Dear Friends:

The Activity Book for African American Families was developed by the

National Black Child Development Institute and the Eunice Kennedy Shriver

National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, in collaboration

with other organizations serving the African American community. The tragic

events of September 11, 2001, demonstrated the ongoing need to provide

materials for parents to help their children cope with extraordinary crises, such

as a terrorist attack. These crises receive extensive media coverage, and while

adults may understand what they see and hear and can place things in context,

children often cannot. Helping families face everyday hardships, such as crime

and poverty, can also enhance the strength and togetherness that is necessary

during times of major crisis.

We brought together leaders of national African American organizations as well

as health professionals to identify information and strategies that would be

meaningful to families coping with crisis. We also consulted parents about their

concerns and received input on tools they would find useful. We have been

impressed by the responses that affirmed the need for this Activity Book.

This collaboration arises from a commitment to share the best knowledge that

we have with the American people. It represents the kind of public-private

partnership that uses the strengths of all partners to improve the lives of our

children. We would like to express our appreciation to the many people who

contributed to this effort.

We also thank you for joining this partnership. We believe that your

connections to the children in your life will be enriched by the activities in

this book.

Sincerely,

Alan E. Guttmacher, M.D.

Director

Eunice Kenney Shriver National Institute of

Child Health and Human Development

Evelyn Moore

President

National Black Child Development Institute
An Activity Book For

African American Families:

Helping Children Cope with Crisis

September 2003

Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institute of Child Health and Human Development

National Black Child Development Institute, Inc.

In collaboration with the

Academy for Educational Development
Table of Contents

INTRODUCTION . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1

Inspire Hope in Your Child . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11

Activity 1: Hope* 12

Activity 2: My vision for the future 14

Be Still and Listen to Your Child . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .15

Activity 1: All I need is love* 17

Activity 2: Feelings 20

Support, Comfort, and Love Your Child . . . . . . . . . . . . .21

Activity 1: It takes a village* 22

Activity 2: Family treasure box 27

Activity 3: All about me 29

Give Your Child Information that is Age-Appropriate . .31

Activity 1: I’m just a kid* 33

Activity 2: A picture is worth a thousand words 35

Activity 3: What do my parents think? 39

Help Your Child Feel Safe . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .41

Activity 1: Celebration* 43

Activity 2: Ties that bind 45

(continued on next page)
Make a Plan with Your Child for Emergencies . . . . . . . .47

Activity 1: Never give up* 49

Activity 2: Safety plan 51

Help Your Child Feel Good about Himself . . . . . . . . . . .55

Activity 1: That’s me* 57

Activity 2: Beautiful me! 62

Activity 3: Tell me something good 64

Activity 4: Image building 65

Pay Attention to What Your Child Watches on TV . . . .67

Activity 1: Just being you is the right thing* 69

Activity 2: What’s wrong with this picture? 73

Share Your Faith with Your Child . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .75

Activity 1: This little light of mine* 76

Activity 2: I say a little prayer for you 78

Activity 3: Felt wall hanging 81

Just for Parents . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .83

*The first activity in each section is most likely to work well with the youngest

children. If children find the poem is too long or confusing, the parent may skip

reading the poem aloud.
Introduction

Why do I need

this activity book?

Every day, we see images of stress, hardship,

and violence. These images come into our

homes in many ways: through television,

newspapers, radio reports, and magazines.

What we see are more than just pictures of

things that happen to other people—we feel

and see the effects all around us. We see

news updates on fighting and conflict; we go

through increased security at buildings and

airports; we feel the tensions directed at

certain religious communities and ethnic

groups; we hear about or experience job

losses. African American communities are

faced with violence, insecurity, and

unemployment every day. Events around

the world only add to these everyday

stresses. All of these things have a great

impact on our lives.

They have an even greater impact on our

children.

Even if our children don’t say it, they are

affected by the world around them. They

may be afraid that something “bad” will

1 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

INTRODUCTION
happen without warning. They may fear for our safety

as we go to work, or go to the store. They may not want

to be away from us, or to be by themselves. Most

importantly, they may never tell us that they are scared

or confused.

When our children have a cut or a bruise, we know that

we can respond with a bandage or an ice pack. But, if

our children are scared or angry or insecure, it’s harder

to know what to do. We may not be able to make

everything better.

Many of us are looking for ways to help our children cope

with the fears and uncertainties that are a natural part

of our world and its many crisis situations. The Eunice

Kennedy Shriver National Institute of Child Health and

Human Development (NICHD) and the National Black

Child Development Institute (NBCDI) are working

together with families, professional organizations, and

leaders of national African American organizations to

provide families in African American communities with

the information and resources they need to comfort their

children. This activity guide is part of that collaboration.

2 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

INTRODUCTION

In addition to the NICHD and NBCDI,

the following groups are also involved

in this collaboration:

100 Black Men of America, Inc.

Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc.

American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry

American Psychiatric Association

Congress of National Black Churches, Inc.

Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc.

Jack and Jill of America, Inc.

National Association of Black Social Workers

National Coalition of 100 Black Women, Inc.

National Medical Association
What are the ways I can help

my child cope with crisis?

This guidebook is designed to help you and your family

find different ways to help your children cope with

crisis. These methods, which work well with children

ages 12 and under, include the following:

Inspire hope in your child.

Be still and listen to your child.

Support, comfort, and love your child.

Give your child information that is age-appropriate.

Help your child feel safe.

Make a plan with your child for emergencies.

Help your child feel good about himself.

Pay attention to what your child watches on TV.

Share your faith with your child.

Identify signs of stress in your child.

By putting these ideas into practice, the activities in this

booklet can help you to communicate with your child

and to strengthen your family, so that children know

they are safe.

What kinds of activities

are included in the booklet?

The book’s activities are designed to help you talk with

your child about emotions—to find ways to express

thoughts and feelings that might be hard to say out loud.

By talking about these things, you and your family can

begin to deal with feelings in positive, constructive ways.

The activities also highlight important values, such as

family, honesty, and spirituality, that can strengthen

your child from within.

3 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

INTRODUCTION
Many of the activities try to tap into your child’s

creativity—drawing, coloring, singing, gardening. These

types of tasks encourage children to let others know

what's going on inside them in a safe, controlled way.

Other activities encourage your child to use what’s

inside to understand something—like reading a poem or

a story, or listening to a song.

As you do these activities, remember that the main goal

is to get your child to communicate with you. When

you finish an activity, you’ll have something you can

touch or see, but that's not what is most important.

Talking and listening are the real goals of these activities.

Most of all, the activities give you the chance to be with

your child and to learn about your child. And, you may

learn from your child in the process.

4 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

INTRODUCTION
How do I use

this book?

What is involved in each activity?

Each section includes the following parts:

Section heading—Lists one thing you can do to

help your child. Information about some general

ways to include these things in your day appears

underneath the heading.

Why are these activities important?

Explains the goals and purposes of the activities

within the section.

Affirmation—Is drawn from African and African

American quotations and proverbs. There is no right

or wrong interpretation of the meaning. But, these

sayings can give you something to think about while

doing the activity.

Activity—Focuses on a poem, an art project, a

song or music, or a craft. These activities can help

children express feelings that may be hard to say out

loud. If your child doesn’t like these activities, use

another activity your child does like to reach the same

goals. Each activity includes:

What you need—Is a list of things you can use to

do the activity. These items are only suggested

materials; you can still do the activity without these

exact items. The activities use things supplied in

this book, or things that people have in their homes

already, so you don’t have to buy new things.

5 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

HOW DO I USE THIS BOOK?
Description—Provides some background on the

activity. If, when you’re reading this description,

you think of an activity that would be better for

your child, then go ahead and use it.

Steps for doing the activity—Describes each step

for completing an activity with your child. Do only

those steps you feel are right for your child.

Things to Remember—Includes important

things to keep in mind while doing the activities.

Note to Parents—Offers some important facts

or information that you can use during the activity or

to get more information about a certain topic.

Did you know?—Provides facts and additional

information about a topic included in an activity or

description.

How do I do these activities?

You can do the activities in a family group with children

of different ages; or you can do them during quiet time

with just you and your child. Within each section:

The activities that appear first are best for younger

children and include things that most children can

do and enjoy.

The later activities are better for more mature

children, including those who can read and write

easily, and those who are comfortable being creative.

As you do the activities, try not to disapprove of or be

negative about how well your child completes each task.

Sometimes, when parents make comments, children

turn off and tune out. There is no best way to do these

activities. Let your child take the lead and guide you

through the activity.

6 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

HOW DO I USE THIS BOOK?
Are these activities right

for my child?

These activities are appropriate for both boys and girls.

Your child’s interests should determine your approach

to the activities.

Children have different talents, interests, and gifts, and

these qualities can change based on a child’s age. For

this reason, the activities are designed so that you can

easily change them to fit your child’s age, interests, and

talents. You can also use these activities as a starting

point for ideas from your child or your family. Please

adapt the activities for children with special needs. Do

what works best with your children and your family.

Is my child too old or

too young for these activities?

This book doesn’t give strict guidelines for the activities

because, no matter what their age, children have many

different gifts, talents, and interests. But, as you plan to

do each activity with your child, you may want to think

about how your child is changing and developing. The

information below describes some general qualities* of

children at different ages. You may notice some of your

child’s qualities in these lists.

Young school-aged children (ages 5 to 7):

Enjoy arts and crafts

Can draw and use scissors with effort (keep the time

short)

Like the support of adults

Can be shy and worry

Hold bold ideas and fantasies

May not have words or labels for feelings

7 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

HOW DO I USE THIS BOOK?

REMEMBER

The text in this book

takes turns using

he/his, she/hers, and

other male-female

pronouns. Even if the

text says he, you can

still do the activity

with your daughter;

or, even if the text

says to help your

child do something

herself, you can still

have your son do the

activity.

