arjun2183/Counselor huggingface dataset:
Question: When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal.
Counselor's response: Dear Concern Mom, Sadly, kids nowadays stress a lot about school and compete with one and another.  Determine Career-minded students, tend to be very hard on themselves and can eventually become very anxious about things.  Whereas, it is a good thing to be driven it can break you down too.  Therefore, I recommend that you find your young daughter someone that can help her find ways to cope with her strong desire to doing well in school. Getting ahead of it now before she gets worst is the best thing you could do for her.  Best of luck to you and your daughter.  Sincerely, Mirella~Image and Likeness Counseling
Question: My grandma and brother both passed away 11 years ago and sometimes at night I just can't stop crying while thinking about the good memories we had but won't have ever again. I can't sleep at night when the memories and tears come I'll be fine all day then at night...boom! it's like waterfalls from my eyes. Why can't I stop crying?
Counselor's response: Because you're sad and miss the relationship you had w grandma and your brother.The academic point that grief takes a different length of time to lift for each person, is true.Also, from a spiritual perspective, your grandma and brother are still here in loving relation to you, just not in physical body.  Pay attention if you have a sense of talking to them within your mind.  This may lessen your feeling of loss.When you're done crying about missing them, your grief will simply disappear on its own!  It cannot be forced to leave.
Question: I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this?
Counselor's response: Yes, it is completely normal to feel anxious about therapy. Therapy often explores topics and feelings that are uncomfortable. The ultimate goal of therapy is to feel better but the process itself can be uncomfortable.
Question: I feel like I'm trying to convince myself that I'm okay when I'm not. I'm always blocking out the bad things and forgetting. I also feel like nobody cares for me and they never will. I feel truly alone.
Counselor's response: As social creatures, we humans all long for deep human connection. To know that we belong and are part of something larger. It is so important to us that when we feel alone - it can feel almost unbearable. You are not alone in feeling alone. While it can take time to build deep relationships there are moments in each day where we have the opportunity to interact with other people who may also feel lonely and scared and want to be seen and acknowledged. I wonder what it might be like for you if you took on an experiment of trying to really see the people around you and make little attempts to acknowledge and connect with them - fellow humans on this journey of life. A "good morning" at the bus stop or really looking at the person who you buy your groceries from or thanking or complimenting someone for something that you notice and appreciate. While this is not a substitute for close relationships these moments of real connection with the people who we share our communities with can go a long way to realizing that we are not as alone as we may have thought.
Question: Sometimes I can't stop thinking about life after death. I was raised in a religion that teaches that we will live on forever either in hell or in heaven.  When I think of living forever (even if it is in heaven which should be good), I feel overwhelmed. I don't like the thought of living forever and ever and ever. Sometimes I just can't get the thought out of my mind and the thoughts lead to panic and anxiety.  Am I crazy? I don't think these thoughts are normal.
Counselor's response: Many people generate intense anxiety with obsessive thinking.  While the nature of your obsession about the afterlife and eternity appear very powerful and unique to you, the pattern of obsessing about one thing/area is common.  I suggest that you consider counseling to help you with your anxiety.  If you are so inclined, there are also medications which may bring relief.  Obviously, I can't diagnose you from one paragraph, so it would be wise to visit an experienced mental health professional (either a counselor or an MD in your area) to help you with disengaging from your self-destructive thoughts.  CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, is a very effective counseling approach for obsessive thinking.  If you'd like a see a top notch CBT therapist, visit www.AcademyofCT.org.  And of course I suggest you pick up my book, LIVING YES, A HANDBOOK FOR BEING HUMAN, which includes CBT concepts and many more tools which will help with obsession and anxiety.As for believing yourself "insane" (or "crazy") this is not a mental health term but a legal one (or a slang).  So as long as you don't commit a crime, no professional can legitimately call you insane or crazy!Take it slow!  ~Mark (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)
Question: I believe it is wrong for men to look at inappropriate content. The father of my child has agreed to respect my beliefs. His co-worker sent him an inappropriate video. He got mad because he does not think he should tell his friend to not send him things like that.
Counselor's response: In my book, this is a boundary issue. Although you do not like inappropriate content, it is not up to you what your child's father looks at or what his friend sends him.  It is really hard not to monitor other people's lives, but in the end, your rights begin and end with you.
