The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1876-11-25 00:00:00

AMERICAN HUMOUR.

An Alabama editor mildly alludes to his rival as "a
reservoir of falsc hood and an aqueduct of mendacity."

"Didn't she return yonr love ?" "Ye, she did ;
the said she didn't want it. That's what's killin' me,"

A youna lady of Nov York, who is partially deaf, is
in the habit of answering " yes " to everything when a gentle-
man is talking to her, for fear he might propose to her and
she not hear it.
A New York editor pays his ancestors had been in
the habit o 'living a hundred yesrs. Ms opponent responds
by saying that "that was before the intruauctiou 01 capital
punishment."
A coloured preachor in Carolina recently concluded
his seimon thus:—" My obttinaclons breden, I flnd it no
more use to preach to you dau it is for a grasshopper to wear
knee-breeches."

A funeral was recently postponed in Baltimore
because the carriages were all at the race-e,ourlse. The
B4lttruoreans consider life itself a race-curse, and that
the dead should not be buried until the heat of the day is
Over.

The editor of an American paper thus encourages
one of his poetical contributors :—" Oar waste basket for
originalsoetry has for ths fourth time within two months
been enblVtied of its contents. Your elegant contribution
finds a place therein, acd is now reclining gracefully itt.its
capacious depths

A sympathetic Tennessee reporter writes an account
of the shooting of a man, and says :—" The bullet penetrated
hie stomach, whence it was recovered by the use of an emetic,
so that the lead was not lost."

A little boy in school gave one of the best definitions
ever given of economy— Paring potatoes thin." This
economy means right management, not meanness.

An aristocratic New Yorker, on being requeitei by
a rich and vulgar young fellow for portnizsiou to marry
" °Le of his girls," gave this rather crushing reply :
"Certainly ; which would you prefer, the houseman or the
cook ? "

---- -
A negro in Columbus (Gen Tia dreamed that he
foubd five dollars at a certain place in the street. He went
to the *A next morning, found one dollar, and now he
UCCUS6S tLe ghost who told him to go there of stealing four
dollar/.

A. Dotroit lunatic left his house a year ago, and has
been wandering about ever since under the impression that
he is somebody else, and yet rotaiuing a particular interest in
his real self. Now and then 4e writes to his wife to inquire
alter her husband, and especrally to know " whether he has
got over that crazy tit yet." Tho case is a curious one.
Portlard, in America, has the politest man on
record. While engaged in carrying wood into the collar of
a house the other nay, he fell down stairs and sp• alned his
ankle. The lady of the house rushed to his artaistance, and
was received with, "1 beg your pardon, ma'am, for making
so much noise."

A man in Oregon, on the evening of the recent
earthquake, had informed his wife that he had an important
business appointment which he was reluctantly obliged to
keep. `When the shock came he rushed home with a
billiard cue in his hand, which he had forgotten to replace;
and now his wife won't hear of any business appointments
after eight o'clock in the evening.

A New York journal says that people should not
borrow newspapers; a Schenectady man, who had smallpox
In his family, maliciously lent his paper to a friend, and now,
of his extensive and iatereating family, a doting fathbr, a
fond wife, several Intelligent and heroic sons, thirteen lovely
daughters' two popular mothers jr-law, and three beautiful
aunts, not one remains to tell the tale.
Nisteitancaus