10/18/2022

1

The

POWER 

of a

MINDFUL

APOLOGY

1 Presented by Valerie Harragin, Principal, FMCS Institute Krystil Smith, FMCS Training Specialist An Introduction to 

The Mindful Apology

• What is an Apology?

• Why Apologize?

• The Six Elements of A Mindful Apology

• Sincerity in Apologies 2 What is an Apology?

noun 1 a :an admission of error or discourtesy accompanied by 

an expression of regret

apology

1

2

3
10/18/2022

2

An apology is a good way to the 

have the last word.

- Unknown

Workplace Apology Dynamics

Why Apologize?

4

5

6
10/18/2022

3

Apologies Can Open Doors

Apologies Can Heal

A sincere apology is the super 

glue of life. It can repair just 

about anything. 

- Lynn Johnston

7

8

9
10/18/2022

4

Apologies

Can Become

Workplace

Cultural Norms

1. Expression of Regret

2. Explanation of what is Wrong

3. Acknowledgement of Responsibility

4. Declaration of Repentance

5. Offer of Repair

6. Request for Forgiveness

The Six Elements of a Mindful Apology

Source: An Exploration of the Structure of Effective Apologies. Lewicki, Polin. April 2016 Pat, the lead of a project team, was dissatisfied 

with Alex’s recent work on the project. 

In the last meeting, Pat yelled at Alex in front of the rest of the team. Alex feels humiliated and requested to be moved 

to another project. 

10

11

12
10/18/2022

5

1. Expression of regret

1. Expression of regret “I am sorry.”

13

14

15
10/18/2022

6

2. Explain What Went Wrong

“I lost my temper and yelled at you in front of 

our team, which I realize was hurtful and 

humiliating to you.”

3. Acknowledgment of Responsibility

I Was Wrong. I was wrong, and I should never have done that.

4. Declaration of Repentance

I will do better. 

16

17

18
10/18/2022

7

5. Offer of Repair

“I would like to start by acknowledging to the 

rest of the team that I was wrong for yelling at you. Would you be comfortable with that, Alex?”

6. Ask for Forgiveness

“I hope you can forgive me and that you would 

consider staying on this team.”

POLL #1

What is the most important element 

of the apology?

What is the least important element 

of the apology?

19

20

21
10/18/2022

8

Which element is the hardest to include when making an apology?

POLL #2

1. Expression of Regret

2. Explanation of What Went Wrong

3. Acknowledgement of Responsibility

4. Declaration of Repentance

5. Offer of Repair

6. Request for Forgiveness

The Six Elements of a Mindful Apology

Source: An Exploration of the Structure of Effective Apologies. Lewicki, Polin. April 2016 What makes 

an apology

sincere?

22

23

24
10/18/2022

9

No apology will have meaning if we haven’t listened carefully to the hurt party’s anger and pain. More than anything, the hurt party needs 

to know that we really ‘get it,’ that our empathy and remorse are genuine, that their feelings make sense, that we will carry some of the pain we’ve caused, and that we will do our best to make sure there’s no repeat performance.”

-Harriet Lerner

Apology 

I’m sorry IF...

Conditional Apology

Source: Ghana News | MyJoyOnline.com

25

26

27
10/18/2022

10

I’m sorry that you...

Blame-Shifting Apology

Source: Ghana News | MyJoyOnline.com

Cures the Blame!

I’m sorry. I realize 

that MY ACTIONS 

MADE you...

I’m sorry but...

Excuse-Making Apology

Source: Ghana News | MyJoyOnline.com

28

29

30
10/18/2022

11

Never ruin a good apology 

with an excuse. 

- Benjamin Franklin

I was just/only...

Justifying Apology

Source: Ghana News | MyJoyOnline.com

You know...

Nothing-to-Apologize-for Apology

Source: Ghana News | MyJoyOnline.com

31

32

33
10/18/2022

12

I am sorry –

it was just a joke. 

Unapologetic Apology

Have you used any of these Apology 

Spoilers?

Which one of these Apology Spoilers 

surprise you the most?

POLL #3

FMCS Institute Additional Apology Training

• Use of Apology in Mediation

• Timing of Apology

• Liability of Apology

• Sincere Non-Apology

• Why it is so hard to apologize

• Forgiveness and other outcomes

• Apology Not Accepted

https://www.fmcs.gov/fmcs-institute- registration/ 36

34

35

36
10/18/2022

13

We’re Sorry!

We’ve reached the end! • Reflect • Assess • Practice! • Implement 37

37