The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1879-10-14 00:00:00

WIRING FOR THE TELEGRAM.

Who would dare to say that milkmen are not
philanthropists? Certainly they have a right to be
Lust as philanthropic as the Baroness Burdett-Cootie,
Florence Nightingale, or Mr. Gladstone.
I don't believe they water the milk from mercenary
motives, not • bit of it I Last week I was partaking
of a small quantity of " sky-blue" when it struck me
that the compound was a little, just a little, too
"aqueous." It also struck me as I was verging upon
abusing the vendor, that perhaps alter all the addition
of a few quarts of water to • pall of milk means oon-
tarring a blessing upon society.

Suppose for Inatome that the cow is bilious or that she
hoe been eating a poisonous plant. Very well; water
will naturally reduce the bile and neutralize the
poison. But putting this ar,piment aside, do not a
few applications to the pump render raw milk
delicious to the taste! Row milk has too much caseins
In it, and am a natural consequence absorbs all the gas-
, trie juice in the human form divine.
Suppoeing a cow is fed upon sour grass or mouldy
lay. What Is the consequence ! Why of course the
milk will be acid. Where is the remedy? Why whit-
ing or chalk. It corrects the acidity and prevents
colic. Besides you actually get your chalk for nothing.
For the future I shall regard milkmen as benefactors
of the community.

Speaking of the "born= form divine," I wonder
If that attenuated young men, who paraded W. Ailing-
ton wry early a few mornings since, took cold or not'
I feel very sure that were I to parade the streets on
sooldautumnal morning between twoand three, in a state
of semi-nudity, the results to my constitution would
be rather appelling. Some persons have been so cruel
114 to insinuate that he was suffering from "B. F„"but
I don't believe that. I am usclined to think the poor
fellow had partaken of a heavy supper, and the
apparition seen in Allingtou was simply an act of
somnambulism.

Very kind and considerate was it of Mr. dolfox, on
the occasion of the corn* -oniVitarLfestivitles last week,
to remember their poorer
But no, said the nvardinne (with one exception) what
do the Inmates a • workhouse want with beer? I
should like to know. The up-shot wan that that kind
and coneklerate guardian wee overruled, and the poor
Pia Pin won minus tbek XXX.

I love to tee the churchyards looking bright and
pretty with flowers ; to see the last resting place of the
departed, watched and tended with a jealous care.
This is generally, nay universally the case with village
grave-yards, where the gram is kept shorn, the sacred
mounds neatly tooled, flowers and shrubs planted at
convenient points. The grave-yard of the parish church
is a hallowed garden (!) to many Bridportonians, being
the dwelling place of their dearest friends. Would it
not be more creditable if the churchwardens (or those
whose duty it is to look after such matters) removed
the dank nettles and docks, and instead to plant other
of Flora's beauties? Glance at the Bradpole church-
yard or our pretty cemetery, and take a pattern there-
from.

Partly because I believe the funds of the Salvation
Army are getting limited, and partly because I know
that an exasperated neighbour of mine has repeatedly
threatened to deluge the serenaders, I have !lately
prided myself upon the absence of these persistent
ravers in my retired locality. But no, I was doomed
to be disappointed. On Saturday evening r had just
taken up the Tefroram and was perusing "The Land
Question" when those fanatics commenced some of their
Incantations in the Welsh accent. The " striking
up" of one of Booth's selections was the signal for
the rush of all the smaller-fry within a radius of half
• mile, and they commenced in • manner the most
enthusiastic to aid the Salvationists in their discordant
yell.. A nocturnal concert by all the feline monsters
in Christendom warn musk to it. But after a lapse of
half an hour, quietness reigned, and I concluded Lord
Burghley's speech in disgust and with a diabolical
heidar.he.

I bear the Vicar of Loders-ls tired of the "ranks,"
and the use of the village schoolroom in which they were
wont to hold forth is now denied them. The
Methodists are come to their aid, so I suppose the once
quiet little rater will yet resound with "The devil
and me," and, ' I feel like singing all the time."

I stated last week, my dear Mr. Editor, that the
Allington parishioners are standing boldly out against
the innovation at their pariah church. Ido not mean
to convey to your readers that el are standing out. I
would that they were.

Many as I stated have left the church, sod as an
earnest of their disgust have taken their hooks, lc.,
with them. More names have been added to the
memorial, and I trust that every one who has endorsed
It if not successful in their endeavours, will follow in
the dope of the wise and quit.

