The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1878-06-11 00:00:00

Cuttings from flit et omits.

bigot/asounx.—George (who has just engaged himself
to she girl or his heart) breaks the happy news to his
mg.' -lack (who toss been married some time). Jack.
"Ali I well, nip dear fellow, marriage is tbe beet thing In
the loos run, and I out aware you that after • year or two
g man gets used to it, and feels jut as 'oily is If hid
never married at all r
HIGHLY GENTIMI. —Sir Charles. "By the bre, Mrs. de
Torupsyns, do you know your neighbours the Ponsionhy de
Tail:sots! Mrs. Peter de Tompkyua "A
—no l—crance
to MY, for they are • kind of connection of ours, " Sir
Charles " laded I Hu wbu r 3lrs Peter de Touipky as.
WO hare the WM Mottrlpmp, you know r
A SpitiTirm ANswat —Minister. "Janet ! Janet !
Drinking again ! Don't you know whore all the drinkers
go tot' Janet. "Ah could na say that ithers do, hut
ab aye gas where ab ken--(thc)-11311 get the best
cheapest r
Qt'ARTIM•DLCIt CASUMTUT. KU MUM' justified in
Liking a comrade's watch and Ir.:ruing it
Wit read that " a gentleman wants • boose-kthper to
wash and milt a cow." It is almost superguous to say
this is front a Hibernian erntempwary. Tb• nntsura of a
Iggy reeking a cow is such • thorough Irish bull.
Tag latest invention, the microphone, which appears to
be a thoroughly sound one, reseal, some startling facto.
" Ile tramp •4 • Ay across a box sounded like a horse
crossing a woolen bridge, sad Om accompanies' by • nubs,
which it WWleigge,ted wu caused by the u.-ighinst of its
proboscis." Nay, nay :we think it more likely that the
insect in !Lusatian was simply " fly. blo n."
WIMT Wit ae.g COUINO TO —Mmy of the ladies present
at the last Drawing Room wore natural flowers se
trimmings on their trains. Tbe next thing w. are likely
to use, a• natural flowen hare become de rigueur, is& lady
appearing in boCionr Wear ils( her own native hloons
SI THE ROSO.-4'layltil Goiter. My eye, Bill, her?, It
banimal ! Been is-feedite on 'sun on butter tubs, an the
'scope le a-cumin' through.

THINGS NOT SO GENERALLY KNOWN AS
THEY uuutir TO BE.
. . .

.
That the evening song of the nightingale is nice, but
that the morning lay of the barndoor fowl Ls nioer.
That the end of the lotiamt wail it always blubber.
That Her Majesty's shine are frequently put into stays,
but they only wear barnacles when they in to sea.
That some lovers quarrela b.gin, and that many end,
with • mu.selc

-
That, although one swallow may not make • summer.
yet an inverted tin-tack on • chair will make On. SP.4lt.
That cold mutton makes a really most excellent dinner
—when you can't get anything better.
That the real .0.1 only correct system of Book-keeping
ii—not to lend them.
. . . . . .

That it as very difficult to keep your own peace of mind
II the wife of your bosom will twist on frequently gislag
you a piece of hers.
That, although it is quite true "Poets are born. not
mete," a geodith lot of °bier folks, not posts. have to
undergo the sante process, at least once in their iIV64.
That the proper bird fur your baby Is a crow.
. . .

And, that you and your rto are not one ttut ten. hue-
le she ti Number One whilst you go tog nought.

SIMPSON
.ONCE
_MORS.

Wllich onto ii;;;;;;;T...a

Which once there was a hide debt.
A little cue of loves and doves,
And also of two pairs of glores.l
That little dear good girl be said,
" I'd rather have the cash instead.
lf,,r.proper &loves they cost.. much,

_
And you—yours searerly up to such."
" Oh, say nut that," 11.14 be (too nita):
"B. kind anotuth to fix a price."

A little offer then Yho wade.
'the gloves should be per buttou paid.
Sixpence the first; then so on double,
And it would sate all further trouble.
Oa. button six—two that's a shilling,
Three, that lushes fur; four, eight. You're willing I
Five-ten, Six-twelve—l weer lout seven.
• • • • ' •

Ile dropped One-eight, and raid, "Thank heaven r
MonaL—D Mt play at that game with anyone this
Derby Day, became it's not funny,

A DERRY GLAMARY
_ . . _ • .. •

(By_ou• Cyaied Coerdwd nor.)
Amusement. Yawning Irons 1, 4.1.1. tin li Bil chsm-
roe from nom to I p.in. Headache foe the Twit of the
karouehe. A carriage mipplied hy ali very-stable keeper,
which might be convert id taloa bathing-inachine U it had
better springs.
C,onviviality. Jovial hypocrites making fools of them-
selves and each other.
. . . .

Thr;g7-io—M7 -137.17. a drawing any number of ashes.
Nothing to do with the ituyal Humane Sudety..
-;.— .

Epsom. Th. pco to •pad u tubappy day. A
town not .orb ita a.qta _

-
Form. Dreesiug like • miller plice • bluo veil. To
preserve tin " old form." decorate your hat with Dutch
Gram Another name for mud.
Hill. Site of "all the fmr" without any of UM "fun.
Lunch The tint ataee of indligeatiou

Music. Stale airs from the icieest stratum of this
10.c.c of Um Music It.llu. •124 the most excruciating of
the barrel-origami.
. . . . .

simnel. A term applied to s holiday chiefly
petronmed b foots end knaves, " worse-halves," end
roughs.
Oration. The bowls of en idiotic crowd about en
inr amble winner. '
. • • - •

Prupbeta. Persons who command no respect itt their
own country—or any other..

--R.l,e.hmat. Tge-ti7s-t.Stage of intoxication.
Sweepetekes. So called from their emptying your
porkets.
Tial. The partiog.place for fools and their money.
Usage. A week excuite for tomfoolery, excess, awl

V. blade at the end of the day, td be broken next
year.
Wine. A deleterious compound which, like charity,
covers a multitude of sins, and stall 1/30111 burrows,
stupidities, mud k headaches.
Ymterday. The 'ololog spectre of to-day.
Zero. The level tit everybody's sprite after Um Darby
Day.