The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1879-04-19 00:00:00

JOCULAR CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN
PAPERS.

A lecturer has remarked that it wouldn't be a very
violent stretch of the imagination to believe "that a Massa-
chusetti baby. six months old, sits on its mother's lap, eyeing
his own cradle, to see if he could not invent a better; or at
least suggest acme improvement."

A stranger meeting a man in the street of New
York, roughly accosted kim with, "Here, I want to go to the
'Tremont Hotel' ".—The deliberate reply was, "Well, you
may go, if you don't be gone long."

_
The editor of a New York paper, in reply to a Pitts-
burgh editor, who contended that an "immense fortune"
was not likely to give happiness, offers to settle the question
by having it tested to his Own person.
"Never marry for wealth," says an American
authority on life &c., "but remember that it is just as easy
to love a girl who has a brick house with a Mansard roof and
a silver-plated door-bell as one wko has not anything but an
auburn head and an amiable disposition."
A Chicago daily paper thus pushes business while
disseminating interesting information :—A newspaper in
the inside coat-pocket lately saved a man's life irons an
assassin's bullet. The time is not far distant when if will be
suicidal for a man not to take a daily paper. Now, then, is
the time to subscribe.
A Yankee paper alludes to a dog which, after
howling an hour in front of the editor's house, had to ad-
journ for repairs.
A temperance editor, in drawing attention to an
article against ardent spirits in one of his papers, says
"For the effect of intemperance see our inside."

A Cincinnati bard tried the experiment of writing
sonnets for one paper and criticising them in another. It
worked well until it was found out.

Broken Heart is the romantic name of a railroad
station in Minnesota; but the Southern Pacific will have a
much more practical and satisfactory name on its time table
when it reaches the mining town of Fried Liver, in
Arizona.

One of the old blue laws of Connecticut said, "No
one shall run on the Sabbath day, except reverently."
Imagine a man just out of church pursuing a flying hat
reverently before a high wind and in the presence of an
interested congregation.
In Texas, a judge broke down with emotion in
sentencing a desperado to be hanged. The condemned one,
surprised at the scene, said, as he was taken back to jail,
"I feel sorry for the judge."
A farmer, residing near Utica, while being run away
with by a pair of frightened horses, shouted "I leave my
wife 10,000 dollars; no time to make a will !" lie is still
alive.
Episode in a political convention at Titusville,
Pennsylvania :—The Chairman: "The chair will not dispute
the point with Mr. Jobson." Mr. Jobson : "The Chair had
better not, unless he takes his coat off." The chair dia not.
It is asserted of a Philadelphian that he died " w Itn
out by too revere mental efforts in the study of how to live
without work."
The Cincinnati Enquirer makes the following correc:
tion :—" For it's a poor mule that won't work both ways,
in yesterday's issue, please read, it's a poor rule,' etc."
In a little town in Missouri a lady teacher was
exercising a class of juveniles in mental arithmetic, She
commenced the question: If you buy a cow for ten dollars—"
when up came a little hand. "What is it, Johnny?" "Why
you can't buy no kind of a cow for ten dollars. Father sold
one for sixty dollars the other day, and she was 3 regular old
scrub at that."