The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1874-07-04 00:00:00

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS.

A dying man in a town in Maine desired that a
well-known auctioneer should conduct his funeral cere-
monies. He expressed himself in the subjoined pathetic
terms : "lie's an easy, OW talker, and I alien liked to hear
him. I've had dealin's with him, and I tillers found he set
out things.

The ;omen who have been admitted to the Agri-
cultural o.llege in Michigan are said to behave in a
"gentlemanly " manner.

In apealung of a Sunday achool picnic lately held
in Talliottom, Ga, the Standard of that place says that "the
day was equally divided up into speaking, eating, and
courting.
- • • • • •

An American paper says this is certainly the age of
progress. Farmer Simpson, having manured his wheat fields
with " baking powder," his crops shot up luxuriantly, and
were reaped in harvest-time in the shape of shilling loaves,
all ready buttered.

An American teaching English to a German, met
his request for a specimen of an English irregular verb thus
I go, thou wentest, he departed, we made tracks, you
cut sticks, they skedaddled." But, on asking for a repetition
the German found that it was still more irregular, for the
Yankee introduced several fancy variations.

Thix is an excellent saying, and worthy of ace ept
sore of an women The more a woman's waist is shaped
like an hour-glass, the quicker the sands of her We run out"
If you want to find out a man's real dimposition, take
him when he is wet and hurorry. If he is amiable, then, dry
him and fill him up, and you have an angeL

The most disappointed woman is the one who had a
lot of biting sarcasm all ready for her son-in-law elect, but
was unable to use it because the match was broken oft the
day before the one appointed for the wedding
A fi

A financial spec-ula- tor of great energy and enterprise
clog stricken with a dangerous malady, mid sharply—
What's my chances, doctor ?" " Not worth speaking of."
" One in twenty " Oh, no" "In thirty?" " No."
"Fifty" "I think not." "A hundred I " " Well, perhaps
there may be one in a hundred." " I say, then, doctor,"
pulling him close down, and whispering with feeble earnest-
ness in his ear, "just go in a smasher on that one chance,"
The doctor "went in " and the patient recovered.

Some persons in the crowd at the recent execution
of a negro is Virginia cut the rope into pieces to be kept
as souvenirs, and others obtained the wretch's shoe-
otitis* .

A lady from the South has enjoyed an interview
with Emerson, and writes to the Memphis A valanehe that
she was delighted with " the fluting and frilling of his in-
voluted words." The Detroit Pont is surprised to hear this,
as only last year the philosopher had his words " cut
biassing, but with plain herders, tastefully folded batik, and
secured with a blue ribbon."

A party of revivalists recently left St. Louie for a
trip thimigh Texas, travelling by rail. At the town of
lionston. while the train waited a few moments, it became
known through the city who were on hoard, and the citizens
were anxious that the revivalists should tarry there awhile.
Finally, they persuaded the ladies to go out upon the plat-
form at the depbt and sing. llt the meantime, Mrs. Morrill,
wife of. prominent clergyman of St. Louis, stepping across
the street into a reataitrant, and while there overheard a con-
versation between two young fellows, who were wondering
what was thy ...Luse of the disturbance. At length she turned
to one f 4 them, and said , "They're a band of pilgrims, sing-
MI, on their way to Heaven," One of them replied lazily:
"Waal, they've some along Way onto' their road when they
came by way o' Texas."

TLe Ba- Hinton Cl.ppar says, a few days since a
jolly son of the ocean was about being put or, board an out-
ward-bound affip, for which he had previously entered, when
he asked leave to have another run uptown. Being informed
that he could not be permitted to go, as the ship was about
sailing, ho sang out to a man on the wharf, an entire
stranger to him, " Here, my friend," throwing him • silver
dollar, "spend that for me—III dose much for you another
time." Jack never gave up while there was a shot in the:
locket.

THAT ACCOUNTS FOR It —Mr. Snooks wee RSI:Ged the
, Alter day how be could account for nature's forming
him so ugly.—" Nature was not to blame, said he.
" When I was two months old I was cunsidered the
kancbsomest child in the neighbourhood; but my none
swapped me away for another boy, just to please a
friend of hers, whose child was rather homely-
looking."