The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1875-10-02 00:00:00

AMERICAN HUMOUR.

A Chicago barber cleared eight thousand dollars last
year. The secret of his success was that he employed mutes,
and didn't offer his customers any "patent hair tonic."

Kansas boasts of fields of Cori; so tall and black that
farmers have to carry lanterns in passing through them to
keep them from getting lost.

The Detroit Free- Press has heard that a certain
woman is writing a lecture on "Women's Duties," and
cruelly suggests that her first duty is to burn the manuscript.

- - -
The collection of monograms is the latest wrinkle
among the young ladies of America. When a large number
are obtained the young lady pastes them on her fan, and the
one who has the most and finest holds up her head in lofty
scorn at everybody else.
The latest and most unique social success at Newport,
U.S., was Mrs. Julia Ward Howe's blue tea. Guests, dresses,
and decorations were deeply and beautifully blue; even to
knots of blue ribbon on the cream-pitchers and sugar-bowls.
lady honoured the occasion with blue stockings even.

A SOURCE OF UNHAPPINESS —What numberless
sources of unhappiness bestrew the female pathway ! When
a young lady goes to an entertainment and sees a lady friend
accompanied by a gentleman she does not know, she does
not enjoy the performance a bit, as the whole evening is
occupied in wondering who the stranger is.
A Iliter, Lo,vg larraA.-0,4 the occasion of a, receut
breach of promise case. tried In one of the American courts
the following letter was read :—I have refrained from rap-
sodising in this opening epistle, bull cannot and must not <
close without expressing the Deo profundus of my love and
how my soul always 'is with you, and how delightfully I con-
template our meeting to-morrow night. I have read love
letters in the press and elsewhere that terminated by saying
a million kisses, or ten thousand kisses, and such like, with
a particular place on the paper marked for the purpose.
This I think absurd and shall not adopt it. How, my darling.
can paper convey the rapture of a virgin violet kiss? ,Let us
Mu when we meet and kiss when we part, until we shall
meet to part no more, and then kiss altogether, world with-
out end, amen. Your 'own affectionate Edwin, Midnight."
The damages awarded were ten thousand dollars.
Rrvil, UNDERTAKERS.—They have two very enthn-
simile undertakers in Danbury. They are always on the
look-out for business, and always trying to get ahead of each
other. The wife of a prominent citizen was known to be
quite ill some time ago, and both undertakers made up their
minds to provide the funeral if she should die. On Thursday
night the husband dropped the paregoric bottle on the floor,
and scared the invalid so that she gave a little scream. The
next instant the family heard somebody staggering up-stairs,
knocking the paper off the wall with some kind of an imple-
ment. It was Jones, the undertaker, bringing up one of his
patent hermetically sealed coffins. He had been waiting on
the front step, and hearing the scream, concluded the end
had come, and rushed in all ready. He dashed up the stairs
as the husband opened the door, set the coffin end up on
the carpet, and exclaimed eagerly, "Gimme the first chance
Bury her for forty dollars with silver trimmings I" Before'
the indignant man had time to reply, a noise was heard, and
Brown, the other undertaker, appeared with one of his
" incorrodable burial baskets." He screamed, "Don't do it;
I'll plant her for thirty-eight dollars; five off for cash, put a
monogram on the casket, and throw in a tombstone." They
were led away by a policeman, but before they reached the
corner of the street, Jones had secured a contract for bury-
ing that policeman's mother-in-law when she died. The
policeman was not particular about details. "Only let it be
deep," he said, "with something solid on top to keep
her tIOWII.