The Press.
London, England, 1853-09-03 00:00:00

A NEW VERSION OF AN OLD SONG

IN THE EVENT OF A POSSIBLE ACCIDENT TO A CERTAIN PERSON.

Atit—" 'Twas hi Trafalgar's Bay."

' fwa4 in the Turkish Bay
With the Frenchmen's fleet we lay.
Etteh heart was bounding thou.
Ultimattuns were all smoke,
For our ships were British oak,
And hearts of oak our men.

OM' GORDON matrk'd tl►em on the wave,
Three cheers our gallant seamen gave,
Which meant " give up your booty"—
When through the line the signal ►an,
tionoos expeets that eve►y man

Will kiss the KmsKit's shoe-tie."

And now to envoys four
Despatches—notes—outpour,
From CronnoN's goose quill grey.
For eompromise he fought,
For eompromise he wrought,
A victory that day.

Itut dearly was that victory woo.
The Scottish thane himself was tioue,

As part of Russia's booty.
He cried, as in the dirt he roll'a,
Behold, ye Englishmen, behold !
I've kissed the KAMM'S 8110 C-tie "

At length his fatal lot
Compelled the stubborn Scot
His office to resign.
" I'm going north," he said,
" Your England wants a head.
It's not content with mine."

"In Russia's cause my life has pass'd.
, In Russia's cause I fall at last,
For Russia's hope of booty ! "
Thus, ending as he'd ever been,
England confessed that ABERDEEN
Had kiss'd the KAMA'S shoe-tie!

SATURDAY,

LORD JOHN AND THE FLEET.

(Facile OUR NAVAL CORRESPONDENT.)

H.M.S. " BLUEBOTTLE," PORTSMOUTH, August —.
I AM able, my dear sir, to inform you in confidence, that we had a visit
from Lord JOHN here this last week, previous to his departure
for Roseneath, during which he exhibited his nautical talents
to all the advantage that might have been expected. It is
to be hoped that this portends some wholesome demonstration in
the Russian affair; for truly, at present, Government has shown itself
to be much like a certain Captain of whom MARRYAT tells a story.
This Captain was described by an officer as being " not fit to carry
guts to a bear !" The officer, having to apologise for the expression,
admitted that the Captain " was fit to carry guts to a bear !" I say,
sir, that our Government has just exhibited faculties sufficient to per-
form this kind of complimentary service to the Great Beau• that over-
awes modern Europe.

You know that the Admiralty just now prides itself on its atten-
tion to the navy. You see that " Sir JAMES GRAHAM, attended by —,
inspected the dockyards." This would be all very fine, if these
potentates were at all fit to judge; but, bless you! you might as well
ask COBDEN'S opinion on a disputed reading in a classic as expect
anything from these fellows in that line. Sir JAMES staring cautiously
and artfully—with his sly physiognomy—at a PORTER'S anchor, or BERNAL
OsnonNE grinning over a cylindrical block, is a ridiculous picture;
however, they know what they're up to in their own way, and are
really employed with an eye to the appointments. Within the last
month we have had Whigs and Peelites enough promoted. Vipont
on board us says, that you can always tell each fellow that enters, or
gets promoted, by his name—that is, how he gets his berth. One half
are Fitzgreym and Whiggingtons, from the offshoots of the
Whig aristocratic families; the others are Rollers, Straps, Podds,
etc., who are thrust in to flatter the trade supporters of the Coalition.

I now proceed to give you a sketch of the proceedings of Lord
JOHN on last. The Captain was seen coming off with a little man
in the sternsheets, who, though in plain clothes, had a tremendously
cocky air. Our skipper (who has an eye on a colony) hands his Lord-
ship the side-ropes, and with a few rapid steps up he jumped on deck,
and began pacing about with an air of authority.
" Set the top-gallants!" called out Lord JOHN to the Captain.
" They are not bent, my Lord," says the skipper, as civil us
possible.

" Bent—bent !" says his Lordship ; " who said they were? I
should suppose, sir, they were straight, or ought to be. And I'm
(here, I regret to say, he brought in a word which he thought needful
in a nautical conversation) if they shan't be while I command the
vessel!"

You may suppose that the skipper was tolerably astounded at
this ; so we bent sails quietly, his Lordship looking on with pride in
his eye. Presently he calls out,
"Up with the anchor!" (The boatswain, who is a Radical, and
has a cousin in for a northern borough, muttered, " Lord have mercy
on um ! He doesn't know a rhinoceros from the forestay.")
The skipper (who, by this time, was very pale) hinted to Lord
JOHN that some preliminary orders were necessary, and urged that ho
should retire to the cabin, and leave him to " carry on."
" No ; shiver my timbers !" exclaimed he, giving a pretence of a
hitch to his trousers, " if I don't command in Downing-street, I'm de-
termined to command here. Haul up the anchor !"
The case being now desperate, our Captain hinted to his Lordship
that he must direct the " messenger to be passed." On this he looked
round, and asked him which was he? The skipper (suppressing a
grin) intimated that it was not a man, but a chain, and persuaded him
to call out, " Pass the messenger."
By dint of judicious treatment, Lord JOHN was induced to honor.,
out the orders which were whispered in his ear, and so preserved an
appearance of authority, while in reality he servilely obeyed. I am
informed that this is his real position in his more peculiar sphere of
life.

He was observed (for you may be sure the eyes of everybody
were upon him) to turn pale when the vessel was under way, and
heeled over in a double-reefed-topsail breeze ; but, on the whole, he
preserved very well his air, which was somewhat severe and pompous
—though it soon became ghastly as we swept out.
I regret to say that the breeze increased that afternoon, and Lord
JOHN, having " carried on" himself (with the Captain at his elbow), was
once going to put her about, when a fearful change was perceived in
his countenance—his expression became terrible—and, for the rest of
the afternoon, he was not seen out of the cabin.