Child Welfare Information Gateway

Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS

1250 Maryland Avenue, SW

Eighth Floor

Washington, DC 20024

800.394.3366

Email: info@childwelfare.gov

https://www.childwelfare.gov

FACTSHEET 

FOR FAMILIES

October 2013

Adopting as a 

Single Parent

Use your smartphone to 

access this factsheet online.

What’s Inside:

• Making the decision to adopt

• The path to adoption

• Parenting your child

• Conclusion

• Resources

Many single people are choosing to adopt, reflecting 

national trends toward greater acceptance of nontraditional 

families. Nationally, approximately one-quarter of children 

and youth, or about 22 million, are growing up in singleparent households.1 In 2011, nearly one-third of adoptions 

from foster care were completed by unmarried people. This 

included adoptions by 1,400 single men and more than 

1	 U.S. Census Bureau. (2009). Custodial mothers and fathers and their child support: 

2007. Washington, DC: Author. Retrieved from http://www.census.gov/prod/2009pubs/

p60-237.pdf
Adopting as a Single Parent https://www.childwelfare.gov

2

13,000 single women.2 Several research 

studies have shown that adopted children 

raised by single parents experience 

outcomes that are as good as, if not better 

than, those for children adopted by 

couples.3

Despite these statistics, many single people 

report that they are more likely than couples 

to experience challenges in completing an 

adoption. Biases that persist against singleparent adoption in some circles reflect some 

of the disadvantages of single parenting, 

including greater financial pressures and the 

lack of a second parent with whom to share 

responsibilities. Nonetheless, single adoptive 

parents are quick to point out that their 

families also possess unique advantages. 

For example, some children who have 

experienced trauma or attachment 

difficulties may experience a higher degree 

of consistency and emotional safety with 

single-parent than with dual-parent families.

As one single adoptive parent said, 

“It’s been a journey that I never, 

ever expected. One filled with 

challenges, hard times, and changing 

expectations.”

Although the desire to adopt a child is an 

emotional one, the more realistic your 

expectations are, the more likely you will 

be to complete a successful adoption and 

develop a satisfying lifelong relationship 

with your child or children. Learning as 

2	 U.S.	Department	of	Health	and	Human	Services,	Children’s	

Bureau.	(2012).	The AFCARS report: Preliminary FY 2011 

estimates as of July 2012	(No.	19).	Washington,	DC:	Author.	

Retrieved	from	http://www.acf.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/cb/

afcarsreport19.pdf	

3	 Shireman,	J.	F.	(1995).	Adoptions	by	single	parents.	In	M.	B.	

Sussman	&	S.	Hanson	(Eds.),	Single parent families: Diversity, 

myths and realities	(pp.	367–388).	New	York,	NY:	Routledge.

much as you can about the core issues of 

adoption, the impact of trauma on children, 

and the special needs that many adopted 

children experience can increase your 

chances for success.

This factsheet discusses some of the main 

issues to consider when making the decision 

to adopt as a single person. 

We recognize that this is just a starting point 

on your adoption journey. Throughout this 

factsheet, we will refer to other resources, 

where they are relevant. Much more 

information about adoption is available on 

the Child Welfare Information Gateway 

website: https://www.childwelfare.gov/

adoption

This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare

Information Gateway. Available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/single_parent.cfm

Making the Decision 

to Adopt

The decision to adopt as a single parent 

involves a series of considerations, 

including, for some, whether to parent 

alone (rather than wait for a partner) and 

how to become a parent. This factsheet 

focuses exclusively on the decision to build 

your family through adoption. However, 

if you are considering other paths to 

becoming a single parent, you may find that 

many of the issues discussed in this section 

apply to your situation, as well. 

It is important to note that there are other 

options, besides parenting, for making a 

difference in children’s lives. If you decide 

single parenting is not right for you, you 

can still develop a special relationship 

with a child as an aunt or uncle, neighbor, 

teacher, group or club leader, respite care 
Adopting as a Single Parent

3 This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare

Information Gateway. Available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/single_parent.cfm

https://www.childwelfare.gov

provider, court-appointed special advocate 

(CASA), mentor, or even as a sponsor to a 

child in another country. 

Deciding to Parent 

It is a good idea for anyone making the 

decision to parent to explore why you want 

a child. Experience has shown that if your 

urge to parent comes primarily from a desire 

to meet your own needs (e.g., loneliness, 

disappointment in romantic relationships, 

unresolved fertility or other losses), 

parenting will prove more challenging and 

less satisfying for both you and your child. 

