The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1858-03-23 00:00:00

Yarietiels.

As a proof of the hardness of the times there is • man
at Ohio who only kills half • pig at • time.
" When was Rome built r inquired a 'competitive
examiner.' "In the night, sir !" "In the night! how
do you make that out" "Why, sir, you know Rome
wasn't built in a day?'
A HlNT.—Certainly, no beings ever yet lived the life
Nature intended them to live, nor had fair play for
heart and mind, who contrived by hook or by crook—to
marry the wrong person. —Blookwood.
HOMELY WIT.—A short time ago, at a school in the
north of England, during a lesson on the animal king-
dom the teacher put the following question—" Can any
boy name to me an animal of the order edentata, that,
is, a front tooth toothless animal?' A boy (whose face
beamed with pleasure at the prospect of a good mark)
replied, "I can." "Well, what is the animal ?" asked
the teacher. "My grandmother !" replied the boy,
with great glee.
. .

QUIRT SURFACES AND THEIR PRRILS.—" Two fish pools
irradiated by • pair of stars would not kindle to greater
warmth than did those elderly orbs into which Harry
poured his gaze. Nevertheless, he plunged into their
blue depths, and fancied he saw heaven in their calm
brightness. So that silly dog (of whom ./Esop or the
Spelling-book used to tell us in youth) beheld • beef-bone
in the pond, and snapped it, and bet the beef-bone he
was carrying. 0, absurd cur ! He saw the beef-bone in
his own mouth reflected in the treacherous pool, which
dimpled, I dare say, with ever so many smiles, coolly
sucked up the meat, and returned to its usual placidity.
Ah ! what s heap of wreck lie beneath some of those
quiet surfaces! What treasures we have dropped into
them! What chased golden dishes, what precious
jewels of love, what bones after bones and sweetest
heart's flesh! Do not some very faithful and unlucky
dogs jump in bodily, when they are swallowed up heads
and tails entirely? When some women come to be
dragged, it is a marvel what will be found in the depth.
of them. Cavete, canes I Have a care how ye lap that
water. What do they want with us, the mischievous
syren sluts? A green eyed Naiad never rests until she
has inveigled a fellow under the water; she sings after
him, she dances after him ; she winds round him, glit-
tering tortuously; she warbles and whispers dainty
secrets at his cheek, she kisses his feet, she leers at him
from out of her rushes; all her beds sigh out, 'Come,
sweet youth ! Hither, hither, rosy Ryles!' Pop goes
Hyles. (Surely the fable in renewed for ever and ever!)
Has his captivator any pleasure? Doth she take any
account of him? No more than a fisherman landing at
Brighton does of one out of a hundred thousand her-
rings."—Thockeray.
A WRITING MASTER WANTED.—A. USEFUL HINT
TO SCRAWLERS.—The necessity of a Royal commission
to inquire into the state of education in the United
Kingdom has been painfully brought home to us by a
letter which we have received from an unknown mem-
ber of the House of Commons, who requests that his
name, which by some error of the clerks was omitted in
the division list, says our contemporary, the Times, some
days since, may be inserted in our ooluntns as forming one
of the majority. We nay "unknown," because this
honourable member, who, it appeare, has "his local
habitation," though certainly not his" name," at No.
24, Charles-street, Berkeley-square, is evidently quite
incapable of signing his name in • legible manner. We
would not for the world assert that our correspondent
his not reoeived proper instruction in writing in his
youth, nor will we go so far as to say that his mysterious
autograph may not be plain and clear to those who al.
ready have the honour of his acquaintance; all we pre-
sume to state is that as a means of affording information
to strangers as to the writer's Christian and surname it
is a signal failure, and so, until our mind in relieved on
these important points, we can but deplore with all
sinoerity our utter nubility to comply with the request
of our anonymous correspondent.
The horse-taming secret of Mr. Rarey, is easily tried.
"Procure some horse-castor (the wart of the fore log of
a horse) and grate it fine, some oil of Rhodium and oil
of cumin, and keep the three separate in air-tight
bottles. Rub a little oil of cumin upon your hand, and
approach the horse in the field, on the windward side.
Rub your hand gently on the horse's nose, getting •
little of the oil on it. You can lead him anywhere.
Give him a little castor on a pipes of loaf sugar or pota-
to. Put eight drops of oil of Rhodium into a lady's
thimble, 'topping the mouth of the thimble to prevent
the oil from running out whilst you open the mouth of
the horse, tip the thimble over upon his tongue, and he
will follow you like a pet dog. Good grooming, feeding,
and gentle treatment are then enjoined to your future
slave." . . . . .

