our

sons

our 

daughters

A National Guard

Parent’s

Guidebook

to deployment

by Paula Sumrall
“When all is said and done, there is

nothing more important to soldiers 

or airmen than their family. in 

the end, it is their family they are 

fighting for.”

-Susie Blum, Wife of LTG H Steven Blum, 

Chief of the National Guard Bureau And 

Mother of MAJ Marc Blum, Maryland 

Army Guard
National Guard Bureau

Family Program Office

www.guardfamily.org

our

sons

our 

daughters

A National Guard

Parent’s

Guidebook

to deployment

by Paula Sumrall


Our Sons,

Our Daughters:

A National Guard

Parent’s

Guidebook

to Deployment

By Paula Sumrall

Editor

Master Sgt. Bob Haskell

Design

Master Sgt. Greg Rudl

Copyright 2007

National Guard Bureau

Family Program Office

Copies of this book are available at

National Guard Family Program Office

1411 Jefferson Davis Highway

Arlington, VA 22202

(703) 607-5405

ii
iii

Table of Contents

Foreword.........................................................................................................vii

Chapter 1: The Story of the National Guard ...................................1

Chapter 2: Pre-Deployment Checklist............................................ 5

Chapter 3: Family Readiness Groups...............................................10

Chapter 4: Employer Support of the Guard and Reserve (ESGR)....17

Chapter 5: Mail Call ...................................................................................21

Chapter 6: Raising Grandchildren ....................................................24

Chapter 7: Emergency Notification .................................................32

Chapter 8: Wounded Warriors...........................................................38

Chapter 9: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) ....................43

Chapter 10: Parental Wisdom – Voices of Experience............48

Chapter 11: On the Lighter Side .......................................................61

Conclusion ....................................................................................................70

Appendix........................................................................................................72
Moms and Dads,

 Our sons and our daughters are our pride and joy. 

Asking them to go into harm’s way is not what we would wish 

for them, and probably wasn’t something that we ever anticipated when we were playing baseball in the back yard, celebrating a birthday, or discussing the importance of improving 

the quality of schoolwork with them. Whether we’re parents 

of young or old, we remain parents in our hearts long after our 

kids no longer need parenting.

 As a son, I reflect with pride on the values that my own 

parents instilled in me. Perhaps I wasn’t always the best son, 

but as parents tend to do, they loved me anyway. Encouraging 

me, correcting me, guiding me ... they had a hard job. They 

persevered. I tried not to disappoint them.

 As a dad, I fully appreciated the efforts of my folks as 

I raised my own son and daughter. My wife, Susie, and I were 

pleased when our son decided to join the Guard as I had done. 

He worked hard and enjoyed what he was doing, and we are 

proud of him. When he deployed, we shared the same concerns 

and fears that all of you have about deployments. As a Soldier, I

can truthfully say that it was easier for me to deploy than to see 

my son go to war.

 As chief of the National Guard Bureau, I am acutely 

aware that all of our Soldiers and Airmen are your sons and 

daughters. We strive for excellence in training programs to prepare them for whatever mission lies ahead, whether it is a federal military deployment, a homeland security assignment, or 

aid and relief during times of national disasters. We are proud 

of their valor and their service and dedication to our country. 

iv
Thank you for instilling in America’s sons and daughters the values that were set down by our Founding Fathers 

and passed on by generations of moms and dads just like you.

God bless you!
This is my luv letter to you 

For the time we’re so far apart

Know I’m giving you my best 

My body, my soul, my heart

Committed to my choice to serve

To devote to you the best I know

Because I pledged a life of duty

I’ll go where I’m ordered to go

I know it’s hard sometimes

As I miss each passing season

Don’t think so much about me gone

But concentrate on the reason

The best rewards of this life

Are the ones worth fighting for

Freedom and liberty have a cost

It’s the price we oft ignore

This is my luv letter to you - Mom, Dad 

For the time we’re so far apart

Know I’ll give it all I am 

My body, my soul, my heart

Mom, I see your smile in the stars

Gets me through the darkest night

It’s your hopes, prayers and wishes 

That helps me endure the fight

Daddy, though I’m a Soldier now

Far away, in what seems another world

Though over here I command a unit

Deep in my heart, still your little girl

I am doing this for you, America

My luv for you floods my heart

Know that you are in my soul

So we are never too far apart

© 07 Brian H. Jackson

VFW Liaison NGB

From Not So Far Away

vi
Foreword

Dear Moms and Dads,

 I am a Guard spouse. My husband and I have been 

married for 19 years. We were not kids when we married. He 

was an Active Guard Reserve major in the Alabama Army 

National Guard. He followed me home from church one day 

to help with my broken hot water heater, which had to be 

replaced, and we were married less than three months later. A

wise decision? So far, so good.

 My experience with the military was very limited. My 

dad served in the Army Air Force during World War II and 

served in the Air Force Reserve until he retired. I taught school 

for the Defense Department in Germany where all of my students were children of active-duty Army personnel. Teaching 

military children was different from teaching in a civilian 

school and proved to be a real eye-opener for me. When Mike 

and I married, I knew I was in for a challenge based on what I

had experienced while I was teaching.

 We moved 11 times during the first 17 years of our marriage. I am an expert! I have lived on Army posts and an Air 

Force base. I am an expert at buying houses in two or three 

days. I am also an expert at staging a house to sell it quickly. I

have been a certified teacher in four different states as well as 

for the Defense Department.

 My tenure as a Guard spouse started in Huntsville, Ala. 

Shortly after our marriage, we moved to the Ordnance School 

at Aberdeen Proving Ground in Maryland. From there we went 

vii
to Kaiserslautern, Germany. Then we were off to purchase our 

first home together in Springfield, Va., while Mike attended 

the Industrial College of the Armed Forces. Back to Germany 

to U.S. Army Europe in Heidelberg, and then to the European 

Command in Stuttgart. Back to northern Virginia again for a 

job at the National Guard Bureau. We had barely moved into 

our new house before we found that we were moving back to 

Alabama. 

 Why am I telling you all this? Well, because during this 

time almost all of what I knew about the military was focused 

on the active components – the Army, Air Force, Marines, Navy, 

and Coast Guard. These were the spouses who were part of my 

military circle. In many ways, I understood their programs and 

procedures better than I did the National Guard because, quite 

simply, I had very little contact with Guard families. 

Back home in Alabama, Mike served as the United 

States property and fiscal officer which gave me a wonderful 

opportunity to learn and understand how the Guard works at 

the state level. When my husband became the adjutant general of the Alabama Guard several years later on Sept. 1, 2001, 

I knew I still had a lot to learn. Besides having a new adjutant 

general, Alabama also had a brand new state family program 

director, Hubert Chance. Little did we know how our lives and 

responsibilities were about to change. New TAG, new TAG

spouse, new SFPD, and then the horrible events of 9-11! All of 

us were forever changed as the terrible ordeal of that nightmare day unfolded. Hubert and I learned together about what 

was needed and required. He took the lead and I did as I was 

told – literally. 

viii
 As we prepared to send our Soldiers and Airmen off 

to Operation Enduring Freedom and then Operation Iraqi 

Freedom, we were all concerned about whether or not we were 

doing enough for their families. The Soldiers and Airmen would 

be fine thanks to their training and sense of mission. But what 

about the families? We were concerned about the spouses and 

children and worked like crazy to improve the support system 

for them. We solicited faith-based organization and community support, made sure that Family Readiness Groups had 

adequate assistance and information and implemented just 

about any reasonable idea that anyone suggested.

Sept. 11, 2002, we were standing on the tarmac at 

Maxwell Air Force Base saying goodbye to members of the 20th 

Special Forces Group, consisting of Soldiers from Alabama, 

Mississippi, Florida, North Carolina, Kentucky, Missouri, Illinois, 

Maryland, and Massachusetts, who were on their way to 

Afghanistan. It was a very emotional day. I embraced so many 

people that day and tried to offer words of encouragement 

even though I was scared to death myself. Spouses and children were saying tearful goodbyes to their Soldiers. 

 As the time approached for our Guard Soldiers to leave, 

I realized that a lot of people my age were standing around the 

edges of the crowd trying not to get in anyone’s way. Who were 

they? Where did they come from? If you are reading this book, 

you know who they were. They were you. Parents. Moms and 

dads. Grandmothers and granddads. They had come to see 

their Soldiers off. Regardless of the time, the place, the date, you 

were there.

The first of “our own” left home that day to fight the 

ix
Global War on Terrorism. We worried. We questioned. We tried 

to be brave. Our lives had changed, and that has never been 

more obvious than when that C-130 lumbered down the runway. I remember one little fellow calling out, “Daddy! Daddy!” 

as the plane lifted off. There were no dry eyes. Mine included. I

vividly recall standing there in the drizzling rain praying, “Dear 

Lord, use me to serve my country. I am too old to put on a uniform, and I don’t know what else to do.” 

Then it was time for us to get back to work knowing 

that others would leave soon. And they did; more and more of 

them. 

 What did I learn from all of this? I learned that I could 

not begin to understand what a person goes through while 

trying to maintain a household with a spouse deployed. I could 

not understand what a child feels when seeing some of the 

news stories about the war on TV. I could not understand what 

a mom or dad feels like while being left out of the loop about 

things that affect their child. The list goes on and on.

 My own time to learn about what it feels like finally 

arrived. My husband accepted the position as deputy director 

of Logistics at the Central Command and deployed, leaving me 

to sell the house, leave my job, buy another house in Tampa, 

Fla., and move there all by myself. Mike was gone for the better part of two years. It was not fun. I volunteered to serve with 

the Florida National Guard and became the advisor for the 6th 

Area Support Group. I became the National Guard emissary at 

CENTCOM, telling the Guard story to the Joint Spouses every 

chance I got. I volunteered to serve with the Red Cross. I worried. I learned!
 My husband’s current position at the Pentagon as assistant to the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff for National 

Guard matters has us back in Virginia – and together again.

 Deployment is an ordeal. Thank goodness I have 

learned a few things along the way. And I have survived! 

Because I made it through this ordeal, I hope I can answer 

some of the questions that have been raised, clarify some of 

the issues, and address your concerns. Like many of you, I am 

a late bloomer when it comes to the Guard, but I am definitely 

proof that it is never too late to learn or to serve. This book is a 

good example of what it means to be careful about what you 

pray for, because you might get your answer in a way that you 

would never have anticipated. I certainly did.

 God bless each of you as parents of patriotic 

Americans! Without you, the parents of our Guard members, 

our nation would not be what it is today. With you, we will continue to influence and guide America’s destiny!

Very respectfully,

Paula Sumrall

 

xi

1

The Story of the

National Guard

The National Guard traces its origins to the militias 

of the 13 original English colonies in North America, making the Guard the oldest component of the armed forces of 

the United States. The Guard has fought in every major war 

from the Pequot War of 1637 to Operation Iraqi Freedom in 

2007.

The opening shots of the American Revolution were 

fired at Lexington and Concord on April 19, 1775, by local 

militia, and the Continental Army subsequently raised by 

Congress consisted primarily of former militiamen under 

the command of a former Virginia militia colonel, George 

Washington. The militia played a key role in winning the 

Revolution, and after the war its importance was reaffirmed 

by its inclusion in the U.S. Constitution. Control of the militia was divided between the individual states and the federal government. This dual state-federal organization still 

characterizes the National Guard today.

The term “National Guard” was first used in America 

in 1825 by a New York militia unit in honor of the Marquis 

de Lafayette. A hero of the Revolution, Lafayette had commanded the Paris militia, the “Garde Nationale,” during the 

early stages of the French Revolution. 

1
2—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment

While mandatory militia service declined rapidly in 

most states after the War of 1812, volunteer militia organizations sprung up in its place and formed the bulk of 

the Union and Confederate armies when war broke out 

between the states in 1861. The U.S. Army today recognizes 

Guard units that served on both sides during the Civil War. 

The modern National Guard began to emerge 

in 1903. The National Defense Act of 1916 solidified the 

Guard’s position as the main reserve force for the U.S. Army 

and increased both federal funding and federal supervision. When units reached Army standards in regard to 

strength, equipment and skill, they were federally recognized and eligible for federal support. The act also authorized drill pay for Guard members for the first time.

The Guard’s involvement in aviation began in 1911 

when New York’s 1st Company, Signal Corps became the 

first National Guard unit to get a plane off the ground. 

Soon, Guardsmen in Missouri and California established flying units of their own. 

The entire National Guard was 

called up by President Woodrow 

Wilson to defend the Mexican 

Border after Pancho Villa’s raid into 

New Mexico in 1916. Many of the 

Guardsmen returned from their 

Southwest border duty only to be 

called again into federal service 

in 1917 for World War I. Upon its 

mobilization, the National Guard 

Did you know?

The term ‘National Guard’ 

was first adopted by a 

New York militia unit 

in 1825 to honor the 

Marquis de Lafayette, 

hero of the American 

Revolution and former 

commander of the 

Guarde Nationale de 

Paris during the French 

Revolution.
doubled the size of the U.S. Army. During the war, most 

National Guard units were organized into divisions of the 

American Expeditionary Forces, comprising 40 percent of 

the total that saw combat and suffering about that same 

percentage of all U.S. casualties.

