Child Welfare Information Gateway

Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS

1250 Maryland Avenue, SW

Eighth Floor

Washington, DC 20024

800.394.3366

Email: info@childwelfare.gov

https://www.childwelfare.gov

Parenting a Child Who 

Has Been Sexually Abused: 

A Guide for Foster and 

Adoptive Parents 

FACTSHEET 

FOR FAMILIES

July 2013

Use your smartphone to 

access this factsheet online.

What’s Inside:

• Educating yourself

• Establishing family guidelines 

for safety and privacy

• Seeking help

You may be a current or prospective foster or 

adoptive parent of a child with a known or 

suspected history of child sexual abuse. In some 

cases, you may not be certain that abuse has 

occurred, but you may have suspicions based 

on information you received or because of 

the child’s behavior. You may feel confused, 

concerned, and unsure of the impact of prior 

child maltreatment, including sexual abuse. 
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It is important to understand that the 

term sexual abuse describes a wide range 

of experiences. Many factors affect how 

children react to abusive or neglectful 

experiences and how they recover. Most 

children who have been abused do not

go on to abuse others, and many go on 

to live happy, healthy, successful lives. As 

parents, you will play an important role in 

your child’s recovery from childhood sexual 

abuse.1

This factsheet discusses how you can help 

children in your care by educating yourself 

about child sexual abuse, establishing 

guidelines for safety and privacy in your 

family, and understanding when and how 

to seek help if you need it. Reading this 

factsheet alone will not guarantee that you 

will know what to do in every circumstance, 

but you can use it as a resource for some of 

the potential challenges and rewards that 

lay ahead.

1 Although the term “parents” is used throughout this 

factsheet, the information and strategies provided may be 

equally helpful for kinship care providers, guardians, and other 

caregivers.

Educating Yourself

One of the most useful actions that kinship 

caregivers and foster and adoptive parents 

can take is equipping themselves with 

information. Parents of children who 

may have been sexually abused can learn 

about the definitions of child sexual abuse, 

behaviors associated with prior sexual abuse, 

and how sexual abuse affects children’s trust 

of others. With this information in hand, it 

will be easier to recognize possible behaviors 

associated with past abuse and avoid taking 

them personally or feeling alarmed or 

uncertain if your child exhibits uncommon 

sexual behaviors. Most importantly, you 

will feel capable of responding to these 

behaviors in sensitive and informed ways 

that help both you and your child.

What Is Child Sexual Abuse?

The National Child Traumatic Stress 

Network (NCTSN) defines child sexual 

abuse2 as

“...any interaction between a child and 

an adult (or another child) in which the 

child is used for the sexual stimulation 

of the perpetrator or an observer. Sexual 

abuse can include both touching and 

nontouching behaviors. Touching 

behaviors may involve touching of the 

vagina, penis, breasts or buttocks, oralgenital contact, or sexual intercourse. 

Nontouching behaviors can include 

voyeurism (trying to look at a child’s 

naked body), exhibitionism, or exposing 

the child to pornography. Abusers 

often do not use physical force but may 

use play, deception, threats, or other 

forms of coercion to engage children 

and maintain their silence. Abusers 

frequently employ persuasive and 

manipulative tactics to keep the child 

engaged. These tactics—referred to as 

‘grooming’—may include buying gifts or 

arranging special activities, which can 

further confuse the victim.”

Child sexual abuse is defined in Federal 

law by the Child Abuse Prevention and 

Treatment Act (42 U.S.C. sec. 5106g(4)) as

2 (2009). See http://www.nctsnet.org/sites/default/files/assets/

pdfs/ChildSexualAbuseFactSheetFINAL_10_2_07.pdf
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“...the employment, use, persuasion, 

inducement, enticement, or coercion 

of any child to engage in, or assist any 

other person to engage in, any sexually 

explicit conduct or simulation of such 

conduct for the purpose of producing a 

visual depiction of such conduct; or the 

rape, and in cases of caretaker or interfamilial relationships, statutory rape, 

molestation, prostitution, or other form 

of sexual exploitation of children, or 

incest with children.”

