The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1878-07-16 00:00:00

J(.ICI IR. • Jn kg.

The witty wife of that rising young barrister, Pump
de Court, ..11 when she handed him his eon and
heir "to quiet," the other night, by walking about
with him for • couple of hours ore, told poor Pump
"not to mind, because he was only going on 'Horn,
Circuit.'" Pump smiled painfully.
JINGO PaRADLIZ.
"Os the Spree
With 8. and it,—
lbat's the sort
For 'arrr, and me r
FRUITLL9B
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(4 Gr.e,s/roes guia7x—CiimmiAli.
The extraordinary fecundity of the Ulted States in
the matter of fruit is proverbial; but it may not be
generally known that three million peach trees bloom every
stwing of the sonny nl sins site,oo the D ilatirsre and
Chesapeake Bays. The details of the American fruit crop
almost savour of romance. The apple crop of the country
I. Emit c iU01111( : the surplus fruit, if properly aced,
would keep all Europe in table luxuries. The birds on
Nov Hampshire hills Sr. feeder' with reapberrien, the
mountains of North C trolina and Tenses., are purple
with blacklrirriee which go to least,: told the time has
linen when an extra 400 d crop of pea hes in Del•ware has
meant a milli in baskets of fruit untouched upon the

sts,tling extrack, which I wentere to enclose,
Toni. MY nephew, read out loud, in ateernwation
I woe picking • few gooseberries, with a eye to jam, and
be
Said be thought it aperypo—whatiner that may chance
me), be
Which / call it downright riling. Gracious goodness I
here sin I
Paying such • prim for fruit.. is enough a Saint to try
While in Delaware by millions peaches wean' upon the
And otninstie New Hampshire hills the birds mita as much
fruit as tbey plass

Well, them Yanks is precious locky. Things in England
Is gone queer.
Fruits with us ain't wet they was, bait mostly poor, and
likewim deer.
Wot with blights and sopping summers, big jam-makers,
and them Ciohe,
Lame fruit ass gets, and not do we is windfalls, specks.
end scrubs.

Stroeherries at got no sereetneee ; se foe apples, bless yer
'art,
Not one earnpl• in a doeen'a At for leaddull or for
For cherries they're all akin and atone, and aa for ribetlag
apple., lor I
They're like good Cheshire cheese, a pleasing mem'ry, and

no more,
True, there's lots of rum user-fensiset things as they call
forma fruits,
ZsUs' like raw ecarlet-runnars, or es tough as rhubarb

roots,
Prickly wars and them because, twang lest like
sweetsned roep,
But you weal had British housewives cottoning to with,
I hope.
England's fruits was England's pride, sad 'oose-made Pun
our household boast
0 the ram tucks-oat I've had of gooseberry-fool and
buttered toast I
Than the jars of raspberry-jam—but there, It doesn't beer
• thought
If there's any raspberries grow'd they're all by Gross and
Blackwell bought
Them shop-janse is hotter %Imbue ; but we never ham no

_
lan,
And tint fruiting soinon's am moot aim It soma begun.
Tom &clam POLIONeII Cal no; vol be mesas I do not

. -
know.
But rip tare oar traits to-day alit like the traits of long
1110.

Apckil Wr. the shuns we gets is jest heartbreaking. I
hollers
If they grow'd Wce that at frisk one never would hays
tempted Kr.;
Which I've always felt conwinced the knit se caused that
fatal oilipoin*.
Musts tin that British Pride. • teem good ad rir•thil
Pitioth

Haven't seen one not for roma the fruiterers my they're
dyins out.
Wy the dickens did they let 'ern I Wot must they heel
bin &boat I
Now we've nowt but mangey windfalls, testelem end but
mildoas sound.
Sold in iTeri shone by Jews, and, like partakers by the
pound.

