arjun2183/Counselor huggingface dataset:
Question: I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends.

I spent the weekend with him and  it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong?
Counselor's response: Hello. There are a number of factors playing into this situation. A former romantic partner coming back onto the scene during a current relationship; you spending alone time (and spending the night) with that former partner; and the uneasy feelings experienced by your current partner (boyfriend). Now those are the ones you have openly expressed. There are very likely other issues that prompted this behavior on your part. You ask if you were wrong. It is not a question I will be able to answer, because it is not one I am meant to answer. It is up to you to find that truth. Now, if you are feeling guilty, was it because of some sexual engagement occurred when you spent the night? If so, you might want to look at why that happened. Do you feel secure in your current relationship? Is this the relationship you want, or do you want to be with the former boyfriend?Important questions, but ones you need to ask and answer. Odds are, there is something that triggered this event to occur and it becomes a focal point in discovering any unexplored discomfort or other issues with your current boyfriend. Seeking relationship counseling can be effective in sorting this out, so be open to that possibility to help you clarify your thoughts and feelings.Best of luck to you.
Question: I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this?
Counselor's response: I'm so sorry you've been hurt.  It's very normal to stop feeling emotions as a way to protect yourself after experiencing a traumatic event.  You can think of it as emotional shock-- you experienced something that was so awful that you have numbed yourself (mind and body) as a way to stop the emotional and physical pain of the event.  It's actually pretty amazing that our selves know how to do this automatically.  And, I hear you saying that you'd like to get some feeling back now.So here are some ideas for how you can change this:I think it would be a great idea to find an experienced therapist you like and trust and/or a good support group so that you can have some allies as you go through this process.  You also could try journaling.  If you're not sure what to write then check out this list of prompts to get you started (it's for teachers, but I really like it).  There's also art journaling.  Pinterest has lots of suggestions.Meditation could be useful.  There are lots of apps available that offer guided meditations.Yoga, tai chi, or chi gong might also help.I have lots of other ideas, but without knowing more about you I'm reluctant to make suggestions that could accidentally make you feel worse.  IThis protective mechanism of numbing yourself kicked in for a good reason and as you get your feelings back, you may find some pretty challenging reactions coming up.  I guess my final piece of advice to is encourage you to trust yourself and gently go at your own pace in your healing.  I hope this was helpful.
Question: Over a year ago I had a female friend. She turned out to be kind of crazy so I decided to stop talking to her.  When she would call me I wouldn't answer the phone. This made my girlfriend really suspicious. She would ask me why I wouldn't ever answer that phone number. I told my girlfriend that I don't want to be friends with that other woman, but I don't think she believes me. How can I get my girlfriend to understand?
Counselor's response: Do you know why your girlfriend doesn't believe you?It is strange that your girlfriend prefers you to take the phone call of another woman.Have you blocked the unwelcome phone calls?Has your girlfriend said she doesn't believe you or is this your interpretation?Find out the answer and then ask your girlfriend to tell you her reasons behind her thoughts.It is much easier to help someone understand a situation if the person is engaged in a conversation.Whether or not she understands is up to her.All you can be responsible to do is to offer your explanation, which sounds like you've already substantially offered.Keep or reintroduce the topic for the two of you to talk about again.
Question: I have PTSD. The side effects are really bad and have impacts on sex, anger and my relationships. I even lost my job month ago.    How can I get my life back?
Counselor's response: It is brave of you to speak out, PTSD is not a joke and it can quickly take a toll on all aspect of life. Please, know that you are not alone and with the right help you can overcome these challenges. Living with PTSD can be very emotionally exhausting, but you can learn ways to cope with its challenges and find fulfillment in your life again. This means being proactively involved with the process, learning about the problem and positive ways to manage it can be a good start. This can also mean seeking professional help. It is important to address the problem both at the physiological and psychological level, this can mean using medication that is prescribed by a MD to reduce the intensity symptoms and also working with an experienced licensed professional. Having healthy life habits such as good sleep hygiene, healthy diet, staying away from self-medicating with drugs and alcohol, and exercising can help reduce the intensity of the symptoms as well. Please, consult with a licensed professional close to you to get more information on resources you can possibly find helpful to you.
