Listening Effectively

JOHN A. KLINE

Air University Press

Maxwell Air Force Base, Alabama

April 1996
Kline, John A.

 Listening effectively / John A. Kline.

 p. cm.

 1. Listening. I. Title.

 BF323.L5K55 1996 95-552799

 153.6’8—dc20 CIP 

Disclaimer

This publication was produced in the Department of Defense school environment in the

interest of academic freedom and the advancement of national defense-related concepts.

The views expressed in this publication are those of the author and do not reflect the official

policy or position of the Department of Defense or the United States government.

This publication has been reviewed by security and policy review authorities and is cleared

for public release.

For Sale by the Superintendent of Documents

US Government Printing Office

Washington, DC 20402

ii
Contents

Chapter Page

DISCLAIMER . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ii

FOREWORD . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . v

ABOUT THE AUTHOR . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . vii

PREFACE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ix

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . xi

 1 THE NEED FOR BETTER LISTENING . . . . . . . 1

 2 FALLACIES ABOUT LISTENING . . . . . . . . . . 5

Fallacy #1: Listening Is Not My Problem! . . . . . 5

Fallacy #2: Listening and Hearing Are

 the Same . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6

Fallacy #3: Good Readers Are Good

 Listeners . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7

Fallacy #4: Smarter People Are Better

 Listeners . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9

Fallacy #5: Listening Improves with

 Age . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10

Fallacy #6: Listening Skills Are Difficult

 to Learn . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13

 3 THE PROCESS OF LISTENING . . . . . . . . . . . 15

Receiving . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16

Attending . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18

Understanding . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20

Responding . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25

Remembering . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26

 4 TYPES OF LISTENING . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 29

Informative Listening . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30

Relationship Listening . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32

Appreciative Listening . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34

Critical Listening . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38

Discriminative Listening . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42

iii
 5 HOW TO BE AN EFFECTIVE LISTENER . . . . . . 45

What You Think about Listening . . . . . . . . . 45

What You Feel about Listening . . . . . . . . . . 50

What You Do about Listening . . . . . . . . . . 54

Illustrations

Figure

 1 The Listening Process . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16

iv
Foreword

Though it’s perhaps the most important of our commu -

nication skills, listening is one of the most neglected. Our

lack of attention to listening skills is puzzling; we spend

so much of our time listening that its importance cannot

be challenged. Yet the obvious explanation is that most of

us believe we listen well.

In Listening Effectively, Dr Kline describes the importance of good listening in a variety of settings, from

life-and-death situations to the sort of everyday situations

in which you and I find ourselves all too often. He then

explains how we can become the good listeners we all

want to be. But, he points out, learning to listen well

requires considerable effort on our part. The good news is

that the rewards for enhancing our listening skills are

more than worth the effort.

Dr Kline addresses this intriguing topic in straightfor -

ward, understandable terms. The result is a very readable

and helpful book—concise, yet comprehensive; entertaining,

yet informative; lively, yet serious. As a companion volume

to his outstanding Speaking Effectively: A Guide to Air

Force Speakers, I heartily recommend Listening Effectively.

BILLY J. BOLES

General, USAF

Commander, Air Education and

 Training Command

v

About the

Author

Dr John A. Kline is a senior executive (SES) and Aca -

demic Provost for Air University. He received his BS from

Iowa State University. He held an NDEA Fellowship while

earning MS and PhD degrees at the University of Iowa.

Dr Kline was professor of communication at the univer -

sities of New Mexico and Missouri–Columbia. He has been

at Air University since 1975 as professor, dean, educa -

tional advisor, and finally as provost.

Dr Kline has written books, presented many papers,

and published widely in leading professional journals. He

is an accomplished speaker, he has lectured extensively

throughout the Air Force, and he has presented many

speeches to a variety of military, professional, religious,

and corporate organizations worldwide.

Listening Effectively is a companion volume to his

widely read Speaking Effectively.

Dr John A. Kline

vii

Preface

Listening Effectively takes a “how to” approach to the

listening process. Everyone can be a better listener. This

book provides information to help in a logical and practi -

cal way.

To lay the groundwork for the rest of the book, the first

chapter presents the need for better listening. This dis -

cussion covers, among other things, the fact that few

people have ever received any formal training in effective

listening. Some real-life examples of the need for better

listening are given.

The second chapter focuses on things we think are true

about listening, but are not; that is, common fallacies

about listening. Those who know these fallacies can prob -

ably use a refresher. And those who haven’t been exposed

to them before should benefit greatly, though some may

find it difficult to release erroneous beliefs.

The third chapter discusses the listening process, from

receiving sound waves to taking action on remembered

instructions. Five steps of the process are explained: re -

ceiving, attending, understanding, responding, and

remembering. Examples are provided to aid each step of

the process.

The fourth chapter discusses the five types of listen -

ing—informative, relationship, appreciative, critical, and

discriminative. Emphasis is given on how to adjust to

each listening situation.

The last chapter presents guidelines for effective listening. This discussion covers what we think, how we feel,

and what we do about listening. Effective listening has a

great deal to do with all of those. I hope this book will help

everyone who reads it to become a better listener.

John A. Kline

ix

Acknowledgments

I have studied the listening process extensively and

spoken on the subject hundreds of times. And still I am

not the effective listener I would like to be. That fact

makes writing this book difficult.

Still, I wanted to share what I know about listening. I

have done this by using many personal examples and

providing numerous explanatory and prescriptive lists. I

think you’ll find some things to help you be a better lis -

tener.

I thank my wife, Ann, and our five grown children, Teri,

Marc, Nanette, Missy, and especially our Down’s syndrome son David, for teaching me the importance of

listening effectively.

xi
xii
xiii
Chapter 1

The Need for Better Listening

Listening is the neglected communication skill. While

all of us have had instruction in reading, writing, and

speaking, few have had any formal instruction in listen -

ing. This void in our education is especially interesting in

light of research showing that most of us spend seven of

every 10 minutes we are awake in some form of communi -

1
cation activity. Of these seven minutes (or 70 percent of

the time we are awake), 10 percent is spent writing, 15

percent reading, 30 percent talking, and 45 percent lis -

tening.

Think of it! We spend nearly half of our communication

time listening, but few of us make any real effort to be

better listeners. For those who do, however, the effort

pays great dividends: increased safety, higher productiv -

ity, faster learning, and better relationships.

Good listening is important to the Air Force—at times,

absolutely crucial! Just how crucial is readily apparent

from a report in a USAF air safety publication.* The report

presents quotations from a taped conversation between a

pilot and a control tower operator during routine landing

preparations. The tower operator wants the aircraft to de -

scend from 10 thousand feet to eight thousand feet. Here is

that conversation.

TIME AGENCY

1929:38 Approach Control: “Turn right, heading 180.

Descend and maintain eight

thousand.”

1929:42 Aircraft: “Right 180 out of fifteen

thousand for two thousand.”

(Aircraft’s readback was interrupted by another aircraft and

not acknowledged by approach

control.)

1931:08 Aircraft: “Steady 180 and passing ten

thousand for two thousand.”

1931:11 Approach Control: “Roger.”

1931:22 Approach Control: “Your position 12 miles southwest of airport, maintain eight

thousand feet.”

1931:30 Aircraft: “Roger, passing nine for two.”

(This transmission was not

acknowledged by approach

control.)

1933:05 Approach Control: “Your position 19 miles southwest of airport. Turn right 200

for slight pattern extension.”

*“Hearing But Not Listening,” USAF Aerospace Safety, January 1971, 8.

2
The report goes on to say that radar and radio contact

was lost “because both crewmen had uttered their final

words, victims in a fatal accident of poor listening in the

air and on the ground.”*

This avoidable accident is but one example in which lis -

tening played a crucial role. Effective listening is, in fact,

crucial throughout the Air Force. Consider missile crew

members who have the capability to unleash weapons of

incredible destruction. The primary communication authorizing their launch is an encoded spoken transmission. Consider also command post, security police, and medical per -

sonnel who receive information primarily through the

spoken word. A simple listening error in any of these areas

could result in lost man-hours, equipment, or lives.

Now consider the fact that poor listening is costly in

even the most routine staff communications and office

operations. Directives to a staff or instructions to office

*“Hearing But Not Listening,” USAF Aerospace Safety, January 1971, 8.

3
personnel are often given only once. The greater the differ -

ence in rank between those giving the directives or in -

structions and those receiving them, the less inclined the

receivers are to ask for clarification—lest they be consid -

ered dull, slow, or inattentive. It is important to listen

carefully the first time.

Surveys show that Air Force managers put a premium

on good listening. Strong listening skills consistently rank

at or near the top of characteristics they desire in their

subordinates.

Nor are Air Force managers unique in this regard. Far

from it—business organizations with a profit motive have

long recognized the value of listening effectively. Chief ex -

ecutive officers and chief operating officers of companies

large and small say that poor listening is the number one

problem in their organizations. Furthermore, they declare

that listening is the communication skill most crucial to

success. Their comments provoke no surprise, since many

formal studies have resulted in the same conclusions: Lis -

tening is crucial in the workplace.

But listening is also important in other places—in the

home, at church, in civic clubs, and at social gatherings. In

these and other places, listening to gain information may be

less important than listening to improve relationships.

Counselors and other experts on interpersonal communication tell us that listening is the skill that can make or break

a relationship. To a certain extent, this type of listening is

important in the workplace as well; after all, we humans are

relational individuals and it is sometimes as important to

understand the person as what the person is saying. Even

at work, then, there is a lot more to listening than just

understanding the meaning of words.

There is no question but that listening is both crucial

and neglected. It is therefore this book’s purpose to help

you develop better listening skills. The chapters that fol -

low are designed to help you become a better listener in

all communication situations. The first step in becoming a

better listener is to recognize certain false notions that

many people hold about listening. Recognizing these falla -

cies will help you to avoid being trapped by them.

4
Chapter 1

The Need for Better Listening

Listening is the neglected communication skill. While

all of us have had instruction in reading, writing, and

speaking, few have had any formal instruction in listen -

ing. This void in our education is especially interesting in

light of research showing that most of us spend seven of

every 10 minutes we are awake in some form of communi -

1
cation activity. Of these seven minutes (or 70 percent of

the time we are awake), 10 percent is spent writing, 15

percent reading, 30 percent talking, and 45 percent lis -

tening.

Think of it! We spend nearly half of our communication

time listening, but few of us make any real effort to be

better listeners. For those who do, however, the effort

pays great dividends: increased safety, higher productiv -

ity, faster learning, and better relationships.

