• I 

Sk~t Presented t~ Celebrate the Completion of the First Conversion 

Squar.e '(28) for the J Y.eybook of the JAS System. (11 I.'!ay 1945) 

SCENE: 

MOSIE GETS HIS S~.UARE 

or 

YOU CAN'~ "RIKU MITSU11 IF YOU DO!'PT Kl'TOW HOW 

by Dorot:hy 1'1:!"oore and Prances Rickett, SPSIB-3-e 

An Office in wing 3, first floor, B P~ildinG• A 

blackboard with an empty conversion square on it is 

/( 

in back center. Small desk for Prouty and Bennett at left. 

:Sesk for :--illard and chair for Glo.dys at rir-ht. Chorus 

seated at right behind Gladys. Chorus, Ben...~ett, and 

Christopher enter through audience. All others enter, 

as introduced, from the left. 

CAST OF GF.ARACTERS: 

Chorus of willing slaves--created by expediency, lnspired by "~.1oe", directed by Dubbie, driven by Prouty--

Lena Robertson, Lorna ~ottberg, Veda Gardner, 

Elizabeth Hudson, Phyllis Durst, Anne Barker, 

Lois Dougherty, and Delia Nicoletti. 

Captain ~'iaurice rr. Klein--the great big man with the melting 

brown eyes, straight from the heart of Hoboken--

Anna r~arie Huffaker Jacobson 

11 lierr11 \taldo E. Dubberstein--a pearl among oysters, the sage 

of t..'he brush--

Claudine \'Jalker 

nchris 11 Christopher--the fair-haired boy of B-3-e--

Frances Rickett 

11 Sir11 Charles T. Prouty--late of Cambridge--

Marjorie Champlin 

Miss Gladys Lewis--the belle of the coffee pot--

Miss Le...-ds 

,/ 

Mr. Prances R. i·Tillard--the e;enial translator 'livith the big backlot;--

Esther Yeo 

Mr. Emmett Bennett--;~rs. Bennett's little boy 11Ennnett O 1 1

1

,!alley11 .. -

Nancy Durr;in 

Anonymous girl--

Mable Woody 

Organist-- Dorothy Yeans ~Cnffff eclassified and approved for release by NSA on 

ULU ~2--~2~3-~2~0~13.......,~ur~s~ua_n~t~to_E_.~o~.1~3~5~2~6~~~~~ 
CHORUS: 

PROUTY: 

MJJ.,.JJ>_: A693369 

iJCfifttfLIGHTS 1 PLACES ! 

WE GIVE YOU GENIUS AT WORK--------

( TUNE: My l/Ian) 

Oh, our ·~oe, we love him so 

He'll never know. 

All our li~e is just despair 

But we don't care. 

When he w~lks into the wing 

Our world is bright 

All--rip-ht. 

What's the dif.ference if we say 

We'll go away When he k:l.ows th.at we'll be here 

Until V-Day. 

For wh~tever our Moe is 

We are his forever Hoe. 

Vlaldo ! 

(2) 

DUBBERSTEIN:Coming, Charlesl 

PROUTY: (Arms akimbo, stomach out) \"/ell, here it is! 

CAPT. KLEIN: (Lunbering over) \'/hat? Got the square? 

PRO'C"TY: 

KLEIN: 

DUBBIE: 

KLEIN: 

PROUTY: 

BENNETT: 

KLEI~l: 

In time, in time. CH is definitely z. (Dubbie enters it 

on blackboard.) 

Well, let's send it off to the British. 

Now, wait a minute, Moe. Take it easy. There's no sense 

in sending it till we get two letters. 

Lh---, well, anyhow I'll go tell the colonel. (Exits) 

(Complaining) Come on, ·waldo, let's r-et this oreanized. 

Gladys! Brine these charts up to date. I want all 

good pepple doing this. (Glares at end slave. Slave 

~oves over and sits down-cast while others copy. :Klein 

drifts back in.) 

Take out CH as z. (Slaves follow suit. r,harles shrugs 

shoulders and starts working. Dubbie erases blackboard.) 

You dunderheads! (Eennett settles back to tiddlywinks.) 

&EBllE1 
MILLAF.D: 

DUBBIE: 

r.nLLARD: 

PROUTY: 

:CUBBIE: 

KLEIU: 

DUBBI~: 

KLEDT: 

DUBBIE: 

GLADYS: 

CHORUS: 

(3) 

Kyu shu ! ! 

'i~b.a t 's the trouble, Inr. 1f.illard? 

Oh, not~ing--just sneezing in J&panese. 

\"Jaldo, Waldo. Here's SOl'.llething f'or the eirls to slide. 