If, however, your desire to parent arises from 

a wish to meet a child’s needs and enjoy 

a relationship with him or her, adoption 

has a greater chance of a positive outcome. 

As a single parent, some additional 

considerations include your support system, 

your job, and your finances.

Your Support System

All parents need support; as a single parent, 

your support system will be especially 

critical. Consider the following questions 

about your relationships with family and 

friends: 

• Do you have people you are close to? Do 

you feel comfortable calling on them for 

help, and accepting help when they offer 

it? 

• Are your friends and family supportive of 

your decision to parent alone? 

• How might your friends and family feel 

about the children who are available for 

adoption? For example, will they support 

you in parenting an older child? A child 

of another race/ethnicity? A child with 

special physical, mental, or emotional 

needs? A child from another country who 

has spent time in institutional care?

• If you consider your own parents to be 

part of your support system, consider 

their ages, health, and well-being. Might 

you find yourself taking on caregiving 

responsibilities for your own parents 

before your children are grown? Are your 

parents young and healthy enough that 

they can realistically provide backup 

childcare and support?

“I may be a single parent, but I’m not 

raising my children alone.”

Experienced single parents suggest that you 

talk to friends and family about specific 

needs that might arise after you bring your 

child home. For example:

• Who will come over to help when you or 

your child is sick?

• Who will answer a phone call in the 

middle of the night?

• Who lives close by and can provide help 

at a moment’s notice, if needed?

• Is there someone you would trust 

to provide respite overnight or for a 

weekend?

• Who could pick up your child from 

school, if you were stuck at work or in 

traffic?

• Whom could you trust to act as guardian 

for your child, in the event of your death?

If you have difficulty answering some of 

these questions, you may need to consider 

whether your support system is strong 

enough, or whether it might be advisable 

to focus on expanding it before you 
Adopting as a Single Parent https://www.childwelfare.gov

4 This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare

Information Gateway. Available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/single_parent.cfm

adopt. Keep in mind that biological family 

members are just one option: friends and 

“chosen family” may be just as important 

to you. Some families have even “adopted” 

grandparents. Other adoptive and singleparent families also can be a great source of 

mutual support or occasional respite. Your 

support system will naturally evolve over 

time, and it is possible that new people will 

come into your life because of your child. 

Unexpected new relationships are one of the 

great benefits of parenting alone, if you are 

open to them. Nonetheless, it is essential 

to have strong supports in place prior to 

bringing your child home, and well before a 

crisis.

“It really does take a village ... and 

the best village is other adoptive 

parents.”

No matter how wonderful your support 

system, you will be the sole parent for your 

child. The lack of time for yourself and 

the amount of pressure and responsibility 

involved in parenting alone are significant 

factors to consider. Be honest with yourself 

about your parenting style and expectations. 

If you have very high expectations for 

yourself or your children, or a tendency to 

be inflexible, single parenting may prove 

especially difficult. 

If you decide to adopt, you may want 

to put dating on hold, at least for a 

while. You should expect to spend your 

first few months to several years of 

parenthood forming a secure, one-onone attachment as your child’s primary 

caregiver. Even after that time, dating 

as a single adoptive parent poses some 

significant challenges. These include 

limited time and babysitting options, 

as well as questions about when to 

introduce children to a new relationship 

and how to educate a new partner about 

adoption issues and any special needs 

your child might have.

A NOTE ABOUT ROMANTIC 

RELATIONSHIPS

Your Job

As a single parent, it is likely that you 

will be a working parent. Make sure your 

expectations are realistic by envisioning 

what your weekdays will be like, in 

addition to imagining weekends and other 

special times with your child. Consider 

the hours spent working, commuting, and 

sleeping, as well as other routine parenting 

responsibilities such as preparing meals, 

completing housework, and helping with 

homework. Also evaluate the nature of your 

work and your employer’s culture. How 

compatible is your present career with the 

life of a single parent? For example: 

• Do you consider your employer to be 

family friendly? 

• Are there other parents and single parents 

in roles similar to yours at the company? 

If you are hoping for further promotions, 

how might parenting affect this goal?
Adopting as a Single Parent

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Information Gateway. Available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/single_parent.cfm

https://www.childwelfare.gov

• What is your company’s policy regarding 

sick days and personal leave time? Are 

these days adequate to care for both your 

own and your child’s illnesses? (Keep in 

mind that children, even those without 

special needs, are sick quite often during 

their early years while their immune 

systems are developing. You may find 

that you are sick more often than usual, 

too.)

• How much travel does your job require? 

Is travel optional or flexible? Can you 

bring your child with you, or who will 

care for him or her while you are away?

