arjun2183/Counselor huggingface dataset:
Question: I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends.
   I spent the weekend with him and it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong?
Counselor response: Thank you for submitting this question. I think this type of situation can be common for many couples struggling with how to keep friendships with past relationships while being in a new relationship. For me, more information is needed here...but given the information provided, the way I interpret the question is...I'm assuming your boyfriend didn't know you were going to spend the weekend with your good friend?  Working off of this assumption, I would suggest beginning an open and honest dialogue with your boyfriend about what specifically upset him? And to talk about your point of view regarding spending the weekend with him. I would also suggest talking about how you both envision your relationship when it comes to spending time with others. If you feel like you can't have this conversation without it going off track, please consider seeing a couples therapist. They can help you begin these important conversations that can help shape and develop the relationship you and your boyfriend long for.
Question: I have a relative who is in his twenties. He was in a drug rehabilitation program and got kicked out for using drugs again. No one informed family that he was using drugs again. He subsequently overdosed and was found dead.
 Is their accountability of counselors, therapists or the halfway house for not reporting that he had relapsed? Is there a legal case for failing to report?
Counselor response: I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.  This sounds like a really difficult situation for the whole family.  Since the answer to this question will depend a lot on the applicable state laws, I would suggest talking with a local attorney.  That being said, I see two competing issues here.  On the one side is the duty of confidentiality the counselors owed to your relative.  On the other side is the duty the counselors had to act reasonably to protect your relative from harm.  Generally there is not a requiremt for substance abuse treatment centers to notify family members if an adult client relapses.A local attorney will be able to provide more specific guidance on the legal obligtions and liabilities in this situation.
Question: My son claims that hes been having extremely violent thoughts and dreams. Not violent like he's hurting someone, but violent thoughts like horrible things happening to his loved ones. He explained one of his dreams the other day and it was so violent it was sickening. It was far beyond anything in a horror movie, he says he can't help these thoughts they just pop up. Please help!
Counselor response: Let me start my stating this is important to take seriously - taking to his PCP, getting a referral to a pediatric specialist, and getting him to a relational psychotherapist would be my first tasks. I wont label this occurrences as "normal" yet it is important to note these things do occur. My first observation is to say that it is a tremendous advantage that your son is communicating what he is experiencing. I'd encourage him to continue to do so, no matter the extent of his thoughts - his trust of you being able the handle his experience is of utmost importance. His containment and sense of security is also dependent on your reaction to what he shares. Seek professional help, communicating your support, including a plan of action, and reassuring him you will figure this out together will help you as you begin.
Question: I have three children. The oldest is nine and not my biological child. The middle child is three and the youngest is one. I have a great relationship with the oldest two children but I haven't developed the same level of attatchment to the youngest child. I rarely want her around and look forward to her nap times. Is this normal?
Counselor response: Congrats on being honest about the way you feel!Many people state having a favorite child so the reverse would also be possible, of having a least favorite child.Try to understand your own reasons for not liking your youngest child as much as the others.One point to consider is whether it is the child' personality or the way they interact with you which gives you the feeling of not liking this child as much as the others, or does the reason have more to do with younger children requiring more care?Also, do you generally prefer older kids to younger ones?   It is possible the problem will go away as your youngest grows older.Is there another parent in the household who can make up for what you feel unable to naturally give to your youngest?Is it possible you feel your own need to be involved with activities or to have time on your own?   Maybe you simply need a break from constant mothering.Continue to give as much as possible to your youngest child.
Question: Every time I send a message to someone or a group message on Instagram, iMessage, or snapchat people will read my messages but then they won't answer me.    Could it be that there is something they don't like about me? I don't understand why they won't answer my messages. How do I get people to respond to me?
Counselor response: Sorry to hear your friends aren't responding to you. If these friends are in-person as well as online, perhaps going to them in person and asking talking to them about your concern. Perhaps it's the way you send messages or the way they are receiving them. if they say no, then a simple request to respond to your messages. Measure the result and notice if there are even small differences. Also understand, why this is so important to you. Ask yourself, why it's so important for you to receive these messages from friends. What does it mean when they don't respond.
Question: My boyfriend has this close female friend. It always bothered me because of how close they are, so I decided to meet her. That made the situation worse because they were even closer than what I thought. They acted like a couple rather than friends with each other. There was no physical interaction, but he talks to this girl a lot. What can I do? Leaving him isn't an option.
