HOW DO YOU MAKE 

DECISIONS?

MARY ATWATER, PSY.D,

MAY 14, 2015
Why I am here – What I value

Why you are here? – What you value

Goals

 new language

 new perspective

 new tools

WELCOME
CONFLICT REQUIRES POSITIONS

Conflict is Inevitable

Why do we take positions?

What is the gain? The loss?

“Blame Game”

Positional Conflict - adversarial, win – loose

Our Bias’ assumes rational, rule bound behavior

Mediation - irrational territory, win-win
VALUED DIRECTION
NeuroEconomics is an interdisciplinary field 

working to explain human decision making; process multiple alternatives and follow a course of 

action.

Goal Directed behavior in the 

presence of options which assume:

There are options to choose between

We choose in a non-random way

Our choices are goal-directed

Ladder of Inference

NEUROECONOMICS
LADDER OF INFERENCE
Daniel Kahneman: "Thinking, Fast and Slow” 

 

Two types of information processing: Each impact how we perceive input, draw 

associations, and how we are then “primed” for 

our experience. 

 

System one – Automatic Reaction = “Fire” 

 

Systems two – Attention + Effort = Agency 

 

Priming the mind, “What is Possible or Not Very 

Likely?” 

www.youtube.com/embed/JiTz2i4VHFw

 

THINKING FAST AND SLOW
Brain

Structure, Memory and Chemistry

Inflexible or Flexible

depends on who we are and where we have 

been and where we want to go

Cognitive Bias

THINKING MAKES IT SO
EMOTIONAL BRAIN

Thinking

Emotional
SAD BRAIN
Inflexible 

Locked 

Inside

A box

Flexible

Open

Light

Imagine

INFLEXIBLE
INFLEXIBLE

This is so 

unfair! I 

don’t want 

this!

Worst 

time in 

my life. 

It will 

“Never 

Ever” be 

the same

I’ll get

even!

I won’t 

let you 

win!

I deserve 

more

Never live 

this down

I am so hurt.

Someone has 

to pay for my 

pain

I’ll never be 

respected 

here.

Flexible Thinking is a willingness to ... 

Be open to possibility...

allow for additional thoughts and options... 

consider different perspectives..

Showing up for oneself and one’s role 

in the Mediation Process

Flexible Thinking is...being present in 

“Here - Now” 

FLEXIBLE THINKING
FLEXIBLE - WORKABLE
Flexible Thinking 

Looks Like

Sometimes 

things change 

that I can’t 

control, and 

that is OK

I won’t 

know if I 

will like 

something 

until I 

try it

Time and 

direction, 

he/she 

will make 

a good 

employee 

This is 

not 

worth 

being 

upset 

about

This won’t 

be as bad 

as my mind 

keeps 

telling me

I will 

help my coworker to 

be the best 

they can be

The way other 

people do 

things is 

okay, and 

might teach 

me something 

new
Emotional Memory 

Emotional Context – Past, Future, or 

Here and Now

Prospect Theory

Probability – Predict Uncertainty

Endowment Effect

Boxes of Experience – emotional content

Capacity to ACT 

COGNITIVE BIAS
How can we imagine something that isn’t 

there?

When faced with intense situation, high 

conflict, What does our mind imagine? 

The Worst = looks like

The Best = looks like

What is Possible - Probable?

WATCHING YOUR THOUGHTS

FUTURE - WHAT IF ?
PAST => THERE - THEN

You cannot start the next chapter of 

your life if you keep re-reading the 

last one.

Our mind, our thoughts, keep us trapped 

in our past.

What is the power of the past story that 

is anchored there unable to move?
PROSPECT THEORY
WORRY ABOUT PROBABILITY
ENDOWMENT EFFECT

How much is it worth?

What would you pay?

Try it for 30 days.

Use now, pay later.
WE ALL ARRIVE BY DIFFERENT 

STREETS” PABLO NERUDA

Employee Boss

Large 

Family 

Small 

town

Walked

school

No 

camp

Only 

child

Moved 

a lot

Many 

camps

Religion Strict

parents

Harsh 

discipline Ignored Isolated

Class

clown

Private 

schools 4.0 

grades

Arts Wealth

Played

Sports

Travel

World

State

college

Arts
CAPACITY
HOOKED BY A THOUGHT

I can become hooked by a belief, a thought and carry it 

around – reifying it. Mind makes it true!
STUCK => UNSTUCK

Inflexible

 I believe my worried, 

sad, bad thoughts, to 

be TRUE. 

 This will be the worst 

thing that ever happens 

to me. 

 It is not FAIR and 

terribly wrong. 

Flexible

 My mind is racing 

around with powerful 

emotions. 

 How can I calm my mind 

and show up during 

this process?

 Let go and have 

another thought.
HERE - NOW
VALUED DIRECTION
ACCEPTANCE =>MOVING FORWARD

Important Events Office Harmony

Imagine, Curious, Willing and 

Open
SEEING ALL SIDES - MANY 

PERSPECTIVES 

LADDER OF INFERENCE
CALM AND THOUGHTFUL
ACTION TO SUPPORT VALUES
COMMITTED ACTION
Today’s Goals: 

 New language

 New perspective

 New tools 

We discussed: 

The differences between flexible and inflexible 

thinking

Workability of our thoughts

The Frontal Lobe shows up with Emotional 

Considerations

Letting shared values guide the mediation process

NEW WAYS TO THINK AND BEHAVE
Questions?

Everyday is a new day to do something 

different

Thank you for allowing me to share my 

work with you. 

CONCLUSION
Mary Atwater

Collaborative Mediation 

Services

Bethesda 

Potomac

Maryland

CollaborativeMediationServices.com