The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1870-11-15 00:00:00

'Uarieties.

Au Indiana girl him Just goes tipsau Lake to be one-sixth of
a wife.
popular coloured Ink be writing lore bitten slow is
broom tirade. no soon.
Alison makes a man and woman on.; but the trouble is
v. tell which of Awn Is Vie one.
A Parma hastyad cotfl., Indiana, consumed twenty
'even glamor of boat, without winking, In honour of Sedan.
Mout COMIMIL —The bite Zsmemr Ilasintillan'a quarter-
mauer-Oeneml Is now toning aodawater In Thum. Taking it
r.,i. at least.
Tini temperance people in Marquette County, Lac, propose
ichliab the name of every an who pis drunk, where he
Kn. hie liquor, and what be mid or did while drunk.
TRION to do bomber without adrortiaing, map an American
peper, is like winking In the dusk; you may know that you
are treeing up • powerful winking, but Nobody else has any
1.1.. 4
. . . .

na old lady ot Connecticut, who had Met her purse • short
tom since, at Nen Hare., declared, on Ita being restored to
kr, that she mould not attempt to Interfere with the reward
shah was stored op In Mayen for the under by offering him
. _

—e-e-eelventurous youth et Bridgeport, 111., use carried 70
bet above terra firma the other dey by • masunoUi kite, the
L„, 4whleh he had tied shout hie body. He finally came
eieither on the to els chimney. and bald inst until

.....
A .IdO.Cf of Newhaven, who happened to marry a second
• without moseiting the wlshee of a grown daughter, on
att. meting to Introduce Ws beide into the family mansion •
hs night. Mn.., wee set upon with sticks and stones, and mm-
oiled to fly for his life.
MU,. if they abet too lea, live sometimes till they are SO,
Jimmying the time • goodideal u follow-.: -The fug DO Wei
vinnil throwing Maoist a mark, the sekond SO they spend in
...nutting the mark hew me whore the stuns hit, and the re-
mainder ix divided in aiming the stun-throwlng Mariner, and
missing the romaLlsr.
A congregation in Wisconsin was slowest driven to the brink
.lespeir cm Sunday, in °musquashes of the unexplained
alywnee of the pence, skin the sexton roes In his mat, with
1.101 solemnity, and said: "There hos been a duplex arrival
of the mall. Our worthy shepherd hes two little Mmbe added
1. his flock. Twins, heetiumn, twins, let us pray."
Mina Ph•be Comer, one of the darewdest and prettiest of
the woman sof rages almost underMkee to demonmeate
that man's , biblically down, Ls to do housework,
end vie "wadi the dishes,' by this scriptural allusion
(me R Ings, tie. it v.)—"l wipe Jerumlum as • m an
wipetiv a &eh; wiping it and turning it upside down."
A stegivetruck damsel at Rocheder recently met a note to
Mies Maggie Mitchell, making her for a position in her troupe.
An idea of her ability may be formed from the following : "the
Preple around Where 111,. Bay I have • good voice if you
think What I my is foolish send moms one :Wbith • Note If
Possible or mind some no. and tell me Wer you Board at all
Events let me here something from You."
Mots Team os Pot MUT. —Mark Twalajuoing been elected
an tatnorml maatalbaa al • Poultry anniotY, recommends himself
In the following style Even as a schoolboy poultry-raising
was a study with me, and I may my without egotism that as
rattly as the age of seventeen I wee acquainted with all the
lest and speediest methods xi redolog chicken., from raising
them 08 a roost by burning inciter matches under their name
dimn to lifting them off nfenc. on • fmstv night by 'animal&.
Mg the end of • warm board under thelr heals. The very
chickens came to know my talent by and by. The youth of
both sexes ceased tops. the earth for worm., and old roosters
00.. .am.... cme to pray wheel poomeal be"
Lowrie MlTllllolrr.—Aodwding to the New York "Nation,"
the very admixed women of Amerka are striking out some
etccochnely bold and Meriting views on social topics. We
{earn that the great Bra Cady nteuiston will now be content
tub nothing short of the emancimalou of the me from mar-
role as it la Thu arrangement to be subetitated for the
uicxr old cookies le to be limited rostrimmiy, the contract
Istecen a issly and gentlemen expiring le three yaws from the
elan of sintering into It, It may, howls:roe, be renewed for the
toconial period by mutual eument Bosch a complication as
• Mb. Mould arise during the interval, the lady, on retiring
irom her engagement, lute take there, of It, the father pay-
ing for Its board. _ _

