Forum: workplace.stackexchange.com
Tags: <professionalism><communication><colleagues><team>
Title: How to decline invite to team dinner when I have a prior engagement?
Question: I am being invited to a team dinner which I won't be able to attend as I have to go for swimming coaching classes every evening.   I don't know how to decline the invitation and also politely tell them that I am a team player but I have personal issues and cannot attend evening engagements?

Answers:
sents: text: Just say that you have a prior engagement that you can't decline, and that you're unable to accept this invitation.
text: It won't be taken badly, and won't have an effect on your career progression in this company.
text: It's accepted that event dates or times might not suit everyone.
answer_details: author: workplace.stackexchange.com/users/None/
score: 125
sents: text: I've seen a number of questions lately that seem to be almost self-answering, if you follow one simple guideline: Unless you have a very good reason not to, simply tell the truth with respect and politeness.
text: This isn't just a guideline for this particular question; it's a good mode of thought going forward.
text: In this case?
text: Your boss wants to throw together a dinner for the team, but you can't make it because you have swim coaching classes at that time?
text: Then simply say: "
text: Hi - I want to go, but I can't at that time.
text: I've got swim coaching classes every Friday at 6 PM."
answer_details: author: workplace.stackexchange.com/users/83339/Kevin
score: 74
sents: text: Usually, team dinners aren't mandatory.
text: They're great for team building but you're not forced to go.
text: You can politely decline explaining that you have other engagements or personal constraints.
text: But, if you are available another evening or on week-end, you can ask to change the date:
text: Thanks for the invitation but due to personal constraints, I'm unavailable after work.
text: Can we reschedule on a Saturday evening ?
answer_details: author: workplace.stackexchange.com/users/80851/LP154
score: 9
sents: text: The only time this would be unacceptable is if you knew prior to being a coach that you had this dinner.
text: But if you are already a coach, and this dinner came up, simply say you have prior obligations and cannot make it.
text: If asked, just be honest and say you are a coach for a swim team.
answer_details: author: workplace.stackexchange.com/users/40006/Dan
score: 3
sents: text: I think the answer to this question depends on what line of work you're in and how high in the hierarchy you are, as well as whether you are hoping to get promoted or not.
text: To be clear: if you are an hourly worker, there is typically a low expectation for putting in unpaid hours.
text: You would be completely in your rights to declare all unpaid time yours and act accordingly.
text: However, if you are in a profession, or simply a salaried worker, declaring that your job stops at 5:01 each and every night is short-sighted and likely to lead to (at a minimum) being passed up for promotion in favor of someone who is willing to go the extra mile at least occasionally.
text: So, while I agree that a simple statement of truth like "I have other obligations every night after work" is the best way to get out of a team dinner meeting, if the question behind your question is really "should I do this/
text: can I get away with it," think hard about your work culture as well as your 18 month and 3 year goals.
answer_details: author: workplace.stackexchange.com/users/111597/neurodoc
score: 1
sents: text: Is there a pattern?
text: I tend to end up on multiple team dinners/events in a year (especially counting leaving drinks etc.).
text: I have missed plenty and at everyone I have attended there are people missing for one reason or another.
text: I can't see an issue with missing one.
text: If you miss all of them
text: I could see it being an issue.
text: It won't be taken badly.
text: Just say you have a prior engagement or even that you have coaching lessons and that you hope to make the next one.
answer_details: author: workplace.stackexchange.com/users/62664/Christy
score: 1

Summary of the answers:
You should politely decline and say that you have a prior engagement that you can't decline. If asked, you can be honest about the swim coaching.
The best course of action in this situation may depend on the company, your position and your work aspirations. However, most people would probably agree that honesty is the best policy and that you should simply explain that you have a prior engagement and will not be able to attend.