Counselor response: I wonder if you could have a conversation with your boyfriend about how you are feeling. A few things may help with that:Try having the conversation you are both able to have a conversation about something that is important (for example, not during a commercial for a TV show)Maybe your boyfriend will be willing to listen to you for about five minutes asking questions to learn more about your experience, kind of like an investigative reporter wouldSee if your boyfriend is able to capture the essence of what you're saying by summarizing it for youRemember that hearing you and following what you're saying does not mean that he agreesAlso consider if there are events in your past that are affecting the way you are looking at this relationship between your boyfriend and this other girl (we all bring our own histories into relationships and we unconsciously expect that what has worked in other relationships will work in current ones)Then you can switch so that you can hear more about what he is experiencing (for example, what it is that he likes about her)Also consider having a discussion that if one of you becomes very emotional and needs a break from the discussion, discuss having a timeout that will last for a certain time frame (usually between 15 minutes and one hour) and then come back to continue the discussionRemember that the goal here is just to learn more about what each of you is going through, not to find a solution right awayThis can be difficult. Consider working with a couples therapist to discuss it together.
Question: I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this?
Counselor response: Yes, feeling nervous for the first few or several sessions of therapy, is completely normal.Therapy is an unusual way to have a conversation with someone.   The person is an expert in recognizing and understanding dynamics of human interactions.   For some people the fear is that the therapist knows more about you than you do yourself.In general terms hopefully your therapist has worked with many other people who've faced problems similar to yours.In this sense the therapist has a general idea of the basic dynamics you most likely are handling.No therapist could possibly know your particular details and your particular areas of upset or in what ways you feel unsure of yourself.Once you start to trust both your own right to tell your particular story and start to also feel that your therapist is listening attentively and cares what you tell the person, your nervousness will start to disappear all on its own.Good luck in getting the most from your therapy sessions!
Question: My grandma had a stroke and passed away recently. I lost my home and job. I'm looking but haven't found a job. I've been binge watching television and binge eating.
Counselor response: Hello!I write to respond to your recent inquiry for possible increase in self-esteem and positive behavioral change regarding motivation for a new job. First of all, please try to allow yourself some time for grief of the loss of your dear grandmother. It appears you were close to her in many ways and she had a great influence in your life. The grief process of anger, denial, despair and acceptance may be a part of what is keeping you feeling "stuck" in a cycle of not feeling motivated to find work at this time.  Perhaps your mind is constantly fighting this grief? Death can be a "traumatic" experience for some people and is considered a great loss, thus the grief process may continue to be a part of your world for a time but hopefully not keep you "stuck" on a long-term basis.  I would try to reach out to a counselor to discuss this grief process at a deeper level to discern whether her death is part of why you feel this way.  Grief and loss can also have an effect on your self-esteem.  Can you begin to see how this cycle is what you may be experiencing? One positive I see is that you are continuing to look for a new job!  Take time to give yourself some credit for the  time you are spending looking for work.  Also, I would recommend you set some short-term goals first for example, make a list of 5-10 potential new employers and send them each your resume. Then followup the next week with an email or phone call to make sure the hiring manager or human resources received your resume and have any questions.  It is also a good idea to ask for "informational interviews" in order to get your foot in the door, so to speak.I hope that this information is helpful to you!  Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns.Warmly,Denise
Question: I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this?
Counselor response: First and foremost, be gentle and patient with yourself. It is normal to feel a range of emotions after a severe trauma including no emotions at all. Try not to push yourself to feel, just notice the lack of emotion you are experiencing right now. Maybe write about your emotions and the lack of them or talk about it with a safe person. Unfortunately recovering from trauma can take time and it's best done at your own pace. If you aren't feeling there may be a reason you aren't feeling. For severe trauma I always recommend working with a trained trauma professional who has the training to guide you on your path to healing fully.
Question: I feel insecure in my life. I don't think my wife truly wants our relationship even though she says she does. I have turned to drinking to help relieve my repressed stress about this and other issues. I have had a drinking problem for a few years. I feel the reason I drink is not just because I like to, but because I have lately been on edge. I’ve been very oddly emotional when watching movies that I have been watching for years. I’m paranoid about driving on main roads. I’m very jumpy at the slightest noises.
