The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1865-09-19 00:00:00

TI PROBABI4E ' LTS OF
FRENCH AL NOE ON THE
THAT i KIa.AS Illir
To the 'editors.

Brow ii and I went the other day to ace the com-
bined fleets at Spithead, blending their brilliant
colours like the rainbow after the flood. Lo! what
splendid sets of plated **idea! enough to treat
the *bole world at an international banquet
What a beautiful sight, to see the warriors of
both nations walking area in arm, aid eittinistat
the slams skileet.,ansl forks,
instead of daggers and swords as formerly.
What a grand music was their artillery booming
in friendly salute, instead of mutual destruction !
Like all the sailors, Brown had his grog to
drink income to the cordial understanding, and
he said to me: "Hail Mary ! this happy meeting,
besides keeping world quiet, a ill enable us
to keep our clean and pure. I was
going to say ours was pretty neat," (but he added
the explanation,) "I mean our houses of Parlia-
ment, which have not been cleansed for an hp
or more." Well, out of those huge gnus will
come the ball hot—the great purifier • and
also the houses of the poor will become
thereby healthy and nice. For, a really
national and rational Parliament, in order
,to restrain idleness, vice, and misery, will
procure to all, pure air, clear water, and more
' room ; continuing the philanthrophio scheme
begun by that truly noble heart of Albert the
Humane and Good!

Brown told me he had read in a book at his
Mechanics' Institution that Punch and Judy
came from the East, being the image of the pri-
mitive and stern justice of the Orientals, and
this explains why Austria and Russia, their neigh-
bours, still stick to the stick or Turkish baton.
But why the cane and the nine-tailed oat should
still watch English backs is more than we can
understand. This strikes us to be Turkish
Justice, and, depend upon it, will he reformed if
the Anglo-French alliance continues, please God.
For our allies newer dog nor (MEM, nor .do they
pay an income.talt, with its damaging schedule
D.

We have a good mind to apply to the Humane
Society for men, and also to that in behalf of
animals, to start a new Punch and Judy- show
upon a more humanizing principle. Punch
would begin as usual to beat soldiers, sailors,
and boys, instead of his wife, cat, and dog. But,
at last, John Bull would make his appearance
and heat in his turn, Punch, the representative
of provosts and proctors, by applying soundly op
his back what Brown calls arotossesimak
beteetßriotn. t •
Oh What a golly good thing if the Anglo.
French union soh do away with these kerbstone
institutions, viz., the eat, the sane, as well as the
can of the elections and canvassing too I Hip,
hip, hip, hurrah! Lord Palmerston sticks to
these time-honoured institutions. He• must,
indeed, be a bee-master himself, for when you
want to take the bees' honey, you place on
several pans of sugar diluted with beer, then
you sound some instruments and the trick is per-
formed You leave some honeycomb for the
queen, and the rust is for the bee-master and the
drones. Methinks then our motto might be
slightly altered, thus: Boast, swat mait on tams.
The Ballot would change all that, bat Palmerston
won't have it. Ho approves of sugar and beer as
means of government. All votes then have a
. priest, -and the investment is generally well re-
paid in places, promotion, and patronage. Who
would dislike being g.p•. Mind, I poly rppett.
• *heti Brown bag fowl. out .ittiough .ItP4
e
Th. other day he was called Mimi, Revolu-
tionist, and Republican, but be rebuked the
triple charge in a clear and distinct manner, I
think. "lam not a Radical," said he, "be-
cause I don't wish to see the national tree
rooted up, but only pruned and cleared
from parasite insects and vermin. lam not
a Revolutionist because a revolution causes ,
ruin and disorder, which can be cured only
by heroic remedies. Lastly, I am not A Re- ,
publican because a republic must have slaves
I like those of Greece and Rome, or must have
lands for moat of her citizens like America, or
again, must be as small, poor' and inaccessible
as Switzerland, was it not pat? and he added:
" Instead of being all that, I unorthodox and a
Trinitarian. Yes, I will stand for Queen; (aside,
and Commons, only with a little reformation,
and no confession. I want them to be equal.
The Lords, lordit incourt and in the Commona •
for what with their hereditary privileges an
church livings, what with their patronage and
pelf, they certainly rule the British roast and I
pudding.
Well, I can understand this rule of three,
better then that of S. Mill. Meanwhile, we can-
not recommend toe much the Reealeata Briton-
nice it puts all other nostrums and specifies in
the ;hada. Our constitution wants a little more
nourishment in the middlt and lower parts.
The ball hot supersedes all hush treatment, and
surgical operational. It will prevent typhus abd
choke's, by removing bad smells and corruption,
eye sores and ossification of the heart convul-
sMns and brain fever, dm., &c. But beware of
counterfeits :----Rtvalenta Americana, or even
Revilenta Setanica, or Palmerstonica (no matter
' which), are founded on another principle, or no
principle at all, being a false pretence of
liberty. Besides curing our gammon, the ball
hot will preserve our pride and save oar boon.

MARY BROWN,