The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1864-07-19 00:00:00

Ilarittits.

Three men were suffocated in semi pit at Swansea on
Sunday, ihriingh inhaling neaten. gavis.
Two boys were dreamed whilid bathing at Dudley, on
Sabirdsy. Their father witnessed the occurrence, but
timid not rrneler any aosiat.ner. being °nab', to mini.
On Saturday the Great Easters lett Liverpool for
the Therms, to take on boned the Atlantic telegraph
cable,

The "'wit de Cherbourg &mount:we that the Con-
federate .6,414 Geiser .1 Lee has received orders to be in
the Channel by the Ibth inst.
. . . .

Aria 11111;rrow, a lodging-house keeper, at Clay.
erme. Derbyshire, has been burnt to de bb, and it is
si.ted that he Iva. let on ire by his wife, who is in
cu-tody on the chugs.
William Harvey, a Lflodon compositor. undertook
on Friday to swim, for tl, aervia the Thames from
litlibank to Limbeth, within 12 minutes. He was
soaed.with cramp. however, and irowsied. . . .

On Sands), aft., noon a small p rty of aleuriionista
iireht out in • pleasure boat .1 1.'”Ilk-Aooe. The boat
aeddentaby candied, and four of he occupants were
dr-erne l.

—This—gee. J. Brinthweite, M.A., flinch*" of St.
Zinitiod.liall. Oxford, hail been drowurd whJe bathing.
By ha . oath Vie rectory of Oateroube, Isle of Wight,
',Jou MOO alear. bromic. elm...pt.
It •iipeani there were 2217 steam vesseh mestered in
the rnitid Knir urn on or bviore Jim 1, 1864. Tho
&moon, of r.gi.tered tonhage •aa 591,434, and the Arose
tonnage 883,1134.

In the s. aunt of the public iturome of the United
Kingdom for the 6 ham ial yeid whim with March last,
amounting in the whole to 4.70.721 391. there is the one.
of £3O which was bmineathed by Jo n Shipman, of 13car•
borough. "nob. applied by the Costumer ut for publis
general purposes."
Ti e W..tee ford Neves states that "hey will be on.
mually pl. otiful awl clomp this ymr," end a. tin that •
few lain of new hey m re booed at List week's market
at £1 84 per ton, old ranging from EY to El per too.
The Cork ani4iihholt coo, tn. the prim .f" farmer's new
111" in that watita et how 30.. to 325. pr to.
'To piano-forteonakers.— A lady. keeping • first-
class rchoul, r.quiriou • good piano, is desirous of
rec. icing • daugiitwr of die ..bo•e in exchange for the
same.'':_—_•dr. mignon-at in The Time..

An I.lab farmer .de. a* follows to • distinguished
se entitle agriculturist. to whom be felt under obliga-
tion, for intro Ineing • variety of swine. Hespe.tted
sir,—l went yr.& rday to the fair MM—; I fount
several pies ..1 your spe.i..s. There were &gnat variety
of .stqa, and I was aucuished at 0.4 as.log you there.*
To. Duke of Rotlend and T..eodore Hook having
dined with the Lord Mayor, ert-re looking for their hate
preciously to t..eir d-rartare. The Duke unable to
t his own ..al.l to his friend: " Hook, I have lost my
castor." The Lord Chief Baron, Sir Frederick Pollock.
was at that nt..m .nt passing down the stairs- Hook.
ru.oeicine him, eplied inatantly, " Never mind, take
Polio k's