Vino ART Thou 7--A fee Sundays ago, as Mr. Ward Beecher,
the Anuresis preacher, ras about oeminsincing his sermon, a
.it totherly-looloing as. was endeavouring to make hielway
%crouch the crewel, to pt within • bMter hearing distance or
Ow distinguished orator. At that asset Mr. Beecher's robe
rune out the verde of the t.xt, 'Who art thou 7" "Who art
r again cried out the dzaatic preacher. The stout
luny, ithinklq hi Mieli in the wrong, pother by p
toward, and behoving himself to be personally add=l2,
Reviled Use brethren mid .nonpinerod their reverend chieftain
by sedately replying, "Vas a pig menthant from Chicago, sir.
I !eye you ain't mad. non ain't nary chair, or else I'd.
od down" Plymouth Church didn't recover It. serenity for
ten minutes,

A Ilattmir ImnivrtmAim—The (conniving Is the last thing
entian by the Isle " Artemis Ward" :—" Until quite recent,
Fse bin. healthy IndividooaL I'm nearly 08, and yit I've got
a mumltlis Into warms which den% make my lets unstable the
tread of • caeary bird when they Ay out and hit a man Only
• Ice weeks ago I was eilubitln' In lasi Skowhegen, in a ,
h'ldin' which had lonely been oekepled by a Nernst—one ol
them fellers wind hits from the shadier and teaches the
manly art of selLdelenn And he mum and mid hew.. foie'
In 1r.., In carbonise of prerValy ochippyln' eed Willis' with •
lame yeller dog. I md, 'To be eure, sir, but not with those '
ysiler dog.' Ile sal, 'Ohre': I sod, 'Oh, V. nod, 'Do
yot WUIL te groupd to powder T held, ' Yak I do, If Mere
pumter-grlndhata' Inds be struck me a diagustin'
blow In my left OM canoed taint Con Cent to at mom does
for !wars ; but be diell hurt me any more I went for him.
I went for Min eeer'eally. Ile parent' lived near by, and
I will newly state that II minutes after I'd gone for him hie
mother, sesta' Um prostrate form of her son approachio' the
houw onto • shutter oent'd by four men, run out of doom,
kierf ally looked him over, and sad, ' ity ma, you're been
Nollo' round • thrombin' mesheen. You went In at the cud
were they put the gram 1., mem out with the straw, and then
ro up In &New** and let the bore. tired on you,
you, my me 1' You aan fwd. ge be tills what a d
person I ma whim Ihe awry.-
As Dram loaf.—A story of a "bad oyster" I. told as
followo —"A. Fresobseen metered the reeleurent sad inked
' tar, you keep se raw eysialr r ' 011, yet, sir! fat Priem
Soy." ' tree Asa I I will eat mem raw orebalr.' The man
opem• tat one • puts it on • Mete before the Frenchman, who
meta mem Woe, and mys I ' Monwleur, you call dims. good
fly suns?' 'Ys., sir rime.' The Framentan swallow. (it was
U m Arst he ever ate opens Ids eyes and mouth, pub hiR hands
00 his Ibreed.basketi, and B-141-r-p ! and up Mime the oyster
onthe plata 'lsere dm, be garb del is the good oyetalr.'
'Vuo didn't pet ma and peppar, sir." Ah I pernm, mei
Put. pepper and salt upon it, wallows lt—and B-I-ti-r-p I and
II it coma again' ' How you tell me mat dat oystair, Mon r
' Why. Mae lcal bunt um vinegar.'Lb I Out ! Corteinutent I
Rene-gar: 001 r And he swallows the mme again, and up
It comes spin on the plate. Just then a gent enter• 'Glee us
Jimen o' raw." Ah ! my kin, you eat or raw (midair F
' llos fat son." ! you think 111 good iiptalr, mammon
).iti eat him 'With Mown sir,' and the gent gave it •
ilamh 4 pepper mum, and bolted IL, The horrified opener
stiviii agape • ha didn't mind sewing' a Frenchman Jul an old
old costome; was soother thing. The Frenchman turned on
hm heel. ;.Abbo,,,lndy trio, gat may be se good oystair. I no liko
ml °Y•ttl....' tree those, H-I-u-r-p
came the oyster, and the vremensean danced with delight.
'Al,lloasolur I tat dans updear no goud for stay mallow ; had
eyWair, nub entagament.' Tb. foot, hies with horror,
ran to the totg, and setting tho y da•antar, swallowed
ti.nt bnii a pint, and mionel,"

