The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1858-09-21 00:00:00

Yarietiez.

COMMON CIENNoNN. —All men who do anything most
endure a depreciation of their efforts. It is the dirt
which their chariot wheels throw up.
AY 1.111101 EXPLLNATION.—A tipsy Irishman leaning
against a lamp-post as a funeral procession was mowing
wll4 asked who was dead? " I can't exactly flaY,
sir," said he, " but I preshume it is the jintlem .an tho
coffin." _ _ .

It is maid that one of the editors of a New Orleans
paper, soon after commencing to learn the printing busi-
ness, went to see a preacher's daughter. The next time
he attended meeting he was considerably astonished at
hearing the minister announce as his text, "My daughter
is greivously tormented with • devil."
GRUFF CREDITOII.—" Sir —Your account has been
standing for two years, I milt have it settled immedi-
ately." Fast Debtor's reply.—" Sir,—Things usually do
settle by standing. I regret that my account is an ex-
ception. It has been standing too long, suppose you let
it run • little while."

WHY WE NEVER MEET WITH THE THUTH.—Trath,
scandalised at the reeeption she meets with amongst
men, lies from the surfaee of the earth, and takes
refuge at the bottom of a well. It is said, her film-
dity is such, that she never likes to leavo well alone.—
Punch.

.......,...
RSTURNINO THANKS.—When Canning's health was
drunk at the Ministers' Blackwell dinner' he replied—
Gentlemen, this is a fish dinner; so, after sincerely
thanking you for your good wishes, I do not see that we
can de better than follow the example of the fishes, who
drink a good deal, but never speak.'
BEATING TIME—The Atheiveuni indicates some curi-
osities of the Atlantic Telegraph. A message sent iron,
the Russian eapital at noon will actually reach Now
York at seven o'clock on the morning of the salon day I
On the other aide of the Atlantic the sender of a message,
knowing the difference of longitude between where ho
was and whither he was sending, announced that his
wife lied given birth to • boy, a minute after midnight,
to-inorrow 1
Juviguthe Wir.—As one of those apooimens of hu-
manity, who usually go by the name of " riliarp little
boys," was enjoying his dinner with his father, a way
pitched on his bread, and WIN of course epemlily decapi-
tated by the precocious youngater, who turning to his
father, asked with wonderful readiness, " Pa. what's
the difference between that wimp now, and before I
killed him." Ills father answered, "Well, what is it
my dear, I sin sure I cent tell," "Why Pa, before ho
was wup-headed, and now he his be-iseaded"—(boo.
headed.)
ANGULO OP LITIRATURE AND ART.—Angels loom
somewhat in vogue just now. They figure greatly in
the picture-shop windows, under the form of young
ladle( in white, with wings like those of a species a
bird, which we may indeed associate with the archangel
Ht. ifieliacl, on whose anniversary ills oaten with a eon-
diment of sage and onions. Then a book has been pub-
lished under the title of the " Angel in the Hunan,"
which is a title that might ho bestowed on A inuritorleue
cook. Another work is now in tonne of being savor-
Used, bearing the denomination of the "Angel over the
Hight 61houlder." The next we shall have will perhaps
be the "Angel over the Left."—Ziarich.
A rather good answer was made by an itinerant veil.
dor of earthen pots and pans to a customer in this
neighbourhood a few days ago. As he was pulsing the
customer's door she rushed out exclaiming, " Hero,
, master, the pan I bought of you loot week runs,"
1 " Does it," he replied, and then added, "Perhaps you
1 he' put water in an ?" This le akin to a story which
used to be current in Bath, where an itinerant coal mer-
chant reimnimended his wares as " coal that don't
smoke." An estimation' old woman, who found out
that he was a cheat, attacked him with, " You nasty
man, your coal* einpke like everybody's else directly
they are lighted." ' Yes, mum," was the reply, " but
you shouldn't 1141,0 put fire to em."
WHIIIII TO OPRIATIL—A, gentleman, noted for lila
humour, travelling in a stage coach in New England, in
company with several clergymen, the conversationturned upon the " nigger question." One of the clergy-
men inveighed strongly against the Abolitionists for
agitating the subject 14 the Northern States, where no
&vary Is tolerated. "It Garrison wants to attaok the
evil," said he, "why does he not go where he orm make
some impression upon It—where it salute i why does he
squirt hilt little engine at a fire which is bluing a thou-
sand miles of?" The rev. /gentleman chuckled heartily
rr thisa liallY, and looked around with a triumphant air to
lte iminourous gentleman, as lie sat In silence upon the
op ode and asked him " Whet he thought about it
" Tereremen," said he, "appear to be clergymen.
env Is to battle against sirs llnd to overthrow,
lull ctn. New, if that Is your object, why do
i es tint among docent Christian people? Why, In
Duties name, don't you go to Hell'l"—Now Yerk

LONDON MARKETS.

(ar 11407'R10 VALIONAPH.)

MARK•LANE, MONDAY, MEPTEMUER SO,
we had' p, good supply of ingliolt whniko 1111
our market to.tiry, inual of which WM 111 ON
°audition,

Nngllsh whoat WM two shillinp, and !onto
ono shilling ohoopor,
tlarloy unalturod,
(late, a kir supply, with a slow solo al lobo
whir,

kIITROPOLITAN CAIVLE MAIIKNT,

MONDAY, siinsmosit vfl.

Our market war supplied to-day with tour
thousand beasts, and twenty-four thousand
sheep,
Trade Improved.
Deaf, best quality 6 0
Mutton, ditto