The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1865-04-18 00:00:00

MRS, GRUNDY AND THE SHERBORYN
. JoURNA.L.

DEAR MARETER ifEAD-RITTER.—I besot much in t'
liabbit o' reeslun t' Sherburn Jurnell, but a old no—
about a vortuit or dree wicks old—hen a ben tent I, as I
be staytin here at Taunton longer 'en was expected.
" Hoo in t' seem o' all that's good," ars I to myself,
" coat ha' sent I thick yer, and wat wer't sent Tor?"
Zo I uppone it, an to my stordshment I seed a
vertisement zayen at how if I' Trends o' t' tout are.
Greedy, dearest, ood 'ply at t' Jurnell offis, they'd
beer zummut to ther 'venlig I "What himperdence," sea
I, iieekun Agin to myself, 'hoer be I all alive an likely
to liv, I hop, vor many a year to cum, an here be thick
yer vile konkookehun about my vrends a profliten by
my deth." "What'll be zed 'bout I next, I wonder ?"
" What be yer a reedin that vrom r seat' bar-made
at t hotel wher I was a stoppen at. "T' Shcrburn
Jurnell." zee L "Be that won •,' de pinta I" sea she,
cur you'll no clout reckolleokt, Mr. Head-hitter, ther
be ilk. • lot o' pints in that yer pamper. "No," sea
I, "it be 'mong the 'vertisments. ' "That mebbee
too," zee the. " But 'peed 'pon't twas rit by he as rites
the pints," zee I. " Miss, yer never shod judge nobody,
lestyurself be judg`d." Wee that she busted out a laffin
an' zed, sea the, "Mrs. Grundy, how hignerant yer do
seem to he bout t' dooens o t' Jurnell." 'Well,"
sea I, " I convesa I be, vor yer know," teal, "I never
hardly sees it, an nribudy never talks to I 'bout it •, so
yer zee," sea I, "I he quite in t' clerk bout what yer lefts
at altogether." "Welt," sea the, "em tills las how 'ice
o' t' Jurnell, be t' only man as was ever bored •
head-hitter." " Bornd a head-hitter," see I. looken at
she wee 'atonishment, "Yen 'doant mean to ray as how
ther be nubudy as his head-hitters heckles he?" "No,"
see the, "that beant my rneenun. Other peepleturns
head-hitters after 'en be born—when 'on grows up; me
o' the Jornell was bornd a head-hitter. A. ha," sea
I, " Mr. Jurnell, that be so, be it. Well, then, you
be red swan, t' blue diinon, t' black toolip, t'
1 voor-leev'd shamrock, I ha' be no long a hunten vor."
" Ah, Mrs. Grundy,' says the harmed°, "you'd goo
, into raptors as many • wun ha' done avore, iv you
know'd ea as well as we does beer." "Does en come
ofFn sea I. "No, very seldom," says thee. "Be
: the Jurnell took't in mush," see I, 'in thick yer
place ?" "No," sea zbe, "very little, not half to much
es 't used to be. Then there be • onoommon deal awake
b'lieve," says I; "what spittytichagurtlite shud be hid
under thick yer little Sherbarn bushel. Doant Punch
know nothen 'bout um "I can't say," sea she, " but
Fun be verry proud o'en. Fun, speaken o'en on wun
'citation, zed Now I've yenta yer, you shall grace
my Kabinet o' Burionsities, my Olio o' Oddities, my
Zacred Blue Beard Cubbard, into which none but my-
self be privelleged to keep. I'll votograf yer we my
pen and ink kammery; I'll sketch yer in per trew
hullers; I'll shit yer on my magnum-bone.em, an
exibbit yer, rithein in aggony to radars o' Fun l'"
"Deer me," sea I, " I never beard nothun o' thick yer
avore, what 'cashuped Fun to rite Bitch • yewlogy r
"Oh I" sod ate, "a laffin *gm, 'twee a cot o' t'
Jurnell rillenn bad gram mer !" " The Sherburn
Jurnell ha' bad grimmer in't"ses I," an' he a born head-
hitter; I never know'd uothen to awful r Well, by
thin time, Master Head-hitter, yer may well b'lieve
as how we'd a grow'd quite convidenshal like
wee won another, and the raid to I, seri she, "Mrs.
Grundy, I coed keep a tillen yer o' little inzidents vor
days and wicks together. One kappital joke o'currd
monget many others jest tell yer o', if yer'll jest
Rosen to! vor half a mtnnit bevore yer goos into yer
'partment At t' time it happened it zetted all the
people here," sea she "a laffin zo that yer 'ood alamoast
ha' thought if yer had a coom'd along at t' time as
evveryboddy here had a ben taken laffin gas." Zee
"I'd be verry glad to here 'bout it." "Well,"- zee she,
"than to 'gin at 611' beginnen, yer must kno as how him
as rites them yer 'pints' in the Jurnell have a gurt
bankeren a'ter a Western konnexyon, on t' strength o'
which be be now axon vor the Zummerzetahire 'vertise-
ments. Well, en oom'd to Teuton, here, m went to a
publick house, an ratted in t' bar, an twer notio'd as
how 'en was nnkommon bizzy a riten o' letters. A'terude
he went whoam, an so when on went away he red
letters* the bermade to poaat. In worse, it be wins-
men like to see wher letters be a groom to, and to thick
are young 'ooman had t' kwrossity to rade t' 'dresses,
when lo and b'old she seed as how en was all 'dree't to
hizzelf at Sherburn ! Monet on 'em 'peered in different
stiles, a purpos to make out as how em mined vrom diffe-
rent korrespondenta at Tanton." "Well," sea I, "that
bangs all as ever I heerd on avers." "Oh !" zee she,
"that begat nothen more than mit he spoofed. The
Jurnell has a ben maintained by sitch sorts o fickshun
vor yeere and years." "I be verry sorry now," zee I,
"as I spoke to yer about not judgen people least yer
be jaded yerself, vor what yer ha now a told I be
pozitiv proof as how thick yer outdashus 'vertizment
'bout I was put in by bizzelf, and I ha no hezitashun in
',yen as how it was takin a moaet onwarrantable
liberty we me." "Rite yer are, Mrs. Grundy," see
' she "an if yer doaut think as it beaut too gurt a
, liberty on my part to angst:set it, I wax a gooen to r.ay,
as how, when ever yer veel inclin'd vor • dish o' chat,
I'd be onoommon glad to gee yer ruin more little
annerkdotes." "No liberty at all," zes I, "an so don't
menshun 'bout it. I shall be onny too glad to heer'en
whenever yer have a mind." Jest at this pint o' our
konversashun the sarvints'notumed as how my karridge
wan redly an I went out von • drive. I remane, deer
Mr. Headhitter, yer umbel zarvint, biRB. GRUNDY.