arjun2183/Counselor huggingface dataset:
Question: Something happened this summer that I cannot forgive myself for. When I think about what happened, I feel ashamed and guilty even though my loved ones forgave me.
Counselor response: Hello, and thank you for your question. Guilt is one of those things that nearly everyone has experienced at one time or another, and it can feel like a huge weight around your neck. Unfortunately, it is unlikely that we can give you some words of wisdom that will make it all go away. However, I will give you some ideas and hopefully this will help.One of the things that we know about guilt is that it doesn't usually do much to help us in the long-run. People may make changes for a short-term period of time because they feel guilty about something they did, but usually they will go back to their old behaviors if they don't have something else to help them change permanently, such as a new skill. So, guilt doesn't necessarily help us. In fact, as I write this someone out there is eating an entire key lime pie because they feel guilty about falling off their diet. Someone may be drinking alcohol because they feel guilty about drinking alcohol. For whatever reason, this is just a common thing that we do. Now accountability is different than guilt. Accountability can actually be constructive.  When you hold yourself accountable you can admit that you have done something wrong. That it hurt others and you deeply regret it. That you are prepared to take steps to make sure it doesn't happen again. That you have done what you can to make amends, if necessary. That you are sorry. And then you move on. Why is moving on necessary? Well, for one thing, it doesn't usually help the people who you hurt. In fact, someone's guilty behavior may serve to remind the people who were hurt, over and over again, about what happened. Guilt is usually 100% about us, and not about those we hurt. Also, guilt can lead us to behave in ways that may even hurt people more. Having said all of that, guilt is a normal human emotion. Sometimes we experience it for a while and it goes away. Sometimes we need help to work through it. There are many self-help books about forgiving yourself. You can try Amazon to find some, or consider getting help from a counselor. Be well,Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC
Question: I am pretty sure I have depression and anxiety. I also have voices in my head. I have problems sleeping too. I've already been diagnosed with attention-deficit disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder. I have self-harmed in the last and used to be suicidal. How do I tell them this and ask for therapy?
Counselor response: Family support is very helpful when having these symptoms.  I suggest looking for therapist within reach (school, through your insurance or the community, calling 2-1-1).  Once you schedule a session, you can inform them and invite them to come in.   I have found trough sceptic parents, that once they give it a chance they open up to the process of learning and healing.  I also understand that parents may become overly concerned and overprotective when hearing about your symptoms, and that’s why is important to discuss them with a therapist, normalize them, understand why you experience them, and learn how they could help you. ¿Cómo les digo a mis padres que yo pienso que tengo problemas mentales?Estoy seguro que tengo depresión  ansiedad.  También escucho voces en mi cabeza.  Tengo problemas para dormir también.  Y he sido diagnosticado con déficit de atención y desorden obsesivo compulsivo.  Me he auto flagelado y solía tener ideas suicidas.  Como les dejo saber y les pido ayuda.El apoyo de la familia es muy útil cuando se experimentan los síntomas que mencionas.  Te sugiero que busques un consejero (en la escuela, a través de tu plan médico, o en la comunidad, llamando al 2-1-1).  Ya que tengas tu cita, invita a tus padres.  He observado que aunque algunos padres son escépticos al principio, pero una vez le dan una oportunidad se abren al proceso de terapia y sus beneficios. También he observado que algunos padres se vuelven sobreprotectores cuando aprenden de los síntomas que sufren sus hijos, así que sería otro beneficio que aprendieran que pueden hacer para ayudarte y apoyarte.
Question: Now I have anger and trust issues. How can I treat this and fix myself?
Counselor response: I will assume that for whatever reason, you either do not want to or are not able to seek counseling for this. However, I highly urge you to do so because long-term childhood abuse does have negative consequences for your life as an adult, as it seems you are already aware. There are confidential and free crisis hotlines that you can call that deal with sexual abuse. Some/most also offer free counseling services in local areas. That would be a good place to start looking, especially if cost of counseling is an issue.The important thing to know is that what happened was not your fault and that you deserve to live a happy life free of the past. Having anger and trust issues after something like this is a perfectly normal reaction to what happened to you. Angry? Yes! At your brother for what he did, at your parents for not protecting you. Having trouble trusting? Of course! The very people who were supposed to love and protect you hurt you instead. Two books that might help you are Codependent No More and Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin.