There is some talk of building a free church here.
Capital idea! We shall then have no ecclesiastical
exhibitions, no gaudy personages bedizened with
Orornaments, no tinsel an trash disfiguring the
:11 00d'. Most Holy Temple, which has lately
startled even the most tolerant of Churchmen.
There appears to be really something In the report,
for Ism informed by the best authority that some no
mean sums have been deposited by numbers of the
local gentry and tradesmen tower& the required
object.

Promoters, good luck to your church. Select for
your divine • man of God, who will don vestments
congruous to the pulpit than to the theatre, one
who will render our Ski and holy service in such
away that all can understand. Don't, Free Church,
give Os any drawling-sing-song intonation, but the
true and spiritual adoration of the Most High.
--
Local Board, there is just a little more left for you to
do. A capital job you made of the pavement widen-
ing in Barrack and South-street, but I wish for the
sake of the.. who can't go home till morning, "not
for those who won't," you would just order the repair
of the crossing from the west of the Market-house to
Mr. K's.

roe a prime little story to hand of a certain Inz!
i
" Petit Maitre" whose adventures and
ventures Madly, six miles distant, I will wire neat
week.

Beigreeie (Publishers, Matto sad Windue.
W.), provides Its Feeders with some ray interesting litera-
ture. "Th. Queen of the Meadow" is faU of interest to
thole whose delight is in the wooing, of the young;
the position Polly is working herself into, between her
two admirers, la immuning rather • serious complexion for
all of than, and unless eh. makes up her mind as to which
she really loves to. thence' ara she will Mee them both.
" Donne Qoixote" still bristles with mystery, while
Robert Charlton receives ajustchastniement for hi. jealous
suspicions of his wife. for on Mr. Yielding and his &Weaned
leaving his boom. Um two ladies kissed each other at
parting, and Kra. Charlton's husband sMOPvd nit to Mr.
Yukline and salted him if he would like to kis his wife,
as probeely she would like it; in answer to U,, lovitation
Fielding tub him by the collar and threw him on the
Root, while his eife left him, being unable to put up with
his vagaries any longer. "Dactor Barberon," a story of •
French trial for murder, sem forth the manner and custom
of the French authorities in finding out and getting el+
deuce of crimes, while the study of Dr. Barberotes pecu-
filtrate. (which coot him his life) is quite strict, The reel
of the article*, including "Th. Honest Farmer," are most
interrAing, and altogether this mouth's number excels iti
predeesseoru

BELFRY BABBLE.
Westminster Clock Tower,
Tuesday, October 7th, 1879.
The Lord Mayor is not increasing hie popularity.
If he is not in for a little public odium then I am not
Big Ben. A Mr. Josiah Sroots was summoned at the
Mansion House last Friday for not sending his boy to
schooL Josiah did not appear but Mrs. Josiah did,
and she fairly captivated his Lordship. She made an
arrangement with the School Board to send the boy to
school as a half.timer, but for two months elm had
failed to keep her vow and kept him home or running
the street,. His late employer, of course, was not
going to pay the heavy fine entailed in breaking the
last Educational Act. Now the old man in his Lord-
ship is • rank Tory and spr,ke out these heartfelt
words. Having stigmatised the law as "too severe,"
and the action of the School Board as "cruel," be
said, "I speak as • practical man. Here is a boy
earning his bread and cheese, and be ought not to have
been interfered with, as in my opinion be is sufficiently
educated." "Sufficiently educated " and not able to
peas in the third standard, while an average boy of
fourteen pluses the sire, and then what does he
know '1 waive e years old and not to be "Interfered
with" from "earning his bread and cheese "--about all
he is ever likely to earn with snob parents and
awl Lord Mayors. What a mercy education is not
left to the opinion of such " practical " Lord Mayors
Providence save us from sending each Tories into
Parliament, or we should get back quickly to the day*
of darkness._ _ _ .

--The Lord bfeyor costa enough to give forth wiser
utterances. In the average year perhaps £7,000 will
cover ho personal expenditure over and above his
ample allowances. I fear my computation is low, but
the cost of feeding, &endue, and serving the chief
magistrate most be £30,000 per annum. The days of
such waste are surely numbered. In the worm of the
year the Lord Mayor attends • dozen grand dinners,
several breakfaata and balls, and besides providing •
great many of those he gives nearly • hundred little
disuses to commissioners and such like.

