The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1855-10-30 00:00:00

"SPIRIT OF PUNCH."

NEW MOTTO FOR THE CITY.—The Rising Sol.
POLITICAL TURNlPS.—Ministers cannot understand
agriculture. At least they do not appear to be aware
of the importance of cultivating Swedes.
IMPORTANT FROM GREECE.—The King of Greece
has changed his Ministry ! It is a remarkable fact,
and one of almost equal importance to Europe, that
on the same day he also changed his—shirt.
CAUSE AND EFFECT.—The Austrian Correspon-
dence declared that " eighty ships were in sight of

VARIETIES.

THE PRINCESS AND THE TUTOR.

AN emperor's daughter, who was delighted with the
profound learning, the lively wit, and the strict ad-
herence to the precepts of morality and religion, which
characterized her tutor, one day inadvertently made
this remark to him :

" What a pity that so fine a soul as yours is not in
a more agreeable body."
He made in reply, the following inquiry :
"In what sort of vessels, madam, is your father's
wine preserved ?"

" In earthen vessels," was the reply.
" Can that be possible ?" said he ; " why every citizen
preserves his wine in earthen vessels. I should have
thought that gold or silver ones would have been more
suitable to the dignity of an emperor."
" You are right !" exclaimed the princess, " and
henceforth this mark of respect shall riot be omitted."
In a few days, however, she again accosted her
tutor on this subject, saying—
"ln the gaudy vessels you recommended, my
father's wine was spoiled ; the spirit evaporated, while
that which was placed in earthen ones improved in
quality."

" Very possible," rejoined the philosopher. "So
also with virtue and knowledge ; the more humble the
exterior of that in which they are contained, the more
luxuriantly will they flourish, and the more forcibly
excite our admiration."

WEALTH does not consist in the greatness of a man's
possessions, but in the smallness of his wants.

AN " OBJECT OP INTEREST."—A girl whose in-
come is three thousand a-year.

WHY is a coquette like a saleable cabbage ? Because
she is a hard-hearted one.

WHEN a man says that another thinks properly, it
will be generally found that the two think alike !
To keep yourself in a state of great discontent, set
your heart on having everything exactly to your mind.

WHAT is the difference between an auction and sea-
sickness ?—One is the sale of effects: the other the
effects of a sail.

PHILIP OF SPAIN, asked Jeannin, a plcbeian ambas-
sador of Henry IV., " Are you a gentleman ?" " Yes,"
he replied, "if Adam was one." " But whose son are
you ?" " The son of my own virtues."

VANITY.—I live according to right reason, says the
Stoic ; I live to seize the pleasures of passing days,
says the Epicurean; I live to contemplate the un-
changeable truth, says the Platonist ; and all three
live but in a vain squirrel-cage round of vanity.
DEFINITION OF Wm—Dr. Henniker being one day
in conversation with Lord Chatham, was asked by his
lordship to define wit. " Wit," replied the doctor,
"is like what a pension would be, given by your lord-
ship to your humble servant---a good thing well
applied."

TAKING IT COOLLY.—A Chinese legend records a
singular instance of coolness in a mandarin. When
his beloved Lee-Chee was, by a sun-stroke, reduced to
a heap of ashes, " Sweep away your mistress," said
the dignitary to his servant, " and bring us clean
pipes !"

SHORT AND SHARP.---" You had better ask for
manners than money," said a finely-dressed gentleman
to a beggar who asked for alms. . " I asked for what
I thought you had the most of," was the cutting
reply of the mendicant.
A SERVICEABLE OFFER.—MTB. Smithers sent her
little girl to her next-door neighbour, Mrs. Reed, to
borrow a pair of bellows to blow her fire. Mrs. S.
said, " Tell your mother, my dear, I don't lend my
bellows out of the house to anybody ; but if your
mother will come here, she may blow as much as she
pleases,"