Question: A year ago, the love of my life left me and never looked back. Our son was two months old at the time and it broke my heart. I miss her so much and can't seem to get over  being so heartbroken.
Counselor response: I recognize that you say you are missing being with the love of your life. At the same time, I don't understand whether you are able to see your son. I'm curious as to the relationship dynamic between you and your son's mother.When you say that she "never looked back," I imagine you are conveying that getting back together is not something that she is interested in.I would suggest that you talk with a therapist and your local area so that you have the ability to discuss the loss of this person who you love so much. Most people think of grief related to the loss of someone who has died, But it also applies to people who have a significant loss, whether that is a relationship, a job, or any number of other things.In the meantime, try finding something about yourself that you value and can focus on.
Question: I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for a number of years. I have been on medication, but lately my depression has felt worse. Can counseling help?
Counselor response: My initial response:  consider a more comprehensive MH assessment to determine other factors. A medical evaluation is warranted to rule out poor health issues. Blood work is helpful. Review what hadn't helped.
Question: I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this?
Counselor response: Hi there, Thank you for your question. It's absolutely ok to feel nervous going to therapy. I have experienced anxiety going to see my own therapist. There can be a few reasons why you might feel this way. First, it is always unnerving to see a person who is a stranger and to share intimate things with that stranger. You mentioned it has only been a couple of sessions. Your anxiety might subside as you continue to see your therapist and grow more comfortable with him/her. Another reason why you might feel particularly nervous is perhaps you are not comfortable sharing things. As children, we might have bad experiences opening up to others. Someone might bully or ridicule us, and that experience can stay with us for a long time, making it extra scary to share our intimate feelings and thoughts with others. If this the case, as you continue with your sessions and have positive interactions with your therapists, this anxiety will subside with time and you will re-learn that it is safe to share. And the last thought why you might feel the shakes is perhaps you know that you need to talk about some past experiences or memories that are uncomfortable and difficult. Regardless of the reason, it might help you to bring up your nervousness in your session and share how you feel with your therapist. Having an open dialogue about your anxiety with your therapist can help you resolve some of that anxiety and built greater trust with your therapist.
Question: I need to speak to someone about sexual addiction and binge eating immediately.
Counselor response: There are plenty of online providers within the mental health field that would me more than happy to speak with you immediately.  Many of them provide treatment on a sliding scale fee.  I would google online mental health treatment providers and that should lead you to a list of providers that can help you.
Question: I've hit my head on walls and floors ever since I was young.  I sometimes still do it but I don't exactly know why, 

I have anxiety and I had a rough childhood but now I'll start to hit my head and sometimes not realize it but I don't know how to stop or even why I'm doing it. 

How can I help myself to change my behavior?
Counselor response: Hello. I have to wonder from a behavioral perspective if what you are doing is useful for you. In other words, does it serve a purpose in some way when you find yourself doing it. Yes, this could well be an expression of anxiety, or maybe some type of coping skill you have developed over the years to deal with stressful situations. Yet it sounds like you have developed a sort of knee-jerk behavioral conditioning that causes you to do this behavior during specific (or perhaps even non-specific) circumstances. Do you think it is a self-soothing behavior? Do you feel good after you have done it? The behavior itself is likely causing some form of slow physical damage, so I would recommend you have yourself checked by a doctor, to rule out any injury. If none exists, this obviously doesn't excuse the behavior, it just says that for the moment luck is on your side.When we do any behavior of any kind, it is good to ask if what we are doing has merit or value. Is the behavior helping us to solve our problem, or is it merely creating yet another problem by doing the behavior in the first place. In the same way that a person might drink excessively because they are stressed and need to cope with some unresolved issue, when they are done drinking the original problem will still likely be there, but now they are intoxicated. No closer to solving the issue. When we deal with things like anxiety or depression, we need to do things that work on dealing with the symptoms, but also get to the root issue that created those feelings and find effective solutions. So the things we do to cope with life events need to not be ones that cause us harm, but rather support us as we move forward and work to deal with what life throws at us.Sometimes seeking support from a friend or a counselor is a good idea. Being given the opportunity to express your feelings about what is going on around you and getting feedback and insight from others is much more effective than actions of self-harm, wouldn't you agree? So I would encourage you to find a counselor or a trusted friend who can help you find positive behaviors you can take to deal with your feelings, as you also work to find the answers to the day to day issues of living a life filled with promise and opportunity.Reach out if you need help...there will likely be a hand there waiting for you.