*Adapted from:

Playground Politics:

Understanding the

Emotional Life of Your

School-Age Child, Stanley

Greenspan, M.D.,

Addison-Wesley

Publishing Co. 1993. And

A Sympathetic

Understanding of the

Child: Birth to Sixteen,

David Elkind, Allyn and

Bacon, 1974.
Middle school-aged children (ages 8 to 10):

Enjoy a variety of arts and crafts

Are more interested in the process than the results

Are beginning to use words for emotions

Can organize ideas about emotions

Older school-aged children (ages 11 to 12):

Have adult-like abilities in arts and crafts

Have words for emotions

Use sarcasm in their communication

Understand and empathize with the feelings of others

Many children, including those with special needs, may

have qualities that are listed in all three age groups. Or,

they may have features that aren’t listed. Do what

works best for your child’s developmental stage.

What should I do

during the activities?

For these activities to be most helpful, you need to be

still and listen to your child. Make sure your child has

your complete attention. When doing these activities,

stop doing chores, talking on the phone, or watching

television. You need to be an active listener.

When your child is talking, you can be an active listener* by:

Sitting on a chair or on the floor to be close to your

child’s height

Relaxing your face and body

Not tapping fingers or frowning

Responding with a nod or by saying “Mm Hmm”

Making eye contact

Waiting for your child to finish—not interrupting

Asking questions that can’t be answered with just a

yes or no

Saying back to the child part of his or her point

8 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

HOW DO I USE THIS BOOK?

*Adapted from:

Different and

Wonderful:

Raising Black

Children in a

Race-Conscious

Society, Darlene

Hopson, Ph.D.

and Derek

Hopson, Ph.D.

Prentice Hall Press

1990.
By creating healthy ways for your child to talk about

feelings and to express what’s inside, you may find out

things that trouble you. The Just for Parents section at

the back of this book offers some ways to help your

child and where to go for help when you think your

child’s feelings are more than you can handle alone.

Some things to remember

while doing these activities:

Take time to plan each activity before you do it.

Make sure to set aside time to do the activity with

your child. You may decide to not answer the phone

or to keep the TV off while doing the activities.

Make it fun! These activities aren’t meant to be

homework. They are a way to get to know your

child. So don’t force the activity on your child.

Choose arts and crafts or activities that your child

likes. Pay attention to your child’s reactions and comments

during the activities. Your child may give you hints

about other activities that would be more enjoyable.

Talk to your child about the activity when you are

finished. These activities are supposed to increase

communication between you and your child. So talk

to your child about how the activity made him feel,

or what she liked about an activity. Use the activity

as a way to get to know your child.

Take care to be positive in your comments. Use these

activities as a way to start being more positive in what

you say to your child.

Let your child tell you about the finished product and

share it with others. Help your child take pride in

what she has accomplished.

Praise your child’s efforts, even if it doesn’t come out

exactly like you think it should. And even if it doesn’t

turn out like he wanted it to.

Doing the activity together is what makes it special.

HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

HOW DO I USE THIS BOOK?

9
10

HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS
Inspire

Hope in

Your Child.

What you do or say makes a

difference to your child. If times

are bad and you can say or do something

positive, your child will learn that he can do

and feel that same way. If you look at the

good or hopeful side of things, your child

will learn to do it, too.

Why are these activities

important?

Parents’ actions shape their children’s

reactions to crises and problems. These

activities will help your child to:

Talk about his feelings

Describe fears he has about today and about

the future

Know that you believe good things will

happen in the future

Be more hopeful

AFFIRMATION

Anticipate the good so that

you may carry it off.

~ South African Proverb

11

HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

INSPIRE HOPE IN YOUR CHILD
12

Activity 1:

Hope

This activity uses poetry as a way to start talking with

your child about hope. It can be easier to talk about the

ideas in a poem, than it is to say what you feel in your

own heart. Reading this poem can help your child find

words to talk about his feelings. This activity shows that

talking about feelings is a good thing.

1. Read the poem on page 13 with your child.

2. Talk about your hopeful, happy, or good feelings.

How do you cheer yourself up when things are hard?

Tell your child how you deal with tough times.

You can use these questions to get things started:

What is this poem about?

How does it make you feel?

What do you look forward to every day? Every

week?

What makes you feel that you are important?

When you feel sad or upset, what helps you feel

better?

3. Listen to your child’s answers. Try to remember the

things that make your child feel hopeful. Try to do

one or two of these things during the week. For

example:

If your child says he feels important when you

come to his basketball game, make sure you’re at

the next game.

If your child likes going to the store with you, go

to the store with him a few extra times during the

week.

If attention from you makes your child feel

special, put a note in his lunch box so he knows

you’re thinking of him during the day.

What you need

Poem on page 13

REMEMBER

In tough times, your

child looks to you for

hope and

encouragement.

Activity 1: Hope HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

INSPIRE HOPE IN YOUR CHILD
HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS Activity 1: Hope

INSPIRE HOPE IN YOUR CHILD 13

HOPE

By Paula Young Shelton*

Hope ... when all is lost

Hope ... at any cost

Hope ... to hold on tight

Hope ... to get through the night

Hope ... when you are down

Hope ... is freedom's sound

Hope ... to keep you going

Hope ... in the All-Knowing

Hope ... is believing

Hope ... is conceiving

Hope ... is achieving

*Paula Young Shelton is a teacher and

member of the National Black Child

Development Institute. She has taught

children in the United States and Africa.
14 Activity 2: My vision for the future HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

INSPIRE HOPE IN YOUR CHILD

Activity 2:

My vision for the future

This activity uses art to create a picture of the future.

In hard times, many children give up any hope for a

bright future. Older children, most of all, may begin to

think that they don’t matter. With some help from you,

they may begin to see a brighter future.

1. Get two large pieces of construction paper—one for

you and one for your child.

2. Use crayons to draw or cut out pictures to show how

you think your child’s future will look. Have him

show how he sees his own future.

3. Show the pictures to each other. Use these questions

to start talking about the future:

Do you and your child see good things happening?

How can you make the good things better?

NOTE TO PARENTS

If your child’s picture is very sad or violent, go to the

Just for Parents section of this book to find out where

to get help for your child.

What you need

Construction paper

Glue

Crayons, markers,

colored pencils

Magazines,

newspaper
15 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

BE STILL AND LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD

Be Still

and Listen

to Your

Child.

Turn off the TV or radio. Don’t answer

the phone. Give your child all of your

attention. Take a quiet moment to talk to

your child. Ask your child questions about

her day, who she saw, what she did in

school. Listen closely to her answers.

When your child talks, let her know you’re

listening by asking questions about what she

is saying. Or repeat something she said to

be sure you heard it right. If your child

doesn’t like to talk, just play and spend time

doing something she likes to do.

Try not to “correct” her feelings or words,

even if you don’t agree with her. Wait. Try

to understand first. Ask your child to say

more about events that make her feel sad,

scared, angry, or hurt. Try to find out why

she feels the way she does. Let her know

that these feelings are OK to have.

AFFIRMATION

When the heart overflows, it

comes out through the mouth.

~ Ethiopian Proverb
16 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

BE STILL AND LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD

Why are these activities

important?

Quiet time to talk and listen to your child can get you

into the habit of coming together, just you and your

child. Good habits can be hard to break. These

activities will help your child to:

Know it’s OK to talk about feelings and emotions

Name and describe her feelings

Get used to talking to you, so that when there is a

problem, she will feel at ease telling you about it
17 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS Activity 1: All I need is love

BE STILL AND LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD

Activity 1:

All I need is love

This activity uses poetry as a way to talk to your child

about her emotional needs. The poem describes positive

and loving ways of parenting. It tells adults to think

about what they do and say through the eyes of a child.

The poem gives children the OK to think about what

they need, and to tell their parents about those needs.

1. Read the poem on page 19 with your child.

2. Use these ideas to start talking to your child about

the poem:

Ask your child what she thinks about the poem,

and how it makes her feel. Tell your child which

parts of the poem you thought were interesting or

important.

Talk to your child about what living things need to

grow and succeed. For example, most plants need

water, soil/dirt, and sunlight to grow. Or, if your

family has a pet, talk about the things your pet

needs, like food, water, exercise, petting, and

playing.

Ask your child to tell you what she needs to help

her grow and succeed. Ask her to think about

ways you can help meet these needs.

3. Go to an apple orchard, garden, petting zoo, or even a

pet store with your child. Point out how the plants

and animals in these places get what they need to grow.

OR

Help your child to plant a flower or plant in a pot.

Make a checklist of things you and your child can do

to help the plant grow. Keep the checklist where

your child can see it. When your child does

something on the list, like watering the plant, put a

sticker or draw a smiley face on the list.

What you need

Poem on page 19

Seeds, soil, and

container for a

plant (optional)
18 Activity 1: All I need is love HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

BE STILL AND LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD

4. Write a short story together about your activity and

put it a special place.

If your child is younger, let her tell you the story

while you write it down.

For an older child, let her write the story down, or

use a computer to record the story.

REMEMBER

This activity is not

about material

“things” that your

child may want.

Instead, it’s trying to

help your child feel at

ease with her need

for love and affection.
19 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS Activity 1: All I need is love

BE STILL AND LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD

WHAT I NEED

By Paula Young Shelton

I need to have you hold me and let me know you care.

I need to be let go to explore all that I dare.

I need you to set limits and always to be fair.

I need you to be patient as I wander everywhere.

I need to make mistakes sometimes,

under your watchful eye.

I need a safe environment for the

new things I will try.

I need to learn by doing. My learning looks like play.

I need to know I can trust you

and that you mean what you say.

I need to be corrected in a voice that’s firm but low.

I need to hear some other words besides just,

“No! No! No!”

I need you to be consistent, so I always know

what to expect.

I need you to listen to me, ‘cause even little ones

need respect.

I need lots of attention. So don’t get too upset.

I need to ask lots of questions.

There’s so much I don’t know yet.

But more than all of the above.

What I really need is love.

No matter what I do or say.

