"#$%&%'!"

Case 4:11-cv-00194-WS-CAS Document 12-5 Filed 07/11/11 Page 1 of 33
DRAFT DRAFT DRAFT DRAFT 

START SMART WORKBOOK 

For couples completing the ZOE Premarital inventory 

YOUR NAME: ___________________________________ 

Case 4:11-cv-00194-WS-CAS Document 12-5 Filed 07/11/11 Page 2 of 33
2 

TABLE OF CONTENTS 

OVER VIEW............................................................................................................. 3-4 

SECTION I 

(4-5 hours including taking ZOE inventory) 

Before you Begin H On Your Own 

Exercises that must be completed BEFORE Start Smart course, marriage coaching 

Zoe Follow-Up Session (30 min) .......................................................................... 5 

Exposing Marriage Myths @ Are You Ready to Get Married? (10 min) ................ 6 

Deciding To Marry @ The Power of Choice (5 min) .............................................. 7 

Personality Assessment (10 min)......................................................................... 8 

Common Characteristics for Personality Types (10 min) ..................................... 9-10 

Track Your Spending for One Month (60 min) ..................................................... 11 

Managing your Money (10 min)............................................................................ 12 

Family Budget Planning Sheet (60 min)............................................................... 13 

SECTION II 

(4 hours) 

Start Smart H Course Work 

Culture of Belonging/Rejection, Daily Temperature Reading, Sex and Intimacy . 

Happy face, Nothing Box, Anger study ................................................................ 

Design your paradise, Dialogue Guide, Four Horsemen of Divorce .................... 

Finances, Covenant or Contract........................................................................... 

Things I love and adore about my future Spouse................................................. 14 

PAIRS Communication Skills ............................................................................... 15-16 

The Road to Financial Security ............................................................................ 17-19 

The 5 Biggest Retirement Mistakes ..................................................................... 20-21 

Getting to Know you (101 questions) ................................................................... 22-25 

Marriage Commitment Pledge.............................................................................. 26 

APPENDIX 

Program Evaluation.............................................................................................. 27-28 

Certificate of Completion ...................................................................................... 29 

Marriage and Family Resources ......................................................................... 30-31 

Case 4:11-cv-00194-WS-CAS Document 12-5 Filed 07/11/11 Page 3 of 33
3 

OVERVIEW

Are You .Fit2 To Be Tied? 

Plan for your wedding AND your marriage! 

By Richard Albertson 

Will the perfect dress, the beautiful new set of china, and a few words of 

sound advice from your parents really be enough to prepare you for a 

lifelong marriage? 

Marriage is the deepest, most intimate, and potentially the most 

gratifying of all human relationships, but it is also one of the most 

demanding. Unfortunately many engaged couples are so focused on 

preparing for their wedding, they forget to prepare for their marriage. 

Why not plan for both your wedding AND your marriage? 

Marriage can be one of life's sweetest adventures, but it is also one of the riskiest. With the 

divorce rate hovering around 40-50% for first marriages, it's shocking that so few people take 

marriage preparation seriously. One study of young adults found that more than 90 percent 

say they believe marriage preparation is important, but only 35% intend to formally prepare. 

Common Problem Areas 

Many young couples' expectations of marriage revolve around the false belief that love will 

get them through rough times. While love is important, it won't be enough if you do not have 

the basic knowledge and skills for a successful marriage. Lasting marriages require partners 

who respect one another, have gained knowledge about what makes marriage work, and 

have developed skills that will help the relationship go the distance. 

Most couples face their most serious challenges during the first five years of marriage.

The .top ten problem areas2 researchers have identified are:

! Balancing job and family 

! Frequency of sexual relations 

! Debt brought into marriage 

! Employment 

! Finances 

! Expectations about household tasks 

! Constant bickering 

! Communication with spouse 

! Problems with parents or in-laws 

! Lack of time spent together 

Through active marriage preparation, many of these problems can be avoided, or at least 

minimized, so they don't become toxic to an early marriage. 

Why ZOE and Start Smart? EXPLAIN MORE

ZOE and Start Smart incorporate a menu of options including 1) a premarital inventory 2) a 

Start Smart course, and 3) Marriage Coaching or mentoring provided by trained married 

couples. 

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4 

Benefits of Marriage Preparation 

Is marriage preparation effective? The overwhelming weight of scholarly research says yes! 

According to Dr. Jason Carroll and Dr. William J. Doherty, couples who participate in 

premarital programs experience a 30% increase in marital success over those who do not 

participate. They report improved communication, better conflict management skills, higher 

dedication to one's mate, greater emphasis on the positive aspects of a relationship, and 

improved overall relationship quality. These benefits appear to hold for six months to three 

years after the program is over. Research also shows that marriage preparation can help 

prevent divorce. 

Participating in premarital education is both fun and informative. Couples learn many things 

about their future spouse that they never even thought about before. They often have eyeopening experiences that can be both enlightening and humorous. Premarital education also 

helps couples discover areas of disagreement before they get married. Sometimes these 

discussions uncover information and behaviors that will be destructive to the marriage 

relationship M critical information to know before marriage. 

Whatever options you choose from the ZOE menu, remember the more you learn BEFORE 

you get married, the more likely your marriage will last long after that last bite of wedding 

cake. 

Richard Albertson is Founding President of Live the Life in Tallahassee, FL. Live the 

Life is dedicated to strengthening marriages and families. Richard is trained and 

certified in several premarital programs including Start Smart, PrePAIRS, WAIT, 

FOCCUS, and How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk. For more information, call (850) 668-

3700, email richard@livethelife.org or visit www.livethelife.org 

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5 

 ZOE FOLLOW-UP SESSION 

Your First Exercise! 

Congratulations on completing the ZOE premarital inventory! Now go get a cup of coffee 

and process the experience with your future spouse. Following are some suggested 

discussion topics. Please write your answers in the blank spaces provided and then share 

them with one another.

! As I took the inventory, I feltE 

! The questions that stuck in my mind from the ZOE inventory wereE 

! The quality I love most in you isE 

! The area of our relationship I had the most difficulty answering questions about wasE 

! The area of our relationship I have the most confidence in isE 

! An area that I had never thought of until we took the inventory wasE 

! After completing the inventory, I realize one strength we will bring to our marriage isE 

! After completing the inventory, I realize one area we need to work on isE 

! I am thankful for you becauseE 

! I fell in love with you becauseE 

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6 

EXPOSING MARRIAGE MYTHS 

Are you ready to get married? 

