arjun2183/Counselor huggingface dataset:
Question: I empathize so much, even with characters on tv or in video games, that I actually feel physical pain. This has made life difficult to say the least.
   I believe I have an actually case of something called hyper empathy disorder. But since it's such a new disorder I can't find any information about it. Could this be what is going on with me?
Counselor response: Sometimes it's helps to have a name for a problem - it can make you feel less alone as in, "oh there's a name for this and other people have this experience too." On the other hand naming the problem can also make it stick around longer as in "now I have a special problem that has a special name, and that's an important part of who I am."Bottom line, whether it's a disorder or not, you would like life to be easier and not have to be pulled so much by other people's energy and feelings. You might want to try imagining that you have a volume dial on your empathy (just like the volume dial or button on the tv) that you can gently turn down to the point where you still feel what's going on but it's not so "loud". You can also try imagining pulling your own energy back as if you were drawing your energy back home to the center of your own body and being, letting go of the other people or characters that pulled your energy out so far. This is a way create better boundaries and protect your own vulnerability. Just like on an airplane where they tell you to put on your own oxygen mask first before helping anyone else, your empathy will most likely not really help others if you allow yourself to be depleted.
Question: I've developed a really intense and unexpected attraction to An actress after seeing her in a ballet uniform while guest starring on a television show. I try, but I can't get her out of my mind. What should I do?
Counselor response: Why not make good use of your unexpected attraction to study the features you consider attractive in someone.Attraction based on physicality is normal.  As long as you have no negative thoughts of doing harm to the person or yourself which are connected to the attraction you feel, and so long as your attraction isn't stopping you from doing your daily life responsibilities such as work, to take care of your daily needs and any responsibilities you have for other people, then eventually it will lose its power on you.
Question: I am currently living in a hotel and I don’t have a family. I met a guy a month ago. He is a bisexual. He has a lot of gay friends on social networking sites. He would not help pay for the room. When I asked for the TV remote control, he threw it elsewhere and asked me to get it. I slapped him and asked him to leave my room. We recently just got back together. One time I was sick. He came to visit and feed me but left no money. Then he texts me and brags about his house and car knowing that I have struggles living at a hotel. He says that he has a whole house where he can put me in and orders me to text him whenever I need someone to have sex with. He left his bath soap so he could come and get it. I think that he is trying to find a way to come back. Please help me. What’s going on? I am a good, loyal woman. Why is he treating me like this?
Counselor response: I am less concerned about this man as bisexual and having gay friends, than about how you feel is treating you.  You are in a vulnerable position because of social isolation.  If you have friends to talk to, please reach out.  While this man has money, it is not his job to take care of you financially unless the two of you have decided that together.  It sounds like he sometimes cares for you and other times you feel disrespected.  I would suggest you look for a man that is consistent in his love and care.  This is not your fault.  But you are in control of removing him from you life or choosing not to because he meets some of your needs.  Take care.
Question: I just lost my grandpa and i'm having a rough time with it.    I need some help to deal with the loss, but I don’t think I can pay for counseling. Where Can I get help?
Counselor response: I am sorry for your loss. I understand the difficulty of needing help and not having financial resources. In some areas, you can dial 211 and find resources in the area that may be free of cost or low cost. In addition, often hospitals and community centers, churches, etc. have support groups. These are often free and many include grief and loss issues. Finally, there are some therapists who work on sliding scales and even sometimes offer pro bono sessions for clients. Hopefully some of these leads work out for you so that you can get the support that you need.
Question: I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn’t believe me either. I’m a pansexual, but I can’t trust my own parents.
 I've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust.
