The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1878-10-29 00:00:00

Cuttings front the Comics.

The Western wits now call bigamy Utahlizieg the
female see.

--1-t-Is-;aTd that O'Leary . the American pedestrian,
developed his peat walking powers in Chicago by try-
ing to collect debt., in that city.
In lowa there is a woman no fat that whenever one
of the neighbours finishes • new house they Invite her
to come and spend a week. It helps to settle the
foundations.

A Cincinnati Winer dealer applied to a customer
for a letter of recommendation of a certain brand of
whisky he had recently sold him. The customer wrote,
"I have tried all ports of insect potion, and find none
equal to your old cabinet whisky."
An Indian girl wanted to see if her lover really
loved her, and she got a boy to yell "mad dog !" se
they were walking out. The lover flew over a fame
and left her to be chewed up, sod she went right away
and married a store clerk.
The father of a bride the other day saw in the
marriage announcement " no cards" after the ususl
pardon 'Deer' said he to his daughter the first
gime they met, "I had no idea that Thomas (the
husband) was so strict as not to allow a rubber of
whist I"

It waa a rich old widow who wondered that the
handsome young man had fallen in love with Is,.
"Yes, it is wonderful," said Mr. Spruceup, "but I do
love you to distraction; why I even I t's the ground
you walk on." "I thought so," observed the widow;
"but! am not in want of a Ithdlord at p. eaent."
At a Dubuque wedding the other day, among the
wedding presents ostentatiously di,iiilayed was 1,000
d liars' bill, a present from the doting father to his
darling daughter. After the glteete had departed the
iild man coolly rolled up the bill and put it to his vest
pocket, and that was the mail i.f it.
A FAVOUR'S'S Stoat OF DICKENS'S. —On one of
Captain Morgan'. oyages from America to England,
he had under is came a very attractive young lady, who
speedily reduced five gentlemen to the verge of
distraction. She was quite ready to marry oiie ; but
what could she do with five' In the embarrassment
of her riches she sought the captain, who, after • few
momenta, thought, said :—" It's a fine calm day
suppose, by aMdent, you shall fall overboard;
have a boat lowered ready to pick you up, and you can
take the man who loves you well enough to jump after
you." This novel iropoaition Diet the young lady's
views, and the programme was accordingly carried out,
with the trifling exception that finis- of the young men
took the plunge, and, being picked up by the boat,
presented themselves, a dripping quartette, upon the
ship's deck. The object of their undatnped ardour,
no less wet than themselves, fled to her state-room
and sent for her wire, r, the captain. "Now, captain,"
cried she, in despair, " what am I to do?' "Alttmy
dear," replied the captain. "if you want a eenaible
husband, take the dry one"—which the did.

Cunene or Atr,i linonctims, Runcamok DeCTUfts
LCD COLD. BY Di. LOCOCICA POILMONIC W ANUS. —Mr.
Ha* y, Cnetnist. 21, Carter Gate, N ltittitham. wr,tvi :
—"Several cases of Antiwar,' BnniellitUk Cuelbn GAbi
end Rheumatism have been cure I within eh. laps, of a
very short time by the Wafers. They give instant
mhof and a rapid cure. T.. ein,cra and public speakers
they are invaluable for clearing and strengthening the
voice, end test pleasantly. Prole/. led.and Is. 91 per
box. SAd by all Druggida.
At Bristol the other day the High Seri(, in cowing
a leumar in aid of the repairing fund of St. Paurs Cliurch,
commended eizelt undertakiop, on the ground that they
enabled thaw who, in the words of the Claimant, had
livains but wanted money to sell their cleverly made pre-
dections to those who Dad money hut DO broas or tame at
their &epeel to make anything half in cleverly. He,
therefore, conneelled the ladies to be a:tire and energetic
in pressing their goads upon the visitor. He had hardly
done speaking when • lady stall-keep a. rushed up with •
miniature doll, end premed him to make the first purchase
for only half a guinea. The sheriff mildly protested
against practice following in such headlong hurry sher
precept, hut tbe lady waisted, and the sheriff *ohms
siirely took the doll, amidst groat lsoghter, and paid his
bolt-guinea

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All cheques—awl Port-office mien an =I: Kra lbaT High Wee"treet. Printed sad Published by EDIVIS R. Woo, -
the Moss, 8, High-street West, Dorchester, in the
pialai of TIN Holy Trinity, forth. Proprietor.
Tessemr. October 1871