arjun2183/Counselor huggingface dataset:
Question: About two and a half months ago, I met a woman on a dating site. We went out on two dates, and then despite her original plans on how to pace and conduct the relationship, I ended up at her house on a the Friday night one week after our first date. We respectfully tried not to have sex, but after hours of trying to resist each other, we gave in and we had sex. After that, I slept at her house every night for almost two weeks. Then one day, she went to her family’s house on Thanksgiving and everything changed. Within the short time we were together, we got so close and serious really fast. We had finally found each other. We told each other that we loved each other all the time, even while we were making love. A few days after Thanksgiving, she told me that we would have to go back to her original plans of seeing each other much less frequently. I was very hurt and didn’t understand. Then another week later, she told me she couldn’t do it at all anymore. I was crushed!

A few days later, she tells me how much she’s missing me and “let’s get together for lunch” or something like that. Then about two weeks later, we finally get together one night and we were so hot for each other (in love, not just sex), but she confessed that the reason for the sudden distance was that the father of her very young child told her he wants to get back together and this totally messed with her. So for her child’s sake, she is now considering the possibility of allowing that to happen. She had told me all about him previously, and it is definite that she has little to no attraction to him, but she would do this putting herself in misery again for her child. Our love for each other is fully established and acknowledged, but she is torn and confused. She doesn’t even think it would work between them as she had to kick him out before for not fulfilling his role properly. I know she needs time, and all I can do is take care of myself. We have agreed to remain friends, and if this doesn’t work out for her, we will try again. I’m completely in love with her, and I’m in extreme pain.
Counselor response: That sounds really heartbreaking. It is tough falling in love and not being able to dive fully because of complications on the other side. It sounds to me that you are doing exactly what you need to be doing by taking "care of myself" while the rest sorts itself out. While I admire your desire and courage to stay friends - the "extreme pain" that you mentioned may make this too challenging and at odds with your taking care of yourself. Since there is no commitment on her end to give it a shot with you I would make sure that you really honour your own feelings about what feels right to you so that you don't end up feeling strung along or resentful. Make sure that you lean on friends and family at this time - we need all the support that we can get when we are heartbroken.
Question: I panicked over a minor parking lot mistake. It was totally my fault, but due to another insurance issue, I left a note with an illegible phone number. Guilty over this, I got an envelope containing several hundred dollars. Unfortunately, by the time I returned, the other driver had seen my ersatz note and drove away. Since I cannot make this up to that individual, how do I atone for my cowardly act? I have been trying to do random acts of kindness in hopes that karma will somehow even out.
Counselor response: From your writing, you have already atoned for what you describe as "cowardly".Recognizing your action and trying to directly correct it, realizing your action was improper and demonstrating the willingness to take right action, are all examples of making things right.Since the actual driver is unavailable to consult as to their wishes on what they expect and feel would correct the matter, you did the next best thing and considered the situation from the driver point of view.
Question: I spent my whole life taking care of my dad, but left because of his verbally abusive behavior. I was the only one that helped with his health issues. I feel if I hadn't left he might still be alive. I need help dealing with my grief and guilty conscience.
Counselor response: I see such a sharp contrast between your question and your first sentence. Do you see it? "I feel guilty about my father's death", and "I spent my WHOLE LIFE taking care of my dad." Wow. After everyone else had left him to his misery, you hung in there. He is so lucky to have had you there. You didn't have to do that. I have a hunch that your dad blamed you for a lot of things. Abusive people do that a lot; they make you believe things are your fault when they're not. You did the opposite of what you fear you did. You didn't contribute to your dad's death; your selfless care gave him a longer life...better health. In the end, no one's love and care could save him. No one could fault you for deciding you had had enough at some point. I would never expect anyone to keep putting themselves in a hurting place over and over again. But this is what you did. You did it for him, and you did it so you wouldn't feel guilty. But you feel guilty anyway, right?...so putting yourself in that position was only worth it if you allow your loving acts to melt away the guilt. Can you tell yourself "It's okay that I had to take care of myself too."... "I gave up a lot for my dad; I have nothing to feel guilty about".Putting yourself last for your dad was a loving thing to do. And... my hope is that you can also find different ways to help yourself feel "good enough" in this world, and a balance between caring for others and caring for yourself.  :)
Question: I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky.  Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this?
