arjun2183/Counselor huggingface dataset:
Question: How do therapists classify the type of personality their clients have? What characteristics do they look at to decide what type of personality the client has? I've read about this online, but I'd like to understand this from a therapist's point of view.
Counselor response: That's a great question. There is such a wide range of ways to define "personality" that it is difficult to identify specific characteristics that are used to identify personality types.That being said, some clinicians will use standardized tests (or assessments) to assess a client's type of personality. While these tests can't tell us everything about a person, they can help us understand where we are within larger groups of different personality styles.Some counselors will also use a diagnostic tool (like the DSM or ICD) to help a client understand a diagnosis that is related to a personality disorder.
Question: I think I have depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and I have anger issues. I told my mom over and over again. She told me she would get me a therapist, but she never did. I just found out that my mom can't afford a therapist for me.
Counselor response: It can be difficult to get counseling if you don't feel supported by family members.  There might be a few options.  If you are in school, I'd recommend talking to a school counselor or school nurse.  They often will be able to help you access free or affordable counseling resources in your community.  In addition, depending on where you live, it's also often possible to call 211 for referrals to free or low cost counseling services in your area.I'd encourage you not to give up. You are on the right track.
Question: Any time my family and friends are in an altercation, I’m the one who steps in. I’m the one they call to fight for them. I do this even though I have a tough time trusting the people I’m fighting for. I’m only in my early 20s.
Counselor response: Breaking the patterns of relating to family members, is difficult work.In the situation you describe, both you and the family members who ask for your intervention, will be affected by any change you decide to make in the way all of you handle family disagreements.Always, it is best for any two people who have a disagreement, to talk directly with each other.   A third person distracts from the content and reasons for disagreeing.Maybe knowing that by pulling yourself away from mediating family arguments, you will in the long term be doing good for your family, helps you do the actual work of separating yourself from their arguments.Definitely, the fact that you're writing about the problem, shows you feel like doing something which feels better than how you feel currently.It is very healthy for you to listen to your gut intuition telling you to pull out of the mediator role you are in currently.You may feel guilty, your family members will most likely do everything possible to persuade, convince,  and push you back into their arguments.This doesn't make them right in what they're doing, it only makes your job harder of trying to let them have their fights on their own.
Question: My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me. 

I recently found out he cheated on me with another women.  He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do.  Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?
Counselor response: 

First off, let's start with really
validating the potential emotional pain you are feeling right now. There is
generally no lack of uncertainty, anxiety, fear, sadness, and anger. These are
all normal emotions and being allowed to feel them is the beginning of the
healing process. It might be helpful to talk about these feeling with your fiancé,
a friend or a counselor.Now to get to your primary question.
Can a relationship move past infidelity? The short answer is yes. A bit longer
of an explanation is that is sounds like you and your fiancé had pieces of a solid
foundation to base a relationship on. For many couples they encounter a primary
challenge, sometimes that's money, or parenting and for some it's sexuality. If
you and your fiancé are both committed to balancing the positive aspects of your
relationship while improving the challenges than it's definitely possible to
move past this. This is not an easy process and for many couples takes months
or years of healing while engaging in relationship counseling. Good luck to you and your continues
healing and growth!
Question: I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am.
Counselor response: This is perhaps the deepest question that one can ask of themselves and the answer is as elusive as the deepest enigma. We are fluid beings, we are never the same from day to day, we learn or unlearn, we evolve or some of us even devolve, we are in a state of constant flux, changing and adapting, like a cloud in the sky that has its shape changed by the wind, life whittles us away and carves us constantly, trying to understand this question is like trying to bite your own teeth, however we can have a sense of what we would call our core and to understand the core, we need to live and to experience, but also to think deeply, analytically, and critically, by engaging with life we get a sense that we are like the Earth itself, inside of us there is a core, just as there is inside our planet but our continents shift and change over time, like those continents so does our own nature shift throughout our lives.
Question: I love my girlfriend so much. I get an erection even just thinking about her or seeing her.  But the two times we tried to have sex I couldn't get an erection.  We've only had sex once and it was a long time ago. 

Why this is happening and what can I do about it?
