The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1878-05-07 00:00:00

euttmo from rbr Comity.

TNJ Luituarr or llmmo M.—To bear the
LlabWass oi Martied WOOl4lll.
Thu Armament," or Amu= Manu—"
doctor hie been, Harry, and he says thers's nothing
maims Um the matter with 000 k, but taut she requires
pees WOO. SO I'M 1019 to give her sows of that we
got for baby laMmr. 'Good Mavens. Kerb don't
giVI her tAag I Giro bow whatever remains or the '34
your uncle, the Dean, Idb on. and than go on with
the '47, you know r
PAM V MIA. —Robinson (after • long whist-bout
at the Club). "It'. awfully late. Brown. What will
you say to your wifit r Brown (in a whimper). "Obi
I shan't say much, you know—' Good morning, dew,
or something o' that sort. She'll say the rest."

COICPENSATION.
"What groat wise% Iran HUY causes Wine

Lord Balisixtry, aooeptlng the Forefg; Secretary-
ship, IN forced to reign he ChairmanshiP of quail**.
Smnions for Idlddleose.
Pa rostra. Lord Derby, resigning the Foreign
Secretaryship, is enebled to resume his Chairmanship
of Quarter Sessions at Klrkdale.

A FELLOW FEELING.
"A fellow feeling makes us wondrous kind."
&me —Jingoland.
Enter Use Great Boosts and the Great Bne, meeting.
The Great Bounce (with effusion). Ab I Good day,
m Lord I 'Ope I see you pootty bobbiah. Proud to
make your acquaintance?
The Great Ben (with dignity). I have not the
honour of yours, Sir.
The Great Bounce. No? Burpriain' that, no' Lad I
I'm the Great Bounce, I am, and one of your
Ludship's most enthoosiaatic supporten. Heard of
me, of course!
The Great Ben (dubiously). Well, Bit, the name
aPf=t Howson Ah I pre,ciaely—
..

" Your.oante MOWS. to-be

irSZliaTio -rirs7
Mink I have heard it before'
If I may quote one of my own soup as aperypo to the
occsaion, Lud. Ha I ha! You know what
Yletdtor, of whatsernanie—men him mentMned in the
AT. dozens of tlmes—vald about writing the songs of
the people. I write the songs of the poop* and ling
'cm too. You help make their laws, in' Lud. 'Appy
thing for the People that two peat men like you and
ma pull an puffeckly together.
IU Great Ben (drily). I hope, Sir, that the People
rightly appreciate and appraim our respective menials.
The Great Bounce. Oh, they do, to Lud ; they do.
I assure you that when my *affiances give a reglar
round of cheers to my sincinc In my great Patrffitic
War song, "Look out for the Last of the Lion's Tea,"
they neverOul to give a little one in for-
- - • -

" Brave Beaky who hae bid it wag.
To scare the foes of the good old Flag "
The Great Ben. The compliment is as great as
doubtless is the song.
Great Bounce. Not a 'aporth more than you
deserve, m' bud.
The Great Ben. A tribute from Tyrtsrus is a
tribute Indeed.

liounos. Eh? Tyr---, what's his name?
Think I have seen it in thrD. T.. but don't recollect
who the party wee.
The Great Bon. A patroit lyrist Bk, like yourself,
and a potent influence, though some persons, at first,
were disposed to pooh-pooh him.
The Great Bounce. Oh, we big pole mud expect
that sort of tiling. They pooh pooh'd you once m'
LucL

—The Great Ben (rnuoiMli). Thor did. and "W-
The Great Bounce. We've got t all our own way,
eh, m' Lud Gladstone and his gang " not in it, dear
boy," isa we say in the profession. That old party's
off his chump, m Lord, plain as. six-foot pastor.
The Great Bea (meditatively). Norkse Anticyross.
The Great Bounce. I say he ought to be
clapped
Into Colney Hatch, out of the way of mischief.a
think, between us, we have just about settled him
now m' Lord.

The Great Ben (blandly interrogative). We?
The Great BMW.. Yee, our lines are • little
different; your' is proms, though topping of It. kind;
mine, poetry, which or course fetches 'ern smarter.
But In sperrit and purpose I flatter myself we are
decidedly dittos. That perrrration of yours the other
day, in' Lud, was • tall fly and no error. Couldn't
'awe piled it up prettier myself.
The Great Ben. You are too flattering!
The Great Bounce. Not a rap. We know how to
land 'em, us' Lud. Give 'm plenty of British Lion
and lots o' toil-lashing. Derby wag too damp for
'em, a regular wet blanket. Can't get steam up with
cold water, in' Lud.

Th.Gretßn.Or float an Imperial Policy in the
tideless shallows of timid common sense.

