The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1881-03-15 00:00:00

Oddnunts.

A LAWTEIed daughter calls her numerous suitors 'undo
plaintiffs-
THE impecunious man who married an heiress alwaye
spoke of ber se a capital wife.

•
CAUXAN : "I want • pair of dolEskin gloves," Shop
man: "What number r Cabman, No. 193,"
Irut.tra has a law to prevent weak-minded persona
marrying. A crusty bachelor Insinuates that the weak-
minded are the only persons who ever think of doing such
• thing. —A nuricas Paper.
AN American paper quotes a couplet by Benjamin
Franklin, as illustrating the advance made of late yeah%
in the art of "getting on." Franklin wrote : "He that
by the plough would thrive, himself must either hold or
drays." The Yankee version adapted to the times is
"He that by his trade would rise must either bust or
advertiae." _

—A—Dratonixo Fr.u.ow.—An architect.
Writ is a new.born baby like a gale of wind I—Becalm
It begins with a egnall. _

A &mum darkey recently made application for a
divorce from his wife. When asked on what grouud Is
demanded a divorce, he explained as follows :—"
greeted of dis occasion is sufficient enough. When I
rented ten acres an' worked one mule. I marrieds woman
suitable for de occasion. Now I rent sixty acres of lend
an' work five mules. My first wife is a mighty good ren-
am Ab e wife, but e don't suit de occasion ob sixty aim.
I needs a 1,011)&11 what can spread more."
Pieria who wonder why men's hair turns grey Wore
theist whiskers, should reflect that there is about tweaty
years' difference in their respective ages.

" WHAT ! only five policemen for • town Us this?"
exclaimed • traveller. " Oh," replied the native, calmly,
" they have no difficulty in keeping what little peace we
have."

"THAT soli of yours is • very promising young man,"
.aid a gentleman to • neighbour. "He'. better than •
~romiang young man—he's spaying am," responded the
neighbour.

Tu. following practical method of teaching the use of
the revolver was adopted by an old And faithful servant,
his pupil not being given to the use of arms: Having
placed the loaded pistol in the bands of his young muter,
Jl.l Martin stooped behind a wall twenty paces distant;
;Len, jumping up, he cried,' Now, Mastlier Tom, one, two.
three—fire! disappearing before • Masther 'rum ' had
succeeded in covering him. After a week's practice, •
bullet through Martin's hat showed what improvemev
had taken place in his young master's shooting. 'Well
dene Muther Torn!' cried Martin. • Thry again ; and' if
ye can get up the hand a little quicker, maybe ye might
take in. In the shoulder.'
W MIN • Kentucky lawyer watts to clear • prisoner on
the ground of insanity, he introduces evidence to prove
that the accused played poker in a coat with tight sleeves,
where it would be impossible to hide cards.
Tin other night Bickel, went home And found his wife
particularly retrospective. She talked of the put with a
tear, and looked to the future with a sigh. "Oh, by Ow
way," said Bickel', as he sat on the side of the bed pulling
oft his hoots, "I saw a gentleman down town to-clay who
would give a thousand dollars to see you."
"Who was ha? Does he live in Little Rock?*
"I don't know his name."
"I'll warrant that it we. Oliver Gregg."
• No."
"Then it must be George Weetherton."
"Guise again. I night know his name if I womb
bear _

_
"Oh, I do wish I knew!' said the lady, ashibilidg
excitetneaL "Wee it Oscar Peoples r
"Guam again. I remembei Lis name now."
"1"T Glenkins?"
"No; his name is Lucas Wentwing."
"I do not know • man by that oasis, Why 'wad be
give a thousand dollars to see mar'
"Because he's blind."

[From Judy.'
LI VOLonTsgivi.—Pickpocksts.
A Dien NOT IN Scuswir FOS THZ GOVIENVINT.--The
present "Irish stew."
AND " SLOW " LOCALITIES —Fleet,strest sod
Chsnosry-lane.

SUMO HIN RIGHT TOO.
FILIMet : Hub, there! Don't you know, you, that you
are trespassing? That aren't your land.
Little Lady I know it ia not; but I haven't got any
land of say own, and, you know, I must be on sou*.
body's.

88ALLT AND MOLT Tllin 18 NO PLZABINO BONE PDZIPLL
Customer: Your Oysters suet got much flavour In
them.

oistar Man : Ain't got much flavour in 'ern, eh I MA
you malt till you get a hail 'au, there!

[From Pun]
DORT RION " IMF MAIDS or HONORS."
"Mune are you coining from my pretty Maid?"
°Coming front Girton, Sir," she said. "Then I will not
awry youony priggish maid." "Nobody asked you, Sir,"
she said. She wu a Senior Wrangler.

A CAPITAL CHOICE.
Cowin Amy "So you haven't made up your mind yet
what Psofessson you're going to be when you grow up,
Br'•
olby "Well, yes! I don't essctly know what it's
railed, you know, but it's living in the country, and keep-
ing lots of Horses and Dogs, and all that!"
[Bobby's papa is a Curate with £2OO. year.

(From Funny Fo
Tni WIIGII OF THE WlCEAD."—Anylling under 16
ounoto to the pound.

Tfla TeieprapA'a conclusion, that "few people, not being
pigs, like dirty water thrown over them," may be claased
with Boyle Roche', theory of inipowdbe übiquity on the
part of a man—" barrio' be'.. bird."

"• RUINING SHANE.'
Another ease of incendierino —making the third within
the past few months—waa reported at Chard A fen, morn-
ings ago. If this sort of thini: continues, the name of
the little Somvitetahire town will be tuore appropriately
written Charred.

F CTION e
FASHION.