arjun2183/Counselor huggingface dataset:
Question: I'm in my mid 20s with a husband and children. I love my family, but I feel like I've lost my identity, and I don't know who I am other than a mom and wife. At times, all I can think is what I gave up and how I feel unhappy and trapped, but I know I'd feel like worse without them. I loathe myself at times. I have an amazing life, so why can't I just enjoy it?
Counselor response: It is not easy being a wife and mother. You have shifted roles in your life. You went from having a career to focusing on your family. Transitioning can be hard, especially when we feel we gave something up that we really wanted. I want to acknowledge you for wanting to be the best wife and mother you can. I think it is great that you are self-aware and want to work on this.Feeling "unhappy and trapped" may also mean that you are  believing these negative thoughts are absolutely true. We have lots and lots of thoughts throughout the day. Sometimes we pay a lot of attention to some and some we ignore. Right now these thoughts are getting a lot of your attention and perhaps you are thinking because you are thinking them they are true.  Is it really true that you trapped? You also said that you have an amazing life. It doesn't sound like you are only having negative thoughts. You have some positive ones, too. However, you are giving a lot of weight to the negative thoughts, more weight than the positive ones.I also wonder if you are struggling with the fact that you are even having this thought. One thing that can be helpful is to recognize that you are having a thought, that it is a negative thought, that thinking it does not make it true, and to let it go. This is the basis for mindfulness work that can be really helpful. It is a great place for you to start so you can balance out your thoughts and emotions.Best of luck to you!
Question: My dad is always, and I mean always, cussing and screaming at me for no reason at all. He makes me feel stupid. He also compares me to my other siblings in a negative way and demeans me. Is this abuse?
Counselor response: Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. Having said that, everyone gets upset once in awhile and may yell or scream, which can be disrespectful. You said "always, and I mean always" and that is troubling. If your dad curses and screams at you on a regular and consistent basis, it can (as you stated) impact the way you feel about yourself. While the definitions of child abuse differ from state to state, talking to someone can help. Perhaps there is a counselor at school, or another trustworthy person you could confide in to help you understand how this situation is impacting you? Counseling is a good option. There is also help available through the national hotline at 1-800-422-4453, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You can call (press 1) and talk to a counselor while being anonymous. You can also check out this website: https://www.childhelp.org/hotline/resources-kids/I am sorry that you are going though this situation. There is help available. You do not have to go through this situation alone.
Question: I'm 17 and I'm sick and tired of going back and forth. I'd like to stay at my mother's house. This problem has really affected me. I've had anxiety attacks and suicidal thoughts and self-harm in the past.    Currently I'm going through anxiety and my thearapist is not available. How do I handle this?
Counselor response: Sounds like a lot is going on right now at such a young age. I'd start with discussing with mom your concerns and ideal situation. I'm unsure what prevents you from staying there, but whoever you are staying with, it should be brought to their attention. In regards to your anxiety attacks, deep breathing is always a benefits. I have a link you can use to help to do this online if you are interested. In addition, finding ways you usually cope with anxiety and what's worked before can help and if it isn't, exploring new way to calm you down can be beneficial. This is something you can speak with your therapist about going forward when they are available.In regards to feeling suicidal: I would call suicide prevention hotline (You can google them) if you truly feel the ideation is getting worse. They are professional agents who can speak with you about your ideation and help you through the process. Hope this helps.
Question: Sometimes, when I look at my pet cat, I think about how innocent he is and how somebody could hurt or kill him. It makes me sad because I love him, but I always think about how helpless he is. There've even been split-seconds where I felt almost tempted to kick him, followed by shame and guilt.
Counselor response: A lot of different things could be happening here. Do you feel angry or sad or anxious when you think about how helpless he is? If you have not actually kicked him, then I would encourage you to look at feelings other than guilt, since you did not hurt him. What else is there?It would probably be very helpful to talk with a therapist about the specifics of this so that you can see what else is happening for you. It could be that you feel safe with your cat, so strong emotions come up because you feel safe.
Question: I'm in my late 20s. I have two jobs right now, I'm in school, and I feel like I just have a lot under my belt right now. I get stressed out really easily. I tend to worry and over-think. I'm just worried about money and everything.
Counselor response:   A good start is to pay attention to some basic issues: sleep, nutrition, exercise and socially supportive relationships. A great car on an empty tank will not get you very far.
