arjun2183/Counselor huggingface dataset:
Question: Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather. How can I fight this?
Counselor's response: Cold climate is often accompanied by grey skies, snow and
ice. The elements along with wind, windchill and severely cold temperatures may
lead to feelings of sadness, anxiety, and low energy. For some people these
symptoms occur each year from late fall to early spring and may be suffering
from a condition known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Whether you have
been diagnosed with SAD or are finding yourself struggling with the “winter
blues” for the first time here are some suggestions for feeling better and
staying healthy.1. Nutrition Most likely you have
heard the term “comfort food.” These foods and snacks are high in
carbohydrates, sugar and fat. Avoid overeating cookies, cakes and candy. Chose
vegetables, fruit and protein for snacks and plan balanced meals. If you find
yourself wanting to eat or snack throughout the day, ask yourself why you are
eating. Are you hungry? Or Are you eating because you are bored?2. AlcoholKeep in mind that alcohol is a depressant so consuming wine,
beer or liquor when already feeling sad, anxious or depressed will only add to
your symptoms. Do not consume alcohol while engaging in outdoor activities such
as snow removal, skiing, or ice fishing. If you find yourself reaching for an
additional glass of wine or beer be mindful and ask whether you are doing it
due to boredom. Instead of mindlessly taking another glass of alcohol, drink a
glass of water. 3. SunlightGet
out in the sunlight or brightly lit spaces, especially early in the day.4. Be activeIf you are unable to go to your favorite gym, exercise class
or go for a run, find a way to stay active in your home. There are a lot of
short, instructional programs available on YouTube that you can follow to do
some gently yoga, dance, or do strengthening exercises using only your body
weight.5.  Reach out for help
Confide in someone you trust about how you are feeling. Do
not hesitate to contact a counselor if you feel that you are becoming more
depressed and anxious. If you experience thoughts of suicide call the National
Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
Question: I'm going through some things with my feelings and myself. I barely sleep and I do nothing but think about how I'm worthless and how I shouldn't be here.
   I've never tried or contemplated suicide. I've always wanted to fix my issues, but I never get around to it.
   How can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?
Counselor's response: The feeling of being worthless is caused by your inside being not matching your outside result. Your comparison to others and you thinking you need to be someone other than who you are. You are not worthless. No one is worthless. You need to find your worth and not let yourself talk yourself out of the good you find in yourself. I hope these words resonate with you and that you start looking for your worth even if it’s as simple as I am able to get out of bed and call someone and make a joke.
Question: There are many people willing to lovingly provide me with a home. I have food, clothes, and a university education, but I never feel like I belong. Even when I have a good time with people who are supposed to be close, I feel like I'm just out with friends and I never go home.
Counselor's response: For some people, having a sense of belonging takes some time.You mentioned that you have an education and some basic daily needs. I wonder if you may be able to look at your relationship with yourself and what makes you feel happy, safe, and having a sense of accomplishment. If you have those feelings, I wonder how you define trust and who you trust.You say you have a good time with people who are "supposed to be close," so I wonder what keeps them from feeling close. I have also wondering if you have been emotionally hurt in the past, and if so, you may have some protective defenses that you use (maybe on purpose, maybe not) to protect yourself from being hurt again. Remember that this idea comes in degrees where you can be more perfect in certain situations and a little less in others. Being emotionally protected is on a spectrum or continuum, where you can make an infinite amount of adjustments or changes with different people and situations.I also wonder what it is that you want in your "home," and how you define it. Consider giving yourself permission to think about how you would define your perfect home in a world where there were no realistic restrictions (such as money or location). After you have that, consider what parts of that you can have. Perhaps there is a small part that you could make a reality within a week or so.Thank you for reaching out. If this continues to be difficult for you, consider seeing a local mental health professional so you can discuss some more specific details.
Question: My long-term girlfriend broke up with me recently. She says it's because of my anger.
