The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1876-07-08 00:00:00

SELECTED ANECDOTES.

HOOD'S EXPLANATION.—Hood, in an article of sin.
gular humour, states that the phrase, "republic of
letters," was hit upon to insinuate that, taking the
whole lot of atf:hors together, they had not got a
sovereign amongst them.
LORD LAUDERDALE AND SHERIDAN.-01:1 the former
saying that he would repeat some smart thing the latter
had mentioned to him, Sheridan said, "Pray don't, my
dear Lauderdale; a joke in your mouth is no laughing
matter.''

A FRENCH EPIGRAM.
Thou speakest always ill of me:
speak always well of thee.
Yet, spite of all onr noise and pother.
The world believes nor one nor rother.

A TENANT FARMER'S CANDOUR. —Dr. Paley, when
the guests at one of his dinner-parties had seated
themselves rourd the fire, gave one of his friends a
letter to read "It relates, he said, "to the hare we
have had at dinrer' and is from a farmer, a tenant of
the dean and chapter." The epistle ran as follows :
Reverend Sir, I request your honour's acceptance of a
hare. aA I mean to ask tr favour in a short time. I
am," &

LANJUINAIS AND GIRARD THE PAINTEIL—Girard,
tbe famous French painter, when very young, was the
bearer of a letrer of introduction to Lanjuinais, then
of the C nincil of Napoleon. The young painter wag
shabbily attired, and his reception was extremely
cold ; but Lanjuinais discovered in him such striking
proofs of talent, good sense, and amiability, that, on
G rard's rising to take leave, he rose too, and accom-
panied his visitor to the antechamber. The change
was so striking that Girard oould not avoid an expres-
sion of surpriee. "My young friena," said Lanjuinais,
anticipating the inquiry, "we receive an unknown
person according to his dress; we take leave of hiin
according to his merit."
THE TEST.—Axistipptis, the Athenian, being asked
what dlfforence there was between a wiaa and an
ignorant man, "Let them he Pent," said he, "out of
their own country, and you will see."

QUIN AND FOOTE.. —These two wits, on being recon-
ciled to each other after a long estrangement, Foote
said, "Qiln, I can't be happy till I tell you one thing."
"Tell it, then, and be hat.py, Sam." "Why," re-
joined Foote, "you lately said that I bad only one
shirt, and that I lay in bed while it was wathed."
"I never said it," replied Qniu, "and I'll soon con-
vince you that I never could have said it—l never
thought yon had a shirt ta wash."

A PARAGON OF PARSIMONY.—NoIIakens, the sculp-
tor, was a paragun ot partikuony. In his own house
candles were neva lighted at the coremerc,ment of
the evening ; and whenever he and his wire heard a
knock at the door, they would wait until they heard a
se .orid rap before they lit the candles, lest the tirst
should have bten "a runaway," and their can lies
wasted. Nollekens's biographer was assured that a
pair of muulds, by being nursed, and put out when
company went away, once lasted a whole year! By
his wife begging a clove, or a bit of cinnamon, "to
take some unpleasant taste out of her month," and
such mean shift., the parsimonious pair contrived to
keep their spice b x constantly repleni bed. One day
a poor old artist was wired by Nollekens, what made
him look so dull: " I am low-spirited," he replied.
"Then go to the pump, and take a drink of water,"
was the advice in return ; and, in justification of this -
strange advice, Nollekens asserted that, when he was
low-spirited, the pump always brought him to.—
Century of Anecdote,

TAKING IT LITERALLY. —atring a rehearsal, the
hers of the play said to the heroine, "You do not enter
into the split of your part! Throw into your acting
more passion and energy. Here is an important pas-
sage, for instance—l am at your feet: lam pouring
forth the tale of my love, when your husband enters;
now, what do you say to him?' "Say to him?"
quietly replied the actress, "why, tell him to go away,
to be sure."