A COROUIL 617T1d0" ON A 11AM BONK
In the earner history of the gold fields law was memstinemi
adneinietaired, and medical men of no great repute
tither for prolaminesl skill or personal morality were free
tinently appointed m commers. A singular 'miaow of cupidity
came under my obeervation whom quartered In one ad the lamed d of the gold-bearing colony of Victoria. One
evening Om Ire heti meg out he alarming .11110.3.., siot
ihtektt Are men* arrived eA the place, where • hut wee
rapktly burning isi the vkinity of Sandhuret In • country
*h'r' the ele uft " dry, andbuilding. were generally raised
.4 %cry inflammable reaferials, the engine commonly arrived
t•-• lete .4011. It did No on Mk occasion The rowelne of a
'I, real hut WK. Itllaouldceing, and the spectators quickly
dole-real. A few days aftcrwants • rumour spread that WON " in the ruins had round •ho man bone, and
totttrtl) alter/me& the atatement cireul Led that one Jon., hod
fore, in the habit of mine this dilapidtted building as • MKT'
in.; ohm, luel that Moe Use One he had been seen by no one.
Att aa pc Mard of these corndvorative fact., he
eumsnomel • Jury. mei proceeded to hold an Inqueet on Um
cherrud Woe. I most premise that a coruner's fee wit two
guinea.. and the lee for omel.mi utendanos (including a post-
mortem exammetion) Wee guinea', for this will expiain the
ardour In the ease rd burnt humanity. The finder uf
the bone was doily mor,. and
that be hod bound the
bone, which he te thtirt7drta et the late lire. Another
~,,encele proved Unit it eu the hebet of J nes, whose ago.
height, and Ob. be_rtriliardlly demeibed:l nieep the
dii„emoil nut; UMW whom,. declared that J..iwn had
been ece• by Ulm. Unt, the night .4 the 1,. lip Mem,
dipped forme& adosialetered to Muriel( the oath,
the. deposed u " medical "tau." thm he had mode •
oqt-01011N examination 01 the bona produced by the that
that it was the magenta of an Melt male uf the ags
end dm of ame sunreriag deacriptbni ey.
be the emend witnem—in fact, that he beh.,0.1 IL L., ho the
*omits of JOON. • verdict was, therefor,. recorded that
JOIN* had bees mcideulally burn to death. The Jury mere
di,dunsd, end OW Irish friend 013-- ant 111 II bill for g I 2( dy la es medical Minim, bends. elemeihe the
Goyenumbeu,l elloirmise af LS for • pauper fueenl to, the
nemeylefe Mean Is Ire and *me, sad the chaplain with
aolemn words cur 4w Mother Wm departed to the
gruel in the =et She district esinetery, sod weary one
thought there wee M Gad fe Jail.. 'nu" nenk. thee the
comma' had
the reward of his proleminaal skill sad
on
cmcial sourityftrate milli 01 • draft the ?ream 1r fOr
Llu ,to his MMus &gum, and the noutentasot of u
iod
township, awn Mere afflnidr°l•imilia'bie "°"' *1". ahem., Ind Wragrid °°""lnClii.Hl ethle
ruhteane "rWdlierrhilt's
" prospect" hi • dlellient Mew ut ••••••4
vowing offended rit having wpm in hi•• 0
the wow, the nods "rend nWidlY.
vengeance cot
became rife m to
nod reached the 4118497, Otero alemilaanu
the Identity el Vie .arst departed." An Ix imp
eydd, lohe
onlemi, and the moor moue be..,,, one
“re, to be Met dry." to the Goveremest 'mirer ittturne ; sad easuald, jury, desigbin. Ind Use Public "mull"
J roweled
is ire petridad by the aanotummeest that on, ft
I,e'.red to be • burnt hem boas ! next Ga mita di
Peanut with the nerriaes 01 Met duly quallbed medical peen-
therm soreasr, sad dna mu um', by • sileilist
rAribmine. • tOrdnien *Mil barn St " alaL— The
Wait."