The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1882-01-24 00:00:00

Oddments.

" I DECLARE!" extielined Bow, "I believe I bave
forgottaf all I ever know." "Sorry to bear it," remarked
you. However, you ORO take SO boar some day and
lowa it ell over soda"

" Fames, did you ever hare another wile bolds,
mother ' No, my boy; what possessed you m ask me
such a question " Because I saw in the old family
Bible when you married Anna Domini in 183 and that
Isn't mother, lot her name wee Sally Smith."

[From PauA].
LONDON 11111111.

Giddy sad Turner. This firm is mealier. Throes
most people would exped to be Giddy, but so use would
=Giddy to be Timer. Turner Deed sot be Giddy,
he likes, end he will probably be more careful hi
future. _ _

-i3;;Ory and Moore. This is • pleasant firm, although
it deals in physic. Mints makes ch• black draughts, and
hie partner ss Shwa Savory. It looks like Daiissonds
rod Odeilo.
Baboon and Ouw. This is • myeeerione firm. Every.
one knows what rAillloll is, but Ody they think le • new
and untried sauce.

The Original 'Low Pirst."—Mossrs. Lsagssau,
Brows, Hurst, Ormu, Rees, Omni, sad Lowman&

POllll4l LE PrITIOOATIL

&law The Interior of a Solicitar:" Offici. Mr. Kant*

---
discovered in his sanctum, regarding a newspaper with
fixed attention.
Kr. Koran : Let me read my letter to the Morrtilky
Journal once again. (Reads). '1 shall try the experi.
meat by and-by, °longterm two young women as writers,
and I will see what stuff they are made of, not as mechan-
ical writers, but as intelligent brain-wogkers in the law,
your obedient tervant—Signod—A SOLICITOR.. 'Twat.
noble plan, and I lave carried it into execution. Nay,
mora I bare developed the idea. My whole "tail are
females, and I have purposely been away from the °Moe
for • week to see bow they would get on without ma I
will soon kern. I will ring for my ceekimat, Idiss Fanny.
(Sounds bell). From her I will kern bow business is
programing. (After • pause). Strange, elm does not
come. (Opens door of ourranntakation between sanctum
and outer office) Whot is this I hear? The sounds of •
lively welts I (Music assess abruptly when enter Mks
Fanny).
Kim Fanny: Glad to see you beck again, lb. Monts.
I hope you have enjoyed your holiday.
Kr. Goats: Thanks, yea. Bat whet was that nobs?
Kies Fumy : Noise I Ha, ba, ha I Fun are Dot vary
complimentary. It was only my piano. I was prattle.
log "Th. Chantilly."
Mr. Morel.: In office hours! Seerooly professional,
Mee Fanny--ecarcely profeedonaL
Kiss Fanny: Well, sir, Its so lonely all by myself, and
I am sure musk can hurt nobody.
Mr. Monts: But the neighbours, Klee Battey-4W
neighbours I
Kiss Fanny : Oh, they don't object, sir. You we, your
idea has been taken up by Kr. Knockabout, the auction.
era, up above, and Kr. Ellis Dee. tbe banker, down
below—and they neither of them have any malt clerks
now, We are all girls together. Its great fun I When
we solicitors slag a (Addy Minstrel song in unison as a
solo, the banker" and the auctioneers join us in the
chorus. We used to prude' all day long. Oh, it was to
pretty I
Kr. Kursk : But the client', Mies Fanny—the
clients?

this Fanny: Oh, bother the Meats, sir I Well, sir,
you may store. But you told is Mot was our obis( ditty,
to bother the cdients
_

Mr. Koruti (goodaataundly) : Weil, well—pethapo I
did—perhaps i did. And now. how have yen been set-
ting on
Bliss Fanny: Oh, t.l 101. Only I met any It is •
shame that I should be obliged to be bete by myself all
alone I

Rout.: All alooe I Why. what have become
of the net ? Where is Mile Aeon, the Coalman Law
Cloy!'? _

Fanny: Oh, lite hay believed shamefully, Mr.
You know you put a roan In posseseien at Mr. Brown's.
Well, sir, bliss Agnes porsuseW the Miser to take her to
ths Pentomime, anu when Hr. Brown got the an ease
Old of the house, he refused to Ist him WON in again
Mr. Korai : Good gracious I Why, I pea be respon
alblsfor ell this !

