The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1876-01-22 00:00:00

SELECTED ANECDOTES

TRY IT !—Some one has said that the three
hardest words to pronounce consecutively are, "I was
mistaken." Let the person who made this assertion
try his articulating powers on the names of the lakes
in Maine—three for instance—Huknztyabob, Zitz-
mornumgohic, Mahogapragohgug.
AN UNNECESSARY APOLOGY.—A more morti-
fying remark was scarcely ever made to another, per-
haps, than that which Fontenelle made t 3 a man who,
having need of his assistance, came to him to apologise
for having written a pamphlet against him. "‘Blr,"
Efa d the philosopher, "this is tne first time I have
heard of it."

EQUAL TO THE OCCISION!— Recently a traveller
said to the conductor on a supposed fast line, "How
fast does this train go ?" "It goes fast enough to suit
us. Ityou don't like the rate of speed, get out and
walk," was the rejoinder. "I would," replied the dis-
gusted passenger, settling back in the corner of his
seat, "but my friends won't owe for me until the
train gets in, and I don't want t 8 be waiting for two or
three hours."

KNOWLEDGE IS POWER.—That knowledge is
power, was happily illustrated by an incident that
happened in Edinburgh some years ago. A crowd
had gathered around two dogs. The larger one, a
powerful mastiff, had the smaller one in his relentless
grip. Every effort had been made to loosen his hold,
such as slitting his ears, and biting and pinching his
tail, but all in vain. At length a quiet, scnolarly.
looking gentleman came up, and asked to be allowed
to seperate the combatants. Assent was given amid
laughter andj ears, when, drawing a snuff-box frorr
his pocket, he applied a pinch of the titillating powdet
to the mastiff's nose, which caused him not only to re.
lease his hold, but to make off as fast as his legs could
carry him, The scholar was greeted with cheers, but
he only replied, "Gentlemen, I have but given you
proof that knowledge is power."

LOSING IN OPPORTUNITY. An American-
Indian said to a Spaniard, who was about to slay
him, "You are wrong to kill me so suddenly, for I
meant to teach you how to die."

LAST Tnotrurrs..—Lockhart, in his Life ol
Scott, relates that a Mr. A—, a master in Chancery,,
very wealthy man, being on his death-bed, some occa
sion of urgency occurred, in which it was necessary to
make an affidavit, and the attorney, missing one or
two other masters, whom he inquired after, ventured ti
ask if Mr. would be able to receive the deposition.
The proposal seemed to give him momentany strength;
his clerk was sent for, and the oath taken in due form,
The master was lifted up in his bed, and with difficulty
subscribed the paper. As he sank down again, h
made a signal to his clerk. "Wallace." "Sir
"Your ear—lower; have you got the half-crown?' 15
was dead before morning.
CHEERING UP THE TRAVELI,ZIL !—ln describ
ing his journey from California, Artemus Ward says
—" The driver with whom I sat outside, as we
slowly rolled down the fearful mountain road, which
looks down on either side into an appalling ravine,
informed me that he had met accidents in his time
which cost the California Eltrage Company a great deal
of money, 'because,' said hei, 'juries is agin us CD
principle, and every man who sues is sire to recover
But it will never be so agin, not with me you bets
'How is that ?' I said. It was frightfully dark. It
was snowing, withal; and, notwithstanding the breaks
were kept hard down, the coach slowed wildly, ofter
fairly touching the brink of the black precipice
'How is that ?' I said. 'Why you see,' he replied
'that corpses never sue for damages, but maimea
people do. And the next time I have an overturn, 1
shall go around and keerfnlly examine the passengers.
Them as is dead, I shall let alone; but them as it
mutilated, I shall finish with the king-bolt ! Dead
folks don't sue. They ain't on it.' Thus, with anecdote
did this driver cheer me up."

DONE ENOUGH FOR HIS COETNTRY.—An ol
American Revolutionary soldier was a candidate for
Congress, and his opponent was a young man who lied
"never been to the wars," and it was the custom cJ
the old soldier to tell of the hardships he had endured
Said he, " Fellow•citizens, I have fought and bled lot
my country. I have helped to whip the British and
the Indians. 1 have slept on the field of battle with
no other covering than the canopy of heaven. I havo
walked over the frozen ground till everry footstep was
marked with blood." just about this time, one of thy
voters, who had become greatly interested in his tale 0'
sufferings, walked up in front of the speaker, wiped
the tears from his eyes with the extremity of his coat
tail, and interrupted him wit,, "Did you say you had
font the British and Ingins? "—Yes, sir."— Did you
say you had slept on the ground while serving youx
country without any kiver?"—" I did."—Did you Buy
your feet covered the ground you walked over with
blood? "—" Yes," replied the speaker, exultinaly.
"Well, then," said the tearful citizen, as he gave,
sigh of pent up emotion, "I guess I'll vote for t'other
fellow, for I'll be hanged if you ha'n't done enough for
your country.'' -

IN PltousLE.—A young husband in Ba.ltimotr
is in a nice pickle. From some cause, he concluded
his wife did not love him as she should, and he
determined to test that element. Therefore he wrote
a note, telling her that he was going to drown himself
in the canal, and that before she read the contents of
that note his spirit would be hovering over laser,
observing how she took his death. The would-be
suicide entrusted the note to a small boy, but the boy
mistook the direction, and carried the note to a next
door neighbour of his wife. Not liking to communicate
the dreadful intelligence to the unlucky woman, the
lady handed the note to an officer, with instructions,
if possible, to prevent the rash act. The officer hurried
off, and, sure enough, found the man on the bank tit
the canal. Rushing up the officer seized the unlucky
husband, and marched him off to the station-house,
notwithstanding his protestations that he did not intend
to commit suicide, &c. After the incarceration of the
husband, the note was handed to his wife, with
the information that he had been saved. After up
braiding the officer for not "letting the precious fool
drawn himself," the wife made a charge of lunacy
against him, and he-barely escaped being placed in th
asylum."