The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1870-04-23 00:00:00

STOURBEIDGE OPSERVES

' zvl.yr-winged to " can do, let them try now, d depend
upon It we shell have okra " rhoughtful Husband. " and
fewer "Neglected W milk"— Yours, rte JUSTICE.

I have been married now some years, and am there-
fore entitled to give my opinion on the subject of" Ne-
glected Wires and ilusbands " for that there are as many
of one as the other, I have n.,t the least doubt And I think
that the greatest cause of this neglect is dissentt n, which
°ten commence, from the most trivial occurrences, but at
hat assumes the mastery over all discretion, and causes us
to say and 'Io things which obliterate respect for each other,
and thus kill I ye, for withont respect love cannot exist.
Hots- of tench we find trifling things, which out of doors would
to' passed over without comment, upset the harmony of home
which the slighteat control of tongue and temper would have
prevented ! Does it not behove everyone, both man and
wife, to exercise this control? And I maintain that, if exer-
clssd, there would be far less neglected wives and 11119,.111i5.
—Yours, die, AN NCED HUSBAND.

Having read the letters in your paper, referring to
neglected husbands and wives, I beg to say I think people
most make troubb,e for thematic,. I have now been a site
for one year .11 hib months, and. can only say, it has been
the happiest tune of my life. I have no family, therefore
there would be mute excuati for my husband spending hia
evenings out, having with gto anima him. I cannot help
thinking it is the wife's fault it she does not contrive to
make her limb aul's home comfortable and happy titer he
has been toiling all day for her. Many of my [milli dotances
will not allow their hush tide to smoke in the pine., I can-
but refrain fr..m saying that I think the men or • opite right
in going where they are all,wed that Inicuty. My hoshan
al awl spei.dl his evening. at home with me, im king and
reeding the paper.—l remain, y,iite tODF.
ONE WHO WOULD NOT BE UNMARRIED FOR WORLDS.

•
I will not cease to aNinpatillse with the "Ti-mice
Mother," the " Devoted Wile," or the "Neglected Wife,"
but all I ask is jost one kind word fir that poor, sad, forlorn,
lonely creature, "The Widow," Now, to y a 1. for one
appeal We want yoor advice—your guidance. We have
the rich widow—ay, and the poor wloow ; we have the
blue-stocking widow and the monliy-paniley ditto ; we have
the linnine, wee, sprightly W:110W, and we have the flat-
footed frumpy a-blow—the black-eyed, the blip-eyed, the
loving-eyed, and, yes, the artful, WiOOW. All
have their own particular charm or vies versa; but still
they are, and mind be styled, unlispa widows. They
did live, they wine devoted, ever fond, ever faith-
ful ; hut now, sad, desolate. forlorn. NVill yon not, can you
not, ho the grand philanthropist of the day, and conceive
some gond, wholesome sc,erne for setting these lonely ones
once more in the hemisphere to pendia' ly their own? It
strikes nee that it is lit your province to tell us what we
ought to do. Once in four years—that dear delicious
lesp year—l am tol I we are allowed the privilege of
selection. Yes, then we may ask for the love, the pro-
tection—may 1 say the fond adoration ?—of the nobler
Ben; but what do we get in retool for our long cooped-up
courage? Nothing but a quiet "No," and a red petticoat (a
silk one). Well, is red petticoat is good in its way ; but what
we want is truth, cheerily, love, and happiness. [laving
once—oh, yes, truly once—known its bliss, don't think Os
very wicki d if we say well try it ag tin : only allow us the
chance —Find a corner for this lament, and you will
oblige yours truly ONE OF TIIE FORLOESS.

