The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1879-10-11 00:00:00

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS.

In Michigan they never hold inquests on the bodies
of men whose pockets are found to contain fruit-tree cata-
logues and wire-fence samples.
They have had a very sad affair at West Point. A
lady at Conen's told her mamma that all the cadets wear
white pants; whereupon a man swelling with the Pinafore
mania said, "So do their sisters, their cousins, and their
aunts."

An aristocratic New York Fifth Aseptic) papa, on
being requested by a rich and vulgar young fellow for per-
mission to marry "nun of hia girls," gave this rather crush-
ing reply: "Certainly; which would you prefer, the waitress
or the cook?"

"No, I dcn't want none of your lightning-rods,"
said a Kentucky farmer recently to a man who had stopped
at his house to put up a patent lightning-conductor. "I
ain't afraid of lightning; it's the thunder I believe is going
to knock us all endwise some day." " You don't seem to
comprehend," returned the pedlar; "these 'ere silver-tipped
rods are lightning-rods, and the gold-tipped ones are
thunder-rods—just what you want ;" and he persuaded the
old man to order the gold-tipped rods.

Science is a solemn thing. Her talk is of prote.
plamme, of ameba, of molecules, of pleudopodims, of
vacuole, of nucleoli pt protamba, of raonera, of meta-.
plasm, of protopl&sm in its plasticular condition, of myrio
thela, of stubchen, of hautschicht, of myaancebre, -of
sclerotium, of kyrolitic figures, of myxomycerm, and of cglls,
cellulose, and cellular bodies. Science is concerned about
spirogyra and the hydrodiction, and about chlorpphylic
granules.

The "Answers to Correspondents " column of an
American•Clerman journal contains the following B. S.—
We really think that you had better not visit us in order to
receive au explanation of the reason why we have rejected.
your M.S. Our staircase has twenty-four steps, and we do
not keep a bolster at the bottom."

A young lady correspondent of Minesatta paper
writes to ask the edit= for (112ections for "selecting a good
beau." To which he replies,—" Your beau should be about
feet high, freckled, have red hair, no visible moustache,
and the smallest amount of intellect possible for the purposes
of human existence. In fact, in the latter respect he need
only, possess that premature order of intelligence enabling
one to hunt shelter when it rains, and it rains very seldom
iu this locality, as we all know. The material result of this
will inevitably be, tilat the yonhg male being in question is
the sou of 2,-;pe one of the coin aristocracy of this favoured
koality, acid his 'gay' will cat up tat' for a million
or two."

They walked out of the theatre arm in arm, She
was as dainty as a Princess, and prettier than nn opsnmg
flower. The long, soft whl.e feather hung gracefully to her
shoulder, and hor long, delicate, slender hand held a sump-
tuous tan. He felt pretty spooney himself, but be felt good.
"How did you like the opera, pet?" he faintly inquired
and the delicious little angel looked up into his face, and
while the gas beams lighted up the bit of court nl4ste.7 un hn
chin,- aplied. "It's tVe boss,"