Question: My fiancé and I have almost the best relationship every girl wants, but lately it's changed. I get less attention and little to no intercourse. He works a lot and goes to the gym a lot (he's a football player for an indoor league), but he has no time for me. We live two hours from family, and when I leave home to see family, he'll text me saying "whatever" and "leave me alone." But when we're together, everything is okay. No fighting or anything. I love this man, but I just don't know what to do anymore.
Counselor response: Hello, It doesn't feel good when it seems that your partner no longer cares or cares less for you, especially if your feelings have not changed. It can be scary, frustrating, and lonely. Have you tried talking to him about your concerns? I would suggest to start there. There may be several reasons for his actions, some of which may have nothing to do with how he feels for you. Learning about what is going on for him will likely answer your questions and, depending on his response, may cause some relief. When initiating conversations about subjects that are sensitive, there are a few things that you want to remember. Tell him how you are feeling and what you are experiencing, rather than blaming him or telling him what he is doing wrong. Avoid using extreme, black and white language (i.e. always and never). For example, you may say something such as, "I feel confused that we are rarely intimate and I'm wondering if you've also noticed this change" versus "You are never intimate with me anymore." Don't be afraid to ask him questions. You deserve to know what is going on, as his behavior is effecting your well being. I like to ask open-ended questions instead of yes and no questions. It allows for more clarity and deeper explanation. Lastly, ask yourself (and possibly him) what part you play in the recent changes. Does he feel that you've been distant? Does he need something from you? Let him know that you are willing to work things out as a team. If communication attempts fail, seeing a couple's therapist can be a great benefit. Having an objective party to coach you through this difficut time can give you the support that will create lasting changes in your relationship.Best of luck to you!
Question: How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?
Counselor response: Choosing the right therapist can sometimes feel a bit overwhelming. I know many people come to therapy with hesitations and potential fears but a therapist should be there to help you along the way and support you as you build a trusting and collaborative relationship. You won't have to "train" your therapist to give you what you need. Through open dialogue and feedback you and your therapist, together, can determine what works best for you. But do remember that being able to trust your therapist to guide and support you is key. So if you're having a hard time connecting with your therapist after 3-4 sessions, you will want to bring it up to them so you can discuss any barriers and if needed, request a referral for another therapist.
Question: What are the basic skills a good counselor needs to have?
Counselor response: To be non-judgemental, know who they themselves are, be able to step forward and ask questions with ease and grace into painful emotional areas.Also to respect human difference in accomplishing basic life tasks and everyday living.
Question: I have bipolar II disorder, I'm addicted to alcohol and weed, and I'm hopeless. I keep drinking even though it's harming myself and others.
Counselor response: You may feel hopeless but YOU are not hopeless. Addictions of any sort are difficult to overcome, especially when they serve to bury pain and suffering that one is experiencing. It is not impossible to overcome alcohol or drug use/abuse/dependence on your own, but you will likely find much greater success with the help of a therapist or other support system such as rehabilitation or Alcoholics Anonymous. I suggest doing a bit of research to see what type of help is available and feasible for you in your area and go from there. Know that recovery takes time, willingness, and effort. Don't give up and remember that you are not hopeless. You can make the choice to change your habits and learn new ways of healthy coping. Best of luck to you!
Question: I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do?
Counselor response: Chances are your family already knows, they are probably just waiting on confirmation from you to say it. A parent knows their child.
Question: I start counseling/therapy in a few days (I'm freaking out) but my main fear is that I'll cry and embarrass myself, is it something to worry about?
Counselor response: Please do not worry about crying. People cry, laugh, rage, rant, and talk during counseling sessions. Part of the therapy process is to look at your feelings, and to feel what you are actually feeling (instead of what you think you should feel). So if you need to cry, that's ok. If you feel embarrassed because you cried, or if you feel anxious that you might cry, well those feelings are ok as well. Your counselor can help you manage your feelings so that you can attain your goals, and your counseling session is the perfect place for that.
Question: After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful. Now he is depressed and hopeless again.
