The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1855-09-04 00:00:00

SUPPLEMENT TO THE LIVERPOOL STANDARD

CANDOUR.---A scholar, a little boy in the Cambrian
Institution for the deaf and dumb, on being asked a
question which he was not prepared to answer, thought
for a minute, then wrote on his slate, " Short of infor-
mation on the subject."
DISAPPOINTED HUSBAND.---A premium was lately
offered by an agricultural society for the best mode of
irrigation, and the latter word, by a mistake of the
printer having been changed to irritation, a farmer
sent his wife to gain the prize.
IDLERS.---Sicily is a paradise for monks, nuns, and
nobles. As to the monks, a late account gave the
amount of these idlers in the hive of creation at 28,000,
whilst the nuns figured for 18,000. In Sicily there
are 127 princes ! 78 dukes, 140 marquises, and no man
of the herald office has ever attempted to number the
counts, barons, or chevaliers; they would be more
numerous than the monks, and almost as idle.---My
Travels, by Capt. Chamier.
AN OLD LADY, possessed of a fine fortune, and noted
for he penchant for the use of figurative expressions,
one day assembled her grandchildren, when the fol-
lowing conversation took place :---" My children," said
the old lady, " I am the root and you are the branches."
" Grandma," says one. " What, my child ?" " I was
thinking how much better the branches would flourish
if the root was under the ground."
DRUGGIST'S CIGARS.---The following occurred in a
country druggist's shop, where cigars and other
nauseous substances are sold. A person having pur-
chased some Havanas, commenced smoking one of
them, when his eyes caught a notice, "No smoking
allowed in this shop." " Well !" he exclaimed, " that
is a pretty joke ; you sell a chap cigars, and then
won't let him smoke them !" " Yes," replied the
druggist, " and I sell emetics too, but I don't intend
to have them taken here."

ONE WAY OF " POPPING THE QUESTION.",

'---The

Springfield (U.S.) .Republican tells the following
story :---A bachelor, too poor to get married, yet too
susceptible to let the girls alone, was riding with a
lady " all of a summer's day," and accidentally---
(men's arms, awkward things, are ever in the way!)---
dropped an arm round her waist. No objection was
made for awhile, and the arm gradually relieved the
side of the carriage from the pressure upon it. But of
a sudden, whether from a late recognition of the impro-
priety of the thing, or the sight of another beau com-
ing, never was known : the lady started with volcanic
energy, and with a flashing eye exclaimed, " Mr. B. I
can support myself!" " Capital!" was the instant re-
ply, "you ars just the girl I have been looking for
these five years---will you marry me ?"
A LONDON ADVERTISEMENT.---The following ad-
vertisement appears in the London newspapers. It is
unique, and we commend it to similar advertisers in
this county :---" Wanted by a young lady, aged nine-
teen, of pleasant countenance, good figure, agreeable
manners, general information, and varied accomplish-
ments, who have studied everything from the creation
to a crotchet, a situation in the family of a gentleman.
She will take the head of his table, manage his house-
hold, scold his servants, nurse his babies (when they
arrive), check.his tradesmen's bills, accompany him to
the theatre, or in walking or riding, cut the leaves of
his new books, sew on his buttons, warm his slippers,
and generally make his miserable life happy. Apply
in the first place by letter, to Louisa Caroline, Lindon-
grove, and afterwards to papa, on the premises. Wed-
ding ring, No. 4, small. No Irish need apply."---
Coventry Herald.
DIVERSITY OF JUDGMENT is a natural consequence
from human imperfections, which cleave to believers as
well as others ; and since our capacities, means of in-
formation, and diligence, besides many other things,
which have an influence on the understanding, are so
unequal, is it ever to be expected we shall perfectly
agree in our opinions ?—Rev. .Abernethy.
FLowmts.--Why is it the love of flowers takes such
deep hold of the heart ? Why, because they are the
emblems of love. Show me one who does not feel his
own heart expand as he watches the expanding beauties
of some delicate flower, and you will show me one who
knows nothing of that pure and perfect affection of the
heart which binds the human family together. Teach
your children to love and cultivate flowers.
A DEBT OF HONOUR. —ln Mr. Fox's frolicsome
days, a tradesman, who held his bill for £2OO, called
for payment. Charles said he could not then pay him.
" How can that be ?" said the creditor ; " you have
just now lying before you bank notes to a large