FactSheet 

for Families

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Administration for Children and Families

Administration on Children, Youth and Families

Children’s Bureau

Child Welfare Information Gateway

Children’s Bureau/ACYF

1250 Maryland Avenue, SW

Eighth Floor

Washington, DC 20024

703.385.7565 or 800.394.3366

Email: info@childwelfare.gov

www.childwelfare.gov

March 2007

Are you pregnant and not sure that you are ready 

or able to raise your child? If so, you might be 

thinking about placing your baby for adoption. 

This factsheet gives you information about 

adoption, and it directs you to resources in your 

community, as well as on the Internet. Information 

for fathers and for relatives is also provided. Being 

well-informed may help you feel better about 

whatever decision you make. 

What’s Inside:

Exploring your options

Making the adoption decision

Placing your baby through an agency or 

independent adoption

Selecting adoptive parents

Staying in touch with your child after 

adoption

Taking care of yourself after adoption

Additional resources

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Are You Pregnant 

and Thinking About 

Adoption?
Are You Pregnant and Thinking About Adoption? www.childwelfare.gov

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Exploring Your Options

There are a number of places to find 

information about adoption and your other 

options when you are pregnant. 

Your local library or bookstore and 

the Internet let you find information 

in private. 

A counselor (e.g., a therapist or social 

worker) may help you make a decision 

based on your own personal situation 

and values. 

An adoption agency or lawyer can 

provide adoption-specific information.

These three types of resources are 

discussed below.

Books and the Internet

If you are just beginning to gather 

information about adoption and other 

options, books and the Internet may be a 

good starting point.

Books. To get a complete view of adoption, 

you may want to look for books about:

Parents who placed their children for 

adoption (birth parents)

Parents who formed their families by 

adopting children (adoptive parents)

Children and adults who were adopted 

(adopted people or adoptees)

You may want to read about how other 

parents felt when they placed their children 

for adoption, and how they felt later in life.

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The Internet. If you don’t have a computer 

at home to search the Internet for 

information and support, you can usually 

use one at a library. Searching under the 

terms “adoption” or “pregnancy” may be 

too general to be useful. Here are some ideas 

for search terms if you use a search engine 

like Google or MSN. (Using quotation marks 

around the term usually allows you to 

search for that exact term.)

“Adoption 

options”

“Parenting” 

“Teen 

Parenting”

“Single 

motherhood”

“Pregnancy 

options”

Adoption “birth 

mother”

Adoption “birth 

father”

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“Adoption 

impact”

“Unexpected 

pregnancy”

Adoption 

birthmother

Adoption 

birthfather

“Healthy 

pregnancy”

“Support group” 

“birth mother”

“Adoption triad”

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It’s important to remember that information on 

the Internet can be one-sided or incorrect. Try 

to look at a number of different websites. 

You may have questions about what’s true 

or what applies to your situation. If so, you 

may want to talk with a counselor, therapist, 

or social worker.

Counselors, Therapists, or 

Social Workers

While you are considering adoption, it’s 

important to find a therapist or counselor 

who can provide information and answer 

your questions in a sensitive and neutral 
Are You Pregnant and Thinking About Adoption?

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way. This means finding a counselor 

who doesn’t stand to gain from whatever 

decision you make. Here are some possible 

questions to ask a counselor:

What are my options for this pregnancy?

Can you help me explore my feelings about 

my pregnancy and what I want for myself 

and my child?

If I decide to parent my baby myself, how can 

you help me?

If I want to place my baby for adoption, 

will you help me find an adoption agency 

or lawyer?

What are my rights and responsibilities? 

What are those of the expectant father? 

There are many different places to find 

professionals trained to counsel pregnant 

women about unexpected pregnancy. Here 

are some places to start looking:

Departments of social services or family 

services offered by your county or city

Health departments or mental health 

centers at your local health clinic or 

through your local hospital or county or 

city government

Faith-based counselors, including pastors, 

rabbis, or others associated with a place 

of worship 

An adoption agency that has pregnancy 

counselors or “options counselors” (see 

section below for more information)

You can also dial 211 (available in some 

areas) or call your local United Way for help 

in locating a counselor.

