The Press.
London, England, 1855-05-19 00:00:00

THE PRESS.

FAMILY PROSPECTS.
What a blessing for England ! the Whigs keep their place
To save her from danger and perhaps from disgrace !
How thankful must Brown, Jones, and Robinson feel
At hearing the Whigs will remain en famine

What a comfort to know the Insignia of State
Are secured with the rest of the family plate ;
To know that the national purse for some moons
Is safely bestowed with the family spoons ;

How the tact of Charles Wood will in future enhance
The cordial alliance of England and France ;
What tremors will run through the Muscovite host
When they hear that Fred Peel will remain at his post !

The Lord of Panmure what blasphemer can doubt
Resembles Lord Chatham, at least in his gout;
And, if we conclude that with battles we've done,
He'll shoulder his crutches and show how they're won.

How Titoff will tremble to think he may meet
On a second occasion John Russell and suite,
With some precedent drawn from historical lore
Which he may not have read up in Goldsmith before.

By John's perorations the Czar will be floored,
His ports called "a menace," his armies " a horde" ;
While Pam in the House will exhibit his nerve
By routing the Czar with his paper "Reserve."

Last prospect of all, should it come to the worst,
And we're foiled at the end as we've failed from the first,
The aforesaid old Premier—that humorist grey—
Will treat it as fun in his own pleasant way.
What a blessing to think, then, the Whigs keep their place
To save us from danger and perhaps from disgrace !
How thankful should Brown, Jones, and Robinson feel
At hearing the Whigs will remain en famille !

THE MOON AND THE MINISTERS.

[ THE inaccurate reports of the speeches at the Lord Mayor's banquet on Wednesday last
have caused much annoyance to the principal speakers ; and the following version,
corrected in Downing-street, has been furnished to the principal journals. Great as
is the press upon our columns, we have had no hesitation in excluding valuable
matter to make room for this vindicating report.]
LORD PALMERSTON, in acknowledging the health of her Majesty's
Ministers, said :—My Lord Mayor, Ladies and:Gentlemen. First, I have
to return thanks fora very good dinner. I mean (in answer to a. look
from my friend the Archbishop there) that it is to you I return thanks.
I never interfere with other people's business. (Hear, hear.) I mean,
of course, unless they are people on the Continent. (Laughter.) Next,
I thank you very much for the way in which our laealths have been
received. I have very good health, I am happy to say, and wish you
all the same and many of them. (Laughter.) I really don't know, my
Lord Mayor, whether it is expected that I should say anything about
the policy of her Majesty's Ministers. As you are a moon, perhaps
you will throw a little light upon the subject. (Oh! oh!) Well, that
is old, but it's suitable, because your worthy Mayor isn't exactly a new
moon. (Laughter.) But about this policy. A policy. as your com
mercial and City men know, is a proof of assurance. Now, our
enemies even admit that we have assurance enough, so I think you
may give us credit for having a policy, without my proving it.
(Cheers.) If I had anything to say about the war, I should be very
glad to say it; but the last thing that was passed by the wire (I don't
mean my little friend David Wire, here, the last thing he passed was
the bottle) was that my Lord Raglan had nothing to say. Now, you
can all form your own judgment on that message, but I am free to
confess that I should conclude from it that Sebastopol was not taken—
in fact, elk n'etait pas prise. (Cheers from Lord John Russell.) By
Jove—do you understand all the French? Well, my Lord Mayor, I
hope" that all will go on well for the future. I advised Raglan to take
Sebastopol, and I rather hope that he'll take at once my advice and
the place. (Cheers.) General Canrobert has been telling his army
that he means to " break in at the window"; and this is satisfactory,
because it shows that our gallant allies will spare no panes—(roars
lavghter)—in the attempt. As regards home affairs, I. think I had
better not trouble you with any details—when we're out for a lark—(l
beg the ladies' pardon, but the sweet singing of the lady in the gallery
put the idea of a lark into my head)—l say when we're out for a lark,
we don't care to think about home. We have had a dinner, which, if
I were not afraid of being too vernacular, I wculd call a stunning good
one—(laughter)—and I. am very much obliged for it. We all know
what becomes of the old moons, and that they are cut up to make
stars; and when this old Moon is cut up for that purpose, I hope
they'll stick the stars that are made out of him into the constellation
Testudo, or the " Turtle." ( Ths Noble Lord sat down amid loud cheers).
The Duke of ARGYLL returned thanks for the House of Lords, and
said that so long as that assembly listened respectfully to the counsel
of one of its members—who combined the energy of youth with the
wisdom of age—who was alike distinguished by hereditary and by
academical honours—who' was dauntless in oratory and exhaustless in
information—who was connected with a powerful family, but had not
scorned also to ally himself with the fourth estate—(Lord PALMERS-
TON : " And who has red hair ")—I say (added the Duke), my Lord,
that while the House of Lords listen to this personage's advice, and
obeys his directions, that that assembly will maintain its place in the

