The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1865-01-03 00:00:00

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To fhe Editor.

have lately seen a paragraph in your paper,
signed "Luz," ielating to the gas of Weymouth, whiciii
demands notice remark. The gentleman who writes, not
having the honesty or the boldness to sign his own
name, fights under a false one—cowards fight 'whin.'
screens, perhaps he approves of that method. Is he
ashamed of his face or his name? Why not make his
complaints and grievances known in Isle own person?
None were ever made known to me without being
attended to. He must be only one of those dissatisfied,
greedy, uncharitable people--of whom there are may
in the world—who will let no one live but themselves.
Envious and jealous of the comfort of others, they
have always ready a firebrand to throw amongst the
community. The gent'. man signs "Lux"—an unfor-
tunate name, judging from his luoubrations—anything
but lucid. No one, lam sure, will expect him to be a
giver of light, but rather take him for the Prince of
Darkness. The gentleman states that the town is little
better lighted thau under the old oil lamps. Whose
fault is that? Let the company put a sufficient number
of lamps, and there will be light enough. Parliament
compels the gas to be ohs certain illuminating power—
amply sufficient for all purposes. The gentleman says
there is to be • new coinpany, and seems eager to supply
the town with gas for nothing at all. Will the gentle-
man submit his new company to be tied to light both
sides of the water at 3s. 6d. per 1,000? and how will he
dn that without a tuned'. If he is to make a tunnel, as
I was compelled to do, he will have little left to pay
interest on capital. Does he suppose he is to get a new
company into the town without a contest? How much
is he prepared to spend before Parliament? He may
make up his mind for t 2,000 or £3 000, and then, if he
has to make a tunnel, £4,000 more? What has he left
for works? But the gentleman need not propose to lead
poor ignorant people intoa slough and leave them there.
I will save him the disgrace and ignominy. He can have
the present works, if be likes, without a contest, ant
without a new tunnel, upon fair payment. Has the gen-
Demme ever thought whether the consumption of gas in
Weymouth is enough to support two companies? Three
tines in this town, a place at least five times the size
of Weymouth, have attempts been made to establish a
new company, but they have never been able to succeed.
Does Weymouth hold out better inducements? Now
it is well-known to every body but this lucid gentleman,
that in all oases where two companies have been started
one was ruined, or there was an amalgamation, and the
public had to pay the lose sustained by both. What
does he mean by "pegging propensities ?" If he will
have the goodnew to write intelligible English we will
thank him, or return to school to be taught it as well as
the subject of gas lighting, on which I don't hesitate to
pronounce him profoundly ignorant. On this subject
a great deal of silly nonsense is frequently before the
public. I don't exactly see the connection between the
mayor's salary and the gag lighting of Weymouth ; but t big
gentleman "Lax" can doubtless see further into a mill-
stone than ether people, or he must submit to be called
" Lux" only on the principle of locus to non lucendo.
—I am, liir, your obedient servant,
W. W. BMIDON.
Newcastle-on.Tvne, December, 1864.
FROM PUNCH'S ALMANACK.

Wonearp OP THE 13010.—Was practised by the faleitnt
Britons. Is still kept up by young British Mammas
with their first baby-boys:
HACKNEY CARRIAGE (OR CAB) FARES AND REGULA-
TIONB. —The driver must drive six miles in any
direction, no matter where you want to go. If a dis•
pute occur after the closing of the police wart, the hirer
will remain in the cab all night, and the driver is bound
to call him at • seasonable hour. Ladies will invariably
address' every cabdrivers. "Mr Cabman." Young men
may talk to bin as "Cabby," but mumt, of course, pay
samething extra for the privilege. Property left in a
eab shall be given up to the commissioner of police, who
is bound to find an owner for it somewhere. The pro-
prietor of every omnibus shall present each passenger,on
leaving his vehiole,with a bill of fare. Any cabman or'bus
conductor misbehaving himself in any way whatsoever,
Is dressed in a long white theet, and, with a lighted
candle in his hand, is foroed to walk barefoot to St.
Paul's, where, after publicly recanting, he will be
invited to partake of a cold collation in the whispering
gallery. He will then be driven three times round the
cathedral, accompanied by the organist on the large
organ. No cabroan has undergone this sentence for
many years; • fact that speaks volumee for their social
improvement!