Exposing some myths about marriage: 

! Unspoken Rules: Everyone has these rules, but they are mostly unaware of them 

until their spouse breaks them. Some examples: 

!Christmas dinner is served at noon and Roast Beef is always the main course8 

!Bed sheets need to be washed weekly8 

 !The toilet seat must be lowered after every use8 

!Dirty dishes should never be left in the sink8 

 !Meals are always served on china, not paper plates8

! Unconscious Roles: Expecting your future spouse to play the role you expect them 

to play, but they may be surprised by your assumption and have no interest in playing 

that role. Some examples: 

>Laundry is women@s workA 

>He will wake up every morning sharing his thoughts and feelings with meA 

>Once we get married, she will have sex with me every nightA 

>He will dress up every Sunday and take me to churchA 

! Everything good will get better, everything bad will simply disappear >because we love 

each otherA 

! GMy spouse will make me whole.J Contrary to what Jerry McGuire says, believing 

the line >you complete meA is a common myth. Whenever you believe someone else 

will make you whole, or will >completeA you, this places a weight on another person 

that no human being can ever bear. Dr. Les Parrot puts it this way: 

	







	





	












		




What are you looking for? Choose someoneN 

! With similar core values 

! With a servant@s heart. Are they quick to give to others, quick to go the second mile in 

helping others, quick to offer assistance? NOT someone who seems to live only for 

himself/herself, withdraws from the needs of others 

! Who >shinesA when pressed. You can tell a lot about someone@s true character when 

they are under pressure, and life gets difficult 

! That you would feel honored to bring home to meet mom, dad, and the grandparents 

! Who submits to authority, and does not have a defiant >lone rangerA attitude 

You are ready to date and marry when you: 

! Have a clear picture in your mind of the kind of person you will choose to marry, and 

when you have resolved in your heart that you will not settle for less 

! Do not have to compromise any aspect of your character in order to be with him/her 

! Are willing to be single rather than make a bad choice of a marriage partner 

! Keep the passion >fireA contained within proper physical boundaries before marriage 

! Are more concerned with BECOMING the right person than MEETING the right person 

(With appreciation to Dr. Tommy Nelson@s >Sacred RomanceA)

Case 4:11-cv-00194-WS-CAS Document 12-5 Filed 07/11/11 Page 7 of 33
Deciding To Marry / The Power of Choice 

1. Deciding to Choose 

! I choose to be here.

! I can choose to be committed to this process and my future marriage.

! I can choose to see my future marriage as a lifelong union.

 

2. Deciding to Own 

! I own my actions, I am responsible for what I do.

! I own my words and speak only for myself.

! I own my feelings. When I am angry, I will not attack you.

3. Deciding to Change 

! I am free and responsible for my personal change.

! I can change the way I see and handle problems and conflicts.

! I can change the way I see my future spouse.

4. Deciding to Understand 

! I can listen deeply to my future spouse.

! I can validate my spouse<s feelings and perceptions (even if I don<t agree 

with them).

! I can keep confidential what is disclosed here.

It is my free and conscious decision to do whatever it takes in thought, word and action to 

strengthen our future together in marriage from this day forward. 

_____________________________________________ ___________ 

Signature of the Bride Date 

_____________________________________________ ___________ 

Signature of the Groom Date 

Case 4:11-cv-00194-WS-CAS Document 12-5 Filed 07/11/11 Page 8 of 33
8 

PERSONALITY ASSESSMENT Need permission from Gary Smalley

Instructions: In each box, circle each word or phrase that describes a consistent character trait of 

yours at home. Total the number circled and double your score. Circle which letter represents your 

highest score. 

L 

Likes authority 

Takes charge 

Determined 

Confident 

Firm 

Enterprising 

Competitive 

Enjoys challenges 

Problem solver 

Productive 

Bold 

Purposeful, Goal driven 

Decision maker 

Adventurous 

Strong willed 

Independent, Self-reliant 

Controlling 

Persistent 

Action oriented 

Total x 2 = ________ 

O 

Enthusiastic 

Takes risks 

Visionary 

Motivator 

Energetic 

Very verbal 

Promoter 

Friendly, mixes easily 

Enjoys popularity 

Fun-loving 

Likes variety 

Spontaneous 

Enjoys change 

Creative N new ideas 

Group oriented 

Optimistic 

Initiator 

Infectious laughter 

Inspirational 

Total x 2 = ________ 

G 

Sensitive feelings 

Loyal 

Calm, even keel 

Non-demanding 

Avoids confrontations 

Enjoys routine 

Dislikes change 

Warm and relational 

Gives in 

Indecisive 

Dry humor 

Adaptable 

Sympathetic 

Thoughtful 

Nurturing 

Patient 

Tolerant 

Good listener 

Peace Maker 

Total x 2 = _____ 

B 

Enjoys instructions 

Accurate 

Consistent 

Controlled 

Reserved 

Predictable 

Practical 

Orderly 

Factual 

Conscientious 

Perfectionist 

Discerning 

Detailed 

Analytical 

Inquisitive 

Precise 

Persistent 

Scheduled 

Sensitive 

Total x 2 = _____ 

Case 4:11-cv-00194-WS-CAS Document 12-5 Filed 07/11/11 Page 9 of 33
9 

Common Characteristics for Personality Types 

(LION GRAPHIC = ROARING) 

?L@ is for Lion, a ?hard sided@ lover. LionsE 

! Are born leaders who love to be in charge

! Like to accomplish things with immediate results

! Have a time frame that is RIGHT NOW

! Are decisive, but may not consult others

! Want the CReaderDs DigestF length communication G get to the bottom line

! Often feel threatened by questions

! Are not afraid of pressure or confrontation. They gain energy from conflict

! Like to solve problems

! Love challenges and opportunities to get things done

! Want their directives followed without questioning

! Demand allegiance

! Love to change things. While you are away, they will rearrange the room

! Are doers

! Love the spotlight and the applause of the crowd

(OTTER GRAPHIC = PLAYFUL, having fun) 