 During World War II, National Guard units fought in 

every major theater of the war. Of the first five U.S. Army 

divisions to enter offensive combat, 

four of them – the 32nd, 34th, 37th, 

and Americal Divisions – were Guard 

divisions. One Guard division, the 

29th, participated in the D-Day landings on Omaha Beach on June 6, 

1944. 

 On September 18, 1947, with 

the establishment of the U.S. Air 

Force, a new reserve component was 

created, the Air National Guard, and 

since that date the National Guard has consisted of both 

Army and Air units.

 The Guard served as a strategic reserve for the Army 

and Air Force during the Cold War with active service 

abroad during the Korean War, the Berlin Crisis of 1961-62, 

the Vietnam War and the Gulf War.

The National Guard’s response to the terrorist attacks 

of Sept. 11, 2001, highlighted the Guard’s traditional role as 

the first military responder to a domestic emergency. The 

first military aircraft over New York City and Washington 

were Air Guard fighters. The first units on the ground assistThe Story of the National Guard —3

Did you know?

The National Guard 

supports U.S. 

Northern Command 

(USNORTHCOM) 

with the homeland 

defense mission. 

USNORTHCOM’s job is 

to conduct necessary 

operations to prevent 

threats and acts of 

aggression against our 

country. 
ing civil authorities were from the Army Guard.

While defending the homeland, the Army and Air 

Guard have also carried the war to America’s enemies 

abroad. A significant portion of the force deployed in 

Afghanistan and Iraq continues to come from the Guard. 

At one point in 2005, half of the combat brigades in Iraq 

were Army National Guard brigades – a 

percentage of commitment as part of the 

overall Army effort not seen since the first 

years of World War II. This extended active 

duty has also largely validated the Total 

Force policy of reliance on the Guard and 

Reserves, to include Guard combat units.

 More than 370 years later, the men and women of 

the National Guard are still defending their neighbors – and 

their nation. When you call out the Guard, you call out 

America. 

-Prepared by Lt. Col. Les’ Melnyk

Did you know?

Twenty presidents have 

served in the 

militia or the 

National Guard.

4—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment
2

Pre-Deployment 

Checklist

 Even with the best-laid plans and adequate time to 

prepare, things can go wrong. As soon as a deployment is 

announced, start making and executing plans to ensure 

that everything is taken care of in a timely manner.

a The Soldier/Airman should set up a power of attorney 

(POA) for both financial and health matters. A will and a letter of intent should also be completed. The Judge Advocate 

General (JAG) office can provide assistance. It is free of 

charge.

a If your son/daughter is a single parent, make sure that 

you have a POA to act on behalf of the child in case of an 

emergency. Also make alternative plans for care of the child 

in case you cannot perform your duties. This is especially 

important if you have health issues.

a Make sure that all mail is forwarded either to the APO

address or to a stateside location, with a designated person 

to be responsible for separating the bills and important 

documents from junk mail.

a Establish a budget. Decide who is to pay the bills. Most 

Soldiers/Airmen can access their bank accounts and pay 

5
6—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment

their bills electronically, but this is not always the case. In 

the event that you are to pay the bills for your son/daughter, make sure that you have their presigned checks available.

a If your son/daughter lives in a rental apartment or 

house, determine if it is more practical for them to continue 

to rent the space or to move out and put personal items 

in a storage unit. Depending 

on where you live, when your 

Soldier/Airman returns, they 

may find it difficult to locate 

a place to live depending 

on the housing market and 

availability of rental properties. Also, depending on how 

much “stuff” they have, it 

might cost the same to rent 

an apartment as it would to 

rent a storage unit. 

a If he/she owns a home, who is responsible for cutting 

the grass and maintaining the property?

a Where will a car or motorcycle or other personal vehicle be stored? Who is responsible for making sure the registration is current? Who will maintain the insurance?

a Who is responsible for pets? If you are unable to provide a home for them, please make sure a suitable home is 

found. If you cannot, please take the animal to one of your 

local animal shelters where attempts will be made to find a 

suitable home for it. Euthanasia is not an option at animal 

Did you know?

The Guard is securing our 

nation’s airports, providing 

border security – including 

the presidentially-directed 

Operation Jump Start on the 

Southwest border– and providing deterrent and counter-terrorism forces. Armed Guard 

members have been on duty in 

New York every day throughout 

the state since 9/11.
shelters unless the animal is critically ill.

a Make sure your son/daughter has given Employer 

Support of the Guard and Reserve (ESGR) written notification to their employer so there will not be a reemployment 

issue when the deployment ends and they return to the 

workplace.

a Make a list of contacts with names, addresses, phone 

numbers, and e-mail addresses of every person that your 

son/daughter might need for whatever reason.

a Have the same type of information regarding military 

personnel and your son’s or daughter’s friends or co-workers made available to you.

a Create a file of all important documents such as vehicle 

titles, insurance policies, leases, etc. Have several copies of 

the official orders.

 It is very important for you to know that if your 

son/daughter is a college 

student and you claim 

them as a tax deduction, 

you cannot claim them as 

a tax deduction while they 

are deployed. Even if they 

plan to return to college the 

minute the deployment is 

completed, they still cannot 

be claimed as a dependent 

while deployed. It doesn’t 

matter if you consider them 

a full-time college student, 

Pre-Depolyment Checklist —7

Did you know?

Since the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, 

the National Guard has added 

45 weapons of mass destruction—civil support teams; 17 

chemical, biological, radiological, 

nuclear and high-yield explosive 

enhanced response force packages; 54 computer emergency 

response teams; six critical infrastructure protection-mission 

assurance assessment detachments; 54 rapid reaction forces; 

54 24-hour-a-day joint operations 

centers; and numerous other 

capabilities.
8—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment

the IRS considers them employed full-time. Parents sometimes count on this tax exemption and are surprised to 

learn they are not eligible. 

The Soldier/Airman is eligible for the refund when 

his/her taxes are filed. Incidentally, Military One Source 

offers TurboTax 1040EZ and TurboTax Deluxe for filing federal and state taxes at no cost to the military member. All 

required forms are accessible online. Go to www.militaryonesource.com.

Servicemembers Civil 

Relief Act (SCRA)

 National Guard personnel who are activated for a 

period of at least 30 days are covered by the SCRA. This act 

is designed to provide the servicemember with financial 

and legal relief while serving on active duty. The process to 

implement these provisions is somewhat complicated, so 

if any of the following apply to your Guardmember, I urge 

you to request assistance from your local JAG office. Two 

Web sites that I have found helpful for 

this information are www.saveandinvest.

org and www.militaryonesource.com.

The following advantages apply:

• Rental leases can be terminated if the 

deployment lasts longer than 90 days, 

and vehicle leases can be terminated if 

the deployment lasts longer than 180 

days.

• If the servicemember can’t make a 

Did you know?

The National Guard 

is integrated into 

the homeland 

defense plans of 

every state. We 

exercise in our 

communities with 

the civilian emergency planners 

and emergency 

responders.
house or car payment, a court order is required for foreclosure.

• If insurance was canceled while the Soldier/Airman was 

deployed, it can be reinstated upon their return without 

penalties or waiting periods.

• There is a 6 percent cap on interest rates for loans and 

credit cards.

• Scheduled court appearances for things such as divorce, 

bankruptcy, and foreclosure can be postponed for 90 days. 

Criminal cases are the exception and will proceed in the 

usual manner.

• Credit can neither be denied nor revoked by lenders if the 

servicemember has sought relief through the SCRA.

 Again, I urge you to seek advice from the JAG if you 

need help. The attorneys know exactly how to approach 

these situations and how to best assist the servicemember. Each situation is different, and it would be unwise to 

assume that the above blanket statements apply in every 

situation. 

Pre-Deployment Checklist —9
3

Family Readiness

Groups

The National Guard differs from the active Army and 

Air Force in that Guard members are dispersed throughout 

our communities rather than located on or near an active 

duty military installation. Some units are spread all over the 

state and some even cross state lines. Others are pulled 

from across the United States to make up specialized brigades. The active Army and Air Force members are usually 

located on an Army post or Air Force base. They have commissaries, post exchanges (PX) or base exchanges (BX), gas 

stations, military clothing sales stores, convenience stores, 

swimming pools and bowling alleys that make up a compact and efficient community. This makes it easier to stay in 

touch with other families in circumstances similar to your 

own.

Within the Guard, we frequently do not know other 

family members in our loved one’s unit. If we don’t have 

small children, we may not attend holiday gatherings that 

tend to focus on the young people. If we are parents of 

Guard members, we might not even be invited!

Since the attacks of 9-11, the importance of Family 

10
Readiness Groups (FRGs) has taken on a new status. The 

FRG has become the primary means of bringing families 

together to support their Soldiers and Airmen AND to support the family members. Unfortunately, a lot of emphasis 

is placed on assisting the spouse or 

children of the deployed. While it 

is extremely important and necessary that a lot of emphasis is placed 

on assisting the spouse or children 

of the deployed, a huge part of our 

Guard family has been overlooked.

 A Family Readiness Group 

consists of spouses, parents, grandparents, retirees, siblings, children, friends, neighbors, 

and employers. Any individual who has a loved one in the 

National Guard is welcome. By uniting the family members, 

community resources, and the chain of command, a bond 

is forged that can accomplish great things for our Guard 

personnel and their loved ones. Parents are welcome to 

join the FRG.

By joining a FRG, you become a link in the communication chain by sharing information with others as well as 

giving and receiving support. This improves the morale of 

our Soldiers and Airmen by assuring them that their family members, friends, and other loved ones are receiving 

friendly and responsible support from others. That lowers 

their stress, and it also can lower the stress level of the family members who are awaiting their return.

There are some misconceptions that have led to 

Did you know? 

You can find a Family 

Assistance Center and 

a wide variety of other 

helpful organizations in 

your town with the Local 

Community Resource 

Finder located at www.

guardfamily.org

Family Readiness Groups—11
12—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment

some people not wanting to get involved. An FRG is NOT 

a baby-sitting service, a taxi service, a lending institution, a 

counseling agency, a coffee group or a club. Rank is nonexistent. Everyone is equal. An FRG is not part of the casualty notification process. You do not have to pay dues. Every 

member of the FRG is a volunteer, a real, honest-to-goodness patriotic citizen who has stepped forward to help our 

men and women in uniform.

 Did you know that you could be placed on an e-mail 

and calling list? You live a long-distance call away? The FRG 

leader can call from a base or armory at no charge. Mary 

Mayfield Kelly stays in touch with two her sons’ FRG via email. Mary lives in Alabama, but stays 

connected to her sons’ FRG in Alaska.

 Robyn Jarrell served as FRG chairperson when her husband’s Indiana Guard 

unit deployed. “I called all the families 

and found a grandfather listed as a 

next of kin,” she said. “He cried when he 

heard my voice. We talked for almost 

three hours. I wrote down what he had 

concerns about and then I found him all 

the answers. He continued to say ‘thank 

you,’ but what I couldn’t make him realize was that I was thankful that he had 

a grandson willing to join the service to 

protect me and my children. I was THANKFUL! He had never 

heard of an FRG. He didn’t even know his grandson’s unit. 

He only knew that he was listed on that ‘family paper.’ When 

Did you know?

The National Guard 

Family Program 

operates family 

assistance centers 

throughout the 

United States and 

its territories to 

provide aid and 

support for all military family members regardless of 

military affiliation, 

whether Guard, 

Reserve, or active 

duty.
the unit came home we had a huge celebration. The greatest thing was the grandfather who came and participated. 

He hugged me, and that did it. We cried together – again.” 

How wonderful for both this grandfather and his grandson 

that he was included in this FRG.

The positive response that I received from so many 

of you about your participation in your FRG is proof that 

participation is not only important but extremely beneficial. Eva Patton, who serves as the Family Readiness 

Support coordinator for the 188th Fighter Wing in Arkansas 

stated, “I encourage the servicemember to get their family 

involved, share the newsletter so that they can learn more 

about the unit they belong to, and learn about their mission. If I have the support of the servicemember, I most 

likely will have the support of the parent. My participation 

in the Family Program has helped me to work with issues 

that may arise from time to time. I know their mission. I

understand that they have made the sacrifice to serve our 

country. I experience a calmness as our servicemembers 

deploy because I am part of the program.” Calmness from 

being part of the program. I like that.

Betty Galloway is the manager of a Family Assistance 

Center (FAC) in Alabama. She is also the mother of Col. 