Counselor response: Sexual desire seems to be straightforward - I like someone and I become aroused at the thoughts of being intimate with them - but that idea does not always take into account other factors. Stress can have a huge effect on our body and how it performs.  When we are overstressed, for example, we often find ourselves ill at the same time.  Can you think of any part of your world that may be causing you some additional stress? Additionally, focusing on your erection may also be increasing the level of stress you feel about being intimate, which could also effect your ability to get and maintain an erection.  While this may seem counter intuitive, it makes sense in the word of stress!Finally, it's never a bad idea to follow up with your doctor, as well. You did not mention your age or sexual history outside of this relationship, but it is always a good idea to check in with medical staff to make sure there is nothing physically responsible for changes in our body, as well.
Question: I'm a teenager and I get these really intense mood swings.    My mood will be really high and I'll think of something that I want to do. When I start to make it happen I get irritated by other people if they intervene. Then if the thing I wanted to do doesn't work out, I have these tendencies to blame other people for it not working out.    Can you explain what's going on?
Counselor response: Teenagers are prone to mood swings due to developmental and hormonal changes that are rapidly and intensely occurring in your body and mind - so some of this happens to many people in your stage of development. You are not at all alone.You've taken the first and very important step in regulating your moods by just identifying that you are having these intense changes instead of being completely submerged in them and unaware! The more you are able to be a witness to your emotions and thoughts, the more you can learn to manage them. Your question offers several clues for strategies that you can try - for example, identify the warning signs for becoming irritated and plan a response, such as taking a deep breath, informing the person you are becoming irritated and need some space, or find a distraction temporarily like listening to music or going for a walk. Since you are aware of blaming others for things not working out, you can proactively make a personal commitment to taking ownership or personal responsibility by just thinking about it and practicing thoughts such as "I am responsible for my efforts" and "Blame is not helpful for anyone" and other thoughts that you believe and can repeat related to this insight. When you practice thinking more rational, healthy thoughts, you are actually rewiring your brain, so practice is key!
Question: I'm applying to private high schools. I'm playing basketball on my school team currently, and I love it. I also play on a team that I've hated since the beginning, and I finally want to quit before the season gets started. However, my parents say I can play on either both teams or neither. I think it's unfair because it's up to me if I want to play for a certain team. I was planning on playing basketball for the high school I get into, but if that means continuing to play for the team I hate, then I wouldn't want to play in high school. Now I don't know what to do! My parents are threatening to send me off to a different home if I don't play. I just want to run away.
Counselor response: The situation in your family seems to place unnecessary pressure on you.Are you and your parents able to talk together about their reason for their standard?Are your parents willing to listen to your reasons to not play on the team you hate?If yes, then maybe some type of compromise is possible for all of you to negotiate.If none of the above is possible, then you may want to get specific and direct advice from a professional, such as the school guidance counselor or psychologist, whom you'd trust and feel safe in talking.I hope you and your parents will find an answer that all of you are happy to accept.
Question: I am a female, and I am afraid of having sex. I am afraid of disappointing my partner by being inexperienced. I think he thinks I'm not a virgin. I am also scared that he will be disappointed with my naked body. I don't want my partner to think differently of me because I am afraid of having sex.
Counselor response: The greatest sex experience will be with someone who you feel connected to outside the bed.  This is something that you should feel comfortable in talking with your partner about.  The relationship needs to be strong before moving to the bed anyways. If the love is there, he will understand your fears and make you feel comfortable making it a great experience.
Question: He's been losing feelings and he doesn't know why. I love him very very much. He sometimes thinks I'm obsessed when I'm not at all. I give him his space and I make sure he's okay but sometimes I think if me and him saw each other more it would be better? I truly want me and him to get better, it's kind of hard not to stress about it, because the love of my life is losing feelings which is a sad feeling. He's a great guy! I just don't know why he's been losing feelings towards me. He's starting to put less effort in talking to me. At this point I'll do anything to just make us better as a couple. I tried talking to him but he doesn't like talking about it much. Advice on what to do?
Counselor response: I'm willing to bet that this isn't what you are hoping to hear, but I'd suggest giving him space. Ooph, that's a tough one, right?! I know. But here's the thing, when you keep trying to process and talk it out with him you keep pushing him away. He needs to feel like a solid and whole person (as you do too) to be able to be fully in your relationship. It's the work of being in relationship to learn this. I get that this is tough stuff. I wonder, outside of being with him, how do you soothe and calm yourself? That's the stuff for you to tune into and focus on right now.
