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FACTSHEET 

FOR FAMILIES

November 2014

WHAT’S INSIDE

What is trauma?

The impact of untreated 

trauma

Understanding your 

child’s behavior

Helping your child

Conclusion

Resources 

Parenting a Child Who Has 

Experienced Trauma

Children who have experienced traumatic events 

need to feel safe and loved. All parents want to 

provide this kind of nurturing home for their 

children. However, when parents do not have an 

understanding of the effects of trauma, they may 

misinterpret their child’s behavior and end up 

feeling frustrated or resentful. Their attempts to 

address troubling behavior may be ineffective or, 

in some cases, even harmful. 

This factsheet discusses the nature of trauma, its 

effects on children and youth, and ways to help 

your child. By increasing your understanding of 

trauma, you can help support your child’s healing, 

your relationship with him or her, and your family 

as a whole.
Parenting a Child Who Has Experienced Trauma https://www.childwelfare.gov

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Available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/child-trauma

What Is Trauma?

Trauma is an emotional response to an intense event that 

threatens or causes harm. The harm can be physical or 

emotional, real or perceived, and it can threaten the child 

or someone close to him or her. Trauma can be the result 

of a single event, or it can result from exposure to multiple 

events over time.

Potentially traumatic events may include:

Abuse (physical, sexual, or emotional)

 Neglect

 Effects of poverty (such as homelessness or not having 

enough to eat)

Being separated from loved ones 

 Bullying

Witnessing harm to a loved one or pet (e.g., domestic 

or community violence)

Natural disasters or accidents

Unpredictable parental behavior due to addiction or 

mental illness

For many children, being in the child welfare system 

becomes another traumatic event. This is true of the 

child’s first separation from his or her home and family, as 

well as any additional placements.

The Impact of Untreated Trauma

Children are resilient. Some stress in their lives (e.g., 

leaving caregivers for a day at school, riding a bike for the 

first time, feeling nervous before a game or performance) 

helps their brains to grow and new skills to develop. 

However, by definition, trauma occurs when a stressful 

experience (such as being abused, neglected, or bullied) 

overwhelms the child’s natural ability to cope. These 

events cause a “fight, flight, or freeze” response, resulting 

in changes in the body—such as faster heart rate and 

higher blood pressure—as well as changes in how the 

brain perceives and responds to the world. 

In many cases, a child’s body and brain recover quickly 

from a potentially traumatic experience with no lasting 

harm. However, for other children, trauma interferes with 

normal development and can have long-lasting effects. 

Table 1. Effects of Trauma on Children

Trauma may affect 

children’s ...

In the following ways 

Bodies • Inability to control physical

responses to stress

• Chronic illness, even into

adulthood (heart disease,

obesity)

Brains (thinking) • Difficulty thinking, learning, and

concentrating

• Impaired memory

• Difficulty switching from one

thought or activity to another

Emotions (feeling) • Low self-esteem

• Feeling unsafe

• Inability to regulate emotions

• Difficulty forming attachments

to caregivers

• Trouble with friendships

• Trust issues

• Depression, anxiety

Behavior • Lack of impulse control

• Fighting, aggression, running

away

• Substance abuse

• Suicide

Factors that determine the impact of traumatic events 

include the following:

 Age. Younger children are more vulnerable. Even 

infants and toddlers who are too young to talk about 

what happened retain lasting “sense memories” of 

traumatic events that can affect their well-being into 

adulthood.

 Frequency. Experiencing the same type of traumatic 

event multiple times, or multiple types of traumatic 

events, is more harmful than a single event.

 Relationships. Children with positive relationships with 

healthy caregivers are more likely to recover.

 Coping skills. Intelligence, physical health, and selfesteem help children cope.
Parenting a Child Who Has Experienced Trauma https://www.childwelfare.gov

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Perception. How much danger the child thinks he or 

she is in, or the amount of fear the child feels at the 

time, is a significant factor.

Sensitivity. Every child is different—some are naturally 

more sensitive than others.

The effects of trauma vary depending on the child and 

type of traumatic events experienced. Table 1 shows 

some of the ways that trauma can affect children.

This list of potential consequences shows why it is so 

important for parents to understand trauma. The right 

kind of help can reduce or even eliminate many of these 

negative consequences.

