The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1855-10-23 00:00:00

"SPIRIT OF PUNCH."

THE SERVANT'S HALL.—The secret tribunal that
sits in judgment over the drawing-room, and every
night issues its decrees that are distributed all over
the neighbourhood the next morning.
IMPERIAL SMALL TALK.---The Emperor of Russia
is going about expressinc, his readiness to shed " the
last drop of his blood" in defence of his country. We
have no doubt that when he makes up his mind to
part with the first drop, the last will be quite at the
service of anybody who chooses to take it. We sus-
pect, however, that the Czar has no intention of
putting himself on tap in the manner proposed, even
pour encourager les autres, who are being hourly
drained of all the blood they possess to suit the
pleasure of their imperial master.
THE POOR MAN'S APOSTROPHE TO CONTENT.---Oh!
content, that to the captive maketh his chains as
light as feathers ; that to the pilgrim, boileth the
peas in his shoes ; that to the maid-of-all-work,
levelleth five pairs of stairs to the height of one ; that
to the wife, sitting up for her husband, giveth wings
to the clock as during the days of courtship ; that to
the school-boy, softeneth the rod with flowers ; that
to the policeman, toiling on his beat, garlandeth the
area railings with yards of blooming sausages, and
ropes of the duck-suggestive onion—grant, that I
may learn to pay my double income-tax with pleasure,
deriving comfort and consolation from the thought
that I am helping, with my hard-earned contribution,
to give that cantankerous, obstreperous old Russian
bear a jolly good thrashing.
THE RETURN FROM THE BALTIC.—The Baltic fleet
is about to return home ; the playful little salute to
Riga (which the inhabitants of that place were per-
fectly astonished to hear had been intended as a bom-
bardment) bringing the exploits of the expedition to a
close for the 'year. The order in which the vessels
will reappear is not yet known, but it is supposed at
Portsmouth that the smaller ships, the Cautious, the
Discretion, the Hare, the Tortoise, the Fabius, the
Inquirer, the Examiner, the Reasoner, the Lingerer,
and the Observer will return first ; the next squadron
being composed of the Harmless, the Threatener, the
Demonstration, the Imposition, the Abstinence, and
the Looker-on; the rear being brought up by the
Lumberer, the Hulker, the -Wopper, the Colossus, the
Floating Castle, and the Preposterous. It is most
gratifying to philanthropists to know, that very few
casualties have occurred to anybody during the visit of
the fleet to the Baltic waters.
TAKE CARE OF YOUR COMPLEXIONS !—The pro-
cesses of gilding gold and painting the lily are be-
coming quite surpassed as hyper-superfluities by the
means which are adopted by young ladies now-a-days
for protecting their complexions. Some few years
ago we fancied that the force of preservation could no
further go, when those infernal machines called
" uglies" were invented. But a recent visit to a
watering-place (we will not make the others envious
by specifying which) has completely undeceived us ;
and although we now imagine that the climax has
been reached, we have still a latent fear that we shall
find next year- it hasn't. Our readers will, howefer,
probably agree with us, that it will require some in-
genuity to increase the methods of protection which
have already been adopted, when we tell them that the
other day we saw---or rather, we vainly tried our ut-
most to see---a young lady, who preserved at once her
complexion and incognito by wearing---Item : a round
hat, of the first magnitude, doubled down to eclipse
all but her chin ! item : An ugly, of magnitude to
match ! Item : A veil !! ! Item : A parasol !! !
And the worst of it is, that very many of these young
ladies who muffle themselves up in this more than
Turkish manner (for the Turkish women do at least
allow their eyes to be looked at), have nothing to be
ashamed of that they should so hide their he;is for.
On the contrary, indeed, it is a cruel fact, that the
prettiest faces are in general made the most invisible.