Counselor's response: I need help controlling my anger.Anger is like a blanket that contains other emotion from bursting out and serves as a shield to protect us when we are not able to manage external issues.   Anger also helps us understand that there’s something wrong that needs to change.  Once we understand that something else caused us to feel angry, then we can explore the source of anger. Ask yourself: Why am angry, Am I hurt, disappointed, confused, embarrassed etc.?  Once you find the answer, explore how often that happens and what’s your reaction.  Then explore how else you could respond or react.  You could use I-statements as a way to communicate your true feelings to your girlfriend or whoever is involved in the scenario.  This is a good exercise to practice with your Counselor or mental health provider because many unresolved issues may arise during this exploration, especially if you have been angry for a long timeAlso, it is important to understand the difference between anger and aggression and learn to manage our anger before we act on it.  Anger is a feeling; aggression is when you act out your anger physically, verbally and psychologically.  Find ways to vent: crying or sweating will help to release your anger, and balance the chemical response that our body creates when you become angry.  Physical activity and meditation exercises can also provide a break when you manage strong emotions.Necesito ayuda para controlar mi coraje.El coraje es como una manta que cubre otras emociones evitando que se desborden y sirve como un escudo que nos protege cuando no podemos manejar problemas externos.  El coraje también nos ayudo a entender que hay algo mal que debemos cambiar.  Cuando entendemos que algo mas causo el coraje entonces podemos explorar la fuente.Pregúntate a ti mismo: ¿Por qué tengo coraje, estoy herido, decepcionado, confundido, avergonzado, etc.?  Ya que encuentres la respuesta, explora cuan frecuente tienes esa reacción.  Luego explora como puedes reaccionar en otra ocasión.  Puedes usar expresiones del Yo para comunicar tus verdaderos sentimientos a la persona envuelta en la situación.  Esto es un buen ejercicio para practicar con tu Consejero o profesional de la salud mental ya que otros conflictos sin resolver pueden surgir durante este proceso de exploración.También es importante entender la diferencia entre el coraje y la agresión, y aprender a manejar el coraje antes que actuemos.  El coraje es un sentimiento y la agresión es cuando expresas tu coraje agrediendo a alguien, física, emocional o sicológicamente.  Encuentra maneras de desagotare, llorar o sudar te pueden ayudar en este proceso al balancear la respuesta química que crea el cuerpo cuando estamos molestos.  El la actividad física y la meditación también pueden ayudarte a relajarte y tomar un descanso cuando manejas emociones fuertes.
Question: My spouse visited the red light district a couple of years back in Amsterdam. After he got back from the trip he got me tested for stds. In the aftermath he has provided multiple versions of what happened, from having a total blackout to being touched by a prostitute. How do I know if he had sex?
Counselor's response: Unfortunately, you will never know the true answer. This is really frustrating to hear, but you will never 100% be able to guarantee that he has given you the truth. So if you can, work on accepting that, breathing through that,He may not fully remember, he may have lied to you in the past or he is lying now. He may have been honest then or he may be honest not. As for options, you can talk to him and provide a safe space for him to tell you what happened. This could be a private conversation with you or at a counseling session. He would need to feel safe to tell you the truth. But remember, there are no guarantees. You would need to make a decision to trust him or not. And go from there. A couples counselor can help guide that conversation, and make sure that he is feeling safe to share. More important than if he actually had sex or not, I would evaluate your relationship. Do you trust him now? Were there trust issues before? Does he hide things now? Identifying your current trust levels will be important for having a healthy relationship now. Hope this helps, even if it is frustrating to not have guarantees.
Question: I am in high school and have been facing anxiety issues lately. Whenever I get close to being in a relationship, some kind of anxiety takes over and keeps me from the relationship. This anxiety causes me depression at times and even makes me want to vomit. While a semi-relationship should be joyous, for me, it’s an emotional nightmare I can’t get to the bottom of. I’ve had this before and had to leave the semi-relationship to avoid throwing up every time I made contact with my crush. What could be the reason behind this? Is it massive nerve problems? Is it a fear of a bad relationship?
   While I’m not quite ready to be in one anyway, I want to get to the bottom of this for a brighter future in which I can be in one. I don’t take medications and have no desire to, I have read forums, and I’ve talked about the issue with my sister who has faced similar problems.
Counselor's response: Hi Helena,I felt a bit sad when I read this. This is a new term for me... "semi-relationship". What does it mean? I know that today's culture for young people is more of a "hook-up" culture than a dating one. Maybe that means that you develop connections to people but you keep yourself from hoping for a full relationship because no one is doing that anymore. That makes me feel sad. I hear a lot of young women (I'm not sure you're female, but that's my guess) say that they struggle with hook-ups because they can't let themselves hope for a phone call after a hook-up. Research tells us that, after a hook-up, college age women tend to feel used and unworthy, and men tend to feel guilty. I think this scenario works better for men than women, but many of both genders are left unsatisfied in the end.This is only one possible explanation for your anxiety...that your gut knows that it wants to feel fully coupled with someone but you struggle with whether it's okay to want or expect that.Maybe take a moment and listen to anxiety. Anxiety tends to try to convince us that something's wrong with us or something bad's going to happen. Anxiety sometimes prefers to stay vague (it's more difficult to refute it then), but you can try to clarify it's whisperings by asking yourself these questions: What am I afraid of? What is the worst thing that might happen here? Then what might happen, and what would be the worst part of that? Keep going until you find the very worst thing that might happen? Might someone not want you...might you feel rejected...or feel not good enough...you might get hurt?Then when you find that core fear, you can look at your life and I bet you'd find a place where that idea or fear originated. A big moment (or many smaller ones) when you actually DID feel or get rejected or abandoned or hurt. In the end, it's a feeling you're trying to avoid (not life or relationship), and anxiety is trying to help you avoid it by making you overcautious. But this doesn't work for you! Good! With the help of a qualified therapist, you can learn to talk back to anxiety and move forward in life and love with calm. confidence.