Within this Federal guideline, each State is 

responsible for establishing its own legal 

definition of child sexual abuse. For more 

information, see the Identification of Child 

Sexual Abuse webpage on the Child Welfare 

Information Gateway website at https://

www.childwelfare.gov/can/identifying/

sex_abuse.cfm.

For legal definitions in each State, see Child 

Welfare Information Gateway’s Definitions 

of Child Abuse and Neglect: https://www.

childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/

statutes/define.cfm 

Signs of Sexual Abuse

If you are parenting a child who has been 

removed from his or her family, you may 

not know for sure whether or not the child 

in your care has been sexually abused. Child 

welfare agencies usually share all known

information about your child’s history 

with you; however, there may be no prior 

record of abuse, and many children do not 

disclose past abuse until they feel safe. For 

this reason, kinship caregivers or foster or 

adoptive parents are sometimes the first 

to learn that sexual abuse has occurred. 

Even when there is no documentation of 

prior abuse, you may suspect something 

happened because of your child’s behavior. 

There are no hard and fast rules about what 

constitutes normal sexual development and 

what behaviors might signal sexual abuse. 

Children show a range of sexual behaviors 

and sexual curiosity at each developmental 

level, and their curiosity, interest, and 

experimentation may occur gradually, 

based on their development. (See table on 

the following page.) However, children 

who have been sexually abused may 

demonstrate behaviors that are unusual, 

excessive, aggressive, or explicit. There is 

no one specific sign or behavior that can 

be considered proof that sexual abuse has 

definitively occurred, but there are a number 

of signs that are suggestive of abuse. The 

following signs or symptoms may suggest 

the possibility of child sexual abuse: 

• Explicit sexual knowledge beyond the 

child’s developmental stage

• Sexual preoccupation indicated by 

language, drawings, or behaviors

• Inserting toys or other objects in genital 

openings 

• Sexual behaviors with other children that 

seem unusual, aggressive, or unresponsive 

to limits or redirection

• Excessive masturbation, sometimes in 

public, not responsive to redirection or 

limits

• Pain, itching, redness, or bleeding in the 

genital areas

• Nightmares, trouble sleeping, or fear of 

the dark
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• Sudden or extreme mood swings: 

rage, fear, anger, excessive crying, or 

withdrawal

• “Spacing out” or appearing to be in 

trance 

• Loss of appetite, or difficulty eating or 

swallowing

• Cutting, burning, or other self-mutilating 

behaviors 

• Unexplained avoidance of certain people, 

places, or activities

• An older child behaving like a much 

younger child: wetting the bed or sucking 

a thumb, for example

• Talking about a new, older friend

• Suddenly having money

This list of signs and symptoms is simply 

that: red flags designed to alert you to the 

fact that the child’s behaviors may reflect 

an underlying problem. There are other 

possible explanations for some of these 

signs, and they need to be evaluated by a 

trained professional who specializes in child 

sexual abuse. The following organizations 

offer more information about behavioral 

signs of sexual abuse on their websites:

• Stop It Now! 

http://www.stopitnow.org/

warning_signs_child_behavior

• The National Child Traumatic Stress 

Network: 

http://www.nctsnet.org/sites/default/files/

assets/pdfs/ChildSexualAbuseFactSheet 

FINAL_10_2_07.pdf

• Mayo Clinic: 

http://www.mayoclinic.com/

health/child-abuse/DS01099/

DSECTION=symptoms 

• American Academy of Child and 

Adolescent Psychiatry: 

http://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_

and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/Facts_for_

Families_Pages/Child_Sexual_Abuse_09.

