arjun2183/Counselor huggingface dataset:
Question: I’m in love with my friend who is also a girl. I fell in love with her in a few months. That was my first love. We used to talk for the whole day and night over the phone and on Facebook. I thought she had the same feelings for me, but I was wrong. I always wanted to touch her warmly and stay with her all my life. But all my dreams get broken apart after she got into a relationship with a guy. I’ve tried to be in relationship with guys, but I can’t be in love with them.
Counselor response: It all depends how old you are and what a particular situation is.  You may be feeling very close to this friend and mistake that feeling for sexual feeling, or the feelings may be real. This is something you will find out for yourself, however, it definitely doesn't mean that you are a lesbian just because you have those feelings for this particular person. Time will tell, but if you need to discuss this, you could see your school councelor (if you are at school/university) or find a LGBT group with meetings and discuss this with them. I hope this is helpful.
Question: Cheating is something unacceptable for me but because we have two daughters I decided not to break up the family. However, now I am struggling to forget and forgive what happened. I feel like I cannot trust him. Without trust, I cannot stay in this relationship. On the other hand, I do not want my children to get hurt. I'm not sure how to move forward?
Counselor response: It is completely understandable that you are struggling to forgive and forget this betrayal, and I'd like to echo the sentiment of Danielle Alvarez: infidelity takes time to heal from, so allow yourself to grieve and find the support you need. I'd highly suggest going to couples therapy and addressing all the issues that Danielle raised, especially whether he has expressed genuine remorse and is being completely transparent with you and is taking responsibility for the choice he made, including acknowledging the immense impact it had on you, your relationship, and your ability to trust him. If you have doubts about being able to trust him, he needs to be willing to earn back your trust and do whatever it takes to do so. If he accepts this challenge, then that is a good sign you are on the path toward healing your relationship. Also, please don't ever forget that regardless of what led him to cheat, it was his decision to take that action rather than addressing whatever issues he was having in your relationship. Couples affected by betrayal typically have some underlying issue(s), whether it is a lack of connection or intimacy or another factor, and it is possible to heal and grow even stronger as a couple after betrayal. Because you are grieving, though, allow yourself to acknowledge and accept your feelings of hurt and pain, as they will likely come in waves, but the pain will lessen over time and with supportive therapy, along with the commitment to repair your relationship-from both you and your husband. Also, in regards to your concern about hurting your children, keep in mind that parents model healthy relationship behavior for their children. If your relationship with your husband remains disconnected, untrusting, or bitter, your children will see that and not only feel sad that their parents are both suffering, but also grow up feeling that experiencing such ongoing pain is tolerable or even normal in a relationship. Having parents who learn to handle conflict or heal deep wounds in healthy ways is crucial for children's emotional and psychological development. Whether they see you heal together as a married couple or heal separately as loving but divorced co-parents, they will learn what it is like to expect healthy communication and boundaries in relationships, which I'm sure you want for your children! Take care of yourself, and I wish you much peace and healing. Also, here is a good book I would recommend, along with books by Gottman, as Rebecca Wong suggested:Private Lies: Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy
Question: My dad makes me feel like shit and like I'm worthless. He calls me names and makes me feel depressed. I want to move out because I swear if I stay here, I'm going to lose it. What can I do?
Counselor response: Are you old enough to move out? Then by all means, what's stopping you?If not, is it possible for you to move in with another family member?If you're a minor, CPS may need to step in. They often do in cases of abuse. Your safety is the number one priority.It's difficult to offer advice without knowing more about your situation. But I can say this: Don't let other people define your self worth. You can choose NOT to allow him to make you feel anything. It really is that simple. By looking at it as a choice you make, you will be empowered to take control over your emotions and learn to feel better about yourself because your self-worth will no longer be defined by what someone else says about you or how they treat you.Let me say that again in a different way: Your self-worth is NOT defined by someone else. The way he treats you is a reflection of who he is as a person - not you. Don't take ownership of that! I understand that if you are a minor, setting healthy boundaries and refusing to accept this kind of treatment can be difficult. Reach out to others for help. But if you are 18 and over, there is absolutely no excuse for you to be there having to put up with maltreatment. Put up some boundaries and create the distance needed to protect yourself emotionally. You owe it to yourself, and deserve to live a healthy, happy life. Anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong.
Question: How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?
Counselor response: Though this varies from person to person, I think finding the right therapist involves finding someone who you're comfortable opening up to and speaking your mind, including your preferred areas of focus for treatment. It's important to be aligned with your therapist's general approach and, to find someone who you feel genuinely attuned to, both in practice and also, with who they are as a person. Bringing up your needs for treatment is key and finding someone who validates your needs, listens and welcomes feedback are all important building blocks for creating space for a great working relationship that promotes personal growth, openness and invites adaptable approaches in session, based on your individual needs.