Good listening is important to the Air Force—at times,

absolutely crucial! Just how crucial is readily apparent

from a report in a USAF air safety publication.* The report

presents quotations from a taped conversation between a

pilot and a control tower operator during routine landing

preparations. The tower operator wants the aircraft to de -

scend from 10 thousand feet to eight thousand feet. Here is

that conversation.

TIME AGENCY

1929:38 Approach Control: “Turn right, heading 180.

Descend and maintain eight

thousand.”

1929:42 Aircraft: “Right 180 out of fifteen

thousand for two thousand.”

(Aircraft’s readback was interrupted by another aircraft and

not acknowledged by approach

control.)

1931:08 Aircraft: “Steady 180 and passing ten

thousand for two thousand.”

1931:11 Approach Control: “Roger.”

1931:22 Approach Control: “Your position 12 miles southwest of airport, maintain eight

thousand feet.”

1931:30 Aircraft: “Roger, passing nine for two.”

(This transmission was not

acknowledged by approach

control.)

1933:05 Approach Control: “Your position 19 miles southwest of airport. Turn right 200

for slight pattern extension.”

*“Hearing But Not Listening,” USAF Aerospace Safety, January 1971, 8.

2
The report goes on to say that radar and radio contact

was lost “because both crewmen had uttered their final

words, victims in a fatal accident of poor listening in the

air and on the ground.”*

This avoidable accident is but one example in which lis -

tening played a crucial role. Effective listening is, in fact,

crucial throughout the Air Force. Consider missile crew

members who have the capability to unleash weapons of

incredible destruction. The primary communication authorizing their launch is an encoded spoken transmission. Consider also command post, security police, and medical per -

sonnel who receive information primarily through the

spoken word. A simple listening error in any of these areas

could result in lost man-hours, equipment, or lives.

Now consider the fact that poor listening is costly in

even the most routine staff communications and office

operations. Directives to a staff or instructions to office

*“Hearing But Not Listening,” USAF Aerospace Safety, January 1971, 8.

3
personnel are often given only once. The greater the differ -

ence in rank between those giving the directives or in -

structions and those receiving them, the less inclined the

receivers are to ask for clarification—lest they be consid -

ered dull, slow, or inattentive. It is important to listen

carefully the first time.

Surveys show that Air Force managers put a premium

on good listening. Strong listening skills consistently rank

at or near the top of characteristics they desire in their

subordinates.

Nor are Air Force managers unique in this regard. Far

from it—business organizations with a profit motive have

long recognized the value of listening effectively. Chief ex -

ecutive officers and chief operating officers of companies

large and small say that poor listening is the number one

problem in their organizations. Furthermore, they declare

that listening is the communication skill most crucial to

success. Their comments provoke no surprise, since many

formal studies have resulted in the same conclusions: Lis -

tening is crucial in the workplace.

But listening is also important in other places—in the

home, at church, in civic clubs, and at social gatherings. In

these and other places, listening to gain information may be

less important than listening to improve relationships.

Counselors and other experts on interpersonal communication tell us that listening is the skill that can make or break

a relationship. To a certain extent, this type of listening is

important in the workplace as well; after all, we humans are

relational individuals and it is sometimes as important to

understand the person as what the person is saying. Even

at work, then, there is a lot more to listening than just

understanding the meaning of words.

There is no question but that listening is both crucial

and neglected. It is therefore this book’s purpose to help

you develop better listening skills. The chapters that fol -

low are designed to help you become a better listener in

all communication situations. The first step in becoming a

better listener is to recognize certain false notions that

many people hold about listening. Recognizing these falla -

cies will help you to avoid being trapped by them.

4
Chapter 2

Fallacies about Listening

Among the great hindrances to effective listening are

the fallacies that people hold about listening. These false

ideas often cause people to have inflated opinions of their

own listening performance. Believing that they have no

problem with listening, they make no effort to improve.

Indeed, why should they? Not knowing that their listening

skill is “broke,” they see no need to “fix” it. Consequently,

they don’t take steps to improve. Knowing about these

fallacies will assist you in avoiding this trap. Here, then,

are several of the common ones.

Fallacy #1: Listening Is Not My Problem!

People generally believe they are better listeners than

those around them. It is the people they work for, the

ones who work with or for them, their family members,

and their friends who have a problem in listening effec -

tively—not them.

When I teach classes or lead seminars on communica -

tion, I often ask participants to assess themselves as lis -

teners. With 10 being high and one being low, they are to

rate themselves as listeners compared to the other mem -

bers of the group. The average score through the years

has been about 7.5—some higher, some lower, but the

overall average is 7.5.

Next, they rate the other group members as listeners.

That rating has been 4.1 on average. In other words, they

believe that listening is a problem, but that the problem

belongs to someone else. Remember that each group

member is being rated as part of the group by the others;

that is, each member is part of the group receiving the 4.1

rating.

5
The point is simply this. The people around us believe

that we have more of a problem listening effectively than

they do. This should tell us something. Listening is not

just someone else’s problem—it’s ours.

Fallacy #2: Listening and Hearing

Are the Same

Simply having good hearing does not make one a good

listener. In fact, many people who have perfectly good

hearing are not good listeners. Having good hearing does

facilitate one’s perception of sound; but good listeners

don’t simply hear words—they focus on the meaning. We

6
communicate effectively with each other insofar as we

share meaning.

If I tell you something and you misunderstand me, ef -

fective communication has not occurred. If I tell you

something and you understand what I meant—that is, if

we have an effective transfer or sharing of meaning—we

say that the communication is effective. Effective listening

implies that the listener understands what the speaker

means.

The difference between hearing and listening can be

stated this way: Hearing is the reception of sound, listen -

ing is the attachment of meaning to the sound. Hearing is

passive, listening is active. Understanding the difference

between hearing and listening is an important prereq -

uisite for listening effectively.

Fallacy #3: Good Readers

Are Good Listeners

This statement is often untrue, even though both reading

and listening depend on the translation of words into mean -

ing. Because of the shared translation function, there is

obviously some kind of relationship between reading and

listening; the problem is, many people mistakenly believe

that all good readers are necessarily good listeners.

Researchers who administer different standard reading

tests to the same individual find a high positive correla -

tion between the two sets of scores; that is, persons who

score well on one reading test generally score well on an -

other while persons who score low on one test tend to

score low on another.

Similar results are found by researchers who test indi -

viduals on standardized listening tests. Those who score

high on one test tend to score high on another, and vice

versa. Interestingly, however, there is often a surprisingly

low correlation between one’s scores on reading tests and

that same person’s scores on listening tests. For a demon -

stration of this result, consider the following experiment.

A teacher divides a class into two sections, randomly

assigning students until each section has half the stu -

7
dents. Each new “class” is placed in a new, separate class -

room. Each student in one class is given a short paper,

told to read it once and then place it on the desk, blank

side up. Students in the other class listen as the teacher

delivers the paper as a speech. Students in both classes

are then given identical tests on the material covered.

Experiments like this one consistently result in certain

questions being answered correctly more often by those

who read the paper while other questions are answered

correctly more often by those who heard it delivered as a

speech. This result is really not all that surprising. When

we read a document, visual cues—margins, illustrations,

punctuation—become factors. On the other hand, when

we listen, the speaker’s vocal emphasis, reading style,

pauses, and the like influence our understanding. There

is, then, a difference between processing information from

the written word and processing it from the spoken word.

The fact that some people are better at one than the other

demonstrates the fallacy of believing that good readers are

necessarily good listeners.

8
Incidentally, test results also show that most people

score higher as readers than as listeners. Being a good

reader is no guarantee that you are a good listener.

Fallacy #4: Smarter People

Are Better Listeners

Obviously, intelligence plays a role in a person’s capac -

ity to listen. Persons with limited intelligence will be lim -

ited in their capacity to process the information contained

in messages they receive. Conversely, those having high

intelligence levels will possess a greater processing capac -

ity. Yet, the belief that “smarter people are better listen -

ers” is often false. In fact, evidence suggests that the re -

verse is often true.

Some years ago, I administered a listening test and a

standardized IQ test to students in several college classes.

I compared the results of the listening test to the IQ

scores for each student. There was little correlation be -

tween listening test results and IQ scores—with one sur -

prising exception: There was an inverse relationship be -

tween listening scores and IQ scores for those students

having the very highest IQ scores. In other words, the

smartest students actually scored lower on the listening

test than did many students having lower IQ scores.

These results lead to the conclusion that higher intelli -

gence levels do not necessarily result in better listening

among college students who possess the capacity—if not

always the willingness—to listen. Further, higher intelli -

gence may actually interfere with the listening of those

who are the very smartest.

We must keep in mind that this study was conducted

with a specific group—college students. Most were in their

late teens and early twenties. And the test did not assess

all types of listening. It required that students listen to

conversations for two reasons: to gain information and to

understand something about the speaker—what we will

later refer to as informative listening and relationship lis -

tening.

9
It is quite possible that the smarter students were bored

with this test. If so, boredom could explain their lower

performance. Whatever the reasons, however, the fact re -

mains that smarter people are not necessarily better lis -

teners.

Fallacy #5: Listening Improves with Age

Certainly, the capacity or ability to listen and attach

appropriate meaning to messages improves with age and

experience—at least in the early years and at least to

some point. But although listening ability increases, listening performance generally declines at some point. But

this doesn’t have to be the case. The discrepancy between

listening ability and listening performance is often due to

our having learned bad listening habits. Here are some of

the most common bad habits.

1. Learning not to listen. We learn a lot about not lis -

tening while growing up. For example, a parent tells us:

“Don’t forget to wear your coat to school!” But we don’t

want to wear a coat, so we “learn” to not listen. Later, at

school, the teacher repeats an assignment several times,

hoping to make certain that all the students have heard it.

The teacher’s behavior reinforces not listening, since there

will be multiple opportunities for us to get the informa -

tion. Another example is found in the focus given to repe -

tition in radio and television advertising. This repetition

further conditions us against listening carefully the first

time.

2. Thinking about what we are going to say rather than

listening to the speaker. In trying to plan our response, we

often miss the point that the other person is making.

Then, when we do talk, it sounds as if we weren’t listen -

ing—which is exactly what happened.

3. Talking when we should be listening. Our entire culture seems to condition us to talk, not to listen. The silent

act of listening seems no match for the messages hurled

at us almost incessantly. The way to control things—to

have things go our way—seems to be by out-talking oth -

ers. Some justify this behavior by saying, “the squeaky

10
wheel gets the grease.” But the truth of the matter is that

we miss a lot by talking when we should be listening. A

wise person once observed that since we were created

with one mouth and two ears, we should spend twice as

much time listening as talking. More of us should heed

this advice.

4. Hearing what we expect to hear rather than what is

actually said. This habit seems to become an increasingly

greater problem as we grow older, as suggested by the

following incident.