ing • reposentation of ding Lear at one of out
metropolitan theatre., an old gentleman from the
country, who was visibly affected by the pathos of
some of the satues, electrified the house by roaring out,
" Mr. Manager, air, alter the play l—alter the play,
sir, ti a oume ly, upon your peril I I ditEnt pay my
money to be made wretched in this way. Give an
something funny, at your peril. sir r
If the public could once be made aware of what they
be. by • moderate enthusiasm, we should have no
apathetic amenthlages. As a lamp is fed with oil, so
must a tinger be fed with applaitse. or the wheel
revolves sluggishly, and bit little knowlortge of ito
vette will be obtained. As I before ob•erved, with us
excitement is everything; and we do not know what..
tan du until goaded or spot rer by .b-olute necessity.—
Musical and ?trona! Recollections, by Henry PAill.pn.
Never take " come and me m." as a phrme meant
In sanest unless it is accompanied with a date. An
invitatim without " eireumstance" is no invitation
at .IL Depend upon it if any man or woman desire
your eporpsoy, he or she will ammiiit • time for your
visit. '' Call on we when you can make it convenient."
"drop in as )ou are posing," "make us • visit when-
ever you have an hour or two to spare,"are social
indeflnitom. by • hich men of the world understand
that they are not •xpecti d 10 do the thing requested.
A wellknown magistrato of the county of Surrey was
sitting in his library tipping Muer:Moo. A country
lad arrived with • letter on an important business,
which required an immediate answer. The Surrey
aquire goodouturedly poured out • gl ow of Marenchino
for the lad, and set about writing a reply. Having
enialmil and sealed his litter, be looked up amased
se* that tie tle, which had been core than half-full,
had b.eo emptied. Turning to the boy, he exclaimed,
"Do you know, you imp, that that cost me sixteen
&hidings And worth every penny met, your
Honour." was the reply of the simple rustic.
Smarm —A distinguished actress was lately intro-
dused to a Ironer in Yorkshire, who was not at all
backward in sottuditig hi, two praise. "He is a very
....tart man," " acquaintance remarked soon afterwards.
'1 know it," she replied, "be told me so hiumelf."
A story is told of an Irish ostler. who was sent to
the stable to bring forth a traveller's horse. Not
knowing which of the two strange homes in the stalls
belonged to the traveller, and wishing to avoid the
appearance of ignorant:to is the business, he waddled
both animals and brought them to the door. The
traveller pointed out his own home, saying, "That's
my nag."—" Certainly yea honour. I kuow that very
well; but I didn't know which was the other gentle-
man'..'

DRUNK OX Durr.—in the life of Bii.hoo Blondield,
late Bishop of Lindon, we And the following, relating
to the clergy of the damn* of Chester, of *blot Dr.
Blomfield was then bishop Intoxication was the
mina frequent cliarge against the clergy. One was au
drunk while waitine for • funeral that he fell into the
crave; soother 11•2 conveyed from • viiikition dinner
in • helplesi stive by the bidion's aerysnta ; •
third, when rebuked for drunkenneam, t'eplied—' But
my lord I ne.er wen drunk on duty. 'Oa duty 1.
exclaimed, the bishop, ' when is • clergyuan not
n duly" True,' said the other, 'I never thought of
that.'"

Hcre 1. a riddle, the authorxhip of which is attributed
to the Bi.hop of Oxford. It may elite= the ingenuity
of some of OUr reader., :7

li;e-c.-Tanitvot-live without my first,
By day and night wed ;
My second is by all accursed,
By day and night shoes&
My whole is never seen by day
And used by nicht ;
Ms dear to friends when far away,
And hated when in sight.
I;47tialtritor • CHAINGI.— Ia • Highland village,many
yeti,* ago, the was of Donald More wee taken very ill,
sod the whisky Ow Highlander's curetall) not having,
in this cue, had the desired eiteac she died. Seenth sitar, e new, of her death s over the village,
where one Donald MaeTavish was found by his
neighbours giving vent to extreme grief, in a manner
which surprised but a fttw of them ; and on questionin.
Dougald as to the muse of such demonstrations, h.
answered, "There's Donald Mure's wife dead."
" Well," said they, " what about that : she was no
relation of yours—why should that atreat your Doh,
°oh r said Dougald ; "everybody is getting a change
but me."

A -stroormindsd woman in New York was heard to
remaik the oilter day, that she would marry a man who
had plenty of mosey, though be vu so ugly she had to
scream every time ob. looked at hos.
SmaLL Commits:flux. —A inan, wishing to sympathise
with his osighbour for the loss of his wife, said, "
am sorry your poor lady has goo* to heaven.'
"Thank you," replied the other, "may it be loos before
you go."
Why is the Divoros (bort, judge opposed to pugilism?
—Bolan." he is the great upsetter of the arrange-
meats of the ring.
"I meting 1 admire your style of wing." said a land.
lady to a strolling player, when he T 413 away without
paying his bill.
HIGELLND LOGIO. --A oontraistor in the
wl!rtlia,,
was waited upon by a 4:oPutallion from hit to
“Tioat him to wire pc a Ss c' difeireact in th•

