The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1878-08-20 00:00:00

tutting from tht Comics.

; Men on TO HAT& —(l‘TiTer has polled up to
drink.) Potwar*: —" Now, than, stoat and mdl"
Testy 011 Gent You know that net of thing
won't do for me." Driver :—" Oh, well, yer can 'eve
anything elae yer like, you knew ; but nobody ain't
sae I yer wut yawl! 'aye yet."
" litske."—Shrewd Clerk (with an eye to ble per.
Tentage). "Take an accident isiwnance ticket., sir r
Pas-enger (nervously). "Whit' foe!" Clerk. "Well.
Sir, nothing bas gone wrong 'twist this and London
for the last fourteen months and, by the beverages,
the next smash on the blip line is boveralue exactly six
weeks and three days. [Old Gent forks out with
alacrity.]
l'uo son° Pusi.no.--Brown (passenger by the
Glasrow Mesmer, s3O a.tn.). "I beg pardon, Sir, but
I think,you've made • =stake. That is my tooth-
brush ! 11cGrubbie (ditto). "Ali bang yean, men,
all 'in sure. Ah thogbt 't behnged to the whelp II"
°rata To HATi BEU Cecil,
don't be no rude! Yon should not kiss gentlemen!
Cecil: Why not auntie? You do
Ctram.v.—There is, in a certain museum, an
umbrella 107 years oil. It was made in the reign of
Georre 111. The reason why it has lasted so long is
summed to be that George the Third's reign MY
lour one, end it was necessary in those days that um-
brAlas should he nude t match the reign. See'

ARRANGEMENTS IN BLACK AND M;11111L FROM
A SIATEMANN NOT&ROOK.
U•sd.

-
WE G. A sophist cal rhetorician, huhriated with the
esolvv.noe of hi. own verbosity, and elf Led with an
that can at all time, comm.ndno
geserodnehle and incntsietent sells of arguments to
nietign hu oppunenta, awl c1,r.,1 himself.
Ready for ass.
_ . . .

J— 11—. A puliiical nonconformi* pulled by the
resp,neibilities of his own iLC .ngruous position, sod die.
Pax:ad by the devious deuonds of a gpipp4ox,c..l p.ty
tither feveritit in factious opp witt .n. or inebriated by
frantic anticipation of unatt tinabis office.,
R— L A pedantic professor, imboed with the
actiniunv of bis own cyuical utterance., aimed
at reputainne betond his retch, but ullciou.ly reticent
,p
or .it rehtip,a.a of his (AVM short-lived, though long-
lamented official career..
-" " • . .

Sr 'A titled plebsian. swollen into
imaginary importance by the aureola Ind ttion of a self-
dishonoured Dome, and armed with a pachydermatous in-
srudbility to the righteous cont,topt of the sages of the
Senate, though not innenaible to thl titillation of hustings
ponolarity, and suhurdan pot-houas applause.
Earl 6—. A. mercurial dawdler, idly consistent in
defetwo of a desperate ClI14•• and cons.quential with a
wrangling wit, which, wiwn aimed at the shield of the
B.iveanean, recoils to find its target in the motley of the
fto.l whnee how launched the boll. .

-Z,Wii="if2:l7-TaCallOW-habbler. ever st.uggling
bet aeen the ren.gsde, and the coneeit of the
—. A laughing philosopher, lid fat by the fertility
of hi. own unepudied finer, and gifted with • splendid
Imagination which lithe key to an inexhaustible armoury
01 t humour, and satire, who.. shafts delight, instead
ietreseing, the fortunsta oldeets at whom they are
Aimed, end who, while overwhelming his opponents,
iiimortalises himself.
The young lady at Allemagb-irelum who waa up
with the lark is down with the rheumatism.
A travtller says that "in c Id countries, by a wise
pr .vision of Nature, the mountains are clad in firs,"
Mermaid/IAL TRI•Ln.—Mr. Agagais Base that, in
certain Amozian tribes, on the day of his marriage,
while the festivities are going on. the bridegroom's
hands are tied up in • paper bag filled with tee ants.
If he bears the torture smilingly and unmoved, he is
fit for the trials of matrimony.
AMINITLE4 Of 71-13 AJILJUOAS PRZAL —A Wrote=
paper has an article on "The Care of Idiots." A
contemporary saysthat paper is always dragging fatally
affairs before the public. The Ckattanog.re rice.
oaks Whither are we drifting?" To which the
kourei tt Whip replies: "It would be profane Lou.
to say."
The L VIZ Wkil—SOlne of the French jokes eon.
meet,' with the Russo-Turkish War were not bad
ot example, a Ruselan general ridei forward to the
Grant Duke. "I have the honour, your impend
Highnew, to announce a great victory." "Very well
Go and congratulate your troop." "There are none
left." Another: A Turkish paaha is surveying the
field with his glass. An side-do.camp rides tijo" All
our artil cry has been ca•dured." The pasha strokes
beard p ilalhically, and says, "Fortunately it
was not paid for."
Hood, in his Centre Annual for 1890, communi teted
the following from a coot, Reiter :—sur, my wyf had •
tom cat that tip!. Being • torture shell and • great
favorit, we had him berried in the guardian, and for
the sake I,f inrichurent of the mile, had the catkin
In le under the root of the guzherry bush. The trate
being up till then of the smooth kind. But the next
eesous frute after the cat was berrie I, the guzberries
were all hairy, and more remorkabul, the catpilars
of the Paint bmh was all of the hairy description.
Nrw Us x FOR Baucki•st—A gentleman too mt.ch
addicted to liquor haa just found • new ume for
balloon,, 14 be thus explained on arriving here: "Don'
sa'er work I I'm going to buy a balloon (tic). !Avon."
" What on earth are you going to buy • balloon for,
Mr. Ferguson?" "11l tell you (hic), Liza. VW
they'. e goesomany (hic). got 'smany taverns 'long
ilettoitheet, • feller can't get home without gettin'
drunk. I can get away with a ballon (hie), you know.
You can c doe to tbe office an' blow it IT, an' (hk)—
an' then you won't have to blow me up I