Counselor response: Yes, it is completely normal to feel anxious about therapy. Therapy often explores topics and feelings that are uncomfortable. The ultimate goal of therapy is to feel better but the process itself can be uncomfortable.
Question: What makes a healthy marriage last?
Counselor response: In addition to suggesting this great read from 2016 (but feels timeless):https://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/29/opinion/sunday/why-you-will-marry-the-wrong-person.html?_r=0I will give my summary on what the author of the article is speaking to: don't get too comfortable. But, in truth, no one really has the answer to your question, otherwise wouldn't we all have a "good" marriage? Also, what even is a "good marriage?" What is it that YOU want from a marriage, a relationship, a partner, and what your other-half also wants for themselves, is going to be what defines all of this, because every relationship is different.And in answering that "what YOU want" question, you might actually stumble upon what would make for a healthy relationship: vulnerability. You will have to be vulnerable to be able to explore what you really want, and listen to what your partner really wants, as that kind of processing can be uncomfortable. But, with vulnerability comes intimacy, and in most opinions, there is much of a relationship if there isn't much intimacy.
Question: I am an international student, and it is my first semester in graduate school in the United States. I faced a cultural shock, and I was so depressed when I arrived here. My counselor in the university was my savior. He helped me a great deal. Now I am going back to my country for a vacation. I was thinking to get him something special with my country's name on it, and I remembered that he likes wine. My country is known for that. Is it appropriate to give him wine as a gift after Christmas?
Counselor response: Hi, Different therapists are guided by the ethical guidelines of their own associations or colleges when it comes to receiving gifts, so this may differ a bit from therapist to therapist. It's important to me that I be sensitive to cultural norms, and to my client's needs. In Canada, and the US, it is customary for people to sometimes express gratitude with a small gift, and I have from time to time received small tokens of appreciation because I believe it would be rude to refuse this. It is never necessary to give a therapist a gift, but if you wish to express your gratitude in this way, I don't think it's inappropriate.
Question: I panicked over a minor parking lot mistake. It was totally my fault, but due to another insurance issue, I left a note with an illegible phone number. Guilty over this, I got an envelope containing several hundred dollars. Unfortunately, by the time I returned, the other driver had seen my ersatz note and drove away. Since I cannot make this up to that individual, how do I atone for my cowardly act? I have been trying to do random acts of kindness in hopes that karma will somehow even out.
Counselor response:    Thanks for sharing as it shows your humanity and that you have a sensitive conscience. In your example here I'd encourage you to always think, "safety first"; and never offer a stranger at the accident scene "...several hundred dollars". Why? Because it could go badly against you (i.e. extortion, robbed, or would this be considered a bribe).   To the point, I'm reminded of Steps Eight and Nine in many 12-step programs regarding making amends. In your specific example since the injured unidentified party departed, and by your own admission you've been doing random acts of kindness, it seems to me you've acted in reasonable good faith fashion to make amends. Well done.   I'm not a karma expert but as a therapist I would invite you to explore the deeper story behind your use of the words "cowardly", "guilty", and what it does for you to engage in "random acts of kindness". What a fascinating journey this could be for you. Best wishes.
Question: My daughter basically freaked out out of nowhere over me saying “calm down” when she dropped her phone. Within seconds, the situation escalated to her kicking me out on the curb, saying horrifically unspeakable things, and her calling the cops on me. She seems unable to stop herself at times.
Counselor response: Bipolar disorder has a lot of different components. If this is a one-time event, it could be that your daughter had an intense moment of anger and the phrase of asking her to "calm down" may have made her feel as though you weren't understanding what she was saying. Bipolar disorder also includes feelings of depression. When this is coupled with intense anger and acting or speaking without thinking, these can be part of bipolar disorder, but that wouldn't be the whole picture of what bipolar disorder would look like. It may be helpful to track differences that you notice in your daughter's mood and any patterns related to the times of day or what seems to lead her to be upset. Patterns are very helpful in figuring out what is happening.
Question: I've been bullied for years and the teachers have done nothing about it. I haven't been diagnosed with depression, but i have been extremely sad for years.

How can I deal with being bullied at school when the teachers won't help?
Counselor response: To be bullied is very painful.I'm glad you know the bullies are doing the wrong thing and whatever they are telling you is pure meanness.Depending on how independent you feel, why not tell either your classroom teacher or schedule an appointment with the vice principal?Bullying other students is taken very seriously in some states and schools are expected to address the bullying until the victimized student feels safe.If you hesitate to do this on your own, then would you ask either of your parents or even a friend of yours who is also in the school, to report the problem?In case you are afraid the bullies will retaliate for reporting them, then tell this to whatever school authority you decide to ask for help.You're entitled to be protected by your school.