Question: I was raped by multiple men, and now I can't stand the sight of myself. I wear lingerie to get my self excited enough to have sex with my wife.
Counselor's response: I'm sorry for your being taken advantage of and for all the negative feelings created by being exploited.If you have not already explained to your wife about what caused your great distress, then please consider doing this.  A conversation that happens in a safe relationship, will give her a chance of being supportive to you.  And, the discussion may relieve some of the bad feelings toward yourself which you currently feel.In its most positive light, you and your wife can build a new sex life based on the loving foundation you develop from talking with one another in this deeper way.It will certainly distinguish your love based sex life with your wife, from sex as a violation of your body by other people.There are also behavior therapists who would set a program of building tolerance for sex as part of your usual life.These programs usually work for a short while only, unless the person also clears out the deeper levels of fear and hurt from being victimized.Good luck in progressing to feeling that your sex drive is back!
Question: I have always wanted to have a transition from male to female for some time now. This issue has persisted for 10 years already but I don't know where to start. I do not have the soundest information either.
Counselor's response: Wonderful!  I am so excited for you.  What a huge decision.  I am writing from Toronto Canada so it is hard for me to direct you specifically.  I would start with two things 1) Find a doctor that is comfortable perscribing hormones and 2) find a Counsellor or Therapist that is transgender specialized.  They will know how transitioning works in your health care system and other supports as well.  Google is a wonderful way to find these resources.   I wish you well. Thanks for writing!
Question: I've felt this way for two years. I feel so much better now then I did when it started, but it is still there in the back of my mind at all times.
Counselor's response: Best answer that I can give to you is that some level of de-personalization is quite normal for everyone, it will come and go throughout life, kind of like being on a roller-coaster, "here it is, then it's gone not to return for quite some time", like many things, the more that you fixate on it, the more stress it will cause you, consider it part of life, accept it, and move on, now if your having many, many ,many of these episodes or have some auditory or visual hallucination or disturbances or emotional unbalancing that accompany it than that is definitely something to look at, but for the most part nothing to worry about. Hope this helps,C
Question: I find myself lying about small everyday things that there is really no need to lie about. How do I figure out what triggers me to do this? And how do I help overcome this problem? I would like to become more honest and open no matter the situation.
Counselor's response: Well let's start with the awesome realization you've already had, you want to notice that you have triggers. That's huge. Really. I find that when people lie, it's most often as a defense mechanism. Which is likely a flag that something doesn't feel safe. What exactly doesn't feel safe could be lots of different things but the key to notice is that it's that feeling of insecurity that is very likely triggering you. It could really help to explore this with therapist, perhaps even someone with a trauma specialty -- that's not to say this is related to a trauma but more so to suggest that therapists specializing in trauma are very skilled at helping to identify and assist in repatterning your triggers!
Question: My wife and I got separated because I asked about her contact with a male friend of hers. The next day, she kicked me out. She let me move back two days later. Yesterday, she said she wanted a divorce then quickly changed her mind. I asked if the other guy was a factor, but she says it's not my business.
Counselor's response: Divorce is a serious, life altering decision.It is best to decide any serious matter through reflection and discussion.Start by knowing what you want from the marriage and why you are willing to move in or out of your own house because your wife tells you to do this.Each of you would benefit from more clarity of what you expect and would like from each other.Does your wife want a boyfriend in addition to the marriage to you?Is she willing to drop the male contact?Does she care how you feel about her contact with the other guy?You need answers and knowledge about the definition of your marriage.Since there are many areas to open, all of which are filled with emotion, including pain, if you're not able to make satisfactory progress then a licensed couples therapist may be useful to you and your partner.
Question: I'm in my late teens and live with my dad. The only time I go out is for my college classes. Sometimes when I see my friends I want to talk with them, but sometimes I won't want to talk to them for days or even weeks.    Sometimes I feel i'm not worth knowing or i'm never going to do anything right.
   Are they right, am I depressed?