Understanding Your Child’s Behavior

When children have experienced trauma, particularly 

multiple traumatic events over an extended period of 

time, their bodies, brains, and nervous systems adapt in 

an effort to protect them. This might result in behaviors 

such as increased aggression, distrusting or disobeying 

adults, or even dissociation (feeling disconnected from 

reality). When children are in danger, these behaviors may 

be important for their survival. However, once children 

are moved to a safer environment, their brains and bodies 

may not recognize that the danger has passed. These 

protective behaviors, or habits, have grown strong from 

frequent use (just as a muscle that is used regularly grows 

bigger and stronger). It takes time and retraining to help 

those “survival muscles” learn that they are not needed in 

their new situation (your home), and that they can relax. 

It might be helpful to remember that your child’s 

troublesome behavior may be a learned response to 

stress—it may even be what kept your child alive in a very 

unsafe situation. It will take time and patience for your 

child’s body and brain to learn to respond in ways that are 

more appropriate for his or her current, safe environment.

Parenting a traumatized child may 

require a shift from seeing a “bad kid” 

to seeing a kid who has had bad things 

happen.

Trauma Triggers

When your child is behaving in a way that is unexpected 

and seems irrational or extreme, he or she may be 

experiencing a trauma trigger. A trigger is some aspect 

of a traumatic event that occurs in a completely different 

situation but reminds the child of the original event. 

Examples may be sounds, smells, feelings, places, 

postures, tones of voice, or even emotions.

Youth who have experienced traumatic events may 

reenact past patterns when they feel unsafe or encounter 

a trigger. Depending on whether the child has a “fight,” 

“flight,” or “freeze” response, the child may appear to 

be throwing a tantrum, willfully not listening, or defying 

you. However, responses to triggers are best thought 

of as reflexes—they are not deliberate or planned. 

When children’s bodies and brains are overwhelmed by 

a traumatic memory, they are not able to consider the 

consequences of their behavior or its effect on others.

Symptoms by Age

Table 2 shows symptoms and behaviors that children who 

have experienced trauma might exhibit at different stages 

of development. The age ranges are merely guidelines. 

For many children who have experienced trauma, their 

development lags behind their age in calendar years. It 

may be normal for your child to exhibit behaviors that are 

more common in younger children.

This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare Information Gateway. 

Available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/child-trauma
Parenting a Child Who Has Experienced Trauma https://www.childwelfare.gov

4

Table 2. Signs of Trauma in Children of 

Different Ages1

1 Content in the table is adapted from Safe Start Center. 

(n.d.). Tips for Staff and Advocates Working With Children: 

Polyvictimization. Washington, DC: Office of Juvenile Justice and 

Delinquency Prevention, available at http://ojjdp.gov/programs/

safestart/TipSheetFor_Polyvictimization.pdf.

Young Children 

(Ages 0–5)

• Irritability,

“fussiness”

• Startling

easily or being

difficult to calm

• Frequent

tantrums

• Clinginess,

reluctance to

explore the

world

• Activity levels

that are much

higher or lower

than peers

• Repeating

traumatic

events over

and over in

dramatic play

or conversation

• Delays in

reaching

physical,

language,

or other

milestones

School-Age 

Children 

(Ages 6–12)

• Difficulty

paying

attention

• Being quiet or

withdrawn

• Frequent tears

or sadness

• Talking often

about scary

feelings and

ideas

• Difficulty

transitioning

from one

activity to the

next

• Fighting with

peers or adults

• Changes

in school

performance

• Wanting to be

left alone

• Eating much

more or less

than peers

• Getting into

trouble at

home or school

• Frequent

headaches or

stomachaches

with no

apparent cause

• Behaviors

common

to younger

children

(thumb

sucking, bed

wetting, fear of

the dark)

Teens (Ages 

13–18)

• Talking about

the trauma

constantly, or

denying that it

happened

• Refusal to

follow rules, or

talking back

frequently

• Being tired

all the time,

sleeping much

more (or less)

than peers,

nightmares

• Risky behaviors

• Fighting

• Not wanting

to spend time

with friends

• Using drugs

or alcohol,

running away

from home, or

getting into

trouble with

the law

These signs alone do not necessarily indicate that your 

child has experienced trauma. However, if symptoms are 

more severe or longer lasting than is typical for children 

the same age, or if they interfere with your child’s ability 

to succeed at home or in school, it is important to seek 

help. (See the Helping Your Child section below.)

