The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1881-01-29 00:00:00

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS

A new astronomer contends that the moon is flat. II
will be round at the proper time all the same.

A Western stump-orator, in the course of one of his
speeches, remarked, Gentlemen, if the Parsytic Ocean wor
an inkstand, and the hull clouded canopy of heaven and the
level ground of our youth wor a sheet of paper, I couldn't
begin to write my love of country on to it."
Two darkies were vaunting their courage. "I isn't
'feared o' nothin', I isn't," said one. "Den, Sam. I reckon
you isn't feared 0 loan me a dollah?" "No, Julius, I isn't
feared to loan you a dollah, but I does hate to part wid a
old hen' forebber."

An American edito; says he has seen the con-
trivance lawyers use when they " warm up with the sub-
ject." Ile says it was a glass concern, and holds about a
pint.
-

What to him was love or hope! What to him was
joy or care? He stepped on a plug of Irish soap the girl
had left on the topmost stair; and his feet flew out like
wild, fierce things, and he struck each stair with a sound
like a drum; and the girl below with the scrubbing things
laughed like a fiend to see him come.
- - -

This remark was made to the publisher in a tone of
pious reproof; "that such a blunder as this co.uld occur in
the Tribune ! I wrotts that name 'Black,' and here it is
printed ' Brown ? " The subordinate pondered the matter,
and then replied, "I suppose the compositor and the proof-
reader must be both colour-blind."

The editor of a Chicago newspaper waiting the
details of a terrible inundation in Connecticut, telegraphed
to a correspondent in Hartford—" Send full particulars of
the flood." The reply came quickly—" You will find them
in Genesis."
A young man in Cincinnati lost his bride the other
day. She smelt whisky in his breath, and left him at the
altar. It is the general belief that if her example becomes
in any way common, it will result in the practical abolition
of marriage.

_
"What is that darling?" asked a young St. Louis
husband of his Chicago bride. She turned the heaven of
her deep blue eyes upon him, and answered: "That is one
of my garters, dearest." " Ah," he added softly, " I thought
it was a dog collar."

A story is told of a candidate for Congress whose
hand-writing resembled hieroglyphics. During a hot political
contest some rash 'individual threatened to challenge his
vote. "You had better not," broke in a "mutual," "for if
you do he will produce a specimen of his penmanship, and
then challenge your own vote on the ground that you cannot
read.

A smart American girl calls a young fellow of her
acquaintance "Honeysuckle," because he's always hanging
over the front fence.

It is reported that the first silver dollar coined in the
United States has been found. It is held by twenty-eight
different American citizens.

A young man in Vermont received a curious
weddiffg present from the xsthetie young lady, to whom he
is engaged to be married. Slit had a marble model of her
feet made, and gave it to him for a paper-weight.

From various parts of the country reports have
been received of cases of loss of life and severe accidents,
resulting from th. 9 severity of tile weather. Throughout Eng-
land much distress exists amongst the poorer classes.