arjun2183/Counselor huggingface dataset:
Question: Does counseling really do anything that can help people?
Counselor response: Experts have defined counseling as a healing relationship that helps patients by providing a space to vent, process and receive unconditional support.  Many of my clients have expressed that they are able to find their own answers during the session, because they have the right person listening to them.  Some thought they were safe sharing their concerns with friends or relatives who are good listeners, but later they felt ashamed or guilty about what they shared.  So why people should share private issues with a Counselor (a stranger)?  Confidentiality is the key word.  A good counseling relationship should provide a space where people are able to share their deepest thoughts and feelings, allowing themselves to be vulnerable and explore those emotions that are difficult to share without implications.  Beyond the ability to provide a safe place, counselors are trained to identify symptoms and behavioral patterns, and can provide insight on how develop coping mechanisms to improve their life.I am a License Professional Counselor working on a private practice in Puerto Rico: Latitude Counseling, and also I’m licensed in Texas, where I provide theletherapy services.  If you would like to learn more about the services available, you may call 787-466-5478 or visit www.latitudecounseling.com¿Cómo la consejería ayuda a las personas?¿Realmente la consejería hace algo para ayudar a otros?Expertos definen la consejería como una relación sanadora que ayuda a los pacientes proveyéndoles un espacio para ventilar, procesar y recibir apoyo incondicional.  Algunos de mis clientes han expresado que son capaces de encontrar las respuestas a sus problemas durante la sesión de consejería, porque tiene a la persona indicada escuchándolos.   Otros cuentan que se sentian seguros compartiendo sus preocupaciones con su familia o amigos, pero esas preocupaciones afectaron sus relaciones negativamente, o los dejaron con sentimientos de culpa. Así que, ¿Por qué deben las personas compartir asuntos privados con consejero, (un extraño)?  Confidencialidad es la clave.  Una buena relación de consejería debe proveer un espacio donde las personas puedan compartir sus más íntimos pensamientos y sentimientos, permitiéndoles ser vulnerables y explorar esas emociones que son difíciles de compartir sin consecuencias. Mas allá de proveer un espacio seguro, lo consejeros profesionales estamos entrenados para identificar síntomas, patrones de conducta, y proveer perspectiva en cómo desarrollar los mecanismos de defensa necesarios para mejorar la calidad de vida.Soy Consejera Profesional Licenciada en Puerto Rico, donde practico a través de Latitdue Counseling, también estoy licenciada en Texas, donde proveo servicios de teleterapia.  Para más información llame al 787-466-5478 o visite www.latitudecounseling.com
Question: I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with, but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before. 

I feel like I don't  want to be without my genuine love for him, but logically, I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered  "wrong" by a lot of people.

How can I get myself to just move on?
Counselor response: There is no wrong or right way to define a relationship. I believe each relationship we are in is an opportunity to expand and to know self on a deeper level. We are conditioned to believe that we are not valued, or worth much without the confirmation of others and the world around us. Give yourself time and try to not go to those who are toxic and enjoy the drama of others lives as s way to avoid looking at themselves.
Question: Something happened this summer that I cannot forgive myself for. When I think about what happened, I feel ashamed and guilty even though my loved ones forgave me.
Counselor response: Forgiveness takes time. You know what you did, and by the sounds of it you are not impressed with yourself. In my mind, this is a sign that you are a good person. You recognize that you did something that crossed your own moral code. You could have just done this thing and not felt anything - but you do feel. And that is OK. It's not supposed to feel good when you do something wrong.Be patient with yourself. These things can take time. I suspect that you will be one of those people who slowly let go of their shame and guilt. The trick is to feel the pain but to not ignore/detach from the life that you are living right now. Don't deprive yourself of the opportunity to feel joy again.
Question: I would like to be able to have more positive relationships in the present.
Counselor response: Would you describe yourself as sensitive to your surroundings and emotions?If yes, this may explain why letting go of past problems, is itself a problem.The dynamic of living one day at a time and letting go of past problems, is more imaginary and wishful than real.It is a popular notion of TV, FB, and media.Doing the letting go, has nothing to do with what is actually possible to do.Problems are not "let go", they are resolved somehow.Living one day at a time isn't possible for anyone who has consciousness.  No one can really disconnect from reality every day on which they wake up.Instead of trying to do the impossible which is promoted online and in media, allow yourself time to recognize what went into creating a problem in your life, in the first place.  Understanding problems leads to peacefulness and resolution.  Then you will have more freedom to make new relationships.Also, be patient with this process and yourself.If you have deep attachment to painful situations in your life, then possibly now is your time for understanding what went wrong.This is a process which cannot be rushed if it is to be done well.If it is done thoroughly, then you very naturally will bring new relationships into your life.And life will no longer feel so painful that you can only manage "one day at a time" without hurting.  You won't need to forget what happened yesterday.
