Reconnecting 

with Your 

Children

Back in 

Touch

“I learned about the bond between fathers and children by almost breaking it. My daughters were two 

and four years old during the divorce. They moved with their mother to be near her family, putting 

four states between us. On my first visit after they moved, we played, shopped, watched cartoons, 

and plenty more in three and a half days. As I packed to leave, an empty feeling came over me that I could 

not brush off. I knew my daughters would cry when we hugged and said good-bye, and they did. I tried to 

convince myself they were too young to understand.”

“I walked to my car, fighting back tears and tried to look cheerful as I waved to my girls at the window. I 

managed a fake smile as I drove away, but about 10 miles into my trip I had to pull off the road because 

my tears were blinding me. For the first time, I truly understood how much I meant to my little girls and 

how much they meant to me. At that moment, I vowed to do whatever it took to maintain my relationship 

with my daughters. I would never let them go! Fourteen years later, I have wonderful relationships with my 

daughters. But it hasn’t been easy. Still, every time we say good-bye, I feel our bond being stretched.”

This dad’s story confirms that the bond between a father and his children transcends time, distance, and 

understanding but nevertheless can be broken. And a broken bond can be devastating for both children 

and fathers. 
T

oo often, dads choose to ignore their shortcomings or 

inadequate relationship skills. They opt for the easy way 

out, distancing themselves physically and emotionally 

from their children. As a result, the children wonder, 

“What did I do to make him stop hugging me and playing with me? 

Does he still love me? Are all dads like this?” Children who are 

out of touch with their fathers might continue to search for that 

strong bond into adulthood, sometimes by involvement in a series 

of unhealthy relationships.

Even if dads want to improve their relationship with their children, they 

might believe that past behaviors and attitudes have burned too many 

bridges and righting old wrongs is impossible. Fathers should understand 

that it is never too late to make their relationship with their children better. 

While moving beyond earlier difficulties is challenging, it also is worthwhile. 

Those fathers who do not even try to hold on to the bond with their children 

might be haunted years later by regrets and the question, “What if?”

Rebuilding your relationship with your children begins with you, but you 

do not need to make the journey alone. Although many dads have trouble 

admitting they need help, identifying an individual you respect as a good 

father or grandfather can be an important first step. Ask the person to 

mentor you toward slowly repairing the broken bond with your children. 

Request specific tips that will help you be the loving father you aim to be. 

Also ask your mentor for recommendations on books about fatherhood 

that will strengthen your relationship and nurturing skills.

Maintaining—or patching up—your connection with your children requires 

some sacrifice and self-discipline but can start with several easy-tofollow approaches:

Be involved with your children as much as possible, even daily if you can. 

Although you might not be able to see them in person, use the phone, 

e-mail, and texting to stay in touch consistently. Answer their messages 

promptly so they believe you are available when they need you or just 

want to chat.

Show acceptance of your children for who they are, rather than only for 

what they do. Your constant acceptance proves to your children that you 

love them unconditionally.

Demonstrate your affection through loving words or appropriate 

touch. Communicate to your children that you value them and they are 

worth loving.

Be consistent in your personal characteristics and fathering habits. No 

matter the circumstances, your children should know what to expect from 

you and that they can count on you.

While separation and divorce can threaten the fragile bond between fathers 

and children, the challenges they present nevertheless can be opportunities 

for personal development and growth, by you and your children.
For Further Discussion

 Answer honestly—what have you done to strain or break the 

bond between you and your children? 

 What can you do today to begin rebuilding that bond? Are you 

willing to do whatever it takes, as long as it takes?

 Who might be a good mentor or life coach to help you 

strengthen your bond with your children?

 Are you mentally and emotionally prepared for how difficult it 

might be and how much time it might take? If not, how can you 

better prepare yourself?

Take Action

 Keep a journal in which you write about 

yourself, your family, your childhood, and 

the man you have become. Add photos 

too. Share the journal with your children.

 Become more aware of the developmental 

needs of your children as they grow. Talk 

to other dads whose children are the same 

age as or slightly older than your children 

to learn more.

Look and Learn

MOVIES BOOKS

A River Runs Through It A Father’s Legacy

by J. Countryman

Flicka 1001 Things Your Kids Should See & Do

by Harry Harrison

The Little Mermaid

Fathers of Influence: Inspiring Stories of Men Who 

Made a Difference in Their Children and Their World The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King by Cook Communications (Editor) 

The Shaggy Dog Longing for Dad: Father Loss and Its Impact

by Beth Erickson

Be a Dad Today

Take Time to

www.fatherhood.gov

Toll-free: 1-877-4DAD411

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Administration for Children and Families

Office of Family Assistance