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Whether on television, in the newspaper, or on the Internet, some days it seems as if bad news is 

the only news. Upbeat and inspiring stories can be rare. Over time, gloomy headlines can have a 

discouraging effect on us all, but particularly on our children. In addition, advertising and marketing 

directed toward children can leave them feeling inadequate if they do not have the products being sold. 

Similar to the news media, parents often find it easier to give negative, rather than positive, feedback to 

their children. But children thrive on positive attention. They need to feel loved and appreciated. 

Fatherhood can be more enjoyable when you have a positive relationship with your children. They will pay 

more attention to you and will try harder to please you. Good communication is important for constructing 

positive relationships. The frequent use of encouraging words can make communication more productive with all children, from toddlers to teenagers. Consistently communicating encouraging words to your 

children will give them the approval and acceptance they are looking for and help them develop healthy 

confidence and self-esteem.

Reaching out to children needs to be from the heart and meaningful. Let your children know you are 

involved with and interested in their lives. Avoid fake flattery and use words and phrases that remind them 

of their uniqueness and point out their strengths. Some of the shortest sentences can have the longest 

lasting positive impact on your relationship with your children: “Good job.” “Nice work.” “That’s the way.” 

“What a great idea.” “I’m so proud of you.” “I’m glad you’re my son/daughter.” “I love you.”
BOOKS MOVIES

Fatherhood by Bill Cosby

The Five Love Languages of Children

by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell

Whose Kids Are These Anyway? by Ken Swarner

Daughters & Dads: Building a Lasting Relationship

by Chap Clark and Dee Clark

The 7 Secrets of Effective Fathers by Ken R. Canfield

Girls! by William and Kathryn Beausay

How to Really Love Your Angry Child

by Ross Campbell, M.D. 

Monsters, Inc.

The Santa Clause

Madagascar

The Shaggy Dog

The Pacifier

Peter Pan

Lilo & Stitch

For Further Discussion

Check your local public library for these recommended titles:

 When you were a child or teenager, did you spend 

much time each day watching TV or listening to the 

radio? What about your children? Do they spend a 

lot of time in front of the TV or surfing the Internet? 

What activities might your children do alone or 

together with you that will help decrease the influence of media on their lives?

 Check out the current top 10 songs in any genre of 

music—rap, country, hip-hop, pop, or rock. How 

many of those songs have negative messages or 

present unrealistic relationships? 

 Describe some additional ways you can express 

encouragement to your children. Over the next 

month, see how many different ways you can give 

your children positive feedback and support. On a 

calendar or in a day planner, record what you did 

each day and your children’s reactions.

 Where do you find encouraging words in your 

life? How often do you receive them? How might 

you increase the instances in which you receive 

encouraging words?

E

veryday phrases of encouragement, love, and acceptance have a more long-term influence on your 

children than big parties or special events. Think of daily encouraging words like those small handmade 

cardboard signs that direct people to neighborhood yard sales. Despite their plain looks, these subtle 

and well-placed reminders have as much drawing power as a large neon sign might. Similarly, small yet 

consistent expressions of encouragement can draw your children closer to you than a one-time lavish gift.

Many dads, however, are men of few words. Some of 

us are uncomfortable speaking lovingly to our children 

to intentionally encourage them every day. Fortunately, 

words are not the only way to let children know we 

appreciate their efforts and improvement, not just their 

accomplishments. 

In addition to telling your children how you feel, you 

can show them. Gestures such as a hug, smile, nod, 

pat on the shoulder or back, wink, or high five often 

can say more than words to motivate your children. 

Surprise your children with some kind of positive contact every day. 

Your body language can reflect your encouragement. 

Laugh with your children—never at them—often. The 

expression on your face and in your eyes also can reinforce positive messages. Be careful to avoid sighs or 

other expressions of frustration when communicating 

with your children. Children notice these signs and take 

them to heart. 

You also can take advantage of technology to communicate encouragement to your children. Send a text 

message or e-mail with some quick positive feedback 

about something they did that day:

 “I like the way you .”

 “I appreciate how you .”

 “You’re great at .”

Tell them about a song or song lyrics that reminded you 

about them today. Why not actually sing the song in a 

voice mail message they can save and replay at times 

when your encouraging words can be a comfort. And in 

today’s digital world, a greeting card sent by traditional 

mail can be a wonderful and surprising way to catch 

children’s attention with encouraging words. 

Some fathers, especially those who did not receive 

encouragement during their own childhoods, find it 

difficult to understand how important encouragement 

is for building self-confidence and feelings of worth in 

young people. In a recent interview, popular country 

music singer Rodney Atkins, who as an infant was finally 

adopted after being returned to the orphanage by two 

different couples because he was so sickly, summed 

up the impact of encouraging words from a father to his 

children: “A family has a way of healing you.”
Grateful

Responsible

Teachable

Wise

Pure

Selfless

Forgiving

Faithful

Joyful

Patient

Gentle

Trustworthy

Honest

Courageous

Compassionate

Kind

Generous

Empathetic

Honorable

Dependable

Enduring

Thoughtful

Helpful

Passionate

Hopeful

Self-disciplined

Merciful

Begin to watch for instances when your child uses or demonstrates the character traits. Offer words of praise to your 

child each time you see or hear the trait in action. For example, if being kind is one of the character traits you identified, 

you might say, “I heard what you said to your friend when he got hurt. That was a really kind thing to say. I’m sure it 

made him feel better.”

Praising your child consistently and genuinely, referring to the use of these positive character traits, will strengthen your 

child’s self-esteem and have a lifelong positive impact.

Group Work

Over the next week and month, pay close attention to television commercials. Jot down the names of products and companies whose commercials try to make consumers feel inadequate or incomplete without the product. Look at a variety of 

channels, at various times of day, but especially during children’s programming. Share your findings with the group.

Over the next week and month, look at newspapers and magazines. Count and total the number of articles that discuss 

positive acts and the number of articles that cover negative news. Compare the two totals. 

At Home

 Identify at least 10 healthy character traits in your child. Here are some you might look for:

For Further Discussion (cont.)

Be a Dad Today

Take Time to

www.fatherhood.gov

Toll-free: 1-877-4DAD411

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Administration for Children and Families

Office of Family Assistance