The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1876-11-18 00:00:00

AMERICAN HUMOUR.

A Yankee paper says; "The fish are so abondant in
Clear Lake, lowa, that it Is only necessary to wade in and
'choose your fish, the difficulty being which fish to choose."
A traveller in Alah ma, finding his supper to con-
Mat of fried beef, fried batter cakes, and hot coffee, thinks an
appropriate epitiph upon the grave of evory other man
who dies in th!s country would be, "Killed by a frying-pan.'

"At the close of a violent thunderstorm," writes a
Milwaukie reporter, a suit of clothes was found at the
foot of an oak tree in the suburbs from which the recent
occupant seemed to have been percussively eliminated by a
flash of lightning.
A New York magistrate settled a case, the other
morning, in which a rowdy had committed an assault with a
revolver, by committing the rowdy and ordering the pistol
to be disch,trged.

- -
A Yankee paper, E Taking of a man who was
kicked by a horse, says, • Hie hie was extinct for a short
time, but recovered so that he reached home on Saturday
evening.' _

A Yankee lady ate oysters all through the month of
August, when she could get them, under the suoposition
thf,t there was an "r" in that month. " Orgust " was the
way she spelt it.

- -
The nights grow cold, the wind sighs lowly and is full
ot saiinf ER ani some dusty real estate, the foliage dies amidst
a mourning of gold and brown, the high hills become
bouquets set in sombre valle}s, the trees grow leafless, life-
less, and bare. It is sad to reflect that there will be no
re-leaf until neat spring.

A young Connecticut lady was lately taken aback
when her swain got upon his knees before her and read a
declaration of love which he had nicely written off.

The most extraordinary instance of patience on
record in modern times is that of a Western judge wh3
listened silently for two days while a couple of wordy lawyers
contended about the construction of an Act of the Legisla-
ture, and then ended the controversy by quietly remarking,
"Gentlemen, the law is repealed."

A lady in New Orleans was recently questioning her
little daughter in geography, and said, Daisy, who first
went through the Straits of Magellan?" Daisy quickly
answered, "Magellan and his squadron." "What do ou
understand by his squadron ?" The question was not in the
book, but Daisy didn't hesitate. "One of those women who
are not quite white," she triumphantly answered, evidently
having the idea of a quadroon in her mind.
A Sixth Ward lady rays that one of the great causes
of the men of the present day fracturing their sleep is the
unreliability of the Yankee rolling-pin. "Why," says she,
"with one of those old heavy home-made hickory ones, like
mother used to have, you could fetch a man every time.
Now, with one of these foot)?, Yankee pine things, as soon as
you take the old man a clip on the head with it, it breaks oft
at the handle and comes down on the top of your own head,
while the old fool just sits on the bottom stairstep and
smiles his most aggravating grin at you, and you put your
apron over your head and want ta go and be a hired girl in
somebody's kitchen."
A Western lawyer was amused of being the owne
of a dog which had attacked a testy old gentleman, an
bitten him in the calf of the leg. Expecting an action for
damages, the lawyer drew up the forgiving articles as the
ground for his defence :—" let, by testimony in favour of the
general good character of my dog, I can prove that nothing
would make him so forgetful of his dignity an to bite a calf;
2nd, he is blind and cannot see to Isite ; 3rd, ‘Ven if he could
see to bite, it would be utterly imsbissible for him to go out
of his way to do so, on account of his age, fatness, and severe
lameness; 4111, greeting his eyes and legs to be good, he had
no teeth; sth, my dog died six weeks since; fith, I never had
a dog."