Providing Support to Children Who 

Are Bullied: Tips for School Personnel 

And Other Adults

Bullying among children is aggressive behavior that is

persistent, intentional, and involves an imbalance of

power or strength. Children and youth who are

bullied need clear messages of support from adults.

Although we want children to be strong and

assertive so that they can stand up to kids who

bully, adults must realize that many children aren’t

ready to do this. Adults play critical roles in helping

students who are bullied and in creating a healthy,

safe climate in your school and community.

Although these tips are directed at school personnel,

they also apply to other adults who interact with

tweens (e.g., coaches, youth group leaders, ministers,

and neighbors).

How can you help a child or adolescent 

who is bullied?

• Don’t do further damage by lending too much

support in public. Kids are concerned about what

their peer group sees and knows. It may be more

helpful to lend your supportive words and

gestures in private.

• Spend time with the student. Learn about what’s

been going on. Listen. Get the facts (who, what,

when, where, and how) and assess the student’s

feelings about the bullying. Is this the first time

he or she has been hurt by bullying, or is this

something that’s been going on for a while?

Recognize that this discussion may be difficult for

the student. Tell him or her that you are sorry

about what happened. Assure the student that

it’s not his or her fault.

• Praise the student for their courage to discuss

bullying incidents with you. Explain how helpful

they are being by providing this important

information, not only for themselves, but also for

the rest of the students and staff. 

• Ask the student what he or she needs to feel safe.

Those who are bullied may feel powerless, scared,

and helpless. Give this student a voice. Follow

through and grant their requests, when possible.

Emphasize the confidential nature of your

discussion and be clear about who will and will

not be given this information. Get additional facts

about the incident(s) from other adults or

students, so the bullied student doesn’t feel that

he or she could be easily identified as the sole

reporter of the abuse. Protect this student in

conversations with the student(s) who bully.

Don’t reveal his or her identity, if possible. Rather,

explain that you’ve learned about the bullying

from a number of sources, including other adults.

• Communicate with colleagues about the bullying

incident. Other staff members who have contact

with the student who was bullied can also lend

support and assistance. Ask them to continue

their observations to be sure that the bullying has

stopped. Also encourage them to communicate

progress or further incidents to all of the

appropriate staff members. 

• Don’t force a meeting between the student who

is bullied and the student who bullied them. Such

meetings can cause much further harm. Forced

apologies don’t help. 

• Provide as much information as you can about

your “next steps”. Information is helpful for the

student who is bullied to regain a sense of safety

and control. Urge the student to report any

further incidents of bullying that involve the

same or different students.
These and other materials are available online at: www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov

• Encourage and support the student who is

bullied in making friends. One of the most

important bullying prevention tools is helping

each student at school to have a good friend to

be with and talk to.

• Explore how the student’s parents may be of

support to them. Many children keep incidents 

of bullying to themselves and don’t tell their

parents. Explain that if their parents know, more

support may be available. Talk with parents, if

appropriate, about your concerns.

• Make a referral, if needed. Bullying can be

traumatic, just as other forms of abuse can be.

Assess, or have another professional assess, how

much support and assistance this student may

need. Talk with your school counselor about a

counseling or mental health referral. Err on the

side of offering more services, rather than fewer.

Bullying is no longer viewed as a rite of passage

that all kids just have to endure. It is a form of

abuse that can cause psychological, physical, and

academic problems for children who are bullied.

• Make sure you follow up with a student who has

been bullied. Let the student know that you are a

resource for him or her and that you plan to “check

in” with them in two to three days and beyond. 

Reference 

Olweus, D. (1993). Bullying At School: What We Know and What We Can Do. Cambridge, MA: Blackwell Publishers, Inc.