arjun2183/Counselor huggingface dataset:
Question: I told her that if daddy dies, we will never see him again. She started crying because I wouldn't make her daddy die.
Counselor response: Children often have a difficult time expressing emotions accurately. It is also very likely that your daughter does not understand  the permanence of death. Having said that, she is using some very specific ideas here and I would recommend contacting a local mental health professional with some experience working with children.I would also wonder where she is getting this idea. Sometimes children hear things on TV or from an adult and we are not even aware of how much they are remembering.It may be helpful to teach her things that she can do when she is angry, like say that she is mad because she cannot have the toy that she is asking for.I'm curious as to how long it is that she stays mad like this and whether she talks to her dad after she is no longer angry. Does she say the same sorts of things about you?It may also be helpful for you to work with a mental health professional (possibly the same one who is working with your daughter) so that you can have some support with this as well.
Question: I had a head injury a few years ago and my mind races all the time. I have trouble sleeping and have a lot of anxiety. Every medicine I have been on my body rejects; I get sick to my stomach and get blisters in my mouth. How can I calm my self down? I'm a wreck.
Counselor response: You didn't say what or how many medications you've tried. Certain anxiety medications can make you feel nauseous, but I haven't heard of any that cause mouth blisters, so there may be some other underlying medical issue there. I would definitely talk to your primary care physician and whoever has prescribed the medication as well as a neurologist if you've suffered a severe head injury. There are so many medications available for anxiety or insomnia or even depression that there may be others with lesser side effects.But beyond that, have you tried any other treatments such as deep breathing or meditation? Meditation can be very effective, but it takes practice and you don't have to sit cross-legged for hours chanting "Ohm" to meditate. It's about focusing on your breath, rather than all the thoughts that are racing through your head. And when they do take your mind off your breath, simply refocus (and refocus and refocus). Like I said, it takes practice, so don't give up. You can find many sites offering different ways to meditate, so look around and see what works best for you. Like medication, you just have to find the one that works best and that might take some experimentation.I hope this helps and best of luck to you.
Question: I don't remember when the voices in my head started, but I remember Hearing them when I was little. 

I know it's not normal to hear voices that aren't your own. I fight the voices and I want them to stop.  They've been here so long and I want them gone. How can I make the voices stop?
Counselor response: You are right. It is not normal to hear voices that aren't your own but the fact is some people do. In my experience, medication seem to help. It is also important to understand when you hear voices the most - meaning it is important to understand what the triggers are. It is also important to understand when the voices are the least - meaning what helps you deal with the voices better. My clients have reported that their triggers are being in social gathering or around strangers or for some even the TV. Trying to identify your triggers is helpful for some people. Clients have also reported that listening to music, watching TV, being with friend or family helps them deal with their voices. Every individual is different and you need to figure out what works for you and what triggers your voices. My suggestion is to see a therapist / health care provider and then go from there.I hope this helps.
Question: About a month ago, I went through my boyfriend’s phone and found him messaging his ex-girlfriend that he was dating before me. He gave her a promise ring when they were together, and he still had it hiding in his memory box in our son’s room. I found many things on his phone, but that broke my heart the most. He deleted all the messages but two. I can't help thinking they were talking about the old times together or something like that. It really kills me, and I can't stop thinking about it.
Counselor response: Your sense of hurt is very understandable.Do you and your boyfriend have an agreement on looking through each other's phones?I ask because the overall problem sounds like lack of trust and that there may be a difference in what each of you wants and expects from your relationship.Probably if the two of you talk about these topics and you each become clear as to the commitment status of each of you to the other, you'll have more clarity as to what either of you would like from the other.With this new level of clarity, his  past relationship involvements will likely be less meaningful .Once you have clear definition of the two of you as a couple, who he was as a past partner to someone else, will matter very little.
Question: I have been diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder due to my military experiences. Not a year ago, I had a car accident. Could this experience add more problems?
Counselor response: A car accident can be a traumatic event. Especially,  if it was serious, you could have feared for your life, felt everythingvwas out of control and had normal reactions to an abnormal situation afterwards. This may or may not be related to the traumas that you experienced in the military. If it is then it is possible that you will see a direct effect in triggering off PTSD symptoms. Even if it didn't, it is possible that the complexity of the two situations will interact inside you to be a combined response. Having already been diagnosed with PTSD, this might be a good time to reconnect with the help system you had around military experiences and explore it a little bit about the new experience. The right exploration does not have to make things worse and can be a good source of prevention.
