Stay

Connected

Get 

Creative

N

ot living together in the same household can make it difficult for any dad to maintain 

contact with his children and remain involved in their lives. But the unique experiences 

of dads in prison—given their environment and its limitations—can make staying 

connected with family and children a particularly tough struggle.

Being apart from your children can be frustrating and discouraging. You may have a 

tremendous feeling of loss knowing you are unable to participate in a wide range of daily 

activities with your children, such as reading, watching TV, going to fun events, doing 

homework, shopping, or just being together doing nothing special. Although your in-person 

time with your children might be brief right now, you can develop creative ways to renew or 

increase contact with them to hold onto or build positive, caring relationships.
O

ne incarcerated father wanted to learn more about how his daughters were 

doing in school. He sent the girls’ mother a 9” x 12” clasp envelope, already 

addressed to him in prison and with enough postage for about 40 sheets of 

paper. He asked their mother to send him any extra school papers she did not 

want to keep and otherwise would throw away. He now receives an envelope filled with 

school papers every 3–4 months. He reads each paper carefully and with the information 

they provide, he can praise his daughters and encourage them to keep up their good 

work in school. “We don’t play 20 questions during phone calls or in letters any more,” 

the dad reports. “We have lots to talk about now and we’ve grown closer as a result of 

my receiving their school papers.” 

A group of fathers in a Missouri State prison purchased plain white pillowcases from the prison 

store. Using fabric markers, each father created a personalized pillowcase for each of his children. 

When the pillowcase art was complete, the dads mailed the special keepsakes to their children, 

along with a handmade card for each child.

At McNeil Island Corrections Center in Washington State, fathers sent “hugs” home to their children. 

Using a 3-foot wide roll of brown paper, each father had someone trace his head and upper body, 

with arms outstretched, on the paper. Then each dad drew his features on the paper and added a 

personalized message to his child. (One father made a hug for each of his eight children.) The traced 

pictures were cut from the paper and mailed to the children, who were able to wrap their dads’ 

comforting life-size arms around them whenever they needed a hug at home.

A group of fathers incarcerated at the State Correctional Institution in Chester, Pennsylvania, identified 

games they could play with their children through the mail. They created a booklet, “Father and Child 

Activity Book: Ideas for Keeping Connected through the Mail,” which was made available to all the 

men in the facility. The booklet explained how dads could play games such as chess, checkers, 

Battleship, Scrabble, and dot-to-dot—and a few games they invented themselves—exchanging mail 

and taking turns with their children.

Dads in other institutions ask their children to create fictional characters. Each month, the dads 

write a new chapter of a story that features the characters the children imagined. The relationships 

between father and children strengthen as the fathers weave the characters into new adventures 

and send the tales to their children. 

Writing in a journal is another way dads in prison keep in contact with their children and help prepare 

them for the day they will be reunited. You can write about your family, what your life was like as 

you were growing up, who your heroes were and why, and any other recollections or details that will 

help your children understand the man you are. Try to write a few sentences every day and share 

the journal with your children regularly. Before you know it, you will have a powerful, informative 

personal snapshot that will enrich the connection between you and your children. 

Staying aware of your children’s needs and interests is an important step in remaining connected. 

As children grow, what and how they learn will change. Make sure your approach to keeping in touch 

with your children is age-appropriate. For example, a toddler could enjoy a paper hug from dad, but 

as a non-reader could not bond with dad by reading his journal, as a teenager could.

For a variety of reasons, many dads do not see their children on a regular basis. As a result, they often 

have to redefine their roles and responsibilities as a father. Incarcerated dads have extraordinary 

challenges to keeping track of their children’s development and activities. Nevertheless, incarcerated 

dads across the country are improving the quality of their relationships with their children just by 

starting with a little inspiration, mixing in some imagination, and adding a lot of love. 
Look and Learn

MOVIES BOOKS

Drumline 1001 Things Your Kids Should See & Do

by Harry Harrison

The Rookie

How to Really Love Your Child

by Ross Campbell and D. Ross Campbell

Stand by Me

Whose Kids Are These Anyway?

National Treasure by Ken Swarner

National Treasure: The Five Love Languages of Children

Book of Secrets by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell

Secondhand Lions Chicken Soup for the Father & Daughter Soul: Stories to Celebrate 

the Love Between Dads & Daughters Throughout the Years

by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Patty Aubery, and Nancy Mitchell Autio

Be a Dad Today

Take Time to

www.fatherhood.gov

Toll-free: 1-877-4DAD411

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Administration for Children and Families

Office of Family Assistance