I venture to make • practical suggestion, which, if It were
acted on, would tend, perhaps in no slight degree, to lessen
the nurnber of "Neglemed Wives"—al d "Neglected
Hus-
bands;' for there are such also. Let the husband be" thought-
ful nough, front the earliest period of Ma mai ried life, to
keep his mother in-low at an aff,mtionate hut respecibil
&stance; not to allow her to have too close and constant
personal Intercourse with his wife. And I would say the
some thing with itg trd to his unmarried sister-in-law, if that
sister-In-law happens to be an elder sister to iii, wife—
especially if else banners, through is appointment of ad-
visee ng yews, to lie toting the mob Ole chance of forming
co: local ties herself : anti, still more especially, both with
regard to his mother-In-law and sister-in-law, if they happen
to be ladies who claim to be strong.mintleti and who a
warmly for the intlmientience and r ghts of women, such
an influence allowed to come In constant contact with
V° wife, especially if she he of a more plastic nature,
and without the most consummate tact and judgment
to counteract it, It Is apt to act as the thin end of the
wedge, disturbing the absolute unity which ought to Vie
entire and irreparable between her husband and herself.
o.her ears, other hearts are open to her ; unconsciously she
is rendered le.ta wholly dependent upon his. In the little
differei cea which will arise betaeen the hest regulated
couples she gets her mother's and sister's sympathy ; they
take her part as against her husband's ; tie husband feels
that there is a cloud, which, et first no bigger than a niatt's
hand, has yet risen over the molehill.) of his home he
becomes, however, slightly, touchy and restrained. 0 her
differences arise ; they magnify as they multiply. The
mother mid sister no longer sympathise ; or, rather, they do
more—they either commiserate "pier dear Mary," who
stung by their pity settles down angrily or sullenly into the
notion th it she is ill-ured, or they advise her to resist ; and
resistance meaus—what 1 A henpecked husband, era holm
divided against itaelf—and such a house cannot stand ; It
falls, and amid Its main wanders either a neglected or
forsaken husband or wife.

When domeafie differences have become chronic, it is
often hard to say whe, any one quarrel has S earn.; but I
think that the first outl t to the w..tof s of strife may oft- n
,riced hack to such sn unwholesome influence as I have
a hided to heing allowed to infer, e-ti with, till it take the
place of, that I, dime's which eve, y husband ouaht to have
and exercise ova Ids wife, cud which it ought to be the
honour of the wife, and nit a thin.; unworthy of her, to
acknowledge as supreme. Let the young Malaita, then,
beware of tains intim close quart, rs with his mother-in-law
and let him chetish affectionately, but at a distance from
himself and wife, any 'shier arid strong-minded "Sister
Anne."—! am, -qr., yours, rt.:.

The discussion now going on In your paper Is being
read with a great deal of interest, not only by the married
folk, but also by those who have themselves some hope of
enteriog upon the blessed ;? state of matrimony. Some wives
thot I know, when their huabands come home in the evening,
imrnedbitely commence asking numerous irritating questions
relative to business, and then annoy them by dot riling all
the little domestic affairs and grievances that have happened
• tiring the day—how Sarah was an In.tir longer than she
ought to have been sweeping the alining nmm, ann how cook
was in a fowl tenmer, anal had he-ti rather impertinent, Bad
vsnons other trifler that cannot interest a nim. Let her not
form t that no matter how worried she may have been during
the day ;ho als has been much perplexed, and coulee home
to dud rest. It she UM ks continually of this she will en-
deavour to meet hint always with a cheerful countenance
and loving worn; then. when women learn to do thie, we
shall have very few complaints from negleeed wives " lint
• word or two to." thoughtless husbands " When your wives
thus study SOU, do not take it altogether as a matter of
course, but show them—as you earl in hundreds of ways—that
you are gra,eful, .cl that sou filly appreciate their for-
bearance. Ricuter says That love requires not so 11111.1
proofs es expressions of love." It would be well it both hus-
bands and wives would think of this maxim.—l an. Sir,
yours, &a., rETITE.