His -ri7rict-e—are tiertainlinn.inue, and will account
somewhat for the ambition of some who have aspired
to them. He orders prosecutions at the expense of
the city, sad is surrounded by law Akers (most of
whom are now crying out for more pay) at • cost of
say £15,000 per annum. He cntrols the city purse
and the Courts of Aldermen and Common Council-
men. Without any usurpation he can follow the
example of Cromwell, enter the courts, point to the
mace and say ' Take hence that bauble," and with it
would go all the boatmen and the members. He takes
precedence of the royal family in the city, and can
even keep the Qtteen and army out of it. He knows
the pass-word to the Tower. He is Chief Commis-
sioner and bead of the Judges at the Criminal Court,
where he site in the centre throne with the sword of
justice suspended over him. He is the conservator of
the Thames from Rochester to Oxford ; and though he
pommies no power to "knight," be can make am many
" 'equine" as be plasma He has the entree to royal
levees, and (distinction allowed to few) he can wtar a
gown of gold, and ham the debt of private audience
with Her Majesty. Next week, if you are not quite
tired, Mr. Editor, I will dries up his lordship liaised
of dreading him down.
Mr. C. EL Spurgeon often has "rev." preixed Co his
name against his will, but the Dail, News this weak
attaches the interesting letters to his name M.D.
Did the mistake arise from reading an advertisement
like I have in my possession, and like those other
people keep as • curiosity, in which, through the
pranks of • compositor, the world-known sermons of
the Baptist divine are set forth as the infallible
remedy for coughs, asthma, and so on? The clipping
e such fun at the time it was Wiled that I have
heard upon good authority that the orlebrated...._,ALr
was obliged to bay up all the edition of the
He was afraid people would believe eves tCt7ifTi:
remarkable utterances. I am, sir, Btu BBL

FACTS AND FANCIZS.
(From Risk)

"Bear and forbear," aid Bruin, as he ate up his
brother.
It appears the French Minister of War has authorised
the wearing of spectacles in the French army. We
wish some of our Cabinet Ministate would go in for
glasses, for lately their policy has been obviously " short-
sighted."
A:COTNER BR I.llt. —(SCODe at the Zoo) Angelina
Edwin, my love, look at this moat interesting creature,
the ant-eater. Edwin: Ant-ester, my love; it would be
more interesting to me if it were a mother-in-law eater.
ala bump on Edwin's head is getting slowly better, but
Jusgelina's parasol is hopelessly deranged.)

From " Penny Pau."
A Pnav•rathar Oriviox. —A country vicar recently,
during Sunday, omitted the prayer for the " High Court
or Parliament amesulded," upon the ground that the
Government wu " put praying for."

THE LORD —O—F BURGHLEY.
(Newest Version.)
In her ear he whispers gaily,
"After-dinner speeches teU ;
Maiden, I bare watched you daily—
You, I think, cum warmly spell?
I I knew h! Accent boorish,
Ramping educated ears;
And your costume, too, is peevish,
Piishionlees your gown •
Hold your hand out This I. I
Palm all horny with the plough :
Rounded shoulders tell of farming—
You can't sing a note, I vow I
And your test : What beetle-crushers I
Just the sort to kick the pigs.
Cheeks too tanned to show as blushers.
Hair most tousley of wigs'
No we, neat, and no way pretty,
Youve the muscle to prevail.
Though you're neither bright not witty.
How you'd welid a hoary flail!
You are she—l long have sought her—
My ideal rustic Isis!
You're the perfect farmer's daughter!
You're the model for you're elm r
DIONITY AND ININUDINICI. —Costar (to swell footano)
" lbws, John. loft Icy hold gi my moke's 'ed, will yer„
whit( I go lICZONI the road to cash a cheque."

A ORIKVANCK
Of all the nuisance in the town
I fail to god a greater
Than one which daily bunts us down—
That nle perambulator !
'Tie driven by. careless nurse,
Who, be she plain or pretty.
Ws fair to prove a standing curse
To suburb and to city.
A railway porter with hie load
Of lineage lamps or warmers
fites "by your leave." or "clear the road."
Not so our soldier-charmers;
With eyes intent on window warm,
Or glancing round, it may be,
The lest thing that she beets or cores
Is what becomes of baby.
Then bearing down upon your keels
The fearful things come meshing
Your feet get locked moot the wheedle
Unison you're lithe and dashing.
II fat sad tarry, down YOU go.
Beck on the infant squealers. _
You it.. be haste to dm. but *No l'
Say two gigantic peelers.
No joke, when to your other sine
Infanticide is added,
And to ban crushed two helping Wine
Is Woad doubt a sad deed.
Thus on your patience I impose,
And gibbet in my venal
The want of thought displayed by thole
Perambulating nurses.
Tan Axsza 01ID T Pgmena.—Bas the Ilcogrenda
Mngi,leasildwhand with Yakoeb Khan he Salina mi.
"For be might hare been a Roraima.
Unto my treat confonsion.
Or bloodthirsty Af-ghan I
But in nits of all temptations
To belong to other nations,
He remains an English-mm r
—lnf.& Pinafore, Act 2, with spologies to Mr. W. S.
Gilbert.

