The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1874-09-12 00:00:00

SELECTED ANECDOTES.

A REASON Witv.—A little girl, when her father's
table was honoured with the presence of an esteemed
friend, began talking very earnestly at the first pause
in the conversation. Her father checked her rather
sharply, saying, " Why is it that you always talk im
much? " " Tause I've dot somesin to say," was the
innocent reply.

THE ART OF BRHAEING-IN EXPLAINED. —Somebody
wrote to the editor of a paper to ask how he would
break an ox. The editor replied as follows :—"lf only
one ox, a good way would be to hoist him, by means of
• long chain attached to his tail, to the top of a pole
forty feet from the ground,. Then hoist him by a rope
tied to his horns to another pole. Then lower yn to
his back a five-ton pile-driver; and, if that fails to break
him, let him start a country newspaper and trust
people for subscriptions. One of the two ways will
do it."

THE KILKENNY CATB.—An American gentleman
asked an Irish friend in New York to give him the
real version of the story about the Kilkenny eats.
In reply he received the following lines

There wanat was two cats at Kilkenny,
Each thought there was one cat too many;
So they quarrell'd and flt.
They seratch'd and they bit,
Till, excepting their nails,
And the tips of their tails,
Instead of two oats, there warnt any!

"TAKE ONE FROM ONE AND SOMETHING REMAINS."
—A sub committee of a school committee not a thou-
sand miles from a city were examining a class in a pro-
prietary school. One of the members undertook to
sharpen up their wits by propo anding the following ques-
tion : 'lf I had a mincepie and should give two-twelfths
to John, two-twelfths to Isaac, two-twelfths to Harry,
and shoula keep half of the pie for myself, what would
there be left? "—There was a profound study among
the boys, but finally one lad held up his hand as a
signal that he was ready to answer.—" Well, sir, what
would there be left? Speak up loud so that all can
hear," said the committee-man.—" The plate ! "
shouted the hopeful fellow. The committee-man
turned red in the face, while the other members roared
aloud. That boy was excused from answering any
more questions.
" ' • • •

QUAKER COURTSHIP,—" Martha, does thee love
me?" asked a Quaker youth of one at whose shrine
Iris heart's holiest feelings had been offered up. " Why,
Seth," answered she, 'we are commanded to love one
another, are we not ? "—" Ay, Martha; but does thee
regard me with the feeling the world calls love? "—" I
hardly know what to tell thee, Seth. I have greatly
feared that mine heart was an erring one. I have
tried to bestow ray love on all; but I may have
sometimes thought, perhaps, that thee was getting
rather more than thy share."

Tee BEST IN THE SQUADRON. —General Shelly, an
passing a review of a cavalry corps, had this dialogue
with one of the sergeants :—" Which is the best horse
in the 'squadron?" said the General.—" The horse No.
40."--" What qualities has he which makes him beet!"
—"He runs and leaps well, haa no defects in his limbo
or health, is fat, carries his head high, has good blood,
and is in the prime of his age."—" And who is the beat
soldier in the squadron?" "The best soldier is Tom
Jones."—" And why is he best !"—" Because he is an
honourable man, is obedient, clean, takes care of his
equipmenta, his arms, and his horse, and is exact in
the performance of his duties."—" And to whom doee
the -best horse belong !"—" It is mine, General,"—
" And who is the best soldier !" "Your humble
servant, General." The General laughed, and gave the
man a present of money, which he received with im•
perturbable gravity.

ANOTHER LOOK AT THE WOLY.—Durina the Mal
existence of the Maine Liquor Law, a showman mad,
his appearance in a certain town, with a Mall, dirty,
tattered canvas tent, a half-starved wolf, and a sus.
piciouslooking keg. The admission fee of ten cents
was cheerfully paid by a number of persons, who
manifested a peculiar strong desire to see this very
common and vilainous-looking specimen of the animal
kingdom. But the oddest part of the show to the by-
standers was that one visitor went in to "take another
look at that wolf" no less than seven times during the
afternoon. The secret was at last revealed. After
some unsuccessful attempts to start for home, he ap-
proached the tent door with an unsteady step, and,
banding his last dime to the showman, sail, "I b. believe
I'll just take one look more at the wolf I"
HARMONIC PROORESSION.—A great artist ono,
possessed a secret for making colours. He told it to
one of his men for whom he had a great friendship.
That man had a friend to whom he wanted to tell it,
and he asked permission to do so. "Well, I don't
know," said the artist, taking a piece of chalk. 'Now.
I know it; that's one;" and he made one chalk, thus:
1 ; "you know it—that's two;" down went another
1; "if he knows it," (putting down another and
showing the 1 1 1), "how many will that maks?*
" Why, three, of course," said the man. " Ah, no,"
said the artist, "it will be one hundred and eleven."