No matter where you go, a counselor should 

always treat you with respect. A counselor’s 

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own feelings about adoption or other 

options shouldn’t affect the information 

that he or she provides. In order to make up 

your own mind, it’s important for you to get 

clear, full, and unbiased information.

Adoption Agencies and 

Adoption Lawyers

Talking with someone at a licensed adoption 

agency or with a lawyer who specializes in 

adoption may be a good choice if you are 

already leaning toward adoption. They can 

tell you more about the actual adoption 

process. Talking to an agency or lawyer 

doesn’t mean that you’re promising to 

place your child for adoption. You can get 

information from agencies and lawyers 

without making that plan. It’s just another 

way to collect information so that you can 

make a well-informed decision. Some States 

also require that free counseling be offered 

to you and the baby’s father by an agency or 

lawyer providing adoption services.

 Making the Adoption 

Decision

The decision to place a child for adoption 

is never easy. Like the decision to parent a 

child, it takes courage and much love. Once 

an adoption is finalized, it is permanent, 

and it will change your relationship with 

your child forever. The adoptive parents will 

raise your child and have full legal rights as 

the child’s parents. 

The following are some questions you 

may want to think about as you make 

your decision:
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Have I explored all my options? Pregnancy 

can affect your feelings and emotions. Are 

you thinking about adoption only because 

you have money problems, or because 

your living situation is difficult? If so, there 

might be other answers. Have you called 

Social Services to see what they can do? 

Have you asked friends and family if they 

can help? Social workers may be able to help 

you find a way to parent your baby if that 

is your decision. For instance, they may be 

able to help with finding a place to live or 

job training. 

Have I involved the baby’s father in 

thinking about adoption? You need to 

know what the laws in your State say about 

the father’s rights, responsibilities, and role 

in adoption. Most States require that the 

father—or the man you think is the father—

be told about the baby before the adoption. 

This is true even if you aren’t married to the 

father. If you are married and your husband 

is not the baby’s father, your husband may 

still have legal rights, responsibilities, and a 

role in the adoption. 

Your baby’s father (or your husband) may 

have to sign legal papers agreeing to the 

adoption—giving “legal consent”—before 

you can place your child. There are also 

laws requiring the father to pay child 

support if you decide to parent your baby.

In some States, if the parents are not 

married, the father has a certain amount 

of time to put his name on the State’s 

“putative father registry” to claim that he is 

the baby’s father. In other States, the father 

 For more information on laws in your State about consent, 

read Child Welfare Information Gateway’s Consent to Adoption

at www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/

consent.cfm.

may be required to take other legal action 

to claim his rights as a father. If he doesn’t 

do this within a certain amount of time, 

he may not receive notice of the mother’s 

decision to place the child for adoption. If 

you don’t know the father’s name or where 

he is, some States require that a notice 

be published before the adoption can be 

completed. The notice is published in a 

newspaper in a place where the father is 

likely to see it. A licensed adoption agency 

or qualified adoption lawyer can explain to 

you what is required in your State.

If you’re thinking about adoption, your 

agency or lawyer should be able to explain 

your State’s laws about the father’s role. In a 

few cases, agencies or lawyers have pushed 

through adoptions without telling the father 

and getting his consent. In some of these 

cases, the court has legally overturned the 

adoption and awarded custody of the baby 

to the father. Any agency or lawyer working 

with you must obey the law and obtain the 

father’s consent if needed. If your agency 

or lawyer is not willing to do this, you may 

want to go somewhere else. 

If you have a good relationship with your 

baby’s father, he may be a source of support 

for you. You may be able to help each 

other in making this decision. The father 

of your baby may be asking some of the 

same questions about adoption that you 

are asking. 

