The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1878-08-27 00:00:00

euttinP from flit Coultas.

SVOULAI FITYPATRT. —Waiting for dinner makes
the saliva acid, and it base similar effect upon the
temper.
A•rerit-m T) Damn that the local pro-
nunciati, al of Beaconsfield is Beckansfield, hence the
familiar nickname of "Becky." Of course those who
thought it orh,inated fr on the Premier's .imilarity to
the heroine of Vanity Fair cannot he censured. for If
the noble earl is "Berky by name, he is "Sharpe" by
nature. _ . .

losousNer. is Buss."—First Yokel:—
" What be thee. doing of, divnee?" Second Ditto :--
" Nothing. What be you? First Ditto:—" gird-
ing the children." Secon.,l Ditto :—" Where be they?"
First clitto Dingell if oi know."

- --- - ,
A "SLIGHT" AcqUAISTANC/L—Ouct who cuts you in
the street. .

THE recent row between the Vice•Cluincellor and
Mr. Glare, Q.c., was of course highly discreditable to
both. The Vice-Chancellor's rage was, it seems,
terrific, and when he left the court he looked just as
though he bad had a Masse too much.
A Swerr CONUNDIWK.-Why ought confectioners to
advertise largely ?—Because they are associated with
P f P°44
" 'ttin 17neurnswr CUT or ALL"—The Major:
" Would you advise me to have these few hairs In
front cut air' Haircutter : "
should 'esitate before I sacrificed my bonly Horns-
meat! .

Gnawsl'm. —Young Person (applying for House-
maid's place, where a Footman was kep', objected to
Children, was engaged to, and visited by, a most
'epectable Young Man in the 'Ores Artillery, and with
a fortnight's Character from her last Place, hut who
altogether does not exactly suit). "I really ham
sorry Brum, 1,.r I rather like your appearance,
Mum!

•
lignucnox.—Sylvie : "There go Uncle George;und
Aunt May, and the Baby I What a fuss they make
about that Baby, to be sure !" Daisy : People
always make a fuss about their First-born, and always
have ever since the World r egan." Sylvia: "I don't
suppose Adam and Eve made much foe, about Cain."
1)a "Why not." Sylvia: "Well, they'd never
seen • baby before, and must have thought him quite
an Idiot! "
Row r. KEEP TAX WOLF ?BOY TB! DOOR.—hisk•
him a (1.C.N1.G., and mend him to organise Eastern
Baunelia.

THE RESULT OF "EDUCATION."
Dizzy had a little
A. all of you moot know,
And sure wherever Diszy went,
That fi3ck wee rare to go.
WHEN THE BILL COMES IN.
• WILLI) 11110/1 JOIN RCLL.
Au—" Nara the Tide Cows ie.'
Ben rode away, alert and gay:
The outlook .eurried most fair;
I heard the Jingo.' hoarse hooray
Rim on the Summer ale
" Friend John," he cried, "keep up your pride
I'm off to far Berlin r
Fined the shout ; but feel some doubt,
As the Bill comes lengthening in.
Fresh claims I see, they crowd on me,
Like flocks of hungry birds.
My heart sink. low, cooled down from glow
Of Et...cornfield'. big words.
" Oh, Ben," I sigh, " mast tell me why
I'm bled of all this tin r
"The ' why' you'll know, and the ' wherefore' too.
By the time the Bill comes in.'
Ben winks so sly, while piling high
New bunions on my back
With that no smile of winning guile
Of which he has the knack
I Pearce dare groan, so bland his tones
Yet midst the Jingos'
I feel each rimer will cost me
By the the time the Bill comes in
GLEANING CANE BY.
(Mr. Hawfloch warble')
I remember. the Gleaners when I we. a bnoy.
In • smock-frock and trousers o' striped corduroy;
Whet the rippers bad left, then the farmers could spare;
And the pour and the needy want in for their share.
I think I can zee 'um, when harvest woo done;
Afield monist the stubble in vivant'e elect sun,
The women and children in contr. array,
Or to wheeze vri their bundles o' grist on their way.

The poor mouths by the projulea ~' glesnun wns fed.
The less rates was reluired to supply *um ea bread.
0. Bumble, friend Bumble, hear that In thy mind:
The moor glennuns, the fewer the paupers to grind.

Then the words wrote by Noun ern: took for plaein truth.
Likewise all as we slides on 'bout Bhwonsg and Roth.
And to strip the fields bare when the harvest wee o'er.
Wuz condemned as no better than plunderin' the poor.
But the times for the Farmer wee diffeent from now
In the days o' my youth, when I (Alyea the plough.
Competition 'a then hadn't none foie to fear. •
And to 'moue 'tin to rake up and scrape up .itch ear.

'Torus by hand that they formerly rut all the *heaves.
Too touch care. arter gath'run, ma-hinery leaver.
All aa went to the gleaners. now, therefore. by mettle
Of the hose-rake, their own pelves now the huabunmen

.
gleana
"Ttrixt the fields the old hedgerows art' flowers once so
High farmers have puny nigh swept all nway.
To impoveridge his ground • chap can't let 'um stand;
As a lloods for to till every strip of his land.

We that lived in the old world now lives in a new,

The commandment o which is to srr ouhl• sod screw.
We sims is•nt into it only UV', bit tie to flight,
For the most that we cant, tho I pest of our might.

'Terve a fur diffn'ut tale u we oso,l tt he t. 314 ;
But thin is the new world. and that woe the old.
. . . . .

X;;;171;e- ilesa—en be gone. and th.r";,;:p;i:,;;.eu :
And Rutin as go glesauti now finds it a sell.

THE NEXT NAVAL 11EVIE
(BY reitv,aph.)

PoBrBuntrrB, 8 A.M.

The morning is fine, the sea calm, and the leaves are
perfectly still. Not a breath f wind, fortunately. The
Authorities, however, are rather anxious. Some of
the sailors of the Omnipotent have not learned to walk
upon the tight rope. ard it is feared that they may
canoe that powerful Ironclad to lose its finely adjusted
balance and capeixe In c msequence.
10 aM. _
. . . . . .

The Authorities are in high spirits. The whole of
the Ironclad Fleet has moved nearly a dozen yards
without serious mishap. The Thu trio-bolt, however,
very narrowly escaped in terrible accident. Some care-
less seaman allowed • !very shot to roll on one side,
causing the vessel to heel over in a most alarming and
dangerous manner. A li;ht-weight midshipman, with
the assistance of a small balloon, was, however. able
to repair the mischief before the ship turned turtle.

12 nootr.
Another mishap! Some Pil I y Artillery Volunteers
have just fired a gun. The concussion has caused a
distinct breath of wind. The Ironclids are rocking
and rolling in the moat vi. lent and perilous styls. They
have had to be anchored; and now the Authorities are
talking about using RUAPliall air-begs As a further pre-
caution.
2 P. X
_

A great disappointment ! The Naval Re:lire-has
bad to be postponed! Sufficient wind has sprung up
to blow out some of the flags. Besides it I. beginning
to rain.