aspx 

Healthy Sexual Development in 

Children

Children’s sexual interest, curiosity, and 

behaviors develop gradually over time 

and may be influenced by many factors, 

including what children see and experience 

and the guidance they receive from parents 

and caretakers. The presence of sexual 

behavior is not in and of itself a conclusive 

sign that abuse has occurred. The table 

on the next page lists some of the sexual 

behaviors common among children of 

different age groups, as well as some 

behaviors that might be considered less 

common or unhealthy:3

3 The list is adapted from the Stop It Now! publication Prevent 

Child Sexual Abuse: Facts About Those Who Might Commit It

(2005) available at http://www.stopitnow.org/files/Prevent_Child_

Sexual_Abuse.pdf. Additional information was provided by 

Eliana Gil, Ph.D., RPT-S, ATR, specialist, trainer, and consultant in 

working with children who have been abused and their families. 

See http://www.elianagil.com.
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Preschool (0 to 5 years)

Common:

• Sexual language relating to differences in body 

parts, bathroom talk, pregnancy, and birth

• Self-fondling at home and in public

• Showing and looking at private body parts

Uncommon:

• Discussion of sexual acts

• Sexual contact experiences with other 

children

• Masturbation unresponsive to redirection or 

limits

• Inserting objects in genital openings

School Age (6 to 12 years)

Common:

• Questions about menstruation, pregnancy, sexual 

behavior

• “Experimenting” with same-age children, 

including kissing, fondling, exhibitionism, and 

role-playing

• Masturbation at home or other private places

Uncommon:

• Discussion of explicit sexual acts

• Asking adults or peers to participate in 

explicit sexual acts

• Masturbating in public or excessively to 

bleeding

Adolescence (13 to 16 years)

Common:

• Questions about decision-making, social 

relationships, and sexual customs

• Masturbation in private 

• Experimenting between adolescents of the same 

age, including open-mouth kissing, fondling, and 

body rubbing

• Voyeuristic behaviors

• Sexual intercourse (more than half of 11th 

graders )

• Oral sex (approximately one-third of 15-17 year 

olds )

Uncommon:

• Sexual interest in much younger children

• Aggression in touching others’ genitals

• Asking adults to participate in explicit sexual 

acts

• The use of force, aggression, or drugs to 

obtain compliance

For a more complete list, or if you have any questions or concerns about your child’s sexual 

behaviors, call the Stop It Now! toll-free helpline at 1.888.PREVENT (1.888.773.8368).

4

5

4

5

4 According to a 2011 poll by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) at http://apps.nccd.cdc.gov/youthonline/App/

QuestionsOrLocations.aspx?CategoryId=4

5 According to a 2012 CDC report at http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr056.pdf
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Factors Affecting the Impact of 

Sexual Abuse

If a professional has determined that a child 

in your care has been a victim of sexual 

abuse, or if you continue to suspect that 

the child in your care has been abused, it 

is important to understand how abusive 

experiences may affect children’s behavior. 

All children who have been sexually abused 

have had their physical and emotional 

boundaries violated or crossed in some way. 

Because of this, children may feel a lack of 

trust and safety with others. Children who 

have been abused may come to view the 

world as unsafe, and adults as manipulative 

and untrustworthy. As with other types of 

abuse or trauma, many factors influence 

how children think and feel about the 

abuse, how the abuse affects them, and how 

their recovery progresses. Some factors that 

can affect the impact of abuse or trauma 

include:

• The relationship of the abuser to the 

child and how much the abuse caused 

a betrayal of trust within an important 

interpersonal relationship

• How long the abuse occurred (chronicity)

• Whether the sexual abuse was extensive 

and there was penetration of some kind

• The age of the child (younger children 

are more vulnerable and less capable of 

facing these challenges alone)

• The abuser’s use of “friendliness” or 

seduction and efforts to make the child a 

compliant participant

• The abuser’s use of threats of harm 

or violence, including threats to pets, 

siblings, or parents

• The abuser’s use of secrecy and threats to 

do harm or withdraw love and affection

• Gender of the abuser being the same as or 

different from the child (some children 

are less likely to report sexual activity 

with same gender after the fact, and those 

observing or assessing for abuse may have 

a stronger reaction to same-sex abuse 

than to abuse that is male-female)

• The child’s emotional and social 

development at the time of the abuse

• The child’s ability to cope with his or her 

emotional and physical responses to the 

abuse (for example, fear and arousal)

• How much responsibility the child 

feels for the abuse (and, for example, 

not telling right away, not stopping it 

somehow, etc.)

