Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS

800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov

FACTSHEET 

FOR FAMILIES

February 2014

Are You Pregnant and 

Thinking About Adoption?

WHAT’S INSIDE

Understanding adoption

Gathering information 

and exploring 

your options

Making the adoption 

decision: questions 

to ask yourself

Selecting an agency or 

independent adoption

Selecting adoptive 

parents

Staying in touch with 

your child after adoption

Taking care of yourself

Resources for more 

information

Are you pregnant and thinking about placing 

your baby for adoption? Being well-informed 

may help you feel better about whatever decision 

you make—whether it is to place your child for 

adoption or to parent your child yourself. This 

factsheet provides information about adoption, 

presents questions to consider, and points to 

resources that may help you in exploring your 

options. Others who are affected by adoption 

decisions, such as expectant fathers and 

other relatives, also may find this factsheet 

useful for answering their questions.

Understanding Adoption

Adoption is a process—with legal, social, and 

emotional aspects—in which children who will 

not be raised by their birth parents become 

permanent legal members of another family. 

When it comes to adoption, there is no one 

right decision for everyone. Understanding 

adoption—including why others choose adoption 

or not and its long-term impact—may help you 

figure out what’s right for you and your child.
Are You Pregnant and Thinking About Adoption? https://www.childwelfare.gov

2

This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare Information Gateway. 

Available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_pregna

Why do some expectant parents choose to place their 

baby for adoption? Everyone’s situation is different, 

but many women (and their partners) choose adoption 

because they do not feel ready or able to raise a child. 

They often believe that the baby will have a better life in 

an adoptive home with parents who are ready to welcome 

and care for a child. As such, these mothers typically feel 

that they are putting their baby’s best interests ahead 

of their own. Other factors that sometimes play a part 

in parents’ decisions to place their children for adoption 

include money problems, personal goals, and family 

attitudes.

Why do some expectant parents choose to raise their 

baby rather than place the baby for adoption? Women 

experiencing an unplanned pregnancy (and their partners) 

who consider adoption but decide to raise their child 

themselves may do so because they conclude that they 

have the commitment and support necessary to raise a 

child. They may feel that maintaining their connection with 

their child and preventing a profound loss for themselves 

and their child outweigh any possible advantages of 

adoption. Some birth parents who were unsure before 

their child’s birth find they do feel ready to be a parent 

after they’ve held and connected with their baby.

What is the impact of the adoption decision? Adoption 

is more than a one-time legal event; adoption is a lifelong 

process with long-term impact for everyone involved (your 

child, you and your family members, the birth father and 

his relatives, and the adoptive family). Once an adoption 

is legally finalized, it is permanent, and it will change your 

relationship with your child forever. In the eyes of the 

law, your child is no longer related to you. The adoptive 

parents will raise your child and have full legal rights and 

responsibilities as the child’s parents. While experiences 

differ, many birth parents who place their child for 

adoption experience feelings of loss, grief, and guilt. For 

some, it is a traumatic experience. These feelings may 

persist many years after the adoption and may negatively 

affect birth parents’ later lives and relationships. (Read 

more at https://www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/adopt_

people/impact.cfm)

 Keep in mind: While birth parents and children who 

have been adopted often struggle with identity issues 

and lifelong feelings of loss and grief, many will learn 

how to work through these emotions, often with the 

help of counseling.

If I choose adoption, will I know what happens to 

my child? Placing a child for adoption does not mean 

necessarily that you won’t have any future contact with 

your child. In past generations, many adoptions were 

surrounded in secrecy, and communication between 

birth parents and their children was discouraged. Today, 

most infant adoptions have some degree of openness 

in which birth parents have some contact with adoptive 

parents and their children who have been adopted. (Open 

adoption is discussed further on page 8.) 

When do I have to make my decision? Most State laws 

require that the final decision to place a child for adoption 

be made after the baby is born.1

 Think of it as making the 

adoption decision twice—once while you are pregnant 

and again after giving birth. After consideration of your 

options, you may prepare for adoption by selecting a 

licensed adoption agency or adoption lawyer (see page 

5) and selecting adoptive parents (or parent) (see page 7). 

Nevertheless, the final and legal decision is made by you 

(or you and the father) after the child’s birth. 

 Keep in mind: It’s hard to know exactly how you’ll 

feel after the birth of your baby. You should not sign

papers that make the adoption final until you

are sure of your decision. Until the final papers are 

signed, you have parental rights to make decisions 

regarding your child.