I need to know you love me anyway.
20 Activity 2: Feelings HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

BE STILL AND LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD

Activity 2:

Feelings

It’s not easy to talk about how you feel. Many people

find it easier to sing, rap, draw, or write about their

feelings because they don’t have to really tell someone

what’s going on inside. Acting feelings out can also

make it easier to let others know how you feel. This

activity gives children lots of safe, healthy, and creative

ways to share their hopes, fears, and feelings.

1. Ask your child to pick out her favorite song. Listen

to the song with your child. Talk about why she likes

the song and how she feels when she listens to it.

OR

If your child likes drawing or painting, have her draw,

color, or paint while listening to her favorite song to

show how the music makes her feel.

2. Help your child to make up her own rap, song, or

poem that puts how she feels into words. Help your

child write down the words and put the new song or

poem in a special place.

OR

If your child likes to act or play better than making

something, watch her while she sings and performs

her favorite song. Tape record or videotape her

singing, if she wants you to. (You may want to save

the tape as an item for a special treasure box activity

described later in this book.)

NOTE TO PARENTS

If your child says or draws things that bother you, try to

understand, first. Take time to think about how you feel

before saying anything to your child. If you need to, ask a

trusted friend, a spiritual advisor, or a counselor for advice or

guidance on what to say or do. Then, you may want to talk

to your child about what’s bothering you.

What you need

Writing and

construction paper

Glue

Crayons, markers

colored pencils

,

Tape recorder,

video camera

REMEMBER

Your child will be

more aware of what

she is doing and will

be better able to get

her feelings across if

you talk to her while

she's doing an

activity.
21 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

SUPPORT, COMFORT, AND LOVE YOUR CHILD

Support,

Comfort,

and Love

Your Child.

Ahand on the shoulder, pat on the

head, or a kind word can help soothe

and support your child. Tell your child you

love him and that you will be there for him

always. Remind him of other people who

love him and care about him, like relatives,

friends, and other people around him.

Why are these activities

important?

We can all use a few extra hugs these days.

These activities will help your child to:

Know that you’re OK

Feel loved when you’re not there with him

Know that he can find you if he needs you

Understand that there are people all around

him who care

Recognize people in his support network or

community

Know who to trust outside of his immediate

family

AFFIRMATION

Cross the river in a crowd and

the crocodile won’t eat you.

~ Madagascar Proverb
22 Activity 1: It takes a village HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

SUPPORT, COMFORT, AND LOVE YOUR CHILD

Activity 1:

It takes a village

This activity is a way for your child to think about the

people in his life who give him love and support. Many

families have people who help and support them as their

families grow. Sometimes, these people are called an

extended family or a “village.”

Reading this poem together will help your child know

that, even when Mom or Dad is away, there are still

plenty of loving adults to care for him. You can also use

this activity to name a trusted adult that your child can

go to when you’re not there.

1. Read the poem on page 24 with your child.

2. Ask your child what he thinks about the poem, and

how it makes him feel. Talk about the ideas in the

poem.

3. Ask your child who is in his village. Talk about

people who were in your village when you were

growing up, and who is in your village now. Tell your

child stories about your childhood and the people you

turned to.

4. Have your child recall times when he asked someone

else for help. Or, use these questions to help him

talk about his village:

Who would you go to if you wanted a hug?

Who are your favorite playmates (or best

friends)?

If you were scared, who would help you feel safe?

Who cooks your favorite foods?

If you wanted someone to read you a story, who

would you ask?

What you need

Poem on page 24

Construction paper

Crayon or pencil
23 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS Activity 1: It takes a village

SUPPORT, COMFORT, AND LOVE YOUR CHILD

If you just won first prize in a contest or race, who

would you tell?

Who are the people that love you and care about

you?

5. Write down some of his answers on pages 25-26. Go

over the list together. Add pictures of your child and

the people on the list, if you want to. Save the list

to use with other activities in this book.
24 Activity 1: It takes a village HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

SUPPORT, COMFORT, AND LOVE YOUR CHILD

IN MY VILLAGE

By Paula Young Shelton

When I'm afraid

Of the dark at night

My granddaddy's big hands

Hold me tight

When I am sad

And feeling gray

My auntie's smile

Brightens up my day

When I am lonely

With no one to care

My friend is there

With funny stories to share

When I'm worried

And don't know what to do

My mama's comforting words

Help to see me through

I can call my daddy

When I'm in a mess

If I need to talk

My teacher is the best

My brother is the one

When I want to have fun

And when I need someone to care

My sister is always there

Our village is a special thing

Made of family, friends and preachers,

Neighbors, shopkeepers and teachers.

The village protects us, keeps us safe

Molds us, shapes us, shows us the way.

Helps us to make it through each and every day.
25 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS Activity 1: It takes a village

SUPPORT, COMFORT, AND LOVE YOUR CHILD

Activity 1: It takes a village

Who would you go to if you wanted a hug?

Who are your favorite playmates (or best friends)?

If you were scared, who would help you feel safe?

Who cooks your favorite foods?

If you wanted someone to read you a story, who would you ask?
26 Activity 1: It takes a village HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

SUPPORT, COMFORT, AND LOVE YOUR CHILD

If you just won first prize in a contest or race, who would you tell?

Who are the people that love you and care about you?
27 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS Activity 2: Family treasure box

SUPPORT, COMFORT, AND LOVE YOUR CHILD

Activity 2:

Family treasure box

In this activity, you and your child will make a family

treasure box to hold precious memories. School-aged

children are often concrete in their thinking—they need

to touch or see something to understand it.

This activity gives your child a place to collect things he

can touch and see that mark special times or

experiences. Your child can also keep presents or items

from special people in his treasure box. So, no matter

what is going on around him, the family treasure box

lets your child see and touch things from the good times

and good people in his life.

1. Lay out the box and the other materials you have for

the activity. Let your child pick paper, newspaper

comics, fabric scraps, or other materials to cover the

outside of the box. Help your child cut the paper

and glue or tape it to the box.

2. Let him draw on the box with markers or crayons,

add stickers to the box, glue shells, buttons, or beads

on the box, or decorate it in some other way.

Encourage your child to be creative. Let him design

the box to show who he is and what he likes.

3. Help your child find things to keep in the box.

These items should remind him of special people,

places, moments, and events in his life. He can also

include things that make him feel good and loved.

For example, he may want to keep these objects in

the box:

Pictures of his family or loved ones

A piece of a baby blanket

A favorite book that mom used to read to him

What you need

Shoebox or other

small box

Glue

Crayons or markers

Wrapping paper,

tissue paper

and/or

construction paper

or fabric scraps

Shells, buttons,

and/or beads

Popsicle sticks or

strips of cardboard
28 Activity 2: Family treasure box HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

SUPPORT, COMFORT, AND LOVE YOUR CHILD

Ticket stubs from the game he and dad went to

together

A program from his brother’s graduation

A hair ribbon from his sister

A birthday card from an aunt

A recipe for cookies or cornbread that his grandma

makes

Trading cards or notes from a best friend

A prayer, poem, or verse

A favorite CD or videotape cover

Seashells from a trip to the beach

4. From time to time, take out the family treasure box

and look at the things in it with your child. You may

want to do this activity more often when your child is

feeling scared or sad.

Talk about where each object came from. Ask

your child to talk about his memories or feelings

about each item and the special people or events

the items remind him of.

Remind him that all of these people are in his

heart and love him, no matter where they are.

These people wish the best for him and will be

there for him, always.
29 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS Activity 3: All about me

SUPPORT, COMFORT, AND LOVE YOUR CHILD

Activity 3:

All about me

Children need to know that people love and care about

them. You show this love everyday, but it’s good for

your child to hear you talk out loud and honestly about

the special love you have for him. In this activity, you

will create a special memory for your child using a video

camera or tape recorder. By recording your memory,

your child will be able to hear your voice or see your

face, even when you aren’t there, so he knows he is

loved.

1. Tell a story about a special memory you have of your

child. Have your child record you as you tell it. You

may want to talk about:

The day your child was born

Your child’s first trip to the zoo, the movies,

or a museum

A special family dinner or birthday

Your child’s favorite book or lullaby

The funniest memory of your child

2. Ask family members, grandparents, and other loved

ones to tell their special story or favorite memory.

Record these memories with your child. If your

child is shy about hearing others talk about him, you

may want to ask others to record their memories of

your child.

3. Listen to the stories with your child. Encourage him

to keep the stories in his heart. When he gets scared

or worried, listening to the stories may help him feel

better.

What you need

Video camera or

tape recorder
30 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS
31 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

GIVE YOUR CHILD INFORMATION THAT IS AGE-APPROPRIATE

Give Your

Child

Information

that is AgeAppropriate.

Everyday, families in our communities

face unemployment, traffic accidents,

and crime. These events can be very scary

and upsetting for children. Even though

such events may be common, these

“everyday crises” are very stressful. Don’t

let your child watch repeated images of

these situations or other violent or sad

events on TV. Give an event some

context—that is, explain what you know

about the situation in your own words and

from your point of view. Remember to be

calm and talk at the child’s level. Tell your

child only as much as you think she can

really understand. Short answers may

be better.

Try to answer your child’s questions

truthfully, but in words she knows and

understands. It’s OK to say, “I don’t know.”

AFFIRMATION

No matter how long

the night, the day is

sure to come.

~ Congo Proverb
32 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

GIVE YOUR CHILD INFORMATION THAT IS AGE-APPROPRIATE

If you need some help figuring out what to say to your

child, or how to talk to her about a crisis in words she

can understand, ask a health care provider, school

counselor, or mental health professional, or check out

the Just for Parents section of this book for other

resources. This section also gives some tips on how to

help your child handle a major crisis.

Why are these activities

important?

