Now this is the story all about how
My trip to London got flipped, turned upside down.
And I’d like to take a minute, just sit right there,
I’ll tell you how I became the victim of Van-Zyl.
Arrived in London, with my bro to chill,
Checked into a sweet flat in Notting Hill.
Bathroom was cold as the heat was broke,
Called Van and said “can you fix it, bloke?”
When Van said ‘sorry, it’s not my concern’,
I said ‘okay’, didn’t wanna be stern!
So the bath was frosty and just one set of keys,
But the flat was sweet so we just said ‘aw, geez’.
We were sittin’ with some friends just chillin’ in,
When a key turned it the lock and someone came right in.
We were shocked to see her as she was us,
And right then and there we knew something was amuss!
Then Van called and said ‘can you leave for goodness sake’?
‘The owners are coming and I made a mistake!’
I’ll refund your dough and move ya to Battersea,
Don’t mind the cab ride, that’s on me.
‘It’s a sweet pad’, he assured us both,
‘Clean and comfy though I know it’s not close.’
We tried to be nice and said okay,
Packed up and left the very next day.
Now you might think that’s the end of my story,
But actually it’s just where it starts to get gory.
New pad sucks, it’s dirty and run down,
Raw sewage smell and the white rugs are brown.
The dishes were dirty and and the toilet broke,
Van said ‘just pour a bucket of water down it, bloke’
We stayed two nights, though it should’ve been three,
Then to an airport hotel we decided to flee.
So I’m writing this just to let you know,
Van has 50 flats to which you can go.
But sit right down and heed my story well,
Or you too might become the victim of Van-Zyl.