The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1878-06-25 00:00:00

Cuttings front the 00111iCif.

"VITA Frnstle.—Tonal " ye bee been
Twal r—mga : At taMeravishae funeral—,,
—Tonal: "An' is ta ravish deed r—Tugal "Deed
is he I"—Tonal : " Losh, Mon I Fowk are aye &sin'
noo that _ _ nsed to dee store II"

Tin Bea-Meow= WiTh HI GRZATFST POWIR OF
Arrsacrior.—A pretty Ser. Maid.
Squire (at the rate): "Well, Mr. Dibbles, not much
to complain of this year. 1 never saw the farm look
so well. Things grow as in a hot-bed I—Farmer:
" Sad weather for weeds, sin" .

" FA-C
MDR PALL/.11 r—Lord B. (opens door, stops
suddenly, and whispers): "Oh, I say! by the bye I
what's the French for " Compromise?' "
"IT MIGHT BR 11011/11.. —Gent. (to Barmaid):
" Rather crowded here; don't like crowding—and
squeezing is so unpleasant. Don't you think so ?"
Karmaid (prettily) : "That depends upon circum-
stances." .

No MAX 13 • Mao ro Hu VaLer.-81n0e the
Rhonda Colliery accident the above good proverb has
gone wrong, Not only one man but a dozen colliers
have ever since been heroes t a their valley.
Go Aunt°, Do ?—Why does an Irishman call his
sweetheart honey? Because she is bee-loved, of
COll/110 _ _

-1-7' LADY or LYONII."—The Bonen!
A Poen. —lf you give your word to anyone, how
can you possibly keep it?
"BODY-BIATCHIMIL"-Opitir WWI I
AN OLD BACHELOR'S RULES FOR THE
MANAGEMENT OF INFANTS IN
LODGINGS

1. Don't have any.
2. If one has come, present the mother with haif-a-
dosen packets of warranted violet-towder.
3. If the vermin-killer does not at, bribe the nurse
maid to take the young nuisance out in the perambu-
lator, and to forget to bring it home again.
4. If she does bring it home, offer to nurse the pretty
dear yourself, and drop it in the fender.
5. Or, season its pap with pins and cayenne-pepper.
6. Or, supply it on the sly with hot rolls and cold
potatoes.
7. Or, se doctors say that p/enty of water is good for
infanta, pop it into your tub, and leave it there.
8 If a squalling baby wakes you out of your sleep,
go up to your landlady's door, and wake her with a
notice that you are about at once to leave your
lodgings.
9. Or, go out and shy your bootjack at the parents'
window. You can say next morning that you thought
It was cats.

--1-07LOo—rding to the faculty, crying dote good to
Infanta' lunge Make hideous grimaces, therefore. at
any you see by day looking over their nurses'
shoulder.
U. Irdants' cannot sleep too long, may the nurNa.
Teach the nurses logic, and hint at Daffy's Elixir.

THE PENNY WEDDING.
Clarissa (she tells me that at bouts they call her
"less for short)" ii. willing girl, with a temper not
easily ruffled, and she says she will be glad to learn
anything. At the present moment she knows nothing
whatever, so there is seemingly • chance for anyone
with some spare time on his hands to bring that girl op
in the way she should go.
She also adds that when she gets used to our ways
things will come easier. Meanwhile she has been an
hour and a quarter brushing up crumbs, which when
brushed up she deposits in the dust-shovel on the hall
table, and I knock them down and scatter them again
whilst tightening an adjacent hatepeg.
When I have got the majority of them together (I
confess that, finding the exertion of stooping a little
disagreeable, after a time I bustled a certain portion of
the crumbs into • corner, and covered them over with
a mai), I call to Clarissa and reason with herl
on slovenliness, as • vice that should be with
In good time, and sot /Bowed to become a put of bee
mins&

then show her the to which the handbrash
and long broom see usually applied, and tell her to be
sure and mi.. no corners. On this she snakes a dash
at the corner where the crumbs are hidden, and I have
only time to seizes feather-brush and drag her
towards the parlour to prevent her finding it all out.
Naturally somewhat nervous for the moment, / take
• rather broader sweep with the feather-brush than is
neoresary to bring down • cobweb I am drawing
Clariesa's attention to; and having my back turned
towards the spot at the time, whilst I am addressing
Clarissa, T give • Pluter bast of myself, perched upon
the top of the bookcase, a smart slap on the ear, and
bring it crashing to the ground.
It must be recorded to Clarissa's credit that this
incident, which I own has • ridiculous side to It that
might bare been taken hold of is not, but Clarissa ill
solemn silence stoops down and picks up the bits.
Mrs. Penny, attracted by the noise, also appears
upon the 20004 at the moment that Clarissa is
endeavouring to stick my (plaster) nose on again the
wrong end up, and contemplates the catastrophe with
considerable serenity.
I confess that there are times when I do not quite
understand Mrs. Penny, and, for instance, at the
present moment I feel that in her place she might
manifest more excitement when she seem the property
all going to wrack and ruin. I therefore says,
" Here's a nice piece of business?'
" Dreadful I" she responds? without the least
emphasis. "Which of you did it?'
'Well,.. to that," I respond, somewhat impatiently,
because I don't see that this is exactly the point at
issue—" I did I"