?O@ is for Otter, a ?soft-sided@ lover. OttersE 

! Just want to have fun 

! Are great at motivating others to action 

! Tend to avoid confrontation at all costs 

! Are optimistic and focus on the future (CTrust me, everything will work out fineF) 

! Tend to avoid the fine print and details 

! Are tremendous networkers (but wonDt know anyoneDs last name) 

! Love the spotlight and entertaining others 

! Prefer choices and options, not limits. Think the word CboundariesF is a dirty word 

! Are the life of the party G without Otters, the party will be dull and boring 

! Have a strong desire to be liked by others, and are vulnerable to peer pressure 

! Are excitable 

! Are cheerleaders 

! Love to talk 

! Want to be involved in decisions 

! Enjoy Coff the wallF humor 

! Key phrase is something like CLighten up!F or CDonDt worry, be happyF 

! Are soft and encouraging with people 

! Can have 25 Cbest friendsF 

Common Characteristics for Personality Types 

Relational Challenge for Lions: Once Lions roar, others can become afraid or intimidated by 

them. People keep them at an emotional arm9s distance because they might seem distant, angry, 

unapproachable, or all three. The challenge for Lions is to not compromise their hard sided 

strengths while adopting some >soft-sided@ traits to achieve balance. 

Relational Challenge for Otters: Otters find it easy to be soft on people. It is also easy for them 

to be soft on problems, and ignore them. Otters need to learn to say >no@ and adopt the >hardsided@ balance of setting healthy boundaries to achieve balance. 

Case 4:11-cv-00194-WS-CAS Document 12-5 Filed 07/11/11 Page 10 of 33
10 

(Beaver image- hardworking and industrious) 

6B7 is for Beaver, a 6hard sided7 lover. Beavers< 

! Keep a close lid on their emotions 1 they feel they must keep emotions contained

! Actually read the instruction manuals and then alphabetically file them

! Like to make careful and intentional decisions

! Like to use their critical thinking skills to solve problems

! Like the motto ;Do it right the first time=

! Freeze up during confrontations, and often turn anger inward

! Tend to focus on the past

! Like maps, charts, and organization

! Provide great quality control

! Have deep feelings for those they love, although they are uncomfortable showing them

! Have high standards and like rules and consistency

! Slow down under pressure 

! Need a non-critical atmosphere to do their best work

! Need praise of their character as well as of their accomplishments

! Go ;by the book=

(Golden retriever image- friendly - loyal) 

6G7 is for Golden Retriever, a 6soft-sided7 lover. Golden Retrievers< 

! Above all, are LOYAL! 

! Are ;natural= experts at relationships - generally have a few close friends with deep, close 

relationships 

! Have a deep need to please others, and deeply affected by what others think of them 

! Have hearts full of love, understanding, and compassion 

! Often react strongly to sudden changes 

! Tend to avoid confrontation at all costs 

! Are the very definition of the word ;adaptable= 

! Hold stubbornly to what they feel is right 

! Can absorb intense emotional pain and still remain committed 

! Can be indecisive 1 donOt like to make decisions 

! Are great listeners, encouragers, and empathizers 

! Are great procrastinators 

! Need to be prepared for change 

! Are soft in attitude and action, but possess great courage and strength 

MANAGING YOUR MONEY 

TRACK YOUR SPENDING FOR ONE MONTH 

 

Relational Challenge for Beavers: Beavers make wonderful employees, friends, and family 

members. When beavers are 9out of balance< they tend to relate only on the 9hard-side< of love 

and relationships, often believing that the issue is more important than the person, which puts them 

at risk for losing at love. Developing soft-sided traits like openly expressing thoughts and feelings 

will help bring them into relational balance. 

Relational Challenge for Golden Retrievers: Their strong tendency toward 9soft-side< love can 

lead to issues of co-dependence and enabling. Golden Retrievers need to learn to be more 

assertive, ask for what they want, and say 9no< to achieve relational balance. 

Case 4:11-cv-00194-WS-CAS Document 12-5 Filed 07/11/11 Page 11 of 33
11 

Month: _____________ 

Record Your Daily Spending 

Day Charity/ 

Savings 

Retirement/ 

Life Ins. 

Housing 

Rent/mortgage 

Cable 

Phones 

Utilities 

Insurance 

Auto: 

Loan(s) 

Gas 

Repairs 

Insurance 

Groceries/ 

household 

supplies 

Entertainment/ 

Recreation / 

Dining Out 

Medical Clothing MISC: 

School 

supplies 

childcare 

Gifts 

Postage 

1 

2 

3 

4 

5 

6 

7 

8 

9 

10 

11 

12 

13 

14 

15 

16 

17 

18 

19 

20 

21 

22 

23 

24 

25 

26 

27 

28 

29 

30 

31 

Total 

Case 4:11-cv-00194-WS-CAS Document 12-5 Filed 07/11/11 Page 12 of 33
12 

MANAGING YOUR MONEY

Couples who want to have a good grasp of their finances need to do one thing: plan 

together. Not just planning, but planning together. Whether it<s your budget (how you 

spend, how much to spend and how often to spend it) or your savings (for a house, for your 

kids education, emergencies, or the future), these are areas you need to discuss together in 

a Bbudget meeting.C You both have to know where BourC money is going. One person cannot 

decide and dictate to the other what can and can<t be done with BourC money. Include one 

another in the decisions of how the money will be budgeted and spent. Remember, It<s NOT 

your money, it is BourC money. 

Your assignment is to keep track of all the money you spend for one month, including credit 

card purchases, using the 6Track your Spending For One Month@ worksheet. Combine 

both of your monthly spending totals on the summary sheet below, then calculate the total 

that BOTH of you spend each month in each category. 

