The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1878-04-23 00:00:00

' Cuttings front tht omits.

" BLS! Poesmasses. " Brown ( who Is
temporary financial difficulties). " 'Been
about the Cit 7 all day, dear. Fin famisbedi7l
have • Cup o Tea—eh—a:A that cold
—Wife. " Oh, rolso sorry, dear I Mary ials
the Man downetaire—(in peened=
finished it I ! "
ArraOrelallt firma run
bejgglain-Enslish?
eau luau Naaarm---Stableman of Sixth..
Mentor. "1 'ear Master's badvertlaed bra
Must be 11011110d0I —whatever that mearna."—G,,zz
of ditto. " Mee= Why, that 'e meet know
or two about 'Omen, in course He'd never suit Si.o7:
If be didn't"
A pose= Sergeant-Major. "Now, N.._
Smith, you know very well none but OSeen sad NZ
Commissioned Moses are allowed to walk um.
Grams "—Private Smith. " But, Serge...A,
I've Captain Graham's verbal olden .oZ_'{w,
Sereant. Major, None o' that, Sir I Show me
's verbal orders I Show 'm to I `"*
Carornaim Viormt—Mistrams : I want Mary;
I. she why do ranswer the bell I—Cool ":5
=mum, but isn't at all wall, mum 8
trying the new fashionable tight-lacing, aog
finds she can't stand it, mum, and that's the feet
Pao* Gears& —Where Runaway Matches invego
by C ve or Bryant and May 1.
Aclirral BOWL "It was • sakerafue I-
I(sacrifice.) I eskers/lied my feelings ethersteni
ray 'oms sakeraftsed my family I—and bloweg g
didn't nearly sakerafise my fiddle!
•ITITIMS 111
In reply to numerous inquiries as to the "
of the foregoing—we mean the four follovrine—e• bog
to state that
Austria-Hungary is "doubled" up.
Ruedan is meting on her arms.
America is kicking her "legs" out.
FISOO• is shaking " head." and
Italy I. sitting on a "chair."
• TOUT TO vlarrexiewa.
According to your wish I did not fail to rut in Ai
appearance at the Vegetarian Banquet held lad week
at Oxford—to say I was present the fleth
annoy my late hosts, so I forbear- and st 2.4
appointed hour I put my legs under the foal:log.2p_
or
roam, under the liege vege-table on which dime
was Nerved.
Unfortunately I at once put my foot into it by
"What a charming meeting I" to my saki.
boar, wbo frowned, and helped himself to • whoh
cauliflower in his chagrin. The word meat!., it meek
tabooed, owing to Its amodations,i sad strict veg.
feria= awry this m far al tO My, Will you ,ent.
able' me at six this evening r or "Does no.
• vegetebling' like this make amends r and so on.
The stews was made up with considerable ingenui
and when the chairman had said "Lettuce be ths.V.
full" pea soup was served. It was announced the
the carrot soup was not ready' and when I on tin.
said, 'What then, is it ' blney• or ' grainy,' orwbair
there was a general feeling, I her, that I was.
sootier, and I bad to have three helpinge to tar.'
greens balms I regained my companions configaZ.
I wanted very math to say, "Now for eoew
gammon r when the spinach went round, he tn.
chairman's steely eye restrained me, and I had to
relieve my overcharged feedings by asking • gentleman
opposite if it was meal for a/pew-lan fathers to gin
thair youngsters turnip tops to spin, and to make them
side on rhu-barbs I .

- Hergave me no answer, however, but pushed the
green peas towards we, a.. hint, I suppose, that I bad
better mind my "peas and q's."
I outeddered I owed it to the journal I represented,
though, to make one more effort at genial converse.
lion, and I accordingly bided my time till the hard.
boiled eggs came round—l need scarcely say that, as a
rule, they do not come round, but egg-shr—sad
then taking one on my _fork, boldly asked the chairmen,
as I held it up, Why it was about to become 6
distinguished Elersoen potentate of old? The chairman,
being rather deaf and full of green-stuff withal,
thought at first I said Asian potato, and took up the
matter seriously.
But on learning it was a conundrum he was 63
vexed that he gnawed a stick of home-radish.
I need scarcely tell the practised readers of this
Journal that the answer to any riddle was," BOOM"
it will ran las a Salad-in I"

My "endive-our" to turn the endive to jocular
amount was also doomed to failure, whilst, whaa
during the time the sweet omelettes wre on, I bunt
out with—