 For more information, read Child Welfare Information 

Gateway’s The Rights of Presumed (Putative) Fathers at www.

childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/putative.

cfm.
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Have I involved my own family and the 

father’s family in the decision?  Your family 

may be a source of support as you consider 

what to do, even if the pregnancy has 

put a strain on your relationship. Besides 

emotional support, your family may be able 

to provide money, housing, and other kinds 

of help. The father’s family may be able to 

help, also.

In a few States, if you are under 16 or 18 

years of age (it depends on the State), your 

own parent or parents may also have to give 

permission for you to place your baby for 

adoption. Laws vary, and you need to find 

out the consent laws in your State.

If you decide to go ahead with adoption, 

there may even be someone in your family 

or the father’s family who would like to 

adopt your baby. 

How might I feel in 20 years if I place my 

child for adoption or if I parent my child 

myself? While it’s impossible to know for 

sure how you will feel many years from 

now, you may want to consider the longterm effects of any decision you make. For 

instance, you may want to think about your 

future both with and without this child. 

What were your plans before you became 

pregnant? How would raising a child or 

placing a child for adoption change those 

plans? How might you feel if you go on 

to have other children and a family of 

your own? 

Why am I placing my child for adoption? 

If your answer is because it is what you, 

or you and the father, think is best for 

 For more information on laws in your State about consent, 

read Child Welfare Information Gateway’s Consent to Adoption

at www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/

consent.cfm.

yourselves and the baby, then it may be a 

good decision. It’s important to gather all 

the information you can and to hear the 

thoughts of your family and friends. In the 

end, however, you must make a decision 

you can live with. Don’t allow others to 

pressure you toward one outcome. 

Why do some expectant parents choose to 

place their baby for adoption? Everyone’s 

situation is different, but many women 

(and their partners) choose to place their 

baby because they feel that the baby will 

have a better life in an adoptive home with 

parents who may be better prepared to care 

for a child. These mothers feel that they are 

putting their baby’s best interests ahead of 

their own by placing their baby with parents 

who are ready to welcome a child and to 

love and provide for that child for at least 

18 years. 

Why do some expectant parents choose to 

raise their baby rather than place the baby 

for adoption? Pregnant women (and their 

partners) who consider adoption but decide 

to raise their child themselves may do so 

because they feel that they have the time, 

resources, and support from family and 

friends necessary to raise a child for at least 

18 years. They may feel that their biological 

connection with their child is more 

important than the advantages that the 

child might receive from an adoptive home.

When do I have to make the decision? 

You don’t have to make the final decision 

about adoption until after your baby is 

born. You may prepare for adoption, and 

adoptive parents may be waiting for your 

child. However, the final and legal decision 

is made by you, or you and the father, after 

the child’s birth.
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Think of it as making the adoption decision 

twice—once while you are pregnant and 

then again after the baby is born. It’s hard 

to know what you’ll feel like after the 

birth. This is why most State laws require 

that the final decision to place a child for 

adoption be made after the baby is born. 

As of December 2006, only Alabama and 

Hawaii allow a birth mother to agree to 

adoption before the birth of her child. Even 

in these States, the mother can change 

her mind after the birth. Some counselors 

suggest that you wait until you have left the 

hospital before signing papers that make the 

adoption final.

Placing Your Baby 

Through an Agency or 

Independent Adoption

If you are seriously considering adoption 

as an option, you will need to talk to some 

licensed adoption agencies or qualified 

adoption lawyers, or both. This section 

outlines the process of adoption through an 

agency (agency adoptions) and through an 

independent (private) adoption. Some legal 

considerations and infant safe haven laws 

are also discussed. 

Selecting a Licensed 

Adoption Agency or Qualified 

Adoption Lawyer

There are some differences and similarities 

in agency adoptions and independent 

adoptions. Agencies are generally full-time 

organizations whose main work is adoption. 

