arjun2183/Counselor huggingface dataset:
Question: How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?
Counselor's response: You have the right therapist if you feel safe with that person. Safety consists of feeling that who you are and what you say is valued. The right therapist is not an 'all knowing person you must obey'. He or she is a person with skilled knowledge who respects you as a partner in your self discovery. The right therapist is also one who is kind
Question: Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?
Counselor's response: Yes it is absolutely normal!  A good therapist can help your feel safe enough to really identify painful wounds.  There are some things that need to be cried about before they can heal.  Therapists are fine with tears and buy tissues by the case.  That said, if you don't cry during therapy it doesn't mean you are doing it "wrong".  As long as you feel safe and have a sense that your therapist "gets you", and you feel progress during your course of treatment, you are doing therapy "right"!
Question: My spouse visited the red light district a couple of years back in Amsterdam. After he got back from the trip he got me tested for stds. In the aftermath he has provided multiple versions of what happened, from having a total blackout to being touched by a prostitute. How do I know if he had sex?
Counselor's response: Hello, The truth is that you will never know unless your husband decides to be upfront about the details to gain your trust.  One thing is for sure though, not knowing and having this uncertainty in your heart will push your husband and you further away from being able to repair the marriage.  The best thing you both can do is seek professional help to navigate this issue and start doing damage control.  It sounds as if you are committed to this marriage and I am sure your husband is too.  It will take some time and purpose, but you can recover from this if you both commit.  Don't wait and start working the steps to find peace of mind and a way to reconnect with the man you love.  Mirella~Image and Likeness Counseling
Question: I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this?
Counselor's response: Hi!This is a great question!The term you are looking for is alexithymia, the inability to identify and describe emotions in the self. However, just because you are not able to feel or express emotions, does not mean that you do not have emotions.After such a traumatic event that you experienced, your central nervous system goes into defensive mode (dorsal vagal nerves) that protect you from any further harm. What this means is if you were to feel your emotions related to your rape, you would have a sense of being overwhelmed, possibly re-experiencing the traumatic event.Not feeling emotions is your body's way of protecting you from any further trauma. Unfortunately, when the (parasympathetic) dorsal vagal system (shutting down feeling) is activated and suppresses your painful emotions (pain, shame, guilt, sadness, anger), it also shuts down your positive and relational emotions (love, joy, contentment, connectedness, happiness).I am very sorry that you had to go through such a traumatic experience as being raped. No one knows what is going on inside of you as a result. You don't know what is happening to your emotional wellbeing! The best (and at times, difficult and scary) thing is to process your emotions related to your trauma. This processing is done carefully, with a trained counselor, in a place that you feel safe, heard, and not judged. Although the thought of proceedings (addressing) emotions may be anxiety-inducing, it brings on a huge sense of relief and validation.What you are going through is normal, considering what happened to you! I hope you reach out for more help.If you have any questions feel free to contact me, Catherine at clevelandemotionalhealth.com
Question: I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it.
   What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts?
Counselor's response: I think we all go through a period of time where we think we aren't worth anything. Sometimes these feelings are a result of low self esteem or because of shame. The most important part of dealing with this thought is to separate feelings from reality. "I don't feel worth anything, but I know what I do is important, I know who I am matters to others. I know I am loved and cared about."When you find yourself having these thoughts, stop, take a few deep breaths and try to reframe what you're thinking.
Question: I'm constantly in a bad mood and I have no energy. Is that depression?
Counselor's response: Depression has many different signs and symptoms and looks different for every person.  Often times people think depression is more about feeling "sad," but depression can, in fact, express itself through irritability (or bad mood as you say) and lack of energy.  According to the DSM-V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), depression includes the following symptoms:-Depressed mood-Irritable mood-Decreased interest or pleasure in activities you usually participate in or enjoy-Significant weight change or change in appetite-Change in sleep (insomnia or hypersomnia)-Psychomotor aggitation or retardation-Fatigue or loss in energy -Feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt-Diminished ability to concentrate or indecisiveness-Thoughts of suicide or plan The great news is that there are many ways to improve depressive symptoms.  If you are up for it, perhaps the best place to start is by seeing a physician or a therapist who can help determine how severe the depression is and can suggest methods of addressing the depression that fit your lifestyle, values, and capabilities.  Good luck!
