The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1879-07-22 00:00:00

WHAT THE IBOALD SAY&

In its Assize emporia of Thoredy the Times states that
" James Ellie Gallen was convicted of sheeting his mother-
in-law while ander the influence of drink.' This is very
careless writin& leaving us in doubt as to whether it wee
Gallon or the motherin. law who was drunk. It Is the
loon o,erioir because a few lines earlier in the mine
report-Me Times 'howl that It caq when it pietism write
oempicacity. I read that " Witm Yenwick Hell, 21,
latlirender, wee convicted of a dreadful assault on • men
with. rect.koc poker, which pierced the substance of his
twain and was matenced to five years penal servitude."
Now hem thilllll is no room for doubt. Lad the red-hot
poker received • sentence which no one can challenge on
the score of extrema severity.

On Friday. lira White, of Ardharroth, who km long
been reoogn.ad as • prominent entertainer, convoked bar
friends and acquaintance (or dancing ampere. with most
satisfactory results. Anxious, howeve,. to be credited
with an unimpeachable door, the fair hostage had caused
the peressi to be wrought up to such a state of slippery
bra/tangy. that it was a moot point with the earlier
dancers whether they had not been wiser to bath brought
their skates with them. Constant exercise, with • sew
unimportant casualties, soon reduced this temporary
discomfort. and the proceedings terminalad—to the joy of
the younger guests and the vexation of the uninvited in
to. ithaethancithod of Balgrave-square—in the unseemly
daylight of Saturday morning. The ball is to be registered
sea MOONS

" The destiny of nations," rye Brillat.Savarin,
" depends spun the food they .at This aphorism most
ham been in Sir Garnet Wolealey's mind, when he
arransed that the Sritlah troops at Natal should be
supplied with the seme kind of biecuit which sustained
the legions of Germany on their triumphant march to the
gates of Paris. The portable form of Mot food will enable
the army to dispense with much of the trahsport, which
hati proved such an eacumbracce in the present disastrous
ca. Why ham our own biscuit-heifers, who
supply the whole world with " captains, • pirates.'
Meta; and crocknella- neglected thle important
branch of their trade, and loft their German rivets te reap
• harvest from In, Zulu war?
A marriage bee been arranged between Mr. Denison
Pander, youngest eon of Mr. Pander, 11. P., and Kin
&atria, Mason, only daughter of Mr. Cuthbert &Lima,
one of the metropolitan magistrates.
Bravo, the Corporation of London! The note of alarm
—which was Arst sounded in these columns on the glrd of
Agril, deer brethren editors of the Wok and Deily Nom,
who nave deleted the honour for yourselvee—hea pro.
dosed the requisite *duct, and the dear old Beeches which
Vernon Reath photographed and Mortimer Coiling song,
and under which there have been so many thousends of
happy gatherings, are preserved to Lhe public for aver.

At the last moment business el State compelled Sir
John Macdonald, the Canadian Premier. to postpone Ida
visit to England. A pilotage had been taken for him and
Lady Iltorudd in the Sardinian. which arrived on Sun-
day week. Sir Charlet Tupper of the Canadian Cabinet
came on. The chilli will blow in a week or two.

The rebuilding at Dasioosnlte Park is to he begun im-
mediately, the first step to be takes being the densolition
cot the blackened walls still left 'tending. The now house
will. I understand, follow closely in the arebitactaral linen
of it. predeceesor, though several improvement. lending
to comfort as well se magnificence will be introduce{
Meantime Lcrd Ferersham has taken Oswaldkirk Hall,
in Yorkehire, the art of Mr. Menials%

