The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1876-10-03 00:00:00

MONDAY MORNING'S PRISONERS.
kmaßzcsx Htritotra.

es
t candj,l,
l of an
tilau,t'yiiiihin::::TheaueYinknms.'ilinelur;:f..t,.ufate:li,rubafedea'a4neel.gresagaith‘lh'uisl.resrol tn:"lhisinsilitynengima.dhthlanici'nn‘he:egWythe.anDaco.te'wduminhirlasnele'ofylitntrhli'stiehaNsilfitolt
of his ear, "but will proceed at once'reuBe(ts.thilliceihuTaenhiessaau:,ll.,:hi'mtenl4s
are charged with being drunrmilli.biik:','lnHu.owt Ibecoucilawddget
elnd ansl iujatftrew:na,ai"utlisaid the prisoner. " Hoer
cents
uto csnniler.
tt syft h
;o:inivunian
iet,etih
,:fnitg:oehttntelhn,
his glass
wonders
eroyintior
turnla
cents
dge
.rurgvemnihabetthreti7nix,em;rgaieceny6sotlihr7a,:t:aidyu.;
'ln
areexait.ninetsatl nts on your person when they
How was that, Mr. Blueskinr
rver of the
peace. "Two ten cent silver pieces and nine cop; s
was the reply. The prisoner hung his head. " 71Yr:it
wouldn't be isssitive, your lordahip. I bel. rig t
class of individuals who are called negative Takr. ths
aati
positive man and you always find him a oh..
is your way of thinking. Now let me say ere f .
I belong to that elate of individuals who are irn°
ss
issoitive beings. When a man asks roe ts take
brandy smash or a sherry eold•ler, la,,a og ' -
guess not now; my wife will find it out,'' <'-
othcr time.' I say no. positive '1,,,•;th,„. '
aga; ' ,!!!
your smooth palavering wouhbeen t, ) w"`"
mv 1141.
off for this once,' I say no, positive as 't __
Mr. Clerk, do you hear?" • Imattf awla,
"Before the next turn is escorted in," said his
honour, "let us have less noise and more
window was lowered, after which sauntered in amid
the silence of the spectators, an-lie of the war: -
"Been fighting, have Y 4114" 'mid the court, "
the war broke out in fil, replied tho man. "You :
didn't get that eye in the war with bullets. though?"
"Did'ut get it? No," answered the relic, withi smile,
"But I lost it though." "I'm not talking of your 4
eye, I mean the one next to me." Whv. what's the
matter with that eye? anxiously inquired the prisoner.
"Nothing, only it's gone into mourning, perhaps, out
of sympathy for the other one," su,..N.este.l the ceurt.
" Have you a looking-glees handy, that you would
allow me to look at while you are picking that huckle-
berry need out of your tooth?" asked the relic."
"This city," replied his honour, "is all sot of such
luxuries now, but we were expecting a shipment soon
per steamer Liberia. But we are getting off the track.
I have always made it a point ever since I occupied
this bench to speak a word of advice to a fellow.
traveller to the Igrave before shutting him out from
the glorious sunshine of three months, especially in
watermelon season; and now, my dear brother. when
your term of office for getting into a fight with a
woman over the ownership of a stick of kindling wood
shall have expired. do move your family into a more
aristocratic part of the city, where rather than have
a fight with you, a neighbour would allow you to
carry off half of his wood pale."
The next was a barber, dressed in a morning-gown
and a pair of slippers with a tiger's head embroidered
on the toes. He had drawn blood on a man's neck,
and the man in return had drawn Mood from his noes
by his fist. He was on the witness stand, and the
court said. "Then the defendant's story that you and
he were infatuated with the same young lady and that
he was getting ahead of you in the race of love, from
which cause you became jealous of him and sought to
mar his beauty, is untrue!' " is a bLe fabricati"n,"
answered the artist, with a dramatic air. "Why,
then, do you seek, after cutting his throat, to have
him locked up when the foliage will so soon bein to
put rui its crimson hues ?" "I would have him azi
all like him to understand that to cripple a first-class
artiet and thus knock him nut of his Saturlav night's
trade for cutting the top 4,fr of a little white pimple, is
punishable by the laws of this glorious old common.
wealth of Maasachusetts, and don't you let it get
beyond the limitations of your memory." "Then
you claim to be a first-class barber, do your "I do
sir, most emphatically, and as such, am here to sea;
redress." "Do yea give a clean towel to every man r
"No," answered several voices in the distance.
"Silence in the court room,- milled out au officer.
"That is my rule.- answered the artist. "Do you
ever soap a customer's ear or shirt collar!' .1,,,,,ti0pea
his hounatr. " Hear, hear," exclaimed several "ther
voices, " Come to order." yelled the official of the
court. "Seldom, if ever," said the artist, " althonzh,
of course, the brush is liable to slip sometimes."
"Ever take hold of a man's nose when you are shaving
his upper lip, and pinch it taa tight as to prevent him
breathing for five or six minutes?" While the
spectators were enjoying a laugh, a voice exclaimel,
" Always." "If I olia, couldn't be breathe thron,ii
his mouth," inquired the artist, with a vacant stare.
"Why, am surprined ; you a first-class artist and
don't know that this is one of the causes of catarrh?
The nose is the only proper organ to breathe through;
please bear this in mind in the future. Do you take
hold ..f a man's head and yank it about in the chair
rest as though it was a pumpkin!' Several friends of
' the defendant said "Yes." but the artist said "No."
" Now," tail' the court, opening his desk anal taking
out an old razor, "I want to see you shave a MM.
This is the only way I can determine whether or not
the defendant had proper cause to strike you." " All
right," said the artist; "Where is my man ?" "Not
me." exclaimed one fellow, bolting for the dor.
"Nit me," said another following after in hot pursuit
"Nit for a million dollars." chimed in a third. "No
price could buy me," added a fourth. "My life it
above gold anal Riker," yelled a fifth, following his
predeceasors. "Let me snit of here quick. Isfore he
cults my throat," said another, madly leapin.; over the
benches. Soon there was not a man left in the court
room, and as the artist turned on his heel 4 s , the
judge Raid :—" Young man, remember what I told
you. Don't pinch your customers too tight .ma the
nose, or they will have the catarrh and he olylieel ia
go West, and so ruin your business prapeas.