Counselor's response: I'm alway wary of assigning a term to a feeling, as often that term becomes more important than the feeling itself. From the very little that you have written, it is clear that you are going through something that has made you extremely low, affected your self-esteem and motivation, limits your enjoyment of formerly pleasurable activities and affects your feelings of self-worth. All of these are aspects of being depressed, though you can be depressed and still not have "depression". Counseling is definitely a place where you can go and sort out why you have had such a sudden a drastic change to your mood. Sometimes our mood can be effected by changes in our routine, losses or significant disappointments. Talking with someone will not only help you to better understand why you are feeling this way, but they will also help you to ground yourself and learn strategies and tools to help you to manage your mood and strategize for the future. I do hope that you will reach out. Feeling alone can be harmful over long periods of time, as it can stop us from seeking out the support we need.
Question: I can't seem to feel any emotion except anxiety, not even for myself.
Counselor's response: Empathy is the ability
to tap into our own experience to help us connect with others in order to be
aware of how they are experiencing life. 
It is a skill that we learn with practice and refine as we become mature.
If you are feeling anxious, maybe you are able to understand better others who
are going trough anxiety.  But I wonder
if instead of feeling empathy, you may just want to find ways to reduce your
anxiety.  A good idea is to be very aware
of your anxiety triggers, and once you identify them explore other ways you
could react. ¿Sera normal que no sienta empatía?Parece que no puedo experimentar ninguna otra emoción que
no sea ansiedad, ni si quiera por mí misma. Empatía es la habilidad de usar tus propias
experiencias para conectarte con otros y estar consciente de la manera que
ellos experimentan la vida.  Es una
destreza interpersonal que aprendemos y refinamos con la práctica y según maduramos
como personas.  Si te estás sintiendo
ansioso, tal vez puedas comprender mejor como otra persona experimenta momentos
de ansiedad.  Pero me pregunto si en
lugar de estar buscando sentir empatía, realmente quisieras reducir tus niveles
de ansiedad.  Una buena manera es estar consciente
que activa la ansiedad, y ya que lo identifiques, explora que otras reacciones
pudieras tener.
Question: I have been experiencing a lot of sexual tension with a lot of the guys that I talk to nowadays. I keep imagining having sex with them. I have never had sex before, nor have I had a boyfriend. I feel lonely and empty. I feel like my body is not okay, and I am missing something. I talk to so many boys in school, and I always fantasize about half of them. I want this feeling to stop because it is interfering with my time to study since most of the time, I am busy thinking about sex.
Counselor's response: Hi Montreal, I'm glad you wrote. What you're experiencing is normal. We're sexual beings. We have a built-in desire to connect sexually with others, because it feels good, to keep procreation going, and mostly to "connect" with other people, because connecting with others makes us feel fulfilled and valuable. Sexual desire is a healthy part of you. Maybe your body is telling you it wants to dive into that water and taste it instead of just staring at it? It sounds like you're beginning to explore yourself sexually, and that's okay.At your young age, you also have another innate burning desire, and that is to know yourself. I see both of these desires burning and competing in you. It's a bit of a crazy time...you want to connect with others but you're not sure who you are or what you want from them. You want to know yourself but you can't learn about yourself in a vacuum. It's okay to trust your instincts. It's okay to connect sexually with others, as long as you're preventing disease and pregnancy and you know how to protect your boundaries. But even as I write this, I think maybe I'm being controlling and overprotective of you; it's your body and you're in charge of what happens to it! (But I do want you to be safe...whatever that means to you). Maybe talk to someone you trust. With each encounter you have with other people (sexual or not), you will learn more about yourself and what you want, both sexually and just in relationship or friendship. You will develop a sense of who you are.Have you tried to get to know yourself sexually? This is a super place to start, and knowing how your own body works can give you confidence when you eventually connect with others. When you explore your own body, what feels good? What brings you to orgasm? I wish you well as you explore both who you are and how it feels to connect with others safely. :)
Question: I have been diagnosed with ADHD and experienced manic depression episodes.  I have problems with anger management.  Apparently, I also have an ODD, bipolar and split personality.  How can I be truly happy?
Counselor's response: The ADHD and manic depressive episodes are terms other people told you that you have.You don't have to accept these words to describe who you are.A lot of mental health in our country is about telling people what's wrong with them and giving pills for these so called conditions, instead of helping a person know more about themselves in order to make good decisions.You can be happy because nothing from the outside, such as the names people have used to tell you who you are, can interfere with your own wish to be happy.Others can slow you down because of the self-doubt and hurt feelings.  No one can take happiness from you, only they can make it harder to find and hold onto.Anger management only works temporarily because it is a surface approach.Think of the reason you are angry.  This will be better to know so you will be able to address it.Then you will not have anger to manage.