arjun2183/Counselor huggingface dataset:
Question: My mother has Alzheimer's and she has become so nasty and mean to everyone and she always asks for unrealistic, silly or meaningless items. I get so frustrated and angry, but then I feel guilty because I know it probably isn’t her fault. How can I cope with feeling like this?
Counselor response: There is some great advice here that can really help, but you need some direct support.  Please find a caregiver support organization, a grief group and an individual therapist to help you during this trying time.  Your mom may not know what she is saying, or mean the awful things she says, but that doesn't make it hurt less.  Please take care of yourself and gt some help!
Question: My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others.    His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present?
Counselor response: For you and your fiance to move past this, he needs to accept you just the way you are.  Being that you mentioned that you both come from a Christian background, maybe you could start there, he needs to forgive and trust your love for him.  His insecurities stem from something bigger than you not being a virgin.  Since this is the man, you are willing to spend the rest of your life with, be patient and help him find the help he needs.  Talk about your commitment to him and reassure him that your history does not have to affect your relationship.  Lastly, Pre-Marital Counseling can help you and him to open up about other things that might affect the marriage later.God Bless You Both, Mirella~
Question: When they come home from their dad's and I fuss at them for anything, they move like they are dodging being hit. They say they’re sorry over and over really fast. I ask and they say no one has hit them, and I've seen no marks. Am I being paranoid or am I right to be?
Counselor response: This sounds frightening and overwhelming, and I’m glad you are reaching out for help. I can’t say for sure your children are being abused but I can understand your  suspicion since there appears to be a change your children’s behavior. I think it would be important for you to keep an eye on the situation Incase you notice any other changes. If you become more concerned, even  suspicions of child abuse are reportable to  Family protective services. If they feel it is necessary they can do an  investigation. You are doing the biggest thing for your children by being there for them and supporting them.
Question: I have no idea what happened. I go places and do things but still feel lonely. I honestly have no friends, and I am always the one texting people and bothering people. I feel invisible, like someone that no one wants to be around.
Counselor response: A lot of times any and each of us creates what we need for ourselves by seeing other people as creating these circumstances and situations.Is it possible that at this time period in your life, being alone is positive for sorting through your true values or sorting through key situations in your life?If "yes", then possibly you are giving yourself some alone time, even though to some degree being alone is not your first choice.At the very least, since you aren't happy with being the one who texts others, then some alone time may encourage new thoughts and ideas creating more open space within you to attract other people who do enjoy texting you first.Also, most relationships are not forever.  Is it possible you are at a phase when some relationships are simply closing down so that you have clear space within your life for new and different activity?
Question: How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?
Counselor response: This can be a very challenging decision, and it may take time for you to sort through all of your feelings about the relationship and its possible end. Therapy can help you have a space to be completely honest with yourself about your relationship as you grapple with your decision of whether to remain with your boyfriend. Your therapist can ask questions to guide you in uncovering your true feelings about whether this is the right relationship for you, and he or she can support you in whatever decision you come to.
Question: I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn’t believe me either. I’m a pansexual, but I can’t trust my own parents.
I've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust.
Counselor response: Life sounds extremely frustrating for you right now.As long as you've reached your conclusion that your parents do not take you seriously when you would like to speak with them on a serious topic, and that you feel unable to trust either of them, then work with your own information.Many people don't know how to listen and aren't trustworthy.  As painful and aggravating as having parents who fit this description, you're better off to honor what you realize than to continue fighting what is not in your hands to change.Since you write about having a similar problem with friends, then maybe this comes about because you pick friends who are similarly unsatisfying to be with as are your parents.The first step out of this dilemma would be to accept how crummy you feel about the way your parents are toward you.If you're able to live with the sadness and resentment of having parents who don't want to know how to understand you, then you'll start to develop a new and more satisfying definition of what you expect from the behaviors of your friends.Trust yourself that what you feel and see is accurate, then it becomes easier to trust and welcome new people who are formatted differently than either your parents or your friends who sound very similar to your parents' ways.