Question: My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me.    I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?
Counselor response: Hello. Thank you for your question. Many couples that experience infidelity in their relationship face this important question - "is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?" Deciding to stay or leave is such a personal decision, one that only you can make.When an affair is disclosed or found out, it can have a traumatic impact on the betrayed partner. The betrayed partner might be overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts - Wanting answers to specific questions - Wanting details. And the partner that had the affair might be feeling overwhelm around "Will their partner ever forgive them?" "Will they trust them again?" "How long will it take to regain their trust again?" While it is possible for couples to get past the cheating, it does take a commitment from each partner to do the work needed. Because of the complexities cheating has on the bond couples have with each other, I would recommend seeing a couple therapist that specializes in working with the issue of infidelity. When infidelity happens, there are usually a number of secrets that accompany it, and this can be incredibly difficult for couples to work through on their own.
Question: I'm going through a divorce with my wife of three years, who I've known since the 4th grade and been involved with for seven years! We just had a baby seven months ago and never got along with my mother, who I've lived with for years. I am now back with my mother because I have nowhere to go with this divorce looming. I'm heart broken because I fell into a depression, I haven't seen my child in a while, I'm having good and bad dreams, and I feel hated. Can you help? Can you intervene? Can I speak with someone?
Counselor response: It's hard to accept the end of a marriage when it's not your choice; you feel powerless, abandoned and unwanted. Your wife has the right to decide not to be in a marriage with you, and a therapist can help you accept and move through this change that has broken your heart and left you lost. You don't indicate why you haven't seen your child, and you may want to consult with a lawyer about the laws in your area and how to gain access to your baby. Therapists don't intervene in these ways. The marriage may be ending, but your role as a loving father is only beginning.  You can focus on giving your child the gift of two parents who respect each other.
Question: My boyfriend and I have been arguing every night about the same thing. He also tells me that if I go visit my mother out of state he will be gone when I get back. He and my mother do not get along. What should I do?
Counselor response: A relationship gets weaker, not stronger by threatening control of the other person.Start by telling your boyfriend to keep his remarks about you and the interests he is in which you two disagree, limited to these areas.Your relationship with your mother is between you and her.Regardless of how much he doesn't like her, to not respect your mother daughter relationship is unreasonable and disrespectful toward you.Threatening to take action against you by withdrawing himself from your relationship, is almost guaranteed to harm the good feelings between the two of you.Does you boyfriend dislike your mother for any reason having to do with her being a danger to you?Ask his reason since if he does this from concern for your emotional or physical safety, then this is good sentiment which is handled incorrectly, by a threat to you.What you should do is ask your boyfriend to not threaten you and to calmly talk about the topics you bring up here.
Question: I'm going through some things with my feelings and myself. I barely sleep and I do nothing but think about how I'm worthless and how I shouldn't be here.
   I've never tried or contemplated suicide. I've always wanted to fix my issues, but I never get around to it.
   How can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?
Counselor response: You have
several things going on here. The sleep should be addressed with a primary care
physician to rule out any physical issues. Sleep is the big reset and allows us
to function in the day. What happens during a depression is that our thoughts
race and it is as though our “brain won’t shut off.” Medication can help with
this. I also use a Pranayama yoga breathing technique called the four
fold breath which has great usefulness for relaxing us  and often does work quite well with allowing
us to sleep.. You can read about it here:    https://billleavitttherapy.com/breathing-techniques-the-four-fold-breath/Your
thoughts on feeling worthless to everyone fall under a heading of thinking
error in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) known as overgeneralization. In CBT
thoughts lead to emotions, so we are going to pick the statement apart and then
reframe it. First list
the evidence that contradicts the thought. Has anyone in the past made positive
comments toward you? This might be hard to recall if we are in a rut, but at
some point in life we frequently have had some positives expressed towards us
by others.  “Everyone” is an absolute. The
specifics on why you are thinking this need to be addressed. How are you
arriving at this conclusion? There may be specific people that we want more
validation from. Or specific people might have made offhand hurtful comments, (such
as a family member, teacher or co-worker) but if I extrapolate that to a global
and think that everyone thinks I am worthless, that thought is not rooted in
facts.  
