Preparation

Too often, family members deny the possibility of 

duty separation, and pretend it is not going to happen. 

This denial can be emotionally harmful. Once 

separation occurs, they are likely to fi nd themselves 

unprepared. It is much healthier for families to 

face issues directly and become better prepared to 

positively address the lifestyle changes brought about 

by separation. Adequate preparation for all family 

members is the key to minimizing the problems that 

will inevitably arise during a separation. Sometimes 

families avoid talking about things that bother or 

worry them. They are afraid that talking about things 

will make matters worse. In reality, open discussion 

provides family members the opportunity to clarify 

potential misunderstandings, get a better idea of what 

is expected, work out solutions to identifi ed problems, 

and to better prepare themselves for the coming separation.

Control

Having a sense of control over events is a signifi cant 

moderator of the stress associated with separation. 

We all desire some sense of control even in the 

face of uncontrollable situations. Feeling that 

you have no control over a situation can lead to 

characteristics of learned helplessness. The perception 

of even some control can be enough to lessen most 

negative responses and become a base for building 

positive coping behaviors. An individual’s appraisal 

of upcoming events as being highly stressful or 

undesirable but manageable will signifi cantly infl uence 

his or her coping level. That appraisal is related to 

the degree to which individuals feel that they have 

adequate knowledge, coping skills, social support, 

and some control over future events. Preparation 

for coming events, especially undesirable events, 

can greatly alter a person’s attitude. Therefore, the 

importance of education and preparation cannot be 

overstated. To be forewarned is to be forearmed.

Parents

Single parents and dual career couples face the same 

reality. They may experience even greater stress and 

responsibility during preparation for the separation. 

No other “parent” remains at home, and therefore, 

separation takes on an increasingly stressful dimension.

Planning for Separation

When You Might Be Deployed

If you are a federal worker with a potential for nationwide deployment 

that could exceed more than just a few weeks of family separation, the 

following information, modified from a Department of Defense advisory 

document, could aid in making a family separation more manageable.

·

U.S. DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration

www.samhsa.gov

Leaving Home for Disaster Relief Work
Ready “To Part”

There is a difference between being ready “to go” and 

ready “to part.” Being ready “to go” means having 

your suitcase packed, all shots up to date, and/or other 

duty-essential preparations completed. Being ready “to 

part” from your spouse and/or other family members 

means being aware of the personal and family issues 

related to separation, and being prepared to deal as 

constructively as possible with those issues.

Plan Ahead

This is one of the keys to a successful family 

separation. There are many things you can do before 

you leave that will prevent your spouse from feeling 

that he or she has to handle it all alone, and you from 

worrying about all the things left undone. 

 Spend an evening with your spouse to discuss the 

assignment or deployment, how both of you feel, 

what you worry about, how to handle emergencies, 

how to solve problems, and what you think needs 

to be done around the house to get things together.

 Have a “show-and-tell” day. Ask your spouse 

to show you how to do the chores that you do 

not usually do, whether it is checking the oil in 

the car or doing the laundry. Learn these things 

BEFORE your spouse departs on an assignment or 

deployment. 

 Before departing, make sure the remaining spouse 

is the one with the keys and checkbook.

So much depends on your advance preparation. The 

more you can learn and accomplish before the family 

separation, the more confi dent both of you will be 

when the parting time comes.

This material is adapted from the “Predeployment Guide: 

A Tool for Coping” on the Air Force Crossroads Web site at 

http://www.afcrossroads.com/famseparation. •••

NMH06-0234