Counselor response: The fact that you're reaching out for help here is really helpful.The first thing I would suggest is that you consider seeing a local mental health professional yourself to be able to talk about the details, how this is affecting you, and how you can hold onto you are while also being supportive to you husband.From the way that you describe this, I wonder what has changed since coming home from the hospital. Perhaps you can have a conversation with your husband this and mention that you are asking him questions to learn more about his experience and you can discuss how you notice that things were going much better when he came home from the hospital, and now things are not as good. Perhaps he can tell you about what is different so that you may know him would be most helpful to him.I also hope that you husband is still continuing with his own treatment.There may also be a local peer support telephone number for the county that you live in that they be able to help you determine whether your husband needs more immediate treatment if he is feeling hopeless again. There are national crisis telephone numbers listed below as well.
Question: It's been almost a year since my ex-boyfriend broke up with me after he cheated on me many times. I had found out about a month before, but I hadn't told him I knew because I didn't want us to break up. I used to have very low self-esteem, and I think it might have to do with my dad being an alcoholic. My father cheated on my mother when I was little. I wonder if this pain has to do with that. My ex-boyfriend and I were only dating for five months, but I still can't get over this betrayal. I'm not sure what to feel to get over it: forgiveness? Hate? He helped me financially after our break up by lending me $3000, so I'm grateful for that. I still hate him for what he did and still want him to like me although we're not even talking anymore. We follow each other on Instagram and that's it. I feel like I still need his validation. This is haunting me day and night. I want to focus on my new relationship and goals, but I keep obsessing over this and keep checking my ex-boyfriend's Instagram and Facebook. I feel so bad and keep having nightmares.
Counselor response: The dilemmas you present are giving you a great chance to understand your true reasons for being in a relationship.Continue developing some points you've written here.That you grew up sensing and/or witnessing your mom's emotional pain from your dad cheating on her, very likely set a standard in your inner self, to expect similar circumstances in your relationship life.This is a natural dynamic which happens for all of us.  What we observe in our growing up households is what we understand as "normal", no matter how bad it actually is.After all, children don't have the ability to separate that what their own parents do, is wrong compared with the rest of our culture.It is natural to long for a relationship.What you have the chance to do now, is distinguish the reasons for your longing.Is it to attach to someone who has hurt you, hasn't shown you any understanding of having hurt you, and whose validation, even if he says validating words, has little meaning because people who validate are not the ones who harm us?If you're able to teach yourself that those who love us do not harm us, and to develop new expectations for yourself of feeling good from how your partner treats you, then you will be showing yourself a road that will benefit you for your entire lifetime.
Question: My husband and I had our first threesome recently. Everyone was drinking and he was on her more then me. 

He and I talked about it afterwards and it made me feel better, and now I'm craving more of it. But before it gets close to happening I get this empty feeling. Why am I feeling this way?
Counselor response: You need to have an honest conversation with each other about WHY you both want a threesome. Evaluate the status of your relationship with each other. Are you having issues? Fighting? Not feeling satisfied with each other? How has your sex life been with each other?  If there are any problems, insecurities, issues, introducing something like this may only make your relationship worse. Open relationships and threesomes rarely work out well. Sure, there are some who successfully live this lifestyle, but it only works when both people are completely secure in their relationship with each other, harbor no jealousies or insecurities, and aren't looking to someone else to satisfy needs that aren't getting met by their spouse. Let me say that again: This is not likely to work out well for you if either of you are insecure, jealous, or looking to have needs met by this other person that you aren't getting from your spouse. That empty feeling you're having - listen to it. Dig deep to find out where it is coming from. What thoughts are going through your head when you feel that way? You'll get the answer.The other thing that helps make something like this work is for both of you to listen and respect each other. If you don't like it that he paid more attention to the other girl, he needs to know that, and he needs to respect that.  If you're going to do it again, he needs to know what you're comfortable with and what you want. Set the limits before you're in the moment, before it's too late to take an action back. Turn it around and ask him what he would be comfortable with if it were a man instead of a woman.It is perfectly natural to be curious and want to experiment. A lot of people get that out of the way before settling down in a monogamous relationship. People who marry young and/or inexperienced may still feel that curiosity about things like that and want to experience them, but don't want to hurt their spouse. The REASON you are both doing this matters a lot. If there are problems in your relationship, this is likely to only make things worse.
Question: Whenever I don't tell my friends or anyone what I did or stuff that's not really important, I feel terrible, like there’s a hole in my stomach. It only goes away when I hurt myself.
