Where to begin?
From memory the description of the property is of its being a rural and riverside retreat, which, judging by the beautiful photos of the owners view, it may very well be. Platypus may frolic in the streams, unicorns and pixies may dance in the meadows, the scene may be utterly idyllic; you won’t be seeing that. Your view will be of (1) the blank back wall of the owner’s house a metre away (2) the driveway with 4x4’s parked in it (3) the bricked parking area. There are houses directly beside on both sides and straight across the road and the existence of a river remains a mystery, making the “rural and river” descriptors entirely incomprehensible and innocent of truth; though in fairness the ad does say that the photos show the Owners Views, not yours. The reasons for that are fairly obvious.
The stay started with our entering the room and hitting a solid wall of orange scented “essential oil”, so powerful that within 5 minutes my wife had developed a headache and, having found and removed the orange scented “essential oil”, we fled for several hours, leaving some windows open in the hope that the smell would dissipate. It did to the point where we could breathe, but it permeated everything. The scent was promptly dubbed “Agent Orange” and I’m certain that sprayed on any nearby foliage it would have killed it within minutes.
Staying as a ‘guest’ involves Rules. Lots of Rules and Penalties some of which are outlined here.
If you don’t clean and put everything away before you leave there’ll be an addition cleaning charge, which begs the question what the initial cleaning charge was for?
Ironically I used a cup which, when taken fresh from the cupboard, was dirty with a sticky red scum inside. Not only had the owner not cleaned, they hadn’t checked the cleaning of others.
Cold at night? Don’t us the heater, or you’ll be charged extra. Leave a light on overnight or when you’re not there? My guess is you’ll be charged extra.
Like to wear shoes indoors? Don’t, you’ll wear out the vinyl imitation wood flooring.
Need the internet? There’s WiFi, but it probably won’t work and it not their fault.
They may contain many of the same letters, but there is a vast gap between hospitality and hostility.
My advice would be stay in a hotel, which will cost the same but where the price you pay will entitle you to relax and enjoy your stay in a reasonable level of comfort. You may not experience a rural and river retreat, but you were never going to experience that anyway.