Question: I start counseling/therapy in a few days (I'm freaking out) but my main fear is that I'll cry and embarrass myself, is it something to worry about?
Counselor response: Hi there !  As someone who has practiced as a clinical psychologist for 25 years , I would say that crying is NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT AT ALL ! Almost every single person I have worked with has cried at one point or another.  Starting therapy takes a lot of courage; when you work with a therapist ,once you feel safe ,  you talk about a lot of very private and potentially emotional things that you may have never discussed with anyone before.  I have seen  people cry with sadness , cry with relief at releasing painful things they have held onto for a long time, cry because they feel so relieved that they finally feel heard.   I myself have sometimes cried with clients because some things they talk about are so profoundly moving.   I can assure you that most , if not all , therapists expect clients to cry  and there is nothing to be embarrassed about.   Crying can be very cathartic and can allow us to release a lot of painful feelings we have been stuffing down.   Crying is  often a sign that you are really working things through and getting in touch with feelings that you need to get in touch with in order to heal .So , to summarize , don't worry at all about crying! It will probably feel uncomfortable  at first , but I promise you , you will not be judged for crying in therapy.   And it will be less embarrassing once it happens a time or two and you are assured that your therapist will be there for you and won't judge you !Good luck !!
Question: After 25 years, I fell in love for the first time. The person acted for a week and left me without even saying goodbye. My heart is burning, and I can't take this pain.
Counselor response: Ouch. Losing someone you love hurts so much. We all long to be loved and to love and to have that experience and then lose it is awful. While it is easy to feel angry or start doubting yourself under these circumstances, I would encourage you to recognize the agony of what you are experiencing as an indication of how much you value loving relationships and how much you want to make this happen in your life. When we are going through this kind of loss it is really helpful to have the support of friends and family. While no one is going to be able to make it better, we don't have to be alone with our pain. If you are not comfortable with going to those in your life it may be a good time to see  a counsellor to help you cope with your distress and learn how to move past this and find the love that you are looking for.
Question: I was in a situation with a guy. He’s my brother’s friend and kind of like a brother to me. He invited me over to hang out, and then came on to me. I was instantly terrified to say no, and I gave in. I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't figure out why I'm afraid to say no. This is giving me a lot of guilt and depression.
Counselor response: Hi Tennessee, There is nothing wrong with you. There are many good reasons why you didn't say no. You didn't say no because you were caught off guard and unprepared; there is no place in life that teaches girls or boys how to manage it when someone crashes a sexual boundary. You also live in a culture where girls are encouraged to be cooperative and not upset people, and to put the needs of other people first. You instinctively want people to like you, and people can be very coercive sexually. You said it yourself; you "gave in". He wore you down.There's nothing wrong with you. It wasn't your job to say no. Women aren't the gatekeepers of male sexual urges. It was his job to get your consent first. He pressured you into it. A good therapist would help you to dig deep and uncover all these barriers to saying no and more. If you said no, what might happen then? What might that mean about you? What are you avoiding feeling? Unloved, unwanted, cold? What would you have to believe in order to be confident enough to say no? That you didn't have to do anything you don't want to do? That you're special, or that sexuality is special? Would you need a better understanding of what sexual assault is? I love that you want to do some work here to strengthen your sexual boundaries, and I urge a widespread conversation about what consent it. Men and women of all ages could use more of this training.
Question: I'm dealing with an illness that will never go away and I feel like my life will never change for the better. I feel alone and that i have no one.    How can I overcome this pain and learn to be happy alone?
Counselor response: Is it possible that even though your illness is chronic, that it goes through phases in which you are more comfortable and that it requires less focus from you than at other times?I think the idea of having a lifelong illness is frustrating and can be depressing to think about.  Thoughts are not necessarily the truth of what will actually happen though.Illness makes negative situations look worse so be sure you are concentrating on specific areas of your life and not just assuming they will work out badly because you are ill.One way to be happy alone is to love and appreciate, nurture and be kind to yourself.This frame of mind may generate new answers to find ways of being among other people too.