It is very important for children to 

understand that they are not to blame for 

the abuse they experienced. Your family’s 

immediate response to learning about the 

sexual abuse and ongoing acceptance of 

what the child has told you will play a 

critical role in your child’s ability to recover 

and lead a healthy life. (See the last section 

of this factsheet, Seeking Help, for more 

information about healing from abuse.)

Some parents may feel grave concern 

when children act out sexually with peers 

or younger children and may question 

why a child who has been abused, and 

suffered from that experience, could 

repeat it with someone else. Children who 

have experienced sexual abuse need an 
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opportunity to process their own abuse 

in therapy or with a trusted trained adult 

to understand their thoughts and feelings 

and to have a chance to ask questions 

and achieve some kind of closure. Actingout behaviors usually indicate that some 

traumatic impact of their abuse is still active 

and signals a need for additional attention. 

Responding in calm, informed ways while 

seeking appropriate professional help for 

children whose acting out persists will be 

important to resolving children’s sexual 

behavior problems. The most important 

lesson is learning not to over- or underrespond to problem situations and finding 

just the right balance of guidance and 

empathic care.

If your child has a history of prior abuse, 

it’s important to know that he or she 

may be vulnerable to acting out victim or 

victimizing behaviors. Some children may 

be more likely to be bullied or exploited, 

and others may be angry and aggressive 

towards others. You may need to pay special 

attention to protecting some children while 

setting firm limits on others. In addition, 

some children act out when memories of 

their own abuse are triggered. Triggers can 

happen unexpectedly, for example, by 

seeing someone who looks like the abuser or 

in a situation such as being alone in a public 

restroom, or by a variety of circumstances 

that occur in daily life. Other triggers might 

include the scent of a particular cologne or 

shampoo or the texture of a particular piece 

of clothing or blanket. 

In addition, there are cultural differences 

among children with regard to their comfort 

level with physical proximity, physical 

affection, bathing and nudity practices, 

hygiene, and other factors that can lead to 

problem situations. There are many cultures 

in which parents never discuss sexuality 

directly with their children, or in which any 

type of sexual activity (for example, children 

touching themselves) can be viewed as 

unacceptable or punishable. Children may 

thus carry shame and guilt about their 

bodies.

Establishing Family 

Guidelines for Safety 

and Privacy

There are things you can do to help ensure 

that any child visiting or living in your 

home experiences a structured, safe, and 

nurturing environment. Some children 

who have been sexually abused may have a 

heightened sensitivity to certain situations. 

Making your home a comfortable place for 

children who have been sexually abused 

can mean changing some habits or patterns 

of family life. Incorporating some of these 

guidelines may also help reduce foster or 

adoptive parents’ vulnerability to abuse 

allegations by children living with them. 

Consider whether the following tips may be 

helpful in your family’s situation:

• Make sure every family member’s 

comfort level with touching, 

hugging, and kissing is respected.

Do not force touching on children who 

seem uncomfortable being touched. 

Encourage children to respect the comfort 

and privacy of others.

• Be cautious with playful touch, 

such as play fighting and tickling.

These may be uncomfortable or scary 
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reminders of sexual abuse to some 

children.

• Help children learn the importance 

of privacy. Remind children to knock 

before entering bathrooms and bedrooms, 

and encourage children to dress and 

bathe themselves if they are able. Teach 

children about privacy and respect by 

modeling this behavior and talking about 

it openly.

• Keep adult sexuality private.

