The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1874-12-05 00:00:00

SELECTED ANECDOTES.

A SI.DAIT Mitersirs.—The Turkish Amboissador
being, at a public dinner, with some of the magnates of
the land, the chairman gave R. a toast, in compliment
to his Excellency, "The Sublime Porte and the Turk-
ish Ambassador." The waiter echoed it down the
table, "A supply of port kir the I urkish Ambassa-
dor.
Wows sap Nunes. Bonaparte once said to
Madame de Condorcet, widow of the philosopher, and
a noted politician of her time: I do not like women
who meddle with politics." To which impudence she
instantly replied : " Ah, mon general, an lon4 as you
men take a fancy to cut MI our heads now and then,
we are interested in knowing why you do it."

Wilt) WAS THE WISER ONE ?-111 one of the latter
days of Fox the conversation turned on comparatbm
wi,dom of the French and English character.
"The Frenchman," it was observed, "delights him,
eelf with the present; the Englishman makes him.
sell anxious about the future. N not the Frenchman
the wieer ? " "He may be the merrier," eaid Fox;
"but did you ever hear of a savage wh did not
buy a mirror in preference to a telescope ? "

VERY FRANK.—A New Hampshire paper says that
many years ago a Concord man was asked to give one
of his daughters in marriage to the applicant. The
reply of the old gentleman was frank and compre•
handl. ; " Yes, yes ; and don't you know some likely
young man who will accept of another?'

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agreeable, by reason of the surprise it creates in the
mind, on account of its " uncouthness of conceit," as
Barrow terms it; it consists in asaciating the revered
names of antiquity, or of high life, with the personal
peculiarities of ordinary and every-day acquaintances.
One of the Fellows of a College at Oxford being lame,
he wore a high shoe, and his brother students gave
him the name of " Bildail the Shuhite." Another who
emulated the respected Mr. Bardolph in the glowing
beacon to his phis, they surnamed" Flaminius." A
third who rejoiced in the possession of tusks instead
of the ordinary vulgar human teeth, they dignified
with the august title of " Curius Dentatus." And
lastly, a brother who had suffered amputation, and
wee a cork leg, they elevated to the peerage, as
"Earl of Cork and Upper Ossory."
THE EFFEMINATE MAN I lESCRIBEP.—The effeminate -
man is a weak poultice. Its is a cross between a root
beer and a ginger pop, with the cork left out, lie is
a teacupful of syllabub—a kitten in pantalettes—a sick
monkey with alonde moustache. He is a vine with-
out any tendrils--a fly drowned in oil—a paper kite in
a dead calm. He lives like a butterfly --nobody can
tell why. He is as harmless as a cent's werth of spruce
gum, as useless as a shirt button without a hole, and
has no more hope than a last year's grasshopper. He
goes through life on tiptoes, and dies like Cologne
water spilt over the ground.—Josil BILLINGS.
ELOQUENCE EXTRAORDINARY.—An Ohio paper thus
describes an effort by one of Ohio's legislative orators:
—Mr. Acker thrilled the House on Saturday with one
of his most majestic efforts. A reporter speaks of the
scene as indescribable. Ladies on the back seats were
obliged to climb up to the back of the chairs to escape
the torrents of eloquence. The speaker was so charged
with the electricity of eloquence that his sharply'
pointed spike tail coat frequently stood at an angle of
sixty degrees, and trembled like an aspen. The orator
most of the time resembled an irresponsible victim in
galeanie slippers.
Tire MOST NATURAL PART OF THE PICTURE. —An
old gentleman was invited by an ai tist to look at a
large landscape, in which a statue of .1. piarius was in-
troduced in the foreground, with his in is and tridcnt.
After looking at it for some time, the old man turned
round to the artist with a very impressive countenance,
and uttered these remarkable words :—"That is the
most natural thing I ever saw I"' I thought the
scenery might recall some recollections of—"
" Pshaw I" broke in the old man, "'tisn't the scenery
that strikes me ; it's that fellow there with the pot and
eel-spear ! That's the most natural part f the
pieter.'
MAKING SURE OF A TENOR.—A French inipralario
was taking out to New Orleans an opera company,
which by special /
agreement was lily to include one
tenor. Foreigners are usually bad sailors ; and for
the first few days all the members of the company
were sea-sick, one of the effects of which malady is
that it weakens the voice BO much that people are fre-
quently hoarse for several days after their recovery.
Accordingly, as soon as the singers could crawl on
deck, they commenced trying their voices, and amongst
them the tenor, who, always anaious to occupy a dire
tinguished position, went on to the bridge of the
steamer for the purpose. What was his surprise on
hearing an echo of his own voice—another tenor I His
amazement became disgust when he heard a third
tenor running up the scale —a fourth, a fifth. He
looked forward, and saw two men eying him and each
other with intense hatred; he licked aft, and saw two
more wen similarly occupied. The five tenors dumb
taueously made a rush below to the manager's cabin,
and demanded whether he had not expressly stipu-
-1,:t411 to each of them that he was to be his only tenor.
know, " eenlied the manager; "and I will
keep my word. You see, 111.1.. ^•• hove been to
New Orleans before, or you would understand. ma,
we arrive there, the yellow fever is sure to be raging,
and as you are fresh from Europe, two of you will
probably be carried off before you land, and two more
during the rehearsals. One will probably survive: he
will be my first and only "