Question: We weren't long distance until he joined the military.  I love him and I know he loves, me but it's complicated. He said he's not going to find someone else, but I'm afraid. How do I keep our relationship going?
Counselor response: Hello. You are asking a very good question about how to sustain a long-distance relationship. Although maintaining a long-distance relationship has its challenges, with the proper communication, commitment, and understanding, many long-distance couples are able to thrive and maintain a close connection. Without knowing more about the "complicated" nature of your relationship, I wonder whether your boyfriend has given you reason not to trust him that makes afraid that he will find someone else. Has he cheated on you in the past and has shown romantic interest to another person that made you fear losing him?  Or, is your thought just a fear but not based on evidence? Knowing that distinction is important because if it is the latter, you may benefit from refocusing on the wonderful qualities about your partner that makes you feel good about him and the relationship rather than focusing on the unknown or uncertainty of the future. The more you focus on "what if" situations, the more you may feel anxious about a reality that is not accurate and make you act in ways that are insecure. However, if there is reason for you to question his fidelity, you may have to speak to your boyfriend about how to build trust in the context of a long-distance relationship. To help the conversation, you may need to consider what you may need to experience or receive as support to feel safe in the relationship to build trust. Is that you wish him to contact you regularly, or to include you more in his life, or to make a clear commitment? For many of my clients in my private practice, that may include talking to their partner often and using a variety of modalities including text, phone, and Skype. It's hard to believe in a relationship when you never talk to your partner, and it's hard to build a relationship when you don't know what's going on in your partner's life. Other times, it is Making sure they talk often to their long-distance partner so that they can participate in each others lives and to feel their presence.. Regular communication, understanding and caring is the key to sustaining any relationship, but this is especially true for long-distance ones. Dr. Virginia Chowwww.PsychologyResource.ca
Question: I haven't uttered one word to my boyfriend in days. Now I'm over it and don't know how to approach the situation?
Counselor response: In any relationship, it is important to be able to say "I'm sorry" because it shows vulnerability and openness. I recommend that you sit and have a discussion with him now that you are calm about why you were upset and how you would like to handle such incidents in the future. If you find yourself becoming upset again, I encourage you to take a 20 minute break and then come back to the conversation once you are no longer heated. Studies show that talking or discussing arguments are more effective once you have cooled down and you are more likely to hear/understand what your partner is trying to convey.
Question: I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household.
Counselor response: Which one gives you the most anxiety? List from top to bottom which one gives you the greatest anxiety and ask the question how come? From there, we can figure out the underlying factors of your anxiety.
Question: My best friend and I were pranking her friend, and I told her to tell him that she likes him. She said no, but I forced her. After she told him, he told her that he likes her too. Their friendship is ruined because of me. She won't forgive me, and I feel really guilty. I feel like crying.
Counselor response: This takes time. I don't know how long it has been, but perhaps if your friend is willing to discuss other things with you for a little while, you could discuss this at some point in the future.Hopefully the true intentions will become apparent (in the idea that it was a prank).Also, I encourage you to look at how this is affecting you and how you feel about yourself as well. If it was meant to be a joke and it did not work, that is not entirely your fault.I wonder how you could forgive yourself for what happened?Are you able to seek what you meant to do compared to what actually happened?Do you notice that not everything that has happened here is in your control?Do you recognize that even though you would like things to be better, if your friend is not ready or willing, you are trying to do your part to make it right?Maybe everyone who is/was involved in this can talk together all at the same time to set straight what is truth and what was misunderstood.I wonder if you can think of your own positive attributes (for example: honesty, compassion, trustworthiness, friendship, good listener, caring) and look at what truly exists within you rather than just one your friend is able to see right now.This can be really difficult for multiple reasons, not the least of which is that it involves more than just you, so it's important to focus on the idea that you can ask these other people who were involved to discuss it, but that is ultimately up to them.Best wishes for looking at the positive parts of yourself and your friendships.
Question: I want a secure relationship with someone that wants to be with me and who will actually put effort into it.
 I seem to gravitate toward unavailable men and those that want intimacy and no relationship. I let men dictate and control me because they accuse me of being controlling. I let men emotionally abuse me and I am at their beck and call.
 I am not comfortable being alone or doing anything by myself. I feel I need the security of someone being around just to survive. I know what I'm doing wrong and I do it anyway just hoping things will change. How do I stop this behavior and thought process?
