arjun2183/Counselor huggingface dataset:
Question: I didn't trust my wife when I found out that she had a new guy friend that she was texting and calling. I investigated him before I found out that he was gay and that there was nothing going on. Now all my wife and I do is fight about trust.
Counselor's response: Instead of fighting about trust, is it possible for you and your wife to talk with other about areas which upset each of you?Whenever feelings are hurt, knowing what exactly is problematic and being heard and understood by the partner, goes a long way to building trust.These type of discussions are hard to have, and especially for the first time.  A lot of emotions arise and often people lose their conversation focus from this.If you and your wife have a tough time opening up to each other, consider scheduling time with a couples therapist.Just by each of you committing time to invest in the relationship will show faith in the relationship, and this may contribute to restoring trust.
Question: I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am.
Counselor's response: What exactly is it that you are looking for? Different people define themselves in different ways. For example, one person may define himself by his values and morals while another identifies herself by her personality and characteristics. Still, another person may define himself by his interests and hobbies. Learning who you are as a person can take time and life experience. At the same time, who you are may change according to what experiences you have had and how you have dealt with them or felt about them. Try viewing the journey of finding yourself as exciting and ongoing. Allow yourself to feel emotions and learn how they relate to the experiences you have. This may help you to know more about what you value, what you like and dislike, and what you want for yourself in life. Best of luck to you!
Question: I am a really shy person. I'm currently in a graduate program which requires lots of presentations, but they always make me feel stressed out and less confident. How can I get more confident?
Counselor's response: I can offer you hypnosis for confidence in presentations, via Skype, if you're in Cali.
Question: I feel that I need to end my present relationship. He lives three hours away and likes the reassurance of having someone to talk to multiple times per day and seeing me once or twice a month.  I want someone who is more present and more of a life companion.
Lately, he has had a very busy work schedule and I have only seen him a few times in the last 6 weeks. I told him that I can't continue in this way because I constantly feel frustrated and angry and that he is not making the relationship enough of a priority. I also feel it is keeping me from possibly finding the relationship I want.
We have been together 7 years. The problem is that I panic and experience anxiety and depression thinking of him with someone else and then thinking I will never meet someone I like. We have gone through this cycle already 4-5 times and I feel it is unhealthy to stay in it, but my aversion to the anxiety and depression I experience upon separation always leads me to reconcile.
Counselor's response: It sounds like you have some insight into the cycle that you describe with your current relationship and at the same time you are still feeling stuck. It also sounds like the distressing feelings that you experience, when you imagine what will happen for you and your current partner, are pretty overwhelming. A competent therapist may be able to help you work through these difficult thoughts and feelings and find a resolution to this cycle that will feel right to you.
Question: I'm depressed and recently went through a break up. It’s like every guy I like only wants me for sex. I think I'm ugly, and sometimes I just want to die. I have a son, and I got really big when I was pregnant. I have stretch marks on my stomach.
Counselor's response: If you are currently feeling as if you want to die, please call 800-273-8255 and talk to someone.One way to work on not always thinking so negatively about yourself is to surround yourself with people who are more positive toward you. Do you have friends or family who are supportive?Can you find one part of you that you do not think is ugly?If your stretch marks are still bothering you, talk with a pharmacist or your primary care physician. Sometimes there are creams or lotions you can use to decrease stretch marks and they should be able to guide you in the right direction.You mentioned mostly physical things here. I wonder if you can find one small thing each day that is going right and build from there. Perhaps your son makes you smile?
Question: My doctor seems to think I am in danger of having one. I neglected to ask how this was different than an episode. I have been formally diagnosed with bipolar type 1.
Counselor's response: I will admit that I'm not specifically familiar with this from my own experience.My best educated guess is that you could have a seizure during which you have some sort of symptoms similar to a hallucination (which is one of the psychotic symptoms) when you hear or see things that aren't really there.In looking briefly online, I was able to find some information here: http://www.epilepsy.com/information/professionals/about-epilepsy-seizures/psychiatric-and-behavioral-aspects/psychiatric-2It sounds like this would be a symptom in addition to an already existing seizure disorder, not a seizure disorder in addition to a mental health problem. If it is the other way around, I'm not sure how that would work. It is common with some types of seizures to have an altered state of reality during or shortly after the seizure, so that could also be related.I would suggest you talk to your physician about this directly so that if they are worried about this, you can learn more about what is making them concerned about it and what, if anything, you could do to lessen the likelihood of it or how to handle it if it does happen.