It’s hard for adults to deal with some of the things they

see on TV and in magazines and newspapers, especially

things that are painful or violent. It’s even harder for

children to understand what they’re seeing. These

activities will help your child to:

Understand a recent crisis or event

Learn how the crisis changes the world around her

Talk about the crisis in her own words

Hope for the future

Feel helpful

Know how you feel about what’s happened

Model her actions and reactions after your actions
33 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS Activity 1: I’m just a kid

GIVE YOUR CHILD INFORMATION THAT IS AGE-APPROPRIATE

Activity 1:

I’m just a kid

This activity reminds your child that it’s OK just to be a

child. It gives you a way to tell your child that you

don’t expect her to act like an adult, or to handle things

that adults do.

In hard times, many children think that the event is

their fault—that it happened because of something they

did wrong or because of something they didn’t do. Your

child may want to save you and your family from danger

or harm. But, she can’t keep things from happening to

her family. Her main job is just growing up. The poem

tells her that she’s not supposed to take care of

everybody; she just has to be herself.

1. Read the poem on page 34 with your child.

2. Use these questions to talk about the poem:

What does she think about the poem, and how

does it make her feel?

What does she like best about being a kid?

What would she like to be or do in the future?

3. Remind your child (and yourself) that being “just a

kid” is hard enough. Tell her she should leave the

other worries and tasks to adults.

What you need

Poem on page 34
34 Activity 1: I’m just a kid HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

GIVE YOUR CHILD INFORMATION THAT IS AGE-APPROPRIATE

I’M JUST A KID

By Betty J. Ford*

I'm just a kid you know

I can have fun everyday

I can enjoy myself and play

Without a care in the world.

I'm just a kid you know

I can enjoy hot dogs, puppy dogs,

peanut butter and butterflies.

I can learn anything and everything

I am taught - good and bad.

I can experience new adventures

And ask lots of questions

Over and over again.

I'm just a kid you see

I can pretend to be

A pirate, a teacher,

A baker or even a preacher.

But one day pretending will be over

And I will become what I have learned

So teach me well and remember

I AM THE FUTURE

With the potential to be leader

Of this Nation one day.

But right now - I'm just a kid!

*Betty J. Ford is a musician, poet, member of NBCDI

and Secretary of her local NAACP Chapter. This poem was

inspired by children in an after-school program where she was a

volunteer teacher helping children to memorize and recite poetry.
35 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS Activity 2: A picture is worth a thousand words

GIVE YOUR CHILD INFORMATION THAT IS AGE-APPROPRIATE

Activity 2:

A picture is worth

a thousand words

Through this activity, your child can learn that, even in

every day events, she can still do things to help, no

matter how young or old she is. Knowing that she is not

helpless can give your child hope during troubled times.

Talk to your child about the kinds of things children can

do to help others. Make sure to point out the things

that are better for adults to do.

1. Take a large piece of construction paper or tear out

the blank sheet provided on pages 37-38 and fold it

in half.

2. Cut out pictures or articles from the newspaper or

magazines that show hard times that happen to

people every day. You may want to include topics

like homelessness, pollution, unemployment, military

personnel being away from their families, or crime in

the community.

3. Explain what is happening in each picture in words

that your child can understand. Use words she

knows to describe the event.

4. Let your child pick one picture to glue on the bottom

inside half of the folded paper.

5. Ask your child how she thinks she can help the

people in that situation. Some ways to help include:

Volunteer as a family to clean up part of your

street or a local park

Collect nickels to send to a local shelter

Send a can of food, toothbrush, or other item to a

local food kitchen

What you need

Scissors

Glue

Crayons, markers,

or colored pencils

Construction paper

or poster board

REMEMBER

You can help your

child come up with

the different ways

she can help by

brainstorming—

writing down all the

words that come to

mind about a certain

topic. Brainstorm

helpful actions with

your child and write

down all the words

you think of to

describe these actions.

Then, have your child

use one or more of

those words in

making her picture of

the future.
36 Activity 2: A picture is worth a thousand words HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

GIVE YOUR CHILD INFORMATION THAT IS AGE-APPROPRIATE

Write letters or cards to military personnel with

good wishes or messages to cheer people up

Have a car wash or bake sale to raise money for

a local charity

Pray together

6. Ask your child to think about how a good future

might look. For example:

People finding jobs

Everyone getting enough to eat

Families being together

7. Fold the construction paper down to cover the

picture. Have your child draw a new picture on

the paper to show how things might change in the

future, or when the crisis is over.

8. Ask your child to tell you about her picture. Let her

tell you why she sees the future that way. Open up

the paper to look at the actual event, and then close

the paper to show your child’s picture of a better

world.

NOTE TO PARENTS

Some older children may pick out pictures or images that

are very violent or graphic. These images could be scary

for younger children who are also doing the activity. You

may want to do this activity with one child at a time, so

that you can talk about topics that each child thinks are

important, using words and pictures that are appropriate

for his or her age.
37 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS Activity 2: A picture is worth a thousand words

GIVE YOUR CHILD INFORMATION THAT IS AGE-APPROPRIATE

Activity 2: A picture is worth a thousand words
38 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

GIVE YOUR CHILD INFORMATION THAT IS AGE-APPROPRIATE
39 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS Activity 3: What do my parents think?

GIVE YOUR CHILD INFORMATION THAT IS AGE-APPROPRIATE

Activity 3:

What do my parents think?

This is a good activity for older children. Your thoughts

and feelings can make a difference in what your child

thinks and feels. Even though many children say they

don’t want help from their parents, they really do need

your help and guidance. If your child knows what you

believe in, she’ll know her reactions and feelings are OK.

For example, if your child hears you talking about an

event, like a war or a new law, she’ll feel better about

forming her own opinions about the event. Your child

will learn how you think and feel about important things

by listening to you talk, which can help her to make her

own opinions.

1. Look over newspapers and magazines with your child

that report on an everyday event or topic that can

cause stress, such as unemployment, homelessness,

or hunger, or visit Web sites that post these kinds of

reports. You can also go to the public library to get

these items.

2. Talk about what’s shown in the pictures. Tell your

child what you know about the event, and how you

feel about it.

3. Read parts of the articles out loud and explain them

in words your child can understand. Ask your child to

repeat what happened so you can find out how much

she understood.

4. Ask your child what she thinks should happen next.

Suggest some positive outcomes to the events. Have

your child think of some positive outcomes. Write

down these outcomes and keep them in a special place.

What you need

Newspapers or

magazines

NOTE TO

PARENTS

Sharing your values

and beliefs helps

your child learn

about the world

around her.

Respecting the values

and opinions of

others is also

important. Make

sure your child

knows that even if

someone feels

differently than you

do about something,

they still have the

right to their opinions

and beliefs. You may

want to point out

why you disagree or

how your beliefs are

different. But, be

sure that your child

knows that having an

opinion is OK, even

if it’s a different

opinion.
40 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS
41 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

HELP YOUR CHILD FEEL SAFE

Help

Your Child

Feel Safe.

Tell your child that you will always take

care of him and protect him, even in

times of crisis. Remind him that he is loved

even when you aren’t there with him. Point

out to your child that his village—his friends,

family members, and others who love him—

is also there for him, so he is never without

someone who cares for him.

Name the people who can help him in times

of need: friends, family, neighbors, religious

leaders, teachers, and others. Make sure

your child knows how to get in touch with

you, or someone he trusts, at all times.

Help him learn important phone numbers or

put those numbers in a place where he can

find them easily.

AFFIRMATION

When spider webs unite

they can tie up a lion.

~ Ethiopian Proverb
42 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

HELP YOUR CHILD FEEL SAFE

Why are these activities

important?

No matter what happens, your child needs to know

you’ll take care of him. These activities will help your

child to:

Feel safe

Know he is never alone

See his connections to the people around him

Learn ways to be safe in emergencies

Understand that you will always take care of him

See that he is precious and wonderful to you
43 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS Activity 1: Celebration

HELP YOUR CHILD FEEL SAFE

Activity 1:

Celebration

To you, your child is precious. But he may not always

know you feel this way about him. This activity lets

you tell your child that, no matter what, he is special

to you. Knowing he can count on you and your love

can make your child feel safe. The activity makes the

connection between how you feel about your child, and

what you do to keep him safe.

The activity also lets you explain the proud history of

African Americans as a people who have triumphed over

many hardships. By keeping their loved ones in their

hearts, no matter where they were, African Americans

were never alone.

1. Read the poem on page 44 with your child. You may

need to explain that ancestors are our grandparents’

parents and their parents. We are the descendants of

our grandparents and their parents.

2. Ask your child what he thinks about the poem, and

how it makes him feel.

3. Talk about the history of African Americans. Explain

to your child that he comes from a rich history of

strong, smart, creative people. No matter where he

goes, or what he does, he should keep that pride and

strength with him. Tell your child that he’ll never be

alone because you’re always with him in his heart.

4. Tell your child about times when you worked with

friends or family members to get through a hard

time. Explain to your child how it makes you feel

to know you’re never alone.

What you need

Poem on page 44
44 Activity 1: Celebration HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

HELP YOUR CHILD FEEL SAFE

IN CELEBRATION OF THE

AFRICAN AMERICAN CHILD

By SP Shepard*

little ones

do you know

that you are the descendants of

the Kings and Queens of Africa

little ones

do you know

that your ancestors were

musicians and artists

farmers and herdsmen

scientists, healers, and scholars

architects and builders

little ones

do you know

that in this new land

you are still

a wonder to behold

little ones

do you know

that you are more

precious to us

than gold

little ones

grow, grow, grow

in love

in peace

in wisdom

little ones know

that you are loved

*SP Shepard is a parent volunteer in the Parent Teacher Association (PTA)

and editor of the Kid’s Page of the PTA newsletter. She also edits the school’s

Anthology of Poetry featuring the work of elementary school students.
45 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS Activity 2: Ties that bind

HELP YOUR CHILD FEEL SAFE

Activity 2:

Ties that bind

This activity shows your child how he is connected to

the people who care about him. By naming people in

his support system, and saying how those people help

him, your child will learn that he’s safe. This activity

can be a fun way to include your entire family in this

special time with your child.

1. Sit in a circle on the floor with the others doing this

activity.

2. Point out that everyone in the circle needs the others

for support. Talk about ways to help each other feel

supported.

