history: I paid $1000 for a mystery box on eBay. It said it would be filled with all sorts of cool and expensive items. When I opened it, it was nothing but literal garbage. I paid $1000 for one of those mystery boxes on eBay. It said it would be filled with all sorts of fun and expensive items.
current: Please tell me it was not full of Oriental Trading Company rubber ducks and cheap tchotchkes.
next: I would've happily taken that! Instead, it was filled with literal garbage, like a bunch of those empty 99 Bananas bottles and candy wrappers.