Question: Is this something I should be worried about?  Should I do something about it?
Counselor response: It can be tricky to figure out if a child is truly satisfied with his lack of friendships. Parents can usually tell when their child is happy. But kids who are unhappy may be masking disappointment, perhaps acting out their feelings in an aggressive manner. Others may internalize symptoms, appearing sad or withdrawn. A parent may learn a great deal by asking the teachers questions such as whether the child works with others on group projects or if he eats lunch alone. A parent can also talk with the recess supervisor about what happens on the playground, and whether your child stays on the sidelines of play, unsure of how to join the group. Therespectfully is a difference between kids who are shy but happy and kids who feel isolated because they do not know how to make friends. Itis not necessarily that there is something wrong with that child, but they will in fact need help and suggestions for breaking into a peer group Ask a child if there is someone he would like to have over to play. If a mom or dad can make the play dates happen, or if they hit on an activity the child truly enjoys, the young person may begin to forge friendships on their own. I encourage well-meaning parents to choose words carefully. Use phrases like, "Hey, I noticed something," or "Let me help you be successful." By showing respect, parents should feel more comfortable nudging their children beyond their comfort zone.When to seek professional help. When does isolation raise a red flag for long-term issues? True personality disorders are not typically diagnosed until adulthood. Still, professional counseling should be considered if the anti-social behavior is causing the child significant distress, perhaps keeping him from functioning in everyday activities. Also, parents should pay attention to how the child's social behavior changes over time such as social anxiety. The vast majority of children who define "quality time" as time alone are perfectly happy, healthy and normal. If the child is able to nurture at least one friendship, exhibiting what experts call "social reciprocity," then parents can relax, and can cherish that child who enjoys the pleasure of his or her own company.
Question: I'm concerned about my boyfriend. I suffer from anxiety, but I always have this feeling he wants to hurt me because he told me he was interested in BDSM intercourse. We haven't tried it, but I've had this feeling he always wants to.
Counselor response: 
Hello! Thank you for your question. There are few things
that people find more personal than their sexual relationships. When we feel
connected to our partner, sex can be best thing since sliced bread. However, if
we feel disconnected in some way, sex can feel degrading and even painful. 
I don’t know the specifics about your relationship or how
comfortable you are in talking to your boyfriend, but this is one of those
situations where communicating your fears is a good idea. The only exception to
that would be if you believe he is actually a threat to you in some way. If you
believe that, then you should do whatever you think is safe. It sounds like
there is a part of you that is already afraid of him, and if that is the case
then remaining safe is your top priority. 
Assuming you are able to share with him your feelings,
telling him what you are and are not interested in sexually is very appropriate
and sexually healthy. Sex is something that is supposed to be enjoyable for
all parties. All parties should feel respected and able to say “no” to
absolutely anything they are not comfortable with. 
I call the respectful agreement between sexual partners, “sex
trust.” Sex Trust means your partner respects your boundaries. It means they
won’t degrade you sexually with hurtful words, forced sex, or forcing or
coercing sex in ways someone is not interested in having.  Your personal safety and mental well-being is
what is most important. 
Now, if there is a part of you that is curious about BDSM
and may be interested in participating in it, there are many websites that you
can explore to learn information. I will warn you, some websites and articles
are better or worse than others, but you may at least feel more informed. 
Many people engage in BDSM and have happy relationships, but
again, it completely depends on what each person in the relationship wants. It is
also important to know that BDSM is not just one thing and people practice it
differently based on comfort. If it is something you are uncomfortable with,
then you shouldn’t feel obligated to do it.
 
I hope this was helpful. Be well.
 
Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC
Question: I'm always told I'm not good enough or trying hard enough. I put 100% in to every thing. I'm worn out, I've worked on all of my family relationships, I'm doing great in school, I'm kind to those in need and otherwise. I stick to my religious beliefs and leave room for mistakes and learn from others so I don't have to make as many and the ones I do I learn from. 
Somehow it's still not good enough and nothing I do works. Nothing has changed, and I feel hopeless. Any suggestions or ideas?