I am very hopeful of the good that will come out of
all this wordy war, and beg to add my mite of experience of
twelve years of married life. Now, ales! lam without the
happiness, but I can look back to much of solid comfort, and
truly believe that matters would have been much better if
we had seeu ourselves "as ithers see us" The vast majority
of people marry on slight knowledge of each other ; they
have n nor :an they create, the constant opportunity of
being le each other's society, toy which means the knowledge
of character and mutual fitness may be ascertaitoed There
must he a shuilatity of thought or a happy "spirit of ac-
e aninotiation." This is the basis of all future comfort,
betw en two classes as wele apart as the poles, the re-
ligious and the nonreligious worid the former is 111 ac-
commml ite from brinciale, the latter
.from motives of
expetency ; the first will always be, the litter seem to be. I,
sea medical man, are panty of both classes. I feel that I
shall be quite safe, in a future choice, if I select a woman,
who from girlhood to maturity has been alw,ys the same
type of character. known by nll to be suet. My avocations
walla deny me the constant opportueities others have,
although it may furnish use with special facilities for
knowledge of character ; but I shell he quite content to
trust my happiness and my cloildreo's to this common
groundwork of action, without which I could not respect
the woman, nos would she understand me. Husband and
wife must be all to each other. Their tastes niay be dis
similar, but there must be enilmance of each other's weak-
neves. It- is bad policy to shelve a huslianri's " hobby,. to
snub him to her female "advisers "—a class that ought to be
shut out of every home—and to make him feel uncomfortable
at her waist of goml breeding or taste. lift woman, like the
drowning tailor's wife, will cry "Sensors" as long as she has
breath, let her; but to husbands that are to come to those
in mistence, to the candidate wires er widow., twill say
real love will find out the approach to tlw most stntoborn
heart ; and, if religious life comes after marriage, you have
a power sure to win sootier or later—the course of prays-r—
-and the exhibition on your own part of a life, silfPrent it may
be to the pa.t, but consistent with the new life you have an.
calved.—Yours, she.. ViaTult.

Having fat Oiled the three phases of womanhood as
wife, mutter, and, alas ! widow, I cm speak fr m the ful-
ness of a womm's nature to the hear,. of my young sisters,
and bid them he of god cheer anti "go on to meet the
shadowy future" of wifedom "without fear and with a brave
heart." Can it he that the women of England, who possess
the happy privilege of choo-ing their husbands. are so weak,
to mint for the post of a wife, as to take to walling In the
public papers over th-ir private NV..., thoiehy disclosing
theirown untitnt ss to be the companion if a man I It has been
Bald by s cynic that "man is the natural foe of n woman "
Truly, there might be some excuse for hishecomingto when he
firms the woman wh m he has chmen PS his "companion for
Hie" guilty of the treachery of esprit-lug the misery of his
home to the public. Let our "girls" know early how to help
in making "home" happy Parents should cultivate the special
gifts of their datighters, iookin g on into the future, when
suih "hived honey "mop prove sweet and supporting In
time of need, it is said, "Men, as a rule, are selfish." lie
it an. Self-ahnegation in a woman may lie a virtue, where in
a man it might be deemed a weakness. It seems to me that,
if sisters would study their brothers in the home. life, it
might help them to the better understanding of the value of
feminine influence over the nia•coline nature. Men r,truire
not on much the comforts a 1 a home an Its brightness. /hey
return from the external file—weary If they work, " bored "
it file. Let them lino affection and cheerfulness to greet
them on the threshold, and then "home" will be to either
brother or husband all that the sweet Elelish word Is meant
to express. A wife must study and guide the idiosyncrasies
of the husband she has given Wall to. This is not weak-
ness, but strength.— Yours dm., V. J. M. R.

As a sympathiser with neglected husbands, I would
prefer at alteration of poor thle to "Neglected Husbands
and lhouiihtiers Wives." lam sure there are ninny who will
agree with me in this part icolir; for how ninny are there,
hard-working, earliest, and active business nice, up early and
late in order to provide for and raise their wives and families
ti n higher position In life, when be returns to his lime alter
the labours of the dav—perhips after mine misfortune or
unforeseen loss in trade, things tio• having succeeded accuM-
ing to his expectations—finds himself ra!h.r irritable aid in-
disposed, which acts as a natural consequence of disappoint-
ment, instead of meeting with cordial sympathy and kind-
ness trim the psi tiler it his life, Is creme(' to sharp criticisms
on hissoimiled carelessness, an wli) did not you do so anti so
—the consequence of which is, unless the husband is one In a
thousand, a sharp display ot anger and turmoil, and through
the wont of wisdom on the part of the wife I hope thought,
leis wives will give a little more attention to their husbands'
comfort and happiness, renismiaring that it was for this Im-
portont object that they were first crested. And may this
discusttion lead many wives; and young ladies also, to emulate
tliose virtues of which the who man speaks when he says
a viituons and wise woman is rattier to he chosen than
theumuds of gold and silver," is the earnest desire of
W. P. H.

