arjun2183/Counselor huggingface dataset:
Question: When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal.
Counselor response: As a therapist and mother of four children (3 of whom are teenagers)...I hear your pain.  Raising children in our society is no joke.  Kids are under a tremendous amount of pressure from parents, peers, teachers, coaches and the list goes on and on.  Fear and anxiety can suffocate students particularly as they approach their high school years where they are bombarded with questions about their future and expected to select professions before they have even gone to college!!  I highly encourage the teens I work with to strive for balance in their lives- and we can model this for our children by how we choose to live!  Encourage your child to spend time with friends, join you for a yoga class, read a book, pick up a hobby or go out to exercise.  If your daughter continues to feel overwhelmed by stress, it would be a good idea to select a therapist for her to go speak with.  As much as we love our children, there are times where kids need to consult with a neutral 3rd party.  It can be a wonderful thing for kids to have a therapist whom they can confide in.
Question: I think I'm annoying and bothersome, but my girlfriend says I'm just fine. I don't think so, I think I'm stressing everyone else out
Counselor response: I'm glad to hear you have friends and that your friends say they like you.Trust your own sense of who you are which tells you that something feels uneasy within yourself.Is the friend who says you're "just fine", very familiar with who you are?"Friend" is a broad category.She may not know you as fully as you know yourself.Basically, it is possible to be "fine" and have some inner stress.Follow your own thoughts and observations to more fully learn about yourself in ways your friend may not notice or be aware.
Question: How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?
Counselor response: You can certainly ask the therapist questions such as their style or issues they have experience working with. You can also determine whether a therapist is the right fit if you feel a connection or alliance and feel that you are working together toward your goals. It is important to be open and honest with your therapist about what you are looking for in counseling.
Question: I feel like I would be more comfortable as a girl even though I still like girls. I think I'm like a girl stuck in a guy body. I imagine myself as a girl too. I think this more because my friends say that if I was a girl I would be a hot looking one. And I don't care about having boobs or anything. I just feel like the way that I do act will make more sense if I was a girl.
Counselor response: I understand that gender and/or sexual identity crises can be very difficult to navigate, although in today’s time I think we have made a lot of progress and it is becoming easier for individuals to find themselves and also find acceptance from society.I am unsure how old you are.  If you are a child or teenager, this is a normal time to have identity questions and to be in a phase where you are trying to figure out who you are and what you want out of life.  I hope that you have understanding and supportive friends and family that you can talk to and who will support you in how you feel and what you may decide to do.  A lot of people, unfortunately, do not, and if this is the case then it makes it harder for you.  Because then you may not feel safe exploring these feelings and decisions.I urge you not to try to make any permanent changes for quite some time.  By this I mean a sex change.  Anything permanent like surgery or hormone replacement to change your actual gender is something that does not need to be done lightly.  Please find a therapist that can help you explore your feelings and your identity crisis.  Of course there are things that you can do that are not permanent changes.  Many people decide to dress like their gender of choice.  Maybe experimenting in this way is something that you could do.See if you have a local chapter of PFLAG in your area. PFLAG stands for Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays.  They are able to help not only with those who identify as lesbian or gay, but also transgendered and asexual. I wish you all the best in your identity crisis.  It would be very easy for you to sink into depression if you do not have good support and understanding from those around you during this time.  Find a professional that can help, especially if you experience depression or any thoughts of harming yourself.
Question: I went to my ex-boyfriend to reach out to one of his high school friends who's attempted to commit suicide. When I went to him to reach out to his high school friend, he told me that I put him in a terrible position and put an enormous load on his shoulders. He was very angry that I went to him to do that. Am I in the wrong for going to him to reach out? He helped me so much with my depression and bad habits, so that's why I thought of him to reach out. He made me feel awful for thinking highly of him to help. Why did he react this way towards me? I think he's being selfish.
Counselor response: Your compassionate reach out to the friend is praiseworthy.That your ex bf has trouble accepting your gesture as kindness shows your ex bf is not seeing the situation clearly.I believe your ex bf's words about feeling burdened by your action.However, he is mixing up his own responsibility to know the root of his feelings.Blaming you for feelings he doesn't understand within himself is unfair and not helpful to anyone, including him.From what you write, you did nothing wrong and your action toward the potential suicider was gracious.My only guess which is also very general about your ex bf's behavior is that he doesn't yet fully understand himself and finds blaming others easier than understanding himself.