Counselor response: It is a good thing that you have recognized that you have been in some unhealthy relationships and that you are wanting to break this pattern. You seem to have some good insight into the situation.The type of behavior that you are describing is usually rooted in childhood issues with insecure attachment bonds with your caregivers, childhood trauma and/or abuse or neglect, or dysfunctional family issues that did not allow you to develop healthy boundaries for yourself or a sense of self. This is something that is going to take some time to work through in therapy. I recommend a book titled “Boundaries: Where you end and I begin” by Anne Katherine. Another book that might be helpful is “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie. In the meantime, until you can work through your personal issues, absolutely do not enter into another relationship. Take however long you need to and work on becoming a whole, happy, emotionally healthy person on your own. Needing another person to define you is problematic. That’s too much to expect from any individual.For a relationship to be healthy and happy, both people in the relationship first need to be a whole person on their own. That means having a clear sense of self, knowing who you are and what you want, knowing how to set healthy boundaries, and knowing how to meet your own needs. It is unreasonable to expect your partner to meet all of your needs all of the time. There will be times that they won’t be able to meet your needs. You have to know how to meet those yourself. When you are working on becoming the best you that you can be, eventually the right person will come into your life. Then you can CHOOSE to be with someone because you want them in your life instead of feeling like you NEED them to complete you.
Question: My mother is combative with me when I say I don't want to talk with her about my depression.    She hasn't been supportive of me in the past and she isn't someone that I feel comfortable opening up to. She constantly tries to instigate conversations where she asks me questions that I don't want to or can't answer. I tell her I don't want to talk and she starts arguments with me.    How can I get her to understand?
Counselor response: Your situation sounds extremely frustrating.You're doing the right move to state you don't want to discuss your depression with her.I guess you could ask if she would like to know your reason to not speak w her about your depression.  If you feel she can handle a reasonable conversation, and you would like to tell her your true reason, then schedule this or bring up the topic at a neutral time, not in the middle of an argument.Having an unsupportive mom is difficult enough to accept.  You may feel greater success and peach of mind to meditate on accepting her lack of understanding than to engage in arguing when she starts this.
Question: How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client?
Counselor response: There are several reasons for a counselor to decide to end counseling.  A major reason to end counseling is if the counselor feels that he or she does not have the skills or experience to work with the client.  This may happen during the intake process or after working with the client for some time.  If the clinician feels that the client is not benefitting from the therapy, it is ethical to suggest that the client terminate the therapy.  The process of termination must not injure the client and, if necessary, the clinician may need to refer the client to other treatment modalities.  Another reason to terminate working with a client is if the client needs a higher level of care.  If the client has a crisis or is at risk of hurting himself or someone else, he or she may need a higher level of care.  In this circumstance, the clinician may need to involve outside services such as a crisis unit.  A third reason to terminate with a client is if the clinician feels that he or she cannot remain professional with the client relationship.  For example, if the issues that the client is working on bring up something significant for the clinician and the clinician feels that he is unable to separate that from the professional relationship.  In this instance, the clinician should refer the client to another therapist.  Finally, if the client has reached her goals for therapy and no longer needs treatment, the clinician and client should terminate treatment.
Question: My husband and I got into a huge dispute. He said he wanted a divorce, and I left. I still come home a lot and see my kids, and he has not filed yet even though he still said he is. What does that mean for our marriage?
Counselor response: In situations like this, in most cases, he probably will not fill anytime soon. It's more of the fact that he isn't ready to give that life yet... Now if you probably pressured him about it then yes, he would probably give in.. But if it hasn't been a big issue anymore or something you guys aren't talking about, then right now.. Everything is on a hold.
Question: I have four children. One of them is in her 20s, and she cannot afford to go, nor can I pay for her. She went last year for two weeks by herself.
Counselor response: I imagine you are trying to figure out a way to be "fair" to your adult kids.  The key word is "adult".  If your daughter can afford to join the family for a vacation that's great, she's welcome to come.  However, as you pointed out she took a vacation by herself last year - she chose to put her resources (time off work and money) into doing that.  Good for her - she did what she wanted.  If she wants to budget time and money for a family vacation she will.As for feeling guilty, let me echo the sentiments already offered - vacations are lovely, but not a survival need.  Your girl is in her 20s and it's her turn to provide for herself.  You did your parenting - now go enjoy your vacation with whoever can, and wants to, join you!