1 For more information on your State’s laws and required waiting periods, talk 

to an adoption lawyer or adoption agency representative. See also Consent to 

Adoption at 

https://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/consent.cfm.
Are You Pregnant and Thinking About Adoption? https://www.childwelfare.gov

3

This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare Information Gateway. 

Available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_pregna

Gathering Information and Exploring 

Your Options

Gathering information, consulting with others, and 

thoughtfully exploring all your options will help you make 

a fully informed decision. Reading this publication can get 

you started. Other sources of information and support are 

described below.

 The Internet. If you are just beginning to research your 

options, the Internet can be helpful. You can explore 

the Internet using search terms such as “unplanned 

pregnancy,” “adoption options,” “parenting,” and 

“adoption birth mother” (or “birth father”) to name a 

few. Try to visit trustworthy websites (see the resources 

listed at the end of this publication). You also may want 

to look at blogs and discussion forums that include 

first-person accounts and may provide insights into the 

adoption process and what others have experienced. 

 Keep in mind: Information on the web can be 

biased or inaccurate. Try to look at several websites 

and blogs and note varied points of view as well as 

common themes. In addition, be aware that some 

dishonest online groups may try to take advantage 

of pregnant women at a vulnerable time.

 Books. Like the Internet, books can let you find and 

digest information in private. To get a complete view 

of adoption, you may want to look at books that 

present different perspectives, including those of 

parents who placed their children for adoption, parents 

who adopted children, children and adults who were 

adopted, and parents raising children in specific 

situations (for example, single parents or teen parents).

 Trusted friends and family members. It can be 

helpful to talk through your feelings and options with a 

trusted family member or friend. Try to find someone 

who will listen and won’t pressure you into making a 

decision that doesn’t feel right. 

 Keep in mind: While it’s good to talk things through 

with friends and family, ultimately, the decision is 

yours to make.2

2 In some States, a minor parent must have consent from his/her parents to 

place a child for adoption. See Information Gateway’s Consent to Adoption at 

https://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/consent.cfm. 

 Counselors. A trained counselor can help you to not 

only understand your options and their long-term 

implications, but also explore your feelings about 

those options. You can find professional counselors—

including therapists and social workers—at public 

departments of social services, local health or mental 

health centers and hospitals, and adoption agencies. 

Counselors also may be religious leaders, including 

pastors, rabbis, or others associated with a place 

of worship. Your doctor, friends, or family members 

may be able to refer you to a professional counselor. 

Referral services also can be found through local 

United Way organizations. (Try calling 211 or visiting 

http://211us.org/.) No matter where you go, look for a 

counselor who is experienced in working with pregnant 

women and who treats you with sensitivity and respect. 

 Keep in mind: It’s important to find a counselor 

who can answer your questions in an unbiased 

way and who doesn’t stand to gain from the 

decision you make. Some counselors may be 

predisposed toward one option (for example, due 

to professional affiliations), or they may have other 

people’s interests in mind (for example, prospective 

adoptive parents waiting to find an infant available 

for adoption). As such, some women prefer to find 

counselors that are not associated with an adoption 

agency or lawyer to lessen the likelihood of being 

pressured toward adoption.

 Adoption agencies and adoption lawyers. If you 

are leaning toward adoption, talking with someone 

at a licensed adoption agency or with a lawyer who 

specializes in adoption may be helpful to learn more 

about the adoption process. (See below for more 

information on selecting agencies and adoption 

lawyers.) 

 Keep in mind: Talking to an agency or lawyer does 

not mean that you’re promising to place your child 

for adoption but rather serves as another way to 

collect information. Do not sign any legal papers 

until you have made up your mind to develop an 

adoption plan.
Are You Pregnant and Thinking About Adoption? https://www.childwelfare.gov

4

This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare Information Gateway. 

Available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_pregna

Making the Adoption Decision: 

Questions to Ask Yourself 

The decision to place a child for adoption is never easy. 

Like the decision to parent a child, it takes courage and 

love. Following are some questions that you may want to 

think about as you make your decision.

Have I explored all my options? While you may be 

leaning in one direction, it’s important that you take time 

and explore all of your options. The options that “rise to 

the top” may vary depending on your circumstances and 

beliefs. Carefully assess the benefits and challenges of 

each option, as well as potential supports to address any 

challenges. Are you thinking about adoption only because 

you have current money problems or because your living 

situation is difficult? If so, there may be other answers. 