Question: My husband and I have been married for seven years, and in that time, we have only had sex four or five times. Others have told me that most men would have left me by now. Honestly, I think I have a low sex drive or neither one of us actually knows what we are doing. I want to be better connected with my husband.
Counselor's response: In order to develop a better intimate connection with your husband, it's important to first cultivate a strong connection with yourself.  I would take some time to explore your own body, notice what feels pleasurable, and play with different ways to achieve orgasm on your own.  Explore your own willingness to be open emotionally, sexually, and to play and have fun.Once you've engaged in a process of self exploration, I would check in with yourself and be honest about why you're not enjoying sex.  Are there specific reasons you're not enjoying sex with your husband?  Sometimes the reasons might be of a sexual nature and other times there could be emotional blocks (or anxiety) or other reasons that prevent you from wanting to be fully open and let go with your partner.  From a sexual perspective, I would explore what you can do to increase your own pleasure, learn ways to communicate your needs in a loving way, and focus on pleasure and play (rather than outcome and orgasm).   Begin by taking the pressure off orgasm and enjoy a naked massage together-- focusing on exploring what feels pleasurable.  Lastly, if you're wanting to learn new skills, check out a local sex workshop.
Question: I've been like this ever since I was in school; back then I transferred to another school. Now I'm thinking about changing my job.
Counselor's response: There's a quote I love that says, "Wherever you go, there you are" and the book by the same name by Jon Kabat-Zinn may be very helpful for you. The thing about changing things up when they get tough is that they often aren't the things that need changing. The awesome (and challenging) thing about it is that when you work on the internal aspects that may need attention, you can learn to find a sense of centeredness that comes with practicing mindfulness and asking yourself who you really are and want to be. Through this deeper work, you can actually be in the midst of chaos and still feel that calm and peace within yourself. If you look for support in this journey from a counselor or therapist, I'd recommend looking for someone offering Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) or Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (MCBT). Also helpful may be the online program of Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MSBR) found here. There are in-person programs across the country, but this online self-guided version is free and a great resource!
Question: I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?
Counselor's response: Absolutely not.  I strongly recommending working on one issue/need at a time.  In therapy you will set smart goals and objectives that will help you reach your goals.  I see you as a survivor and not a victim.  Best wishes to you.
Question: I crossdress and like to be feminine but I am attracted to women, but yet that seems to bother girls I date or ask out. 

How can I approach them about it? should I hold back and keep it a secret, or should I just be up-front about it.  I wonder if i should stop or if I should continue to do it since it makes me happy.  What should I do?
Counselor's response: While this might not be the first thing you want to discuss when you meet someone, it is important for you to be yourself.  It's better to weed out 10 people who can't accept you to find that one who can.
Question: Cheating is something unacceptable for me but because we have two daughters I decided not to break up the family. However, now I am struggling to forget and forgive what happened. I feel like I cannot trust him. Without trust, I cannot stay in this relationship. On the other hand, I do not want my children to get hurt. I'm not sure how to move forward?
Counselor's response: Let's just start with acknowledging that trust is huge and betrayal hurts. You're entitled to your feelings; all of them and you need to know that your husband understands you. That said some ways are more effective at rebuilding and repairing relationships that others. I am a big fan of The Gottman Method for couples therapy, especially following infedienity. You can read about this approach in Gottman's books: "The Science of Trust" and "Making Love Last" and/or you can seek a Gottman Certified couples therapist here: https://www.gottman.com/private-therapy/
Question: I feel like I'm trying to convince myself that I'm okay when I'm not. I'm always blocking out the bad things and forgetting. I also feel like nobody cares for me and they never will. I feel truly alone.
Counselor's response: I'm glad you're aware of how you honestly feel.  Knowing one's personal truth is always the first step in finding what is necessary to be and develop.Reflect a little more on the type of care you'd like in your life."Care" means anything from checking in on someone to deep, intimate connection between two people.Knowing your own definition of "care" is the first step to know what is necessary for you to recognize what you'd like attracting.It is much easier to attract what we'd like if we are clear on what this is.