I am told of an amusing incident which occurred on
Tuesday last at the French Fancy Fair. A young gentle-
man of the "'Amy" type presented himself at the stall of
Aida". Sarah Beenherdt, and had the effrontery to
enquire how much she would charge him for • kiss.
There was nothing very original in the ides, and from
'Arry's" own point of view nothing more than • playful
compliment wag intended; but the greet actress's pees of
offended dignity and outraged virtue wee I hoar,
positively terrific. Bhe hae vouchsafed no nothing so
dramatic upon the stage, although her wrath culminated
eventually in the somewhat Kande and not unusual
question, "Nee on dette est le policemen r Poor "Airy
was quite flabbergasted at the effect of his temerity. H.
leant, limp and helpless, against the framework of the
sacred stall, clinging for support to the muslin trimminp,
and when lust seen was heard feebly protesting,"
its what I alwais 'see said to hettressee at charity
bazaars, and. as they never took no offence at It before I
always fancied they liked It
Nowhere do one the such gay stockings and elegant
charts.. eie at Lord's. I suppose the drags "fiord an
exoepUoind opportunity fur deplay ; but in any ceee the
succession of Urk.blue. lighl.blue, red, black, atnolon,
and variegated hose. clocked and unclocked. on Friday,
was poaitively bewildering a. one strolled round the
ground. Bat U, the.. same limb coverings ea, bespattsred
and besmeared, they toiled through to. mud to the
entrantagatee in shoes reduced to the consistency of
brown paper pulp ! ones pity was divided between the
wearers and their watherwomen.

Major Frazer, R.R, who is well-known in military and
diplomatic circles for his services at Constantinople last
year in conjunction with the late Colonist Horne, has just
Moen us his eisay on fell entrenchments, which gained
in. extra gold medal at the 1131al Institution. It is •
deeply in ph on a ino.t important
subject, which will Its with pleasure by many outiside
the profession. It WM written in Oztober lad and
there lions puss.. Whisk is quite prophetic. Referring
to the necessity of illimischiag politicos. be says that at
the commence:oak,' at
.1! !MINIM this wialw4ty is but

litU e undentood : hut thetexperience proves it before the
war is at sit end. No one thought it nesessery to intrench
the estop at Lomita* ; note our troop in Zululand go to
mend oaths vogy &Waist exam

Near Brick-court, in the Temple, there is • place which
might be called Brick and Mortar-court. I mean the
neighbourhood of the fountain, where the mesons and
plumbers seem always to be at work. When Dickens
wrote Martin Chatzterit, it was • very pretty wilderness
with a jet of water spouting up in the middle. Tea or
twelve years ago Sir Lawrence Peel took it in hand, and
an Italian basin was put up. Not long ago this was taken
down. and • new flight of stops made on the slope below.
This year dower-bs of the carpst•pattara order hare
been sut on tke gram slope. From their twists and %bar
twirls and their circles they hare evidently been designed
by a shorthand writer. The pail of the fountain has now
been made shallower, so that little buys will no Wager be
able to drown themselves in it, as nearly happened many
years ago to • eon of Mr. Boma:salt. Oath. other hand,
the jack which used to live there will no longer find room.
A rockery le also being built round the Jet, suggesting the
Canterbury Hall, Cannot you lame it alone, Yr. Trea-
surer Brown

Mr. Sullivan is too clever and practised • speaker often
to make balk But in the course of a short speech on
Friday evening be made • yak.. Once be complsined
that the Speaker had placed • reporter " secretly and
surreptitiously in our midst." Then he &Oared that,' if
the action of the Speaker had been in the times of Pyre
and Hampden he knew who would have been in the
Tower to-morrow."

A few weeks eta. when " RUB" Macdonald talked about
gang upon an exasdlUon to Helga with the Duke of
Hamilton, everybody pitied him. "If it is so cold hare,'
said these ignorant people, " whet mast it be up there,
right at the top of the map The gallant Admiral has now
returned, and I am infurmed that he declares that the
only diacomfort front which he suffered was owing to the
Loa. In consequence ot the almost total absence of
vegetation there is no protection whatever to be obtained
from the rays of the sun, which, when it doss shine, often
continues to do so for Sweaty hours at • stretch, its heat
becoming intensified through contact with the black
mountain crags which rise up in every direction. The
result of this almost perpetual sunshine was to Ciall• the
countenancer of Admiral Macdonald and his companions to
go under a disa4reeable orients. of "baking, swelling, dud
Nang," of which, happily, all traces ate now satiefactor-
lip effaced.