When my youngest daughter, Missy, was in grade

school, she frequently invited girlfriends home with her to

eat supper and spend the night. And since we had four

other children in the household at the time, an extra one

or two didn’t really bother us. One Saturday, because we

were planning to have special guests for the evening meal,

I told Missy not to ask anyone home that evening.

“Alright,” she answered. Then, “Could I go to Angie’s

house this afternoon?”

“I guess so,” I said, “if it’s alright with Angie’s mother.

But make certain that you are home by five o’clock.”

I didn’t think about Missy again until about four that

afternoon when the phone rang. I answered it and heard

the voice on the other end say, “Hello, Daddy. This is

Missy.”

I was amused that she called me Daddy and then iden -

tified herself, but I decided to play along. “Missy who?” I

asked.

“The Missy that lives at your house,” she said impa -

tiently. “I’d like to talk to Mama.”

“Mama’s pretty busy,” I informed her. “You’ll have to

talk to me.”

“I’d a whole lot rather talk to Mama,” she replied.

With all the parental authority I could muster, I told

her, “You will have to talk to me.”

There was a slight pause, then I heard, “Would it be OK

for Angie to eat supper and spend the night with us?”

I exploded! “Missy, didn’t I tell you that you were not to

ask anybody for tonight? I’m coming to get you right now.”

11
“But, Daddy,” she pleaded, “it’s only four and you said I

could stay till five. And besides. . . .”

I cut her off. “Besides, nothing. I’m coming now. You be

ready!”

I was met at the door by Missy and Angie along with

Angie’s mother, who said, “John, would it be alright for

Missy to eat supper and spend the night with us?”

“Why, that would be nice,” I replied.

“But Daddy,” Missy piped in, “that’s what I just asked

you and you told me I couldn’t.”

“Oh, . . . Missy,” I stammered. “I thought you were

asking if Angie could come to our house.”

“It’s OK,” Missy said. “Sometimes you don’t listen very

well.”

Hearing what we expect rather than what the other per -

son means can pose a big problem. Whether we are listen -

ing to learn, evaluate, discriminate, relax, or improve a

relationship, it’s important to listen to the other person.

5. Not paying attention. The name of this bad habit

says it all. In addition to the bad habits discussed above,

there are some other common factors that cause us to not

pay attention.

Preoccupation. Sometimes we don’t listen because we

are preoccupied. We have so many things to think about.

Our mind is full of ideas, facts, worries. We are unable to

put them aside while we listen. Nevertheless, good listen -

ing demands that we avoid preoccupation when someone

is speaking to us.

Prejudice. Attitudes and feelings not tempered by logi -

cal thinking can lead to prejudice. Perhaps we don’t like

the speaker. Or the subject may be one that we know little

about and “don’t want to know.” Maybe we don’t like the

method of presentation. In any event, we are prejudiced

against the presentation; we have prejudged it. Conse -

quently, we may mentally argue with the speaker. Or we

may simply “tune out.” Prejudicial thinking can divert our

attention away from what the speaker is saying.

Self-centeredness. Since we live with ourselves all day

every day, most of us spend much more time thinking

12
about ourselves than about others. It is therefore not sur -

prising that self-concern interferes with our listening to

what another is saying. We must work at transferring our

concentration from “I” to “You”—from ourselves to the per -

son doing the talking.

Stereotyping. As thinking and feeling human beings,

we hold certain beliefs about a variety of subjects. We

have “fixed” judgments or concepts which we believe to be

true and correct. If a speaker presents evidence that con -

tradicts our beliefs, we tend to ignore what is being

said—either because it is not believable to us or because

we don’t want our ideas challenged. Good listeners do not

allow themselves to be trapped by stereotypes.

Fallacy #6: Listening Skills

Are Difficult to Learn

Actually, the skills themselves are not all that diffi -

cult—and initial progress is rapid. But learning to apply

the skills consistently does take hard work. And becoming

really proficient takes much time and practice—a lifetime

to be exact. But the effort is definitely worthwhile. The last

chapter will tell you how to become a better listener in any

situation. First, however, we need to understand the process of listening and the types of listening. The next chap -

ter explains the process.

13
Chapter 3

The Process of Listening

We said earlier that the first step in listening effectively

is to recognize certain fallacies or false notions. The next

step is to understand the process.

Listening is a complex process—an integral part of the

total communication process, albeit a part often ignored.

This neglect results largely from two factors.

First, speaking and writing (the sending parts of the

communication process) are highly visible, and are more

easily assessed than listening and reading (the receiving

parts). And reading behavior is assessed much more fre -

quently than listening behavior; that is, we are more often

tested on what we read than on what we hear. And when

we are tested on material presented in a lecture, generally

the lecture has been supplemented by readings.

Second, many of us aren’t willing to improve our listening

skills. Much of this unwillingness results from our incom -

plete understanding of the process—and understanding the

process could help show us how to improve. To understand

the listening process, we must first define it.

Through the years, numerous definitions of listening

have been proposed. Perhaps the most useful one defines

listening as the process of receiving, attending, and un -

derstanding auditory messages; that is, messages trans -

mitted through the medium of sound. Often, the steps of

responding and remembering are also included. The process might be diagrammed as shown in figure 1.

The process moves through the first three steps—re -

ceiving, attending, understanding—in sequence. Responding and/or remembering may or may not follow. For ex -

ample, it may be desirable for the listener to respond

immediately or to remember the message in order to re -

spond at a later time.

15
At times, of course, no response (at least no verbal re -

sponse) is required. And the act of remembering may or

may not be necessary. For example, if someone tells you

to “watch your step,” you have no need to remember the

message after you have completed that step.

Let’s look at the parts—the three necessary ones and

the two additional ones—one at a time. Consider the fol -

lowing analogy between the listening process and the elec -

tronic mail (E-mail) system. Suppose that you are the

sender of a message and I am the intended recipient.

Receiving

This step is easily understood. You may send a message

to me by E-mail. It may be wonderfully composed and clear.

You may have used effective techniques to organize and

support your message. The subject may be one of great

interest to me. Imagine further that I both admire and re -

spect you, and that I like to receive E-mail from you.

In short, you have done a good job and I want to receive

the message. But if I don’t turn on my computer, I won’t

16
receive it. The message remains somewhere between your

computer and mine—between sender and receiver.

Much human listening fails for the same reason. Re -

ceivers simply are not connected or “tuned in” to the

senders. Sometimes, the problem is a physiological one;

for example, the receiver has a hearing deficiency due to a

congenital or inherited weakness. Or perhaps the defi -

ciency resulted from an accident, a disease, or prolonged

exposure to loud noises.

Sometimes the problem can be corrected through the

use of mechanical devices that restore hearing loss, or

through hearing aids that amplify sound. Scientists and

engineers are constantly developing new products de -

signed to correct and help specific types of hearing loss.

17
Remember that hearing and listening are not the same.

Hearing is the reception of sound; listening is the attach -

ment of meaning. Hearing is, however, a necessary pre -

requisite for listening and an important component of the

listening process.

Attending

Let’s continue with the E-mail analogy. When I turn my

computer on, it will receive the message that you sent.

But I must do more: I must attend to the message if the

process is to continue. Perhaps I received a phone call

just after I turned my computer on and had to move away

from my desk; I do not know that you have sent a mes -

sage. Or maybe I don’t have an opportunity to read my

E-mail that day.

Suppose that I am working on something else when the

message arrives. My computer signals that I have mail

from you. I want to read it, but I decide that I will do it

later. I continue to stay busy on another task, however,

and forget to read the message. Later, I may mistakenly

“trash it” without ever reading it. Whatever the case, I

don’t attend to the message.

Human listening is often ineffective—or does not oc -

cur—for similar reasons. Receiving occurs, but attending

does not.

At any given time, numerous messages compete for our

attention. The stimuli may be external, such as words

spoken by a lecturer or printed on paper, or events occur -

ring around us. Or the stimuli may be internal, such as a

deadline we must meet tomorrow, a backache we devel -

oped by sitting too long at the computer, or the hunger

pangs we experience because we didn’t take time to eat

lunch. Whatever the source of the stimuli, we simply can’t

focus on all of them at the same time. We therefore must

choose, whether consciously or unconsciously, to attend

to some stimuli and reject others. Three factors determine

how these choices are made.

1. Selectivity of attention. We direct attention to certain

things to prevent an information overload. A common ex -

18
ample makes the point. Suppose you are attempting to

read a book and watch TV at the same time. Although

some people claim they can do this, actually both activi -

ties suffer—and usually one more than the other. The

material that is most engaging or interesting will attract

your attention. At other times, something may interrupt

or disturb your attention.

In 1974, I was teaching at a large midwestern univer -

sity. The fad of “streaking”—in which a stark-naked (or

nearly naked) student dashes through a gathering of peo -

ple—had hit the campus. One day as I was lecturing to a

thousand students in an auditorium, a streaker dressed

only in combat boots and a football helmet ran across the

stage. Needless to say, I lost the attention of the audience.

I tried for several minutes to regain their attention, then

finally decided to dismiss the class 10 minutes early. I

had always believed that I was a good lecturer and could

hold the audience’s attention, no matter what; I was

wrong!

Selectivity of attention explains why you “perk up” or

pay attention when something familiar to you, such as

your hometown or your favorite hobby, is mentioned. In

fact, you may have been listening intently to a conversa -

tion when someone in a different conversation mentions

your name. Immediately, the focus of your attention shifts

to the conversation in which your name was mentioned.

2. Strength of attention. Attention is not only selective;

it possesses energy, or strength. Attention requires effort

and desire. In the example of reading a book and watch -

ing TV, the receiver (reader/watcher) directed his or her

primary attention toward either the book or the TV. Com -

plete attention can be given to only one stimulus at a

time, and necessary attention to only a limited number of

stimuli at the same time. If we spend too much energy on

too many stimuli, we soon will not be paying attention to

any of them. We are all familiar with aircraft accidents

that were caused at least in part by controllers in the

tower having to process too much information.

Consider also how we can be so attentive to a newspa -

per, a TV program, a personal computer, a sports event,

19
or another individual that we are oblivious to things

around us. Watch a young couple in love sometime: You’ll

see a good example of intensity, or strength of attention.

Still another measure of attention strength is the length

of time that the memory of something continues to influ -

ence us. I still remember vividly the baptism of my first

grandchild, the first major league baseball game I at -

tended, and the first time I kissed my wife—not necessar -

ily in that order, of course. Strength of attention is impor -

tant.

3. Sustainment of attention. Just as attention is determined by selectivity and strength, it is affected by time of

sustainment. Our attention wanes, and this fact is impor -

tant to an understanding of listening.

