The Press.
London, England, 1855-01-27 00:00:00

THE PRESS.

JANUARY 27, 1855.

That, as far as big oaths and bristling hair
Make a scoundrel a soldier, you'll scarcely e'er
Find fellows more ready to look the hero :
Their fighting qualities stand at zero."
Never mind that, they'll count as six,
And the Opposition bench we'll " fix,"
For they said the number we'd get was nix.
" PS. The braves Belges I bought to-day
Have pouched the bounty and run away,
And, what's worse, I've gut the Devil to pay
As well as my landlord ; for, hang it, they
Have robbed my room at L'Hotel du Ble,
And filched your letters, my dear Lord A.
Poor fools! I think their wit's past praying for
If they fancy the Czar will deem them worth paying for."

The rest of the writing was torn away,
But I think I may take on myself to say
That the bill which has passed a month and a day
Has failed to raise us a corps d'armie
From our foreign brethren across the way,
And we'll have to put up as best we may
With our own brave soldiers, and trust that they,
Who fight for honour as well as for pay,
Will save us yet from the degradation
That threatens to fall on our name and nation,
If fools and prigs of a lordly station
Are allowed to form our Administration,
In spite of the country's indignation.

THE LAST MOMENTS OF THE
COALITIONISTS.
(From an Anticipatory and Unpublished History by Alphonse de
Lamartine.)

* * *
THE fatal day was near at hand, for it was already midnight. The
commiseration of Gunter had provided a farewell repast, which was
set out in one of the Government offices. The disgraced Ministers
took their places in rotation. " To-morrow," said they ; and they
recruited their strength for this morrow.
A chaplain from the Bishop of Oxford awaited in the corridor the
conclusion of their supper. He came to administer spiritual consola-
tion in the absence of his Diocesan, who had discovered a bone in his
leg. A Sister of Charity, formerly a needlewoinan, accompanied him
to receive the last commissions of Mr. Herbert. After the cheese was
removed, and Drs. Bowyer and Phillimore had intoned the non nobii
.Domino, they were admitted to the apartment.
With the wine, fruit, and flowers, the sedate Aberdeen had per
sisted in retaining before him a small barrel of caviar. While
gratifying his predilection for this Russian dainty he had smutted his
venerable countenance. But he said nothing, and observed less.
Wilson stood mechanically brushing his gossamer. The rest dis-
persed themselves in groups ; some laughed ; some moralised; some,
like Charles Wood and Grenville Berkeley, with the gaiety of despair,
played at catscradle. The virtuous Gladstone was calculating his
salary to the date of his dismissal, when a vase of holy water was
tendered him by the chaplain. In his confusion he upset the sacred
utensil, and was reproached by Herbert and Newcastle for his
inopportune maladroitness.
The latter spoke prophetically of the misfortunes of the Crimean
army, when deprived of its most zealous protectors. Herbert regretted
the minor details of his administration. He had been too indepen-
dent of the Parcels Delivery Company. His lint and medicines had
been discovered at Corfu ; but he consoled himself with the reflection
that his jams were double bladdered. If his preserved volauvents were
a failure, he was candid enough to admit it. " You should have used
the recipe of the Reform Club," said Graham, without reflecting.
" How much calumny will it take," said Hayward, who had come
to take leave of his friends, " to efface the remembrance of this failure."
" Vitriol is required," said Osborne ; " your blacking was not
strong enough." "We have, at all events," said Molesworth, " the con-
solations of philosophy,"—" and of the Mass," added Monsell. Here
Sir Benjamin Hall flushed his lachrymal glands, and the torrent of
tears carried away his spectacles. Robert Lowe, whose hair had been
suddenly turned black by this stroke of calamity, interposed an
inquiry. " What shall we be doing this day week, or even to-morrow?"
said the Expiree, with an air of speculation.
Gladstone, who had hitherto been silent, now appealed to by his
friends, joined in the discussion. " Alas !" said he, "we were deceived
as to the age in which we were born, and in which we fall victims to
popular odium. We are modern clerks when we thought to be antique
statesmen ; and we are living in the nineteenth century while we were
dreaming of the middle ages. Let us no longer deceive ourselves.
Others have been infamous and contented ; but we are iisgraced and
miserable. We could please neither friends nor foes, and we have
been most odious to each other. We have damaied our reputations
while ruining the public. We could neither job undetected nor
„govern even our tempers. We could neither preserve peace nor carry
on war."

A long silence followed this speech, during which Herbert
motioned to Frederick Peel for a scissors. It was to cut off a lock of
his hair. Keogh, opening his pocket-book, took from it a bill of
O'Flaherty's. " Give this to my tailor" said he, " with my parting

85

(
compliments." At this moment a clock was heard striking the hour.
At this the Ministers collected for a last embrace. Some conversed in
whispers; others wept; others blew their noses. In the midst of this
confusion the voice of Gladstone was heard praying to St. Walburga
that Disraeli might be inaudible in the gallery.
Then a rumbling was heard without like the sound of distant
wheels.

* * * * * * *
One vehicle took them away, and set their bodies down at their
respective doors. Some years afterwards a bill was found among the
accounts at the Treasury—" To Omnibus for all the Talents, 10s. tid !"
This was their last bill, and, strange to say, it was marked " Settled."
Oh! bitter derision of fate ! Oh ! memorandum worthy of CEschylus
or Shakspeare !
* *

*
X.