Counselor response: Given the description you have posted here, it may be time to find someone to work with.  First and foremost, look into working with someone who specializes in working with individuals with challenges surrounding drinking. This would need to be assessed first since if it has been ongoing, it may be making the situation worse and given the time it has been utilized as a coping mechanism, there is reason to believe that the structure of your brain may have been effected as has been demonstrated by current neurological research.  There are however, ways to address this.  As for coping mechanisms, the person you work with should also look at offering you alternatives such as the skills found within the Dialectic Behavior Therapy model (DBT) which has several useful tools to help address the underlying anxiety and difficulty managing emotional regulation.  Mindfulness, another component of DBT should also prove to be useful in both becoming aware of your state of mind and emotional state to allow you to make different choices which has been supported by a growing body of evidence.  There are also other tools designed to help repair damaged relationships.  Well worth looking into.Seeking help is never easy and it is only human to be hesitant given some of the cultural views of working with therapist.  This is a difficult place to be in and one that is not easy to move out of, but sitting on it is not going to help it go away.  Think of it this way, if you broke your arm, would you just wrap it up and hope for the best? or seek out a professional to help you set the break and teach you how to mend the wound.  The same applies here.  Think of it as first aid for the mind.
Question: I broke up with him three weeks ago because I felt that he needed to be more respectful. He has since had a rebound relationship. He says he loves and misses me but refuses to see me. He says it's going to be too difficult to see me. Every time we talk, it feels like I'm being pushy to see him. He used to be so madly in love with me, but now, it seems like he couldn’t care less. I think I'm running him away.
Counselor response: Hi Kansas,I think your first instinct was good; you broke up with him. You deserve respect, but right now you're not acting as if you deserve it when you push to see him as he's moving on with a new relationship. It's appropriate now for you to respect that relationship and listen to what he says he wants, which is space. Do you think he's going to be any different with her? This a common, unfounded fear we have. I wonder if maybe you miss the feeling of being in love and having a partner more than you miss him. The bottom line is you can't make someone love you, and you can't make someone be loving towards you, because how someone treats you (and the choices they make) has everything to do with who they are, and nothing to do with who you are. I hope you gather support from others and move on in hope and strength for your own future.
Question: She's in her early 20s, and she has a toddler.
Counselor response: This is something you will have to discuss with your husband.  It should be a joint decision if you value your marriage.  You can mention your frustration about your stepdaughter not honoring boundaries.  After you talk to your husband you both can have a talk with your stepdaughter about expectations in order to stay living in the house.  When it comes to stepchildren you need to be very careful you do not take the lead on the authority part.  It should be the biological parent.
Question: My boyfriend shows affection, but I just push him away.  Every time my boyfriend tries to kiss, hug, or touch me I almost always push him away. I'm on birth control and it has killed my sex drive. 

 I love him so much.  Why do I do this?
Counselor response: There could be many reasons that you push your boyfriend away. It could be part of how you were raised, it could be because of culture, it could even be your own insecurities about yourself that are then outwardly manifested in you "pushing" him away. What is important in all this is that you both find a way to connect. So what if you aren't a hugger, a kisser, or a toucher you have to find what works for the both of you and your relationship. There are many ways to show affection that aren't physical (words of affirmation, giving of time and/or gifts, etc). If your boyfriend wants the physical attention then work on ways that are comfortable for the both of you making sure to start out slow and to work your way up to more physical touching.
Question: I love my boyfriend and everything that leads to sex, but when it comes to the actual penetration, I hate it. I don't know why, but I just want it to be over. I feel like crying. I don't know why I don’t like it because all of my friends enjoy it.
Counselor response: Does your boyfriend notice that you hate sex?If "yes", then it is a topic which the two of you would gain deeper understanding of each other, by discussing.If "no", then possibly one reason for hating sex is that your boyfriend doesn't notice who you are as a person, not simply a physical body engaged in sex.
Question: I want a secure relationship with someone that wants to be with me and who will actually put effort into it.
I seem to gravitate toward unavailable men and those that want intimacy and no relationship. I let men dictate and control me because they accuse me of being controlling. I let men emotionally abuse me and I am at their beck and call.
