arjun2183/Counselor huggingface dataset:
Question: I have three siblings. My mom loves them and not me. She’s always yelling at me, but when it comes to my siblings, she talks to them. I’m always crying in my room.
Counselor's response: Have you ever tried talking with her about this when she's not angry? While I hear you saying that it feels like she doesn't love you, there could be a lot of other pieces to this. Have you ever told her about how much she means to you (when she's not angry)?
Question: I been having anger problems a lot lately. It only takes one word wrongly said to set me off. I use to not be like this until I got with my soon-to-be husband. I think his mood and rage/anger problems have rubbed off on me a lot. I don't get nearly as bad as he does, but I yell almost constantly and I can't seem to just stop. I have two young babies that have to hear this, and I don't want my girls growing up with a mommy like I have been lately. I just don't know how to get back to my old self.
Counselor's response: My gut says that your own rage is being triggered partly because you feel trapped or shutdown by your fiance's moody/angry/rage responses and powerless to stop it. You can start by accepting that this is who he is and you won't change him. You can only change your own behaviours, and I see you taking responsibility for those, which is great. You want to protect your girls, and that's appropriate; children are greatly affected by this type of home environment. I urge you to see a therapist so you can understand your own emotions and sort out the choices you have to make, knowing that your fiance has to make his own choices about his behaviours.
Question: My husband and I have been married for seven years, and in that time, we have only had sex four or five times. Others have told me that most men would have left me by now. Honestly, I think I have a low sex drive or neither one of us actually knows what we are doing. I want to be better connected with my husband.
Counselor's response: Hi there, Thank you for your openness about the challenge you are experiencing in your relationship. Sexual intimacy is an important part of many people's life, but how much importance is placed on it varies from couple to couple. The first step would be to have an open conversation with your husband. It's important you are both open about what you desire from sexual intimacy and how much intimacy each one of you wants. For example, asking your husband how often does he want to have sex/ week or /month. When having this conversation, it's important that you are both respectful and open with each other. The point of the conversation is to get to know each other and not to solve a problem, yet. There are couples who enjoy fulfilling platonic/friendship relationships with minimal or no sex because both partners are not interested in it. If you are both on the same page - lack of sex might not be a problem. If there is a difference in your sex drive and frequency of desire, I would recommend seeing a professional relationship & sex therapist as a couple to help you explore your current sexual dynamic, what's creating it, what's getting in a way of connecting sexually and to assist you and your husband in finding creative solutions.
Question: I'm a teenager. I get random spurts of anger, like complete, pure rage. I figured it was hormones, but others notice it too. I get self-destructive. I used to cut but stopped. Now when I get mad, I bite my arms and fingers, pull my hair, scratch my face, or punch my thighs. Basically, I do things I can hide instead of breaking anything in my room and having to explain it to my mom. I don't live in a bad household. I have a great family, a great relationship with my boyfriend, and a good job. I have no idea what this is and I don't know how to control it. It's over any little thing. Tonight, it was because I couldn't get my earrings out. This happens maybe two to three times on a good week, and it's always over stupid, petty things.
Counselor's response: Hi. I'm glad you wrote. In general, when a small thing bothers us (and this happens to all of us), it's because the small thing triggers an emotion in us that we have felt "too much" or "too intensely" in the past, and we don't know how to manage that emotion effectively...we just want to avoid it as quickly as possible. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy with a qualified therapist can help you to understand what is being triggered in you and learn how to manage emotions productively. You say that your behaviours are self destructive, and I agree. It sounds like you have developed a habit of channelling your distress towards self-harm, and this is a separate and potentially more serious problem. This is a choice you make that points to shame being an issue for you. Again, a good therapist can help you learn what's behind your shame and self-harm. Your feelings are normal, and you can learn more healthy ways to deal with them with qualified help.
Question: I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder.  How do I move on?
Counselor's response: Relationships can be extremely enjoyable and satisfying.  When relationships end, however, it can be devastating.  It is normal to go through a grieving process after a breakup.  Denial, bargaining, sadness, anger and eventually acceptance are all normal stages of grief.  You may experience these feelings all at once or one at a time.  Allow yourself time to grieve by expressing your emotions - talk to a friend or write in a journal.  Take care of yourself during this time by exercising, eating and sleeping well and spending time with friends.  After some time you should start feeling better.  If you feel like you're not feeling better and you don't know what to do, you can see a therapist to help you get through this difficult time.
Question: I am a heterosexual male in my late 20s. I find myself wearing pantyhose, heels, skirts and other women's clothing in private. I am torn on how to feel about it. I enjoy it very much. I have had a pantyhose/stocking fascination and other kinky fetish interests since I was young. I have no history of sexual abuse growing up. I am currently single.