Then to reed about them Yankees, with their splendid
apple-crop,
Their three million blooming peach-trees, and—but there
I'd better stop I
Which I'm • patriot, 1 'ge, but • tarn in Tenuous*
Would.! fear, make halt • Teaks, of
Yours sadly,
Sitio G.
00-01,EILATITZ WIDDEIMI Paggarre.
Courteous Mr. Punch.
What to do with your cold mutton is one of the
most momentous questions of ce• day; sad %,,,rody ism
diatracting to the domestic mind is the problem, what to
do with your old wedding isruelita
I dou't suppose the gionill of these gifts care vastly what
becomes of thmn Still one can hardly sell • present : sad,
Indeed, were there no moral objection to the sale, a
chaser might seldom very readily he found. Nor would it
be thought proper to raise money on such articles,
although no many weddiniggifta are by clialiao made in
duplicate. that the pawn-shop mews to be their fitting
destination, oiler they bare been displayed upon the
nuptial day. I remember that my wife and I together
when we married. were blest by loving frigi and
relatives, with two egg-billers, three crust-stands, and no
fewer than five card-trays; and one of our first quarrels
arises from • debate as to which of thugs kind promote
we should keep for times of cousacur. and which we
should regnrd ss for daily lase.
Use? Well, yes. there is some nee in crust-stands and
egg-boiler% and even in • card-bray there may be some
social service, espedaily to mobiles* who catch some
titled visitor% and are careful to display their cards caw
opeceonely atop. But wedding-gift. in general are most
expensive nickaacks of no possible utility. except,
urban% to furnish topics for small talkers, and, when
displayed as chinsney-ornaments, to collect and show the
gut. amides, it is annoying, alter giving Smith • card-
ing on his marriage with Wm Jones, to find that Brown
and Robbroo ban each sent him the same article, and
dint yours is eloorly the least cosily of the three. How
um% ~pi,per it would be to join with Brown and Robinson.
• If need be. White aad Wilkins, in making Smith a
present of agreed piano say, or • handsome set of dinnertable% or WOW curtains for kb drawing-room or some
carpeta for his stain. Issued of thanking his kind
(non& for egg.boilers and air,/ trays, and similar nick-
%%aeries, many • man would gladly see his teller's but
peuipted on his martini% or find • bin of claret stocked
for biro, era cribsr filled with coals
•• Reny can help osie is • rather common motto of the
areut,, who paint loodoospo• and shipwrecks on the
paremeat. eppropristely interspersed with idiom of pink
salmon and delicate arrangements of mackerel In
Were friends to club together, they
f=h
a man's house for him with the moots they now
mote in boring useless wedding-gill'. 11.bodY /mows
what • bore it is to have to choose • eroglireame,
andAinore ow always feels that one has abases just
re& wakezontba=bnUivia by entrybody

this bother, arid the dread a ease duplicates would be
utterly removed. Both to givers sad receiver; wedding-
m nr. weights upon the Wind: mid the
rIZ:f happy couples might he sensibly increased were
they ivo looser burthened with the care of costly sick-
Packs. wherewith, as time programme, they are pusaled
wkle to de .

;Tien,— then, is for rift on the co-orrstive system.
whereof the wisdom Intlit be evident without another
word from

Yours most truly,
I/mum
Mn. PUNCH AT WIIIIILIDOX.
Or oones• Yr.:Puna went to WimimMon. Of course be
vras pleased with ell be now there. Of course, he always
is. Wimbledon is en very like the real thing. The ramp
I. quite the kind of plans that would be found on the line
of =web of an army. Were Midland over invaded. the
British troops would be satisfied with nothing learn than •
camp at Wimbledon. Again, of course.
Now, Mr. Punch ie • civilian, and can know nothing
about military matters. It is his duty to admire, and not
to criticise. He knows his duty, and performs it. He
will now express his admiration.
Wimbledon is supposed to be • camp of instruction. In
it our soldiers are expected to learn bow to rough it. And
barn how to rough it they do in the meet natitimble
manner? A frost many of the tents at Wimbledon this
year are ()Linked and carpeted, and filled with luxurious
furniture. In front of the canvas will he found flower-
beds. The ides of military discipline will be kept up, too
by the bestowal of quaint titles upon these tents—titles
redolent of the very best wit of the Stock Exchange. All
this is very admirable, and Yr. Pawn admires with
mixht and main.
Real soldiers should appear in complete uniform. Of
course this rule is strictly obeyed at Wimbledon. Wide
-
awakes are always worn at • right angle, and umbrellas
are ever carried at the slops What can be smarter than
• catumie consisting of • regulation tunic, • straw hat,
and fancy Tweed neer-ails? Nothing I The effect is
'droll &lila So Mr. Peech admires again I
Of cams there are uo idlers in the camp! Such • thing
would not be tolerated for a second. Every man has his
shooting to claim his attention, and has no time for
receiving silly women and dawdling men. Afternoon
parties, at which female gigglers sisale, and mete maxims
moon, are simply unknown at WintHedon. So much the
better. Mr. leech admires once more!
. . -.

And having said all this Mr. Puna' lU visit the most
comfortable tent, lounge on the easiest of Dohs. and
drink the coolest of champagne cup.. He will dn this
while Mn. Roods listens to the band, and the Minas
Panda and the rest of the young wigs employ th..ir
nmpf, leisure in flirting. lineerers ma, say that Mn.
Prank is atm:satin and that Wimbledon (like life) is
nothing but beer lind skittles At mpn..l At this time
Of the year what does anything matter I We ate going
to have pews, so why should we prepare for war—in
itertiest f Wimbledon is a very charming pie nit ladsed,
and surely that will do—for the present I