The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1871-07-01 00:00:00

AMERICAN CUTTINGS.

A Boston gentleman advertises for a " self -support.
lag " wife, Natty, and well-alue at d " alodett, that
• . .

. .
A Califontian admirer of Darwin's theory advertises
the third of his family that Mrs. Brown has presented him,
In the following wit) :—"On the llih, Mrs J. Brown, of
Mugs's-wharf. of a son; tne mother and the tiny monkey
are doing well.'

_
A Ilissouri paper offers this for the requiem of a
departed contemporary :
Leaf by leaf the roses tall,
Nam by dime the purse runs dry;
One I y one, beyond reeall.
Mushroom papers droop and die.

The following queer birth notice appears In a coun-
try paper In Ohio:—'• On Monday morning, April 17, to
W B. and Jennie C. Beam, a daughter, shall vote when she
1011.

---
A may writes to a New York paper to know if it is
proper—that to, If It Is ladylike—to retsllate by squats ug
back when a man equetzas her hand. Mr. Editor answers—
Wel,, you might ig mere easy, jest enough to let him know
that you are not ossposed to to mean about It. But don't
turn round and ask Bins, " flow to that for high 1" or he might
think you too forward

Elder Knapp. the great revivaliet of religion down
In Arkansas, when abut to baptise a new convert, called out
In aloud voice Does any one know any reason why this
man should not be baptised :" and to Ms surprise a long
specimen of an Arkansas traveller shouted in response
" See here, Mister Preacher. I don't want to interfere In that
ere business of yours, but It you expect to get the sin all out
of that old tun )ou will leave to anchor him out hi the river
over night."
An American contemporary publishes the following
advertisement of a truant husband by a deserted wife ,—" lle
is a tall man about fifty years old, has considerable money
and a high forehead, long faced and lantern-jawed man, a
bad man with a Oat like a giant, and has often beat me, and
I want him to end his days in a penitentiary, where he
belongs; and he wears a grey coat, with a very large mouth,
and one blue eye, and one blind eye, and a hide...looking
man, and I want him brought slap up in the law with blue
pante."

An American young man was requested by an old
lady to road the newnpapar for her Ile took it up and read as
follow.—' Last night yesterday morning, about one o'clock
in the afternoon, before breakfast, a tiungry boy, about forty
years old, bought a big custard for a levy, and Airew It
throi gh • brick wall nine feet thick, and jumping over It
broke his tight aY Me off above his left knee, and fell Into a
dry mill pond and wasdrowned. About forty year, after that
on the name day an old cat had nine turkey gobblers ; a high
wind blew Yankee Doodle on a frying pan, and killed a sow
and tee dead pigs at Boston, where a . eaf and dumb man
was talking to his Aunt Peter." Whereupon the old lady
taking a long breath, a:clamed, " De tell."

name

SEASONABLE. A Correspondent whose
and address we withhold, because his mental condi.
Hon is evidently seriously affected by the weather,
writes to ask us to tell him of any quarter or street
in London, called after one of the months of the year,
besides Mayfair, and suggests ancther suitable name
of the same sort— Junewet.—Punch.
A SHOCKINO BEATS!. - An inquest has been
heldin London, at the Charing-cross Hospital, touching
the death of Louisa Jenkins, aged eighteen years. The
deceased, it speared, was a domestic servant in the
employ of Wood, a watchmaker. Os Thursday
afternoon in last week she went up to the top front
room with a child three years old. Shortly afterwards
a load crash was heard, and the deceased was found
lying or the fl egstones in front of the house. She was
, quite dead. The top part of the window was down,
and see had evidently fallen from that part of the
how*. Upon examining the room it was found that
dec. ased had got three chairs, two of which were
placed clue together, and one was put on the two in
fr,eit of the window. She had not been cleaning the
windows, and whether she leaped from the window to
destroy her life, or fell out by accident is unknown.
She had had a quarrel with her mistress, and was to
ilaVti left the situation on the day of her death. The
jury returned a verdict "That the deoeseed was killed
by falling from a window, but whether by accident or
not the evidence failed to show."

Da. LiVINCIOTONE.—At the ordinary meeting of
the Royal Geographical Society on Monday evening,
Sir R.C.Rawlinson presiding, amongst the papers read
was a letter communicating Dr. Kirk's views on Dr.
Livingstone's position and movements. Sir Roderick
c ismunicates that he has received a letter from Dr.
Kirk, dated 30th April, 1871, in which he states that
although no one at Zanzibar had been to Matiewsh
(the place where Dr. Livingstone was last lewd of),
he had ascertained that it was stout a month's j our-
ney, say 200 or 300 miles west of Tangenyka and is •
thriving ivory mart. Dr. Kirk is of opinion that
Livingstone had been led thither to examine •
western lake he had heard of, and into which
the waters from Cazembe fliwed, whither they
may go to the west and the Congo, or to the
north and Nile basin. He further hopes that
f Livingstone should have settled the outflow of the
Tangenyka, he will be satisfied, sad leave all the rest
of the work to future travellers, seeing that he has
been out upwards of five years, and must surely want
i rest. It s satisfactory to know that abundant supplies
are waiting for the Doctor at litji on his return. Dr.
Kirk aide that, as the rains will soon he over, he can
, send any letters or parcels to Ujji in about a month
that is, about the Ist of June. The President said it
was very satisfactory to know that Dr. Livingstone
was within hail, and that the place where he was
stationed was well known as a thriving ivory mart, to
which merchants were constantly travelling, and be-
tween which and the sea coast there was constant com-
munication,

