against yourself yeah and you want a little further and you say I'm gonna go we'll further and go further or you had a rough day and you just went in and you just you at the end of the day you surrender and you have the classic oh my god moment there's no linear correlation it's just whether you're willing to live in creation instead of living in survival and so you get better at it you know we just get better at it and for me staying consciousness thing where in staying present is an art because you you know when someone's present with you