ertgea but ihnst a wee-ebynge in the time for peyieg..
On craw ~arathhing the &patio., kin (cowl that they
wanted to be la.. weekly instead of fort, iebtlj, bog
they also wanted the fortiught'a w.ite weekly.
Why, toy lads,* sii4 the Lontreetor. "pee are de
mending etastly dotage wages" " Hee* noek
Bid 005 of the deputies, " its *husk ail more ae ire es
**drat oat you mast abut paid at Seise efi
fester as tremors." _ _

slum to shwpy friend, who won't own ; "
then, can you tell ins what the sermon was
"V... I ean," be answered, "11w.. &boat as boar Ma
long r
It is *minuted that Parlimeeet will be prorogued! aa
the 30th Instant.
-

—"
John." *aid a father to bia sou one day, when. he
caualit him almving the down IT his ni par lin, " doe%
throw V. or shaving water out wh•ire there sot bane
I,aated b.sa. for they might it the.. feet pricked..
Lora Norhury was eel. hremat equally fm his wit an&
hia aeveriiy ea a oriminal ju•lgs. At 000 6010, se •
Special Commisaionar appoinied to try thii culprits
one of the rebellions, he bet, in courm of a satting.
convicted a great merry. " You are going as swim.
minaly here, my lord," said a counsel for the pileoneas.
"Yea," answered his lordship siviicantly, tam
toots an hoar."
A SCOTCH " But.L."—A 011100 lately Inquired hew
often fresh meat cou'd be supplied to • family residiag
for the manor egoism in a village not many ends
from Breehin. "Weed, weel, air," MAW_ tis rrelltisr
apparently. well acquainted with the capabilities of the
district, ' ye 03.00 gie yer orders atureband, en oar
bootcher only kill. kat/ a beast at a time r
TH X Cuoic AND 111 11 CHAPLAIN. —An Italian rims,
WI CO he went a journey, aleays took Wm ooa w tit
him. When rounding the abrupt angle of • reek
which was eaceedingly perilous, he beard the my of •
rnan, the snort of a mule, and tie crook of some one
falling over the precipice. The horror stricken hies
cried out, "The cook lls lithe cook r No, tall
Excellency," replied the attendant, "It in DOS
t:, Battlet —" Ak, oely the chaplain I Heaven he
praised f"
The last joke at the impetus of the lreash Society
for the Protection of Animals late the following effect
—A countrymen, armad with an inageses „t 1
._ .

presents h.m.lf before the president of the *misty
claims the first prise. He is asked to dem:ribs the nell
of humanity on widish 130 founds his claim. " I moved
the if, of a wolf." replies the countryman. "I might
wily hams killed him with this bissdpies sad he
swings his 'teepee in the air to the intones ithroselon
of the president. "Bet *hem was tbia wolf I" lapping
the latter, "whet had he done Wpm r H. tad bid
devoured my wife." i. the reply. The president relesie
an instant, and then my—" My friend, I am of °plaids
that you beim been sufficiently mwarded."_ _ _

Ctiaiota. AuNCDOT 6. A IniniSOlO Or di* Kirk ell
Scotland once discovered hi, wife asleep Is the midst el
bin homily, on the Sabbath. S., pausing 10th. Needyo
and possibly somewhat innentonona Aow of his own
oratory, be broke forth with this pmonsk
sharp and dear, but very deliberate ' redmnsa 1;1
&An opened her eyes and ears in •tw is did
mil other dreamers in the house, whether inkiMeep ag
awake.. "Sumo. I didn• marry ye for your wealth,
sin' ye hae'd nom I And I dida• marry ye for youg
beauty—that the bail congregation ean ow And it ye
have no grace, I have made but • Nair bargain r
Susan's slumbers were effectually broken ap foe that
day.
A NU/VISTA X SPURGEON. —There are SOT. curios'
dories respecting Fri Rocco, the celebrated DOatiOk6ll
preacher of Naples. On one oemidou be preached a
penitential sermon, and introduced so essay illsetnm
lions of terror, that he emu brought hie bearers he
their knees. While they were tbes showing every gip
of coniriiion, he cried out, "Now all of yea wki
sincerely repent of your ;dna hold •;:`
Every man in the vast multitude immediate:l sin mli.d
forth his hands. "Holy Arehanrl lllolteai, ri7
claimed Wow, "thou who with thine adthmead
sword sranrket at the right of the judgment-emit, hew
meal every hand which has been raised hypocritically.*
In an instant every band dropped, and Rosso of
profited by the oression to pour forth • torreeeT3
eloquent 'needlee against their it,.. sad deceit.
BATING' mar DOicos.—Frederlelt the Great wrote
to one of his generals, "1 grad you with shay tboissaad
mu saaltist the seamy." On numbering the trooss Id
woo found there was bat fifty thousand. T. e ocse
eapreseed his surpriee 0 such • mistelke on the pastel
his sovereign. Frederiok's reply was, "I muted yrs
for ten thousand men."

