arjun2183/Counselor huggingface dataset:
Question: I am divorced and happily remarried. Our blended family of children are in their 20s. My youngest, age 20, continues to call me crazy and favors her dad. He was abusive to me, and I left with injuries. He never wanted kids, and I did. He paid child support only through forced wage earners. Now my daughters favor him after all the sacrifices I made for them the past 15 years as a single mom. I don’t deny them a relationship with their dad, but to be called crazy and then watch them hang out with him hurts me to the very core. I’m not sure how to handle this.
Counselor response: Hi, I understand what you're going through. Your daughters favor him because he has done no wrong in their eyes. Im guessing they lived with you? Growing up I was the same way.. I favoured my dad, thinking he has done no wrong. He also abused my mother multiple times, and that never came to mind. kids like their other parent more mainly because they don't see them everyday, and they usually buy them everything they want, because all he does it pay child support (by force) and then spoil their kids to make them happy. You seem like a great mom, don't doubt yourself.
Question: I'm fine when we start becoming intimate, but out of nowhere, I will get a flashback of what happened to me in the past. I start hysterically crying and freaking out when my boyfriend obviously has done nothing to hurt me.
Counselor response: Have you sought the support of a therapist really qualified in working through sexual trauma? It can take some work, but healing is possible. If you feel able to, it may also help to open a dialogue with your boyfriend about what you need from him when you have these flashbacks. Let him know what some helpful responses may be.
Question: I'm depressed. I have been for years. I hide it from everyone because I'm scared of the reactions I'll get. Last time I tried telling my parents, it was a huge argument about me being too young to be depressed (I’m a legal adult), calling me ungrateful, and telling me that if I can't handle things now, it's only going to get worse in the future (which is turning out to be true). It's exhausting pretending to be okay, and I don't know how much longer I can try. I'm just really tired, and sadly, I can't afford the help I need on my own.
Counselor response: Don't think that you can't afford the help you need on your own.  There are several counselors that see people on a sliding scale that can be as low as $5 (based on your income).  Find a center that is non-profit, they have great counselors as well. It sounds like you know what you are experiencing and know that you need someone to talk to, someone that is willing to listen.  Your parents may not understand what your are feeling right now and that is not totally abnormal.I would encourage you to seek help immediately so you can live the best live you can...which is not being depressed.
Question: Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies?
Counselor response: Your question is actually thoughtful and reflects a true interest to know more about life.No one knows if god is a lie because "god" is a concept in which people either make up their own definition of this concept, or believe one of the concepts of what god is, handed down by religions.All the religions exclude the other god concepts, and expect loyalty to believing in their particular version of "god".Probably god is real in the sense that most people want to believe there is guided purpose to what goes on in life.This is as definite as what we can know about "god"."God" is not a lie because it is not a fact.  Beliefs aren't provable.
Question: I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this?
Counselor response: It is totally normal - you have a lot riding on this and you're invested! Think about why you feel so shaky - is it something about the therapist or their style? If so, it would be a good idea to talk with them about it so you feel more at ease. In any case bringing up your feelings about therapy in therapy is totally appropriate and even necessary. Good luck!
Question: I love him so much, and I don't know what to do.
Counselor response: Hi Savannah, This is a pretty common issue; one person feels that they are doing a great job of being loving, yet their partner doesn't feel loved. There's a great book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. He explains that there are five main ways to give and receive love, but we don't necessarily all speak the same "love language" as our partner. You might feel that by going out to work and earn money, you're being loving, but if your partner's main love language is quality time, you're not hitting that bulls eye because you're not home! The five languages are words, quality time, acts of service, gifts and touch. I recommend couples grab this book, sit down and figure out what their love languages are, and then...slowly...you start to ask for the kind of love you want, and you start to speak your partner's language a bit better. You may never be fluent, but you can get better. The most important part is to understand each other better and to know that there's nothing wrong with either of you, you're just speaking different languages. You can help your boyfriend to get really specific about how he wants to be loved. I bet he just needs you to "speak his language".  :)
Question: I am lazy. I am very aware of the problem and try to talk myself out of it all the time, but I never seem to shake the habits. I try to think of what it is doing to me and my future, but no matter what, I keep creating excuses for myself to continue the procrastination. All I'm ever left with is regrets and a low grade. I am at an all-time low in my life, and I'm not even that old. I've always been a straight-A student, but now I'm getting C's and F's, and it hurts me to know that I am way better than that. It's not even like the work is hard.
