The Press.
London, England, 1855-07-21 00:00:00

pendente lite in the Crimea, and as it is manifest that the siege of
Sebastopol will occupy at least seven years, two of which have
expired, I am entitled to plead by surrebutter, replevin, and quare
impedit. But, Sir, I have another plea. I plead the Statute of Frauds.
By this statute it is enacted that bargains and contracts shall be made
in writing. I ask, Sir, have my clients, or any of them, ever contracted
in writing to carry on the war properly ? If they have, let the plaintiff
produce the document, or, if destroyed (I saw him tearing something
on Monday), secondary evidence thereof, or of the contents thereof.
And I give him notice, Sir, that if it be a contract, it must bear a
stamp, and I shall object to its being received unless the proper amount
of duty has been paid. Then, Sir, I have a further plea. I plead the
Statue of Mortmain. The object of the motion professes to be con-
nected with the acts of the army that perished in the Crimea. Tho.se
acts are of no avail unless duly registered three months before the
decease of the army, and therefore the Statute of Mortmain evidently
applies. But I have other pleas, Sir, in bar of this motion ; and I
charge the plaintiff Roebuck with being a barrator, an interloper, an
intermeddler, one who thrusts himself into a cause, and seeks to excite
litigation Let him beware, Sir, unless he can show that he has such
an interest in this case as entitles him to proceed, that he is next of
kin, or executor, administrator, or assign, of some one who has
suffered in the Crimea. Again, Sir, I find a fatal flaw in the way these
proceedings were commenced. There is not the least proof that my
clients have been duly served with process. It may be contended
that their appearance here cures this defect but this is not so. They
are present on her Majesty's business, and are so far privileged, and I
am by no means sure that the plaintiff, in thus taking advantage of
their presence, is not committing high treason, Uze majesti, and an
indictable nuisance. And now, Sir, a great deal has been said about
General This and General That, and General T'other, but I have heard
no allusion to another General, whom it will be my duty to bring into
the field, and who will, I have reason to think, put the plaintiff to the
most utter and disgraceful rout. The General I allude to, Sir, is the
General Issue, which I now beg to plead, and which will effectually
put the plaintiff clean out of Court. And now, Gentlemen of the
Jury—l mean Sir, I proceed, &c.

" KEEP THE CONSERVATIVES OUT."
The Queen and the Constitution
(We've cobbled its many flaws),
The glorious Revolution,
The Church and our ancient laws, •
We'll either attack or defend.
On both sides we're ready to shout,
Provided we gain our end—
To keep the Conservatives out.

A few years ago we vowed
To trample corruption down ;
Of the People we prattled loud,
Talked flippantly of the Crown ;
Rebellion and discontent
To foster we went about—
But, hang it ! we only meant
To turn the Conservatives out.

At length we gained our ends,
And sat on the Treasury Row,
But our quondam Radical friends
Each session would colder grow.
They said we had burked Reform,
They talked of distrust and doubt,'
Quoth we, " Why on earth this storm
When we've got the Conservatives out ?"

Into war we were forced to drift
Against our own dear will°
'Tin known how we then made shift
To swallow the nauseous pill.
We bungled, every one,
And feared a tremendous rout,
For when work's to be reply done
You can't keep the Conservatives out.

.

Our Nestor, ce vieux Marquis,
To our present Premier sent :
" With Lord Derby if you agree,
And act as he thinks you meant,
You'll form a Government strong,
And able its foes to flout,
But for ever and ever so long
You'll keep the Whig Family out."*
Don't talk of Honour and Fame—
Bah, what are they to us Whigs ?
You really might just the same
Throw pearls to Giles Scroggins' pigs.
If the Monarchy topples down
We'll do very well without—
We only support the Crown
Just to keep the Conservatives out.

• We have reasot, to believe that a
Lord Palmerston really posed.

to this effect from Lord I ansdown• to