The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1862-04-29 00:00:00

Dorsetshire.

. -s- -- -
DiktillESTEß.—A BIT OF ADVICE APPLICABLE TO
Ma ".Pottorr CHRONICLE." -PUNCH TO THII TORIES. 1
Jrttrite) . lairnLatiyyst:—OfDarpa't snake
rties eAsses
verywoherre", rI.
kw
impielf specially impelled to give you the above
I of advice at this moment, when it is obvious to me
t certain parties are trying to make you take exactly
opposite council, and you yourselves are by no ovens
disinclined to be ridiculous. Hearken unto me. You
are told that you have been gaining a good many elec-
tions lately. You are told that you have obtained a
small majority in the House of Commons ; that is to say,
that on a ?inst.:in, if everybody came up to the swatch
mind voted aooording to expectation, you might defeat the
Government, and make them go out. You are told that
all this means thatthe country desires a Tory Govern.
ment ; that is to say, that we should like to see Palmer.
replaced by Derby, Gladstone by Disraeli, Russell
by Malmesbury, and Roundell Palmer by Cairns. Now,
please hearken unto me. There is no doubt that, by
tie means or foul, you have won a good many eke-
. Aimee, -I siewoklielteve that you have • majority in
Parliament, but if you have one it is a very little one,
TI :, aniTeetinisily net one on which a Government could
wear.- Hitt I slo belie?* that if you picked a good
.. , „ wpm*, and Dieraelimanaged the battle with toot, you
might, with the aid of some of the Irish, manage to
place the Government in se awkward position. Your
, own party, misted by Popish allies, whom your leader
, . • slight lety,ar indeed foree into his ranks, by • judicious
• . resobetiou on foreign polities, could probably walk into
the lobby stronger than Pam's lot. He would have to
r ameknor to over to do se. Then you would find out
hove you hod been done. The eountry does not want
pottr men in-offios. Pam would either demand a seoond
trill El strength, when the oonntry would pat the 'crew
, onfint House, and reverse the decision you had obtained.
.. orbs mold deseolve, and ask the country whether it
...., wants Lard Derby. Then yen would have the answer
in a strong working majority against you, and you
would be far wane off than you are at present. Now,
don't be angry and offended. Most of you are pea
gellomm and some of you haws good sense. You could
Bet emery the country before, when you were actually
1., and had not only all the usual club bribery at
ernimand, bit Government beibery and intimidation
Into the bargain—your Irish allies sold you, and your
• - !on Parliament Minted your Derby out. Mr. Disraeli
WM 7011 on the Budget deltas the other night that the
operation was " nemliar," and the House laughed, not
ffimaturedly. He understands the pooiltioit, if you
• don't. You have net even a recognised daily organ of
• the slightest weight, and yet you fancy yourselves a
- - ply. Of course I know that there is the dear old
. ' tandarol with its feeble paper and feebler writing, and
. . ate bald proviinial puffing of your notorietip ; hut !wen

when assiS's. whit•ibrown is 'exhausted, the 'Standard

1101,11111 bordly,otrong enough for altering-paper. A
Party without &notion I The English of this m, that
' we aro all Conservatives. We mean to preserve what
good things we have got, and we know that the best way
to do so is to improve them, whesever we can. We
koldtbeCoostitution on a repairing lease, and vr• mean
*al"' 116Per' scour,
'license, glue, amend and keep
he same proper otder, and if a new roof Or new out.
- bendingiare wanting, we are not the ten ants to be shabby.
, You incisive not Conservatives., and would be bad
tenants. The country knows all about this, and is quite
saddled with Pain, who is a better Conservative than
any of your men. If you are wise, you will be content
with the situation in which you are placed, and if you
. arvaincero you will rejoice that the country is content
. . . . . .

with true Co' nservatisin. Don't let a pack ..of Tadpoles
' and Tapers persuade you that your men ought to be in
„ once. You may atop business, bother trade. and
agitate the nation, and when all is done you will And
yourselves in a deeper bole than ever. Do not say that
I did not warn you. Take things easy, and be patriotic,
. . . .

