Trust is a shared community between individuals who create trust, but can also become the opposite when trust is not an obvious element in the situation. Some patients said it is alright for their significant others to come for short visits, as long as they knew they were coming. Others didn’t even need them present in the room as long as they knew they were nearby. To others the complete opposite was the case. . . . it felt safe having her there . . . and knowing she was there . . . then she had to leave the room for a moment, I must have slept . . . and I called her . . . she didn’t answer . . . several times . . . finally I pa- nicked. She was gone. (Male 64 years) To these patients the presence created safety on a significantly more existential level. Patients also describe what it’s like to be at the centre of their community. They reveal how significant others have wanted to come because they felt obliged, but have ended up being there for the patient. Patients often feel they take priority over other family members and that some of their loved ones take time off from their work to visit. . . . when I opened my eyes my kids were there and said mommy we’re here . . . then I relaxed and . . . I guess it gave me the strength to fight. (Female 70 years). Sharing community and the confirmation significant others provide by focusing on the ICU patient is significant to the sense of belonging. This form of affirmative inclusion patients experience is signifi- cant for their life courage and seems to positively affect the healing of the body. Sharing community with significant others may be difficult for some patients because of a lack of capacity and a need to protect themselves in the situation. Leaving the responsibility in the hands of their significant others is also seen as a positive characteristic of the community. The ICU patient feels stuck in the middle between their personal sense of incapacity and the demands they experience in the situation. . . . consciously or unconsciously I have pushed them to their limits . . . I wanted them to take control over my life and make decisions again. (Female 34 years) This can be understood as a strong desire to be liberated from the strain they are under as patients, and to limit the focus on self*giving them the opportunity to rest. ICU patients experiences in a situation of critical illness The challenge of drawing the line between personal and collective responsibility Patients feel responsible for explaining to their spouses or calming their parents and being in charge of organising the agenda of significant others, deciding who should come, and at what times. This role also applies to the limits they set for their spouses. . . . not allowed to visit three times a day . . . he was pallid and tired . . . I had to take charge so he wouldn’t collapse, I had to look after my family. (Female 34 years) Patients understand their own position, but also the position of their significant others. They respond to significant others’ situation and act to prevent further development in and adding strain to them- selves as well as their loved ones. By being in charge they also consider what would be best for their close relatives and what they need to be shielded from. Patients hid their personal pain in situations where particular medical instruments were used, so that it wouldn’t mark the memory of their significant others, especially the children. They also hid the truth by distorting or altering facts to shield their significant others. . . . must not feel responsible . . . not to be so frightened . . . no I guess it is to protect them . . . I know how hard it was for them when I was in intensive care. (Female 60 years) The ICU patients tried to reduce the strain on their significant others and to soften reality. From this it is possible to deduct that the patient makes a choice between taking charge or leave responsibility to their significant others. Patients often chose to carry this burden alone. ICU patients fear for their significant others and try to make sure their significant others are continually updated by staff or try to comfort their significant others themselves. They are con- cerned with how their loved ones cope at home, practically, but also emotionally during this difficult time. . . . I had so much on my mind . . . I thought of the children . . . the grandchildren, what would happen to them . . . and the man I had lived with for more than fifty years. (Female 75 years) The fear and involvement patients demonstrate in the lives of their significant others is a testimony of love, care, and dependency between patients and their significant others, but it is also symbolic of a Citation: Int J Qualitative Stud Health Well-being 2010; 5: 5120 - DOI: 10.3402/qhw.v5i4.5120 5 (page number not for citation purpose)