• Does your job offer comprehensive 

medical benefits that will cover the cost 

of your child’s medical and mental health 

needs?

• Does your schedule allow for some 

flexibility, such as leaving at a moment’s 

notice if you get a call from your child’s 

school, or working from home when your 

child is under the weather?

Your Finances

“You don’t have to be rich and do 

fancy things, but it takes more than 

love.”

Cost is another consideration when 

becoming a single parent. According to a 

2011 U.S. Department of Agriculture survey, 

single-parent families with one child under 

age 18 spend between $10,000 and $12,000 

per year on child-related expenses.4 When 

considering whether you can comfortably 

4	 Lino,	Mark.	(2012).	Expenditures on children by families, 2011 

(Miscellaneous	Publication	Number	1528-2011).	Alexandria,	VA:	

United	States	Department	of	Agriculture,	Center	for	Nutrition	

Policy	and	Promotion.	Retrieved	from	http://www.cnpp.usda.

gov/Publications/CRC/crc2011.pdf

support a child, be sure to look beyond 

the initial cost to complete the adoption, 

including the following:

• Child care (while you are working as well 

as babysitters and respite care)

• Afterschool care and summer camps for 

school-age children

• Medical care (including potential 

therapies for grief and loss, attachment 

difficulties, learning disabilities, or other 

special needs)

• Activities (sports, music, etc.)

• Education

This is not to say that only wealthy parents 

can successfully raise healthy, happy 

children. Children need loving families, 

first and foremost. However, financial stress 

can be greater in single-parent households, 

which rely on one income and often have 

little to fall back on in the case of a layoff, 

job loss, or disability that prevents the sole 

parent from working. 

If you adopt a child with special needs 

from foster care, your child will most likely 

be eligible for adoption assistance. If you 

adopt through private or intercountry 

adoption, your child may also be eligible 

for nonrecurring expenses and, although 

it is rare, these children are sometimes also 

eligible for adoption subsidy. Each State’s 

policy around adoption assistance varies, 

and you should review what your particular 

State offers in terms of State subsidies.5 The 

amount of this subsidy, however, will not 

be enough to cover all of the costs of caring 

for a child. In addition, keep in mind that 

5	 For State-by-State information on adoption assistance, visit

https://www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/adopt_assistance.
Adopting as a Single Parent https://www.childwelfare.gov

6 This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare

Information Gateway. Available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/single_parent.cfm

some costs, such as buying a larger house to 

accommodate your family or contributing 

to college tuition, will extend beyond the 

subsidy period.

Can I Adopt?

Many people considering becoming parents 

may wonder whether adoption is a viable 

option in their situation. For example, 

you may be wondering, “Can I adopt if I 

am divorced or widowed? What if I have 

never been married?” Some people question 

whether they are too old or young to adopt, 

or whether they have a high enough income 

or enough assets to qualify. Gay men and 

lesbian women (single or partnered) may 

wonder whether a single parent adoption 

is an option for them. The answers to these 

questions will depend on many factors, 

including the State in which you live, the 

agency with which you decide to work, and 

the child or children you wish to adopt.

The following publication discusses State 

laws regarding eligibility for becoming an 

adoptive parent (in terms of marital status, 

age, residency, and more): https://www.

childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/

statutes/parties.pdf 

For more information and resources about 

factors that might affect your eligibility 

to adopt, see the Information Gateway 

webpage Who Can Adopt? at https://

www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/adoptive/

whocan.cfm 

A Word About Foster Parenting

Some people consider foster parenting as a 

step to deciding whether adoption is right 

for them. There are some advantages to this 

approach. Providing foster care to a child in 

your home will give you a good idea of how 

your life will change if you adopt and to 

what degree the responsibilities of parenting 

conflict with work demands. You will get a 

realistic idea of how tired you may feel, how 

your parenting style may differ from what 

you expected or how it changes under stress, 

and whether your current support system is 

adequate. You also may develop a better idea 

of what kinds of children you are and are 

not willing or able to parent. For example, 

you may wonder about adopting an older 

youth or whether you are equipped to care 

for a child who is medically fragile. 

If you decide to pursue foster parenting, it is 

important to be as honest as you can with 

yourself and your caseworker about your 

reasons for fostering, what you can handle 

emotionally, and what kind of support 

you are willing and able to provide to a 

child. The majority of children in foster 

care return to their biological families.6 In 

these cases, foster parents must be willing 

to support the child in working toward a 

positive reunification with their family. On 

the other hand, when parents are not able 

to correct the conditions that brought their 

children into foster care, the goal changes 

to adoption. More than half of children 

adopted from foster care are adopted by 

their foster parents.7 Being clear up front 

about whether you are ready to make a 

permanent commitment to a child may help 

minimize additional trauma that would be 

caused by his or her move to another family.