Question: That phrase makes me crazy. It happens anytime I point out something to my husband that he needs to change, such as looking up from his iPad long enough for me to tell him the grandbaby almost pulled the shelf unit over or explaining to him that I got all the things he needs to bake a pie. Another example is when he opens the front door, the dog runs out if he doesn't pick him up. Over and over again, he lets the dog run out, and I am afraid he will get hit by a car.
Counselor response: I empathize with your feeling "crazy" hearing your husband yell "enough" in response to you wanting to make a point to him.When the immediate situation has calmed down,  have you ever told him that this upsets you?  Is it possible he simply is not aware that you feel upset by how he talks to you?Keep in mind too that what you believe your husband must change, may not agree with his opinion on what he needs to change.A helpful starting place for the two of you to discuss once the immediate situation has calmed down, is what you each feel would have been a reasonable way of handling the situation that just happened.By learning more about how the other person thinks and feels, it will be easier to know what to expect form each other.Even if you disagree about what is best, knowing that there are differences between you may make living with them easier to accept, or at least not be surprised and startled by them.Sending good luck to both of you!
Question: he just walks in the house whenever he wants to see his kids. My fiancé tells me it makes her angry and doesn't like it, but she seems afraid to say anything to him about it for some reason. Is it okay for him to do this?
Counselor response:   The short answer to your question is "No" it's not okay for anyone to ever be doing this. There's a lot of unanswered questions and other factors going on here that need attention. Nevertheless, don't hesitate to seek out legal counsel and/or call 911.    Ideally, your fiancé  would be able to speak directly to her ex-husband and set reasonable boundaries that honor whatever legal agreements are in force resultant from the divorce and custody agreements.  The fact that she's afraid to say anything to him about his inappropriate behavior, and that she hasn't been able to give you any reason for her fear, suggests possible factors of past abusive behaviors, entitlement, and/or co-dependence.   I hope things work out well for all and I'm confident a skilled therapist could help all navigate how best to set boundaries and experience greater healing.
Question: Over a year ago I had a female friend. She turned out to be kind of crazy so I decided to stop talking to her.  When she would call me I wouldn't answer the phone. This made my girlfriend really suspicious. She would ask me why I wouldn't ever answer that phone number. I told my girlfriend that I don't want to be friends with that other woman, but I don't think she believes me. How can I get my girlfriend to understand?
Counselor response: We women really do tend to struggle with the comparison game. And Hollywood culture hasn't helped with romantic comedies and song lyrics telling us that when a man appears evasive, there's something to worry about. It's been my clinical experience though that most women value transparency and security in their relationships. So you might try sharing a little bit more about your history with this woman. For example:Where did you meet her?How long were you friends before you decided to call it quits? Why don't you want to be friends with her (i.e., what do you mean by "kind of crazy")? I promise this tends to matter to women.Were you ever intimately involved with or even attracted to her?If your girlfriend can truly see that you view her as the filet mignon to the other woman's hamburger, and that she is your favorite person on the planet and has NOTHING to worry about, she may start to come around.Now, IF she's more concerned that you might be taking this woman's calls behind your back, while I'm not typically a huge fan of sharing passwords or phone records, you might print them off and highlight this female's number and show your girlfriend that you absolutely are telling the truth.And if you really want to step it up, I would be intentional about doing all the little things that you know your girlfriend loves that helped make her fall in love with you in the first place (e.g., little love notes for her to find or sweet text messages, buy a rose or her favorite flower, have her car detailed, do the laundry...date nights...you get the idea).  Bottom line - show your girlfriend why out of all the women on the planet that you could be with, you CHOSE HER.  And would continue to do so all over again.  AND why you love HER as a person.  This will help her trust what you're saying. Best of luck to you!  Tamara Powell, LMHC
Question: When I'm not cutting, I'm drinking. When I try healthy outlets such as exercise, I end up running myself down into an asthma attack. From weapons, to words, I can't help but self harm. What am I supposed to do, how do I stop this cycle? I don't know how else to cope or motivate myself without pain.
