The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1869-01-19 00:00:00

rarirttco.

A WILL-90ALIFIED COLI.ECTOIL—Dr. Busby, of th•
Natint Virginian, W 1111.41 a collector,and thus describes
the sort of moo required for that position :—Wanted nt
Ibis aloe, an able-bodied. bard-featured, bad.temprred,
not-to-bo,put-off lual not to be-baokaal-down, freckled-
fared bating min, to oolleot for this Pons+. Moot
furnish Ids own horse, saddlo hap, Oita', wbiiky,
bostio-knifo. and oaw•hirle. We will furniih the
amounts. To such we prowl* ometant and laborious
employment.

A Taxan OBITPAAY BrItICH. —We have before na
a verbatim report of an "obituary speech" made not
bag ago in the Texas Legislature. The orator, in
lamenting the dealh of Colonel Yell, a colleague,
proeeeeds :—" Mr. Spealter, it become. my duty to
announce that Andrew Jackson Yell, member
of this body, is no more. lie It.. fell • victimi
to the grim and ilintroying tyrant, Death, who jester.
day pot an end to bis niortal career ;and he now lies life'
lees at the plemant boarding•house of Mrs. Jones,- on
the hill, where he and many other menibers of this
Yens Nous have long reerived every care and attention
from that inestimable lady. hie roam being now vassal
and available for some other boaider—. Hero the
ittlablng eulogist was interrupted by a member, who
r°B4. " plot of order." Ile wished to know if it
was in order for "any member of this yore Ilona; in
hie speech unto the memory of • departed member, to
ring is a bordin..house kep' by his aunt, and furniahed
by himself ?" The Speaker deciding that the Point
wan not well taker, the eulogist sontinued—"Ali I this
is too scribal • teeicion, Ilr, ffpeaker, for me to notice
any etch imprudence and side remarks as that air. I
thought some infamous hyena would he outliers to-day,
howlin' round the grave of our departed friend,loamin
at the mouth, gnashing at his toothless jaws, end
droolin out his ineffectual and impertant rage. Will,
bill bide all coeored over with welts, all sore and
diaguetin' from the lash and hot poker of terrewith, he
rolls over ant over, and bites and leers and soils him-
self, till he is justly offensive to this Ilnuse. But to
resoom my melancholy subject. The deceased, Mr.
Speaker, intrenched is the glorious armor of patriotism,
with his hand on this yero record of hien, could look
the American eagle proudly in the eye, and defy chain
lightnin' in any shape, or from any quarter it might
come—but at loot, when prostrated and emaciated, he
died on hi, prostrated bed at the pleasant boardire-
house of Mee. Jones, on the hill."—And so on. lii.
but jest to my that such harangues are not fair samples
of Western legislative eloquence ; hot they do occur and
th's is repeated without exaggeration.
OalllttaL'a Ti. 1101 g.—At one time, when Lorenzo
preached under a large spruce pine in Booth Carolina,
ho annonneed another appointment for the sante place
on that day twelve months. The year massed, and as
Lorenzo was entering the neighbourhood of the appoint-
ment, he overtook • debarred boy who was blowing a
long tin bore, and could send forth • blast with rise,
and swell, and caderme, which waked the eohoes of the
distant hills. Calling aside the blower, Dow said to
him, "What's your name, sir?" "My name--Gabriel,
sir," replied the brother in ebony. " Well, (;abriel,
have you been to Church-bill" "Yes, mama, I'm
been dsr many • time." "1)o you remember a big
sprees pine tree on that hill ?" "0 yes, mama, I know
that pine." "Did you know that Lorena° DOW,
has an appointment to preach under that pine tree to-
morrow?' " yes, mama, everybody know. a.c.-
" W*ll, Gabriel, lam Lorenzo Dow, and if you'll take
your born and go, $0.0101.10W 01.,1110g. and climb up
into that pine tree and hide yourself among the branches
and before the pimple begin to gather, and wait there
till 1 WI your name and then blow such a blatt with
your horn as I heard you blow a minute ago, give
you • dollar. Will you do it Gabriel r "Yes, mama
I takes dollar.' Gabriel was hid away in the tree-top
In due time. An immense concourse of persons
easembled at the appointed hour, and Dow preached on
the jugnient of the last day. By hia power of descrip-
tion he wrought the multitude up to the opening of the
scones of the resurrection and grand aegis*, at the call
of the trumpet peals whieh were to wake the sleeping
nations- " Then.,"lraid he, "suppose, my dyingfriends,
that this should be the hour. Suppose you should boar,
at this moment., the sound of Gahriel'a trumpet."
Sure enough, at that moment., the trump of Gabriel
sounded. The women shrieked, and many fainted; the
men stood aghast- some ran ; other, fell and cried for
rcy • and all felt for • time, that the judgment was
set, and the books were opened. Dow stood and
watched the driving storm till the fright abated, and
some discovered the coloured angel who had caused the
alarm quietly perched on • limb of the old spruce, and
wanted to get bins down to whip him, and then
resumed his them, saying. "I forbid all persons from
touching that boy up there. If • coloured boy, with a
tin born, can frighten you almost out of yen wits, what
will you do wneu you shall hear the trumpet thunder
of the archangel ? How wili ye be able to stand in the
great day of this wrath of God 1* Ile &node • very effective
application. —Caritrities frost the Prlpit
Tffff Itrosing tlii4l puhlishei a "New Irish Diction-
ary," from which these are excerpts :
" Oath—A thing you are to keep as long as is con-
venient. -

"Murder—The execution, soooriing to Law, of eon.
vieted limousine.

"Justifiable Homicide—Shooting • landlord or no
a;ent round the o,rner
" ManJauglitcr—A crime peculiar to polioemen or
iolliers, whi u they will not stand lamely to be ataned
to death, but presume to defend their Svcs.
•• lhgotry —the offence of those who will neither act
nor speak against whet they conscientiously and
rolighiusly believe to be their duty.
" Liberality -A denial, by word and deed, of what
you mule., to bold for truth.
" Fri:ode:3a of Election Wive hundred shallow
bludgeonerii, as many 'ladies' with apronafula of stones,
marshalled by hAf-a.dosen whip-brandishing riontia,
anti etwortina • tow half-dead °looter. to the hustings.

" Freedom of Elueatiou—Full diuwetionary powers
in the Propagranda, at Rome, to slimh up history,
model moriti and political philosophy, puib back the
heads of time to a starless midnight, and dispose of
three or four hundred thousand pounds a year of John
fulls MOII.I for those purposes.
" Religious Equality—Two sawyers—the heretic one
thrust down tut, a pit.
_ _ . _ . _

" The Lsot Question—The poet's aziotn—Qisi is
rived a9er Wu tat—done into literal English, for the
solo use sod lisnefit ot the tenant."