Question: I've been hurt by a man for five years. He doesn't involve me with the family or kids. Everyone in the family is against me. There is a Mass today for a family member, and he never asked me to go. I'm to sit home alone now and Christmas too. He expects me to sit alone while he enjoys being with the family. We are in our 50s, and it hurts that he won't even think of me or involve me as part of the family. He doesn't even care. I am leaving him as soon as possible, but I hurt so bad that I didn't know who to turn too. I'm now in this low funk of depression, and I'm scared because I do stupid things to myself and give up. I have no friends because I was a truck driver. I've been getting serious headaches and can't sleep. I don't eat; I've lost my appetite. This has been going on for a couple weeks now.
Counselor response: Hi Florida,I get the sense that, aside from this relationship, you're quite isolated in general. It's sad that you're feeling excluded at Christmastime and family events. While I would suggest that you don't really know what he or his family are thinking or feeling (you assume they're against you, and that he doesn't care), he is certainly behaving in a very distant, excluding manner and it's understandable that you would feel rejected and hurt. How long has this part been happening? Has he always acted this way, or is it more recent? Did something happen recently? You mentioned doing "stupid things to yourself", and I don't know what that means. If you are engaging in self-harm he may be confused about what to do and he might need some time to think and be separate but is having trouble talking about this. Part of the problem, of course, is that you don't know what's going on for him. Certainly, you deserve the truth, and if he doesn't want to spend time with you, I would hope he would be honest. Have you been open to hearing the truth from him? Is there any reason for him to hesitate to tell you why he's being distant? Maybe you could ask him, if you are ready to hear.I'm glad to hear that you believe that you deserve a full, loving relationship, although it seems that moving forward might be difficult for you. Is it possible your happiness is a bit too dependant on this man? I'm just guessing, based on what you've said here.  It seems that it's possible your situation has led to some depression, and I would recommend a session with a qualified therapist to help you sort this out. You will need support, even if the relationship is repaired. Best of luck.
Question: I found out my boyfriend takes anti-depression medicine. Lately he's been saying he has a lot on his mind, and he needs time to think about us. We've only been dating 3 weeks but I like him a lot.
Counselor response: Your boyfriend may like you a lot as well.People have different styles of reflecting on their lives, one of which is to retreat the way you describe your boyfriend doing.One point you can consider is asking for a time frame of when he'd be ready to discuss his thoughts on your relationship.He's entitled to retreat, as much as you're entitled to talk.Cooperating with the other person's way of handling themselves is one aspect of relating.Since the anti-depressants are a concern for you, consider bringing up this topic when the two of you do talk.
Question: She has trouble falling and staying asleep and she's always either extremely hungry or not hungry at all. She also gets angry and feels like crying really easily for no reason. She says she is always "kind of down."
   Is this depression? What can I do to help her?
Counselor response: Sounds like signs of someone who is depressed.Since the person in question is your friend, offer your friendship to listen to any situations or feelings she has about herself and the way her life is going.Depressed people are often lonely people and feel as though no one around them cares or notices them.  Your willingness to be available to her may lift her spirits.  Feeling loved goes a long way to dissolving depressed feelings.Also, if in the beginning when you offer to talk, there is a high chance she'll be defensive and turn down your offer.Try again on another day and then another day.When people feel depressed they usually shut down.  So you may need a few or several tries before your friend accepts your offer to show her you care about how she is doing.Also, watch for signs within yourself that your friends' depression is not sinking your emotions.  Depressed people are draining to be around because they often see and talk about only the negatives and drawbacks of situations.
Question: Why am I attracted to older men?
Counselor response: What a wonderful question!Good for you on clearly knowing your priorities.If I was sitting with you now, I'd ask you to list your reasons.Start with whatever answers you do come up with and examine each of these a little further.If, for example, you feel you need a man because many of your friends are in relationships, then possibly you feel insecure about being your unique self, even when this sets you apart from your friends.If, you feel you need a man to protect you financially, then possibly you've lost faith in your ability to financially support yourself.If you'd like a man in your life to offer your love and are willing to contribute the work of relating intimately, then you've found the best reason for wanting a man in your life.This is far different than "need".
Question: Me and the father of my child have been dating for a year. We had a big argument and at first he wanted to work it out. But with time he started asking others and they told him to leave me. Now he wants me to wait on him to mature. He wants to talk to other people. Then come back in four years. He doesn't want to deal with me while I'm pregnant. He doesn't take me to the doctor or anything. I feel alone. How do I handle this situation?
