arjun2183/Counselor huggingface dataset:
Question: I can't understand what I pay attention to.
Counselor's response: One way to concentrate is that if your mind starts to wonder then remind yourself to bring your attention back.Start with short time spans of expecting yourself to concentrate.  You'll more likely succeed with concentrating with small time spans than longer ones.Once you start seeing your success, this will motivate you to try increasing the length to expect yourself to concentrate.The task of self-reminding is the same, whether for long or short time periods.Also, before starting this exercise ask your medical doctor if the problem can be related to a physical health problem.If there is, then have the possibility ruled out that your difficulty concentrating comes from the mental ability to concentrate, and not some medical reason preventing this.Before someone can engage their psychological will there must be a clean medical body and mind with which to work.
Question: I feel that I need to end my present relationship. He lives three hours away and likes the reassurance of having someone to talk to multiple times per day and seeing me once or twice a month. I want someone who is more present and more of a life companion. Lately, he has had a very busy work schedule and I have only seen him a few times in the last 6 weeks. I told him that I can't continue in this way because I constantly feel frustrated and angry and that he is not making the relationship enough of a priority. I also feel it is keeping me from possibly finding the relationship I want. We have been together 7 years. The problem is that I panic and experience anxiety and depression thinking of him with someone else and then thinking I will never meet someone I like. We have gone through this cycle already 4-5 times and I feel it is unhealthy to stay in it, but my aversion to the anxiety and depression I experience upon separation always leads me to reconcile.
Counselor's response: Sounds like your panic is less about loosing the relationship you are in (which by the way doesn't sound like it's meeting YOUR need for connection) and more about being alone. Being with him is serving you, even if the relationship is less than ideal, from being alone. Being alone can be scary. You'd have to face yourself. You'd have to learn to love and care for and cherish yourself. All important skills and tasks in maturing and growing up, but scary none the less. What if...What if you gave yourself permission to be in a relationship with YOU?
Question: I've recently thought that i could be transgender but I've never had the mind of a girl.
Counselor's response: Hello Frostproof,Thinking about becoming transgender and being transgender are slightly different.  This is a topic that is best discussed with a therapist that specializes in LGBTQ issues.  From what you have written it sounds as if you still have some confusion as to where you fit in with the "labeling system".  While labels provide a means to quickly identify and classify, they can also feel restrictive or confining.  Instead of focusing on fitting into a specific classification, explore who you are as a person and celebrate your positive qualities and those things that make you uniquely you!  There are many options for you to find a therapist and e-therapy is also an option.  You can try Breakthrough an online service.   Here is some reading for refection that you may find helpful.  Yin Yang Woman Man http://dld.bz/ejVK2  What does it mean to be a woman or a man?
Question: I feel so alone. I have so many people around me, but it seems as they just listen and dont understand. They say it will all be okay, or they don't listen to me st all. Everyone says they are here for me but it doesn't feel like they are. Why do I feel so alone?
Counselor's response: We feel alone because we are not comfortable with being our self. When you find that nobody is around do you feel alone? Your never alone. Once you take the journey to really understand who you are and unconditionally loving all that is you, there will never be an alone moment. We seek outside of self to fill inside. This is the big lie of the planet. All you need and have ever needed you supply yourself. www.lifecounselingorlando.com
Question: I feel that I need to end my present relationship. He lives three hours away and likes the reassurance of having someone to talk to multiple times per day and seeing me once or twice a month.  I want someone who is more present and more of a life companion.
Lately, he has had a very busy work schedule and I have only seen him a few times in the last 6 weeks. I told him that I can't continue in this way because I constantly feel frustrated and angry and that he is not making the relationship enough of a priority. I also feel it is keeping me from possibly finding the relationship I want.
We have been together 7 years. The problem is that I panic and experience anxiety and depression thinking of him with someone else and then thinking I will never meet someone I like. We have gone through this cycle already 4-5 times and I feel it is unhealthy to stay in it, but my aversion to the anxiety and depression I experience upon separation always leads me to reconcile.
Counselor's response: Sounds like your panic is less about loosing the relationship you are in (which by the way doesn't sound like it's meeting YOUR need for connection) and more about being alone. Being with him is serving you, even if the relationship is less than ideal, from being alone. Being alone can be scary. You'd have to face yourself. You'd have to learn to love and care for and cherish yourself. All important skills and tasks in maturing and growing up, but scary none the less. What if...What if you gave yourself permission to be in a relationship with YOU?