HOLLOWAY'S PlLLL—Bilinus compl,ints and irreguisn•
ties of the systetn produoed by depraved or overoihoodruit
bile, can always be corrected by a few dose,' of these
inestimable Pills, which are evety where admired ter
their rare combination of mildnent and
though they conquer with ease and rapi lity the roost
obstinate disease, they never weaken the Womack or
necessitate any interruption of ordinary dutie, or 11111nle-
moots. On the contrary, they increate the sPfetna
strengthen the organs of digestion, give in'nuaed
en
and life to all the animal functions, and fit bdhhandZ
brain for fresh exertions. The sick ropi enfeebled may by
a single trial speedily discover what a haPPY reinlatiae
these Pills have the power to effect in the human ninon
HUNYADI JANON 111INIRAL WATER. 1,4 .uel
most agreeable natural aperient. -" Tlare wholums
used Pullin' and Friedrickshall prefer the If unysli
lino* water to either, because the hulk the ‘ll.lwe it
less than either of those waters, awl the stilt is le's
drastic, producing no dim.ress or uueadness."
Professor Aitken, FILL, Professor ,of Pathohrzy,
Army Medical Lchool, Auth, or of the "Mame and
Practice of medicine." eisth Edition. in originaL
bottles, price 2.. and Is. ta, of all chemists.—A wins
glass full a dose. •

MEMORIAL CARDS.--
ILI- The friends of deceased persons are invited to
inspect a variety of MEMORIAL CARDS, embwed,
cameo, or plain, at the office of this paper, 8, Ries
West-street, Dorchester ; or a 7, Bond street, Wer
mouth. Or specimens ;ill be sent by is et for selection.
.e.i
fib Embossed Cara., with name, ages, and a
verse of poetry, or test of Scripture, supplied for 3‘.

NOTICES.
All communications should be addressed to the Edits,
Express and Tekgram °trim.* Dorrheiter, wit.l P.,steffsts
orders may be made p.iyable to the publisher. lar, 44°'
Fuss KLIN.
When sums are sent in stamps it is roluss"
they may be in half-penny stampa

BIRTHS.
September 17, at East Brixton, Surrey. the wik of lb
Charlea August/Ist:ex, of a daughter.
September IS, at East L'haldon, the wilt; of Mr. b.
Talbot, of a daughter.th
September 20. at the Post Offiee, Abbotibur)%
of Mr. Samuel Cooper. of a son.
September 21, at East Chidden, the wife et Mr. f,
Sinneek. of a daughter. stillborn.

-
MARRIAGES
Sept. 14, at the pariah church. Bothenhampten.
was married, by the Rev. Mr. Bennett, Jilin'.
Helena Elisabeth, second daughter of Mr. John link.
The bride being a member of the church choir. tb'
members of it, after the ceremony, strewed the pith frosi.
the church to the carriage with flowers
many presents she received was • family Bible fret
Rev. Bennett, and a very handsome teap.4 (ton '° fee.
members of the church in recognition her
services in the choir, which, it need hardly he gv"
accompanied with their best wishes for her future
September
-
Sentember 18, at Kingston, by the Rev. 11. R. Nov.
Thomas Mincer& Walbertnn. S'u.ex to Jane. Young.ea
daughter of William Kingsbury, Whitchurch. PorretilufeL
September 24, at St. George's Church, Fortin:On 7
the Rev. N. Evans, John.
youngest son of Mr. J Berl!.
eien., of Fordington. to Selina, only daughter of Mr s•
Loader, of Dorchester.
Sept. 25th. at St. Saviour's, Nottingham by the-!r,il
James Stonehouse, 8.A., Vicar, John Dent If °t"°'°°"
architect, eldest son of W. L. Hopwood. Eat.,
youngest daughter of Mr. Jasper Tewkesbury. of 'Oyt
land Ripen, Dorset. N. Cards.
September Itl, at the Register). Office, Derchestc!. Sr,
Alfred Edwards, eon of Mr. Edwards, dentist, of
street, Dorchester, to Minnie, daughter of Mr.
of Wollaston House, Dorchester.
October 1, at St. George's Church Fordington. te
Rev. M. F. Evans, John, eldest son 'of Mr. Ridert
tocedington. Semis, second daughter of Mr. George AYiee. ,
ib
F

DRAMS.
September 15, at the Guildhall, /Lacombe Bogie. Wl'
the beloved wife of Richard Shinner, aged 72.
September 15. at High-street Poole, Selby, son of Dr. 6
Phibote, aged 10 week•
SePtember 17. at Tagland-dreet. Poole the wife 01 111
James Curtbi. aged 73.
September 30, at Winfrith, after • long Meets. J'S'
etherd, uch lnio aged 4/
SePtereh:nr 30.1"tecietn Anna, Fordington. 11°
Anne, daughter of Ni. sad Mrs. Pitileid. aged 311

-
ed Dorchl
Printed and PubWird 4 W. of
In the pariah of Gm num"
. for the Procrilege'
pariah of Tordinikok
Tuesday. October 3. ISt