David Galloway of the Alabama Army Guard. “We try to be 

especially supportive of families who are experiencing separations from their loved ones for the first time. We talk with 

them about some of the problems they should expect such 

as loneliness, insecurity, doubts, fears – all of those negative 

emotions that one tries to keep tucked away from public 

Family Readiness Groups—13
14—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment

display. We encourage them to draw strength from one 

another, to help one another, and most of all, to trust in the 

good Lord to see them through. My experience as a mother 

and as the spouse of a Guardsman has helped me to help 

other parents and family members struggling to cope with 

the many difficult problems during the deployment of their 

Soldier. I know and understand the emotional trauma associated with separation, the fearful concern for someone in 

harm’s way, and the constant pressure of trying to maintain 

some form of family cohesion and normality when everything seems to be falling apart some days.” 

Betty Quasney, mother of Sgt. Jeffrey Bennett of the 

South Dakota Army Guard, said, “I think as a parent the most 

important thing you can do is get involved with the Family 

Support Group. At first you might think that you can handle 

it on your own and just deal with whatever comes along. 

That’s what I thought I could do. But I soon found out that 

it was so much easier having others with a deployed son 

or daughter, or husband or wife, to talk to who understood 

what you were going through.” 

When asked how she could be of assistance to 

other parents whose sons or daughters had not yet been 

deployed, Carol Middaugh offered ”to make sure they go 

to the FRG meetings. I have found that doing fund raising has given me a positive thing to do. It gives me a goal, 

and people around me really want to do their part, so it 

1-888-777-7731

www.guardfamily.org
has been easy to fund raise. It makes us all feel like we are 

DOING something.” I am sure that her son, Capt. Kenneth 

Middaugh of the Michigan Army Guard, is very proud of her 

efforts on behalf of his unit.

Willia Cooper served as chairperson of her son’s 

Massachusetts Army Guard unit FRG during his first deployment. Her son is Spc. William Cooper. Willia found that 

accurate information and meaningful meetings helped 

others quite a bit. “I established great 

communications with the commander and first sergeant,” she said. “This 

allowed me to stop rumors (which 

can be pretty powerful) and create a 

regular flow of positive information.” 

 Moms and dads, I cannot 

stress enough the importance of getting the facts straight 

and avoiding passing on rumors. This was a stumbling 

block that a large number of you mentioned. One way to 

avoid this is to stay connected to your FRG.

 Minnesota Army Guard mom Mona Ourado, mother 

of Sgt. Lisa Ourado, was adopted by an FRG in her area 

because her daughter’s unit was situated three hours away. 

How wonderful! 

Join the Family Readiness Group! Make sure your 

name is on the mailing and e-mail list! Even if you don’t 

have time to participate in most of the activities, you will 

be able to stay in touch with the parents of your son’s or 

daughter’s buddies. These buddies are standing side-byside with your child in harm’s way. They are there for each 

Family Readiness Groups —15

Did you know?

Since 1898, 121 recipients of the Medal of 

Honor have had 

National Guard service 

at some point in their 

career.
16—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment

other 24/7. Wouldn’t it be fabulous if those of us back at 

home could say the same thing?
4

Employer

Support of

the Guard and

Reserve (ESGR)

The unprecedented increase in the utilization of 

the National Guard to support day-to-day operations as 

well as the significant and lengthy deployments to support the full spectrum of military operations has raised 

the level of awareness of the critical readiness element of 

employer support. Employers are inextricably linked to a 

strong national defense as they share this precious human 

resource.

The Employer Support of the Guard and Reserve 

(ESGR) organization was established in 1972 to promote 

cooperation and understanding between National Guard 

and Reserve servicemembers and their civilian employers and to assist in the resolution of issues arising from an 

employee’s military commitment. It is the lead Department 

of Defense (DoD) organization for this mission under DoD

Directive 1250.1, National Commitee for Employer Support 

of the Guard and Reserve.

17
Today, a nationwide network of local Employer 

Support Volunteers is organized into ESGR committees 

within each state, the District of Columbia, Guam, Puerto 

Rico and the Virgin Islands. In this way, employer support 

programs are provided to all National Guard and Reserve 

servicemembers and their employers in cities and towns 

throughout our country. With resources and support provided by the national ESGR office and the National Guard 

Bureau, the ESGR field committees conduct employer support and outreach programs, including information opportunities for servicemembers and employers, ombudsman 

services, and recognition programs for employers whose 

human resource policies support and encourage participation in the National Guard and Reserve. 

Because of the importance of employer support for 

retaining quality men and women in the National Guard 

and Reserve and recognizing the critical contributions of 

the local ESGR volunteer committees, the National Guard 

Bureau provides full-time assistance and liaison support to 

the joint forces headquarters-state and to all of the ESGR

field committees. 

Programs and services provided by ESGR include:

4Information: Information about the Uniformed Services 

Employment and Reemployment Rights Act (USERRA) is 

available through www.esgr.mil.

4Ombudsman: Trained ombudsmen provide information, counseling and informal mediation relating to compliance with USERRA.

4Statement of Support: This certificate signed by the 

18—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment
Secretary of Defense gives employers the opportunity to 

visibly support their National Guard and Reserve employees.

4Employer Orientation: Employer orientation activities transport employers and supervisors to military training sites where they observe National Guard and Reserve 

members on duty.

4Employer Recognition: Awards recognize employers 

who support a strong National Guard and Reserve force 

and practice personnel policies that support employee participation in the military.

4Military Member Support: This program provides 

National Guard and Reserve servicemembers with important information about their rights and responsibilities 

under USERRA and ESGR programs and services.

 Our nation’s defense depends on citizen-servicemember–Americans who generally have other civilian 

careers. This will not change. The ESGR’s basic mission 

continues to be gaining and maintaining 

support from all public and private employers for the men and women of the National 

Guard and Reserve, as defined by demonstrated employer commitment to employee 

military service. The National Guard Bureau 

is committed to developing strategic partnerships with government agencies, veterans’ service organizations and public sector 

employers, to ensure employment opportuESGR —19

Did you 

know?

62,411 Army 

and 10,456 Air 

National Guard 

members were 

mobilized in 

1990-1991 for 

Operations 

Desert Shield 

and Desert 

Storm.
nities for our servicemembers with an emphasis on our disabled veterans. One of the most important tasks facing our 

country is ensuring that our men and women in uniform 

are fully integrated into the civilian workforce when they 

return from serving our country. 

 One of the most exciting programs connected with 

ESGR is the Boss-Lift Program, which enables employers of 

our Guardsmen and Reservists to actually visit sites where 

training is being performed and to see their employees 

performing their military responsibilities. John Adams, 

ESGR executive director from Alabama, shared a letter from 

a Boss-Lift participant. “From a civilian’s point of view the 

trip was informative. I have a deeper respect for the military. 

I didn’t realize that the intensity of the basic training was 

vital to molding the recruits into a group. I hope that our 

troops are getting all they need to be safe and secure while 

fighting in the war. I can’t imagine an employer not wanting to support our military. My door will always be open to 

our military personnel needing employment.” 

 From New Hampshire, Executive Director Ernest 

Loomis shared a comment from one of his participants: “I

have seen the total extent of the commitment, zeal, and 

high level of training, matched by the sacrifice of both the 

Soldier AND his family. It makes my loss when he is away for 

training pale by comparison.”

To become an ESGR volunteer and to learn more 

about the ESGR organization, visit www.esgr.org. 

20—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment
5

Mail Call

Cards, letters, and postcards to your loved ones 

are delivered faster than packages. Sometimes it can take 

weeks for a parcel to arrive at its destination, depending on 

how remote the deployment site is from the postal reception area.

Space Available Mail (SAM) and Parcel Airlift Delivery 

(PAL) are the most economical ways to send packages overseas. The Flat-Rate boxes available at the post office are also 

very effective ways to send items, and they probably will 

arrive more quickly than SAM or PAL packages. Make sure 

that you pick up the Flat-Rate boxes rather than the Express 

Delivery ones which are considerably more expensive.

Sample address: 

SPC Snuffy Smith

180 FW

APO AE 0X0X0

 Do not include the city or country.

Please check with your Family Readiness Group 

(FRG) or your Soldier/Airman about what items are needed 

or wanted. Many areas have PX or BX facilities where necessary items can be purchased. If there are special needs or 

21
22—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment

requirements that arise, your rear detachment noncommissioned officer will inform the FRG so that family members 

can be notified. Personal toiletry and hygiene items generally do not need to be sent from home. Snack foods, a new 

paperback by a favorite author, local newspapers, DVDs, 

and photos seem to be most appreciated.

 Do not send items that are prohibited in Islamic 

countries or illegal. These items include alcoholic beverages, narcotics, munitions, pork and pork by-products, pornography, and any material that is not complimentary to 

the Islamic religion. Furthermore, don’t send anything that 

might be embarrassing to your loved one—snuggly bunny 

or those fuzzy bedroom slippers might not be appreciated. 

Remember, it is better to send consumable items or things 

that can be shared with others. Having to find storage 

space for unneeded or unwanted items can cause problems for your Soldier/Airman.

 Your servicemember will be able to send mail to you 

free of charge, so don’t send stamped cards or envelopes 

in hopes of hearing from them more often. They can write 

“Free Mail” in the place normally reserved 

for a stamp, and you should receive it just 

like you would any other mail. 

Susan Fairhurst, who serves as the 

Wing Family Program coordinator for the 

Montana Air National Guard, shared an 

amusing story about her son, Tech. Sgt. 

Glenn Fairhurst. “Although I have been a 

military wife for over 30 years, having my 

Did you know?

At the peak of 

the recovery 

effort following 

Hurricane Katrina, 

more than 51,000 

Army and Air 

Guard members 

were involved.
Mail Call —23

son join the Air National Guard was a new experience for 

me,” Susan said. “I was pretty worried about how he might 

handle basic training, having heard horror stories for years. 

We did not hear from him for a couple of weeks after he left 

for Texas. Then to add to my concern, we were not home 

to receive his first couple of calls and I just heard a nervous 

voice on the answering machine. The day finally came 

when I could actually talk to him. He was doing okay, but I

could tell the demands of basic training were testing him. 

He asked if I could send him a care package. So I went to 

work baking his favorite cookies that day. I put the package 

together as soon as the cookies cooled and ran them to the 

post office. When I returned from the post office there was 

a message on the answering machine 

from my son. ‘Mom, please don’t send a 

care package. Someone got a package 

from home today and the TI ridiculed 

him and made him do pushups.’ My 

heart sank. The cookies were on their way 

and I could not do anything about it. I

waited for what seemed like an eternity 

to find out what happened. My son did 

receive the package. His TI gave him five minutes to eat as 

many cookies as he could and then made him throw the 

rest away. He was also assigned some unpleasant duty for 

two weeks. He survived and so did I. My advice? Do not 

send anything to basic training without telling this story!” 

Did you know?

The National Guard 

helps to meet 

community needs 

with its Counter 

Drug Support 

Program and the 

Drug Reduction 

Demand Programs.
6

Raising

Grandchildren

 Many of you have asked for information to help 

you deal with becoming “parents” again while your son or 

daughter is deployed. Certainly this is not what you had 

planned to do after all of your children were grown and 

gone. For some of you, this is quite stressful. In addition to 

your concern about your own deployed child, you have 

now assumed the responsibility for your grandchild or 

grandchildren. 

 One of the most important things that you must 

do is make sure that your grandchild has a military ID and 

is enrolled in the DEERS (Defense Enrollment Eligibility 

Reporting System) in order to receive medical benefits. 

Your son or daughter should already have done this, but 

you should verify that this has been done. You also should 

have a power of attorney (POA) to act on the child’s behalf 

in case of an emergency. Again, this is something that 

should have been taken care of prior to the deployment, 

but it is imperative that you check on this. As the primary 

caregiver, you should have access to these important documents and keep them in a safe place that you can reach 

quickly during a crisis. Do not let a young child carry the 

24
ID card! It contains personal information, such as a Social 

Security Number, and can pose a big problem to the parent if it is lost. Also, without the Guard member present, it is 

extremely difficult to replace a lost ID card. 

 If you live near a military installation and wish to use 

the post exchange or base exchange or utilize the medical 

facility for your grandchild’s healthcare concerns, you will 

need either a military ID, which some of you have if you are 

military or retired from the military, or an agent’s card. The 

term, “agent’s card,” may not be used at all installations, but 

they will have something comparable, regardless of what it 

is called. You will need proof of identity, some type of picture ID, and proof that you are the legal guardian during the 

absence of your grandchild’s parent. This could be a copy of 

the military orders or a copy of the power of attorney. Your 

grandchild must present his or her ID card at the gate. You 

will then be directed to the appropriate building to receive 

your agent’s card. It is my understanding that most of these 

are granted for the duration of the unit’s deployment, but 

again, this may vary from installation to installation. Your 

Family Readiness Group leader will probably be able to 

provide more information about this.

 As a retired teacher, I would tell you that one of the 

first things to do is to contact your grandchild’s school and 

make an appointment with his or her teacher. Introduce 

yourself and explain the situation. This is especially important if the child had to transfer to a different school to be 

closer to your home. Tell the teacher as much as you can 

about the child’s usual way of interacting with peers, acaRaising Grandchildren—25
26—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment

demic work such as grades and homework, what he/she 

likes to eat and whether or not they are a “picky” eater, and 

if there is a chronic medical condition. This type of information enables the teacher to observe if there is a change in 

the child’s behavior that merits contacting you. For example, the child that has headaches or stomach aches may be 

missing mom or dad and may simply require a little extra 

TLC. If normally good grades begin to fall, if homework is 

not being turned in on time, or if usual favorite foods are 

not being eaten, you probably have a problem. An observant teacher will be watching for these 

signs and will contact you so that a 

positive resolution can be reached. 

School counselors and your child’s 

teacher can be valuable assets.

 Military One Source has an excellent 

booklet entitled “Talking with Children 

about Violence and War.” This 26-page 

booklet is available at www.militaryonesource.com or by calling 1-800-342-

9647. It is extremely insightful about 

children’s concerns. I highly recommend it.

 Melody Thoennes, the mother of Spc. Brent 

Thoennes of the Minnesota Army Guard, offered these 

words of wisdom: “As I found out the hard way, the teachers are the first ones who will notice a change in your 

child’s schoolwork and attitudes in school which, if they 

are not aware of the situation and about things happening 

Did you know?

Sergeant Leigh 

Anne Hester, a 

Guardswoman with 

the 617th Military 

Police Company, 

Kentucky National 

Guard, became the 

first woman in the 

U.S. military since 

World War II to earn a 

Silver Star Medal.
at certain times, they may not communicate some critical 

information that will let you know there are things that are 

weighing down your child.” In this case, her daughter was 

struggling with her brother’s deployment, not that of a parent. But the effect was the same.

 Melody also presented a great example of how to 

keep things in perspective for our youngsters. “In order to 

ease my daughter’s fears about her brother being killed in 

Iraq, we went through the analogy of how many obituaries 

we see in our local community every week and then compared it to how many Soldiers’ deaths we hear about. On 

average, our community of 15,000 sees about one death a 

day, so if we multiply that and put it into perspective with 

approximately 120,000 Soldiers in Iraq, we should be hearing about the deaths of eight Soldiers per day. Since we are 

hearing about fewer deaths than that, we can look at the 

fact that deaths can occur anywhere and that it is really no 

more risk for the death of our particular Soldier than there is 

for each of us to drive, work, sleep, play, and live in our community.” Isn’t that a great analogy for all of us to use regardless of who we have deployed? 

 Many school counselors would tell you that if your 

grandchild seems worried or upset, always ask an openended question. For example: “What do you miss most 

about your dad?” rather than, “Do you miss your dad?” This 

leads to conversation. Running into a wall of answers such 

as “yes,” “no,” or “I don’t know,” will only frustrate you and will 

not provide the child an outlet to express his or her feelings. Just because the child is not talking about mom or 

Raising Grandchildren—27
dad, or their old school and friends if they have been forced 

to move to a new school, does not mean that they are not 

worried or distressed. Listen! Listen! Listen! This applies to 

young children as well as teenagers.

 For preschool children, more hugging and cuddling 

is probably needed. Keeping pictures of the absent parent 

around the house reminds the child what the absent parent looks like. Prerecorded videos or cassettes with favorite bedtime stories or lullabies are other ways for them to 

remember the sound of mommy’s or daddy’s voice. Several 

grandparents, and parents too, highly recommend having 

a Web cam connection on the computer which allows the 

mom or dad to see baby on a regular basis. You will need to 

consult your local Internet provider about the best way to 

do this.

 Although attending swimming meets and ballgames may be tiring for you, these types of activities are 

probably less exhausting than trying to keep up with a 

youngster on a one-on-one basis. Teamwork and sportsmanship are emphasized, and these principles can be 

helpful in the home as well as on the field. Participating in 

sports events also tires the child so that putting them to 

bed is easier. Aaaah! Relief!

 As parents, you already know the importance of 

keeping a child on a schedule. This is very important. 

Sticking to a schedule gives the child a sense of security. 

Knowing what is expected on a daily basis helps set the 

routine that each of us needs no matter how old we are. 

Tech. Sgt. Jacqueline Jansson of the Connecticut Air Guard 

28—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment
left her daughter in the care of her parents. Jacqueline 

emphasized that “having the title of grandparents for some, 

means authorization to spoil children. I know it’s hard, but 

try not to overcompensate for a parent being deployed. If 

the parent does not do it, then please don’t do it. This will 

help in transitioning back to normal routines for both the 

deployed and the family members.” 

WOW! Now I know that none of you are guilty of 

spoiling your grandkids. What a notion. Remember that 

the one who suffers most from being allowed to dictate 

schedules, activities, and what is acceptable behavior and 

practice is the child. Be kind, grandmas and grandpas, and 

don’t allow your grandchildren to become 

monsters just because their moms or dads 

are deployed.

 Keep a list of important phone 

numbers handy in case there is an early 

release from school because of weather 

conditions. Who will pick up the child 

from school? Where will he or she go until 

you can get home from work? What are 

the names and phone numbers of your 

grandchild’s friends? If your grandchild rides the bus, it 

would also be wise to learn the route.

 If your grandchild is old enough to accept responsibilities around the house, request that they do so. Even if 

the bed is crookedly made, the laundry isn’t folded to your 

specifications, or some of the weeds are still peeping out 

from the plants in the flower bed, let them try. Let them be 

Raising Grandchildren —29

Did you know?

The National 

Guard is the oldest military organization in the 

United States. It 

is 139 years older 

than the U.S. 

Army.
part of your team. For younger children especially, planning 

to surprise mom or dad with the news about what good 

helpers they have become in the parent’s absence is a big 

incentive.

Picky eaters? That is one of my pet peeves. My two 

stepsons played this game with me until I discovered how 

to play the game, and I was the eventual winner. When my 

husband and I were married, his 5th and 6th grade boys 

wanted to establish that they were in charge with their new 

step-mom. Let me assure you, they were not capable of 

being in charge of anything. After several weeks of whining about what they wanted to eat and with me trying to 

please them, I got tired of listening to the foolishness and 

made some changes. After all, I was the adult in charge. 

And do not ever forget who is in charge. I put each boy 

in charge of the meal one night a week. Each one had to 

select the menu, check to see if needed items were in the 

pantry or refrigerator, make a list if the required items were 

not available, and accompany me to the grocery store. For 

several weeks, we could count on at least one dinner of 

hotdogs, hamburgers or tacos. Finally, the youngest one 

wanted to try something different. I gave him a cookbook 

and told him to find something that looked appealing. It 

was slow going at first, but once he actually prepared a few 

simple meals based on what he found in the cookbook and 

did a super job, he was hooked. It does not surprise me at 

all that this young man became a fantastic cook. His older 

brother was so embarrassed by his younger brother’s success in the kitchen that his skills improved also. The greatest 

30—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment
Raising Grandchildren —31

thing about this was the fact that I no longer had to listen 

to the whining and complaining. 

Have the child keep a journal of special activities. Include pictures of a science project, birthday party, 

concert or other activity. Have them describe the event 

or activity in their own words to share with their mom or 

dad when they return. For those of you who enjoy making 

scrapbooks, this is a wonderful opportunity to work together with your grandchild on a special project to present to 

their mom or dad when they return. This would be a great 

project for rainy days and especially for those of you who 

have snow days. Also, if you knit, crochet, do woodworking, 

or play golf or tennis, having your grandchild with you is 

ideal for sharing and promoting your interest and forming a 

special bond.

 All of these things are suggestions. Many of you 

already have solved the grandchild issues and can be of 

immense help and support to others. Share what you have 

learned. For those of you who are still coping with these 

issues and need some support, ask. Help is available. 

 Operation: Military Child Care offers financial assistance to activated and deployed Guard members. If you 

are your grandchild’s legal guardian, you are eligible to 

apply for admission to a Department of Defense licensed 

childcare program. Go to www.naccrra.org., the National 

Association of Child Care Resource and Referral Agencies, 

and click on Military Child Care. The application is available 

online, and they can even help you find a provider in your 

area.
7

Emergency

Notification

Prior to deployment, every Army and Air Guard 

member must fill out a Primary Next of Kin (PNOK) form. 

This includes the name of the individual to be contacted in 

case of an emergency. If your son/daughter is married, then 

his/her spouse will probably be listed as the primary person to notify. You may be listed as a Secondary Next of Kin 

(SNOK). This is the servicemember’s decision.

When a death occurs or there is a medical emergency, the military policy is that unit 

members should not contact the 

affected family until the proper notification takes place. Unfortunately, this 

procedure sometimes fails. If you hear 

from your son or daughter about a casualty, please do not become part of the 

rumor mill. Respect the rights and privacy of others. Do not 

alarm others unnecessarily. Take a deep breath and WAIT! 

Imagine how you would feel if someone contacted you 

with the incorrect information that your son/daughter was 

a casualty. I have heard of several incidents where this has 

occurred. If mass casualties are involved, the notification 

Did you know?

Fifty percent of 

the Army’s ground 

combat units in 

Iraq in 2005 were 

from the National 

Guard.

32
process can take hours, perhaps days, and must go through 

the proper military channels. Even the media generally 

show restraint and concern until families can be notified. 

Please do the same.

 If a death does occur or the servicemember is missing in action (MIA), you will be contacted in person by 

proper military personnel. This applies to both PNOK and 

SNOK. Uniformed personnel will make the notification at 

your home.

 In the event of a serious injury or illness, you will be 

notified by telephone. No notification will be given in case 

of minor injuries or illnesses. 

Harry and Susan Williams received notification that 

their son, Sgt. John Fuller of the California Army Guard, had 

been injured.

A Father’s Story

“We received a phone call very early on a Sunday 

morning, at around 6 a.m. in California. Of course we were 

all asleep. However, we had been conditioned to answer 

the phone at odd hours in order for John to call us from 

Iraq. Due to the time difference between Iraq and the U.S. 

and our son’s hectic schedule with his unit, it was hard for 

him to call at times convenient to us. 

“I quickly went downstairs and answered the phone, 

half expecting to hear John’s voice. The caller, using a practiced routine, identified himself as calling from the Army 

Casualty Center.

“I immediately knew that John had either been 

Emergency Notification —33
34—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment

wounded or injured. The fact that we were being notified 

by the Army Casualty Center over the phone and not a uniformed casualty assistance officer in person told me that 

John was still alive. I was both relieved and alarmed.

“What I wanted most to know was ‘how bad is he 

wounded?’ The individual told me in a manner that was as 

informative as possible yet officially vague. The casualty 

center was located on the East Coast, in the Washington 

area. John was in Iraq. The caller only knew what had been 

officially reported, and his information was not necessarily up-to-date. Our son had been on a patrol that had 

been ambushed by the enemy. He was caught in a bomb 

blast and had also been shot. He suffered multiple, serious 

wounds and would be sent to a hospital in Germany. The 

caller could only read what was on the report and knew 

nothing else. The report was clinical and brief. I understood 

this and did not try to query the caller for additional details 

about John’s wounds or his current medical condition. 

Instead, I wanted him to tell me what the next step would 

be. I also asked for his name and the best phone numbers 

to call the casualty center. I took notes on our note pad next 

to the phone.

“The sergeant told me that the Army would fly my 

wife and me to the hospital in Germany. We needed to get 

ready to go in the next two or three days. We would be 

informed with more details in the next day or so.

“When the call ended, my wife Susan and my daughter came downstairs. We were stunned. We tried to grasp 

the news. How badly was he wounded? Did he lose any 
Emergency Notification —35

limbs? Did he have brain damage? Would he ever be the 

same again? We had so many things to do and very little 

time before we had to leave to fly to the hospital. For us 

at that moment, time seemed to stand still. We had been 

more intellectually prepared to hear of John being killed in 

action rather than wounded. It took a few moments for us 

to absorb the situation and to begin to do what we needed 

to do.

“In summary, I wish to say that the initial caller and 

the other people that I dealt with at the casualty center 

were as helpful as they could be and were courteous and 

efficient.

“We did receive a call later that same morning from a 

doctor at the Landstuhl Hospital in Germany where, surprisingly, John had already arrived. The doctor had just finished 

operating on him and gave us a guardedly positive report. 

I was also able to ask him questions about John’s overall 

condition and his wounds. This phone call from a complete 

stranger meant a lot to us. It helped to place the vague 

report from the casualty center in better context. The next 

day, Monday, I was able to call the duty nurse in Germany 

and check on John’s condition. Susan and I also appreciated 

this very much. 

“We never got to Germany. Due to the severity of 

his wounds, John was transferred to the Walter Reed Army 

Medical Center in Washington that Tuesday. Thursday, 

Susan and I flew to Washington and arrived at the intensive 

care unit two days after John.

“The experience of seeing your child, although a 
36—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment

grown man, in an ICU is intense. To see him with dried 

blood and ooze and smelling of sweat and grit from the 

battlefield is an unexpected sensation. To see him with a 

breathing tube, multiple IVs, tubes, and wounds from head 

to toe and unable to speak is doubly intense. To see the horrible wounds on his body and to hear the constant background noise from the ICU monitors and the medical staff is 

disorienting.

