The Press.
London, England, 1855-10-20 00:00:00

THE PRESS.

OCTOBER 20, 1855.

Minister himself was one of those who contributed as far as in them
was to render the War disastrous by the neglect of our Troops and the
insufficiency of preparations—that he who now talks of the Destruc-
tion of an Empire consented to send out only an Expedition to go half-
way and but overawe by Demonstration of Strength without striking a
Blow ? Shall we not say that such a Minister is one of those that
will nuts° the flame of the popular fury at whatever cost to his
country, and place his own paltry Interest or Ambition in the same
direction as the will of the Multitude, how frantic socvcr that
maybe?

* *

STANZAS FOR THE TIMES.

Till one thing, Brother Shandy, for a soldier to hazard his own life and to leap first down into
the trench where he is sure to be cut to pieces. . . . 'Tis one thing, I say, Brother Shandy
to do this, and another to reflect on the miseries of war, to weep over the desolation of whole
countries.—Tristram Shandy.

Is War such a holy thing,
Is Havock so sweet a cry,
That we bid men cease
To prate of Peace,
And to shout for more souls to die?

Is war in a Righteous Cause
To turn our hearts to stones?
That to mourn a foe
In fight struck low
Is a crime for which nought atones?

If Peace may not be made,
But War must still have sway,
Fight we like men,
And prove again
Our prowess in the fray.

But cease this cry for blood,
These blatant yells for strife,
Which penmen here,
Removed from fear,
Shout with safe scorn of life.

Methinks I see an end
Worthy our old renown,
Worthy our fame ;
And His High name
We quote our deeds to crown.

The tale shall fill the World,
By babes unborn be conned,
How, our good work done,
And our high prize won,
England sought nought beyond,

But sheathed her sated sword,
And shunned the scene of strife,
Teaching the Earth
Mercy is worth
Far more than Death or Life.

NARRATIVE OF THE FRENZY OF JOHN BRIGHT

(AFTER POPE.)

THESE things, Christian reader, were communicated to me, being at
Manchester, in the county of Lancaster, on affairs, by one Obadiah
Fleshpots, a friend of the unhappy person whose malady is hereinafter
depicted. They are set down, not for the mortification of this man,
or this, which malicious interpretation may be put upon my narration
by the malignant, but for a threefold end—viz., imprimis, that we may
note to what lying and forgery unrighteous men will descend when
egged on by the Tempter ; secundo, that the rottenness of such menda-
cious practices may be fully exposed and laid bare ; and tertio, that all
of humane disposition may lend their pity and commiseration, and, as
the heathen poet saith, misero succurere discante.
Coming into my bed-room at the Grub Inn, Shoddy Lane, where I
was making up my accounts, as a commercial gent is bound to do at
nightfall, the said Obadiah, of whom I had knowledge, for we were
once fellow shopmen, did approach my table something hastily, and
with no by your leave did drink up certain rum and water. Then,
sitting down upon my bed, and saluting me by the familiar title of
Old Cock (my name is Peter Druggett), instigated me to order two
more sixes, hot. This done, he narrated 'to me that John Bright, our
acquaintance, of late somewhat estranged (being wealthy and noted)
was strangely troubled in mind.

Obadiah Fleshpots enlarged to me, after, how that the said Bright
had until within the last fortnight been a shrewd and keen man of
business, loud and self-complacent, but not unkindly disposed towards
them who submitted to him. But that something which he had read
Ina dinnial, called the Timm! had utterly overturned and Foutedhim.

1001

To my demand what was this writing which had been so hurtful,
Obadiah replied that he had not seen it, but that he had heard it was

a declaration that three men had sworn an eternal friendship and
brotherhood, and that they would overthrow the Queen's Majesty's
Government, enter together into office, and make peace with the Czar
of Russia. That these three men were declared by the said Time. to
be the said Bright, the Right Hon. Benjamin Disraeli, and the Right
Hon. William Ewart Gladstone.

Hereat I shouted, with some contumely, the falsehood and im-
Fpossibility of such a union being apparent to any rational man. But
Fleshpots shook his head, and declared it was no jesting matter. Com-
posing myself, therefore, I heard as follows :
That on the said Bright reading the statement in question, he
danced round the room eight times, to the confusion of his family,
who, with himself, belong to a religious society to whom all dancing is
abhorrent.