Counselor's response: Hi there! It sounds like you have already started to answer
your own question by stating that you love cross dressing very much, and I am
glad you enjoy it! Cross dressing is something many people enjoy, and there is
no harm in it whatsoever. My question to you would be: What is making you feel torn
about it? There is unfortunately still a lot of negative stigma associated with
people who express their gender or sexuality in ways that differ from the
majority. (And sometimes certain sexual interests are actually very common or
even in the majority, but because people carry shame about being different when
it comes to gender and sexuality we assume we are all alone!)Being a sexual or gender minority or someone who
participates in kink or expresses their sexuality or gender identity in a
unique and personal way often means suffering from something called
"internalized oppression". We grow up being exposed to certain
assumptions and beliefs about what is "acceptable" behavior and even
face consequences sometimes if we don't "fit in" the way others tell
us to. Even if those assumptions are harmful and wrong, we still internalize
them and feel guilty about who we are. There is nothing wrong with us, but
feeling stigmatized and isolated can lead to feelings of shame, embarrassment,
or like something is "wrong" with us.But there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, so be proud
of who you are and what you enjoy. You can continue to simply enjoy it
privately, or maybe you'd eventually like to share it with a partner or maybe
even join a community with similar interests. I'll leave you with a quote from
comedian Eddie Izzard, who identifies as, in his own words, a "straight
transvestite": "They’re not women’s clothes. They’re my clothes. I
bought them!" Take care, and thanks for your question!
Question: My daughter is in later elementary school. She can't color in the lines. Her words jumble together when she writes unless there are big spaces or she skips lines.
Counselor's response: It's hard to tell from the information that you were able to provide here, but talk with her elementary school a guidance counselor. Someone working with the school (usually a school psychologist) should be able to evaluate her to see if she needs extra help and to tell you more clearly what may be happening.
Question: I try to do everything right just so we won't argue, and it doesn't help the only time he is calm is when he is drinking alcohol. I get anxiety over having fights with him.
Counselor's response: Because of the way that you say your boyfriend is only calm when he is drinking and you have concerns about flights, it would probably be most helpful for you to speak with a local therapist so you can have specific conversations about what happens during these fights.When you do "everything right," are you saying that you don't argue? It sounds a bit as though you are trying to read each other's mind without being able to communicate effectively. I recommend working on this with a therapist, though (even if you end up going without your boyfriend to sessions), so that you can talk about specific strategies and what you can do when he is not calm.
Question: Ever since my ex-boyfriend and I broke up, I can't seem to get close to anyone else. I know I'm completely over him, but I just can't break down my walls and let someone new into my life.
Counselor's response: Hi Bend, You're scared, right? That makes sense. Each time we have a break-up we are a bit more in touch with how much is at stake in this whole love and relationship business. We are falling in love and letting someone close to our hearts and there's a vulnerability in that; we can get hurt. Who you partner with long-term is a big decision and it determines 90% of our happiness in life. The good news is that when we're just starting to get to know someone, we can take it slow. I think maybe you are slowing yourself down instinctively here, and that's okay. We are naturally people of attachment and it won't likely last if you are normally an open and accessible person who doesn't put up walls. So part of what I want to say here is don't pressure yourself too much. Take the time to heal naturally and listen to your instinct that is telling you to take things slow. :)As well, there are a few things you can do to make sure that the walls do eventually come down, or will come down for the right person. First, think about the lessons you learned from this past relationship. What do you feel proud of? What do you need in a partner? What mistakes did you make? Use this experience to grow in your awareness of how you work in a relationship and what you need from a partner.Look at your thoughts. Are you having generalized negative thoughts like "No one will ever love me again?", or "I'm going to get hurt again", or "I can't trust myself"? If so, write down what these thoughts are, and then ask yourself what evidence supports these thoughts. Fear tries to convince us that there is either something wrong with us or that something bad will happen, but it does so with little or no evidence of this ever happening!! It sells us a line based on no concrete evidence. Then ask yourself what evidence supports the opposite thought. What is the evidence that I am lovable... that there are safe, good people out there... that I can trust myself? Eliminate the negative thoughts, and add the positive ones. It's simple but very powerful.Lastly, take concrete and careful steps to act as though there are no walls. What is the evidence of the walls? Can you take purposeful baby steps in the direction of lowering those walls? When we act as though something is true, we start to feel it and believe it more.I hope you will find yourself back on track eventually, with time. :)
Question: I am so terrified of having sex anymore because I have been told over and over that sex is dangerous even though me and my partner used both forms of protection. My partner is not happy about this and simply wants more sex, and honestly, I want to give that to her.