Question: My daughter seemed to be developing at a normal rate until about the age of 10. She then started to act younger than she is.    Now she only wants to play with younger kids and she doesn't act her age. I don't know why this is happening. Is this normal?
Counselor's response: Your daughter is fortunate to have an observant parent, who is willing to seek out help in this regard. Regression can be indicative of some stress in your child's life, so the issues she is facing should be examined. Seeking advice from your daughter's pediatrician, as well as a practitioner familiar with adolescent issues or perhaps play therapy can equip you with insight into the causes of the behavior, and give you tools to assist your daughter in learning age appropriate social interactions.
Question: How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?
Counselor's response: The therapeutic relationship should be collaborative.  The client is the expert on their life, and the therapist is the expert on helping the client to develop their sense of being. Growth occurs as a result of challenges. Therefore, I would suggest not looking to train the therapist, but rather to find one that will help you develop into the you that you desire to be. Finding the right therapist is like finding a pair of black heels. Not just any black heels will do. But when you find them, you just know that your search is over. It is also wise to expect that they won’t always feel comfortable.
Question: People who are parental figures in my life have, in the past, hurt me, and some continue to do so. It makes me feel like I'm not good enough for my husband or the life he provides me. I have had jobs, but I am going through a lot of my past garbage and trying to figure out when it all went wrong. Any time I bring these things up, I am expected to be over the issue. These are people that you can't just cut out, but I have never received apologies for so much of my pain. I don't know what to do any more. I don't know who I am anymore.
Counselor's response: Hello. Adults who come from abusive home histories (physical, emotional, or even psychological), may take a long time to heal from that abuse. We carry our past with us everywhere we go, and it is up to us to find resolutions to past hurts. This is often easier said than done, but it is possible. From the perspective of those with whom you have shared your concerns, it might be assumed that based on where you are in life and who you are now, that you have already worked through any issues from your younger years. Some of our deepest scars in life are indeed invisible and suppressed. We have to get to the place where we can take care of the inner child that is still hurting, by recognizing that those who hurt us - however they did, might have had their own challenges which prevented them from functioning and behaving in ways we might have deeply needed. Those who have directly hurt you, may not be capable of acknowledging and understanding how you were affected by their actions - even in the worst of cases. They themselves may be doing what they can, either out of shame or heartbreak for their own actions, to work on forgetting how they behaved toward you all those years before. How are they behaving toward you now? Can you find it in your heart to forgive those who have hurt you? Forgiveness is the gift we give ourselves, and isn't dependent on an apology from an offender. By forgiving (even in the absence of any apology), we are releasing the weight of the burden we are carrying that reflects the offense we feel was committed against us. Sometimes therapy can be helpful in this process. Talking with someone who can be non-judgmental and reflects an empathetic position toward you might be what you need right now. Seeking out a therapist to help you work through these negatives feelings and thoughts is much easier, than trying to go it alone. I would encourage you to reach out and find someone who resonates with you on that journey, so that you can begin a path toward healing.Warm regards,Shawn Berthel, M.S., LMHC
Question: How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client?
Counselor's response: I will work with clients and continually review progress with them and determine if counseling is helping.  If a client appears to have less to talk about in sessions, appears more stable for a period of time and has reached therapeutic goals I will talk about termination.  Some clients however I may continue with on a monthly or bi monthly process to allow for check-ins to see how they are doing and if they need more help at that time.
Question: How do I stop those thoughts?
Counselor's response: The thoughts you are having are just thoughts.  Not actions.  It is your choice whether you act on these thoughts.  If you decide to explore having sex with adults of different genders that is great.  If you find yourself obsessed with sexual thoughts, you may want to see a cognitive-behavioural therapist.  Take care.
Question: For my whole life, I’ve been very unconfident, insecure, and self-questioning. I'm super quiet because I'm scared of what people will think of me. I avoid all social situations as it causes me great anxiety. It is how both of my parents have always been, and I feel like I'm doomed to that life also. It makes it super hard for me at work as the other employees try to use me and walk all over me because I’m too nice. It causes me depression and brings me down. I’m in my early twenties, and I really need to create a better life for myself. I've been like this for so long, so how do I change?
