S-T. D. Fredriksen and T. Svensson hearing this from my parents . . . but when friends did it, I felt they were nagging. (Female 34 years) The significance of parental presence was high among those who experienced it, but also riddled with conflicts. Their presence was felt as ‘‘something bound to the body*a blood relation,’’ which they needed and feared losing if the parents left. The patients also experienced that assertive situations had a reinforcing effect. When the situation is assertive and difficult, the response from those who are familiar with the patient’s life and history may be the factor that confirms or refutes whether the patient’s experience is based on facts or fiction. . . . I told my daughter we were on holidays and that I was ill. And she could tell me no, you haven’t been there . . . and I learnt more . . . and suddenly everything seemed to fall into place. (Male 64 years) This situation can be seen as moving between different dimensions where the conflict between proximity and distance to significant others can be observed in the patient’s reactions to the worldly dimension that is most pressing at the moment, and which position the significant other has in this dimension. Ambivalent reactions to experiential expressions of significant others The ICU patients describe how they are affected by the bodily expressions of their significant others. They reveal how significant others compare reac- tions and draw parallels to their own situation; by explaining that their own situation had been worse or that their own coping strategies were better. Patients with small children found it particularly difficult to sense what their children understood and worried when children reacted strongly to their parent’s lack of coping the way they expected the child to. . . . hard to know how much they understood of it all . . . I’ve spoken to the eldest quite a lot, the two others have reacted like mommy you are stupid, mommy you are ill and you are silly not to be out of bed. (Female 34 years) This is typical for the ambivalence in children, the expectations of parental involvement and the distant incapacity and inability of the ICU patient. Children’s expressions may provoke emotional conflicts since critical illness prevents their parents from natural intervention. Patients are also often directly affected by the reactions their significant others display. The presence of their most important significant others allow patients to live in a dichotomy between sharing and distance. ‘‘ . . . he (husband) is the one I have shared most of my life with . . . but not everything in it’’ (Female 54 years). This is the loneliness of sharing with someone, sharing some things in life and keeping other things private. In this context the ICU patient’s body exists in existential movement between seclusion and distance and being near to the other (Fredriksen, Talseth, & Svensson, 2008). Some ICU patients see their significant others expressing their suffering as anger, fear, and despair while others hide their fear and vulnerability. Some responses from close rela- tives were particularly strong. . . . she (mother) had me as her favourite, but this was beyond anything I had experienced . . . and . . . I never noticed until I saw it (in the ICU). (Female 20 years) Patient experiences reflect a sense of vulnerability derived from their significant others’ appreciation and sacrifices, but patients also feel a sense of shame and guilt from being unable to reciprocate. When their significant others were encouraging and hope- ful this benefited the patient’s situation. This posi- tive attitude appears in small remarks like: . . . almost a month in coma . . . / / . . . I was in (coma) . . . then my little girl said that the last thing you lose is the ability to hear. (Female 70 years) This is power significant others can provide, which creates hope, but also hopelessness in which the patient’s will to struggle may be lost. Shared experiences may both reinforce and weaken a sense of community It is a strong desire among ICU patients to have their significant others bodily present, and particularly parents, spouse, or partner. ‘‘ . . . mommy was here . . . she was mine . . . you know mommy is mommy . . . you see’’ (Female 20 years). Experiences like these indicate the existence of a close bodily relationship, but these assertive phrases may also contain a fear that this relationship may be threatened. Confidence and trust are important to patients in the ICU unit, but some significant others seem to provide trust better than others. Trust is described in the following statement. ‘‘ . . . what I told her stayed a secret with her, and what she told me stayed with me (Female 53 years).’’ 4 (page number not for citation purpose) Citation: Int J Qualitative Stud Health Well-being 2010; 5: 5120 - DOI: 10.3402/qhw.v5i4.5120