The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1876-05-13 00:00:00

AMERICAN HUMOUR.

• •
An Oregon paper refers to a new editor on a rival
journal as "a young man of frugal mental capacity."
A Detroit man has painted his dog red, because
somebody told him that the new law required all licensed
dogs to be so distinguished._

-
Aunt Jane having read in a Chicago newspaper that
a champion boatman would row a rival for two thousand
dollars a side, wanted to know how many sides the rival had

"You are a brilliant and versatile bouquet of love-
liness," said he with a voice that was low and soft, and in
return she warbled, "Dry up, George; you've said enough."

A Brooklyn bachelor mentions the fact that the
scratch of a female baby is always more sudden and tree-
cherons than that of a male baby.
The most valuable recent western contribution to
the language it a new verb—to "kornewoggle." Translated
freely, it means to swindle artistically
"Lunatic fringe" is the name given in New York to
the fashion of cropping the hair and letting the ends hang
down over the forehead.

A Detroit paper sagaciously remarks :—" A Russian
paper predicts that within five years all the European powers
will have a war on their hands. Let's keep neutral and sell
powder to each."
A New Yorker advertised an umbrella which he
had found, the other day, and a morning paper sent a re-
porter to interview him, and gives the public all the points
about the extraordinary man.

A New York man it was who sat a long time, very
attentively, musing upon a cane-bottom chair. At length
he said, "I wonder what fellow took the trouble to find all
them ar' holes and put straws round 'em.

We hear of a Washington lady who appeared in com'
pany in a calico dress the other evening. She supposed every-
body would shed tears over her goodness and economy; but
Instead everybody looked grieved and said, "Good gracious
what's your husband been doing?"

"What will you have ? " asked a waiter of one of
the Indiana editors, at the dinner in Philadelphia, as he
handed him a bill of fare. And the Hoosier with the high
forehead leaned back in his chair, wiped his forehead
thoughtfully with a napkin, and ejaculated sternly: Gim-
me all "

-- --
The editor of an Illinois paper thinks that fishing, as
a general rule, doesn't pay. Ile says, "We stood it all day
in the river last week, but caught nothing—until we got
home."
A man who has been travelling in the "far West'
says—but he probably misrepresents the matter—that when
an Idaho girl is kissed she indignantly exclaims, "Now put
that right back where you took it from!"
An old lady in a town of Pennsylvania lately re-
fu3ed the gift of a load of wood from a tree struck by light-
ning, through fear that some of the " fluid " might remain
in t:Ae wood, and cause disaster to her kitchen stove.

A ball, convention was held at Nuscatine, lowa,
reemtly. Fifteen m thers, ith their little 011FES, were
present, and voted on the question of the prettiest. Each
baby got one vote, and no more. Every mother voted for
her own offspring..

A Missouri editor, summing up the virtues of a soap-
boar, lately deceased, concluded his eulogy Mitil the usual
phrase of 'peace to Ws ashes " The rematk gave great
offence to the Lindy of the dead man, one of whom
threatened the editor with personal violence.

On one of the gentlemen in Congreßs I%yirg, "We
muFt return to the food of our ancestors," somebody asked,
" What food does he mean Thistles, I suppose," was
the reply.

A. Chicago newspaper says, "A brick fell from a
sc;4l)ld in De irborn street yesterday, and crashed through a
bridge underneath. What Colonel Jones has the doctor tr
this morning is because it was the bridge of his nose."

The following advertisement appeared recently in a
New York journal. It must have been written by a philo-
sopher or a first-class joker ;—" if the party who took a fancy
to my overcoat was influenced by the inclemency of the
weather, all right; but if by commercial considerations, I
am ready to negotiate for its return."

A pious girl recently discarded a poor young man to
whom she had long been engaged, and gave her hand to a
wealthy, grey-haired widower. She said she had made the
matter a subject of prayer, and that inspiration told her
afterwards that with the rich man's money she could do
great good in the way of converting sinners, and so she took
up the burden. It is only women who can so sacrifice them-
selves.