The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1859-08-23 00:00:00

rarittits.

If appinesa is a perfume that one cannot shed over
another without a few drops falling on one's self.

•
They paw, best over the world who trip over it quickly
and with a light heart; fur it is but a bog—if we atop
we sink.

CoNm.—Why is a door in the potential wood? Because
it is always rood or should ie. Why is a hen no-
mortal? Because her son never sets.

TRUK SIINTIMENT.—First small buy (tossing.) "Now
then ! What dye call, Jim--heads or tails !" Second
ditto (with feeling). " Woman ! 'oos I 10v,.s 'em."—
Punch.
To AN EMINENT WHIG —The reporters say that they
must give up taking down Lord John Russell if he does
not Mena his elocution. His voice has now • confirmed
habit of dropping at the end of every sentence. Surely
Isis lordship must know that the only sentmee that can
properly have a drop at the end is that of a Judge with
the black cap on.—l'ineh.
A li MTV 1)em1'11.110N. —A traveller says, that if he
were asked to sle,cribe the first sensations of a camel
ride, he would say : —Take a IDUAIt: stool, and having
wound it up as high an it would go, put it in a cart with.
out springs, get on top, and next drive the cart trans-
versely across& ploughed field, and you will then form
some not of the terror and uncertainty you would
experience the first time you •nounted a camel.
STYLK.—Junius was never verbose or magniloquent;
no writer who was could have so oompletely purified his
style as to write these letters. These traits are unaltera-
ble characteristics—literary types, by which men are
easily distinguished. As a snob is known by superla-
tives in dress, so is a bad.writer by big words. They
who can write effectually write quietly ; and never in.
dulge in 11U1Sy Burke, the master of
by J. C. Sysuoits.
SYDNEY SMITH ON THK POSSIBILITY or IsrAmor,
AND ITe REAULTS.—You cannot imagine, you *ay, that
England will ever be ruined and conquered; and for no
other reason that I can find, but bemuse it SCOW{ so
very odd it should be ruined and couquered. Alan! so
reasoned, in their time, the Austrian. Russian, and ,
Prussian Plymleys. But the English are brave; soI
were all these nations. You might get together a bun.
sired thousand uien individually brave ; but without
, generals capable of commanding such a machine, it
would be as useless as a first-rate loan-of-war manned
by Oxford clergymen or Parisian shopkeepers. Ido
not say this to the disparagement of English ofllcera ;
they have had no means of acquiring experience; but I
say it to create alarm ; for we do not appear to me to be
half alarmed enough, or to entertain that sense of our
' danger which leads to the most obvious means of self-
defence. As for the spirit of the peasantry oinking a
gallant defenoe behind hedge-rows, and through plate.
racks and hen-coops, highly as I think of their bravery,
I do not know any nation in Europe so likely to be
struck with the panic as the English ; and this (ruin
their total unacquaintatice with the science of war.
Old wheat and beans blazing for twenty miles round;
cart mares shot; 'sows of Lord Sotuerville's breed run-
Mug will over the country ; the minister of the parish
wounded sorely in his hinder parts • Mrs. Plytnley in
fits—all theme scenes of war an Austrian or a Blasi=
has seen three or four times over ,• but it is now three
centuries since an English pig has fallen in a fair battle
on English ground, or a form-house been r'slesl, or a
clergymen's wife been subjected to any °the. proposals
of love than the connubial endearments of her sleek
and orthodox mate. The old edition of Plutarch's
Lis-es, which lies in the cornor of your parlour window,
has contributed to work you up to the most romantic
expettations ssf our Lonsan., behavioor. You are per-
suaded that Lord Amherst will defend Kew Bridge like
codes; that sonic maid of honour will break away
from her captivity, and swim across the Thames ; that
the Duke of York will burn his capitulating hand; and
little Mr. Sturges Ronnie give forty years' purchase for
3loulshasts Hall, while the French are encamped upon
it. I 1101 s: we shall witness all this if the French do
mime; hut in the meantime, I am so enchanted with
the ordinary English behaviour of these invaluable
persons, that I earnestly pray no opport 'ty may be
given them for Roman valour, and for those very un-
Rosuan pensions which they would all, of course take
especial care to claim in consequeuee.—Lettera oll'ottr
Ply,mlcy.

ilomowarli Puda.—eure of Dropsy.—Fetualesi at • certain
period of life become to this complaint, VI Well makes lb
appearance by the as aing of the feet, lege, and hand,; then
it, the constituUon ; numbers of dropsical patient., even when
their eases were pronounced hopeleso. have been cured by
taking liollowso ! and this medicine having stood the
Mst for ycani, no one 0 afflicted should delay giving it •
trial. A time of life called the critical period common to
beth sexe., this odely mood, hale old age ineariahlv followa
Them admirable Pills are exprceely adapted for that period.