The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1879-06-28 00:00:00

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS.

'' I spell it " kopphy," and Webster spells it
'coffee.' I kant tell wlch is right, Web, or me.—Josh
Billings.

An American paper tells of a young man who swore
oft smoking, and in five years he was worth 10,000 dollars.
N.B.—lt was left to him by an uncle.
..

"How is your wife's health?" said one Chicago man
to another; "Is she well? " " Well I—hardly ever," was the
response. The questioner gazed sternly at the questioned,
but finding he meant it, put up his revolver.
An Illinois editor returns thanks for a centipede
sent to him by mail from Texas, "It being," he says, "the
first cent. of any kind that we've received for several
weeks."

The last instance of originality in a marriage an-
nouncement is the following :—"No cards, no cake, no
Sties."
A friend asks for a definite idea of how much a
billion is. A clear conception of the vast amount of units
represented by this number is afforded by the cures for colds
and rheumatism that your friends give you on the slightest
provocation.

The Big foot feud continues to rage; this is the
latest wrathful paragraph. Great excitement was created at
Burlington a few days since, by the supposed discovery of a
sea serpent's skeleton. The wonder turned out to be nothing
but an old striped stocking, which a Troy girl had left there
during a late whit.
__ _ _

Asironoraers tell us that it would take 1,250,000
years, providing there was a telegraph wire from the earth
to the nebula in Andromeda, for a despatch to reach there.
Bo no wire will be put up.

Church-workere in New England, however humble,
certainly obtain due appreciation from their clergy, for •
certain Yankee Minister, when lately holding a farewell ser-
vice, warmly evoked the Divine blessing upon everyone con-
nected with the Church, and finally interceded for the one
who, although hidden from tight, yet contributes so much
to the musical part of our worship," ending, "I mean the
boy who blows the organ."

Blowing into the muzzle of a shot-gun is a standard
method of producing newspaper items. It remains for a
young lad down town to introduce a variation. The street
hose wouldn't work; the water was turned on at the spiggot
all right, but there teemed to be an obstruction. He
placed his mouth completely over the end of the nozzle and
blowed just once. The pressure of the whole reservoir sud-
denly broke loose, concentrated into that one nozzle. The
lad let go with his month and sat down about fifty feet away,
down the street, and he has not yet been relieved of the im-
pression that his brain is watersoaked.—Beston Courier.
They were telling yarns about good shooting out in
Virginia, the other day. Said one of the marksmen, "Borne
years ago I was out in New York State, hunting grouse.
There was an old fellow along, who was somewhat near-
sighted. We were just at the edge of the farm, when sud-
denly one of my favourite game cocks jumped up on my
fence, and he drew a bead on it, mistaking it for a grouse.
I didn't have a second to lose, so I just threw up my rifle and
quietly knocked off the left nipple of his shot-gun at fifty
yards so that when the hammer fell the nipple wouldn't be
there—see f " "You saved the bird, then chirped in an at-
tentive listener. "No," said Austin, sadly, "I picked out the
wrong nipple; the fellow fired the right barrel, and blew my
fifty-dollar game-coek all to feathers." The crowd quietly
and sadly dispersed, after another look at the truthful man.