history: I have anxiety so I get terrible panick attacks sometimes. I have bad panic attacks about death after experiencing so much of it the past year I am so sorry to hear that. I assume lots of folks close to you have entered eternity lately? Yes people and pets. Too soon. So it definitely makes you think everyone is going to die any minute and life is meaningless.
current: sadly we all know that everyone and everything is going to die, but that is why we need to really live while we are able. Don't retreat. Embrace everyone who is close to you.
next: yes very true. I try but when you go through trauma it affects you in different ways. Mine is to be terrified and want to die too at times.