arjun2183/Counselor huggingface dataset:
Question: I have a child with my baby mother. She works I take care of our young son. She says she is not cheating I have not found anything but she always putting me down, telling me to get out and telling me she doesn't love me, but then the next day after our fight she says she does. I'm having a hard time because before our child she said she was raped by a family member but she never went to the hospital or the cops. Now me and my family don't talk. She's always telling me I'm annoying and just belittles me. Nothing I do is right.

She says I work you watch the baby. On her days off she never cooks or cleans. I have no friends or family and a couple months ago she was confiding to some guy, but says he's not any thing to her. What do I do? I don't want to leave.
Counselor response: It sounds like you are in a tough situation. You have to ask yourself why you don't want to leave her. Is it because of the child? Or is it because you want the relationship to work? You must consider that being in an abusive relationship is not healthy for you or your child. So if the abuse continues, it would be more beneficial for you and your child to move out.On the other hand, if you are just wanting the relationship to work out despite its current state, you need to evaluate whether the relationship is worth salvaging. It seems as though you are very unhappy and undervalued in this relationship. Although your question revealed just a short bit of information, I didn't read about any positives in the relationship. Sometimes it's extremely hard to leave a relationship even though you know that the relationship itself is harmful for you. However, with time and focus you can do it. Each day will get a little easier and you have to trust yourself that you are making the right situation for you and your child.However, if you really feel that you want to stay in the relationship, you have to be upfront with her. You need to tell her exactly how you feel and give her specific examples of how she is hurting you. This gives her a chance to render the situation. If after this there is no improvement, I suggest that you start reconsidering your decision to stay.I also think it would be valuable for you to start engaging in things outside of the home that make you happy. Are there any hobbies you enjoy? Are there any groups in the area that you can join such as playgroups that will allow you to engage with other parents? Start looking into these options and finding an avenue for you to do something for your own benefit.It is certainly not healthy for you to isolate yourself from friends and family. You need to have additional support networks besides the one with your girlfriend, especially since this has not been a healthy environment lately.Thank you for reaching out. I wish you the best of luck with your relationship.
Question: I am so terrified of having sex anymore because I have been told over and over that sex is dangerous even though me and my partner used both forms of protection. My partner is not happy about this and simply wants more sex, and honestly, I want to give that to her.
Counselor response: Maybe you'll feel less fear by understanding that whoever told you sex was dangerous, was wrong.If this message came from your upbringing, then it may a deeply embedded belief.Since the belief itself instructs to avoid risk, and overturning this belief requires taking the risk to believe the logic that reasonable safe sex measures are adequate protection, give yourself time to absorb this new understanding.Talk w your partner about your psychological difficulty bc their patience will help you.
Question: It takes me a long time to fall asleep; I’d estimate about two hours. I often have nightmares, starting with being eaten by a monster, and I often wake up frightened and unable to breathe. I believe I started losing sleep after breaking up with a girlfriend of 8 years. Also, my father’s business went bankrupt and my mother has a chronic condition. I was under a lot of stress, and life lost meaning. After improving my life and developing a habit of running and exercise to release stress, my symptoms improved. However in the past couple months, I started losing sleep again and having nightmares without warning. How can I solve this issue?
Counselor response: You’re noticing that as you lie down to go to sleep, there
is quite a bit going on, which may be anxiety related. It sounds like the
dreams and difficulty sleeping are reminiscent of previous experiences you had
around the time of your break up, the difficulty with your father’s business,
and your mother’s health issues. These connections to past events may be
important insights to continue exploring in addition to finding out more about
what your dreams may be trying to tell you. There is no exact science to
dreams, but many people find it fruitful to explore the content as it relates to
significant themes in their lives. I think that exploring these issues further with
a therapist could help you resolve whatever is causing you the stress, trouble sleeping, and frightening dreams.
Question: She has lied about every aspect of her life. She's created three fake relationships. The most recent one is concerning because she has fake photos, phone calls, and text messages, and it’s with a married man with kids. Her lying is becoming dangerous because she could ruin lives.