Have you asked friends and family if they can help? Have 

you looked into local programs or called Social Services 

to see what they can do? Social workers may be able to 

help you find a way to parent your baby by assisting with 

finding a place to live, child care, job training, or other 

supports. Alternatively, have you considered placing your 

child (formally or informally) with a family member? If you 

want more time to make your decision, have you asked 

an adoption agency whether there are any short-term 

options available (for example, temporary foster care)?

Have I involved the baby’s father in the decisionmaking process? There are several reasons for involving 

the baby’s father, not the least of which are fathers’ rights 

and State laws about fathers’ roles and responsibilities in 

adoption.3

 Most States require that the father (or the man 

you think is the father) be told about the baby before the 

adoption. This is true even if you aren‘t married to the 

father. While laws vary, your State’s law may require that 

your baby’s father (or your husband) sign legal papers 

agreeing to the adoption—granting legal “consent”—

before you can place your child for adoption.4

 In some 

cases where agencies and lawyers have pushed through 

adoptions without getting the father’s consent, the court 

has legally overturned the adoption. Note also that, in 

3 For more information, visit Fathers’ Involvement in Adoption Planning at

https://www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/birth/for/father.cfm. 4 For more information, read Consent to Adoption at https://www.

childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/consent.cfm.

some States, if parents are unmarried, the presumed 

father (or “putative” father) has a certain amount of time 

to put his name on the State’s putative father registry or 

take other legal action to claim that he is the baby’s father. 

If you don’t know the father’s name or whereabouts, some 

States require that a notice be published.5

 Keep in mind: Laws related to the father’s role and 

responsibilities in adoption differ from State to State. 

To learn more about the laws in your State, visit https://

www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/birth/for/legal.cfm or 

ask an adoption lawyer or an adoption agency staff 

member to explain the legal requirements to you.

If you have a good relationship with your baby’s father, 

you may be able to help each other with considering the 

options and making a decision. Some women considering 

adoption, however, do not have a good relationship with 

their child’s father. For example, they may have had a 

violent relationship with the father.6 In such circumstances, 

you can ask an adoption agency or attorney to contact 

the father rather than deal with him directly.

Regardless of your relationship with your child’s father, 

it’s also important to think about your child’s future 

perspective. At some point, most children who have been 

adopted ask questions about their birth parents and 

the circumstances of their adoption. Many will want to 

develop a relationship with their birth father. An adopted 

person who finds out that his or her birth mother made 

the adoption decision without consulting the birth father 

may feel tremendous resentment toward the birth mother.

Have I talked about this decision with my own family 

and the father’s family? Your family and/or the father’s 

family may be a source of support as you consider what 

to do, even if the pregnancy has put a strain on your 

relationships. Besides emotional support, your families 

may be able to provide money, housing, and other kinds 

of help. In addition, if you are under 18 years of age, in 

some States your own parent(s) may also have to give 

permission for you to place your baby for adoption. 

5 For more information, see The Rights of Unmarried Fathers at https://www.

childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/putative.cfm. 6 For information on services for victims of domestic violence or sexual 

assault, see https://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/domviolence/

resources/.
Are You Pregnant and Thinking About Adoption? https://www.childwelfare.gov

5

This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare Information Gateway. 

Available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_pregna

If you decide to go ahead with adoption, there may 

be someone in your family or the father’s family who 

would like to adopt your baby. Kinship adoption can 

help maintain the child’s connections to his or her family 

members and cultural heritage. (For more information 

on kinship adoption, visit https://www.childwelfare.gov/

adoption/adoptive/kinship.cfm.)

How might I feel in 10 or 20 years if I place my child 

for adoption or I parent my child myself? While it’s 

impossible to know for sure how you will feel many years 

from now, you should consider the long-term effects 

of any decision you make. For instance, you may want 

to think about your future with and without this child. 

How would raising a child or placing a child for adoption 

affect what you want from life? What support systems 

may be needed to achieve your long-term plans under 

each of your options? How might you feel if you go on to 

have other children, or if you do not have any additional 

children?

 Keep in mind: There are no “right” or “wrong” 

responses to these questions, and you may not know 

the answers right now.