Question: How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend?
Counselor's response: If you're asking the question, then probably you are pretty close to ending your relationship.Make a list of what you don't like and then decide whether you'd like to tell these topics to your boyfriend as a discussion about your relationship.He may have similar feelings and together the two of you may figure out new ways to be loving with each other.If you've presented your needs and no change results, then ask yourself if you can be happy with him, given what you now realize about him and your feelings.
Question: I'm in my late teens and live with my dad. The only time I go out is for my college classes. Sometimes when I see my friends I want to talk with them, but sometimes I won't want to talk to them for days or even weeks.    Sometimes I feel i'm not worth knowing or i'm never going to do anything right.
   Are they right, am I depressed?
Counselor's response: Although some people managing depression feel sad or "down",  it is a possible to have depression without an obvious sad mood.  Many people indicate that they feel numb or flat.  People managing depression often have low motivation. They may stay in bed for long periods of time and only get up for absolutely necessary activities.  People with depression may also feel inappropriate guilt or shame.   If you have been experiencing the symptoms you described for more than two weeks, I recommend that you see a counselor to get a more in-depth evaluation.   The symptoms you are experiencing are typical of depression, and with a bit of support, you could regain energy and improved self-esteem.  The stigma surrounding mental health can make a diagnosis or a label of depression seem scary.  The important thing to remember is that mental health disorders are as important as and as treatable physical health disorders.    Hang in there.  Healing is possible!
Question: I've been dealing with this for years. My mom thinks I'm overly emotional and refuses to offer any help, like therapy or seeing a doctor. She's seen me when I'm having a panic attack and just said I was faking for attention or that I'm a hypochondriac. I just want to get better.
Counselor's response: How old are you?Are you old enough in your State to have therapy without your mother's consent?Your mom's attitude toward you may be one significant reason on why you feels so much tension in the first place.Don't let her opinions and beliefs get in the way of what you know about yourself.Are you in school and does that school have a guidance counselor?Would you talk with that person about your difficult getting your mom to retain helping services for you?Keep looking for local resources which will support you either directly or indirectly by advocating for your right to receive mental health care.
Question: Nothing we've tried has worked so far.
Counselor's response: Probably what you should do is decide whether you can continue having a romantic and sexual relationship with someone to whom you don't feel like having sex.Five years is long enough to know that the way you feel toward your partner is more than likely going to remain this way.Talk with your gf about your feelings because she may not wish to be in a relationship in which her partner is not sexually attracted to her.
Question: I've been with him for a couple months. We will talk everyday and he will get mad over something I will say and not talk to me. We have our great moments, but I just need to focus on my personal situations, and I feel he is slowing me down with that. I still wanna be with him, but not now.
Counselor's response: It sounds like you're pulling away instead of being honest. If you really want to be with him, why not now? If you don't have time for a relationship, why are you dating at all?I don't understand the whole "phasing out" thing that people do these days (or "ghosting", where you just stop talking and disappear!). I get the sense that this relationship isn't working for you, but for some reason you're stopping yourself from being honest with yourself and him and just ending it. In the early stage of a relationship (the first year), if it doesn't feel fabulous, it's a good idea to move on. It's not personal. You don't owe this person anything. They deserve someone who's totally into them (and so do you) and you're doing him no favors by hanging on to something that's not amazing or giving him hope that it might work better in the future sometime. You don't have to slowly bow out. It actually creates more hurt than gentle honesty. Maybe people don't know how to say it?"I've decided not to continue with this. I wish you the best." Life is too short!
Question: My wife is always accusing me of cheating and telling me that I'm doing things she finds disrespectful even when I don't mean it like that. For example, she gets offended when I call someone at work "sweetheart." I wish I had a penny for every time she accused me of cheating on her. She doesn't, and never will say she was wrong. How do I get her to understand?
Counselor's response: Here is the truth: You will never get her to understand! because that would mean changing her and we can't change other people we can only change ourselves. I would recommend to take the time to self reflect on what exactly it is that you are doing that is contributing to the mixup. You both have very valid feelings and those won't magically go away until you address the root problem (which could be many factors). I am curious to know more about past relationships the both of you have had and how that plays a role in your current relationship. Many times we don't realize how past relationships truly impact our current behaviors.
