text: BrowseBrowseInterestsBiography & MemoirBusiness & LeadershipFiction & LiteraturePolitics & EconomyHealth & WellnessSociety & CultureHappiness & Self-HelpMystery, Thriller & CrimeHistoryYoung AdultBrowse byBooksAudiobooksComicsSheet MusicBrowse allUploadSign inJoinBooksAudiobooksComicsSheet MusicWelcome to Scribd! Start your free trial and access books, documents and more.Find out more1hc F-L ßcadcr 16-pagc Hini-Book \crsionlí you decíde lo quíl your íírsl week íh oíííce, gc tc page 16.
  lí you decíde lo díc íh ahd ruíe lhe halíoh, gc tc page Z. ¥ou are Sarah Palln, the former governor of Alaska. Pour years ago, you ran alongslde Arlzona Senator 1ohn McCaln for the whlte House and you falled. 8ut now, ln 20l2, thlngs have turned around. ¥ou have ìust won the presldentlal electlon and wlth vlce Presldent Chuck Norrls you now have the ablllty to change the course of Amerlcan hlstory. 8ut also, you know lt won't be easy.
  lí you decíde lo co lo your desk ahd work, gc tc page 5.
  lí you decíde lo co lo lhe wíhdow, gc tc page 3.
  Now lhal you've decíded lo co ahead ahd be presídehl, you have a íísl a mííe íohc oí lhíhcs lhal you heed lo chahce. You've col lo reduce lhe íederaí coverhmehl, díc íor oíí everywhere, ahd slop lhe homosexuaís írom marryíhc. Whííe you're íookíhc al your ¨lo do¨ íísl írom lhe Ovaí Oíííce, you hear proleslers chahlíhc oulsíde.
  To chahce lhe dríhkíhc ace lo 14, turn tc page 4.
  To creale a Cahadíah border waíí, turn tc page 5.
  You pul dowh lhe papers you're síchíhc lo chahce lhe dríhkíhc ace lo 14, lhrow your haír íhlo a slyíísh bouííahl lwísl, ahd co lo lhe wíhdow. ll's lhose pesky Mexícahs acaíh.
  8o, íl seems lhal how lhe íírsl lhíhc oh your íísl lo lackíe ís lhís ímmícralíoh probíem. As íar as you cah leíí, lhese border·crossers are lakíhc íobs írom decehl hardworkíhc Amerícahs. Ríchl lheh, 8ecrelary oí 8lale, Bííí O'Reíííy, ahd 8ecrelary oí lhe lce, Oíympíah 8arah Huches, remíhd you lhal íl's hol íusl lhe Mexícahs who are lhe probíem, lhe Cahadíahs have beeh crossíhc lhe border íreeíy íor years. íreeíy íor years. ¨ll's hol íusl our soulherh border, bul our horlherh border, loo,¨ Bííí saíd. ¨We cah'l lrusl olher couhlríes lo prolecl us.¨
  ¨Why slop al a Cahadíah border waíí!¨ 8arah asked. ¨We shouíd have ah easlerh ahd a weslerh border waíí loo.¨ ¨Weíí 8arah, you're lhe presídehll¨ Bííí saíd. ¨You cah do whal you wahl.¨
  lí you choose lo spehd lhe resl oí your lerm vacalíohíhc íh Mexíco, turn tc page 11.
  lí you choose lo relurh lo lhe Whíle House, turn tc page 5.
  You leíí lhem lhal you'íí lhíhk aboul lhe Cahadíah border waíí, bul ríchl how your íírsl príoríly ís lo sích lhís íaw lo chahce lhe dríhkíhc ace lo 14. ll'íí reaííy boosl your approvaí ralíhcs írom lhe youlh democraphícl
  Bul lhose proleslers oulsíde are slííí yammeríhc up a slorm, so lo shul lhem up, you decíde lo ahhex Mexíco ahd lurh íl íhlo a síave slale. Tea Farly members are each cíveh mayorshíps íh Mexícah víííaces, íhcíudíhc Todd Faííh who wííí how be lhe mayor oí Cahcuh. You aíso lurh a lhousahd square mííes íh lhe cehler oí lhe Mexícah slale íhlo a wííd came preserve, where ehdahcered ehdahcered ahímaís írom aíí over lhe woríd are ííowh íh lo be huhled.
  Ahd as you waík lhrouch lhe lropícaí slreels oí síave slale Mexíco, íookíhc al lhe síaves workíhc hard íh lhe ííeíds whííe lhe red·bíooded Amerícahs cuzzíe marcarílas happííy íh lhe shade, you íeeí salísííed wílh lhe work you've dohe here.
  lí you decíde lo cahceí pubííc schooí íor a year lo lrahsporl lhe íoreíalhers lo lhe present. gc tc page 6.
  lí you decíde lo keep lhe schooís íh sessíoh, gc tc page 7.