Counselor response: Is being friends with this person safe for you?Liars don't generally distinguish who they bring down with them or in service to themselves.Step one is to understand a true friendship, which is based on trust, is probably not possible with this person.If you'd like to offer words of advice to protect her from herself then try gently pointing out that some of her actions which you know about, may come around to harm her.There is only a small chance she will be open to hearing you.People who lie are also very fearful of trusting others, including themselves.  She may prefer to keep status quo than open her own emotional pain to understand what created the need to lie in the first place.
Question: I'm dealing with imposter syndrome in graduate school. I know that by all accounts I am a phenomenal graduate student, and that I am well-published. I am well liked by students and faculty alike. And yet I cannot shake the feeling that I'm going to be found out as a fraud.    How can I get over this feeling?
Counselor response: I'm sorry you're feeling this way. You've probably read articles already about impostor syndrome, but still didn't get the answers you were looking for; you probably know that lots of people feel this way, that it happens to lots of successful people in professional settings. Not helping, right?Think about people who succeed at big tasks: an Olympic athlete has a defined goal that they need to meet: cross the finish line, say, faster than anyone else. That success is remarked upon, and - until someone does the event better than they did - they are 'the best.' Grad school, however, is not so great at discrete goals and celebrations of success. You got a good grade on an assignment, but what about the next one? You and 6 other people in your class probably got the same grade, so does that make you a success or average? It falls to you, then, to identify ways you are sure you've succeeded. If your grades and peer admiration aren't hallmarks of success enough, perhaps pull your measuring tool inward: measure your achievements against your own progress- ie: I got a 93 on my last assignment, I got a 97 this time! You might find those feelings fading soon~
Question: I often get the feeling that I'm being watched, like video cameras are hidden wherever I am, even at home. I feel like people can see all that I do and are reading my thoughts. Things I read or hear on the radio seem to be about (or meant for) me, and people are talking about me when they whisper.
Counselor response: It sounds like you are feeling pretty overwhelmed with worry about being continuously monitored, with no privacy even in your own mind, and as if people are constantly saying things about you in whispers on in the media. It's hard to say from a post online what is at the root of this experience, but you may be able to get insight into that, as well as develop ways of coping with the distress of feeling this way, with the help of a good therapist. There is no pill or technique that can guarantee that this experience will go away, though it might, however, there are things that you can do so that you can understand it better and so that it does not have such an impact on your ability to lead a satisfy life.
Question: What are some difficulties that a counselor can encounter when dealing with a client?
Counselor response: Yes, just like some relationships outside of our work are more difficult than others. But, I would not say that the "client is more difficult," rather the dynamic between myself and the client, which constitutes a relationship, might feel more difficult. And that's okay (sometimes things that feel like the most challenging end up with profound shifts and outcomes.) It is often helpful to understand difficulties that exist, because they can illuminate for a therapist something with which a client might be struggling, and when it takes place in the therapy space, it can be experienced and then worked through.It's hard to necessarily say what some difficulties are that a counselor might encounter, but I would say that not showing up, like in any relationship, is one of the hardest things for me. And not just physically not showing up (though that is certainly frustrating), but not being open to the work is a form of not showing up. While not every client is as "motivated to change," it's helpful to my therapist-client relationships that the client try. It might be hard for them, but the effort even to say "this is tough for me" can go a long way in these kinds of relationships.
Question: When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal.
Counselor response: It sounds to me like your daughter is anxious to be perfect and has a low tolerance for failure.  As her mother one of the most important messages you can share with her is that she need not be perfect, nor is it necessary.  As a matter of fact, failure and making mistakes are only opportunity to learn and grow.  Give her permission and more importantly she needs to give herself permission to be a perfectly flawed human.  It may be a good idea to see a therapist to help her learn how to reframe some of her negative beliefs so she can form healthier thinking habits. Warm wishes.
Question: I have bipolar disorder, paranoid personality disorder, posttraumatic stress disorder, anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder. I last self-harmed a week ago. When I am stressed, overwhelmed, hurt, or angry, the urge to self-harm is all I can think of. I am trying to seek help.
