arjun2183/Counselor huggingface dataset:
Question: I get angry and act out. It scares my wife and child.
Counselor response: Well, yes, of course it scares them.  They see someone they love behaving is frightening ways.  That's a good reason to want to manage your emotions differently...but  what are your thoughts on your anger?  Do you think your angry feelings justify lashing out?  The thing is that feeling angry is just that...feeling.  Acting out is behavior and that affects everyone around you.  Do you need to manage your behavior, as well as your feelings?  My guess is that you do.First you need to pay better attention to your feelings "thermostat".  If you are always near "boiling" you don't have much margin for error.  It's in  your best interest, and  that of your family, to bring that temperature down.  That may mean more physical activity, meditation, journaling or some other outlet.The next, and bigger, question is what are you so mad about?  Or are you really sad, scared, confused?  Anger is a secondary emotion, much like pneumonia is a secondary infection.  Anger, which sets us up to defend ourselves against a perceived danger, is often a cover for feelings that leave us more vulnerable.  That means people who are grieving may exhibit rage; people who are scared may lash out.That doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it might explain it. Get in t o see a therapist ASAP.  You need a bit of help to identify both anger triggers and underlying feelings that get played out as anger.  You are not a bad person for exhibiting emotions, but anger can quickly become destructive - get help now!
Question: Me and the father of my child have been dating for a year. We had a big argument and at first he wanted to work it out. But with time he started asking others and they told him to leave me.
Now he wants me to wait on him to mature. He wants to talk to other people. Then come back in four years. He doesn't want to deal with me while I'm pregnant. He doesn't take me to the doctor or anything. I feel alone.  How do I handle this situation?
Counselor response: Well, as far as your boyfriend, sounds like he has received advice from others that is not wise advice.  Leaving is not the answer after a "big argument" as you mentioned.  However this is not surprising to me based on his possible age and maturity level.  Having a baby is a lifetime responsibility and there are very few who handle this or who realizes that it requires one to step their game up.  This is something that he has to realize and be encouraged by his parents or a mature adult to do.  Hopefully, someone who has better (wise) advice will talk to him and he will listen.As for you,  how do you handle this situation is your question....you do what you have to do to prepare for your baby, with or without him.  A lot can happen in four years and you don't have time, are not required, and can't wait to see what will happen with him.  You have a LIFE to prepare for,  to feed, to protect, and to love.  Can you tell your baby to wait; I don't want to deal with you now; I need to mature; I will be back to see you later; Hope you will be fine?  Nope!!!   As I always say, you are not alone because there is someone somewhere going through the same or similar thing.  Develop healthy friendships...whether with family, friends or new people who may enter your life.  Your support system will grow and life will go on...with or with him.  Stay focus on you and your baby...
Question: I was with my friends at the park, and we were talking and having fun. After a while, I met a girl there. We talked and flirted for a while, then we gave our numbers to each other and left. We talked for a few months, then we met up again. She kissed me, so I assumed we were dating. Then I found out she has a boyfriend.
Counselor response: I'm sorry for your disappointment with this girl.Maybe next time you start to like someone talk with the person to find out if they feel similar to you.   This way you have a good chance to avoid being hurt in the way you describe here.Even if the person doesn't give you a straightforward answer to their feelings for you, you'll gain a little more information by listening to how seriously they consider your question, what their body language is like, whether or not the person seems sincere.Listen to your gut.If you feel unsure the person likes you as much as you like them, then wait a little while to see if your feelings about the person or their feelings about you, change and in what direction they change.Keep yourself informed as best you can so you'll know you did as much as possible to kiss someone who understands your kiss the way you mean it to be understood.
Question: I'm a female in my mid 20s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk.    In the past, I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol.    But now, even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself, I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem?