Counselor's response: One of the greatest ways that we can promote ourselves s by learning how to assert ourselves.  Despite what most people think of when they hear the word assertive, assertive communication is one of the best ways to manage interpersonal conflict as well as maintain personal boundaries.  Once we become comfortable with acknowledging our boundaries, there is usually a follow-up whereby we realize that we have the right to those boundaries.  In effect, assertiveness communication becomes it's own self-motivating force in managing positive self-esteem. You may want to invest in a workbook that can help you to develop these skills on your own, or work directly with a therapist to develop them in a safe situation.   One of the Workbooks that I have found to be very helpful is, "The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships" by Randy J Paterson.
Question: My husband and I are in our 40s. We’ve been married 17 years. Three weeks ago, he said he loves me but is not in love with me. He was going to leave me, but he said he thought about it and decided to stay. I don't know how to feel any more. How should I take what he said and not feel so hurt? He has been very blunt, and hurtful words just come out of his mouth. He makes me feel like I'm nothing, but I so dearly love him with everything in me. He said it wasn’t a mid-life crisis.
Counselor's response: I get it. Your husband tells you that he's not in love with you, but oops, he's changed his mind and will tolerate you for a while longer? Excuse me? My Dear, it's okay if you expect more than that from a marriage. Maybe the question has shifted from whether he is happy in the marriage to whether you are happy in the marriage. You say you love this man,  who makes you "feel like nothing". I say it might be time to sit down with an individual therapist and look objectively at your marriage and whether it's working for you.
Question: My mother has Alzheimer's and she has become so nasty and mean to everyone and she always asks for unrealistic, silly or meaningless items. I get so frustrated and angry, but then I feel guilty because I know it probably isn’t her fault. How can I cope with feeling like this?
Counselor's response: You have the answer already. It is not your mom's fault. Always remember that in spite of the disease, that human being you call mom is still there. To cope with the feelings of frustration, anger, and guilt, practice accepting what is at this time. Bring peace to these feelings and commit to move on to provide your mom love. If you can, use mindfulness meditation to stay focus and calm your brain.
Question: I feel insecure in my life. I don't think my wife truly wants our relationship even though she says she does. I have turned to drinking to help relieve my repressed stress about this and other issues. I have had a drinking problem for a few years. I feel the reason I drink is not just because I like to, but because I have lately been on edge. I’ve been very oddly emotional when watching movies that I have been watching for years. I’m paranoid about driving on main roads. I’m very jumpy at the slightest noises.
Counselor's response: Sorry hearing about the big amount of stress which you are feeling at this time.Since a lot of your stress is directed to uncertainty of whether your wife is happy being with you, would you consider continuing the conversation with her about your understanding of her answer to you?Your observation that she says one thing and behaves in a different way, is meaningful.Bringing your point to her attention would at the very least demonstrate her interest in showing and explaining her viewpoint about you.Basically, you'd be expecting her to care about you and how she handles herself with this question, may clarify what you're trying to find out.The good news about your relationship with alcohol, is that you realize you're overdoing it.From what you write, the emotional pain and helplessness you feel currently, seem too much to know about all at once.One possibility is to accept your feelings of hurt and insecurity.  This is the first step of working with them.   If they start feeling overwhelming, then maybe too, you can distract yourself for a while from the intensity by engaging in an activity that is not self-harming.After all, you are the most important person in your life, so keep yourself safe and healthy!
Question: Her father and I have been dealing with this problem for quite some time now. She is an adolescent, and the problem is mostly food. She is now overweight, and we just don't know what to do anymore. She can be disrespectful and doesn't listen to or respect what we say.
Counselor's response: I would be curious about there potentially being some emotional or physical trauma in your daughter's history that she is struggling with. Physical trauma is usually easier to identify, but emotional trauma can be feeling a lack of emotional connection in her important relationships, having experienced bullying, or some other emotional injury. The fact that there are some defiance symptoms going on suggests that she might be in need of a safe place to process what she's going through, and the potential issue with control or meeting emotional needs with food is also concerning. I would recommend looking for a therapist/counselor who works with children/adolescents in the area of addressing trauma for an assessment. They may be able to ask the right questions to see whether trauma is truly the issue.
Question: I have been falling into a deep depression where I can no function during the day and night. The only time I am at peace is when I’m asleep. If I am with friends, family, at work, and mainly alone, I cannot think straight. I no longer feel like myself.
