The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1876-02-19 00:00:00

AMERICAN HUMOUR,

It occurred to a Yankee scholar, while writing a
compoAtion, to rake the remarkable statement that "an
ox does not taste as good as an oyster, but it can run faster."

A Wisconsin editor speaks of a wind which "just
sat on its hind. legs and howled."

An lowa Editor recently announced that a certain
patron of his wa, "thieving as usual." He declares he
wrote it "thriving."

An Illinois editor, recently married, states edi-
torially, "We are living at this moment under absolute
despotism."

- .
A citizen of Chieaw is recorded as Baying, "I cau
always tell water when I see it—it looks so much like gin.'

"She has a magnificent voice for a fog-whistle," is
he Western criticism on a new candidate for vocal honours.

When a Portland (U.S.) woman chases her boy with
a broom, he runs down on a wharf and jumps into the water.
When he comes out his face is washed, and his mother does
not know him, and he is safe.

A Pitt6field man is making trunks entirely of paper,
without any frame and with no other material except trim-
mings of leather. It is claimed that they are stouter than
those made of any other material.
A California wan tied one end of a rope around his
waist, and lassooed a cow with the other. lie thought he
had the cow, but at the end of the first half mile he began
to suspect that the cow had him.
"Bitten by an alleged mad dog" is the mild way in
which such an occurrence is put in Baltimore, to avoid hurt-
ing the dog's feelings should he merely be labouring under a
temporary aberration.
The sight of a former lover sitting in the church
gallery during the performance of a marriage ceremony,
frightened a Wisconsin bride BO that she fainted away. At
the moment of her collapse she had on 1,600 dols, worth of
jewellery that he had given her.
A man out west, who offered bail for a friend, was
asked by the judge if he had an encumbrance on his farm.
"Oh, yea," said he, "my wife."
Clementina Robinson is under arrest in Detroit for
stealing live dollars from one lover to pay the minister's
charge for marrying her to another.
A 'cute observer thinks that instead of giving credit
to whom it is due, the cash has better be paid.
A thoughtful girl says that when ahe dies she desires
to have tobacco planted over her grave' that the weed nou-
rished by her (lust may be chewed by her bereaved lovers.
There is poetry in the idea.
•

--- - -
A raw Jonathan, who had been gazing at a garden
in the vicinity of New York, in which were several marble
statues, exclaimed, "Just see what a waste! Here ts:iso less
than six scarecrows in this little ten foot patch, and any one
of 'era would keep the crows from a five-acre field.

A &lath Carolina politician, named A. G. Alin, is
annoyed because the telegraph and printers continually put
him down as A. Gallon.

There is said to be "a learling, citiz.n" in a Massa-
chusetts town who, after having heard the church committee
discuss whether it was best to have two or three aisles in their
new church, broke in with, " Wal, you may talk about) our new
kinds of lie as much as you're a mind to, but I never yet see
any lie or gas that is as good as the old-fashioned lamp ile."
_

A New Orleans jury declared a man to come tolls
death by "an unknown cart. About on a par with this is
the Philadelphia verdict respecting a man who had been
crushed to death in a mill, when the jury remarked, "No
blame can he attached to the machinery."

A Connecticut editor asks his subs,ribers to pay
him, that he may play the same joke on his exeditors.
A New York lady, whose husband has an un-
pleasant habit of railing at her, has hit upon the plan of
calling in her servants when he begins to let out his temper,
and then turning to him, and saying sweetly, "Now, my
dear, please go on with your remarks," lie doesn't go on—
at least not as he began.
A seedy and unhappy-looking man, entering a revival
meeting in Mississippi, took a seat near the pulpit The
clergyman noticing his forlorn appearance, stepped up to him
and asked him it he was a Christian. "No," said he; "I
am the editor of the village paper."
A Yankee stranger dined at an hotel where they
had apple dumplings with sauce for dinner. He got through
with the sauce, when mine host kindly inquired, 'Will you
have some more dumplings, sir ?"—No, thank'ee," 'was the
reply; "but iwill thank you for a little more of the 'lnt-
ment,"
A wealthy bachelor of New York, having had one
or two lawsuits for breach of promise, now replies to any
young lady, who wishes a "few minutes private conversation,"
as follows ;—" No, you don't, madam. It cuts me to the heart
to be compelled to doubt the honourableness t,f your inttn-
tions, but that sort of thing is played out. My rule is im-
perative, and if you have any business with tne, it must he
transacted in the presence of two witnesses."