The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1868-09-19 00:00:00

ELECTION ADDRESSES.

lII.—CIIADMINGLY CANDID.
To the Electors of Closeborough.
ELECTORS,
I cannot address you as "Gentlemen," because
the majority of you are no more gentlemen than you
are geniuses, and I cannot call you "worthy and
independent," because I know from Election petitions
that those of you who are Lord Lostwithiel's tenants
will vote as Lord Lostwithiel pleases, and that those
of you who are not will expect bank-notes, beer, and
places for your sons, all which necessaries of election
life, as you deem them, I caution you it is now dan-
gerous for candidates to provide and constituents to

consume.
At the last election for Closeborough there were two
hundred and seventy-five voters to canvass and cajole,
but as Lord Lontwithiel owned most of you, I bore
with your small houses. back lanes, and dirty bands,
and for three days was all smiles and suavity ; but
now Weedles and Wiukins, mine and Lord Lost-
withiers agents, inform me that your number is
loulded by the Republican Reform Bill, and that I
am not to walk over the course, but must lose at least
a fortnight's partridge-shooting in begging you to •
pref., me to Rumford Hales, the Radical brewer, who
dis .es me by many lengths in brains, and purse,
anti üblic-bonses, and would make you a capital
Member, but is the son of a butterman, and though
aspiring not aspirating ; whilst I was at Eton, am a
member of the Jockey Club, and Lord Lostwithiels
brother.in-law.
I Enippose I must repeat my political Creed, although
I don't believe in it, and you won't understand it. No
Election Address is considered complete without the
Irish Church— the horse with which every candidate
declares to win. Yoi know little and care less about
disendowment and dis-establishment, and would infi-
nitely prefer the abolition of your Local Improvement
Rate, or beer a penny a pint cheaper.
father's Archdeaconry, and_Coller

contractors, Gladstone and Bright. I shall be just as
ready to destroy as I am now to defend; and, gene-
rally, should my noble relative anti my spirited
leader consider tbat the prosperity of the nation and ;
the existence of the Ministry depend upon the adop-
tion of the ballot, or the abolition of the Horse.
Guards, or the destruction of our Cathedrals, or thg
total disregard of Primogeniture, or the repudiation of
the National Debt, I shall not take to kicking, but
be quiet in harness and obedient to the Whip.
I have never found you excited about Foreign
Affairs, but remember well how violent you became
when some meddling people who call themselves said
tary reformers suggested that the death-rate in your
agreeable little market-town might be materially
lowered by better drainage. I should nid, therefore,
trouble you with my views about the left hank of the
Rhine, or the increasing power of Russia in India, or
the Paraguayan War-- if I had any.
I am not economical myself, as my father and my
tradesmen would allow, and having through life enjoyed
a handsome allowance and unbounded credit, I am
incompetent to sympathise with those 1010 clan.ur for
a reduction of the National Expenditure. Having
numerous relations id my own and my wife's in the
Army anal Navy, in the Church, and at the Bar. in
Government Offices, in Diplomatic and Colonial Ap-
pointments, anal on the foundations of our Universities
and Endowed Schools, I would have all Public Estab-
lishments which yield pay and place, salaries, outfits,
and allowances, fees, perquisites, and pensions, kept up
with rigid extravagance.
The Archdeacon disliked the education of the lower
orders—so do I, in my heart. On the other hand,
I have an hereditary taste for Church Rates and
Ecclesiastical Courts.

_
I am sorry to announce that I shall arrive at Close-
borough on Monday next—greatly to my annoyance.
having to leave a pleasant shooting party at Lord
Rarmouth's-- to commence my canvass and increase
the receipts of your public-houses, and I suppose either
I or Mr. Frederick Weedles must address you every
evening from the windows of the " Saracen's Head"—
where, happily, the cookery is more than respectable—
and confidently declare that we are sure to win and
'Rumford Hales certain to lose. _ _ _

I shall have the bore of writing out and learning off
by heart a short speed, for the Nomination Day, and I
shall feel particularly obliged if the Non-electors will
abstain from throwing decayed vegetable matter at
me, as I stand on the hustings and state my views
about the Regium Donum.
Your anything but obedient Servant,
ROLAND RAYMOND FRESCHEVILLE.
Merton Park, Stptember 12.