Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS

800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov

Children and youth who have been abused or 

neglected need safe, stable, and nurturing 

relationships and environments to recover from 

the trauma they’ve experienced. If you are 

parenting a child or youth with a history of abuse 

or neglect, you might have questions about the 

impacts and how you can help your child heal. 

This factsheet is intended to help parents (birth, 

foster, and adoptive) and other caregivers better 

understand the challenges of caring for a child 

or youth who has experienced maltreatment and 

learn about available resources for support.

WHAT’S INSIDE

Child abuse and neglect 

and its effects

How can I help my child 

or youth heal?

Developing caring 

discipline techniques

Where can I find 

support?

Conclusion

Parenting Children 

and Youth Who Have 

Experienced Abuse or 

Neglect

FACTSHEET 

FOR FAMILIES

November 2018
2

Child Abuse and Neglect and Its Effects 

Knowing about abuse and neglect (also known as child maltreatment) and their effects will help you respond to the 

needs of your child or youth while building trust, a sense of safety, and support in your relationship. How you respond 

to your child’s maltreatment will depend on what you know about his or her history and the type of abuse or neglect 

experienced. The first step toward understanding how to best parent your child or youth is learning what child 

maltreatment is.

Child maltreatment falls into four main groups:

 Physical abuse refers to a nonaccidental physical injury (from hitting, kicking, or burning, for example) caused by a

parent, caregiver, or trusted adult with whom the child has regular contact, such as a teacher, babysitter, or coach.

 Sexual abuse refers to forcing or coercing a child or youth to engage in sexual activity, including exploitation through

pornography.

 Emotional abuse is a pattern of behavior that hurts the emotional development or sense of self-worth of a child or

youth (for example, constant criticism, threats, or sarcasm; belittling, shaming, or withholding love).

 Neglect is the failure of a parent or caregiver to protect a child or youth from harm or provide basic needs (for

example, food, shelter, supervision, medical care, education, or emotional nurturing).

For more information on types of child abuse and neglect, see the following Child Welfare Information Gateway 

publication:

 Definitions of Child Abuse and Neglect (State statutes): https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/systemwide/

laws-policies/statutes/define/

According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/acestudy/

about.html), children and youth who have experienced abuse or neglect are at higher risk for poor long-term health, 

impaired mental health, and negative social consequences than those who have not experienced child maltreatment. 

Examples of poor health outcomes include high blood pressure, delays in physical and emotional development, 

depression or anxiety, and attachment disorders. Abuse or neglect can impair healthy development by negatively 

affecting the way a child’s brain develops. Maltreatment can delay or alter how he or she is able to process information 

and respond emotionally, see right from wrong, anticipate the consequences of actions, and learn from mistakes. The 

effects of maltreatment can be long-term, occur immediately or years after the abuse, and may depend on several 

factors, including the following:

 The age of the child or youth at the time of the abuse or neglect

 Whether the maltreatment happened once or was ongoing

 Who abused or neglected the child or youth (for example, a parent or other caregiver)

 Whether a nurturing person was in the child or youth’s life

 The type and severity of the maltreatment

For more detailed information on the effects of child abuse and neglect, see the following Information Gateway 

publications:

 Long-Term Consequences of Child Abuse and Neglect (factsheet): https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/

long-term-consequences/

 Understanding the Effects of Maltreatment on Brain Development (issue brief): https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/

issue-briefs/brain-development/

Parenting Children and Youth Who Have Experienced Abuse or Neglect https://www.childwelfare.gov

This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare Information Gateway. 

This publication is available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/parenting-CAN/.
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While child abuse and neglect can leave physical and emotional scars, it can also cause trauma and toxic stress. Trauma 

occurs when someone directly experiences injury or threat of injury or witnesses an event that threatens or causes 

serious harm to themselves or a loved one. According to the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University, 

toxic stress can occur when a child lacks a supportive parent or other adult and experiences strong, frequent, or 

ongoing adversity, such as physical or emotional abuse, chronic neglect, caregiver substance use or mental illness, or 

exposure to violence (see https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/toxic-stress/). Responses to trauma 

experienced by children and youth may vary; some children may be reluctant to trust, some may act out, and some may 

withdraw from family and friends. 

For more information about trauma, see the following Information Gateway resources:

 Helping Your Child Heal From Trauma (tip sheet): https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/preventing/preventionmonth/

resources/tip-sheets/

 Parenting a Child Who Has Experienced Trauma (factsheet): https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/

child-trauma/

How Can I Help My Child or Youth Heal? 

This section explores strategies for helping your child or youth build resilience after experiencing abuse or neglect. It 

also discusses protective factors and capacities that parents can develop to help prevent future child maltreatment or 

retraumatization. 

