Working with Young People 

Who are Bullied: Tips for Mental 

Health Professionals 

Mental health professionals are often asked to

support young people who have been bullied.

Bullying is aggressive behavior that is intentional

and that involves an imbalance of power or

strength. Often, it is repeated over time and can

take many forms. It is important to know what

these young people need from us—and what

approaches are unlikely to help.

Children who are bullied need

• Permission and support to tell what has happened

to them and to talk about their feelings;

• Protection from continued bullying through 

adult supervision, consequences for the young

people who bully, and adults’ taking reports of

bullying seriously;

• Strong, positive relationships with adults 

and peers;

• Assistance from peers in feeling that they belong; 

• Assistance in not blaming themselves for 

the bullying; and

• Support with post traumatic stress symptoms, 

in some cases, even after the bullying has 

been stopped.

What probably won’t help:

• The primary focus of our interventions should be

(1) protection from repeat bullying and (2) limiting

the effects of past bullying. If mental health

professionals focus primarily on how these young

people should prevent future bullying with their

own actions, we risk confirming their belief that

the bullying was their fault. 

• Encouraging children who have been bullied to

“work things out” with the young person who has

bullied them (especially alone or with the support

of peer mediators) may make things worse.

Mediation-based approaches tend to imply that

both parties are partly to blame. Young people

who bully are unlikely to listen to the youth they

have chosen as their target. When mental health

professionals encourage such discussions, we risk

further victimization or control of the target.

• Avoid advice that will not work or that children

and youth have already found ineffective. When

we ask young people to “Tell me how you feel,”

“Just walk away,”“Don’t let it bother you,” or “Just

make a joke of it,” we may risk them feeling that

they have failed when these strategies don’t work.

If they have already tried these strategies

unsuccessfully before talking with us, we diminish

their regard for us as resources.

• Be careful not to treat these youth like time

bombs at imminent risk of aggression to others,

unless there are indications of such risk. Most

young people who are bullied direct their anger 

at themselves rather than at others.

Why young people who have been bullied

may not talk about it

Young people who have been bullied may resist

talking about the bullying for several reasons:
These and other materials are available online at: www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov

• They may be ashamed. The person who bullied

them may have succeeded in convincing them

that they deserve the bullying. 

• They may have come to believe the usually

misguided message that if they only ”stood up to”

the bully once, the bullying would stop. As a

result, they may feel weak because they were not

able to stop the bullying on their own.

• They may have found that telling adults does no

good—that they are blamed, not believed, told to

stop tattling, or given advice that doesn’t work.

• They may not believe that adults will protect

them. They may have found that they will not be

protected from retaliation for telling.

• They may have become convinced that telling an

adult about a problem is a sign of immaturity or

that it is not “macho” (for boys).

• They may not be convinced that adults care about

stopping bullying because they may have seen

adults watching bullying without doing anything.

Helping these youth talk about the bullying

and avoid self-blame

To encourage youth who are bullied to talk about

what has happened requires the same orientation

we would use with targets of sexual harassment,

spouse abuse, or racism—three behaviors that

share the same dynamics as bullying:

• The victim did not cause the problem and will not

be asked to solve the problem alone.

• The victim has the right to tell, to be protected

from retaliation for telling, and to have advocacy

and protection. The person causing the abuse will

be held fully responsible for his or her behavior.

• The victim may have been hurt in stages—by 

the abuse, by the inaction of others who should

have helped, by unearned self-blame, and by

social isolation. Each of these issues should 

be addressed.

How can mental health professionals

effectively intervene to help a young

person who has been bullied?

• Advocate and help parents advocate for

supervision, staff training, consequences for the

youth who bully, and adult and peer support in

the situation in which bullying is taking place.

• Work with parents, school administrators and

teachers, and (via the school, coach, or other

intermediaries) with peers, to help the young person

be less isolated and more connected with peers.

• Help parents and the youth lessen isolation by

connecting with peers who have shared interests.