A shop in liegent-street was broken open esi
night, but, strange to oaf, nothing area corded off.
The proprietor was making hi. brag of it. if the MOO
time expressing hi. &unwise at 10-In nothing. "Not a
all surprred" mid the nrighbotr. "the rubber fishtail
lamp didn't they r Yee" was the reply, " WelL" own
tinned the neighbour, "they found your goods marked
up on high that they onoldn't afford to take them."
How Ate Perettrunteltitti HIM. —A student of as
American Bute College bad • barrel of ale deposited
In his roorn--ountlary, of course, to the rule and ••••••
He received a munitions to appear before the maks%
who amid. "Sir, I am informed that you buys
• barrel of ale it your room."—" Yr. Sie..—" Well,
what explanation can you make ?"—" Why the feet is.
Sir. my physician advises me to try a little each day ad
a 'noir; and not wishing to atop at the earieus plasm
when the beverage is retailed. I prandial! to hew* •
birrel taken to my room."—" Indeed I And hao• you
derived any benefit from it r —"ith. yea, Sir, when tb•
barrel we. first taken to my room I Gould Uoaroely un
it, now I °in .rry it with the greatest, ease."
At the Winchester A.sises, on Tarday. before Kr.
Juatire Byte., William Newton was indicted for bide*
in men Tine Charlotte Baver.took at !Sandford,
February, 1852. his wife Lama Newton twins then alive.
Mr. Bertha's proesciated. Evidence it.. peen rhowinS
tie flr.t merman. at Paddington in 1844. anti 11-. at hie
wife was no. outside the Court. Charlotte &mentor*
then CAM., into the box with a little child la her &nue
efilefi immediately rangoind its father, and held eel
it. little arm. towards him apparently with the prated
delight and glee, and p dating him oat to he mother.
In examination by the Judge ohs said Ale was
no party to the prosecution. He bad always begs •
good husband to her. There being to proof that the
prisoner was aware of his wife being alive during awes
year. previous to the second marriage, the Jody'
directed an acquittal.
A Talica.—Tbe ()ue contains the following :—"W.
ere glad that our last announcement for the season Ii
one of Peace. We are in • position to Mate that •
simpenxion of Irmtilities we. yesterday agreed apes
between the German allies and the Dinah government.
We trust thia trace may lead to • pacilleatios an much
needed in the interests of Europe and to the foal
dinned of the question which has naiad no isan,
difficulties.

Frederick Bricknell, the under waiter of the Swan
Tavern, Islington, who cut the throat of his fellow.
servant • short time ago, became she would not fe.oeg
his Addresses, was ttied on Wednesday at the Cantina
Criminal Court. The evidenos was dear, he
round guilty, and the capital 'entities of Use law wad
ha.asid on him.

EAirr GLOCCIMMULDITIII ELI:MON.-434 Idlebeef
Itch. Reach was on Tuesday elected without
epparition.
Ila,,hattan.ft .'well-known American eorrerpoadenl
of the Stradard, i 4 dead. lie was lately Oared under
arre.t, hi. letters being regarded as calculated to injure
the Federal cause. After • brief coutownent, be wail
set at liberty on parole, and • few days afterwards
died.

