The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1855-10-23 00:00:00

IARD.

HORNE TooxE was the son of a poulterer
alluded to when called upon by the proud
Eton to describe himself—" I am," said Y'„
" the son of an eminent Turkey merchant. „
A SCIENTIFIC QUESTION SETTLED P"
light P" asked a schoolmaster of the booblL:,,
" A sovereign that isn't full weight is lip'
prompt reply.
ETIQUETTE.—Be attentive to your neii
dinner table ; pass her everything she
she should unwittingly make an ill-'
pass that also.
RETRIBUTION.—SO sure as there is a
above, is it written that those who wron;
their neighbours shall, in the end, find t
made a rueful bargain.
LORD BROUGHAM once said he hoped t'
when every poor man would be able to Iva'
stand Bacon. Cobbett said it would be i
the purpose if he could devise the means '
him to eat bacon.
DISCONSOLATE.—A man being asked
hour how his wife did, made this answer
neighbour, this case is pitiful ; my wife
will die, and I fear she will not, which
consolate house.
OF all worldly judgments there is one
fails. No man was ever instrumental, ei
or through neglect, to another's demoral
he was not made to feel the recoil of his
himself.
THE total withholding of amusement
powers by which religion is appreciated---,
,exciteable temperament into the "wildness
cism, and leaving those of colder constit
torpid scepticism.
GAME.—The late Lee Lewis, shooting,
the proprietor attacked him violently
person," said he, "to kill game on my manor
self,
the other,
lfaand shootyeoru,
d youo come here
" V
you
Dp o. p
co propose
game of me ?"
CONDEMNED SERMON.—Thelate
eminent statistical writer of Glasgow, was Ns
of a criminal who, after attentively listeni]
condemned sermon which preceded the
turned to a companion, and remarked, in Dr.
hearing,"A very good sermon, but rathe:
" GENTLEMEN AND LADIES," said the`' es for
Nash, the then master of the cereulettl. all
introducing a most lovely woman into To/
" this is Mrs. Hobson. I have often hear", a_
choice, but never had the pleasure to view
etF,
and you must coincide with me that it retie
credit on his taste."
A COMMON CASE.—" Doctor," said a p--
Arson
a surgeon, "my daughter has had a terrible
morning ; she continued full half an IWO
knowledge or understanding." "
doctor, never mind that; many people 0
all their lives."
A NEW DEGREE OF COMPARISON.—"
here," said a Hibernian to his companion,
upon the top of a store, at New York, " her,
littlest horse ever saw." "Oh ! you fool,'
his companion, "if I had ye on the mountains
namarra, I'd show you a horse as little as tv
A GOOD REPLY.—The late Sir Francis,
was dininc, at Holkham-hall, on an occasion
Duke of Sussex' was present, and when the
tion turned on the doctrines of the Ari
Socinians. " Pray, Sir Francis, which
Armenian of Socinian ?" said his Royal ,
" Oh !" was Chantrey's composed reply, •
Derbyshire man."
COOL.—A man who was notorious for his
cation of evil in regard to himself, being on -
a very high house, accidentally lost his footbe'
as he was slowly sliding down the long, smootli,
ing roof, with no hope of stopping himself, Yo
his foreboding in the following manner :--
my s-t-a-r-s alive ! what a jolly snouster of
will have."

A COMPANION that is cheerful, and free from
ing and scurrilous discourse, is worth gold. toi
such mirth as does not make friends ashamed
upon one another next morning; nor men that, 0
well bear it to repent the money they spew'
they be warmed with drink. And take this,
rule—you may pick out such times and 001
panions, that you make yourselves merrier for

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