For example, we can listen to some public speakers far

longer than we can listen to others. Duration may depend

on the subject, the setting, the way the speech is pack -

aged, and on the speaker’s delivery. But no matter how

articulate and skilled the speaker, or how interesting the

content, our attention finally ends. If for no other reason,

the human body requires sleep or attention to other bodily

needs. The mind can only pay attention for as long as the

body can sit still.

Selectivity, strength, and sustainment determine attention. Receiving and attending are prerequisites to the rest

of the listening process. The third step in that process is

understanding.

Understanding

Someone has said, “Communication begins with under -

standing.” How true! A message may have been sent and

received, and the receiver may have attended to the mes -

sage—yet, there has been no effective communication. Ef -

fective communication depends on understanding; that is,

effective communication does not take place until the re -

ceiver understands the message. Understanding must result for communication to be effective.

Let’s return to the E-mail analogy. Suppose I received

the E-mail message, “opened” it, and read it. Has effective

20
communication occurred? Not necessarily. Even though I

read every word of your message, I may not have under -

stood what you meant.

There are several possible reasons for the misunder -

standing. Perhaps I expected the message to say some -

thing that it didn’t say; my understanding of it may there -

fore be more in line with my own expectations than what

it actually said. We often hear or read what we expect

rather than what was actually said or written. (As was

illustrated by the story about my daughter, Missy, in the

preceding chapter.)

Or perhaps the real point of the message was “tucked

away,” obscured by several other tidbits of information.

And I missed the point. In listening, the key point is some -

times missed. A worker may tell a supervisor several

things that happened while the supervisor was out of the

office. While relating all the events, the worker mentions

that the boss asked that the supervisor call upon his

return. The supervisor missed this important piece of in -

formation because he was not “ready” for it; that is, he

was trying to understand the other parts of the message.

Later, he asks the worker why he had failed to tell him

that his boss wanted to see him. But the worker had told

him; he just didn’t understand.

Our expectations and/or our failure to get the point

often lead to misunderstanding. But the major reason for

my not understanding the E-mail I received from you was

probably something else: the words you used and the

manner in which you arranged them. Neither of us was

necessarily “at fault”; we simply attached different meanings to the words. You attached one meaning to those

words, I attached another. We communicate effectively

with each other only insofar as we share meanings for the

symbols—verbal or nonverbal—that we are using.

With E-mail, the message is limited to words or other

visual symbols that represent words. In listening, both

verbal and nonverbal symbols are crucial to under -

standing. Consider the roles they play.

1. Verbal symbols. Verbal communication means communicating through the use of words, whether spoken or

21
written. Two barriers obstruct our understanding of ver -

bal communication.

Barrier #1: The same words mean different things to

different people. This barrier is a common one, and it may

be experienced whenever any two people attempt to com -

municate.

I may tell my colleague that the temperature in the

office is quite comfortable. My “quite comfortable,” however, is her “uncomfortable”: 75 degrees is comfortable for

me; 70 degrees is comfortable for her. The same word can

mean different things to different people. A friend tells me

he will be over in five minutes. To him, five minutes

means “soon”—perhaps any time in the next half hour. I,

on the other hand, attach a literal meaning: Five minutes

means five minutes.

Some years ago, I was speaking at a civilian university.

My wife, Ann, had accompanied me and had gone shop -

ping while I was speaking. I had asked her to pick me up

at noon. There was an attractive circular drive at the front

of the building where I was speaking. To the rear of the

building was a small circular drive used mostly by service

and delivery vehicles. In my message to Ann, I had said

simply, “Pick me up at the circular drive.” Ann immedi -

ately thought of the nice drive in front of the building; I

was thinking of the one at the back. Fortunately, it didn’t

take us too long to discover the mistake.

In the previous examples, the same words having differ -

ent meanings for different people caused only minor irrita -

tion. The consequences can be more severe, as described

in the following story told by a fire inspector.

The fire inspector said that workers exhibit great cau -

tion when they are working around gasoline drums. They

take great care not to smoke or ignite matches nearby.

But when the drums are emptied, and labeled “empty

gasoline drums,” caution is thrown to the wind. Workers

feel comfortable in striking matches and smoking ciga -

rettes in the area. Ironically, vapors that emanate from

“empty” drums are much more volatile than liquid gaso -

line.

22
The word “empty” holds a different meaning for the

workers than for the experienced fire inspector, who

knows that the potential for disaster is present. The next

example shows how a misunderstanding of one word’s

meaning can lead to tragic consequences.

A traveler stopped at a convenience store to ask direc -

tions. The man behind the counter pointed to a traffic

signal a block away and said, “Go to that intersection,

take an immediate left, go about a mile. It will be the big

red building on your right.”

The traveler repeated, “Go to the traffic light, take an

immediate left, go a mile to the red building on my right.

Is that it?”

“That’s right,” said the convenience store operator.

Unfortunately, the traffic light was on the corner head -

ing into the intersection and the man in the store had

neglected to mention the grassy median that separated

northbound and southbound lanes. The traveler took an

“immediate left” and headed south in the northbound

lane. Less than one block later, he slammed headfirst into

an eighteen-wheeler and was killed.

When the same words mean different things to different

people, misunderstanding occurs. But there is another

barrier to effective verbal communication that can cause

just as much trouble.

Barrier #2: Different words sometimes mean the same

thing. Many things are called by more than one name. For

example, when my adolescent son, Marc, and I went to a

restaurant in the South shortly after we had moved here

from the Midwest, Marc asked the waiter to bring him a

“pop.” The waiter didn’t understand until Marc said, “You

know—pop, it comes in a bottle or a can; you shake it and

it fizzes.” The waiter said, “Oh! You mean a soda.” But

“soda” meant quite something else to Marc, and there

were a few more moments of confusion until the waiter

and Marc understood one another. Soft drink, soda, and

pop all mean the same thing when used in the same

context. The name used depends on who is doing the

talking. How many things in the English language are

called by more than one name? For a starter, consider

23
that the 500 most commonly used words in our language

have a total of about 15,000 definitions—an average of 30

per word. The following sentence will serve to illustrate

the point.

Fred has been crestfallen since he fell out of favor with the Fall

Festival Committee last fall after he had a falling out with Joe

because Joe had fallen in with a new crowd of people rather than

falling in love with Fred’s sister, Fallina.

Not a great sentence, but it illustrates a few of the more

than 50 meanings of “fall.” Our language is marked by its

multiusage. If you doubt it, describe some object or ani -

mal in detail to several talented artists and ask them to

draw what you describe. Chances are that each one will

draw a distinctively different picture.

These two barriers—same words meaning different

things and different words meaning the same thing—can

be overcome if you realize the following fact: Meanings are

not in words, meanings are in people. We listen more effectively when we consider the message in relation to its

source. Good listeners always consider who the sender of

the message is. Knowing something about the sender

pays big dividends when it comes to understanding the

message.

2. Nonverbal symbols. We use nonverbal symbols to

transmit many times more information than our verbal

symbols carry. We communicate nonverbally through ac -

tion factors, nonaction factors, and vocal factors. Each

suggests a barrier to listening.

Barrier #1: Misinterpretation of the action. Eye contact,

gestures, and facial expression are action factors that af -

fect the meaning we attach to a message. For that matter,

any movement or action carries meaning.

When someone walks quickly away from a conversation

or taps a pencil on the desk during a conversation, we

may conclude that the person is in a hurry or is bored.

Our conclusions may or may not be correct, however. We

may conclude that speakers who twitch, or otherwise

seem to us unsure, are nervous when, in fact, they may

not be.

24
Barrier #2: Misinterpretation of nonaction symbols.

The clothes I wear, the automobile I drive, and the objects

in my office—all these things communicate something

about me. In addition, my respect of your needs for time

and space affects how you interpret my messages. For

example, if I am to see you at noon but arrive 15 minutes

late, my tardiness may affect how you interpret what I say

to you. Or if I “crowd” you—get too “close” to you emotion -

ally—when speaking, you may “tune me out”; that is, you

may “hear” but not “listen to” my message.

Barrier #3: Misinterpretation of the voice. The quality,

intelligibility, and variety of the voice affect the listener’s

understanding. Quality refers to the overall impression

the voice makes on others. Listeners often infer from the

voice whether the speaker is happy or sad, fearful or con -

fident, excited or bored. Intelligibility (or understandability) depends on such things as articulation, pronuncia -

tion, and grammatical correctness. But variety is the spice

of speaking. Variations in rate, volume, force, pitch, and

emphasis are some of the factors that influence our un -

derstanding of the speaker’s message.

Receiving, attending, and understanding are all crucial

if effective listening is to occur, for communication can

accurately be defined as the sharing or understanding of

meaning. Often, however, the steps of responding and re -

membering are part of the listening process. Responding

and remembering are indicators of listening accuracy.

Responding

The listening process may end with understanding,

since effective communication and effective listening may

be defined as the accurate sharing or understanding of

meaning. But a response may be needed—or at least help -

ful. And there are different types of responses.

1. Direct verbal responses. These may be spoken or

written. Let’s continue with the E-mail analogy. After I

have received, attended to, and understood the message

you sent, I may respond verbally. If your message asked a

25
question or sought my coordination, I might type a re -

sponse on my computer and reply to you. Perhaps you

requested that I call you or come to see you, in which case

I do so. Or you might have asked me to write a position

paper or think about an issue and give you some advice,

in which case I might send a quick E-mail response indi -

cating that I will get back to you later.

2. Responses that seek clarification. I may use E-mail

to ask for additional information, or I may talk to you

either on the telephone or face-to-face. I may be very di -

rect in my request, or I may just say, “tell me more about

it.”

3. Responses that paraphrase. I may say something

like, “in other words, what you are saying is. . . .” A

paraphrase gives the sender a chance to agree, or to pro -

vide information to clarify the message.

4. Nonverbal responses. Many times, a nonverbal response is all that is needed; indeed, it may even be the

preferred type of response. The knowing nod of the head,

an understanding smile, or a “thumbs up” may communi -

cate that the message is understood.

Responding, then, is a form of feedback that completes

the communication transaction. It lets the sender know

that the message was received, attended to, and under -

stood.

Remembering

Memorization of facts is not the key to good listening.

Yet memory is often a necessary and integral part of the

listening process. Some would go so far as to say, “if you

can’t remember it, you weren’t listening.”

This statement is often untrue. Think for example, of

the times you heard a good joke but can’t remember it

long enough to get home and tell it; or the number of

times you have gone to the grocery store and couldn’t

remember what you were asked to buy. And the most

frustrating situation of all—you were introduced to some -

one and can’t recall the name five minutes later. We often

say, “I can remember faces, but I can’t remember names.”

