The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1881-02-26 00:00:00

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS.

An Indiana barrister' writing home from New
Orleans, dwells with evident gusto on the generous dimen-
sions of the drinking glasses used in the saloons of that city.
He said it made him feel at first as if he were drinking
out of a churn.

Before a Nevada witness goes into the witness-box
he unbuckles and removes two revolvers and a bowie knife,
and the lawyer calls him. Air. So-and-So, and is very care-
ful not to refer to anything unpleasant which has ever
happened in the witness's history.

A Lafayette (Ind). man, just as he was approach-
ing the shining shore, took his wife's hand, and. said :
" Susan, you have been a good wife We've liv'd together
thirty-two years, and I never found a button off my shirt.
I'll speak a good word for you as soon as I get thar 1 '
A man entered a ticket office in San Francisco, and
asked for a ticket for "Destination." To prove that he was
not mistaken, he pointed to a notice which read: "Pas-
sengers who intend going farther than Yokohama are
requested to purchase through tickets to destination."
A pretty girl "out West" told her beau that she
was a mind-reader. "You don't say so?" he exclaimed.
"Can you read what's in my mind?" "Yes," said she;
"you have it in your mind to ask me to be your wife, but
you're just a little scared at the idea." The wedding cards
are out. _ _

-----
The editor of a paper, having an addition to his
family, writes :—" 'The storm winds of the equinox of last
Saturday morning left at our house a little cherub of the
female persuasion—' kind of leap-year tribute, as it were.
We bow gracefully to the dispensation, sharpen up our lead
pencil, and call upon delinquent subscribers to materialise
at once."
A Yreka (California) man has invented a torpedo in
the shape of a kernel of corn, which is designed for the
beguilement of festive crows. As soon as the offensive crow
takes hold of it, it explodes and blows the top of its head off.
This affords a cheap and innocent recreation for the crow,
and at the same time does away with a grievous evil.

A poet writes "0, let me shed a tear ! " We join
In his appeal. Let him shed a tear; let him shed two
tears—one out of eacb eye! And then let some one hit him
five times out of a possible four with a blunderbus I
Philadelphia Sun.
"Swear not at all," when delivered as a text by a
young minister with a lack of the proper emphasis to mark
its true meaning, was promptly answered by an old gentle-
man of the congregation, who was a pedantic critic. "I don't;
I only swear at those who annoy me."
A Detroit young woman tried to be aristocratic
and did not look at the money that she gave to the horse-car
conductor, but he meekly gave her back the lozenge on
which was written, "111 never cease to love thee I" and said
he was an orphan with five little brothers to support, and
must be excused.

The editors down South must possess a poetic tem-
perament far above the average scribe. One of them gives
an elaborate "send-off" to a young friend whose chaplet
Fate has garlanded with one of the fairest and sweetest
flowers that bloom in the parterre of beauty, and then he
(the editor) finishes up with :—" lay joys and blessings as
exquisite and hallowed as those en,endered by a shower of
roses scattered down by the hands -of the Pen i from the far
off gardens of Paradise crown their wedded future, and in-
crease with the lapse of years." This editor evidently has
the divine afflatus by the back of the neck.,

A memorial to the late Captain Wyatt-Edgell has
just been erected within the Bray Chapel, at-St. George's
Chapel, Windsor Castle,

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