The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1881-08-13 00:00:00

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS.

The Yonkers Gazette says that the meanest man the
Troy Press has lighted upon is he who picks his teeth with
the interviewer's gilt-edged card, while refusing to give him
any information.
The New York World says it has known at least one
couple who never quarrelled—they were drowned just after
marriage.
Philadelphia's poor people like the name of Smith,
because a will with that name attached to it leaves 27,(00
dols, to city charities.
The Melbourne 'Bulletin records births, marriages,
and deaths under the headings "Buds," "Orange-blossom,"
and "Cypress."

- --
The cool opinion of the Emperor Vespasian in re-
gard to the comet which appeared during his reign, may
just now lie quoted: "That hairy star," said he, "does not
portend evil to me. It menaces rather the King of the
Parthians. Ile is a hairy man, but lam bald."

Some people often marry on the principle that what
is not enough for one is quite sufficient for two.—Philadelphia
Chronicle.

A Wiaconian farmer sues for a divorce on the
ground that his wife can't chop the amount of wood that she
boasted about previous to marriage.

A New Yorkman who was demonstrating to a crowd
that there was no such thing as hydrophobia, was the first
to climb up a barber's pole when a small yellow dog came
rushing down the street.
The Western grasshoppers are very regular in their
habits, oai,ing only one meal a day. This they begin at four
o'clock in the morning and continue it until the corresand-
ing hour on the following day,
A Chicago paper says of a contemporary that "It
has doubled its circulation. Another man takes a copy
now."
It is fashionable to photograph the feet, but young
ladies with large feet prefer not to follow the fashion
A Citizen went into a Nashville hardware store the
other day and inquired "110 w much do you ask for a bath-
tub fr r a child ? ' "Three dollars and seventy-five cents,"
was the reply. " W-h-e-w 1" whistled the customer, "Guess
we'd hare to keep on washing the baby in the coal-scuttle
till prices coins down,'
"You will be confined in the ;ail for 30 days for
drunkenness," said a Texan Justice to a chronic cam "Au
Jedge," responded the latter, solemnly shaking his head;
"let this be la warning to you. Now you can see for yerselt
what wldslirand a darned hatchet-faced son of a sea cook of
a Jestice will do for a ',nail when they have got hhu down,''
If those seven girl twins all live what an extensive
mother-in-law their mother may some day be.
The New York Herald thinks that "a cat fight is
nothing to a choir quarrel."
In an exchange newspaper a gentleman proposes to
exchange an Old and reliable bunion for a modern sort of
barometer that will not get so excited at every little shower
of rain that comps up.
An American young man of five years old had been
visiting at the house of a restive, where he took some
primary lessons in the history of the American Revolution
and how the Americans whipped the Britishers. The ld re?
turned home full of his new subject, and at the tea-table
said to his father—" Pa, are you a Britisher ? " "Yes my
son; I was born in England." "Well, we whipped you I'
retQrted the youth.

" Gentken of the jury," said a Tuscarora lawyer,
What kind of sW.er..ri:;g has been done in this case? Here
we have a physician, a maii wh, from his high and noble
calling, should be regarded as one who-wouid scup to stain
his soul with perjury, or be guilty of giving utterance to Ewil
untruth. But what did he testify, gentlemeu ? I put the
quosti.on to him plainly, as you all heard—Where was this
Man staObed 7 And what was his reply? Unblushingly, his
featurec as cool agd placid as though cut from marble, he
replied that he was sts.bbed tii• inch and a half to the left of
the medial lino, and about an inch aiove tho umbilicus; and
yet we have proved: by three unimpeachaLle wneeq,
that he was staabed just below the railway station.-' ,

The trade ugionists in London are making great
preparations for the hohling of the fourteenth annual trade.
Congress, which is to take place in Lcndog on the
.12th of
next month. The business to be transacted is of an import-
ant character.