The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette.
Dorchester, Dorset, England, 1864-07-05 00:00:00

Varictins.

Pride breakfasted with Plenty, dined with Poverty,
and cupped eitb infamy.
We labour to publish our abilities, but harder to
conceal our inlinnitier—if we know them.
The &twines of our own desires stand between' us
end our better angels, and thus their brighteess

.4;elsed.
who should be the moat weal soldiers to. dark
nightr—Th. Liglit Dragoons.
W,ented, two stamps of iadignalion, and moo( trate

nobility.
Jones calls crinolines thi large circle of his female
friends.
There are no other creatures in nature that our
charm like women and mama
An observer of the female eel thinks • lady soar
tittles rt as touch nitwit/mud at her glass as • toper
does at his.
"These notes enliven me," as tbe man rid as nesivlag

• reittaoes.
Some hearts like primroses, open most bessUfally in

shcrwi of life.
The best way of raising cootie, is by the liver at la-
&wry. The triple% miser raises his by screw power.
FINAL DrOIII2UN Or THE CONFIRIIICZ.—" We mai
draw the lite somowbore."—Ptwack.
A whiter, whose first eon waa • eery abort fat little.
fellow, named him" Beerier Fullf•oed

4.er was Paper.
That was so ismairiou young mind that said the
schoolmaster were sll the Agana went to whim they
were rubbed out.
A Wasbingtoo paper deserMins • beautiful young
lady as having • face • painter might tired upon. That
would be • delightful residence.
Many • philoomber who thought he led sin moot
knowledge of the whole human rue has been mime
ably cheated in the choice of • wife.
The regard one chows economy is like that one shwa
an old aunt, Who is to leave we something at LEL—.

