arjun2183/Counselor huggingface dataset:
Question: I believe my partner has a masturbation and porn problem. He masturbates daily, even when I am lying in bed sleeping beside him. We have sex once a week. He is rough and worries about his needs. He never touches me, and treats me like a porn star, wanting to finish on my face or chest.
Counselor's response: There is a lot of information out there right now about how porn is harmful...to a person's brain chemistry, to a relationship and one's ability to love, and to how men see women and sex in general. Your partner demonstrates a clear disregard for your needs. There is evidence, as you suggest, that there is addiction here. I recommend seeing a therapist who can help you sort out where to go from here.
Question: I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac.    I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years.
   I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling?
Counselor's response: It sounds like you are feeling pretty overwhelmed. But you are also a survivor and have the benefit of a long, stable marriage. You do not have too many issues to address in counseling. A good therapist will help you to partialize your goals into smaller objectives and focus in on what's most pressing for you to address first in treatment.
Question: They discontinued treatment for no apparent reason after they thought to diagnose me with schizophrenia.
Counselor's response: The general rule against medical abandonment says thst whenever healthcare providers discontinue treatment with you when you still need it, they are legally required to make sure that you have access to another provider of equal or higher ability.In this case, if your treatment team decided to discontinue your treatment based on a diagnosis of schizophrenia, they still will likely be required to provide you with a referral to someone who can provide you with treatment. If you haven't already done so, I'd recommend that you explicitly ask for a referral.
Question: How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?
Counselor's response: I believe that the right counsellor will help you feel empowered, supported and understood. You should feel comfortable opening up and not be concerned that they will judge you for what you say or decide to do. I find this important to let my clients know during intake that they will never be judged for the decisions they decide to take while going over options in sessions together with me. In terms of what you need from treatment, please feel comfortable to open up to your therapist and tell them what you need from them. For example, do you prefer them to challenge you with questions, listen to your story and ask questions throughout or near the end, give you work to do outside of sessions? The therapy sessions will work best for you if you can help them support you in what will work for you.It can sometimes take a few trials of different therapists to find the right one so please do not give up if you feel disheartened! You should feel proud of yourself for taking the first big step in asking for help, that is not easy to do and you are on the right track already!
Question: I'm having relationship problems and I want to fix them to make things right before I lose her. How can I learn how to listen and get myself together?
Counselor's response: What an important question, and the fact that you're asking it is a big step in the right direction. To answer in detail would require having quite a bit more information about what "relationship problems" have occurred  that woke you up to the fact that you're not listening as well as you could and that you're running the risk of losing her.Given that I don't have all that information, I'll offer one simple suggestion. Your girlfriend is the expert on what she needs and wants in relationship. You could simply say to her that you know you still have a lot to learn about how to have a good relationship and you realize you're not yet understanding what she needs and you really want to. Then take a deep breath, settle down, and listen. Don't argue, don't interrupt, don't judge... listen. Let her know what you understand and that you're open to hearing more, learning more if you're not quite getting it yet... and then listen some more. Be present and curious about this person you love dearly and don't want to lose. This is the first step toward intimacy.
Question: My mother and I have an okay relationship. I know she loves me unconditionally, and I love her the same. However, more times than not, I'm afraid to tell her anything personal because she either doesn't listen, she turns it around and makes everything about her, or she ignores things - even when they are about my mental health.