26
At times, something will “jog” our memory, such as hear -

ing another joke, seeing a similar product on the grocery

store shelf, or meeting someone else with the same first

name.

What is the relationship between memory and listening? Understanding the differences between short-term

memory and long-term memory will help explain the rela -

tionship.

With short-term memory, information is used immedi -

ately—within a few seconds, for example, as with a phone

number that we look up. Short-term memory has a rapid

forgetting rate and is very susceptible to interruption. And

the amount of information that can be retained is quite

limited, though it varies somewhat with variations in the

material to be retained. For example, most of us can re -

member only very few random numbers (4, 13, 9, 53, 274,

6, 491, 713, 2810, 1, 7555, 111). But if there is a pattern

(1, 2, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64, 128, 256, 512, 1024, 2048), the

task is much easier.

Long-term memory allows us to recall information and

events hours, days, weeks—even years—later. You re -

member, for example, things that happened to you when

you were growing up, songs you learned, people you

knew. You may have been unaware of those memories for

long periods of time, and then the right stimulus caused

you to recall them. Perhaps the aroma of a freshly baked

pie called to mind your grandmother, who used to make

great apple pies years ago.

The next chapter discusses the five basic types of listen -

ing; chapter 5 tells how you can be a better listener in

different types of situations.

27
Chapter 4

Types of Listening

Different situations require different types of listening.

We may listen to obtain information, improve a relation -

ship, gain appreciation for something, make discriminations, or engage in a critical evaluation.

While certain skills are basic and necessary for all types

of listening (receiving, attending, and understanding),

each type requires some special skills. Chapter 5 dis -

29
cusses those special skills and presents guidelines to im -

prove listening behavior in all situations. But before we

can fully appreciate the skills and apply the guidelines,

we must understand the different types of listening.

Informative Listening

Informative listening is the name we give to the situ -

ation where the listener’s primary concern is to under -

stand the message. Listeners are successful insofar as the

meaning they assign to messages is as close as possible to

that which the sender intended.

Informative listening, or listening to understand, is

found in all areas of our lives. Much of our learning comes

from informative listening. For example, we listen to lec -

tures or instructions from teachers—and what we learn

depends on how well we listen. In the workplace, we listen

to understand new practices or procedures—and how well

we perform depends on how well we listen. We listen to

instructions, briefings, reports, and speeches; if we listen

poorly, we aren’t equipped with the information we need.

At times, careful informative listening is crucial—re -

member the aircraft landing report in chapter 1. At other

times, careless listening results in only aggravation or

misunderstanding—remember my misunderstanding of

my daughter, Missy, as presented in chapter 2. Whatever

the case, effective informative listening demands that you

concentrate squarely on the message—and know its

source.

There are three key variables related to informative lis -

tening. Knowing these variables can help you begin to

improve your informative listening skills; that is, you will

become increasingly successful in understanding what

the speaker means.

1. Vocabulary. The precise relationship between vocabulary and listening has never been determined, but it

is clear that increasing your vocabulary will increase your

potential for better understanding. And it’s never too late

to improve your vocabulary. Having a genuine interest in

words and language, making a conscious effort to learn

30
new words, breaking down unfamiliar words into their

component parts—all these things will help you improve

your vocabulary.

Another good way to improve your vocabulary is to be

sensitive to the context in which words are used. Some -

times, unfamiliar words appear with synonyms: Her at -

tractive, winsome personality won us over. At other times,

a contrast is drawn: He is usually quite energetic, but

today he seemed lethargic. Occasionally, an unfamiliar

word is used to summarize a situation or quality: He

passed for over 200 yards, ran for 50 more, and his three

punts averaged over 45 yards; he turned in a stellar performance.

Look for these and other contextual clues to help you

learn new words and improve your vocabulary.

2. Concentration. Concentration is difficult. You can remember times when another person was not concentrat -

ing on what you were saying—and you probably can re -

member times when you were not concentrating on

something that someone was saying to you.

Some years ago my oldest daughter, Teri, interrupted

my reading of the newspaper to ask, “Is it OK if I take your

car over to a friend’s house to spend the night? I’ll be

home before you go to work in the morning.” Without

concentrating on what she was asking, I said, “Sure, go

ahead.” Several minutes later, I realized what she had

said. She was not coming home that night, and I had to

leave the house earlier than usual the next morning. I had

to drive from Montgomery to Mobile, where I was to give a

speech—and all my notes and visual aids were in my

automobile. Fortunately for me, Teri had left the tele -

phone number of her friend, and I was able to retrieve my

automobile.

There are many reasons people don’t concentrate when

listening. Sometimes listeners try to divide their attention

between two competing stimuli. At other times, listeners

are preoccupied with something other than the speaker of

the moment. Sometimes listeners are too ego-involved, or

too concerned with their own needs to concentrate on the

message being delivered. Or perhaps they lack curiosity,

31
energy, or interest. Many people simply have not learned

to concentrate while listening. Others just refuse to disci -

pline themselves, lacking the motivation to accept responsibility for good listening. Concentration requires disci -

pline, motivation, and acceptance of responsibility.

3. Memory. Memory is an especially crucial variable to

informative listening; you cannot process information

without bringing memory into play. More specifically,

memory helps your informative listening in three ways.

a. It allows you to recall experiences and information

necessary to function in the world around you. In other

words, without memory you would have no knowledge

bank.

b. It establishes expectations concerning what you will

encounter. You would be unable to drive in heavy traffic,

react to new situations, or make common decisions in life

without memory of your past experiences.

c. It allows you to understand what others say. With -

out simple memory of the meaning of words, you could

not communicate with anyone else. Without memory of

concepts and ideas, you could not understand the mean -

ing of messages.

Relationship Listening

The purpose of relationship listening is either to help an

individual or to improve the relationship between people.

Therapeutic listening is a special type of relationship lis -

tening. Therapeutic listening brings to mind situations

where counselors, medical personnel, or other professionals allow a troubled person to talk through a problem. But

it can also be used when you listen to friends or acquain -

tances and allow them to “get things off their chests.”

Although relationship listening requires you to listen for

information, the emphasis is on understanding the other

person. Three behaviors are key to effective relationship

listening: attending, supporting, and empathizing.

1. Attending. Much has been said about the impor -

tance of “paying attention,” or “attending” behavior. In

relationship listening, attending behaviors indicate that

32
the listener is focusing on the speaker. Nonverbal cues are

crucial in relationship listening; that is, your nonverbal

behavior indicates that you are attending to the speaker—

or that you aren’t!

Eye contact is one of the most important attending be -

haviors. Looking appropriately and comfortably at the

speaker sends a message that is different from that sent

by a frequent shift of gaze, staring, or looking around the

room. Body positioning communicates acceptance or lack

of it. Leaning forward, toward the speaker, demonstrates

interest; leaning away communicates lack of interest.

Head nods, smiles, frowns, and vocalized cues such as

“uh huh,” “I see,” or “yes”—all are positive attending be -

haviors. A pleasant tone of voice, gentle touching, and

concern for the other person’s comfort are other attending

behaviors.

2. Supporting. Many responses have a negative or nonsupportive effect; for example, interrupting the speaker,

changing the subject, turning the conversation toward

yourself, and demonstrating a lack of concern for the

other person. Giving advice, attempting to manipulate the

conversation, or indicating that you consider yourself superior are other behaviors that will have an adverse effect

on the relationship.

Sometimes the best response is silence. The speaker

may need a “sounding board,” not a “resounding board.”

Wise relationship listeners know when to talk and when

to just listen—and they generally listen more than they

talk.

Three characteristics describe supportive listeners: (1)

discretion—being careful about what they say and do; (2)

belief—expressing confidence in the ability of the other

person; and (3) patience—being willing to give others the

time they need to express themselves adequately.

3. Empathizing. What is empathy? It is not sympathy,

which is a feeling for or about another. Nor is it apathy,

which is a lack of feeling. Empathy is feeling and thinking

with another person. The caring, empathic listener is able

to go into the world of another—to see as the other sees,

hear as the other hears, and feel as the other feels.

33
Obviously, the person who has had more experience and

lived longer stands a better chance of being an effective

empathic listener. The person who has never been divorced,

lost a child to death, been bankrupt, or lost a job may have

a more difficult time relating to people with these problems

than one who has experienced such things.

Risk is involved with being an empathic relationship

listener. You cannot be an effective empathic listener

without becoming involved, which sometimes means

learning more than you really want to know. But com -

manders can’t command effectively, bosses can’t super -

vise skillfully, and individuals can’t relate interpersonally

without empathy. Abraham Lincoln is reported to have

said, “I feel sorry for the man who cannot feel the stripes

upon the back of another.” Truly, those who cannot feel

with another person are at a disadvantage in under -

standing that person.

Empathic behavior can be learned. First, you must

learn as much as you can about the other person. Sec -

ond, you must accept the other person—even if you can’t

accept some aspects of that person’s behavior. Third, you

must have the desire to be an empathic listener. And you

must remember that empathy is crucial to effective rela -

tionship listening.

Appreciative Listening

Appreciative listening includes listening to music for

enjoyment, to speakers because you like their style, to

your choices in theater, television, radio, or film. It is the

response of the listener, not the source of the message,

that defines appreciative listening. That which provides

appreciative listening for one person may provide some -

thing else for another. For example, hard rock music is

not a source of appreciative listening for me. I would

rather listen to gospel, country, jazz, or the “golden

oldies.”

The quality of appreciative listening depends in large

part on three factors: presentation, perception, and pre -

vious experience.

34
1. Presentation. I just mentioned that I prefer gospel

music to hard rock. But I don’t enjoy all gospel. For example, I don’t enjoy gospel music when it is presented in a

“glitzy” setting—or when it is performed by someone who

fails to demonstrate an understanding of the music’s

meaning. (I might add that I don’t usually enjoy gospel

when it is off-key or poorly done—but there are excep -

tions, such as the time I heard a 103-year-old man sing

“Amazing Grace.” Never have I enjoyed it more!)

I enjoy gospel music when I hear it in the little churches

of rural Alabama. I also enjoy it when it is presented in

the large church I attend in Montgomery. I also very much

enjoy presentations of gospel music on radio, on televi -

sion, or in concert by well-known performers who under -

stand its meaning.

I enjoy hearing good speakers, speakers whom I admire,

and speakers who have expertise. I frequently attend lec -

tures at Air University by speakers who have all three of

these characteristics. Among the speakers I have heard

there recently: General Charles “Chuck” Horner, the air

component commander of Desert Storm—a war dominated

by airpower; Deputy Secretary of Defense, Dr John White;

former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, General Colin

Powell; and US Ambassador to the UN, Jeanne Kirkpatrick.