Maoism.
ght j
aabb":PAH:rh* otnePilidei"gmdo dida ester
ri.tlat,stoedtwolls.ell"her
ironit;s:hce: rapty::"Dosiii7ding ,
drii.puguog u.,
know
b.h.Ay.
sirynomye..nytoitc4b.peteitgeimn.tritikimiariotinerinwti.aag:::.,fte.o"ndeadelicllgh,irib.lir,taireessaiwbeiteethed,
the anima faith that all things work together for good,
Ilet—ala. I it teem. a long and dark promo."
• kibeedermeoding and isattentioe meets more aa--
mane.. In the world than deception and artifice, or at
hest their lace. cleaner are more univereal—Goide.
All the comes f the villages on the therm of the
Gulf of Mexico are is the ichit of swimming. Tber
young hobos ars all divine-belle..
"Do you know who I ern I" mid • polio. officer to •
fellow whom lie mix, d by the throat. "Not exactly,
air, but! fancy you are the otaltrolof collars,-)"
A gentleman lately heard • lahoener gravely inform
two comrades that a 74•p000der is • mama that seethe
pound ball exactly 74 miles.
Every day broom ite own duties, and 011/Tlegthese
along with it: and they are as eaves brokea is the
shore, many like them coining after, but some ever lbw
game.
I find that .ntheeful thoraces is • powerful 101111a6 Or
debilitation, which dimbarges itself in good humour.
upon others.—Dr. Ckalmere.
In • French translation of Vothipere, the
" !Nally, thy none is women, is tranalated.ll=
Fre lty is the name of the lady f'
When a you. g lady offer. to hem • cambric haunter.
chief for a rich bachelor the means to sow in order that
she may reap.
A I itle four-year-old boy the other day confused he
moth. r by making the following enquiry: "Mother, if
a man I. • mister, ain't • woman • mystery r
"Young ladies are like so arrow; they can't kept
off without • bean." Another reason why they are ht.
an arrow "When they get into your heart, thiy can%
be got out till death."
A jockey, who inesatioady bunted his finger by telthe
up his toast from the Sr., and broke the plate by letting
it fall, ol served that it was too bad to lore the Plait
titer having won the beat.
A RIO?, CRAM Or TRADL—Whoissales don't mix with
retail.'- Raw wool doesn't epesk to half-penny balls of
aerate,: ; tallow in the make looks down upon time is
the pooaLl : and pig-iron turns up its DOM at tenpthey
nand.
Money le • ery scree at Turin, and theithe atlas thy
Is that a man, bating planned successfully • robbery ed
the /Leifan yemonry, only tooth a balanoe of 15.
Pori, Leifer.
I. one of dae and rim lately, • MID who IMO 41111•11
pO, to appear law
eaTelitos
weas.,
grey
noetidbeedtfosigiu.sa. On.
roth.eejoude
pfanaral,Nie7th muck ea.'n.he said:"YoUr Ift""r•
he'e gone!" "Coot I goth uid the judge. "
I. bn goner Thia «rim infonu 70n.!7.7.1dtd the
corn mun Mative gentleman" tea t "nr; ""`
considered the most guarded sainee.-ne ,reseen-,_
A good deal of the oomelatios the woetl le
about a• solacing ma the usurathe ale+ ."1"•••
wife when she fell into the river-0 Yth ,n and Punning
at the bottom, my dear."
An Irishman on hoard • mesa when the 'll/4'8411"
6
point of foundering, being desired to some as it ,__, "
she was going down, replied that he had newish
on deck to "bee himself drowned."
blabs yourself care ; get op, shake yeoman awn.
pretend to ears, melee believe to care, sad very soon
you will care, and ewe so much, that you will be ex-
tremely angry with any one who intemrpse year
palmate. —.Sidney death.
"Mother," said Ike Partinoton. "did you know that
the 'iron hoer.' Las but one ear r—" One ear! refugia
gracious, child, what do you mean r—" Why Mmes.*.
car, of courm."
Ether. —Women require more sleep than men, and;
ferniers less thou those engaged in thy other oaths-
, tion. Editors, reporters, pointers, and telegraph'
I operators need no sleep at all Lawyers can sleep as •
much am they choose-it will keep them out of mischief-
-American Paper.
lurorrurr TO Wivitc—lt is said to be
m estiefaejtil
deonatrated that every time • wife scolds her b
eke mid, a wrinkle to her hos. It is thought the
announcomemt of tile fact will hey* • most salutary
effect, espocielly as it I. understood that every time •
wife atones on her hothead it will remove one of the
old wrinkles,
dome time since • man in Maine wasted to exhibit
an Egyptian mummy, and went to the court-house.
What is it?" asked the judge. "Au Egyptian
mummy, may it pkage the court, more than three
thousand years old," said the showman. "Ike,.
thousand years old !" exclaimed the judge, foreplay to
his feet, "and lathe critter alive?"
Etat iss Pilate or Biala—We have now fa Leedom
and different parte of the United Kingdom about It
peala of twelve belle, 60 peals of ten hell., 600 pools cid
e girt hells, 700 peal, of aix hello, al-out 40 I peas of
five bells. and • Feat number from ems bell to • admit,
of four bell.; and all them peels of eve to peal, a
twelve bells bet each from £IIOO to upwards of maxi.
Bo you am what a merry ringing island England is, end
• in.lodioun teal of 6.n. is perhaps not lees captivating
then the duet is nod instrument ever jet ituer.ted.—
Cre-respoodent of ate Bsilder.
Faiths comeitoes will always repel the man who
mks,. r exelesiee liberty. or forgets the rights of others;
for excite ove liberty is but • mivilere, and • liberty.
I iegetful a others' right.. is nothing better thaw
trabon. . . Yes, Cathehes lathy this well: if
you want liberty for yourselves you must will it for all
men under heavem If you ask it for yourselves.
initlOV. it will Decor be grunted; give it where you ace
mestere, in order that it may be given you there thew
yon are slaves. —Loco'doire
Wilkes, going to • chop-hoses in Paternoster-row.
with • friend, accidentally seated himself DOW a rith
and overbearing citizen, who almost stunned him by
rearing for hi. "stake," as be called it. Wilkes, a
the cit some common question, received a very blertZ
answer; and the atmk corning in at the moment, be
turned to his compthion, and said -" Bee the difference
between the City and Bear Garden • there the beat Ie
brought to the stake, but ben the 'stabs' is brought to
she beer."
Captain Sweeny maid that when, after • tedium
voyage of tee wale, the shores of St. Hasse were elm
covered, Napoleon memed at first to feel the joy whisk
animated every other person on board at the idea ell
keying the .hip; but when on • narrow scram& he.
discovered the barren rocks and desolate spore of his
insular prima, the @uremia% of despair, mingled witho
other feelings, on his countenance was most striking.
Napoleon left the deck, went into his cabin, and lee
teeny hours would not Med.—Diaries of a Lady qt.
A v MA/MX Wurr.—Elir William Napier tells se in•
the of his autohiograpideal letters When the
immense 111111111 of King Joseph's torrespoodeace taken at •
Vittoria was placed in my hands, I was dismayed at
audit* it to be • huge collection of letters, without
order, rind in three languages, one of which I did oat
understand. Many, also, were in very era bed and
illegible *hamsters, especially those of Joseph's 011111
writing, which is nearly sod,Meelt to read as Nepotism's.
The moot important docommote were in •ypr, sod
there was so key. Desparing of any prolitable culmi-
nation if thew valuable materials, the thought emend
nie of giving op the work, when my wife undertook,
first, to ammo the letters by dates and subjects,. mat
to make • table a reference, translating epi
ing the cooteels if each' and this, without negleetinf
for en lenient the we and education of • large family.
the effected in snob a simple and comprehensive
manner, that it was easy to asoniain the contests of
any letter, and lay hands on the ociginal domucent
• few momenta, the also undertook to &MON.. the
etyma correspondence, and not only soome, but
formed • key to the whole, detective even the unnamed
stops, and co securately, that when, in moron a lime,
the original key was plead in ray bathe, there wee
nothing to learn. Haw*, mestiosed this to the Duke
of W be seemed at And Incredulous,
•b
I mast mean that she had made out the osst"sertris,
seams letters, Several persons bad done this fee kini, he
said, but none had ever made out the nulls me earned
• key,.adding, 'I would hays given £30.000 to say
Person who would have dome that for me the
Pssinenia.'"

Tag " Omni= Eige at GO look with eompfamener
on whitened towers, het to youth it is a eal.mity. ; re.
modish's, however. by 11 OrriNel .1"1"16
ko., of whi It Dr. Hassell reports, • I mane them as
the most perfect brushes hitherto made. at respects
their reesitaniad eonstracrion, and Heir mogarstisel
.4,600." They are THB remedy for Gray Hair,
Neuralgia. Ithesasetiam, he.
N.B.:.CessteEforts are being ramie.
_ .

ogees, 32. limisgball-otteet, Looden.
The introdoethst of commoditna thatcommund a
ode from their dotlna ire advents.. beteg valuedi
ths tesWie. freqaently attracts • hoot of *natation.
oldest our to pest off inferior articles mans dank
the trado-mark, labels, lutohol a
ui. nof . Afesirl.
m". th• onehel Importers of the a
To.; therefore purchasers *Load sot fail to notfes than
tho oidnotore—" florsiman &ad Co, Loado.."—ie es'
eseh arnia. picket Their tea, from Its olliablea
quality, has foe • quarter *stray bawl it
favour throughout the khg4a.. Pmiug *W. all
require good tea. sed eLsarl.m. quail to surs
appsusses Mews u srusiur skis,
A S" I limn is Oils iissigslirl 11{“01101
r ow wournk