Counselor's response: How can I get my mother to listen to me without her freaking out?Communication with our loved ones can be tricky, but it is the key to maintaining a healthy and functional relationship with them. At times, it seems difficult to communicate with our family because many feelings and “undercover” messages are attached. Especially with our mothers, who often provide advice and feel responsible for us, it may feel like they are making everything about themselves as they express their worries and concerns.So what to do? First will be important to practice active listening skills, to ensure that you are receiving and understanding the message, without filtering it trough your own emotions or preconceptions of the person who speaks.  Second, learn and practice assertive communication skills.  Those will help you to communicate a message clearly and in pieces.  It also emphasizes using I-statements to express how you feel at times when emotions become affected by the interaction.  Third, you should practice, by writing your I-statement or role playing with your counselor.   The trick with communication skills is that we need to practice them as often as possible until you to master them.  You can also contact a family therapist to improve those skills if it becomes challenging, or contact a mediator if more issues arise.¿Cómo puedo lograr que mi mamá me escuche sin alarmarse tanto?La comunicación con nuestros seres queridos puede ser dificultosa, pero es la clave para mantener relaciones saludables y funcionales con ellos.  A veces, nos parece aun más difícil comunicarnos con nuestra familia, porque hay muchos sentimientos y mensajes envueltos en la comunicación.  Especialmente nuestras  madres,  pueden hacer parecer que están convirtiendo el asunto en algo personal, cuando se sienten preocupadas y responsables por nosotros y nuestras acciones.¿Y qué hacemos?  Primero debemos aprender a escuchar activamente, para asegurarnos de que comprendemos el mensaje, y que no lo estemos filtrando a través de nuestras emociones e ideas de la otra persona. Segundo, aprende y practica comunicación asertiva.  Esto te ayudara a comunicar un mensaje claramente y en pedazos.  También te ayudar a aprender expresiones del Yo, para identificar sentimientos afectados durante la interacción.  Tercero, es importante que practiques estas destrezas, ya sea escribiendo o con tu consejero.  El secreto está en practicar las técnicas de comunicación cuantas veces sea posible, hasta que las uses espontáneamente.  Si tienes dificultad aprendiendo estas técnicas, o el conflicto con tu mama es uno muy difícil de resolver, puedes contactar un consejero o mediador familiar para que te asista.
Question: Or how to send him somewhere that can help him, something like The Baker Act.
Counselor's response: More information would be needed for me to accurately answer this question, such as your age, whether you live with your dad or not, and what other family members live in the household. Something like this, alcoholism, is a whole family disease.  In other words, family members often unknowingly contribute to the alcoholism and enable the alcoholic to continue the destructive behavior.First of all, you can’t make your dad do anything, and constantly nagging him or begging him to stop is just going to make him defensive and make this worse.  Nobody can change another person.  What you can do is change how you react to him and the things that you and other family members do for him. Research codependency.  There’s a great book called Codependent No More.  There are a lot of articles on the internet that you can read.  In short, you have to stop enabling him.  Like I said, you cannot control him, but you can control yourself.  This means do not buy his alcohol.  Do not make it easy for him to get.  Don’t loan him the car keys or pay any household bills for him.  Don’t call in sick to work for him or make excuses for him in any way.  Do not bail him out of jail when he gets arrested. He needs to be responsible for himself. This may mean losing his job or losing his driver’s license. This may mean that he loses his family if he doesn’t stop. What you and your family can do is set boundaries about what you will put up with.  It is his choice to drink, but it is your choice to put up with the behaviors of his drinking.  A lot of people go into rehab because their spouse said if they don’t then they are getting a divorce.If you are an adult and you don’t live with your dad, then the best thing you can do for him is STOP doing things for him.  If you are a child who lives at home with him, then this could be a case for child protective services. In my state this is called DHS.  A report is made to this organization for child abuse or neglect.  Substance abuse in the home qualifies.  Of course, alcohol is legal and when consumed in moderation, there is no problems.  The problem will be the result of his alcohol consumption.  Does he drive with children in the car while intoxicated?  Is he left to care for minors while in an intoxicated state?  Are there any domestic violence issues due to his drinking?  This could be a reason for the authorities to step in. You can look for a local meeting for family members of alcoholics.  They are similar to the AA meetings that an alcoholic should go to, but are for the family members.  They can help you.
Question: I am married, but I had sex with my friend. I feel guilty, but I feel not guilty too. Do I need to feel guilty? It's my body, and I have full rights to do what I like.
Counselor's response: I don't think there's anything that you're supposed to feel. Some people feel tremendously guilty when they cheat, and others not at all. It could be that your partner doesn't know about the cheating and you haven't had to face his/her emotions and reactions. When something we do is hidden...a secret...it's easier to avoid feeling guilty. I wonder if you're avoiding your own emotions. But let's put that question aside for now. There are better questions.What do you want? Do you want your marriage? If not, this may be why you don't feel guilty. Do you want to be able to sleep with your friend? It's unlikely that both are possible (keeping the marriage and the affair). Yes, you get to do whatever you want with your body...and...there may be consequences. Affairs almost always get discovered. Who do you want to be? What kind of partner do you want to be? What might your partner feel if they knew? How might you feel then? Would you care? Has something happened that's affected how much you care about your partner?I suggest that these other questions might be a place to start. Exploring it with a therapist is something to consider maybe. I wish you the best as you sort it out. :)
Question: I start to think of an issue that doesn't even matter or something bad that happened years ago. Then, I cry, pull at my hair, plug my ears, hit myself, and throw things. In loud public places, I get on edge and start being sarcastic and moody. I have an awful fear of people leaving me (which normally ends up happening) and I feel like I'm too clingy.