Counselor response: Hello, I commend you for your courage in taking a look at the role alcohol has in your life. It sounds like you're concerned about what happens when you drink too much and I suspect you already know the answer to your question about whether you have a problem or not. I imagine you would like to stop feeling guilty and would like to avoid cheating on your boyfriend or other negative consequences and maybe have a fear of being or becoming an "addict" or "alcoholic." You might have a "problem" but that does not necessarily mean that you are an addict. I don't have information to know if "addiction" or "dependence" or other words would best describe where you are with drinking, but it sounds like it's begun to have some negatives, so forgive me using words like addict, dependence and so on. I mean it more as a road map than a diagnosis. The feedback I'm writing here is very general and doesn't address physical dependence and many other factors that might apply to your situation.  One of the ways to think about substance (mis)use is to think of addiction as a disease of avoidance. Let me repeat that: it is a disease of avoidance. Your ultimate task in living a balanced life is to figure out what you're avoiding and develop other ways to manage those feelings, experiences, and so on. And of course, along the way, you may want to look at triggers, situations, biological vulnerability, social pressures, coping skills, relapse prevention planning and so on. Depending on where you are in your drinking, you might very well benefit from expertise and support. Remember also that alcohol depresses our central nervous system and disinhibits us. That means that alcohol is often a substance of choice to relax, destress, calm down, etc. Also, it allows feelings, thoughts, and behaviors that we usually inhibit to be expressed. If you were unfaithful and often angry, that's your first signpost. For angry drinkers, it is often true that you don't drink and then get angry, you drink in order to express anger. I recommend you find someone you can speak frankly with, who is knowledgeable about addiction. Wishing you the best health and wellness.
Question: I have a mother who is still running my life even though I'm almost 30 years old. I want to move out and live my own life, but it feels like as long as I do what my mom wants our relationship is okay. It's never okay if I don't do what she wants.    I don't know how to start making my own decisions and not worry about whether it's right in her eyes. Would it help for me to talk to someone about this?
Counselor response: If the only way the relationship you have with your mother feels "okay" is when she is the only one who makes decisions concerning your life, then this only seems ok.In fact it is not okay for one person to be the authority for another person unless the one for whom this is being done, does not have their own ability to think for themselves.Separating your own wishes and way of handling life matters, from your mother's point of view, may be difficult.First, realize you need to get familiar with feeling at ease with the idea of deciding matters for yourself.You'll need practice until you feel comfortable.Unless, if you've been thinking through decisions you'd like to make and the idea of your mother's anger is the only point which stopped you, then you may almost instantly start living in a liberated way of running your own life.Basically, it is right and fair for you to have the chance to live your life the way you feel is best.   Be prepared that your mother may disagree with you and that her disagreement is not a reason itself to not do what you believe is in your best interest.
Question: I'm dealing with an illness that will never go away and I feel like my life will never change for the better. I feel alone and that i have no one. 

How can I overcome this pain and learn to be happy alone?
Counselor response: I'm so sorry you're feeling like things will never get better. Try to remember that whatever illness you are dealing with, you are not the only person to have dealt with it and you are not alone! Out there, just waiting for you, is a group of people that will totally understand what you're going through and will be able to share how they coped. Try searching for a support group for your illness - google and www.psychologytoday.com are both good places to start for those groups.
Question: I'm having problems shutting them out and putting up walls.
Counselor response: It sounds like you would like to let other people get close to you and at the same time you are finding yourself compelled to keep people at a distance. Often times, when we have difficulty trusting others, it is because we have specific fears about what would happen if we get close or let our guard down. Such fears may be rooted in past experiences in relationships in which we were hurt and or disappointed. In working with a therapist, you can gain insight into what is underneath your compulsion to put walls around yourself and develop ways to form authentic, lasting, satisfying relationships with others.
Question: How can I get to a place where I can be content from day to day?
Counselor response: One thing that comes to mind is making a list of some things that happen each day. It could be that there are things that are affecting how upset you are, but because so many other things are going on, you may not notice.Another idea to try is to keep a list for a month of one good thing that happened each day. This way, when you're having a rough day, you have a list to think of and take a look at.Are you eating and sleeping in ways that are typical for you (typically at least two meals per day and roughly 8 hours of sleep that night (may be different depending on your age)? These two ideas are closely related to changes in your mood.From where do you have support? Friends or family?Can you take 5 or 10 minutes per day to do something that you enjoy?If you think back to the last time that you felt "content," what was contributing to that?Another possibility is to try to be mindful of things that you do every day. For example, rather than eating a turkey sandwich as fast as possible on your lunch break, consider actually tasting it and enjoying it. Also consider giving yourself praise for doing something well. For example, when you finish your paperwork, take a moment to notice that and maybe reward yourself by checking your e-mail, reading five pages of a book, or something else that can be done quickly before you get back to your next task.
