The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1879-06-17 00:00:00

INDIAN NOT AND 44 l'Eltl&i.

Peace with honour again ! Hooray Peace with Alzhan-
istan. Not peace at any price, peace at the price of only
sixty thousand a year suheidy to Yaknob Khan. Can Sir
Garnet Woholey hare received instructions to conclude
peace on the same terms, if possible, with Cetewayo
Peace for India of a pretty considerable Price I—hot
with something to .how for it. A ecientitic frontier into
the bargain. An effectual Mr to the advance of Russia at
quite a moderate prim Cheap defence of nations I
But suppose now, Mr. Bull, we were in the place of the
RUMIiIII4II4 and the Russians bi our,; they being on the
Indian side of our scientific frontier and we on the other ;
we knowing chat we have now come to know shout the
value of our Indian pcosessions. Should we in that case,
think you, cherish any designs upon India! Shouldn't
we rather, in the event of any rumpus with !tussle, think
it well for us that the occupation of India employed •
large portion of the Russian army, and withheld all that
number of Rumian troops out of the way I Should we
desire in the least to deprive the Russians of ladle, or
should we, on the contrary be moddecidedly disposed to
allow the Crar to preserve his Indian Empire unmolested,
and wish him joy of it I
POLICEMAN "A" ON POPULAR HOLIDAYS.

Whc yrii. Sir, 'Us • sloppy coo I've often wondered
why
It Is that whoa the weather's wet • chap should be so
dry.
" I've seen • manyr Bless you, yea; In every sort o'
place--
Ilritioh Aluseum, llompetted Heath, 'hi...cricket-match,

or race:
Wok I've had • tuna all roanl, ant. il you ask tog

. .
A holiday, nine times out e ten, mesas too much beer
and blues.
How it may be in form part. I don't purtend to may,
But here the rarest of all things 'a • regular fine rhy.
And though we Britisher', no doubt, at most things are

Al.
The Mle we are not dabs at is • genuine hit of fan.
We bayel!'t got the hang of it somehow, and that's •

"We fled that play's the hardest workr' You're hit It,

• -•
Mir exact
A BAST' s lunspish in his larks. sod lumbering in Ms

aka.
flatter at getting up a row than getting up a laugh.
In spite of beer sad llama. hone-play rosup, And rowdy
brawl,
lie finds that to enjoy blastoffs the hardest job of

**-
.
" Abgapbuoso,e.rr Wellyes.ir, doet you moo
lye lots o Woo forllilakiyc (I [Alf &goñ do forms 9

" Drink doesa r Well, l'm not sown, ; that's putting of
it short ;
But Ws nim how chaps forget the pot when sweet upon
the sport.
Fishing don't leek like frantic larks; the taste for it seems
odd ;
But you don't find a bloke get screwed when bending o'er
his rod
Ir. dulnces drives •ma to drinks nine times in ten, rm

n Inc
I've often known • spell of blues set the soberest men •
drinking.
It you want to keep the people straight, in this dull, rain.'
drenched bind.
You're got to interest' Sir. In things they understand.
Ah ! that's your mark Mow, book, or lark, there's
everything in liking.
Stone statues and stuffed animals no doubt at times are
striking.
But they don't last; that's where it is, while lush and
skittles do.
I've ma'am loitering round inch things, and looking bored
and blue—
The holiday.niskery, Sir, I mean—• quizzing this and

. . .
that,
And passing worry wide remarks and jokes extremely
But WA, I should say, us rule. is the last 111131111* you'll
bear
"Come. Bill, I've had enough of this. Let's go and do a
beer r"
" Stupidity r Quite likely, Sir; but then we ain't all
:
And the Lot things party learns is how to one his eye' ;
The noosth camas handier, I suppose—a donkey can't Luisa

But mil thi bead gets furl:kinked like, eye-work falls awful

Holidays, Sir, is very well. I like one now and then—
(A little wake with that lot. Allow me, SW Soy
when)
And thanks to Lubbock and the rest, I say, Sir, for
extending 'em ;
But what we Britisher' now want is livelier ways of
spending 'em.
As how : Well, that's for wise 'tins; it's beyond me
altogether.
Foe one thing, we've to circumwent this blessed English
weather.
That's &sweet job for science. Then we want new sorts
o' fun.;
You won't stop drink and 'oreplay with ginger-beer and
bun.:
And if invention's guns to try what she can do, why let
her,
But she won't choke men off the had saleas abe give" 'em