SETTLING A HYPCCONDRIAC.—The author of
" A Century of Scottidi Life," dee., relater the follow-
bag :
A Scottish trader of eccentric habits era. constantly
troubled about his health. Ile believed himself a sufferer
from every epidemic which visited the locality, and could
hardly be induced to change his sentiments even on the
assurance of his physician. At length the cattle plague broke
out, and reading in his newspaper • description of the
malady, he begth to persuade himself that he was " fu "
fr
t/ie disease. Hastily summoning " the doctor," he expatiated
on Ms aliment, which of course resembled that of which he
had been reading. "1 hops you really don't feel so,' Inter-
rupted the M.D., "for there is an order by the Privy Cone.
di that even beast wlth thew symptoms; must Immediately
be shot." The trader felt better.

GOING, GOING !—A debate in the House of
Commons en the New Forest has informed us of "the
sale of incomparable old trees for firewood "—"an
ancient yew-wood contemporaneous with the ('on.
queror," having fetched as much as ktit) We would
suggest to those who have the miernansgement of this
sort of thing that a great deal of msney, much more
than sixty pounds, might be made by selling the old
castles and other picturesque but unproductive ruins,
the property of the Crown, for building or paving
materials. —Punch.
111011 WAT ROBBERY. —A most brutal highway
robbery was committed at an early hour on Sunday
morning at Nottingham. It appears that shortly after
midnight Mr. Cross, a butcher, residing in Portland'
road, was walking home from his shop in the town, and
while passing along Shakespeare•street lie was violently
attacked from behind by several persons. He received
a severe blow on the side of the head from some heavy
instrument, which felled him to the ground and nearly
cut off his right ear. Ile was then kicked in a most
brutal manner, and one of his ankles was broken, lie
became insensible, and the ruffians then robbed him of
£l5 in cash and decamped. Mr. Criss lay insensible
for some time, when he was found by some neighbours
and conveyed home, where for several hours he re-
mained in a critical state. So quietly did the men
approach Mr. Cross that he did not know he WSS being
followed until Le received the blow on the head.

CADMUS AND CAPDWELL.—CardweIi and Cad-
mus are names that may be associated otherwise than
by alliteration. Cadmus slew a Dragon; Cardwell
has a Dragon to slay, namely, Purchase. He will
then be in a position, as it were, to sow the Dragon's
teeth as Cadmus did, and reap the same crop. What
• p.ty that Purchase is not a material Dragon, for then
its teeth would enable Cadmus Cardwell to recruit the
British Army at considerably less expense than he pro-
bably will.—Punch.
• LIE WILLING HAND AND COURAGEOUS HEART!
—A wager once came off, the tents of which were as
follows t—` I will bet any man I:100 that he cannot
make a million strokes with pen and ink within •
month." They were not to be mere dots or scratches;
but fair down strokes, such as form the child's first
lesson in wri.iog. A gentleman acceptedthe challenge.
The month allowed was the lunar munth, of only 2.. t
clays ; so that for the completion of the undertaking
an average of 36,000 strokes per diem was required.
, This, at 60 per minute, or 3,600 per hour—and neither
the human intellect nor the human hand can be ex-
pected to do more—would call for ten hours' labour in
est ry twenty-four. With a feeling of the respect due
to the observance of the Sabbath, he determined to
abstain from his work on Sundays, and by this deter-
mination he diminished by four days the period allowed
for him, at the same time, by so doing, he increased
the daily average of his strokts to upwards of 41,000.
On the first day he executed about 50,000 strokes; on
the second nearly as many. But at length, after many
days, his hand became stiff and wary, the wrist
swollen, and without interrupting his progress over the
paper, it required the almost constant attendance of
some assiduous friend to besprinkle it with a lotion
calculated to relieve and Invigorate it. Oa the 23rd
day the million strokes, exceeded by some few thou-
sands, "to make assurance doubly sure," were accom-
plished; and the piles of paper that exhibit tnetn
testify that, to the courageous heart, the willing hand,
' and the energetic mind nothing is impossible. These
interesting papers are not placed in the archives of the
Royal Society, of which their author is a fellow, but
were claimed and received by the person who made
the wager.