SPENDING CATEGORY Male spent 

this month 

Female spent 

this month 

Combined 

Monthly 

TOTAL SPENDING 

Charitable giving: 

Savings/Investments/ 

Retirement/Life 

Insurance: 

 

Housing: loans, rent, 

cable, phone, utilities, 

insurance 

 

Auto Expenses: 

Loan payment, gas, 

repairs, insurance 

 

Groceries/Household 

supplies: 

 

Entertainment/ 

Recreation/ Dining out 

 

Medical expenses: 

Clothing: 

MISC expenses: 

Childcare, gifts, postage, 

 

GRAND TOTAL FOR 

THE MONTH 

 

Case 4:11-cv-00194-WS-CAS Document 12-5 Filed 07/11/11 Page 13 of 33
13 

FAMILY BUDGET PLANNING SHEET 

MONTHLY INCOME 

Net salary ________ 

Interest ________ 

Dividends ________ 

Other income ________ 

NET SPENDABLE INCOME _______ 

MONTHLY EXPENSES: 

CHARITABLE GIVING (10%) 

 _______ 

SAVINGS/INVESTMENTS/ 

RETIREMENT/ 

LIFE INSURANCE (10%) _______ 

ALL OTHER EXPENSES (80%) 

HOUSING 

Mortgage/rent ________ 

Utilities ________ 

Garbage ________ 

Insurance ________ 

Phone/internet ________ 

Repairs ________ 

Cable/satellite ________ 

Other ________ 

TOTAL _______ 

AUTOMOBILE 

Loans ________ 

Gas/oil ________ 

Insurance ________ 

License/taxes ________ 

Repairs ________ 

TOTAL _______ 

GROCERIES/HOUSEHOLD 

SUPPLIES _______ 

ENTERTAINMENT/RECREATION 

Eating Out/lunches ________ 

Vacation/trips ________ 

Movies/sports ________ 

Hobbies ________ 

Other 

TOTAL _______ 

 

MEDICAL 

Doctor ________ 

Insurance ________ 

Dentist ________ 

Pharmacy ________ 

Other ________ 

TOTAL _______ 

CLOTHING _______ 

MISCELLANEOUS 

Toiletry/cosmetics ________ 

School supplies/ 

Tuition ________ 

Daycare ________ 

Beauty/barber ________ 

Laundry/cleaners ________ 

Allowances ________ 

Gifts ________ 

Cash ________ 

Alimony/child 

Support ________ 

Other ________ 

TOTAL _______ 

DEBTS 

Credit Cards ________ 

Loans/notes ________ 

Other ________ 

TOTAL _______ 

TOTAL EXPENSES _______ 

INCOME minus EXPENSES 

 BALANCE = $ 0

Case 4:11-cv-00194-WS-CAS Document 12-5 Filed 07/11/11 Page 14 of 33
14 

THINGS I LOVE AND ADORE ABOUT MY FUTURE SPOUSE 

Take a few moments to list 5 things about your future spouse that you love and adore. Each year on 

your anniversary date, make it a point to add 5 more things to the list. You will treasure this as you 

look back on this experience years from now, and it will be a ?living document@ to remind you how love 

grows and evolves over time.

Things I love and adore about: ______________________________(Spouse name) 

1._______________________________________________________________________ 

2._______________________________________________________________________ 

3._______________________________________________________________________ 

4._______________________________________________________________________ 

5._______________________________________________________________________ 

FIRST ANNIVERSARY ADD 5 MORE: 

1._______________________________________________________________________ 

2._______________________________________________________________________ 

3._______________________________________________________________________ 

4._______________________________________________________________________ 

5._______________________________________________________________________ 

SECOND ANNIVERSARY ADD 5 MORE: 

1._______________________________________________________________________ 

2._______________________________________________________________________ 

3._______________________________________________________________________ 

4._______________________________________________________________________ 

5._______________________________________________________________________ 

THIRD ANNIVERSARY ADD 5 MORE: 

1._______________________________________________________________________ 

2._______________________________________________________________________ 

3._______________________________________________________________________ 

4._______________________________________________________________________ 

5._______________________________________________________________________ 

FOURTH ANNIVERSARY ADD 5 MORE: 

1._______________________________________________________________________ 

2._______________________________________________________________________ 

3._______________________________________________________________________ 

4._______________________________________________________________________ 

5._______________________________________________________________________ 

(Now go find your own paper and keep adding to the list!!!)

Case 4:11-cv-00194-WS-CAS Document 12-5 Filed 07/11/11 Page 15 of 33
15 

PAIRS COMMUNICATION SKILLS 

NEED PERMISSION FROM PAIRS FOUNDATION TO INSERT TWO SKILLS 

!When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand8 Karl Menninger 

!Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost 

indistinguishable.8 David Augsburger 

PAIRS DAILY TEMPERATURE READING 

With Appreciation to Virginia Satir 

! Appreciations 

! New Information 

! Puzzles/Questions 

! Complaints with Request for Change 

! Wishes, Hopes, Dreams 

NOTES: 

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16 

NOTES: 

Case 4:11-cv-00194-WS-CAS Document 12-5 Filed 07/11/11 Page 17 of 33
17 

THE ROAD TO FINANCIAL SECURITY 

Young husbands and wives often spend freely when they have relatively few responsibilities. 

But when that firstborn child arrives, everything changes. In addition to the mortgage/rent 

and car payments, parents will be faced with ballet lessons, baseball gloves, and saving for 

college. It's enough to keep couples up at night. You are going to make financial mistakes. 

The good news is that it's almost never too late to get back on the right track. We hope we 

can help you avoid some of the most common financial mistakes young couples make. 

The biggest mistake young families make is carrying too much debt. Once couples owe 

several thousand dollars, they find it gets harder and harder to crawl out from under that 

burden. 

It's okay to carry some debt, just don't overextend yourself. What are the boundaries? Most 

financial experts believe that housing (mortgage or rent) should not eat up more than 28% of 

a couple's joint gross income. Overall debt, including car loans, student debt, and credit 

cards, should not exceed 40% of gross income. Some more conservative financial planners 

recommend that debts never exceed more than 30-35% of gross income. 

Auto debt is a bit tricky. On the one hand, financial planners agree that it's best not to borrow 

money for a depreciating asset. But sometimes, it just can't be avoided. Few young families 

can afford to pay cash for a new car S especially if they just used up all of their savings for a 

down payment on a new home. The solution: Keep your car for as long as it will run after the 

loan is paid off. This will allow you to apply the funds used on auto payments to put into 

savings for your next vehicle. If you shop for quality when purchasing an automobile, and 

then take good care of it, it will run for 8-10 years or more. 

Debt can be a major cause of stress in a marriage: credit cards, school loans, car payments. 

