The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1881-08-23 00:00:00

Ofidnunto.

AITKA BANK HOLIDAT.—EIder Sister : " Well, Norman,
oaa you tell me in what garden Adam and Eve were
put?" Young Hopeful (who ham lately risited Regent's
Park): "Let's see—why, the 'Logical Gardens 1*—Jloon•
gine.

"Howl do like to look through a telescope!" exclaimed
• young lady. " Through a telescope? "sneered her .our.
tempered old mint. "Through a 4:Jacopo! Humph I
Give ste • keyhole!'
" I TOLD you I'd never smoke another cigar," he said to
her softly, soon after the happy ceremony, "and I won't.
Airipe's good enough for me," added, and immedietely
• up.o

WHIM Artemus Ward was exhibiting his show in Salt
Lake City, his complimentary tickets to the city officials
read as follows:—" Admit bearer and one wife."
"GENTLENILI of the jury," said • Tuscarora lawyer,
'What kind of swearing has been done in this case?
Here we have a physician, a man who, from his high and
noble calling, should be regarded as one who would scorn
to stain his soul with perjury. But what did he testify,
gentlemen? I put the question to him plainly, as you all
heard—' Where was this man stabbed? ' And what was
his reply? Unblushingly, his features as cool and placid
as though cut from marble, he replied that be was stabbed
an inch and a half to the left of the medial line, and
about an inch above the umbilicus; and yet we have
proved, by three unimpeachable witnesses, that he wan
stabbed just below the railway station."
HALF Golm.—A thief was lately tried in California
for entering a miner's tent and stealing a bag of gold dust.
The testimony showed that he bad been once employed
there, and knew exactly where the owner kept his dusts
that on the night specified be cut a slit in the tent,
reached in, took the bag, and then ran off. The princi-
pal witness testified that helium the hole cut, saw the mail
reach in, and heard him run away. "1 rushed after him
at once," continued the witness; "but when I cotched
him I didn't find Bill's bag, but it was found afterward
where he had throwed it. "How far did helot when he
took the dust?" inquired the counsel. "Well be was
stoopin' over half-way in, I should say," replied the
witness. "May it please your honour," interposed the
counsel, "the indictment isn't sustained, and I shall
demand an acquittal on the direction of the court. The
prisoner is on trial for entering • dwelling in the night
time with intent to steal. The testimony is clear that be
made an opening through which he protruded himself
about half-way, and stretched out his arms and committed
the theft. But the indictment charges that he actually
entered the tent or dwelling. Now, your honour, can •
man enter • house when only one half of his body is in
and the other half out?" ' I shall leave the whole
matter to the jury. They must judge of the law and the
fact as proved," replied the judge. The jury brought in a
verdict of 'Guilty as to one half of his body, and not
guilty as to the other half." The judge sentenced the
guilty part to two years' imprisonment, leaving it to the
prisoner', option to have the innocent part out off, or take
It along with him.
"ANT chestnuts round here?" asked one of three boys
who met an aged, benevolent-looking farmer. The old
man hesitatod. "You don't want to steal 'em?" he asked,
'Oh no I We just want to find out." "Well, there's a few
trees back there ; but if I thought you wanted to steal them
I wouldn't have told you, for the owner is gone to town.
But you're bright honest-lookisg boys." The boys blushed
with the pride of conscious goodness. "When will the
owner be back?" "Well not before dark, I reckon." The
boy. respectfully thanked the old man, waited till he got
out of sight, jumped the fence, and were soon s
down the burrs. The shaking was easy; but the opening
of chestnut burrs was more difficult and unpleasant. At
last the boys had a splendid pile of handsome brown note
on the ground, and they prepared to put them in the bags
they brought with them. " Please don't take any more
trouble, 'said the benevolent old man, who stood by the
fence beaming kindly on the startled boys. "I'm not so
strong as I once was, and I fear I can't hold in this dog
much longer. If you'll hurry, though, I guess lean keep
him here till you get to the railroad fence. Down, Tiger,
sir I" As the boys looked back from the railroad fence
they could see the stooping figure of the old man scoop.
ingithe rich brown chestnuts Into a two-bushel bag.