Ok so this is far from the worst place I have stayed in. It was clean enough. But:
1.) Insanely hot. Be prepared to have the fan going the entire time. A fan that sounds like a jet from Top Gun taking off.
2.) Speaking of loud noises - I checked in around 5pm and heard someone from the main house playing drums non-stop until 6:30pm. This isn't a quiet idyllic Topanga getaway you go to to escape the city and recharge. It is directly off Old Topanga Highway, so you will hear car engine noises regularly.
3.) Wi-Fi. Good god. I saw other reviews talk about how horrible the internet is here. I didn't expect nor need immaculate Fiber/1GB speeds. But, I couldn't even open my browser on any of my devices to pull up a speed test.
4.) No cell signal. Which coupled with Item #3, is very unsafe. You literally have no means of reaching emergency services or loved ones, if needed.
5.) Logistics - Front gate was extremely hard to open and felt like it was going to snap at the hinges if you push it with the force required to actually open it. There is also not enough privacy. There is only a sheer curtain in front of the shower window. I don't know about everyone else, but I typically take showers naked and sort of want at least a modicum of privacy.
6.) There is exposed wiring in the bathroom which, in Topanga where several regular wildfires and dry brush are commonplace, ain't a good look at all.
I didn't even stay the night. I had remote work to do there and wanted to have some peace and quiet. I just drove back to my apartment in LA, lol.