The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1879-11-08 00:00:00

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS.

An American, who has travelled round the world
has discovered as the result this remarkable fact :—" A
young Jones is born every forty minutes."
A Milwaukee girl suffering from lockjaw was left
alone with a mouse by the shrewd physician, and she con-
trived to open her mouth enough to give a yell that broke
a whole collection of ancient china.

Judges at baby shows in Kentucky wear masks.
It saves unpleasantness after the prizes have been awarded.
A young poet, who couldn't pay his hotel bill, de.
dared, "ills in the free, far, and mighty West is corroded
with the sublimate of darkling social gloom, glowering from
a sky of midnight blackness, unrelieved by a ray of dancing
sunshine."

The child probably destined to be the greatest of
American naturalists is already born. He lives in Tennessee,
and is the author of the remark that 'a jackass is the only
animal that winks with his ears."

A Fort Madison man went home the other evening
and found his house locked up. Getting in with consider-
able difficulty at the window, he found on the table this
note from his wife—" I have gone oat; you will and the
door-key on one side of the door-step."

"Is there a letter here in a soented envelope for my
wife?" he asked the postmaster, while the green fire from
his eyes made the office look like a leafy forest. "Ye,,
sir," answered the p.m., as he handed it out. The Jealous
man tore it open at once, when, in and behold lit was a
milliner's bill for bOdols.

A Yankee has invented a patent safety balloon;
last as the daring aeronaut is about to mend the balloon
bursts!

The editor of a Boston paper says that for pretty
lips none•are like the "Bluss"ton girls, but they are too
often polished by slang. He (tke editor) oonsiders himself
an universal favourite, and was, therefore, not surprised to
hest' the Boston girls at a recent fancy fair describe him
In the following language, though he would have preferred
it differently said, "I sn't he a tumbler " "Isn't he
immense!" "He has a great deal of dog on to-day,"
"Good form," "AwfuUy first-rate," "Thanks," "Quite too
awfully handsome," "Pitch on your hat an let's go for a
picturestae."

Three romantic Kentucky girls recently hit upon a
better device for securing husbands than by advertising.
They lived on the banks of the Ohio River, and agreed each
to set a bottle afloat containing a paper on which was
written her name and a premise to marry whomsoever should
fled the bottles. One of the girls has married recently the
man who found her bottle far down the river, the second is
engaged to the one who found here at Natchez, Miss,, and
the third is in correspondence with the finder of hers, who
also lives at a great distance from the point where the
bottles were launched,

John B. Gough is 62 years old, has travelled 420,000
miles, delivered 8,000 lectures, and has not spent A day in
bed from Illness in 33 years; all the result, presumably, of
cold water. But there's many a fat old whale that can bang
him. We have seen one that was at least SO years old, and
must have travelled 42,C00,000 miles, and spouted not less
than 10,000,000 times, and we don't believe the old buffer
ever spent half a day in bed.