Counselor response: Possibly laziness is not the true problem and is only what appears as the problem.Since you describe your laziness as an observable quality, I assume you've not always felt or handled yourself this way.Quite possibly and more likely, the particular conditions of your current life are not ones that are optimal for feeling good about yourself and your involvements.One suggestion is to see if there is any purpose to what you're doing in all the areas in which you see yourself acting from laziness.If you're not able to notice any good purpose, then you may be mistaking "laziness" for a significant amount of stress in your life.Stress can be opened and understood.  If stress is what underlies what appears as laziness, then you define the contributors to your stress.Not feeling enough support in your life, financial uncertainty, arguments w people who are close in your life, feeling misunderstood overall or by particular people, all are possibilities.Good luck in learning more about who you are!
Question: My ex-wife married and used me to have a child. She now uses that child as a pawn. I know my child misses me, but I need to move on and not live in the past. How do I do this? Do I see my child as much as possible or very little? Is it more confusing for the child?
Counselor response: You can "move on and not live in the past" in the context of your ex-relationship, but that does not mean moving on from your child. "Moving on" then would involve accepting the end of the relationship and developing a civil relationship with your ex-partner as far as is possible for the sake of your child's development.Generally, it's good for a functional (non-abusive) parent to spend time with his/her child, but only insofar as that doesn't cause your child unnecessary stress. That requires the two adults to act like adults with each other for the sake of their child.What's confusing for children is seeing their parents act uncivilly or manipulatively. Children also do well with routines so regular dependable visitation is preferable to random visitation or, worse, not following through on commitments.But if one person is exploiting their child to harm their ex-partner, then visiting your child in that context may be stressful to him/her (depending on what you mean by using your child as a pawn). When dealing with a hostile ex-partner, your first challenge is to negotiate rules and boundaries with your ex-partner about appropriate behavior for the good of your child. If you cannot come to an agreement, a counselor can help mediate a conversation. If that's not an option, then it may be possible to turn to family court to stipulate visitation rules (for which you'd have to consult with an attorney).
Question: I have a mother who is still running my life even though I'm almost 30 years old. I want to move out and live my own life, but it feels like as long as I do what my mom wants our relationship is okay. It's never okay if I don't do what she wants. 

I don't know how to start making my own decisions and not worry about  whether it's right in her eyes.  Would it help for me to talk to someone about this?
Counselor response: If the only way the relationship you have with your mother feels "okay" is when she is the only one who makes decisions concerning your life, then this only seems ok.In fact it is not okay for one person to be the authority for another person unless the one for whom this is being done, does not have their own ability to think for themselves.Separating your own wishes and way of handling life matters, from your mother's point of view, may be difficult.First, realize you need to get familiar with feeling at ease with the idea of deciding matters for yourself.You'll need practice until you feel comfortable.Unless, if you've been thinking through decisions you'd like to make and the idea of your mother's anger is the only point which stopped you, then you may almost instantly start living in a liberated way of running your own life.Basically, it is right and fair for you to have the chance to live your life the way you feel is best.   Be prepared that your mother may disagree with you and that her disagreement is not a reason itself to not do what you believe is in your best interest.
Question: My partner and I have had an amazing relationship and connection for over two years. We're very committed to each other and are planning a very long life together. However, he recently was very open and honest that he isn't interested in having sex with me anymore. He says this has happened in every past relationships and has ended it as a result. He knows it's because it's the "same person" feeling, but how can he get over this?
Counselor response: I wonder how long "anymore" will be for your boyfriend.Since you both are planning a long life together, instead of his custom of ending relationships when he feels bored with the sex, he will be facing the situation of being in a relationship and not having sex with his partner to whom he is committed.What are your own views on the meaning of sex in a relationship?Knowing this will help you be better able to collaborate with your boyfriend on finding ways of balancing what you each would like.
Question: I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about six years now. In the past, our relationship was difficult and frustrating. We argued a lot, and due to that, there was a lot of tension between us. We stayed together because we love each other and wanted to make it work. I used to party a lot, and several times I got into situations where I would end up kissing someone else. These situations were never more than just kissing. I have come clean about these situations with my boyfriend, and he decided to forgive and move forward with me. I love him so much and want to work things out too, but I'm having a difficult time understanding how he can forgive me. I can't seem to forgive myself. I'm overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and unworthiness.