If humanly possible, make it a goal to eliminate these debts before you get married. If you 

cannot reach this goal by the wedding date, developing a debt reduction plan and sticking to 

it will be critical to keeping your marriage afloat financially. ItYs important to remember that 

his/her debt before marriage is now Zour[ debt after marriage, for better or worse. 

Credit Card Example: 

The average American family carries $8,000 in credit card debt. If you do not ADD any new 

expenses to this credit card balance, and make the minimum monthly payments (typically 2% 

of the balance, or $160 per month), by the time you pay off your $8,000.00 balance, you will 

have made 100 payments (that's 8.33 years!) and you will have paid $7,976.59 in interest 

charges! 

Plus, if you were investing the average monthly interest charge ($160) -- instead of sending it 

to the credit card company -- at only a 7% return, you could have earned roughly $10,931.17 

during the same 8.33-year period. Under this scenario, the average American family loses a 

total of $18,907.76 from both lost income and monthly interest payments!! 

Case 4:11-cv-00194-WS-CAS Document 12-5 Filed 07/11/11 Page 18 of 33
18 

!Baby Step+ Plan to Financial Security

1) Put $1,000.00 in an .Emergency Fund8 

2) Pay off consumer debt using the .Debt Snowball8 (except the home mortgage) 

3) Live off of the .10 I 10 I 808 Rule: Combine your income and develop a monthly 

budget with this formula: SAVE 10% (savings, college fund, retirement, etc), GIVE 

away 10% to charity, and LIVE off the remaining 80% 

4) Build up an emergency fund to cover 3-6 months of living expenses (Note: 

Christmas is not an emergency!) 

5) Pay-off home early 

6) Build Wealth and start GIVING IT AWAY! Invest in mutual funds and real estate 

The discipline it takes to stay on this .Baby Step8 plan will help you build wealth over time. 

Once you pay off all your consumer debt, the amount of money you were using to ATTACK 

debt is now freed up to pour into the next baby step, then the next step, etc. 

What is the !Debt Snowball?+ 

Author, financial Guru and Radio Talk Host Dave Ramsey (www.daveramsey.com) 

recommends the .Debt Snowball.8 When a snowball runs down a hill, what happens? It picks 

up more snow as it rolls down getting bigger and bigger. That same concept works with 

money. Start by listing your debts, largest-to-smallest on a piece of paper. Using the debt 

snowball method, pay minimum payments on everything but the smallest debt account; that 

one you ATTACK with every dollar you can find. Once the first debt account is paid off, you 

use the .surplus8 money you were paying on it to attack the NEXT smallest debt account with 

every dollar you can find until it is gone, still paying minimum payments on all of the other 

debt accounts. As each debt account on your list gets paid off you keep building up more 

.surplus8 money (the snowball gets bigger) to attack the next debt on the list until you are 

debt FREE! 

SAVING FOR RETIREMENT 

The information below shows how much you need to save each month to accumulate 

$500,000, $1 million or $2 million by age 65, along with strategies for achieving that goal, 

according to www.kiplinger.com. At age 25, you typically start from scratch. At ages 35, 45 

and 55, we assume you already have money in savings, on which you're earning 8 percent 

annually. Find your age bracket below and set a goal for your retirement. Start saving NOW! 

At Age 25: 

You've saved: $0 

To reach $500,000, what you need to save per month: $143 

To reach $1 million, what you need to save per month: $286 

To reach $2 million, what you need to save per month: $573 

Get help from Uncle Sam: 

You may qualify for a retirement-savings tax credit of 10% to 50% of the amount you 

contribute to an IRA, 401(k) or other retirement account. The credit can reduce your tax bill 

by up to $1,000. To qualify, your income must be $25,000 or less if you're single, $37,500 or 

less if you're a head of household or $50,000 or less if you're married. 

Case 4:11-cv-00194-WS-CAS Document 12-5 Filed 07/11/11 Page 19 of 33
19 

At age 35:

You've saved: $0 

To reach $500,000, what you need to save per month: $335 

To reach $1 million, what you need to save per month: $671 

To reach $2 million, what you need to save per month: $1,342 

You've saved: $25,000 

To reach $500,000, what you need to save per month: $152 

To reach $1 million, what you need to save per month: $488 

To reach $2 million, what you need to save per month: $1,159 

Get help from your Boss: 

If your employer offers a matching contribution, contribute at least enough to your 401(k) to 

capture the full match. Otherwise, you're walking away from free money. Try to save 15% of 

your gross income for retirement, including your employer match. 

At age 45:

You've saved: $0 

To reach $500,000, what you need to save per month: $849 

To reach $1 million, what you need to save per month: $1,698 

To reach $2 million, what you need to save per month: $3,395 

You've saved: $25,000 

To reach $500,000, what you need to save per month: $640 

To reach $1 million, what you need to save per month: $1,489 

To reach $2 million, what you need to save per month: $3,186 

You've saved: $50,000 

To reach $500,000, what you need to save per month: $431 

To reach $1 million, what you need to save per month: $1,280 

To reach $2 million, what you need to save per month: $2,977 

You've saved: $100,000 

To reach $500,000, what you need to save per month: $12 

To reach $1 million, what you need to save per month: $861 

To reach $2 million, what you need to save per month: $2,559 

Play Catch-Up: Aim to contribute the maximum $15,500 to your 401(k) this year or $4,000 to 

your traditional or Roth IRA. Once you turn 50, you can contribute an additional $5,000 in 

catch-up contributions to your 401(k) and an extra $1,000 to your IRA. 

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20 

THE 5 BIGGEST RETIREMENT MISTAKES 

According to Smartmoney.com 

1. Ignoring the Early Years 

Ignoring retirement is easy when you're in your early 20s. After all, there's plenty on a recent 

grad's financial plate: scraping together the cash to pay rent and student loans, digging out of 

credit-card debt, and, well... one has to live a little, too. "Huge numbers of young people, 

even when they could join a 401(k), don't," says Alicia Munnell, director of the Center for 

Retirement Research at Boston University. 

That's a mistake you'll regret when you realize just how much more money you'll retire with if 

you start saving early. Consider this: If at age 25 you started contributing 10% of your income 

to a retirement plan and then stopped contributions when you turned 35, at age 65 you'd 

have saved the same amount as if you started contributing at age 35 and contributed for the 

rest of your working years, Munnell says. Thanks to the power of compounding, contributions 

made early on will have much longer to grow and multiply. "If you start saving early, that's the 

most potent thing you can do," Munnell notes. 

The good news: Because 401(k) contributions are tax-deductible, the bite out of your 

paycheck will be smaller than your actual contributions. To see for yourself, run your numbers 

through the SmartMoney.com 

2. Leaving Money on the Table 

Here's a shocking statistic: Every year, American workers leave $30 billion in employersponsored retirement money on the table. How? By not contributing to their 401(k) plans, or 

at least not contributing enough to get their employer match, they're walking away from free 

money, explains David Wray, president of the Profit Sharing/401(k) Council of America 

(PSCA). In fact, some 25% to 35% of U.S. workers these days do not contribute to their 

401(k) at all, or don't contribute enough to get their full company match, according to the 

PSCA. Typically, 401(k) plans are set up so that the employer adds 50 cents to each $1 a 

worker contributes, up to 6% of the worker's salary. That's an immediate 50% return on an 

investment anyone would be hard-pressed to beat. 

3. Cash Out Your Savings 

Changing jobs every couple of years is common these days, and so is cashing out your 

401(k) balance when leaving your old employer. "A lot of people dip into their 401(k)s when 

they change jobs and undo the good they've started," says Munnell. Even if the money isn't 

technically wasted -- it might be used to bridge a period of unemployment or to pay off highinterest debt, for example -- there are many drawbacks to that scenario. To start with, you will 

pay taxes and a 10% penalty on the balance. Depending on your tax rate, that could eat up 

more than a third of the balance. And once the money is spent, it can never be replaced -- a 

mistake you may regret when you're older and falling behind on your retirement savings. 

The smart thing to do when changing jobs is to roll over your 401(k) balance into an IRA. 

Watch out for this trap: Unless you make a "direct" rollover from your employer to the bank or 

brokerage where you've opened your IRA, your company will write a check in your name and 

Case 4:11-cv-00194-WS-CAS Document 12-5 Filed 07/11/11 Page 21 of 33
21 

withhold 20% off the top for taxes. Should that happen you'll have to come up with the 

missing 20% if you want to replace the money in an IRA. 

4. Retiring Too Early 

Many people envision themselves working until they're 65. But when they hit 62 and first 

become eligible for Social Security benefits, the appeal of leaving the daily grind behind often 

becomes too strong to resist. In fact, the average age at which people retire is 62 for women 

and 63 for men, according to the Center for Retirement Research. The problem is that this is 

also when the majority of new retirees start taking Social Security benefits, which means 

they're drastically reducing the amount of Social Security they receive from the government. 

Consider this: If you start claiming Social Security benefits at 62 today, you only receive 75% 

of the benefit you would be receiving if you waited until you were 66, Munnell says. (For 

those born in 1960 or later, the retirement age will be 67, so that the benefits received 

starting at age 62 will be reduced by 30%.). By working just a little longer -- or tapping 

retirement savings without receiving Social Security if you must retire early -- you will 

increase your guaranteed lifetime income by as much as $250 a month (assuming a $1,000 

retirement benefit). 

5. Lacking a Spend-Down Strategy 

Often, people focus on saving for retirement, but forget about the next phase: spending their 

money once they retire. It may sound a lot easier -- and more fun -- than the saving part, but 

it's no less important. Just ask the folks who retired between 2000 and 2002. Many were 

heavily invested in risky technology stocks. When the tech bubble burst, they watched their 

life savings melt away. 

"Not developing a retirement plan several years before you plan to retire is a big mistake," 

says Wray. The closer you get to retirement, the more important it is that your asset 

allocation is appropriate for your age. The rule of thumb is that the stock portion of your 

portfolio should equal 110 minus your age, so a 65-year-old retiree should have 45% of their 

investments in stocks. 

An appropriate asset allocation will soften the effect of a down market on your overall 

savings. Sheryl Garrett, founder of the Garrett Planning Network, a nationwide network of 

fee-only financial planners, recommends that recently retired folks or those on the cusp of 

retirement have at least three years' worth of living expenses in cash. That will help retirees 

weather market downturns without having to sell stocks at a loss. 

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22 

GETTING TO KNOW YOU 

101 QUESTIONS EVERY COUPLE SHOULD ASK 

As the chart below illustrates, you tend to have deeper connection and intimacy with very few 

people, and shallow connection and intimacy with many people. 

 

 

HIGHEST LEVEL: Everything 

At this level one shares their 

feelings and emotions deeply, 

being open and transparent at 

all levels. This is the secret 

place where you see who I 

really am 

 

HIGH LEVEL: My Background 

At this level one shares 

personal values, dreams, and 

goals that are important and 

sacred. 

 

MODERATE LEVEL: My Ideas 

At this level one offers ideas 

and opinions that are 

changeable, offering a portion 

of one's self 

 

LOW LEVEL: Ideas of Others 

At this level one talks about 

the ideas and opinions of 

others and protects themselves 

from judgment 

 

LOW LEVEL: SURFACE 

At this level one shares basic 

facts that offer no personal 

details, or investment - 

Discussion may center around 

news, sports, and weather 

Number of 

People 

Degree of 

Intimacy 

Following are 101 questions you can ask your future spouse that will help you increase your 

level of connection and intimacy, and really get to know one another. 

1. Other than your future spouse, list three people who have had the greatest impact on 

your life. How and why? 

2. If I was to cook you favorite meal, what would it be from appetizer through beverage 

and desert? 

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23 

3. How do you react to authority figures? Who do you feel you are accountable to? 

4. When you tell me about your ideas, do you feel affirmed and validated by me? Explain 

5. Were you raised by your married biological parents, divorced parents, remarried 

parents, unmarried? What was that like? 

6. What do you dislike about your previous relationship partners? 

7. When you were growing up, were you raised in the same home all of your life, did you 

ever move to another town, did you move around frequently? 

8. How did you know that you were loved by your mother? Your father 

9. When things get stressful, do you tend to be calm, cool and collected, or upset and 

agitated? 

10. How do you show me that you trust me? 

11. What do you do to relax and unwind? 

12. My first car was Land what was most memorable about it wasL 

13. What typically motivates you to Mget moving:O guilt, encouragement, or cracking the 

whip? 