Question: I’ve been on 0.5 mg of Xanax twice a day for the past month. It hasn't been helping me at all, but when I take 1 mg during a big anxiety attack, it calms me down. I was wondering how I can ask my psychologist to up the dose to 1 mg twice a day without her thinking I'm abusing them. I just have very big anxiety attacks. Should I stay on the 0.5mg and deal with the attacks or should I ask to up the dose? I'm afraid she will take me off them and put me on something else.
Counselor response: Hello, and thank you for your question. While counselors work closely with medical providers, and sometimes have discussions about medications with people, we rarely make recommendations about how much or what type of medication a person should be taking. This is because prescribing and advising on medication is out of our scope of practice. The only exception would be if a counselor is also a physician, nurse practitioner, physician's assistant, etc. Having said that, I certainly understand that anxiety is a real serious problem that many folks struggle with. If you are currently not in therapy to help you with these panic attacks, you should consider it. Medications can be helpful for anxiety, and medications like Xanax may help for immediate relief, but they do nothing to deal with the root of anxiety and may not help with anxiety long-term. Therapists who have experience in exposure therapies would be good people to start with. Exposure therapy has good outcomes for people with anxiety disorders and panic attacks. If you are interested in speaking with your provider about the Xanax, I think explaining it the way you did on here is just fine. The provider will then decide if they feel comfortable increasing your medication. Please remember that medical providers are not trying to give people a hard time. Medications like Xanax really are highly addictive. The more you take, the more you may feel you need. The more often you may feel you need to use it. Depending on the frequency and amount of use, some people suffer serious withdrawal symptoms when they do not take the medication. It is a good idea to talk to medical provider about all of those things so that you can partner on right course of action to manage this anxiety. I certainly hope that you get some relief.... I know anxiety is awful.Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC
Question: My husband took a job out of state for the next year and seems to be a different person. Before, he worked and slept, and on off days, he'd stay home because he didn't want to do anything else. Now he's going out with friends several nights a week while I'm still home working a 50 hours a week job and taking care of two kids by myself. He's suddenly saying he misses me and wants me to be his adored wife, but the whole time, I'm remembering how I've been emotionally starving for the last five years.
Counselor response: It seems that you have been very disconnected from each other which naturally  could contribute to symptoms of saddness and even depression. Obviously something has shifted which you do not understand. Therefore,  perhaps you should consider attending Couples therapy to help work through your concerns and feelings?  It would also be beneficial to assess if in fact any depression or other underlying issue is going on. Communication is so important in any relationship and the manner in which we express ourselves to our partner can either invite curiosity and emotional connection, or shut down connection. IMAGO dialoguing is a helpful tool for couples for communication as it teaches  validating and empathic listening to better heal disconnection.
Question: My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me. 

I recently found out he cheated on me with another women.  He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do.  Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?
Counselor response: Finding out about an affair is quite an emotional experience. It's usually jarring. I encourage you to give yourself some compassion about emotions that you have.You asked whether it is possible to get past the cheating and the answer is that it can be. It depends on many factors.I would recommend that you see a therapist who specializes in working with couples. There are certain ways that both of you could learn more about yourselves and each other that may actually serve to make your relationship stronger. Sometimes there are motivations for having an affair that can be discussed in therapy in a way that you become more aware of what each other is experiencing and where you want to go from here. It could be that learning to communicate differently would be helpful.Regarding whether you should "just move on," I recommend talking about with a therapist as well. At the very least, you can discuss more about what you are thinking and feeling and what your choices are as far as where you want to go from here.
Question: I keep being mean to my best friend, and I don't know why all the time. I did come to maybe some kind of conclusion that it is because my mother is mean to me all the time. Could that be a cause?
Counselor response: Hi Morristown,There's a saying that goes "hurt people hurt people". It's possible that your aggression towards your friends is connected to your mother's behaviours. When we are treated poorly, especially as children, it affects how we ourselves, others, and the world. It's also powerful modelling of aggressive behaviour. The good news is that you have this lovely awareness and I think a desire to learn about yourself and grow in your ability to be respectful to people you care about. I recommend you consider sitting down with a therapist and exploring these ideas and moving forward on that path you seem to want to be on. Good luck!