Counselor response: So wonderful to have a boyfriend who is able to understand and forgive you. What do you think that he sees in you that allows him to do that? Does he see someone who like other humans makes mistakes? Does he see someone who despite hurtful choices is a good person committed to being a loving respectful partner? The compassion and understanding that we can often extend to others can be difficult to extend to ourselves. We often hold very unrealistic and perfectionist expectations for ourselves which may even lead to our poor choices in the first place - as a ways of letting off steam or rebelling against our high standards. Regardless of the reasons, we all make mistakes and imperfection does not make someone less loveable - it just makes them human. If your boyfriend is able to start clean with you, there must be a reason. What you do from here on out will define the kind of partner you are to him. Can you treat him with the kind of respect that you would want? Can you help him to feel loved and safe in the relationship? Can you allow yourself to be imperfect and afraid and still worthy of love and acceptance. When you are feeling ashamed of your behaviours - try to imagine extending that scared part of you the same love and acceptance that you might extend to other people who have made mistakes. It is not easy to forgive ourselves but it is important in order to allow ourselves to be loved and to truly love others.
Question: My fiancé and I have almost the best relationship every girl wants, but lately it's changed. I get less attention and little to no intercourse. He works a lot and goes to the gym a lot (he's a football player for an indoor league), but he has no time for me. We live two hours from family, and when I leave home to see family, he'll text me saying "whatever" and "leave me alone." But when we're together, everything is okay. No fighting or anything. I love this man, but I just don't know what to do anymore.
Counselor response: Hi Rockford, While no relationship is "perfect", and it's natural for the passionate beginnings of a relationship to lessen with time, because we have established the trust and love needed as a foundation and we don't have to smother each other with attention anymore, your situation sounds like something different. "He has no time for me"... yet you don't fight. Hmmm...Is it that you don't fight because you don't bring up what's bothering you? Are you avoiding conflict? Many people do. What do you fear would happen if you let him know how you feel about his recent pulling away? As an engaged couple, now is a really good time to see what happens when you bring a concern to your fiance. Better to find out now what happens when you rock the boat by being real. Or maybe you have spoken to him about it. If so, what happens? Does he listen and help you understand him better? Or does he avoid and reassure you...or maybe dismiss you? This is really important data to gather about how your fiance handles conflict and how you work together. He says "leave me alone". That's a pretty bold statement about what he wants. He doesn't seem to have the same idea that you do about what marriage is, and how close you want to be. Plus, I have to say, those words sound more like what a closed-off fourteen year old would say to a parent than a loving fiance to his bride to be! Giving him the benefit of the doubt, it could be that your fiance is scared about getting married and this is a temporary reaction that will change. But if this is true, he needs to tell you that so you can understand. So, I suggest that the fact that when you're together you're "okay" is perhaps not the best barometer for how you're doing as a couple. Listen to your gut. I encourage you to be really open with your fiance about what your feelings and fears are. This may get rockier before it gets better, but until you face what's not working, you won't know who you truly are as a couple.  When you're engaged, it's a really cool time to see a therapist too...to get some conflict resolution skills down before you're a married couple.
Question: I blame my past relationship for it. I know it is bad to be this way. I want to get past it.
Counselor response: How did you come to the conclusion that you are acting needy?Is this what your partner told you or are you feeling this way about yourself?The difference is that what you'd like from a relationship may be very reasonable, only that your partner is not someone who wants to meet your needs.One way of evaluating whether you're actually needy is whether you feel that you give yourself love, take good care of yourself when you're in situations that are not connected to being part of a couple.If being by yourself feels uneasy most of the time, then probably practicing self-love, consciously treating yourself with consideration and thoughtfulness, may help you feel less needy of others.This way, when you're with a partner, the time together will be in enjoying the partner, not getting love because of not figuring out a way of giving love to yourself.
Question: I need to get on base to see my doctor. My ID card was in my wallet which was stolen. I’m unable to reach my husband at this time. He is only one who can take me on base in order to get a new ID so I can continue to see doctor. Is there anything I can do?