Question: How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?
Counselor response: Counselors do not expect to gain your trust during the first session. Trust is earned and gained through the therapeutic process. You may know you have the right therapist if you feel a lack of judgement or even unconditional positive regard for the choices you make in therapy. Good counselors will keep you accountable for your actions without making you feel ashamed of the choice you made.Counselors already have the training to give you what you need in treatment, and if they don't they are ethically obligated to refer you to a provider that does. That being said, the first few visits with your counselor will be goal oriented- creating realistic and obtainable goals that will allow you and your therapist to see positive change when it is made.
Question: I have been dating a guy for two years. I think I love him, but I don't know any more. I am in my late teens, and I have been living with him for most of our relationship. I have been talking to a guy friend, and I feel more loved by him than my boyfriend.
Counselor response: Hi Michigan, Relationships are so sparkly for a few years, and then things start to feel different. Most of the time, this is simply because we've pulled back from all the attachment-forming behaviours we did at the beginning. We stop talking a lot, because we have less to discover...we do less for each other and buy fewer gifts...spend less time together...all because we have already formed the love and attachment and we don't need to "fill the gas tank" as much. So, just because it feels different doesn't mean it's "gone bad".Having said that, it seems as though you are missing something in this relationship that you need; you don't feel loved enough right now. Can you tell him? Have you told him? The strength of your relationship is more clear when people know what the expectations are. Let him know what you need, and see if he gets it. You have choices to make and there is no wrong choice. You certainly have the right to say "this isn't feeling great anymore", or "I want to explore other relationships", and walk away. But often it's worth it to see how good something can be before you bail. You're drawn to someone else, and this is up to you to decide how this fits with your expectations of yourself in a relationship. Your interest in this other guy is sparkly and new. Your boyfriend can't compete with that if he doesn't know you're unhappy. For some people, being drawn to someone else is a sign they're not into their partner. For others, it's a danger alert, and it makes them want to improve their current relationship. Which one are you?
Question: I'm a male in my early 20s. Lately, my paranoia about being around kids is causing me too breathe heavy and sweat a lot. I then start to act weird because I'm trying to fight my paranoia. This leads to people starring at me because they don't know that I'm suffering from panic attacks and paranoia. They just notice me acting scared around kids and they think I'm a threat because of it.    I'm not a pervert or predator. I would never hurt a kid. I like kids and don't know why I'm so scared to be around them.    I don't understand why I feel like this. Am I a bad person? How do I make this stop?
Counselor response: In our practice, many people we see have unwanted thoughts of doing harm to children - physically or sexually. As you said, these are intrusive and unwanted thoughts - not genuine desires to harm them. This is a form of OCD we often call Harm or Pedophilic OCD. What you are describing here as "paranoia" sounds similar to this, and is so demoralizing because you are dealing both with the distress of these unwanted thoughts and feelings, as well as the fear and uncertainty about your own character as a good person.If this is really what is going on (further assessment by the right professional would determine this), the current gold standard approach to addressing OCD is Exposure with Response Prevention - in this case, confronting the feared situations, thoughts or images on purpose, rather than avoiding them, until they lose the fear and shame associated with them.
Question: I'm always listening to my husband, but it feels like he never listens to me.    How do I get my husband to listen to me instead of me listening to him all the time?
Counselor response: Does your husband want to listen to you?Find this out by asking him the question!This way you know whether the goal you'd like to reach is even possible.Some partners prefer that one person is the rule maker or the only one who is entitled to talk about themselves.If your husband tells you he wants to listen to you, or even that he does listen to you, then you can explain in detail the way you define "listening", which may be very different than his definition.Basically, no one can directly change someone into being more openminded.What is possible is to tell him your wishes, your willingness to be patient while he develops the habit of listening to you and point out that a relationship is more fulfilling when both partners feel they are receiving from the other one.
Question: I'm a female in my mid 20s. Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk.    In the past, I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol.    But now, even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself, I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem?