Question: My husband’s ex-wife married a man who was charged with seven felony counts of pandering involving a minor. He, by his own admission, is addicted to child pornography. My step-daughters are now all teenagers. They do not know. My husband’s ex-wife has kept this information from my step-daughters. The step-father has had issues regarding his pornography addiction recently. The ex-wife minimizes it by saying that he has "repented." It is a constant strain on my husband, knowing that his girls are living with a man who is addicted to child pornography. My own therapist believes the girls should be told. The ex-wife says her therapist says the opposite.
Counselor response:    The information from the other therapists here is sound and prudent. There are what sounds to be real legal (is this man a RSO [registered sex offender]; is he prohibited from being in proximity to minors? use/possession of child porn violates any # of state and federal statues...) and safety issues at play here. Your husband's daughters have an immediate "need to know" and this can be done developmentally-contextual, factually and in a non-shaming fashion. I would further counsel that you and your husband (his daughters welfare is at stake) seek immediate legal counsel. The ex-wife here seems to be between a "rock and a hard place" of her own creation -- she desperately needs care, treatment for herself. Resources for Your Consideration: 1) http://www.missingkids.com/home; 2) https://www.justice.gov/criminal-ceos/citizens-guide-us-federal-law-child-pornography
Question: How does a person start the counseling process?
Counselor response: Great question. Too often people search for the help they need via a phone book or a basic internet search. When looking for a new person to add to your team, whether it be a Counselor, Plumber, or Mechanic, it is important to know as much as you reasonably can about the person. I generally take the following steps: 1.) Know what is important to me in finding help. 2.) Ask for referrals from my trusted friends, family, and colleagues. 3.) Search for online reputation (Better Business Bureau, Yelp, etc). The absence of an online reputation is not necessarily a bar to consideration. However, a predominantly negative review may warrant further research. 4.) Finally call the Counselor and ask a few questions. Let the Counselor know what you are looking for. Trust your gut. For example, if you feel rushed or do not receive thorough answer, move on to the next. Taking the time to defining and conveying your requirements about what you are looking for in counseling can save you a lot of work down the road.
Question: I'm going through some things with my feelings and myself. I barely sleep and I do nothing but think about how I'm worthless and how I shouldn't be here.
   I've never tried or contemplated suicide. I've always wanted to fix my issues, but I never get around to it.
   How can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?
Counselor response: Oftentimes we can change our feelings about ourselves by building a better relationship with ourself.  It sounds like there is a very critical aspect of your self that is alive and taking over.  Sometimes when we are stuck it is because a part of ourselves, a way that perhaps we learned to cope with difficult situations earlier in our lives, has decided to run the show.  Like a highly critical part that may actually be desperately attempting to protect us from a past hurt. Slowing down and even forming a relationship with this critical internal part will help you get some space from it.  When we can begin to observe parts of ourselves, be curious about them, get to know them like a new friend, then we have room for other ways of being.  Beginning therapy could be a great way to change this feeling of worthlessness.  Beginning to build a better relationship and understanding of yourself will deeply influence the relationships around you.  This first step may feel hard, to reach out to someone, and it could be the beginning step to a path of radically shifting your relationship with yourself and others in your life.
Question: He said he would try and he never did. It's been nine months, and this is making me worse. Today, he said I have to respect whatever decision he makes. Is that true? Am I supposed to respect the decision to leave because he can't handle what I'm going through and leaves me here crying and worried every night? He's constantly changing his mind on if he wants to work it out.
Counselor response: Wow that is tough. There is nothing worse than fearing abandonment when you are already struggling with depression. It sounds like you are still wanting to work through whatever challenges you and your husband are having but your husband may not be on the same page. I would encourage you and your husband to seek professional support if you haven't already. While depression can put real strains on a relationship, relationship problems can lead to or contribute to depression and there may be some real benefits to both of you in doing some couple therapy. With that being said - if your husband is not willing to do therapy or is clear that he wants the relationship to end, then I can't see what choice you have but to "respect his decision" as you mentioned. This doesn't mean that you have to feel okay with the decision - as I'm sure you wouldn't - but ultimately loving one another and staying in committed relationships is a choice that we each have to make. If he is wanting to leave - this could make things a lot tougher for you. I would encourage you to seek professional support for yourself and reach out to lots of friends and family. You do not need to face depression alone - nor should you have to. We all need support at tough times like these.
Question: I was raped repeatedly when I was younger. I told my parents and action was taken, but now that I’m an adult, I suffer from extreme anxiety.