Trauma and Mental Health

Trauma symptoms that are more severe or disruptive to a 

child’s ability to function at home or at school may overlap 

with specific mental health diagnoses. This may be one 

reason why nearly 80 percent of children aging out of 

foster care have received a mental health diagnosis.2

2 American Academy of Pediatrics. (2013). Helping Foster and Adoptive 

Families Cope With Trauma. Elk Grove Village, IL: AAP and Dave Thomas 

Foundation for Adoption. Retrieved from http://www.aap.org/en-us/advocacyand-policy/aap-health-initiatives/healthy-foster-care-america/Documents/

Guide.pdf

1

For 

example:32

3 Examples adapted from American Academy of Pediatrics. (2013). Parenting 

After Trauma: Understanding Your Child’s Needs. A Guide for Foster and 

Adoptive Parents. Elk Grove Village, IL: AAP and Dave Thomas Foundation for 

Adoption. Retrieved from http://www.aap.org/en-us/advocacy-and-policy/aaphealth-initiatives/healthy-foster-care-america/Documents/FamilyHandout.pdf

 Children who have difficulty concentrating may be 

diagnosed with ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity 

disorder).

 Children who appear anxious or easily overwhelmed 

by emotions may be diagnosed with anxiety or 

depression. 

 Children who have trouble with the unexpected may 

respond by trying to control every situation or by 

showing extreme reactions to change. In some cases, 

these behaviors may be labeled ODD (oppositional 

defiant disorder) or intermittent explosive disorder 

(IED). 

Dissociation in response to a trauma trigger may be 

viewed as defiance of authority, or it may be diagnosed 

as depression, ADHD (inattentive type), or even a 

developmental delay. 

It may be necessary to treat these diagnoses with 

traditional mental health approaches (including the use of 

medications, where indicated) in the short term. However, 

treating the underlying cause by addressing the child’s 

experience of trauma will be more effective in the long 

run.

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Available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/child-trauma
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Posttraumatic Stress Disorder

About one in four children and youth in foster 

care will experience a specific set of symptoms 

known as posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).4

4 AAP, Helping Foster and Adoptive Families Cope With Trauma. 

Retrieved from http://www.aap.org/en-us/advocacy-and-policy/

aap-health-initiatives/healthy-foster-care-america/Documents/

Guide.pdf

1

It 

includes four types of symptoms:52

5 

http://www.dsm5.org/Documents/PTSD%20

Fact%20Sheet.pdf

Reexperiencing/remembering (flashbacks or 

nightmares)

 Avoidance (distressing memories and 

reminders about the event)

Negative cognitions and mood (feeling 

alienated, persistent negative beliefs)

 Alterations in arousal (reckless behavior, 

persistent sleep disturbance)

It is important to realize that if your child does 

not exhibit all of the symptoms of PTSD, it does 

not mean that he or she has not been affected by 

trauma.

Helping Your Child

Although childhood trauma can have serious, lasting 

effects, there is hope. With the help of supportive, 

caring adults, children can and do recover. Consider the 

following tips:

Identify trauma triggers. Something you are doing 

or saying, or something harmless in your home, may 

be triggering your child without either of you realizing 

it. It is important to watch for patterns of behavior 

and reactions that do not seem to “fit” the situation. 

What distracts your child, makes him or her anxious, or 

results in a tantrum or outburst? Help your child avoid 

situations that trigger traumatic memories, at least 

until more healing has occurred. 

 Be emotionally and physically available. Some 

traumatized children act in ways that keep adults at 

a distance (whether they mean to or not). Provide 

attention, comfort, and encouragement in ways your 

child will accept. Younger children may want extra 

hugs or cuddling; for older youth, this might just mea

spending time together as a family. Follow their lead 

and be patient if children seem needy.

n 

Respond, don’t react. Your reactions may trigger a 

child or youth who is already feeling overwhelmed. 

(Some children are even uncomfortable being looked 

at directly for too long.) When your child is upset, 

do what you can to keep calm: Lower your voice, 

acknowledge your child’s feelings, and be reassuring 

and honest. 

Avoid physical punishment. This may make an abused 

child’s stress or feeling of panic even worse. Parents 

need to set reasonable and consistent limits and 

expectations and use praise for desirable behaviors.

Don’t take behavior personally. Allow the child 

to feel his or her feelings without judgment. Help 

him or her find words and other acceptable ways of 

expressing feelings, and offer praise when these are 

used. 