I have heard many other outstanding speakers at Air Uni -

versity, of course—these four simply came to mind readily

as examples of speakers who had all three of the charac -

teristics mentioned above: all were good speakers; all had

my admiration; and all had a great deal of expertise.

Presentation encompasses many factors: the medium,

the setting, the style and personality of the presenter, to

name just a few. Sometimes it is our perception of the

presentation, rather than the actual presentation, that

most influences our listening pleasure or displeasure. Per -

ception is an important factor in appreciative listening.

2. Perception. For years, I did not care to listen to jazz

music. I had always believed that people like me—from a

conservative rural midwestern background—wouldn’t like

jazz. Then I started to work for a new boss—a general

officer who enjoyed jazz. I admired him very much. My

35
mind was now open to listen to jazz. My perception was

changing, and I began to enjoy jazz music.

Expectations play a large role in perception. If I attend a

concert under duress with no expectation of enjoying the

music (perhaps my wife insists that I attend, or my posi -

tion in the community makes it the thing to do), I may be

pleasantly surprised. But I stand a lot better chance of

enjoying the concert if I expect to enjoy it.

Perceptions—and the expectations that drive them—have

their basis in attitudes. Our attitudes determine how we

react to, and interact with, the world around us. There was

a time, not many years ago, when I did not want a personal

computer (PC) in my office. I did not want to even be around

a PC. I did not enjoy working with computers.

36
Six years ago, I wrote a book called Speaking Effectively:

A Guide for Air Force Speakers.* The book you are now

reading is a companion volume to that one. I wrote the

first book in longhand; I’m composing this one on my PC.

Fortunately for me, my attitude toward computers has

changed. If my attitude had changed six years sooner, I

could have written the earlier book in less time—and

saved both time and effort for the publisher.

Perceptions influence all areas of our lives. Certainly,

they are crucial determinants as to whether or not we

enjoy or appreciate the things we listen to. Obviously,

perceptions also determine what we listen to in the first

place. As we said earlier, listening is selective.

3. Previous experience. The discussion of perception

makes it clear that previous experience influences

whether we enjoy listening to something. In some cases,

we enjoy listening to things because we are experts in the

area. Sometimes, however, expertise or previous experi -

ence prevents us from enjoying a presentation because we

are too sensitive to imperfections. Previous experience

plays a large role in appreciative listening.

Many people enjoy the sounds of large-city traffic. Per -

haps their growing up in a large city was a happy experi -

ence for them. The blare of horns honking, the sound of

roaring engines accelerating, even the shrill shriek of si -

rens piercing the air—all these things may remind them of

pleasant times in their lives. They appreciate hearing

these sounds.

Others, having grown up on a farm or in a small town,

have learned to enjoy the sounds of nature. For them, a

walk in the country produces sounds of enjoyment: the

rustle of leaves in the breeze, the song of a robin, the

babble of a brook.

Usually, if we associate a sound or other experience with

pleasant memories, then we appreciate or enjoy it. However,

if the sound or experience is associated with unpleasant

memories, we probably will not appreciate or enjoy it.

*John A. Kline, Speaking Effectively (Maxwell AFB, Ala.: Air University Press,

1989).

37
But we can change! Let’s return to the example of how I

learned to enjoy listening to jazz. I did not enjoy jazz mu -

sic when I first heard it. Then I worked for a man who

enjoyed it. More than once when we were TDY, I sat with

him in the evenings listening to jazz combos or jazz pianists . . . and I learned to like jazz. We should not shut

our minds to the fact that we can learn to like, enjoy, and

appreciate new and different things. We can learn to be

better appreciative listeners.

Critical Listening

The ability to listen critically is essential in a democ -

racy. On the job, in the community, at service clubs, in

places of worship, in the family—there is practically no

38
place you can go where critical listening is unimportant.

Politicians, the media, salesmen, advocates of policies and

procedures, and our own financial, emotional, intellec -

tual, physical, and spiritual needs require us to place a

premium on critical listening and the thinking that ac -

companies it.

The subject of critical listening deserves much more

attention than we can afford it here. But there are three

things to keep in mind. These three things were outlined

by Aristotle, the classical Greek rhetorician, more than

2,000 years ago in his treatise, The Rhetoric.* They are as

follows: ethos, or speaker credibility; logos, or logical arguments; and pathos, or psychological appeals.

1. Ethos. Credibility of the speaker is important. The

two critical factors of speaker credibility are expertness

and trustworthiness. A speaker may be expert or compe -

tent and still not be trustworthy. For example, an auto -

cratic dictator of a certain third world country might be an

expert on the question of his country’s possession of nu -

clear arms; but I would not trust him to tell me. On the

other hand a person might be trustworthy, but not be an

expert on the subject. I trust my best friend; he would tell

me the truth about nuclear arms in that third world coun -

try, if he knew and I asked him. But his information

would be of questionable validity since he is simply not an

expert in such things.

When listening to a message that requires a critical

judgment or response, ask yourself, “Is the speaker a

credible source, one who is both an expert on the subject

and one who can be trusted to be honest, unbiased,

straightforward?” Remember that a person may have per -

sonality or charisma. But these do not take the place of

credibility. A person may even be highly competent and

an expert in one area and simply not be informed in an -

other.

Returning to the example of speakers at Air University, I

trust General Horner. He is an expert on the use of air -

*Aristotle, Art of Rhetoric (New York: Viking Penguin, 1992).

39
power, and he is trustworthy. I listen intently when he

speaks on the subject. But I would not expect him to be

an expert on buying used cars, knitting, or nutrition. He

may be an expert on any or all of these things, but I would

want to “check it out” before I put too much stock in his

ideas on these subjects.

Effective critical listening requires careful judgment

about the expertness and trustworthiness of the speaker.

In fact, ethos or speaker credibility may be the most im -

portant single factor in critical listening and thinking.

However, ethos without logos is not enough.

2. Logos. Even speakers with high ethos often make

errors in logic, not by intention, but by accident, careless -

ness, inattention to detail, or lack of analysis. Critical

listeners have a right to expect well supported arguments

from speakers, arguments that contain both true proposi -

tions and valid inferences or conclusions.

When evaluating arguments, listeners should ask sev -

eral questions about the proposition or statements made:

a. Are the statements true?

b. Are the data the best that can be obtained?

c. Are the sources of the data known to the listeners?

In other words do listeners know where the information

came from?

d. Is the data accurately portrayed?

e. Is the data representative? That is, would all the

data, or at least a preponderance of it show the same

thing?

The above questions may all be answered to your satis -

faction, yet the logic may be faulty. For perhaps the data

do not lead to or justify the inferences or conclusions

drawn. Listeners should ask themselves the following

questions:

a. Is the conclusion a certainty or are exceptions possi -

ble?

b. Were all cause-effect relationships established be -

yond doubt?

c. Does the data justify the inference drawn or the con -

clusion given?

40
d. Does the inference or conclusion “follow” from the

data, or is there a non sequitur, which means literally, “it

does not necessarily follow”?

e. Is there evidence of strong logical thinking by the

speaker?*

Both ethos and logos are crucial elements of critical

listening. But reliance on just these two elements without

consideration of pathos would be akin to attempting to sit

on a three-legged stool with one leg missing. Pathos is the

third leg.

3. Pathos. The psychological or emotional element of

communication is often misunderstood and misused.

Simply said, speakers often use psychological appeals to

gain an emotional response from listeners. Effective criti -

cal listeners carefully determine the focus of the speaker’s

message.

Speakers may appeal to any one or several needs, de -

sires, or values that are important to us including: adven -

ture, thrift, curiosity, fear, creativity, companionship,

guilt, independence, loyalty, power, pride, sympathy, al -

truism. There are many others, of course; the list is a long

one.

There are several questions critical listeners should ask

themselves when assessing the pathos element:

a. Is the speaker attempting to manipulate rather than

persuade me?

b. What is the speaker’s intent?

c. Is the speaker combining logos with pathos?

d. Am I responding merely to the pathos?

e. Next week or next year will I be satisfied with the

decision I am making today?

Effective critical listening depends on the listener keep -

ing all three elements of the message in the analysis and

in perspective: ethos, or source credibility; logos, or logical

argument; and pathos, or psychological appeals.

*In Speaking Effectively (Maxwell AFB, Ala.: Air University Press, 1989), I dis -

cuss the concept of logical thinking in more detail than is given here.

41
Discriminative Listening

The final type of listening is discriminative listening. It

may be the most important type, for it is basic to the other

four. By being sensitive to changes in the speaker’s rate,

volume, force, pitch, and emphasis, the informative lis -

tener can detect even nuances of difference in meaning.

By sensing the impact of certain responses, such as “uh

huh,” or “I see,” relationship listening can be strength -

ened. Detection of differences between sounds made by

certain instruments in the orchestra, or parts sung by the

a cappella vocal group, enhances appreciative listening.

Finally, sensitivity to pauses, and other vocal and nonver -

bal cues, allows critical listeners to more accurately judge

not only the speaker’s message, but his intentions as well.

Obviously, many people have good discriminatory lis -

tening ability in some areas but not in others. Our middle

daughter, Nanette, has always been very adept at picking

up minute differences in a person’s voice that might sig -

nal feelings. She has a gift for discriminating and applying

what she hears to relationship listening. But her ability to

discriminate among the different sounds that come from

an automobile engine is practically nil. One weekend she

pulled into the driveway, fan belt squealing. I said,

“Nanette, can’t you hear that? You’re wearing out a belt.

You’re lucky you got home.” “Oh that,” she said. “I won -

dered what that was. I had no idea.”

Although discriminative listening cuts across the other

four types of listening, there are three things to consider

about this type of listening.

1. Hearing ability. Obviously, people who lack the abil -

ity to hear well will have greater difficulty in discriminat -

ing among sounds. Often this problem is more acute for

some frequencies, or pitches, than others. For example, a

person may be less able to discriminate when the sound

is coming from a bass voice than from a higher pitched

one.

2. Awareness of sound structure. Native speakers become quite proficient at recognizing vowel and consonant

sounds that do or do not appear at the beginning, middle,

42
or end of words. For example, a listener might hear “this

sandal” when what the speaker said was “this handle”;

but since English words do not begin with “sb,” one would

not mistake “this bean” for “this sbean.”

Attention to the sound structure of the language will

lead to more proficient discriminatory listening. A person

who pays attention to sound structure would recognize

that a rapidly spoken “Idrankitfirst” could mean either “I

drank it first” or “I’d rank it first.” Recognition of the two

meanings would cause the listener to seek clarification.*

3. Integration of nonverbal cues. The previous chapter

pointed out how action, nonaction, and vocal factors were

important in understanding messages. Nowhere is attention to these factors more important than in effective dis -

criminative listening. Words don’t always communicate

true feelings. The way they are said, or the way the

speaker acts, may be the key to understanding the true or

intended meaning.