3. Hold the ball of string and give a reason you need

another person in the circle. While still holding on

to the end of the string, roll the rest of the ball of

string to that person.

4. Have the person who just received the ball of string

name a reason that he or she needs someone else in

the circle. Then he or she should roll the ball of

string on to that person, while still holding on to a

section of the string. Continue until everyone is

holding a part of the string. You may want to keep

going even after everyone has a piece of the string,

picking a different person each time. In the end,

you’ll have a big web of string that connects each

person in the circle.

5. Discuss the importance of this web for working

together and helping one another.

What you need

Ball of string or

yarn
46 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS
47 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

MAKE PLANS WITH YOUR CHILD FOR EMERGENCIES

Make Plans

with Your

Child for

Emergencies.

Help your child know what to do in

an emergency. Make a written plan

together that lists emergency information

for your child. This information may

include your work phone number, your

cell phone number, or the phone number

of someone who cares for your child

after school.

Pick out safe places to meet your child

during an emergency. Choose one safe

meeting place close to home or near your

child’s school. Make sure your child can

find these places.

AFFIRMATION

And the traveler girds himself,

and sets his face toward the

Morning, and goes his way.

~ W.E.B. Du Bois
48 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

MAKE PLANS WITH YOUR CHILD FOR EMERGENCIES

Why are these activities

important?

Planning for an emergency can help get your child ready

for any situation.

These activities will help your child to:

Be prepared

Feel safe, even when you’re not there

Know that you’re prepared for an emergency

Identify safe meeting places

Know how to find you if something happens

Know that you’re coming for her

Take the feeling of safety wherever she goes
49 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS Activity 1: Never give up

MAKE PLANS WITH YOUR CHILD FOR EMERGENCIES

Activity 1:

Never give up

In this activity, you can reassure your child that she’ll

never be alone, not now or in the future. She’ll be a

strong adult some day, standing up against life’s “storms”

or everyday crisis on her own. But her family and her

village will always be there to support and guide her.

1. Read the poem on page 50.

2. Ask your child what she thinks the poem means or

what it is saying.

3. Use these questions to start talking about the poem:

What are the “storms” or tough times that you

and your child have been through lately? How

did you get through these storms?

What has she learned from these experiences?

What should she do during such storms?

How can your family get ready for other kinds

of crises?

NOTE TO PARENTS

Sometimes things happen that make a child feel afraid, like

thunder on a dark night. Emotions can rumble inside, like

thunder and lightning rumble outside. A flashlight can

make a child feel more secure in a storm. If the lights go

out, she knows the flashlight is there. In the same way an

emergency plan can provide a sense of security. Everyone

knows what to do. In a storm, a boat needs a heavy

anchor to keep it from blowing away. People need

anchors too, plans, rituals, hugs—things, practices and

people that help us feel safe and secure.

What you need

Poem on page 50
50 Activity 1: Never give up HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

MAKE PLANS WITH YOUR CHILD FOR EMERGENCIES

RESILIENCY 2

By SP Shepard

the sky grows dark

lightening flashes

thunder roars

Papa and I wonder

about the tree

the tree cannot hold

Papa's hand

or sit in his lap

Papa says that one day

I'll be as the tree

able to stand alone

even during

the wind and the rain
51 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS Activity 2: Safety plan

MAKE PLANS WITH YOUR CHILD FOR EMERGENCIES

Activity 2:

Safety plan

Having a plan in place for dealing with emergencies can

reduce your child’s fears and can help her feel safe.

Writing the plan down lets her “see” that she’ll be safe.

A Family Safety Card will help your child learn and

remember important information, like her home phone

number, address, your cell phone or work number, and

other facts.

1. Cut out the Family Safety Card supplied on pages

53-54. Or, you can use a computer or other paper

to make the card.

2. Fill out the card. If your child is younger, have her

spell out the names and read out the numbers as you

write them down. If you child is older, have her

write the information on the card herself.

3. Help your child learn and practice saying her address

and important numbers. Choose a familiar song and

fit in the address or numbers. For example, you can

use the tune to A Tisket, A Tasket to help your child

learn her address:

Amira Johnson is my name

1220 Main Street’s my address

I live in My Town, USA

I know my name and address

4. Name five “safe” people outside your family that

your child can show her card to. Go to the Note to

Parents on the next page for more information.

5. Put the Family Safety Card in a special pocket inside

your child’s book bag or jacket. If you want to, use a

safety pin to keep the card from falling out.

What you need

Construction paper

or large index card

Markers or pens
52 Activity 2: Safety plan HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

MAKE PLANS WITH YOUR CHILD FOR EMERGENCIES

6. Practice going through your plan for a pretend

emergency. Point out things that your child does

well.

For younger children—Practice dialing 911, or the

emergency number for your area, and describing an

emergency to an operator using a play telephone or

cell phone. Let your child push the buttons and ask

for help.

NOTE TO PARENTS

Make sure your child knows not to show her Family Safety

Card to just anybody. She should only share it with her

“safe” people—those people who can help her stay safe

and can get in touch with you if there is an emergency.

For example, it’s OK for her to show the Family Safety

Card to her teacher, to a trusted neighbor, to her

babysitter, to her principal, and to a police person. Explain

that she shouldn’t show her Family Safety Card to any one

else because they may not help her stay safe. For more

information on talking to your child about “safe” people,

visit the Web site for the National Center for Missing and

Exploited Children at http://www.missingkids.com or call

them at 1-800-THE-LOST.
53 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS Activity 2: Safety plan

MAKE PLANS WITH YOUR CHILD FOR EMERGENCIES

Activity 2: Safety plan

FAMILY SAFETY CARD

First Name: 

Last Name: 

Nickname: 

Parent/Guardian Name: 

Street Address: 

Home Telephone: 

Mother's Work Phone: 

Father's Work Phone: 

Cell Phone Number: 
54 Activity 2: Safety plan HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

MAKE PLANS WITH YOUR CHILD FOR EMERGENCIES

FAMILY SAFETY CARD

Family Meeting Place: 

 

Secret Code: 

Other Person to Trust: 

 

Safety Helpers:

Fireman, Police, Teacher, and Principal
55 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

HELP YOUR CHILD FEEL GOOD ABOUT HIMSELF

Help Your

Child Feel

Good about

Himself. 

Tell your child that he did a good job 

and that you’re proud of him, even 

if he thinks he didn’t do such a good job.

Remind him that he’s good, smart, strong,

and handsome. Point out the things he 

does well, like schoolwork, helping around

the house, being nice to others, playing

sports, singing, drawing, or making people

laugh. Focus on the good things as much 

as possible. Smile, laugh, and play with 

your child.

AFFIRMATION

I love myself 

when I am laughing.

~ Zora Neale Hurston
56 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

HELP YOUR CHILD FEEL GOOD ABOUT HIMSELF

Why are these activities

important?

Feeling good about himself can give your child the

strength to get through everyday life and times of

trouble. 

These activities will help your child to:

Feel good about who he is

Focus on positive traits and abilities

Trust himself by knowing his own abilities

Know that you are behind him

Make good decisions when you aren’t there

Handle the stress that life can bring
57 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS Activity 1: That’s me

HELP YOUR CHILD FEEL GOOD ABOUT HIMSELF

Activity 1:

That’s me

This activity helps your child learn that his skin color is

special and beautiful. Children of color are often made

to feel that their skin color is a negative or “bad” thing.

The images they see in the media can make the negative

feelings worse. 

In this activity, you can help your child feel good about

how he looks. You can teach him to love his skin color

because it is his, and because it is beautiful. You can

also use this activity to remind your child that there are

good things about him that have nothing to do with how

he looks. 

1. Read the poem on page 61 with your child. 

2. Ask your child what he thinks about the poem, and

how it makes him feel. 

3. Pick parts of the poem that you think describe him.

Or, find other positive words to tell him how

beautiful he is, both inside and out. 

4. Ask him to say or write some positive things about

himself. These questions can help him find positive

things: 

What do you like to do? 

What are you good at? 

What do you like best about yourself? 

What do you think other people like about you? 

5. Write down your child’s answers on page 59. If your

child says something negative, help him turn it into

something positive. 

What you need

Poem on page 61
58 Activity 1: That’s me HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

HELP YOUR CHILD FEEL GOOD ABOUT HIMSELF

6. If your child is shy about talking about himself, find 

a picture of a friend, relative, or celebrity that your

child looks up to. Have your child list the things he

likes or admires about that person. Point out all the

things in the list that apply to your child. 

NOTE TO PARENTS

Many older children are embarrassed to think or say good

things about themselves. Some children think it makes

them seem stuck-up. To help them feel more at ease, you

may want to practice saying positive things with them out

loud. Once they get used to hearing positive things about

themselves and saying these things in their own words,

they may not be as shy to think good things.
59 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS Activity 1: That’s me

HELP YOUR CHILD FEEL GOOD ABOUT HIMSELF

Activity 1: That’s me

What do you like to do? 

What are you good at?

What do you like best about yourself? 

What do you think other people like about you? 
60 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

HELP YOUR CHILD FEEL GOOD ABOUT HIMSELF
61 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS Activity 1: That’s me

HELP YOUR CHILD FEEL GOOD ABOUT HIMSELF

THAT’S ME

By Jeanay LaRue-Robinson*

Golden sunshine

Deepest tan

Richest chocolate

Smoothest sand

Midnight velvet

Coffee and cream

Buttercup blossoms

Walnut dream

Pinkest peaches

Cantaloupe beige

Kiwi brown

Spiciest sage

Beautiful rainbow

Can’t you see

Color unlimited

That’s me!

*Jeanay Larue Robinson is a middle school 

guidance counselor. She organized and runs 

a self esteem group for teens and coordinates 

“A Vision for my Future,” a career team 

for middle school students.
62 Activity 2: Beautiful me! HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

HELP YOUR CHILD FEEL GOOD ABOUT HIMSELF

Activity 2:

Beautiful me!