Building Resilience and Promoting Protective Factors and Protective Capacities 

Although exposure to abuse or neglect increases the risk of negative psychological, social, and emotional short- and 

long-term outcomes, your child’s resilience may protect him or her from developing poor physical or mental health 

issues. According to the American Psychological Association, resilience in children and youth enables them to thrive in 

spite of their adverse circumstances. It involves behaviors, thoughts, and actions that can be learned over time and can 

be nurtured through positive and healthy relationships with parents and other caregivers and adults who guide them in 

healthy problem-solving strategies (see http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience.aspx). As with any skill, resilience 

must be developed. You can help your child or youth build resilience if you: 

 Model a positive outlook. When faced with a problem, show your child or youth that the problem is only for a short 

time and that things will get better. Children and youth learn from your ability to bounce back from and work through 

tough situations.

Other Resources on Child Abuse and Neglect and Its Effects

The American Academy of Pediatrics’ guide, Parenting After Trauma: Understanding Your Child’s Needs: A 

Guide for Foster and Adoptive Parents: http://www.aap.org/en-us/advocacy-and-policy/aap-health-initiatives/

healthy-foster-care-america/Documents/FamilyHandout.pdf

ZERO TO THREE’s Healthy Minds: Nurturing Your Child’s Development handouts with information about 

supporting healthy brain development in the first 3 years of life: https://www.zerotothree.org/resources/series/

healthy-minds-nurturing-your-child-s-development
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 Build confidence. Let your child or youth know when he or she does something well, such as demonstrating kindness 

or honesty.

 Express support. Express love, empathy, and support verbally and physically. Express your love through words, 

notes, and hugs. 

 Build connections. Create bonds with friends and family that can support your child or youth during challenges and 

teach him or her to consider other people’s feelings. 

 Allow children to express their feelings. Teach them how to identify and describe their feelings and commend 

them for expressing feelings of hurt or sadness without acting out. 

 Be consistent. If you say you’ll be there, be there. If you say you’ll listen to concerns, listen. This will help teach your 

child or youth that people can be trusted. 

 Be patient. Children’s reactions to trauma vary as widely as the types of trauma one can experience. There isn’t a 

one-size-fits-all solution. 

 Teach your child or youth the importance of healthy behaviors. Have open and honest talks about the dangers 

of drugs and alcohol, smoking, and sexually inappropriate behavior. Teach your child the importance of eating 

properly and exercising. 

The healing process does not always follow a clear, straight path. After experiencing trauma or maltreatment, resilience 

takes time to develop. Steps you can take to help your child or youth heal include the following:

 Address your child’s physical safety first by assuring him or her that no one will physically touch or harm them. This 

will help your child or youth develop feelings of trust and openness to psychological and emotional healing. 

 Address the past as the past. Help your child or youth identify elements of his or her current life that are different 

from the past. Use this as a chance to discuss expectations and personal boundaries—limits set in relationships 

that protect our sense of self. To encourage feelings of belonging and attachment, provide regular routines around 

mealtime, naps, and bedtime; talk with your child or youth about the importance of feelings; and teach him or her to 

solve problems in age-appropriate ways.

For more ways to help your child or youth build resilience, see the tip sheet, Building Resilience in Children and Teens, at 

https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/preventing/preventionmonth/resources/tip-sheets/.

As children and youth can be resilient, so can parents. By increasing your own resiliency, you will help to improve your 

child or youth’s long-term well-being. As you develop these skills, you build protective factors, which are elements or 

tools that help to reduce the negative effects of child maltreatment and the trauma resulting from it.
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Protective Factors

Issues like substance use, poverty, parental stress, and lack of 

parental supervision present risks (also known as risk factors) 

that can increase your child’s chances of developing poor health, 

experiencing abuse or neglect, or other negative outcomes. 

Protective factors, such as strong social connections and solid 

parent-child attachments, may buffer the effect of risks and help 

children, youth, and families manage difficult circumstances and 

fare better in school, work, and life. Building protective factors to 

support children and youth who have experienced child abuse 

and neglect can also help increase their resilience. Learn more on 

Information Gateway’s Protective Factors to Promote Well-Being 

webpage at https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/preventing/

promoting/protectfactors. .

Protective Capacities 

As a parent, you also have the potential to protect your children. 

These abilities, known as protective capacities, develop over time. Improving your own mental and emotional wellbeing will help you to develop these protective capacities, which will then better enable you to help your child or youth 

build resilience and reduce the risk of experiencing harm, including abuse or neglect. Protective capacities can be 

categorized as mental, emotional, or behavioral.