Selecting an Agency or Independent 

Adoption

If you decide to make an adoption plan for your child, you 

can choose whether you want:

 An agency adoption

 An independent (or private) adoption handled by an 

adoption lawyer or by an adoption facilitator (in States 

where facilitators are allowed by law)

You may not know which type of adoption will work best 

for you and your baby until you have explored further. 

Each of these options is described below, along with 

considerations and resources for selecting qualified 

professionals. 

Agency Adoption

Adoption agencies are generally full-time organizations 

whose main work is adoption. They usually employ a staff 

and work with many families and pregnant women in 

order to find the best families for babies. Some women 

choose an agency adoption rather than an independent 

adoption because licensed agencies follow State 

adoption standards and often provide more services, such 

as counseling, before, during, and after the adoption. 

If you choose to work with an agency, look for a licensed 

agency with a good reputation. You can find contact 

information for licensed domestic adoption agencies in 

your State from the National Foster Care and Adoption 

Directory (https://www.childwelfare.gov/nfcad). To find 

information on the reputation and licensing of an agency, 

follow the instructions provided in How to Assess the 

Reputation of Licensed, Private Adoption Agencies

(https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/twenty.cfm). 

Once you contact a licensed agency, you will generally 

work with an adoption counselor. During initial meetings, 

the adoption counselor typically will do the following: 

 Provide you with information about your options for 

your baby 

 Explain the processes for selecting adoptive parents 

and giving up your parental rights (also referred to as 

relinquishment, surrender, and other terms)

 Collect information about you and the baby’s father to 

create a medical and social history for the baby7

 Work with you to develop an adoption plan, if you 

choose to have one

A Private/Independent Adoption

Some birth parents choose to place their children for 

adoption without the involvement of an agency. Some 

women feel that this will provide them more control, 

or perhaps they already have identified a prospective 

family and want to proceed with the adoption. In an 

independent adoption (or private placement), a pregnant 

7 For more information, see Collection of Family Information About Adopted 

Persons and Their Birth Families at https://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/

laws_policies/statutes/collection.cfm.
Are You Pregnant and Thinking About Adoption? https://www.childwelfare.gov

6

This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare Information Gateway. 

Available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_pregna

Sample Questions to Ask an 

Adoption Agency Representative 

or an Adoption Lawyer

If you are seriously considering adoption as

an option, talk to several agencies or lawyers 

and ask as many questions as you need to feel 

comfortable. 

 What types of services do you offer, and what 

are the fees (if any)?

 Will I get counseling? During what time period? 

(before the birth? after placement?)

 How will you handle obtaining the consent of 

the baby’s father?

 Will you help pay expenses for medical care, 

housing, counseling, legal fees, or other? 

 If I change my mind about the adoption, will 

I have to pay for services already received? 

(Note: this is illegal in most States)

 How do you find and screen prospective 

adoptive parents? 

 What role can I play in getting to know and 

selecting the family who will adopt my child? 

 Can I receive ongoing information about my 

child or be able to have direct contact after 

placement (if I want that option)? What services 

do you provide to help us stay in touch?

 How would you handle the situation if my baby 

were born with a disability?

 Can you provide me with references (names 

and contact information) of clients whose 

children you placed for adoption and who 

have agreed to talk with women considering 

adoption?

woman generally works just with a lawyer and the family 

that she selects to adopt her child. 

In an independent adoption, the prospective adoptive 

parents often pay for the expectant mother’s medical 

costs, legal fees, temporary housing expenses, and 

possibly other expenses. To help prevent “baby selling,” 

there are strict laws in each State about what prospective 

parents can and cannot pay for.8

Independent adoption with a qualified lawyer. If you 

choose to work with a lawyer, be sure that the lawyer has 

experience with adoption, is licensed to practice law in 

your State, and is in good standing with the State Bar 

Association. You can find names and contact information 

for adoption attorneys on the American Academy of 

Adoption Attorneys Membership Directory (http://www.

adoptionattorneys.org/aaaa_directory). Additional legal 

referral resources can be found for each State through 

the American Bar Association’s Legal Help website 

(http://apps.americanbar.org/legalservices/findlegalhelp/

home.cfm). This website also can provide information on 

whether a person is licensed to practice law in your State 

(select your State and click on Lawyer Licensing). 

When selecting a lawyer, find out about the lawyer’s 

qualifications, experience with adoption, services, fees, 

and processes. Look for a lawyer who won’t charge you a 

fee if you decide not to place your baby for adoption. 