This activity gives children a way to talk about their skin

color and their physical features, and to learn to love

these traits. Children need to know it’s OK for them to

feel good about themselves, their skin color, and their

features. Through this activity, you can help your child

see himself in a positive light.

1. Ask your child to look in the mirror.

2. Have him describe what he sees, in detail. Or, if

your child is shy, describe what you see when you

look at him. Point at the parts of your child’s face

while you’re talking about them, so he sees them in

the mirror.

3. Ask your child to pick out a sheet of paper, a crayon,

or a marker from your supplies that is closest to his

skin color. As your child is looking at himself, say

positive things about his skin color, such as:

I bet you can’t find a color that’s as beautiful as

your deep chocolate skin.

That light brown crayon is almost as pretty as your

sandy brown skin.

4. Cut out a large circle or oval shape from the paper

your child chose to make a face. If your child is able

to, let him draw a large circle and then cut it out.

Or, have your child draw a large circle on a piece of

paper with the crayon or marker he picked.

5. Ask your child to pick a color of paper, crayon, or

marker that matches the color of his eyes. Cut out

two small circles in that color. Let him glue the eyes

onto the face. Or, have him draw the eyes on the face.

What you need

Mirror

Construction paper

Glue

Scissors

Crayons or markers
63 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS Activity 2: Beautiful me!

HELP YOUR CHILD FEEL GOOD ABOUT HIMSELF

6. Ask your child to pick out a color of paper, crayon, or

marker to match his nose. Cut out a small circle.

Let your child glue the nose onto the face. Or have

him draw the nose onto the face.

7. Ask your child to pick out a color of paper, crayon, or

marker that is closest to the color of his ears. Cut

out two small ovals. Let him glue them to the side of

the face. Or have him draw the ears on the face.

8. Ask your child to pick out a color of yarn, paper,

crayon, or marker that is closest to the color of his

hair. Cut pieces of yarn the length of his hair. Let

him glue the hair onto the top of the circle face. Or,

let your child draw the hair. If you’re using paper for

the hair, cut the paper into strips and bend or curl to

match your child’s hair. You may want to curl the

yarn, or braid it to match your child’s hairstyle. You

can also use pieces of yarn or paper, or a crayon to

make eyebrows and eyelashes. 

9. Show your child’s creation in a place where everyone

can see it. 

DID YOU KNOW?

Dr. Kenneth Clark was a noted psychologist who conducted

a famous experiment with dolls. He took dolls that were

just alike except one was brown and one was white. He

asked African American children to pick the “nice” doll.

Most chose the white dolls. He asked the children to hand

him the “bad” doll. Most chose the brown doll. This

experiment was used to show how segregation and

discrimination had damaged the self-esteem of black

children. It was referred to in the landmark Brown v. the

Board of Education case that declared that school

segregation was a violation of the U.S. Constitution.
64 Activity 3: Tell me something good HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

HELP YOUR CHILD FEEL GOOD ABOUT HIMSELF

Activity 3:

Tell me something good

It’s easy to get into the habit of only talking to your child

about things he does “wrong.” He needs your help to fix

his mistakes, bad choices, or poor actions. But, children

also need to know when they’ve done good things. 

This activity can help you get in the habit of saying

positive things to your child, and of pointing out the

things that don’t need to be fixed. Telling your child

when he’s done something good or “right” lets him

know that you think he’s a good person. It also makes

him more likely to do that good thing again. You can do

this activity anytime and with lots of people, like when

you’re eating dinner, when you’re driving to the store, or

when you’re getting your child ready for bed.

1. Think of a word that describes something good about

your child.

2. Tell him, “I’m thinking of something good about you

that starts with the letter...” and then fill in the first

letter of that word. (This activity is similar to the “I

spy” game.) For younger children, give examples and

come up with words together.

3. Have your child guess a positive word that begins

with that letter. Let him keep guessing until he says

the word you were thinking of.

4. Take turns choosing and guessing words that describe

good things about one another. 

5. Give everyone a turn to say something good about

another person, and to hear something good about

themselves.

6. Encourage family members to try to say something

positive to each other every day. 

REMEMBER

You can set a positive

example by telling

your child one good

thing about himself

every day. If you

can, talk about this

good quality in front

of other members of

the family, so they

will get into the

habit, too.
65 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS Activity 4: Image building

HELP YOUR CHILD FEEL GOOD ABOUT HIMSELF

Activity 4:

Image building

This is a good activity for older children. The things we

see on TV and in magazines have an effect on all of us.

In this activity, you can use that effect to help your

child feel good about himself. A child who feels good

about himself is more likely to see himself in a positive

light. He may trust his feelings more easily. He may

feel more confident making his own choices. 

To help him build a positive image of himself, this

activity centers on positive images of African

Americans—ones that show African Americans as the

strong, smart, beautiful people that they are.

It may be helpful to start this activity during Christmas,

Kwanzaa, Black History Month, or birthday

celebrations. TV and magazines show more positive

images of African Americans during these times, so it’ll

be easier for you to find good images for the activity.

And, because these holidays show how diverse African

Americans are as a people, you can teach your child to

value the rich differences within his culture. Point out

the outer and inner good, whenever you can. 

1. Look through magazines or newspapers with your

child, or sit with him as he looks on the Internet.

You may want to look through magazines or on Web

sites that feature African Americans. Help your child

cut out or print pictures of African Americans doing

good things or acting in positive ways. Have your

child make a scrapbook, collage, or presentation of

the positive images he finds. 

OR

Have your child draw a picture of a person acting in a

positive way.

What you need

Popular magazines

Glue

Crayons, markers,

and paper

Newspapers
66 Activity 4: Image building HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

HELP YOUR CHILD FEEL GOOD ABOUT HIMSELF

2. Ask him why he picked each picture. Help your

child come up with one word that describes a positive

thing about each picture. If your child is younger,

you can write the words below the pictures so they’re

easy to remember.

3. Ask him which positive words or traits he sees in

himself. Ask him why he thinks those things are

important. Tell your child why you think positive

traits are important.

NOTE TO PARENTS

Low self-esteem puts children at risk* for problems, like

doing drugs, drinking alcohol, smoking, getting in trouble,

and other things. If your child sees himself in a negative

light, he may be less able to say “no” to others, or to stand

up for himself. If your child picks out or draws images that

make you think he has a poor self image, you may want to

ask a counselor, spiritual advisor, or health care provider

about how to help him feel better about himself. Go to

the Just for Parents section of this book for more details.

*Adapted from the

National Network

for Child Care -

NNCC. Nuttall, P.

(1991). “Selfesteem and

children”. (Family

Day Care Facts

series). Amherst,

MA: University of

Massachusetts.
67 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT YOUR CHILD WATCHES ON TV

Pay

Attention

to What

Your Child

Watches 

on TV. 

Know what your child is watching on 

TV. You should know about the

shows she sees, but also about the news

programs and commercials she watches, too.

Make sure TV shows are right for your

child’s age. Encourage your child to watch

shows made for children, including shows on

public television stations. 

Often, in crisis situations, the TV news will

show disturbing or violent images again and

again. Keep your child from watching these

images over and over. 

Teach your child that she shouldn’t turn on

the TV unless you say it’s OK. Watch TV

AFFIRMATION

What the child says, 

he has heard at home.

~ Nigerian Proverb
68 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT YOUR CHILD WATCHES ON TV

with her to help her learn about what she sees. Explain

things in words your child knows. Talk back to the TV

and to the people shown on TV shows. For instance, if

someone on a TV show does something you think is

wrong, say so. Let your child hear you talk to the TV,

and encourage her to do the same.

Why are these activities

important?

Children need guidance from you about what they see

on TV. These activities will help your child to:

Find words to describe what she sees and the world

around her

Understand what she sees, including what is real and what

is pretend

Connect what she sees with her life and the lives of those

around her

Make choices about TV viewing that keep your values and

beliefs in mind

Ask questions about what she sees

Get comfort from you when she sees scary or painful

things on TV

DID YOU KNOW?

According to the U.S. Surgeon General’s Call to Action To

Prevent and Decrease Overweight and Obesity*, in 1999,

13 percent of children aged 6 to 11 years and 14 percent of

adolescents aged 12 to 19 years in the United States were

overweight. One of the major causes of obesity, the Report

explains, is lack of physical activity. The Report says that

television and computer and video games only add to

children’s inactive lifestyles. To help increase physical

activity, the Report recommends that you reduce the

amount of time you and your family spend doing things like

watching TV or playing video games. It also suggests

limiting TV time to less than two hours a day.

*The Surgeon

General's call to

action to prevent

and decrease

overweight and

obesity. U.S.

Department of

Health and

Human Services,

Public Health

Service, Office of

the Surgeon

General; Rockville,

MD: 2001.
69 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS Activity 1: Just being you is the right thing

PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT YOUR CHILD WATCHES ON TV

Activity 1:

Just being you 

is the right thing

This activity will help your child feel important and

valuable, no matter what other people say to her or

about her. Children at every age can feel pressure from

their friends and people their age to “fit in” and do what

everyone else is doing to “be cool.” This kind of

pressure can make children feel that they aren’t good

enough as they are. The media can also pressure

children, by making things that aren’t real or aren’t

healthy look cool. This activity lets you remind your

child that she is special and precious just the way she is. 

1. Read the poem on page 70 with your child. 

2. Ask your child what she thinks about the poem, and

how it makes her feel.

3. Ask your child to think of someone she looks up to.

This person can be a TV or movie star, a rapper, a

sports figure, or a relative. 

4. Make a list of that person’s good qualities using

worksheet on page 71. For example, does the person

tell kids not to smoke cigarettes? If yes, then you can

write that on the list. 

5. Look over the list of good qualities with your child.

Tell your child which traits you see in her. If you

want to, write other good things about your child on

the list. 

