The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1883-10-13 00:00:00

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS.

"What are you going to do when you grow up if
you don't know how to cipker ? " asked a 101001
teacher of a slow boy.—" I'm going to be a school
teacher and make the boys do the ciphering," was the
reply.

A Rocky Mountain editor, alluding to the demand
for female suffrage, female doctors, and female clergy-
men, remarks that another want presents itself—that
of female women.

The leader of a Philadelphia theatre orchestra to-
ward the close of last season was told that he must cut
down expenses. He out off the man with the big
dram, who was not getting the biggest salary of the
lot. "Why did you discharge that poor fellow ? "
he was asked, "Instead of some of the others I"
"Well, you see," was the reply, "he was getting so
little, I thought he would not feel the loss of it much."

-
A recent wedding at Williamsport, Pa., had a gloom
cast over it by the discovery that, through some un-
its:mountable mistake, the bridesmaid had been married
inatead of the bride.

A young lady in Sheridan, Pa., WAS walking in the
woods, when she suddenly felt a " peculiAr and pain-
ful sensation around her waist, as if being tightly
pressed." It was not until she had walked quite a
little distance with blushing cheeks and averted eyes
that she discovered it was not a young man, but
a black snake. And then she was so mad that she
screamed.

An Indiana barrister, writing home from New
Orleans, dwells with evident gusto on the generous
dioaenSions of the drinking elapses used in the salons
of that city. Liesays it made hiui feel at first as if he
were drinking out of a churn.

The original Simon pnre dude, from Dudeville,
Dude County, has just been badly fractured in a Wis-
consin railroad collision. When they dig him out of
the wreck, he gasped: "Don't mind me, but look after
my one. It's the yellow one with a hammered 'silver
crook handle ! "—The cane was found broken in four
pieces, but a,s they have manfully kept the truth from.
Hm, be is expected to live.
This is given as the first honeymoon discng,ihn be-
tween an American lawyer and a New Vo k !;-11e
"No, Amy, you're quite wrong. I never ,was refused
in all my life."—" Oh, Tom, how can you say so?,
Why, there was Louie Simpson."—" I tell you again,
yon re wrong, completely wrong. It's true I was 'de..
dined with thanks °nod, but I never was refused."

On Tuesday the funeral of Tourgenieff, the Russian
novelist, took place in St. Petersburg. The pro.
cession to the cemetery was formed of various deputa•
tions bearing about 200 wreaths, and the cofftu was
placed on a magnificent funeral car. The streets
.were lined with dense crowds of people, who uncovered
as the hearse patsel. Several speeches were made at
the grave.
A steam trumpet, similar to that which Professor
Tyndall introduced a few years ago for the use of
lighthouses is to be placed at the fcot of the
Planier lighthouse. The brass trumpet is about
four yards !long, placed vertically at the foot of the
lighthouse.

A BABOO'S HISTORY of the EGYPTIAN

CAMPAIGN.

A Punjab native journal is publishing a series of
contributions from a Bengalee Baboo on incidents
in the Egyptian campaign. The description of the
review at Kassassin prior to the battle of Tel•el-Kebir
includes some interesting details not hitherto made
known. " When we reached," says the writer, "the
camp at Kama/min, the wise, highly skilful, and
bravest of generals, Sir Garnet, was inspecting the
army. The whole of the Indian contingent had not yet
arrived in camp. A dark shadow of anxiety was
markedly visible on the broad forehead of Sir Garnet
now and then. But no sooner you could detect it than,
with the quickness of lightnine, it vanished. Ido not
mean to say that the great Wolseley entertained any
fear, but he was only anxious on account of the
entire Indian Contingent not arriving in camp until
then. Presently, as though fired with some super.
natural courage, he addressed the troops in burning
words of encouragement. He foretold the future when
he said, in the course of his speech—' Within the 15th
of this month shall I vanquish the rebel Arabi, and make
him bow down his proud head before the English throne.
If I fail, the profession in which I have whitened my
locks I will give up for ever, I will cease to utter the
sacred name of warrior tilt life is extinct.' He who
saw his animated face covered with a silvered beard
and the lustre of indomitable courage which shone
forth from his eyes eould understand that it was no
vain brag, but the prediction of a true soothsayer of
coming events. During the speech his proudly erect
head seemed to become more and more erect, his eyes
lashed fire, the sternness of his resolution became
depicted on his face. The troops became very much
excited. They sang the National Anthem, which
echoed and echoed back through the field. Instantly
the band struck up sweet, yet madly exciting music,
the veteran soldiers became restless fnr action. Sir
Garnet then declared the inspection at an end, and
entered his camp with but a few of the chief com-
manders."