Counselor response: Hi Kansas, I feel strongly that the help of a professional therapist is important here. Feelings are never wrong, but it can help to understand where they come from and talk to someone who can teach you healthy ways to cope. Self-harm is not the answer to managing those emotions you feel in your stomach. Although I'm glad you said something here, a professional would need to spend some time with you and get a deep understanding of your life in order to help you sort all these reactions out effectively. I hope you reach out to someone soon.
Question: After I told them, they yelled at me.
Counselor response: It sounds like your family responded out of fear!  They may need some time to digest the information.  This can be hard for a family to hear for several reasons but you should be proud that you had the courage to tell them.  Once they realize how brave you were and how much you need their support they will come around.   Maybe you can write them a letter (for them to read without you present).  In the letter, you can tell them your struggles and maybe why you decided to tell them.  A letter will give them a little more time to digest the information.
Question: I've been going through a rough time lately. I been into nothing but women. I’ve never thought about men until a week ago. I’m very upset and depressed about this. It's not normal to me. I looked at gay porn more than once to prove that I’m not gay. I get the same results each time, and I feel disgust. This is tough on me. I'm scared that I looked too many times. I keep thinking about it and shake all the time.
Counselor response: Are you able to give yourself some peace of mind while you take the time to further address whether or not you are gay?Whether or not and to what degree a person accepts their sexuality, depends on dense factors such as the culture of your family, the beliefs about gay people with which you were brought up, and your own tolerance for being a unique individual.Examining these factors, whether inwardly by yourself, in online blogs and sites, or live with other people, requires patience and effort.The more you are willing to commit to figuring out your own truth, the greater is your chance of finding it!
Question: My older brother (in his 60s) started dating a lady with Asperger's. She is hyper-sexual and flirty. She does not understand boundaries. They’ve been dating for a few months, and she's talking marriage. Another sibling and his wife have met her, and they have said she is never invited back. My brother always picks similar ladies. Do we speak honestly and risk losing a relationship?
Counselor response: This is tricky and quite delicate.I wonder if you could talk with your brother about whether he would be willing to have a discussion with you about something that is important to you. I would also suggest trying to make clear your true intentions. For example:Telling him that he has the right to do what he wants with who he chooses to dateThat you are talking to him about this because you care about himThat your relationship with him is important to you and that you love him and care about himAlso try to stick to examples or ideas that are objectively observable (for example, when this happens ___, I notice ___). That way you are using facts rather than opinions and things that can be observed rather than subjective emotional decisionsI would also be curious with what your brother sees in this girl, and I might even recommend starting with thatI cannot underline enough the importance of having this come across as genuine, and for lack of a better word, gentle.I also be very honest with you that I cannot guarantee that he will react positively, neutrally, or even that he will have the discussion with you.Because it is true that he could choose to continue dating this girl and perhaps even hold it against you for a while, I would also encourage you to look at the importance of this to you and where you consider the risk-benefit ratio to be.
Question: We've been dating for two months now. I have a heavy past that gets him angry. Does he have a right to penalize me for things I did before I met him?
Counselor response: How is he penalizing you?Have you asked for his reasons for wanting to know about your heavy past?His answers may be very different than that he would like penalizing you.What you can do is explain how pressured you feel by his questions.Ideally, the two of you will become much closer by talking openly about your respective discomforts and wishes from the other.
Question: I need help knowing how to deal with stress. What can I do?
Counselor response: Learn how to meditate. I recommend a Mindful Based Stress Reduction MBSR program.
Question: My father is in the hospital and was diagnosed with leukemia. I have been dealing with that all day. My husband keeps getting mad at me for things that I said.
Counselor response: I don't know how long you have been married, but this might be a time to explain to your husband what you wish he could do for you in this moment. It could be that he is showing that he is getting mad at you because he is worried about you and it is just coming out wrong. Maybe he would be open to an honest discussion?
Question: I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better?
Counselor response: I urge you to seek some therapeutic help for this, and also to connect with others who knew your friend, because they're likely feeling the same way. Suicide is difficult to understand, and those left behind have many mixed emotions that make their grief complicated and anguished. Your friend either had an impulse that no one could stop, or they made a big decision that impacted everyone around them. There are other things you can do to cope with this, and it has to do with accepting your powerlessness to stop it, not blaming yourself, forgiving your friend, and finding meaning in their life and yours. You won't find that meaning in a bottle or a joint. I hope you reach out soon. :)