The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1883-12-25 00:00:00

eleants.

AN IMANNOMNA. Aims calls bin stomach " Hades,'
bassisse It bras piss of bed &ported spirits.

Iv' rains alike no the jest and the unjust—and ow
the just mainly beams, the unisst base borrowed theu
tumbril/las.

Tam poet who wrote "The child is father to 11).
ONLI2 " was somewhat dieconcerted when a practical friend
&dud him how the case would be in the event of the child
be sun.

_
Tsui following very concise verdict was won*
returned by a coroner's jury in Idaho :—" We find that
the deemed Caol6 to hi death by calling Tom Watling •
ON."

11. Mai Mafia vocalist was upset one day in hi. car-
.'s' iabase', and • Scotch paper, after record.
fag Ilse accident, said—' 'We are happy to state that be
war able to appear the following evening in three
pieces ? "

An outgoing tenant illustrates the absurdity of moos of
the covenants hi lames drawn in the ancient form by
advertising for five hundred ratikand about ten times that
amber of black beetles, in order to fulfill his covenant.'
leave the premises in precisely the urns condition as that
In which be found them.
AT • Parisian restaurant the waiter was adding tip the
Rani of consumption of one of the truest. a• Miners :
" Bread, twenty-five ,entimes ; wine, three frame;
radishes, thirty centime.; butter-- Did monsieur bay*
any butter T " " No, no butter." And the waiter serweelly
tiontiuued, "No butter, fifty centime."
"Wnr do you mutter that way when you reed?" asked
a man of an old negro who sat mumbling over a ales.
paper "How ought I read. ash " "Why mod
without moving your lips" "What good would 'dot sor-
ter reecho do ma for I couldn't bosh it? When I reads
I wanster read so I bin beah what I'se readin"bout.
" WAITER, bring me eleven raw oysters." "We don't
give eleven, sir; we give six or twelve." " No, twelve
would never do; we rhotilti be thirteen at table I "

"DEAR George, o.id a young WOOVID." lA/Own/hag to
marry you if we he to live on bread and water."
" Well.•' paid the enthusiastic George, you furnish the
bread, and I skirtni•l, aronnil s.irl find the water."
TkIRIE DraltELE or 1111EING SITA.7I.LATION.
; cian pa. ve-- iniber ; rlati re—micas.
Comilla once threw the Howe nf Commons into Gonna.
dons of laughter by an mush/11.64.ms juke at the expense of
Mr. Bright, who had just ...litho-led a mat in Perham's*,
"Th. business of my honoreble friend." said ba," is spin.
Ding y•rn• of low quality."

.•
THI ninuagerof • matrimonial office told US recently
that th• wig youna ladle. to •dinu he had a bus.
baud to propose invariably asked tire following threes
questions : "What is he like ?" say the young ladies.
"What is hie pis.itiow?" inquire the young widows.
" Quick I Where w be?" stasis° the widows of a riper

A Brrnanon AegOAD.—We read in • Seise newspaper
the following advertisement : " Want•ti. • servant girl to
cook and mind iha children." We can fancy that in the
Cannibal Islands a person answering this deecriptino
would not be long nut of • eitaatinn. - Li /more.
A SMART young man picked up a flower In the ball-room
after all the girls had gone, and sang pathatically.
the last rose of some her."

" Ttior t.fl •110 BTOMO hall a great ear for music." said
Fenderson " Well replied Simmone. '•I know he has
• great ear—two of them, in fart; but I did not know
til t they were for music. I suppose the) wor• foe brush'
ing lige off the top of hie head."

Coapme Hirrim BILL -
Adolf Gottlieb Meyer. from Leipzig
lireedea.Jatiuury 25.
Bedroom ... .... . ... . 3
Attendance.. 1
I Dm.,
I Bottle:it. Julies 3
I Supper .....• 3

Marko 38
Meyer . " Doonerwetter, what Is the.? 38 :narks for one
day?" Head Waiter : "Oh ! I beg y.ur pord.a, I hove
added iu the date by mistake. Meyer •• Well, Frothed
better add the you in out time."