I hear that the Leicestershire Liberals have made up
their winds to put Homey Packs at the head of the poll at
the general election. Colonel Burnaby must not let the
V.- grow under his feet, or the .at be expects to win
will be snatched from him by his broad-amid neighbour.
Yr. A. K. Sullivan bas suffered long and grievously
at the hands of Kr. Callan. But it may be taken that the
old morels now wiped cd. For some days Kr. Galan had
hew in getting up materiels for a row about "the
tad reporter in the Ma gallery." The train
was nearly complete. The match might have been applied
on Friday. It certainly would have been fired on Monday,
and Ireland would nave known that there wsa another
besides Kr. Parnell, Kr° Condor Power, and Mr. Biggar
who was able and willing to revive In the House of
Gammons the pristine glories of Donnybrook fair. When
to, at an unexpected moment, Kr. Sullivan treacherously
stops in, and before Kr. Cellan's very eyes snatches the
rue prue. Kr. Callan Is not a gentleman with respect to
whom one's sympathies are malty moved. Bat it was
impossible not to led sorry for him on Thursday night,
when be found himself thus suddenly and hopelessly
bereaved.

Among those prthent t th• Prince Imperial's funeral
arm yield-Marshall Lord litratatnaint Ilia youthful
PSSCnnd thaesay way h• rod. his horse were quite
wonderful On dismounting he threw bin leg ens the
poomial like a lad of tweilth

The Prince of Wales, out of compliimmt to to.
wore Me uniform of a Volunteer Artillery wept:l7lA
the Duke of Edinburgh. Calomel Pemberton, with his
wisabar.dainad patrol jacket and MN battered helmet. the
very clothe, in which he landed. was a remarkable eight
1 wee sorry to aware that to looked far from strong" and
welkad lame.

EPIMS.6 0000 A. -Cr ILLTS/UL COMPOITTS42.—" By
a thorough kno sledg, of the natural Imre which govern
the operations of digestion and nutrition, and by •
careful application of the fine properties of well-
selected 0n.... Mr. Epps has provided our breakfast
tables with a lalicataly flavoured beverage which may
save us many heavy doctors bills. It is by the judicious
um of such articles of diet that • constitution may ne
gradually built up until strung aweigh to resist every
to dieser,. Hundreds of subtle maladies
are floating around us ready to attack wherever there
Is a weak point. We may escape many • fatal shaft
by keeping ourselves well fortified with pure blood and
• properly nourished frame."—Oiril Service Gaarrie.
Bold only in Packets labelled—" Jame Errs k 00.,
Homeopathic Chemists. Landes."

OIE FIATMING Ransom —ht the Leicester Al
14M
an action for libel was brought by • milliner named
BMW, of Kathy, against the curate of that perish, named
M' Pba.il. It was alleged that the diffmdeat had stated
that improper conduct took Owe between plaintiff and
man mused Catlin, and that the reports to that
aid:Ctung had been most darsefing to her. The jury found •
verdict for the plaintiff, with an. farthilig &AMPS. with'
out costa

STRANGE CONDUCT AND STILANOIIII DEFIXCIL A
faikg.thly.dr.d Testae WOO/1121. WUZIed =SS Bosley.
was charsed et the iteietol police-court with attemption
to obtain a variety of goods by moans of false
She had visited • number of tradesman , and o riersVtere' sUk
drosses, jeweueey, and • quantity of proviskins to he sent
to the 4issishiter of the governor of the poL The
prima. had made no Milogt to obtain the pods she had
nordszlossd the colslS *zoom she pee yee her waded
she ELEA vary *mid. She wo
la lath ge mirl dilating&

FACTS AND FANCIES.
(From Pun.)