Counselor response: It sounds like you are feeling helpless and out of control, you are concerned about your behavior, and at the same time you feel compelled to continue it. In working with a therapist, you may be able to get insight into what is motivating these behaviors, develop strategies for taking care of yourself, and get a stronger sense of who you are motivated to be when you are your authentic self.
Question: My girlfriend just quit drinking and she became really depressed. She told me that she wants to move. What can I do to help her? I want her to stay.
Counselor response: I would say talk to her about her depression. The best thing you can do is let her know that you are there for her as a support system. I would encourage her to talk more if it helps and encourage her to get move involved in doing activities she likes to do. Also, getting connected in a community of people is important to help with feeling depressed. Encourage her to speak with a therapist or counselor to address her depression as she has made a major change in her life by deciding to stop drinking. She may believe moving is the best to help with this. You can share with her that you want her to stay and express to her how you feel. Ultimately, you will have to respect her boundaries and the decision she chooses to make. She may want to move and this may be what she feels is best for her life. If she does choose to move that will be her decision. It sounds like she is trying to do what is going to make her happy. Maybe staying in the city she is currently in is causing her more feelings of sadness.
Question: My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others.    His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present?
Counselor response: One of the sometimes difficult things about being in a relationship is the fact that you can make goals for yourself, but you can't make goals for your partner. If your fiancé wants to learn to live more in the present and learn to let go of the past or move in a different direction, you can certainly assist him, but you can't independently make it happen.I wonder if both of you would be willing to have a discussion where he is able to explain to you what he is experiencing and you are able to listen for five, 10, 15 minutes in a way that is not blaming or pointing fingers or asking him to change, but just listening (kind of like an investigative reporter) so you can have more details and ask questions that you may have about what certain things mean, when it feels like to to him when this is discussed, etc. At that point, maybe he would willing to listen to your thoughts on the subject as well.Also, if he wants to make a change, it may be helpful to see a therapist who specializes in working with couples. Sometimes changes such as these require a great deal of personal awareness and there can be quite a bit of emotions attached, so it is often helpful to have someone there to assist.It may also be nice to have a discussion where you consider what makes you feel valued, appreciated, special, or loved, and also consider what makes your fiancé feel that way.
Question: I need to speak to someone about sexual addiction and binge eating immediately.
Counselor response: Depending on your area and location, there may be therapists who provide services on a sliding scale. Additionally, churches will often times offer counseling for free or for a small fee. I suggest doing a simple Google search and contact therapists in your area. It never hurts to ask for a reduced fee and even if he or she is unable to provide the service, they may be able to refer you to someone who can.
Question: She's busy because her mom makes her clean all the time and go out places with her family. We don't talk much because of it. Also, we have little fights. We want to work it out but we don't know how.
Counselor response: Maybe your girlfriend feels torn in her emotions between loyalty toward her family and toward investing herself in a relationship.There are so many "maybes", that the best way to strengthen your relationship is to ask your girlfriend if she feels any pressure from her family to avoid involving herself with you.If the answer is "no", then continue to talk with each other as to what would make you each feel more secure with one another.Also, more simply, are the  two of you able to resolve the "little fights"?Differences of opinion are normal between two people, even to the point of each person feeling they are the only one who knows the correct answer.As long as each one of you has the goodwill to give a little, then the fights are a healthy way to respect and care about each other.If the fights are about the same topic which repeats itself, then there are strong differences between the two of you, including the possibility that her family places and she is willing to accept, some obstacle to this relationship.
Question: I was having a sexual relationship with a coworker. He decided he was going to get a hotel room for the weekend. Before I got paid, I told him I would have $25.00, which I thought I would. But when I saw my paycheck, I could not pay the $25.00. He says I lied to him about it. He wants me to reimburse him $25.00 for the hotel room he decided to get. He stayed at the hotel, and I left. I don't think it's right that he want me to reimburse him $25.00 for a hotel room he wanted to get in the first place. He is out of town right now and texted me yesterday telling me I am a liar and that I should never said I was going to have $25.00 when I knew I wasn't. I told him I had to pay rent and my rent was late. He texted me saying I need to get two or three jobs.
