The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1879-09-27 00:00:00

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS.

Young man, saw wood, shell beans, tend a guide.
board at the forks ov some kuntry road, do enny thing
allmost except to steal, rather than undertake to live bi
yute witz ; Woe men out of ten who undertake to live bi their
witz are no better off than a lost day.—Josh Blllings.

An American jndge has decided that a man cannot
be slandered by his wife. They are one in the eyes of the
law, and she has a right to slander either half.
A goat can eat almost anything, but when it comes
to chewing an old crinoline for ten or fifteen minutes be
feels as if be might be making a bird cage of his stomach for
nothing, and gives up the job.

Seven Chinamen are partners in business in San
Francisco. A creditor, finding it hard work to collect a
debt, learned that the money was in the safe, that the safe
had seven different locks, that each partner had one key, and
the firm had to be unanimous before the money could be
touched.

A candid Yankee journalist states that whereas in
Greece you can tell by the way a woman wears her hair
whether she is married or not, in America you may know
that a man is married if he does not wear any hair at all.
"I had to stand up all the way home in the street
cars," said a Chicago wife to her husband, as she came into
the house the other day. "You did 7" said he. "Well,
that's a shame." "Oh, I didn't care—l enjoyed it I"
declared she, as she pulled off a glove. "Ever since you
gave me those handsome bracelets, I like to stand up and
hang to a strap, the gold filigree work shows off so beauti-
fully."

A Danbury editor says--" We have received a
notice of marriage for insertion, to which was appended the
original announcement, Sweethearts at a distance will
please accept this invitation.'"
An Alabama young lady recently received the fol-
lowing note, and is heart-broken—" You needn't sped me
up to yure house no more sunda nites a gun l wat leaves gum
a stickin on the parlor chairs for a feller to set on ain't no
gad for me—Jim."
An American from Arizona arrived at a large
hoteL He was not in the place half anthour when a "row"
took place. The waiter handed him a napkin and was
quickly floored for his pains. The man from Arizona ex-
plained to the manager that he reckoned he knew when to
use a handkerchief without having hints given to him.

At a southern camp meeting held many years ago,
otos the Roston 7'ranEoript, were two ministers who were
mutually antagonistic. One of them Brother Davis, had a
wooden leg, and when he was especially wrought up, would
emphasize every word by thumping it on the platform.
During on of the sessions of the camp-meeting, when the
public tent was crowded, and Brother Davis was exhorting
with all the energy in his power, Brother Jones appeared
with a gold headed cane. Pointing his long, bony finger at
hisr., Brother Davis exclaimed: "Brother Jones, there'll be
no gold-headed canes in heaven." "No," said Brother
Jones, angered by the sudden attack, "and no wooden-
legged preachers there, either."

" Yon love me?" echoed the fair young creature, as
her pretty head oiled the collar of his summer suit. "Yes,"
he said, tenderly. "you are my own and only—" "Hush"
she interrupted, "don't say that—be original. That sounds
too much like Barnum's show-bills."

"What shall I leave you when I die?" said an en-
gaged young man to his too clever engagee. " Needn't
wait till you die, I guess," said she ; you can leave me some-
thing now, if you wilt" "What shall I leave, Angel-
'leaner?" "There is a beautiful diamond hoop ring in the
left hand corner of the window of the jeweller's shop in
North-street," she fascinatingly replied. The sarcastic pro-
nunciation of her christian name foretold this termination.
"Yes, Angelina, I will buy and wear the ring in remem-
brance of you; farewell for ever, and a little more."