The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1880-03-06 00:00:00

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS.

A Chicago paper says that the married ladies of a
Western city have formed a Come-home-htusband Club. It
Is about four feet long, and has a brush on the end of it.

An American philosopher observes :—" We have
heard a young lady scream, when her little brother threw
his arms about her neck and say it 'tickled her almost to
death;' but we have seen a great big fellow throw his arms
about the same young lady's neck, and yet she never com-
plained, except when he removed his arms. This is one of
the miss tickle things of life."

An Allentown toad swallowed a firefly, and the
Chronicle says, "While the latter was exploring the interior
of the toad the light of his lantern was visible to outsiders
through the skin of the detested reptile."

-
An actual peroration of an Alabama lawyer's plea
In a recent assault and battery case was as follows :—" Let
the harmless ass crop the thistle of the valley; let the
sagacious goat browse upon the mountain's brow; but, men
of the Jury, I say that .Tohn Gundy is not guilty!"
.... . - -

- -
The b3ys of Detroit seems to be going down hill
in their morals of late. On Sunday one of the legion, who
has always been noted for his respectable demeanour towards
the great public, observed an old citizens yawning and
gaping on a street corner, and said to him, "Better not
open your mouth too wide." "Why 1" was the surprised
query. "There's a law against opening a saloon on Sun
day "
A sarcastic Georgia editor, in noticing a fair which
recently came off in Macon, says, "One of our contempora-
ries took a very valuable premium, but a meddlesome and
firm policeman made him put it right back where he took it
from:

It The deceased," says a touching obituary notice in
a Nova Scotia Journal, "left, as a legacy to his sorrowing
friends, seven dollars in cash, one dog, three pigs, and ten
children."

The head aligator of Florida has invited his friends
to dine with him off Paul Boyton, who is going to make the
swim 01St. John giver pretty soon.

Those Western editors have enlarged ideas of lan-
guage, as of most other things. The Plain Speaker, pub..
fished away out in Arkansas, rejoices in the arrival of a
" tooth carpenter '' in that delectable village. An Eastern
dentist would have to think twice before he would recognise
himself under that designation.

In some American papers the announcements read
thus : Births, Engagemenim, Marriages, Deaths. Some
astute editors, it is said, out West go farther, and have the
following headings in their columns for the use of the
public :—Births, Arlirtations, Engagements, Breakings Off,
Marriages, Divorees, Deaths. This makes the matter quite
clear.

Two women at Union, Tenn,, had a duel in regular
man style. They both fired at the word, and one hit a boy
who was climbing over the fence, and the other hit a calf
in the field. Both acknowledged that they had received
satiefaction.

The conductor of a certain train on the Union
Pacific Railroad charges that a fly having alighted on one of
the glasses of the engineer's spectacles, the engineer thought
It was a buffalo on the track ahead, and turned on the
brakes to avert a disaster. The engineer retorts that one
night the conductor saw what he thought was the head-light
of an approaching locomotive. He kept his own train wait-
ing a while, auu then, somewhat confusedly, started her.
"He Is the safest man I ever ran with," says the engineer.
"Venus is millions of miles away, and he waited twelve
minutes on a side track to allow her to pass."