Question: I love my girlfriend so much. I get an erection even just thinking about her or seeing her.  But the two times we tried to have sex I couldn't get an erection.  We've only had sex once and it was a long time ago. 

Why this is happening and what can I do about it?
Counselor response: I'm sorry to hear of your problem.First step as always when a possible medical explanation exists, go for a urology check up to either your internist or a urologist.Once you know there is no medical reason which would prevent an erection, then we can consider the psychological and emotion based factors.Maybe you're nervous about your sexual performance or that your gf may be disappointed in your performance.Men often mistake their own fears of performance failure with the assumption that their partner thinks about sex as a performance.Talk with your gf about whatever is on your mind which may inhibit you from enjoying sex.The reasons are endless.What matters is to have a heartfelt dialogue with each other.The emotional support which comes through such an intimate conversation may very well be the catalyst for a more relaxed and satisfying approach to sex w your gf.
Question: I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends.
   I spent the weekend with him and it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong?
Counselor response: Hello. There are a number of factors playing into this situation. A former romantic partner coming back onto the scene during a current relationship; you spending alone time (and spending the night) with that former partner; and the uneasy feelings experienced by your current partner (boyfriend). Now those are the ones you have openly expressed. There are very likely other issues that prompted this behavior on your part. You ask if you were wrong. It is not a question I will be able to answer, because it is not one I am meant to answer. It is up to you to find that truth. Now, if you are feeling guilty, was it because of some sexual engagement occurred when you spent the night? If so, you might want to look at why that happened. Do you feel secure in your current relationship? Is this the relationship you want, or do you want to be with the former boyfriend?Important questions, but ones you need to ask and answer. Odds are, there is something that triggered this event to occur and it becomes a focal point in discovering any unexplored discomfort or other issues with your current boyfriend. Seeking relationship counseling can be effective in sorting this out, so be open to that possibility to help you clarify your thoughts and feelings.Best of luck to you.
Question: I am currently suffering from erectile dysfunction and have tried Viagra, Cialis, etc. Nothing seemed to work. My girlfriend of 3 years is very sexually frustrated. I told her that it is okay for her to have sex with other men. Is that really okay?
Counselor response: Hello, and thank you for your question. I completely agree with Dr. Zehner. Many couples are in open-type or polyamorous relationships where one or both partners engage in sexual relationships with others. The key thing about this is that it really does have to be something that both people are okay with. Now, as Dr. Zehner indicated, what may be okay today may not feel okay tomorrow, so good communication is essential. The truth is, even in polyamorous relationships where partners are in agreement, jealousy does sometimes happen. Here is a good article about polyamorous relationships and the issue of jealousy: http://everydayfeminism.com/2016/02/polyamorous-dealing-jealousy/This site has many other articles about polyamory. If you type in "polyamory" in their search box, you will find some good information. I wish you well,Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC
Question: I’ve been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for just over a year. This past week she admitted to me that she has feelings for another guy. She says it’s “just a crush” but I don't know how to cope with it.    How should I deal with this?
Counselor response: Those words must have been extremely difficult to hear or read. It sounds like you are both having difficulty with the distance, and I can only imagine that you have both been coping with this distance as well as you can. There are a few scenarios that I think would have pretty radically different paths for your own mental health, and I would like to explore them separately. The first scenario is that she has this crush, but still chooses you and wishes to stay with you. Keeping the value of her choice in mind, and the bravery she has shown in admitting this crush, handling her gently in that vulnerable place will pay off. You may find it worthwhile to explain your feelings about it, to share how it is hurting you to know of this, and what she means to you. Explaining those feelings will help you to not act out in your with emotions to cover up by becoming angry or withdrawing. Acting in this way will help assure her of her choice in you, and sharing these emotions and feeling supported by her may help you cope with this.The other scenario is that she has a crush on this man and she is wanting to leave the relationship with you to have one with this other person. As before, it would be useful for you to share your feelings with someone. It can be difficult to process through these emotions, as they are intense and often overwhelming. In this scenario, it may be too difficult to share these feelings with your girlfriend, but it is still important that you acknowledge this loss and allow the associated emotions to have its place. Grieving the end of this relationship could be a great source of personal growth.I hope this has been of some help.