country, and deserve even the compliment which has just
paid to it.
Lord JOHN RUSSELL, for the House of Commons: My Lord .
I return you my best thanks. I have lately been a traveller,
travellers see strange things. I have seen some, but having gone
in a diplomatic capacity, I am not at liberty to state them.
will fearlessly say, however, that in Vienna, the capital of Austi
have seen no building like this Mansion-house, no muhicipal aut.
like my Lord Mayor. While I was away the honour of baronetcy
conferred upon you, my Lord. You are now Sir Francis. There
been other Sir Francises. In the pages of history you will fin:
tion of Sir Francis Drake. Now, you are not a drake, my Lord,
I dare say the ladies of your family consider you a duck—(shouts
laughter)—but you resemble Drake in one point, which it may be -
stitutionally interesting to know. He was an Admiral untie:
Queen, and you are Conservator of the River Thames under an
You are, therefore, both of you, nautical men ; and of your
to-day I may in nautical phrase say that everything was
shape "—especially the butter-boats—and " above board," exee.
bottle of champagne, which was under the table, and which _
just kicked over. As regards the House of Commons, I will only
that it is a great constitutional assembly, and that so long as
forms its appointed office it will never neglect its duty. (Cheers.
Colonial Secretary a dinner of this kind is peculiarly aeceptab
me. I see a variety of delicacies of every sort, to the composit
which every possession of the British Crown must have contri
Curry from India, ginger from Jamaica, oranges from Malta,
back ducks from Canada, currants from the lonian Isles, and
dred other things combine to remind me of my responsibilities ,
can only hope that at any time when it may appear to my Lord
that I am forgetting my duty, he will invite me to such a di,
this, that I may at once have my memory and my palate refreshed.
(Applause).

Sir CHARLES WOOD returned thanks for the Navy. He sail
Lord, Gentlemen and Ladies—l mean, of course, ladies and
men—but it is my way to put the cart before the horse ; not, of
that a lady is a horse, except that she draws the cart, that is the
tleman, after her. He, he ! Well, as for the navy, I hope it is all
Our Admiral and the French Admiral are on the best possible terms—
they sky coppers—( sensation)—l mean they toss up halfpence, whose
ships shall perform any service that there is to be done ; and I think
this is a very good way of settling it. Vernon Smith and I tossed up
for India (Newmarket), and he won. Very well : he manages India just
as well as I could have done, every hit. I offered to toss Lewis for
the Budget, but he wouldn't. You see he had never tried a Budget.
Next year I'll be bound he'll be ready enough. But, really, I am
letting out Ministerial secrets. (Lord PALM EASTON : " Shut up.") My
Noble Friend reminds me that it is time, as we say on board ship, to
pull back the cannons, and shut the shop windows—port-holes I mean.
I realty have no more to say. I hope all the staples on board my
ships—the Queen's, I mean—are as worthy as the Staples who pro.
vided this dinner—if it was Staples ; but if it was Breach, I may sa3
that the dinner was honoured in the breach and the observance.
(Lord PALM ERSTON : " Will you stop In a minute; I've gr
more witticism to say. I went to the Opera the other night, am
a character called the Count do Luna, and he reminded me of my
Moon. The opera was called the Trovatore—not that there was
in it, quite the contrary, but—

LA, this kind of thing was likely to go on indefinitely, the more distinguished
guests here quitted the Egyptian•hall.

CRIMEAN MEDALS.
OUR contemporary, the Daily News, very properly insists that
tribution of medals to our gallant soldiers " invites attention
expediency of extending the circle of such recognition of disting.
services rendered to the State." We understand this suggestion
far commends itself to the present Administration that an Order
Merit is about to be instituted, of which the following emineu,
viduals will become recipients :
Lord JOHN RUSSELL, for his knowledge of the reign of Louis
Fourteenth, and for having partly mastered the bearings of the
of Utrecht

_
The Marquis of LANSDOWNE, for slaying, by unknown agencies,
Russian infantry and Dragoons to the number of a quarter -
million.

Lord CLARENDON, for discreetly withholding his views on
dition of Europe, if he has any.
Sir CHARLES WOOD, for his endeavours to ascertain the bore

Lancaster gun by computation and measurement.
The Duke of ARGYLL, for his efforts to ascertain the bore

House of Lords.
The Earl of GRANVILLE, for having creditably brought up and
vided for a large family without parish assistance.
Lord PANMURE, for his generous patronage of Mr. Blair,
eminent author of " Gout and Rheumatic Pills."
Mr. BERNAL OSBORNE, for designing his new gun-boats
humane principles, so as only to imperil the lives of those who
gate them.
Mr. FREDERICK PEEL, for encouraging the growth of bombshells
by supplying them with larger fuses than would fit them.
Lord PALMERSTON, for allaying popular excitement by refu,
the newspaper correspondents in the Crimea to communicate
electric telegraph in cipher.
In addition to the above a medal will be given to the
Radical who is able to discern that a Democratic Reform Bill
been a means of promoting popular Government. The Editor
Daily News will himself be permitted to compete.