The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1855-11-13 00:00:00

SUPPLEMENT TO THE LIVERPOOL STANDARD•

A DEAF AND DUMB PERSON being asked what were
his ideas of forgiveness, took a pencil and wrote---" It
is the odour which flowers yield when trampled upon."
" I'VE just looked in to see if you are doing well,"
as the cook said to the lobster, when she lifted up the
saucepan lid.
- - -

WHAT is the height of imagination ?---Having dined
at a tavern to imagine you have paid the waiter, and
for him to suppose so too.
A YOUNG LADY at an examination of Grammar, was
asked why the noun bachelor was singular. She re-
plied immediately with much naïveté, " Because it is
very singular they don't get married."

WOMEN are the Corinthian pillars that adorn and
support society ; the institutions that protect women
throw a shield around children ; and where women
and children are provided for, man must be secure in
his rights.

IN the reign of George I. a pamphlet was printed,
recommending a scheme for paying off the National
Debt ; amongst other items was a tax of ten shillings
a year on periwigs, which alone was computed to
produce yealy a million of money !
A LADY at sea, full of apprehension in a gale of
wind, cried out among other pretty exclamations,
"We shall go to the bottom---mercy on us, how my
head swims !" " Zounds, madam, never fear," said
one of the sailors, " you can never go to the bottom
while your head swims !"
" MASTER BUGGAINS, come up and tell me who
was Cleopatra ?" " Cleopatra was sister to one of the
pyramids of Hegypt, and come to her unhappy hend
by swallerin of a wasp," " Good boy, good boy; you'll
be a Gibbon one of these days."
SEDITION.—The surest way to prevent seditions (if
the times do bear it) is to take away the matter of
them; for if there be fuel prepared, it is hard to tell
whence the spark shall come that shall set it on fire.—
Lord Bacon.

A PRIVATE of the Galloway Rifles was recently
standing sentry when an officer, noticing that he had
a black eye, accosted him and charged him with having
been fighting. " Please sir," replied the soldier, "it
was for that you engaged me."
THE MOMENTOUS QUESTION.—Wife-beating appears
to be an amusement which has reached to such a fear-
ful extent, that we should advise young ladies, when
the question is popped, to put the preliminary inter-
rogative to these would-be husbands of " Do you bruise
your wife ?"

A SPORTSMAN of the Munchausen school, boasting
that he had shot 999 pigeons at one shot, was advised
to add one when he next told the story, for the sake
of even numbers. " What !" exclaimed he, in great
dudgeon, " do you think, then, I would tell a lie for the
sake of a pigeon ?"
THE late George Lamb being congratulated by a
friend upon his recent election for Westminster, ob-
served that it was scarcely a subject of congratulation,
as the necessity for his attendance at the house might
force him to quit the bar. " I don't apprehend that,"
replied his friend ; " what is to prevent your being
both house-Lamb and bar-Lamb ?"

I%in. BIITTERWORTH gave evidence in a recent law
case, and Serjeant Buzfuz wished to shake Butter-
worth's credit. So, cross-examining another witness,
he asked him " What is Butter worth ?" " Thirteen
pence a pound," was the answer, although I have paid
as much as —" A roar of laughter extinguished
Serjeant Buzfuz.
SECOND NATURE.—Physical force, moral force, and
the police force are all very powerful things ; and so
is the force of habit. It killed a young gentleman,
last month, at Bunbury Academy. He was the only
boy left at school in the holidays, and the very first
walk he took he split himself, poor fellow, in trying to
walk two and two.—American paper.
SIR THOMAS LAWRENCE was accused in company of
paying attentions to ladies without meaning anything,
and a gentleman present said some very hard things
of the male coquette. A lady, however, defended him,
saying " she really believed the majority of women
would rather be courted and jilted, than not courted
at all."

HEALTH,---Health is the soul that animates all the
pleasures of lif,e ; and without it a man starves at the
best of tables-4$ poor and wretoh9d an the midst of

the greatest treasures. Without health, youth loses
all its vigour, beauty all its charms ; music is grating
to the ears ; conversation disagreeable ; palaces are
prisons, riches useless, honours and attendants cumber-
some, and crowns themselves a burthen.
Do AS YOU PRo3iisE.---There is no necessity for
breaking your word. In the first place, never pro-
mise anything, unless you know it to be in your power
to fulfil : and in the second place, make up your mind,
before you promise, that whatever you do promise you
will fulfil. By so doing, you will gain and enjoy the
confidence of those around you. When such a
character is established, it will be of more value than
ermine, gold, or princely diadem.
THE HoN. NYRUM REYNOLDS, of Wyoming county,
one of the American barristers of a former generation
was one day accused in court of bad penmanship and
worse spelling. " Gen'l'men o' the jury," said he,
" learned counsel on the other side finds fault with my
writin' and spellin', as though the merits of the case
depended upon such matters ! I'm agin luggin' in
any sich outside affairs, but I will say that a man must
be a peat fool who can't spell a word more than one
way. The jury sympathised with Reynolds, and
rendered a decision in favour of his client.

