The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1876-07-01 00:00:00

AMERICAN HUMOUR.

"And John Champlain was lying cold and dead,
writhing in his mortal agony," says a New Jersey paper.

A saucy young New York widow says she is in the
honeymoon of her widowhood. What a brute her liege lord
must have been

An lowa editor recently announced that a certain
patron of his was "thieving, as usual." It was written
thriving.
A Brooklyn girl was asked by a very thin gentlemen
If she didn't think she could learn to love him. "I might U
you was stuffed," was the laughing reply.
A Salt Lake Mormon has proposed to the Committee
of the Philadelphia Centennial Exhibition to show his nine
wivPs, and "illustrate one of the social phases of American
life."

A Milwankie paper says of the sir, in its relations
to men,—" It kisses and blesses him, but will not obey him."
Blobbs says that that description suits his wife exactly.

A Yankee preacher discoursed from the text, "How
old art thou ? " and the next day, about oue-third of the con•
gregation called to tell him it was none of his business.

The editor of a Yankee paper, haviug received a
bank•note detector, returns thanks, and modestly asks for
some bank-notes upon which to test its accuracy.
A Chicago belle who, six months ago, was
languid that she could scarcely support herself at the altar,
now throws a flat-iron fifty feet, and hits her husband every
time.

A man went into the po3t office at Springfield,
Ohio, and asked, "Is there a letter here for Mike How ?'—
"No," replied the angry clerk, "there isn't a letter here for
anybody's cow."

A prominent public office in Nasliville has this
notice posted up, "Don't open this door ;" under which some
wag wrote the query, "Why V' and another responded,
"Because you can't ; it's locked."

In a valedictory aidress a Yankee editor wrote,
"If we have offended any man in the abort but brilliant
course of our public career, let him scud us a new hat, and
we will then forget the past."

A Chicago man, noted for his marrlagep, was married
a few months ago, and at last acc)nnts he had so far modified
his religious notions as to express his firm belle in the
existence of a personal devil.

A Denver paper says that an Indian chief left his
squaw in a saloon there, the other day, as security for the
payment of a whiskey bill. Probably one of the Pawnee
tribe.
A Minnesota paper made a young poetess say, "Oh,
in' a heart full of sweet yearlings I" The poetess wrote to
the editor, declaring that she wrote "yearnings," and that
the printer who set it up "yearlings "was a calf.
He was an applicant for the position of writing
teacher in one of our public schools. They gave him a copy-
book and asked him for a specimen of what he could do. fie
took up the pen, and, in a handwriting that looked like a
flash of lightning that had mistaken the direct road, wrote as
follows :—" Sorrer doesn't kill folks as fast as green goose-
burys."

A New 'York clergyman says it is interesting to
observe how many people go to the circus "just to please the
children." and very curious to notic3 that sometimes it takes
several able-bodied men and motherly women to look after
one little boy or girl on such an occasion.

A Yankee countryman took his seat at a hotel table
opposite to a gentleman who was indulging in a bottle of
wine Supposing the wine to be common property, our
unsophisticated country friend helped himself to it with the
gentleman's glass. "That's cool !" exclaimed the owner of
the wine, indignantly.—" Yes," replied the other; "I should
think there was ice in it."

A Philadelphia market, Monday morning, a man
buying strawberries. Suddenly a thought strikes him and he
says: "I hope these berries were not picked on Sunday?'—
Market man—" No, sir; but they grew on Sunday." The
mark,3t man overdid it, the would-be purchaser declined to
buy strawberries grown on Sunday.