 Listen. Don’t avoid difficult topics or uncomfortable 

conversations. (But don’t force children to talk before 

they are ready.) Let children know that it’s normal to 

have many feelings after a traumatic experience. Take 

their reactions seriously, correct any misinformation 

about the traumatic event, and reassure them that 

what happened was not their fault.

Help your child learn to relax. Encourage your child 

to practice slow breathing, listen to calming music, or 

say positive things (“I am safe now.”). 

Be consistent and predictable. Develop a regular 

routine for meals, play time, and bedtime. Prepare your 

child in advance for changes or new experiences.

Be patient. Everyone heals differently from trauma, 

and trust does not develop overnight. Respecting each 

child’s own course of recovery is important.

Allow some control. Reasonable, age-appropriate 

choices encourage a child or youth’s sense of having 

control of his or her own life.

 Encourage self-esteem. Positive experiences can help 

children recover from trauma and increase resilience. 

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Available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/child-trauma
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Examples include mastering a new skill; feeling a sense 

of belonging to a community, group, or cause; setting 

and achieving goals; and being of service to others.

Seeking Treatment

If your child’s symptoms last more than a few weeks, or 

if they are getting worse rather than better, it is time to 

ask for help. Mental health counseling or therapy by a 

professional trained to recognize and treat trauma in 

children can help address the root cause of your child’s 

behavior and promote healing. A therapist or behavioral 

specialist might be able to help you understand your 

child and respond more effectively. At times, medications 

may be necessary to control symptoms and improve your 

child’s ability to learn new skills.

Begin by asking your caseworker or agency whether your 

child has been screened for trauma. If you know that your 

child experienced trauma, ask whether he or she has 

had a formal mental health assessment by a professional 

who is aware of trauma’s effects. Ideally, this assessment 

(including both strengths and needs) should be repeated 

periodically to help you and your child’s therapist monitor 

progress.

Once your child has been assessed and it has been 

determined that treatment is needed, ask about 

treatment options. A number of effective trauma 

treatments have been developed.6

6 See for example the National Child Traumatic Stress Network’s list, 

Empirically Supported Treatments and Promising Practices, at http://www.

nctsnet.org/resources/topics/treatments-that-work/promising-practices.

1

However, they are not 

all available in every community. Consult with your child’s 

caseworker about the availability of trauma-focused 

treatment where you live.

Timely, effective mental and behavioral health 

interventions may help in the following ways:

Increase your child’s feelings of safety

Teach your child how to manage emotions, particularly 

when faced with trauma triggers

 Help your child develop a positive view of him- or 

herself

Give your child a greater sense of control over his/her 

own life

 Improve your child’s relationships—with family 

members and others 

It is important to look for a provider who understands and 

has specific training in trauma (see box). Most providers 

will agree to a brief interview in their office or over the 

phone, to determine whether they are a good fit for your 

needs.

Questions to ask a mental 

health provider before starting 

treatment:

 Are you familiar with research about the effects 

of trauma on children?

Can you tell me about your experience 

working with children and youth who have 

experienced trauma?

How do you determine whether a child’s 

symptoms may be caused by trauma?

 How does a child’s trauma history influence 

your treatment approach?

Helping Yourself and Your Family

Parenting a child or youth who has experienced trauma 

can be difficult. Families can sometimes feel isolated, as 

if no one else understands what they are going through. 

This can put a strain not only on your relationship with 

your child, but with other family members, as well 

(including your spouse or partner).

Learning about what your child experienced may even act 

as a trigger for you, if you have your own trauma history 

that is not fully healed. Being affected by someone else’s 

trauma is sometimes called “secondary trauma.” Table 

3 lists signs that you may be experiencing secondary 

trauma.

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Available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/child-trauma
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7

Table 3. Signs of Secondary Trauma

Physical Symptoms • Headaches

• Stomach problems

• Sleep problems

• Weight gain or loss

• Lack of energy

Behavioral 

Symptoms

• Increased drinking or smoking

• Procrastination

• Feeling overly critical

• Avoiding other people

Emotional Symtoms • Anxiety

• Frequent crying

• Irritability

• Loneliness

• Depression

Cognitive symptoms • Inability to concentrate

• Forgetfulness

• Loss of humor/fun

• Inability to make decisions

The best cure for secondary trauma is prevention. In order 

to take good care of your child, you must take good care 

of yourself. Here are some things you can do:

Be honest about your expectations for your child 

and your relationship. Having realistic expectations 

about parenting a child with a history of trauma 

increases the chances for a healthy relationship.

Celebrate small victories. Take note of the 

improvements your child has made. 

