Camo High Gravity Lager
Another punk rock show at my bar, another confiscated can of swill...am I lucky or what? So many enticements found on the labeling of this can. "Extra Smooth", it boasts, and also brandishes not 3 or 4, but 5 X's...whoa! "Super Premium", too! And what does the name mean? Short for camoflauge? But the can is green...should I drink it in a forest and try to blend in? Damn it, I'm so stoked to try this wondrous elixir, let's pull back the tab, and plunge in! Snap, crack, ah....crystalline clear, golden hued, large offering of snowy froth that rapidly collapses...just right for the style, high carbonation.... Aroma of high fructose corn syrup, butter, and Listerine (R). Raw and reeking of basic alcoholic phenols. taste: limited, and immediately overshadowed by high alcohol content...a drum beats in the brain, and it become a circle, a ring of tom toms pounding a monotonous rhythm designed not for liberating the soul in joyous celebration, but only physical punishment. the mallets meet the membrane in this orgy of sadism (the only way to describe the intents of anyone inflicting this mess on themselves). Very slim essence, almost no real flavor, just slick and somewhat sweet, but, BANG! BASH! BOOM!, the whip cracks and the poor frontal lobes feel the torture...you're only chasing this dragon if you're in it for gettin' crunked, am I right? a more astute and studied scholar of the malt liquor type can perhaps shed light on the finer distinctions of this particular brew, but whatever shades set it apart from it's brethren, making it more or less desirable, are lost on me. Just stanks...I'm currently on a dare with myself to see if I can finish the damned thing...hang on, maybe I can...no, I'm getting sick...and I'm not happy with this in me, not at all, friends. Very light bodied, with a limp, languid finish, the main staying aspect being the affect of the booze on the brain. Unpleasant flavor, if any. gonna have to save myself, and toss the rest...this is not fun, and, again, you only drink this if you want to get F'ed Up. Well, more power to you, but I'll stick to tastier vehicles for that particular project.