Counselor's response: There is a reason you are having breakdowns. I can't agree that they happen for "no reason at all".   Finding out the reason is going to be your biggest challenge because that may require you to dig deep into your past, uncover hurtful experiences, or recognize something that would be extremely pain.  However, if you don't find professional help to carefully guide you through whatever you may confront, the symptoms mentioned will continue and may even get worse.  There is a light at the end of the road but you need some help to find the right road to get on so you can see it.
Question: I don't know what's with me. I'm almost constantly angry. Even when I'm happy, I still feel anger inside me. When I acknowledge it, it ruins my mood and takes over. I get angry at the littlest things. Even if I think someone said something they didn't, it infuriates me. Something perfectly normal can make me go off. When my anger flares up, I get a terrible pain in my chest that lasts for a while. It's like there is a fire constantly burning in my body, and anger is gasoline.
Counselor's response: Hi Nashville, I'm glad you want this to be different. It doesn't feel good to be angry all the time, and it's stealing your energy as well as affecting relationships, I'm sure.Working with a therapist, you can learn to recognise the deep emotions that lie underneath the anger. It's likely to be either powerlessness or worthlessness, and what happens is this... a small moment in the present touches on an old, tender, bruised emotion that we've simply felt too much of or too strongly in the past. We develop ways of avoiding these vulnerable emotions, and anger is one way of doing that. So, when someone looks at you in a certain way, or says something, you'd rather be angry than feel powerless, or unimportant (or whatever your kryptonite feeling is). In that moment, your instinct is to blame whatever happened, no matter how small, because that's the thing that happened just before you got mad. You fail to recognise that the problem is not the look on that person's face, or the shoe that someone left in front of the door...it's that you can't stand feeling something and you want to avoid it like you want to stamp your foot out if it's on fire.I suggest finding a therapist to work with. You can learn to take responsibility for your old emotions and find new ways to manage them. :)
Question: Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather. How can I fight this?
Counselor's response: Many peope uffer from changes in mood when the winter time comes. The amount of daylight hours decreases significantly. Most times it is dark when you go to work and dark when you return home. There are special lights that can be used during the winter season to counteract the "winter time blues." Also, paying attention to self care. Are you sleeping enough, attending to physical illness? Exercising and eating a balanced diet? Make sure to schedule fun activities and spend time with loved ones.
Question: About 5 months ago my ex left without fully explaining why. For me it seemed out of the blue. I don't miss her as much as I used to but I just don't trust people anymore, not even my friends who I have known since my childhood not even my family. I'm so terrified of being judged or dismissed. Instead of acting like someone else or putting on a mask of a personality, I've just shut down. I haven't felt that sense of comfort and happiness with myself since everything fell apart. I'm scared to because I don't want it to be taken away from me again. I feel like ever lesson I learn only last a day. I just don't know what to do. I'm working at a place I know I should enjoy. I'm keeping up with my creative passions: working out, eating healthy, etc. I'm doing everything the books say I should do, but I don't feel any different. I just don't know what to do.
Counselor's response: Sounds like you need closure. I'm sure your doing your best to overcome this feeling but seem to be struggling with your own happiness. Trust God no one else. Give this some time and don't close yourself off to the world or the people who love you. Be open hearted and minded. And know that no matter what reason your ex walked out of your life, she missed out on how great of a person you truly are and may have had personal issues of her own.
Question: I know I need to deal with my depression. But I don't know how and I don't want to tell anyone. 

How can I deal with depression without telling anyone?
Counselor's response: Love yourself more and treat yourself kindly, with empathy and compassion.Usually when people feel depressed they also feel lonely and isolated.  Since at this time you wouldn't want to tell anyone about the way you feel, which includes the possibility that a few of the ones whom you tell would offer you emotional support, give this to yourself.Also consider to make a goal of eventually telling someone whom you are reasonably sure would understand and empathize, about your depression.This will help alleviate the sense of shame, unworthiness and pervasive guilt which often comes along with depression.Sending you good luck!
