The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1865-07-25 00:00:00

good to make toys out o' vor childun an' people
as is crack'd in t' upper story to play wee,"
'claimed a dird. "I doant get puddens every
day," cried a vourth, "an' when I does get
pudden I likes to ha' summat as yam can eat wee
a rellish—puddens as 'II do yer good—as 'll stick
to t' lobes o' yer heart an make yer vat, sleek a'
t' skin, iley in t' jiuta, and good tomper'd tree
nzelf an' all t' world bezides." But halloo !
k comes here? "Jett t' right zort o' stuff
ilin dust," shouted a host o' voioes wee
Dree hundred barrels o' bribery plume,
id bap o' corrupshun that; wee a zirffi-.
shout quantity o' intiraidashun corjel to mix, an
spices o' various zorts to gee't a good vlavour.
What a gloryua treet ! 800 in t' wide ktneashun
oodn't envy t' partakers o' so rich a yeast? But,
-sir, I must stop! I mtist descend vrom t'
reejun o' mettyfer, else mebbee I shall
tire t' pashence o' yer reders an 'o' yerzelf
into t' bargain. I shall therevore say nothen
bout t' mixen o' pudden nor o' t' bilen o't
'Twer in V eaten as lay all V funs As all t' world
by this time knows, when Waymuth' lackshun
puddens is cook't, 'em doant goo by t' naum o'
puddens no longer, but t' klonglomeraahun be
called zhugar. An' 0! didn't it make t' eyes
twinkle an mouths water o' our pure, rree, an'
independents! Twer no seeret—tittbody tried
to make it a secret. qtrer openly proclamed in
V streets an' publish% in t' market, what a yeast
was in store; how hungry em was; an what •
gurt bite they meant to take. An' as hunger
begets dezire, zo desire begets greed when t'
pashuns remane uncheck't. But, Mimes
Grundy, you be morralizing," I thinks I hear
yer exclaim, "pray come to t' pint." Weil, ill
come to t' pint, an zome very funny pints ther
ha' ben, lustraten t' adage a' 'many a slip
"tween t' cup an' t 1 lip." When I went to school,
I 'member't as well as 'twer yesterday, ther was
a fable in my spellen book bout a gurt white
dog crossen a bridge wee a bit o' meet in 'is
mouth, an zeen what him thought was a bigger
bit o' meet in t' water, let goo t' bit as was in 'is
month an' jumpt in t' river to get hold o' his
shedder. Now thick yer dog's oonduck has a
ben immitated in more than one, or two, or
dree, or vire, or wpm, or even semteen instances
by they as ha' had geed to 'em t' imortabb trust
o' senden members to parleyment to legislate vor
t' public wee!. Let I just gee yer one instance
out o' many. But him as Ibe speaken on, han't
got no gurt " wite" dog. As vor 'is naum
that doant zignivy. I detestes perzonalities,
an thervore don't reel inclined to gee it.
Zuffice it to zay as how 'im be t'
head o' a very considerable 'stablishment,
an loves to be reckon'd among V heacis t' trade
as he rollers. In koorse, nubudy ood think- o'
offeren he a small bribe, an if em did yer mebbee
allure 'twood be taken as a inzult. Well, wood
vifty pun do? No, im coodn't look at it. Sixty?
That ood'nt do. Aty pun was th' very lowest
as ood zarve he vor a salve to heal a wounded
codshence. Well, zed t' carver as was wren
out t' zhugar at that end o' t' table on t'
night o' t' nomivaahun, minty pun I'll‘gee yer,
money down, if yer likes to take it—now come,
pockut t' lot. No, not he. He'd stay till
mornen rust. 'P pudden waa'nt over done, he
zed • 'twood do it good to bile it a little more,
twood plump in t' pot, an' by to morry mornen
wood bile to t' size o' a hundud puun. Well
',pon this t' two yriends parted—t' one to pass
is hours "in blissful dreema away," t' other as
t,' sequel prooved, to gee too o' t' candidates
t go-by and save t' shugar. But Tantalus
u carver, like his nameitake o' old,
"ad'nt done wee his voter yet. Zo
while his man was still in t' arms o'
zomnus he calls 'en up, tells 'en to dress quick
vor he's wanted in t' comitte room immejetly.
"Twits jest as I 'xpected," mentally 'jackylated
t' high class tradesman. "T' market be up, an'
they wants to get I to promis avore
quotashuns be publish't; but they doant ketch
old birds wee chaff." Zo down he goes to t'
room and was brought yee-a-yee wee 'is friend
t' carver. Well, ood he take aempty pun now
No! not cone tittle ood he a bate, an' iv 'em
didn't gee he a sneer purty quick, he'd raise t'
price. "Well, jist say zempty vire an' done
wee't," No,"not hee. Not cone varthen ood
a bait worn Aty. That was t' very lowest varden
he'd take: Well, ood he take two bills o' vorty
"to run." Him didn't mind that pervided
t' bills wer rand wee substanshal names. Them
zhud be mined by two candydates therzelves,
was t' reply. "I'll take em," sed the trades-
man, an' immejetly t' two printed bills o' t
candydatea as was a runnen away from Way-
moth was put into his hand. Konsternaahon .0'
konsternaslarins, twits all a honks he zed. Didn't
b'leave't,vcouldn't bleeve, oodn't !Atmore it, 'im
'xclaimed RB he bounc't out o' t' room amid V
titter o' them as was in t' outer chamber.
I'll bet a zovrin 'im be tite enuf, now, ited
Tantalus a'ter 'im had alamoast splitted 'is'
sides a laffin but it Laved 'en rite. " T
grapes baint sour," thick yer tradesman now
zsys when he be reminded how he got zuck't in,
but any one may zee t' wry vace he pulls in
eaten o 'em, an can almosat grin over t' in-
evitable stummick ake witch must roller ther
digestshun.—l remaine, Maester Headhitter,
yer umbel zarvint,
MRS. GRUNDY.

DORCHESTER.

INLAND Riaasioz PROMOTION. —Mr. H. S.
Bark,* Id claw iussistant, Campbelton, nth,
division, Campbelton collection, bee been appointed
officer of Merthyr, let ride, Cardiff collection.

BOROUGH Potick, Thursday.-13efore the Mayor.
—William Hines, a seaman, was charged with steal.
lug a pair of half-Wellington boots, value 12a., be.
longing to a hawker, named Matthew M'Comville,
July 21. Prosecutor lodged at the George Inn,
and on Wednesday night gave the boots to the
oetler to clean. Next morning they were gone.
Prisoner, with a number of sailors, was at the house
early on Thursday morning, and during the day he
was found wearing the boots at the Great Weetern
Hotel. At his request, Mrs. Grigg had lent him
Is. 6d. on the boots, He was committed for trial at
the assizes. In defence, Hines said, "I'm going to
clear myself by getting another man into it.'