“Personally, I have seen wounds and have experienced dealing with people wounded and dying in chaotic 

situations. This has all been in a professional context in 

which I had a known role to perform defined by training, 

experience, and the expectations of my superiors and subordinates. None of my previous experiences prepared me 

for this. This was my son. Here in the ICU, seeing my son 

in such horrible shape, I was on new ground for which no 

amount of training or experience could adequately prepare.”

NOTE: Sgt. Fuller recovered from his wounds and is 

doing well.

The American Red Cross is available stateside to 

contact your son or daughter for you in the event of a family death, emergency, or birth of a baby. You must have 

the following information ready when you contact them: 

the military member’s full name, rank, and Social Security 

Number; military address and information about the 

deployed unit; and the nature of the emergency. Keep the 

phone number of your local Red Cross unit readily available. 
Emergency Notification —37

You can also visit their Web page at www.redcross.org. for 

more information.

There is a rumor that the Red Cross can arrange to 

have the military member sent home. This is only a rumor. 

The military commander makes this decision. In some cases, 

the commander may already have made arrangements for 

the individual to return home. Also, keep in mind that just 

because you think a situation is an emergency does not 

mean that the military commander or the Red Cross will 

agree with you.

 Make sure that the rear detachment noncommissioned officer knows your whereabouts should you go on 

vacation or out of town for business. Personally, I would 

also contact the family readiness group leader as well. If you 

have friendly neighbors, also let them know if and when 

you plan to be away.

 Under no circumstances should you give out 

the Social Security Number of your son/daughter. 

Unscrupulous individuals have pretended to have information about a Soldier/Airman being injured and have 

requested the SSN for verification. They take advantage of 

the parents’/spouses’ fear and concern to get this information for identity theft purposes. YOU WILL NEVER BE ASKED

TO GIVE OUT A SSN IF THERE IS A CASUALTY NOTIFICATION.

 Also, beware of “promotional” offers aimed at stealing the identity of your loved one by requesting personal 

information. Yes, people will lie and take advantage of our 

military members, shameful as that is. Make sure that you 

don’t become part of the problem. 
8

Wounded

Warriors

 Many of you have heard of the Landstuhl Regional 

Medical Center in Germany, the stabilization point for our 

injured and ill military members prior to their return to the 

states. If you don’t have prior military experience, the following things I tell you will probably be a real eye-opener. 

For those of you who have not traveled outside of the 

United States, I hope to reassure you.

 First, Landstuhl features a typical big hospital 

environment: offices, wards, pharmacy, etc. It is securely 

enclosed with guards at the gates. If you don’t belong 

there, you don’t get on the installation. There is no need to 

worry about terrorists. The German police are vigilant as are 

U.S. security personnel. The local American military community supports activities with volunteers. The American 

Red Cross has an office in the building as do several other 

organizations that are also available stateside. For example, 

there is a support group for breast cancer patients and for 

new moms. The chaplain’s office has a staff that works very 

hard to help meet the needs of the sick and injured as well 

as support and assist the families who are called to the 

bedsides of loved ones.

38
Would I have concerns about having my son or 

daughter at Landstuhl in Germany where I don’t speak the 

language? Absolutely not! Why? I lived there for two years 

and taught school at Landstuhl Middle School which is just 

outside the hospital. All of my medical appointments were 

there. I waited in line at the pharmacy. This is a regular U.S. 

military hospital. 

 Ramstein Air Base is about a 10-minute drive away, 

and Vogelweh, an Army installation, is less than that. At 

one time, more than 165,000 American military people 

lived in the Kaiserslautern/Landstuhl area. It was the largest 

expatriate group of Americans outside of the continental 

U.S. Because of this, most of the Germans speak English. If 

you patronize a hotel, store or restaurant, you can communicate in English with ease. Most restaurants have menus 

in English. Pizza Hut® is down the hill from the hospital. 

McDonald’s®, Burger King® and Kentucky Fried Chicken® are 

close by. Being in this part of Germany is almost like being 

at home. 

The reason I tell you this is because some of you 

may need to meet your son/daughter there. People do 

have medical problems other than war-related injuries that 

might cause them to be sent to Landstuhl. If your son had 

pneumonia, wouldn’t you want to be there? If your daughter had gynecological problems that required hospitalization, wouldn’t you want to be there?

 My advice is to get a passport if you do not already 

have one. If there is an emergency, the military will ensure 

that you get there whether you have a passport or not. If 

Wounded Warriors —39
the situation is not considered an emergency, you are on 

your own. Get the picture? Have passport, can travel.

 You can apply for a passport at your local post office. 

The cost is based on the age of the applicant and includes 

the actual passport as well as the processing fee which is 

paid to the Department of State. The cost is $97 for people 

16 and older. It is $82 for those under 16. The application 

requires a small photo, which can be taken at most large 

postal facilities. Check before you go. The time to process a 

passport can be lengthy, so do not wait until the last minute to apply. Proof of U.S citizenship is required. You will 

also need to take with you to the post office your proof of 

identification, such as a previous passport, your driver’s 

license, or military ID.

 A passport could come in handy if you would also 

like to meet your Guard member in Europe for some rest 

and recreation. Most of your sons and daughters will probably prefer to come stateside for R&R, but some may want 

to share a family vacation in Europe.

The Intelligence Reform and Terrorism Prevention 

Act of 2004 requires that people traveling from the United 

States to Canada, Mexico, Bermuda and the Caribbean 

must have a passport effective September 2007. People 

traveling to the Caribbean and Bermuda must have a 

passport effective June 2009. It would be a good idea to 

get one if you don’t already have one. For those of you 

who have family living outside of the U.S., it’s a good idea 

anyway. Your Guard member might want to visit family 

members living outside of the U.S. when they return from 

40—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment
deployment. 

Wendy Matheson, a Minnesota mom, explained 

that her son, Sgt. Tom Sauvageau, was injured and sent to 

Landstuhl but was there for only a few days before returning to his duty station. She and her husband later met Tom 

in Germany while he was on a two-week leave. Her other 

son, Cpl. Shane Sauvageau, was deployed at the same time 

to a different area, but could not take leave at the same 

time. Would this family reunion have been possible without 

a passport? It was too bad that Shane was unable to enjoy 

this family vacation.

After Landstuhl

When the Soldier/Airman is released from Landstuhl, 

he/she will either return to their unit to complete the 

deployment or will be transferred to a stateside medical 

facility. Most go to either Walter Reed Army Medical Center 

in Washington D.C. or to Brooke Army Medical Center in San 

Antonio, Texas. Both provide excellent medical care. You 

can access both of their Web sites for more information: 

www.wramc.amedd.army.mil and www.bamc.amedd.mil.

There is a wonderful packet of information called 

“Our Hero Handbook” that pertains to the medical process 

and includes support information for those hospitalized at 

Walter Reed. It is available at the Web site. The handbook 

has great information that might prove useful even if you 

do not have a loved one hospitalized there. There are several articles on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, stress, and how 

to use the Internet.

Wounded Warriors —41
 After release from these facilities, patients can be 

assigned to a Community-Based Health Care Organization 

closer to home, depending on the circumstances. The facility must be able to accommodate the patient’s needs and 

have room in their program. Space is limited. The patient 

must also be able to travel back and forth on their own for 

appointments.

Back in your home state, a Transition Assistance 

Advisor (TAA) is available to ensure that needed services 

are provided. The TAA serves as a conduit for information 

and as a referral consultant to direct the Soldier/Airman to 

needed services such as Veterans Affairs, vocational rehabilitation, and employment opportunities. They can even see 

that homes or vehicles are modified to accommodate an 

injured individual before his/her return if such services are 

required. The TAAs work closely with the 

state Family Program directors and wing 

coordinators to help families assist their 

wounded warriors. They also work very 

closely with veteran’s service organizations 

to provide further assistance and support.

Prior to leaving the hospital, the 

Soldier/Airman will receive the name and 

phone number of the TAA in their home 

state. They will also be contacted by the TAA before returning home to let them know that the TAA is available and 

ready and willing to become their advocate. The wounded 

warriors and their families can count on this support for as 

long as it is needed. 

42—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment

Did you know?

During the Korean 

War, 138,600 

Army and 45,594 

Air National 

Guardsmen were 

mobilized for 

active duty.
9

Post Traumatic

Stress Disorder

(PTSD)

What is PTSD? How do I recognize it? What can be 

done about it?

 In previous conflicts, terms like “shell shock” or 

“battle fatigue” were used to describe a condition that 

affected some military members during and after episodes 

of extreme stress. Also, after previous conflicts the return 

home took much longer than it does today. This delayed 

return allowed military members to talk to their buddies 

and resolve issues connected with battle and its aftermath. 

They had time to think about their homecoming, make 

plans, and relax.

Today, the reintegration of our Guard members is a 

rapid process. For Army Guard Soldiers, the process takes 

only a few days. For Air Guard members, the return can be 

immediate. For some of our sons and daughters, the return 

is too rapid to make a completely healthy adjustment. 

Assistance is needed. 

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is not an insurmountable problem, but a problem. A medical examination is 

43
required to determine if the problem is actually PTSD or 

simply a reintegration adjustment. Battle takes its emotional 

and mental toll on whoever experiences it. What many 

people do not understand is that it is not only those who 

experience battle that suffer from this malady. 

Truck drivers and convoy guards routinely have 

problems with PTSD. Having to constantly be on guard 

against an unseen enemy is difficult. Air Guard personnel 

coming home from a mission have virtually no time to acclimate themselves to the change in their circumstances. 

What are the symptoms?

wSleep disorders – sleeplessness, nightmares

wHypervigilance – the feeling of constantly being on guard, 

irritability, an exaggerated startle response to loud noises

wRestlessness – very nervous, jittery

wAvoidance – wanting to be alone rather than with family 

and friends, avoiding social situations

wFlashbacks

What are the consequences?

wPhysical complaints – headaches, stomach aches, chest 

pains, dizziness

wEating disorders

wAlcohol and substance abuse

wAggressive behavior toward others

wJob difficulties and unemployment

wHomelessness

wTalk of suicide or suicide attempts

44—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment
wReckless driving

 I am not a psychiatrist or a psychologist, but I

believe that I could recognize any of the symptoms that I

have mentioned, especially if it involves a son or daughter. I

can recognize that there might be a problem. I can attempt 

to help my son or daughter even if they no longer live at 

home. So can you. Do not sit idly by if you suspect they 

need your help. The problem will not go away. In all probability, it will get worse if it is ignored.

 Every Soldier and Airman is 

supposed to be questioned upon 

their return about whether or not 

they are experiencing any of the 

problems that I have listed. Most will 

say “no” because of their eagerness 

to get home with family and friends. 

 Young people, in particular, 

exhibit very risky behavior behind 

the wheel of a car or on a motorcycle. They still seem to want the 

adrenaline rush which they encountered during tense situations while deployed. I spoke with 

the mom of a Marine who was killed in a car accident 

involving speeding and reckless driving after he had survived two deployments to Iraq. What a tragedy! 

What can I do?

Watch. Listen. Do not hesitate to talk to your son/

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder —45

Did you know?

Transition Assistance 

Advisors (TAA) are 

available in every 

state and territory to 

help returning warriors with referrals for 

Veterans Administration 

assistance, vocational 

rehabilitation, post traumatic stress disorder 

issues, and home and 

vehicle modifications, if 

required.
46—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment

daughter if any of these symptoms are apparent. Help 

is available. Physicians, counselors, and clergy are good 

resources to find the proper help. Battle buddies may recognize problems that need to be addressed and know how 

to work within the military system to find the help that is 

needed.

 Encourage your son/daughter to visit a veterans 

center. Run by the Veterans Administration, vet centers are 

manned by veterans trained to help their fellow warriors. 

Easily found in most communities, they provide some of 

the strongest support for our veterans in that they can help 

with readjustment issues as well as encourage the Soldier/

Airman who appears to be struggling with PTSD issues to 

seek medical help. You want the vet center personnel as 

your advocate! The Guardfamily.org Web site offers a local 

community resource finder that can help you find a veterans center in your area.

 Military One Source offers six free 

counseling sessions at no cost to the 

military or the family member. If your 

son/daughter will not talk to you about 

the problem, call Military One Source 

for suggestions on how you can assist. 

Contact www.militaryonesource.com 

or 1-800-342-9647. This service is confidential.

 Another excellent resource is www.battlemind.org. 

It features a super video that is extremely helpful and offers 

suggestions about how to handle various situations that 

Did you know?

Astronaut Charles 

‘Pete’ Conrad, Jr., 

the commander of 

Apollo XII, was the 

third man to walk 

on the moon. He 

started his military 

career as a private 

in the Pennsylvania 

National Guard.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder —47

occur with PTSD. It is highly recommended by experts.