" Be it e'er such an omelette, ire naught to do without
ham,"
to the tune of " Home, ewe • home 1" I regret to eey
a large broccoli and two rusalent artichokes were
hurled at ms, though fortun..tely without effect
There was caly one miabal, besides the carrot soup
In the culinary arrangements, and that was the nee-
appearance of the broad beans. " Oh," said I, 'ere
must call them the might-have•beena, then," and the.
ducked my head, fearing pumpkins might be thrown
at me for my new atrocity.
BP•akiaii of PataPkiaa, by th• way, I thwagtt of the
line--

"-a. glass of water makes the whole world pump-kin but as teetotallers predominated, I did. not repeat Is
aloud.
I did not quits lose courage, hollraver, watpaye way
of fifth course, • large summer itit'obe was don
..hh.nsch i!stu Then I I•il by.rl no lead eft. The
_, was assured, was Pal heart, however, and I
d—iciZl knew to work that en vegetable growth
on to my lap, and so ondrir the tab:.
Alas I though, I was discovered in the act, and bad
I been a tailor, my attempt to dispose of the cabbage
could not have been more severely rebuked. In fact,
, I deemed it best to pocket my celery, and withdraw to
the nearest hotel, where, as my bill will show you, sir,
I plainly proved that I beking to the fleshly no
ILLBIZIL
I recall line allecting yet natural instance of
' developed character into two baby boys. One was
less than a year old, the other above three. The elder
was dying of • painful disease—rheumatism of the
heart. It is a disease which affects the respiration as
well as the healthy circulation of the blood, and almost
always ends fatally. The little sufferer, sitting on his
not, him eyes filled with the brown lustre of opiates—
his strength mere injections—his largefi square head,
the type of a pram:Lamm man, nodding • WU in weak-
ness or approaching demise, attended at times to some.
thing or stably answered a question or endearment,
sad 'Oohed the unutterable suffering of our species la
Nature's twisting hands. His little brother, who wait
aa full of mischief as a monkey, and had been wont to
plague this his, 'serious child, could not understand the
situation. Perhaps he understood it too well; that
something prevented his old antagonist from chasing
him around and compelling equity. Whatever the
baby motive, or want of motive, little Fred ran
frequently to his brother and pulled an arm or a foot,
or grappled with him in something more than his usui
tiraidaallickair pareinta tried several times to restrain
the baby: "Don't strike brother I Poor
brother is I" Still, with undaunted spirits or
cunning, the younger watched his chance till once, the
hopeless little Dan, slowly arousing his facultka
turned at the proper indent, and seizing his persecutor
by the hair, or what had grown of that furze, gave him
• twist, a pull, anda thump, and muttered n Now r
The next day little Dan was dead.

A 801fERSETSHIRE ELOPEMENT.
A good deal of excitement has been caused in
Taunton and neighbourhood by the elopement a •
young lady_of position with a groom in her mother',
employ. :fts is stated to be twenty-three years of
• age, and the groom, with whom, entirely unsuspected
by any members of the household, she appose
have formed an attachment, and has since *kV 4
with, is a man of about the same eget and nv
smart appearance. The whereabouts of the ROAN ay.
has since been ascertained, and it le said they pare
been married by special Wanes at a Weir ~ebn
wateriag-town on the Sonerastehire conk air ilses
than thirty miles distant from the young bd./. late
home.

MIL CROW AS GAOL.
Mr. Cross is a busy, cionsequentiai, self- sufficient
genUentan, with, as we have before war f eit it our
painful ditty to remark, somewhat about him of the
& ago mawser of a um sountry attorney.
. however, we have given Mm rer,aft for being
both a remonabis and humane men ; foe, although br
has more than once reprieved ovho.male who on.
doubtadly ought to have been kiwi, and allowed
others to be hung who as undoubtedly ought to have been reprieved, wit yet believe that it is very mink the established custom at Horne Office for the
Secretary of State to be chiefly guided air oloe
of the Judge Woes whom th, min was sad tbat
Cowammently &panda on whether the
wretch has been sonteacid judis id the
ir,;04711 henghnigpe. such as Mr. JIIIMOS Hawlont
ose ;
or who, Justine Grove, Lindley. id
Deeham. is ocomicsially disposed to take a Inarcifid
Mew. We confess, however, that the new serifs Of
prison rules which has jest been issued in accordamii with the Act of last year, and Mr. acmes approve' Of
which is testified by hie sign item, have takm sway our breath. If Mr. Cron he not read thins
but aos=tagri them on the maga-
Emendation of his se has been guiltf of
voc7 growl oetilitionoe and the liberties of mce
Majes subjects are not matter with which •
Roma eoretary ought to trifle. If he has mint
studied the document to which he has name, he If better at to be Ovellible =jfienid is
Dubs than /secretary c# State in a civilised ooentrY.—
Beeraiaer.

ratabed
Dereheftr, to the pule of Aeir=ltertt
rrtgeleqr._

"Tem*. Asa 111,