What you need

Poem on page 70
70 Activity 1: Just being you is the right thing HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT YOUR CHILD WATCHES ON TV

JUST BEING YOU IS THE

RIGHT THING

By Sherri Council*

You don’t have to be a star

and receive media attention,

you don’t have to record a song

that creates a lot of tension,

you don’t have to be a politician

putting on airs of pretension.

You don’t have to be rough

to show that you are tough,

you don’t have to go along with the crowd

and you don’t have to be loud.

You don’t have to hang with the group,

afraid of being left out of the loop.

You don’t have to be a king or queen

Because just being you is the right thing.

*Sherri Council is a poet, author and volunteer 

with literacy programs to benefit disadvantaged youth. 

She also established the Poetic Tributes to Youth Program 

at her church.
71 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS Activity 1: Just being you is the right thing

PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT YOUR CHILD WATCHES ON TV

Activity 1: Just being you 

is the right thing

Who does your child look up to? 

What are this person’s good qualities? 

In the list above, circle the traits you see in your child. Write

other good things about your child below. 
72 Activity 1: Just being you is the right thing HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT YOUR CHILD WATCHES ON TV
73 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS Activity 2: What’s wrong with this picture?

PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT YOUR CHILD WATCHES ON TV

Activity 2:

What’s wrong with this

picture?

Because children spend so much time watching TV, it’s

easy for them to get the wrong idea about what they’re

seeing. This activity lets you give them the right ideas

about things. By watching TV with your child, you can

see what the shows are saying and doing. If you don’t

like the show’s messages, you can tell your child why

they’re not OK. With your help, your child will know

whether what she’s watching is real or made up. She’ll

also know that things in real life don’t always happen

the way they do on TV. 

1. Sit down with your child and watch her favorite TV

show from start to finish with her. 

2. As you watch, really listen to the show, and to the

commercials. 

3. Point out the things on TV that aren’t real. Turn the

volume down or off so your child can listen to you.

For example, you could say:

In real life, we know our dolls can’t dance by

themselves. Those dolls can dance because

they’re cartoons, and cartoons aren’t in the real

world like us.

It takes a real astronaut to drive a spaceship. Can

you picture astronauts Dr. Mae Jemison or

Commander Fredrick Gregory in the driver’s seat?

(See the Did you Know? on the next page for

more details.)

When people fight or hurt each other on TV, it’s

not like real life. In real life, that person would

be in the hospital. That other person would be

arrested by police and might go to jail.

What you need

Television program
74 Activity 2: What’s wrong with this picture? HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT YOUR CHILD WATCHES ON TV

4. If your child is younger, ask her to say out loud the

things she sees that are make believe, like: 

Super powers

Monsters or other creatures

Animals, trees, or objects that talk

Magic potions or spells

Toys that are “alive” or move on their own

Cartoon people who fall off a cliff or are hit by a

safe and live

5. Talk out loud to the TV. If you see someone on TV

doing something you don’t want your child to do, say

so, and say why. Let your child talk to the TV, too.

6. When the show is over, or when a commercial is on,

ask your child what she liked about the show. 

7. Ask what her favorite part of the show you just

watched was. Talk about what happened on the

show.

DID YOU KNOW?

Dr. Mae Jemison became the first African American

woman to enter space on a flight of the shuttle Endeavor

in 1992. Dr. Jemison is a medical doctor who worked as a

medical officer in the Peace Corps in West Africa.

Colonel Fredrick Gregory is an African American who was

the spacecraft commander or pilot on several shuttle

missions. As a NASA astronaut he logged 455 hours in

space. Before becoming an astronaut, Colonel Gregory

was an Air Force test pilot, helicopter pilot, and fighter

pilot. Colonel Gregory is a senior administrator with

NASA, the U.S. space agency.

REMEMBER

During a major crisis,

or right after it

happens, most TV

news programs talk

only about that

event. They may

show the same

pictures over and

over. Don’t let your

child watch these

images. Turn off

the TV, or watch

something on

channels or networks

that have shows just

for children or shows

about learning. 
75 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

SHARE YOUR FAITH WITH YOUR CHILD

Share Your

Faith with

Your Child. 

Share a prayer, a hymn, a saying, or a 

verse from Scripture or sacred writings

with your child. Tell your child what you

think it means and how it makes you feel

when you hear it. Ask your child what he

thinks the prayer means.

Living your faith everyday lets your child

know it’s something he can count on. 

Why are these activities

important?

Your child needs to know how your faith

makes a difference in your life. These

activities will allow your child to:

Find comfort and strength in your faith

Celebrate faith in different ways

Learn how your faith helps you get through

hard times

Find ways to help others through faith

Build faith and faith practices into his

everyday life

AFFIRMATION

A worshiping community is like

a village—in a constantly

changing world, a faith

community can be the one

constant in our lives.

~ Andrea Young
76 Activity 1: This little light of mine HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

SHARE YOUR FAITH WITH YOUR CHILD

Activity 1:

This little light of mine

Spirituals are an important part of African American

heritage. These songs helped African captives live

through and escape slavery. Some songs had messages

that told slaves how to use the Underground Railroad to

get to freedom. Later, the songs were used during the

Civil Rights Movement to inspire demonstrators at

events like the 1963 March on Washington. 

Spirituals and gospel music express emotions that

people had in times of crisis and their faith that they

could overcome the crisis. Share this song or a favorite

song or poem or scripture that gives you strength in

times of trouble. 

1. Sing or read the spiritual on page 77 with your child.

OR

If you have a prayer, saying, song, poem, or passage

that gives you strength in times of trouble, write it

down and read it with your child.

2. Ask your child what he thinks about the spiritual, and

how it makes him feel. 

3. Tell your child where you heard the song for the first

time, or what the situation was when you first heard

the song. Explain how it makes you feel when you

hear it. Tell your child about times when hearing the

song made you feel strong or calm or better when you

needed it.

4. Teach your child the words to the song and practice

singing it together.

5. Ask your child if there is a song, saying, or poem that

helps him to feel stronger. Ask him to tell you why it

helps him. 

6. Practice saying or singing that song together.

What you need

Spiritual on page 77

NOTE TO

PARENTS

As you do these

activities, you’ll see

the words “prayer,”

“faith,” and

“religion” used a lot.

But these words can

mean different things

to different people.

You can talk about

any kind of belief or

value in these

activities, even if you

don’t think of it as

religious. You can

share sayings, beliefs,

traditions, and

spirituality of any

kind with your child.

It doesn’t matter

what you call it, it’s

the sharing that’s the

important part.
77 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS Activity 1: This little light of mine

SHARE YOUR FAITH WITH YOUR CHILD

THIS LITTLE LIGHT

OF MINE

African American Spiritual*

This little light of mine

I'm gonna let it shine

This little light of mine

I'm gonna let it shine

This little light of mine

I'm gonna let it shine

Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.

Everywhere I go

I'm gonna let it shine

Everywhere I go

I'm gonna let it shine

Everywhere I go

I'm gonna let it shine

Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.

*The spirituals originated during the time of slavery. 

This Little Light of Mine became one of the themes 

of the Civil Rights Movement in the 1960s.
78 Activity 2: I say a little prayer for you HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

SHARE YOUR FAITH WITH YOUR CHILD

Activity 2:

I say a little prayer for you

Prayer and faith give many families strength and

security. This activity will help make prayers real for

your child by turning them into something he can see

and touch. 

1. Cover an empty box with paper, fabric, or

newspaper. Glue or tape the covering to the box.

2. Using the worksheet on page 79, cut paper into long

strips about an inch wide. 

3. Give your child a few strips of paper and something

to write with.

4. Ask your child to write the name of someone or

something he would like to pray for, or something he

would like to give thanks for. If your child is

younger, have him tell you so you can write it down,

or have him draw a picture instead.

5. Roll up or fold each strip of paper and let your child

drop it into the box. 

6. At prayer time, let your child pick out a paper strip

and read it as part of your prayers. Or set aside a

special time each day to pick out a paper strip from

the box and use it as a prayer.

7. Keep adding prayer strips to the box whenever you

need to, like when someone is sick, when someone is

away from home, or when something good happens.

What you need

Empty tissue box

Scissors

Glue

Paper 

Colored pens or

crayons

Fabric scraps 

Fabric tape

Ribbon
79 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS Activity 2: I say a little prayer for you

SHARE YOUR FAITH WITH YOUR CHILD

Activity 2:

I say a little prayer for you
80 Activity 2: I say a little prayer for you HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

SHARE YOUR FAITH WITH YOUR CHILD
81 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS Activity 3: Felt wall hanging

SHARE YOUR FAITH WITH YOUR CHILD

Activity 3:

Felt wall hanging

Many faiths have symbols that stand for important

beliefs and religious practices. These symbols can give

you and your child peace and comfort because they

show an important part of your faith. In this activity,

your child can learn about these symbols and what they

mean. It also makes these faith symbols real by turning

them into something to touch and see. 

1. Cut out the shapes of important symbols from your

faith in different colors of fabric or paper. You may

want to make crosses, stars, praying hands, crescents,

tablets, and/or holy books.

2. Talk with your child about why each symbol is

important in your faith. Tell your child what each

symbol means to you.

3. Ask your child what he thinks the symbols are and

what they mean to him.

4. Ask your child how the symbols make him feel and

which ones make him feel safe or calm.

5. Get a large piece of black felt or poster board and lay

it down.

6. Ask your child to pick the symbols that make him

feel good, safe, and happy. Glue or tape the symbols

onto the felt or paper.

7. Let your child draw or cut out other things to include

on the wall hanging. Let him be creative. Help him

cut out things, if needed.

What you need

Scissors

Glue

Colored pens

Fabric or paper

scraps 

Fabric tape
82 Activity 3: Felt wall hanging HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

SHARE YOUR FAITH WITH YOUR CHILD

8. Hang the banner in a special place where everyone

can see it.

IF YOUR CHILD IS OLDER, HE MIGHT LIKE TO:

IF YOUR CHILD IS OLDER, HE MIGHT LIKE TO:

Draw and color fabric squares

Sew the fabric together before or instead of using

glue 

String shapes along pieces of string, twine, or

ribbon 

Make shapes on the computer and print them

out

Make electronic greeting cards, screen savers, or

other electronic files with symbols and shapes on

the computer
83 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

JUST FOR PARENTS

Just for

Parents

Identify signs of stress 

in your child.