The Mental Health Self-Assessment Program 

(MHSAP) features anonymous online screening for mental 

health and alcohol problems at www.MilitaryMentalHealth.

org. This might also prove useful if your son/daughter is 

reluctant to seek medical help. There is an assessment 

to help parents determine if their child is suffering from 

depression or is exhibiting suicidal tendencies. 
10

Parental

Wisdom – Voices

of Experience

We learn from each other. Thank goodness we don’t 

have to stumble along alone. Many parents submitted 

information and issues for consideration as I was writing 

this book. Some shared personal experiences and amusing 

anecdotes. I am sure you will recognize yourselves, even if 

you are not the one being quoted.

 I have not quoted as many of you as I would have 

liked, but only because so many of you told me the same 

things about pride, support and love. As parents, you have 

so much in common and so much to offer other parents 

who have yet to go through the deployment process. God 

bless you!

Here are the best of the best.

How often does or did your son/daughter contact 

you?

“Well, the first month’s phone bill was just over $1,500. I

almost fell over when I opened that first bill. We have since 

signed on for Internet-based phone service that provides a 

48
local number.” 

-Mary Connolly, mom of 2nd Lt. Douglas Wenson, Massachusetts 

Army Guard

“I heard from my son usually once a week. I didn’t worry 

‘till I hadn’t heard from him for over two weeks. I used to 

send a weekly ‘nag’ e-mail in which I nagged him for not 

keeping in touch more, and that I was glad he was behind 

a desk the whole time to which he replied ’Yes, Mother,’ all 

tongue-in-cheek, though with plenty of smiley faces.”

-Lesley Butts, mom of Sgt. Timothy Butts, Virginia Army Guard

“Due to the nature of her position with the Army National 

Guard, my daughter was able to e-mail me daily, if only a 

few words: ‘Hi Mom, 

I’m OK. Love you.’ That 

was sufficient as I just 

wanted and needed to 

know that she was OK. 

She was able to call me 

approximately once 

every 10 days. I learned 

quickly to say ‘I love 

you’ at the beginning 

of the telephone conversations because it was not uncommon for the phone line to abruptly go dead right smack in 

the middle of the conversation. When this happened she 

was not always able to call me back. The first few times this 

happened it was frightening because it seemed like someDid you know?

The National Guard State Partnership 

Program (SPP) links U.S. states with a 

partner country to improve bilateral 

relationships with the U.S. These partnerships are designed to improve military 

relations, to assist with the development 

of democratic institutions, foster open 

market economies to help develop 

stability, and project and represent U.S. 

humanitarian values.

Parental Wisdom —49
50—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment

thing bad had happened. After a few times, I got used to it 

and learned to work with it!”

-Sharon Figler, mom of Spc. Elisa Donato, New York Army Guard

“She usually calls once a week. Some of her fellow 

Guardsmen see her as their daughter as many have a 

daughter her age. They watch over her.”

-Regena Hommertzheim, mom of Pfc. Ashlee Hommertzheim, 

Kansas Army Guard

“We would send Jeff disposable cameras, and he would 

send them back to us to develop. I would always rush to 

get them developed just to see him. The first one we got, 

I waited an hour in Wal-Mart for them to get done and 

the first picture I saw was him in the back of a truck with a 

machine gun. I completely lost it in the store. I’m sure people thought I was crazy as I left the store crying.”

-Betty Quasney, mom of Sgt. Jeffrey Bennett, South Dakota Army 

Guard

“You must understand that they are at war, not on a vacation where they can get to the phone any time. They sometimes have to wait in long lines to use the phone and, yes, 

some phones have timers on them, which allows them to 

speak for so many minutes.”

-Diane Lang, mom of Chief Warrant Officer 2 William Rollefson, 

Minnesota Army Guard 
Parental Wisdom —51

How do you react to negative news stories about 

our military? What keeps you focused on the mission?

“Remembering what the atmosphere was like outside 

after 9-11. I remember standing outside and looking to the 

quiet, still skies and that eerie feeling I got. Then I remember how I wanted to do something so this would never 

have to happen in this country again.”

-Bobbie Drew, mom of Chief Warrant Officer 2 Sam Sutton, 

Kansas Army Guard

“Frankly, it angers me when people speak negatively about 

our troops. I take every opportunity to shake the hands of 

those in uniform and thank them for their service to our 

country. I hope that when I do this it not only blesses the 

one in uniform but serves as an example to those around. 

I also speak quite boldly about being proud of those who 

serve to keep us free. That freedom is also what keeps me 

focused on the military’s mission. War over there means no 

war over here. I have family who fought in other wars. Their 

willingness kept and keeps America safe.”

-Kelly Novak, mom of Senior Airman Jordan Novak, Oregon Air 

Guard

“I believe that everybody is entitled to their own opinion, 

and that’s what I say. I generally follow up with a couple 

of questions. (1) Where did you hear this information? (2) 

Have you had any conversations with any Soldiers directly 
52—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment

involved in this conflict? Then I voice my opinion. I have had 

to walk away sometimes, but that can be expected.” 

-Gwen Smith, mom of Sgt. 1st Class Aliska Pond, Illinois Army 

Guard

Staying Busy/Helping Others

“I stayed focused by sending care packages, care packages, and more care packages ... to my son and other 

Soldiers we knew who were serving with him. I sent candy 

and small items for Matt to give to the Iraqi children, and 

I thought about the day when the violent existence for 

those children would come to an end. My ‘mission’ became 

getting comforts of home to Iraq, so I shopped, baked, and 

boxed up hundreds of packages. We had a contest among 

families in the community to see who could get the most 

in the Flat-Rate boxes ... and the post office kept track of 

whose boxes weighed the most. I didn’t get first place in 

that contest, but I came in a close second. My husband 

filled in as a surrogate ‘daddy’ for our friends who had little 

boys. We babysat for young children to give the moms a 

break ... invited Soldiers’ families to accompany us on trips 

to the lake, camping trips, and other activities.”

-Becky Harvey, mom of Spc. Matt Harvey, Idaho Army Guard

“We have been shipping him stuffed animals and candy for 

the children there, which makes them feel better to put a 
Parental Wisdom —53

smile on the face of the kids, and it helps them to be positive.”

-Janet Strahl, mom of Staff Sgt. Sarah Strahl and Sgt. Kaleb Strahl, 

Michigan Army Guard

“I initiated, coordinated, and encouraged regular support 

between anyone who wanted to participate. We shared 

phone numbers, addresses, and e-mail addresses. If one 

of us heard from our Soldier, we would share the information with the others. I coordinated support meetings, potluck luncheons, care package drives and meetings to put 

together care packages for our Soldiers, and special gatherings to provide support for the children of our Soldiers 

such as special holiday parties. To raise money for postage, 

I coordinated the production of two wonderful patriotic 

cookbooks.” 

-Sharon Figler, mom of Spc. Elisa Donato, New York Army Guard

“When we heard about the extension that our (Minnesota) 

Soldiers would be going through, several of us got together at a local restaurant just to talk and enjoy being with 

someone else in the same situation. Also, by being part 

of the group, we can pitch in and help families that need 

help. It is much easier to ask for help from someone who 

knows what is happening. The only problem I have seen 

is that sometimes the wives don’t understand that the 

parents are going through as much heartache as they are. 

We had one wife who said that, as mothers, we did not 

understand what she was going through not having her 
54—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment

husband at home. Her husband wasn’t seeing his daughter 

do new things, and she had to deal with all the household 

problems. I agree she has things to be upset about. But as 

I said to someone else, as a young wife, if she should lose 

her husband, she is young enough to marry again and have 

more children. If I lose my son, that is it. I can’t replace him. 

I know this sounds terrible when I say it, but I don’t think 

everyone understands what the parents go through.”

-Deanna Meyer, mom of Spc. Daniel Meyer, Minnesota Army 

Guard

“When Ted was in Kosovo, my kindergarten classes became 

pen pals to his unit. He took pictures of each of the guys 

and sent them to me. I assigned a Soldier to each student. 

The student had his picture, address, and information 

about the tour of duty. This was given to the families at 

home in case any of them wanted to communicate to the 

Soldier on their own. Once a month we wrote a dictated 

letter to the troops. On the back of the letter, each child 

drew a picture for their own Soldier. Each Soldier then got a 

letter once a month. Some of the Soldiers even wrote back 

to their pen pals. We also conducted a school-wide collection of school supplies for the schools in the towns around 

the Soldiers’ compound. We sent 26 boxes to Kosovo, with 

the postage paid by generous parents. Ted sent back pictures of his guys delivering the supplies, with the smiles on 

the children’s faces! He also sent a letter to the schoolchildren, thanking them for all their help and telling them how 

much it meant to the children and the teachers. These chil-
Parental Wisdom —55

dren still ask how Ted is doing.”

-Marie Mavencamp, mom of Sgt. 1st Class Theodore Mavencamp, 

Minnesota Army Guard

“Ask your Soldier if there are others in their unit who need 

‘adopting’ and find someone, such as a church group if you 

can’t do it yourself, to write to them and send care packages. The one thing several of the Soldiers said to me was that 

they appreciated me for sending them letters and encouraging them and to know that they were not forgotten.”

 -Deborah Liliker, mom of Spc. Joseph Liliker, Tennessee Army 

Guard

“There’s a wonderful Web site for moms: www.militarymoms.net. It’s great for support and just great to vent 

worries without worrying about being judged. For basic 

cut-to-the-chase information, www.military.com is the site 

to go to.”

-Kathy Oye, mom of Spc. Pete Oye, Illinois Army Guard

“You will find that there will be days when a song, an 

object, or the slightest thing makes you think about your 

child, and you may even get teary eyed. So keep tissues 

handy, handle the moment, and keep on going. Please 

know that this is normal. We all do it.”

-Lois Tuma, mom of Sgt. Steven Tuma, Minnesota Army Guard 
56—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment

Highest Priority

“Everyone should serve. All have the same rights and privileges without paying dues. If your views are negative, talk to 

elected officials about affecting a change. Set the example!”

-Retired Col. Chuck Wilz, U.S. Army, dad of retired Col. Greg Wilz, 

retired Maj. Gary Wilz, Lt. Col. Giselle Wilz, and Maj. Grant Wilz, 

North Dakota Army Guard

(This amazing family has 128 total years of military service.)

“I also think there would be a fundamental difficulty for me, 

as a career Soldier, to feel anything other than fully supportive. We all carry a bit of a martyr complex in this line of work, 

but it would be significantly hypocritical of me to believe 

that my child had any less responsibility than someone else. 

I fly a double blue star flag in the front window. I am certain that no one in my neighborhood has any idea what it 

means. For some reason, that feels empowering to me.”

-Col. Donald Kerr, dad of Sgt. Ashley Kerr, father-in-law of 1st Lt. 

Stephen Babcock, Minnesota Army Guard

“It is harder having a loved one deployed than going yourself.”

-LTG H Steven Blum, dad of Maj. Marc Blum, Maryland Army Guard

“No doubt about it, there is anxiety, but you cannot let it 

overcome you. Soldiering is and always has been about 

war. We are not at war. We are fighting a minority of terrorists who are, by utilizing their anarchist strategies, creating 
Parental Wisdom —57

fear and terror among the majority. I know that it is difficult 

to identify the enemy there. With good intelligence, teamwork, and leadership, our Soldiers will do well, but we need 

the full support of those countries. That is where the real 

anxiety comes into play. In the Muslim world, there is no 

sense of jointly unifying to overcome the country’s problems. Many of their leadership live in fear for their lives.”

-Retired Chief Warrant Officer 4 Ronald Mullinax, dad of 1st Lt. 

Mark Mullinax, Kansas Army Guard 

“Stay strong for your Soldiers. Let them know how much 

you love them and care about them. Tell them you love 

them. Take care of yourselves physically and mentally. Seek 

help if you need it. Turn to family, friends, and your support 

group.”

-Mary and David McHugh, parents of Sgt. David McHugh, 

Massachusetts Army Guard

“Parents who share stories about their children being in 

harm’s way know exactly how the others feel. If you haven’t 

walked in one’s shoes, you simply can’t relate to how they 

feel. Calling to check on one another, writing notes of 

encouragement, even sending letters and packages to 

their children overseas is such a wonderful act. If you love 

my child, you love me.”

-Kelly Novak, mom of Senior Airman Jordan Novak, Oregon Air 

Guard

“One thing that bothers us is when we hear on the news 
58—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment

about a parent of a Guardsman who says, ‘He joined to help 

get his schooling paid for.’ When both our kids wanted 

to join, we made sure they realized they were joining the 

Army!”

-Karen Serfass, mom of Staff Sgt. William Fox and Sgt. Sarah 

Serfass, Michigan Army Guard

“My thoughts and prayers are with him each day knowing 

that he is not afraid, but has deep concern for the safety and 

welfare of the men and women in his command. During 

our last conversation before he left this time, we talked 

about staying focused on the mission (I know by being a 

volunteer with our state family program and working with 

families that this can become a problem with commanders). With communication so instant, a family member can 

cause a Soldier/Airman to become complacent and forget 

where they are headed.”