Counselor's response: I don't know how long ago your breakup was, but I would suggest that you reach out to friends or family that you trust and perhaps a local mental health clinician.I'm not sure what you mean when you say that you are not able to function during the day and night. If you are having trouble sleeping for more than a few nights, consider talking with your primary care physician. Not sleeping can really make changes in your emotions seem much larger.Can you find anything in your life that is the same as it was before the breakup? This may be a starting point for you. I wonder if you could think of and moment or two each day when you feel emotionally at peace while you are awake. Also consider looking at things that you can control, such as when you choose to wear, eat, and who you talk to about your deepest feelings.You mentioned that you have friends and family. I wonder if any of them are supportive to you.Please reach out and talk to someone about the details. I get the sense that you feel that you are alone in this, and having someone there to help you sort out what you're feeling sounds like it would be a gift to yourself.
Question: I don’t love my sister. I would never wish her harm, but if I could, I would wish for us not to be related. Is this cruel? Why must blood mean we have to be friends? Am I being unreasonable and is there a way to fix this? I do care about her, like I do every human being, but I’d rather be with my friends than be with her at all. It’s not just a "teenager phase." I still love my mom and dad, and I’m very close to them. However, it’s my sister I don’t love or have ever really liked at all.
Counselor's response: Not liking someone is not cruel - even if it is a family member. There is nothing wrong with you for not liking your sister. Some people are fortunate to have siblings that they get along with really well, other don't. We all have different personalities and we are not going to like everyone - even if they are related. In fact, sometimes being related makes it harder because you know all of each other's flaws and imperfections. With that being said - it may be worth it to make an effort to talk about the things that get in the way of having the kind of relationship that you might ideally want with your sister. Sometimes it is hard to like someone if we have a lot of old frustration and resentment and being able to talk about it in a constructive and kind way can lead to more understanding and respect, and sometimes actually liking each other.
Question: My husband and I have been married for seven years, and in that time, we have only had sex four or five times. Others have told me that most men would have left me by now. Honestly, I think I have a low sex drive or neither one of us actually knows what we are doing. I want to be better connected with my husband.
Counselor's response: There are a lot of different things that could be playing a role here.First, different people have unique levels of sex drive, and sometimes there is a hormonal imbalance.Because you say both that there is a possibility that neither one of you "actually knows what you're doing," and you want to be better connected with your husband, consider having some time where you sit together and touch each other in nonsexual ways and communicate about what you like and don't like. One person would be doing the touching and the other would be communicating. Then the rules would switch. After you both become comfortable with that, you could try the same thing with touching that is sexual in nature.Dr. Tammy Nelson is a therapist who specializes in relationships and sexual issues and she has several books and lots of other resources on her website: https://www.drtammynelson.com/There are actually therapists who specialize in sex therapy and if you are interested in that, you would want a therapist who is a CSAT (certified sex addiction therapist). This does not mean that they only specialize in sexual addiction, but they do have special training in discussing sexual elements of relationships and their training is quite extensive.In addition to connecting sexually, you may consider discussing with your husband whether each of you are aware of things that make you feel valued, special, loved, and appreciated. It may be that making positive changes related to your sex life would also improve your relationship, and vice versa.
Question: I want a secure relationship with someone that wants to be with me and who will actually put effort into it.
 I seem to gravitate toward unavailable men and those that want intimacy and no relationship. I let men dictate and control me because they accuse me of being controlling. I let men emotionally abuse me and I am at their beck and call.
 I am not comfortable being alone or doing anything by myself. I feel I need the security of someone being around just to survive. I know what I'm doing wrong and I do it anyway just hoping things will change. How do I stop this behavior and thought process?
Counselor's response: Here are some things I'm wondering:Do you have close friends that you can talk to, trust, and who can be around sometimes when you're in between relationships?What do you like about yourself? What are your strongest points?Do you think you have been in relationships with controlling than in the past because it makes you feel as though you are worth something to them?What kind of relationship you want to be in?What are the top three or four attributes of the type of partner you want?What can you do to make yourself emotionally safe during your typical daily activities?Can you notice a list of things that you can control throughout a typical day? For example, you probably choose what to wear, what to eat, how to talk to others, how committed you are to school or work, etc.It also sounds as if it may be helpful to discover more about yourself in addition to what you look for in a partner.As far as emotional abuse, it may be useful to develop communication skills that you could use prior to their relationship progressing to the point that it is emotional abuse.Thank you for reaching out to ask questions. If the questions that I've asked here are difficult for you to answer or are overwhelming, talking with a local therapist would probably be something I would suggest.