They usually employ a number of people 

and work with many families and pregnant 

women in order to find the best homes for 

babies. In an independent adoption, the 

pregnant woman generally works just with 

a lawyer and the family that she selects 

to adopt her child. Read the descriptions 

below under “Placing Your Baby Through an 

Agency” and “Placing Your Baby Through 

an Independent Adoption.”

You may not know which type of adoption 

will work best for you and your baby until 

you talk to some licensed agencies and 

qualified lawyers. Talk to several agencies 

or lawyers before making a decision and 

ask as many questions as you need to 

feel comfortable. Here are some general 

questions to ask either an adoption agency 

representative or adoption lawyer:

Will I get counseling all through my 

pregnancy, after I sign the papers allowing 

my child to be adopted, and after my baby 

is placed?

Can my baby’s father and other people who 

are important to me join me in counseling?

Will you help with medical, legal, and 

other costs?

If I change my mind about the adoption and 

decide to parent my child, will I have to pay 

for services I received?

How will you handle obtaining the consent of 

the baby’s father? 

 Child Welfare Information Gateway has two factsheets 

that are designed for adoptive parents but may also provide 

good information to birth parents about the differences 

between agency and independent adoptions. See Adoption 

Options at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_adoptoption.cfm and 

Adoption Options-at-a-Glance at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/

f_adoptoptionglance.cfm.

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How would you handle the situation if my 

baby were born with a disability?

Does your agency practice open adoption 

where I can meet and get to know the family 

who will adopt my child? [If this is what 

you want]

If you don’t practice open adoption, what 

information will you share with the adoptive 

parents about my family and me? 

Do the adoptive families receive education 

and training on adoption in addition to their 

home study?

Talk to your counselor or lawyer about the 

type of adoption that is best for you. Do 

you want to help decide who adopts your 

child, or would you rather allow the agency 

to select the best parents for your child? 

Would you like to be able to communicate 

with your child in the future through an 

open adoption, or would you rather not 

participate in this type of arrangement? If 

you have strong feelings about these things, 

work with an agency or lawyer who will 

listen to what you want.

If you choose to work with an agency, you 

should make sure that they are licensed to 

place children in your State. If you choose 

to work with a lawyer in an independent 

adoption, be sure that the lawyer has 

a license and adoption experience. It’s 

important to check on the reputation, 

license, and authority of any agency or 

lawyer that you are considering. An honest 

agency or lawyer will have nothing to hide 

and won’t mind answering your questions. 

For information on how to find out whether 

or not an agency is licensed, follow the 

instructions provided in Child Welfare 

Information Gateway’s How to Assess the 

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Reputation of Licensed, Private Adoption 

Agencies at:

www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/twenty.cfm

Some States permit adoption facilitators 

to arrange adoptions between birth 

mothers and families seeking to adopt. 

State laws vary quite a bit on this 

topic. In some States, facilitators can 

be anyone at all. In other States, they 

need to be licensed. In some States, 

“facilitators” is a general term that also 

refers to adoption lawyers who arrange 

adoptions. In other States, adoption 

facilitators are completely illegal. In 

these States, birth parents and adoptive 

parents who work with a facilitator also 

may receive penalties for disobeying 

the law.

Before you work with anyone, find out 

what the laws in your State say. In every 

State, there are people who may try to 

take advantage of your situation.5

Placing Your Baby Through an 

Agency

Once you contact a licensed agency, you 

will work with a counselor. The counselor’s 

first job is to provide you with information 

and support as you consider your decision 

about your baby. The counselor will ask you 

to think about many of the same questions 

that you have been considering, such as 

 For more information, see Child Welfare Information 

Gateway’s Use of Advertising and Facilitators in Adoptive 

Placements at www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/

statutes/advertising.cfm.
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your own hopes and dreams for yourself 

and your child. The counselor will ask about 

your living situation, family support, and 

educational and career goals. She or he may 

ask questions about the baby’s father and 

your relationship with him. The counselor 

works with you to help you come to the 

decision that is right for you and your 

baby—whether it is to parent the child 

yourself or to make an adoption plan. 