Teenage siblings may need reminders 

about what is permitted in your home 

when boyfriends and girlfriends are 

present. Adult caretakers will also need 

to pay special attention to intimacy and 

sexuality when young children with a 

history of sexual abuse are underfoot.

• Be aware of and limit sexual 

messages received through the 

media. Children who have experienced 

sexual abuse can find sexual content 

overstimulating or disturbing. It may 

be helpful to monitor music and music 

videos, as well as television programs, 

video games, and movies containing 

nudity, sexual activity, or sexual language. 

Limit access to grownup magazines 

and monitor children’s Internet use. In 

addition, limit violent graphic or moving 

images in TV or video games.

• Supervise and monitor children’s 

play. If you know that your child has 

a history of sexual abuse, it will be 

important to supervise and monitor his 

or her play with siblings or other children 

in your home. This means having 

children play within your view and not 

allowing long periods of time when 

children are unsupervised. Children may 

have learned about sexual abuse from 

others and may look for times to explore 

these activities with other children if left 

unsupervised. It will be important for 

parents and caretakers to be cautious but 

avoid feeling paranoid. 

• Prepare and develop comfort with 

language about sexual boundaries. 

It will be important for you to be 

proactive in developing and practicing 

responses to children who exhibit sexual 

behavior problems. Many parents feel 

uncomfortable addressing the subject so 

they ignore or avoid direct discussions. 

For example, some parents are able to 

say, “Your private parts belong to you, 

and it’s okay to touch them in private.” 

Some parents hesitate to give this kind of 

permission, believing it’s sinful behavior. 

In those cases, you might want to deliver 

different messages. When children have 

been abused, you can say, “Just like it 

was not okay for so-and-so to touch your 

private parts, it’s not okay for you to 

touch other people’s private parts.” You 

might also give clear directives, “We don’t 

use that language in this house,” if it’s 

offensive, or “I’d like you to use different 

words so that we can really hear what 

you’re saying.” Because there are so many 

differences in the messages parents want 

to convey to their children, it is useful to 

prepare ahead and be proactive.

If your child has touching problems (or any 

sexually aggressive behaviors), you may 

need to take additional steps to help ensure 

safety for your child as well as his or her 

peers. Consider how these tips may apply to 

your own situation:
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• With friends. If your child has known 

issues with touching other children, you 

will need to ensure supervision when he 

or she is playing with friends, whether 

at your home or theirs. Sleepovers may 

not be a good idea when children have 

touching problems.

• At school. You may wish to inform your 

child’s school of any inappropriate sexual 

behavior, to ensure an appropriate level 

of supervision. Often this information 

can be kept confidential by a school 

counselor or other personnel.

• In the community. Supervision 

becomes critical any time children with 

sexual behavior problems are with groups 

of children, for example, at day camp or 

afterschool programs. 

Keep the lines of communication open, so 

children feel more comfortable turning to 

you with problems and talking with you 

about anything—not just sexual abuse. 

Remember, however, that sexual abuse is 

difficult for most children to disclose even 

to a trusted adult and that, ordinarily, 

children do not volunteer information 

about their sexual development.

For more information about developing a 

safety plan for your family, see:

Create a Family Safety Plan

Stop It Now!

http://www.stopitnow.org/family_safety_plan

Seeking Help

Responding to the needs of a child who 

has been sexually abused may involve the 

whole family and will likely have an impact 

on all family relationships. Mental health 

professionals (for example, counselors, 

therapists, or social workers) can help 

you and your family cope with reactions, 

thoughts, and feelings about the abuse. It 

is important to seek a behavioral health 

professional with a background in child 

development, child trauma, and sexual 

abuse. Before agreeing to work with a 

particular provider, ask questions about 

the person’s background, experience, and 

approach to treating children. (There 

is growing evidence for certain types 

of interventions; see page 12 for more 

information.) 