Effective listening, whether informative, relational, appreciative, critical, or discriminative, requires skill. In

some cases, the skills are the same for the various types

of listening; in some cases, they are quite different. The

next chapter will give you guidelines for better listening. It

will also tell you which skills are especially critical for

each type of listening.

*I am indebted for these examples and other ideas to Andrew Wolvin and Caro -

lyn Gwynn Coakley, Listening (Madison, Wis.: Brown and Benchmark, 1996).

43
Chapter 5

How to Be an Effective Listener

The first four chapters discussed the need for effective

listening, fallacies about listening, the process of listening, and the types of listening. They provided the back -

ground you need to improve your listening skills. This

chapter is a prescriptive one. It offers practical sugges -

tions on how to be a better listener.

While there are many ways to construct a list of sugges -

tions, we will consider them in terms of what works best

in three major categories:

1. What you think about listening.

2. What you feel about listening.

3. What you do about listening.

You can learn to listen effectively; look now at the com -

ponents of that learning: thinking, feeling, doing.

What You Think about Listening

Although thinking, feeling, and doing go hand in hand,

the thinking (or cognitive) domain of learning is perhaps

the best place to begin. After all, effective listening takes

effort—it requires maximum thinking power. Here are six

suggestions.

1. Understand the complexities of listening. Most of us

take good listening for granted. Therefore, we don’t work

very hard at improving. But listening is a complex activity,

and its complexity explains the emphasis given in pre -

vious chapters to understanding the fallacies, processes,

and types of listening.

Knowing the fallacies about listening can keep you from

being trapped by them. Knowing that the process involves

more than just receiving messages will help you focus on

not just receiving, but the other components as well. Rec -

45
ognizing the five major types of listening will help you to

consciously direct your energies toward the type of listen -

ing required for the circumstance of the moment.

Listening requires an active response, not a passive

one. Effective listening doesn’t just happen; it takes

thought—and thinking can be hard work. But there is no

other way to become an effective listener. Think about the

complexities of listening, and work to understand them.

2. Prepare to Listen. Preparation consists of three

phases—long-term, mid-term, and short-term. We said

earlier that becoming an effective listener is a lifetime en -

deavor; in other words, expanding your listening ability

will be an ongoing task. But there are two things you can

do to improve your listening skills for the long term: (a)

practice listening to difficult material and (b) build your

vocabulary.

Too many people simply do not challenge their listening

ability. Since most of today’s radio and television pro -

grams do not require concentrated or careful listening,

your listening skills do not improve through continued

exposure to them. And you have to stretch if you want to

grow. Force yourself to listen carefully to congressional

debates, lectures, sermons, or other material that requires

concentration.

Building your vocabulary will improve your conversational skills and your reading skills as well as your listen -

ing skills. And the more words you learn, the better lis -

tener you will become.

Mid-term preparation for listening requires that you do

the necessary background study before the listening be -

gins. Background papers, prebriefs, and an advance look

at a hard copy (or an electronic display) of briefing slides

or charts will assist you in being ready to listen.

Short-term preparation may be defined as an immedi -

ate readiness to listen. When the speaker’s mouth opens,

you should open your ears. That is not the time to be

hunting for a pen, reading a letter from home, or thinking

about some unrelated subject. Good listeners—really good

listeners—are in the “spring-loaded position to listen.” It

is important to prepare to listen.

46
3. Adjust to the situation. No listening situation is exactly the same as another. The time, the speaker, the

message—all change. But many other variables also affect

listening, though less obviously so: physiological variables

such as rest, hunger, comfort, endurance; psychological

variables such as emotional stability, rapport with the

speaker, knowledge of the subject; and physical factors

such as size and color of the room. Obviously, some of

these things will have a positive effect on your listening

while others will have a negative effect.

A thick foreign accent, poor grammar, a room with poor

acoustics, and the subject of the previous speaker—all

may present special barriers to effective listening. How

47
ever, being aware of the barriers and thinking about how

to overcome them can help you improve the situation.

Good listeners are never trapped into thinking that any

communication transaction or listening situation is exactly like any other. The Grecian philosopher Heraclitus

said it well: “You can’t step into the same stream twice.”

Things change. By thinking about the unique factors of

the situation, you can do your most effective job as a

listener. Adjust to the situation!

4. Focus on ideas or key points. At times, you may understand the process, you may have prepared well, and you

may be able to adjust to the situation—yet you fail as a

listener. This failure results because you didn’t listen to the

right things. For example, you may remember a funny story

the speaker told to make a point; but you missed the point.

Others boast, “I listen only for the facts.” By concentrat -

ing exclusively on individual supporting facts, they may

actually miss the main ideas. Facts A, B, and C may be

interesting in their own right, but the speaker’s reason for

offering them is usually to develop a generalization from

them. Generalizations, not facts, are usually most impor -

tant.

In studies conducted some years ago at the University

of New Mexico, I discovered that students who did best on

all but rote memory examinations were those who listened

for key points and ideas. Interestingly, those who at -

tempted to memorize minute details did only slightly bet -

ter on low-level rote memory exams than the individuals

who focused on ideas—and they did much worse when

long-term retention was the criterion. While there are

some exceptions, as when listening for directions to some -

one’s house or memorizing a mathematical formula, it is

usually best to focus on ideas or key points.

5. Capitalize on the speed differential. Thought can operate much faster than speech. An average person may

speak two or three words a second—120 to 180 words a

minute. In bursts of enthusiasm, we may even speak a

little faster. Most public speakers speak somewhat slower,

especially to large audiences. Yet most listeners can pro

48
cess up to 500 words per minute, depending on the na -

ture and difficulty of the material.

I have a machine that compresses speech on tape, but

without the distortions normally associated with fast for -

warding a tape or simply playing a tape or record at a

faster speed. Compression is accomplished through sys -

tematic removal of small segments—so small that distor -

tion is not noticed by listeners. Experiments in which lis -

tening time is cut in half—an hour lecture is listened to in

half the time—reveal little, if any, significant loss in listen -

ing and learning. Admittedly, listeners are ready for a

break because there is no time for their minds to wander.

Effective listening requires hard thinking, especially if the

material is challenging.

The results of these experiments point to the possibility

of capitalizing on the speed differential. Unfortunately, the

differential between speed of thought and speed of speech

promotes daydreaming or concentrating on something

other than what is being said. This is not the case with

good listeners, however; they use the time differential to

good advantage. They summarize, anticipate, and formulate questions based on the speaker’s message. This type

of time usage may explain why top listeners at the Air War

College recently reported that they learned more from lec -

tures than from any other method of instruction. They

have learned to capitalize on the speed differential.

6. Organize material for learning. Obviously, speakers

can enhance listening through careful organization and

presentation of ideas. And if questions are appropriate,

you can seek clarification of any points you fail to under -

stand. Often, however, questioning is not permitted or,

perhaps due to time constraints or the size of the audi -

ence, is inappropriate. What can you do?

Remembering that the speed differential exists, you can

arrange the material in your mind or in your notes as it’s

being presented. This will help you understand and re -

member it later. You can prepare yourself to retain the

information to be presented by asking these questions:

What point is the speaker trying to make? What main

49
ideas should I remember? How does this information re -

late to what I already know?

Reorganizing the material you need to learn, and seeking

relationships between the new material and what you al -

ready know, requires concentrated thinking. It is easier to

simply “tune out.” There was a time in my early college

years when I could not, “for the life of me,” see the relevance

of some required classes to my course of study. A professor

for whom I had great respect explained it to me this way:

“John, someday you will come to understand that all infor -

mation is part of a large mosaic or universe of knowledge.

When that happens, you will value all learning. Always look

for how the information relates to what you already know

and what you need to know, and you will always find some -

thing.” You know what? He was right!

What You Feel about Listening

We began by discussing what you think about listening

because effective listening requires rigorous cognitive

processing, or thought. But possession of the sharpest

mind will not make you a good listener if your feelings are

wrong. In other words, what you feel about listening is

important. Here are six suggestions for improving your

“feel” for listening.

1. Want to listen. This suggestion is basic to all others,

for it simply says that you must have an intent to listen. We

can all recall having been forced to listen to a speech or a

briefing that we didn’t really want to listen to. And listening

under duress seldom results in understanding or enjoy -

ment, although there are exceptions. Perhaps you have at -

tended a meeting or a social event out of a sense of duty, yet

found it to have been profitable. The reason? Probably, since

you were there, you decided to make the best of the situ -

ation; that is, you made up your mind to listen.

Sometimes you don’t want to listen. At other times,

your actions may indicate that you don’t want to listen

when you really do. And at still other times, you may be

unaware that you don’t want to listen. All three of these

50
situations are affective or attitudinal; that is, they involve

your feelings about listening.

Individuals often stop by my office and ask if they can

talk for a few minutes. Perhaps they are seeking advice,

telling about a project, or seeking clarification on a direc -

tive. Whatever the case, if I am not meeting with someone

else or working against a deadline, I invite them in. But I

must honestly admit that my mind sometimes wanders

and I find myself looking at phone messages, fiddling with

a paper clip, or looking at my guest with a blank stare.

The visitor usually becomes uneasy, hurries the discus -

sion, and offers to come back another time. I protest that I

am really listening, but my actions betray me. It is diffi -

cult—indeed, nearly impossible—to really listen if you

don’t have a mind to. You must want to listen.

2. Delay judgment. There are times when you must be a

critical or judgmental listener. You must weigh the merits of

what the speaker is saying. At times, you must make crucial

decisions based on what you hear. There are also times

when you must judge the speaker. Job interviews, cam -

paign promises, speech contests—all are examples of where

judgment of the speaker is important. The problem is,

though, that you may be judgmental when you shouldn’t

be. You may judge the speaker instead of the content, or

you may form judgments before the speaker has finished.

A boy who was one month shy of being 16 decided to

confess to his father that he had driven the family car on

the previous night. His younger sister’s promised ride to

gymnastics class hadn’t arrived, and it was the night of

her final rehearsal before a performance. So he made the

decision to take her even though he did not yet have a

driver’s license. He was also quite sure that he hadn’t

been seen and would never be found out. Still, his con -

science was bothering him and his family had stressed

honesty and openness. He decided to tell his father.

Upon hearing that the boy had taken the car, his father

became furious. He scarcely heard the reason, and he

failed to consider that the boy had taken it upon himself

to confess. He told the boy that the act would delay his

getting a driver’s license by two months.