Question: I'm a teenager and I've been sneaking out of my house at night for a year now. I've been caught several times.  I want to stop doing this but I don't know where to start. How do I stop?
Counselor's response: Where do you go and what is your reason to go wherever this is?Try to understand these reasons because the answers may give you good guidance as to other ways to get what   it is your trying to reach by sneaking from your home at night.If for example, you're sneaking out because your parents are arguing and you feel hurt by this and want to escape hearing their arguments, then you can come up with other ways to hear less of their arguments.If you sneak out bc your parents restrict your friends or time to socialize with your friends, and your friends are doing legal and safe behaviors, then maybe you could do some socializing online w them.Also, I wonder the reason why either of your parents isn't aware that you leave the house.  Do you feel your parent would offer and would you ask your parent to give their suggestions so you feel more motivated to stay home?
Question: When I'm around people, I sometimes think someone has made a comment to me or asked me to do something. I will be focusing on something else and then randomly think I hear something about me. I never know if it was actually said.
Counselor's response: Anxiety can absolutely make you think you heard something about you. When we are on high alert, we tend to look for threats and often the greatest threats we experience on a daily basis are social in nature.  To some extent this is normal, for example, when people experience late onset deafness, they often will worry people are talking about them (and usually not good things) because our brains tend to jump to that. Of course, I'm not saying you are going deaf or anything, just giving an example. Counseling can help you work through this anxiety. It may also be helpful to reach out to a counselor to rule out if there may be other things going on. Sometimes things like paranoia can blend in with anxiety, which is a very distressing experience. But both are absolutely treatable. Wishing you the best!
Question: On the first day of school I wore a bra that was too big so that it would look like I had bigger boobs.  I did that the whole school year and my parents never found out. But now I can never hang out with my friends at my house or invite them over because it would be around my parents and my friends would see there is nothing there on my chest. 

How do I fix this?
Counselor's response: Wear baggy clothes to disguise the problem and if you do this for a long enough time, then your friends may forget what size boobs you have.Can you tell your parents what you wrote here?  If yes, then maybe they will be empathetic and this always helps.They may also agree to not make any comments about your boobs when you wear the bigger bra around your friends when they visit you at home.Also, its possible your friends already have questioned why you wore a bigger bra than your boobs.  Maybe they saw what was going on the whole time during the school year and felt too awkward to tell you.
Question: I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for.  Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?
Counselor's response: I'm sure you've tried to talk to your husband, but if not, could you? Have a conversation with him about him and his life, his work, etc. See if he relaxes and opens up to you, even a little bit. Don't try to have a heavy conversation or even unburden yourself to him during this first conversation - just try to be light-hearted and focus on hearing him. It's the first step towards getting your needs met too, and ending any emotional standoff that might have come about between you.
Question: My girlfriend just quit drinking and she became really depressed. She told me that she wants to move. What can I do to help her? I want her to stay.
Counselor's response: People often have very different values and opinions when they are drinking excessively and when they stop drinking so much.Did the two of you share drinking as an activity?  If yes, then did you stop drinking too?Often when partners meet each other as drinking buddies when one gets sober, the relationship ends.  Once the terms of any relationship changes, one possibility is that it dissolves.The best way to go is to start the conversation of what you genuinely want.  This is the only way she'll really know your thoughts.Ask her to give serious consideration and discussion over at least a few weeks or months, to moving away from you.  This is a fair request since you are in a relationship.If she's changed so much by giving up drinking, which is possible, that she no longer wants to be in relationship to you, then you are better off being without a drinking gf, even if the truth she delivers is a hurtful one.
Question: he just walks in the house whenever he wants to see his kids. My fiancé tells me it makes her angry and doesn't like it, but she seems afraid to say anything to him about it for some reason. Is it okay for him to do this?
Counselor's response: The kids are actually her Property, and he does have a claim to them as he wishes;The house is yours, I presume;So require that if he wishes to see his Property, it be done off of your Property;And, that as long as it remains your Property, you have jurisdiction over all those, therein;Require compensation for visits, and send him a bill;When he doesn't pay, send to the local sheriff, go to small claims court, and win a judgment against him for non-payment;I wonder how that might work out... act as man :)
Question: Often times I find myself thinking scary thoughts and sometimes I even scare myself into thinking that something bad is going to happen to me. Once it starts, the thought continues going through my head and I can't get it out. How can I stop these thoughts?