Question: My girlfriend just quit drinking and she became really depressed. She told me that she wants to move. What can I do to help her? I want her to stay.
Counselor's response: After stopping the abuse of alcohol, depressive symptoms are common. She may benefit from exploring why she wants to move and see if she would still want to move if she did not feel depressed. 12 step meetings can also be helpful.
Question: I've been with my partner for 4 years. She's given me no reason not to trust her. But lately I've been overreacting a lot when she's just doing normal things. I think it's triggering my bad past relationships.

How can I get rid of these insecurities and be more trusting with her?
Counselor's response: Two paths are possible.You're not overreacting and instead are genuinely sensing that something feels unsettled within your girlfriend.You are overreacting because you have difficulty accepting how safe and loving your relationship is with this person.The only way to find out is to start conversations with your girlfriend on how you feel.This will allow new light to open an answer as to the truth.Once you know what truly is going on between the two of you, your self-trust naturally will grow stronger. Self-trust will give you an accurate read of what and whom you are able to safely trust.
Question: I’ve known my boyfriend for several years. We were friends for a long time. In 2013 we started a relationship, and he even asked me to move in with him since I lived out of state. I planned to move in with him in 2014 after I finished school and he found a job. However, during this time we had a few arguments and broke up with each other for a short period of time. We decided later to make it work. Shortly after, I found out that I was pregnant. I wanted to tell him during his next visit. However, he never came to see me and instead asked me for money. After I gave him money, he quit answering my phone calls and texts. 

Soon after, I experienced a miscarriage. I texted him about what had happened, and he didn’t seem to care. I was extremely hurt by this. I still decided to move back as I had originally planned. He helped me with the move and replaced the money I had lent him. During this time, I asked if he wanted to be in this relationship because I needed to know. Although he says he did, I hardly ever see him. He never got a job, which was in the original plan.  

After that, we both started seeing other people for a short amount of time but once again got back together. Once we got back together, I cut all ties with the former relationship I had been in. I thought he had too. But I found out that he did not attempt to do as I did and was still talking with another woman. In fact, he had even sent inappropriate pictures to her. When I confronted him about this, he wasn’t apologetic. He said that he only did it to get even with me and was actually mad at me for looking through his phone. He even closed his car window on my finger and tried to throw me out of his car. I don’t know what to do.
Counselor's response: There are plenty of red flags that you have been presented with:Several breakups Not holding up his end of the bargain regarding workLack of empathy for your miscarriageLying about his involvement with another womanPhysical violence, which is of most concern. This seems to be a very unhealthy relationship. In my experience, relationships such as these rarely become positive ones. Violence is never okay and regardless of his reasoning (you looking through his phone), it is indefensible. You have to look at these red flags and ask yourself, “Is this really someone I want to marry? Is he an asset to my life?” I think you’ll realize he is not.Best of luck to you and please know that you deserve someone who treats you with kindness, dignity and respect.
Question: I have a lot on my mind, but all I want to do is stay locked in my room and not socialize with anyone. Why do I feel so alone?
Counselor's response: It has been said that depression is often the result of a blocked goal.  Often people struggle with both anxiety and depression but have difficulty determining which is the most important issue. For some, depression is the result of frequently blocked goals and when their predominant issues are evaluated, they discover that they are anxious (worried) about a lot of areas in their life but seem to find no relief.  When there is no relief and there have been numerous attempts (either in their mind or in practical application) to resolve the anxiety, depression is often the result.  In this type of case, depression is not the main or underlying issue. The anxiety is the underlying issue.  Having "a lot on my mind" sounds like anxiety. Unresolved anxiety can lead to feelings of depression which are often associated with "emptiness."  In the question above, I would want to evaluate all of the issues surrounding having "a lot on my mind" and determine where these might be coming from. Has there been ongoing rejection from peers? From family? If so, why does this seem to be happening?  Isolation is often a protective measure that one implements to avoid further pain. Where does that need to protect originate?  Are there unmet needs from childhood? Are there traumatic life events that have created a need to self-protect as a defense mechanism? We can feel "alone" even when in a crow of people or at a party.  This has nothing, in this case, to do with being around people. It has more to do with how we view ourselves.  If there is a prevailing message or script that has been internalized that says, "You are worth nothing" or "You don't deserve the company of others" then being around people will not alleviate the problem but only exacerbate it. I would want to evaluate how one feels about themselves and what negative messages one has received and has repeated to oneself over time. The Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy is a therapy aimed at addressing unmet childhood needs. If there is specific trauma that is associated with socializing with people, then EMDR can be very helpful in desensitizing and reprocessing the trauma.  Looking at whether this individual's issue with emptiness is straight depression or whether it is depression as a result of unresolved anxiety is key to determining a treatment strategy.