The Great Bonnoe. Ah ! there we are again you
yon see, in' Lud, birds of • feather. You invent an
Imperial Policy, I invent Saint Jingo. The phrase
and the figure pair off proper.
The Greet Ben. Truly the lubricant of a metaphor
frequently facilitates the deglutition of • principle.
The Great Bounce (vaguely). Ab, &way. Little
bit of sphinx patter that, eh, in' Lud 7 Beel-eating
John Bull is learning to stomach your Oriental Relish

—.TTie." Greet Ben. Many bulls of Bastian have I
yoked in my time, though, like Salisbury, they have
roared, or, like Derby, rebelled.
The Great Bounce. And having done so well with
the Bull., you mean to have a try at the Bean, eh?
Well here's luck, us' Lud ! "Coye in or cop r
That's talk for Bruin! Jing, mean. just that, and I
guess Imperial Policy means abed the mune. England
6ret served and the rest go enacks as they best can.
That's the line, M' Lod. Palaver about " right" is
all cosmopolitan rubbish, and "fair-play" is lust
peetty.pretty for Cocktail fudge. Glad I drone.. ,-„.--. on
you, in Dud I'll put the pith of our conversation
Into anew War Song, and send yet Ludship an Mt ly
proof.
The Great Pen (hastily). Thanks I thanks ! And
mow, Sir, though your talk is vastly improving, yet, as
my leisure is limited --
The Great Bounce. Right you are, m' Lod. Shall
we drink to the Success of the Imperial Policy ? ou
won't liquor? Well, then, here I —"The British Lion,
and may his tail never unstiffen !" Ta-ta, Lnd.
(Erie with &flourish.
The.. Great Ben (solu.s). The most trenchant
travesty of a pictorial Poulain were rainier compared
with the personified parody presented by this swelling
I feel as feria the traveller at a eonntry inn,
w'ho gazes in his own features hideously, yet recogni.
sably, redacted in the distorting medium of a rustic
mirror! (EZIJ aorplaf ally

LAWSON'S LAWS ON TEX/MR.I.NC%.
Never be "intoxicated" with delight.
Player "drink" he sweet mounds.
Weyer have a " bumper' at a bengal.
Never sat till you are tight--
Neese buy music O " Boosey."
~gficiat (when you can) " liqaidbMsr. And
lading,
Never be loud ol your "glass."
F.T TU QUOQUE BRUTE
loe. I say, 'Any, eta./ yer lark,!
We're been ax' made • pretty blunder
We've held war roestin's in the parks,
An' backed up Beacenalleld like thunder.
Red ochre au' dead cats we've dune
CTis said we caught Prince T—ck • whisker).
Hot, after all we've said an' sung.
They're gone an' tared our bloomin' bean I

Of mate affairs our birdeeye view
Well change, for twos the very blindest
ro tax eel peeeselfeli to you
Was, of all rum, the most unkindmt.
Well drop "Ere stan's a poet," an' Mug
Holm lees 'igh Tap gongs an' catches
From those who tax our moot, we'll turn,
Kw even Lowe Mack short at awoke&
It was too bad to crush ens wad
When we foe them crashed Hyde Park's /Mom ;
Without our Pickwick, how would speed
With you and me the dreary boos,?
link 'furry, in our bald grief
There yet remains one consolation.
The intsch.isaloved 41151 Zeal
Is not yet subject to taxation.

ADDITIONS TO THE ZOO.

A Rough-liosied Con!yule—made oordiehe, wel-
come, ol cause.
A Merl Opoomen--a reel gseulae " merry `nn."
Two Black Cyraem—eot to be omfolueled with the
ash. _

A Common Adder—reckoned of mon interest.
Two Wood Owis—rscralar beerders.
An Oil Bird—One of the 'el 1,011 sort.
B Brazilian Tres-Porcupine—is Wing rapidly so.
climb-matized.

oTti—se liearded Jays—Blne-bearda in charge of
their own jay-ler.
A Military Macaw--one of the " paerar
A Senora Hsieh —B.ergora ! this mutt be Irinit.
An Adjutant Bird—' atiochar to the coanniemariat
department.

THE PENNY WEDDING.
It is remarkable how calmly Mire Pinner takes it I '
all. To look at her one would Imagine ahe had been
betrothed all her life. Had, so to speak, darted in
the part all round the provinces.
In my own mind I had formed certain nosolutions
with regard to the marriage and the honeymoon. I
had fixed upon some quiet City church. I don't oare
to be mad* • show of, and a month at some peaceful
village on the comet of Devon (I hate your vulgar,
crowded swells places) will be detful
Bat it would appear that Miss 'Manse has also got
her views upon the subject.
" The.. is only one way of spending • honeymoon
properly," Me says, "and that is by making • tour
'through Europe."
There is • mum of widenem end apace, not to men-
tion the money it wenkl oozier to. shout this idea that
takes my breath away. Yet, if she has really set her
heart upon it, and Cook does these things so much
cheaper now-a-dam.
" But," she continues—lt seems she has not finished
the sentence yet—" there I. no neesmity for such
extravagance, and it would be • much wise. cosine,
It seems to me, to spend the money upon our home,
for_you know there will be so many thins treated."
This is really most oomdderste, and, indeed, most
remarkable on the part of Mho Planer, and, at well
as I ma able to judge, wholly unprecedented on the
pert ,d so young a woman under each circtonstasesse.
In other respects also /dim Pinner is remarkable. I
had= doubts respecting the way things should
he after the honeymoon, as far es our inters
homels ooncernecL Of course the Girls, who have
-previously altered my bone with me, cannot be turned
adrift. That is osetaist. Bet et the seam time it is
certain tee that Ida Major Poway that is to be will
not he abbe to elsare home with the Girls.
It is tome elms sothen has been no bloodshed,
bat Kim Pinner stp
the Girls oessepy • drier peel-
tion towards setts edam les* Now to Se %AA Fleet
and the RIIIMISMI. The Girls.. the Plow
Not Wan able to spunk haw pleeend
and Mather JAW aim liTh°"" .1° dm
quite de l& bow • bet:earl ems* nas
aped their thaw I hart
.bitbareosbusiminirrii
Jogerios Vol err •res•