14. How long did your previous relationships generally last? 

15. What magazine(s) have you subscribed to? 

16. Where do you fall in the birth order of your family? Are you the oldest, youngest, or 

the middle child? Where there step siblings? What was it like being in this role? 

17. When you set goals, are you more process-oriented or outcome oriented? 

18. What are your moods like? 

19. What fictional couple from cinema or literature best describes our relationship? Why? 

20. List the top 10 books you have read. Who is your favorite author? 

21. What made you feel special in your family growing up? 

22. When interacting with friends, are you more of a talker or a listener? 

23. If you had a vote to select the top 10 movies of all time, what movies would make the 

cut? 

24. Are you more a Mvisionary and ideasO person or a Mfacts and detailsO person? Can you 

give me some examples? 

25. How does your personality compare to mine? 

26. The funniest movie ever made wasL.becauseL. 

27. What were your family relationships like growing up? Great, good, average, or poor? 

Give examples of what it was like being raised in this home 

28. Who handled discipline in your home? What were the methods and how effective 

were they? 

29. What were your previous relationships like? 

30. What are the strengths and weaknesses of your personality? 

31. Do you prefer a familiar routine that seldom changes, or a routine that is constantly 

changing? 

32. How short is your fuse? Are you easily angered, slow to anger, or determined to 

contain the anger? 

33. When you get angry, do you express it by venting, internalizing, becoming physical, or 

talking it through? 

34. How often did your family attend religious services? How important is that to you 

today? 

35. How do you handle your emotions? 

36. Describe how did your previous relationships break up? 

37. What did your previous relationships like about you? Dislike about you? 

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24 

38. Do you tend to have lots of friends or a few close friends? Why? 

39. Who are your top three singers or musical groups? 

40. What is your favorite website? Why? 

41. What is your relationship like with your siblings? 

42. What was the financial status of your family growing up? Were you upper class, 

middle class, lower class, or in poverty conditions? 

43. Is it easier for you to trust someone, or are you more cautious when giving someone 

your trust? Why? 

44. What things upset you? Why? 

45. My worst school subject in high school wasH.becauseH. 

46. How would you describe your self image? Are you self assured and confident, critical 

of yourself, or insecure? 

47. Are you a morning person or a night owl? 

48. What is the basis for the important decisions you make? (To have fun, help others, 

make a difference, my faith, etc.) 

49. How do you express love and affection? 

50. Were there any addictions in your family? 

51. What are three positive and meaningful events that have been significant in your life? 

How and why were they significant? 

52. Do you learn better through audio, visual, or hands-on stimulation? 

53. What do you perceive is your role at work? Are you the visionary, people manager, 

detail person, follower, or slacker? 

54. If you had your choice, would you rather live in the country, the downtown of a city, or 

in the suburbs? Explain. 

55. Were you raised in a rural, urban, or suburban setting? What was that like? What 

memories stand out? 

56. What is your relationship like now with previous partners? 

57. My most memorable holiday wasHbecause 

58. When you are planning something, would you rather improvise at the last minute, or 

plan it out well in advance? 

59. How does your sense of humor SmeshT with mine? 

60. Where does your value and belief system come from? (parents, public opinion, reality 

TV programs, faith, friends and peers, Bible, etc.) 

61. Are you more comfortable being around other people, or being alone? Why? 

62. What types of music do you like to listen to? 

63. What are three negative and destructive events that have been significant in your life? 

How and why were they significant? 

64. Who was the spiritual leader in your home? 

65. When thinking about your future, are more optimistic, idealistic, realistic, or 

pessimistic? What makes you that way? 

66. The best TV show ever wasHbecauseH 

67. What is your sex drive like? 

68. What do you think is the ultimate meaning of life? Why do you think you are here? 

69. Are you more flexible and able to Sgo with the flow,T or are you more rigid and 

inflexible? 

70. Which parent was generally the leader who set the tone in your home growing up? 

Did that that leadership role work well for your family? Why or why not? 

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25 

71. Are you usually the first person to show up early, the one who shows up exactly on 

time, or that last one to arrive late? 

72. What did you try to do to fix previous relationships? How? 

73. What makes you feel guilty sometimes? 

74. How comfortable are you with your body and nudity? 

75. What is the most important thing that motivates you to live your life the way you do? 

76. My dream vacation would be G.and the main thing I would like to do on my vacation 

would beG 

77. What is your favorite restaurant? 

78. When it comes to being assertive and asking for what you want, are you more bold, or 

more timid? 

79. How would you describe our three strongest Khard-wiringM similarities as a couple? 

How will these similarities strengthen our relationship? How can these similarities 

actually be detrimental to our relationship? 

80. Do you initiate activities, recreation, time alone together, or do you expect me to? 

81. What were some of the KrulesM in your home growing up? What worked well, what did 

not work so well. How did your parents enforce the rules P where they strict or 

slack? 

82. Do you place more value and importance on inward character or outward behavior? 

Why? 

83. How do your suppose that your strengths will fill my KgapsM so that we truly 

complement one another? What do you have that I need? How will my strengths 

cover your gaps? What do I have that you need? 

84. How open are you to getting help for our relationship from someone outside of the 

relationship? 

85. What are your political views? Would you describe yourself as liberal, conservative, 

moderate, socialist, libertarian, conspiracy theorist, etc. 

86. Have you ever been involved in any social, political, religious causes? If so, what 

were those experiences like? What did you learn? 

87. How would you describe our three biggest Khard wiringM DIFFERENCES as a couple? 

How do you suppose will these differences might actually strengthen our 

relationship? How can these differences be detrimental to our relationship? 

88. What do you especially like to be appreciated for? 

89. Can you understand and even anticipate how I feel sometimes? 

90. When were you first disillusioned in this relationship, and how did you handle it? 

91. Have you ever met a famous person? If so, who? What happened? 

92. What other countries have you visited? Describe them. What is your best memory of 

another country? 

93. What is your life motto? 

94. What did you need from your parents that you did not get? Do you carry any hurts or 

resentments? Explain 

95. How many homes have you lived in? Where were they? Which one was your 

favorite? 