I am not comfortable being alone or doing anything by myself. I feel I need the security of someone being around just to survive. I know what I'm doing wrong and I do it anyway just hoping things will change. How do I stop this behavior and thought process?
Counselor response: You may be interested in reading my most recent post, Intimacy Begins With You. In it I offer 7 expert tips to help you get started on a path of self connection and discovery. This is important stuff to do in order to work through that stuff that's holding you back from the relationships you desire. You may find that it's especially helpful to do this work with the alliance of a skilled individual therapist.
Question: How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?
Counselor response: Quick Way to Assess a
Great Therapist A colleague and I were discussing the characteristics of
successful therapists. I gave him some traits, some of which were listed by
Robinson (2012). The therapist should be able to listen to your story, build
rapport, establish a relationship, demonstrate empathy, adapt treatments to the
client/situation, use effective communication skills, exhibit confidence in use
of therapeutic techniques, and repeatedly update skills with ongoing education
and research.  You should talk with the therapist. In addition to asking
the therapist about his/her experiences and specialty in treating the issue you
want to address; you will gain a sense of the therapist’s ability to connect
with you in your first phone call or meeting with him/her. This is why I offer
a free 15-minute phone consultation. You can use the above criteria to gauge
the therapist’s ability to do the following: Hear you, join with you in
understanding the issue, and indicate some ways in which the issue may be
treated.Regarding training a therapist, just ask the therapist if he or she can comply with what you are looking for, or what has worked with you before if you have had prior counseling. If you just like a therapist to listen, you are looking for a non-directive therapist. If you want one to be more active in guiding you, choose a directive therapist. You can also ask them with which type of client/issue they work best. I specialize treating anxiety and relationships and would
like to talk with you if you have questions about how I may be able to help
you.  Jim Ciraky PhDLicensed Professional Counselor GA, USAAdventHelp.com404.293.5654
Question: I have three children. The oldest is nine and not my biological child. The middle child is three and the youngest is one. I have a great relationship with the oldest two children but I haven't developed the same level of attatchment to the youngest child. I rarely want her around and look forward to her nap times. Is this normal?
Counselor response: This is a common response parents can have.  There are many reasons for attachment disruption.   But attachment is  important for the child as well as your long term relationship with them.    I would want to know more about the history of the child and any stressors you have gone through during the child's lifetime.  Often if there is stress parents will not have the time or energy to attach well to the child.  Sometimes the energy of the child and the parent are mismatched as well.  But whatever is at the core this is something that can be addressed in counseling.  The earlier the better because adult relationships are based on parental relationships we had as children.  Therapy can start at age 3 to address these types of issues.  Visit staceybshapiro.com for more information about getting started.
Question: I have been having a lot of nightmares where I am being killed in different ways. I either wake up in a panic or just crying and sweating. It has made me terrified of falling asleep and is now affecting my daily life too. Can I make the nightmares stop?
Counselor response: Hello, and thank you for your question. Sleep problems, including insomnia and even the nightmares that you are writing about, are really common for people and so many people suffer from them. Here are a few things to consider or to try: 1. Have you changed or started taking any new medication lately? Medications can certainly affect your sleep and some can even cause vivid or frightening dreams. If you are taking a new medication, talk to your provider about the nightmares, this may be the cause. 2. Stress can certainly increase our difficulty with sleep and can also begin to affect our dream states. The dreams may not make much sense, but then again even good dreams don't always make much sense. Ask yourself, do I have any new or renewed stressors in my life? Work, school, relationships, health.... all of these areas and many more are places where stress can hide out. If this is the case, talk with your provider or consider seeing a counselor who may be able to help. 3. Something to consider is that once we start to have anxiety or stress about something, we can begin to obsess about it. My guess is that going to bed for sleep is no longer a pleasant thing for you. Your stress and fear of what may happen when you sleep could start way before you actually go to bed. This could increase your chances of having another bad dream. Try relaxation techniques before going to bed. If you have YouTube, you can pull up "Guided Meditation for Sleep" exercises to help you relax. There are many different ones to choose from. You may also want to try deep breathing.4. There are self-help ideas for managing bad nightmares. If you Google search "Nightmare Rescripting" or "Nightmare Exposure" you may find some ideas and instructions on how to manage dreams. I hope these ideas help. Be well... Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC