arjun2183/Counselor huggingface dataset:
Question: I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this?
Counselor's response: Hello there.  You ask about being nervous and shaky walking in to your therapy session and want to know if its normal? ...  I realize there a few ways to look at this.  I presume you weren't anticipating feeling this way; and probably hoped to feel the opposite..  Well, my initial response is yes, sure, it can be within reason to feel this way.  Have you been in therapy before? Is this somewhat new? That could be part of the reason. But either way; new or not, I think when are entering into a meeting that holds potential evaluation of deep things about you and your heart and soul, it can cause anyone to tremble. The soul can be anticipating some things could be shaken up here, and it can feel scary to look at these things and then change.  Looking deep at our life can feel daunting and scary; so your response just might be regards to potential growth trying to happen.   OR, is there something about the therapist you don't feel confident about?  This too might be in play as a reason for your feelings...  Maybe you lack confidence in that therapist ?  Have you let your therapist know how you feel?  That would be good to explore...I would like to encourage you to look at these ideas.  Hope it helps.   Let me knowKindly,keithkeithcounseling.com
Question: People have been calling me names, and I have had enough of it. I cannot stand it anymore I'm done. I have told someone this, and that is why I am writing this. The thoughts are awful.
Counselor's response: It's sounds like you are feeling pretty overwhelmed with intrusive thoughts and are feeling very criticized by others as well. I think it is great that you are reaching out and I can tell that you want this to change. Working with a competent therapist may be a good option for getting some more clarity about what is going on, developing ways to cope, and eventually getting relief from these overwhelming experiences.
Question: I'm in a relationship with my fiancé and I currently found out that she's been cheating on me with a co-worker. I was very upset none the less. I understand what she did was wrong, but I want to spend the rest of my life with her. So I'm willing to forgive and move on. We have been together for a little over 9 years, and we have a son. At the beginning of our relationship, I was unfaithful and she caught me cheating. She forgave me for what I've done to her and since then I been completely faithful. I'm worried about our relationship and want to move forward but its been very unsettling. All I can think about is her with another man. I don't know what to do or where to go for advice?
Counselor's response: I'm sorry for the stress and unhappiness stemming the problem you describe.Trust your instinct that there is more complexity to feeling good about being in a partnership than simply wanting this to happen.In any relationship, the complexities of each person combine.   Often people accept when this feels good and are lost as to what to do when natural human complexity, doesn't match up with our partner in the way we'd like.A couples' therapist would be able to help each of you talk about the factors motivating the cheating, as well as clarify the reasons you each have for continuing to stay together. The unique advantage of couple's therapy is that each person is able to hear their partner talk out loud about themselves and their partner.This is sometimes enormously helpful since our inner thoughts are often hidden yet very dominant in how we direct ourselves in relationships.Sometimes the initial consult session offers enough new understanding that a second session wouldn't be necessary for a while.Good luck in finding your relationship happiness!
Question: I am in my 30s with 2 kids and no job and I'm behind on the bills. I've been trying everything with no results. I feel like everyone else  puts their needs in front on mine. I give intil it hurts and I'm afraid that I'm going to fail my babies 

I've been struggling for 5 yrs in a relationship with no communication and no alone time. How can I get some support?
Counselor's response: I would want to know where do you put your needs? Often times we show people how to treat us based on how we treat ourselves. First identify how to practice good self care which can only happen when you are authentic and real about your needs and desires. You cannot pour from an empty cup and must take find the time to explore your purpose in life. It may be helpful to seek out additional support to work on your intrapersonal relationship.
Question: I've been suppressing it for quite some time, but there are days when I can't make eye contact with her. I think she knows, and we both admitted there was some type of vibe, but the overall discussion was vague. I think she could possibly be dating someone that works with us. It's driving me crazy. As an act of expression, I have purchased a gift for her that's personalized. I haven't given it to her yet.
Counselor's response: There are many possible ways dating your boss could go awry and jeopardize your occupational well-being so my recommendation is to hold off on presenting your boss with a personalized gift and instead focus on building attraction and romantic interest with someone who is not at the workplace.  Sometimes the element of power and unavailability can heighten our sexual interest but that doesn't mean it's a healthy idea to pursue someone who is in a position of power over you at your workplace.
Question: Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?
Counselor's response: Although not everyone cries in therapy. In my opinion crying is a emotion that some express in therapy. Crying is something that some express when it’s hard to discuss situations that may have never been discussed, When discussing traumatic experiences, and at times crying has even happened to some of my past clients when they have had a breakthrough in their therapy process.
Question: After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful.  Now he is depressed and hopeless again.
Counselor's response: I'm thankful to read your husband found care and that his suicide attempt wasn't successful.   While he was hospitalized, and prior to his release, your husband would've been provided in writing a self-care action plan. This typically includes things like committing to a contract 'not to harm' and what to do if he felt overwhelmed by his anger, depression, and hopelessness (e.g. call 911, call therapist, go to nearest hospital emergency department). Additionally, his protocol would've provided instructions for his taking medication(s) as directed, having a follow-up appointment(s) with his psychiatrist/psychologist/clinical social worker, and participating in some form of small group support.  If your husband's struggling as you describe, and you are feeling overwhelmed or frightened for his (your) safety, I'd encourage you to seek immediate assistance.
Question: We have been fighting a lot and have 3 kids but we both want to stay together. I need some help to save our family.
Counselor's response: Hello, I do not live in the California area. However, perhaps I could make some suggestions as to where you might look for free counseling. First, I must mention that most insurances now cover for many different types of issues, including family issues. If your girlfriend lives with you, most insurances now cover "live-in partners," as well. If you have insurance, contact your policy provider and ask whether or not couples counseling is included.Aside from insurance, the next place that comes to mind is a religious affiliation. Do you belong to a church or other religious organization? Many of the pastors or leaders in these disciplines have significant training in counseling, as well as assisting with marriage and couples counseling. These services are ordinarily offered free of charge to members.Another option might be to explore support groups within the area. There may be a group in the form of a couples support group that brings couples together to explore their relationships in the safety of the group. If you find there are no such groups in your area, there are anonymous, support groups online. Here is one such site: http://relationship.supportgroups.com/
Question: She said she needed space after three days of dating, and she got a boyfriend a week later. I still really miss her, and she told me she still likes me.
Counselor's response: It sounds as if your ex-girlfriend is trying to figure out what type of relationship she is looking to have with you. There are lots of levels of relationships, from a basic acquaintance, to a more friendly acquaintance, to a friend, close friend, best friend, early romantic partner, committed romantic partner, and many more.If she is willing to have a conversation with you about her feelings, it may be helpful to have her explain her feelings to you while listening as an investigative reporter and asking questions that cannot be answered with yes or no, but are what are called open-ended questions, which ask her to provide more information. During this process, it would be helpful for you to try to think of it as not being personal, but just listening and trying to understand the experience from her perspective. After you have done this for five minutes (it's a rough estimate, but basically until you can restate what she is saying and she says you have it right), you can switch so she is asking you questions about how you are feeling. The goal is not necessarily to change the outcome, but to learn more about yourselves and each other.Then you may have an idea of where you stand in each other's eyes.
Question: I'm going through some things with my feelings and myself. I barely sleep and I do nothing but think about how I'm worthless and how I shouldn't be here.
   I've never tried or contemplated suicide. I've always wanted to fix my issues, but I never get around to it.
   How can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?
Counselor's response: You are exhibiting some specific traits of a particular temperament type. Seek out a counselor who provides NCCA temperament therapy and discover the joy of being you -- God loves you as you are!
Question: My grandma and brother both passed away 11 years ago and sometimes at night I just can't stop crying while thinking about the good memories we had but won't have ever again. I can't sleep at night when the memories and tears come I'll be fine all day then at night...boom! it's like waterfalls from my eyes. Why can't I stop crying?
Counselor's response: It's good to know you are reminiscing about good memories.  The sadness and crying is normal when you are missing a loved one.  You are noticing that grief changes, it doesn't just stop.  You have recognized that there will be moments in life that you will want to have shared with your brother and grandma and it just seems unfair that you cannot.  I often find that when someone is stuck in the place you are, it is a result of unfinished business and in your case, it appears, unfinished futures.  A professional versed in grieving and it's intricacies, can guide you to navigate through this and lessen the intensity that you experience.  As life goes on, there will be many moments that you will have wished they were present, but those moments do not have to bring you such intense emotion.  Seek some help, you won't regret it.
Question: Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me?
Counselor's response: Yes, absolutely. In therapy you will be delving into topics and feelings that are often suppressed throughout daily life. As you explore many emotions may come up, anger, disappointment, grief, frustration, sadness, to name a few. These and many other emotions often lead to crying and your therapist will be there to hold space and support you through it. Crying is a very healthy release of energy so feeling comfortable enough with your therapist that it happens during session is a great thing!
Question: I have been diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder due to my military experiences. Not a year ago, I had a car accident. Could this experience add more problems?
Counselor's response: There are many types of traumas, and they certainly can compound on one another as you experience them. Without treating the traumas, or incidents where you felt there was a significant risk to your safety or that of others, there can be a cumulative effect. What we have learned in the mental health field from studying traumas, is that the body as a whole responds to these stressors in order to keep you safe during the events. If the body does not realize that it no longer needs to respond in this way because the event is now over, and then receives a trigger from a new event, it makes sense that the new event could cause additional issues. Both of these events can be addressed with the help of a Counselor. There are many Counselors that specialize in trauma inside and outside of the VA, so shop around if you are able and find someone that you connect with.
Question: I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends.

I spent the weekend with him and  it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong?
Counselor's response: It's completely understandable that you would have male friends and that you would want to spend time with them.  When you cross over from friends to a relationship, it does change things.  Some people are very easy going and wouldn't feel threatened by what you did  Others would be upset.  If your boyfriend is upset by you spending time with this male friend, then you need to talk about it.  Each of you needs to express your feelings about the situation and listen to the other with patience and respect.  Then you can make a decision on what is best for you and your relationship.  Maybe he wouldn't be upset if you saw this friend while you were with your boyfriend.  Or maybe your boyfriend would feel better if he got to know this person better and could trust him.  Most likely you can come up with a situation that will make both of you comfortable going forward.  You didn't do anything "wrong" because it doesn't sound like you intended to hurt your boyfriend.  But if you really care about your boyfriend, then you probably care about making him upset.  Instead of looking at this issue as a problem, try to look at it as an opportunity to connect.  If you can both listen to each other and understand each other, your relationship can become even closer.
Question: I'm obsessing about a terrible breakup. Everything is a constant reminder. How do I move on?
Counselor's response: Moving on is the right question. Everyone's different in moving on. First, what can I learn about myself because of this painful time? Caring non-judgmental family and friends who listen with the head and heart help a iot. Other times I need a skillful, caring professional to help me move on. You will find a way because you've asked the right question. Dr. Spencer
Question: My wife just last week said she wants a divorce and it's all sudden. I understand that marriages have their ups and downs but I don't understand why she can't tell me why she wants a divorce. Should I fight for my family (daughter and wife)?
Counselor's response: Chances are, if you really think about it, there were signs that something wasn’t quite right in your marriage. You may have passed these things off as being the normal ups and downs of a marriage, but whatever it was (or wasn't), it's obviously bothering your wife. I would say yes, keep trying to fight for your family, at least until you know what the problems are from your wife's perspective and if they're repairable. Ask your wife if she’s willing to try to work on the marriage and then see a marriage counselor. Just be sure you’re open to hearing what's said and try not to get defensive if she blames you for some things.Even if your wife is adamant about getting a divorce, that doesn't mean you’re divorcing your daughter and you should make sure she knows that. Continue to be a part of her life. And although it may be difficult, if a divorce does happen, try to be as amicable as possible with your wife so your daughter isn't further impacted by this new family dynamic.
Question: He was in love with someone years ago, and he still thinks about her time to time. He said, and I quote, "That relationship is definitely over. I love you, but that girl will always be in my mind." It just didn't feel like he appreciated all the things I've done to make him happy.
Counselor's response: Trust your intuition on your conclusion about this guy.He may very well love you, only with the ex so prominent in his mind, it is possible your feeling of not being appreciated now, would multiply if ever the two of you needed to address a delicate topic.Since he is emotionally attached to the former gf, it is very likely he wouldn't be able to fully love you as much as you'd like and are already sensing.
Question: We had our first kid 15 years ago, and sex has been nonexistent ever since. It only happens every three or four months. We have been to counseling, and I have been told over and over again she will come around. She hasn't, and I'm intimately lonely! I think it's time to move on, but how do I do that without hurting my kids?
Counselor's response: Hi Pocahontas, This is a painful situation. When you're in a relationship, you assume that you will continue to receive warmth and affection. When it dries up, it's a very lonely place. It's possible that there is an unaddressed issue in the relationship. It's also possible that your partner has hormonal issues, pain issues,  sexual dysfunction or is asexual. There is no one answer here. Only you can decide what is right for you. But let me ask some questions to help you explore next steps:Aside from the sex, is your wife loving and supportive? What are the other ways in which you feel loved? Does your wife talk to you? Does she communicate her needs and desires? Does she articulate what gets in the way of having sex? If your wife is generally a loving, open partner, you use this to see that her behaviours aren't personal. Whether she resolves this or not, it can help you to cope with the rejection. This is your wife's issue, and the "ball" is in her court.In my opinion, if couple's therapy hasn't helped, it's time for your wife to own whatever is blocking her and address it with her physician and therapist. Let her be in charge of the sex for a while, to take the pressure off, and she can have the time to figure out what gets in the way of having regular sexual intimacy in your relationship. If you think of this as "my wife is in crisis and needs support in figuring this out", it can help you manage your own emotions. Pressure to have sex might push her further away. Did the couple therapist help you to see the dynamic in your relationship? Has your partner identified something she feels she is lacking in the relationship? One good way to make sure you "get" is to "give" (and I mean give what she wants, not sex). It's appropriate to say to her now "I cannot live in a relationship with so little intimacy. I need for you to be honest with me about what you want for us sexually. If this is all you want, I'm not sure I can do it. If you want us to be more sexual, I need you to address what gets in the way for you."  Give her some time, help her in any way you can, and then see where you are. See if she does seek help to address an issue that is hers. Then...you have a decision to make. I encourage you to make it looking at the big picture, not just the sex.
Question: It happens especially at me and my sister, and then she gets emotional and brings up the past. How should I deal with it? She is always stressed about her work and doesn't put her family first.
Counselor's response: Anger is a normal emotion, and yet it is a really hard one... how much is too much? and how do you express it without damaging those around you? yes mom's get angry, sometimes too easy... but its their responsibility to manage their anger-- get their own support and put themselves in time outs when they cannot handle it well.  Since you are the kids, you shouldn't have to fix or calm down mom's anger. Maybe in a calmer time when you guys are being silly talk with her one on one? Tell her  you are feeling sad and hurt that she gets upset at you girls. Ask her if there is 1 thing you can work on this next month to help her. Ask her if she would work on 1 thing for you this month-- not yelling? taking a time out? telling you before she blows her top so you can exit the room? Also for you, check out a library book on anger so you know how to handle yours, and one on parents and anger. Number one to remember, if you don't feel safe, if she is calling you names, or hurting you, breaking things etc. make sure you go to a trusted adult--school counselor, neighbor, aunt, church friend as soon as possible. You are much too important to be hurt and if mom is out of control, someone else needs to be --caring for you.
Question: I'm in a relationship with my fiancé and I currently found out that she's been cheating on me with a co-worker. I was very upset none the less. I understand what she did was wrong, but I want to spend the rest of my life with her. So I'm willing to forgive and move on. We have been together for a little over 9 years, and we have a son. At the beginning of our relationship, I was unfaithful and she caught me cheating. She forgave me for what I've done to her and since then I been completely faithful. I'm worried about our relationship and want to move forward  but its been very unsettling. All I can think about is her with another man. I don't know what to do or where to go for advice?
Counselor's response: Hello, I know this is a tough situation your going through and it has you questioning everything but one thing is certain, and that is that you still love her, dealing with the hurt can be very challenging but after learning from your mistake you changed and became more faithful and loving and the comfort knowing she forgave you, is what made you love her more and less likely to hurt her once again. You live and you learn, she will soon realize her mistake and her outtake may be the same yours was. But marriage is a special bond in front of God, which means once you are officially married, cheating and lieing to eachother will only lead to an early divorce. Practice in your pre-marriage state with speaking to her and opening up to eachother about what you feel and what you look forward to in this marriage. It's possible she's seeking something from someone else because she is not receiving it in her own relationship, improve, grow and be strong. Learn from your mistakes
Question: I am conflicted with this guy I work with. He is a coworker and close friend whom I've had a crush on since meeting him four years ago. We made out once after years of flirting. I was hoping for more, but nothing happened. I distanced myself a lot after.
Counselor's response: Hello! Emotions run high in "crush" situations and when emotions run high it's not uncommon for us to have emotion-based instead of fact-based thoughts. After reading your question, I wondered how you went from "making out" to "nothing happened?" I wondered if this happened because of an emotion-based thought that sounded like "If he liked me, he would make something happen." A truer and more empowering thought might be "I want something different to happen with him and I want to take a different action to see if that can happen." This thought focuses more on the one thing you can control: YOU.  Hopefully, the thought also empowers you to think through what you can do to gauge interest/talk with him about his feelings on the matter. I hope this helps and good luck to you!