The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1874-11-21 00:00:00

SELECTED ANECDOTES.

AN ODD DEFUCITION. —The proprietor of a little ale
house in Scotland, having on his sign•board, after his
name, the letters, " M.D.F.R.S. a physmian, whe
was a Fellow of the Royal Society, asked him how
he presumed to affix these letters to his name. "Why,
sir, asked the inn-keeper, " I have as good a rightto
use them as you have." " What do you mean, yc ,
impudent fellow?" replied the haughty
.man of midi
me. '1 mean, sir, ' said the man of hqum that I
was Drum Mai, of the Royal Scots Fusilit. '

OBEYING ORDERB.—A surgeon had occasion to pre-
scribe a couple of pills to an Irishman, %vim h were
sent home in a small box, bearing the direetion, 'The
whole to be taken immediately." On vieiting his
patient afterwarde, the doctor expressed his surprise
on lest am' that the desired effect had not been pro-
duced, and asked Pat's better half if she had really
given him the medicine. "Faith, that I did cur," she
replied • "but maybe, yer honour, the lid hasn't come
off yet !" The poor sick 11131 l had been made to
swallow, not only the pills, but the box as well.

Ast IRISHMAN'S DEFINITION! -At San Francisco,
when the l'iainamen were leaving a ship recentils
arrived there, an Trish porter on the wharf cried out
to another, • Arrah, Pat, an' what do you call them
animals what's coaling off the ship with the tails on?"
" Shure they're Chiny asthers from the Flowery King
dom," replied Pat, " an' I'd like to be the gardener
that would set them out under the ground. I'd keep
them planted deep till next Spring, an' then for thew
obituary I'd write somethin' on 'Tails from Heathen
Lands,' an' I would!"
FEMALE DELICACY.—An English traveller relate,
how he at one time offended a number of ladies at
New York. He had related a story, and then there
was a rush from the room. "Is there anything the
matter? "asked the traveller. "There is, sir," was
the host's savage reply. "Let use tell you such lam
guage won't suit here"--" My dear sir, what lan-
guage? We were only talkingof .on"" Well, sit,,,
but you said ox-tail !"—"Well, toil pose I did?'
"Why, sir, it's that very word that sent all the ladies
blushing out of the room. It's highly unbecoming
language—very improper indeed ! " "But, my dear
sir, I called the soup by its proper name, akin t I?"
—" No, sir, you did not ; and .whenever you have oc-
casion to speak of that particular soup again, never say
ox-tail; say Hy-disperser coup; that's the proper word,
sir!"

GENEROSITY OF DUMAS.--The follo‘‘ lug ante lote of
Alexandre Dumas explains how this prolific writer,
who earned such vast sums of money by his pen, died
a poor man. Au old comrade came to ask him for
some pecuniary assistance. 'All right," said Dumas
—" look on the chimney piece; I received two hun-
dred pounds from my publisher this morning. Several
people have alread_y helped themselves to a ; you
take the rest." But there was not a napoleon left.
" How foolish you have be, n." said Dumas seeing
his friend's disappointment, "to put off o,,min,-; till
mid-day.
SHARP '

Too FOB Brrry ! —Have you ever observed
(writes Sydney Smith) what a dislike servabta have to
anything cheap? They hate saving the master's
money. I tried the experiment with great MOMS,
the other day. Finding we consumed a great deal of
soap, I sat down in my thinking chair, awl took the
soap question into consideration, and I found remon to
suspect that were using a very expensive article,
when a much cheaper one would serve the
purpose better. I ordered half • dozen pounds
of both sorts, but took the precaution of
changing the papers on which the prices were marked
befere giving them into the hands of Betty. "Well,
Betty, which soap do you find washes beet?'--" Oh,
please, sir, the dearest in the blue paper; it make(' a
lather as well again as the other."—" Well, Betty,
you shall always have it, then." And thus the un-
suspecting Betty saved me some pounds a year,- and
washed the clothes better.
FOOTE'S CorrEvrr.Foit GARSICIE—Of Garrick, is
an actor, Foote had no very exalted opinion; his
literary abilities he held in contempt. Re once re-
ceived an anonymous letter, drawing his attention to a
French piece as an excellent subject for his theatre.
Mentioning the letter to a nobleman who happened to
be that evening behind the scenes, he said he should
be very glad to know the author, as it was " incom-
parably written." and evidently by one who had a pie-
feet knowledge of the Greek and Roman theatres I
think I can guess at him," said his lordship. "What
do you think of Garrick?" "Oh no, my lord,"
laughed Foote ; "I am sure it is not Garrick."
" Why? " " I shall answer yen like Scrub. First,
I am sure it is not Garrick because there is Greek in
it; secondly, I am sure it is not Garrick because there
is Latin in it; and thirdly, I am sure it is not Gar-
rick because there is English in it."—Tinsley's Maya.
sine.