Counselor's response: I'm sorry you're going through this problem of scary thoughts in your mind.None of us are able to directly stop thoughts from coming.What is possible is to question their value, accuracy, and believability.Maybe if you examine the thoughts which upset you, you'll be able to feel better by understanding that the thoughts are not very relevant to your actual life.Also, another choice of what to do with the upsetting thoughts, is to redirect them.  When a stressful or frightening thought shows up in your mind, give it a happy resolution.   Basically, turn the fright into something pleasant or at least bearable.I hope this helps you at least a little bit!
Question: He is verbally abusive. When he gets mad, he just yells at me. At times, I feel scared.
Counselor's response: I’m sorry you are experiencing this and I’m glad that you are looking for help and support. I’m not sure of all the details so take from answer what you can. If you are feeling unsafe or scared in your relationship please know that there are non profit domestic violence services that can help and provide you some more support. They can also safely plan with you if you choose to leave. It seems that you might be feeling defeated and if that’s the case a lot of domestic violence non profits provide free counseling if you are needing to talk to someone. What you are going through can be overwhelming and your are taking the right steps toward healing
Question: My girlfriend just quit drinking and she became really depressed. She told me that she wants to move. What can I do to help her?  I want her to stay.
Counselor's response: People often have very different values and opinions when they are drinking excessively and when they stop drinking so much.Did the two of you share drinking as an activity?  If yes, then did you stop drinking too?Often when partners meet each other as drinking buddies when one gets sober, the relationship ends.  Once the terms of any relationship changes, one possibility is that it dissolves.The best way to go is to start the conversation of what you genuinely want.  This is the only way she'll really know your thoughts.Ask her to give serious consideration and discussion over at least a few weeks or months, to moving away from you.  This is a fair request since you are in a relationship.If she's changed so much by giving up drinking, which is possible, that she no longer wants to be in relationship to you, then you are better off being without a drinking gf, even if the truth she delivers is a hurtful one.
Question: I find myself crying over every little thing, like dropping a glass of water. Today, I got out of the shower and noticed that I had forgotten a shirt. I instantly started to cry. When I made it to my room, I began to shake a little, cry more, and I begged for it to stop.
Counselor's response: It is very typical for pregnant moms to feel completely emotionally and extremely teary eyed, so not to worry. Biologically speaking, your body generates an influx of hormones, that affects you neurotransmitters (chemical messages to the brain) that takes you on an emotional rollercoaster, but that's a good thing for the baby. Everyone reponds differently to these changes in mood, ranging from being anxious to being depressed. However it is mostly heightened in the first and third trimester. There is no guide as to how to handle these emotions, but engaging in various sensory activities like walking, yoga, swimming, listening to music may alleviate your mood. Embrace the emotions that go along with pregnancy and know that it is within the norm.
Question: I've been like this ever since I was in school; back then I transferred to another school. Now I'm thinking about changing my job.
Counselor's response: Is there a certain problem you feel about living the way you describe?As long as you feel satisfied with how your life is unfolding then you’re making wise decisions.If you feel tension or that somehow doing as you describe is wrong, then the first step is to identify the way you feel your methodology described above has a role in working against your best interest.Basically, define what is problematic in order to address it.
Question: My fiancée is always letting me know how I am a horrible/evil person, or I just don’t care enough when it’s about her feeling or when she is having an off day.
Counselor's response: I don't know much about the dynamics of your relationship, but I want to say that you cannot possibly be responsible for anyone else's happiness.  If you are interested in a good read on this topic, I highly recommend The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.
Question: I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends.
   I spent the weekend with him and it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong?
Counselor's response: While you can't be responsible for your boyfriend's feelings, relationships do come with expectations.  Both people in a relationship bring their own expectations into it.  These expectations are usually unspoken, but result in conflict as you are experiencing here!  Your boyfriend expects you not to spend the weekend with this guy.  He may expect you not to spend the weekend with any guy at all.  He may expect you to spend every single weekend with him!  You'll have to decide if his expectations are ones you can live with.  Relationships do require some compromise out of concern for our partner, but you get to choose how much you compromise. We get upset about things that make us feel insecure.  You spending the weekend with an ex makes your boyfriend feel insecure.  That doesn't mean you did anything wrong.  It just means that you have to decide if it's more important for you to maintain your freedom to spend weekends with whomever you wish, or to help your boyfriend feel secure in your relationship. Good luck!  Hope that helps,Allison
Question: I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn’t believe me either. I’m a pansexual, but I can’t trust my own parents.