 Don’t take your child’s difficulties personally. Your 

child’s struggles are a result of the trauma he or she 

experienced; they are not a sign of your failure as a 

parent.

Take care of yourself. Make time for things you enjoy 

doing that support your physical, emotional, and 

spiritual health.

Focus on your own healing. If you have experienced 

trauma, it will be important for you to pursue your own 

healing, separate from your child. 

 Seek support. Your circle of support may include 

friends, family, and professional support if needed. 

Don’t be afraid to ask about resources available from 

the child welfare system, such as a caseworker or 

support groups.

In order to take good care of your 

child, you must take good care of 

yourself. 

Conclusion

Trauma can affect children’s behavior in ways that may be 

confusing or distressing for caregivers. It can impact the 

long-term health and well-being of the child and his or her 

family members. However, with understanding, care, and 

proper treatment (when necessary), all members of the 

family can heal and thrive after a traumatic event.

Resources

American Academy of Pediatrics. (2013). Parenting after 

trauma: Understanding your child’s needs. A guide for 

foster and adoptive parents. Elk Grove Village, IL: AAP 

and Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. Retrieved 

from http://www.aap.org/en-us/advocacy-and-policy/

aap-health-initiatives/healthy-foster-care-america/

Documents/FamilyHandout.pdf

Child Welfare Information Gateway. Resources on Trauma 

for Caregivers and Families [Webpage]: https://www.

childwelfare.gov/topics/responding/trauma/caregivers. 

Children’s Bureau. (2012). Making healthy choices: A guide 

on psychotropic medications for youth in foster care. 

Retrieved from the Child Welfare Information Gateway 

website at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/

makinghealthychoices.pdf

Children’s Bureau. (coming in 2015). Supporting youth 

in foster care in making healthy choices: A guide for 

caregivers and caseworkers on trauma, treatment, 

and psychotropic medications. Find this on the Child 

Welfare Information Gateway website in 2015.

National Child Traumatic Stress Network. Resources for 

Parents and Caregivers [Webpage]: http://www.nctsn.

org/resources/audiences/parents-caregivers

This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare Information Gateway. 

Available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/child-trauma
National Child Traumatic Stress Network. (2014). Complex 

trauma: Facts for caregivers. Retrieved from http://

www.nctsn.org/sites/default/files/assets/pdfs/

complex_trauma_caregivers_final.pdf

National Technical Assistance Center for Children’s 

Mental Health. (2014). Trauma-informed care: 

Perspectives and resources [Web-based tool]. 

Retrieved from http://gucchdtacenter.georgetown.

edu/TraumaInformedCare/index.html

Schooler, J., Smalley, B. K., & Callahan, T. (2010). Wounded 

children, healing homes: How traumatized children 

impact adoptive and foster families. Carol Stream, IL: 

NavPress.

Acknowledgments:

This factsheet was developed by Child Welfare 

Information Gateway based on interviews with Children’s 

Bureau grantees funded through the Integrating 

Trauma-Informed and Trauma-Focused Practice in 

Child Protective Service Delivery (HHS-2011-ACFACYF-CO-0169), Initiative to Improve Access to 

Needs-Driven, Evidence-Based/Evidence-Informed 

Mental and Behavioral Health Services in Child 

Welfare (HHS-2012-ACF-ACYF-CO-0279), and 

Promoting Well-Being and Adoption After Trauma 

(HHS-2013-ACF-ACYF-CO-0637). Information Gateway 

wishes to acknowledge the valuable input of Becci Akin, 

Chad Anderson, Linda Bass, Sharri Black, James Caringi, 

Marilyn Cloud, Pamela Cornwell, James Henry, Kevin 

Kelley, Alice Lieberman, Patricia Long, Susana Mariscal, 

Kelly McCauley, Vickie McArthur, Kathryne O’Grady, 

Sherry Peters, Jeanne Preisler, Cheryl Rathbun, and Jim 

Wotring. The conclusions discussed here are solely the 

responsibility of the authors and do not represent the 

official views or policies of the funding agency.

Suggested citation: 

Child Welfare Information Gateway. (2014). Parenting a 

child who has experienced trauma. Washington, DC: U.S. 

Department of Health and Human Services, Children’s 

Bureau.

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services 

Administration for Children and Families 

Administration on Children, Youth and Families 

Children’s Bureau

Parenting a Child Who Has Experienced Trauma https://www.childwelfare.gov