 Keepinmind. You should plan to have your own 

lawyer represent you and your baby, and the adoptive 

parents should have a different lawyer representing 

them. It’s important that your lawyer is looking out 

for your interests, especially if you change your mind 

about adoption.

Adoption facilitators. Some States permit adoption 

facilitators (a person or organization) to bring together 

expectant mothers (and their partners) and families 

seeking to adopt. While in some States, facilitators can 

be anyone at all, in others they need to be licensed or 

regulated. And in some States, they are completely 

8 For more information, see Regulation of Private Domestic Adoption 

Expenses at https://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/

expenses.cfm.
Are You Pregnant and Thinking About Adoption? https://www.childwelfare.gov

7

This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare Information Gateway. 

Available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_pregna

illegal.9 State laws regulate or limit the use of adoption 

facilitators in order to reduce opportunities for individuals 

to make money from “selling” children.

 Keep in mind: Before you work with anyone to arrange 

an adoption, find out more about the laws in your 

State. Be cautious of people who may want to take 

advantage of your situation.

Selecting Adoptive Parents

Whether you place your child through an agency or 

through an independent adoption, you will probably have 

a great deal of choice in selecting the parents for your 

child. Spend some time thinking about what type of family 

and home you would prefer for your child. For example, 

are you looking for parents who share your values and 

beliefs? Is it important to you that your child be raised by 

two parents or with other siblings? Do you want a family 

that feels the same way you do about staying in touch 

after the adoption?10

In an agency adoption, families interested in adopting 

will apply to the agency. You may have the opportunity 

to look through profiles, letters, pictures, and/or videos 

to select potential parents for your child. If you want, 

many agencies will arrange for you to meet prospective 

adoptive families before you make a decision on which 

family feels right. 

In an independent adoption, there are many ways that 

expectant mothers find potential adoptive parents. 

Sometimes they become aware of families interested in 

adoption through a lawyer, doctor, family members, a 

friend, or their faith community. Some people who want 

to adopt develop profiles that appear on websites and 

social media forums like Facebook or run ads in local 

newspapers. This type of advertising is restricted or illegal 

in some States but is very popular in other places.11 Once 

you make contact with a potential adoptive family, an 

adoption lawyer can help you follow up.

9 For more information, see Use of Advertising and Facilitators in Adoptive 

Placements at https://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/

statutes/advertising.cfm. 10 For a list of sample questions to ask prospective parents, see the American 

Pregnancy Association website at http://americanpregnancy.org/adoption/

guidelineschoosingfamily.html. 11 For more information, read Use of Advertising and Facilitators in Adoptive 

Placements at https://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/

statutes/advertising.cfm.

Legal Considerations in 

Some Cases

As noted throughout this publication, you should 

be aware of the various State laws that govern 

adoption processes (see https://www.childwelfare.

gov/adoption/birth/for/legal.cfm). In addition 

to State laws, there are special Federal laws that 

relate to adoption and race/ethnicity: 

 Multi-Ethnic Placement Act (MEPA). MEPA 

prohibits publically funded agencies from 

delaying or denying the placement of a child 

due to the race, color, or national origin 

of either the child or the adoptive family. 

Regardless of the expectant parents’ wishes, 

an adoption agency may not be able to wait 

until a family from a requested ethnic group is 

available.

 Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA). ICWA 

states that if an American Indian or Alaskan 

Native baby is placed for adoption, the child’s 

extended family must be given the chance to 

adopt the baby. If they choose not to adopt, 

members of the child’s Tribe, followed by 

members of other Indian Tribes, must be 

offered the chance for adoption. This law gives 

the Tribal court the right to make adoption 

decisions. If you or the baby’s father has any 

American Indian or Alaskan Native heritage, 

talk with an adoption lawyer to see how this 

law might apply.

 Keep in mind: While the Internet and social media 

make finding information about prospective adoptive 

parents quicker and easier, they also can create 

opportunities for pressure, fraud, and exploitation. If 

you use the Internet to find potential adoptive parents, 

be sure to ask lots of questions to assess whether the 

service providers are ethical and the services are in 

your and your child’s best interest.
Are You Pregnant and Thinking About Adoption? https://www.childwelfare.gov

8

This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare Information Gateway. 