/tielcryTn or Si. WlLLian Nam& —ln Mr.
Bruoe's Life of Sr W. Napier, we Ind Ibis Teri
charactericic anecdote of the ecoentrio but nano.
hearted soldier :—He was one day taking • loam country
walk near Freshford, when he met • little gal, about
live years old, sobbing over • broken bowL . . . .
She said she would be beaten on her retorts home fee
having broken it; then with • sudden gleam of bops,
she innorently looked up in his lane and said. "But see
can mend it, can't to. My father explabied that be
could not mend the bowl, but the trouble be could by
the gift of • sixpence to boy another. However, on
opening hi, purse it eras empty of silver, and he had to
make amend, by promising to meet ha little friend in
the some art at the some hour next day, and bring the
sixpence with him. The child, entirely trading him,
went on her way comforted. On big return borne be
found an Invitation awaiting him to dine in Bath the
following evening, to meet some one whom he spatially
vriabed to see. He hesitated (Orson.. little time, trying
to calculate the posaibility of giving the meeting to kM
little friend, and still Wing in time for the dineeraparty
at Bath, but finding this could not be, be wrote to do.
dine coepting the Invitation on she aka of a
went, saying to its, "1 cannot Ifinappolurteerist
trusted is, so implicitly."
The following lines ars said to have been faun! oe Use
riPak nf en inflolmt, though afterward. • mush ode.
Muted official in one of our Governmeet &variegate :
From 10 to 11—eats breakfast for saves.
From lit 1 -therais nothing done.
From 1 to 2—there's nothing to do.
From Ito 3—bagin• to see
That 3 to 4—is a deuce of • bore.

The too frequent use of authority impairs it. If
thunder were continual, it would smite no more sew.s.
tion.thati the noise of a mill.

-
Whenever you see a person insult his inferiors yew
may be smeared be will creep to his superiors; b. win
sot the pert of a bully to those who satinet, mist, sada
• coward to thaw who car.

Douglas J.Trold asi•l- -"Treason is like &moods—
there is nothing to be made in it by the weal trader.'
Alm Partington says she has beard a but one aM
woman who kisued her oow, but she knows a many
thoussod younger ones who hews kissed very prat
calves.

It is dcult if tiot impossible to lows sad be wise;
c'eu the bombes, gods, wbes they were is love, on&
fools of %bounciest.

_ ---
Every day Drina+ it., own ditties, and carries theta
along with it, and they are warn broken on the she,
many like them corning after, but none seer the wee.
What Is the difference between a eandidate at eak
election and an elected member of the Hare al
Commons? One *tondo for a place lead the ether site
for it.—Ccene, News.
--
_

Where a woman," mays Um. Par/404t0n, " hae hem
married with • congealing heart, sad oae that Incite
desponding to her own aim ivill Dever weal to eater Ow
maritime owe again."
- . - -

An Iriab witeZes was rm./roily Naked what he Imew el
Ike priworr's diameter for truth and veraeiey " Wby,
troth." said he. " sine* leer I've known her, sties kepi
he boner cease and &tent."

-Th. only money that does • yowls man good is oho
he earns for him-elf. A ready-made fortune, like
reedy-made clothes, mellow flts the men who comes into
poOMP/R.012.
AN IRI A R ADVARTMOINENT. —lf NMI gsatkmaa Nb•
keeps a ahoe shop with • red bead, will return the
•whwit• of • young lady with an ivory handle, be sill
hear of something to her advantage.
An enraged gentleman, addreming from his asinine
window a youth who had been serenading his daughter
half-an-boar, said, "You are • great bore, a•dlugak
Con mean to keep on boring mail you NO "'"'m`.*
adding, "and there it ig." emptying • pitsberfal epee
his bee*
A. WOMAN WWII Fryr HONIANDL —AI tie Demo.;
Port
respectable-looking mildl-aged voltam, -rtiniV
with birunP"'
with Wililiciyi7l en
..sbe Monday,lBl9 ii.ar:o64l Henry UMI*IiI4 I.7bAsa•wwebar:i.
milli Jean
wish William Collins ; oleo L
Smith ; and Is 113 with w
W
Tu"herce&n"lnsilbusbanwee td
Richard
~,Nomaiswe fer
elal 7ii""lbAllieill'11111141.111142 711":

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