For more information about foster 

parenting: https://www.childwelfare.gov/

outofhome/resources_kinship/resources_

foster_families.cfm

6	 U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Children’s

Bureau, AFCARS report.

7	 Ibid.
Adopting as a Single Parent

7 This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare

Information Gateway. Available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/single_parent.cfm

https://www.childwelfare.gov

The Path to Adoption

Once you have made the decision that 

adoption is right for you, you may consider 

several different ways to adopt a child. 

It is important to understand that the 

types of adoption described here are more 

similar than they are different. All forms of 

adoption involve some trauma and loss for 

the child, although the degree varies greatly. 

No matter how old the child is at the time 

of adoption, or how he or she joins your 

family, adoption-related issues may arise at 

any point during his or her life. 

For more information about concerns 

for adopted people, see Lifelong Impact of 

Adoption: https://www.childwelfare.gov/

adoption/adopt_people/impact.cfm

For more information about the adoption 

process in general, see Adoption: Where Do 

I Start? at https://www.childwelfare.gov/

pubs/f_start.pdf

Choosing a Type of Adoption

This section covers some of the factors and 

characteristics of various types of adoption, 

including single-parent eligibility, risks, 

and financial assistance. More information 

about the different types of adoption can be 

found in the Information Gateway factsheet 

Adoption Options: https://www.childwelfare.

gov/pubs/f_adoptoption.pdf

Foster Care Adoption 

Adoption from foster care by single people 

is fairly common. The first formal effort to 

engage single parents for adoption in the 

United States took place in 1965.8 In 2011, 

close to one-third of the children adopted 

from foster care (30 percent) were adopted 

by single people.9 Although these adoptive 

parents have traditionally been almost 

exclusively women, more than 1,400 foster 

care adoptions were completed by single 

men in 2011.

Single-Parent Eligibility:

In an adoption from foster care, the decision 

about whether to place a child in a singleparent home will be made by the child’s 

caseworker in accordance with agency 

policy and beliefs about the child’s best 

interests; therefore, be sure to ask questions 

about policy and preferences when selecting 

an agency (see Selecting an Agency). In 

some cases, the agency or caseworker may 

prefer to place children in a two-parent 

home when possible. However, there is 

growing recognition in the field that some 

children function better in the right singleparent home (for example, when a child 

has suffered trauma or has attachment 

difficulties). 

Risks:

Many children adopted from foster care will 

have some special physical, mental, social, 

or emotional needs. Be honest with yourself 

and your caseworker as you consider your 

ability to cope with various needs and your 

willingness to access support and respite 

care services.

8	 Herman, E. (2012). Single parent adoptions [Webpage].

Eugene, OR: The Adoption History Project. Retrieved

from http://pages.uoregon.edu/adoption/topics/

singleparentadoptions.htm

9	 U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Children’s

Bureau, AFCARS report.
Adopting as a Single Parent https://www.childwelfare.gov

8 This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare

Information Gateway. Available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/single_parent.cfm

The term “special needs” has a 

specific meaning within the adoption 

community that has to do with a 

child’s ability to qualify for Federal 

adoption assistance (subsidy). 

Children may receive this label for 

any of several reasons, including their 

age, membership in a sibling group, 

or ethnic background, in addition 

to medical, physical, or emotional 

disabilities. For more information, see 

Information Gateway’s “Special Needs” 

Adoption: What Does It Mean? at https://

www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/

specialneeds/

You may be asked if you are willing to 

accept the placement of a child in your 

home who is not yet legally freed for 

adoption. If you say yes, you are agreeing 

to support the child’s positive reunification 

with his or her birth family or relatives, if 

that becomes an option. If the birth family 

is unable to complete the steps necessary 

to reunify their family, then their parental 

rights will be terminated, making the 

child eligible for adoption. By taking on 

this risk yourself, you are minimizing the 

child’s risk of another move and additional 

trauma. However, consider whether this 

level of uncertainty is tolerable for you, your 

support system, and any other children 

living in your home.

Financial Considerations:

Many children with special needs who 

are adopted from foster care are eligible 

for Federal and State adoption assistance 

(subsidy) to help with the cost of their 

continued care. If you are adopting a 

child with special needs, be sure that you 

understand what kinds of assistance he or 

she is eligible for, under what circumstances, 

and for how long.