• Explore unearned self-blame and help the young

person see that the child who bullied him or her is

responsible for the bullying.

• Explore and commend the steps the young person

used to try to stop the bullying. Help him or her

find effective ways to be safe. Identify advocates

and resources in the environment. Help the

student accept the probable necessity of using

these allies. 

• Assist the youth in reducing the pain associated

with memories of victimization. The techniques

that mental health professionals use to help a

young person experiencing loss and anxiety will

be helpful.

• Remember that a young person who is bullied

also may bully others, though most do not. Mental

health professionals also may need to focus on

aggression toward others.
These and other materials are available online at: www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov

• Consult with administrators at the bullied child’s

school about effective prevention strategies that

will help to reduce bullying among students and

improve the climate of the school.

What about young people who seem to

provoke bullying? 

For the most part, these young people have few

other ways to make connections with peers. They

may find that provoking peers’ aggression toward

them is better than being ignored. As we help them

make more positive peer connections, they can

often give up the provoking behaviors. This process

may take some time. During this transition, the

youth who seem to be provoking the bullying and

anyone who bullies them should both be held fully

responsible for their actions. Often both youth

involved will learn consequences in such a situation.

Harassment by peers should not be seen as a

natural consequence for the provoking behavior. 

What about young people who over-react

to relatively minor act of bullying? 

Some young people cry, yell, or otherwise react

strongly to small acts of bullying, strongly

reinforcing the person who bullies. These young

people who over-react need to learn to moderate

their reactions to bullying. Mental health

professionals can teach them to calm themselves

and to focus on the individual incident. At the 

same time these young people often need to 

have specific adult advocates in their environment

who will make sure that they do not get too much

sympathy and that their reports of bullying will 

be taken seriously. Sometimes parents are part 

of the problem if they over-react themselves.

Parents often are able to moderate their own

overprotective reactions when they know that

advocates are available to make sure their child’s

concerns are heard. 

What about relational aggression? 

If the bullying has taken place over time within a

relationship that the young person describes as a

friendship, mental health professionals should work

with the young person and his or her parents to

help them disconnect from that relationship in the

same way that we would help someone disconnect

from an abusive dating relationship. Children and

youth should not be encouraged to “work things

out” with the abusive “friends.”

In summary

Mental health professionals can help stop bullying

as they advocate for effective interventions and

help parents be more effective advocates. They can

help young people overcome the emotional

aftermath of bullying after supports and protection

are in place.
These and other materials are available online at: www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov

References and Resources

Davis, S. (2005). Schools Where Everyone Belongs: Practical Strategies for Reducing Bullying Champaign, IL, USA, Research Press.

Juvonen, J., Graham, S., Schuster, M. (2003). Bullying among young adolescents: The strong, the weak, and the troubled. 

Pediatrics, 112: 1231-1237.

McCoy, E. (1997). What to Do...When Kids Are Mean to Your Child. Pleasantville, NY: Reader’s Digest.

Mullin-Rindler, Nancy (2003). Relational aggression and bullying: It’s more than just a girl thing. 

Center for Research on Women, Wellesley MA. Wellesley Centers for Women Working Paper Series, 2003. Working Paper # 408.

Mynard, H., Joseph, S., & Alexander, J. (2000). Peer victimization and post-traumatic stress in adolescence. 

Personality and Individual Differences, 29, 815-821.

National Association of School Psychologists. (2002) Bullying prevention: what schools and parents can do. 

National Association of School Psychologists, Bethesda, MD. Retrieved August 10, 2005, from

http://www.naspcenter.org/resourcekit/bullying_new_rk.html.

New South Wales Health Department (2001) “What parents should know about bullying” Retrieved August 10, 2005, from

http://www.mhcs.health.nsw.gov.au/health-public-affairs/mhcs/publications/5705.html.

Olweus, D. (1993). Bullying at school: What we know and what we can do. Oxford, UK: Blackwell. 

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Journal of Adolescence, 23, 57-68.

Sanford, L. (1992). Strong At The Broken Places. New York: Avon.

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