The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1878-01-05 00:00:00

AMERICAN HUMOUR.

A paper learned on zoological matters has just dis-
covered that Greenland has no cats. Imtgine cats in a
country where the nights are six months long.

A 'Frisco paper says if you have a cold don't call in
a do:tor ; it is a slow process to do so; just send for the
coffm maker.

"Doctor," said a lady, who avowed herself tired
of housekeeping, "I want my husband to take me to Florida
this winter. Now, what is the matter with me, that renders
It necessary for me to go?'

Josh Billings accounts for the foolishness of the
small boy: "The small boy had a father, and this father
was once a small boy himself."

The San Francisco News Letter says of a picnic :
" Beautiful young ladies are walking under the stripped
trees, where the ground is all crimson and golden with
autumn sadness, and are wondering whether Eve ever
turned over a new leaf"

, A lady of sixty-four cn3ptied a music hall at Sacra-
mento the other day by singing "Kiss Me Again."

- - - -
Let a grown person cry with half the strength,
volume, and frequency of a babe, and he would kill him-
self in twenty-four hours. Who can explain this appaling
mystery? All letters to Mark T wain() to be prepaid, if con-
venient.

A Western justice ordered a witness to "come up
and be sworn." He was informed that the person was deaf
and dumb, "I don't care." said the judge, passionately,
'whether he is or not. Here is the Constitution of tte
United States before me. it guarantees to every man the
right of speech; and so long as I have the honour of a seat
on this bench, it shall not be violated or invaded. What
the Constitution guarantees to a man I'm bound he shall
have."

A great, and perhaps good, man, anxious that a
noble idea should yield worthy fruit, has succeeded in
forming, at Toronto, in Canada, an Aatihumbug Associa-
tion for detecting humbugs, and theroafter dealing sum-
marily with them.

Anybody can be an editor—nothing but a little
money is required to start with, and once started the
money pours in upon you in a steady stream, and the chief
labour of your life is to spend it. That all men are not
editors is one of the strangest things beneath the stars.

A St. Louis Sunday schoolboy gave his teacher this
illustrative definition of "responsibility ;" "Boys has two
buttons for their braces, so's to keep their Inuits up. When
one button come off, there's a good deal of responsibility on
the other button.

Michigan mothers-in-law have become famous. A
lady rejoicing in being a widow returned home the other
day to find that her daughter had put on her Sunday clothes.
been with her lover to a clergyman, and that the two had
been pronounced man and wife. The widow went over to
congratulate them where they were stopping. on meeting
her son-in-law she seized him by the collar, dragged him to
the open window, and, as she dangled him over an awning,
called out to the crowd below, "Stand clear, there—l want
to knock the lamp-post over with him." That was all.
Miss Wilson wished and was about to join the
Baptist of St. Louis. She made an attempt to reach the
officiating clergyman breast-deep in the water, but her cork
leg was seized with unwonted activity. Miss Wilson knew
nothing of the law of specific gravity, and was not to blame.
She was suddenly reversed in the water. The minister
feelingly righted her up, and observing the grinning of
the spectators at the solemn scene, asked Miss Wilson
please not to do that again. He was innocently ignorant
of the cause of the disturbance of her equilibrium. He
gently led the maiden out, when, with a wild shriek, she fell
backward, and her lively leg shot out of the water. The
minister made half-a-dozen efforts, but could not keep the
convert right end up long enough to baptize her. At length
she told him of her trouble, and he called for a weight to
ballast her. The spectators fled precipitately to give vent to
their feelings. Miss Wilson flip-flopped ashore in indignation
and amazement, and went and joined the Presbyterians.