arjun2183/Counselor huggingface dataset:
Question: I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?
Counselor response: It is very common for people to have multiple issues that they want to (and need to) address in counseling.  I have had clients ask that same question and through more exploration, there is often an underlying fear that they  "can't be helped" or that they will "be too much for their therapist." I don't know if any of this rings true for you. But, most people have more than one problem in their lives and more often than not,  people have numerous significant stressors in their lives.  Let's face it, life can be complicated! Therapists are completely ready and equipped to handle all of the issues small or large that a client presents in session. Most therapists over the first couple of sessions will help you prioritize the issues you are facing so that you start addressing the issues that are causing you the most distress.  You can never have too many issues to address in counseling.  All of the issues you mention above can be successfully worked through in counseling.
Question: After 40 years of being straight, how could I now find myself interested in people of the same sex? I have had a few same sex encounters of my own doing.
Counselor response: There are many possible answers to your question.The best one will be the one you decide after reflecting on your own reasoning as to your sexual attraction change.Sometimes people inhibit their sexuality bc of fear others will disapprove.  Currently since in most circles being gay is acceptable, the conditions are much easier now to come out.Maybe this describes you.How happy are you in your marriage?Sometimes people find it easier to discover a sudden change in their sexuality than to face painful emotions in an existing marriage.These are only two theoretical possibilities and may not even reflect your own.What matters is your self-discovery and that you trust your findings as the answer to your question.
Question: I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends.
   I spent the weekend with him and it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong?
Counselor response: This can be a very complicated situation. The boundaries of relationship include the rules to follow in the relationship. It is important to follow the rules of your relationship  in regards to each person being able to spend time with exes. If you and your boyfriend agree upon a rule about spending time with exes, then there should be no problem.
Question: Sometimes I can't stop thinking about life after death. I was raised in a religion that teaches that we will live on forever either in hell or in heaven.  When I think of living forever (even if it is in heaven which should be good), I feel overwhelmed. I don't like the thought of living forever and ever and ever. Sometimes I just can't get the thought out of my mind and the thoughts lead to panic and anxiety.  Am I crazy? I don't think these thoughts are normal.
Counselor response: Your life here matters and being present in it so you feel joy in yourself and your surroundings is important in creating your sense of ease and balance. No one can predict, for sure, what happens after death because consciousness transcends boundaries and limits we tend to impose on it. That said, if reincarnation exists or if there is a heaven or hell your consciousness of it will most likely be free of discomfort or pain as you experience it now. Meditating or doing self-hypnosis for anxiety can help alleviate your thoughts and sense of fear and living the a life of kindness and balance will assure that your future will be happy for you regardless of the unknown.
Question: I'm a teenager and I I go through periods of moodiness. I have extreme feelings (but I bury them), and then I feel nothing - just empty and emotionless.
   I have trust issues, low self esteem,ban extreme fear of abandonment, and I constantly reevaluate my relationships. I also don't know who I am as a person. I'm not happy overall, but I'm not suicidal. Can I just feel happy?
Counselor response: Sometimes the way to feel happy is to address all the questions you just described.Teenage years are the first time any of us starts to feel and recognize our uniqueness.  The fact that you recognize your great range of feelings, as uncomfortable as they may sometimes be, is healthy.Also healthy is that you are asking for opinions of therapists who would be familiar with when a range of feelings shows an out of the ordinary problem.One path to take is to reflect on the topics you wrote here and especially to ask yourself your reasons for how the problem started and what it would take for it to resolve.Do you have trust issues because someone broke your trust? You're entitled to a repair of your trust by the other person.   Even if the person never offers this to you, to know you deserve to be restored to whole, may help you feel more secure.The same is true with the other topics, abandonment and relationships generally.The more you continue to value your unique understanding, expectations, and standards, the more likely you'll create relationships which do not have these qualities, and you will restore your sense of hope that other people may treat you in a fair and kind way.
Question: I am becoming a Water Safety Instructor but I didn't have enough for a proper swimsuit. I was told by a boy in class that my top was displaying everything. I was very embarrassed.
