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Feedback Tips

 Engage in a conversation as close to the incident or event 

timing as possible so the context is fresh for the other 

person.

 Make this a learning conversation.

 Use “I” language:

 Share your observations of the situation (facts);

 Share what you were thinking when you saw or heard 

the observation (your thoughts and assumptions);

 Describe the impact as you see it (your analysis);

 Share what you were/are feeling about the situation (your response); and 

 Describe your desired outcome (your expectations and intended results). 

 Engage in discovery questions:

 Be curious as to their perception of the event/situation.

 What is your experience with this?

 What are the facts as you see them?

 Be curious about their intention.

 What were the circumstances that took you down that path?

 What situation influenced your thinking?

 Be curious about their learning from this situation.

Federal ADR Lunchtime Series - March 28, 2018

For Busy Feds: Boost Your Feedback Skills and 

See Powerful Results

www.nvms.us
2

Listening Tips to Enhance your Feedback Conversations

 Concentrate on what is being said

 Give unequivocal attention to speaker

 Don’t anticipate what the speaker means, instead use:

 Tell me more

 Help me understand

 Tell me what you mean when you say ...

 Respect cultural differences and boundaries

 Practice empathy – try to see what they are seeing and 

experiencing.

 This is not about agreeing with their interpretation.

 Try not to interrupt

 Listen for metaphors and link your language to them

 Focus on what they may be feeling:

 Hold your interpretation tentatively (e.g. I am sensing some frustration)

 Silence is golden – count to ten before you speak.

 Suspend judgment. Ask yourself,

 What am I pretending to know?

 What am I missing?

www.nvms.us

Federal ADR Lunchtime Series - March 28, 2018

For Busy Feds: Boost Your Feedback Skills and 

See Powerful Results
3

Tips for Non-verbal Communication in Feedback Conversations

 Notice your non-verbal communication:

 Non-verbal communications are intentional and 

inadvertent; and

 Non-verbal messages are linked to our thoughts.

 Develop an awareness of messages that you receive and send.

 Non-verbal communication tends to be less direct but more 

honest.

 Consider cultural, social, and experiential factors when 

decoding gestures.

 Speed of delivery and other auditory cues will offer non-verbal messages.

 What is not said may be as important as verbal expressions.

 Don’t forget that relationships are a form of communication:

 What is your relationship with this person?

 What is their relationship with the other person/situation?

 Watch the body (yours and theirs) to see if it is leaning back or forward:

 Leaning back is a form of disengagement (it may mean the interaction does not feel 

safe); and

 Leaning in is a form of engagement.

www.nvms.us

Federal ADR Lunchtime Series - March 28, 2018

For Busy Feds: Boost Your Feedback Skills and 

See Powerful Results
4

Tips for Gaining Feedback from Others

 Create a personal Board of Directors to give you feedback so 

you know where you need to grow:

 Recruit members who already support you and some who 

are critical; and

 Invite them to give you honest feedback about what you 

do well and what you can build on to improve your 

performance.

 Only ask for feedback in safe settings and when you are 

genuinely open to receive it.

 Ask for others’ insight:

 Ask about growth areas rather than focusing on criticism; and 

 Ask what you can do to improve in those areas.

 Say “thank you” when people offer you their feedback. This is not a time to defend or 

protest.

www.nvms.us

Federal ADR Lunchtime Series - March 28, 2018

For Busy Feds: Boost Your Feedback Skills and 

See Powerful Results