O.Y., girls, now the indicators say this messa~e goes from 

DH to EC, but I think it's reasonable to assume that it 

stays on LP. Of course, the key's shaky and we have no 

alphacet--but I think we can get it--All you have to do 

is try sliding it throu~h about 150 positions. 

Sure, just slide it through. You'll find it. 

Remember--it's purple. (Chorus v1ith 11 yes 11 c;ets busy. 

Anonymous but shapely girl wRlks past--all stare. 

Hm--sweet kid--nice personality. 

Well, ~.7oe--I think you' 11 ar;ree that I'm generally a 

rational being and I think she ought to lose 15 pounds. 

Yes--Dubbie is always riP-ht. Everybody ouc~t to. lose 

15 pounds! 

(TUNE: Bell-Bottom Trousers) 

We are Dubbie's damsels 

Taking his advice. 

Knowinc we are dumbbells 

For He's said it twice. 

He has freely told us 

How to win a man 

We must all get thinner 

Or we nr:iver can. 

1~en are vrnrth the winning 

Dubbie says it's so 

And, of course he is one 

So he ought to l::now. 

Policies are changing. 

The church is on the wane. 

Go along with reason~ 

And you'll feel no pain. 

SEGREI 
PROUTY: 

GU.DYS: 

DUBEIE: 

r:LEIN: 

PROUTY: 

DENNETT: 

PROUTY: 

KLEIN: 

BENNETT: 

PROUTY: 

!\LEIN: 

~ ~6933~ one point worth retaining 

If you want to get a man 

You r.:us t all be thinner 

Or you ne~cr can. 

Golf is beneficial 

Tennis keeps you trim .• 

We would gladly try 1 t 

But others play with him. 

His advice is lavish 

We could tell you more 

But we cannot keep you 

Someone wants the floor. 

One point.worth retaining 

If you want to get a man 

You must all be 'thinner 

Or you never can. 

(4} 

l' .. 11 rir,ht, girls--let 's get busy. Anybody got anything? 

I had the best staak last night. 

Steak? i~here were you? Out with the boy friend? 

Can't expect to be briBht and snappy if you stay out 

all night, right waldo? Rif~ht t 

\7here'd you have that steak, Gladys? I'm so sick of the 

wretched stuff they give us here. But say, have you been 

to the Mayflower, lately? We had a most delightful dinner 

there the other night--It was dear--but worth it. Crepes 

suzettes that simply melted in your mouth--etc, etc, 

CH is Zl (Ranging desk with fly-swatter) 

CH is Z--Get that, Gladys? Girls? CH is Z. (Dubbie puts 

it on the board) 

That's what you had before, you "Hanyaks" l 

CP is F. (Rolls chair over to :tlllard's desk) 

CP is F. Everybody get that? Gladys? Girls? CP is F. 

(Dubbie puts it on board) 

Say, Dub! '.rhink we better send it to the British? 

SEO REI 

' . 
DUBBIE: 

CHORUS: 

GLADYS: 

PROUTY: 

UILLARD: 

PROUTY: 

CHOR'CS: 

e ~:e:__ID: A693369 (5) 

Yup! 

-atCREf1111 coMpose a telegram.. (Composes. Klein looks 

over his shoulder.) 

(TUNE: "I Have Sixpence") 

We've got a letter 

A little measly letter 

We've got a letter that goes into the square. 

It fits into J so all we ~an say--is--

Send it to the British over there--Good Guys. 

No keys have we to grieve us. 

No silly little rows to deceive us. 

Not even a column, believe us 

Just two simple letters for our friends--Good Friends. 

Send it off--Send it off--

Wire it, before they find it, too~-00--00--ool 

Happy is the day that we get the farious J 

Especially if we beat the British td it. 

rie found five preps and a shu ryoh'U l 

T-Imrn.. Five preps and a shu ryoku--Let me see--Let me show 

that to r..ir. r:1 llard. Think this shu ryoku is re~ding, 

1.lr. Hillard? What's it saying? 

Well, I'm not at all s ure--Eut I'm willing to go out on a 

limb--Try a "NO" after that shuryoku. 

1.!r. r.'fillard says to try a "NO". 

(TUNE: "I'm Bee;inning to See the Lightn) 

I never slide "!'IO" and find it there. 

If' I try a 11 WA 11 it's gone elsewhere. 

I slide a GG and there's never a pair. 

Mr. MilJ ard, what shall I try? 

I slide a nshu shu 11 , but it won't read; 

And sesi me muru is not wh'.?..t ! need. 

I ·.vork and I slave but I get no lead. 

Mr. r:iillard, what shall I try? 