Tux Ntw " ZoLdir Stnrits-
A "SMALL" DIMCULTT —Pater : Now Flu, kiss
iiippo • biacuit."—Flo (doubtfully) :—" Do you tntak ho
(void eat • whole one, pap•
TAME° THE WVATIIIESTILE WICKIT.-14. John Morley
is mentioned am • probable Liberal candidate for West-
minster. Well, if anyone can make the Tory members
"mu their stomps,"' • Morley" ii" Mewl)," the man
I No Rate Measuass.-11 they continue to sell wheat by
the quarter we shall have another turn of the arithmetical
tables next, and hew of house, being lit by the peck or
Duelist

Tsgag's miser • Tsui WOW; ac.—Landlady (to Smith;
wholigns4ft his image at the station. and is hunting
for :-- WitU. we are rather full lust now, I
must t I darmayvs can manage to take you Is.
MlLlTski COLTILTINO.—Lard Chelmsford, according to
some of his critics, " courts" diameter in South Africa. If
when they say he " owls" disaster they mean he "courts
of inquiries" it, we quite agree with them, for no general
could be more particular in investigating blunder. that
should never have been committed.
STm•r: 1200-Orsestios.—A whits dove appeared in
the church of St Augustin. in Paris, w the
Bonapartist* were there holding a mass for the late
Prince Imperial. The bird settled on a carved<ak
eagle, and the Imperial organs make out It vas an omen
of happy augury. As a matter of fact. we suppose the
clove suggested • sudden 'coo' to the Bonapartist&
But they spell it eons," no doubt.
LOolc.—Parmer Giles 'Respect his
theological opinions t Why. look 'ere. mum I He was
a-lookin' at that there field of oats o mine the other day,
and he ear, sea he, ' that there's a nice lot o' young whims
you've got, Mister Giles,' sea he I There's a theological
opinion for ye !"

PAT.InOnt
hub a dub dub, men you can't snub,
And each mischied-maker, swaging the " Spaker,"
They all jurup'd out of an Irish potato.
Parosry Mrse for tints Politicians.
"TIMIS BTOOPID 00CICIEY AnllN."—Min Stubbs
'See, Mimi.% I be a-drawn* some water for your bath."
Little Mises :—" Do you draw the water for your bath
out of the same well, Alm Stubbs 1" Mrs. Stubbs :
" Lewk, Miami°, no ;I be matter of Ifty year old an' I
never red heered tell On 011/bO4l 'all& a bath in *no
parts, cept when you LUnnillt paltry comes down"
Coals° Actress STICILL —The IW4ers6eld Tories have
presented Lord Beaconsfield with • Malacca cane with •
quidg handle. Their intention, doubtless, is that he never
Me-lacca" stick to walk with in his oki age. And in
thou dare, when its aid will be really necemely. his
lordship may jokingly declare that he has been reduced
to" Strait. of Malacca" As long as he is "Abel "-bodied,
however, he will not really require his "Cain." will he?
A IthilrlT Dig, bevaxviort —A buoyant couch or,
mettrem, aft Mu by Ift gin, made of *Leek felt, is
, exhibited at the United Service Institution, which would
sustain from II to II men in the water, and, says •
' contemporary, "lb is to be hoped that this fait bed will
have a fair trial in our own navy." We hope so too, for
an invention for slaving life at sea tea want that has long
been felt.

