The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1868-01-28 00:00:00

Uarittlffs.

MOTTO you THE MARKT ID. —Ne.er di,-pair.—Puueh.
Tex KILL "BLUE" Roll. The R. form Bill. Pus.
A holy farmer it virtually dead, and his farm wawa
weeds In moor nag for him.

If you would learn to bow, watch a moan Inas whec.
he talks toe gentleman of wealth,

PROBLEM POR MATHEMATICAL BODlllll6—rtn4 tbf
Centres of the IN-nise cif elm-- PewcA.

"we see." mitt Swift, in one of his most sarcasti•
moods, "what God thinks of riches by ths silly people
he gives them to."

CuolllL Bouiernber," Mid • Quakur to hia son,
" in making tby way into the world, • spoonful of oil.
will go farther than • quart of vinegar."

Imes WILL—The most laennio will on record is
that of a man oho died in 1796. It runs thus I
have nothing; I owe • great dial—the rest I give to
the poor."
" Patrick," said a judge, "whit do you my to flue
charge—art you guilty or not play r Faith, that is
difficult for your honour to tell, let Mose myself. Walt
toll T hear the evidence."

'1 am afraid," sail a lady to her husband, "that I
am going to have a sta neck." "Not at all improbeble,
my desr," replied the spouse, "I have tees symptoms
of it ever since we were married."
COOL'S " Putman's "- Cook: Only five 'billings I
Why, r. broke, this year, four eoup fumes, six
lenge dishes, three glees water jugs, and fourteen
tumblers; three dozen pie— Conseientions Shop-
keeper ; Well, well. cob; I won't be hard on yes.
You shall have half-a movereign.--Judy.
Teals Dzensre or COMPABISON.—'Arry:—"(Iw
am I settle' on? Elawful. I've bad to keep my lob
theee du mouths r Jack :—" Yell, that's luck! I
amid over keep a bed 'rid that time. Could you,
Rill r :—" Rival say ; I
keep !"—Fee.

A company of farmers were Oiseassing the relative
merits of rival thrashing seachines, when they were
astonished by the wife of the one at whom bons. they
were exclaiming, emphatically, that the beet thrashing
inaohine she knew anything about was a broomstick ;
and her husband looked ae though be believed her.

A Frenchninn who bad purehased • country Nat wee
complaining of 'be want of birds In hi. garden "Bet
some trap.," replied an old nfiloer, "sad they'll tome.
I wine ono. in Africa, and there wasn't supposed to be a
anman within two hundred miles. I bung • pais a
esrings and a collar upon • tree, and the next morning
I found two women under the branches."
During the recent restoration of &church in Brightos.
occupied by the advanced Ritualist., one of the work.
men employed, seconding the pull it, egehimeg, y
puhli.h the banns of matrimony betwa,n this ehurch
and the Church of Rome."—" And I," said seedier
artisan, turning towards the first speaker, " forbid the
hanns."—On what ground r inquired be in the pallyit.
"'Cos the parties is too near akin," was the mph.

CHURCH NEW&
Dr. Gray's to his gl-ry.
He. rawly one Ilacroarle,
Who Ugo • Shun Blobop ta (litre
From Natal the wild briar
Who says tarloe twa I. four.
And to preach " the church Truth"—thal 111 S.

ILYA £ooooli WAY.
Sweet thought, to mad to Arlie (South)
One in whose MOW 8.01.41011 now.:
Chry•notom comm from Golden Youth,
Nacromie comas from If mien Nose.
—AMA.
OTT !—Mr. James Finlen "having lost his enorior
misnt,"—why ham he newer told na what it woo?—" and
his pro•pecta beine thereby blighted" (to borrow the
word. of • circular on the ntefeet), ie to have •
testimonial. He "h.. come to the determination,"
we aro further told, "of making America his future
bome,"—• determination which England will perhaps
be nine. grateful than Amerce. Why doss not Govern-
ment come forward •nd do •centelltingl It his given
infinitely ler de-seeing persona • free weep to the
oolonirs before now.—F..ts.
Ifousteow Recorte TOO RIIIIVLITR.—To set chaps
ofr your hand., or to keep them off your Imps in cold
weather. Mix up • little tartarie acid In your temper,
ml apply it fttely, with ltioth bands, who the
chaps seem inclined to "nom. over you." A Care for
" by the postman, reflect all future addresses
from him; if the baker, spurn his Prufferwd roartpr and
tarn cruel ; if by the butcher, return bite the cot/
altos/der of yesterday, allow • little pluck, and tell hint
you have another dear to suet I The beat (hive II
Prestrec.—Your beeltht 700 r twuPert and Your bosh.

Mersa sod Publistied for fin Proprieteue, al their
New, Chorefi-otros4, DOMbileilit, by Pummel Giu,
Foot. of Lb* Poriel of Forebugies, is the Coast, ol
Dense.
Tuesday, Jaaasry 111, ima.