---.;--oh,"-sh;-responds, "that was so like you, too."
"Like me l" I say, rather uneasily.
"Bu• perhaps it I not beyond mending still," she
continues. "We must try some cement, or perhaps
putty would do. Ln't there a bit of the nose end
miasma?"

Clarira is no cook.

--
We have had specimens of Clarissa three days
running. A joint and a hash and a meat-pie have been
prepared by Clarima, and at the preeent moment I am
undecided which wu spoilt the moat.
Under these circumstances I feel that if I do not
take the matter in hand we shall soon be reduced to a
diet of bread and cheese or ses-bisouits.
In my campaigning days, upon the tented field, my
proficisncy in the cooking art was the theme of
general c mvereati.n, and on more than one occasion it
was suggested that I and the late Alexis Boyer might
advantageously change places, and Boyer go to the
ont

Whilst in India, also, it may be mentioned. my
preparation of the famous dish commonly known aa
chokertiacker was the talk of the army. Why should
we not try • deoektrolacker to-day?
I do not pretend to say that this chokerldorker will
be quite exactly right, because certain ingredienta are
neceasary for the concoction of the perfect chokerUalter
that are only to be procured In India itself, and certain
herbs should be put into it which are of no use what-
ever unless fresh gathered.
The things that can be bought in London I net
about purchasing, and find that the shops where they
are sold are rather scattered, and that the things
themselves all come to money. The entire purchases
reached the sum of one pound fifteen, and with cab-
fare and train we arrive at a total of forty ;
but then, of course, all will not be used up in one dish,
we shall have • good stock in hand.
The ceremonies attendant on chokertiacker manu-
facture are elaborate, and Mrs. Penny likens them to
an incantation, but it is in every way • success. The
only thing wonting, indeed, being a couple of tea-
apoonatuls of the Penny Sauce—a composition of my
own Invention, and named after me. of which I have
just one bottle left, packed up and brought from my
old home by the girls.
Owing to an accidental jog of the elbow, I put in two
tablespoonafttls of Penny instead of the proper
quantity, but, after all, one can't have too much of •
good thi.ng, and n:w on got. the saurlepan.

Repeater in hand, I watch the put boil, and then
pour the contenta out in a dish,

' "There I" I cry triumphantly, handing Clarissa a
large spoonful to taste. "That, cookery, if you
like l"

Do you think this bottle with the Penny Sauce
label is all right" says Mrs. P., a moment later.
"Did you notice someone has struck out the words
and written • Embrocation' underneath r.
Confound those gins!

It is rumoured that Verdi has finally laid down his pen,
although urgently solicited to write again.
Two ladies of rank have netted during the last year a
considerable sum of money in • shop which they took as
a speculation, putting in their India maid to arrant., it.
Kr. Roebuck has during his present visit to fibefligld
declined to be initiated into the Order of Druids, on the
ground that he objets to taking the oaths which are a
feature of this order.
The hots fired at the German Emperor have disabled
both ams, so that he has to be fed like a child. It is
stated on medical authority that the nervous system in
both arms it destroyed.

Frrs. EVILS/TIC FITS OR FALLING !SICKNESS. A
certain method of cure has been discovered for this die
swaging coniplaint by e physician, who is desirous thst
all inferiors may benefit from this providential discovery;
It as known to fail, and will cure the most hopeless
case alter all other means hues been tried. Full particulars
will be sent bypost to any person free of charge—Address:
WILLIAIsI.IO Oxford Terrace. Hyde Perk. kovelon. _