Further Information:

• Adopting Children From Foster Care: 

https://www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/

adoptive/foster_care.cfm

Intercountry Adoption

Many single people have successfully built 

their families by adopting children from 

other countries.

Single-Parent Eligibility:

Eligibility guidelines for adoptive parents 

are set by the sending country and change 

frequently. Some countries permit adoptions 

by single people, but most do not. Other 

requirements, such as the age limit for 

adoptive parents, may be different for single 

people than for married couples applying 

to adopt. In some countries, single parents 

are permitted to adopt children with special 

needs only, or the percentage of children 

who can be placed with single parents may 

be limited. 

Information about country-specific 

guidelines can be found on the U.S. 

Department of State website: http://

adoption.state.gov/country_information.

php

Risks:

There are many reasons why people decide 

that adopting a child from another country 

is right for them. However, if your reason 

for considering intercountry adoption is to 

avoid issues and needs that are common 

among waiting children in foster care in 
Adopting as a Single Parent

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Information Gateway. Available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/single_parent.cfm

https://www.childwelfare.gov

the United States, be aware that many 

children adopted from other countries 

share similar histories and characteristics. In 

addition to the trauma of being separated 

from their birth parents, which every 

adopted child experiences, many children 

adopted internationally spend time in 

orphanages, without the care and attention 

of a dedicated adult. This can affect their 

current well-being, as well as their ability 

to form healthy attachments later in life. In 

addition, little may be known about your 

child’s genetic history, life experiences, and/

or medical status prior to adoption. 

Because you are often matched with a child 

for some time prior to completing the 

adoption, there is a chance that changes in 

diplomatic relations between the United 

States and the sending country, or changes 

in the sending country’s adoption laws 

and policies, may delay or prevent you 

from bringing your child home. Working 

with a reputable adoption service provider 

experienced in intercountry adoption may 

reduce but will not completely eliminate 

this risk.

Financial Considerations:

In addition to agency fees and other costs, 

completing an intercountry adoption often 

requires travel to the sending country to 

meet and bring your child home. Countries 

vary in their requirements for the number 

and length of these visits. This travel has 

benefits in addition to costs—you will 

learn more about your child and his or her 

country of origin, and you may find yourself 

developing a special bond with a country 

and people very different from your own.

Children adopted via intercountry adoption 

may be eligible for nonrecurring expenses 

or subsidies to offset the costs of medical 

or other therapy needs in rare cases. Each 

State’s policy around adoption assistance 

varies, and you should review what your 

particular State offers in terms of State 

subsidies for children adopted through 

intercountry adoption.10 Parents adopting 

via intercountry adoption are still eligible 

for the Federal tax credit. 

Further Information:

• Adopting Children From Another 

Country: https://www.childwelfare.gov/

adoption/adoptive/other_country.cfm

Private Domestic Adoption

Domestic adoption of infants through 

a licensed private agency or through an 

attorney (independent adoption) is the least 

common way for single people (or married 

couples) to become adoptive parents. Fewer 

infants are available for adoption than were 

just a few decades ago, in part because of the 

decreased stigma regarding single parenting, 

so the wait for a healthy infant can be long. 

Agency and birth family preferences also 

play a significant role. However, some single 

adoptive parents do take this route. 

Single-Parent Eligibility:

Birth families, and particularly birth 

mothers, are increasingly involved in the 

selection of adoptive parents for their 

infants. Some birth mothers express a 

preference for two-parent families, and 

some choose single parents over eligible 

couples. Agency, caseworker, or attorney 

biases may affect your eligibility to adopt 

or the likelihood that a birth mother will 

10	 For	State-by-State	information	on	adoption	assistance,	visit	

https://www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/adopt_assistance.
Adopting as a Single Parent https://www.childwelfare.gov

10 This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare

Information Gateway. Available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/single_parent.cfm

be discouraged from selecting you to parent 

her child, so be sure to ask a lot of questions 

when selecting an agency or attorney (see 

next section, Selecting an Agency). 

Risks:

Adopting an infant through private 

domestic adoption carries the least risk 

for trauma that may occur before a child 

is placed in your home. However, all 

adoptions involve loss, and it is common for 

issues related to adoption to surface in even 

the happiest of homes. Although you are 

likely to have a fair amount of information 

about the birth mother, there still may 

be unknowns about your child’s genetic 

history or prenatal care—and as with any 

child, whether joining your family by birth 

or adoption, there are no guarantees that 

special needs will not arise. 