(From "mak)
"FINANCE A LA MODE!'
Mow{ Sir Sts/ord *skim

" If things would keep quiet, and all Mould go smoothly r
Ha Ibe I Sounds sardonic I The Kiri may speak aciotn4 ;
But *oft word& however their eloquence th
Will butter no parsnips, nor pay any bills.
Keep quiet I Go smoothly I Ah I that would bring helm;
But what bee become of my Lord's "holy calm r
He may feel—or affect—it ; but /—tio, by Pluton
Calm limes make calm Stewards; but rackets don't suit
us.
Keep quiet I Of that be has not the least notion.
Three years of perpetual row and commotion
Have taxed the estate to a frightful extent.
Has he any ides of the money he. spent?
It'. nonsense to think of perpitaal postpusetneut.
There must come a day of smash-up or atonement.
He pookporibe my fears. Well, bes pool as his cisme,
But this sort of thing cannot go on for ever.
Gateman still growing, diminishing income,
And as for a settlement, whew* will the tin comet
Decline on decline, all receipts in abatement I
Nice Mate of affairs to sum up in a statement
With Sturm of speech you may do as you Ogees,
But figures like mine ere no end of. tome.
Fine phrases may soothe while thelpocketmease slashers,
But 'Lis not so easy to Joggle with numbers.
Daft tropes 101 l the wits to convenient trance:
Rut you're always bowled out when you come to annum
My post becomes one of extreme infeiicity.
Ono, that most heavenly word "
Comforted, cheered me, but now Its sole token
Is Mews& and MT spirit for that's getting broken.
Bistros& tool Do not quite relish her attitude :
So se I've battered her I Like siroman's gratitude I
Ladies like cutting a dash, too, and verily
Ste and my fried have been going it merrily;
Taking the shine out of rivals tremendously,
Pming superbly, and spending stupendoush ;
All very proper to keep up her picker:
But then I have got to keep up—the Exchequer;
And taking the shine out of enemies pluckily
Tultes shiners out of my cash-box, unluckily.
Now, I much fear that loci/41awn seems to Waste
More than indifference. I can vindieete
All ley trans sctions, but—wal. I'll be blowed
11l feel quite at home In nuance a is Beds

Errs's COOOa.—GLATICYDI AND COKYORTING.—" By
a thorough kuo.lsdge of the natural laws which govern
the operations of digestion and nutrition, and by a
careful application of the flee properties of veil-
selected cocoa, Mr. Epps has provided our breakfast
tables with a delicately flavoured beverage which may
save us many heavy doctors' bill& It is by the judicious
use of such articles of diet that • constitution may be
gradually built up until strong enough to resist every
tendency to disease. Hundreds of subtle maladies
ate floating around an ready to attack wherever there
Ii a weak point. We may escape many • fatal shaft
by keeping ourselves well fortified with pure Mood and
• properly nourished frame."—Civil Soviet Chula&
Sold only in Packets labelled—" Jams Erre k Co.
Homoeopathic Chemists. Lawton."

Atoms To NOTIZILA I—Are you broken in your re* by
a sick child suffering with the geld of cutting taetblOo at
ewe to • armlet and get • bottle of Wu WonLow's
SooTenn Brzur. It will relieve the poor sufferer Isantedi-
&lily. lii. perfectly barmier and plawant to taste it
produces natural quiet sleep. by relieving the child from
pain, sod Use litthi cherub awakes "se bright as • batten."
It soothes the child. softens the Vas, easy' all palm,
relieves wind. regulates the bowels. sod is the best know&
remedy for dysentery and diarrbate, whether arising front
teething or other causes Mrs. Winslow. llootbl
Syrup Is sold by Medicine dealers evomwbere it la. l
Dar bottle. Nanufactered in New York. and as
Oxford-street. Leaden.

