The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle.
Stourbridge, West Midlands, England, 1876-02-05 00:00:00

SELECTED ANECDOTES

AN -UPRIGHT MAN.—Erskine was once retained
for a Mr. Bolt, whose character was impugned by Mr.
Mingay, the counsel on the other side. "Gentlemen,"
said Erskine, in reply, " the plaintiff's counsel has
taken unwarrantable liberties with my client's good
name, representing him as litigious and unjust. So far,
however, from this being his character, he goes by the
name of Bolt upright."
Two SIDES 10 A SPEECH. —Charles Lamb, sit-
ting next some chattering woman at dinner, observed
be didn't attend to her. "You don't seem," said the
lady, "to be at all the better for what I am saying to
youl"—" No, ma'am," he answered; "but this gentle-
man on the other side of me must, for it all came in at
one ear and went out at the other I"

REMEMBER Mr.—Jerrold and a company of
literary,friende were oat in the country. In the course
of their walk they stopped to notice the gambols of an
ass's foal. A very sentimental poet present vowed that
he should like to send the little thing as a present to
his mother.—" Do," Jerrold replied; and tie a piece
of paper round its neck, bearing this motto, 'When
this you see, remember me."
No INcoNvENizion.—When Fox was in Paris,
' he was almost tormented to death by the application
,of painters, modellists, &c., to take his likeness. One
sculptor particularly persecuted him to sit for a statue.
Fox at last inquired if the sitting would put him to
any inconvenience?—" None whatever," said the
-Frenchman • "you must only take off your shirt, and
sit nakecruntil you are modelled." te ;ell

A CALIFORNIAN.—" Hew high did the water
get on your floor ?" was asked of a resident of one of
the more favoured localitias of Sacramento, after the
late flood. "Just high enough to take the starch out
of my shirt collar'. "said he. But, as if anxious to
maintain the good standing of real estate in this neigh-
bourhood, be added, "But, then, you know, I am a
very short man."
THE OLD COCK.—Many years ago the only
inn at KesWich was called the "Cock," and was much
frequented by the visitors to the Lake districts. But
the late excellent Bishop of Landaff, Dr. Richard
Watson, happening to reside in the neighbourhood,
and being universally esteemed and loved, the land-
lord, out of compliment to his lordship, changed his
sign to the "Bishop's Head." Another inn was;.
shortly after opened in the village, and the proprietorti
selected the "Cock" as his sign. The landlord of thtu
old inn finding that the rival establishment, owing toe,
its name, threatened to deprive him of many of his
customers, in consequence of the guide books recom-
mending the "Cock" as the best inn, wrote under the
bishop's head at his door, "This is the original Old
Cock,' to the great amusement of the bishop, who
used to relate the story with much glee.
CURIOSITIES IN RELATIONSHIP.—Of all bores
the most hateful are those who drive you into a corner
by the chimney-piece, and having got you there at
their mercy, without hope of escape, they torment you
with perplexing qtiestions, almost as obnoxious as
'riddle's (says the Court Journal). One such has dis-
covered some curiosities in relationship which appear
-st the first inexplicable, impossible. Two mothers,
each with her daughter, entered a salon, yet they were
but three, and these three were three generations. The
grandmother took her daughter's arm, who gave her
hand to her own little girl; therefore each mother had
her daughter with her, and yet they were but three.
Then we were told of a boy who was own brother, as
they say at Tattersall's, to a wife and her husband.
A widower had a son who married a widow's daughter.
The widower later, regardless of all old 'Weller's warn-
• .gs, married the widow, who bore to him a son, and
e boy, therefore, became brother to each of the young
Married couple.
ijROOT AND BRANCH.— Sarah Duchess of Marl.
orough was accustomed to make an annual feast, to
,Irthich she invited all her relations. At one of these
ifomily meetings, she drank their health, adding,
',What a gloriouss sight it is to see such a number of
"branches flourishing from one root !" But observing
ck Spencer laugh, insisted on knowing what ones-
oned his mirth, and promised to forgive him, be it
hat it would.,--"-WhY, then, madam," said he,
;was thinning how much more the branches wou _
i- flourish if the root were under ground.. .
A DUTCHMAN'S NOTION OF INSURANCES.
A certain Dutchman, owner of a small house, had
effected an insurance on it of eight hundred pounds,
although it had been built for much less. The house
got burnt down, and the Dutchman then claimed the
full amount for which it had been insured; but the
officers of the company refused to pay more than its
actual value - about six hundred pounds. He expressed
his dissatisfaction in powerful broken English, inter-
larding his remarks with some choice Teutonic oaths.
"If you wish it," said the actuary of the insurance
company, "we will build you a house larger and better
than the one burned down, as we are positive it can
be done for even leas than six hundred pounds." To
this proposition the Dutchman objected, and at last
was compelled to take six hundred pounds. Some
weeks after he had received the money he was called
upon by the same agent, who wanted him to take out
a policy of life insurance on himself or his wife. "If
you insure your wife's life for two thousand pounds,"
the agent said, .4 and she should die, you would have
the sum to solace your heart." "Oh no!" exclaimed
the Dutchman. "You 'surance fellows ish all tiefs I
If I insure my vife, and my vife dies, and if I go to de
office to get my two thousand pounds, do I gets all de
money? No, not quite. You will say to me, 'She
vasn't vorth two thousand pounds ; she was worth
about six hundred. If you don't like de six hundred
pounds, we will give you a bigger and better vife,''-'-
--..... 0.0,4kaa ... d 4

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