The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1875-06-05 00:00:00

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS.

At a recent wedding in Ohio, the minister was about
to salute the bride, when she stayed him with, "No, mister,
I give up them vanities now."

The two latest Yankee notions connected with the
horse are indiarubber shoes and an elastic shoe. The latter
is described as pulling the wearer from the road to the turf.
How artless! When the crowded omnibus stops
before a fine four storey mansion, one of the young women
getting out invariably remarks, "Rome at last!"
A man in Illinois broke into the home of a widow.
She pitched him out of doors. A striking evidence of the
power of the widow's mite.
- - - -

A Detroit sporting man, speaking of ladies riding
and driving, says :—"As to the matter of getting out of a
trap now, most any woman can get down gracefully, but not
one in a hundred can descend from the back end of a buggy
when the horse is running away without feeling that she is
going to overdo the thing."

Some people have peculiar constitutions. Mark
Twain complains, after a long interval of idleness, "This
working between meals is killing me "
When a Detroit man indulges in the luxury of a
buggy ride with his young lady he urges her to greater speed
in her toilet by vociferating through the hall door, "Hurry
up, Kate; this rig knocks me out of fifty cants an hour, and
I hain't got more than a dollar and a half." Then she rushes
out with her mouth full of pins, and finishes sticking on the
ribbons as she sails through the suburbs.

A man who had brutally assaulted his wife was
brought before Justice Cole, of New York, lately, and had a
good deal to say about "getting justice." "Justice !" re-
plied Cole, "you can't get it here; this court has no power
to hang you
A pretty story is told of one of Governor Tilton's
staff. It is said that when the individual referred to first
presented himself en miEtiare to his wife and little daughter,
the latter, after gazing at him in wonder for a few minutes,
turned to her mother, and exclaimed, "Why, ma, that's not
a real soldier—it's pa !"

A woman lecturer says that man's inhumanity to
man cannot compare in severity with woman's " inhu-
womanity" to woman.
A young lady who vowed she'd wear her lover's
kisses on her lips untifhe should come and take them again,
after his journeyings, survived her sufferings long enough to
bestow them upon a responsible third party with a stout
bank account.
This conundrum is respectfully submitted to the
best bee speller :-11 S-i-o-u-x spells su, and e-y-e spells i, and
s-i-g-h-e-d spells side, why doesn't s-i-o-u-x-e-y-e-s-i-g-h-e-d
spell suicide?

While the ladies of Oneida, New York, werb
working recently at the polls for the election of a no-license
Board of Excise, one of them received the following note :
"My dear Wife: I have washed the baby, put her to bed,
and stirred up the pancakes. What shall shall Ido next?
Your loving husband,—."
A gentleman said he had an original poem for sale,
which he would part with cheap, as times were hard and he
wanted money. The poem contained twelve lines, and he
would sell it at 6d. aline. The editor told him they weren't
paying as much for poetry just at present, but asked him to
read it, He commenced in a low, sad tone of voice, as
follows:

"Dearest father, thou hast left us,
With a shadow on thy fine expansive brow,
And thy loss we deeply feel--"

IVheu he picked himself up at the bottom of the stairs, there
was a "shadow on his brow."

Mosquito season is coming round, and spellers can
lay abed warm nights, and while the air is vocal with the
melody of myriad-winged minstrels, delightfully pass away
the time in spelling mosquito, musquito, moscheto,
moschetto, mosqu'etoe, mosquetto, muscheto, muschetto.
musketo, musketoe, muskitto, mu.squeto, musquetoe and
niusquitto, and making up their minds as to the proper way
of spelling the word.
A correspondent of a Western paper, having des-
cribed the Ohio as a "sickly stream," the editor appended
the remark—" That's so. It is confined to its bed."

An Indianopolis paper says of an Indiana senator :
"His chagrined look when he clutches that pointed beard to
milk his brains, and they won't 'give down,' has a most de-
pressing look to all beholders."

A Western paper says: "It is time to stop talking
about the 'softening and elevating influence of women.' A
man in this county, with four wives, has just been sent to
the penitentiary for horse stealing."

A: western editor apologises to his readers after this
fashion :—" We expected to have a death and a marriage to
publish this week, but a violent storm prevented the wed-
ding, and the doctor being taken sick himself, the patient
recovered, and we are accordingly cheated out of both."
A Vallejo (California) young lady, about to go off in
the cars, stepped into the dark sitting-room of the depot to kiss
her friend Sarah good bye. Owing to the darkness she
didn't hit on Sarah, but cannoned on a Chinaman, and didn't
find out her mistake till John began yelling, " Whatee for
you so chokee me? Hi ya I No squeezee so muchee I " A
screech, a dropping of feminine garments, a slammed door,
and that girl was gone,