The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1876-01-15 00:00:00

SELECTED ANECDOTES

TUGS THAT MANY FEEL.—When Lord Erskine made
his &but at the bar, his agitation almost overcame
him, and he was just going to sit down. "At that
moment," said- he. "I thought I felt my little chil-
dren tugging at my gown, and the idea roused me to
an exertion of which I did not think myself capable."

QUESTION UPON QUESTION.--The foundation of the
earth has finally been discovered bya youthful philoso-
.pher, who sought a solution thereof in the wisdom of
hi 5 grandmother, whom he questioned thus
"Grandmother, what does the earth rest on?'—" On
the back of a tortoise," she replied, aagely.—" Well,
what does the tortoise stand on ? ",-" On the bask of
an elephant," was her prompt response.—".
But," con-
tinued the logical interrogator, on what 'does the
elephant stand ?"—" On a pile of rocks," said the un-
baffled sage.—" Yes, grandmotl,o*, but the rocks,
what do they rest on ?' —" ¶l, rocks ! Why, you
little rogue, there are rocks all the way down."
How TO BE SAFE.—" Doctor," said a patient, after
reading over the prescription of a distinguished friend
of temperance, whom ill-health had obliged him to
consult—"doctor, do you think that a little spicits,
now and then, would hurt me very much ?"—" Why,
no, sir," answered the doctor, deliberately; "I do not
know that a little—now and then—would hurt you
very ranch; but, sir, if you don't take any, it won't
hurt you at all."
To ar SMELT OUT.—An Irishman in describing
America, said: "I am told that ye might roll Eng-
land thru it, an' it wouldn't make a dint in the
ground; ther's fresh water oceans inside that ye might
dround Ould Ireland in; an' as for Scotland, ye might
stick it in a corner, an' ye'd niver be able to find it
out, except it might be by the smell o' whisky."

_
A KNOWING ONE.—A little boy was one evening
playing with a couple of threepenny pieces, which
his uncle had given him, and putting his finger on one
of them, said, "This one I am going to give to the
heathen." He kept on playing, till at last one of the
pieces rolled away, and he could not find it. "Which
one have, you lost?" "The one I was going to give to
•the heathen," replied the cherub.
A !STORY-TELLER'S APOLOGY.—Every story-teller
occasionally repeats himself. It is one of the incon-
veniences of the profession. A story-teller who was
reproached for this fault quietly replied, "I must be
permitted to repeat my little tales from time to time,
or else I should forget them."
MAKING AN IMPRESSION IN HARD WAX.--DUCrow
was once teaching a boy to go through a difficult act
of 'horsemanship, in the character of a page; and the
boy being timid, his master applied the whip to him
' unmercifully. Joseph Grimaldi was standing by, and
looked very serious, considering his vocation. "You
see," said Ducrow to Joey, "that it is necessary to
make an impression on these young fellows." "Very
likely," answered Grimaldi, " but it can hardly be ne-
cessary to make the whacks so hard."
LIKE SOME PEOPLE S REASONS.—A man who had
never,pravelled far from his own village, said he had
no cohfidence in vaccinatiun. "Of what use is it?" he
added; "why I knew a child as beautiful as the day,
who was vack_tinated, and who died two days after-
wards." " Two days afterwards?" "Yes, he fell from
the branch of a tree and was killed on the spot! Vac-
cinate your children after that if you like"

WATER ON THE BRAlN.—Little Willie's mother told
him to duck his head under the wator, the other daT,
when she was bathing him. "Oh, I'm afraid ! " stud
he—" Why ?" asked his fond parent.—" Cause I'll
die."—" Don't be afraid, you won't get drowned, if
you are under the water for a moment only," said she,
assuringly.—" Oh! but I might die from water on the
brain I"
AVARICE EXTRAORDINARY.—In the time of Madame
de Sevigu4, a M. d'Antefort died of a disease, because
he refused to use a certain remedy which was almost
sure to have cured it; his reason being, not that he
disbelieved in its efficacy, but that it cost too much.
Just before his death he was assured that, if be would
employ the remedy in question it should not cost
him more than forty pistoles. "No!" he said,
"it is too dear 1" and expired.

SMART BIM —For a specimen of logical consecution
of ideas we venture to commend this from a school-boy's
composition :—" Tobacco was invented by a man
named Walter Raleigh. When the people first saw him
smoking, they thought he was a steamboat, and as
they had never seen a steamboat, they were fright-
ened."

AN EYE FOR THE HOUNDS.—Charles Fox and his
friend Mr. Hare, both much incommoded by duns,
were together in a house, when seeing some shabby
men about the door, they were afraid they were
bailiffs, in search of one of them. Not knowing which
was in danger, Fox opened the window, and calling to.
them, said, "Pray, gentlemen, are you fox-hunting, or
hare-hunting ?"

A KNOWING MISER.—A gentleman called on a rich
miser, and found him at the table endeavouring to
catch a fly. Presently he succeeded in entrapping
one which he immediately put into the sugar-bowl,
and shut down the cover. The gentleman asked for
an explanation of this singular sort.—" I'll tell you"
replied the miser, a triumphant grin overspreading his
countenance as he spoke. I want to ascertain if the
the servants steal the sugar."
SHOCKING SELFISHNESS. —The common hearse of a
town in Connecticut having got into a dilapidated
condition, a subscription was set on foot to repair it,
and the committee called on an eccentric gentleman
who lived in the place to solicit his contribution.
"No 1" was the surly response, "I won't give a single
cent. Twenty years ago I subscribed five dollars to
build the old thing, and neither my family nor my-
self eve r had any use for it from that day to this,
and I won't give a cent to repair it."