Available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_pregna

In both agency adoptions and private/independent 

adoptions, prospective adoptive families must complete a 

home study process. The purpose of the home study is to 

ensure that the adoptive home is safe and appropriate for 

the child. A home study typically includes interviews with 

prospective parents, visits to the home, and background 

and criminal record checks.12 Talk with your counselor 

or lawyer about getting a copy of a potential adoptive 

family’s profile and/or home study.

Staying in Touch With Your Child 

After Adoption

Today, most domestic infant adoptions involve some 

level of “openness.” Open adoption allows birth parents 

to know and have contact with the adoptive parents 

and possibly the child who has been adopted. After the 

adoption, the birth mother (and possibly the birth father 

and other family members) and the adoptive family can 

communicate in various ways—letters, phone calls, social 

media, emails, texts, video calls, and/or visits. In some 

cases, the adoption agency may serve as an intermediary 

to pass information between birth families and adoptive 

families. The type and frequency of communication will 

depend on the choices and needs of the people involved 

and often changes over time.13

Research points to many benefits of openness for children 

who have been adopted and their birth mothers. Through 

direct contact with birth family members, openness can 

help your child learn more about his or her personal 

history, family background, medical information, and 

the reasons for placement. As a result, your child can 

benefit from a stronger sense of identity, self-worth, and 

connection. In addition, birth mothers often report a 

greater sense of control in an open adoption and comfort 

from knowing that their child is healthy and cared for. 

12 For more information, read The Adoption Home Study Process at https://

www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_homstu.cfm. 13 For more information about open adoption, see Open Adoption: Could 

Open Adoption be the Best Choice for You and Your Baby at https://www.

childwelfare.gov/pubs/openadoption.cfm and Openness in Adoption: 

Building Relationships Between Adoptive and Birth Families at https://www.

childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_openadopt.cfm.

Many birth mothers in open adoptions also have been 

shown to adjust better after the adoption.14

Some birth parents feel that they would prefer not to 

have contact with their child after the adoption and may 

arrange for a “closed” adoption. In closed adoptions, 

the birth parents and the adoptive parents do not know 

each other, although the adoptive parents may receive 

some nonidentifying information about the birth parents 

(such as a medical history). These types of adoptions are 

becoming less common as the benefits of openness are 

increasingly recognized. In addition, as social media make 

it easier for people who have been adopted and birth 

family members to find each other, it is becoming harder 

to keep an adoption closed. 

If you decide to make an adoption plan, talk to your 

adoption counselor or adoption lawyer about how much 

contact you are interested in having with your child’s 

adoptive parents and your child. You and the prospective 

adoptive parents should work out in advance how you 

will keep in touch, how often, who will be involved, and 

how you will go about changing the arrangements if 

desired in the future. Sometimes these arrangements 

will be formalized into a written postadoption contact 

agreement.15

 Keep in mind: Postadoption agreements can be useful 

tools in setting common expectations and should 

be filed before the adoption is finalized. However, 

such agreements may not be enforceable by law if 

the adoptive or birth parents change their minds and 

decide to drop communication.

14 For a summary of openness research see Openness in Adoption: From 

Secrecy and Stigma to Knowledge and Connections on the Donaldson 

Adoption Institute website at http://adoptioninstitute.org/publications/

openness-in-adoption-from-secrecy-and-stigma-to-knowledge-andconnections/. 15 For more information, see Postadoption Contact Agreements Between 

Birth and Adoptive Families at https://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/

laws_policies/statutes/cooperative.cfm.
Are You Pregnant and Thinking About Adoption? https://www.childwelfare.gov

9

This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare Information Gateway. 

Available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_pregna

Safe Havens

Many States have safe haven laws that allow 

mothers to leave their newborn babies at certain 

places—such as hospitals, police stations, or fire 

stations. Leaving a baby where someone can keep 

the child safe until a permanent home is found 

is a better choice than abandoning a baby in 

unsafe circumstances; however, there are several 

disadvantages to not working directly with an 

adoption professional. The child may grow up with 

little or no information about his or her family or 

medical history and will be unlikely to reunite with 

a birth parent later, if desired. Birth mothers who 

leave their babies at safe havens may have fewer 

opportunities for counseling. For more information, 

see Infant Safe Haven Laws at https://www.

childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/

safehaven.cfm.

