arjun2183/Counselor huggingface dataset:
Question: I have lately been having lots of anxiety and self-loathing about the fact that I am a young adult virgin girl who has never had a boyfriend before. It seems like everyone my age has already had boyfriends by now or are not virgins anymore, and I just had my first kiss five months ago. I’m worried that, at this rate, I won’t have a boyfriend for a very long time. The problem is that I want to lose my virginity to my first boyfriend who cares about me, but at the same time, I don't want to be waiting forever in order to experience sex. I have already given in to bad temptations by hooking up with random strangers on social media sites and having oral sex with them. Luckily, they were nice guys, but none of them wanted a relationship with me. I feel dirty by doing this, but I feel pressured to do this things in order to seem normal.
   Most people are surprised when they find out that I am a virgin or never had a boyfriend because people think I am really good looking. I am tall, I play lots of sports, and I get excellent grades in school. I am in my first year of university right now, and no guys have approached me to go out on a date or showed any interest. It bothers me. Most of the people in my family have been in relationships at my age already. I feel like I will be single forever sometimes.
Counselor's response: I think one of the first questions that springs to mind for me is, "what's the rush?"  Just because other people in your circle have had experiences that you are still warming up to does not mean that there's something wrong or something to be ashamed of.  If anything, I want to commend you on the self-respect you have in wanting to wait and share this most intimate of experiences with someone that will feel the same way about it.  One of the most common distortions in our thinking is when we try to directly compare ourselves to others; while these people and even those in your family share a level of closeness to you they are not exactly like you - they don't see or feel things in the exact same way as you nor do they share the exact same perspective. It's important to be making choices for you and for your own desires and life goals.  Once you stop comparing your happiness, you may find that you are already experiencing it and allow more of your guard to fall down.
Question: I’ve been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for just over a year. This past week she admitted to me that she has feelings for another guy. She says it’s “just a crush” but I don't know how to cope with it.    How should I deal with this?
Counselor's response: Long distance relationships have the addition strain of being far away.  It sounds like you and your girlfriend overcame the initial challenges considering that you’ve been together for over a year and she was honest in telling you about her crush.  These are some clear strengths in your relationship.  Now moving forward, continuing to have honest conversations about your relationship will help ensure you two are on the same page.  Explore with her how this crush came about and what her feelings are about this relationship.  Be prepared for the answers and express your feelings as well.  You’ve invested over a year in this relationship, it may be worth figuring out how to mend it.  Ignoring this issue will potentially lead to other issues.
Question: Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?
Counselor's response: Yes, it is normal to experience many different emotions in therapy because you are dealing with issues and situations that matter to you. Sometimes you may cry, sometimes you may feel joy, and sometimes you may feel relief. Sometimes you might even feel anger. Everything you feel in therapy can be used to help you learn more about yourself and help you grow.
Question: Does counseling really do anything that can help people?
Counselor's response: No, not really;And it's impossible for it to, anyway;And, this is isn't some sort of "you did it all yourself" kind of blather;Because:1) In most outcomes, if a man or woman simply does nothing and waits, most of the time, they get better... (there are reasons to that);2) In most therapy sessions, approximately 92% (give or take, per study) of all outcomes--be they positive or negative--occur due to factors SOLELY WITHIN the man or woman seeking therapy to begin with;3) The word "THERAPY" does not imply cure, but implies treatment (suppression);4) Truly, a proper "therapist" will be able to spot the problem quickly, recommended proper protocols quickly, and coach to completion.5) Even if we PRESUME generosity, the "therapist" really doesn't matter much (maybe 8%); it really all is in you...Be well, man...
Question: How do therapists classify the type of personality their clients have?  What characteristics do they look at to decide what type of personality the client has? I've read about this online, but I'd like to understand this from a therapist's point of view.
Counselor's response: That's a great question. There is such a wide range of ways to define "personality" that it is difficult to identify specific characteristics that are used to identify personality types.That being said, some clinicians will use standardized tests (or assessments) to assess a client's type of personality. While these tests can't tell us everything about a person, they can help us understand where we are within larger groups of different personality styles.Some counselors will also use a diagnostic tool (like the DSM or ICD) to help a client understand a diagnosis that is related to a personality disorder.
