cross and disagreeable, that
one day the youth wrote him a note saying he should
not return. The doctor, ignorant of the cordial terms
on which the father and son lived together, sent the
note to the father' who called on him to express his
regret at his son's determination, adding that he had
advised him not to send the note. Upon which the
doctor broke out, " Ah, sir, you'll live to see that boy
hanged." The doctor, on meeting Mrs. Pollock some
years after his pupil had obtained University honours
and professional success, congratulated heron her son's
good fortune adding, quite unconscious of the humorous
contrast, " ! madam, I always said he'd fill an
elevated situation."
EARNING AS MUCH AS THE KING I—Louis XI. of
France once took it into his head to visit the kitchen,
and see what was going forward. He there found a
little fellow about fourteen years of age, busily en-
gaged in turning the spit, with meat roasting on it.
The youth was handsomely formed, and of so en-
gaging an appearance, that the king thought him en-
titled to some better office than the humble one which
he then filled. Accosting him, Louis asked whence he
came, who he was, and what he earned by his occupa-
tion. The turnspit did not know the king, and replied
to his interrogatory without the least embarrassment
—" I am from Berny, my name is Stephen, and I earn
as much as the king."—" What, then, does the king
earn ?" rejoined Louis. "His expenses," replied
Stephen, "and I mine." By this bold and ingenious
answer he won the good graces of the monarch, who
afterwards promoted him to the situation of groom of
the chamber.
A CooL FRlFND.—Charles James Fox, the English
statesman, being once kt Ascot races with his intimate
companion, General Conway, missed his snuff-box.
The general was lucky enough to discover the thief,
and seize him before he could get clear. Upon this
the man fell on his knees, and with many tears
besought Fox to pardon him and not to expose him to
ruin, for he was a poor weaver in great destitution,
and this was the first offence against the laws that he
had ever committed. Fox was greatly affected, and
not only let the offender go, but gave him a guinea.
Shortly after this, having occasion to use his box he
found no sign of it in the pocket where he had replaced
it, and turning to General Conway he said, My
snuff-box is gone again ! "—" Yes," replied the latter,
"I saw the scamp take it the second time, when you
gave him the money, but I thought I wouldn't interfere
again."
Fnoti DUKES DOWNWARDS !—The celebrated Prince
Talleyrand had a scale for asking the people who dined
with him whether they would eat of this dish or that
dish. It was a descending one, beginning with Dukes
and finishing with the plain Mr. He habitually
carved himself, and would say, for instance :
"Monsieur le Due, will your grace do me the honour
of taking some beef ?" Mon Prince" (which not
being a French title, but a Roman one, is of a lesser
rank,) "shall I have the honour of sending you some
beef ?"—" Monsieur le Marquis, shall I have the hon-
our to offer you sonae beef ?"—" Monsieur le Comte,
shall I have the pleasure of sending you some beef ? "
Monsieur le Baron, will you have some beef ? " And
then, when he had attained to tile humble commoner,
he merely tapped his knife upon his plate with his
right hand, fixing his eyes upon the face of the guest
who was "last and least" till the latter perceived that
the appeal was addressed to him; upon which the
illustrious statesman was wont, monosyllabically, to
say, " Bceuf "—Once a Week.
ROBERT STEPHENSON AND HIS FRIEND BRUNEL.—
A little incident is told to show the pleasant relations
of the two men with each other. They were travelling
together in a railway carriage—Stephenson wrapped in
a dark plaid, on the exact disposition of the folds of
which he somewhat prided himself. He saw Brunel
regarding him with curious eye. "You are looking at
my ' said he: "I'll bet you ten pounds that you
cannot put it on properly the first time."—" Very
well," said the other. "I have no objection to bet
ten pounds; but I won't take your money. 1 bet ten
pounds against the plaid. If I put it on right when
we get out on the first platform, it is mine. If I miss,
I pay you ten pounds."—" Done," said Stephenson,
and resumed conversation with Locke, who was also
in the carriage. But Brunel sat in a brown study,
and said not a word until they arrived at the next sta-
tion. "Now, then, Stephenson, give me the plaid to
try," said he, as he stepped on the platform. Robert
Stephenson slowly unwound the garment. Brunel
promptly wound it around his own.l3houlders, with as
much composure as if he had pulled on a great coat.
"it is a first attempt," said he; "but I think the
plaid is mine." For many a day did he rejoice in its
comfort. "But had you never tried it before?" said a
friend. "No," said Brunel; "but when Stephenson
challenged me I was not going to give it up; so I
began immediately to study the fold, and to make out
how he had put it on. I got the thing pretty clear in
my head before we reached the station, and when I
saw him get out of it I knew that I waa right ; so I
put it ou ouce,",

A MATCH FOR A QUEEN.—After Sir Paul Methuen
had quitted court, Queen Caroline, who thought she
had a talent for joking, frequently saw him when she
dined in company, during the King's absence at
Hanover. Once, when she dined with Lady Walpole
at Chelsea, Sir Paul was there as usual. People that
play off their wit upon others, generally harp upon the
same string. The queen's constant topic for teasing
Sir Paul was his passion for romances, and he was
weary of it, and not in good humour with her. "Well,
Sir Paul," said the queen, "what romances are you
reading now? "—"None, madam; I have gone through
them all."—" Well, what are you reading, then? "
"I have got into a very foolish study, madam—the
history of the kings and queens of England."