Counselor response: Well, as far as your boyfriend, sounds like he has received advice from others that is not wise advice.  Leaving is not the answer after a "big argument" as you mentioned.  However this is not surprising to me based on his possible age and maturity level.  Having a baby is a lifetime responsibility and there are very few who handle this or who realizes that it requires one to step their game up.  This is something that he has to realize and be encouraged by his parents or a mature adult to do.  Hopefully, someone who has better (wise) advice will talk to him and he will listen.As for you,  how do you handle this situation is your question....you do what you have to do to prepare for your baby, with or without him.  A lot can happen in four years and you don't have time, are not required, and can't wait to see what will happen with him.  You have a LIFE to prepare for,  to feed, to protect, and to love.  Can you tell your baby to wait; I don't want to deal with you now; I need to mature; I will be back to see you later; Hope you will be fine?  Nope!!!   As I always say, you are not alone because there is someone somewhere going through the same or similar thing.  Develop healthy friendships...whether with family, friends or new people who may enter your life.  Your support system will grow and life will go on...with or with him.  Stay focus on you and your baby...
Question: I'm very depressed. How do I find someone to talk to?
Counselor response: Sorry to hear you are feeling that way.    Is there a 24-hour helpline where you are that you can call?   Here is a website with some numbers to call:  https://psychcentral.com/lib/common-hotline-phone-numbers/      You could talk to your family doctor and they could help you find a therapist?   You could also use this website to find a therapist.  https://therapists.psychologytoday.com.  I sincerely hope you find someone to talk to.
Question: Whenever I have to speak in public or be in big crowds, I freak out. I get light-headed, sweaty, and I have trouble breathing.
Counselor response: As you do it more, it should get better or at less with less anxiety.  Anxiety is normal for most when speaking in public.  I hear this from even the best of facilitators who have been doing it for years.  I even experienced that when I first became a counselor and had to lead classes.  I asked myself why were I so anxious?  I admit at that time I didn't have confidence in myself.  The more I prepared and practiced, the more my confidence level increased.  Yours will too...
Question: I have been diagnosed with general anxiety and depression by my family doctor. They wrote a prescription for me to have an emotional support dog, I have the paper work, and I gave it to my apartment manager. They said I can't keep the ESD because I'm not disabled. What do you suggest I do?
Counselor response: At present, the American Disability Association (ADA) only allows protection and guiltiness for Service Animals, which is fall under a separate distinction from Emotional Support Animals. Emotional support animals are untrained animals (typically pets or other domestic animals) that provide wonderful services to their owners, and there are many benefits to having one.Service animals who are trained to provide specific services for an individual with limitations that make them fall under what the ADA defines as "disabled" are protected under specific laws, and must be accommodated in public places where the human they serve is present. While it may be beneficial to request that the therapist who "prescribed" the dog to you write a letter to the apartment manager, it sounds like the manager is aware of ADA guidelines, and the simplest course of action may be to find an alternative residence, if that is a plausible option.
Question: I'm supposed to stay here the rest of my academic life, but I've never liked it here, not even before I came. I’ve never felt like I belong, I’ve missed my country every second in the past four months, and I'm just miserable. I'm gaining weight, doing nothing, and crying for hours straight. Is it time to go back home or is it just culture shock?
Counselor response: It sounds like you are feeling very unsure and out of place and the prospect of continuing to feel as you do now for the remainder of schooling seems daunting. Without getting to know more about you and your experiences here and at home, it is hard to say what you should do, however, I think exploring these things with a competent therapist may help you to discover the answer.
Question: When I'm in large crowds I get angry and I just can't deal with people. I don't really like other people (I prefer animals) they make me nervous and scared.
   I lay awake at night thinking and having conversations in my head and i almost always end up making myself feel terrible and crying, I have more conversions in my head than I do with actual people.    I don't know what's wrong with me and why I feel this way. What should I do?
Counselor response: Reaching out to talk about these issues is an important first step. Finding professional services might be recommended if these issues are happening more and more. A few things to note...Anger is an important secondary feeling to be aware of- it keeps us safe, allows us to stand up for ourselves or others....but it also harbors a myriad of disadvantages. But its secondary. It's more necessary to understand the primary emotions behind the anger- worry, confusion, frustration, fear, loneliness, etc...Anxiety has a lot to do with worrying about the future, especially things that we might not be able to control. If we focus our worry on negative things- mistakes, failures, or messups then we will inherently tell ourselves negative things about ourselves.  People tend to dwell on the negatives without embracing, or as t least recognizing, the positives.