Question: I suffer from checking and cleaning OCD. Can counseling help me to get over it?
Counselor's response: Possibly yes, and definitely worth a try.First read about different types of therapy for OCD so that you find a therapist who does the type of therapy which feels best when you read about it.
Question: Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?
Counselor's response: This is one of those cases where there is "no wrong answer."Many people DO cry, while others do not. Some people speak quietly, others may yell, and some find it painfully difficult to say anything at all in a therapeutic setting.My office has tissues readily on hand, and any client who uses them is assured that they are free to express the emotions they feel in a safe space.
Question: Does counseling really do anything that can help people?
Counselor's response: Counseling provides a safe environment for people to explore the beliefs about the challenges in life. The various types(modalities/techniques) of counseling serve as guides for specific individual's personal journeys.
Question: My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me.    I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?
Counselor's response: Betrayal in a relationship can be one of the most difficult things a relationship can sustain. Sometimes feelings about the betrayal may also trigger past wounds. The fact that "it only happened once" may not make it any easier to move forward. I highly recommend working with a mental health professional who has experience working around the issue of infidelity. Together, you can work on healing the wounds and moving forward. I do believe it is possible to move forward, if both partners are ready and willing to do the work to move forward together and create a new vision for their relationship.
Question: She constantly tells me what I am doing wrong. For once, I want her to be proud of me. It’s like no matter what I do, she does not have one nice word to say to me. She is always hateful towards me and always has been.
Counselor's response: I'm sad and heartbroken on your behalf.I'm very sorry your mom has such negative views on you.Please know that there must be some reason in her personal history or relationship life which drives her to criticize you so strongly.The natural dynamic is for a mother to love and nurture her child.Unless at some earlier point in your relationship with her, you caused some massive harm to her which would justify her indirect dislike for you, then the best way for you is to find supportive and loving other people who will to some degree make up for the harshness you hear from her.Also, read online about others who have similar situations because there may be good guidance on keeping yourself emotionally safe from how she treats you.
Question: Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?
Counselor's response: Yes, it is very normal. Some people cry frequently, but not fully. They’re good at crying but never seem to heal from what’s hurting them.Crying is supposed to be good for you. Tears contain toxins, after all. And feel-good chemicals are released in the body whenever we cry tears of sadness.Never judge your feelings while you’re having them; there’s always a reason something’s a big deal to you.Cry for your own pain, not just for others’. Crying in movies and when listening to sad songs is a good way to let off some built-up emotion. But you may not be dealing directly with your own hurts when that happens. Remember it’s okay to cry for yourself. Let yourself cry over spilt milk. You don’t have to wait till somebody dies. You can cry about anything that triggers you, no matter how seemingly trivial.Don’t set a time limit on tears. Your heart will decide when enough is enough. If you connect with the true source of your pain, you’ll find it’s finite. But you don’t get to dictate a time limit for your sorrow. Be patient. Pick up where you left off. If you have to keep a stiff upper lip, perhaps because you’re at work, check in with yourself later and see how you feel. Reflect on the incident in private if you feel it’s unresolved. Don’t stress out if you can’t recapture the pain. Tears are like cats: You can’t lead them on a leash. Speak only kind words to yourself. When you cry, watch for self-critical and invalidating self-talk like this:It’s not that big a dealI’m too sensitiveBig boys/girls don’t cryInstead, say, “I’m sorry” and “I’m with you” and “I love you.” Don’t say these things in order to make yourself stop crying. Say them in order to be compassionate to yourself. Cry in public. If you’ve never cried in public before, you may be surprised to find that many people will be drawn to you. Your tears make you vulnerable, and therefore no threat to others. Kindness is a frequent response to public tears.If you remember just one thing from this post, let it be self-compassion.