You may be matched with a birth mother 

for some time (even months) prior to your 

child being born. Despite any agreements 

made prior to that time, the birth family 

always has a certain window of time after 

the birth in which to change their minds 

about adoption. (Learn more about a 

birth family’s rights to revoke consent in 

Information Gateway’s Consent to Adoption: 

https://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/

laws_policies/statutes/consent.cfm) Working 

with a reputable adoption service provider 

(agency or attorney) that provides extensive 

counseling for birth families, and birth 

mothers in particular, can help minimize 

but will never completely eliminate this risk.

Financial Considerations:

Children adopted via private domestic 

adoption may be eligible for adoption 

assistance to help offset the costs of any 

medical or therapy needs. Children adopted 

privately, who are SSI-eligible, would also be 

eligible for adoption assistance. Each State’s 

policy around adoption assistance varies, 

and you should review what your particular 

State offers in terms of State subsidies 

for children adopted through private 

adoption.11 Their parents are still eligible for 

the Federal adoption tax credit (as of July 

2013). 

Further Information:

• Adopting Infants Domestically Through 

a Licensed Private Agency or an Attorney 

(Independent Adoption): https://www.

childwelfare.gov/adoption/adoptive/

domestic_adopt.cfm

Selecting an Agency

Obviously, one of the first things to 

learn about any adoption agency you 

are considering will be its policy and 

preferences regarding single-parent 

adoptions. If agency personnel seem critical 

or discouraging of your choice, you will 

likely be better served to find another 

agency. Assuming the agency is welcoming 

to single people, as many are, you may want 

to explore these additional questions:

• Is the agency licensed to provide 

adoption services in your State? 

• What accreditations does the agency 

hold? (Agencies that have been accredited 

have gone through a review process 

focused on providing quality services.)

• What kind of counseling and support do 

staff offer to the birth family? (It is better 

for you, the birth family, and your child if 

the birth family feels at peace with their 

11	 For	State-by-State	information	on	adoption	assistance,	visit	

https://www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/adopt_assistance.
Adopting as a Single Parent

11 This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare

Information Gateway. Available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/single_parent.cfm

https://www.childwelfare.gov

decision and the plan they have made for 

their child.)

• What kinds of classes or workshops 

does the agency offer that will help you 

understand the needs of children waiting 

to be adopted?

• What degrees of openness in adoption 

does the agency support? (For more about 

open adoptions, see Contact With Birth 

Family: https://www.childwelfare.gov/

adoption/adoptive/contacts.cfm)

• What kinds of postadoption support do 

staff provide (support groups, ongoing 

training, online forums, respite)? Do they 

have any support specifically for single 

parents? 

Preparing to Bring Your Child Home

“Most families get 9 months to prepare 

[for a child]. I got a phone call.”

You may not know exactly when a child will 

be placed in your home, and in some cases 

it can happen with little advance notice. 

That’s why experienced single parents 

recommend beginning to prepare for your 

adoption early, even before you are matched 

with a child. The following suggestions may 

help:

Before you are matched with a child:

• Get training on the core issues of 

adoption. Understand the importance 

of attachment and forming a strong, 

secure bond with your child. Learn as 

much as you can about the special needs 

an adopted child might have, including 

trauma, attachment disorders, and fetal 

alcohol spectrum disorder.

• Address your own losses. How have 

you dealt with past experiences of loss 

(which might include infertility, romantic 

relationships, childhood trauma, or even 

just your idea of a “perfect” family)? 

As one adoptive parent said, “You will 

be triggered constantly by your child’s 

losses,” so it is a good idea to get some 

professional support, if needed. 

• Learn as much as you can about the types 

of children available for adoption. If you 

have not already, spend time around 

the age and type of child that you are 

considering adopting, as well as children 

from diverse backgrounds and with 

varying needs and abilities. Know your 

limits and be clear about what you can 

and cannot live with.

• If you are considering adopting a 

child from a different racial or ethnic 

background from yours, learn as much 

as you can about the child’s heritage, 

country of origin (if not the United 

States), and issues facing transracial 

families. Connect with families and 

adults who “look like” your child or 

family. Now is a great time to build 

relationships and bolster your support 

system.

• Learn how the child welfare system works 

(if adopting from foster care) and what 

kind of postadoption services or supports 

your agency provides.

• Create a support system specifically for 

you and your adoption process. Meet 

regularly with a small group of chosen 

friends who can support you in different 

ways. This can be a huge help before, 

during, and after you adopt.
Adopting as a Single Parent https://www.childwelfare.gov

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• Connect with an adoption support group. 

This is an excellent way to get your 

questions answered and learn more about 

how to handle possible challenges before 

they arise.

After you are matched with a child, before your 

child comes home:

• Get training on anything you can 

related to your specific child and his or 

her history, including his or her ethnic 

background, country of origin, traumas, 

or special needs.