Counselor response: Seeking professional help does not mean that you will necessarily be admitted into an inpatient setting - though  to be honest, that can become an option if you feel unsafe or if you are unable to plan for safety. However, many clients who struggle with self-harm can find help in outpatient settings - particularly those which offer a treatment called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). Looking for a DBT professional or group therapy setting may be particularly helpful, but a skilled professional can help you to figure out how to identify other options even when you are experiencing overwhelming emotions. Without knowing your location, I also recommend searching to find your local helpline or suicide prevention hotline. The volunteers on the other end of the line can be very helpful even if your intention is not suicide and they are likely also to be able to connect you with resources in your area. Calling into the helpline may also be a first step alternative to self-harming when you're feeling overwhelmed.
Question: I have family issues, and my dad was both violent and a cheater.
Counselor response: I can imagine how incredibly difficult this must be for you. Having past traumatic experiences creap up on you without warning can be very scary and stressful. You may be suffering from symptoms related to post-traumatic stress disorder. Getting evaluated by a professional would be a good step to take next. By seeking treatment and having a therapist who you trust and can connect with, you will gain the ability to think about your experiences without it significantly interfering with your daily functioning. A therapist can also help you to develop new coping stragies to be used during recall of these experiences and help you to adopt healthy thought patterns. I would also recommend that you seek support from loved ones. Sometimes just talking about your experiences and associated feelings will alleviate some of the emotional troubles you are suffering from. Lastly, you may find meditation or mindfulness work to be of great benefit. Having the ability to live in the present moment should reduce the effects of your traumatic experiences interfering with recalling your past or looking forward to your future. I wish you all the best!
Question: I got sick really bad and was throwing up for three days and nights. I thought I was going to die. Then about a week later, I started having this desire to be female. I never had this desire before. All I can think about is being a woman. I don't get pleasure from my penis anymore either. Women are attractive, but not like before. I can also find men attractive now. I'm too ashamed to tell anyone.
Counselor response: 
Hello, and thank you for reaching out to ask for help. Surely this is a very confusing time for you! If you have never had these
feelings and desires it could certainty shake everything you thought you knew
about yourself. 
My guess is that you becoming sick around the time that this
started is likely a coincidence, but I understand how you would make the
connection. 
I have a feeling that a few things may be going on here. It
is really hard to say since I don’t know you, how old you are, etc. But, I will
share you with you some thoughts. 
Some people, when they have undesirable thoughts that really
surprise them, have a really tough time getting rid of them. Our reaction to
the thought can be very strong and our tendency to try to block it out, stuff
it, avoid it, etc. is not always successful. In fact, it’s usually not. 
It’s like telling you not to think of pink elephants. I
would be willing to bet that you thought of a pink elephant just now. 
So, rather than fighting thoughts that you find confusing,
sometimes it is helpful to allow yourself to explore the thought with curiosity
and without judgement. Where is this thought coming from? What are my feelings
about it? Asking yourself these questions may help you come to a resolution
about what is going on. 
One possibility is that you have developed an anxiety about
your thoughts and now you are in the process of obsessing about them, but
another possibility is that you are legitimately exploring your sexuality and
gender. I get the feeling from your question that you do not want to believe
that it is second possibility. And that is okay. 
You can try some of my suggestions, but you can also see a
counselor who may be able to help you work through your confusion. I would
suggest someone who has experience working with sexuality issues. You can
usually find out what a counselor works with on their website. What is
important is that you find someone who is non-judgmental about what you are
experiencing. 
 
I wish you well.
Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC
Question: I suffer from adult ADHD, anxiety disorder, and depression. It has been difficult to find a doctor in my area and my primary physician won't help. I am unemployed and overwhelmed. What would you suggest I do?
Counselor response: I would check out agencies that offer affordable counseling based on your income or very low cost counseling sessions, i.e., Pacific Clinics, Hathaway Sycamore, Pasadena Mental Health Center, Burbank Family Center. If you google affordable or low cost therapy in your particular area you will find resources to help you.
Question: I recently went through a divorce. My ex-husband called my sister saying bad things about me. My sister never defended me. Now that I showed the truth, she's shutting me up and saying she doesn't care about the fight. Why didn't she convey that to him from the beginning?