Impact of Sexual Abuse on the 

Family

Being a kinship caregiver or a foster 

or adoptive parent to a child who has 

experienced sexual abuse can be stressful to 

marriages and relationships. Parenting in 

these situations may require some couples 

to be more open with each other and their 

children about sexuality in general and 

sexual problems specifically. If one parent 

is more involved in addressing the issue 

than another, the imbalance can create 

difficulties in the parental relationship. 

A couple’s sexual relationship can also be 

affected, if sex begins to feel like a troubled 

area of the family’s life. If and when these 
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problems emerge, it is often helpful to get 

professional advice.6

In addition, if one parent was more in favor 

of adopting, and the other parent merely 

complied, general stress can be added to 

the couple when children have a range of 

problem behaviors that require attention. 

Some parents develop resentful and angry 

or withdrawn feelings toward foster or 

adoptive children who take up a lot of time 

and energy (for example, children who 

need extra monitoring and supervision or 

transport to weekly therapy appointments). 

Parents can also feel stress because the 

child’s siblings (birth, foster, or adoptive) 

may be exposed to new or focused attention 

on sexuality that can be challenging for 

them. If one child is acting out sexually, 

you may need to talk with siblings about 

what they see, think, and feel, as well as 

how to respond. Children may also need 

to be coached on what (and how much) to 

say about their sibling’s problems to their 

friends. If your children see that you are 

actively managing the problem, they will 

feel more secure and will worry less. 

When one child has been sexually abused, 

parents often become very protective of 

their other children. It is important to find 

a balance between reasonable worry and 

overprotectiveness. Useful strategies to 

prevent further abuse may include teaching 

children to stand up for themselves, talking 

with them about being in charge of their 

bodies, and fostering open communication 

with your children.

6 For more information about sustaining a healthy marriage, 

visit the National Healthy Marriage Resource Center website: 

http://www.healthymarriageinfo.org/index.aspx

Counseling for Parents and Children

Talking with a mental health professional 

who specializes in child sexual abuse as 

soon as problems arise can help parents 

determine if their children’s behavior 

is cause for concern. Specialists can 

also provide parents with guidance in 

responding to their children’s difficulties 

and offer suggestions for how to talk with 

their children. A mental health professional 

may suggest special areas of attention in 

family life and offer specific suggestions 

for creating structured, safe, and nurturing 

environments. 

To help a child who has been abused, many 

mental health professionals will begin with 

a thorough assessment to explore how 

the child functions in all areas of life. The 

specialist will want to know about:

• Past stressors (e.g., history of abuse, 

frequent moves, and other losses) 

• Current stressors (e.g., a medical problem 

or learning disability) 

• Emotional state (e.g., Is the child usually 

happy or anxious?) 

• Coping strategies (e.g., Does the child 

withdraw or act out when angry or sad?)

• The child’s friendships 

• The child’s strengths (e.g., Is the child 

creative, athletic, organized?) 

• The child’s communication skills

• The child’s attachments to adults in his or 

her life

• How the child spends his or her time and 

how much time he or she spends with TV, 

Internet, video games, etc.
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After a thorough assessment, the mental 

health professional will decide if the child 

and family could benefit from therapy. Not 

all children who have been abused require 

therapy. For those who do, the mental 

health professional will develop a plan 

tailored to the child and to the family’s 

strengths and needs. This plan may include 

one or more of the following types of 

therapy:

• Individual therapy. The frequency 

and duration of therapy can vary 

tremendously. The style of therapy 

will depend on the child’s age and the 

therapist’s training. Some therapists use 

creative techniques (for example, art, 

play, and music therapy) to help children 

who are uncomfortable talking about 

their experiences. Other therapists use 

traditional talk therapy or a combination 

of approaches. All types of individual 

therapy that are evidence-based also 

include a component for family or parent 

engagement. 