• Identify local providers of adoptioncompetent therapy and other supports 

that you and your child might need.

• Share as much information as you can 

about your child with your existing 

support system, so that you get a sense 

of what they can and will help with, 

and what additional supports might be 

helpful.

• If your child will be adopted 

internationally, prepare yourself to 

gather any and all information available 

about your child at the time of his or her 

placement. You may never get another 

chance to ask those important questions. 

Parenting Your Child

Parenting advice is everywhere these 

days, fueling countless books, blogs, and 

websites. The information below is by 

no means comprehensive, but it does 

represent some tips from experienced single 

adoptive parents. You can find much more 

information about parenting after adoption 

on the Information Gateway website: 

https://www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/

adopt_parenting/

Bonding With Your Child

The quality of your relationship with your 

child will have a tremendous impact on 

his or her well-being. When your child 

first comes home, plan to spend dedicated 

time (as much as your job and finances will 

allow) creating an environment where he 

or she feels safe, secure, and loved. Keep 

in mind that, no matter how old they are 

when they come to your home, they are 

experiencing a loss of everything they have 

known and are probably frightened. Some 

suggestions to help children feel secure 

include:

• Establish regular routines and keep to 

them, so your child knows what to expect 

and learns that she or he can rely on you.

• Allow your child to choose favorite or 

familiar foods (if old enough), and make 

sure he or she knows that there is plenty 

of it.

• Encourage your child to keep a comfort 

object close by (e.g., a favorite blanket or 

stuffed animal).

• After returning to work, keep a flexible 

schedule, if possible, so that you can be 

home when your child is home (after 

school with an older child, for example).

“When it comes to helping your child 

feel secure, the little things are huge ... 

Slow down your expectations and take 

it one moment at a time.”

The need for bonding does not end as the 

child grows. For older children, showing 

interest in their hobbies, books, movies, 

games, and TV shows is a great way to stay 

connected. Find activities that you both 

enjoy. 
Adopting as a Single Parent

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Information Gateway. Available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/single_parent.cfm

https://www.childwelfare.gov

“You have to take opportunities to 

have fun with your kids. If the two 

of you are connected, your child is 

much less likely to get into trouble and 

more likely to come to you for help if 

needed.”

Making Adoption Feel “Normal”

Whenever possible, avoid comparing 

your family to others—as a single-parent, 

adoptive family, you are going to look and 

behave in ways that are different from other 

families. If your child is of a different race, 

you will likely encounter some racism and 

other challenges. Your status as an adopted 

family will be more visible to others, and 

you (or your child) may at times find 

yourself asked to be a “spokesperson” for 

adoption. Many adoptive parents find 

that the joys of sharing their lives with a 

child and embracing another culture or 

community far outweigh these difficulties.

Do get in the habit of talking about 

adoption often, as a matter of course, so that 

it doesn’t become a “secret” or something 

the child is afraid to bring up. Some ideas 

from other single parents include the 

following:

• Create a Lifebook for your child. Be sure 

to include entries that relate to his or 

her life before joining your family. If you 

don’t have actual photos or information, 

include what you do know or have (e.g., 

an image of China’s flag).

• Each year, celebrate the day your child 

came home or the date of your family’s 

adoption finalization. This might be 

referred to as “the day we became a 

family.”

• Include an extra candle on your child’s 

birthday cake in recognition and thanks 

for the child’s birth/first family.

• Emphasize that adoption was a conscious, 

thoughtful choice on your part (and the 

part of the birth family, if applicable). 

Make it clear that your child is loved and 

wanted.

• Bring up adoption and its related losses 

from time to time. “I wonder if your birth 

parents were good at sports. Do you ever 

wonder about that?”

Self-Care 

“We need to take care of ourselves, 

too. It’s okay to need help and to rely 

on other people.”

Although every family is different, most 

single parents agree on one thing: You 

must continue to meet your own needs! 

This is not always easy. However, taking 

time for yourself will be important to 

maintaining your health and well-being. 

Some recommendations from other single 

adoptive parents include the following:

• Continue to build and maintain 

your support network. This includes 

nonadoption friendships, as well as your 

adoption support friends.

• Attend trainings about adoption issues 

and/or your child’s special needs 

regularly. In addition to enhancing 

your knowledge and skills, these are 

opportunities for you to make social 

connections and reduce feelings of 

isolation.

• Do something you enjoy, just for you, 

at least a couple of times per week. This 
Adopting as a Single Parent https://www.childwelfare.gov

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could be as simple as taking a bath or 

a short bike ride, or pursuing a creative 

hobby.

