The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1874-11-07 00:00:00

SELECTED ANECDOTES.

CAUSE AND EFFECT.—There was a nose—the largest
nose this world did ever see; there was a face that
carried it aloft triumphantly. There was a fist that,
smote that 11..0., and caused it sore to bleed; there was
a man that bore that list and gloried in the deed.
There was a catch poll lank awl wizen ; there wax a
judge that sentenced him, and sent him off to prison.
There was a nose all bruised and black, and seamed
with many scare; there was a rueful looking face be-
hind the prison bars.
HOSPITALITY.—A story is told in Washington of a
well-known senator who is notorious for taking two
cocktails in suceemion before breakfast. One morning,
while the senator WSW practising at the Metropolitan
bar, a friend put to him the pertinent question,
"Senator, why do you take two cocktails as a custom?
Won't one tone you ? " The senator drew himself
:i will t.ll you why I take two cocktails.
When I have taken one it makes me feel like another
man. Well, you lee, I'm bound by common courtesy
to treat that man, an I take

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...tartrint ram MAN !—General Jr had in hit'
household at WaAington, in an position, a
man who imbibed freely, or, in t lamtnitge, often
got drunk. One day the Preent. called the man
into his room, and said to him,—" They tell me that
you often drink too much, and are in a condition not
proper to be in. Now, though I have not noticed it
myself, yet I am told this often; and you know I can-
not permit you to hold so important a position as you
now hold in my household if this is true of you. It
will never do, man." " Ab," said this imbiber, "I
understand you to say you hear this story about me."
—" Yes," responded the President, "I hear it often."
"Well, Feneral," rejoined the man, "If all the reports
and stories which I hear about you are true, it does
appear to me that you are not lit to hold the place
here that you do"
PENS ON THE " MERSEY."—When Governor Marcy
was Secretary of State at Washington, a person whose
duty it was to receive callers on the secretary and in-
troduce them, in the discharge of his duties one day
could not find the secretary in his office. After look-
ing in vain for him, he rushed frantically up to an in-
dividual who he supposed would be able to inform him,
and, striking an attitude, exclaimed, 'That Marcy(
to others show, that Marcy show to me !" A similar
quotation was once made by Mrs. Harriet Beecher
Stowe. Some years ago, while passing up the Mersey
to Liverpool, looking overboard, she observed the
muddy character of the river, and remarked to a
friend standing at her side, " The„quality of Mersey is
not .-trained."-

' r.fhey

,
"NOT TO HE DONE IN THAT WAY."—One d;ay the
late Duke of Buccleuch quitted his Scottish mansion
to visit a place ten or twelve miles away. On this
occasion he preferred riding on horseback and un-
attended. Ile came to the toll-gate. "'the toll, air,
gin ye please." His grace immediately pulled up, and
while searching for the needful to satisfy so just a
demand, he was thus accosted by ale gate-keeper:
"Heard ye ony word o' the duke cousin' this way the
day, sir?" "Yes," was the reply;'" he will be this
way to-day." "Will he be ins coach-an'-four, or only
in a coach-an'dwa, think ye?"" In all probability
on horseback," was the brief rejoinder. "lii that case,
do ye think he wad be offended gif I offered him
back the change, should he gietne a saxpence or a
shilling to pay wi as he passed?" The duke stretched
forth his hand to receive his balance, and with an arch
and knowing look replied, "Try him, friend, try him,"
and picketed the coppers, muttering to himself, "Not
to be done in that way!"
. .

Wm LDN'T LET HIM TO BELIEVE IT.—A nkort time
after Mr. Ilarber, who oLlAAceded Mr. Beloe at the
British Museum, had entered upon his office as one of
the keePers, he attended a party from the country over
the budding, and in his official capacity explained many
of the curiosities which it contains. In one of the
rooms he pointed out for their observation a collection
of beautiful antique vases, all of which, he informed
them, had been dug up at Herculaneum. One of the
party echoed his words with the greatest astonishment.
"Dug up, sir?'—" Yes, sir." " What out of the
gromid?' —" Undoubtedly." "What, just as they
now are?"—" Perhaps some little pains may have been
taken in cleaning them, but in all other respects they
were found just as you see them." The sage from the
country, turning to one of his companions with a most
incredulous shake of the head, assured him, in an
audible whisper, " He may say what he likes, but he
shall never persuade me that they ever dug up ready.
made pots out of the ground!"

SLIGHTLY TAKEN IN !-A traveller from a stove and
church and house warming apparatus firm called on
Major Pinkney and said he had heard that he was
building a new house out of town, and it so had he
bought a house-warming apparatus? "Certainly
not," said the major. "Then I have just the thing
that would suit you ; my gig in at the door, would you
permit me to drive )ou to the house, if sot better
engaged?" "Certainly, I was just thinking of taking
a cab to go there." Arriving in front of the new
building, a large and rather unpretentious structure,
the agent said, "What are you going to do with this,
major; make a tenement or hall of it?" "Oh no,"
said the major, as he carefully reached the ground and
looked innocently around, "it is an ice-house." The
agent drove off rapidly.
THrNOS TO BE NOTED !—Love is the fust pa.shun ov
the heart, ambishun the second, and avarise the third,
and last. Patience will tire out anything but musketnee.
Deference is silent flattery. dhe chains ov slavery are
none the less gauling for being made ov gold. 'a he
love that a man gains by flattery iz worth just about
az much az the flattery to. "Happy as a king" is a
libel on happiness, and on the king tew. If you will
be familiar, you must expect tew loose the confidence
ov fools, and the esteem of the wise. Learning iz a
good deal like strength. It requires good hoes sense
tew know how tew apply it. Grate men are not bi
ermy means the best of coo panyuns, they seldom ken
ever enjoy themselfs. Impudence is nothing more
than open kypokrasy. About the most we can hope in
our old age iz to endure the thoughts ov what we en-
joyed when we was young. There is only one good
substitutt for the endearments ov a sister, and that in
the endearments ov some other pheller's sister.—Josit

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