The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1876-06-10 00:00:00

SELECTED ANECDOTES.

RUSTIC SIMPLICITY.—On one occasion, when Joan
Kemble played Hamlet in the country, the gentleman
who acted Guildenstern was, or imagined himself to
be, a capital musician. Hamlet asked him, "Will
you play upon this pipe r—" My lord, I cannot."—
"I do beseech you."—" Well, it your lordship insists
upon it, I will do as well as I can." And to the con-
fusion of Hamlet and the great amazement of the
audience, he played "God save the Queen."
A CONCISE STYLE.—Louis XIV., who loved a con-
cise style, met on the road, as he was travelling into
the country, a priest, who was ridine past; and,
ordering him to stop, asked hastily—" Whence come
you? Whence are you going? What do you want?
The other, who perfectly well knew the king's dispo-
sition, instantly replied—" From Bruges. To Paris.
A benefice." "You shall have it," replied the king;
and in a few days presented him to a valuable living.
A DEAR PARRITCH•PAN.—At the sale of an antiqua-
rian gentleman's effects in Roxburghshire, which Sir
Walter Scott happened to attend, there was one little
I article, a Roman patina, which occasioned a good deal
of competition, and was eventually knocked down to
the distingaished baronet at a hieh price. Sir Walter
was excessively amused, during the time of bidding, to
observe how much it excited the astonishment of an old
woman, who had evidently come there to buy culinary
utensils on a more economical principle. "If the par-
ritch-s an," she at last burst out, " if the parritch-pan
gangs at that, what will the kail-pat gang for? "—Dean
I?,amsay's Reminiscences.
GEORGE 111. AND HIS WINE MERCHANT.—Mr.
Carbonell. the wine merchant, was a favourite with
George 111., and used to be admitted to the Royal
hunt. Returning one day from the chase, his Majesty
affably entered into conversation with his wine mer-
chant, and rode a considerable way We a We with
him. Lord Walsingham was in attendance and,
watching an opportunity. he took Mr. Carbonell aside,
and whispered him. "What's that? what's that ? "
said theaing, " Walsingham has-been sayine to you ?"
"Please you, sire, I find I have been guilty of unin-
tentional disrespect; my lord has just informed me
that I ought to have taken off my hat whenever I
addressed your Majesty; but your Majesty will please
to observe that whenever I hunt my hat is fastened to
my wig, and my wig is tied to my head, and I am
riding a very high-spirited horse, so that if anything
goes off we must all go together." The King laughed
heartily at this whiensical apology, which he good-
naturedly accepted, and continued to chat with his
wine merchant without endangering his falling off his
horse.
CHARLES KEAN.—Durirg a visit to Exeter a ludi-
crous incident occurred. He had Is favourite New-
found' -nd dog, named Lion, who accompanied him
everywhere, and usually remained in his dressing-room
while he was on the stage. One evning, during
"Richard III.," the door happened to be left open,
and Lion heard the well-known voice in loud excite-
ment. He trotted out, and appeared at the wing just
as Richard and Richmond were on the point of engaging
in the last scene. Lion growled at his master's anta-
gonist, exhibited his teeth, and rushed furiously for-
ward; whereupon the terrified Richmond, deeming the
odds too serious fled from the field and was sees no
more. Kean, bring left without an antagonist, was
obliged to fall and die unwounded. Lion bestrode his
master in triumph, licking his face, and barking vcci-
feriously while the curtain fell, amidst a roar of laughter
and applause Richard was then unanimously sum-
moned before the curtain; presenting himself, he made
his bow, and retired. Loud calls continued for the
dog, but Lion having enacted his unstudied. role
declined a second appearance.
THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON IN PORTUGAL.—His
lordship's dinner-table, at which his numerous adjue
tants and several general officers constituted his guests
was laid for twenty. The service of plate displayed
extraordinary ssealth. The servants waited in state
liveries, and most of the food seemed to hair. come
from England; in short, it was hard to believ that I
was seated at the table of a general who was opposed
to a powerful enemy, in an utterly desolated coutary.
At table a severe etiquette prevailed, as. strict as could
be found at any Royal table. The officers spoke in a
low voice to each other, and all had their, eyes fixed on
the lord, who was very sparing in his speech, in order
to answer his rare questions at once. Business com-
pelled Wellington to leave the table early, but, at his
request, the majority of the officers remained seated,
and when the table-cloth was removed, and the port
wine began to circulate, all speedily broke into that
noisy merriment which the English so easily yield to
when wine warms their blood.—Recollections of an 014
German Hussar Officer.