Counselor's response: I am wondering who is telling you that sex is dangerous.  Is this medical advice, or is this someone’s
opinion trying to scare you from having sex? 
And if so, how old are you? Is it ok to have sex, do you want to have
sex?  It sounds like you want to make
your partner happy, and that you are taking care of protecting yourself and
your partner, but maybe you are forgetting to consider what do you really want.  Having sexual relations is a very personal decision;
you and your partner have to consent.  It
is also important to talk about the possible consequences and being responsible
for them as well.  But sex should be something
that you enjoy, not that you should be fearful of.  A therapist can help you to process those
negative thoughts and feelings that may impair you from enjoying your sexual
life. ¿Cómo puedo superar mi miedo de un
embarazo no deseado y poder tener sexo otra vez?Estoy
aterrorizado de tener sexo porque me han dicho una y otra vez que el sexo es
peligroso, inclusive cuando yo y mi pareja usamos dos métodos de protección.  Mi pareja no está contenta y simplemente
quiere más sexo, y honestamente, yo quiero darle lo que ella quiere.Me pregunto quién
te está diciendo que el sexo es peligroso. 
¿Esto es aviso medico, o es alguien intentando asustarte para que no
tengas relaciones?  ¿Y si es así, que
edad tienes?  ¿Es apropiado que tengas
sexo a tu edad?  ¿Quieres tener sexo? Me
parece que estas enfocado en hacer feliz a tu pareja, y te estás protegiendo y protegiéndola,
pero tal vez están olvidando analizar que tu quieres realmente.  Recuerda que tener una relación sexual es una
decisión personal, en la que tú y tu pareja deben de estar de acuerdo.   También es importante hablar de las posibles
consecuencias de tener relaciones, como un embarazo, y discutir sus opciones e
intenciones, si eso ocurriera.  Ya que
han tenido comunicación al respecto, el sexo debe ser algo que disfruten,  no que temen. 
Un terapista te puede ayudar a procesar esos pensamientos negativos y
los sentimientos que te pudieran impedir disfrutar de tu vida sexual.
Question: My boyfriend and I have been going out for about a year. I suddenly find myself jealous when I see him talking to other girls. I have never been this way before. I don't like these feelings. He said that my jealousy would cause our relationship to have problems. I told him I can't help these feelings. I don't know where they are coming from, but this is how I feel, I tried to stop, but I can't. I really like this guy, but I'm afraid that I'm messing up the relationship. It's just stupid.
Counselor's response: Trust is at the top of what makes a healthy relationship.  It sounds like you may benefit from personal counseling to explore where this jealousy comes from and what keeps you from having complete trust in your boyfriend.  This is not stupid, this is your mind telling you that there is something that needs to be worked through.  Sometimes we need to talk to someone like a counselor who is disconnected from our life to understand our feelings and what they mean in our relationships.
Question: How do I ever trust another woman? I have found myself constantly reading between the lines with every other woman that I meet. I am having a difficult time making any sort of connection to anyone because of her deception and willingness to say and do literally anything in order to control my emotions.
 Once the "relationship" was over, she became extremely abusive and has attempted to intimidate me into silence regarding the many false claims made on her immigration application.
Counselor's response: I'm sorry to hear about being taken advantage of by your former wife.On the positive side, think of how much you learned by going through this very painful time.Maybe you are naturally very generous and caring, to the point of expecting very little from the other person, for example.Consider yourself in a favorable position to not feel like going out right now and meeting a new person.   Your spirit is guiding you to stay put and recuperate from this ordeal, review for any signs you may have been more trusting than merited by the person's behavior.There's a natural flow to what we're able to handle and when we have renewed capacity for new adventures.There's no reason to assume that you'll never trust another woman again.  The first step is re-building trust in yourself to step into a new relationship.   There is no designated time line.  You'll simply feel more ready than you feel now.Very unlikely that you'd ever place yourself in a similar situation to the one you're currently recovering from.Good luck!
Question: How can I get to a place where I can be content from day to day?
Counselor's response: It's important to take a look inside and see what's going on with you to cause you to have these feelings.  Please contact us in whatever way is most comfortable for you and we can get you set up with someone who will help you figure out this space in your life.
Question: I'm worried I should see a therapist due to past events and current mental status. I'm just so unsure of how to ask my doctor about seeing someone.
Counselor's response: Thanks for your question. I'm glad you realize that you need extra support and are being proactive. Simply explain to your doctor the feelings you have been experiencing and how you feel that speaking with a mental health therapist would be beneficial. However,  keep in mind that you do not have to go into detail about your personal feelings. You can simply state that you are feeling down, overwhelmed, stressed, or whatever it may be. I'm sure your doctor will be glad to direct you from there. Best of luck you you! I hope that you will be feeling better soon!