 I've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust.
Counselor's response: Teenage years are rough for anyone, and this is a time for self-discovery and experimentation. Having older parents can certainly pose challenges. Most kids feel like their parents don't understand them, but yours are older than the average parents of teenagers. They're from a completely different generation than you are. It sounds like they love you, but may not understand you. The problem here is the generation/age gap, and there's not a whole lot you can do about that. What you can do is accept the situation and perhaps look at it a little differently. It seems like you're looking for affirmation from them, looking for their approval and understanding. It's never a good idea to look to others to define who you are or to get a self-esteem boost. Who you are and how you feel about yourself needs to come from inside, not from outside. One way you can have a better relationship with your parents is to stop looking at all the things you aren't getting from them that you want, and rather look at all the things you are getting from them. Yes, this is a glass half full or half empty point of view, but it works. The negative will overshadow the positive if you let it. Start looking for the good things in your relationship with your parents and your feelings towards them will become more positive.I'm not sure how your friends/peers made you feel like your childhood has been taken from you. That's a curious statement, and requires a deeper conversation to understand where that came from. However, I do understand feeling different and out of place, especially in high school. Find the strength within yourself rather than looking to others in your life to make you feel better or feel like a complete person. It helps to have friends and loved ones, but you can never rely on them to fulfill all of your needs. Set some goals for your future, work towards them. Focus on being the best YOU that you can be, and the right people will enter your life at the right time.
Question: My husband has had issues with alcohol addiction in the past (he'd never admit to this). A while back (3 years ago), I asked him to stop drinking so much, and he agreed. I caught him one night drinking behind my back. I confronted him and he lied, but I told him I knew he was lying because I counted the beers in the fridge and four of them were missing. He admitted and apologized and promised he wouldn't do it again. Lately, my husband has been drinking on and off, but I noticed it was every single night. I didn't like this. For our New Year’s resolution, we decided we were going to limit our alcohol consumption. He was on board—no more drinking every night.
 The other night, I counted the beers in the fridge just to see if some were missing. It took a couple of days, but tonight, I discovered a few were missing along with a shot of vodka. He was passed out on the couch when I decided to wake him up and confront him (poor timing, but I couldn't wait). I asked him if he'd come to bed with me (when he drinks, he snores and I cannot sleep—it's a dead giveaway he's been drinking). He slurred a bit and said no. I asked if he had been drinking, but he snapped and said no. I went into our room to sleep, leaving him on the couch.  I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or not. I just feel like I'm so honest with him about everything, and I expect the same honesty. He is a good husband in every other regard.
Counselor's response: It can be very frustrating being lied to.  The one thing that struck me was the sentence he had a alcohol addiction "in the past."  Addiction is not something that comes and goes.  Once you have addict tendencies they are here to stay.  You may be able to fight them off for awhile but the will enviably rear their ugly head again.  Some of the things that we would suggest is taking the access away.  If the alcohol is not conveniently in the house he would have to go seek it out elsewhere.  You can think about it in other terms.  If chocolate cake was your favorite food and you were a diabetic, you would not have chocolate cake lying around all the time because you know you would eventually eat it.  Remember there are no temporary addicts.
Question: Over a year ago I had a female friend. She turned out to be kind of crazy so I decided to stop talking to her. When she would call me I wouldn't answer the phone. This made my girlfriend really suspicious. She would ask me why I wouldn't ever answer that phone number. I told my girlfriend that I don't want to be friends with that other woman, but I don't think she believes me. How can I get my girlfriend to understand?
Counselor's response: Open and honest communication can go a long way in situations like yours. Your girlfriend may be suspicious if you don't give her enough information. Answer her questions fully. Ask for her suggestions as to how to handle this female friend. Ask for your girlfriend for help in getting the female friend to understand that you are not interested in continuing the friendship. If you are honest with your friend, your girlfriend will probably feel like you are being honest with her.