The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1855-09-25 00:00:00

,EMENT TO THE LIVERPOOL STANDARD.

woman fall in love ?" " Because one of them has a
heart of steel, and t'other has a heart of flint, and
when they comes together they strike fire, and that is
love." " That's right. Now you may go and plague
the gals."

PHILOSOPHICAL HAPPINESS is to want little and
enjoy much ; vulgar happiness is to want much and
enjoy little.

MADAM, you said your son was a lawyer ; has he
much practice ?" " Why, yes, he has a practice of
smoking cigars."
IN the neighbourhood of Chancery-lane is the follow-
ing, in the shop of an undertaker, posted on a coffin :
—" Pleasant lodging and partial board for a single
gentleman of retired habits. Enquire within. N.B.
The parties can be done for."
AN EXAMPLE.—" The King of Dahomey, an African
monarch," says a recent traveller, " keeps a drunkard,
feeds him upon rum, and exhibits him at the customs,
that his emaciated appearance may shame his people
from making beasts of themselves."
MRS. PARTINGTON, at the circus the other evening,
looked at her boy Ike, who sat watching the clown,
with his eyes full of wonder and his hands full of nuts,
then turning to a gentleman near her, she asked him
if he thought the "revolting by the whole troupe
would have a dilatorous tenderness on the boy."

CHARLES MATHEWS AND THE ANIMALCULE.---
When The late Charles Mathews was shown the
animalcules in a drop of water, revealed by a micro-
scope, he shuddered at the dangers to which he had
been exposed, and expressed his determination to drink
no more water without brandy, " for then," said he,
"if the monsters are not dead, they will be dead-
drunk."

AN eminent artist, while recently " landscaping" in
a midland county, was much annoyed by a by no means
polite meddler, who stationed himself near the canvass,
and while watching the progress of the work, inter-
rupted the details by innumerable questions. Finally he
inquired, " I say, mister ! what do ye ask to take my
portrait?"---" Can't do it," replied the artist, still
brushing away. " And why can't ye ?"---" I only paint
vegetables, not animals," was the reply.

ANTIQUITY.—A lawyer and a doctor were discuss-
ing the antiquity of their respective professions, and
each cited authority to prove his most ancient.
" Mine," said the disciple of Lycurgus, " commenced
almost with the world's era. Cain slew his brother
Abel, and that was a criminal case in common law."
" True," rejoined Esculapius, " But my profession is
coeval with the creation itself. Old Mother Eve was
made out of a rib taken from Adam's body, and that
was a surgical operation."
POSTURE DURING SLEEP...—Dr. Franklin recom-
mends the limbs being placed so as not to bear incon-
veniently hard upon one another ; as, for instance, the
joints of the ancles ; for though a bad position may at
first give but little pain, and be hardly noticed, yet a
continuance of it will render it less tolerable, and the
uneasiness may come on during sleep, and may disturb
the imagination. In cold weather the arms should be
under the clothes, and above them in warm ; and care
should be taken not to fold them round the head. It
is imprudent to hide the head under the bed-clothes.
We ought to sleep with our mouth shut ; as, besides
other inconveniences attending a contrary practice, the
teeth are liable to injury from it; for the air continu-
ally passing in and out between them, hurts, and by
degrees renders them less firm in their sockets ; it also
tends to consume, unnecessarily, the moisture of the
mouth and throat, consequently they become too dry,
which is always unpleasant, and in cold weather may
occasion sore throats.

THE following anecdote was recently related by an
African traveller :—An Arabian merchant commis-
sioned a Moor to conduct a caravan, with a drove of
camels, across the Great Desert to the grand city of
Cairo, with the injunction before he commenced his
journey, that if one were missing on his arrival he
should pay the penalty with the loss of his head.
Obedient to his master's wishes, and with this grave
responsibility before him, he started on his journey,
and each night as the sun sank before the horizon he
prepared his encampment, forgetting not the trust
reposed in him by counting his camels. After many
days of weary travel he at length arrived at Cairo,
and for the last time proceeded to enumerate his

camels, when lo ! one w;
tion depicted on his cm
beast he was riding to
camel, but returned in di
the back of the animal
counted the drove, wb(
number was correct. "
" I have saved my head
the western desert befi
riding !"

YOUNG GIRLS SLEE:
curiousest thing to obi
they are getting droves;
First a glazalness comet
doun, and are lifted up
minute. Then the pool
shake, and, unwillin to
the verse the minister
for the hummin stillne
into sleep, and the sou
lugs like that:o' a water!
scions o' what they 're df ,it
een upon your face, as if they were grvf,
you, and keep nid-noddin upon you, '1 'l. el • atif
ane o' the dizzen divisions o' the disc°, ~j'"(1 I
gie a bit laugh at them wi' the corlie'oe,;efit
touch their fit wi' yours oneath the tne
never sae much as ken you're in the 70,ta°, cl
finally, the soft rounded chin drags (1°,5•011: to
bonny.. bosom; the blue-veined violeL-AP'Alifi
twilight whose dewy fall it was sae r:al etoly,°
the rose-bud lips, slightly apart, rec',ls
lily leaves, and the bonny innocent 15 ale'
as her sister at hame in its rockin cr
Noctes Ambrosiance. • ectFAiii,ol
LORD REDESDALE.---InStead of bellppel
yellow, shrivelled, bloodless, Lord Ite'..ooLfit"'
and good-looking, with a fresh colon
sitting up o' nights, or by bachelor ill'oTteri
appearances are • any guide in suchto o 00.
man to whom few ladies would 111040 v
Bnt then, he is undeniably eccentric-:•vot,„,„
always affects a yellow nankeen wainteir
hat, and a blue coat with brass bliAlote
altogether an odd person. An anlse
of him which shows at once what 131,11
man must be. His lordship called ricOei
the house of a friend, a peer, an of
without hesitation, by the footman vvll49ote 'co,
tohim, as a brother servant with a me'tOccesii,
delivery to "my Lord." Acting .49.7i', loEt. 4
Jeames, who happened to be t lorVio
caller with a " I say, there's loK","er,sllMle'it
send; I wish you'd go to the cefrood
pint of half-and-half---there's a fue j°ls
-;irc,q,
supposed footman entered into of , (112
ordered, but brought the mixtut.s ol",e
Perkins in its native pewter with l'icoverst`
hands, and entered into friendly e ,tll both
" precious dry" hall Cerberus.
came in, and shook the shabby Pecs"
Hallo, Redesdale ! In the ha''
Hope you havn't been waiting log'
feelings were on the the st°2
to relate ; they may be left to tll4
London Paper.
AMERICAN FACTORY GIRLS rill
in Maine, recently, the proprietors
whereupon there was a general deter
as they were obliged to give
before quitting work, they have
issued a circular to the world at larg:
following interesting paragraph
working out our notice, and shall soe,
ployment ; can turn our hand tc.,,
don't like to be idle ; but deteror
anything where folks can afford to
help We can make bonnets,
.1
apatch,
cheese,dar darn,
ill;
ell,
hoe corn, sweep out the kitchen,
fry;pies ,
makea nd
b
rights, make beds, split wood, law
cakes;tter
iron, besides being remarkably fo'
fact, can do anything the most ace?
wife is capable of—not forgetting
Mondays and Saturdays. For spec
refer you to our overseer. Speak b
fair foreheads, clustering locks,
can sing like a seraph, and smile Ili:ma
An elderly gentleman in wamt of a v

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