Counselor response: It sounds like you are aware of your positive traits but you are struggling with someone who does not acknowledge nor celebrate your efforts or achievements.   It seems like that is affecting your inner voice, which allows you to accept yourself for who you are.My suggestion is to explore that relationship and decide if that person’s opinion should determine how you feel about yourself.   If this is an important relationship, you could communicate to this person how the lack of positive feedback is affecting you.  Then, work on spending more time with those who value you, and can give you praise, encouragement, and constructive criticism.  Also, explore your religious beliefs, and what is they say about who you are as a person.  Finally, explore with a Counselor your inner voice and try to figure out if the negative message is settling in and harming your self-esteem.   Through therapy, you could learn to self-compassion and acceptance wich will help your self esteem.¿Cómo manejo el sentirme que “no soy suficiente bueno”?Siempre me dicen que no soy suficientemente bueno o no trato lo suficiente.  Yo pongo el 100% en todo.  Estoy agotado, he trabajado en todas mis relaciones, estoy muy bien en la escuela, trato bien a las personas que lo necesitan.  Me aferro a mis creencias religiosas y dejo espacio para los errores, y aprendo de otros para no tener que cometer los mismos.  Aun así no soy suficiente y nada de lo que hago funciona, me siento desesperanzado.  ¿Alguna idea o sugerencia?Al parecer estas consiente de tus características positivas, pero estás teniendo  dificultad con alguien que no reconoce tus esfuerzos, ni logros, y eso está afectando esa voz interior que te permite aceptar quien eres.Mi sugerencia es que explores esa relación y analices si la opinión de esta persona va a determinar cómo te valoras a ti mismo.  Si es una relación valiosa, puedes comunicarle a la persona en cuestión como te afecta la falta de comentarios y opiniones positivas.   Luego enfócate en pasar más tiempo con personas que te valoran, te dan halagos, te motivan y te aconsejan.  También explora que dice tu religión sobre quién eres como persona y cuál es tu valor.  Y por último, explora con tu Consejero si ese mensaje negativo esta afectando tu autoestima.  A través de la terapia puedes aprender tecnicas auto compasión y aceptación que ayudaran a fortalecerte.
Question: I feel like I took our relationship for granted and he's now to the point that he's giving up.
   I have had trouble feeling like I could trust him but he's given me no reason not to trust him. I know my attitude is also a big issue for him. I have a lot of obligations at home so we don't spend a lot of time together.    How can I fix this relationship?
Counselor response: A key factor in a relationship is trust.I'd start by understanding more about why you feel unable to trust your bf.Does this have something to do with a bad encounter you had from previous relationships, or with a sibling or parent?Its also possible you're intuitively sensing you can't trust your bf bc he's not trustworthy.  Sometimes people sense the basic safety items in a relationship before they emerge.Also, your bf may have similarly suffered broken trust and he gives off a feeling of not welcoming your trust.Its possible you're feeling his own self-protection about being in a relationship with you.The best way to open these topics is to actually talk about them together with him.Whatever the underlying tensions are, talking about them always adds positive feeling and confidence to a relationship.
Question: I have a lot of issues going on right now. First of all, I have a lot of trouble sleeping at times, while other nights I sleep too much and still feel quite tired. I’m also noticing increased irritability and experiencing anxiety attacks that last for hours. Is there something wrong with me and if so what should I do?
Counselor response: Hi there. I have to commend you on reaching out to get some answers on why you are feeling the way that you are feeling. A lot of people secretly go about their lives every day feeling this way because they are too afraid of what the answer might be.First off, what stressors do you have in your life right now? Financial, relationship and unemployment are all common stressors for people. They can often make it difficult for us to sleep at night due to the constant racing thoughts and wonders of how you will deal with it all. Secondly, do you have a history of depression or does depression run in your family? Some of the symptoms listed here in this question (i.e. trouble sleeping, constant fatigue, too much sleep, anger & anxiety) are all common symptoms of depression. Often times, these symptoms can be overlooked and mistaken for "just being tired." Furthermore, it's important to ask yourself, if you are feeling worthless, problems with concentration and recurrent thoughts of death. If you are having these symptoms, please seek help IMMEDIATELY. Lastly, considering your stated symptoms I would recommend reaching out to your Doctor for further consult. It's always better to be safe and the earlier you catch the symptoms the faster you will get to feeling better!  do Some helpful tips for the your Doctor would be to monitor your sleep habits (i.e. how much or little are you sleeping), make a list of your triggers for your anger outbursts as well as your triggers for your anxiety attacks. I hope this was helpful and the best of luck to you.
Question: I was talking to my fiance about changing my hair. He recommended a very specific hair style. Then I found out his ex has that exact same hair. I feel like he must know she has that hair style. Am I nuts, or does this show that he's still in love with her?
Counselor response: Maybe your finance's hair preference for you reflects he still is in love w the ex.There are other many reasonable options too.Maybe he doesn't know a lot about hair styles, or didn't want to even think through the question carefully and also didn't want to tell you this directly.He may have tried to take the easy way out of involving himself in your question.The key whether or not he loves you is how you feel most of the time in your relationship.   If most of the time you trust the sense you are loved and you love him, then this gives you some reassurance about how the both of you feel toward each other.It is possible too that your finance has some remaining feelings for the ex.   Whether or not this makes any difference to you depends on how stable and reliable you feel is the love between the two of you.