Counselor response: Sometimes we make ourselves feel worse with our own thoughts about things we can't change. We know that it is possible to overcome embarrassment and self-blame, but why does it seem so difficult to overcome it sometimes? If you tune into your own thoughts, or your "internal dialogue", you'll notice that your thoughts are connected to your feelings. So people who are holding onto embarrassment and self-blame often have thoughts like, "How could I do that?", "I looked so stupid!" "Now people saw things I did not want them to see!" If we tune in more, we might notice we are thinking that this is terrible, horrible, and that we cannot deal with it. These are self-sabotaging thoughts that lead to shame, self-blame and embarrassment. If you look at the evidence, you can find more rational thoughts such as, " We all make mistakes", "People can look all different ways at different time - this incident does not define me!" and "If someone has a bad image or thought about me, it is really OK! People have all kinds of thoughts about other people, and it does not have to be a major problem." When you practice your rational thoughts often and replace the negative ones, you will start to feel better, more confident and your embarrassment will decrease quickly.
Question: Every day for five years, my husband mentally abused me and said he will change. I have a child with him. I try so hard to stay strong for her, but at this point, I am completely broken. I am holding on to nothing but hope and have been for years. Is there any hope or am I wasting my time?
Counselor response: I think your own awareness will not allow you to continue in a bad relationship.Be glad something within you is telling you that there are better ways to be treated than how your husband does.For support and guidance in real time, look up the organizations in your area which help women to leave abusive relationships.You are not the first or only one and probably not the last woman who wants to leave an abusive partner.  Having guidance particular to you and your situation will help you move through what decisions to make as to how to leave this man.
Question: I think i may suffer from depression, and it is affecting my life and sleep. I am on my parent's insurance, and they won't let me see a therapist because they don't believe in it.
Counselor response: The answer here really depends upon your age and something called the "age of consent" in the state where you live. In Pennsylvania, anyone over the age of 14 can provide consent for their own treatment. As for billing purposes, try talking to some local agencies. If you are under 18, you may be able to have Medicaid out of medical necessity so that you can have treatment. If you are over 18, there may be some discounted rates at some agencies because of the situation you're in. Maybe your primary care physician will be able to refer you to some local agencies.If you are in school, you may be able to talk with a guidance counselor or someone at the school. This would not require using your insurance.
Question: I’m a teenager. My entire family needs family therapy, and more than likely individual therapy. My parents refuse to take action, and I'm tired of it. Is there any way I can get out of this myself?
Counselor response: This sounds like a really tough situation.  As a teenager, you may be able to get counseling on your own (without needing your parents' consent) under some circumstances.  If your parents are refusing to consider counseling, you might want to try talking to your doctor or another trusted adult about finding some counseling resources - even without your parents' help.
Question: We've been in a long distance relationship for two and a half years. I recently saw his phone and saw the people he texts the most and one of them was a female coworker. I don't know how to approach this situation. How do I ask him about it?.
Counselor response: Just ask him.I'm not sure how you saw his phone if you're in a long distance relationship, because long distance means you live far apart from each other and don't get to see each other in person. Therefore, I think we may have a different understanding of the definition of "long distance relationship" which makes it hard for me to adequately answer this question for you.I don't know how old you are, but if you're an adult, after two and a half years, I don't think it's unreasonable to have an open and honest talk with each other about where the relationship is going and what you both want and expect. Long distance relationships are difficult to keep alive because you don't ever see each other in person. Talking, texting, and video chatting isn't enough, and the longer the physical distance remains, the more difficult it becomes to keep an emotional closeness. It may be time to evaluate the situation, figure out when (if ever) the two of you will be able to be together in person, and if you can and want to wait that long. Do you both want the same things out of life? If one of you wants to take the relationship to the next level but the other doesn't, then it doesn't matter if it's long distance or not - if you aren't on the same page with the relationship, it is going to be difficult to make it work.Trust is important. Issues with trust, insecurity, jealousy, lying and/or hiding things from each other, being afraid to speak up and have an honest conversation - these things can ruin relationships if not addressed. I know confrontation of any sort can be hard for some people, but it is necessary at times. Evaluate your true feelings for him. Are you with him for reasons other than love, such as being afraid to be alone or thinking you wouldn't be able to find someone else? Has he ever given you reason to be suspicious of his female coworkers or friends before? Some people, unfortunately, develop a track record of indiscretions and give their significant others ample reason for distrusting them. However, if this is not the case, you may be unfairly judging his texting through the eyes of your own insecurities. It may be time for you both to take an honest assessment of your own reasons for being in the relationship, figure out what you want, and make a decision. This may result in bringing the two of you closer and taking the relationship to the next level. Or, it could lead to a decision to end things. I know that can be difficult, but you both deserve to be happy and to be allowed to make the decisions that will lead to your personal happiness.
