The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1876-05-02 00:00:00

THE TOIL-FOOLERY OF WOE.

At the Synod which has just concluded its alp at
Salisbury, Mr. C. Raikes, C. 81., made • capital s on
the subject of funerals. He said ;—Having the
pound cut from under his feet as to lay agency, he DOW
found himself on the confines W the grave —(a laugh)—and
in promeding to dad with the question Wont the Synod
he said it was one which must either arouse indignation
or promote ridicule An angry man would be ridiculous,
awl there( ore he (Mr. Ream)
"performed,"
erred to be amusing.
Hs had heard of funerals being performed," and that,
he thought, was • proper description, for It really was •
performance, Hs warn sorry to say that where there ought
to be • tragedy it was converted by the undertaker into a
farce—llaughtert— and what was so provocative of ridicule
as • tragedy thoroughly ill-put upon the stage? And yet
such funerals were. He had not one word to say against
the honest undertaker, built was the overtabor he objected
to,—(Laughtar). —One ran round the corner; for the
hearse, some one Wee for the clothes, and then the pot-
house was resorted to for the bier. He had not been able
to tags part in the preparation of the admirable report, for
which they had to thank Lord Heytosbury, but being in
London he constituted himself • sort of funeral corn-
to the Synod.— (Laughter). —He went to inspect
some of the principal funeral establishments on one of
those pleasant mornings with which London was favoured
about • fortnight ago. The smoke and the sloth made
everything look as melancholy as possible--with two ex.
ceptions. -and they were the apothecary and the under-
taker—(laughter)—who were as lively as they could be.
He WU received with open arms, and they said " For
goodnew' sake, come In: only look, we have such • very
snug mortuary." But like Bob Acres in The heels, when
told there was • snug lying in the Abbey, he began to
think his courage was oozing out at his fingers' ends. In
the vestibule of the mortuary was an immense thing which
he was told WSIII deceased Party from Spain. —(Laughter).
—On seeing this party from Spain he did not go farther
Into the mortuary. On his retreat he saw a car. "What-
ever is that r said he ; don't you know? —that's &catafalque
for the nobility and people of title "—that with • grunt, as
much as to say, "You don't often see such a company, I
expect,"—(Laughte). —This funeral company had great
tendernees for the nobility, except as regarded their
pockets. A first-clams funeral with prat/ War _UMW@ and
new harness for a nobleman was no They didn't
intend to part with their noblemen in the Synod on those
terms—(laughter)—they were too valuable • betas an un-
considered bids, • " clastial crown," was tirovrndAitte4
had something for their money.—(Laughter)
commoner clay could be provided fce cheaper
rie,d ban' of t
they had no °lndia crown—llaughtert—and
must be contented with cherub handles to their coffin.
He came to the conclusion that reformed funerals very
much needed reformation. Then he went to inspect the
"earth to swth " system, a description of which was even
in The rimas. lie went to see what it was likeandhewae
told the basket was exploded. The man said, "The
basket won't do, sir; it is no good;_ it wont do for your
stout parlles." _aughter). —Mr. Mathes kens armed the
Synod he had no share in the earth to earth company.
One word more, He had lately heard of the low of a dear
Mend of his, an admirable military officer, and his last
words to her who had since become • widow were,
"Whatever is done to ms let it be done by my old soldiers;
don't deliver me to the hands of any outeidert" Now
what was more taichinL beau tif ul and grand than • mill tary
funeral The reason for that woe simply this—because it was
natural because there was whims acosworiss. The l=
placed upon a gun carriage, and there was not one
ornamental thing. It was a beautiful spectacle I and only
squalled by • simple village funeral. In CINIC/06:111 he
would ask why • quiet Christian man who during a long
life had abjured the pomp§ and vanities of the world, whose
wildest aspirations terminated in • cob and • pony chair,
why should he be canted to his last home in • carriage and
four?