Counselor response: Sorry for so much emotional pain from the combination of the divorce and your sister not supporting you in the way you wish.When you feel ready and if you feel this would help, then consider to talk to your sister from perspective to improve the relationship the two of you have.Since the ex is gone and the sister is an ongoing person in your life, this particular incident is only one in many which the two of you will have with each other.The disappointment you feel now as to how she handled herself, is a point to bring up to her for the sake of clarifying the type of relationship you each would like to build with each other.As to your specific question as to why she did what she did, she is the only person who has the answer.Start with finding out if she wants to improve the relationship altogether.   Then you can use her lack of support with the ex, as an example of how meaningful her support of you is to you.
Question: I am a survivor of domestic violence from a past relationship. Even after seven years, I still have horrible nightmares. I wake up in sweat, and the dreams feel so real.
Counselor response: Hello, and thank you for your question. First things first, I am so glad that you are alive and very sorry that you had to endure such a terrible experience. Now, let's talk about these nightmares. The first thing I want to tell you is that you are NOT losing your mind. Many people start to think that may be the case if they are still suffering from the affects of something that happened a long time ago. That's not the case. There is no time set time for which we should be "over" something like this. I am not sure if you received counseling after what happened to you, but that may be something to consider. Bad nightmares could be the sign of something like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which would include other symptoms like being startled easily, re-experiencing the event, or avoiding places that remind you of it. There are other symptoms, as well, so if you believe this may be something you have you may want to seek counseling. There are good treatments for PTSD. If you cannot seek counseling at this time, there are some things you can do to try to manage the dreams on your own. I would encourage you to look up "sleepy hygiene" and try to make your bedtime rituals as relaxing as possible. You can also Google search "Nightmare re-scripting" or "Nightmare Exposure" and get some ideas on how you may be able to change your dreams. It may be a good idea to attend a domestic violence support group and get ideas from other survivors who no doubt have had sleep problems related to their experiences, too. Hope this was helpful. Be well. Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC
Question: My doctor seems to think I am in danger of having one. I neglected to ask how this was different than an episode. I have been formally diagnosed with bipolar type 1.
Counselor response: I do not think there is such a thing as a psychotic seizure, however, there is something called a pseduoseizure or psychogenic non-epileptic seizure. Basically, this is when a person shows signs of a full-on seizure (such as falling and convulsing) but they are not producing brain waves consistent with a seizure. Psedoseizures tend to be brought on by high stress, emotional challenges, and trauma history. You can learn more here, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK441871/ Still, the best way to now what your doctor meant would be to ask them! :)
Question: It's really hard to not have negative feelings about friends who don't put any effort into nourishing our relationship.
Counselor response: One thing I would ask is "why are you still hanging with those {friends}?" A relationship needs to be nurtured by both parties, it is a dynamic fluctuation between two people. I would ask you to question why you continue to remain together as friends, I always believed that a relationship should emit positivity towards all parties involved, if your in a relationship that is one-sided, it is inevitable that it will start to de-compensate. Never travel with the circus, never travel with fools, everything in life should have some positive payout, will things at times be negative, of course they will, but in order to keep something or someone in your life there should be more positivity than negativity.Hope this helps, C
Question: We're not together, but I’m still doing things for him and we are intimate. He’s not there for his son.
Counselor response: You didn't ask a direct question because I feel from what you wrote you already know the answer.  I hate to sound harsh but I am a therapist that call it how I see it so brace yourself...You will always continue to have problems with letting your child's father go as long as you:Don't love or respect yourself first...Don't love and respect your son...Don't demand respect as a woman and mother...Give up the goods regardless of what he does for you or your son...Don't hold your son as a priority in your life....Have self worth of a $1, etc.I have a feeling you are saying...I do love my son and hold him as a priority even if you don't do it for yourself...I would ask...Are your actions of allowing such disrespect from his father proof of that?I know what I have said may have gotten under your skin...I want it to.... because I feel that you have a conscience, want to do better, know you and your son deserve better and you can do better.  Believe in yourself and that you and your son DO desire better and it starts with you setting boundaries with his father.  You can do  it!!!