The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1876-10-07 00:00:00

AMERICAN HUMOUR.

A Misscuri woman won a house and garden '.lll' a
rsffi3, and then she had to buy a rifle to keep her adorers from
wtaring out the steps.
A Georgia newspaper informed its readers that it
was not worth while for them to raise boys. The agonized
editor insists that he wrote the word hogs.
A Western paper tells us that a favourite hotel is to
be kept next season at one of the watering-places "by the
widow ef Mr. Smithers, who died last summer on a new and
improved plan."
What disagreeable person was it that said the
national tune of America was the spittoon?

Outside of the hall where the meetings have been
held for revlsirg spelling, some one has posted The Filler-
delfler. Convenshun for revising the spelling of the Eenglish
landwidge haz ajerned.
A Saratoga girl writes home :—" There are plenty of
males here—lisping, silly, hair-patterbin-middle swells; but
0, for the sight of a genuine man!"
This sign is displayed at a dining room on the East
Side, New York, "Lunch 76 cents, !square meal 1 dollar, per-
fect gorge 1 dollar 25 cents."

A justice of the peace at Red Wing, Minnesota, had
to knock a culprit down with a chair to get him quiet enough
to try him.
A man in Cincinnati recently "went out" ("query,
committed suicide "), liKcause he lived next doer to an
amateur trombone player. The coroner held an inquest, and
returned a verdict of tromboned."
A Yankee editor says, "If the party who plays the
accordion in this vicinity at nights will bnly change his tune
occasionally, or sit where we can scald him when the engine
has steam on, he will hear of smelling to his advantage."
The creditors of an absconded New York banker
found, on opening his safe, that the only thing he had laid
up for a rainy day wavau umbrella.

tits tune

A farmer, the other day, wrote to a New York mer-
chant, asking how the former's son was getting aln, and
where he slept nights. The merchant replied, "He sleeps In
the store in the daytime. I don't know where he sleeps
nights."
An Atlanta man walked around all day recently
with a grasshopper in his ear. When his wife discovered it,
he said he had been hearing peculiar noises all day, but
thought a new steam sawmill had begun operations some-
where In the neighbourhood.

If the money which our young men throw away
every day for cigars were devoted to charity, every man,
woman, and child, in this town, could have ice•cream for
supper, and the stomach-ache and three kinds of cholera
medicine before morning.

A fashion note in an exchange tells us that slinkiness
in white dresses is not fashionable. We always felt certain of
It, even before we saw the item, and now our belief will be
fully confirmed as moon as we learn what slinkiness is.

"It has been demonstrated that a balloonist cannot
drink from a jag after rising above the clouds." And now a
Kentucky edieor won't go up until he is permitted to fill him-
self up to the chin before starting.
A self-possessed young man called at a house in New
York, a few mornings ago, and askrel to see his wife. "She
is not here," replied the mistress of the houee. "There is
none here but the members or my own family."—" Well,"
replied he, "It's one of-them I want to see. I married your
eldest daughter yesterday."
A New York paper says a former principal of
Middleborough Academy. at one time, on the approach of a
tempest, insulated a chair on four pieces of glass, and, as he
thought, politely invited a young lady to sit on his lap for
safety. To show the popularity of the man of letters, the
young lady replied she had rather be struck by lightning.
An old lady, livirg in New York, put her head out
of the window during a storm, and was struclt by lightning.
Sheowas stunned fora moment, and had the top of her head
singed, but she recovered. She says if the "had only seen
the lightning a minute sooner she would have elocl,ged it,
but somehow she ain't so spry as she was eixty years ago.

A New York woman unoatentatiously points to the
fact that the funeral of her late husband cost but eighty-two
dollars, which is fifteen dollars less than the neighbours
thought she could do it for, and yet there is not one of them
who can say that anything was spared to make the occasion
a success, and one long to be remembered by all who partici-
pated.