Question: I terminated my counseling relationship with a social worker several years ago. I am now realizing that I would like to begin counseling again.  The social worker’s voicemail message says that he returns calls in 24 hours, but he hasn't called me back. I called him on the weekend and made it clear that I want him to call me back.  Can he just ignore me?
Counselor's response: Yes, your former social worker should return your phone call.It is the professional ethic to do so and plain human decency to do so.If he doesn't, there is nothing you can directly do about the fact of his ignoring you.There are formal complaints you can make, which you can consider doing.What matters most is receiving social work service.Stick with looking for another social worker who is willing to help you.The self-doubts you mention may be worth examining.They do not, however excuse the social worker mishandling himself.
Question: I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky.  Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this?
Counselor's response: Thank you for your question. It's completely normal and natural to feel nervous before a therapy session. Many people report having felt this way. I can't say enough regarding the amount of courage it takes to reach out and attend a therapy session. For many people, it can take weeks, months, or even years of contemplating whether to see a therapist or not before actually contacting one and attending the first session. It takes courage to want to work through any struggles you may be having or personal growth you aspire toward. In your question, you mentioned that you've "gone several times and are still feeling nervous and shaky." If you feel comfortable with your therapist and it's a good fit for you, I would suggest talking about this with your therapist. You don't have to struggle each time you have your appointment. Together, you and your therapist can work toward helping you have a different experience.
Question: We've been in a long distance relationship for two and a half years. I recently saw his phone and saw the people he texts the most and one of them was a  female coworker. I don't know how to approach this situation. How do I ask him about it?.
Counselor's response: Just ask him.I'm not sure how you saw his phone if you're in a long distance relationship, because long distance means you live far apart from each other and don't get to see each other in person. Therefore, I think we may have a different understanding of the definition of "long distance relationship" which makes it hard for me to adequately answer this question for you.I don't know how old you are, but if you're an adult, after two and a half years, I don't think it's unreasonable to have an open and honest talk with each other about where the relationship is going and what you both want and expect. Long distance relationships are difficult to keep alive because you don't ever see each other in person. Talking, texting, and video chatting isn't enough, and the longer the physical distance remains, the more difficult it becomes to keep an emotional closeness. It may be time to evaluate the situation, figure out when (if ever) the two of you will be able to be together in person, and if you can and want to wait that long. Do you both want the same things out of life? If one of you wants to take the relationship to the next level but the other doesn't, then it doesn't matter if it's long distance or not - if you aren't on the same page with the relationship, it is going to be difficult to make it work.Trust is important. Issues with trust, insecurity, jealousy, lying and/or hiding things from each other, being afraid to speak up and have an honest conversation - these things can ruin relationships if not addressed. I know confrontation of any sort can be hard for some people, but it is necessary at times. Evaluate your true feelings for him. Are you with him for reasons other than love, such as being afraid to be alone or thinking you wouldn't be able to find someone else? Has he ever given you reason to be suspicious of his female coworkers or friends before? Some people, unfortunately, develop a track record of indiscretions and give their significant others ample reason for distrusting them. However, if this is not the case, you may be unfairly judging his texting through the eyes of your own insecurities. It may be time for you both to take an honest assessment of your own reasons for being in the relationship, figure out what you want, and make a decision. This may result in bringing the two of you closer and taking the relationship to the next level. Or, it could lead to a decision to end things. I know that can be difficult, but you both deserve to be happy and to be allowed to make the decisions that will lead to your personal happiness.
Question: My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me.    I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?
Counselor's response: HelloYes many couples have survived infidelity. How sincere is he with wanting to work it out?That means alot in recovery. The key is to understand that cheating is a choice. Please don't take the betrayal personal.Look at the foundation of the relationship.  Is there cracks that can be healed? How do you feel about betrayal? Honest communication is the key to healing. Never assume monogamy discuss it. No one can tell you if you should stay or go. That is a very personal decision. Start by setting up face to face time to discuss the affair and emotions.  If this may be hard please get a counselor or therapist that can meditate this journey. Just remember even if you decide to leave you still need support to heal. Just because you leave the situation,  the trauma still exists.