Question: I just about fall asleep then I can't help but sit up and walk around.
Counselor response: Maybe you are afraid to let go of your problems for a few hours.Although you didn't write this, usually what keeps people awake or prevents them from falling asleep are worries about certain situations in their lives.If this describes you then. maybe talk with yourself to convince you that you are entitled to a good night's sleep.Really we all are and feeling rested from the day and life's tensions will better you to handle whatever the particular matters are.Also, maybe you will be more enthusiastic to go to bed if you have a comfy mattress and nice pillows!  Make your bed an inviting place because this will tempt you to enjoy relaxing enough to go to sleep!
Question: How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?
Counselor response: You have the right therapist if you feel safe with that person. Safety consists of feeling that who you are and what you say is valued. The right therapist is not an 'all knowing person you must obey'. He or she is a person with skilled knowledge who respects you as a partner in your self discovery. The right therapist is also one who is kind
Question: Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?
Counselor response: Yes it is absolutely normal!  A good therapist can help your feel safe enough to really identify painful wounds.  There are some things that need to be cried about before they can heal.  Therapists are fine with tears and buy tissues by the case.  That said, if you don't cry during therapy it doesn't mean you are doing it "wrong".  As long as you feel safe and have a sense that your therapist "gets you", and you feel progress during your course of treatment, you are doing therapy "right"!
Question: My spouse visited the red light district a couple of years back in Amsterdam. After he got back from the trip he got me tested for stds. In the aftermath he has provided multiple versions of what happened, from having a total blackout to being touched by a prostitute. How do I know if he had sex?
Counselor response: Hello, The truth is that you will never know unless your husband decides to be upfront about the details to gain your trust.  One thing is for sure though, not knowing and having this uncertainty in your heart will push your husband and you further away from being able to repair the marriage.  The best thing you both can do is seek professional help to navigate this issue and start doing damage control.  It sounds as if you are committed to this marriage and I am sure your husband is too.  It will take some time and purpose, but you can recover from this if you both commit.  Don't wait and start working the steps to find peace of mind and a way to reconnect with the man you love.  Mirella~Image and Likeness Counseling
Question: I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this?
Counselor response: Hi!This is a great question!The term you are looking for is alexithymia, the inability to identify and describe emotions in the self. However, just because you are not able to feel or express emotions, does not mean that you do not have emotions.After such a traumatic event that you experienced, your central nervous system goes into defensive mode (dorsal vagal nerves) that protect you from any further harm. What this means is if you were to feel your emotions related to your rape, you would have a sense of being overwhelmed, possibly re-experiencing the traumatic event.Not feeling emotions is your body's way of protecting you from any further trauma. Unfortunately, when the (parasympathetic) dorsal vagal system (shutting down feeling) is activated and suppresses your painful emotions (pain, shame, guilt, sadness, anger), it also shuts down your positive and relational emotions (love, joy, contentment, connectedness, happiness).I am very sorry that you had to go through such a traumatic experience as being raped. No one knows what is going on inside of you as a result. You don't know what is happening to your emotional wellbeing! The best (and at times, difficult and scary) thing is to process your emotions related to your trauma. This processing is done carefully, with a trained counselor, in a place that you feel safe, heard, and not judged. Although the thought of proceedings (addressing) emotions may be anxiety-inducing, it brings on a huge sense of relief and validation.What you are going through is normal, considering what happened to you! I hope you reach out for more help.If you have any questions feel free to contact me, Catherine at clevelandemotionalhealth.com
Question: I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it.
   What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts?
Counselor response: I think we all go through a period of time where we think we aren't worth anything. Sometimes these feelings are a result of low self esteem or because of shame. The most important part of dealing with this thought is to separate feelings from reality. "I don't feel worth anything, but I know what I do is important, I know who I am matters to others. I know I am loved and cared about."When you find yourself having these thoughts, stop, take a few deep breaths and try to reframe what you're thinking.
Question: I'm constantly in a bad mood and I have no energy. Is that depression?