Question: I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky.  Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this?
Counselor's response: Therapy can feel very weird to begin with - think about it, how often do we go and tell a relative stranger our deepest, darkest thoughts in the rest of our life? So I think its reasonable to expect a certain level of nerves as you get used to your therapist and to the whole process of talking about yourself and vulnerable topics. That said, its definitely worth bringing to the attention of your therapist (if you haven't already) to see if there is anything that they can do, or that the two of you can explore together, that might make the process feel less intimidating to you.
Question: I'm dealing with imposter syndrome in graduate school. I know that by all accounts I am a phenomenal graduate student, and that I am well-published. I am well liked by students and faculty alike. And yet I cannot shake the feeling that I'm going to be found out as a fraud.    How can I get over this feeling?
Counselor's response: It would be very helpful to identify with you eventual pattern where the imposter syndrome is more or less present. Are there specific situations where you've noticed the feelings of "I'm going to be found out as a fraud" becoming more strong? It seems that shaking this feeling is very important to you. In my opinion, before shaking that feeling, we need to get closer to it and understand its roots. If you would like to get closer to the feeling, you might consider asking yourself questions such: "What is the trigger for this feeling? How does it feel in the body? What is the thought process I engage with after noticing this feeling? All the best. Rossana Mag.
Question: Sometime when small thing happen, like losing a comb, I get furious.  I even start throwing things. Do I have a problem?
Counselor's response: I don't like the word "problem".  It is such a strong word.  However I would say that you have an issue that needs to be addressed and controlled before it directed at the wrong person and gets totally out of control.  I have found that anger management classes has been helpful for my clients.  Try and see if it will help.  You will be surprised at what you learn about your self.
Question: I feel like I would be more comfortable as a girl even though I still like girls. I think I'm like a girl stuck in a guy body. I imagine myself as a girl too. I think this more because my friends say that if I was a girl I would be a hot looking one. And I don't care about having boobs or anything. I just feel like the way that I do act will make more sense if I was a girl.
Counselor's response: Gender is personal thing.  There is not just boy and girl.  It is ok to be a boy and feel feminine and date women.  It is also ok to be a transgendered women and date women.  Have fun with it and feel it out.  What is right for you?
Question: If I tell him I don't like certain things, he does when it pertains to me. He tells me it's not like that. He never has anything to say about me until I tell him something about himself.
Counselor's response: It sounds like there are issues with communication between you and your husband.  Your perceptions of interactions that you are having don't sound like they match up.  It would probably be helpful for you both to work on communicating using "I" statements (I feel----when you---).  This is a more effective way of communicating your needs than directly criticizing the other person.  If you work on communicating in new, less critical ways you both may learn more about your spouse's feelings and perspective.
Question: Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather. How can I fight this?
Counselor's response: Sometimes its quite literally the lack of sunshine that can affect our mood - in these cases it can be worth experimenting with a sun lamp, to boost your dose of vitamin D, when the sun isn't naturally out. Also consider, what is it that the change in weather, changes in your life? If for example, when its sunny you are an outdoorsy, active person and when the weather changes, you're whole activity level changes along with it, you could explore how to get some of that activity replicated indoors in the winter months.
Question: I'm in a relationship with my fiancé and I currently found out that she's been cheating on me with a co-worker. I was very upset none the less. I understand what she did was wrong, but I want to spend the rest of my life with her. So I'm willing to forgive and move on. We have been together for a little over 9 years, and we have a son. At the beginning of our relationship, I was unfaithful and she caught me cheating. She forgave me for what I've done to her and since then I been completely faithful. I'm worried about our relationship and want to move forward  but its been very unsettling. All I can think about is her with another man. I don't know what to do or where to go for advice?
Counselor's response: I'm sorry for the stress and unhappiness stemming the problem you describe.Trust your instinct that there is more complexity to feeling good about being in a partnership than simply wanting this to happen.In any relationship, the complexities of each person combine.   Often people accept when this feels good and are lost as to what to do when natural human complexity, doesn't match up with our partner in the way we'd like.A couples' therapist would be able to help each of you talk about the factors motivating the cheating, as well as clarify the reasons you each have for continuing to stay together. The unique advantage of couple's therapy is that each person is able to hear their partner talk out loud about themselves and their partner.This is sometimes enormously helpful since our inner thoughts are often hidden yet very dominant in how we direct ourselves in relationships.Sometimes the initial consult session offers enough new understanding that a second session wouldn't be necessary for a while.Good luck in finding your relationship happiness!
