The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1881-07-30 00:00:00

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS,

In the room of a railway depot in lowa is the fol-
lowing placard over the clock—" This is a clock; it is run-
ning; it is Chicago time; it is right; it is act every day at
ten o'clock. Now keep your mouths shut.'

A girl in Georgia brought a snit against a recreant
lover, claiming ten thousand dollars damages, but she com-
promised for four bales of cotton and a new parasol. Her
law3er took the cotton for his fee; and she kept the parasol
to heal her wounded affections.

"Prisoner at the bar," said the judge of a Western
court, "is there anything you wish to say before sentence is
passed upon you?" The prisoner looked wistfully towards
the door, and remarked that he would like to say "Good
evening," if it would be agreeable to the company.

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Daughter: "Well, mother, when I grow up, 'I
shall have my boots as tight as I want thern."—Mother:
"Yes, my dear, I suspect when you get older you will walk
yourself into the grave. "—Daughter : " Perhaps I may, but,
anyway. I shall look well while I'm walking there.' —Detroit
Free Press.

A Detroit young woman tried to be aristocratic,
and did not look at the money that she gave to the horse car
conductor, but he meekly gave her back the lozenge on
which was written, "I'll never cease to love thee !'' and
said he was an orphan with five little brothers to support,
and must be excused.

The Berlin correspondence of The Times reports two
fatal cases of duelling. Two students of Gottingen agreed
to settle some sllght affair of honour with pistols, when one
of them fell mortally wounded with a bullet through the
lungs ; while at Schwedt two lieutenants of the let Bran-
denburg Dragoons shot at each .other with still more prompt
result, one of them falling dead.

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The fool goeth out in a sail boat when he doesn't
know a boom from a breaker, but the wise man picks up
pebbles on the shore, and flirts with a girl in a pink dress.—
Cleveland Herald.

• The editor of a New York paper, in reply to a.
Pittsburg editor, who contended that an "immense for-
tune" was not likely to give happiness, offers to settle the
question by having it tested in his own'person.
A gentleman was complaining on 'Change that be
had invested rather a large sum of money in Wall-street,
and lost it all. A sympathising friend asked him whether he
had been a bull or a bear? To which he replied; "Neither.
I was a jackass."

As a proof that hens have delicate sesthetic sense, it
Is remarked that they always seem to wipe their feet when
they enter a flower garden.
A Schenectady editor, describing the effects of a
squall upon a canal boat says :—" When the gale was at its
highest, the unfortunate craft heeled to larboard, and the
captain and another cask of whiskey rolled overboard."
"Oh, yes," writes a young man who went out to
the mountains a couple of weeks ago, "Oh, yes, the climate
is very healthful. I went out hunting one day, and gained
three pounds in four hours' This remarkable gain was
owing to the fact that the two other men in the party were
gentlemen sportsmen from Boston, armed with genuine
Parkerhouse breechloaders, and they could miss more birds
and hit more legs than the St. Louis shot tower could fur-
nish double B's for.
A New York family which recently moved into
Westchester County has a small garden. The good wife de-
termined that in one corner she would have a few
cucumbers, musk melons and watermelons, so she sent to the
village grocer for a pint of seeds of each of the above vege-
tables. The dealer gent back word, " Madam, we did not
lay in as much stuck as that fur the whole count y."—Detroit
Free Press.

_ _
In some of the San Francisco hotels the little
coppery oysters are fried and se ved for a late supper dish ;
arid they me excellent in that way. They nlipear very
small and many are required to fill a dish. A lliyitonian,
alter eatirg a quart, lnoke,l at the waiter and said, "So you
..);ni.t vinegar in your baked beans out here 4"
' -• •• ' • - J.


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The Census reports shows that only 28 millions of
United States reg.ibtered bonds, out of 1,173 millions, are
held outside of the United States.

It is now understood that, in consequence of the
extent and char-ter of the opposition to the Floods Pre-
wntioni and Ri, eTS Conservancy Bill, this measure will be
abandoned.