The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1881-09-24 00:00:00

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS.

"What is the annual crop of Kentucky ? " asked a
foreign tourist of a Kentuckian.--'. I can't exactly say,"
replied the Kentuckian; " but it is enough to make all
the whisky I want, besides what is wasted for bread,

Pennsylvania is bothered with female tramps, who
faint away on the doorstep where food is refused. If a
pail of water is thrown over theta they go into convulsions
and tear up the garden.

A woman witnessed an earthquake in Venezuela,
and when the upheaval had ceased and the reverberation
stopped, she exclaimed, "Oh, how sweet! Its too lovely
for anything !"

A St. Louis editor found a nickel on the street and
wrote a half-column editorial on "Our Increase of Wealth."
—Boston Globe.

A New Jersey farmer's wife fell into a well, and it
was four days before he missed her and made search. He
said he thought the house unusually quiet, but he didn't know
what made it so.

He appeared to be almost gone. Rolling Ma eyes
towards the partner of his bosom, he gasped, " Bury me
'neath the weeping willow, and plant a simple white rose
above my head "—" Oh, it's no use," she snapped out.
" Your nose would scorch the roots!" He got well.
A belle of Narragansett is writing a novel in which
the hero is found in the desert chained to the bare back of
a bicycle.
In Texas, when a man wishes to cut an acquaint-
ance, his procedure is simple. He uses a bowie-knife.
A citizen of New Mexico being informed .that in his
abst nee a panther had attacked his wife, and she had beaten
off and killed the animal, he shrugged his shoulders, and
said, "Ef that panther had knowed her as well as I do, he'd
never riled her dander up, you bet."
In reply to the question, "Will the coming man be
bald?" the Norristown Herald affirms that "he generally is
when he first comes."

Hurricanes, it is supposed, are caused by all the
women in the world talking at once. But their infrequency
seems to militate against the theory.

Fond mother : "Is blowing- a fish horn likely to
result in injury to your boy ?"—" Your wager It is ma'am,
if he blows it near us and we can catch him.—Boston
Post.

A Texas town has a female deputy sheriff, and
when she tells a man she has an attachment for him he don't
know whether to blush and try to look sweet or to light out
for the woods.

--- -
A New York female society thinks the ph. ragraphers
of the American Press lack reverence, and that they should
be prayed for. Perhaps they should, but judging from the
number of uncredited items in the columns of some of our
exchanges, it appears to us that there are paragraphers who
can pray for themselves.—Soragrriiis Journal.

A girl from the country inquired at one of our
bookstores yesterday for "Mill on the Floss, or some other
book on embroidery., '
Lives of wealthy men remind us
That by using printer's ink,
We can die and leave behind us,
Monstrous piles of golden "chink "

A bridegroom slapped his bride's face two hours
after marriage, as they were about to take the train for a
honeymoon tour. Recovering from her surprise she belabored
him over the head with a cane, and they had the satis-
faction of being mistaken by everybody for old married
folks.

A Buffalo paper mentions what may be safely set
down as the worst case of spelling of recent record. It
occurred in a "not is" of a "sellybrasnun" to be held on
the shores of "Lake Eary," and mentioned the occasion as a
" guble." This word troubled the editor a good deal, but
with rare perspicacity he at length resolved it into " ju-
bilee."

" Medical boots" are said to be a Pennsylvania
invention. It is supposed they are the kind used by the old
man in curing the gentle youth of a tender passion for his
daughter.

j) isuil antoits Yntriligtna.