GENUINE CRITICISM. -A fastidious English lady on
her travels, stopting temporarily at the log cabin of a
literary trapper in Oregon, and seeing the Essays of
Carlsle and Macaulay on the table, asked therrontiers•
man what he thought of those authors. "Oh!" said
he, "them fellers is some pumpkins. They kin sling
ink-, they ken, now I tell you!"
WHAT WIT AND LEARNING I—Madame de Stael was
a pitiless talker. Some gentlemen, who wished to
teach her a lesson, introduced a person to her, who,
they said, was a very learned man. The blue-stocking
received him graciously; but, eager to produce an im-
pression, began to talk away, and asked a thousand
questions, so engrossed with herself that she did not
notice that her visitor made no reply. When the visit
was over, the gentlemen asked Corrine how she liked
their friend.—" A most delightful man I" was the
reply; "what wit and learning I" Here the laugh
came in—the visitor was deaf and dumb.

A BRAVE AMBASSADOR.—Juhn Basilowitz, the
Czar of Russia, perceiving Sir Jeremy Bowes, the
ambassador of Queen Elizaba,th, with his hat on in
his presence, thus rebuked him :—" Have you not
heard, sir, of the person I have punished for such an
insult?" He had, in fact, punished him very
savagely, by causing his hat to be struck through with
a nail, and fastened to his head. Sir Jeremy answered,
—"Yes, sir, but I am the Queen of England's am-
bassador, who never yet steJd bareheaded to any
prince whatever; her I represent, and on her justice I
depend to do me right, if I :an insulted."—" A brave
fellow, this," said the czar, turning to his nobles; " a
brave fellow, truly, who dares thus to talk for his
Sovereign's honour! Which of you would do so for
me ?"

PRESENCE OE MIND.—At the closing of a concert,
while a young gentleman was struggling with his hat,
cue, overcoat, opera glass, and his young lady's fan,
all of which he was trying to retain on his lap, a
suspicious-looking black bottle from the overcoat
pocket fell on the floor with a loud thud. " There, '
he exclaimed to his companion, "I shall lose my
cough medicine." That was presence of mind.

GETTING RID OF A BORE —A soiedis2nt naturalist
was boring Hook with the distinctioLs in formation
and habits between the two animals of the same genus.
Hook, who neither knew nor wished to know anything
al)out it, exclaimed—" It flashes on me now—l see the
distinction—it's just the Paine in swine !"—" The
same ?" cried the astonished naturalist.—" Yes," said
Hook, "you know some pigs are driven, and some pigs
are lead."
A ROYAL ADVENTURE. —Here is an anecdote which
occurred in Charles the Second's escape from England
after the battle of Worcester. While staying at the
little inn at Charmouth, th 3 ostler, who had been a
Roundhead soldier, and had narrowly watched the
visitors, expressed to the hostess, "ifs mistre'sa, that he
suspected one of her guests to be the king, upon which
she sharply rebuked him for his insolence. But the
man was not to be pacified, and went to one Westley,
the parson, to communicate the idea he entertained.
He was, however, not able to obtain an interview with
the village pastor, he being engaged at the time in
prayer with his family. On his return, Lord Wilmot's
horse wanting a shoe, the ostler took him to Hammett,
the blacksmith, who, on inspecting the remaining shoes,
observed, "This horse has but three shoes on, and
they were set in three several counties, and one of them
in Worcestershire:" which remark confirmed the
oatler in his former opinion. Lord Wilmot's horse
havingbeen shod, Charles set out, as we have seen, for
Bridport. Soon after his departure, the ostler went
again to the parson, who hastened to the inn, and said
to the loyal hostess, "Why how now, Margaret, you
are a maid of honour." "What mean you by that. Mr.
Parson?" returned she: to which he rejoined, "Why,
Charles Stuart lay last night at your house, and kissed
you at his departure, so that now you cannot but be'a
maid of honour." Mine host2ss then became very
angry, and told him he was "a scurvy-conditioned
man, to go about aed bring her and her house into
trouble; but," added she "if I thought it was the
king, as you say it was, I would think the better of
my lips all the days of my life; so, Mr. Parson, get
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