If you decide to make an adoption plan 

for your baby, the counselor will explain 

the agency process. This may include 

information about how adoptive parents are 

selected for babies, your role in the process, 

and how the actual adoption is finalized. 

The counselor will also ask questions and 

collect information about you and the 

baby’s father in order to put together a 

medical and social history of the baby. This 

may include: 

Your age, race, what you and the father 

look like, and other facts about you and 

the father

Medical history for you, your family, and 

the father’s family 

Any family history of mental illness

Whether you have been to see a doctor 

since you became pregnant

Whether you have been pregnant or 

given birth before

Whether you smoked cigarettes, took any 

drugs, or drank any alcohol since you 

became pregnant 

It’s important for you to be honest in your 

answers. The counselor asks these questions 

so that the best decision and placement can 

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be made for the baby. It’s also important for 

your baby to have a full medical history.

In some cases, the agency will collect both 

identifying and nonidentifying information 

for your baby’s record or to share with 

prospective adoptive parents. Identifying 

information includes things like your name 

and address. Nonidentifying information 

includes things like the color of your hair 

and eyes and your medical history. 

Agencies may provide you with a number of 

services, such as: 

Providing counseling throughout your 

pregnancy and after your baby is born

Paying your medical, legal, and 

living expenses

Arranging medical care and the hospital 

stay for the birth

Most agencies will encourage you to look at 

descriptions and photo albums of families 

who want to adopt a baby. Many families 

write letters telling about themselves, their 

homes, and why they would love to adopt. 

Many agencies will arrange for you to meet 

the families, if you like. 

Agencies also work with the couples who 

want to adopt—the prospective adoptive 

parents. The agency will visit them in their 

home and interview them. They will find 

out about their medical and family histories 

and check to see if they have a criminal 

record or a record of child abuse. If the 

prospective parents have such a record, it 

may mean that for your baby’s safety, and 

for yours, the family will not be allowed 

to adopt. Safety is another reason for you 

to make sure that any agency or lawyer 

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you work with is licensed by the State and 

experienced in adoption.

The agency will ask about the prospective 

parents’ interests, careers, and hopes for a 

family. This does not guarantee that they 

will be perfect parents. However, they will 

have completed a home study process 

that shows their desire to adopt and their 

potential to be good parents and provide 

a safe home for the baby. Some agencies 

also require that prospective adoptive 

parents complete special training on 

adoption issues.

Placing Your Baby Through an 

Independent Adoption

This type of adoption is usually arranged 

by a lawyer, depending on the laws in your 

State. Independent adoption is legal in 

most but not all States. There is generally 

no agency involvement. Your lawyer works 

with the lawyer for the adoptive parents to 

arrange the adoption. All States require that 

the adoptive parents in an independent 

adoption complete a home study.

In an independent adoption, as with many 

agency adoptions, you would generally 

expect to meet the adoptive parents. In 

most cases, you, as the birth mother, or 

you and the birth father actually choose 

the adoptive parents. The information you 

receive about the adoptive parents will 

come directly from the family members 

themselves or their lawyer.

You should plan to have your own lawyer 

represent you and your baby, while the 

adoptive parents will have a different lawyer 

represent them. It’s important that you have 

your own lawyer, especially if you change 

your mind about the adoption. In addition, 

it may not be legal in some States for the 

same lawyer to represent both you and the 

adoptive parents. Look for a lawyer who 

won’t charge you a fee if you decide not 

to place your baby for adoption. In most 

States, adoptive parents are allowed to cover 

the cost of the birth parents’ lawyer.

Finding a lawyer. It is important to find 

a lawyer who is currently licensed in your 

State, is in good standing with the State 

bar association, and has experience with 

adoption. Remember, you need a lawyer 

who can represent you and your interests 

and is able to protect your legal rights and 

those of your baby.

