Communication at Work: 

Keys to Successful 

Feedback

John Settle 

October 16, 2014 
Distinctions:

 A Mediator’s use of feedback techniques

 A Coach’s use of feedback techniques

 A Manager’s (and Employee’s) use of feedback 

techniques as part of engagement in relation to 

their relationship, expectations, performance and 

behavior
Some Dimensions of Feedback:

 Responsiveness

 Reframing

 The language of humanity (empathy)

 The language of trust

 The language of metaphor

 Questioning: the art of powerful questions

 Narrative: the power of the parties’ stories

 The language of negotiation 
Responsiveness (“Feedback 101”) –

What Did You Hear?

 Feedback:

Repeating back what you heard to show the other person you were 

listening to what he/she said.

 Paraphrasing:

To say in different words, or by a rewording of the thought or 

meaning you heard – to show not only that you heard what was said, but that 

you understand (or are trying to understand) what was said.
Responsiveness (“Feedback 101”)

 Why do this?

 “Show and tell”

 The response to your feedback

 Escaping “what I hear you saying is . . . “

 “One-word” feedback

 A statement as feedback

 Dialogue
REFRAMING

Responding to a speaker while adding 

a positive element or implying a 

different but related perspective --

while staying within the speaker’s 

frame.

“The art of reframing is to maintain the conflict in all its 

richness but to help people look at it in a more openminded and hopeful way.” Bernard Meyer
If You Got it Wrong --

 View it as less of a problem than as an opportunity.

 Apologize (if appropriate); validate their disagreement; 

and ask for an accurate statement or more information 

to help clarify.
The Language of Humanity

 People are emotional beings, and the workplace is an 

emotional environment.

 Showing empathy is about showing that you 

understand that others have emotional feelings and 

needs. This is not about merely being “nice.” 

 Try to recognize what are the “hot buttons” of other 

individuals – and your own – and seek positive ways to 

cope. 

 Be yourself, and be real. Phony empathy may be 

worse than no empathy.
The Language of Humanity

“A growing body of research suggests that the way to 

influence -- and to lead – is to begin with warmth. Warmth 

is the conduit of influence: It facilitates trust and the 

communication and absorption of ideas. Even a few 

small nonverbal signals – a nod, a smile, an open gesture 

– can show people that you’re pleased to be in their 

company and attentive to their concerns. Prioritizing 

warmth helps you connect immediately with those around 

you, demonstrating that you hear them, understand them, 

and can be trusted by them.”

“Spotlight on Influence,” Harvard Business Review, July 2013
The Language of Trust

 TRUST is “assured reliance on the character, strength, 

or truth of someone . . . Confident hope.” -- Dictionary

 DISTRUST is not just the absence of trust. It is: “ . . . 

negative expectations about someone, signaling fear or 

dislike of them, a propensity to attribute sinister 

intentions to them, and a desire to buffer oneself from 

their conduct.” -- Prof. Roy Lewicki, Ohio State University
Trust-building Behaviors:

Trust-building behaviors and communication practices fall 

into three categories:

 (1) Behaviors that enhance communication and avoid 

misunderstanding and rumors

 (2) Behaviors that build faith in character and deter 

suspicions about motives

 (3) Behaviors that display, value, and grow competence
Trust – (1) Enhance Communication, Avoid 

Misunderstanding And Rumors:

 To hold people accountable, be clear on expectations

 Seek transparency – “what” and “why”

 Share info, promote sharing (“up and down”) 

 Be ACCESSIBLE -- physically (MBWA) and emotionally (EI)

 LISTEN, and use all that good stuff above!!

 Respond timely to concerns

 Look to the future and solutions, try to escape the past
(2) Trust: Build Faith In Your Character And 

Deter Suspicion About Motives:

 Display honesty, tell the truth – EVEN HARD TRUTHS

 Highlight interests, especially common interests

 Be consistent and base decisions objectively

 Make promises and keep them

 Remember: people’s perceptions are their reality

 Seek the best outcomes for people and your organization, 

not merely winning

 Be responsive to others
(3) Trust: Display, Value, And Grow 

Competence:

 Be “the first to trust:” extending your trust to others builds 

their trust in you

 Acknowledge what you don’t know, ask for help

 Give people room to make mistakes and learn

 Give constructive feedback, invite and respond to theirs

 Show gratitude, recognize good work. “Praise publicly, 

reprimand privately”

