The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1879-10-28 00:00:00

WIRING FOR THE TELEGRAM.

Miss Morton's talented company has given the
t pordble satisfaction during the past week.
greatest
she has been popular since her last visit to us
a few months since. The rot a ire sustained by the
majority of the actors in a style highly creditable. If
Miss Morton should again pay Bridport a visit, she
will doubtless again receive her mend of patronage.—
In " Diplomacy" Mr. C. M. York, as the English
ambassador of Berlin, was exceptionally good, the
character he maintained to 'the life. But during Mr.
York's perusal of certain Russian ',elvers, wherein he
discovers he is suspected of intrigue, the risible facul-
ties of the audience appeared to be suddenly, and to
the actor unaccountably, excited just at a moment
Mr. York would have expected to hear a pin drop.'
The cause of that awful titter was that the
" Amblussador" held in his hand not a copy fnnn the
Russian press, but of a well-known local journal, with
the frontispiece in glaring type facing the audience.

Not long after the occurrence I wired you last week,
Mr. Editor, our hero Willie was again the victim of
one of those awkward predicaments which fortunately
are of rare occurrence. Had he but known his visit would
prove productive of such undiirnified results, I think
be would have postponed his visit, for a day or two at
leart. But Willie went, and had not long been there
in the company of his adored one ere she hinted that
Willie might drive her to Crewkerne.

Of course he would ! what would he not do for her
sake Why, if you wished me to --. There, never
mind about that., Willie, I know you would, but you
just ilri% Ille "ver to Crewkerne, as I eitjaict a visitor
by the nett train. The pony was not long In' putting
in, and Willie never remembered such a glorious
drive.

They., had not long to wait, for after a short
" t on the platform the train arrived, and out
jumped one of those horrid country cousins, in the
shape of a stalwart, handsome young main. After the
usual introductions and congratulations away they
aped homeward. Of courre en route Willie did
the "agreeable," but the stalwart young man eyed
our hero an His Satanic Nlajtnty eyes holy water,
for he considered they were a tittle too intimate.

Arrived at home the stalwart young man could
stand it no longer and in stentorian tones demanded •
full explanation. " But why," said the fair lone,
" why nhould I not he kind to Willie he sends me
lots of presents." This was too much. How scared
our Willie looked when the young man in • threatening
attitude " demanded the presents to be brought before
him." They were brought, and one by one irretriev.
ably crushed under the heel of the stalwart young

The eight of such wanton destruction caused the
fair one to collapse, but the administration of "sal
volatile" 1,114,n restored her. At this juncture the
pugilistic gesticulations of the country cousin became
so alarming, that js,or Willie, doubtlessly remember-
ing the niri adage, "To reprove a fool is lost labour,"
turned off his Iran and bolted. If our hero should
again stumble across the stalwart man, I fully expect
Willie will bring an action for personal damages.
"The troubles of Willie are ended."

To connequence of there being but 15 or 16 entries
in the whole of the clanses of dairy produce in
connection with the local department of the kfelplash
Agricultural Society, the affair Ilan, I regret to any,
been pontponrd. How is thin! Surely the num of £lO
offered for prizes should hare brought out more
competitor*: Perhape dairymen allri other* hare not
nutficient confidence connkiering what han recently
transpired, the factn of which having been given
publicity need no further comment of mine. It must
Indeed be very hard time,. if dairymen cannot risk a
half-crown with a chance of netting a £3 prize.

A week or MO since I hinted that the local exhibition
would not ',numbly be held (in anisequence, I find, of
some one failing to" stump up"), hut the committee
in spite of tide were enabled to offer the sum above
mentioned. But in this instance competitors are
backward, so after all my pmgnostications are correct.
What a warm and enthusustie greeting to its liberal
patron, Viscount Portman ! Just se I expected.

Watery meetings and watery subjects, three meet-
ings and ditto adjournments, but some watery business
will be discussed next time.
But not so Mr. Templer's lecture! Did you go! I
did, and very much enjoyed it. The gathering liras
the largest and most influential one I have seen for
some time. But where were the clergy! As usual,
conspicuous by their absence.

Ratepayers, ',tore all your 'surplus; cash. The rata
collector want a an increase of 'Wary, and the West-
street improvement will soon he finished.