• Group therapy. Meeting in groups with 

other children who have been sexually 

abused or who have developed sexual 

behavior problems can help children 

understand themselves; feel less alone 

(by interacting with others who have had 

similar experiences); and learn new skills 

through role plays, discussion, games, 

and play. Group therapy for parents can 

also be extremely beneficial.

• Family therapy. Many therapists 

will see children and parents together 

to support positive parent-child 

communication and to guide parents 

in learning new skills that will help 

their children feel better and behave 

appropriately.

Whether or not family therapy is advised, it 

is vital for parents to stay involved in their 

child’s therapy or other kinds of treatment. 

Skilled mental health professionals will 

always seek to involve the parents by asking 

for and sharing information. 

There are several evidence-based programs 

that have been found useful for treating 

children who have been sexually abused 

and their families. The California EvidenceBased Clearinghouse for Child Welfare lists 

programs for the treatment of problem 

sexual behaviors in adolescents (http://

www.cebc4cw.org/topic/sexual-behaviorproblems-in-adolescents-treatment-of/) 

and in children (http://www.cebc4cw.

org/topic/sexual-behavior-problems-inchildren-treatment-of/). Most mental health 

professionals stay up-to-date on recent 

evidence-based and practice-informed 

trends in mental health. The National 

Child Traumatic Stress Network includes 

information about trauma-informed 

treatment for sexual abuse on its website 

(http://www.nctsn.org/trauma-types/sexualabuse#q3). The Child Trauma Academy 

suggests that interventions for trauma and 

abuse be delivered in a “neurosequential” 

order and be responsive to children’s current 

functioning and problem history.7

Your Child Welfare Agency

If you are a kinship caregiver or foster 

parent, or if you are seeking to adopt a 

child, you may wish to talk with your social 

worker about what you discover about 

7 For more information on the neurosequential model of 

therapy, see http://childtrauma.org/nmt-model. 
Parenting a Child Who Has Been Sexually Abused: A Guide for Foster and Adoptive Parents https://www.childwelfare.gov

12 This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit 

Child Welfare Information Gateway. Available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_abused

your child’s history and any behaviors 

that worry you. Sharing your concerns will 

help your social worker help you and your 

family. If your child exhibits problem sexual 

behaviors toward other children, be aware 

that you may also be required to report 

these to child protective services in order 

to comply with mandated reporting laws in 

your jurisdiction.8

Many adoptive parents also call their local 

child welfare agency to seek advice if their 

child shows troubling behaviors. Child 

welfare workers are often good sources 

of information, can offer advice, and 

are familiar with community resources. 

Adoption agencies may also be able to 

provide additional postadoption services or 

support to adoptive parents who find out 

about their child’s history of sexual abuse 

after the adoption is finalized. For more 

information about postadoption services, 

see the Child Welfare Information Gateway 

web section: https://www.childwelfare.gov/

adoption/adopt_parenting/

What to Look for in a Mental Health 

Professional

Finding a knowledgeable and experienced 

mental health professional is key to 

getting the help your family needs. Some 

communities have special programs for 

treating children who have been sexually 

abused, such as child protection teams and 

child advocacy centers. You may also find 

qualified specialists in your community 

through the organizations noted below. 

8 See Child Welfare Information Gateway’s Mandatory 

Reporters of Child Abuse and Neglect at https://www.

childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/manda.cfm.

• Child advocacy centers (see http://www.

nationalcac.org/locator.html) 

• Rape crisis or sexual assault centers

• Local psychological or psychiatric 

association referral services

• Child abuse hotlines (See 

Information Gateway’s Child Abuse 

Reporting Numbers: https://www.

childwelfare.gov/pubs/reslist/rl_dsp.

cfm?rs_id=5&rate_chno=11-11172) 