Question: I’m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset?
Counselor response: Do you want to be upset about a girl that he forgot about?  Think about it for a minute.  Do you want to measure your trust based on knowing how many female co-workers your husband has?  And if so, what does that say about your marriage?  Trust is something that we earn based on our actions and the actions of people we interact with; it’s also based on our ability to communicate and understand what we value and have in common.  If you are focused on every little detail around your relationship, it may turn into an unhealthy obsession and it may harm your relationship more.   If instead you focus on opening the lines of communication, let him know what you expect from him, and discuss how you could both build trust again, you may become closer and give your relationship the opportunity to grow.  ¿Debería este molesta porque mi esposo me mintió de nuevo?Estoy tratando de hacer que mi matrimonio funcione después de una separación.  Antes de separarnos el mentía mucho y rompía todas sus promesas.  No creo que me haya sido infiel.  El mes pasado, le pregunté cuantas mujeres trabajan con él, y él me dijo.  Ayer, me enteré que se olvido de una muchacha.  ¿Debería estar enojada?¿Quieres estar molesta porque se le olvido con cuantas mujeres trabaja?  Piénsalo por un momento.  ¿Quieres determinar la confianza que le tienes en tu esposo basándote en su capacidad de reportar la cantidad de mujeres que trabajan con él?  Si tu respuesta es sí, ¿qué refleja eso sobre tu matrimonio?  La confianza es algo que se gana basado en nuestras acciones y las de aquellos con quienes interactuamos; también en nuestra habilidad de comunicar y entender los valores que tenemos en común. Si practicas estar preocupada por cada pequeño detalle en tu relación, esto se puede convertir en una obsesión que potencialmente dañara tu relación.  Si en cambio te enfocas en abrir las líneas de comunicación, le dejas saber lo que esperas de él y discuten cómo pueden trabajar juntos para recuperar la confianza, pueden volverse más cercanos y darse la oportunidad de que la relación crezca.
Question: My therapist is gay so there are no sexual issues here. However, my therapist for six years has made me believe that he cares about me and that we are friends. I have loaned money to him many times, and he always paid me back.

I had a medical emergency last weekend and I was heavily medicated. I knew that this therapist came into my home and wrote down my credit card information so he could pay back what he owed me, but this therapist dropped me off and never came again.  I don't know what to do.
Counselor response: I'm sorry to hear that this has happened. Counselors are legally and ethically required to make sure that they always put the wellbeing of their clients above their own interests. In addition, counselor ethical rules, and the laws in just about every state, make it illegal for counselors to take advantage of a client financially. A counselor borrowing money from a client (even if the counselor pays it back) would usually be considered to be taking advantage of the client.There are a few options you have at this point if you can't (or don't want) to continue to try to contact him directly. You can file a complaint with your states' regulatory board and let them know what has happened.  An investigator will then look into the situation for you.  Another option would be for you to find a different counsleor who can provide you with an independent and netural point of view to help you figure out how you want to handle this situation.
Question: Back in high school, my friend and I used to masturbate around each other. I hate even talking about it now because it's so weird. We didn't even realize how messed up it was at the time. One time, it escalated and we ended up doing it for each other. It wasn't supposed to be a gay thing, but it sure sounds like it now that I talk about it. I pushed this away until it recently came up in my head again. I'm having a lot of trouble.
Counselor response: Writing about your high school masturbation times with your friend, is itself a form of acknowledging the full picture of who you are.   You are doing well to reflect on your actions in the truthful way you are doing.Also positive is that you have perspective, that at your age and social maturity, you were innocently doing something that in adult terms, would be considered in a negative way.Maybe through your more mature mind's eye of today, you can feel some compassion and understanding for your high school self.  This way your sense of self-judgment may start to dissolve a little bit more.
Question: I have several issues that I need to work through. However, I am afraid of and do not trust therapists after a horrible experience. I'm dealing with grief and guilt over losing my sons due to drug use. I have a very complicated traumatic relationship issue that is causing me severe anxiety and fear.