Counselor response: I'm sorry you feel so alone and isolated, those feelings in and of themselves can lead to depression, stress and anxiety.  So job one is finding someone you can talk to.  A good friend or an open parent can be as helpful as a professional counselor, but if you don't have those, then by all means call your local Mental Health Association, suicide prevention, or go see your school counseling department. There are many of us now who do on-line, FaceTime, phone counseling so that is an option to consider in your situation.  On the other hand,  If you want to script a conversation with your parents (I'm a great believer in scripting) not that you're going to read it to them, but if you write down exactly what you want to say, read it over a few times before you're ready to have the conversation.  Why?  You'll be much more likely to do it if you're prepared, and you'll  have a better chance of saying everything you want to say in a calm but forceful way.  The same with your friends--you are probably a great listener and therefore attract people who want to talk--so you need to let these friends know you need something in return.  If you practice asking for equal talk time, then perhaps these friends will respond and surprise you, or if you make those demands you'll start attracting people who are looking for equality in friendships.  Now back to that script--first decide do you want to talk to both parents at once, or one at a time.  Then begin to write down the points you want to make such as:   I love you, and I know you love me but I don't feel as though I can trust your love to be unconditional enough to tell you who I really am, and how I really feel.  Find your own words to describe your own feelings.  If I can help, get in touch. You are right to reach out starting here, there are no prizes for suffering in silence and, as you already know, little joy in going it alone.
Question: Sometimes I can't stop thinking about life after death. I was raised in a religion that teaches that we will live on forever either in hell or in heaven.  When I think of living forever (even if it is in heaven which should be good), I feel overwhelmed. I don't like the thought of living forever and ever and ever. Sometimes I just can't get the thought out of my mind and the thoughts lead to panic and anxiety.  Am I crazy? I don't think these thoughts are normal.
Counselor response: You need to find an outlet. Someone to talk to. Your dad or someone who loves your mother as well is someone ideal. But anyone could help. Just look to someone for help. If you can't find anyone who you think will listen, talk to your mom. It can help greatly just to get the words out. Tell her how you feel about her passing, but then also about everything else. Talk to her about your day. Tell her about happy things. I don't know if you're a religious person, or where you believe she is now, but no matter what you can talk to her.
Question: I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job.
   People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?
Counselor response: Anxiety or panic attacks can be very frightening.  Here are a few "tools" you can use that will help in the short term:  Keeping your mind occupied by listening to books on tape may help;  Counting backwards from 100 in 7's; Naming cities that begin with each letter of the alphabet; Keeping some ice or an ice pack in a cooler beside you, which you may take out and hold in your hand or to your face; Soothing self-talk such as "This is uncomfortable, but I can handle it" or "I've been through this before and can make it through again".  I recommend that you seek out a Therapist to help you with some long-term solutions to the anxiety.  Additionally, learning to breathe into the abdomen and practicing this daily is another long-term solution.  Yoga and meditation would be great!
Question: My spouse visited the red light district a couple of years back in Amsterdam. After he got back from the trip he got me tested for stds. In the aftermath he has provided multiple versions of what happened, from having a total blackout to being touched by a prostitute. How do I know if he had sex?
Counselor response: I've been in this situation before and have some insight to share with you.  In my experience, he was lying and trying to cover it up. By pushing you to std testing, he's distracting you so he can shift the guilt he feels and blame it on you. In a guilty man's mind I believe he's thinking-...if I cheated...you must have as well....but you're much worse than I because it's okay for me to cheat...but not you...now you're a cheating dirty slut...just like that prostitute Men believe they're entitled to treat women and children like property. Often they use intimidation and violence to control us.  He'll never admit to cheating, he'll never apologize and he'll do it again and again. Truly they don't think it's a big deal, it's just their way of being social. They desperately want us to accept it, perhaps join in the act.
Question: Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?
Counselor response: Yep. Counseling can be very emotional at times. I've recommended to clients, on occation, that they allow themselves the rest of the day off after doing trauma work.
Question: I don't feel like myself anymore. For example, I could walk up an entire flight of stairs before realizing that my legs are moving. I feel like I’m watching my life be lived by someone else.
Counselor response: You may be experiencing a form of dissociation called depersonalization.  People with this type of dissociation may feel disconnected from their bodies, feel that they are watching their bodies from a distance, or may not recognize their image in the mirror.  Dissociation sometimes occurs after someone experiences something traumatic.  I would suggest working with a therapist who specializes in dissociative disorders as dissociation does not typically resolve on its own.  On my website, I have some information specific to dissociation that you may find helpful.  Best of luck to you.
Question: I feel so alone. I have so many people around me, but it seems as they just listen and dont understand.  They say it will all be okay, or they don't listen to me st all.  Everyone says they are here for me but it doesn't feel like they are. Why do I feel so alone?
