The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1876-03-18 00:00:00

AMERICAN HUMOUR.

Rejected lover: But couldn't you learn to love me
-Yo.ung lady: might 11—U I never saw you &gal*.

- -
A Louisville gentleman says, "There is something
about dogs I could never get used to." He alluded to
fleas.
A competing hotel out West says 'generously of
another that it stands without arrival.
Somebody advertises in a New York paper for an
"elderly man as assistant office boy."
A Missouri orator, hearing the sound of a coming
locomotive, exclaimed, "Tie the sound of the tread of ages
—the noise of the footfall of destiny ! "

An Arizona girl shot her lover, and then nursed him
tenderly till he died. His last words were, "l forgive you,
Mary ; you did It with an ivory-handled pistoL"
The editor of a Colorado paper recently published a
card explaining that he had not been hanged, as had been
wrongfully stated.
An ingenious Kentuckian has invented a wheel-
barrow in which a man can trundle himself home at night, if
necessary without troubling his friends.'
A superstitious mother in Chicago postponed her
daughter's wedding four times in order to get a bright day.
Now she is looking for the missing son-in-law.
The other day, a written notice was stuck up in a
New York boarding-house, announcing "Accommodation
for a few more guests," and ending with, " N.B. Players on
brass instruments needn't apply."
A Vermont professor, who recently tried to mes-
merize a bull by gazing fixedly at the ferocious beast, has just
recovered from the effects of his involuntary aerial naviga-
tion, and has quite lost faith in the power of the human eye
over brutes.
• • -

Webster's Dictionary contains over fifty thousand
words. Mr. Jones says that when he came hime late the
other night, in the space of fifteen miuubes his wife applied
them all to hlm, including some extra ones and the fire
shovel.

It took Sir Isaac Newton less than three years to
thoroughly digest the principles of gravitation, while an
Indiana farmer has spent eleven years trying t.) find out why
a cow never kicas until the pall is two-thirds full.

As an illustration of the remarkable effects of the
frost, an American editor says a man, after spending half a
a day in thawing his water-pipes, discovered the water was
shut off for the non-payment of the rate.

- - -
A Chicago woman lately took unfair advantage of
her husband's indulgence in a bath to elope with another
man, and the bereaved one declared his belief that his faith-
less spouse " had been waiting the opportunity for months
and months ; "grimly adding, "Catch me ever taking a bath
ag'in I h

Next to the wonders of the telegraph are the
humours that its operators sometimes indulge in, and that,
too, in the easiest and most natural way in the world. For
example. could anything be droller than this? Au operator
in Detroit was working on one Chicago wire, and feeling a
desire for a toothful of the weed, quietly interrupted the
report he was sending, to instruct the gentleman who was
taking from him in Chicago to ask the gentleman on another •
Detroit wire to tell Powers, who worked about six feet from
him, to hand him a chew of tobacco. The instructions were
followed out, and in about half a minute Powers tossed over
his tobacco-box, as he amid not fail to respond to a friend
who had sent so far for a favour.
A LEAP-YEAR TRaGEDY.—They stood together in
the entry beneath the hall lamp.—" Then, Henry," she said,
in a low voice, wherein were blended determination, me,lan-
choly and love, "you refuse my suit?" "Yes,
Ella, he
replied, in accents that were firm, though the speaker's voice
'
trembled. "I admire you, I will be a brother to you, and
watch with pride your course through life, and if ever trouble
should beta you, there will at least be one friend to whom
you can come for succour, but I can never, never be yota
husband." "It is not because lam poor, Henry? For oh,
it that were all, I could gladly toil from morn till night for
you and strive and win a home for you, humble it might be,
but our own." "Ii is useless to attempt to induce me to
change my determination. Though lam but a poor, weak
man, I can never, never change my mind "—" 'Then, cruel
pang man, so fair and yet so false. farewell. To-morrow
you will see my mangled remains on the lecture platform,
and know it haa been your work. But it will be too late"
nci, clasping him to her bosom in wild embrace, she fled
Ito the outer darknem.—Chtcago Tribune.

Falll
Int