Here are two organizations that keep lists of 

adoption lawyers:

The American Academy of Adoption 

Attorneys lists lawyers who specialize 

in arranging adoptions: www.

adoptionattorneys.org 

The American Bar Association has listings 

of lawyers by location, as well as other 

helpful information: www.abanet.org/

legalservices/findlegalhelp/home.cfm

Also, many States have a toll-free number 

you can call to find specific types of lawyers 

in your area.

Finding adoptive parents. In an independent adoption, there are many ways to 

find potential adoptive parents, including 

through your lawyer, doctor, family, friends, 

or faith community (church, synagogue, 

or mosque). Some couples who want to 

adopt run personal ads in local newspapers 

or magazines. This type of advertising is 

 See Child Welfare Information Gateway’s State Regulation of 

Adoption Expenses at www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_

policies/statutes/expenses.cfm.

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restricted or illegal in some States but is very 

popular in other places, as well as on the 

Internet. If you decide to answer a personal 

ad, you call the family and talk to them or 

you email them. After that, your lawyer can 

help you follow up, if you would like to 

do so.

With an independent adoption, the 

prospective adoptive parents generally pay 

for your medical and living expenses. There 

are strict laws in each State about what 

prospective parents and adoption agencies 

can and cannot pay for. These laws exist to 

make sure that “baby selling” doesn’t occur 

and that mothers aren’t tempted to place 

their child with the person willing to pay 

the most in money or gifts.

Legal Considerations in Some Cases

Adoption agencies that receive Federal 

money are required to follow the MultiEthnic Placement Act. This states that 

agencies cannot delay or deny the 

placement of a child due to the race, color, 

or national origin of either the child or the 

adoptive family. It also requires agencies 

to find adoptive families that reflect the 

diversity of the babies and children available 

for adoption.

If your baby will be Native American 

(American Indian) because you or the baby’s 

father are Indian or even part-Indian, then 

there are special laws that will affect the 

adoption. The Indian Child Welfare Act, a 

Federal law, states that if a baby is placed for 

 For more information, see Child Welfare Information 

Gateway’s State Regulation of Adoption Expenses at 

www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/

expenses.cfm.

 For more information, visit the National Indian Child Welfare 

website at www.nicwa.org.

adoption, the child’s extended family must 

be given the chance to adopt. If they choose 

not to adopt, members of the child’s Tribe, 

followed by members of other Indian Tribes, 

must be given the chance to adopt the baby. 

This law gives the Tribal court the right to 

decide on the adoption. Talk with a lawyer 

who specializes in adoption law if you have 

a question about this or how it could apply 

to your baby. 

Infant Safe Haven Laws

You may have read about infant safe 

haven laws in many States. These are laws 

written to protect newborn babies when 

their mothers feel they have nowhere else 

to turn. These laws allow the mothers to 

leave their babies at certain places—often, 

hospitals or fire stations. Mothers can leave 

their newborns without giving their names 

or other identifying information. Some 

States require that a mother leave her child 

with a person working at an approved safe 

haven location within 72 hours (3 days) of 

the child’s birth. Leaving a baby in a safe 

place is a much better choice than leaving 

the child in a place where there is not a 

responsible person who will make sure 

that the baby is safe and that the proper 

authorities are contacted to take custody.

Some States require that infant safe haven 

providers ask mothers for family history and 

medical information. If this information is 

not provided, the child may grow up with 

little or no information about his or her 

heritage and medical history. Also, it may 

be difficult for mothers who leave their 
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babies at safe havens to receive medical care 

or counseling.

Selecting Adoptive 

Parents

If you’re thinking about adoption, you’re 

probably thinking a lot about the kind 

of parents or family you would want 

for your child. Whether you place your 

child through an agency or through an 

independent adoption, you will probably 

have a great deal of choice in selecting the 

parents or family for your child. Many of 

the considerations for selecting parents—

either directly or through parent profiles—

are the same, regardless of whether you use 

an agency or a lawyer.