• Build positive memories with your 

children. Find things that you can all 

enjoy together—it doesn’t matter what 

the activity is, as long as you are laughing 

and having fun.

• Celebrate small successes with your 

children.

• Commit to having some regular child 

care. Consider establishing a trade system 

with other single parents; they may be 

your best and most reliable source of 

help.

• Take advantage of respite opportunities 

when you can. This could be a weeklong 

vacation, a weekend away, or even just 

getting a babysitter for a few hours’ break.

• If you start to feel overwhelmed, reach 

out and get help! Asking for help does 

not mean you have failed.

“It’s important to give yourself that 

break, to get away.”

Adopting Again 

It is natural after a successful adoption to 

think about bringing another child into 

your family. Any family with more than one 

child must consider how they will balance 

the children’s needs for parental time, 

energy, and affection. Financial concerns 

and needs such as child care also increase in 

any family when adding a second child. The 

following are some specific considerations 

suggested by single adoptive parents:

• With each additional child, the chance 

that one of them will have significant 

special needs increases. 

• Your support system will become even 

more important when one child has a 

medical or therapy appointment, or for 

any reason your children simply need 

to be in two different places at the same 

time.

• Children with trauma backgrounds and 

attachment issues often do better one on 

one. This can be difficult to balance as a 

single parent with more than one child.

• On the other hand, as children get older 

they often appreciate the company and 

camaraderie of siblings. The sibling 

relationship also may relieve some of 

the pressure you experience as their sole 

parent. 

Conclusion

Although adopting as a single parent may 

feel overwhelming at times, the bottom line 

is this: Many single people have successfully 

adopted children, and many more are 

parenting adopted children alone due to 

divorce, deployment, or death of a spouse. 

Most single parents agree that the joy of 

bringing a child into your life far outweighs 

the hard work required. Millions of children 

are growing up healthy and happy in 

single-parent households, and—with a little 

preparation and hard work—yours can, too. 

Like all worthwhile journeys, the path of 

single adoptive parenthood is easiest when 

taken one step at a time.
Adopting as a Single Parent https://www.childwelfare.gov

For more information about parenting 

adopted children, see Parenting After 

Adoption on the Child Welfare Information 

Gateway website: https://www.childwelfare.

gov/adoption/adopt_parenting/

Resources

The following is a brief selection of resources 

that may be of particular interest to those 

considering single parent adoption. For 

the most recent resources related to single 

parent adoption and other adoption issues, 

search the Child Welfare Information 

Gateway Library: https://www.childwelfare.

gov/library/

Books

• Adoption for Singles: Everything You Need 

to Know to Decide If Parenthood Is for 

You. Second Edition. Victoria Solsberry. 

CreateSpace Independent Publishing 

Platform, 2010.

• Single Adoptive Parents: Our Stories.

Sherry Fine and Lee Varon. Bookstand 

Publishing, 2012.

• Wounded Children, Healing Homes: How 

Traumatized Children Impact Adoptive and 

Foster Families. Jayne Schooler, Betsy 

Keefer Smalley, and Timothy Callahan. 

Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress, 2009.

Online Resources

• Adoption Learning Partners. Wide 

range of online training on a variety of 

adoption-related topics. http://www.

adoptionlearningpartners.org/index.cfm

• Adoption Today/Fostering Families Today.

Resources for foster care, domestic 

adoption, and intercountry adoption. 

http://www.fosteringfamiliestoday.com/

• Adoptive Families: Single Adopters and 

Parents Resources. Adoptive Families

articles, books, and other resources for 

single adoptive parents. http://www.

adoptivefamilies.com/singles

• ATTACh. An international coalition of 

professionals and families dedicated 

to helping those with attachment 

difficulties. www.attach.org

• North American Council on Adoptable 

Children. Offers information and 

resources about how to adopt, adoption 

subsidies, parent groups, postadoption 

support, and more. http://www.nacac.org

• The SEEA-L List. A mailing list for single 

parents who are involved in adoption 

from Eastern Europe. Preadoption 

parents are welcome. http://eeadopt.org/

subscribe-today-mainmenu-71/63-theseea-l-list-single-adopters.html 

• Single Mothers by Choice. Provides 

support and information to single 

women who are considering, or have 

chosen, single motherhood. http://www.

singlemothersbychoice.org/

• Yahoo! Adoption Groups. Chat groups 

for almost any adoption topic or type of 

adoption. http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/

dir/1600042055.

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Administration for Children and Families

Administration on Children, Youth and Families

Children’s Bureau