The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1866-12-25 00:00:00

TO TOM 'MORT OF RENT BOUM

If there eVV:r wee sTia—aii-,--whO ;lined himself yours truly,
And tweet it, he lies here, who did his duty duly ;
lie never sent the poor away, before be gave his morsel;
lie doubled by his skill the weight of mango d worsel ;
He fed the hungry earth with meals of good guano,
As Moses made the wilderness grow heavy mops of

manna;
He ma,ie himself respected also by under-draining.
Though he now sleeps here .he it's fair and when it's
raining.
To us six whose rem,' you read, he left a slight bequest,
For making of this epitaph, and he is now at rest.
Hallelujah, Amen.
The supper was ordered and eaten, and it was noticed
that only two who had partaken of it attended church
on Chtiatmas montlog, so late had thee "kept it up"
on Chriatmas Eve at the "01,1 Brown Sou.'
Nothing occurred worthy of note or was talked about,
excepting the excellency of the supper, until the six
Mewls met to see the old year out and the new year in,
when, while seated in the parlour, the landlord rushed
in, and, without a word of preface, said, "I've just seen
our curate, and he refuse+ to pay me Bennes Bequest,”
"But he must pay it r said the pig jobber ; "ee've
had the supper."
" That's the worst part of the business," said the
landlord ; "for when I a-ka d him who was to pay me
for the supper, he said I must look up to those who had
eaten it ; and he adviaei me to County Court) oil, if you
wouldn't pay for wh.,t you've had "
"Rut what reason did he give for refusing payment r
asked the schoolntaster. .

" Ile didn't give soy reason," replied the landlord ;
"he only said he would take care that you didn't be.
come the laughing stock of the whole mrieh. by not
exposing in his churchyard such silly doggerel, and that
you had got the supper in a sort of underhanded way -
which was as good as c Ming you • lot of ebeats—for
von all knew you wouldn't have had it at all if the
'fooli.h nonsense,' he called it, had first been shown to
him, as the bequest said it wa, to have ben."
"I'm one of Benny'. txecutore. and I'll have the law
on hint, and make him pay for every day Dumbledmen
and liotetail were out at grass," mid Fanner Page,
striking the table with his fist.
" And rii have uty money, or I'll C,onnty Court
every man Jack of you." replied the landlord. hitting
the table harder than the faru.er bad done. "Fourteen
shillings did I pay one of eisy own pocket for those two
stabble•fed geese, and a shilling • pound for that fine
codfish, to say nothing of the boiled fowls and ham, and
all them other et witless I want my money for the
su per, and I'll have it."
"[lot, surely," said the tailor, "he doom% mean
sticking to the Bequest, and not paying for the keep of
his harm and cow ?"
"No, he's a clergyman, and ian't so bad as that,"
said the landlord. "He gays be shall pay it into
Chancery; then I can take out • rule tom oke him show
cause why be didn't pay for Use sapper out of Benny's
Bequest. A pretty prospeet to open the New 'Year
with a Chancery suit And this all (tomes through
your conceit in fancying yos w. we poets, and Gould
make an epitaph; but I'll see what a fury his to say
abort your rubbishing poetry, for be paid for the
supper if I have to let my houso to raise the money to
go to law with. If Poi made unoomforteble to start
the New Year with, I don't pee why you shouldn't be
the same after doing me out of my suppee."
It w • never paid for. But the five pounds way,
nem, con., given to the poor on the following Christanm.

Pawns& —A pun is as good as a iddle to a stupid
asa.—Metrianony : tter never than late.—Hit me, and
1,11 hit you.—Ths what you oughtn't, and come what
musk—Everyone has his trade. as the undertakor said to
thq ph•smian.—Every nun to kis likmg, as the Fr, orb-
man writ when he ate his hoia. - God wine needs no
brandy. A new knife is abuser than an old •••.—He
that out of spirits shoul.l rink •ine. strong beer
makes the head clear.—Tie a good wind that blows no-
body rheurnariana.—Beauty unadorned is tripe without
011101111.—Ducke lay cue.; grow lay wageni, —o.ge„
tion is a duty which we owe to our n..ighbour hitut7, a
duly which we owe to ounelves.—The red lamp 01
doctor's shop is a danger signal.— Pune.k.

&Sara —Sentiment : Bay ne'er want • friend
with bottle to give na—Bentiment : May we never
have to shed the tear of regret that we over denied our-
selves anything we liked.— leant lo the tongue that can
keep • secret about the fobs teeth.—" A check in time
saves nine," says a mean hnsban t, explaining that unless
you give your wife* extravagance • check, she will ask
for one every week. —Truths and toads lie at the bottom
of the well. Leave e'in therm—Toast To brothers who
are not tether,, awl to sisters who are not blisters.—
, Sentiment : May we never have ocetsion to nerve, friend
—with a writ. —Twat: TO the man who ha, courage to
conceal his thoughts— Reciprocity: You may safely
mind other people's business ; they will he sere to mind
yours.— Loyal toast : To.. Prince of Whales, sad may
his enemies bl Pickpockets toaat : The 'And that
can feel for another's piekethandkerchiel, and the 'Art
thot can prig it without detcesion— advice to en ABA
bachelor: Repent at leisure, and them marry ia huts.
—Toast : May the tear of sensibility be wiped by this
pockethamikrrchirf of common sense. —Mrs. Niggle-
tons Adrift to. Wife: Defi nos not &imam—Three
Truths: Ile who asks to see his wife's accounts as stab.
He who asked by her, looks at them, is. fool. But he
who, after inspection diminialsee her allowance, is a
beasX —Nautical and Physical: May the bark of friend•
ship never sink in the quinine of ingratitude.—A dia.
tinguished divine states that there bee bees • grail deal
of confession this last year. We hope so, for there i. s
been a great number of marriages, each of which &odd
have been preceded by the only eoofemies Mr. Paled
tolerates—a soafemitm of tom—Punch's Adeasousck,
f0r.11107.