The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1859-05-24 00:00:00

Farictics.

"Oh. she was • jewel of • wife," said Pat, mourning
over the loss of his better half; " she always struck
we with the soft end of the mop."
A French bonnet.maker told a customer who own-
spil,caliir,
iedzfdathmiz pirt .icedt me entianthdedreefsoLapnl.ew
nigbonnhtset.—eray" Conk;
imVa," eitasced Master ('barley, at breakfast, " what is
French fur an egg!"—" An egg, my boy, is se
—" Well," said the young rogue immediately, " an egg
is not emuitya for we, for I want two."
An actor with a very homely lane was acting Mithri-
dates, when a beautiful captive said to him, "Ab my
lord; you change countenance." Hook, who was in the
it, exclaimed " Don't stop him ; for goodness sake let
hint."
" PUNCH" DFNIESI THE MAJOlL—Everybody is eager
to go a soldiering for the good of his country. It is
said that the military contagion has already readiest
Lord Derby, and that lie has been ardently striving to
obtain a Majority by Purchase. Punch.
King Charles 11., on • certain time, paying • visit to
Dr. Busby, the doctor is said to have strutted through his
! school (Vi estiiiispiter) with his hat upon his head, while
his Majesty walked complaisantly behind him with his
lout under lois ann ; but when he was taking his leave at
I the do, r, the doctor, with great humility, thins addressed
the King—" I hope your Majesty will excuse my want
of respect hitherto ; but if my boys were to imagine
there was a greater man in the kingdom than myself,
I shall never be able to rule them."

Beaumarchais, the celebrated French wit, was the son
of a watchmaker. The popularity he enjoyed at Court,
on account of wit and other recommendations. excited
the envy of the young nobles about the Sovereign ; and
one of them volunteered to put him out of countenance.
Addressing him before the whole Court, he said, " Alt I
M. Beaumarchais, I am charmed to see you ; niT watch
has been for some time out of order, I beg you to look
at it."—" Certainly: but I twist tell you beforehand
that I am the most awkward person about watches in
the world." "No matter; I beg you to look at it—l
insist." Beaumarchais took the watch, most magnifi-
cently set with dianionds and enamel, raised it to his ear
and let it drop on the inarble floor—it was of course
totally destroyed. "You Nee, my lord," said the wit
coolly, "I knew my awkwardness better than you your
man."
If EARING THROUGH THK THROAT.—I will state •
fact: a friend of mine who is so utterly deaf as to.be
almost beyond relief from any of the mechanical in-
ventions now in use for the aid of persons afflicted with
deafiwas, walked into a chapel, and took his seat oo one
of the open benches. He heard nothing of the sermon
then and there delivered, until from mere listlessness
lie played the rim of the crown of los hat in ha mouth
lie board distinctly. He has frequently repeated the
experiment in my presence with the same reault, and
a here the opportunity is afforded him, be places. hit
lilt between his lips, and carries on a conversation,
Meshing in the usual way and hearing as I have des-
erihed. I have made the experiment with many deaf
te.rsona and generally with success. Notts arid
Qmerits.
THK FIKRT-HATK DEBATKRII.—The first-rate speakers
iti the House may lie counted on the fingers of my hand.
There is Gladstone, Bright, Disraeli, Lord Palmendoe.
..nil Lord John KILOPII. We do not think that 05
could find another to place in the same category We
have placed Gladstone first, because popular opinion
Oyes him the palm, though in our judgment, Bright.
If not so eloquent, is noire telling than the distinguished
member for the University of Oxford. Next to Bright we
have cleated Disraeli, Many would place hint first hut'
if the object of spsaking he to convince the hearers, Mr.
Bright 111104 he preferred to the more brilliant Chaooellor. Lord John Russell is unquestionably entitled to
the next place, for though on ordinary occasion' his
lordship is not eloquent, yet when be is excited by the
occasion and gives the reins to his feelinp, faw men,
can address the House more powerfully than Lord
Palmerston we pot last. Indeed, Lord Palmerston"
power as • speaker is wore a tradition than a reality
now. His lordship has fallen off wonderfully of late
but there was • time, and not many years &fp, when it
must be acknovrledged that be was • powerful speaker.
It is strange that in an assembly of 668 iontloobso,
there should be IA few really good weaken ; and
stningeretill, and mortifying enough no doubt to many.
that •mongst so many college-bred men, some of whom
took high honours, there can be found so few to com-
pete with the Rochdale manufacturer. But the orator,
like the poet, is impeder wisp.

Houowtt's Omonnov tho Pluct.—entethat the Bowe
la;
—ln MI smes of imeguierities ad the Dee, lb. 40111111114 ana
boycott, Hollowort Pllls are n true
oneness acidity of the stonictob, cricka=r4:=7l".."
Cl opowtite, dressiness end Incsmolty foe es , win an psis
oil More then Pills which purify ths blood sod give tone to
the whole system. In external tnJvlit, barns
hvtlime, sod ell skin dieisons, the l•
eillesoloth Both the Pill. sod Ointmont lasontheeeid sf into
islemm. Thsjnt be mod with mkt/ 10) Beth NII4IIII/
We, In .oyW.