The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1878-08-31 00:00:00

JOCULAR CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN

PAPERS.
Said a distinguished Yankee politician to his son,
"Look at me! I began as an alderman, and here lam at
the top of the tree, and what is my reward? Why, when I
die, my son will be the greatest rascal in the United States."
To this the young hopeful replied, "Yes dad when you die,
and not till then."

A Kentucky judge was asked by an attorney upon
some strange ruling, "Is that law, your honour?" he re-
plied, "if the court understand herself—and she think she
do—it are "
An Ohio politician was boasting in a public speech,
that he could bring an argument to a pint as quick as any
other man. "You can bring a quart to a pint a good deal
quicker," replied a Kentucky editor.
A while ago a farmer in Virginia lost his wife; and,
out of love for her memory, called his estate "Glenmary."
A neighbour having met with the same affliction, and equally
desirous of keeping before him the image of his dear
departed. followed his example, and his farm is known by the
name of "Gienbetsy."
Mark Twain looked up at the moon and delivered
this soliloquy : "How melancholy the moon must feel when
it has, enjoyed the fulness of prosperity, and has, as now I
see it, got reduced to its last quarter.
Recently a New York clergyman, while announcing
from the pulpit an appointment for the ladies of his congre-
gation to meet at the orphan asylum on a beneficiary visit to
the institution, closed the announcement with the following
words :—"The ladies will take with them their own refresh-
ments, so as not to eat up the orphans."
A man in Wisconsin saved a young lady from walk-
ing off a bridge, and so far from being grateful for it, she
married him.
A criminal in a New York court being asked whether
he was guilty, answered, "I guess I am, judge; but I'd like
to be tried all the same."
A true American is top proud to beg and too honest
to steal. He gets trusted.
An American gentleman, who has accumulated a
considerable fortune in the oil regions, has written to the
"Proprietor of Mont Blanc" to say that he intends making
the Continental tour this Fall, and that unless an elevator is
at once erected in connection with that mountain, it need
not expect to enjoy his family custom.
A girl says that when she dies she desires to have
tobacco planted over her grave, that the weed nourished by
her dust may be chewed by her bereaved lovers. Thera is
poetry in the idea.
Among the fair leaders of fashion in New York the
latest extravagance in stockings is to have them in pale-
tinted silk, embroidered in frosted silvery leaves and seed
pearls. The question "will it wash ? " is answered in the
negative.
Barnum advertised for a cherry•coloured cat. An
Iriehman answered and nffered to bring him a tine Tom
cherry•coloured pussy for twenty dollars in advance. The
money was sent, and a black cat brought. To Birmina's
remonstrance, the Irishman, with a shrug of his shoulders,
asked Barnum if he had never seen black cherries ; if so, this
cat was cherry colour.
- -

An lowa, paper mentions the accidental shooting of
a doct,r and a lawyer, and has "strong fears of their re-
covery"

Young America has been always noted for its in-
quiring mind. One of the many budding Presidents now resi-
dent in Chicago was told the other day by his "school
marm" the story of William Tell's famous shooting feat. The
only comment the boy made upon the story of the patriotic
parent was, " Who eat the apple afterwards 1"
JOSH BILLINGS' PHILOSOPHY.—When I Was a young
man I was always in a hurry to hold the big end of the log,
and do all the lifting; now I am older, I seeze hold of the
small end and do all the grunting. Wise men make the
mistakes, and fools the blunders, and this is about all the
difference between them.

RAIN IN HARVEST TnrE.—" G. H." writes to the
Daily News from Riikmansworth, under date August
26 :—" In showery weather, during harvest time, corn
is often greatly injured by heavy rain getting into the
newly-made ricks, which are often left quite unpro-
tected for a long time after they are built. I have
this seascn seen ricks thus unprotected in which the
heavy rain has penetrated nearly to the bottom, and
the corn greatly injured thereby. It is, indeed, very
strange that farmers will not secure their corn from
rain directly after it is carried, for that is easily done
by rough thatching the ricks, or covering them with
cloths. Some farmers, I grant, are more prudent, and
take effectual means to prevent the rain getting into
their ricks directly after they are built; and why all
agriculturists do not act upon this common-sense
principle is one of the mysteries that I cannot fathom.