• Information Gateway’s Selecting and 

Working With a Therapist Skilled in 

Adoption at https://www.childwelfare.gov/

pubs/f_therapist.cfm

• Child protective services (CPS) agencies

• The National Child Traumatic Stress 

Network maintains a list of its members 

that specialize in research and/ or 

treatment at http://www.nctsn.org/

about-us/network-members

• Nonprofit service providers serving 

families of missing or exploited children

• University departments of social work, 

psychology, or psychiatry

• Crime victim assistance programs in 

the law enforcement agency or in the 

prosecutor’s or district attorney’s office

• Group private practices with a 

specialization in trauma services

• Family court services, including courtappointed special advocate (CASA) groups 

or guardians ad litem

• American Academy of Child & 

Adolescent Psychiatry at http://

www.aacap.org/cs/root/child_and_

adolescent_psychiatrist_finder/

child_and_adolescent_psychiatrist_finder
Parenting a Child Who Has Been Sexually Abused: A Guide for Foster and Adoptive Parents

13 This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit 

Child Welfare Information Gateway. Available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_abused

https://www.childwelfare.gov

• American Psychological Association at 

http://locator.apa.org/

Therapy for children who have been 

sexually abused is specialized work. When 

selecting a mental health professional, look 

for the following:

• An advanced degree in a recognized 

mental health specialty such as 

psychiatry (M.D.), psychology (Ph.D. or 

Psy.D.), social work (M.S.W.), counseling 

(L.P.C.), Marriage and Family Therapy 

(M.F.T.), or psychiatric nursing (R.N.) 

• Licensure to practice as a mental health 

professional in your State (Some mental 

health services are provided by students 

under the supervision of licensed 

professionals.)

• Special training in child sexual abuse, 

including the dynamics of abuse, how it 

affects children and adults, and the use of 

goal-oriented treatment plans

• Knowledge about the legal issues 

involved in child sexual abuse, especially 

the laws about reporting child sexual 

victimization, procedures used by law 

enforcement and protective services, 

evidence collection, and expert testimony 

in your State 

• A willingness to work in a coordinated 

fashion with other professionals involved 

in your family’s care

Conclusion

Many people want to help children who 

have been sexually abused, but they often 

struggle with feelings of confusion, concern, 

anger, and disgust as they learn more about 

the abuse. You may need help in order to 

resolve these struggles and to move toward 

acceptance of your child’s background.

If you were (or suspect you may have been) 

sexually abused as a child, dealing with your 

own child’s difficulties may be particularly 

challenging, and reading this factsheet 

may have brought up difficult thoughts 

and feelings.9 Your courage in facing these 

issues and tackling a personally difficult 

and painful subject can actually be helpful 

to your children by demonstrating to 

them that sexual abuse experiences can be 

managed and overcome.

Creating a structured, safe, and nurturing 

home is the greatest gift that you can give 

to all of your children. Seek help when 

you need it, share your successes with your 

social worker, and remember that a healthy 

relationship with your children allows them 

to begin and advance the recovery process. 

It is in the context of your parent-child 

relationship that your child learns trust and 

respect, two important building blocks of 

your children’s safety and well-being. 

9 A list of resource organizations for adults who were abused as 

children is available on the Child Welfare Information Gateway 

website: https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/reslist/rl_dsp.

cfm?subjID=41&rate_chno=11-11136.
Parenting a Child Who Has Been Sexually Abused: A Guide for Foster and Adoptive Parents https://www.childwelfare.gov

Acknowledgment: 

Child Welfare Information Gateway would like to acknowledge the contributions of Eliana 

Gil, Ph.D., Gil Institute for Trauma Recovery and Education, LLC, in Fairfax, VA, and a 

nationally known lecturer, author, and clinician specializing in working with children and 

families in which child sexual abuse has occurred as well as children with sexual behavior 

problems and their families. This is an update to an original publication written in partnership 

with Susan A. Rich, Ph.D.

Suggested Citation: 

Child Welfare Information Gateway. (2013). Parenting a child who has been sexually abused: A 

guide for foster and adoptive parents. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Health and Human 

Services, Children’s Bureau. 

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Administration for Children and Families

Administration on Children, Youth and Families

Children’s Bureau