Question: I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want.  Things like "you aren't worth anything."  I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it.

What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts?
Counselor's response: Many people have thoughts like those you describe, and often it feels like someone else is saying it because they are things that may have been said to you when you were very young.  When young children hear negative things about themselves they tend to internalize these negative ideas and to form negative core beliefs.  The good news is we can learn to stop these thoughts and to replace them with healthier thoughts.  The first step is to catch yourself when you are thinking these thoughts, and to stay "stop!"; then replace it with another thought.  So for instance, maybe you fail a test or get rejected by a romantic interest.  You catch yourself saying "you aren't worth anything". Stop this thought, and replace it with "You didn't do as well on that test as you would have liked.  Let's figure out how you can do better next time."  Or "she may not want to go out with you, but someone else will". So the idea is to develop a voice of a "friend", who can tell you the kind of things you would say to your own best friend.  You might also pick up the book, Feeling Good, by David Burns. He gives many tips for how to change Negative Self Talk.
Question: I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?
Counselor's response: Firstly, I would like to say how amazing that you have been able to live through breast cancer, sexual abuse as well as your depression and anxiety. You are stronger than you may believe at this moment for being able to continue to grow and live through these experiences. Take a moment to acknowledge your strength and know that this strength will be an asset during the therapeutic process that you will be able to tap into to find increased self esteem and more strength to address the concerns you are having. There are never too many concerns to address in therapy sessions. I hope you can find a great therapist who you can trust to listen and work with you to identify and address
the most concerning issues first. Once you begin to do this you may find an alleviation of symptoms and feelings which could allow you to grow your capacity to manage difficult feelings and situations and address additional concerns. Before you even realize it the issues you are having will begin to feel more manageable.
Question: I am a peaceful person, but I often find myself having thoughts about killing people. Eventhough I like the thoughts at the time, they make me cry. Why do I feel like this?
Counselor's response: Hello, and thank you for your question. Clearly this is something that has you very concerned. Sometimes thoughts are just thoughts, and they are pretty harmless. Many people have thoughts of killing someone, but they would never actually do it. They really don't even want to do it, they are just having a thought. Other times, thoughts are a sign of something more serious, and we should receive help when they start to worry us. I would recommend meeting with a counselor to discuss these thoughts. It is usually a safe environment where you can get advice with little judgement. Now, If you begin to start thinking about killing someone specific and making a plan to do it in reality- you should call for help immediately. By help, I mean 9-11, or a family member or friend. You would want to get help before doing something to harm yourself and others. Again, none of this is to judge, but rather to encourage you to get the help you're seeking. Either way, when we become concerned about some aspect of our behavior, seeking counseling is usually a good choice. Be well, Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC
Question: I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends.

I spent the weekend with him and  it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong?
Counselor's response: The most important thing to ask yourself here is, "how did this action affect my relationship, and is it worth the consequences?" Regardless of your intentions in this action, your boyfriend is uncomfortable with this type of behavior. From here, we can objectively decide if spending time with your previous partner (because that is likely what your boyfriend sees them as) is worth harming the relationship you currently have. It is very rare that a person would be comfortable with their partner spending more than a very little amount of time with their exes. Many times, it just gives the wrong impressions. It is very possible that your partner may believe that since you spend so much time with them, that they are still a contender for the most intimate relationship you have to offer, and truth be told, they kind of are. The best intimate relationships, are friendships first and foremost. It is also a good thing to consider what you are getting out of the relationship with your ex that you are not getting out of the relationship with your current boyfriend. If you go to this person for emotional support before your boyfriend, then it is very likely you're involved in some "emotional infidelity". When we turn to others instead of our partner, it is as if we "ran into another person's arms" instead of theirs. No matter who you are, that hurts.
Question: I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?
Counselor's response: A person never has "too many" issues to address in counseling. Participating in counseling with a licensed professional offers a safe place and therapeutic relationship where healing can occur. A trained therapist can help a person unpack and process past and/or current wounds (or events) which may  negatively impact day to day living. They can also help make sense of thoughts and emotions that sometimes feel overwhelming and confusing.  If you want to experience more emotional freedom and gain some tools to help understand and cope with depression and anxiety, I'd encourage you to schedule an appointment with a therapist in your area.