Question: I have high functioning autism and I have been on a lot of dating sites like meet me, match, and zoosk. I haven't had any luck on any of the dating sites I have been on.
    I really want a boyfriend but I don't know what I should do. I just want to be in a relationship. How can I meet someone?
Counselor's response: Are there dating sites for people who have autism on the high functioning end?If not, then find out the names of different organizations which support people who have autism.  At least one of these groups will have some guidance as to social activities for dating or even specific sites for dating when autism is a criteria.All the rejection on dating sites is rough for anyone to handle.How do you know that you're being passed over by guys who are on dating sites because you have autism?    Any reason is possible.Unless you've heard from a few particular guys that their reason for looking beyond you is because of your autism, it is possible you're in the same boat as everyone else who feels similarly frustrated by dating site rejection!
Question: I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on?
Counselor's response: Let yourself know what you feel.   There is no timetable or known length of how much time a particular person requires in order to feel that the dissolved relationship is behind them.Probably the more you allow yourself to acknowledge your sadness from seeing the reminders, the sooner you will feel fresh and new again.
Question: I found out today that my wife is cheating on me. I love her, but she won’t tell the truth even when I have proof. When I beg her to tell the truth, she yells, cusses, and gets a huge attitude.
Counselor's response: Hi Prattville, I'm sorry this is happening to you. You need support right now, and yes, you need answers. She is in denial and is trying to hide the truth, to protect herself. This is a natural behaviour. You don't indicate whether she wants the marriage, or is planning to leave. Which way you go from here depends in part on the answer to that question. If she wants the marriage, you certainly have the right to say "I need answers to all my questions". Giving you the information she needs has to be (if she wants the marriage) more important than protecting herself. I would support your right to advocate for all the information you need in order to feel secure or make decisions. She may fear that the truth will turn you away. If you want to, you can reassure her that you want the marriage no matter what the truth is. If the marriage is to survive, it needs openness.If, on the other hand, she's planning to end the marriage, then you might want to resign yourself to the fact that you may never get the information you seek. You are better off, in that case, seeking support from friends and family rather than beating on a closed door. Your wife has some decisions to make. Try to give her a bit of time to make them. You can patiently say "I know this thing is happening. Talk to me so we can deal with it together. I want to move forward but I need the truth." Only time (and a good therapist, if she is willing and wants the marriage) will tell which way this one will go. Individually, you can seek professional help as well.
Question: I have suffered many things at home and school. We never went to the doctor to diagnose depression or anything like that, but I always feel like a part of my heart is missing. I try to fill it in with objects or, in this case, a woman.
Counselor's response: There could be many reasons but often people feel validated when they are in a relationship, the need to be in a relationship can be related to a belief of unlovability which often stems from our childhood. The relationship sort of soothes this temporarily and the others interest or desire helps counteract the ingrained belief. There are many questions that may help understand why, how was your relationship with your mother (caregivers)?  How was your childhood etc.? Many people describe having a hole or void they try and fill with material things or people but it only is a temporary fix which usually drives the person to the next relationship, or object in hopes it will be fulfilling but it never is because fulfillment is work we need to do ourselves. This journey involves finding acceptance and love for ourselves. Once we have that we don't need to look elsewhere for fulfillment.
Question: I recently lost a friend to suicide.  I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better?
Counselor's response: I urge you to seek some therapeutic help for this, and also to connect with others who knew your friend, because they're likely feeling the same way. Suicide is difficult to understand, and those left behind have many mixed emotions that make their grief complicated and anguished. Your friend either had an impulse that no one could stop, or they made a big decision that impacted everyone around them. There are other things you can do to cope with this, and it has to do with accepting your powerlessness to stop it, not blaming yourself, forgiving your friend, and finding meaning in their life and yours. You won't find that meaning in a bottle or a joint. I hope you reach out soon. :)