How TO PURCHASE TENDER GEESE.—A good many
stories of stammerers are told, but none of recent dab
better than the following of Eatt Evans, of Cincin-
nati. It was one of his pleasures to teach his friends
how to purchase tender geese, though he could not
alweys get them in the market. One morning he saw
a lot, and inquired how menv there were. "About a
dcz la," was the roply. " W-w-well," said Platt, "I
k-k-keep a b-boai ding-house, and my b-b boarders are
the biggest enaters you ever a s saw. P-p-pick out
n-nine of the t toughest you've g g-got." The farmer
complied, and laid aside the other three tender ones.
Platt pickel them up carefully, and, putting them
in his basket, said, "I b-b-believe I'll t-t-take these
three."

DEGREES OF RECOVERY.—A good story is told of
B a celebrated French physician. Ou entering
one morning the chamber of a marquis, whom he had
attended through a very dangerous illness, be was
accosted by his noble patient in the following terms—
"Good day to you, Mr. Bouvart; fl eel quite in spirits,
and think my fever has left me.''—" I aw sure it has,
replied Bouvart, drily. "The very firet expression You
ut•ed convinces me of it."—"Pray explain yourself.'
"Nothing is easier. In the first days of your illness,
when your life was in danger, I was your dearest
f, tend ; as you began to get better, I was your good
Bouvart; and now lam Mr. BJuvart. Depend upon
it, you are quite recovered.
DOUGLAS JERROLD ON
tshUnfmdnß
a.E
an:
fl
ahTztuNhi
ri
nsagpliaa Nyk
CDi
fuNr:jEi
mSotSi .hha—ai
his
af`a`,,lnCseainllyti,taticaagntudsainaketvianen.rlcepann,;:s:
kindness?" "Yes ; UT I.:matting kindners," Jerrold
replied.
A NTL
wEiXf:LtzahuAiniouNgesiL—ioluntilytheexpploalinceed-
ges of barb treatment of her poor
hacUwelabryta nB3 edt r i:CLut:Oca hgnoaer, day, when she was running across
iliw27ttthpraafeiyrtsr:t,o.n
lot
and
w
pan
of
re,
htrl-fei struckgnihsi
grip
a k i
ii
pe hubfiuyos
dr
tehrte( x
)n h
wrist
tkinaetegrosa,
ntwrshand,ithkitech which
eefhroejr; ukrbma,
but
nwpt jumped ies intohn nechhtihehnli
(httedadi s.h wlahteern w
he geoetustthilei mm,
Ts: danhgery spiltat
this accident, and started to jemo at her • but his hesi
cetne against her band, and he fell down' . She toek
hold of hie hair to raise him up, and the hair was
moistened by the hot water so that it came off. Then
she saw it was no use to reason with him any longer,
and she left the house."
THE ADMIRAL AND THE LIEUTEICANT.—Lord St.
Vincent was exacting upon minute points of etiquette
to a degree which wag irksome to his subordinates. It
was the custom for a lieutenant from each ship in the
fleet to go on board the admiral's ship for orders, but
the offize was always fulfilled unwillingly. On one
occasion, and in a particular vessel, a dispute arose
among the lieutenants, each trying to show that the
duty was not his; until, to the great relief of the
others, a spirited young fellow volunteered. He went
on board and introduced himself to the admiral, then
Sir John Jervis, who, after scanning his uniform, said
"I cannot give my orders to yOu."—" Why not, sir?
—"
I don't know who you are."—" ram a litTienant..
—"
I eltoold not judge so from your dress. —" I am
aware of no defect in my dress. -" You have no
sbuupcplilleissaintheyoounirisssihoone,sac'd
pdreep:eisbntete departed,
himself upon the admiral's qearter-drck, prepared to
The
returning,l ientenagaantn
gonetake through,his r eve rise
Sir John
JoTbhne was havingpfroercmeeadli.irtlegstogly e
ssairiducthice Id ncsou not take his order. Why not?" in-
when, to his great surprise, the lieutenant
+lnked the startled Jervir. "I don't know who you
are," was the reply." " I am Sir JOahn Jervis, corn-
manderin- chief of his Maj -sty's fleet," atc.—" I cannot
tell by your dress," (for in truth the admiral wore a
simple undres).at S John, without another word, for
he was fairly caught,tared into his cabin, when he
soon emerged in the f,costume of an admiral, and the
officer, having expressed his sathfaetien, remind his
ordeis.