The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1879-08-16 00:00:00

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS.

Last winter in Boston a young woman put her false
teeth in a glass of water at night, and in the morning found
them imbedded in a block of solid ice. She was late at
breakfast, the process of thawing out the teeth with a bon-
fire of matches having been slow.

A rather elderly darky was inquiring of a policeman
if he knew anything of his son Pete. The policeman replied
that there was a young darkey in the lock-up for breaking
up a prayer-meeting with an axe-handle. "Dat's him I
exclaimed the overjoyed parent. " lie told me he was
gwine to 'muse hisrett "

An American locomotive engineer who had just
been discharged from some cause, thus gave vent to his
spite. He said it was about time he left the company—any-
how for the sake of his life, for there was nothing left of the
track but two streaks of rust and the right of way.
"Address yourself to the jury, sir." The man
made a short pause, but not comprehending what was said
to him, continued his narrative. The judge was then more
explicit, and said to him—" Speak to the jury, sir; the men
sitting behind you on the benches." The witness then
turned round, and, making an awkward bow, said, with
great gravity of manner, "Good morning, gentlemen!"
An old judge who was an admirer of the fair entered
a railway-car, and took a seat by a gorgeously beautiful
woman. She was as modest-looking as beautiful. The judge
gave her some nice peaches, and they became quite chatty.
At last he told her ho was certain they had met before, but
he could not recall the place where he had had that pleasure.
She replied, laying aside her blushes, "Old buster, you're
right; you sent me up for thirty days last year, and have
jugged me thirteen times." The Court fled.
An English resident of San Francisco excused him.
self for keeping his store open on the glorious Fourth of
July by remarking to a patriot, who was remonstrating with
him; "Oh, ye know, I did not have to wait for the fourth of
any beastly month to get my independence, you know.
Never was a slave, in fact, or anything of that sort, you
know. Pleasant day tho', isn't It?"

The following appears in a San Francisco paper
"The Town Crier is instructed to return the grateful thanks
of the proprietor of this paper to the gentleman who kindly
sent us as a present the large cream-coloured hull-dog on
Tuesday last. He is also desired to say that our gratitude
will at once receive an immediate accession if the philan-
thropist alluded to will have the goodness to call and remove
his canine testimonial at an early hour to-day. The following
verbatim diary of the official record of this animal, as an
attaché of this journal, compiled by our printer's devil, and
which he is willing to swear to it necessary, will explain con-
clusively the pressing reasons we have for desiring his imme-
diate removal—' Tuesday.—Tied the an dog " Jim " to the
leg.of editor's desk, bit editor, he kicked me, tied him to
reporter's table, and then he did too. He at a stake. Wed-
nesday.—" Jim" killed our other dog, bit Mikel Ease who
kern in too luke at 'im, at a stake, then the fourman's lunch,
bit fourman. Thursday.—Bit 2 men, and a boy hoo wanted
to pay fur a "add," editor kicked me, wish somone wud kil
editor. Jim at another cat, likewise a stake. Friday.—Bit
me, killed another dog. Saturday.—He's in the cote box
evrybody is swering, cAn't get no cole, all bans
freeing, bit iourtnan, editur up on bukcase 4 hours.' The
al,ove speaki itgr if."
Loan liouniss.—An effusive Quebec grocer
advertises "the peculiar delicacies of the tar-off Ind, and
the finely flivoured and humanising leaf of the still further
Cathay • the more exciting though not less delicious berry
of Brazil, and the spices, sugars, and lucious fruits of the
Antilles, the sugared condiments and the • blood-enriching
wines of the Mediterranean, and the salt cured and brain-
renewing fish of our own stormy gulf." What he means to
say is that he sells tea. coffee, ftncl codfish cheap for cash.