Question: My girlfriend just quit drinking and she became really depressed. She told me that she wants to move. What can I do to help her? I want her to stay.
Counselor response: You should start by speaking with her about what has her so down. Have their been some significant events in her life that have affected her? Have their been significant events in your relationship that can be affecting  you both? If she just stopped drinking, she may be struggling to finding an alternative and healthier behavior. This is something the two of you can explore together. Also, if need be perhaps she can speak to a therapist to discuss her feelings about quitting alcohol. It sounds like you really care and right now she could use all the support she can get despite her pushing you away.
Question: I'm being verbally abused on a daily basis by my parents in front of my child. I feel like I’m trapped and I have no escape. I feel like I have to listen to the horrible things they say and just take all of it.
   I need some way of learning how to cope with listening to it especially since I have nowhere else to go. I feel very emotionally drained How can I deal with this?
Counselor response: I think one of the best things to pass on to our children, or simply one of the best lessons in life, is to learn when to internalize (it's an issue in me) and when to externalize (it's an issue in them), as well as always finding the balance of the two.In this case, you don't seem to be the issue. Sure, living with your parents with your child probably is not your dream scenario, nor your parents'. But, there are ways to process that without someone feeling abused, and your parents clearly have zero ability or boundaries if they are willing to verbally abuse you in front of your child, and their grandchild. If there is a reason they are doing so, I'm sure they think they have a good one. However, the dynamic that they are willingly setting up is problematic. And it is THEIR problem. However, by being strong and not taking in someone's verbal abuse, you are going to role model for your child how it's about what is inside of you, your own drive, that will be what is important, NOT what others say about you. It's important to always come back to yourself inside, and seeing the good that is in you (or even just noticing that it's there, if you can't quite see it in its entirety.)I would also advise your parents to think about their own role modeling.
Question: I'm in a long-distance relationship with my ideal man, but I'm not as attracted to him as I should be. Everything else is perfect about him, but I find myself lusting over more attractive men. The next step is marriage, but I want to marry someone who I can wake up to and fall in love with all over again. However, I also don't want to throw away a great relationship over what might just be lust. Am I asking for too much in the "perfect guy"? Is there such a thing? Am I truly in love?
Counselor response: The basic guideline for relationship satisfaction, is to know what you can and cannot live with and without.  And, since you are considering marriage, for how long do you imagine yourself being satisfied living with and without certain qualities of your partner.There is a hard wired dynamic between two people that defines the basic structure of the relationship.While life is filled with surprises and can change in an instant, the basic way in which the partners of a couple, connect.Do you understand why you are not attracted to your partner?   Whatever the reason, now is a good time to state this about yourself.  He may be quite willing and interested in developing new ways of sexually stimulating you.  Maybe he is just as shy about talking about this topic as you are.  On some level he must know that he doesn't satisfy you.  He may be relieved to hear you bring up the topic!As always, remember that if discussing a relationship matter feel hard to start, consider utilizing therapy services with a professional, credentialed and licensed therapist.
Question: I've been with a man for four years. For the last year, he has said he is done, but he still talks, texts, visits, and has not moved on with anyone else. His words do not match his actions. I love this man, but it's hurting so much.
Counselor response: That does sound very confusing...and hurtful.  You do not have to tolerate someone treating you in a way that hurts you.  It may be helpful to decide where the boundaries are for you and to stay true to them in your interactions with him.  You teach other people how they are allowed to treat you.
Question: I started having anxiety three months ago. I'm new to having anxiety, and it's making me depressed.
Counselor response: I agree with Cory. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) does seem to help a lot of people who struggle with anxiety. It's not the only type of therapy that can help, but it seems to help people in a way that is more natural and realistic. As Cory mentioned, anxiety is something that is part of life, so therapies that indicate we can get rid of it are questionable. Our natural inclination when we have anxiety is to STOP any and all things that may cause it or provoke it. We do this because we think it will help, but it actually doesn't. Anxiety usually has us rehashing the past or rehearsing the future while ignoring the present. ACT helps folks who have those kinds of tendencies. Be well..Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC
Question: For the past four weeks, I've been having nightmares and hearing voices telling me of horrible things. They're not random voices, but rather, the voices of those I care about.
Counselor response: It's important to take a look inside and find out why you are experiencing these feelings. It could anything and it will change your life to know what your particular issue or trigger is. Please contact us a call with the method that is most comfortable for you.