Counselor response: Depression has many different signs and symptoms and looks different for every person.  Often times people think depression is more about feeling "sad," but depression can, in fact, express itself through irritability (or bad mood as you say) and lack of energy.  According to the DSM-V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), depression includes the following symptoms:-Depressed mood-Irritable mood-Decreased interest or pleasure in activities you usually participate in or enjoy-Significant weight change or change in appetite-Change in sleep (insomnia or hypersomnia)-Psychomotor aggitation or retardation-Fatigue or loss in energy -Feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt-Diminished ability to concentrate or indecisiveness-Thoughts of suicide or plan The great news is that there are many ways to improve depressive symptoms.  If you are up for it, perhaps the best place to start is by seeing a physician or a therapist who can help determine how severe the depression is and can suggest methods of addressing the depression that fit your lifestyle, values, and capabilities.  Good luck!
Question: How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?
Counselor response: If you're asking the question, then probably you are pretty close to ending your relationship.Make a list of what you don't like and then decide whether you'd like to tell these topics to your boyfriend as a discussion about your relationship.He may have similar feelings and together the two of you may figure out new ways to be loving with each other.If you've presented your needs and no change results, then ask yourself if you can be happy with him, given what you now realize about him and your feelings.
Question: I'm in my late teens and live with my dad. The only time I go out is for my college classes. Sometimes when I see my friends I want to talk with them, but sometimes I won't want to talk to them for days or even weeks.    Sometimes I feel i'm not worth knowing or i'm never going to do anything right.
   Are they right, am I depressed?
Counselor response: Although some people managing depression feel sad or "down",  it is a possible to have depression without an obvious sad mood.  Many people indicate that they feel numb or flat.  People managing depression often have low motivation. They may stay in bed for long periods of time and only get up for absolutely necessary activities.  People with depression may also feel inappropriate guilt or shame.   If you have been experiencing the symptoms you described for more than two weeks, I recommend that you see a counselor to get a more in-depth evaluation.   The symptoms you are experiencing are typical of depression, and with a bit of support, you could regain energy and improved self-esteem.  The stigma surrounding mental health can make a diagnosis or a label of depression seem scary.  The important thing to remember is that mental health disorders are as important as and as treatable physical health disorders.    Hang in there.  Healing is possible!
Question: I've been dealing with this for years. My mom thinks I'm overly emotional and refuses to offer any help, like therapy or seeing a doctor. She's seen me when I'm having a panic attack and just said I was faking for attention or that I'm a hypochondriac. I just want to get better.
Counselor response: How old are you?Are you old enough in your State to have therapy without your mother's consent?Your mom's attitude toward you may be one significant reason on why you feels so much tension in the first place.Don't let her opinions and beliefs get in the way of what you know about yourself.Are you in school and does that school have a guidance counselor?Would you talk with that person about your difficult getting your mom to retain helping services for you?Keep looking for local resources which will support you either directly or indirectly by advocating for your right to receive mental health care.
Question: Nothing we've tried has worked so far.
Counselor response: Probably what you should do is decide whether you can continue having a romantic and sexual relationship with someone to whom you don't feel like having sex.Five years is long enough to know that the way you feel toward your partner is more than likely going to remain this way.Talk with your gf about your feelings because she may not wish to be in a relationship in which her partner is not sexually attracted to her.
Question: I've been with him for a couple months. We will talk everyday and he will get mad over something I will say and not talk to me. We have our great moments, but I just need to focus on my personal situations, and I feel he is slowing me down with that. I still wanna be with him, but not now.
Counselor response: It sounds like you're pulling away instead of being honest. If you really want to be with him, why not now? If you don't have time for a relationship, why are you dating at all?I don't understand the whole "phasing out" thing that people do these days (or "ghosting", where you just stop talking and disappear!). I get the sense that this relationship isn't working for you, but for some reason you're stopping yourself from being honest with yourself and him and just ending it. In the early stage of a relationship (the first year), if it doesn't feel fabulous, it's a good idea to move on. It's not personal. You don't owe this person anything. They deserve someone who's totally into them (and so do you) and you're doing him no favors by hanging on to something that's not amazing or giving him hope that it might work better in the future sometime. You don't have to slowly bow out. It actually creates more hurt than gentle honesty. Maybe people don't know how to say it?"I've decided not to continue with this. I wish you the best." Life is too short!