Question: My coworkers are making false statements about me to the boss, saying I have mood swings. They have no proof to back it up. Can my employer make me see a therapist of their choice?
Counselor response: If this is a concern of a few coworkers, make sure it is not something they see but you don't admit to.  Employers can "suggest" or something "stipulate" in continued employment with them  for you to go to their Employment Assistance Provider (EAP) if they have noticed the same behavior and concerned of how it is effecting productivity or employee relationships.  No one wants to work in a environment which they consider hostile.  Employers can be held responsible if they do not take action.Couple of things you can do...Ask a coworker in which you trust and respect if what others are saying is true?Seek professional help from your primary care provider or counselor if mood swings do exist.
Question: My mother has Alzheimer's and she has become so nasty and mean to everyone and she always asks for unrealistic, silly or meaningless items. I get so frustrated and angry, but then I feel guilty because I know it probably isn’t her fault. How can I cope with feeling like this?
Counselor response: From your initial description, I would say that your mother is "Maloriented". In this stage of Alzheimer's individuals tend to be blaming and difficult to deal with. They may often hide or throw things away and then blame family members for this. In addition, if they are incontinent, they may blame a leaky roof or something else when they are wet. You are correct that this is not her fault, but often for family members this does not make it any easier for you to cope. I strongly suggest that you learn communication strategies that will help you to communicate with your mother in a way that lets her work through the difficulties associated with the disease. I always suggest Validation techniques to family members.In addition, you need to give yourself some kind attention and take time out from your circumstances as needed. You need to be able to center yourself and come to acceptance that this is your mother's illness that is the problem, not her and certainly not you.
Question: I'm in my late 50s. I never loved or have been loved. I need deeper help than is offered in my small town, but I cannot leave this town because of agoraphobia. I find myself losing hope more and more. My brain barely works anymore, and my memory so small, I forget in a moment. I serve no purpose. I'm incapable of work or anything of value, and I never have been. I’m a complete waste of time and resources, and yet I keep trying. Why? Why does God insist that I continue to exist? I’m not suicidal, just tired.
Counselor response: The fact that you're reaching out says that there is something in you that wants this to be different, and that drive might be something worth tapping into. "Why do I keep trying?" is a question that might give you some insight into what it is in you that keeps you going. A lot of therapists/counselors are now offering video therapy. As long as you're in the same state as a therapist offering this service, you could connect with someone helpful from the comfort of your home, even being in your small town. I'd recommend looking into this option, because you're asking a lot of really deep questions and might benefit from having those conversations with someone who can help you find your own answers.
Question: I'm a teenager, and I know the importance of my upcoming schooling. However, no matter how much I put in my best effort, my family thinks I have done zero effort in total. What can I do?
Counselor response: First of all, I'm glad that you posted here and I'm glad that you recognize the importance of schooling.Where does your family get the idea that you are not putting in the effort? While people can interpret "effort" differently, with talking about schoolwork, I would think that your grades would show the effort that you are putting in.If you are getting good grades and you are saying that your family does not think your grades are good enough, maybe there could be a conversation where you are able to ask them what they are expecting from you (and try to listen without defending yourself for a few minutes) and then you could explain what you are doing to prepare. Maybe you could set time limits so you each have five minutes to discuss this (or less, if you think that would be better).If your grades are not as good as you would like and you are putting in the effort, I would still consider having a conversation like I mentioned above, and perhaps taking advantage of tutoring or other possibilities offered by your school.Just as a bit more information for you, I have been working with children, teenagers, and adults for more than nine years now. When someone tells me that they wish their child would do better in school, I always ask what that means. Sometimes it means that their grades are D's and F's. For other families, it means that the grades dropped below 95% and in that family, that is unacceptable. Perception makes a big difference here.If you are doing your best and accomplishing your goals, that is worth celebrating.