The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1858-02-02 00:00:00

Yarieties.

If you want to know whether • tree is hollow or not,
ax it. . . .

"Dick, how is it you are always possessed of mob •
store of fun? Where do you get it?' "I manufacture
it. I can make it out of nothing. For instance, I
could make fun of you, but for friendship's sake."
• -

RICAL CAPITAL.—The best capital to begin life on is a
capital wife.
There is a man in Hampshire so mean that he was
lately caught stealing acorns from a blind hog.

- _
Jean Paul Richter says "Domestic life is the best,
because it repeats our childhood."
Admiration profits not the object so much as the sub-
ject of it: while rejoicing that a man is great we have
also reason to rejoioe because we are able to appreciate
his worth.

That young lady gives rational security for becoming
a good wife, who does not apologize when you find her
at woricin the kitchen, but continues her task until it is
finished.

WOULD'NT STEAL THE TRAP.—" Billy, how did you
lose your finger?' "Easily enough," said Billy."I
suppose you did, but how ?" "I guess you'd a lost
your'n if it had been where mine was." "That don't
answer my question." "Well, if you must know," said
Billy, "I had to cut it off or else steal a trap l"
.

_
If all had windows in their hearts, many would take
good care to keep the blinds closed.
. • - • - •

_
"You are a Yankee," said a fellow, tauntingly, to his
neighbour. "Well, Sir, lam no more responsible for
having been born a Yankee than you are for being born
a donkey."

_
PAT'S COMPARISON.—" That's the smallest horse I
ever saw," said a countryman on viewing a Shetland
pony. " Indade, now,' replied his Irish companion,
" but I have seen one as small as two of him."

Matthew Henry quaintly said, "Woman was taken
from man's aide; not from his head to top him, nor
from his feet to be trampled on; but out of his side to
show her equality, under his arm that she might be
protected, near to his heart that she might be loved."

Mn. SPUROICON.—On the pulpit, Or rather the plot.
form, Mr. Spurgeon walks up and down, and enlivens
his sermons with dramatic representations. He is
"hail fellow well met" with his hearers, lie has jokes
and homely sayings and puns and proverbs for them.
Nothing is too altered for his self-complscent grasp; he
is as free and unrestrained in God's presence as in
man's. Eternity has unveiled its mysteries to him. In
the agonies of the lost, in the joys of the redeemed,
there is nothing for him to learn. His "sweet
Saviour," as he irreverently exclaims, has told him sll.
Of course, at times there Is a rude eloquenoe on his
lips, or, rather, a fluent declamation, which the mob
around takes for such. The orator always soars with
his audienee, With excited thousands waiting his
lightest word, he cannot remain passionless and un-
moved, When Mr. Whiteside finished his five hours'
oration on KIM, Lord Palmerston replied, that the
honourable gentleman's speech was highly creditable to
his physical powers. A similar reply would be suitable
to Mr. Spurgeon. We have heard somewhat too much
of Negative Theology—it is time we pr_oteut against
the Positive Theology of such men as Mr. Spurgeon.
There are no doubts or diffieulties in his path, The
last time I heard the reverend gentlemsn, he had the
audacity to assure us that the reason God allowed wicked
men to live was, that as he knew they were to be
damned, he thought they may have a little pleasure
first. Mr. Spurgeon is one of the elect. His flock are
in the same happy condition. God choose. them out of
the ruins of the fall, and makes them heirs of ever-
lasting life, while he suffers the rest of the world to
continue in sin, and oonsummate their guilt by well-
deserved punishinent.—ltifchies London Pulpit.
. - -

WHITFIELD'S Sucolboon.—The memory of thet
apostle in an r4e of sensualism and sin, George Whit•
told, still sheds 6 fragrant round the dreary-looking
chapel in which some tow hundreds, chiefly of the
poorer sort of small tradesmen, meet, Sabbath after
Sabbath. If you go, gentle reader, take with you a
good stook of patient), fur you will hot find the service
oesy or the sermon short. There in the very pulpit
where Whitfield, the persuasive, the silver.tongued,
stood, you will see a big, cumbrous loan, of severe
face, and a voice harsh and rough as a mountain streem.
The fan is almost hidden between two uncomfortable
°oilers. Continuing your searoh, however, you see
piercing eyes beneath bushy brows, a nose of a decided
ohareoter, a moot firm chin, and a head of thick grey
hair, the obstinate irregularities of which would throw a
fashionable hatr.dreuer into despair. Moore wrote of
Castlereagh that—
He gave out his smell beer with the sir of eahip
Who thinks to himself 'T is prodigious fine ter
Just so preaches Dr. Csmpbell.—Ritchie.