51
Then the father rethought the situation and said, “Son,

I acted hastily. My emotions got the best of me. You were

wrong to drive the car because you broke the law. But,

frankly, I am proud of you for three reasons: you got your

sister to gymnastics rehearsal, you were honest about it,

and you are my son.”

Supervisors often wonder why people in their organiza -

tion won’t level with them. They need only to consider the

messenger in ancient Rome who paid with his life for

bringing bad news. An ancient Turkish proverb says,

“messenger with bad news should keep one foot in the

stirrup.” Delaying judgment and judging the content

rather than the speaker will lead to better listening and

more honest communication.

3. Admit your biases. Let’s face it: Everyone is human!

We all have likes and dislikes; some things turn us on,

others turn us off. These characteristics are natural and

to be expected. The problem comes when we let our bi -

ases—our likes and dislikes—get in the way of under -

standing the speaker’s message.

For example, suppose you have had three bad experi -

ences with people from Chicago and you learn that the

speaker you have come to hear is from Chicago. You may

have a tendency to immediately distrust him, or to dis -

credit whatever he has to say. Only by admitting your

prejudice against people from Chicago will you be able to

think beyond your past experience and listen effectively to

what this speaker has to say.

Before you reject the above example as irrelevant, con -

sider a time in your past when you got sick after eating a

certain food. You knew the sickness was caused by a

virus and not the food, but it was quite a while before that

food again tasted good to you. In a similar way, bias from

past experience can influence what you hear and the

meaning you derive from it. If you want to be an effective

listener, you must know and admit your biases.

4. Don’t tune out “dry” subjects. Whenever you are

tempted to “tune out” something because you think it will

be boring or useless, remember that you cannot evaluate

the importance of the message until you have heard it. By

52
then, it is probably too late to ask the speaker to repeat

everything that was said; the opportunity to listen effec -

tively will have passed. As was stated earlier, you must

intend to listen.

Here are several things you can do to stay focused, even

if the subject seems dry.

a. Put yourself in the speaker’s place. Try to see the

speaker’s point of view, and try to understand the

speaker’s attitude toward the subject.

b. Review frequently what the speaker has said. Try to

summarize the message as the speaker would summarize it.

c. Constantly ask yourself positive questions about

what the speaker is saying: How can I use this informa -

tion? How can I share this information with others? What

else could be said about this subject?

d. Ask yourself, “What does the speaker know that I

don’t?”

e. Find at least one major application or conclusion

from every message you hear. In other words, ask “what’s

in this message for me?” Then find the answer.

f. Listen as though you are going to be required to pre -

sent the same message to a different audience later.

Effective listeners have discovered the value of listening to

messages they might have initially considered to be “dry.”

Sometimes the messages aren’t so dry after all. And even

when they are, there still may be something of value in them.

5. Accept responsibility for understanding. Don’t assume

this attitude: “Here I am! Teach me—if you can.” Such lis -

teners believe knowledge can be poured into them as water

is poured into a jug. And they believe the responsibility rests

with the one doing the pouring; that is, they believe it is the

speaker’s fault if effective listening does not occur.

Admittedly, the basic assumption in Speaking Effectively: A Guide for Air Force Speakers is that the speaker

bears a large responsibility for how well the audience lis -

tens. And the speaker’s clear organization, engaging sup -

port materials, and appropriate delivery do in fact aid lis -

tening. But good listeners are good because they accept

the responsibility for listening and understanding.

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6. Encourage others to talk. This point applies to those

situations in which you find yourself “one-on-one,” in a

small group discussion, or any other setting that requires

exchanges of vocal communication. But you can’t listen if

no one is talking. The first two guidelines of this section

(communicating that you want to listen and being willing

to delay judgment) are sources of encouragement to

speakers. The discussion below covers several other

things you can do.

a. Stop talking. You can’t listen if you’re talking.

b. Give positive feedback. Look and act interested.

Positive head nods, alertness, and smiles—all offer encouragement to the speaker.

c. Ask questions. Questions that show interest and at -

tention encourage both speaker and listener. Show your

interest.

d. Empathize with the speaker. Put yourself in the

speaker’s place; this will help you understand the message.

e. Keep confidences. If the information is sensitive,

don’t share it with others.

f. Share information. We tend to tell things to those

who tell us things. So if you want the speaker to share

information with you, share information with the speaker.

What You Do about Listening

What we think about listening and what we feel about

listening are both fundamental to skillful listening. But

the skills themselves are crucial. Skills form the psychomotor—the “doing”—element of listening. Here are six

crucial skills.

1. Establish eye contact with the speaker. Studies show

that listening has a positive relationship with eye contact.

In other words, the better eye contact you have with the

speaker, the better you will listen. And while eye contact

is especially important in relationship listening, it is also

important for the other kinds of listening: informative,

appreciative, critical, discriminative.

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There are several things you can do to establish positive

eye contact with the speaker:

a. In one-on-one or small group settings, sit or stand

where you can look directly at the person doing the speaking.

b. In large groups, sit to the front and center of the

audience. You can more easily establish eye contact with

the speaker from this vantage point.

c. Don’t get so involved in taking notes that you fail to

look often at the speaker. The speaker’s gestures, move -

ments, and facial expression are often an important part

of the message.

d. Resist the temptation to let something about the

room, or objects within and around the room, distract

you. Focus on the speaker and the message.

e. Don’t look at others who enter or leave while the

speaker is speaking. This practice not only interrupts your

train of thought—it adds to the distraction of the speaker.

f. Speakers sometimes exhibit a visual aid too soon, or

neglect to remove it when they have finished using it.

Focus on the visual aid only when it is an asset to the

point being discussed.

A final point deserves discussion: Never sleep when

someone is talking to you! This point may seem selfevident. But let’s face it—in the “busyness” of our lives,

we tend to become passive whenever we listen. Passivity

promotes reduced attention, which in turn allows drowsi -

ness to occur. In most cases, it is better to stand up, or

even to leave the room, rather than fall asleep.

2. Take notes effectively. Some people recommend that

you not take notes so you can focus your attention wholly

on what the speaker is saying. This practice works well for

listeners who are blessed with a great memory; most of us

aren’t. Taking notes will not only help you remember, it

will help you organize what the speaker is saying. And it

may even aid your understanding and retention—after all,

effective note taking will require you to think.

There are many different ways to take notes; for exam -

ple, linear outlining, mindmapping, and key word methodology. Ask different people what method they use, then

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find what works best for you. Whatever method you select

or devise, several things are worth considering.

a. Don’t attempt to write everything down. As men -

tioned earlier, effective listeners focus on the key ideas or

main points.

b. Write clearly enough that you can understand your

writing later. If not, make certain that you allow time to

decipher your notes before they grow “cold.” It’s disheart -

ening to review your notes two weeks later only to find

that they make no sense.

c. Don’t rely on listening later to a tape of the speech.

Think! Will you have the time? Looking at your notes for

five minutes is generally sufficient, and is much more

time-efficient than listening to the entire speech again.

d. Circle or highlight the most important points.

3. Be a physically involved listener. Just what does this

statement mean? As you have already seen, listening re -

quires more than just hearing. You have also seen that

making eye contact and taking notes will help to keep you

from becoming passive. But there is more: Active listening

takes energy and involvement.

Here are some physical behaviors that will ensure your

involvement and help your listening.

a. Use good posture. Sit up straight, yet comfortably.

Good posture aids breathing and alertness. It also com -

municates positive interest to the speaker.

b. Follow the speaker. If the speaker moves, turn your

head or rotate in your chair to maintain eye contact and

attention. This movement also aids in keeping you alert.

c. Don’t be a deadpan. Facial expressions, head nods,

and tilts of the head show your involvement and provide

positive feedback to the speaker.

d. Use your hands not only to take notes, but to show

approval by applause when appropriate.

e. Participate when audience involvement is encour -

aged. Ask questions. Respond when a show of hands is

called for. Be an active listener.

f. Smile.

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4. Avoid negative mannerisms. Everyone has mannerisms. Watch anyone for a period of time and you will be

convinced of this fact. If your mannerisms do not cause a

negative reaction, don’t worry about them. If a mannerism

is positive or encouraging and brings a positive response,

make a mental note to do it more often. Unfortunately,

some mannerisms are negative or distracting. These

should be avoided.

Here are some examples of listener mannerisms that

either hinder listening or have a negative impact—on the

speaker or on other listeners. Avoid these mannerisms.

a. Fidgeting, tapping a pencil, or playing with a rubber

band or some other object. The effect on you may be neu -

tral, but such things distract other listeners and are an

annoyance to the speaker.

b. Continually looking at the clock or your watch.

c. Reading a paper, balancing a checkbook, rearrang -

ing items in your wallet, or engaging in other behavior

which takes focus away from the speaker.

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d. Displays of arrogance, superiority, or lack of interest

in the speaker and message.

In short, any mannerism or behavior that detracts from

the speaker or the message should be avoided. Such things

hinder the speaker, divert the attention of other listeners,

and prevent you from being the best listener you can be.

5. Exercise your listening muscles. Actually, there are

no muscles technically involved with listening—but this

thought reminds us that listening takes practice. Just as

an athlete must work out regularly and a musician must

practice daily, so you must work consistently to be an

effective listener.

But consistent practice in itself is not enough. The diffi -

culty of the message is also important. Exposure to chal -

lenging material and difficult listening situations will stretch

your ability and build your listening muscles. For example,

suppose you knew that you would be required to carry a

50-pound weight one hundred yards in less than a minute.

You wouldn’t practice by carrying a 30-pound weight. You

would practice by carrying at least a 50-pound weight, and

you probably would condition yourself to carry it more than

100 yards in less than a minute. With this kind of practice,

you would be more than equal to the task. And so it is with

listening: Practice to at least the level you will be required to

perform—perhaps a bit above.

Finally, “s-t-r-e-t-c-h” your vocabulary. We’ve said this

before, but nothing will pay greater listening dividends.

Learn the meanings of new words and acronyms. Listen to

and read material that contains challenging words. Keep a

dictionary nearby. Look up new words as you read them,

or jot them down as you listen so you can look up the

meanings later.

6. Follow the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would

have them do unto you. The central focus of all effective

communication is “other directedness.” There are exceptions to most other listening rules. For example, there are

times when a listener shouldn’t prepare; preparation may

prevent openness to new ideas. There are times when the

objective is not to focus on key points, but to listen for

subordinate ideas or supporting material. There are times

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when we should not delay judgment—we must act! But

while these and other rules have exceptions, not so for the

Golden Rule. The effective listener is always other directed, focused on the other person.

Be the kind of listener you want others to be when you

are talking. Ask “How would I want others to listen to

me?” That’s how to be an effective listener.

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