What are
the Pros and Cons of thinking this way? What are the Benefits and Costs? There
are very little pros or benefits to thinking this way. It’s just going to
continue to tear you down and make you feel bad. So can we reframe the thought
about the situation? Is there another way of looking at the situation? Again,
we need the specifics on how you are arriving at this conclusion, and a one on
one therapist can definitely help you with this, but the thinking that you are
using to arrive at the conclusion needs to be re-cast into a more helpful
mindset.
Question: I feel too scared to meet people I don't know - even relatives. I don't ever raise my hand or talk in school. I feel like no one understands. How can I handle this?
Counselor response: Social Anxiety is scary. You don’t feel safe in relationships and prefer to isolate yourself from the outside world. Is it something you can talk to your parents about? A school counselor could help you. The counselor could possibly order an evaluation to determine how to help.Build your self confidence - Start slow with your family and identify a subject you are familiar with and add to a general conversation. It’s important to start finding things in common with others. You don’t need to carry the conversations, just add a phrase or two. Have an exit strategy if you get too uncomfortable. Keep notes of what worked and what didn’t work so you’ll be prepared for your next opportunity. Carpe Diem!
Question: My wife and I have a great relationship except for our sex lives. We are pretty transparent and honest, and basically, she feels bad because she never wants to have sex. She doesn't have the desire. She's also never orgasmed. She feels like a terrible wife and fears I'll cheat on her. She doesn't know why. Last time we had sex, she cried and felt bad and didn't know why she cried. However, she also told me that the last time we had sex, she felt me in her, but it just felt "ehh" and wanted to stop. That makes me feel really awful. We rarely have foreplay. Everything I try tickles her, so she makes me stop. We are both frustrated but very much in love. She and I are in our early 20s. We’re married and we have a baby on the way.
Counselor response: Congrats on your upcoming baby!Its possible that the pregnancy is diminishing your wife's sex drive.From everything you describe about your wife, she sounds to not yet have become comfortable with having a wish for sex.The other side of the sex equation is you and your relative ease with having sex and whether it is for physical release or as an expression of love, some of each.Since you talk with each other honestly then start with a dialogue about what you each would like from sex with each other, from perspective of giving and receiving sex.  Hopefully this will open up some new light on your respective feelings.Really, there is a lot to navigate in a conversation about physical and emotional intimacy.  If these are not the types of discussions the two of you are used to having, a couples therapist is a good idea so you both become familiar and learn how to more easily articulate some of your respective deep feelings.
Question: I've tried working out and eating fruits and vegetables, but I always seem to eat the junk in the house.
Counselor response: I know some people do better when they don't have as much junk food in the house. This is not as tempting then. Having said that, maybe you can reward yourself with different things, such as having dessert on certain days. If you are concerned about mostly eating habits, consider seeing a nutritionist. They can help you find the balance between what it is that you really want and your goals. I'm not sure how this links to happiness for you, but hopefully looking at your choices can lead you toward your goal of being healthier.
Question: Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather.  How can I fight this?
Counselor response: Thank you for sharing. It seems like since the "winter blues" happens to you every year it may also be impacting your quality of life and possibly relationships. What you report sounds like you may be experiencing Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and is quite common to many from about fall thru winter seasons; but, also can impact folks during the Spring and summer months.The best care and treatment for SAD includes discussing it with your PCP (primary care physician), integrating light therapy (full-spectrum lighting) throughout home and workplace (where possible), psychotherapy, and possibly medications (e.g. Wellbutrin XL, Aplenzin).Be sure to exercise good self-care and checkout the Mayo Clinic's website for SAD here: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/seasonal-affective-disorder/basics/definition/con-20021047.
Question: My boyfriend won't touch me intimately, he won't kiss me while we are having sex and he won't have oral sex with me. I know he has done this things with other women in the past. I don't know why he won't do them with me. What should I do?
Counselor response: Ask him!Having a conversation about sexual satisfaction increases emotional intimacy.Not only will you potentially feel more deeply connected from a sincere conversation about your sexual questions, maybe this increased emotional closeness will inspire the sexual closeness you wish to receive.
Question: My dad is doing some really bad drugs, and I'm not allowed to see him anymore because of what he can do to me or my siblings on this drug. It has affected me tremendously in my life. It’s even caused me anger and stress.