Mental Protective Capacity1: Your knowledge, understanding, and perceptions of your child or youth 

Emotional Protective Capacity: Your feelings and attitudes toward, and identification with, your child or youth 

Behavioral Protective Capacity: Your actions and behaviors toward your child or youth 

A parent who develops healthy protective capacities may incorporate positive characteristics into his or her mental, 

emotional, and behavioral thoughts, feelings, and actions (see Table 1 for characteristics associated with each capacity).

Table 1: Protective Capacities2

1 These terms and definitions are adapted from the Children’s Bureau’s Center for States’ publication Protective Capacities and Protective Factors: Common 

Ground for Protecting Children and Strengthening Families (2016) available at https://tinyurl.com/yax8xkpk. 2 The information in this table is adapted from the Action for Child Protection publication Assessing Caregiver Protective Capacities Related to Parenting (2010) 

available at http://action4cp.org/documents/2010/pdf/June_2010__Assessing_Caregiver_Protective_Capacities.pdf.

Mental Protective Capacity Emotional Protective Capacity Behavioral Protective Capacity

• Has an accurate perception of the 

child

• Recognizes threats to the child’s 

safety

• Has realistic expectations of the child

• Feels a positive attachment to the 

child

• Shows love toward the child

• Has empathy for the child

• Is sensitive toward the child 

• Has a history of protecting the child

• Sets aside own needs for benefit of 

the child

• Controls harmful impulses in 

parenting situations

 

 

 

 

 
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Building a Strong Relationship With Your Child or Youth 

A child’s earliest relationships are some of the most important. Attachment refers to the relationship that develops 

as a result of a caregiver’s sensitive attention to a child and the child’s responses to the caregiver. A strong and 

secure emotional bond between children and their caregivers is critical for children’s physical, social, and emotional 

development, including their ability to form trusting relationships and to exhibit positive behaviors. Helping parents 

learn and practice the nurturing skills that lead to strong, secure attachments is a well-supported pathway to positive 

outcomes for children.

If children lack an attachment to a caring adult, receive inconsistent nurturing, or experience harsh punishment, the 

consequences can affect their lifelong health, well-being, and relationships with others. In some cases, children may 

lack a strong attachment because their parents work multiple jobs to provide for them, so less time is spent together 

building a strong and secure emotional bond. Parents may need additional support and resources to address this issue 

(see the Where Can I Find Support? section of this factsheet for more information.)

To help build a secure relationship with your child or youth:

 Be available. Provide consistent support to build feelings of trust and safety.

 Be supportive and empathic. Comfort your child or youth when he or she is upset, modeling appropriate displays

of affection and building self-esteem.

 Be encouraging. Listen and be involved and interested in your child’s activities. Stay aware of his or her interests and

friends and stay actively supportive.

Resources for Building Resilience and Promoting Protective Factors and 

Protective Capacities 

The American Psychological Association’s guide Resilience Guide for Parents and Teachers: http://www.apa.org/

helpcenter/resilience.aspx 

The American Academy of Pediatrics’ Building Resilience webpage: https://www.healthychildren.org/English/

healthy-living/emotional-wellness/Building-Resilience/Pages/default.aspx

The Children’s Bureau’s annual Prevention Resource Guide offers parents and caregivers tip sheets and more 

information about protective factors: https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/preventing/preventionmonth/resources/

tip-sheets/

The Children’s Bureau’s Child Welfare Capacity Building Center for States’ webinar “Protective Capacities and 

Protective Factors: Common Ground for Protecting Children and Strengthening Families” (free registration 

required). Although the webinar is intended for child welfare managers, the information on protective capacities 

and protective factors may be equally helpful for parents and other caregivers: https://capacity.childwelfare.gov/

states/focus-areas/child-protection/ (scroll down to Webinars)
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Developing Caring Discipline Techniques

As part of normal development, children and youth act out on occasion and challenge the authority of parents 

or caregivers. Toddlers throw tantrums. Children whine. Teenagers argue. To help a child learn from these natural 

behaviors, parents need sound techniques for handling them. 

Positive discipline techniques teach children and youth the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behavior 

and help a child internalize self-control, self-discipline, and self-respect. Children should always know that you love, 

support, and respect them, even when you correct their unacceptable behavior.

When parents are angry or feel frustrated they may use unpleasant or painful methods—physical or emotional—in 

reaction to and for the purpose of discouraging behavior. A child who is misbehaving can be frustrating but using 

physical force or other abusive techniques to teach a lesson is never appropriate.