Question: I'm always listening to my husband, but it feels like he never listens to me.    How do I get my husband to listen to me instead of me listening to him all the time?
Counselor's response: Have the two of you ever discussed how you feel?  I know given the nature of your question that's probably not likely, but I'm going to suggest it any way.  He needs to understand that how you feel about this issue equates to not being as happy in the relationship as you could be or he thinks you are.  So start there, that may be more of an attention getter than "you never listen to me" yes I do etc.  Direct opener:  I'm not as happy in this relationship as I think we both deserve.  Pause, and if you won't let me talk about it then it's only going to get worse.  Then explain you don't feel listened to, you try to be a good listener but you don't feel you are getting the same in return.  If he interrupts put your hand up in the sign of a stop, then say please just let me finish.  You are right to raise this subject with him because a good marriage can't exist in a communication vacuum. In fairness to him, he needs to understand the seriousness of your concern and have a chance to do better.  If he refuses,  tell him you want to seek couples counseling then do it, with him or without him.
Question: I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?
Counselor's response: Thank you for sharing your question.  I imagine it feels overwhelming and discouraging at times if you feel like there are too many issues to address in a counseling session.  I would encourage you to share these concerns with a counselor because a counselor can help you organize the concerns into a list of specific goals.  For example, a list of goals may look similar to this:1.  "I will learn about the effects of medication on the symptoms of depression and anxiety."2.  "I will learn about the factors that affect insomnia."3.  "I will learn about resources and support groups in my local area to help me cope with my traumatic experiences."4.  "I will practice self-care exercises each day and write about my thoughts and feelings in a journal so I can measure whether or not I"m making progress."This is an example of some of the possible goals a counselor can help you work toward each week.  Working toward a specific goal can lead to a feeling of accomplishment once you've completed it, and this may have a positive impact on your self-esteem.  I hope this information helps, and I wish you all the best!
Question: I want a secure relationship with someone that wants to be with me and who will actually put effort into it.
I seem to gravitate toward unavailable men and those that want intimacy and no relationship. I let men dictate and control me because they accuse me of being controlling. I let men emotionally abuse me and I am at their beck and call.
I am not comfortable being alone or doing anything by myself. I feel I need the security of someone being around just to survive. I know what I'm doing wrong and I do it anyway just hoping things will change. How do I stop this behavior and thought process?
Counselor's response: It is a good thing that you have recognized that you have been in some unhealthy relationships and that you are wanting to break this pattern.  You seem to have some good insight into the situation.The type of behavior that you are describing is usually rooted in childhood issues with insecure attachment bonds with your caregivers, childhood trauma and/or abuse or neglect, or dysfunctional family issues that did not allow you to develop healthy boundaries for yourself or a sense of self.  This is something that is going to take some time to work through in therapy.  I recommend a book titled “Boundaries: Where you end and I begin” by Anne Katherine.  Another book that might be helpful is “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie. In the meantime, until you can work through your personal issues, absolutely do not enter into another relationship.  Take however long you need to and work on becoming a whole, happy, emotionally healthy person on your own.  Needing another person to define you is problematic.  That’s too much to expect from any individual.For a relationship to be healthy and happy, both people in the relationship first need to be a whole person on their own.  That means having a clear sense of self, knowing who you are and what you want, knowing how to set healthy boundaries, and knowing how to meet your own needs.  It is unreasonable to expect your partner to meet all of your needs all of the time.  There will be times that they won’t be able to meet your needs.  You have to know how to meet those yourself. When you are working on becoming the best you that you can be, eventually the right person will come into your life.  Then you can CHOOSE to be with someone because you want them in your life instead of feeling like you NEED them to complete you.
Question: After first meeting the client, what is the process that a counselor facilitates?