_
and let us all go and see the International Exhibition
-,' together. Ones more, Don't Inas Asses of Yourselves.
Your affectionate friend, Punch. —B5, Fket Street,
April 16, 1863.

WEYMOUTH.—In the Windham case the deci-
' skin of the judges is that both parties are to pay
their own costa.
•-• -Ctitztev Pam Smsierra, GuitnnaLt., Friday.—
" ' Before Captain Manning; B. H. Swaffield, H. C.
Gooddea, and Spencer Meade, Faqirs. The chief
,
business. All usual, was from Portland.
DRUNILICNNWAL —George Read pleaded guilty of
, ~drinikenness at Portland on the 18th inst. William
Barnes also pleaded guilty of drunkenness on the sth
inst. This was the first time Read had been "pre-
sented" at the Court, and he was accordingly fined
„ be., intaludieg meta Barnes was well acquainted
with "court etiquette," as he bad previously been
fined under the Elighwsy Act. He was accordingly
fined 5a and 7s. costa—John White, who also
pleaded-peaty Mdminkeniess at Portland, wae Sued
.11a, the Mete being remitted.
_KALetrin ere Alf OLD CVnrom.—Thoserie White
....:pWideiLgtulty of firing off a gun in the Itighiray,
• waiver, to the Act.—Mr. Howard addreseed the
`. 'Benet' in natigatien of the penalty. He stated that
it was an old custom in Portland, when a•party was
married te lire pft a gun on the party leaving for
mad seturning front thareb, as it seas in some places
to "fling an old shoe," in token of good luck. The
_defendant had a daughter married on the 10th
" April, and Ike consequently followed the usual
custom. He did it unthinkingly, and was very
thriy it should have happened. Captain Mewing
6' said at Old custom did not override the Highway
e51401L..- A°Weller, fletandaut, had enlivened to him
great regret, and believing that the law would be
vindicated in this cankby a very Small fine, he would
be convicted in the nun of la., including costs.--
James Lender- was charged with a similar offence
on the same ticeeeton. This defendant bad before
been convicted for drunknees, and he fired the gun
after being cautioned. Fined Si.,including costa.
ASSAULT. —Mary Ann Mitchell, the elder, and
Mary Ann Mitchell, the younger, both residing at
Chiswell, were charged with assaulting Susan
Tolman on the 3rd April. —Mr. Howard appeared to
prosecute.—The complainant said that on the day in
question, as she turned the chapel corner, Mrs.
Mitchell's youngest daughter and she met suddenly,
and ran against each other; she went on, and the
girl went in-doors. When she returned, Mary Ann
Mitchell, the daughter, came out and asked her why
she had struok her sister in the face, and imme-
diately struck her down. She rose, and the elder
defendant threw some water with the intention of
wetting her, but she stepped aside, and evaded it.
She did not strike the youngest daughter in the first
instance, nor did she speak to the defendants on her
retell', when they assaulted her. They bad con-
tinually annoyed her by their abusive language
towards her both before and since this astault.
Charles Keeping, who saw the whole affair, corro-
borated the evidence of the complainant. The de-
fendants, who had evidently been well educated in
the "vulgar tongue," were fined ss. each and costs,
- making together El 35., to be paid in a fortnight,
lE to be comitted for fourteen de.) s.
OLD 07117./IDERS. —Job Coombs was summoned
for the third time within the last twelve months,
for riding in his wagon, drawn by three horses,
-- without reins, and having no one to guide his horses.
—Sergeant Hitch said that defendant, who is in the
pmploy of Mr. Hodder, of Portland, was also in
-liquor at the time.—Fined 10a, and 7s. coats.—
Charles Bishop, who had been two or three times
convicted of felony, was also summoned for drunken-
ness M Portland, but did not appear. —The con-
stable who served the summons said that Bishop said
be should "step it." He had recently been
working on the Verne, but did not belong to Port.
Mad
Wan CHICHERBL. —Two brothers,named William
and James Randall, were convicted of druakenneas'
at West Chickerell, and were fined Si. each, includ-
ing costa.