Question: I believe it is wrong for men to look at inappropriate content. The father of my child has agreed to respect my beliefs. His co-worker sent him an inappropriate video. He got mad because he does not think he should tell his friend to not send him things like that.
Counselor's response: The offspring are your Property;If you require that no other man show inappropriate content to them, then require compensation for use and enjoyment of your Property, without your consent;Send them a bill;When they do not pay it, activate the local Sheriff, take them to small claims court, and win a judgment against them for failure to compensate for the use and enjoyment of your Property;I wonder what might happen after that... learn to act as man :)... and watch the magic happen...
Question: My girlfriend and I have broken up and gotten back together numerous times in the past two years. We recently just broke up again last night on New Year’s Eve. When we break up, the very next day, she calls me and acts as if nothing has happened. She acts like everything is alright. This has been going on for two years. I do love her and care about her and her children a lot, but she seems really demanding as far as what she deserves from a man. She is always telling me that she deserves this and that from a man. It makes me feel like crap because I cannot give her everything that she wants. She told me one time that she wants a man who is going to be afraid to lose her. Is that a normal thing that women want, or should I just move on already? I am in my 30s and she is in her 40s.
Counselor's response: Love is not enough to keep a relationship together.The people need to get along happily too.Let's start with knowing more about your happiness in being with your partner.The frequent break ups happen for a reason.  Try understanding more of why you go back together again.You state a few very clear reasons to not continue this relationship, such as "feeling like crap" and not liking that your girlfriend hopes her  partner will feel afraid to leave her.Trust your intuition telling you that these feelings matter.Sometimes men aren't sure whether following their instinct is a right action to take.It is.Also, hoping a partner will fear losing them, shows a wish to control a person.Control has nothing to do with love and trust, and these are basics of a relationship.Good luck!
Question: I easily recognize this but have no control over it and need suggestions for managing my anger.
Counselor's response: I suggest that you work on emotional awareness. Emotional awareness basically means knowing what you are feeling and why.Emotional awareness also means that you can identify the link between the way you are feeling and your actions. In other words knowing that your feelings dictate what you do.Often feelings of hurt or insecurity can come out as anger if we cannot properly identify and express the feelings.Being emotionally aware also means that you are able to express your feelings to others.  Being unable to do so leads to feelings of frustration and being misunderstood.Many people for many different reasons are not in touch with their emotions.  For example, men traditionally have been brought up taught to not express sadness or weakness.  Therefore, many men learned to turn feelings of sadness, insecurities, or fears into anger and express these feelings as anger.  Being taught not to feel a certain emotion does not make that emotion disappear.  Instead it makes us learn how to express it in other, incorrect, ways.  If a man never learns to say “I am sad” or “that really hurt my feelings” and instead lashes out in anger, then the response they get from those around them will be to the anger and not a response to the underlying true feeling, which will leave the man feeling alone and misunderstood.You can control yourself and not explode.  Walk away, remove yourself from the situation, do whatever you have to do to not lash out.  Instead of reacting the way you normally would, go somewhere by yourself and think about what just happened and try to understand why such a “simple” thing upset you.  What is the real feeling driving these outbursts?  Maybe you can begin to recognize an underlying pattern. It might help to keep an anger journal.  Write down everything that gets you upset.  That might help you see a pattern and pinpoint what may be setting you off.  Talking with a therapist about this would be beneficial in helping pinpoint the underlying cause of the outbursts you are experience.
Question: I am pretty sure I have depression and anxiety. I also have voices in my head. I have problems sleeping too. I've already been diagnosed with attention-deficit disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder. I have self-harmed in the last and used to be suicidal. How do I tell them this and ask for therapy?
Counselor's response: If you have already been diagnosed with attention-deficit disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder, can you go back to the people who diagnosed you with those things?It may be that your parents would be open to you talking with someone because it sounds like you have done this in the past. I don't know whether you have a specific reason that you are thinking they may have some hesitation, but if you are comfortable saying that you would really like to talk to someone because you are feeling sad or anxious (or whichever of your concerns you feel comfortable revealing to them), that may be a way to start the process. As for how you tell them about the fact that you have harmed yourself in the past and used to be suicidal, a therapist may be able to work together with you to discuss the best way to tell them about that.I'm not sure if you have told anyone about what you have been experiencing, but if you have some support there, perhaps they would be able to give you feedback about ways to talk with your parents as well.You mentioned that sometimes you hear voices. This can happen for a variety of reasons, but if the voices that you hear are giving you directions and you feel as though you might follow them, that would be a time to ask for immediate help, before you follow through with what they are telling you, perhaps by calling 800-273-8255. They may be able to connect you with local resources and they can definitely talk with you in the moment that you call.