I have been Mitch interested in reading the con*.
spondence about "Neglected Wives." Not one of yoer cot,
r,,,mindents appear to give %eat I consider the true reorient
im.trinionial unl,ppine.. I hell, ye them to los amply
these. le nine eases oat of ten, courtship ends at the altar;
or, in Other words, the same care is not taken to phase or
study each other after mari lege as before. What girl thinks
of going out If she expects her lover? Octet she allow him to
lii d her to slovenly attire, sitting fuming and grumbling over
petty troubles? Do they not generally make the best of
themselves, and, it they have been In trouble, endeavour to
iqq-ear all smiles and sunshine ? But Wm the saine girt
atter marriage. ahe has attained the height of her ambition
—a busbai.d. home, and prob tidy a position. Very soon her
husband and her home, lostead i f being her first Wady, are
her list, and only s-ught Ps a last ro.ource alien ont-doer
;tenures else to please. The "Neglemed Husband" comes
home to thal his wile onc, his evenirg meal left to the
,rvant ; so, bright face to cheer him—all 10.. ks desolate
r..or mail he might as well he a•nele. It it to be won-
aered a, if, atter perhaps a succesren of lonely meals, he
avoids his home, and seeks c adoliship eltewhere? Toe
second reason, t bel,eve, of unhappine4s h—women are to
fond of striking the iron while it is hot The husband
returns, tired and worried with business; perhimi may utter
a hasty word. 'lhe wife, imitead of keeping quiet, uses her
.ledge-hainmers of remonstrance, and at the some time pours
um his already weary ear ad her fancied grievances. Would
the only wait until her hosband ban coo'ed a little, and thee
in a gentle, I dong way remonstrate, and inquire the cause of
his vexation, nun would not be so ready to run away mum
home to avoid being henpecked. We have been married
live yeam and era as happy as the days are lens; each year
seems happler th m the I.c. I hove always felt that we are
'eoors still, and take mere cry to Fleise my
or liii li.
1100 i tile, .111.11 eV Wt LV SOil,.ll.ig. t .1• .•

I let him alone, and all smni conies right. We I,re no
Willy, hut are perfectly contented 111 each other's soci-ty,
and consider our liornie the dearest place on earth. If I cn
only induce one out of the many who will read this to pr tit
by these hints, I shall feel that I have given my mite towards
lersening the number of "Thoughtless Husbands" or
"Neglected Wives."—Y.nrs etc ,

ISt:SIDER I.WO Wli WorLD NOT BE
UNMARILIED r.g WORLDS.

I am • husband of nearly thirty years' expel lence,
and. I thought this morning that the face of my "old woman"
was as soft and as fair as It was some twenty-nine seasons
back. I think I can tell why. Ido not play at any game of
chance, I never get drunk, nor stop out o' nights Indeed, I
am only too glad to rest at home, and, above all, I court my
wife as much now as I did when she was "sweet eighteen."
111 can manage it, I remember her birth and wedding days
by a new dress, a jewel, or even a simple flower; and shout.'
she be sick I try all I know to smooth her pillow, and, above
all, I never allow either children or servants to rebel against
her authority as mistress of the h use—l need scarcely add
that the house is a happy home. I said to a would.be
huebacii the other day, "Look on: for a loving, affectionate
daughter add sister, and If you use her well you will get a
loving wife and mother for yourself and little ones."
"hi irriage is a thing, I Ulm it,
• Much what the coupleplease to make It."
Yours, die, FACT.