Counselor response: Hello, and thank you for your question. It really is up to you to decide if you owe him the $25.00. If you feel like it is the right thing to do based on your discussion with him, then pay when you can. I am actually much more concerned with how he is treating you over $25.00. I know that it can be a lot of money if you don't have much, but that doesn't give someone the right to call you names and harass you through texts. You may want to take some time and think about your relationship and make sure that these are the qualities and behaviors you want in a sexual partner. Be well,Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC
Question: My step nephew, a preteen, has begun masturbating. I also had to take away the internet because he was caught looking up porn. I’m worried about him.
Counselor response: Your nephew's behavior sounds normal and developmentally appropriate.  Masturbation is a healthy expression of sexuality.  Most families to create some rules about where it's ok to masturbate-- for example, stating that it should be done in the privacy of the child's own room.  I'm wondering if you or another adult in his life have talked to him about his developing sexuality?  It seems like that would help him and you handle his increasing maturity.
Question: My boyfriend is in recovery from drug addiction. We recently got into a fight and he has become very distant. I don't know what to do to fix the relationship.
Counselor response: I would first suggest you sitting down with him and voicing your concerns about how distant he has been, or more importantly you have felt that he is.  This will give clarification to the situation as we need to remember that everyone's perception can be different. Remember that relationships take work and take communication.
Question: My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me.    I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?
Counselor response: It's possible but challenging. Both partners need to be feel motivated enough to repair the relationship and dedicated to the work needed to address whatever underlying issues led to the serious breach of trust. For some people, cheating is an absolute deal breaker—for others, the context of the cheating allows them to see it as a mistake that they can forgive their partner for. So it depends on how you feel about the relationship and whether you want to put in the work to repair it.If you're not sure how you feel, counseling can help you resolve the ambiguity, either individually or with your partner. Then, depending on what you decide, a counselor can help you either repair the relationship or decouple from your former partner.
Question: How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?
Counselor response: How do you know anything is "right" for you? I think it's an intuitive process, and not always based on the objective expertise of the therapist, either (most psychotherapy research has concluded that the client-therapist relationship is the strongest factor in success in therapy.) But, in my view what is important to check-in with yourself around whether or not the therapist can hold space for all that you come in with (for example, not expressing discomfort with things you might talk about is a big "run away"), challenge you enough where you feel like it is challenging you to grow, but also where there is some part of you that does look forward to the sessions.How to "train" your therapist? This could be a session in and of itself I must say:) The therapist-client relationship can resemble many of the relationships in your life, or those that you seek out. A therapist, like anyone else in your life, won't be able to give you what you need 100% of the time and then expect that you will be able to function outside of the space. That can turn into a highly enabling process that won't help your other relationships. However, what the therapist can do, and help you deal with, is to tell you what they can and can't give you, and then process the disappointment that you feel when they can't be everything you might feel you need.
Question: I'm going through some things with my feelings and myself. I barely sleep and I do nothing but think about how I'm worthless and how I shouldn't be here.
   I've never tried or contemplated suicide. I've always wanted to fix my issues, but I never get around to it.
   How can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?
Counselor response: If everyone thinks you're worthless, then maybe you need to find new people to hang out with.Seriously, the social context in which a person lives is a big influence in self-esteem.Otherwise, you can go round and round trying to understand why you're not worthless, then go back to the same crowd and be knocked down again.There are many inspirational messages you can find in social media.  Maybe read some of the ones which state that no person is worthless, and that everyone has a good purpose to their life.Also, since our culture is so saturated with the belief that if someone doesn't feel good about themselves that this is somehow terrible.Bad feelings are part of living.  They are the motivation to remove ourselves from situations and relationships which do us more harm than good.Bad feelings do feel terrible.   Your feeling of worthlessness may be good in the sense of motivating you to find out that you are much better than your feelings today.
Question: I snap easy and push people away. I need help before I push my boyfriend away.
Counselor response: Death of someone with whom we had fond involvement, is sad.   Accepting that a person is permanently gone from this earth, is unsettling and can feel painful.That you had no current contact with this person doesn't exclude the meaning or feelings from within your relationship with this person.     Relationships don't require a time measurement in order to affect us.   Your question acknowledges the process of adjusting to life without the chance to see or hear from this person again.It is normal to grieve so be gentle and not critical of yourself when you feel yourself missing this person.