Dulness and drink spite holidays, like moet things. and
what's nu,,
They play into each other's hand, and give full hands to
U'
Kill one kill both, and honest fun will banish drunken

spree.—
( Well, sisal yes ars so pressino. irea 04 me & mad B
TO lts4

A STRIKINO Fact -Find CarPenten "
otrlkes for • Inainia' op the garners. Pat our old ntan's
hit '.rd."-3econd Carp:utter : "Serve him rolght, tco.
thraroplia on tn. workia man. 11. t 'ord. triad. Shure,
ha ovoidal pay his &gots now, even if he hod the nioney,
belabors."
Tama° y Orr.-Jones (who had made an elaborate
charcoal study for a grand historical pictore): " Why,
what the—Why. whst hay. you heon &dog :
'Oh, I ain't tourhed flotilla' li,; I *es only frduatln• it •
bit. air, and—."
HAYING Ton PULL" Or 11111.-4J1.1 Salts "Too old to
II•,11.X• • not, •M it I ran row, and steer. and sat
the nails. and .coll. and ---Doctoi : " Oh, an inotorua.
Am could 4.. all tlist I believe wan I. hot an automaton,
Salt "Ooald • tosamy-ton talc. tit*
ao.:nneytior
4w-urn --In the sermon be lately preached to
his ,ongregatisn on thoir want of practical religion,
wheroia ha %aid Os snap collected on Sundays were ao
".-"4"11*root *MOM .mes contained bed coins acid brags
butts's, the picot of aro told his Waren "they awned
to Weft., saving tAeir wormy ant going to gaoling*" to
d,..e.othog Part of it to mon pious asea ilia Sock seems to
nave Pleat, of braes a... 1 not to ear* a buttoa for their
ahophonl. It le doridodly • case where tins right hand
knows what the left dale when it puta la the plate brass
bathos, sad bed solar, asd the worthy akar probably
thinks that visite to Halting. nay be **
basst.g'vtlti SO
another and winter Plasm

A DIFFILILEN'T ILATIBB ENTIRILY I
011,11111 TONK Or THE
"Owe thowesead kdd.d F the wire =POWs
These words that have so dread • ring I
'Tle well we hardly realise
The awful meaning of tha eking I
We bear to think IMOD the wens.
Foe distance kindly lends Its haze
And casts • soothing mist between
Out artless and the crushing Phrase.
Yet, while we read, mob horrces rise
By more imagination's light,
We clasp the hands before the eVeu—
it must have been a fearful sight
Let not the eye of Vengeance min
Such heartless butchery as this I
One thousand I—no fantastic swarm
Of creature@ to our eyes unknown;
But beluga like to us in form
With beans and features like our own.
Not numbers merely—no, nor elves
Of air, and scattered by • breath.
But men who cling, as we ourselves,
To life, and feel • pang a! death.
Beneath imaginaaon sway
We move the hand to left and right
To wave the horrid scene away—
It must have been a fearful sight I
The blood is chilled with horror, for
Ms butchery, and sever war I
"One tholuand killed r—what hopeless—stay
Some further telegrams explain
That—what • fool rv. been I—that they
Were only Zulus who were slain I
Well done I That's prime, upon my word
(A pity that it wasn't more 111
WelL there ; I think I 1111110 f heard
So good • piece of sews before
I clap my hands—l wave my hat—
I would these eyes had seen the Sob.—
"On. thousand killed r Imagine that.
It must have been • splendid sight I
It truly cheers and comforts one
To and, such execution doss&

ILICTRAUTS FROM "FUNNY YOLKS."
How to Do IT I—Young Mistress: " All behind with
the dinner again. Sarah t Why. you haven't even done the
salad Here, give it to me—lll wash it. Itheres the
seep I "
kicontitro Hug —lgnorant people have been sneering at
the Government becsuse, according to the Daily
they ham sent out an enormous stock of ocalocuttles to
our troops in South Africa. One ot these clever
has ohm/rya that "the, are lust the thing inhn:
soldiery, because they will enable them to keen up ' •
good firs.'" A mooed sappisee the Government intends to
convert the natives by beeping male of fire on their
heads. Singular to say, not one ham gormived the
beautiful stad touching reproof of Sir Bartle From which
the.. scuttles syiniins. Is it not evident that the
Government, with that delicacy which has marked their
conduct throughout, have hesitated to speak that mind,
and in sending out them humble and useful articles of
domestic economy, have plainly hinted, • We have
hauled you over the coals, but content ourselves with
sending you the scuttle. Had we listened to the voice
of the country we should certainly have given you the

THE PARLIAMENTARY RE-ARSMILING.
r• Lord Beaconsfield lays down In 'COMIMP.b7 the
doctrine that Parliantiontery institutions an ridiculous.
and that the true mode of government la through the
Monarch and the multitude."—OCommee 14/. ef Lord
BeisseeMsid
Ti. Paulin (im).
To-day the COCDOIO6I mast MUD
Eh, Corry? Is It not the date I
The piipmts I Insolently vain
Who claim • right to—legishd• I
When .111th. nation I have bent,
And to my every whim subdued.
(Zona. is their form of Government
" The Monarch and the MulUtuder
What need .1 .11 the mob who sit
As "faithful Common." night by night
Mere " supers," who perforce submit
To anything as fancy right.
We make the ware for which they pay.
Peace as ear 1t.... as conclude;
Whet used of Mem to stop the way
Of Monarchy and Multitude
Well-rotted to • rider dank
A Parliament might hold its own;
But in this more enlighted me
The only power is—the Throne;
Advised. of course, by us. who Mario
The outcome of each Royal mood.
Yin, from 'the Howe we must escape
To Monarchy—end Multitude.
Their automatic functions still
These Commons hope to play, of room.;
Well, they may vote a money bet
Or a decree of owe enforce.
There', no great harm in that—ea yet;
But though at present they intrude,
Their doom Is sealed and we shall get
"The Monarch and the Multitude."