For children and youth who have experienced abuse or neglect, using physical force or other abusive techniques 

could elicit memories of past trauma or cause retraumatization. How harmful a method is may depend not only on the 

punishment chosen but also on the abuse or neglect your child or youth experienced. For example, sending your child 

to bed hungry could retraumatize her if she had previously experienced neglect by being denied food. 

Other factors like lack of sleep and a poor diet can also impair a child’s ability to make good choices or to show selfcontrol. Before disciplining a child for misbehaving, consider whether he or she is tired, hungry, or reacting to an 

underlying issue like fear or anxiety. Try to engage your child or youth in a quiet activity that will provide needed rest or 

decrease anxiety or offer a snack or an early meal to ease his or her hunger. 

Positive Discipline Tips and Techniques

Positive discipline that works at one age may not work at another. Children change as they go through their 

developmental stages, so using age-appropriate discipline when parenting a child or youth who has experienced 

abuse or neglect is important in promoting healthy development and preventing retraumatization. Allow your child or 

youth to learn at his or her own pace. Break tasks into small, manageable steps that will provide a sense of success and 

accomplishment. 

Retraumatization occurs when people have experiences that, whether or not they are aware of it, remind them of 

a past trauma, leading them to experience the initial traumatic event again.
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Young Children

(Ages 0–5)

School-Age Children

(Ages 6–12)

Teens

(Ages 13–18)

Role Modeling

• Children learn by watching adults. At 

this age, showing children how to act 

and how to follow rules is crucial for 

learning.

• If you treat children with respect 

and kindness, they will learn positive 

behaviors

Role Modeling

• You are your child’s greatest role 

model. Behave and treat others, 

including your child, the way you 

expect them to behave and treat 

others.

• Role play social skills and problemsolving for greater learning.

Role Modeling

• Although your teen may not engage 

with you like he or she did as a child, 

what you do and say is still important. 

• Help your teenager manage selfcontrol by modeling control of your 

own emotions.

Rules/Limits

• Rules and expectations should 

be clear, simple, and enforced 

consistently by following through 

on consequences. This helps young 

children feel secure. For example, if 

you say, “You will have to get out of 

the bath if you keep splashing,” make 

sure you follow through.

Rules/Limits

• Establish an end time for a negative 

consequence, such as loss of TV time 

for 24 hours or loss of a video game 

for 2 days.

• Be consistent but also be flexible and 

allow for independent choice making 

when possible.

Rules/Limits

• Set up rules for things such as 

homework, chores, time with friends, 

curfews, and dating and discuss them 

with your teenager. 

• Give your teen control over some 

things, which will help to limit the 

number of power struggles and 

will ensure your teen respects your 

decisions. 

Encouragement

• Discipline is also about recognizing 

good behavior. Give praise to reward 

good behavior. 

Encouragement

• Provide your child with positive 

attention daily, including quality time 

spent just with him or her.

• Don’t expect perfection. Praise their 

efforts so they know they are doing 

well and don’t have to be perfect.

Encouragement

• Guide your teen in making decisions 

and solve problems with them. Ask 

for their input and ideas and decide 

the best solution together. 

• Empower them to make their own 

choices while giving them your 

support.

No Physical Punishment

• Never call your child names or hit 

them. You will teach them that this 

type of behavior is acceptable.

• Use direct eye contact and a calm 

tone when giving a direction, 

a warning, or when enforcing a 

consequence.

No Physical Punishment

• Avoid negative methods of behavior 

correction, such as sarcasm, teasing, 

verbal abuse, or physical punishment, 

as they do not help children learn.2

• Set up a behavior plan or chart to 

decrease negative behaviors. At 

this age, children are eager to work 

toward rewards.

• Give praise and acknowledge good 

choices. 

No Physical Punishment

• When your teen breaks a rule, take 

away privileges such as screen time 

or time with friends and discuss why 

these consequences have occurred. 

• Communicate with them about 

what they need to do to earn their 

privilege(s) back.

Table 2 shows ways in which discipline builds and changes over time as children go from very young, to school age, to 

teenagers. It provides suggestions on how you can enforce discipline through role modeling, setting rules and limits, 

and using encouragement to discipline instead of physical or emotional abuse.

Table 2: Discipline by Developmental Stages3

3 Unless noted otherwise, the items listed in this table are adapted from the Behavior Corner, LLC, webpage, Discipline Considerations Based on Age (2014), 

available at http://behaviorcorner.com/age-discipline/.
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Where Can I Find Support? 

Recovering from abuse and neglect is a journey that affects the entire family. Parents and caregivers need support 

to learn as much as they can about child maltreatment. Developing your parenting skills can go a long way toward 

promoting your child’s well-being and building a healthy family. Circle of Parents offers parent-led self-help groups 

where anyone in a parenting role can openly discuss the successes and challenges of raising children: 

http://circleofparents.org/.