 Be respectful in word and deed -- and avoid gossip

 Continuously look for ways to help people grow and learn 
Reading About Trust

 The Speed Of Trust – The One Thing That Changes 

Everything, by Stephen M.R. Covey

 Trust And Betrayal In The Workplace – Building 

Effective Relationships In Your Organization, by Michelle 

and Dennis Reina
The Language Of Metaphor

 A metaphor is “a figure of speech in which a term or 

phrase is applied to something to which it is not literally 

applicable in order to suggest a resemblance.” -- 

Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary

 Related terms:

 Simile

 Analogy

 Hyperbole

 Euphemism 
Some Metaphors and Kin:

 Brave as a lion, mean as a snake 

 Success has many parents – failure is an orphan

 The war on poverty

 I want my staff to feel like a family 

 Stuck between a rock and a hard place

 I don’t have a dog in that fight

 My boss barks his orders

 I felt stabbed in the back!

 I have an “open-door” policy
Why Consider Metaphors?

 Metaphors offer a safe way to discuss difficult subjects, 

or to express indirectly what can’t easily be said 

directly, or to illustrate meaning vividly 

 Metaphors are a window on a person’s unique 

experience and perspective, and give you an 

opportunity to work within that experience to connect 

with that person on their terms 

 Metaphors give the listener an opportunity to reframe 

and explore meaning
Questioning: The Art Of 

Powerful Questions

 Basics: Choose open-ended questions over close-ended 

questions (to get people talking); avoid “why” questions (they may 

prompt defensiveness).

 Questions can take us well beyond active listening into the realm 

of dialogue, exploration, and personal reflection and growth. They 

are change agents.

 Curiosity questions linked to a growth mindset are particularly 

powerful: “Curiosity is an antidote to judgment” (Andrea Young). 

 “A Paradigm shift occurs when a question is asked inside the 

current paradigm that can only be answered from outside it” 

(Marilee Adams). 
Examples Of Powerful Questions:

 What’s important to you? 

 What does “fairness” look like to you? Do you have an example?

 Where do you see yourself in [three] years?

 Is there something not being said that we should explore?

 What change might help you accomplish your goals? What if that doesn’t 

work?

 What challenges are we facing and how might we meet them?

 What questions haven’t we asked?

 What are your choices? What’s possible? If you could do it over, what 

would you do differently? 

 What would happen if . . . ? What’s your plan? Next steps? And then?
Reading About Questions

 Change your Questions, Change Your Life, by Marilee 

Adams

 Humble Inquiry – The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of 

Telling, by Edgar Schein

 Power Questions – Build Relationships and Influence 

Others, by Andrew Sobel & Jerald Panas

 The Art of Powerful Questions – Catalyzing Insight, 

Innovation, and Action, by Eric Vogt, Juanita Brown, and David 

Isaacs
Narrative: The Power Of Stories

Every conflict involves a story, and until that story is told and 

understood, the conflict is unlikely to be resolved.

People live their lives thru their stories. Stories provide “a sense of 

continuity in life . . . And enable people to have a sense of coherence 

about who they are.” These “background scripts” contain 

assumptions about how the world is, how people should be, and how 

people should respond when the “rules” are broken. 

Look for people’s stories, the different stories in a dispute, how those 

stories intersect, and how we can help people deconstruct their 

stories and envision new ones. 

-- From J. Winslade and G. Monk, “Practicing Narrative Mediation: 

Loosening the Grip of Conflict.” 
The Language Of Negotiation

Negotiation is a “joint decision-making process involving 

interactive communication in which parties lack 

identical interests but attempt to reach agreement.” G. 

Blum & R. Mnookin in “The Negotiator’s Fieldbook”, ABA Section of Dispute 

Resolution

 “To get what YOU need, help the other person get 

something THEY need”

 “Make it EASY for the other person to see things YOUR 

way”
Bringing It All Together: Communication 

About Performance 

1. Establish a positive background and baseline, including –

 An environment of trust (see above)

 Clear expectations about required and successful performance

2. Provide feedback related to accountability, including –

 Positive and reinforcing feedback on what an employee has done 

well – building for the future

 Bridging questions and dialogue to encourage self-reflection and 

perspectives on opportunities for growth and improvement

 Constructive feedback on areas where (and how) improvements 

may be achieved – or are expected!
Communication About Performance

The manager/supervisor has an obligation to be open 

and honest about accountability and performance (good 

and otherwise) --

-- and the employee has a right to receive open, 

objective, and honest feedback on accountability and 

performance.

- - - -

Framing their discussion with trust-building behaviors and 

good communication practices reduces tensions and 

promotes positive change and growth for both!