am of opinion that the "Neglec'el Wile' Is not
artful or clever (weigh to amuse and interest her husband
enfil,iently to keep him at home during the evening. A y sung
aPe sh-uld hear in mind that a luau's habi•s and pursuits
are totally different as a linchel,, or even so a married man,
to that of a woman; and it ta necessary that he should lie
weaned or !elm led gradually and carefully to a new mode
of life. fie has been accustomed to spend an his spire time
tsr roaming about going here, there, and everywhere : iri
sit Ye, always on the motion, indulging in the freedom and
licence of hie friends' chambers, and making up their parties
of pleasure, enlivened frequently by the fair sex In pur-
suing this sort of life, much money is spent unprofitably, and
frequently upon those whose intereet it is to use the art of
fascination, or worse, to trade upon the passions and
weakuesses of our sects but it Is exciting and enjoy-
able to a rational ext nt, and a good knowledge of
the world and its ways is gained. In my opinion a
man should have sufficient moral courage to resist mar-
ry lug until he feels that he has had enough of it, mitl can
settle down and appreciate a quiet home and the Live and
care of otie, and one only. But Ills too often the case that
a man hurries a young woman to bu ome his wife because
"other fellows are after her," and be is afraid of losing her,
or has become weary of the monotony of courtship. The
honeymoon is art agreeable change for both, but the hus-
band begins very soon t, tire of wandering through shady
groves, arid Mooll lug, and quoting scraps of poetry, and le
anal°. to get back to his business, or to see his bachelor
friends, and breathe freely and carelessly. Generally the
young wife is rather epooney, and hangs about him, wishing
to an wher,er he goes, particularly if she Inspects (as she
generally doe,) that he will see some pretty girls or an out
sweetheart; and she seminally assunies a look of revere
virtue. and treats his bachelor friends to a little gui t and
CAd dignity. Of course be becomes chilled, and dons not
care to give them a hearty invitation, particularly if his
means be limited. Now for my receipt. The young wife
should study her husband's disposition and habits, and be-
come acquainted with the extent of his means. 11 110 shows
any restlessness, or desire to go out at nights, she nay feel
certain that he craves for that which lie cannot obtain at
home, and she should act accordingly, and satisfy hie desirt s.
She should sympathise, talk, and take an interest In his
business or pleamiree, and keep him amused and Interested
by dbeuseing his favourite topics. He will soon find that it
is morn agreeable nail saving to walk out with his wife and
stay with her during the evening ; and if she would en-
courage him to Invite his friends, cans cr,rt, monk and brine
their sisters now and then. so notch the better. He will feel
proud of her; and she ought not to show jealousy or annoy-
ance, for she cart at any tirne, in a quiet way, weed them out
to her own liking. She should also get into the habit of
reading to him, partioularly if he is not a good talk, r. Young
married ladies bin frequently show a coldness to their hits-
band's bachelor friend., and will leave the room awl sit like
Patience upon a monument, instead of joining in conversa-
tion and keeping them Indoors smoking their cigars, and
listening to a little music. Alas ! music is generally for-
gotten after marriage, arni she Is no longer the feecinating
girl that she trail to be, but quiet and commonplace I fear
I have tresonseed too much upon your valuable space, but
will write again It my letter is appreciated —Your obedient
fervent, An ARTFUL DOG.

enter-priee ;if re,the French Governthent, a happy
131C11`o for releaeieg their prisoner, who, in prier to
preserve her rerut Itin, confessed the fact of tier
marriage with the Marquis P.l i.
After her release from pH-on, the heroine of the
second LA Ven;l,;. rising led a very quiet and retired
life. Site has lived to see the 11,1140 of Orleans ill
ex ;la, the Sour's,ne expelled from Spain, Naples, and
Parma. She has witnessed the rise and fall of a second
French Republic. She has beheld another Napnleon
reigning as Emperor in Franc-. Indeed, well nigh the
only member of the Royal houses of Europe with whom
she was connected, either by birth or by marriage,
whose fortunes have experienced no change doring the
last forty years, is her son, who remains in 1870 what
he was n 1839—Count of Chambord, of Froludorf, in
Lower Austria.