The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1880-01-27 00:00:00

FACTS AND FANCIES.
(From Puna)

AN ITEM Pll.Oll THE SEAT OF charge of the
Indo-Afglian Transport arrangements—General Block
Dios THE GAZETTE (new appointment).—Common
Sense r. War Correspondents' Rules superseded.
A Counox LESSON (to Actors and War-Administrators
A propos of the cancelled rules and regulations for War-
Correspondent 4 —No good was ever got by "gagging:'
SUPPORT—Vicar. "Sorry I never see you at church,
Squire. As a leading man in the parish, you ought to be
one of the pillar.—' Squire. " Well, at all events, if
I'm not • pillar, I'm one o' the buttresses—always to be
found outside, you know!
Twin V. Loosg.—The quarrel between the tight habit-
ans and loose habit-ins promises to become as fierce and
as prolific of paper, if not party, warfare, as that of the
Big Endians and Little Radians in Lilliput —Without
stepping, where all but angels should fear to tread, on the
ladies' riding skirts, /ends may venture one remark, thst
ladies who are inclined to be fast goers, are Likelier to be
safe with tight habits than loose ones.
" YOUR SURPLUS TO ITS RIOHT Usg."—Minor Irish
es-incumbents want the Irish Church surplus employed
to eke out the scanty ex-Trish-Church surplice, and fit it
better to cover their nakedness. But, ill-fed and ill-clad
as the poorer among the Irish Protestant Clergy may be,
Government seems disposed to think that the Church
surplus may be better employed in feeding the still
hungrier, and clothing the still nakeder, surplus popula-
tion. At any rate, if it will feed nothing else, it will feed
their popularity, at this moment rather in a state of
Inanition,
Tuarsin T.OTHER Way (01 • TORY). "Great and
sacred words that symbolise noble and illustrious thoughts,
but no man living has done so much as the author of the
quotation to turn them both topsy-turvy."—sir W. Rar.
, court at Oxford Isregivs ET LIDERTAS.—" MACS and
the Liberal party."

EJACULATION OF AN OLD TOPER.
(In one of Dr. Cameron's Retreats.)
" Water, water everywhere,
But not • a drop to think"

MANNERS MAKE THE MAN.

(On the moat appointment of Lord J. 11. s Drother•in-Lato
to the Registrar Generale/O.)
" Let Hyghine, Vital Statistics die.
Sait Wave us .un our old lob-o-crucY !"
--
A BASE, BRUTAL. AND SLOODY•MINDED
SAXON'S REASON.

Why are outaide Jaunting Can peculiar to the Irish?
Because you cannot put the members of a family face
to face, even going to church, without a row.
(From Pun.)

A FUJI-OFF PROSPiCT " NUR AT RAND.“--Thill lAA job
of the Government is their worst. In fact, in appoint-
ing Sir Bridfee Henniker to the Registrar Generalship
they Farr," we think, as it possible to go in
eh. &action of nepotism. But the country will not
forget to repay them for their misdeeds • and without
going" Farr-titer," they will undoubtedly 'find that they
will fare very badly, though not worse than they
deserve.
"To trust BASS MUM" - The BAslleld Deily
rapprepft bas thought fit to joke about the Tay Bridge
calamity, and attributes the cause, not to the visitation
of Providenoe, but to the recent visit of Mr. Gladstone.
We fear that the conservative organ which makes comic
notes at such a time must be tem'bly put id tuna
ACCOMMODATINCL—Lady Visitor : 'Can you tell me
whether there is a circulating library in the town ?
Native:—" First turning on the left, Miss ; our new
'tares, Mite ; I be • himployed theer ; circulatin'
library, pork butchers, hironmongers, chemists, lokil
mattremonial lucency, and undertakers—we 'ud be
most 'limy target ma 'asband, or bury yer, Mime, most
L roPifill.l

CURT COMMENTS.
The authorities of the Trinity House have been trying
to utilise a "whistling buoy." What a mercy if they
take unme from the London streets I
At Wigan two men have been fined L 5 each for
stealing a hare, and • man for splitting his wife's head
men had only to pay ten shillings: argo. a hare is ten
times more valuable than a woman. What will the
magistrates wives think of this decision? We imagine
the bench will ruder in the matter of hair.