The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1855-08-07 00:00:00

,EATENT TO THE LIVERPOOL STANDARD.

in one. We are not aware, however, that a cod has
turned " State's evidence," as it is said a shark did.
A shark had swallowed a log-book, thrown overboard
to him by a private ; and afterwards repenting, took
the first hook that offered, and thus turned state's
evidence—so as to hang the villain by the revelation
of the document.

THE HA MILS OR PORTERS OF CONSTANTINOPLE,—
These porters are famous for their honesty, being con-
tinually entrusted with sums of Money and valuable
parcels, which they always deliver safely to their-direc-
tions. Two Greeks in a coffee-house got drunk and
quarrelled, when one knocked the other down, and
there he lay upon the ground stunned and insensible.
Being alarmed at what he had done, the first Greek
called a porter who was passing by, and telling him
that his friend was stricken with the plague, he gave
him a beshlik (5 piastres) to carry the patient to the
plague hospital. The porter accordingly tied up his
burden with a piece of rope, slung him over his shoulder,
and trudged away with him towards the hospital.
When he had got half-way, the jolting woke up the
drunken Greek, who could not imagine where he was,
or what he was doing on a man's back, or whither he
was being carried so uneasily. " Hallo !" says he.
" Hallo !" say thehamal. "What are you doing with me
—where are you taking me ?" cried the Greek. "Why,"
says the hamal, " your friend says you hive got the
plague, and I am carrying you to the plague hospital;
so sit still and don't kick, for we have a long way to
go still." The poor Greek, who well knew that there
was no escape from that ghastly abode of human
misery to which he was being taken, when once its
doors, had closed upon him—for there he would be
murdered for his watch, or his clothes, even if he had
not got the plague, or perhaps only locked up a few
hours with those who were dead or dying of the pesti-
lence, when he would be sure to catch the horrible
disease—expostulated energetically with the hamal,
swearing he was as well as ever he had been in his life,
and that he had no single symptom of the plague. " I
don't care," said the stout hamal (not slackening his
pace or the rope with which the Greek was securely tied
on to the pad on his shoulders) "whether you have got
the plague or not ; that is your affair : I only wish
you would be still, and not twist about in that way.
I have been paid a beshlik ; my honour is concerned ;
and I must carry you to the plague hospital." I will
give you five beshliks to set me down," said the
Greek. "Be quiet," said the hamal. " Ten," cried
the Greek. " No, my friend," said the honest man.
" I have been* paid the whole fare, and I must carry
you, as I agreed, to the plague hospital : I would not
fail in my agreement for all the beshliks in the Sul-
tan's treasury." When they arrived near the dreaded
end of their journey, a lucky thought struck the ter-
rified Greek. " You were not told to take me into
the hospital, only to the hospital ? " enquired he.
" No," said the hamal, "to the hospital. I think it
will do if I carry you to the door." " Well then,"
said the Greek, when he was set down, " now as I
am tired with the journey, I will give you another
beshlik to carry *me back again." "All right " re-
plied the hamal, and shouldering his burden once
more, he trudged sturdily back with him, and at
length safely deposited him in the coffee-house from
which he first started.—Curzon's Levant.

IF a gentleman were to enter in
smith, would he be legally connect.
CAN a copying clerk who eng,rost
execute dreadful deeds ?

INDIA-RUBBER gloves are eapit
to wash themselves without wait
THE STRONGEST KIND OF HIN'
gentlemen to see if one of her ring
IN ROME, when a father was in
In England, when a son is in the
his father.

WHATEVER situation in life you
self, self, acquire a lucid and clear
attending it.
MANKIND, in general, mistake di
That is the difference between those
do not.

LADIES and gentlemen with b.
on their fingers, and long dirty fin,
genteel !
A mix that can't laugh, or won'
take a joke, or won't take a joke—i
self.
A BLOW from a frying-pan, thou
A calumny, though known to be si
on the reputation.
NATIONS in a state of war are
intoxication—they frequently cont
they are obliged to pay when sober

IN. all cases of slander currency,
lie is not to be found, the injured ,
to cone on any of the indorsers.
A MAN who is advertising, " Lodi
at Banbury, adds, " Cochin Chin;
powers are kept on the adjoining pl

LADIES BEWARE.—There are c
seems to exhaust every drop of ho:
stings in the jar.
THE last new society spoken of
Nothing." It is said to be alarmi:
word is " Lend me a dollar," and '

WE irANE heard of an economics,
meals in front of a mirror ; he doe:
If that isn't philosophy, we should
" 3lA.um, may I go a fishing ?"
near the water. If you come holm
you as sure as your'e alive."
A POWERFUL GLASS.—An optic
thus describes it:—" The telescope
and shows Jupiter's moons." Wh:
out?

A SIGNBOARD near Crewe has
scription All persons found fyl
this ground will be executed with
law."

CASH helps along courting ama;
balls and suppers, bracelets, "low
rides and picnics, will do towards ea'
and getting into the father's house,
MARRIAGE.-It resembles a pail
they cannot be separated ; often m 4
yet always punishing any one wh,
Rev. Sydney Smith.
A LAD one day appeared before
unlearned. On being asked the n
great naivete'replied, " Mamma w
cook's spectacles were too small to

THERE are three kinds of men ii
the "Wonts," and the " Cants."
thing, the other oppose everything,
thing.
GOOD INTENTIONS.—Men little
act in rashly meddling with what
The delusive good intention is no
sumption. They who mean well m,
—Burke.

As the sun doth not wait for pri,,
prevailed upon to rise, but immedl
received with universal salutation,
applauses, and shouts, and praise:
be a voluntary benefactor, and you
AN old toper, who had lately att
a learned professor caused several
among gases produced from water,
putting much water in my liquor
that water was so dangerous, thougi
MAN would direct his ways by pl
life by tasteless food ; but God has
and brightness, and laughter, and perfa:: poi
days of man's pilgrimage, and to charm 1115 ale,„
the burning marle. 10 of'
.
MANKIND moves onward through the nigeli
procession of torch-bearers, and words are tae_ o.a
generation carry. By means of these th:l4, 511
lamps beside the track which they have Pnreer• 00
them, like the stars, shall shine for ever and oil' 0
THERE is a tree in South America 101905e
roast beef in tastebutterree' gr i
ows lsnase
bread tree is to be found in the South Sea „elad oil
once observed that if they could but be gra"
other, a sandwich tree might be produced'