Counselor's response: Each counselor may have a different process, so I'm not the end all authority here.  For myself, I review policies and confidentiality concerns with people first and answer any questions they have. Then I'll let them know I'll be writing a lot in this session and I have an assessment form that I like to get completed, but I want to have a conversation and I'll ask questions as we go.  My first question is usually, "How do you feel I can best help you today?"  Some people are very at ease and tell me many details.  Others are a bit more reserved and I have to demonstrate more curiosity.  Even people who have been very apprehensive are usually feeling very relaxed by the time the session is over.  Usually, when we get close to end of session time, I'll summarize what I think are the biggest concerns from what I've heard and confirm whether or not the person wants to work on those things.  I also try to give an exercise targetting my biggest concern for them to work on in between sessions.  For instance, a relaxation method if they are very anxious.  Counselors are just humans as well, so it does take a bit of time to really get to know another person.  I always tell people that are apprehensive to give the counselor 3 or 4 sessions to determine if they really connect with them.  I hope that helps, Allison
Question: I have secrets in my mind, and I don't know what to do with them. I don't want to tell my wife and mom because I don't want to hurt them. But I'm not sure how long that I can keep the secret to myself.

What should I do? It's becoming annoying and making me anxious. Help me out
Counselor's response: It sounds like keeping the secrets has become a problem for you now. There are several things to consider before you make a decision.- You mentioned that you don't want your wife and mom to know because you don't want to hurt them – why would it hurt them? - Is it necessary for them to know this information?- What are the consequences of either telling them the truth or not telling them? (for you and for your wife and mom).- Once you have considered these, think of what you would tell your friend if they were in your exact situation?- Also, if your wife or mom were in your situation right now, what do you think they would do themselves?- If your wife and mom were in this situation, how would you feel? Would you want to know the secrets?- How has keeping these secrets affected your own mental and physical health?Once you have looked at the problem from all angles, you will be able to better make a decision on whether it is right to tell them or not.
Question: I need to get on base to see my doctor. My ID card was in my wallet which was stolen. I’m unable to reach my husband at this time. He is only one who can take me on base in order to get a new ID so I can continue to see doctor. Is there anything I can do?
Counselor's response: You should be able to get a replacement ID card either from the Personnel Office on your local base (the actual name of this office will vary depending on which branch of the military it is). You may also be required to go to the Military Police or Security office on base to report the loss of your old ID card.
Question: When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal.
Counselor's response: Sometimes stress helps us become motivated and thrive to do better however, if your daughter is stressing to the point that she is crying and freaking out then that would be concerning. Helping your daughter with relaxation techniques like deep breathing or guided imagery would be a good start. Also, reminding your daughter that you see her doing so well in school and that most importantly you are there for her. I would also make an appointment to see a mental health therapist they can have more ideas on ways to de-stress.
Question: Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?
Counselor's response: It's more than just normal, it's expected! Quite honestly, there are a very few days where at least one client hasn't cried during therapy throughout the day. -IJP
Question: I know I need to deal with my depression. But I don't know how and I don't want to tell anyone.    How can I deal with depression without telling anyone?
Counselor's response: Hello,It is completely understandable that you would not want people to know about your depression. I would first like commend you for realizing that you need to help with your depression by reaching out here. That is a great start, and you've taken the very first courageous step. Depression can feel debilitating and overwhelming. Depression is also a very personal thing and no one has know but you and the therapist. The best way to begin learningand dealing is to pick up the phone and call a therapist or email a therapist and schedule a session. The great news is that with professional help you can feel better and you will learn how deal with and manage the depression. There are many ways to help with depression that a therapist can teach you and help guide. You do not have do this alone. Asking for help and going to therapy is a strength! This can be done in a private and confidential setting.Depression should be treated by a therapist, in a safe, confidential office setting. The therapist can then discuss your depression with you in more detail to figure out the underlying cause, how long you've been feeling this way and identify what brings on these feelings. There is hope and depression can be treated with great success, you CAN feel good again. Depression can be managed appropriately by seeing a licensed therapist. Often times therapy will offer relief because you would have someone there simply to listen to you, validate your feelings and listen to your story. The therapist will be able to offer professional insight and perspective on the situation and help you think outside the box. The therapist can do many things with you, provide insight and offer many ideas to help you learn new coping skills and ideas of things you enjoy, encouraging you to re engage in hobbies you once enjoyed or even discover new things you may enjoy. There are creative ways to learn to cope too!Your therapist will also be there to support you, without judgement, at your pace, through the entire process. But the first step is finding a therapist and beginning to identify the cause your depression. Healing is possible and getting your happiness back is also possible.Feel free contact me for additional help or informationLaura Cassity, LMSW, LMAC