The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1873-06-28 00:00:00

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS.

An Indian squaw hap just died at Lanosuder, Mich.,
aged 115. She had thirty squawlers (infants).

Arkansas newspaper correspondents in the Legis-
lature make assertions ant "back 'em up" by saying,
"I've got six bullets which says its Co."
A cannty commis,ioner in the western rest of
Maine, on inviting some lawyers to inspect the new
court-houw, quotel the solemn lines of Dr, Watts:—

" Ye sinners round, come view the ground
Where you will shortly Ile."

A coroner's jnry, empannelled to ascertain the cause
of the death of a notorious drunkard, brought in a
verdict of it' Desth by h inging—round a shoo." In
California, a coroner's jury, nudes similarcircumstances,
rendered a more courteous verdict: "Accidental death
while unpacking a glass."
TM- story comes from Maine :—A man in Portland
married a widow. She had a fashion which is too
common among ladies who've burl. d a man, of giving
him glowing accounts of the angelic virtues of the
slew departed. Aa a prohibition law is in force in
Mame, he c mid uot drown his sorrows in liquor, so
he nerved his soul to take a terrible revenge. One
night when his wife was sleeping soundly, perhaps
dreaming of the 'first" victim of her charms, he
arose from his bed, took a sledgehammer, and delibe-
rately rairing it to his shoulders, he marched to the
graveyard and smashed the tombstone of his dead
rival into little bite. Now, when his wife says any.
thin. about the virtues of the der i man, he replies:
"It may be all v. r) true, old g.l, rut he can't smash
my tombstone ; there a where I'm dLelid.'
Smith, the American poet laureate, thus breaLs
forth :—" Oh, the snore, the beautiful snore, filling the
eliamber from ceiling to thor ! r th- coverlet,
undir the sheet, from her wee dimpled chin to her
pretty feet ; now rising aloft like a bee in June, now
sunk to the wail of a crscfced basson ; now, flute-like,
subsiding, then rising agam, is the beautiful more of
Eliztbetti Jane."

A Pekin, 111., local editor, wrote the following notice
on &winning bus duti-s :—" Sensational, distressing
dote Is of revolting murders and shocking suicides re-
sinned ally solicited.. Bible class preie. tationt and
ruinigerial donation parties will be ' done ' with
primptueas and destatch. Keno banks and their
operations made a speciality. Accurate reports oi
Sunday school anniversaries guaranteed. The local
e liter will cheerfully walk BrarritreL miles after Sunday
school to see and report a prize fight. Funerals and all
other melancholy occasions written up in a Moaner to
challenge admiration. Horse races reported in the
highest style of the reportorial art. Domestic broils
and conjugal infelicities sought for with untiring
avidity. Police court proceedings and sermons re-
ported in a manner well calculated to astonish the
prisoner, magietrate, and preacher."
•

Not long sthce a young Kentuckian paid his undi-
vided attention to one of the fair sex, and concluded to
pop the question. After much stammering and hesi-
tation, the young lady exclaimed, "I am partially en-
gaged, but my mother want, to marry !"
. . .

-, •
ix pleasing though slightly perponal allupion to
Coognosman Ravens, of the Vlth Missouri district, is
published in the newspapers of that state :

"Havens was a Congressman,
Havens waa a thief;
Havens took his back pay,
And Havens cam, to grid
lhe people called to Havens,
He wouldn't pay It back ;
The people said to 1141,11 t,
It Isn't cheek you lack "
The Louisville Journal thinks the sight of four able.
minded men playing vr,.quet is the sublimest sdeetacle
that an impovert,hed country ever beheld.
. - -

In Richmond Church, Surrey, is an epitaph on a cer-
tain 12 ,bert Lewis, who died not long ago, and who
wa., says the epitaph, such a lover ot peace that when
a contention brgan to arise between Life and Death
he yielded up the gh et to end the Oilpute."

SPUTTERINGS FROM "JUDY'S " PEN.

SPORTING.—Art Trish It-Tee-trainer has just christened one
of los stud The Top o' the orniug " they say the a
roarer.

didn't s dog want a place In the ark I—B*osta° he
had a osroine of kis own
" Wincli Is the plainest, you, I, or So-and-in?' asked •
youvg lady. "I'd, I don't know," replied her friend.
° Sallow, you are the querisc'
Wily l.a sword like beer I—Because it Ii 1,0 nee till it Is
drisn.

Wny Is the root of the tongue like a dejected man ?
Bemuse It Ix down In the mouth.
A CoMPattloN Game to Parlour Croquet—Cricket on the
henelh

JOrrntlas Negroes—Bisck ktia, to be rure
' Lay .m hat e that tie neither the Shah errerienced on his
arrival In Ix ndon WI I not continue, otherwise, instead of
"Queer .'s Weather " the saying. it is "Shah-ery ' weather
may become proverbial. had the " August " monarch not
come so early /as "June: we might have Oren him •
" warmer rc ptioA anthow, we trust rho Shah's visit to
our "shore, may per va a happy one—Weather or 130.
On dit the Shah has been asked to at .y s week loners. than
heat &et pr..mosed, bath- says he shain't —Judy.