I wish people wouldn't bother me ! For the last
month or two, strangent who arrive here, and whom I
have accidentally met, naturally believing me to be
well up in local matters, have directed my attention to
a certain noble structure, situated in a prominent
position in East-street, and curiously inquired whose
departed spirit was immortalised thereby.
Strangely enough the thought never occurred to me
before, but the other day when being thus interrogated,
visions of tombs floated before my "possibly"
demoralized vision, and I fancied with an inward
chuckle that I detected the outlines of certain mom'.
mente which I have ere now seen in London and
provincial cemeteries.

I couldn't help laughing at the last man who asked
me this question, although of course he didn't know I
had been asked it before ; but being desirous of
preserving the dignity and prestige of a borough
which has become famous for more reasons than one, I
Dammed as grave a demeanour as was possible under
the circumstances, and I said "My dear friend, that's
only the town weighbridge, and the design for the
weighing apparatus has been procured, after much
research and considerable expense, 'to say nothing cif
the personal risks involved,' by our energetic surveyor,
from the ruins of ancient Nineveh."
--
My queriptt, sceptic that he was, evidently thought
that I had been drinking, or was innocently amusing
myself at his expense, turned on his heel with a grim
smile, and left me to my own refiectiond. Thii is what
comes of being communicative.

For an unmitigated ntakance, and one moreover, as
often a• not, productive of an abominable Ktssmil,
commend inn to the place near the back-door of the
Town Hall. lam aware that our indefatigable officer
of health, to Kay nothing of our Sanitary Inspector, Is
more than occupied with professional duties, but hay,
and I say ir without fear of contradiction, that one of
the foulest places which it is possible to conceive
exists at this moment in the very heart of a buy
town.

And within earshot, too, of the very room where the
Local Board of Health hold their meetings. If!
mistake not, the authority in question numbers
amongst Its committees, one for sanitary purposes,
and should it not be their duty without delay to
abolish a pest-hole such as that which reeks beneath
their very noses!

AIELPLASH AGRICULTURAL SOCIETY.
The annual n3eetinz of this society was held at 'lrk!port
cm Waineeday, in rather unfavourable weather. Early
In the morning some heavy showers fell, and elthoagh it
cleared about 10 o'clock, the rain was sufficiently heavy to
convert the approaches to the fields into a M 54141 of mud.
But in spite of this, vast numbers entered the town by the
early and mid-day trains, so that at noon things looked
couch more promising than they threatened to ha The
society has for it. president the Hon. W. It B. Portman,
KR, and vicivpresidente, Lord Alington, T. Colfos,
W. Collo:, Eej.i.B.A., Lieut. -Colonel Con, G. D. W.
Dliby, ER., or Hon. K H. T. Diy, X. P.
_John
Ploys,, Seg., ~ I'. F. °unary gee. Sir It
?.4lian Bert_ Bildern Rant Esq., Lek Rivers. The
Has. the Hatt at Sandwich, It D. Moreton, Keg.,
C. Zell. The Geld nese the Crows lea was as
mead etteectios, time Wag • good atteede•oe ot

farmer, and egriculturaliste generally to witness the show
a roots, horses. cattle. •heep, and pig'. The whole of the
exlubits were fairly good, some roots more particularly
etceptionally considering the late and unfavourable
season. The judges (for stvck) were Mr. Henry Fooks,
Whitechurch, Blautiford. Mr. Vile Watt,, Melcumbe
Horsey, Mr. G. Warne, Holywell, Evershot. For roots,
Metiers J. Pile, Inn Park, Catistock, Henry Gillingham,
Pipefunl, Cum-omits. For ploughing, Mr. James Hine,
1111ton_, F. Tolman. Luoombe, Netherbury. For bodging,
Mr. -Mogul. liumr. NotherburY (local committee),
Mews. Robert looks (Mangertoti), W. A. Tucker
(Harbour), J. W. Way (Brae'pule), Job Lag (Bridport), G.
S. Milbhr (Deadpan), William Bradford (Mowerbury).
Te,a foots w.ne 0 exeedent condition, adverse
Cuaskinr•d. Among the pigs Mr. Hooper'.
p ja• boar pe, • black Suffolk, was one of the largest
• tor saute Woe, two years end two
'II 111.0 • v•-r previously exhibited. Toe show of pigs
• oiled but good. A Inn hie sho• ot cattle this yea,
It V. 1.1 dimwit Wen 1310.1.1/ gee boson. The horsed
set, doe automat, and a the jumping compention their
-I otinlns wenn seen to advantage. Nameable was a
ngiae of three-horse Pearl', shows by Ma'am
01 the Got Ito. Waits. The engine aloud on
• tank ,ntpt iiiii . A elkar Latter Wan lot trt 1110tnnt sad
worked bt .1 au.ts t te loaning.