The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1859-07-12 00:00:00

Yarictics.

Life may be merry, as well u useful. Eve'', pawn
that owns a mouth has always a good opening for a
laugh.
•-• • • • •• •

Some hearts, like primroses, open most beautifully in
the shadow of life.
When Jeinima went to school, she was asked why
the noun bachelor was singular. " Because," she
replied, "it it lit, very singular they don't get mar.
ried."

_
PARlS.—Madame de Choisi on said, there were •
hundred gates which lead into Paris, but only two
roads out of it—the convent and the grave.

Always do u the sun does—look at the bright side of
thing'. For while it just as cheap, it is three times
as gid for digestion. The melancholy ULU doesn't even
relish wedlock.

Gentlemen who smoke allege that it makes them
calm and complacent. They tell us that the wore they
fume the lesa they fret.
. _ . .

_
A Iste.—" A lie," says Crabbe, "ii like a great fish
on dry land it may fret and thug and make a frightful
pother, but it cannot hurt you. You have only to keep
still, and it will die of itself,"
MY UNCLE'ri Isi.AND.—We are a nation of shop-
keepers, certainly ; and invaders, in consequence of the
formation of Rifle Clubs, will find the national esta-
blishment one pup shop, the nature of which they may
infer from the sign of the Three Balls, indicating
that the chances against them will be two to one.—
Punch.

_
GARRICK 4IID THE PLAT-WRITER.—There wu some-
thing gloomy and disastrous in the general aspect of all
things around. Miss Pritchard had the headache—the I
barber who brought home Hagan's wig had powdered it
like a wretch —amongst the gentlemen and ladies in
the greenroom. I saw none but doubtful faces—and the
manager (a very flippant not to say impertinent gentle-
man, in my opinion, and who himself on that night
looked as dismal as a mute at a funeral) had the
insolence to say to me, "For Heaven's sake, Mr. War-
rington, go and get a glass of punch at the Bedford, and
don't frighten us all here by your dismal countenance!"
"Sir," says 1, "1 have • right, for five shillings, to
comment upon your face, but I never gave you any
authority to make remarks upon mine." "Sir," says
he in a pet, " I most heartily wish I had never seen
your face at all !" " Youni, sir," said I, "hiss often
amused me greatly; and when painted fot Abel Mugger
is exceedingly coinic"—and indeed I have always done
Mr. G. the Justice to think that in low comedy he was
unrivalled. I made him • bow, and walked off to the
ooffee-house, and for five years never spoke • word to
the gentleman, when he apologised to me, at • noble-
man's house where we chanced to meet. I said I had
utterly forgotten the circumstance to which he alluded,
and that, on the first night of a play, no doubt author
and manager were flurried alike. And added, "After
all, there is no shame in not being made for the theatre.
Mr. Garrick—you were." A compliment with which
I he appeared to be as well pleased as I intended he
should.—The Virginians, No. 21.

A CRACKED COMMANDIIINT.—We heard a suggestive
expression related the other day of a very little girl, who
was taken by her mother into a shop where a tempting
basket of oranges stood exposed for sale. While her mo-
ther was engaged in another part of the room, the little
one feasted her eyes on the fruit, and nursed the temp-
tation in her heart till it grew too strong to be resisted,
and she hid one of the oranges under her apron, and
walked quickly away. But conscience remonstrated so
strongly that, after • little reflection, she walked as
quickly back, and as slyly replaced the orange in the
basket. Again the forbidden fruit, out of her possession,
presented its tempting side, and again she yielded. Alter
I • sharper conflict than before, conscience gained •second
victory, and the almost stolen orange was again taken
and finally restored. With a saddened countenance sbe
walked limns with her mother, and, when they were
alone, burst into tears, exclaiming, "Oh, mother, I
cracked one of the Commandments! I didn't break it—
indeed I didn't break it, mother—quite--nut I'm sure I
cracked it."