Miss Finny: So I told her, dr. But Mies Agnes asked
me to mind my own business, sad said I only did it
became I was jealous of her Fumy being jealous of
&Grin Officer I tem I ordered her not to come back—
and she hasn't. _

—ii-Crifonts-:. Quite right. Her conduct called for in.
slant diemlmal. And Mimi Mary, the Chancery Clark?
Miss Fanny: Don't talk of bey, sir. She had to
ezamine the marriagerettlemeat for Captain Butterfly's
betrothed, you know, sir. Wed, sir, she insieted upon
seeing him to take his instructions.
Mr. Hones : Well. That wee certainly unprofessional,
but the Captain will hare to pay the expenses. And the
settlement was all right? •
Miss Fanny: Sb. boned It, and sloped with lb.
Captain
Mr. Korsts : Good gracioni I Why, I shall be
ruined I. . _

: Well, It's your own fault. You oughtn't
to engage such hussies I
Mr. }Comte : And the °than? I lidt Mies Susan to
dr?, old Mr. Tombstone's will.
. _ _

Ml.sFnDy: ;t7; has dir*Wll it. But then
dm has rimdarsd it invalid by going and marrying the
Waldo,

Mr. Korsts : Gracious I What will his family my!
Alights eldest son. is our best client 1 And Miss Elliot

You remember Mr. Swinton& BEMussy.
Mr. Horde :To be cum We were proctewlias soled
hilp.uu e MU of nebeilge for 6600.
. .

Mies Fanny: Well, be need to pay marked attentions
to me. He need to mend me bouquet. and lots of thiup,
sir. Well, the deceitful creature has actually taken him
from me! She bribed him, sir—bribeel him! (Sobbing).
I am sure he wouldn't have given me up, poor fellow I it
b. hadn't been bribed)

Mr. Kent.: Bribed! What do you mean?
Miss Fanny: Why, the nasty creeture stopped all pro-
ceedings In your name, and gore him back the bill of
exchange
Mr. /Conte (exploding) : Craciousgooduess I (Angrily).
And you, Miss Fanny. are responsible for all thisi You
were bead of the office, and ought to have prevented the
mischief 1 I dismiss you on the spot It will be no
great loss, bemuse I don't believe you have does a single
stroke of work since you have been In the office! There,
now I_

--Miss Fanny (very calmly) : I beg your pardon, Mr.
Korsta I pre you • paper to sign the very day I earns
here.

Korot': Yea; and Sal Ma% nod it, no doubt It
wag all wrong I
Min Fanny: On du contrary, it was all *MI Hera
it is 1 _

.
(Produces paper.
Mr. Korets (reading) : Good gracious I • formal pro
posal to marry yea I
Miss Fanny : Exactly. And U you do not comply
with it at once, I shall commence an action for broach!
You shall hare two minutes to decide. Good-day I
(Exit.
Mr. Kurds: She means it! (Takla out watch). Why,
such an action would ruin me I Whitt shall I do? Well,
make the best of it! It's consoling, however, to think
that I was right in supposing that female clerks coat(' act
se "intelligent loaia worker* In the law I" (Looks at
watch). The two minutes are up I (Opens door of caw
municeston). Fanny! Dearest Fanny
(Scene closes in upset Mr. Korsta' betrothal).