-Wallace Paschal, dad of Col. Jack Paschal, Florida Air Guard

“What you call brave, I call scared, shaking, hiding in the 

corner on your knees, praying that God would get you 

through it. Tell all the parents to get off the couch, turn 

the TV off, get out of the house and do something. You 

are NOT going to find out through the news if your child 

is still alive. You will be the first to know that, not CNN. If 

you are worried that you will miss their call, forward your 

house phone to your cell phone. If you worry that you will 

miss their turn on a computer, have your child add your 

cell number to his IM buddy list. Most of the time he will be 
sleeping while you are awake, anyway. Oh, and make sure 

you have a couple of his/her buddies on your buddy list. 

Once I realized I couldn’t hug up to a TV or phone, life got 

a little easier. And my nerves got a little steadier. And then 

I became an Internet switchboard. Guys from Mark’s unit 

knew I have a cable connection so they could buzz me at 

all hours of the night to call their moms, dads, girlfriends, 

or wives and tell them to get up and get on the computer. 

They all had permission to do this, of course. My husband 

even got a couple of extra speakers so one could be placed 

in the bedroom with us. I was being called ‘mom’ by half the 

guys in the unit. If my husband heard the buzz before I did, 

he would roll over and say ‘Honey, one of your boys needs 

you.’ I’m sure you have guessed by now that Mark’s unit and 

our Family Readiness Group hold a very special place in my 

heart.”

-Betty Lambert, mom of Spc. Mark Lambert Jr., Mississippi Army 

Guard

“Let your Soldiers know how much you love them and how 

proud you are of them. Stand up for your child and for our 

freedom. There are some out there who don’t care what 

they say or do to hurt you, but you know what is RIGHT!”

-Bonita Mead, mom of Sergeants Terry Mead and Jerry Mead, 

Kansas Army Guard; grandmother of Spc. Cassie Mead, Arkansas 

Army Guard

“Pray – and pray some more! My father once told me, ‘Believe 

half of what you see and nothing of what you hear’. I hope I

Parental Wisdom —59
60—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment

can do this!”

-Ida Mae Apostolou, mom of Staff Sgt. Andrew Apostolou, Illinois 

Air Guard

“I pray for him every day and remember what a friend said 

to me: ‘God doesn’t know borders. He is the same there as 

He is here.’ ”

-Tracey Martin, mom of Cpl. Randy Catterson, Alaska Army Guard

Amen! 
11

On the Lighter

Side

 From the moment we learn of our loved one’s 

deployment date, we long for the reunion. We think about 

it, we plan, we anticipate. Oddly enough, the parental 

expectations are almost unanimous. Beyond the homecoming festivities that are celebrated across the United 

States, coming home means more than parades, parties 

and fanfare. Homecoming is a grateful heart and an overwhelming sense of relief.

What things were you most looking forward to 

when your son/daughter returned?

“Being able to sleep the night.”

-Terri Hammill, mom of Spc. Joshua Hammill, New Jersey Army 

Guard

“I have been telling my husband that I finally get to cry 

when John comes home. I haven’t been able to do that 

because his kids have seen too many tears since he got his 

notice that he was leaving. They have to have someone 

61
around who appears calm.”

-Becky Engels, mom of Maj. John Engels, Minnesota Army Guard

“Just a big hug and to have his belongings all over the 

house again.”

-Denise Spaulding, mom of Spc. Justin Spaulding, New Hampshire 

Army Guard

“I am looking forward to my son being back in college. I

want him to graduate and begin to live a normal life. I am 

looking forward to being able to pick up the phone and call 

him whenever I want and know that he will be on the other 

end of the line. I want to know that this experience has 

helped him to see the world differently and that he is proud 

to be a Soldier.”

-Annette Kuyper, mom of Sgt. Jared Kuyper, Minnesota Army 

Guard

“When my son enlisted, the recruiter gave him a T-shirt that 

read, ‘Every generation has its heroes ... Mine is no different.’ We are very much interested in hearing all about Rich’s 

experiences and what his feelings are on the war in Iraq. 

One of the first questions will be ‘Do you feel you’ve made a 

difference?’ ”

-Colleen and Rick Lochner, parents of Spc. Rich Lochner, Illinois 

Army Guard

 In addition to the return of our children to their 

homes and their normal routines of either going to work or 

62—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment
school, we can look with pride on the fact that these men 

and women stepped forward to serve their country as so 

many before them have done. Together we will anxiously 

wait and hope for the difference to become evident in all 

of the countries where they have 

invested so much time and energy. 

Regardless of where our children 

were deployed – Afghanistan, Iraq, 

Bosnia, Kosovo or Kuwait – our 

hearts also did a tour of duty.

Fun and games 

 You raised them. You 

know them. Sometimes you were 

embarrassed by their antics and 

sloppy ways. Sometimes you 

wondered if they would ever grow up. Sometimes you 

questioned your own sanity. Whatever went through your 

mind, however, was insignificant to your worry and concern about their well-being while they were deployed. Let 

me assure you that there have been good times, those 

moments of intense pleasure and amusement, even if you 

were the ones providing the entertainment intentionally or 

not.

“He had us send him his guitar, which he had just started to 

play when he was deployed. He now is in a band, so he was 

serious about it. One of the few songs he knew was ‘The 

Star Spangled Banner,’ and I think he drove everyone crazy 

Did you know?

Every state and territory 

has a state family program 

director (SFPD) responsible 

for coordinating programs 

and activities to support 

our family members. Every 

Air Guard wing has a family 

coordinator whose primary 

function is to support family programs. See www.

guardfamily.org/ to locate 

one in your area.

On the Lighter Side —63
64—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment

playing it. Finally the tent group just accepted it. But every 

time he would play it, whoever was around would jump to 

attention and at the end would shout, ’Play ball!’ Trey still 

smiles when he hears the song and thinks about his team in 

Kuwait.”

-Lucretia Barbee, mom of Sgt. 1st Class Trey Barbee, Oklahoma 

Army Guard

“Many times there were other Soldiers on the Army 

Knowledge Online who would attempt to communicate 

with me. I would have to explain that I was a middle-aged 

mother of a Soldier, waiting for my son to get online, not 

some hot young single chick. Sometimes the Soldiers 

didn’t care. They were homesick and just wanted someone, 

anyone, to chat with. One of the Soldiers wanted to swap 

pictures with me even after I told him I was the married 

mother of three grown children. After that, Matt handed 

down orders to me that I was not allowed to talk to strangers online.”

-Becky Harvey, mom of Spc. Matthew Harvey, Idaho Army Guard

“Our son was getting a little tired of the heat and asked us 

to send him a pool. A friend of ours donated an elephant 

inflatable pool complete with trunk and rings to toss. It 

took him forever to fill this pool with bottled water because 

you can’t just grab a hose and turn on a spigot. There is no 

running water. But he said it was well worth it for a little fun.”

-Val Koelln, mom of Spc. Jeremy Koelln, Minnesota Army Guard
On the Lighter Side —65

“My son-in-law has been able to e-mail constantly. On his 

first deployment he was not married yet to my daughter. 

They were getting married as soon as he got home. Of 

course, he missed all the tedious details of getting ready 

for the wedding. I always kidded him that we were going 

to have a wedding and that it would just be nicer if he got 

home, but it was happening either way. At the wedding 

shower we e-mailed him a bunch of questions and my 

daughter had to answer what she thought he would say. 

We all had great laughs over his answers from thousands of 

miles away.”

-Darcey Spenny, mom of Staff Sgt. Devon White and mother-inlaw of Staff Sgt. Joshua White, Illinois Air Guard

“He called his dad one time in the middle of the night 

because his truck vapor-locked, due to the high heat, and 

his dad told him what to do to get it running again, and 

it worked! That was kind of funny that he called from way 

over there to find out how to fix his truck so that he did not 

have to wait for a maintenance team to show up and assist 

him. Pretty cool. He also sent me a video of a bet that he 

had with two buddies. The bet: to eat three cans of sausages in a minute. That video was really funny. He could not do 

it. So he did not get the five dollars that was offered him to 

perform the feat. He was gagging after shoving a can and a 

half in his mouth. Gross but funny.”

-Anita Rhodes, mom of Sgt. Brian Dear, Kansas Army Guard

“The funniest thing I can think of that he told me about is 
66—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment

when they were getting to know some camels. One in particular took a liking to him until it decided to taste him.”

-Sheila VanDeBogart, mom of Spc. Adam VanDeBogart, Alaska 

Army Guard

“We have been sending him goodie boxes frequently during his deployment. Tim is very health conscious, and we 

try not to send a lot of sweet items. However, for Valentines 

Day we did send some chocolates, etc. He responded 

in an e-mail that he appreciated the package, but in the 

next care package would we replace the sweets with little 

snakes (he meant snacks) like cheese spread and crackers. 

So the next package did have cheese spread and crackers 

and a couple of rubber snakes!”

-Sharon Rhoades (Colorado), mom of Sgt. Tim Rhoades, Alaska 

Army Guard

“I mentioned to a lady in Prattville how Larry said some of 

the guys from Prattville had said they wished they could 

smell the paper mill. I said ‘Why in the world would you 

want to do that?’ He said then they would know they were 

home.”

-Linda Chance, mom of Sgt. 1st Class Larry Chance, Alabama Army 

Guard

“Steven received three Christmas trees this year from me 

and other family members. He loved every one and had 

one in his room. He placed the other two outside in the 

sand. Others did the same thing, and he said it was a fes-
On the Lighter Side —67

tive site when walking back to his room. Steven has told me 

many times that coming back to his bunk after being out 

for four to six days at a time and seeing a pile of mail on his 

bunk is the best pick-me-up he has.”

-Lois and Ray Tuma, parents of Sgt. Steven Tuma, Minnesota 

Army Guard

“During his term in Bosnia, the USO team featuring Wayne 

Newton, the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, and other singers performed for the Soldiers stationed over there. He 

got to talk with Wayne Newton. Wayne asked my son if he 

would like to have him call anyone when he got back to the 

U.S. Rickey told him to call his mother. He did call me. I was 

very surprised since Rickey had not mentioned to me that 

he had told him to call me.”

-Brenda Wooley, mom of Staff Sgt. Rickey Jordan, Mississippi 

Army Guard

“One day my daughter-in-law brought over her video 

cameras so we could see him face to face while we IMed 

him. He was in a base that had the video cameras on the 

computers. We were waiting for the hookup and I went in 

to change my clothes after work. My husband yelled to me 

that they were hooked up and we could see each other. 

I was so excited that I ran into the computer room to see 

him and sat down and began to type in a ‘hello.’ He could 

see me in the camera and did a double take. I had forgotten 

to button up my shirt, and he had typed out in caps, ’MOM, 
68—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment

GET SOME CLOTHES ON!’ I was so excited to see him, I had 

forgotten to finish dressing!”

-Annette Kuyper, mom of Sgt. Jared Kuyper, Minnesota Army 

Guard

 My personal favorite is an excerpt from an e-mail 

sent to my friend, Lucretia Barbee, from her daughter, Capt. 

Mandee Barbee, Oklahoma Army Guard. I can’t help but 

wonder how many other Soldiers/Airmen would agree with 

her!

“Today was pretty stressful for me. I had what I like to call 

the INVASION of GENERALS!! I had to coordinate with an 

Afghan National Army general to get to use his motor pool 

at the palace to store some donations of vehicles coming 

in from India. Then I had to come back to the office and 

prepare a briefing for our new general who took over as 

the chief of OMC-A, who is a two-star. Then I had to go pick 

up a general from the Indian Army and take him to see 

the palace motor pool where his donated vehicles will be 

parked. Then I had to come back and brief the brief we had 

prepared for our section for the two-star. And to top it off, 

the two-star was 45 minutes late. I wonder if that is in the 

‘How to be a General Book’. Ya know, it probably says that 

the key to being a general is you must always, always, no 

matter what, keep people waiting at least 15 minutes on 

you and if it is a briefing that you are receiving from someone you must always make it at least 30 so by the time you 

get there they are squirming in their pants with nerves. Yep, 
On the Lighter Side —69

I bet that is what it says! Now this, of course, excludes all of 

the generals in the Oklahoma Army or Air Guard that I have 

ever come in contact with, just in case one of you or one 

of your friends happens to read this! Anyway, all in all the 

brief went fine and I actually think I knew what I was talking 

about and didn’t get asked any questions I couldn’t answer. 

So that was good!” 
Conclusion

‘There’s no place like 

home...’

 After all the waiting, the anxiety and the prayers, 

they come home – tired, weary and glad to be with loved 

ones again. The homecoming celebrations may seem 

endless as our communities, churches and synagogues, 

schools, and businesses welcome them home. Family and 

friends gather round. All of this is expected and appreciated – usually. Sometimes it seems as if you will never have 

a moment alone with that precious son or daughter. Be 

patient! You have waited throughout the deployment for 

this joyous time. Thank goodness your child is safely home.

 If your son or daughter is married and has their own 

family, you may feel like you are waiting in line for your turn 

to shower your child with affection and to become their 

center of attention, if only for a few moments. You want 

them to know how much you have missed them and have 

been concerned for their safety and wellbeing. You may 

feel hurt or neglected to not be included in every activity. 