EioloTiOt, To QUIEMI,ajso. —The ship Rodell Bay,"
1,660 tons, Ctptain Lindsey, sailed from the Tail of the
Bank, Greenock, on the 6th instant, bound for Brisbane,
ani bed on board the following number of emigrants,
via, 47 married men, 47 aturied .oissell, 123 pindle men,
g simile women. 70 children between the ages oil and 19.
and 16 infants, making • totei of 360 souls equal to 360
statute adults. The single women Sr. under toe care of
Miss Neill, Br. McLean acting as Surgeon4kperinten-
dant
VALI:TAILS DI/COVCILT roe Yes HAIL—If your hair is
turning grey or white, or falling of, use "The Mexican
Hair Renewer," for it will positively restore in every mai
'levy or Whits hair to its original colour, without leaving
the disagreeable smell of most "Restorers." It makes
the hair charmingly beautiful, as wells. promoting the
growth of the hair on bald spots, where the glands are not
decayed. Ask your Chemist for "Toe Mixtcas Ham
RZNIWICR.' prepared by Hagar C. Gsaaur, 493 Oxford.
street, Loudon, and :sold by Chernistand Perfumers every.
where at 3. 6d., per bottle.
Ti Medical profession are now ordering Cadbury's
Cocoa Essence in thouotnds of cases, because it con-
tains more nutritious sod firth-forming elements than
any other beverage and is preferable to the thick
starchy Cocoa ordinarily sold. When you ask for
Cadbury's Cocoa Essence be sure that you get it, as
shopkeepers' often push imitations for the sake of
extra profit. Makers to the Queen. Paris depOt :
90. Faubours St. Honore.
THIAAT 1/11ITATION.-8014,110118 and dryness, tickling
and irritation, inducing coulh and affecting the voice,
For these symptoms use Epps's Glycerine Jujubes,
Only in boxes 6.1 sod la. labelled "JAME! Err] and
Co., Homeopathic Cho:nista, 48 Threadneedle-street,
and 170, Piccadilly, London."—Epp.'s Homceopathic
Medicines are sold by DOZDIII, WATTS, and How,
Dorchester.

WATSON'S TAPIWORM Siutopic.—From Mr.
Chemist, Hulme—" The bottle of ' Specific' you sent iArrc
et I
gave to a customer of mine, who had been troubled with
Tapeworm many years. Resins tried almost everything
she bassi tell of. she came to mu in deepeir last week. I
am glad to say, the following day she came to tell me that
roar 'Specific had the desired effect. The Tapeworm
discharged was seven yart long. that I can testify. she
having brought it to me Circulers post free. Fries
2.. 91.• or by pest, 6d.—Address: J. H. WATiOg.
YAta mad all Clwaciata

Rac-arrr's Pam Ittoc—The marked superiority of
this Laundry Blue over all others, and the quick ap-
predation of its merits by the public has been
attended by the usual roulta—riz.. a flood of ignite
lions : the merit of the latter mainly consists in the
ingentety exerted, not simply in imitating the square
shape, but making the general eppeareaor of the
wrappers resemble that of the genuine article. The
Manufacturers beg therefore to caution all buyers to
see " Reckitt'e Paris Blue" on each packet.

—FLOIILIII27=iO-i-T-Ri-Trrn AISD Bazjyn—A few
drops of the liquid " Floriline" sprinkled on • wet tooth.
brush produces • pleasant lather, which thoroughly
cleanses the teeth from all parasites or impuritleahardens
the gurus, preventa tartar, stops decay. gives to the teeth
• peculiar pearly-whitenosa and a delightful fragrance
to the breath. It removes all unpleasant odour arising
from decayed teeth or totacoo smoke. "The Fragran.
Fiorillo'," being composed In part of honey and awe&
barbs is delicious to the taste, and the greatest toilet dis-
covery of the age. Price k 6d., of all Chemists and
perfumers, Prepared by Henry 0 GALLUP, 493 Oxford.
street London. _ _ _ . .

--To-viciFro Nova= I—Are you broken in your rest by
a sick child •uffsring with the pain of cutting teeth / Go
at once to • chemist and got a bottle of Mae Wpret.ove
SOOTHING STROP. It OM relieve the poor sufferer
Immediately. It is perfectly harmless and pleasant to
taste, it produoes natural, quiet sleep, by relieving the
child from pain, and the little cherub awakes "as bright
as • button." It soothes the child, it soften, the gum.,
allay' all pain, relieves wind, regulates the bowels, end is
the best known remedy for dysentery and diarrlthse
whether arising from teething or other causes. Mrs,
Winslow'. Soothing Syrup is sold by Medicine dealers
everywhere at lc lid. per bottle Manufactured in New
York, and at al Oxford-street, London.
THROAT Arracnons Alto HO/JUIENIIII. —LS suffering
from irritation of the throat and boanenesa will be urea
ably surprised at the almost immediate relief afforded by
the use of "Brown's Bronchial Troches" These famous
"lozenges" are now sold by most respectable chemists in
this country at la Ild per box. People troubled with a
backing cough," • " slight cold, or bronchial affections,
cannot try them too soon, as similar troubles, if allowed
to progress, result in serious Pulmonarr and Arithmetic
&Sections. See that the word. "Brown's Bronchia
Troches' are on the Government Stamp around each box.
—Manufactured by Joel. I. Baows and Some Boston,
United States, Depot, 43, Oxford-etraet, London.