That, proceeding from bad to worse (for memo repent. fwit turpissi-
mus), ho cried with a loud voice that he would be blowed if he wouldn't
be Premier by First Month Swearing being still more contradictory
to his tenets than dancing, his family were inexpressibly shocked,
rushed from his presence, and sent for several noted members of his
sect, to whom he behaved in a most unbecoming manner, offering to
bet them new broadbrims that he was made a Lord by Third Month
in the new year, and proposing to fight them for farthings. Having
thus, in one brief hour, committed dancing, swearing, gambling, and
fighting, he became calmer, and kicked them all out of the house.

He then set to work to qualify himself for the Coalition which he
supposed was to take place, and began by reading one of Mr. Glad-
stone's speeches, which occupied him seven hours. At the end of that
time he obtained a Latin grammar belonging to a young member of
his family, and, declaring that he also must make classical speeches,
committed to his memory (which is excellent, when he likes) several
gerunds and supines, and the three concords, which he asserted would
come in well in a peace speech. He also learned the propriti quo
maribus tribuuntur. His servaut•maid then coming in to demand what
he would like for dinner—for the Friends, or Quakers, do understand
good living—he said that he shotild like three courses to be before him.
Further imitating Mr. Gladstone, he said that the servant-maid's
demand was inexact, for that there was a difference between what a
person liked and what he could have, but that if he conceded to her
that she was prepared to place upon the table that which he should
select, he was next prompted to ask himself what was in season, and
a reply to this entailed the necessity of possessing certain information
which he made it an instruction to her to obtain from the tradesmen
who supplied the mansion with edibles. The servant, unaccustomed
to be so addressed, immediately gave warning.

Next, remembering that lie was to take office with an individual
who had distinguished himself as an author, the said John Bright
sent to his bookseller for the whole of Mr. Disraeli's works. This
tradesman, being also of the Quaker persuasion, conceived that such a
demand, professing to come from the said Bright, was an attempt at
swindling, and incontinently gave the messenger in charge of the
Manchester police, in whose keeping the poor soul, Obadiah said, still
remained. In the meantime the said Bright declared that he too
would write some novels and romances which should take the shine,
as he phrased it, out of everybody, and he sat up until the middle of
the night, writing a political tale, in which the heroine, being the wife
of a dandy M.P., who got tipsy on the night of an important debate,
dressed herself in her husband's clothes, put on a moustache, and,
easily passing for her effeminate lord, took her seat in the House, but,
being worked upon by the impassioned oratory of a celebrated Quaker
member (very carefully and favorably described), threw herself into
his arms, sobbing and crying, to the great scandal of the Speaker and
the Sergeant•at-Arms.

On the proximate day the said Bright's bewilderment at the un•
expected tidings took another turn, and he insisted upon holding a
levee, at which all the magnates of Manchester were summoned to
attend and kiss his hand ; whereto some of them demurring, he went
round to their houses and punched their heads, severally and re•
spectively, he being, as is well known, of pugilistic tendencies.
Then he wrote letters to the said Gladstone and Disraeli, to their
utter mystification, promising to stand by them like a good one, and
asking how they thought the great offices of State should be distributed,
adding that " something must be done for poor dear Cobby "—by
which he was supposed to mean Mr. Cobden, M.P., one of his depen-
dents. The said Gladstone and Disraeli each returned him a soothing
answer, and wrote privately to his friends advising a strait-waistcoat.

His last freak was writing to Sir Charles Barry, architect of the
Houses of Parliament, ordering him to make a separate seat, with
arms to it, on the Treasury bench, for him, Bright, and threatening to
hang him (though generally opposed to capital punishments) in case
of default.

But some well-wisher (he has several) having sent him a copy of a
Conservative paper in which the whole statement of the Times was
explained to be utterly unfounded, or rather to have been founded on
some joke in an Irish paper, malevolently expanded into a story, he
burst into a great rage, exclaimed that he had always said that all
newspapers (except a few under his own thumb) ought to be put down,
and went off to meeting.
Obadiah Fleshpots having concluded his statement, I gave him
some more rum and water, and hastened to pen down these particulars
for the reasons I have above stated, and which I leave to the favorable
consideration of the chatitably7minded.
P. P.