The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser.
Liverpool, Merseyside, England, 1856-01-15 00:00:00

VARIETIES.

To ASCERTAIN TEE LONGITUDE.—Take a foot rule and
measure it.

A GOOD Act loN is never thrown away. Perhaps that is
the reason why we find so few of them.

WICAT moral difference can be established between the
actions of good or bad musical performers ? The former
execute their music, the latter murder it.
FLATTERY.—Nothing is so great an instance of ill manners
as flattery. If you flatter all the company you please none ;
if you flatter only one or two, you affront the rest.
A DAMSEL was asked. " When a gentleman and lady quar-
rel, and each considers the other at fault, which of the two
ought to be the first to advance towards a reconciliation ?"
Her answer was, "The beat hearted and wisest of the two."

" AUNTY, I saw a gentleman in the room busy with two
volumes at once." " Why, Charley, how was that ?" " Aunty,
he had a volume of Macaulay in one hand, and a volume of
smoke coming out of his mouth."
THE following political con. has been lately circulated :
What is the sovereign difference between Russia and Austria ?
Why, in Russia the Emperor is Pope, and in Austria the Pope
is Emperor (as verified by the concordat).
PATHOS.—Alfred, devotedly in love, asked Maria for her
hand. " You may have it, Alfred, dear," the artless girl re-
plied; "but I am afraid you will find it twice its usual size,
for it's covered all over with chilblains."—Punch.

GIFTS.—The best thing to give your enemy is forgiveness;
to your opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your
child, a good example ; to a father, deferance ; to your mother,
conduct that will make her proud of you ; to yourself, respect ;
to all men, charity.

kb-Milt/1i ACICOMMODATION.—A very considerable ho-
tel-keeper at Geelong, advertising his " Burton XXXX," con-
cludes the advertisement in the following manner :—" N.B.
Parties drinking more than four glasses of this potent bever-
age at one sitting, carefully sent home, gratis, in a wheel-
barrow, if required."
WAKLEY AND WINE.—A commissioner of the Insolvent
Debtors' Court, one of the wittiest men of the day, was dining
lately in company with Mr. Wakley, the well-known coroner.
" Do you like that wine, Wakley ?" asked the commissioner.
" Very good, indeed," said Wakley. "Ah," said his friend,
" being a coroner, I thought you'd like it. There's a body
in it.'

HousErroLD MBAS/RES.—A treasure of a Husband :
Carries the baby.—A Treasure of a Wife : Never asks for
money.—A Treasure of a Son : Has money in the funds.—A
Treasure of a Daughter : Looks the same as her mother—if
anything, a trifle older.—A Treasure of a Servant : Runs to
the post in less than half an hour.—A Treasure of a Cook :
Is not hysterical whenever there is company to dinner.—A
Treasure of a Baby : Doesn't disturb its dear papa in the
middle of the night.—Punch.
TEN DOLLARS A POUND FOR HUMAN FIESIL—This is
the selling price of choice specimens of human flesh in Vir-
ginia. We quote the market report of the Washington
Union :—" LARGE SALE OF NEGROES.—At Charlotte, C.H.,
on Monday of last week, fifty negroes, belonging to the estate
of the late John M. Thomas, were sold at public auction for
the aggregate sum of 25,400 dollars. Some other negroes
were sold at the same time, and one or two boys, weighing 95
pounds, brought about 950 dollars each." There are no recent
quotations from the Cannibal Islands.— Springfield (Mass.)
Republican.
IT has been sung in poetry, and repeated in chronicle, that
Sir John Moore was buried without a coffin. [" No useless
coffin enclosed his breast."—Wolfe.] That he was not arrayed
in the usual habliments of the grave, and that his "martial
cloak" was substituted for a shroud, are admitted facts; but
a living officer of high rank, who was present, has been fre-
quently heard to declare that the remains of the lamented
general were certainly enclosed in a coffin. There does not
seem to be any sound reason to suppose the contrary. He died
in a fortified town, occupied by his own troops; artificers and
materials could undoubtedly have been found, if required ;
and the funeral did not take place until several hours after his
decease.—Coles' Peninsular Generals.
How FORGED NOTES WERE IMPORTED INTO RIISSIA.—Not
very long ago a great number of false bank notes were put into
circulation within the dominions of the Czar. They could only
have been imported ; but although the strictest search was
made habitually over every vessel entering a Russian port, no
smuggling of false notes was discovered. Accident brought
the mystery to light. Several cases of lead pencils arrived one
day from England, and were being examined, when one of
them fell out from a package, and the custom-house officer
picking it up, cut it to a point, and used it to sign the order
which delivered up the cases to the consignee. He kept one
loose pencil for his own use, and a few days afterwards, because
it needed a fresh point, cut it again, and found there was no
more lead. Another chip into the cedar brought him to a roll
of paper nestled in a hollow place. This paper was one of the
false notes engraved in London, and thus passed into the do-
minions of the Muscovite.—Dickens' "Household Words."

ANCIENT STEUCTIIIIES.—Nineveh was 15 miles long, 9
wide, and 40 miles round, with a wall 100 feet high, and
thick enough for three chariots abreast. Babylon was 60
miles within the walls, which were 75 feet thick, and 300
feet high, with 100 brazen gates. The Temple of Diana, at
Ephesus, according to Pliny, required 220 years to complete
it, and was supported by 127 pillars, 60 feet high, having
been raised by as many kings. The largest of the pyramids
is 481 feet high, and 653 on the sides ; its base covers 11
acres. The stones are about 30 feet in length, and the layers
are 208. It employed 330,000 men in building. The laby-
rinth of Egypt contained 300 chambers, and 12 halls. Thebes,
in Egpyt, presents ruins 27 miles round, and has 100 gates.
Carthage was 25 miles round, and contained 250,000 citizens
and 490,000 slaves. The Temple of Delphos was so rich in
donations, that it was plundered of £lOO,OOO, and Nero
carried away from it 200 statues. The walls of Rome were
13 miles round.

ACQUISITIONS of RussiA.—Population of the Russian
empire, according to the best authorities, at different epochs :
—At the accession of Peter the First, 1689 15 000 000 ' • of
Catherine the Second, 1762, 25,000000 —,at 'her, death,
36,000,000; at the death of Alexander,' 1825, 68 000 000. 1.
The acquisitions of Russia from Sweden are greater than what
remains of that kingdom. 2. Her acquisitions from Poland
are nearly equal to the Austrian empire. 3. Her acquisitions
from Turkey in Europe are of greater extent that the Prus-
sian dominions, exclusive of the Rhenish provinces. 4. Her
acquisitions from Turkey in Asia are nearly equal in dimen-
sionser to the whole of the smaller states in Germany. 5.
acquisitions from Persia are equal in extent to England. e.
Her acquisitions in Tartary have an area not inferior to that
of Turkey in Europe, Greece, Italy, and Spain. 7. The
acquisitions she has made within the last sixty-four years are
equal in extent and importance to the whole empire she had
in Europe before that time. 8. The Russian frontier has
been advanced towards Berlin, Dresden, Munich, Vienna, and
Paris, about 700 miles; towards Constantinople, 600 miles;
Stockholm, 630 miles ; Teheran, 1,000 miles.