  You are back al your desk researchíhc how much a waíí oh lhe Cahadíah border wouíd cosl. You say lo yourseíí, ¨lhís couhlry heeds lo be back where íl was wheh our íoreíalhers were aííve. lsoíaled. Whíle. Amerícah. lí ohíy lhe íoreíalhers couíd be here how. Bul how!¨
  Ríchl lheh, you remember lhal you mel a scíehlísl back oh lhe campaích lraíí who was researchíhc líme lraveí, Dr. Haíííax. You caíí íor your Mexícah lo bríhc you lhe phohe ahd you ríhc lhís doclor oí líme lraveí ahd ask hím lo lrahsporl Ceorce Washíhcloh, Beh Frahkííh, Johh Adams, ahd Thomas Jeííersoh lo lhe year 2012. Dr. Haíííax leíís you lhal he cah do íl, bul lhal lhal íl wííí cosl lhe exacl same amouhl as lhe yearíy budcel íor Ameríca's schooís. Cahceíííhc schooís íor a year seems ííke a prelly cood ídea. Bul doíhc lhal couíd íead more kíds lo íoíh cahcs or become híp hop arlísls. Decísíohs, decísíohsl
  Turn tc page 1Z.
  You have lhe mohey how. You co slraíchl lo Dr. Haíííax. Wílhíh míhules Ceorce Washíhcloh, Beh Frahkííh, Johh Adams, ahd Thomas Jeííersoh are aíí síllíhc besíde you. You leíí hím aíí aboul Ameríca loday ahd how so mahy peopíe are lryíhc lo lake away lhe íreedoms he worked so hard lo secure íor lhe peopíe oí lhe couhlry. ¨l am so happy you are presídehl,¨ Ceorce Washíhcloh saíd. ¨You are lhe ohíy ohe who cah save lhe lrue spíríl oí Ameríca.¨
  ¨ll ís líme íor us lo co back lo lhe pasl how,¨ Johh Adams saíd. ¨Fresídehl Faííh, íl ís aíí íh your hahds.¨
  lí you decíde lo burh dowh 8ah Frahcísco íor lhe íhsurahce mohey, co tc page 8.
  lí you decíde lo co lo war wílh Russía, co tc page 9.
  You dídh'l cíose dowh lhe schooís bul you khow you have lo do somelhíhc lo cel some mohey. Více Fresídehl Norrís succesls burhíhc dowh 8ah Frahcísco íor lhe íhsurahce mohey. You hever ííked 8ah Frahcísco ahyway, so lhal seems ííke a cood ídea. Více Fresídehl Norrís saíd he wouíd be happy lo do íl. Bul aíso, you've beeh dyíhc lo co lo war wílh Russía íor years how. You're síck oí lhem íh your backyard poíhlíhc lheír hukes al you. You're prelly sure lhal íí you cohquer Russía, you'íí have ehouch mohey lo bríhc lhe íoreíalhers up lo lhe presehl day.
  lí you decíde lo spehd lhe híchl wrílíhc aholher book, co tc page 6.
  lí you decíde lhal wrílíhc a book ís loo much work, co tc page 15.
  8ah Frahcísco ís íh ííames, bul íor some reasoh lhe halíoh reacls hecalíveíy. You heed lhese líme lraveííhc íoreíalhers more lhah ever. You have ah ídea, lhouch. You couíd spehd lhe híchl wrílíhc a book lo raíse lhe mohey heeded lo bríhc lhem lo lhe presehl.
  To sích ah order lo lurh Aíaska's halíohaí íoresls íhlo lhe Nalíohaí Oíí Freserves, co tc page 10.
  To íísleh lo Cary ahd becíh draílíhc lhírleeh·year·oíds, co tc page 13.
  ¥ou are now at war wlth Pussla and you thought the Pusslans wouldn't stand a chance because after successfully endlng the wars wlth |raq and Afghanlstan by havlng both countrles nuked, all resources were dlrected towards thls war, a.k.a. The war Por Patrlotlc Amerlcanness. 8ut lt turns out those Pusslans are puttlng up more of a ñght than you thought they would. |t's tlme to make a hard declslon. Maybe there's an easler way to make money. Maybe you should back out of thls war and ìust do more drllllng for oll on Amerlcan soll - turn Alaska lnto the Natlonal Oll Preserves.
  ¥our most trusted advlsor Gary doesn't llke thls though. He's worrled you'll look weak lf you back out of thls war. He says lf you want to wln the war you should requlre all Amerlcan cltlzens over the age of fourteen to ìoln the mllltary. |f they're old enough to drlnk, they're old enough to ñght. And any Amerlcan refuslng to hold a weapon should be shot on the spot and thelr bodles are hung ln town squares palnted wlth the word "traltor". the word "traltor".
  lí you lhíhk you deserve a break, co tc page 11.
  lí you're ready íor more chaííehces, co tc page 1Z.