Counselor response: Do you have any other form of identification? The first place to stop would be the Visitor’s Center or whichever department issues passes. They are located outside of the gate so you do not need a military ID to enter. If you have another form of identification it’s possible that they can give you a pass in order to go and obtain a new military ID. If you do not, you could always ask someone else to sponsor you on (a friend, coworker, etc.) that have military access. Depending on the threat level, they may not need your ID as long as you are with someone that has access. Keep in mind that currently (6/11/15) all military bases are on Bravo which unfortunately means you will need your own ID.Finally, if all else fails, call your doctor and explain your situation. I’m sure they would be more than willing to discuss your options.Also, it’s important to make sure that you report your wallet being stolen if you haven’t already. Security Forces on base can help you with this and to ensure your ID doesn’t get into the wrong hands. Good luck!
Question: There is  just no communication at all between us.  She sleeps constantly all day (not at night).  She acts angry and unfocused and stays in her very messy room all the time. The only time she comes out is to eat. 

She has aches and fatigue, weight gain, hair loss and skin problems. She does not look after her health.

I don't know how to communicate with her.  She is not open to any suggestions. How do I get through to her?
Counselor response: I'm sorry for what sounds like a frustrating situation.For how long has your daughter lived the way you describe and did it start all of a sudden or more gradually come on?What you write sounds like a major depressive disorder and this can start for a variety of reasons and improve in just as many different ways.Start with how you are feeling about the situation.  Ask yourself for how long you will be able to tolerate the way your daughter lives and if you feel any satisfaction in your mother daughter relationship.If she is of legal age, and you don't want her to live with you,  you've tried convincing her to get medical care for its own sake and to more clearly see her emotional and psychological health, and she is unwilling to take care of herself, you can discuss your options with the adult protective services agency in your state.The first step is to know what exactly is her problem so you can decide if its own you are willing to take care of or not.
Question: I'm a female in my mid 20s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk.    In the past, I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol.    But now, even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself, I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem?
Counselor response: Speaking with a licensed therapist will help you figure out if indeed you have a problem or not.  I would say the first question you should ask yourself is why you are drinking? The second would be why you feel the need to drink in excess? It may be due to a life event or the crowd you are running with.  Either way a therapist will be able to help you through this as you already made the first step in admitting you are having a difficult time.
Question: Cheating is something unacceptable for me but because we have two daughters I decided not to break up the family.
However, now I am struggling to forget and forgive what happened. I feel like I cannot trust him. Without trust, I cannot stay in this relationship. On the other hand, I do not want my children to get hurt. I'm not sure how to move forward?
Counselor response: Let's just start with acknowledging that trust is huge and betrayal hurts. You're entitled to your feelings; all of them and you need to know that your husband understands you. That said some ways are more effective at rebuilding and repairing relationships that others. I am a big fan of The Gottman Method for couples therapy, especially following infedienity. You can read about this approach in Gottman's books: "The Science of Trust" and "Making Love Last" and/or you can seek a Gottman Certified couples therapist here: https://www.gottman.com/private-therapy/
Question: How does a person start the counseling process?
Counselor response: Phone or email a counselor whose profile you've read and which feels right for you.Ask to get a feel as to the way the person would handle your problem and work with you.In my practice I offer a phone consult which generally continues for twenty minutes.I feel it is only fair that a prospective patient has a feel for the service they are about to purchase before they can be expected to pay money for a service which may not be to their liking at all.
Question:  such as not enough sleep
Counselor response: 0
Question: I have family issues, and my dad was both violent and a cheater.
Counselor response: In general, our past is always somewhat alive and does inform our present experiences.  All past experiences, both positive and negative are what have brought you where you are today, physically and emotionally.   That being said, your father's behavior does not have to define you or your future.  You have power over your life and your future.  By learning more about yourself, you can learn to incorporate your past into your present life, without being defined by past traumas.  The best way to grow and learn how to do this is to talk with someone about your experiences.  By talking about your past and present struggles with a trusted confidante or helping professional you will hopefully learn how to be at peace with your past.
Question: What makes a healthy marriage last?
Counselor response: This answer varies based on you relationship. However, I do believe their are some basic fundamental areas that are beneficial for a healthy marriage:1.) Effective Communication2.) Trust3.) Love/Passion4.) Loyalty. 5.) Unconditional Positive Regard. Everyone has their favorite qualities they feel best fit a marriage. However, these are what I think are great starting points.