1-iO.lllll -10.f0WING IN DIALING WITH
Csrmr., Aim Sew Draxasza.—lnfinitesimally small
would be the loss of young Cattle and Sheep by
Disease at the trying Season of Cold, Sleet, and
Rain, it the 7 were put under shelter and "Day Son,
and Hewitt s" "Red Drench" and "Gaseous Fluid,"
administered, as the kind of ailment may require. The
serious loss to the Farmer, during bad lambing. may
be prevented by dosing with the "Red Drench," all
highly fed Ewes one week before they lamb. And in
case of Debility, Diarrhces, c Exhaustion in young
stock, Sheep, Lambe, and Calves, a dose or two of the
"Gaseous Fluid" is of all remedies, the most sale and
the most effective.—, Dorset-street, Baku-drag,
London. W.

- - .
SPEAKING OF CHAPMAN'S ENTIRE WHEAT
FLOUR. A writer in the CArieriais World says :—llmay
of the first physicians of the day are prescribing no other
medicine for their litUe patients, and it la astonishing
sometimes how children olio have pined on a diet of tine
white baker's bread, will thrive when fed on well cooked
pwridge made of this "Entire Wheat Flour." Sold by
Chemists in 64. and Is. packets, and 3s. tins.
" Nadu mar sod die on tie ~..O—HILL'S MAGIC
VERMIN KILLER is certain death to Rats, Mice, An*
Bead,* Cockroaches, and all kinds of Vermin. Read the
following extracts from the testimonials. No. I writes
—"I have • large store room which was infested with
mice. I tried your Magic Vermin Killer, the result of
which mowed *Mounding the next morning I picked op
66 dead mice, and the number of dead mice collected at
the end of • fortnielat amounted to a total of 161'
No. 2 writes—" The Vermin Killer you lent me I used for
mice, and it has completely cleared the hones; I deo
used it for sugar ants with equa.l snoods. It summed all
other poisons for these peda. No. 3 writes—"l have
completely ridden my own premiss from rata and mice.
and willingly hear testi to der wonderful Mom ol
your Verzein Killer." Sold by .6sds and medicine
vendors. Wholesale agent%larringdest-,..
street. and Sanger and Saw.
r free fox_ ,-U7se.
Priern 3d.. dd., and la.
Wee/a.m. of the
111SPIOPIIM 1

SWIM We". hVil, tar lam Wools SaPpliel nyriat.47
the
ROYAL FAMILY
by EGERTON BURNETT.
Orders aro daily miring frees all part& Beim of a ora
which neltber rain or salt water can sleet, these BLltalbj
turps= all other* in ninown,art and durability. Price. from
la 2,1. t ft dd. p r yard New uun,,,,,a for
Extra turned ditto fur Gentlemen and B bar I wear bee;
Ea dd. per yard. Pat ern buoka poet free. Oarriage Aid no
Llelse;Ter Li EGERTON Bvaitsrr, WELLINGTON,

rIIGABB. Warranted Foreign tram 10a 6d. tn 004, per
100 'halm:cos vary One, 14a. ?rads
_Supplied. Bnb•
stands! AGICNTB WANTED. Apply 0. OriM and Ca,
ocheder.

WALL3I6B CRYSTAL CAU WATLIICB ars opersthir,
66 an others. Pries Medals, Leedom. 111/118 Parrs 1867
saw. iTOO2 AS b. G•l6 hob_
.C 6 68. LC. Ix ,
unit-stms, W•rona "N WA mother
trse.

BB 110 11 PLO I I NG sad ASBESTOS MILL
BOARD POR JOINTING.
A sew sod isassructlbls Pact* for Eosins Glands sod
:1=1: Joists, 'sods all othans sad weeks aiaisialy
13:7
Eit&I"."41111187011 11AXIMACI7AL
MomPla7
11, ilarint Maw, Okiepw. est leLladZika...,,Nombeiri.

10,000 P RES ENTS2IIOIIIIa. PARKIN/sad
007TON,27and sa, Ozlord Is
/kook in lE.. ps W rig/ I% 0441•4. Mean et Gastagage,
Albums, Purely., InlustaAtite U, Law .141014 in
and tboosande of Furey far Prosenta LW, trea
co. 4 MING and SAUSAGE MACHIN=
lla tic:story to amulet dace Goa,
Knife Cleseete, Mine for CoE..a, P.pp.,
10...,
Ix. 7b , New Vib li es& d* G 640
...., 0, LPUR.D ST. Roomers, Garden Pumps, and other
Tr".l;eayilljUl:sti.d°4lQl7.,,...........n.s.J....._l4aWailemenitiool!.l...rylitirajdnilidl:::4l—ri—'‘Ding,..c.;A:r:alit:....piUUlT...kl.i.
jiljrPwafildatibudirtrsly:ifc,,...
becutd-band Instrument. bought