HoLineraT'S PlLlJl.—likvallde distracted by iedigestim
and di,c uraod the. search for its remedy should
make trial of this nee •r-. otlut medicine kla ly, lone a
martyr to dyspepti, an a. that Holloway'e
male bar feel es if • b .1.. bid hive taaen off her. Her
spirite. (drawl,' ioo, nave .really improved; her °opti-
cian spptlts haa given pi .c t hunger; her
dull, sitE headache has n
departed, and gradually so mar-
vellous a change has bee effected, that she II altogether
• new creature, anJ etre St for Der donde. These Pills
may be cluinistered with Witty to the most delicate.
They never act harshly, nor do they ever Indies weak-
sees; tray rightly direct deranged, and coated excessive,
action.
Togoa—" levacurun IN Italia NIIITIALG11.• Merril
Prim—See papers in the LAIIO4I. by Dr& Murrell, Ringer
end Ludt. and C. Bader, gaq., on Kroh 6ta aad Ifith, and
May 99tb. lM Tonga maintains Its rirputatioa In the
times...at of Neuralgia"—Lemet. July Wed, 1136 L It may
be taken by the most delicate without the least fear of
injure. In bottles at is. id. and us. 01 Chemists every
where.
ALLEN A HATRUILTS* " PEHTECTID " COD LIT= On.
"I' as n-arly tarsier at Cod Liver Oil can be.'—Lentist.
" Has almost he delicacy of Salad 011."—lrilisA Medieel
Jotsreat "N nauseous eructations follow."—Nediesi
Prue. or all amolatg. in (Monied bottles 01117, PM.
la 41., I ;As. St 64., pr. is. 9d., qr. 9e.
ADVICE TO MOTHilla —Are you broken In year red by
a skit child sufferer with the pain of outline teithlOo at
our to „ chemist sad get • bottle of Mas. Wtagraw's
8001111X0 STIAP. It will relieve the poor sufferer lesseedi
rely. It la perfectly harmless andr.tS to Meter', It
produces natural quiet sleep, by the child from
min and the little cherub awakes "as t ass button.'
It ot:otaia the child, it softens the gums, allays all pain„
relieves wind. regulates the bowels, sod lithe hest know"
remedy for dysentery and diarrhea, whether arising from
realm or other camas. Men Wlaelow's
Syrup Is rid by Medicine dealers everywhere arlia.billt
per bottle.
THaoAT Ammon AID 110/11.11XESIL —All suffering
from irritation of the throat sad hairiness will be airw
ably surprised at the almost immediate relief afforded by
the use of "Brown's Bronchial Trochee Thies famous
" losenges" are now *old by most respectable chemists to
this country at Is. ljd. per box. People troubled with •
" hacking cough." • "alight cold," or bronchial affections,
cannot try them too soon, a/ similar troubles, If allowed
to program, result in serious Pulmonary and Asthmatic
affections. See that the words " Brown's Bronchial
Trochee" are as the Government Stamp around each box.
—prepared by Joux L Baown and Sons, Boston, United
Stara European depot, removed to XI, Faringdon
rod, London.
Avoid the mane dengrous and doubtful c impounds
sold es Toilet P wdeis; always ask for Mtthemes
Preys ii pogors gartS, used In the Royal Nurseries, and
highly recommended by the Faculty ; it protect& the sass
from cold winds, crap& at:_. and creaerest the complexion
from rednea, roughner. At. Can be obtained of
chowisui prdoelers. D:uggists, and Wares throughout
the world at 6(1. ant Is. By post 11. extra, from the sole
proprietors, Rosso ik Ga. to, Wirnore-street, London.
Refuse imitatioc&
THE QUEEN AND COLD WATER 80A/P.—KitraCt from a
ewe—"l find Sinclair's Cold Water Soap ISM
timeand material, as the clothe. require leas rubbing mid no
boiling, and (still more earl actor) was a much purer colour
than with other soar. I recommend it to every house-
wife, as it is undoubtedly the best rap for laundry and
all purpose& It will not injure the most delicate fabric—
pkwohot to use, and prevents the misery of • steamy
house daring the family rush. Sold by grocers and oilmen
wwwywhorw, et td. per lb. B. sure to ask for Siadalfs,
and do hot be persuaded to swept • worthier imitation.
—Sole maker. James Siochair, Southwark, Landon, fr.E,
When Charcoal comes in contact with putrid substances
or impure gars, it altars the putrescent or septic ten-
Macy more effectually than any other antisesic- There
Is no injurious offset ever produced by taking it Its
action internalle—abrarbing tams geses—aorecting
acidity, ic.. renders It an Important eradicator of Dye-
men& Gout._ Ithealilabera, 66., Troia the system.
the
V Pure egetable CILUICOLL is sold by all chemists,
In bottles, Is., 4-i., and da oust; &Id Bragg's Cluircoel
Biscuits, in tins, 1.., M. and 4a.
•• • •

_
Th.re bethini mere •••risbies sod ~mute is eold
weather this • cop al irsili_good uows but the WS mlty
has beep to obtain it pure. Tide may be macured it • out
et use halpeeny fa • large brethren cap by wing
Cedberes Coen Sainte. wide; goss thres a... islet
the eduriersted sad Amer emewead. oirdiway wad.
Übe itaallest packet inekie4 imam breakteet ceweSi
Wan Owe&

A MIZIOA 46 fa. bodeltat provi4c44 lever Tbunder
44. to Sow York, botioa. Wriso to
liamaget. LOatirtoisi ittoonalilp UIS /46. mood,
Loodoo.

U ELAM'S WI& Bait and Obispo MAIIiOUARD
/1. agslailt MB sod METZ&