Question: I'm dating a guy I really love. We have our problems, but I could see myself with him long term. But there's this other guy who I've had feelings for for awhile now. He gives me butterflies when we talk, and my heart beats fast when I see he's texted me, which i never felt with my current boyfriend.
Counselor's response: There are different types of attraction.  You said that you've never felt this sort of feeling of your heart beating faster with your current boyfriend. Depending on how long you've been together and if you're looking at different ways of making a life together and getting to know each other on a deeper level, that's a different stage in a relationship and sometimes it feels different. Some people look at it as a difference between levels of passion and compassion, but there are many different terms to try to talk about it.Perhaps with this guy that you really love, you could talk about ways to keep things new and different in the relationship. Maybe you can leave notes for each other during the day or have a small surprise at random intervals (maybe an invitation to a picnic, for example).As for the other guy who makes your heart beat faster, what do you see in him? You said you really love the other guy, which is why I'm asking.What do you look for in the person who you want to be with long-term (whoever that is)?
Question: We've been in a long distance relationship for two and a half years. I recently saw his phone and saw the people he texts the most and one of them was a  female coworker. I don't know how to approach this situation. How do I ask him about it?.
Counselor's response: If you'd like to ask a question, then go ahead and ask!Boyfriend/girlfriend is a close relationship and it is usually understood as an exclusive relationship.  You're definitely entitled to know if your wishes to not have him texting another woman, are being respected.Often people are afraid to ask because they fear the truth will hurt them.In the short term this is definitely true.In the long term, knowing you are getting what you want and at the very least stating your expectations to your boyfriend, will clarify for him, what is meaningful in your relationship.
Question: I'm very depressed. How do I find someone to talk to?
Counselor's response: The first step, which you've taken, is actually wanting to talk to someone. It's a great sign that you are seeking to reach out for help. And there are therapists everywhere (there are even therapists online, so you don't have to be that close to them or their office.)There are several sites that I refer people to to begin the process of looking for a therapist. I usually have them start with psychologytoday.com. Once there (there is a therapist directory), you can narrow choices down by ages that they work with, insurance they accept, depression as an issue they focus in, etc. You can also narrow down by therapist's modality, but that can get complicated if you aren't too familiar with the various theoretical approaches. It's important that you find someone that you feel understands your situation. That might mean that they identify an issue you are having in their profile, or on their professional website. But, you should try to meet a couple of different therapists if you aren't quite sure. It can be challenging that first session, but your best (note, not "THE best") therapist will help you feel comfortable (or as comfortable as possible, given therapy can be uncomfortable especially at first) and understood from the get-go.I have found that asking friends or family for names and recommendations Is also a common way to find a therapist, because it can come from a trusted referral source. But remember that we are all different, so what works for one might not always be a good fit. And again, it could take a couple of first sessions with different therapists to know if someone is a good fit (sometimes, it can take a few sessions.) And if there is no one around that can give a name or two, then searching online is quite common and can yield positive results.And try not to give up! Finding a therapist is not easy, but finding a good one for you is extremely rewarding.
Question: he just walks in the house whenever he wants to see his kids. My fiancé tells me it makes her angry and doesn't like it, but she seems afraid to say anything to him about it for some reason. Is it okay for him to do this?
Counselor's response: The obvious answer is no, it's not okay.  There are other you should be asking though.  You said your fiance "seems afraid" of her ex.  Did you ask her about that?  Is there a reason he still has a key to the  home?  Has there been any discussion of appropriate boundaries?  I work with a lot of people parenting from different households and the stickiest spots are the ones that have not been discussed.  There is obviously conflict there or they wouldn't have split, but your fiance and her ex do need to stay aligned for the kids and that can't happen if she feels fearful or resentful.  If she doesn't have a problem with his barging in, clearly you do (and who wouldn't?  He's not YOUR ex!), so you and she need to have some agreements around his access to the home.  If she is afraid to bring up the discussion then I strongly recommend that she and the ex get some help with a good therapist.  The kids health, your health and hers, and the health of your relationships in the family depend on it!