The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1865-09-26 00:00:00

WHAT WILL BECOME OF THE HOUSE
THAT JACK HAS PARTLY BUILT.

I said it the end of my last letter, "Besides
curing our gammon, the ball hot will preserve
our hide, and save our bacon." Of course, I
meant first the mockery of the elections or ale
auctions, or mock auctions, the same sort of sell
and swindle as seen in Cheap-aid.; only it turns
out rather dear for MP's and still dearer for the
nation. By preserving our hide I meant doing
away with the cat and the cane, and lastly, by
saving our bacon I meant our national life and
supremacy; for, depend on it, the cat impairs
the efficiency of the united service, as much as
the cane mars the proficiency of academic studies.
Besides, several officers have already paid with
their lives, for this brutal discipline, and in time
of war a great many more would forfeit theirs.
These connections between cause and effect, seem
to have been noticed at the Poole and Blandford
recent banquets. There were two or three French-
men who, speaking English passably, were
rather inquisitive, like enfans tervibles alter
dessert. "Row many electors have you r
Some one said : About 5 per cent, of the whole
population. Well, answered the Frenchman,
your shilling then is as good as a sovereign.
But do you still bruise your sailors and soldier.?
Another Briton replied: Only those that have
been drunk three times. And your officers, how
about them 1 Why their drunkneas is illimited:
Thereupon, the Frenchman said: Oh! I under-
stead why several of your officers are murdered,
for the privates have no other redress. So it is
with our schoolboys and apprentices, but they
often run away, rather than be bruised, and
sometimes murdered by their masters. Should
the Frenchmen have continued his troublesome
questions, what could his host have answered ?
For instance: Do you still starve your juries?
I yes, we do; to make them agree, we inflict on
them the pangs of hunger and thrist, and cold or
heat, as the case may be. But, we over-feed
and drench our, electors. Those for parliament
have their show, their sugar, their speeches;
whereas, those for the corporation, have only
their swig, their swill, aeir swipes. All
the above ways and means require a little
reform, in the shape of the Ballot. It will put
an end to all those remnants of barbarism, or of
feodality ; jurymen and soldiers will be treated
like men, and there will be an immense saving
in sugar, speeches, and swipes.

Formerly, the Jews were tortured in order to
extort thew money. The free Juries are still
tortured to make them speak against their con-
science. So if Jury don't come from Jew,
certainly it ought to.

Mr. John Bright has just said that "am long
es Lord Palmerston is premier, there can be no
Reform; for, he is the only man connected with
the Liberal party able and willing to betray it."
Rather bright idea this, about the very incarna-
tion of sophism and humbug. Let us hope
that this premier will enter a hone, and rusticate
sooner than was lately announced.
Since Mrs. Smith's visit, 1 have noticed the
wonderful narrowness of our Market-house, the
smallest, very likely, in all England, and which,
considering the cost, could have been at large as
those of Jersey and Liverpool, for there was just
behind, the cheap and extensive ground of the
Priory. But, of course, private interest aver-
came the public, one. So that, the ponderous
cornice and heavy pediment were added to
bamboozle the public, whilst it is a mere impedi-
ment. I recollect there were many complaints
at the time, against such a small and expensive
market-house. So they have tried to make a bold
front of it, to justify part of the cost. But,
without the Ballot, the Press has very little
power, compared with flogging, caning, blooms-
taxing, starving jurymen, ec.

Let us wait a little longer then. The Anglo-
French alliance will aid us, I trust, in curing our
gammon, preserving our hide, and saving our
bacon. The lean dog will get better fed, and
the fat dog will see that he is not so free es he
is flattered into belief. Even the French Re-
publicans will soon recognize that the truth lies
about midway between the English and French
systems. France has too many electors. England
not half enough; England is partly free, her
people pertly represented, and her parliament
partly representative, and her few electors partly
freemen.

Therefore, we are here, turning in a vicious
circle. Firstly, the rich command the majority
of the aforesaid few votes. Tben the house
built by the rich disposes of the public money
and imposes taxes. If any difficulty arises, then
a general dissoitstion follows in its double sense,
and the rich build a fresh house, and recom-
mence disposing and imposing as usual fio you
see, a vicious Gird.: may include highly respect-
able people. What a vicious circle we have been
going around? The French opposition used to
praise British institutions, and the English Press
kept up the illusion. Thus both nations were
deceived. All I can may is " Better let the rich
rule without election, than to vote through
MaMMO/1 and gammon."