The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1882-07-11 00:00:00

ebbs ant) entio.

It MIES " Chums," as Mm. Malaprop wonld say.
Du-hig the early par: of the week the hon. msrnber
for nolo has been down among his constituents—l
beg pardon, I mean his "friends and supporters," he
doesn't re* gaise Vother side—whipping them up most
energetically. Tuesday night he addreseed them at
the romns of the Tory—no ! what am I writing '—at
the hall ~f the" Poole Conservat ire and C mstitutiocial
Association." That looks better. And I hear he
made a rattling speech, the pump at of which wan that
the Opposition were determioed to oppose the A rrears
Bill tooth and nail.

• C
Probably, the question may arise in the minds of
some of my readers—What are the Liberals doing
Well, according to all appearances, they are quietly
nappimr. Now, "Nap "is a genie that you may lose
rather hewn er. 84 the hare fund it when he bad
that trial on the cinder-path with the tortoise.
So the Liberal, United it her at the lut election. Do
they wish to repeat their experience?

I bad really hoped we had long ag , heard the last of
Harris v. Waring, but Mr. Harris, I note, cropa up
agrn ink week to corrrzt "an absurd mistake still
bduperci in," and which gives rise to "tranoi offenilne
remarke—that be said in his °videose at the trial in
May last year he told Mr. Warin,‘ he sh mid ,sot vote
for him. Mr. Hard, says not only would be himself
support Mr. Waring, but he also told him "eight
others in his family were prepared to do so."

• I
should have thought Mr•. Harris's explanation
totally unneceeury. For a man must be au arrant
fool to tell a gentleman he should opples him,
and then suoply goods with the Idea the said
gintlemwa was going to put his handa in hie
'whet/ and pay for them. It seems to me that the
kicks Mr. H rrla has received are out of all proportion
to the halfpence.

Fontana Plitql CHANGES, I understand, have taken
place in Of. district, Mr. H. Tab, furmerly of the
L;vvpool AU. at, and who for some time hes represented
the We tern Go:elte here, and at Bournemouth j dna
the staff of the Bournemouth °Owner. I cuncratulate
the Observer, and I also congratulate Mr. Tuffin.

Tilt DOOMED VICTUALLIIII OP POOL!, I am
informed, are taking active measures to establish •
Trade Protection Society. It is rather late in the day
and looks almost like locking the stable-door after the
hone hag ben stolen. They hive, however, only their
own apathy to thank for it. Perham when they have
their association in working order, they will be enabled
to realise the fact that, heavily handicapped as they
are, they are yet possessed of • few of the rights of
ordinary citizens.

• • •
They may possibly, instead of tremblingly bolting
op their howes at the witching boor of eleven,
arrive at the conclusion they have am perfect a right am
ail, other inhabit& .t to keep every door in their
est iblisoments open fr ,tn sonnet to sunrise, no long as
they do net infringe the enactments of an Act, which
relate. simply and solely to the gate of Intoxicating
liquors,

• • •
Further, perhaps, thily may be enlightened, upon
goof legal autboi ity If they clime to 'Hopi iy it, aa to
the fact that they are just aa much at libertv to a•ir •
fr Mod to, dueng prohibited Iriurr, to take airless of dry
sherry and • biscuit as any magistrate or other private
individual.

• • •
I am told the matter is in gond hands, that •
singul tr u.mnitnity—thanks to the Blue-iike,onites—is
being exhibited in the matter, and that after a short
time the result will probably bee sound and Boarish.
log emaciation.

WHILST deaths; with the su,tject of intoxicating
tiquorn—though by they should be desiktnated as
such I am at • lose to conceive. for they era not intoxi-
c.ttiog " too much" is tak n, and, as far u that
gnu, on the same principle you might just as well dub
a butcher's shop • sout.prod .cing establish nent.
Whilst alluding to this branch of the revenue I may
as will refer to a eery funny mi.talcn which wa, Insole
In • London paper, and which my Poole and BstITOS.
mouth colleagues have copied into their c dumps.

Mr contstnpnraries.give .credeOce and publicity tot
paragraph, the purport of which stated a Notional
Drunkards' Conference hod been held in the United
States, at which about 20,000 drunk iris attended. I
coleus upon reading this item of news I was cm•
siderably astainiehe i, and rubbed my eyes. Mr.
George Augustus Sala, however, in his readable
" E:ooes" in the lama rated London Noes this wsek,
hay enabled me to breathe again I 'Drunkard." is
simply an ignorant mw-print for beakers, a aect
originally of German Bsptista, or brethren, as they
prefer to he called, and who emigrated to America
between the piers 1718 and 1730. So Blue Ribbon
Army Beath need not be in a hurry to erect his Ica
is Indiana just at once.

A New " Rouen," I find from a letter hum Mr.
William N. We.frrn. hea Wen discovered in
Calif wain. I beli,ve I recorded the a 'vent of •
sec real origin,'" in thew column. about • month
ago. 'don't know whether • thiel il■Al been discovered
—they seem to crop up like mushroom.. This one has
I,Nen no•esrthed by 'an old friend of mine" (Mr.
Western says) Mr. Charles Burden, now residing at
Senora. in abfornia. Mr. Bar len, it is gratifyieg to
learn from Mr. Western's letter, "is well known in
Pode, having served his apprentice.hip with the late
Mr. Wiiliam Waterman, and 28 years ago, on the lit
March last, he emigrated with hi. wife and family to
Csld,rnis, where h., has succeeded well in Ms basin's',
aud also in his social putition."

