How to Talk with Educators at Your

Child’s School About Bullying: 

Tips for Parents of Bullied Children

Bullying among children is aggressive behavior that

is intentional and involves an imbalance of power

and strength. Parents are often reluctant to report

to educators that their child is being bullied. Why?

• Parents may be unsure how best to help their

child and may be afraid that they will make the

situation worse if they report bullying. 

• They may be embarrassed that their child is 

being bullied. 

• Sometimes, children ask parents not to 

report bullying.

• Parents may fear being seen as overprotective.

• They may believe that it is up to their child to

stop the bullying. 

Children and youth often need help to stop bullying.

Parents should never be afraid to call the school to

report that their child is being bullied and ask for

help to stop the bullying. Students should not have

to tolerate bullying at school any more than adults

would tolerate similar treatment at work. 

The school’s responsibility 

All children are entitled to courteous and respectful

treatment by students and staff at school. Educators

have a duty to ensure that students have a safe

learning environment. Fortunately, most educators

take their responsibilities to stop bullying very

seriously. Several states have passed anti-bullying

laws and require public schools to have an antibullying program in place. Ask for a copy of your

school’s policy or check the student handbook to see

whether your school has policies that will help

resolve the problem. 

Working with your child’s school 

to solve the problem

If your child tells you that he or she has been bullied

or if you suspect your child is being bullied, what

can you do?

• Keep a written record of all bullying incidents

that your child reports to you. Record the names

of the children involved, where and when the

bullying occurred, and what happened. 

• Immediately ask to meet with your child’s

classroom teacher and explain your concerns in a

friendly, non confrontational way. 

• Ask the teacher about his or her observations:

• Has he or she noticed or suspected bullying?

• How is your child getting along with others 

in class?

• Has he or she noticed that your child is being

isolated, excluded from playground or other

activities with students? 

• Ask the teacher what he or she intends to do to

investigate and help to stop the bullying.

• If you are concerned about how your child is

coping with the stress of being bullied, ask to

speak with your child’s guidance counselor or

other school-based mental health professional.

• Set up a follow-up appointment with the teacher

to discuss progress.

• If there is no improvement after reporting

bullying to your child’s teacher, speak with the

school principal. 

• Keep notes from your meetings with teachers 

and administrators.

What can you expect staff at your child’s

school to do about bullying?

• School staff should investigate the bullying

immediately. After investigating your concerns,

they should inform you as to what they plan to

do about it.
These and other materials are available online at: www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov

• School staff should never have a joint meeting

with your child and the child who bullied them. 

This could be very embarrassing and intimidating

for your child. They should not refer the children

to mediation. Bullying is a form of victimization,

not a conflict. It should not be mediated. 

• Staff should meet with your child to learn about

the bullying that he or she has experienced. They

should develop a plan to help keep your child

safe, and they should be watchful for any future

bullying. Educators should assure your child that

they will work hard to see that the bullying stops. 

• School personnel should meet with the children

who are suspected of taking part in the bullying.

They should make it clear to these children that

bullying is against school rules and will not be

tolerated. If appropriate, they should administer

consequences (such as a loss of recess privileges) to

the children who bullied and notify their parents.

• Educators and parents should be careful not to

“blame the victim.” Bullying is never the “fault” of

the child who is bullied, and he or she shouldn’t

be made to feel responsible for being bullied.

However, if your child is impulsive or lacks social

skills, talk with a school counselor. It is possible

that some students who are bullying your child

are reacting out of annoyance. This doesn’t make

the bullying right, but it may help to explain why

your child is being bullied. 

• Give the school reasonable time to investigate

and hear both sides of the story. Sometimes, a

child who bullies will make false allegations

about a child as an additional way of bullying

them. Educators should not jump to hasty

conclusions and assign blame without a thorough

assessment of the situation. This entire process

should not take longer than a week. 

• If bullying continues, write to the school’s

principal or administrator and include evidence

from your notes to back up your complaint.

Putting a complaint in writing is important so

there is a record of your concern. 

• Most administrators and staff are responsive 

to bullying concerns. However, if your school

administrator is unable or unwilling to stop the

bullying, write to your school superintendent 

for assistance.

• Be persistent. You may need to keep speaking 

out about the bullying that your child

experiences.

When should law enforcement 

become involved?

• Consider involving the police if another child 

has physically assaulted your child or is seriously

threatening him or her with bodily injury. 

• If the problem persists or escalates and your

school officials are unable to stop the bullying,

you may want to consult an attorney. 

• Ask the school to keep a written record of all

offenses committed against your child in case law

enforcement officials need the information for

further complaints. 

Bullying prevention

• Bullying happens in every school, but with an

effective bullying prevention program, bullying

can be reduced. If your child is being bullied,

chances are that there are other children in the

school who are having similar experiences. 

• If your school does not have official anti-bullying

policies or an active bullying prevention program,

work with other parents and your school officials

to develop one.