The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1871-01-17 00:00:00

THE Lam BUT ONE OF MIUCKBY JUNIOR

"I beg your pardon, air," said he, "but have you
ever had any advice about your neck? May I ask
what is the matter with it 7"
" I don't koow what you may oall it," replied
Whieksy • "but I've generally looked upon it as a

kind of 'crick."
" I hope you won't think I am taking • liberty," said
the stranger ; hut I am • medical man, and your case
seems to me to be • most interesting one. I presume
you would have no objection to undergo. • trifling
operation if a beneficial result could be obtained f"
"I should have • very great objection," said Whieksy.
" But if you think you can do anything with straight-
forward physic, and like to let me have it gratis, I
lout mind trying • few doses. I'm well-known in the
town; and, if you cured me, I might be able to recom-
mend you a little."
The tall dark man, Dr. Heroism, had come to settle
in the town, and Whickay was his first cue ; but he
made little out of him.
" You see, physic's no good to yen." the new doctor
said in disgust, after a long course of treatment.
" You're twisted out of all sort of reason I don't
see anything short of cutting you beadloff,and stieking it
on again the other side first, to get you at all ship-
shape. I'll tell you what I'd do, though. I'd give
you five pounda for your skeleton, to bang in my
surgery."
" I haven't done with it yet,- said Whiekey ;
if we can deal I'm quite agreeable."
Are you serious!"
"Why not You may frame and glaze and French
polish me if you like, when I'm once properly dead.
Any one's at perfect liberty to pick my bones when
I I'm done with 'em."
The bargain was struck, with some little haggling;
and Whieksy for the second time disposed of his body—
this time for three pounds fifteen shillinga.
About three years after this Whickay fell ill, and
, died, and both the doctors mode preparations to possess
I themselves of the body. Wagglethorpe is, however, a
little nerow.minded provincial town ; and the notion
of the doctors buying Whiekay s holy for dissection
instead of giving it the ordinary Christian funeral
would not have found much favour in the eyes of tho
ste.idy-going folks.
But there was • man who might be relied upon to do
, all that was necessary, and keep things quiet. This
man was Mold, the undertaker; and Mr Botsan pot the
affair and a couple of %nineu into his hand.
Mr Wagstaff, on the contrary, placed his faith in
Wormwold, the sexton. Whickey vu to be buried in •
vault. The thing wild be easily managed.
Mold had himself a sort of • taste for natural or
perhaps you may call it unilateral, curiosities ; and, ,
From a scientific point of view, Whicksy's remains '
excited his admiration.
" The curiousest case I ever came across. Beams to
me there mint two joints of him set together the right
/flay." And he readily lent his aid and a sack to carry
Whicksy's remains to the doctor's at dead of night, and
then filled the coin with brickbat, and rubbish, reedy
for interment.
Placed on the diaseeting table in the doctor's room,
Whiekay's remains were left for an hour or two by
themselves, while Botmaux and Mr Mold took • glass of
grog together downstairs.
When the undertaker was goue the doctor sharpened
his best operating knife with • relish, and stepped up-
atairs to look at his subject.
Upon the table lay the sack, but Whieksy—was
gone
This was rather horrible.
All was still. Whickay nowhere to be seen. Had
he come to life again, and was lying in wait round some
corner, to pop out in a hideously facetious way, and
cry " Boh !"
Botsam raised the candle on high, and gased
affrightedly around. From the next room hollow
congh smote upon bin mar. Ile stepped forward—to
find Whiskey, with his jaws bound up, warming his
knees before a few expiring cinders in the grate.
Botsem gasped for breath, and Whicksy broke the
silence.
"You don't call this gentlemanly treatment, do you
—taking advantage of • bit of • swoon I"
"It was a very deep swoon. We thought you were
gone altogether. And se to taking advantage— what
sore of age do you expect to live to, I should like to

_ know r _
"There's no time specified in our agreement. I've a
right to enjoy myself as long as I Dan."
"It's • positive absurdity for such a oomplicated
dislocation as you are to talkof enjoying yourself. Why
wouldn't you be operated on like • man ?—and then I
shouldn't care for your body. But there—l am sick of
my char* a *lm lomsain LI yam 'two
money, and • ample of pounds for further expenses
I've been put to, I'll cry off."
" Not at all," said Whieksy. "I. for my part, don't
want to be off the bargain; and I wouldn't think of
giving you batik any of the money. I wonder how you
could think of asking for it."
"Oh, that's the way you take it."
"Certainly.'
"Very well. And let me ask you, then, how long
you suppose I'm
.going to wait ?"
" I've no idea.
" Now, look here, Mr. Whickey—let's understead
one another. I'm not going to waitat alb Unless you
write me out a cheque on the spot for fifteen pounds,
I'll be hanged if I don't operate on you. It's no good
struggling. The man who brought you here will be
ready to swear you were dead when be brought you,
and I'll bask him no if the operation's fatal. It's no
good howling either. Thare's no one but we two in the
house, and no one would hear you."
" I'll write you out the cheque." said Whicksy, with
a groan. "And if you can oblige me with the loan
of • at oost and an umbrella I should feel obliged to
you."
An hour later Whiskey knocked at hr. Waptaffs
door, and Wagstaff, coiwng down to let him in, nearly
fsinttol with fright in the passage.
"tin alive," Mackay said, by way of an introduc-
tion ; "but that's not Botsam's fault. He's just been
robbing rue, and tried to murder me too."
And he narrated the eiroumstanoes.
"You don't beer Batumi any good will, do you!
This ought to be the rain of him, if properly managed;
and as for Mold, I'll ruin him too, if he he don't pay
me twenty pounds for damages and money out of
pocket."
"Meanwhile." said Wagsteff, "you'd better keep
quiet here, and have your coffin buried in the regular
way of business."
"Or, look here, if —just for the fun of the thing—l
go down and intarrupt the ceremony."
This idea was groatly approved of by Doctor Wag-
staff, and was to be put Into execution nest day.
An hour before the time, however, Whioksy mysteri.
ously disappeared.
Upon the following day Wagstaff called upon Botsam,
to salt whether he bad heeird nor tidings of their com•
mon friend; but Boman denied all knowledge of the
alleged midnight visit to the dissecting mem,
"Don't talk like that ;" said Weida ; "he came
stmight te me, slept there the night, and borrowed ten
pounds of me for some business es wished to teamed
the bet thiss Isotopia,/ morning."