Question: We've been in a long distance relationship for two and a half years. I recently saw his phone and saw the people he texts the most and one of them was a female coworker. I don't know how to approach this situation. How do I ask him about it?.
Counselor's response: If you'd like to ask a question, then go ahead and ask!Boyfriend/girlfriend is a close relationship and it is usually understood as an exclusive relationship.  You're definitely entitled to know if your wishes to not have him texting another woman, are being respected.Often people are afraid to ask because they fear the truth will hurt them.In the short term this is definitely true.In the long term, knowing you are getting what you want and at the very least stating your expectations to your boyfriend, will clarify for him, what is meaningful in your relationship.
Question: How do I ever trust another woman? I have found myself constantly reading between the lines with every other woman that I meet. I am having a difficult time making any sort of connection to anyone because of her deception and willingness to say and do literally anything in order to control my emotions.
Once the "relationship" was over, she became extremely abusive and has attempted to intimidate me into silence regarding the many false claims made on her immigration application.
Counselor's response: I'm sorry to hear about that situation. If the woman was your therapist (or had been at one time), this could represent a significant ethical violation when she created a dual relationship with you.Even if you were not her client, this might still be an ethical violation. Counselors are held to a high standard of conduct and honesty at all times.In a situation like this you might consider filing a complaint with the state regulatory board.
Question: For the past year, I have been feeling pressured to do well in school, and it put a ton of stress on me. I have been bullied for five years, and for some reason, it is now sinking in, and I can't stop it. For some other reason, I can't find a hobby I can see myself doing without thinking bad about myself.
Counselor's response: Check out my latest blog on:  Four-ways-add-self-esteem-friends-listI hope this provides a few nuggets of helpfulness to you!
Question: I want to live with my mom. My dad gets angry and makes me feel like everything is my fault. I still talk to my mom although My dad tells me that I'm no allowed to. I'm scared I will make the wrong decision and that my dad will hate me.    How do I tell him that I want to live with my mom?
Counselor's response: Yes, from what you wrote, your dad doesn't accept responsibility for the way he feels and blames you for his feelings.I'm glad you recognize he's handling himself less as a grown person and more like a young child.I also understand your hurt and frustration that your father handles himself in a way which shows for now that he is unwilling to respect your wishes.Your decision is not surprising since most people wouldn't want to live with a parent who shows little interest to respect their kids' decisions.In terms of how to tell him your choice, do this in simple and most basic information terms.   "I've decided for now to live w mom".I suggest to not offer reasons to him bc he doesn't seem interested in hearing them.   Giving him reasons would likely trigger him to rebut them.If he asks questions, answer them as simply as possible.If and when you feel he is more willing to understand and know you, then you'd feel more free to have genuine dialogue with him.Right now he doesn't seem very ready to handle this.
Question: I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship.
Counselor's response: A lot of times when you're experiencing nightmares and flashbacks, it can be a sign that you haven't fully processed what happened. Our brains tend to replay scenes in our life that we wish had turned out differently or  in an effort to desensitize us to it.  If you are comfortable with it, you may want to consider sharing what you're experiencing with your current partner so that he is able to understand what's going on. Also, you may want to consider  what parts of your past relationship you blame yourself for. This can be a difficult task to undertake on your own, and the help of the therapist may be necessary to sort through the memories in a safe way.  Typically however, flashbacks and nightmares are a sign that the trauma  of what you went through needs to be addressed.  it's a great thing that you were able to have the courage to get out of that relationship and you should be proud of yourself for that.  You may want to  begin therapy to address these traumatic memories and help you to sort through any conflicting emotions you have about it (i.e.  Feeling like it's your fault for not recognizing the abuse or getting out of the relationship sooner, blaming yourself for being  " The kind of person who gets into an abusive relationship ",  or believing that you somehow caused your ex to abuse you in some way.)  These types of beliefs and feelings can prevent us from moving past traumatic experiences and a trained therapist can certainly help you sort through them.
Question: I'm a teenager and I've been sneaking out of my house at night for a year now. I've been caught several times. I want to stop doing this but I don't know where to start. How do I stop?
Counselor's response: Hi,When we can't stop doing things that we know are wrong, it can help to take a closer look at how we make our decisions. Usually we are getting something good out of these bad behaviors, such as feeling excited or taking our minds off of bad things. It is really hard to change these things without helping us get the good effect in a more healthy way. I hope this helps.