The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1872-06-22 00:00:00

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS.

An Ohio woman was Co amiable at brmilifsst that
her husband took the coffee to a chemist for rmalysis.
Norwalk, Conn., has a "Young Woman's Club," in
her worths, a Semis.
The favourite song of the Siamese Twins—" We
ore Boy* together."
The young ladies of a Connecticut town object to be
ailed " great plata girls."
A Mississippi editor boasts that his state has a Dolly
fardeu legislature—mised -. • •

other

called

legishitru're--inixed, black, yellow, and white.

• •
Lazy California bar-tenders place the ingredients of
a colder into a tumbler, and then wait for an earthquake to
mix them up.

A country editor (doubtless impatient for the large
gooseberry) makes a good point by asking : " lint it just
about tune for another g rl full of needles to his burnt?'

Barnum' cannibal from Fiji says :—" Be jabbers,
he'll not stand being stared at for tin dollars a wake; dye
moind now."

A Newburg damsel has framed the verdict a jury
gave in tier favourt c a suit for breach of promise of marriage,
and has hung it conspicuously in her parlour as a frightful
warning to all triflers.
A gentleman at an evening party in the far-west,
cbserving another gentleman eyeing his umbrella, stopped
the proceeding thus di handle that umbrella, you touch
that umb-ella, you even look at that umbrella, and I'll ram
It down your throat—and then spread it."

The San Franrileo News-Letter contemptuously
shakes off the mud thrown at it by one of Its vinteinporarieli
by saying that its rival "wars like a peony whistle," and that
'the earthquake violence of Its terrific leaders has nearly
haken the dead lb. s from the panes of its dingy windows."
The following verdict was given in writing by the
foreman of a Conne.tleut Jury. We believe that the story,
as handed to us, is a mere plagiarism on some Welsh verdict,
of which the writer has secret knowledge :—" We are of A
Pinion that the Docket met with hir death from %%Want In.
firmation in the Arm prduat from some Unoan Canoe."

The newspapera of Virginia have a way of their own
of withholding things ; for example, the following : —The
grand jury met yesterday and made one indictment—the
name .1 the party (Mr. LOillUAll) we have been requested to
withhold for the present.

A story is told of two travellers who were assigned
the same bedroom in a crowded hotel Before retiring one
of them knelt d Avn to pray, and contested a long catalogue
of sins. On rising from his knees, he saw his fellow traveller,
valise in hand, going out of the door, and exclaimed,
the matter? What's up?" " Oh, nothing," was the reply ;
" only rin not going to risk myself with such a scamp as
you contras yourself to be,"

That bank in Lancaster, Pennaylvania, will never
buy another patent combination 1,,c5. And the reason why it
never will ia that they at one on their cafe the other day, and
placed tleir valuables within and went home. Next morning
thu were alarmed to find that the combination for the key
'nail been forgotten. So they suspended business for a week
while they worried that lock, nod eventually they were com-
pelled to take the whole hank building down in order to lilt
the safe out from the wall in which it was Imilt, and then
they had to blast that safe six or seven times with gunpowder
before they reached the interior. So now they are disgusted.
and they want to Hod the man who invented that lock and
Interview

At a party the other evening a young lady wax
standing in a draught, when an elderly gent in the law, and
a bachelor, stepped up end remarked, " Miss —, I will pro-
tect you from the draught by standing between you and it."
She replied, "Do you promise alwaya thus to guard and
protect me?" Through hi pioverbial gallantry, he replied,
"I do." Extending her hail, she remarked, "Dear sir, you
will remember this is leap year." The man in the law was
for a moment waiplussed, but finally he succeeded In laying.
"You must ask my mother."

They are growing their own poets out in Colorado,
or seem at least to hive entered upon this held of cultiva-
tion. One of the poiltmsters writes thus after a course of
apple dumpling diet—
It it where the cal:Paws grow no fast,
That they burst with a noise like the thunder's blast?
I. is where through the rich, do p, mellow soh
'the beets grows down as 11 boring for oil?
Is it where the turnips are hard to beat,
And cattle grow fat on nothing to eat?
Is it where everything grows to such monstrous ulmu
That the biggest stories appear like lies?
'Fell me, in short, I would bke to know,
Is this wondrous land called Calligado
Answer of the Muses in a chorus :

You r right, old It Is:.

rough crowd :
Colorado
get
"I cool'lo'k -keeper
estar.ilolf
sonot,
for
them,
so_
after trying every way, lat teat ".,.emixtureof poison-
oak and
' the
was a popular drink. The first
fellow I tried it on yelled with delight ; the next se took
cheep-herder's
it
tete ; ~ed them . miled it
two drinks, and turned a double somersault in the road be-
f ore the Mime. A pedlar came along, and after he took
several drinks of. my 'sheep-herder's delight,' lie went 01,
sod stole his oPu pack, and hid it In the woody."
Tht following is an American Journalist's opinion
ot a new pl,y, entitled, The Prove of Blvd, or the Indirect
efaineir:—"Tids is a nu Oa, hi a purson hoos name is
Wilyiam Bloript. Its the most infernal trash i ever red for
a nu pla, and for that resin I think the thing wood take if
bruit out onter cur horde, with plenty of scope and ballit
Nuns to make a sliu in the murder sceues. The words issent
had for a error cuter, and the ackters is lierely orl blane
before the pi-teem gits tu the spot, which Is ruff uu to the
pihmae, but a hi-over pint. If hill ilito:jit is welthy, and
kin p-ay a manidger five hundred dollars a nite, I ble:e he kin
git his Pelee of Blvd prodo..ed in the metropoins, and in
that era sekure a g oil seild orf fur the provinses. If Blod-
Slt in poor, he'd letter 'git him to a nunnery 'with his beastly
pia. This s a tru bit.'

IMPROVEMENT OF LAND.—A return pre-
paret by the Enclosure Commissioners shows that,
under the Improvement of Land Act of 1864, they
have issued 66 provisional orders for sums amounting
together to 1:237,762, and other applications were in
progress towards provisional orders. The improve-
ments thus sanctioned are class-d as follows : Sub.
scriptions to railways, £33,950; farm buildings'.
£71,470; labourers' cottages, £8,030; drainage —l2cl
other works, £104,312. The return states that up to
the end of 1871 the total amount charged on estates
under the public money drainage Acts aud the other
Acts under which loans may be charged for agri-
cultural improvements reached £9,590,223; but the
whole of this is not nowa charge upon lands, some por-
tion has Inc been redeemed, and othq part of the
laincird included in the payments made from time to,
time,