This rental is in a great location. You are able to walk to the french quarter to all the restaurants/attractions and it has wifi. We were greeted by a guy who briefly introduced himself, the house, and then rushed out (we now believe it was to avoid all interaction or questions that might arise about the property). Upon further inspection, we began to recognize a consistent smell that we unanimously agreed can only be described as the remnants of a grandpa’s sneeze. The kitchen area was odd, with merely three dirty mini fridges that lack the common cold feature fridges are known for, without drawers for storage. The cabinets offered plates, coffee cups, and maybe 4 wine glasses for all 10 of us to share. A utensil tray sits out on the counter due to no drawers in the cabinetry...but that is the least of its charm. The kitchen faucet was broken and did not retract, and there was no hot water in the kitchen, or even water that is considered drinkable (it would be a nice gesture if management offered a Brita so guests did not have to rely on consistently purchasing water bottles-especially with the limited mini fridge capacity). Management was unable to repair the hot water issue in the kitchen, and the entire home was found extremely dirty upon arrival with gnats and flies flying around the kitchen area and a consistent supply of mosquitos that bit everyone as we tried to enjoy our stay. Speaking of cleanliness, the floors were dirty and sticky upon arrival, which we again had to ask management to clean. Management referred to all these problems as “quirks” of her “least favorite property”. The management was less of a butler/concierge and more “butt-hurt” by our requests. We were told that with this job they were kept too busy and couldn’t even spend time with their family, and that our arrival day was not a good day for them to attend to us, making the remainder of our stay somewhat awkward—I guess that is just the NOLA charm? Secondly, the breakfast that was advertised as “included” was not offered or given to us because the staff was “too overwhelmed” to fulfill their promise. To apologize for the inconvenience, we were offered a bottle of wine as a consolation prize for ten people over four days. Hmmm…should we do the math?
Moving on to more of the fun “quirks” of this charming residence: the four bathrooms are beautiful... despite only one of them being fully functional, and that bathroom not even having a closing door. In the other bathrooms, either the showers would be freezing cold, the toilet wouldn’t flush, or the light fixtures were broken making use of that particular bathroom obsolete unless you wanted to shower or use the restroom in complete darkness. We were told these problems would all be fixed by the next day. However, we left 4 days later with only the toilet being repaired and all 10 of us sharing the one shower that offered hot water and light…as we mentioned above, the door on this bathroom didn’t close completely or lock...but there was a handy dirty garbage can that we propped against the door to offer privacy. Additionally, when we first arrived, the shower drains were still clogged with hair from the previous renters, adding to the mystery New Orleans has to offer. Now, the idea of two tv’s in the same space seems like a perfect party trick for anyone looking for a good time, or to have sports on one channel and cartoons on the other, and that would be the case... if the tv’s were in sync, had a second audio output, and had more than one remote. Next, the rooms are clearly party central, since they were left obviously not cleaned beforehand. The hairs from previous parties were left in the sheets as a kind of “welcome gift” to our group, as well as the dirt and stains on the sheets/comforters to add some character. And not all of the outlets were functioning, helping the vacation be an “unplugged” experience. Additionally, the windows and doors aren’t very insulated. This makes way for plenty of bugs, outdoor conversations, and ~illicit activities~ to make their way in, bringing the NOLA outdoor experience into your very own room. If you choose this property just be sure to bring your earplugs, unless you want to hear all the juicy conversations from the other renters on the property. The furniture is... not much. Quite literally nothing to be excited about and we found it difficult for us all to lounge together after a long day. That is, except for the mysterious and large armoire, complete with doorbells and mirrors that further the suspicion toward what could possibly be hiding in there? Seriously, why is this enormous piece of furniture with no doors or drawers even in this house?
Something that is no mystery, however, is the extravagance of the outdoor areas which are advertised greatly. Don’t count on any photo-ops because these areas are consistently covered with leaves and dirt. While it does have huge potential, nothing is “insta-worthy” without bringing a handheld vacuum and a masterful filter. This outdoor space and the pool are shared with the other properties. Unfortunately, the pool looked murky constantly, and you could see mounds of sand or dirt in the bottom. Management was seen throwing in buckets of chemicals and blue dye (?) to try and make it the poolside experience promised.
Nev Schulman, above all, would love this place, as it is an ultimate catfish. Although it is not what is advertised, and if you are with friends/family that can look the other way and still have a fun experience, the location truly is great. Needless to say, it was a memorable experience. Update: our group just received a 5 star rating from the management of this establishment because we left the home in great shape..it was probably because of