  You sích ah order lo lurh Aíaska's halíohaí íoresls íhlo lhe Nalíohaí Oíí Freserves. Ahd íusl íor íuh, lhe mííííohs oí hew oíí weíís have beeh píaced íh a íormalíoh so lhal lhey speíí oul ¨Cod Bíess lhe U8A¨ íh cursíve. Whal cah you say, you íove lhís couhlry.
  Maybe you deserve a vacalíoh lo resl up írom aíí lhe hard work you've beeh doíhc. Theh acaíh, maybe you shouíd píuhce ahead ííxíhc lhe halíoh.
  lí you decíde lo slay íh Mexíco, co tc page 16.
  lí you decíde lo co back lo lhe Whíle House co tc page 1Z.
  You're oh lhe beach íh lhe síave slale oí Mexíco, reíaxíhc uhder a suh umbreíía. Jusl lheh your phohe ríhcs. ll's Více Fresídehl Norrís.
  ¨Cohcress was mad lhal you decíared a permahehl slale oí presídehlíaí emercehcy ahd lhey aíí quíl,¨ Chuck saíd. ¨Wheh everyohe eíse heard aboul íl lhe whoíe couhlry slarled ríolíhc.¨
  ¨Bul l íusl col herel¨ you saíd.
  You have a decísíoh lo make. You couíd íusl slay oh permahehl vacalíoh here íh Mexíco, or you couíd co back lo work ííke Chuck wahls you lo.
  lí you decíde lo íísleh lo Ruperl, co tc page 14.
  lí you decíde lo íísleh lo Cary, co tc page 13.
  You wahl lo do more. Eveh wílh lhe decímalíoh oí lraq ahd Aíchahíslah, lhere are slííí píehly oí lerrorísls oul lhere waílíhc lo lake us dowh. Your hexl slep ís lo beeí up securíly al Ameríca's aírporls eveh more. The T8A's body scahhers íusl areh'l ehouch, bul you're hol sure whal lo do. Luckííy you have a creal croup oí advísers. ¨l've col ah ídea,¨ 8ecrelary oí Homeíahd 8ecuríly Ruperl Murdoch says, ¨Aíí passehcers shouíd be lhrowh íhlo a pooí beíore boardíhc lhe aírpíahe, síhce everyohe khows lhal lerrorísls wííí síhk, because lhey have ho souís lo make lhem buoyahl.¨
  ¨l've col ah ídea loo,¨ Ehercy 8ecrelary Cary saíd. ¨We shouíd have aírporl securíly add shípers lo lhe screehíhc process so lhey cah íusl eíímíhale ahy suspícíous passehcers ahd aíso make lhose íohc ííhes move a ííllíe more quíckíy.¨
  Turn tc page 15.
  You ííslehed lo your mechahíc Cary ahd 20,000 peopíe are shol ahd kíííed íh íusl ohe week. Lols oí peopíe are mad. Bul your supporlers slahd by you. lh íacl, lhe way some peopíe are compíaíhíhc aboul you ohíy makes lhem ííke you more.
  You ííslehed lo Ruperl Murdoch ahd íííleeh peopíe drowh íh lhe íírsl week oí lhe hew aírííhe screehíhc procedures. Lols oí peopíe are mad. Bul your supporlers slahd by you. lh íacl, lhe way some peopíe are compíaíhíhc aboul you ohíy makes lhem ííke you more.
  lí you decíde lo quíl beíhc presídehl ahd slarl your speakíhc lour, gc tc page 16.
  lí you decíde lo slarl over ahd lackíe lhe halíoh's probíems acaíh, gc tc page Z.
  ¥ou reallze that belng presldent ls a lot of work. Maybe lt lsn't worth lt. ¥ou could start your post-presldency speaklng tour rlght now and make upwards of $200,000 for every slngle appearance. That's not even countlng the money you could get from pald televlslon appearances.
  ¥our name wlll be ln every slngle hlstory book untll the end of tlme. Good ìob, Sarah Palln. ¥ou were presldent!
  5)&&/%
  More From This UserThe Ecstasy of Defeat Exclusive ExcerptSarah Palin's Presidency Adventure
  Binder5 by The_Onion88 viewsEmbedDownloadRead on Scribd mobile: iPhone, iPad and Android.Copyright: Attribution Non-Commercial (BY-NC)Download as PDF, TXT or read online from ScribdFlag for inappropriate contentMore informationShow less
  RelatedExcerpt: Patrick Buchanan's "Suicide of a Superpower"by wamu885Whose Country is This-pat Buchananby tuffstuff49Patrick Buchanan - 1992 RNC culture warby prowlingDr Charles Krauthammer MDby PRMurphySimilar to Sarah Palin's Presidency AdventureExcerptWhose Country is This-pat BuchananPatrick Buchanan - 1992 RNC culture warDr Charles Krauthammer MDSarah Palin and the Wasilla Warriors; The True Story of the Improbable 1982 Alaska State Basketball Championship200002 American RenaissanceChurchill, Hitler, and "The Unnecessary War" by Patrick J. Buchanan - Excerpt