Counselor response: Guilt is a narcissistic, self-indulgent focus on me, me, me; it's best not to keep it in negative light;What does that mean?  Well, it stems from mankind having an animal nature, and a spiritual nature;In most societies today, the animal nature is looked down upon, seen as egregious and something to be put away;If I may say to you, it is necessary and important (if you wish to end an experience called "guilt") to NOT regard your animal nature as negative, but to accept that you have it, and acknowledge it;The more openly a man or woman acknowledges they're animal-side, the quicker one may subdue it;Try giving your animal nature a name, and talk to it like a cute pet... "Oh, hey, there, Snorky!  Oh, what's that?  You want to be a wealthy, famous Hollywood idol?  Oh, really!  Agaiiiiiiin, Snorky!  Geez, you're impossible!  Ain't you just the cutest thing!"
Question: Then turn right back around and say he loves me and needs me. This rollercoaster is crazy.
Counselor response: Your partners obviously very confused when it comes to love. Sometimes people shy away from good and positive relationships and companionship because their afraid. They know that it's something worth holding on to but most feel they can't handle it and can't meet up to their partners expectations. Your partner loves you but must have fear that keeps standing in his way. It could also mean their afraid of getting hurt or disapointed in the long run.  Give your partner comfort and reassurance that they can come to you to confide in you about anything that may be bothering them.
Question: I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?
Counselor response: The most direct answer is no. I would venture to guess that several of the things you are feeling (symptoms) are connected. I would recommend a trauma counselor. You have several strengths (resources) that you are able to pull from and I would encourage you to focus on them as you deal with the issues you have placed on the back burner for so long. Sometimes people are afraid to address things because they feel or believe that they won’t be able to handle it. Compare it to a tornado. The storm has passed, but you are still in hiding for fear of the aftermath (the mess left behind). A good therapist is like a personal organizer to help you.
Question: I never feel like myself. I can’t even think straight anymore. I start stuttering and I can’t remember anything. I always get nervous and usually talk myself down but recently end up fighting with, what feels like, someone else. I don’t know why I feel this way, but I hate it.
Counselor response: What you are describing sounds like it may be a form of dissociation. Dissociation is our mind's way of disconnecting us from aspects of our experience in an attempt to protect us in overwhelming situations. It also sounds like you are noticing anxiety in certain situations. In working with a competent therapist, you may be able to gain insight into these experiences, learn skills for coping with anxiety and reconnecting with yourself, and alleviate these symptoms over time.
Question: After 40 years of being straight, how could I now find myself interested in people of the same sex? I have had a few same sex encounters of my own doing.
Counselor response: Sexuality is normally formed during adolescence. It would be extremely rare for someone to develop feelings of same-sex attraction later in life. I would explore whether the attraction you are experiencing is sexually-based or intimacy-based. Perhaps you are craving a close, emotionally intimate relationship with the same-sex, but have somehow sexualized that desire. People often short-cut emotional intimacy for sexual intimacy. This would be something to explore with a counselor.
Question: I don't remember when the voices in my head started, but I remember Hearing them when I was little.    I know it's not normal to hear voices that aren't your own. I fight the voices and I want them to stop. They've been here so long and I want them gone. How can I make the voices stop?
Counselor response: How is your life going overall?Since you hear voices since you were young I wonder whether you mean the thoughts each of us has about what to do, our opinions, including self-criticism and praise.I try to understand how severe a problem these voices are if you've managed to get to a point in life of awareness about the voices.Usually when mental health people hear about voices the immediate thought is you need drugs bc you are psychotic.Since this is going on for a number of years, I wonder if the problem is something different.
Question: I feel as though I'm suffering severe abandonment issues stemming from childhood. I convince myself I'm not worthy of happiness, and I’m always afraid I'm doing something wrong. It's as if I create little scenarios in my mind, and I start to believe them.
Counselor response: This is an understandable response to early childhood trauma and loss.  Oftentimes when we have overwhelming or difficult experiences as a child including poor caregiving, the ways we managed and the feelings we had then show up in our lives as adults.  Especially when we get close to someone, it mirrors our early experiences with caregivers in early life.  So....our body, nervous system, and emotions respond in the same way.  They feel as if what we experienced when we were little is happening now and they go into full force to manage and protect us.  Sometimes the ways that happens can feel pretty bad and we can stuck in these loops of old beliefs about ourselves.  Therapy is a great way to interrupt these patterns, process the early experiences, and be able to be in the present with your current relationships.  It is very possible to shift this cycle and also have meaningful healing from the experiences that caused so much hurt and distress from childhood.