The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1855-08-07 00:00:00

ESSENCE OF "PUNCH."

CORRECT MEASUREMENT.—TeII me how many ladies'-
maids a lady has had, and I will tell you her temper.
SIR CHARLES NAPIER angrily refuses to be a G.C.B. We
thought he was one already,—Graham's Cross Boy.
MONEY MARKET AND SANITARY INTELLIGENCE.=-The un-
safest of all deposits is the deposit of the banks of the Thames.
RAILWAY NEWS.—There is an old lady who says, that she
always likes to travel by a trunk line, because then she feels
confident about the safety of her luggage.
THE USE OF ADULTERATION.—LittIe Girl : "If you
please, sir, mother says, will you let her have a quarter of a
pound of your best tea to kill the rats with, and a ounce of
chocolate as would get rid of the black beadles ?"
DOMESTIC AND POLITICAL ECONOMY COMBINED.— Mr.
Briefless says, "It is with politics as with your linen—any
sudden change is dangerous."
A NATURAL REQUEST.—The " Fibre Company" has, it
seems, been canvassing certain parties of the House of Lords
for support. It is only natural that those who would make
paper should apply to reputations that have gone to rags.
A WHISPER TO BORES.—Bores should be lenient enough
to bear in mind this truth :—that it is with the Fire of Con-
versation as with any other fire—little Sticks kindle it, great
Sticks put it out.
KING CLICQUOT'S COLOURS.—The wits of Frederick Wil-
liam have gone Berlin wool-gathering. The colour of the
King's proceedings can no longer pass under the denomina-
tion of neutral tint ; and affairs in the quarter of Sans Souci
are looking decidedly (Prussian) blue.
CO-LOANIAL DEVICE.—A financial writer, who appears to
have only partially considered his subject with reference to
the law of meum and tuum, suggests that " the gold of Aus-
tralia ought to be used in reduction of our national debt."
This ingenious plan for obtaining an advance is certainly the
newest reading of the colonial motto, " Advance, Australia."
AFFECTING ANECDOTE.— Some of the Russian prisoners,
captured in the Kertch affair, have been brought to London.
The other day they were taken upon one of the bridges, that
they might have a sight of the Thames. No sooner did the
odours of the river reach them, than they simultaneously ut-
tered a cry of delight, as if at a memory of home, and raptu-
rously exclaimed, " SivciM Sivcish !"—the Putrid Lea ?
NEAPOLITAN FROG s.—The King of Naples, a great stranger
in his own capital—can Naples have a better recommenda-
tion ?—went there on the occasion of the late fete. Where-
upon certain animals exclaimed—" Long live our absolute
king !" When the king of the frogs took his subjects by
mouthfulls, even the frogs (but then they were not Neapoli-
tan,) did not, according to Esop, croak—" Long live our abso-
lute stork !"

CLEANSED OF HIS Ennoßs.—An aquatic enthusiast, who
has just returned from the cold water cure, says he has had
quite enough of it, and that he is fairly tired with the water
and the walks, and the walks and the water, that beautifully
vary one's amphibious existence at a hydropathic establish-
ment ; so much so, that henceforth he renounces the path-os
and the bath-os that are usually laid on, like so much water
from a water company, in praise of a Malvern, or Benrhydding
life, the great charm of which consists in washing and rough-
drying (not to say, mangling) oneself all day long.
LORD JOHN RUSSELL'S COAT OF OFFICE.—We understand
from a reliable eaves-dropper in Downing-street, that the coat
of office which Lord John has lately left oft' wearing will
shortly be on view at Nathan's, the costumier, it being found
unsuitable for any but mere masquerading purposes, We are
told, indeed, that it presents upon inspection a most party-
coloured appearance, one half being of a bright military scarlet,
while the other shows the sombre drab of the Peace Society.
The coat, it is said, like the head of its late wearer, hears very
evident marks of having been half turned within the last
twelvemonth, and one of the sleeves has every appearance of
having been much laughed in.