--""iiii-HORIC RE LXT OTHER NMEZ."—TIED term "gentle-
men players has just turned up somewhat &musingly in
the case of a airjuit match at Hastings, where it wee
announced that the gentlemen butchers of that town
would play the gentlemen Webers of some other place
Of course, in the seise that they are noe-Craeleicemlei
they am suntlemen players; bat where will this kind o
thing end I We shall boor of the "gentlemen swine
next, and that will never doom society has long since
declared that If a man be a thorough map he forfeits all
right to the title of pratierwisi.
GOOD SOLIMICTII FOR TEI CAL --The Edinburgh High
Court of Justiciary has sentenced three nom to five years'
penal servitude for the play( ul little freak of throwing
into the eyes of a teak click, than knocking him
most. gutter, entailing their cheerful and instrootlve
=ace by robbing= of 4300. Now. we do not
to lacerate the of our soldiers and Nikes
I.lth the cat. and it appears they are smistered often
enough in Zolnland to receive pepper in that way; BO we
ask why, In a cies like this, btoodthiraty raglans anal*
having their skins well scratched by the claws of the out!
In fact, a clause ought to be introdueed retaining it can.
pubory on judges to ballet corporal punishment in all
ases of robbery with violenee

(From Riad.)
THE MOST TO Di Got DT INVADING Zu Lurn.—A
Military Crawl.
I A Car PUN ram Courrar.—They tells no we ought
donut a run o' good times to re put by summut fur •
rainy day. Yaal What we'd •ga to put by fur we finds
to be • Imlay year. Make hay while the sun shines,
should us Asy work when the mun's out long enough.
This here summer when '• won't show his nice for five
minuetoi at. time lood be what ye mad call. rapid act
o' haymakun.

TIIWS ABOUT FIANCEE.

The Monarchy—A head without a body.
The Empire—A body without • head.
The Republic (Red)—A body that wants to be all
head.

' The Republic (Iloderate)—A body that should show a.
head—the sooner the better.
AT Bru.osa —Paterfamilias (who will do the parley
vooing himself instead of leaving it to his daughters).
" Oh--er—J'ai bezwans Wain lootail de—de—de—Here.
you girls ! What's the French for Eau de Cologne r
APPEARANCES. —Hainlresser. " Tremendioris 'ed of 'air,
Sir ! Better let me cut the 'ole of it hurt r Eminent
Violinist. "Why Hairdresser. "Well, you 'II excuse
my maybe so, but it maka..i you look like one of them
Fiddler Chaps, you know !
HAD His Thum "You drunken sot! The
very beasts of the field give yba a lemon ! They leave off
when they have quenched their thirst"—Paddy. "Yes,
yer riv rence. But where did the bastes her come scrams
a sthrame o' whiskey! !I "
HIGHLY Onsecnomsfu.g. —Our Oxford Correspondent
telegraphs that the Temperance Society has memorialised
the Council of the University &plaid their proposal to
grant the degree of B NIL
Ail labia FACT FOR Dsawor(latest example of develoP-
menti—Making cat's paws out of cat's tails.
Tin FUNERAL or THE Paisce lurunjaj. Personally
conducted—net politically,

A WET WORLD, MY MASTERS.
Wet ! wet Still wet Oh. weary, watery weather I
Nature seams now, like Niobe, all tears.
The Earth her bottle. Aide of porpoise leather
Or cuticle of macintosh appears
Man's only hope. How long,U sapient Darwin,
Will au development demand, sole chance
That Man may 'midst the elemental war win
Security front pluvial circumstance
" Pleasure r Pooh pooh ! We've no aquatic cricket,
Being—alas !----mere men, not lucky frogs.
In squashy swamps we cannot pitch • wicket,
Or play lawn-tennis in • land of bogs.
A water-party, spoilt by wind-leaked billows.
Making our placid Thames like Spey in spate:
Oh ! to be ducks or fbih, mushrooms or willows :
One envies e'en the 'nears shell-sheltered state.
We want amphibious habits to secure us
A kern., stall4ll in • world all flood,
Where winter tan whirlpool lashed by Entus.
Summer (ll a swamp of Malebolgian mu&
Some metamorphic readjustment. redly.
Man needs to At him to a state so mow ;
Then might he pionic in • marlah merrily.
Not mope at home till all is moldy-blue.