The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1873-08-09 00:00:00

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS.

"Mamma," said one of thoee precocione little -003,i
for which Connecticut is famous, who, against his will, was
made to rock the cradle of his baby brother, • if the doctor
has any more babies to give away, don't you take 'ern.'
A China woman was eold at auction on Granite
Creek, Idsho, lately, In a Chmamen [lamed Six, who has
already six wives of this kind and halt-a-dozen of another.
The latter, Mrs. Six brought 576 dollars.

What'a in a name? There i. a town in lowa with
the delightful came of Cascade, the people of which have to
go five miles for water.

A reporter, in narrating the incidents attending the
capsizing of a boat, retinues roasts to tie zeal and
activity displionl by the boatmen, nobody was lost. Inane I,
one woman more was saved than had been in the boat."

One of the Beecher &hi u4ed to say ebe ba‘l three
rule. to guide her In copyttig her father's manuscripts. If n
letter we. dotted It we. o.d. an I; If • letter an craned, It
warit't at and If a word began wlth• Lapitalletter, it didn't
begin a sentence.

he latest thing iu c,ffins is &defraud in Albany.
This coma tip.e. the hotly at lul I itnicth aa thouah Wog on
• iota ;in, 1,1, tatting a cigar in the mouth, or a newspaper
In the hai.ds, toe c .rpee will look no comfortabla as possible.
lhose who lien. tried It are greatly 'deemed.

- -
A teeticoonial, in a cont.inporary, to the AM of a
chin p disC testifies that ' f,tr or live years ego he succss-
fidly stracted several corns from my feet without pain, Poi
also several members of my family, and they have not re-
turned singe that time." Tots I perator should be consulted
by those troubled with mothers-in-law.

A Negro witness, on a horse triai in a New Jersey
court, was wilted to explain the difference between • box
stall and • common stall Straightening himself up, he
pointed to the square enclosure in which the judge was
stated, and said, "Out are seat 1 calls a box stall, deco whir
dal old hose is a-sitting."
A Nevada paper relates how a couple of home-made
savants were discusaing tile cause of the saline character of
the water in the Great Salt LA, Said cne, " Well, it's my
opinion that there s all en& uremia c..nnectton with the
Pacific Oceon, and it's filled with w ,ter from the Pacific.
"But," said the other, "Salt Luke is seven thousand feet
higher than the ocean ; what do you think of that I "
'Think of It why I think II bursts my theory all to
thunder.'

"My dear, will you play your thourand-dollar
polka I said an Arnett-an farmer to his charming daughter,
sit months after Mr return fron a fashionable boarding-
school. The young lady's musical performances had do hulled,
piece by piece, to a solitary Polka. stud Um food Psreut..
Suit connensatiou for his twiny years outlay was this pre.
cloth s "thoussud.doliar polka" aud Lis own sorry joke.

• • • -
Josh Billings Pays there seems to be four styles of
mind. lat. TM m wh. knows We so. 2od. Them who knows
it niu't so. 3rd. Them who split the thifereuee, stud guess at
it. 4th. Thom who doter cum which way It

As four or live riarkies were passing an agricultural
implement store down South, one ul them, pointing ts a
cultivator, said—. A man c fl Pat .it on dot thlog and ride
wild° he's ploughum " Golly," replied the other, " de
rascals was too sharp to tint ot oat 'fore de nigger was free.'
-

A Kentucky man has had live trials for the murder
of a man. Ile was to he hung at first ; than twenty ) ssrs In
prison then fifteen ; then five and then the jury etesr.d
him.

An American judge woe obliged to !deep with an
Irishman in a crowded hotel, when the following convene-
Mai ensued Pat, you would have remained a long time
In the old country before you could have slept with a judge,
would yr u not 1" " Yes, ver honour," said Pat, ' and I
think per honour would have been a I,ug time in the null
comithry before ye'd been a judge too."

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Serogge sent an order by telegraph for hie wedding
cards, adding to Lie name, and the name of her who was to
make him happy, and the favoured spot, and the fortunate
day of the blessed month, the letters •' C. 0. Ii" (cull on
delivery) to give assurance of immediate liquidation. Fancy
the teenage of himself and of her who was to be "his very
own," on receiving the cards at the latest possible moment
with the letters "C. O. D." in the corner of every one of
them

The editor of the Utah Alining Journal calls one of
the church dlgoltariee au "old eccletiattteal pelican."

A correapondent of a down-East paper wiahea to know
where poets obtain a poetical licence.

Some one should see to it that Josh Billings should
not spell the Imperfect tense of the verb make, •• maid," even
If his thoughts run to that Interesting subject.

A drunken Tolei() an wrote on the wall of his cell,
"Jug not, that ye he not jugged."

--
A waltzing match took place the other evening at
Eureka betwren a couple of grittlemen on • wear of CO
dollars. The winner danced three and a-half ha ors, during
which he exhausted the dancing power, of several ladies. It
was discovered that he hal secr tel a bottle-Jack, and
woutid hi rnaelf up occadonaliy to renew the twist.

A Yankee advertiser, who rediees in the various
occupations of doctor, lawyer, justice ot the peace, and dry
goods merchant, adds the following to his list of purnuln and
qualitics :—" N.ll Auction eetlug of (ho !cadent kind, inter-
woven with ventriloquism."

1 he Creston (Iowa) Journal recommende people who
a iverthe on tenets to mix a Utile spelling In along with theft
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A New York paper wants to know why it is "that
drowning men catco at straws? Another paper says
We don't kr ow that they do. We have seen a number of
gentlemen drown, but those of there who Mai any preference
at all seemed to hi prejatileed to favour ef a plank We
don't remember ever being asked lota straw by a gentleman
who wan drowning, and it is just as well, ptrimps, became
we never carry one with 1111."

A Brooklynite (America) was walking along the
itlahtto Avenue, Cull lie wan Jostled and passed by •
str, nger. 9.30.1 afterwards, discovtrlng th.t Ma watch was
gone, he horrlet after the strain:or, presented a revolver at
his head, and grimly mad, ..Olve me that watch." The
stranger "forked over" at Once. On reaching home the
gentleman begot. telling the story of his aoventure to his
wife, when she interruvted it m by saying, " Why, John, you
left y "or watch on the harem this morning, Mid 1 have been
wearing It all day."