iHINGI3 WORTH RIAHHIBBRING.—(FOR SIRVANTS.)
—That master has to be called at sii o'plook. in order
that he may go by the first train on most important
business. That (if called) he'll want his breakfast.
That any bell has been run twice already. That you
have been told over and over again not to slam the
doors. That your mistress called you five minutes ago.
That the area gate must not be left open. That the
newspaper is not to remain in the kitchen or pantry all
day. That you have broken three of the new wine
glaarea and a decanter or two. That master's boots
have to be cleaned—also the silver by a certain time in
the day. That the cloth should be laid for the dining-
room dinner twenty minutes before it is required. That
the family requires to be quite as comfortable as those
in the kitchen.
A SIPULCHRAL BARROW.—The Knacker'. cart.

THINGS NOT WORTH RUILMBERING.—Things, also,
moat particularly not worth remembering, are—where
that cold fowl and jelly went that was left from lunch
the other day. To keep the coalscuttle filled. The
name of the gentleman who called on important
bmineis, but had no card. To dust the bookshelves.

A LINZ 11011 LENT.—A fast day is the stomach's
holyday.
GUIDE FOR MARCH.—This is the time for Hyde Park.
On the beautiful river Serpentine (so called from its
winding course from Pimlico to Bayswater), you can
take a row; and on your way baok, if on foot or on
horseback, you can take another row--Rotten Row. In
winter boating is at • discount: this is during an oar
frost.
MEDICAL DISCOVERY. —An Irish homesopathoi
physician recommends Bark in hydrophobia, on the
principle that it is • hair of the dog that bit you.
A JAUNT IS JUNE. —Mrs. Washingtub, while staying
at Brentford, visits Kew Gardens, and then writes
home word that she "has been to Kew and gin the
Kewrosities."

BORDERINH ON A JOKIL—A teetotaller, living not far
from Coldstream, has pledged himself to read no poet
but Spenser, because he is the only one in whom be
can find "the well of English undefiled."
BRITISH PELBLlL—Tacitua says they were cowmen in
his time. They may still occasionally be met with,
though rare. The best kinds are, • good wife, a thorough
cob, a bottle of forty port, an a perfect beef-steak.
HACKNEY CAREIAGIC (OR CAB) FARES AND REGULA-
1105.—You can hire a cab by the mile or the hour; it I
is generally done, however, by holding up the hand,
the stick, the umbrella, and by shouting out "Hi I" If
hired by the stick, it is Rd. a mile ; and if by the ex-
pression of your " the fare is equally low. If you
are unable to defray the expense of your drive, tell the
driver to take you up to the Piccadilly end of the Bur-
lington Arcade. Then get out, tell him to wait, enter
the Arcade, and having walked quickly through, (nit at
the other end. He can't be in two places at once, and
thus all unpleasantness and disputation as to the amount
may be avoided. Babies and children under five are
charged by weight; and when the wait is over &quarter
of an hour, it is more than sixpence. The precise value
of three children is therefore easily calculated. Two
children under ten are equal to an adult person.
, Parents travelling in cabs are required by law to carry
r with them the baptismal certificates of their children,
which they are bound to produce every five minutes, if
requested so to do by the cabman. The cabman has no
right to turn round on his seat and make faces at his
fare through the window. This is specially provided
against, by a bye-law. Every driver is bound to give
the hirer a ticket of some sort or other. Ask for one
for the Opera, if in the Season, or for a stall at any one
of the theatres.
THE ONLY ASSURANCE DUTY WHICH MB. PUNCH WILL
REAR Or.—The Duty of Assurance.
QUOTATION WANTED. "That Strain again r (Try
Burton's Anatomy.)
Fleet Marriages are not yet done away with—at least
a great number of people who get married, regret they
were not slower about it.