Go sanlrn made--any old day 

Riku and mitsu--they don't pay 

Dendai and JL 1 s--eone away--

The whole thing's a horrible lie. 

I can't make a nUlnber recapitulate 

There isn't a nnen" and there isn't a date. 

I 1 ve done everythine-- even st~ed here late! 

Mr. IVfillard, what shall I try? EGHE ( 
CHORUS: 

PROUTY: 

.M:ILT .. ARD : 

BENNETT: 

DUBBIE: 

KT.'RL!: 

KT.Riif: 

DUBBIE: 

KLEIN: 

CHRIS: 

PROUTY: 

BENNETT: 

CHRIS: 

PROu-rrY: 

ClmI3: 

DUBBIE: 

CHRIS: 

-BflEif-: A6933f9 

--··-· (6) 

(Everybody ~i1orks) 

This is it! Tutti Frutti in GG's--This is it! 

Look, I'.Ir. Fillard 1 

Scizzors Bells! That's it, all right! It's that miserable 

old 11 shu lrnn joho 111 Let all the f'aithf!ul gather round the 

blackboard and let's get started. CW is Y(etc.) 

Take CH out of O. (etc.) 

Enter it in purple. 

Can DF be P? Let's send it to the British. 

(Chorus records at board. Anonymous girl passes. Silence--

all eyes on her.) 

Sweet kid. Hice personality. 

Ought to lose about 15 pounds. (General hubbub--letter, 

etc., till Chris enters) 

Viell, the genius kid! How are ya, genius? 

(<Tigglo) Fin.e• - - - How's it going? 

Pretty well, I think--Of cours~, there's still some trouble--

a :fe\·1 conf'licts we 1 11 have to iron out. 

Charles. There are too many foxes in the dog row. Take out 

the one under miN~ • . 

(Baffled) I might have lmown I coulcl.n 1 t leave you cuys 

to your O\'V!l devices. Take out everything! 

Bμt, Christopher! 

:r::verythinel Wow don't get excited, Charles--I have a copy 

richt here. 

Ifo·w 'd you g et it? 

I lay awake all nieht mulling over those master pairs. And 

all of a sudden, it occurred to me that if we took the 3rd 

radiant and bise~g.ffJf:fsint: the slide rule-- CU 
I o 

' . 

~ROUTY: 

CHRIS: 

PROUTY: 

CHRIS: 

BEITNETT: 

PROUTY: 

CERIS: 

KLEHT: 

CHRIS: 

CHORUS: 

DUBBIE: 

KLEnI: 

CHORUS: 

':i."o the 3rd or 4th power? 

4th--!-~nd then took the basic equivalents with their 

va~iants and equated them on that basis. 

The 3rd or the 4th basis? 

(7) 

3rd. We would set up a coordinating relationship. Do you 

:f"ollow? 

o:r course. Assume tailinb and :rrom the :rrequency o:r the 

tetragraphic sort you con complete the plain conponent---

Ort 1st and 2nd letterl 

Exactly 1 

So--have you got the s~uare? 

Yes--sure--It :f"ell apart just te:rore I did. 1:ere are a 

:rew copies I had Beck and the kids run o:rr. 

Thnt 1 s it--We 1 re in--Send it to thEl Britishl 

Cont;ratulations,, Moel This is f'ine work. They'll probably 

ne.ke you a major ! 

Thanks, Dub--Of' course, I'm no mental giant--but bellevc 

m~--i:r this were Hoboken--they would make me a major! 

(TUNE: 11Grea t Day" and "There 111 be Some Changes Made 11 ) 

We've been down and out 

NothinB to shout about ~c thought we'd never read J. 

Now the skies are blue 

Once more we've seen it through 

We can all laugh at the way--

Mr. hOtns warned us 

So:c::;.e early :mc.rn 

We would :rind his system dif'f'erent--

EE SAID(spoken) -" 

SEGHET 
. ' I • 

, I I p 

~6933. 

---···· I ~ade a chanc-e in the key book 

'Andca ahange ih the· s.~uare 

' And f'rom now on there'll be no master pair. 

The text will be different 

Sub:bractors too. 

Fothing about it will make sense to you. 

You're gonna miss your way of living 

AND 

'Cause you can't overlap. Zimmy's machine won't open up this trap. 

I velly sally you ~ust take the rap. 

There've been some changes made today--

There've been some changes made. 

We were in the soup 

Till \Jotns sent a dupe. 

And then we ~ right away. 

RAM could run it throueh 

Find us a hit or two. 

Give us a greak into J. 

~hen we started sliding 

And pulling plain text 

Right from the empty ether. 

Now we've got the square Mosie can save his ti_a.ir. 

We've really hit a great dayl 

~tUREI 

(8)