Counselor response: It seems like you are going trough stages of grief, since the inability to see your father causes you similar feelings as if you had lost him.  Perhaps you could send him letters expressing your feelings and hopes.  But do understand that if he is under the influence of drugs he might not be able to empathize with your feelings or react in the way that he would have done so in the past.  As the issue evolves find a therapist or counselor to help you work on letting go of that anger and stress, which may affect you negatively.  Find forgiveness so you can have a relationship with him in the future.  ¿Qué puedo hacer con mi padre usuario de drogas?Mi papa está usando drogas muy malas, y no estoy autorizada a verlo por lo que me puede hacer a mí y a mis hermanos.  Esto afecta mi vida tremendamente.  Me causa coraje  estrés.Parece que estas pasando por estados de luto, ya que el no poder ver a tu padre causa sentimientos similares a cuando hay una perdida.  Tal vez puedes escribirle cartas expresando tus sentimientos y esperanzas.  Pero comprende que si el está bajo la influencia de drogas puede que no sienta empatía o te responda como lo solía hacer.  Mientras el problema se resuelve busca un consejero o terapeuta que te ayude a trabajar en resolver los sentimientos de coraje y estrés, trabaja también en perdonarlo para que puedas tener una relación con él en el futuro.
Question: I've always thought that there wasn't much good out there for me. Now that things are actually going well, it kind of scares me. I spent most of my life feeling unwanted and figured I would be alone. I recently met a great woman who seems to really like me, and I don't know how to process this. It's bothering both of us.
Counselor response: Hi! Thank you for your question. It's tough to be in a healthy and loving relationship when we believe we are not worth it. Quite often being in such a relationship is very uncomfortable as it goes against everything we believe about ourselves. First, I want to say you are very brave to open up yourself to the relationship with this wonderful woman you met. Second, I would like to invite you to treat yourself with compassion as you are entering this unknown territory for yourself. Doing something new and totally unfamiliar can be scary, so it's vital that you are kind and gentle with yourself. Acknowledge that what you are doing is scary and uncomfortable and that it will take some time to get used to it. Don't judge yourself and force yourself to feel a certain way. It's important that you are patient with yourself and tolerant of your discomfort. With time, space, kindness, and tolerance your discomfort and fear will start to dissolve. Invite your new partner to also relate to your feelings in the open and compassionate way. The worst thing that you or your partner can do is to rush your feelings, pressure you to feel in a different way or to say that there is something wrong with you cause you feel a certain way. Please be gentle with yourself and celebrate and acknowledge every small victory. Every time you do something little, like holding hands or receive a compliment and it no longer scares you as it did a week ago - celebrate that progress!
Question: I have experienced cycles of depression for the past four years, and it hits me harder every time it comes back. This past time, it was extremely debilitating, so I went on Wellbutrin. I could feel the effects of the medicine after the first week. A month and a half later, I decided that my depression was being caused by my own unwillingness to move forward and address my behaviors and thoughts that were keeping me in a place of despair. I became worried that the medicine was making me complacent and prohibiting me from working out what I needed to in my life to bring back true fulfillment. I stopped taking it a month ago and feel okay; a lot of the anxiety it was paired with has gone away. However, I still don't feel my sense of self has been completely regained, and I have days where I feel a zombie-like haze of having no interests or the ability to fully concentrate on anything. Is it better to continue letting time and good habits work out the remaining depression or should I go back on the medicine?
Counselor response: Deciding whether or not psychiatric medicine is a good option can be complicated, as you have noticed, and only a person who is licensed to prescribe can give you medical advice regarding medications. While there is sometimes relief from symptoms from medication, as you have pointed out, there are often negative side effects as well. While I can't give you advice on whether or not to continue medication, I would urge you to take an inventory of the positive and negative effects that you have noticed and educate yourself as much as possible about the short and long-term costs and benefits of psychiatric medication. If you can find a doctor, psychiatrist, or ARNP who is competent in mental health, it may also benefit you to consult with them.One thing that I am wondering about is, what is your support system like, in regards to your fight against depression? Are you seeing a therapist or attending any therapeutic or supportive group? While there are many things that one can do on their own to work through challenges such as depression, psychotherapy has been shown time and again in research to be highly effective and sometimes having a relationship with a caring, competent professional who understands depression and ways of helping can make a huge difference.