Counselor response: You ask a very deep and sensitive question which reflects good self-awareness.It is possible you are a more sensitive and aware person than the people whom you describe as listening and not really hearing you.Not everyone has the same capacity or willingness to pay careful attention to what is going on in life.Maybe for right now, until you are able to find in person friends whom you're able to feel hear you the way you'd like to be heard, find online forums and groups of likeminded people.If you google a topic which you wish your friends would be better at understanding, there will be scores of groups, including google groups, which come up.You're not alone in the sense that there are definitely people on this earth who are sensitive, caring, and willing to talk and understand others.
Question: I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better?
Counselor response: Suicide is a very traumatic loss and affects survivors significantly. Everyone deals with their grief in different ways. One way I recommend to deal with the loss of a loved one is to write letters to them. Some people like to keep the letters in a jar, maybe fill the jar with sand so the letters are buried. I recommend writing the letters as often as you need to. You will notice over time the need to write the letters will decrease and the intense feelings of loss will decrease. I also recommend finding a survivors support group in your area. You can find more information on www.afsp.org.
Question: I have known her for years. She was dating my brother-in-law when we met. My kids think of her as their aunt. On Halloween 2014, I lost my mom to cancer. My mom and dad were still married when she passed away. My friend was there for me through that and my own cancer diagnosis. She has been a very big part of both me and my kids’ life, but now last month, my dad told me that he really likes my friend and wants to marry her. She’s like a sister to me. My kids hate the idea.
Counselor response: Hi Lincoln,It can be very difficult for children who have lost a parent to then see their other parent moving forward with anyone, so I understand how this change is even more upsetting to you. And...your father and your friend have clearly established a friendship and fallen in love. Did you see this coming? I hope they didn't hide it from you. If they did, maybe this is the issue? It would be a legitimate one.But in the end, your father, and your friend, are adults who are free to fall in love with whomever they wish and hopefully they can count on the support of people who trust and love them. Could there be blessings here you haven't seen yet? It seems you love this person who is like a sister; could it be a good thing that her place in your life is more permanent?Ask yourself these questions... "What is the worst part of this?" "What do I fear losing?" "What do I fear at all?" "What is the evidence that this will happen?" The answers might surprise you. Your children will follow your lead. If you are supportive of their grandfather, they will follow suit. Hopefully you can grieve the change, know that your mother would likely want both of them to be happy, and embrace the blessings that come with having this woman close to you in a new way. I wish you the best.
Question: I feel so alone. I have so many people around me, but it seems as they just listen and dont understand.  They say it will all be okay, or they don't listen to me st all.  Everyone says they are here for me but it doesn't feel like they are. Why do I feel so alone?
Counselor response: We feel alone because we are not comfortable with being our self. When you find that nobody is around do you feel alone? Your never alone. Once you take the journey to really understand who you are and unconditionally loving all that is you, there will never be an alone moment. We seek outside of self to fill inside. This is the big lie of the planet. All you need and have ever needed you supply yourself. www.lifecounselingorlando.com
Question: My toddler defies everything I say and doesn’t see me as authoritative, so she says no about everything. I'd like to hear some ways I can work on not needing to feel so much in control all the time.
Counselor response: That's a good question. I would say learn to pick your battles. What types of behavior/situations can you let go of? If you allow yourself to worry about the various areas in life that you cannot control, you will find yourself stressed out and unable to manage everything. Know that toddlerhood comes with lots of "no's," tantrums, non-compliance, and a growing need for independence. When your toddler does something that you don't approve of, remain calm, explain to him/her the appropriate way to act, and model it for him/her. Remember to give your toddler praise when he/she does something good or acceptable. Be consistent and follow through with your instructions. Finally, know that you are not alone. Parenting comes with its set of challenges but all you can do is your very best. Good luck to you!
Question: I'm currently dating someone else and I really like him. But I love and miss my ex so much. What do I do?
Counselor response: Finding the right person is a tricky thing to do. Why did you and your ex break up 3 months ago? In relationships with others you get to see a reflection of yourself.  Sometimes you may enjoy that reflection, other times it may not feel so good. I'm not sure where you are in your life and relationships and what you do from here depends on what you desire more of in your life. But I'm not simply talking in the moment desire, I'm referring to the direction you want your life to go. If one of these guys was to support you...who would help you reach your dreams? And who would you enjoy spending time with? It's complicated and no one can answer the 'what to do' question but you.  Slow down. Tune into your heart. Listen.