Here are some questions to consider in 

selecting parents for your child:

Do I want my child to be raised by two 

parents?

Do I want my child to be an only or first 

child, or would I like my baby to have older 

brothers or sisters?

Should the family practice a certain religion?

Do I want the parents to be a certain age or 

have a certain income?

Does it matter if both parents work full-time 

outside the home?

Do I want my child raised in a certain part of 

the country or in a city or in a small town?

 For more information, see Child Welfare Information 

Gateway’s Infant Safe Haven Laws at www.childwelfare.gov/

systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/safehaven.cfm.

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Does the family share my interests, for 

example, sports or music or pets?

What is the family’s style of parenting and 

disciplining children?

Does the family share my values and beliefs?

Does the family feel the same way that I do 

about staying in touch after the adoption?

How much does the family know about the 

special issues associated with raising an 

adopted child?

Will I be able to see a copy of the family’s 

home study?10

Talking to your counselor or lawyer and 

getting their answers to these questions 

may help you in choosing a family. If 

you talk to a prospective family—or to 

several families—you will want to ask 

them similar questions.

Staying in Touch 

With Your Child 

After Adoption

After the adoption, the birth mother and 

adoptive family often exchange pictures 

and letters. An adopted child may grow 

up knowing his or her birth parents 

through letters or email or, in some 

cases, through visits. Sometimes, this is 

called “open adoption” or “postadoption 

communication.” Of course, the type of 

communication and how often it occurs 

10 For more information, read Child Welfare Information 

Gateway’s The Adoption Home Study Process at www.

childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_homstu.cfm.

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Are You Pregnant and Thinking About Adoption? www.childwelfare.gov

12 This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare 

Information Gateway. Available online at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_pregna/index.cfm.

vary greatly from adoption to adoption, 

depending on the people involved.11

When birth parents decide that they don’t 

want contact with their child after the 

adoption, they may arrange a “closed” 

adoption. In closed adoptions, the birth 

parents and the adoptive parents never 

know each other. Adoptive parents receive 

nonidentifying information from the 

agency or lawyer about the birth mother 

and father that they might need to help 

them take care of the child, such as medical 

information or family history, but they 

don’t know your name or where you live. 

In most States, the court seals the adoption 

records of all adoptions (open and closed) 

at the time of the adoption, and no one is 

permitted to read them. The records remain 

sealed unless an interested party, such as the 

adopted person who has reached adulthood, 

petitions the court and can show good 

cause to have the records opened. Laws 

vary from State to State, so check with a 

lawyer if you have questions about access 

to adoption information.12

If You Want to Be in Touch With 

Your Child

If it’s important to you to be in touch with 

your child after the adoption, you should 

find adoptive parents who will agree to 

an open adoption and who truly believe 

that it will be best for the child. You and 

they should work out in advance how you 

11 For more information, see Child Welfare Information 

Gateway’s Openness in Adoption at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/

f_openadopt.cfm.

12 For more information, see Child Welfare Information 

Gateway’s Access to Family Information by Adopted Persons 

at www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/

infoaccessap.cfm.

will keep in touch, how often, who will 

be involved, and how you might change 

this agreement later. Sometimes, lawyers or 

mediators can write up a “communication 

agreement” for you and the adoptive 

parents to sign. 

Your lawyer or agency should be able to 

tell you the laws in your State about these 

agreements, what they can include, and if 

they can be enforced in any way. In most 

cases, these agreements cannot be enforced. 