Taking Care of Yourself 

During and after an unplanned or crisis pregnancy, you 

may feel anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, and many 

other emotions. Be sure to get proper health care for 

your baby and you. Counseling during your pregnancy—

particularly with a neutral, trained professional—may help 

you cope with your emotions and empower you to make 

sound decisions for yourself and for the baby. Counseling 

after the birth can help you learn to live with whatever 

decisions you make. Some licensed adoption agencies 

will provide counseling services after the adoption for 

as long as you need it. In independent adoptions, most 

States allow, and some States require, adoptive parents 

to pay for the birth mother’s counseling (with various time 

limits).16

Grief and loss are common reactions for birth parents 

after they place their child for adoption. Some birth 

parents also go through phases of feeling guilty and 

angry.17 Strong feelings of grief and regret may occur 

many years after the adoption takes place. It’s important 

to admit these feelings to yourself and to know that they 

are normal. Years after the adoption, you or your child 

may try to contact one another. The search and reunion 

process can be an intense emotional experience, which 

may benefit from professional support.18

Whatever level of ongoing contact you have with your 

child, counseling can be helpful. One-to-one counseling 

and/or support groups with other birth mothers may help 

you accept your adoption arrangements, resolve your 

grief, feel good about yourself, and plan for your future. 

Moving forward does not mean that you will ever forget 

your baby, but just that you are ready to accept and 

integrate the adoption as part of your life. 

Resources for More Information

Websites and Blogs

Child Welfare Information Gateway

 For Expectant Parents Considering Adoption and Birth 

Parents

https://www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/birth/for

 Glossary of Adoption and Child Welfare Terms

https://www.childwelfare.gov/admin/glossary/index.

cfm

 Laws Related to Adoption 

https://www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/laws/

 National Foster Care & Adoption Directory Search 

https://www.childwelfare.gov/nfcad/

Adoption Together Birthparents Blog

http://www.birthparentblog.com/

America Adopts

http://www.americaadopts.com/pregnant/

American Adoption Congress

http://www.americanadoptioncongress.org

American Pregnancy Association

http://americanpregnancy.org/adotion/adoptionfaq.html

17 For more information, see Impact of Adoption on Birth Parents at https://

www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_impact/index.cfm. 18 For more information about search and reunion, visit https://www.

childwelfare.gov/adoption/search/.

16 For more information, see Regulation of Private Domestic Adoption 

Expenses at https://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/

expenses.cfm.
Are You Pregnant and Thinking About Adoption? https://www.childwelfare.gov

Concerned United Birthparents (CUB) 

http://www.cubirthparents.org

Insight: Open Adoption Resources and Support 

http://openadoptioninsight.org/expectant-parents/

National Council for Adoption, IChooseAdoption.org 

http://ichooseadoption.org/

Open Adoption Bloggers 

http://openadoptionbloggers.com

Publications

Child Welfare Information Gateway. (2013). Impact of 

adoption on birth parents. Available from: https://www.

childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_impact/index.cfm

Child Welfare Information Gateway. (2013). Openness in 

adoption: Building relationships between adoptive and 

birth families. Available from: https://www.childwelfare.

gov/pubs/f_openadopt.cfm

Child Welfare Information Gateway and Office of 

Population Affairs. (2013). Open adoption: Could open 

adoption be the best choice for you and your baby? 

Available from: https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/

openadoption.cfm

Caldwell, M. (2008). So I Was Thinking About Adoption...

Considering Your Choices. American Carriage House 

Publishing. 

Fessler, A. (2006). The girls who went away: The hidden 

history of women who surrendered children for adoption 

in the decades before Roe v. Wade. Penguin Press. 

Mary Martin Mason. (1995). Out of the shadows: 

Birthfathers’ stories. O.J. Howard Publishing. 

Siegel, D.H., & Smith, S.L. (2012). Openness in adoption: 

From secrecy and stigma to knowledge and connections.

Available from: http://adoptioninstitute.org/publications/

openness-in-adoption-from-secrecy-and-stigma-toknowledge-and-connections/

Smith, S. (2007). Safeguarding the rights and well-being of 

birthparents in the adoption process. Available from: 

http://adoptioninstitute.org/publications/safeguardingthe-rights-and-well-being-of-birthparents-in-theadoption-process/

Suggested citation:

Child Welfare Information Gateway. (2014). Are you 

pregnant and thinking about adoption? Washington, 

DC: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 

Children’s Bureau.

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Administration for Children and Families

Administration on Children, Youth and Families

Children’s Bureau