TORIES, WHIGS, AND RADICALS.—"He said he could
tell a man's politics by his shirt. ' A Tory, sir,' said
he, for he was a pompous old boy was old Blue-Nose ;
' a Tory, sir,' said he, ' is a gentleman, every inch of
him, stock, lock, and barrel ; and he puts on a clean
frill shirt every day. A Whig, sir,' said he, 'is a
gentleman, every other inch of him, and he puts an
unfrilled one on every other day. A Radical, sir, ain't
no gentleman at all, and he only puts on one of a Sun-
day. But a Chartist, sir, is a loafer ; he never puts
one on till the old one won't hold together no longer,
and drops off in pieces.—Sam Slick in England.
RUBINI having been informed that his statue in
white marble was about to be executed as an orna-
ment to the forum of his native town, he, with his
habitual insouciance, and little touched with the
honour intended him, demanded how much it would
cost. On being answered that the expense would be
1,2001., he said, " Well, then, let them give me the
money, and when the day intended for the inaugura-
tion arrives, I will place myself in propria persona
on the pedestal, so that the town will enjoy the
original instead of a copy, and I shall be 1,200 f. the
richer."
THE BEEFSTEAK CLUB.---The well-known Cobb
(the late Secretary at the India-house) was, on one
occasion, vice-president of this club, and filled the
chair opposite to Alderman —, who, as president,
sat at the head of the table. The member in the
president's chair was, by inveterate usage, the subject
for universal attack ; puns, jokes, and repartees were
levelled at him in unmerciful abundance, and on this
occasion the vice-president Cobb' led him a sad life.
At last the Alderman exclaimed, " Would to heaven I
had another vice-president. Oh ! that I had a gentle-
man opposite me." " Why should you wish any such
thing," said Cobb, " you cannot be more opposite to a
gentleman than you are at present."
HAIR DRESSING A LA RACHEL.—The New York
hair-dressers have just introduced a new style of
dressing hair under the above title. It is thus
described :—" The back hair is plaited in the wide
Circassian braid, and arranged so as to form a star ; a
Grecian braid, through which pearls are interwoven,
is brought round, forming a border or trimming to
the wider braid, and in the centre a diamond star
shines forth from a contrasting background of black
velvet. Between each of the four points of the star
are placed bunches of small flowers, violets, myrtle
blossoms, or rosebuds, with pendant sprays falling on
each side of the neck; the two upper clusters-meet
the front, which is looped up in two thick curls,
brought down rather long on the face."
GOLDEN APHORISMS.---" The slanders, perchance,
may be not altogether forged or untrue ; they may be
the implements, not the invention of malice. But
they do not, on this account, escape the guilt of
detraction. It is not expressible how deep. a wound a
tongue sharpened to this work will give, with no noise
and a very little word."---Coleridge's Aids to Reflec-
tion. " When you say somewhat good of a man,
which he does not deserve, there is no wrong done to
him in particular. Whereas, when you say evil of a
man which he does not deserve, there is a direct,
formal, serious injury ; a real act of injustice done to

him. Even in a case Nirl
let the true character be
to be a bad man, thong'
no words can express to(
should be used."---Bish(
Government of the Tong

WO3IEN'S -LOVE OF.
women love flowers, in
gays of them ; but it is
that they conceive the
dwellings with them..
among the peasantry in. dl
feelings. It is a delica,
way through coarse orga,
eyes are opened : it is a see
of the soul which is awake
that there is in the gifts
than is necessary for exist
are perceived for the fin
objects have at least sp
travelled in the country
under the window, a hon(
cottage, are always a goof
The hand which cultivate:
the supplications of the
stranger.
CROMWELL AND LID'
of Marston Moor, Cromv
suit of the Royalists, pm,
seat of Sir William Ingill
his troop a relation of Si
announce his arrival. Ha`
obtained an audience, he
no such person should b
had force sufficient to dt
against all rebels. The
sented the extreme folly
and that the safest way w,
peaceably. After much 7
advice of her kinsman, a
gate of the lodge with a
apron-string, and having
neither he nor his soldit
led the way to the hall
jealous of his intentions;
At his departure in the
" It was well he had be,
ner ; for that had it bee
have left that house alive.
OLD TORY I
George the First, Richar'
been Treasurer to the NI
the South Sea mania, had
in aid of his private spe(
which he had become
295,000, petitioned par,
allowing him to compoum
having already paid half
and reversionary estates.
Mr. Arthur Onslow said;
ancient family, and in p:
his great-grandfather (J,
most noble and couragei
power, in opposing shipmE
in the glorious cause of
something done for his
Whig sophistry, Mr. Shi]
opposition, wittily said,
upon the merits of the gr,
was sure of, that his grea'
sh,lpinoney than ever h(
King Charles I. ever inter
WHAT ARE YOUR OPIN
people to their own notiL
any persons for friends, or eves- jay V,'
not entertain similar views. Th,e.004
made a point of strictly cross-que.s.dni fay tit'
tics as to their religious and politle,'; Irr.4!
engoged them. While residing on ne5011,1
groom presented himself to be hired, I cod
ani
hand not to compromise himself 04,,510
replies. " What are your opinions f
orilslo,rooo,
first demand. " Indeed, then, Yo ul* 0%49
I have just none at all at all." " ° boa
you must have some, and I insist ul)°,llpv ofe„
" Why, then, your honour's glory, 1.17:" tot'
world just the same as your Lordships and
can have no objection to state theta:, trs
frankly what is your way of thinlang' i 4
it my way of thinking you mane bY, of 0'
Why, then, I am exactly the sainC sv3)