transcription: CHOOSE YOUR FIGHTER GREENSBIRO CHAD -Peak Caucasian masculinity -Lives to fuck, fucks to live. Has fucked your girlfriend, sister, mom, and dad -Master of every contact sport SPECIAL: Atomic Cumshot KYLE -Quick to anger although merciful at heart -Energy drinks activate Berserker rage -Can punch through ANY wall, regardless of composition SPECIAL: "The FUCK you say about my mom?" CHET -Ruthless, cold, and cunning Physically weak but can overpower enemies through sheer force of wealth -Single black friend renders him immune to all accusations of racism SPECIAL: Summon Legion of Lawyers TANNER -Expert survivalist -Chewing tobacco eliminates stamina loss -Camo renders him invisible in forested environments SPECIAL: Can use 1/16 Native American ancestry to summon a wendigo