The activities in this book are designed to

encourage communication and help you to

make your child feel safe in challenging

times. Even when parents are protective,

caring, and sensitive, children may need

extra help to cope with a crisis. Different

children have different needs. Children

with the same experience may respond in

different ways. Pay attention to changes in

the way your child looks or behaves. There

are times when changes in behavior mean

your child needs extra help from a health

care professional.

Create healthy ways for your child to

express emotions, such as the activities

described in this book. Let your child see

you using healthy ways to express emotions.
84 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

JUST FOR PARENTS

The following changes or behaviors may be signs of a

problem: 

Clinging behavior

Fears that won’t go away

Nightmares

Bedwetting

Difficulty paying attention

Jumpy, edgy

Behavior problems in school

Headaches, stomachaches, or dizziness for no

known reason

Sad or less active

Always talking about or acting out a disaster

Irritability

Changes in eating behavior

Decrease in academic performance

Children may show one of these behaviors, or many of

them; they may do them just a little, or all the time.

It’s important that you talk to a health care provider,

teacher, school counselor, or mental health professional

if you see any of these behaviors. These people can help

figure out whether your child’s reactions are nothing to

worry about, or if your child needs some special

attention or care.

Prevent problems 

before they arise.

Prevention is more than just saying “no” or “stop.”

Prevention has two parts: 1) Spotting trouble before 

it becomes a problem; and 2) Knowing how to work

through a problem once it happens. To learn more, 

look at each one a little closer.
85 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

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Spotting Trouble

Consider these ways to spot trouble before it turns into

a full-blown problem:

Be active in your child’s life. This is important for all

parents, even if your child only lives with you part of

the time. By knowing how your child usually thinks,

feels, and acts, you can see when things start to change.

Some changes are part of your child’s growing up, but

others could be signs of trouble. 

Set limits that everyone can live with and follow up

with them consistently. Put limits only on things that

are most important to you. Make sure you and your

child can “see” a limit clearly. If your child goes beyond

the limit, deal with her in the same way when the

situation is the same. If you decide to punish her, use

the most effective methods, like restriction or timeouts. You could also make your child make up for or fix

the result of her actions. Make sure the punishment fits

your child’s “crime.” As your child learns how limits

work and what happens when she goes over the limit,

she’ll trust you to be fair.

Create healthy ways for your child to express

emotions. Many children act out when they don’t know

how to handle their emotions. Feelings can be so strong

that normal ways of letting them out don’t work. Or,

because feelings like anger or sadness are sometimes

seen as “bad,” your child may not want to be angry or

sad in front of others. Help your child learn that it’s

OK to say or show how she feels in healthy, positive

ways, like the activities outlined in this book. Do these

things yourself to deal with your own feelings. When

the strong feelings have passed or are less powerful, talk

to your child about how she feels and why she feels that

way. Make sure your child knows that all her feelings

are part of who she is, even the “bad” ones. Once your

child knows her range of feelings, she can start to learn

how to handle them.
86 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

JUST FOR PARENTS

Knowing How to Work Through a Problem

When It Happens

Different problems need different solutions. To solve

tough problems, you may need more complex methods.

Keep these things in mind when trying to work through

a problem:

Know that you are not alone. Talk to other parents,

trusted friends, or relatives. Some of them might be

dealing with similar situations, or they may have already

worked through these situations. They may have ideas

on how to solve a problem in a way you haven’t thought

of. Or, they just might share your feelings.

Admit when a problem is bigger than you can handle

alone or requires special expertise. No one expects you

to solve every problem your family has by yourself.

Some problems are just too big to handle alone, not

because you’re a “bad” parent, but just because it’s a

tough problem. Be realistic about what you can and

can’t do by yourself. 

Get help. Sometimes, you just won’t know how to

help your child. Other times, you just won’t be able to

help. That’s OK because someone else may know how

to help. Use all the resources you have to solve a

problem, including getting help when you need it.

Remember that it’s not important how a problem is

solved, just that it is. 

The above text was adapted from Adventures in Parenting: How

Responding, Preventing, Monitoring, Mentoring, and Modeling can help

you be a successful parent, NICHD, NIH Pub. No. 00-0482. For more

information on Adventures in Parenting, contact the NICHD Information

Resource Center at 1-800-370-2943.

Where

can I go for

parenting

help?

Other parents

Family members

and relatives

Friends

Pediatricians and

health care

providers

School nurses and

counselors

Social workers and

agencies

Psychologists and

psychiatrists

Pastors, priests,

imams, and

ministers

Community groups

Support and selfhelp groups
87 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

JUST FOR PARENTS

What can I do to help my child 

during a major crisis?

Most of the activities in this book focus on building

skills to cope with an “everyday crisis”—that is, a

situation that many families face every day that can be

hard or stressful. These everyday coping skills can also

be helpful during a big crisis, such as the events of

September 11, 2001, the war in Iraq, or famine and

conflict in Africa. By working together to handle an

everyday crisis, you and your child will set up good

patterns for dealing with bigger, more extreme events.

During a big crisis, you may want to change some of the

activities in the book to focus on the major event. For

instance, you could do Activity 2: A picture is worth a

thousand words (Page 35) using an image from a big

crisis, instead of one from an everyday crisis. In this

case, be sure to use an image that isn’t too violent or too

scary for your child’s age. 

If you have questions about how to change activities to

deal with a big crisis, or you want to know more about

helping your child handle these situations, talk to a

health care provider, teacher, school counselor, or

mental health professional. Or contact one of the

additional resources listed in the Where can I get more

information? section of this book, on page 88.
88 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

JUST FOR PARENTS

Where can I get 

more information?

For more information about helping your child cope

with crisis, or for other health-related information and

resources, you can contact the following organizations. 

American Academy of Child and Adolescent

Psychiatry—Offers fact sheets and informational

materials about the mental health and behavior of

children and teens. Visit the Academy’s Web site at

http://www.aacap.org or call 202-966-7300 for more

information.

American Psychiatric Association—Offers

informational materials and other resources for families

about mental health topics through its Mental Health

Resource Center. Visit the Association’s Web site at

http://www.psych.org or call 703-907-7300 for more

information.

National Black Child Development Institute (NBCDI)—

Offers informational materials and community-related

resources for parents and families. Visit the NBCDI

Web site at http://www.nbcdi.org or call 202-833-2220

for more information.

Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institute of Child

Health and Human Development (NICHD)—Offers

information and free materials for parents and families,

as well as for health care professionals, about topics

related to the health of children, adults, families, 

and communities. Visit the NICHD Web site at

http://www.nichd.nih.gov or call 1-800-370-2943 for

more information.
89 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

JUST FOR PARENTS

National Institute Mental Health (NIMH)—Offers

information and materials for parents, families, and

health care professionals about mental health topics.

Visit the NIMH Web site at http://www.nimh.nih.gov

or call 1-866-615-NIMH (6464) for more information. 

National Medical Association (NMA)—Helps

individuals locate African American physicians and other

health care providers throughout the United States.

Visit the NMA Web site at http://www.nmanet.org or

call 1-888-662-7497 for more information.

The NICHD Information Resource Center provides

additional copies of this booklet, of A Guide for African

American Parents: Helping Children Cope with Crisis

brochure, and other materials. To order more free

copies, contact us at:

Phone: 1-800-370-2943

Internet: http://www.nichd.nih.gov/publications

Mail: P.O. Box 3006, Rockville, MD 20847

E-mail: NICHDInformationResourceCenter@

mail.nih.gov

Fax: 1-866-760-5947

NICHD

National Institute of Child Health

& Human Development
90 HELPING CHILDREN COPE WITH CRISIS

JUST FOR PARENTS

References

Spirit of Excellence: Parent Empowerment Project. Successful

Parenting, African American Culture and My Vision for the Future.

National Black Child Development Institute 

Helping Children and Adolescents Cope with Violence and Disasters.

National Institute of Mental Health, NIH Pub. No. 01-3518,

September 2001

“Psychological Sequelae of the September 11 Terrorist Attacks in New

York City,” Galea, Ahern, Resnick, et al. New England Journal of

Medicine, 346(13): 982-987, March 28, 2002

“Post 9-11 Pain Found to Linger in Young Minds,” Abby Goodnough,

New York Times, May 2, 2002

Acknowledgements

The NICHD and the NBCDI would like to acknowledge the following

people, whose participation in the initial partnership meeting was the

driving force behind this effort:

Dr. Alvin Poussaint, Professor of Psychiatry, Harvard Medical

School, and Director of the Media Center at the Judge Baker

Children’s Center

Dr. Gwendolyn E. Boyd, President, Delta Sigma Theta Sorority,

Inc.

Mr. James Ferguson, Director, Children and Family Programs,

Congress of National Black Churches, Inc.

Dr. Patrice Harris, Caucus of Black Psychiatrists and Board of

Directors, American Psychiatric Association (Also reviewed booklet

materials)

Ms. Grazell R. Howard, National Coalition of 100 Black Women

Dr. Syed-Arshad Husain, Chair of Diversity Committee, American

Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatrists, and Director of the

International Center for Psychosocial Trauma

Dr. Paula Lockhart, Assistant Professor of Psychiatry, Johns

Hopkins School of Medicine, Director of the Behavioral Teratology

Clinic, Kennedy Krieger Institute

Dr. Sandra Mitchell, National Association of Black Social Workers

Dr. Lucille Perez, Immediate Past-President, National Medical

Association

Ms. Stacy Scott, President, In Black Print 

Mr. Bill Simms, President, 100 Black Men of America

Dr. Norma S. White, Immediate Past President, Alpha Kappa Alpha

Sorority, Inc.

Ms. Carla D. Williams, Immediate Past National President, Jack &

Jill of America, Inc.