history: I know I will be safe in the event of a total nuclear holocaust as long as I duck and cover underneath the nearest school desk. There's just not a single thing wrong with my plan. You wanna know why I'm not worried about nuclear armageddon? Because I bought a school desk at one of the district auctions_comma_ and all I have to do is duck and cover and nuclear fire won't touch me. lol! I remember those drills when I was a kid!
current: Ahh, then you know exactly what I mean. I don't see a single thing wrong with my plan. I'm not sure why everyone is so worried about North Korea or Iran or Russia or something when it's just like...get a school desk. It's not hard, people.
next: And your largest hardback book will protect you from a tornado as long as you put it over your head and sit in the hall!!