Question: I am a female and in my early teens. I don't want to feel afraid of people. When I meet someone, I know that they are okay, but I still feel afraid.
Counselor response: Maybe the problem is learning to trust yourself to not be afraid other people!Reflect on what you believe would increase your trust of believing your own judgement on whom to trust.If you've had any type of violation during your growing up years or witnessed someone in your family be violated, emotionally, physically or through some terrible accident or incident, then you may hesitate to believe other people are safe and not to be feared.Give yourself plenty of time and reassurance that as long as you are making sincere effort to increase you comfort around other people, eventually you will succeed.
Question: I'm being verbally abused on a daily basis by my parents in front of my child. I feel like I’m trapped and I have no escape. I feel like I have to listen to the horrible things they say and just take all of it.
   I need some way of learning how to cope with listening to it especially since I have nowhere else to go. I feel very emotionally drained How can I deal with this?
Counselor response: I can't imagine what you are feeling but I can tell you that you are right to be concerned about your children baring witness to this abuse.  This is a great teachable moment for your kids.  How you handle yourself will be very important for your children to see.  Your "REACTION" is what you should focus on.  Will you react with rage and name calling? Will you listen to your parents with respect and talk to them in private about how they are speaking to you in front of your kids?  Will you talk your kids about what is going? From reading this I am assuming you live with your parents.  If this is the case you have to think about what you can do to change your situation.  Have a plan! Set a goal!  Don't lose hope!
Question: How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client?
Counselor response: As a therapist who believes in client self-determination above most other elements of the process, I want to as much as possible leave it up to the client to determine when they are finished. In the case of a termination because a client's distress has resolved, I might periodically check in with the client about how therapy has been going, and if we want to re-evaluate where we are.The more unfortunate situation would come about if I felt that I wasn't the best fit for the client. I would offer that in words, and ideas of therapists (with names) of who I thought might be a better fit and why. It still is up to the client whether to continue, however should they want to keep seeing me, a part of the work would be about that want (to see someone who professionally doesn't believe they can help as much as someone else.)I also find it perplexing when I hear a client (or on a personal level) tell me that their therapist said they "didn't need therapy." I don't know that I buy into that scenario all that much, because I do believe that yes, not everyone NEEDS therapy, but that everyone CAN benefit from therapy and I don't believe it is the therapist's job to deter someone from ever seeking out help of any kind.
Question: I know someone who is extremely sensitive to stress and very sensitive to a negative tone of voice. Sometimes during a disagreement he tells me that my communication is having a harmful impact on him. Once he believes I am being negative I can't seem to find a better way of communicating. In fact, it is often a self fulling prophesy because his accusatory manner becomes unbearably frustrating. 

What advice might you offer?
Counselor response: With any type of criticism, it is usually best to introduce the topic at a neutral time, ie: when both of you are relaxed, with no current stressors involved, having fun, etc.  Begin with a non-judgmental reflective comment about a recent bothersome event, as if it were just then crossing your mind (therefore not something you've been consumed with ruminating over - eases the impulse for him to dive straight into defense mode).Then share how you felt at the time of the event.  Just say when.... I felt kind of hurt / shocked (or whatever the feeling was).  PERIOD.  THATS ALL YOU SHOULD SAY.  Wait for him to respond to your matter-of-fact statement.No matter what his response is, stick to your same message - don't get overwhelmed by trying to rephrase or explain your view as that will likely set you up for continued arguing.  You can even add, "I agree I could have misunderstood  it (event).... I just know it made me feel uneasy."Here you give him little wiggle room for a debate.Good luck & I'd love to hear how it goes!
Question: He is always telling me our fights are only and all my fault, he bashes me to our young child, and he is addicted to a few substances.
Counselor response: Strengthen your own belief in your right to a decent life and respect of who you are.From the brief description you write, your husband has very limited capacity to recognize how others feel and even less capacity to empathize with the person.The best you can do is convince yourself of your own worth and associate with others who believe similarly about your qualities.