Counselor response: While anxiety can come about for many reasons, trauma is definitely one of the factors that makes anxiety a possibility both immediately following a traumatic event and later in life. When we have experienced such scary violations of our bodies - we may experience residual effects of fear for many years to come. This is normal, natural and in many ways helpful - at least initially. This fear is in some way a sign that your body/mind is taking good care of you - trying to keep you on your toes in order to protect you from anything terrible happening to you again. However, as it sounds like you know, anxiety feels awful and there are certainly ways of learning to reduce anxiety. In order to get the tools you need to manage anxiety and also understand where it comes from and how it works in your life, I would encourage you to seek professional help and check out anxiety resources online.
Question: He said he would try and he never did. It's been nine months, and this is making me worse. Today, he said I have to respect whatever decision he makes. Is that true? Am I supposed to respect the decision to leave because he can't handle what I'm going through and leaves me here crying and worried every night? He's constantly changing his mind on if he wants to work it out.
Counselor response: When you are at your lowest, you have an opportunity to learn not just about the people around you and who you can depend on, but also, so much about yourself and why you have come to the place that you have. Take this time to do some introspection and learn yourself. It will give you the power to recover from whatever it is that has broken you. We'd love to talk with you. Please contact us sometime.
Question: I'm in my early 20s, and I've been seeing my boyfriend for a year now. My boyfriend has always been the sweetest guy until recently. He has made comments such as “you would look better as a Tumblr girl" or "you should start doing more squats." It's really hurtful.
Counselor response: My first thought was that I wondered what changed recently. Is he open to having a discussion about this so you can ask questions such as that one?It's possible that he does not understand the degree to which it hurts you.Try asking if there is a time that would be good to have a discussion that is important. I don't know how well the two of you have communicated over the last year, but if you are concerned about this turning into an argument, you may consider asking him to just listen to your point of view and see if he is able to summarize it correctly. Then you can listen to his side of the concern.
Question: I have a fear of something and I want to face that fear to overcome it, but I don't know how. What can I do?
Counselor response: Fears are not that difficult to deal with, first you need to train yourself to relax using some relaxation strategy, once you are able to employ that in your daily life, you then need to start facing your fear, for instance I'll use an example of a man who has a fear of driving over a bridge. We would build a hierarchy of fears, that is a list of fears ranging from least to most, for example the man may want to start by looking at a picture of a bridge while employing his relation technique, then he may want to see a real bridge from a distance while employing that same relaxation technique, then moving closer to the bridge, then maybe standing on a bridge, all the while moving closer to his fear while relaxing, until you come to most fearful proposition which is crossing that bridge, or you can also engage in flooding which is for example, if you were scared of an elevator, go into an elevator until you are not panicking anymore, in the movie Batman Begins, Bruce Wayne who has a great fear of bats, goes into this cave and allows himself to be surrounded by bats until he is no longer fearful of them. Secondly, look at your fears, do they even need to be worked on, some fears are healthy, for example if i was a therapist in New York City and someone came to me and said "I'm scared of snakes", I would probably say that is OK because there are very little snakes left in ManhattanHope that helps C
Question: I no longer carry expressions on my face, and my emotions are decreasing the more I have fights with my fiancée.
Counselor response: Sometimes when we fight a lot with our partner, it becomes more uncomfortable to share emotions because it feels like it will lead to another flight or disagreement.You could try having a conversation when you're not fighting and starting it out by saying that you would like to discuss something important to you and see if your fiancée is open to that.Something else is that you could have an agreement that if one of you is having a really strong emotions in a difficult conversation and would like to break from the conversation, you could agree (ahead of time) that you'll say that you would like a "timeout" and will come back to discuss the issue in a certain amount of time (usually about an hour) and then try to resume the discussion. The reason this can work is it can give you a chance to calm down and then still go back to the discussion rather than not talking about it again. This only works if both of you agree to that before something starts, though.
Question: I was a victim of an incident. I've been made fun of and have been beating myself up for it because I don't feel anyone honestly believes me. There are so many other factors I deal with on a daily basis. I ignore my problems when I'm with my friends, but it’s scary when I’m alone.
Counselor response: As you seemed to have learned, the impact will not just "go away". Treatment of trauma is like surgery, it requires a skillful clinician to help resolve it. While you are contemplating getting help, you can focus on calming techniques like meditation and yoga. They will aid you when you begin the therapeutic process.