Mr. Sur len? who. is *described ae "a man of
irreproachable integrity, and hal filled the office Of
cor,,nef a Iminidrator in Tu duntn cennte on
diff.rent nc ...done" was page by in the iierviro of Sir
in the year. 181.1.. and 136 wh.n
7oun4 It.rg-r fir t vi•..o I (Iv: ,o. II ..lecleree .4 tie
new cbituant "I bed little kn..wl .1g ..f ha father,
bet I •lisooverod in his manner the hawing of his undo,
and that of an English nobleman ''

• • • Twenty-eight years area In time to look back
upon. an lit would be intere-ting to know whet Mr.
Burden, n .w-a-days, considers "the bearieg of an
English nobleman." The days of such real noble-
men SS lend Portman, Lord Shaftoibury and oth-rs.
are fast passing away. The rising generation take
mit the horses from carriages of noble earls returns
lug home with women they have morried the very
day after their divorcement. Theme are the noble-
men of the present day, and who are being fast
recognis-d as Nunn here. California evideutly is
behind the oil country after all. For his own moral
health's sake I ehioull advise the new "Sir Roger" to
be c nit 'id with that state in life to which he is at
present called. and let Upton and all the rest of the
property go to the —present recognised heir.
lime is BKOVILABIALLY BLIND.—A little bird has
twitter din my ear on Alf scting example of this. Two
inif Young rooks, fr an here, in order to pats the
dieting hours, the other Icy, t tole a trip to Bourne-
mouth. They felt it woul Ibe inconsist -nt with main
Mining Poole alai if they did not bring back with
them samples of the liquors sold In our sister town.
Two establishments wer-, pet roniaml with this lawla'de
and pa•riock end in vies, an I as it happened the
fluids were handed th-m at each by about is nett •
I Vie piece of millinery as you wind come across in •
isys march. "Our boys" are very susceptible, and
they fell in love with b .th the dear charmers, but
they could her Ily make up their minds as to which
tiley really preferred. It t oh, a lot of serious con-
si leration,and g, eat mental exercise, as we all know. is
a pull upon a man that some people think requires a
lot of nerve-sustaining imbibitioro. They were
compelled to adopt the popular view, but the remit
unfortunately was they both "picked out" the same
young Lily as the one of their choice.

• • •
TM. led to words, and the lewd' led to" drinks."
Then there were more w rds, end as a natural o
sequonre more " drinks " Finally, they re•olved to
eat mittens by going and hariog their respective fates
rettkd by the liLtle fair-one herself She has evicientl•
read her Shakespeare, and when, in the most 'toenail"
of terms, they had made known the agonies which
M.essed their manly breasts, she quoted Julia
ainly di•invis•cl), and asked
" Oh Ranrner'Uns, oh Rionmer'Uns ; wherefore art
thou Rainesey.'Una,"

They said they had'at leesh•ldea," and then Ilk*
good b.). came home and went to bed.

OIR or Gamut. 80, run little OWO lambs in this
I am told, will shortly be enabled to relate sone
sat inishing "experiences." It is o possible the
rush of the " experiences " may a be on view.

Toe DIPITURBANCI AT the Bournemouth Railway
Station, which I alluded to lest west, has, I am
glad to hear, been satisfactorily settled. The *min
servant barn tendered bi, apologies, and the auaulted
gentlemen have accepted them. They told the station-
master Ban's stout was 11l very well, but a Sourer
menth porta, out of condition, was rather mare than
they could r.Uth, Helmut therall an sad to It

"GENERAL" Boon Is making • very unfair we of
the Queen's reply to his wife's begging appeal. Her
Majeaty, thrJugb her secretary, expresses her astir
faotion et the statementl put forward by Mrs. Booth.
WI to the alleged good effected by the " Army but
the value Her Majesty attaches to theme weertiorui
may be judged from the fact that the Honorable Mr.
Pmeouby is instructed to inform Mrs. Booth that Her
Majesty declines to contribute to their funds.

• • .
To endeavour to show We means the goo= has
patted the Army on the book, sad to eau for aeon
UT her on the strength of it la vary like the men who
said he knew Lord do-sod-so personslly, and a very
nice fellow he was, but the tips of his bode were most
coafoancladly hard,

Not rum le TO BE NO Durx.—The order of
"pistols end oaf's for two" has been countermanded.
And I am doom out of the recording of what might
have been • romantic tragedy. She has left him; he
will miss her when be sees her vacant chair. And,
what is more cruel, she has actually gone off with the
rival!

Oua Pools Burman may teal Interested In • latter
which was addressed to lb* editor of a Salisbury
paper on the tot of January, 1770. I therefore
transcribe it Lir the benefit aad edification of their
somas :

" Mr. Printer,—The choicest pleas of beef, I am
assured, now sell In Warminster market for 2i I. per
pound, and the Inferior sort at 1 1., while some other
markets are kept up to the extravagant prios of 41, a
tax or imposition more grievous than any imp wed by
Act of Parliament relating to provisions, and should
not be submitted to.—l am yours, ko.,
" Equrri."
What would poor Equity may did he live in the
present day?
MAX ABOUT POOLE.