Parent Education and Training 

Parent education programs offer ways to handle demanding situations and enhance problem-solving skills. These 

support and training programs are geared toward reinforcing your positive parenting skills and teaching you effective 

strategies to reduce the occurrence of your child’s misbehavior. Parent education programs can be online or in-person, 

involve one-to-one instruction, or take place in a group setting. Whether you prefer a course with direct instruction, 

videos, or another format, successful programs:

 Promote positive family interaction

 Involve fathers

 Use interactive training techniques

 Offer opportunities to practice new skills

 Teach emotional communication skills

 Encourage peer support

Resources on Discipline

Prevent Child Abuse America’s webpage Tips for Parents: Teaching Discipline to Your Children 

offers advice for parents on teaching discipline: http://preventchildabuse.org/resource/

tips-for-parents-teaching-discipline-to-your-children/

The annual Prevention Resource Guide includes tip sheets for parents and caregivers, such as Dealing With 

Temper Tantrums, which address several parenting issues. The free guide and tip sheets are available on 

Information Gateway’s website: https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/preventing/preventionmonth/resources/

resource-guide/

The Pennsylvania Family Support Alliance provides definitions of discipline, parenting styles, and abuse, as 

well as examples of the difference between discipline and abuse: http://www.pa-fsa.org/Parents-Caregivers/

Preventing-Child-Abuse-Neglect/Discipline-Parenting-Styles-and-Abuse

For more information on the differences between discipline, punishment, and child abuse, visit Information 

Gateway’s Discipline Versus Abuse webpage: https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/can/defining/disc-abuse/
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Therapy and Support Groups

Dealing with the effects of maltreatment can be challenging. You and your family may wish to seek support from a 

professional. Therapy and support groups can provide children, youth, and caregivers with the skills necessary to build 

healthy relationships, overcome past trauma, and prevent reoccurring or future trauma. 

Therapists best suited to assist with parenting children and youth who have experienced abuse or neglect should:

 Be trained and knowledgeable about the impact of trauma on children, youth, and families

 Allow and encourage your participation in treatment

 Not restrain a child or youth or intrude on his or her physical space, as children and youth who have been maltreated 

need to develop clear boundaries to feel safe and prevent retraumatization

If you’re an adoptive parent, it’s important that the therapist you seek fits the needs of your family and is “adoption 

competent.” Information Gateway’s factsheet, Finding and Working With Adoption-Competent Therapists, offers 

information on the different approaches to therapy (for example, group or family therapy, individual psychotherapy, 

cognitive therapy, and parent-child interaction therapy), treatment settings, and tips for finding the right therapist 

for adoptive families, but many of the tips are applicable to other families, too: https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/ftherapist/. Which therapy is best for you and your family may depend on the age of your child, your goals, and the 

challenges that you and your family want to address.

Resources on Parent Education

Nurturing Parenting Programs offer parents materials and resources designed to build nurturing parenting skills: 

http://nurturingparenting.com/NPLevelsPrevent.html

The website for the FRIENDS National Resource Center for Community-Based Child Abuse Prevention, a service 

of the Children’s Bureau, has several resources for parents: https://friendsnrc.org/parent-leadership

Information Gateway’s Parent Education Programs webpage provides programs and resources that have been 

successful in supporting parents and strengthening parenting skills: https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/

preventing/prevention-programs/parented/

Resources on Therapy and Support Groups

The National Child Traumatic Stress Network provides summaries of trauma-informed therapies to fit your 

family’s needs: https://www.nctsn.org/treatments-and-practices/treatments-that-work

To find support groups and other resources in your State, visit the National Foster Care & Adoption Directory: 

https://www.childwelfare.gov/nfcad/
Parenting Children and Youth Who Have Experienced Abuse or Neglect https://www.childwelfare.gov

Conclusion

If you are the parent or caregiver of a child or youth who has experienced abuse and neglect, helping him or her through 

that trauma can be daunting, but there are resources available to help. It’s important to remember that many children 

and youth who have been abused or neglected do not grow up to abuse others and can live happy and healthy lives. 

You and your family play an important role in your child’s healing. The more you know about child maltreatment and the 

services available for support, the better prepared you will be to help your child through this difficult time. 

Suggested citation: 

Child Welfare Information Gateway. (2018). Parenting a child who has experienced abuse or neglect. Washington, DC: 

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Children’s Bureau.

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Administration for Children and Families

Administration on Children, Youth and Families

Children’s Bureau