The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1876-05-06 00:00:00

AMERICAN HUMOUR,

A gentleman in Danbury, Conn., has had per,
severance enough to take the temperance pledge 83 times
and break it 82.

The Washington Chronicle wants to know how many
children the " mother-of-pearl " had. Shell never telL

A Nashville paper has felt itself called upon to cor-
rect an error of the types. It says : "For one of the worst
of men, read one of the wisest." _

The women of the Vestula Country have a watchful
eye over their daughters, and make them wear little bells to
denote where they are and what they are about.
A book canvasser at Chicago, the other day, talked
half an hour to induce a lady to buy a book. She handed
him a slip of paper, on which was written, " Ime def and
dum."

A Tennessee man wrote his will on a paper collar,
and it I assed through the probate court as well as any other
will, though a little unhandy about filing.

. _
When we remember that the Republic is about to
enter its seoond century, and reflect how few men can de-
pend with any confidence on the button at the back of the
neckband on a shirt, it seems though civilisation was almost
a failure.

"It's generally the case with bad boys," philosophi-
cally remarks Mark Twain, "that they look like their mother
and act like their father."

A Yankee editor's statement, "We are living at
this moment under absolute despotism," is attributed by his
contemporaries to the fact that he has just been married.
A New York paper alludes to a dog which, after
howling for an hour in front of the editor's house, had to ad-
journ tor repairs.
"Is there any one here who takes exceptions to the
rulings of this court ?" blandly asked a Nevada justice as he
laid a six barrel revolver on the table before him. There
wasn't one.

A New York paper says that the pale, sad-looking
young men whom one occasionally meets in the street are
not consumptive, are not mourning the loss of a friend,
and are not divinity students. They are breaking in tight
boots.

In a Californian obituary it is stated that "the
deceased was a person of a romantic nature. He placed the
breech of his gun in the fire, and looking down the muzzle,
departed hence spontaneously."

A St. Louis girl, who was married last month, made
her husband give her, previous to the cerenaony, a written
promise that he would take her to Philadelphia and reside
there with her during the Centennial.

"I'm not a beggar 1" was the indignant expostula-
tion of an excited female who was arraigned at the instance
of the Mendicity Society before a London magistrate; I'm
only a-balker. It ain't a crime to bask people." The dis-
tinction drawn between begging and " haskimg " is" oertainly
a fine one.

• The first day Artemus Ward entered Toledo, travel.
worn and seedy, he said to an editor who warn on the street,
"Mister, where could. I get a square meal for 25 cents?"
He was told. "I say, Mister," said he, "where could I get
the 25 cents ? "

A Vermont schoolmaster says he never felt unequal
to any demand in the line of his profession, exoepting on One
occasion, when a farmer brought his bouncing fifteen-year-
old daughter to the school, and walking up to the master's
desk, said, "That's my youngest gal, and if ever you catch
her slidin' down hill with the boys, I just want you to
trounce her.'

A while Pgo a farmer in Virginia lost his wife, and,
out of love for her memory, called his estate " Glenmary."
A neighbour having met with the same affliction, and equally,
desirous of keeping before him the image of his dear de-
parted, followed his example, and his farm is known by the
name of " Glenbetsy."

A New Jeney paper tells a story of a well-known
character, who frequently figured on juries in New York.
When on a jury, as soon as they had retired to their room to
deliberate, he would button up his coat and "turn in" on a
bench, exclaiming, "Gentlemen, I'm for bringing in a ver-
dict for the plaintiff (or defendant, as he had settled in his
mine) and all creation can't move me. Therefore, as soon
as you lytve all agreed with me, wake me up, and we'll go in.
A Yankee correspondent says, "I attended a wed-
ding a few days since. Wishing to say something be-
coming the occasion, I approached the fair young bride in
the course of the day, and alter congratulating her on her
departure from the state of single blessedness, I wished her
a plea.ant voyage down the river of life. She said sho hoped
so, but she heard there was a great deal of fever on the river
new—she hoped she wouldn't catch it on the way down."