96. Which sports do you like? Favorite teams? 

97. Who has had the most influence in your life? 

98. What do you think you will be doing five years from now? 

99. Where would you like to retire and live some day? 

100. What was the worst job you ever had? The best? What were your bosses like? 

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26 

101. Who do you respect the most? Why? 

Thanks for taking the time to get to know one another! 

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27 

MARRIAGE COMMITMENT PLEDGE 

 We, husband and wife together, acknowledge the overwhelming evidence that married 

adults are happier, healthier and wealthier. They live longer, sleep better, are more 

productive on the job, and have better sex lives than singles. 

 We believe in the sanctity of marriage, declare our mutual commitment to one another, 

and pledge to stay married for life 

 We will work to keep our relationship vibrant and growing during the various stages of 

our life together across the years 

 We believe, as partners in marriage, that we are accountable to one another for the 

quality of our relationship to one another and to the children we may have one day 

 We believe that love is a DECISION, not a FEELING. it is our responsibility to love 

each other unconditionally. If there are times when the feelings of love and affection 

are not present, we each promise to continue to make a decision daily to love our 

spouse until the feelings of love return 

 We will contact our relationship mentors/coaches/advisors listed below if we need 

support in future marital struggles, and pledge to contact them before ever separating, 

moving out, or filing for divorce 

 As a public commitment to our marriage, we authorize ZOE, Inc. and Live the Life, Inc. 

to post our names on their website/other public displays as signatories of the 

Mmarriage commitment pledgeN 

Therefore, we do hereby vow and make a pledge that we will remain faithful to one another in 

thought and deed, and that we will stay married for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in 

health, and will love and cherish one another for the rest of our lives. 

Date:_________________ 

______________________________________________ 

SIGNATURE OF GROOM 

______________________________________________ 

SIGNATURE OF BRIDE 

In the presence of these Marriage Coaches/Advisors: 

______________________________________________ 

Male Coach/Mentor 

 

______________________________________________ 

Female Coach/Mentor 

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28 

PROGRAM EVALUATION

Page 1

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PROGRAM EVALUATION

Page 2 

Case 4:11-cv-00194-WS-CAS Document 12-5 Filed 07/11/11 Page 30 of 33
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Certificate of Completion 

Premarital Preparation Course

On this the ______ day of ________________, in the year __________, 

__________________________ and __________________________ 

Name(s) of course individual(s) 

Successfully completed a Premarital Preparation Course 

as defined in Florida Statute Chapter 741.0305. 

The method of instruction for this course was: 

Personal instruction ____: Video tape _____: Electronic medium _____. 

(Check all that apply) 

_________________________________ 

Signature(s) of Marriage Coach/Instructor(s) 

_________________________________ 

Name(s) of Marriage Coach/Instructor(s) 

Course curriculum: 

Start Smart 

Course Provider: 

Live the Life 

2252 Killearn Center Blvd 

Suite 100 

Tallahassee, FL 32309 

(850) 668-3700 

Case 4:11-cv-00194-WS-CAS Document 12-5 Filed 07/11/11 Page 31 of 33
31 

Marriage and Family Resources Page 

Live the Life 

2252 Killearn Center Blvd 

Suite 100 

Tallahassee, FL (850) 668-3700 

 www.livethelife.org 

(850) 668-3700 

Email: Richard@livethelife.org 

Live the Life exists to strengthen marriages and families in the Big Bend region of Florida. 

We provide relationship education training for individuals and couples from middle school 

through 60 years of marriage. Our programs are offered in area schools, churches,. 

businesses, and community centers. Below are other marriage and family resources we 

highly recommend. 

America's Family Coaches 

2540 106th Street, Suite 101 

Des Moines, IA 50322 

www.drgaryandbarb.com 

 (515) 334-7482 or 888-608-COACH 

Gary Lydic 

E-mail: info@drgaryandbarb.com 

Am/FM (Association of Marriage and 

Family Ministries)

8283 N. Hayden Rd. Suite 258 

Scottsdale, AZ 85258 

www.amfmonline.com 

(480) 718-3020 

Eric Garcia

The Divorce Busting Center 

P .O. Box 271 

Boulder, CO 80306 

www.divorcebusting.com 

800-664-2435

Michele Weiner-Davis 

Family Life Today 

P.O. Box 7111 

Little Rock, AR 72223 

http://www.familylife.com 

(800) FL-TODAY (800) 358-6239

Focus on the Family 

(street address not required) 

Colorado Springs, CO 80995 

www.family.org 

(800) A-FAMILY (232-6459) 

Life Changers

600 East Smith Road 

Medina, OH 44256 

www.nojerks.com 

email: VanEpp@nojerks.com 

Dr. John Van Epp 

Marriage CoMission

3897 Captain Drive 

Atlanta, GA 30341

www.marriagecomission.com 

(404) 775-8808 

Case 4:11-cv-00194-WS-CAS Document 12-5 Filed 07/11/11 Page 32 of 33
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National Healthy Marriage Resource 

Center 

10530 Rosehaven Street, Suite 400 

Fairfax, VA 22030;2840 

www.healthymarriageinfo.org 

(866) 916;4672 or 866;91;NHMRC 

Email: info@healthymarriageinfo.org 

PAIRS FOUNDATION

19125 Stonebrook Street 

Weston, FL 33332 

www.pairs.com 

(888) 724-7748 

Dr. Lori Gordon, Seth Eisenberg 

Email: info@pairs.com 

Smalley Relationship Center 

1482 Lakeshore Drive 

Branson, MO 65616

www.smalleyonline.com 

(800) 848-6329 

Dr. Gary Smalley 

Greg Smalley 

Smart Marriages 

The Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples 

Education (CMFCE), LLC 

5310 Belt Rd, NW 

Washington, DC 20015

www.smartmarriages.com 

(202) 362-3332 

Diane Sollee

WAIT Training

8101 E. Belleview Ave, Suite D-2 

Denver, CO 80237 

www.waittraining.com 

(720) 488-8888 

Joneen Mackenzie 

Winshape Marriage Retreat Center 

P.O. Box 490007 

Mt. Berry, GA 30149 

www.winshape.org/marriage 

(877) 977-3873 

10 Great Dates www.marriagealive.com 

(865) 690- 5887 

email: info@marriagealive.com 

David and Claudia Arp 

 

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