Question: After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful.  Now he is depressed and hopeless again.
Counselor's response: I appreciate that you are concerned about your husband's emotions and want to support him as best you can right now. I imagine that you must be going through your own difficult time too. You've had a complicated shock and trauma in your life and in your marriage; it's normal for both of your emotions to move from hope to despair to fear, anger, gratitude... there is no wrong way to feel and there is no particular pattern your emotions or his will follow. Try not to assume what he is feeling but ask him instead. "How are you doing today?" is something that can be asked over and over again and your love and compassion for him will come through. If he has a hard time talking, you can share your observations. "I notice you're more withdrawn. This worries me." Certainly it will help you if you know what he's thinking and feeling because he hid his intentions to hurt himself. It's normal that you want to know. If there is depression and hopelessness, this likely was part of what led to his initial despair. There is help out there. Depression is treatable, and seeking that treatment is important right now at this vulnerable time. This is the kind of complex situation that can be assisted by a therapist who is qualified to help you both understand and manage your emotions. Whether your husband seeks help or not, I hope that you do.
Question: I'm always listening to my husband, but it feels like he never listens to me.    How do I get my husband to listen to me instead of me listening to him all the time?
Counselor's response: It's hard when you feel as if you're the only one that's taking the time to listen to your spouse. But, I would look at this as an opportunity to see if you can become aware of what exactly is happening between you, when you try and talk with your husband. Sometimes, it can be in the way dialogue is approached. I would suggest paying attention to the way you begin dialogue with your husband. See if blame and criticism are present. When blame and criticism are included, bids for connection, can quickly go off track. This can sometimes start off with something like: "why don't you..." "you aren't..." "you don't..." Partners can quickly go into defensive mode if they feel they are being attacked and sometimes starting off like this can feel like an attack.  Also, become aware of the time of day or evening when you approach your husband. Sometimes, this can make a big difference for couples as far as when they can truly be present for one another.  If you find this pattern continues, you might consider seeking professional help through couples therapy. A trained couples therapist can help you both understand more about what's happening between you.
Question: I'm having issues with my relative. The police never believe the experiences I have been through because I am only a kid. 

I've even had trouble trying to reach a therapist because I said I wanted to get an adult to help me. Could you please give me advice?
Counselor's response: I think it would be wise for you to call a hotline especially designed for children. It's called the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline. The number is 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). It is completely anonymous and a trained therapist will be able to provide you with guidance, confidentiality, and can also help you make a report of you want.The call is completely free and they are open 24 hours a day / 7 days a week. I'm glad that you are taking steps to improve your situation. You are a very brave and an intelligent child. Please remember to call 911 if you are in immediate danger.
Question: My mother takes care of niece whom my sister abandoned. She calls me every day complaining, but I don't want to hear it anymore.
Counselor's response: It is important to set boundaries with those that stress you out. I encourage people to validate the other persons feelings by saying "I am sorry you are going through this." Then, to set the boundary bye stating what you need from them or what you are trying to do with your life to destress and that you can't be a listening ear right now. This will need to be a repeated conversation, but over time you will notice less stress.
Question: My husband and I had our first threesome recently. Everyone was drinking and he was on her more then me.    He and I talked about it afterwards and it made me feel better, and now I'm craving more of it. But before it gets close to happening I get this empty feeling. Why am I feeling this way?
Counselor's response: Hello there.  As you have courageously explained your soulful dilemma. I can appreciate the complexity of this situation.  You have identified some key factors that may be contributing to your sense of feeling "empty".  One, is the ultimate goal here able to be acquired from this arrangement?  Are you trying to have your fulfillment with another woman while in the presence of your husband but not with him 'on her' as much or at all?  Are you trying to ask him to be more passive participant?  Perhaps be careful of not drinking too heavily... In the whole event, how do you want to feel intimate or connected ?  Were you craving all along, him to really be all over you along with her?  These are questions that arise; maybe not solutions.  Its always good to be very clear with oneself of what is the ultimate target here... And always measure the potential danger..  Peace - keith