Counselor response: I am sorry that you had this experience. Therapy should be a healthy positive experience off g growth. You have the right to look for certain high qualities in a therapist and finding the right one. Each therapist is bound by a code of ethics and clients should have high expectations. You are trusting them to guide, support and help you achieve the absolute best outcome and success. You should never be or feel judged, and you should feel comfortable and feel as though your therapy process is moving along with YOUR GOALS IN MIND. Speaking as a therapist, I encourage my clients to always let me know how they feel, even if they disagree with me, they also have the right to inform me if something I'm doing simply is not working for them, communication is critical in maintaining a healthy therapeutic alliance/ therapeutic relationship. I'm able to offer ways of thinking and strategies to my clients they may not have thought of. Its important to listen to my clients. It's also critical for clients to feel they can share in a environment that feels safe, non judgmental and confidential.Remember, you are the driver in your healing process, you should be the one in control because you know what your life struggles are. Speaking as a therapist, I'm here to guide my clients toward achieving their goals, encouraging and empowering my clients in what is meaningful to them to achieve. You should feel comfortable speaking your thoughts, my advice would look one who open hearing toy feel, even it's regarding them a therapist. That they are open to feedback.With all of that being said, it will take time to trust again but remember, ask questions and communicate with the next therapist  share  your experience and how it made you feel and that trust and being spoken  in a respectful , non judgemental and non condnscending way is critical for you. Be honest clearly state your expectations from start.  I offer free 50 minute first sessions for clients. The reason. I do this is because I feel that clients deserve opportunity observe the environment, ask me questions and have the opportunity to determine their level of comfort and decide if it's a good fit. Other therapists sometimes offer the similar, try finding one willing to offer a  consultation as that could give you the opportunity to feel things out and set forth expectations.The article below is an excellent article about what to look for in a therapist. It is worth your time reading because you are WORTH FINDING THE BEST HELP AVAILABLE! This article was written based on both evidence from research and clinical experience. I would strongly encourage anyone searching for help to read this and even use it as your guide. I hope this was helpful.https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-therapy/201603/10-ways-spot-good-therapistLaura Cassity, LMSW, LMAC
Question: I'm a male in my early 20s. Lately, my paranoia about being around kids is causing me too breathe heavy and sweat a lot. I then start to act weird because I'm trying to fight my paranoia. This leads to people starring at me because they don't know that I'm suffering from panic attacks and paranoia. They just notice me acting scared around kids and they think I'm a threat because of it.    I'm not a pervert or predator. I would never hurt a kid. I like kids and don't know why I'm so scared to be around them.    I don't understand why I feel like this. Am I a bad person? How do I make this stop?
Counselor response: Your question is written in a very sincere tone.   This, together with the fact of searching for self-understanding, sound more like someone who is unsure and puzzled, not someone who is "bad".What was your own childhood like?The sensations you describe feeling sometimes occur in people who are reminded of very deep hurts from during their own childhood.Is it possible what you're feeling is from being reminded of great distress you lived through when you were at a similar age as the kids around whom you feel this sudden and great paranoia and fear?
Question: I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn’t believe me either. I’m a pansexual, but I can’t trust my own parents.
 I've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust.
Counselor response: One of the most difficult challenges we face is not being heard! It is incredibly frustrating and hurtful when others, especially parents, do not listen. While your parents surely love you and want to understand you, it may be difficult for them to fully understand your feelings and experiences. They are quite a bit older and have likely not dealt with some of the struggles that you face. I would suggest communicating your feelings to them about not being heard. Talk to them during a non-emotional moment when the discussion is not already heated. In other words, do not wait until an argument ensues to have an open discussion with them about how you are feeling. Prepare them by asking them what time is good for them to talk. Let them know you have something important to get off your chest. Try and avoid using exaggerated or extreme language such as "you NEVER listen," "you ALWAYS say..." and stray away from placing blame. Instead of beginning your statements with "you" try using "I" by letting them know how their behavior effects you. Finally, let them know that they are important to you and that having their trust and support would mean a lot to you. Perhaps giving them suggestions as to what you wish for and would like to see change would help them to better understand.I would also suggest that you seek guidance from a therapist, teacher, or school counselor if possible. Most schools have counseling resources on sight in which a trained professional is available to talk with students looking for help.Best of luck to you.
Question: I am always down and out. Could this be postpartum depression?
Counselor response: Probably.  I always tell the new parents I work with (and this is just as true for dads as it is for moms) that if you are feeling off, seek help.  Postpartum Support International (www.postpartum.net) is a great place to start finding resources and locating support.