--When • man is in love with one woman in a family,
it is astonishing how fond he becomes of every person
connected with it. He ingratiates himself with the
maids: he is bland with the butler; he interests him-
self about the footman; he runs on errands for the
daughters; he gives advice and lends money to the
young son at oollege, he pats little dogs which he would
kick otherwise; he smiles at old stories which would
make him break out in yawns, were they uttered by
any one but pipe; he drinks sweet port wine, for whioh
he would curse the steward and the whole committee of
a club; he bears even the eantankerous old maiden
aunt; he beats time when darling little Fanny performs
her pines on the piano, and smiles when wicked, lively
little Bobby upsets the coffee over his shirt.—The
Virginians.
A Sunsgcr FOR PITY.—I heartily pity a duke with
half a score of noble houses. He can never have a home
feeling in any one of them, while the possessor of a few
acres knows every corner and every tree and shrub in
his little realm; and knows whet is the aspect of each
upon every day of the year. A man with one little
country abode may have more real delight in it than •
duke has in his wide demesnes.—Frazer.

PARLIAMENTARY PAPERS.
ENCLOSURE or CommoN LANDS—It is proposed to
authorize the enclosure of the following lands, in pur-
suance of the late report of the Enclosure Commis-
sioners—viz., Paslow-wood-common, in Essex; Whit-
Rebury (Lillingstone Dayrell), in Northampton; Pipe
and Lyde, in Hereford; Rtunney-meadow, in Hereford;
Woferwood-common, in Hereford; Landford-oommon,
in Wilts; Langdon Moor, in Devon; Aylmarsh and
Conghton Marsh, in Hereford; Boyton, in Cornwall,
Caldicot, in Monmouth; Shonicote, in Wilts; Turwick,
in Sussex; High and Low Bishopside Moor, in York;
Hayward, Heath, in Suarez; Soborton, in South-
ampton; Chilson and Whichwood, in Oxford; Ascott
and Whichwood, in Oxford; Leafield and Whichwood,
in Oxford; Finstock Common Allotment, in Oxford;
Llandefeilog, in Carmarthen; Ware-marsh, in Herd-
ford; and Landford Wood, in Wilts.
THE COURT or BANKavrrcr.—ln the year 1857,
on the General Account of Bankrupts' Estates, there
was paid in by official assignees £1,405,126, while
£120,000 was paid out by Lord Chancellor's orders,
£5,500 by Lord Justices' orders, and £315,209 by com-
missioners' orders; on the dividend account £1,025,660
was transferred, and £989,822 paid. On the Chief
Registrar's account £81,643 was paid in by official as-
signees, and £19,109 by the Inland Revenue Commis-
sioners. The net balanoes on the let of January, 1868,

were £102,062 on the general account, £1,517,743
(stock) on the Bankruptcy Fund Account, £312 (cash)
and £7,517 (stock) on the unclaimed dividend account;
and £13,291 (cash) and £82,175 (stock) on the Chief
Regi•trar's account.
REPORT OF THZ ECCLESIASTICAL COMMISSIONERS.—
The 10th general report of the Ecclesiastical Commis-
sioners for England was published Wednesday. It
abounds, ass:usual, in local details. Referring to matters
of more general interest, it appears that in the present
year the Commissioners propose to appropriate • further
sum of 218,000 towards snaking better provision for
"the cure of souls" (last year £5,000 was the capital
BUM named), and to obtain grants out of this sum bene-
factions to the value of £'7,000 were offered and ac-
cepted. The total number of benefices permanently
augmented, exclusive of new districts, amounted on the
lot of November, 1857, to 882, with a population of
2,392,326 souls, and the annual grants made in respect
of these benefices now amount to £46,833 (exclusive of
the value of land and tithe rentcharge annexed in cer-
tain cases). The total number of districts constituted
under the New Parishes Act, up to the Ist of November,
amounts to 254, and their population to 875,941. The
total permanent charge spun the "common fund" for
the augmentation and endowment of parochial cures
amounts at present to £81,970 per annum, exclusive of
the £lB,OOO per annum payable to the Queen Anne's
Bounty. The endowments of new churches, in consider-
ation of the assignment of the patronage, are rather
poor, never exceeding £193 per annum. Thus the new
church of St. Thomas, Portman-square (St. Marylebone)
is only endowed after the rate of £lOO per annum until
the expiration of six months from the consecration of
the church, the patronage being vested in the Rev. J,
T. Pelham during his incumbency of St. Marylebone,
and then in the Crown. The population of this district
is 8,000 souls. St. Mary's, Woongate, Peterborough,
under the patronage of Earl Fltzwillism, and with
2,900 souls to be cured, is only endowed with • stipend
of £lOO.