STOP! Get a grip!

 Encourage them to spend time with their spouse 

and children. Go to the ballgames or swim meets with 

them, but do not crowd them or become intrusive. Your 

returning Guard member has to make an adjustment. The 

spouse does as well. Even for the kids, the homecoming 

70
can be difficult. The daily routine changes and this is stressful for most people, even if the change in routine is for a 

good reason.

Be supportive if young single Soldiers or Airmen 

want to reconnect with high school or college buddies, 

have dates, or stay out late. If you had a shaky relationship 

with your child before the deployment, keep in mind that 

the problem might still be there. Problems do not magically disappear. On the other hand, a new sense of maturity 

and responsibility may emerge and totally throw you for 

a loop. Where did that “kid” go? Who is this mature adult? 

Is this the same kid who left dirty socks and underwear on 

the floor? 

This reunion and readjustment period will take time 

and patience. It will take understanding, not only of your 

Guardmember’s situation but for your own feelings as well. 

You have been riding an emotional rollercoaster since the 

deployment was announced. You have survived the triple 

loops, the dips and drops and the terrifying heights while 

traveling at tremendous speed. Thank goodness you have 

been strapped in or you would, most assuredly, have tumbled out. Now it is time to plant your feet on firm ground, 

move toward the exit, and head for home. 

conclusion —71
Appendix

Acronyms

AAFES—Army and Air Force Exchange Service

ACU— Army Combat Uniform

AD—Active duty

ADSW—Active duty for special work

AFSC—Air Force Specialty Code

AG—Adjutant general

AGR— Active Guard Reserve

ANG—Air National Guard

ARNG—Army National Guard

AT—Annual training

AWOL—Absent without leave

BAQ—Basic allowance for quarters

BAS—Basic allowance for subsistence

BDU—Battle dress uniform (jungle, desert, cold weather)

BX—Base Exchange

CBHCO—Community Based Health Care Organization

CDR—Commander

CDS—Child Development Services

CG—Commanding general

CNGB—Chief, National Guard Bureau

CONUS—Continental United States

DA—Department of Army

DAF—Department of the Air Force

DEROS—Date of estimated return from overseas

72
Appendix —73

DFAS—Defense Finance and Accounting System

DOB—Date of birth

DOD—Department of Defense

DUSTWUN—Duty Status/Whereabouts Unknown

EFMP—Exceptional Family Member Program

ESGR—Employer Support for Guard and Reserves

ETS—Expiration of term of service

FAC—Family assistance center

FCP—Family care plan

FLO—Family liaison office

FOUO—For official use only

FP—Family program

FRG—Family readiness group

FS—Family support

FSA—Family separation allowance

HAF—Headquarters United States Air Force

HOR—Home of record

HQDA—Headquarters, Department of the Army

HS—Home station

IDT—Inactive duty training

JAG—Judge advocate general

KIA—Killed in action

LES—Leave and earnings statement

MIA—Missing in action

MILPO—Military personnel office

MOS—Military occupational specialty

MWR—Morale, welfare, and recreation

NG—National Guard

NGB—National Guard Bureau
OCONUS—Outside continental United States

POA—Power of attorney

POC—Point of contact

POV—Privately owned vehicle

PX—Post Exchange

RC—Reserve component

RD—Rear detachment

RDC—Rear detachment commander

R&R—Rest and recreation

SBP—Survivor benefit plan

SFPD—State family program director

SGLI—Servicemen’s Group Life Insurance

SIDPERS—Standard Installation/Division Personnel 

Reporting System

SJA—Staff judge advocate

TAG—The adjutant general

TFI—Total Force Initiative

TSGLI—Traumatic Servicemen’s Group Life Insurance

UCMJ—Uniform Code of Military Justice

UTA—Unit training assembly

VA—Department of Veterans Affairs

VSO—Veterans Service Organization

WIA—Wounded in action

Air National Guard acronyms

ACC—Air Combat Command

ACS—Air Control Squadron

AE—Air-medical Evacuation

AMC—Air Mobility Command

74—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment
ANG—Air National Guard

APS—Aerial Port Squadron

ARW—Air Refueling Wing

AS—Airlift Squadron

AW—Airlift Wing

CAT—Crisis Action Team

CBCS—Combat Communication Squadron

CCT—Combat Controller

CRRC—Combat Rubber Raider Craft

CRGE—Contingency Response Group-Element

CRTC—Combat Readiness Training Center

DEPSECDEF—Deputy Secretary of Defense

EOC—Emergency Operations Center

EMAC—Emergency Management Assistance Compact

EMEDS—Expeditionary Medical System

FEMA—Federal Emergency Management Agency

FORSCOM—Forces Command

FW—Fighter Wing

FPCON—Force Protection Condition

IAP—International Airport 

JOA—Joint Operations Area

JOC—Joint Operations Center

JFCOM—Joint Forces Command

JFHQ—Joint Forces Headquarters-State

JTF—Joint Task Force

JRB—Joint Reserve Base

MAFFS—Modular Airborne Fire Fighting System

NAS—Naval Air Station

NGB—National Guard Bureau

Appendix —75
NORTHCOM—Northern Command

PJ—Pararescuemen

RED HORSE—Rapid Engineer Deployable Heavy 

Operational Repair Squadron Engineers

RQS—Rescue Squadron

RQW—Rescue Wing

SAD—State Active Duty

SFS—Security Forces Squadron

STS—Special Tactics Squadron

TALCE—Tanker Airlift Control-Element

TRANSCOM—Transportation Command

USACE—US Army Corps of Engineers

Helpful web sites

General

8www.guardfamily.org 

8www.americasupportsyou.com

8www.military.com

8www.militaryhomefront.dod.mil

8www.militarymoms.net

8www.militaryonesource.com

8www.myarmylifetoo.com

8www.nmfa.org (National Military Family Association)

8www.seamlesstransition.va.gov/res_guard.asp (Veterans’ 

Affairs Seamless Transition)

Financial Management

8www.saveandinvest.org (National Association of 

Securities Dealers Military Financial Education Campaign)

8www.collegecircle.com (Free Handbooks for CollegeBound Students and their Federal and Military Families)

76—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment
Appendix —77

Legal Issues

8www.probono.net

8www.lawhelp.org

Military Pay Issues

8www.dfas.mil

Well-Being

8www.ncptsd.va.gov (National Center for Post Traumatic 

Stress Disorder)

8www.samhsa.gov/vets (Substance Abuse and Mental 

Health Services Administration)

Veteran Service Organizations

8www.legion.org (American Legion)

8www.redcross.org (American Red Cross)

8www.amvets.org (American Veterans)

8www.armedforcesfoundation.org (Armed Forces 

Foundation)

8www.bva.org (Blinded Veterans Association)

8www.dav.org (Disabled American Veterans)

8www.iraqwarveterans.org (Iraq War Veterans 

Organization, Inc.) Check out the Free for Troops section)

8www.iava.org (Iraq and Afghanistan Vets of America)

8www.jwv.org (Jewish War Veterans of the United States)

8www.purpleheart.org (Military Order of the Purple 

Heart)

8www.pva.org (Paralyzed Veterans of America)

8www.uso.org (United Service Organizations)

8www.vfw.org (Veterans of Foreign Wars)

8www.woundedwarriorproject.org (Wounded Warrior 

Project)

Appendix —77
Links to Free Stuff for the 

Troops

The following links are not intended as an endorsement by the National 

Guard in any way.

7 Free computers for spouses or parents of deployed Soldier 

in ranks E1 - E5: www.operationhomelink.org/ 

7 Free mail and gifts for children of deployed Soldiers:

www.prweb.com/releases/2004/2/prweb106818.htm

7 Free telephone cards: www.operationuplink.org/

7 Sign up to sponsor a Soldier care package: http://anysoldier.com/ForSoldiersOnly.cfm

7 Where commanders can sign up for mugs for unit troops: 

www.appreciateourtroops.org/forourtroops.shtml

7 Free shoebox care package: www.operationshoebox.com/

7 Free cookies: www.treatthetroops.org/

7 Lowest airfare available: http://bluestarmoms.org/airfare.html 

7 Free care packages: http://bluestarmoms.org/care.html

7 Free air conditioners and heaters: http://66.241.249.83/

7 Free air travel for emergency leave and for the family members of injured Soldiers and airmen to travel to travel to medical 

facilities: http://www.heromiles.org/

7 Airline discounts for rest and recreation: www.bluestarmothers.org/airlinespecials.php 

7 Free books, DVDs and CDs: www.booksforsoldiers.com/

forum/index.php

7 Daily prayers and scriptures: http://prayercentral.net/

engage/militaryprayer/daily.php

7 Free care packages for family members to have sent to 

Soldiers and Airmen: http://www.militarymoms.net/sot.html

7 Free care packages: http://operationmilitarypride.org/

smsignup.html

7 To “adopt” troops: www.soldiersangels.org/heroes/submit_a_soldier.php

7 Free gifts and care packages: www.treatsfortroops.com/

registration/index.php

-compiled by Mr. Bruce S. Smith, Transition Assistance Advisor, 

Pennsylvania National Guard

78—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment
Special Thanks!

Susie Blum, super mom and special friend, for standing 

beside me and again behind me when needed, and for her compassion for other moms and dads.

To the multitude of moms and dads who were willing to 

offer suggestions and answer questions in order to help other 

parents deal with deployment. God bless you!

At the National Guard Bureau:

Kevin Crowley (Deputy J-1) and retired Sgt. Maj. 

Janet Salotti (Virginia Army Guard)--they are the epitome of 

professionalism.

Alex Baird, Col. Tony Baker (West Virginia Army 

Guard), Mike Conner, Ron Lacasse and Senior Master Sgt. 

Wendy Howell (Washington Air Guard) who daily inspire 

me with the example they set with their concern for our 

Guardmembers. My own NGB “family.”

Maj.Gen. Terry Scherling, director of the Joint Staff, for 

pointing me in the right direction when I didn’t know which way 

to turn.

Lt.Col. Cory Lyman, Ph.D (Utah Air Guard) who was the 

first person to encourage me to undertake this project. It’s all his 

fault!

Ms. Nedra DeLima, Master Sgt. Bob Haskell (Maine 

Army Guard) and Master Sgt. Greg Rudl (Ohio Air Guard) from 

the Office of Public Affairs and Strategic Communications who 

make hard work look like fun. They are masters of their craft.

Appendix —79
 Retired Col. Ted Kehr (New Hampshire Army Guard) and 

Senior Master Sgt. James Metoyer (New Mexico Air Guard) 

who provided words of wisdom and guidance about Employer 

Support of the Guard and Reserve, and Lt. Col. Les’ Melnyk, 

Ph.D. (New York Army Guard) for his assistance with the Guard’s 

history.

Maj. Justine Cromer (Washington Air Guard), Senior 

Master Sgt. William Mitchell (DC Air Guard), and Sgt. 

Jonathon Hill (Indiana Army Guard) who were never too busy 

to help me with whatever questions I asked.

Retired Col. Bill Weathers (Tennessee Air Guard) , 

retired Lt. Col. John Gafford (Alabama Air Guard) , and Lt. Col. 

Karl Konzelman (Missouri Army Guard/Pentagon) who helped 

me find the missing links and forgotten terms.

 My faraway girlfriends, Sherrie Weathers (Tennessee 

Air Guard spouse) and Lucretia Barbee (Oklahoma Army Guard 

spouse) who laughingly encouraged and prodded me as only 

good friends can do.

80—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment
Rank insignia

Appendix —81

About the Author

Paula Sumrall is a retired educator and has also 

been a professional actress and singer. She grew up 

in Birmingham, Ala. A graduate of the University of 

Montevallo, she holds bachelor’s and master’s degrees 

in speech and theater. She also has done advanced studies at the University of Delaware, Loyola College, and 

Fresno-Pacific University. Her passion for Mickey Mouse, 

roller coasters, and crossword puzzles is surpassed only 

by her desire to serve the National Guard family. She has 

testified on Capitol Hill before the Senate Armed Services 

Committee in support of our Guard families and the 

National Guard Bureau Family Program and Employer 

Support of the Guard and Reserve. Paula and her husband, 

Maj. Gen. Mike Sumrall, live in the D.C. area with their three 

cats – Bob, Charley, and Jack.

82—A Parent’s Guidebook to deployment
Now, parents have a guidebook to understand and deal with the deployment of their National Guard sons and daughters. Packed full of wisdom 

and helpful hints, this book will assist parents during the deployment 

process: from how to use resources like the Family Readiness Group and 

Employer Support for the Guard and Reserve, to knowing how to contact your child overseas and what to consider when raising their dependents. Our Sons, Our Daughters: a National Guard Parent’s Guidebook 

to Deployment by Paula Sumrall even includes an appendix with a list 

of Web sites for getting free stuff. This book is a must for the parent who 

wants to support their Citizen-Soldiers/Airmen and the important

 mission they’ve been called to do.