There is no State that lets an adoption be 

overturned if adoptive parents refuse to 

allow contact between their child and the 

child’s birth mother.13

Finding Your Child Later

If you place your baby through an agency 

or an independent adoption that is closed, 

you will not be given the adoptive parents’ 

names or address, nor will they have this 

information about you. This will make it 

harder to find out about your baby later in 

life, if you decide you want to know how 

your child is doing. Many birth parents do 

search for their children after the children 

are grown, just like many adopted people 

search for their birth families.14

Many States and some private organizations 

have set up mutual consent adoption 

registries to help birth relatives find each 

other. More than 30 States have adoption 

registries, where a birth parent or other 

family member (such as a brother or sister) 

13 For more information, see Child Welfare Information 

Gateway’s Postadoption Contact Agreements Between Birth and 

Adoptive Families at www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_

policies/statutes/cooperative.cfm.

14 For more information, see Child Welfare Information 

Gateway’s Searching for Birth Relatives at www.childwelfare.

gov/pubs/f_search.cfm.
Are You Pregnant and Thinking About Adoption?

13 This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare 

Information Gateway. Available online at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_pregna/index.cfm.

www.childwelfare.gov

can register to find the adopted person. If 

the adopted person also registers, then the 

registry can provide information to let them 

find each other.15

There is another way to allow your 

child to contact you later in life. Some 

adoption agencies and lawyers who arrange 

independent adoptions will hold a letter 

from you in their files. Usually, the letter 

says why you chose adoption and how to 

get in touch with you if the child ever wants 

to do so. If you move to a new address, it 

is your responsibility to contact the lawyer 

or agency so that your contact information 

remains up to date.

 Taking Care of Yourself 

After the Adoption

If you have an unexpected or crisis 

pregnancy, you would benefit from 

counseling both during and after your 

pregnancy. The counseling during your 

pregnancy may help you make the decision 

about whether to place your baby for 

adoption. Counseling after the birth should 

help you learn to live with whatever 

decision you make. Most licensed agencies 

will provide free counseling throughout 

your pregnancy. They should also provide 

counseling after the adoption—for as long 

as you need it. Most States let adoptive 

parents pay for counseling in independent 

adoptions. In fact, some States require that 

adoptive parents at least offer, through 

15 For more information, visit Child Welfare Information 

Gateway’s National Foster Care & Adoption Directory at 

www.childwelfare.gov/nfcad.

the birth parents’ lawyer, to pay for 

this counseling.

Grief and loss are common reactions for 

birth parents after they place their child 

for adoption. Some birth parents also go 

through phases of feeling guilty and angry. 

It’s important to admit these feelings to 

yourself and to know that they’re normal. 

Counseling may help you through the 

grief process as you learn to live with your 

decision, feel good about yourself and your 

decision, and plan for your future. Whether 

you choose an adoption with a great deal 

of contact or a closed adoption, you will 

probably be helped by counseling as you 

learn to adjust to the new phase in your life. 

There are many examples of birth parents 

who have gone on to live happy, productive 

lives after placing a child for adoption. 

Moving forward does not mean that you 

will ever forget your baby, just that you are 

ready to accept the adoption and move on 

to a new part of your life.16

Additional Resources

If you do not have access to the Internet 

to get these resources (or those mentioned 

earlier, especially in the footnotes), please 

contact Child Welfare Information Gateway 

at 800.394.3366, and they will be sent to 

you for free.

Information for Pregnant Women

Child Welfare Information Gateway 

provides information for pregnant women. 

16 For more information, read Child Welfare Information 

Gateway’s Impact of Adoption on Birth Parents at 

www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_impact/index.cfm.
Are You Pregnant and Thinking About Adoption? www.childwelfare.gov

14 This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare 

Information Gateway. Available online at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_pregna/index.cfm.

Visit the webpage:

www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/birth/for/

index.cfm

Adoption Agencies

Use Child Welfare Information Gateway’s 

National Foster Care & Adoption Directory

to find agency information. Or, contact 

Child Welfare Information Gateway for the 

names, addresses, and telephone numbers of 

adoption agencies in each State and the U.S. 

territories. The information is free.

www.childwelfare.gov/nfcad