The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1881-03-29 00:00:00

Oddments.

TH2 alderman who was injured by the accidental din
&arse of his duty is add to be con rslescing.
Tune is we thing that every at puts off from day II
day, and that is his necktie.
A CIIRL sued a man for breach of promise, sad
proved him such a axnurirel that the jury decided
that she ought to pay him something for not marrying
her. .

AN American paper. In publishing the marriage of as
old man with • young girl, appends the following 0—
" Friends will pleipbe to accept this infatuation."
A PEDANTIC contemporary, in noticing the advent a •
new paper, says it " has a future before it." The editor
..1 the new journal would have been more startled,
if he had been informed that his paper hada fakir=
it,
A crovAiN well-known Jdage is on the best of toms is
private life with the eminent counsel who "leads" in his
:wort In public, however, the friends do not Vigil 006
inother. The other day the Judge remarked, " Yoe OK
Hr. H., the Justices of Appeal have not reversed that
Incision of mine." "No, my lord," replied the Q.O.
"they can't be always reversing your decisions,"
War is a horse the most curious feeder in the world?
—Because he eats beat when he has not • bit in his mouth.
SLIGH/LT sarcastic was the clergyman who paused &Oa
vhiressed a man coming into church after the sermon
,ad berm, with the remark—" Glad to use you, sirs
• nuelg ; always glad to see those here late who mat
Ana early." And decidedly self-possessed was the man
bus addressed in the presence of an astonished
as he responded—" Thank you; would yixi.3=
nvour me with the text?" .

A crumooran aw3er once said that the three moot
roubleeome client, he ever had were a young lady who
canted to be married, a married woman who wanted •
.ivorce, and an o/d maid who didn't know what she
wanted. _ .

-717 Wm a fine•lnokinz man, and he proudly sunned
lown the side wake. with an air of proprietorship in
.very movement. 'Beg pardon," said a stranger, all be
.t.pped up to bun, hat in hand, in utmost humility, "do
I have your rermiesion to remain in town over night.*
REMEMBER that a raw egg Wil clear your throat of fish
'one.. Put one In a little hot wine add some sugar, and
the tieh hones will alp down the eiater. P.B.—You can
take tho egg, wine, and sugar anyhow. They're good as
preventive. and you dont know what moment you may
get a fish honeli your throat.
TEACHER : ‘liE is a score? -Pupil: The number of
runs 'tittle in a crickeimatck.—Teacher : No, no • what I
mean how much does • score signify nnuarically ?
What idea does it give you? That is to say, if I were to
tell you that I had a score of horses what would you
think '—Pupil: Please, marm, I should think you was
stufbn' me.

Two -Win were ballldnq at the corner of a draft In 6
estern village in America, in a not over-friendly man.
or, when one of them remarked, "I guess • man has the
privilege of free speech in this count, don't he r The
other drew a seven-shooter, and replied, " Yee, but what
do you wish to Rey The other, observing the weapons
replied, 'Oh, nothing." and walked off.
SWIET/lIING LIKE A WOMAN.—I really loved that
said he, although was so very large—weighed
She really was . I know when she was down
,t the shore last summer took her in to bathe, and as she
,zot into the wattle, the tide suddenly rose and nearly
drowned a lot of talks. It was the highest tide of the
:CAME. And Maud—her name was Maud—couldn't
cairn, and she asked meta hold her while she floated; and
then when I tried to, of course I couldn't—nobody could
have held Maud without a derrick—and she went under.
When she CAME up she was as mad as thunder, and she
said ehe didn't believe I loved her. And I told her I
loved as much of her as I could at one time. A woman of
tine* dimensions has to be loved in sections. Then she
came out and the tide went down. She was • disagree.
able woman to waltz with. You couldn't eel your arm
round her waist. No man could. Four men could hardly
grasp it. And so. when I used to waltz with her, /
always reached as far as I could, and then cover the rest
of the dirtance with • boat hook. She said it tore her
clothes, but she bore it like an angel, for she never cared
much for dress. Gewgaw and frippery were nothing to
her.