ROSSLCII Table Water know'. I prefer
It to the other Wawa Waters before the Wile. (Pro-
fewer Wantlyzes Report). Sold everywhere. Retail fle.
per doyen Plots; 8. par dorAa or rte Original pease*.
eentsial 50 Quart thane Ile. 100 Plat ditto.
461.—The Campeau. ted. 15, Flaebor7-cdrooo,
lasidoe. L

RSCIIITYS PARIS Bum —The marked
superiority of this laundry blue over all others, and the
illaitaireclation of its merits by the public, have been
by the usual results, via, a good of imitations,
the merit of the bitter mainly casuist' in the ingenuity
exerted, not simply in imitating the equate shape, but
the gewal appearance of the wrappers resemble
that ml the genUIDS article The manufacteers beg
therefore to caution all buyers to see " Iteckitt's Paris
Biter on each packet.

FrlL—Eriurrio Frre on lf.tcuiro Sicirrese.—A
oertain method of care has been discovered for this
distrendng complaint by a physician, who is &diem
that all sufferers may benefit from this providential
&mover" • it is DORIC known to fall, and will cure the
most hoedre can after all other MOOS have bees
tried. particular. will be swat by poet to as,
free of °hale. —Address :—Mr. Wmumm,
person
ro7d Tames. Hyde Park. London
TOOIIIIII AND Turman's. —Ladies risking, elitist ts
seaside, or otherwise expand to the rays
eon awl bested particles of duet XIII el
gJW
KALTDOR MOIR 000111118 and refreshhat for the face,
and arm.; it eradicat-s sembura„ tea, buckles, en.
the pain and irritator= mused by mosquito sad
bites, and ptoduces • beautiful and debate
Sold in two sires ROWLANDS' MACAIII4II OIL pmeak
hair falling off during hot weather. RoWIAMS.
whitens the teeth. Sold by chemists, perfamme,thilirZ
luardreseern Buy only Rowlands' articles.

Funuung l —Fon rag mums men Bus= .—A. fem bogie
of thg.littd.: a
Flailing' sprinkled on • wet toothbrush Mr
duos • t lather. which thoroughly mass@ the WM
from pijamtee or Impurities, border the VIM progmets
tartar. stops decay. gime to the teeth a yrepollor whi es
sod g delightful fragrance to th• bream It romoveollil
unpl•asant odour rotting from decay= teeth or team=
smoke. " The Flagrant Melina" bring composed la as
of boo= and sweet herbs. Is delicious to thit taste sad
gr=trst toilet discovery of the ago . Prim he Ag.
Chem= and psrfumem Prepared by Hagar a GAMIN.
4131. Oxford street. London.
V 81.0•61.3 Discovgar roa TEE Hafa.—lf Tour hilt
turninzogrAfer. rhir
thorg fpoljggeworgf. use mimic
Hair "
or Whits art) Its colgina! colour, withoulvaa=
=jhocLll: hair
4charmtheAskirynumeillYrb;anbembaltrfifta::rwaißeetaren.'hare' Tuaagthel:l?Eginit aganist2thilmil
Rixtwii." prepared by Hagar C. GALLUP, AO, 0
etre= London, and sold by Chemist, and perfumn
where at 3a ed., per bottle.

Hotuovrefe Olgrarrer oto Fru& —Meek
tale= mutt be exercised at the present thee, and
earliest evidences of Elllealth must be
theskag, era slight Weer may result ins sedan
Relaxed mad sore throat, dinhtheria. Tanen.
chronic °omit, bronchitis, and roast Wier
affections will be relieved by rubbing this coolies aim
into the skin as near se practical to the seat at
This treatment. as simple awl eleolive, is
adapted for the removal of them &mem
and youth. Old asthmatic invalids will derive
relief from the use of Rollovray's remedies, which
lairround many such mfferers, and
after every other means had Usually tailed.
Rom Dery ing baling —is the bask the
the most fashlonable. and the most durable of a:ll7=
woven. The Quire says it hap no rival either in
sues at utility. It is made of .elected and elestiolie
woois ; produced in new colours end mixtures tae
meant semou WOO In tight weighted Yam ler
weir and warm climatea Prime foe %Mee weir4V, mg_ ge &ad fa ad. per yard. Zeta end
dreeethesed for gestlemeal sob end heyff weer
Las. pawns), front b. lid. per yard, ift Wass In width.
The halms out eat Alagth, my carriage on peals
heie Landau. Duogn Oak, or Glargsw. la
writing for patens: wliak we seat pod tree, state
whether for ladles' or flatheeell weer. Spear-
Era Spi= Morel Dseeeddre !tarp
eliterdiat edled to the feet
Ml"ditts devoted eadmilveb to the prodwollemol ewe
wool =deride for ladle meld b weer. Siege.
.Me, veld by Her Majeette

1:11111ILE'S ANTIOLINS MS'