Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS

800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov

WHAT’S INSIDE

Talking with children 

about the transition to 

adoption

Helping children 

understand and cope

Promoting attachment

Conclusion 

Resources

References

FACTSHEET 

FOR FAMILIES

July 2018

If you are a foster parent adopting a child, children, or 

youth currently in your care, you have a pivotal role in 

helping them adjust to adoption. The adoption process 

is an ongoing journey that continues well past the day 

the adoption is finalized. There are several ways you 

can ease the transition and many supports available 

to help you in this important work. 

This factsheet discusses common issues that come up 

for children and families during the foster-to-adoption 

process, how to support your child or youth through 

the transition, and resources available for help. 

Talking With Children About the Transition to 

Adoption

The transition to adoption is a gradual process for all 

involved. The adjustment period can be a vulnerable 

time as your child begins to understand they are a 

permanent member of your family and will not return 

to live with their birth family. Some children may feel 

relief as plans are finalized while others may feel a 

deep sense of loss. Listening carefully to your child 

throughout the adoption process and creating a safe 

environment for sharing feelings can help build trust 

and ease the transition. 

Helping Your Child Transition 

From Foster Care to 

Adoption 
Helping Your Child Transition From Foster Care to Adoption https://www.childwelfare.gov

2

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This publication is available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f-transition/.

 Plan regular events and activities where the focus is

not on adoption but on building family memories and

relationships.

 Develop relationships with other families who may

be fostering children or who have adopted children

they fostered. It helps to see families that look similar

and share common experiences. Sharing common

experiences, challenges, and successes may ease the

feeling of being isolated or “different.”

The adoption of a child in foster care by caregivers 

is very common. According to the most recent 

Federal data, over half the children adopted from 

foster care during fiscal year 2016 (52 percent) were 

adopted by their foster parents (https://www.acf.

hhs.gov/cb/resource/afcars-report-24).

Finding Help

The core issues of adoption—including loss, 

rejection, and identity—may surface at different 

points in your child’s life, depending on events 

and his or her developmental stage. The transition 

to adoption is most successful when families 

can access a wide variety of support services. 

Child Welfare Information Gateway offers several 

resources related to adoption support and 

preservation:

 About Postadoption Services and Support,

an Information Gateway webpage: https://

www.childwelfare.gov/topics/adoption/

adopt-parenting/services/postadoption/

 AccessingAdoptionSupportandPreservation

Services, a factsheet for families from Child

Welfare Information Gateway: https://www.

childwelfare.gov/pubs/f-postadoption/

 National Foster Care & Adoption Directory

(NFCAD), adoption and foster care resources

by State (https://childwelfare.gov/nfcad/) and

a mobile app (https://www.childwelfare.gov/

nfcad/app/) that connects users to foster care

and adoption agencies, adoption education

and training organizations, adoption support

groups, and related professionals

 Support for Parents Who Adopt From Foster

Care, an AdoptUSKids webpage: https://www.

adoptuskids.org/adoption-and-foster-care/

parenting-support/for-adoptive-parents

It is important to share stories in a developmentally 

appropriate manner about your child’s background and/

or placement history and how he or she came to be 

adopted by you. Honor this as an important part of his 

or her identity. Adopted children and youth often have 

questions about their birth family and the reasons they 

are no longer able to live with them. It is essential to 

validate your child’s experiences and feelings and tell the 

truth, even when difficult. There are several ways adoptive 

parents and siblings can help children or youth adjust to 

the adoption and feel more secure as a member of the 

family: 

 You can help your child understand that adoption does

not have to mean replacing or no longer loving the

important people in his or her life. Instead, your child

is growing the family that will be a source of love and

support.

 Remain truthful as you share information. If your child

was adopted at a very young age, perhaps you can

let them know—if this was the case—that their birth

mother was not able to provide care and asked you

and your family to do so.

 Encourage open discussion about the people who

matter to your child and find ways to stay in contact

with them.

 Create traditions, activities, events, or anniversaries

to recognize and acknowledge the adoption as a

milestone for your family. Be sure to listen to and

involve your child in planning these events. Many

children feel very special on their “adoption day,” while

others have conflicting feelings of loyalty and loss. It is

normal for a child to have mixed feelings.
Helping Your Child Transition From Foster Care to Adoption https://www.childwelfare.gov

3

Children and youth learn best through repetition. 

Conversation about the differences between foster care 

and adoption may need to be introduced a number of 

times before a child fully understands. Integrating these 

conversations during moments of connection with your 

child can help foster bonding and attachment and help 

him or her explore feelings about adoption and you. 

Below are some ideas to encourage that process:

 Help your child talk about the perceived difference

in his or her own words. Ask open-ended questions,

such as, “How do you think being adopted is different

from being in foster care?” or “What do you think the

biggest difference is, now that you’re adopted?”

 Help your child draw analogies to something in his or

her life. For instance, you might say, “This is like the

time when...”

 To help children understand one of the key differences

between foster care and adoption, you might remind

them that adoption makes them a “forever” member

of your family and that they will always be your child,

even when they are grown up. Reading a children’s

book like “Love You Forever” (https://robertmunsch.

com/book/love-you-forever) can be helpful.

 An older child may seek to understand his or her

personal story and the reasons behind the foster

care and adoption. Be honest if you don’t have all

the details or don’t know what happened regarding

your child’s birth family. You can ask your child or

youth about their understanding of the experience.

Be aware of your reactions and make sure you are

communicating safety and acceptance with whatever is

shared.

Tailoring the Conversation to Your 

Child’s Developmental Age

Your child’s understanding of adoption will depend 

on his or her developmental stage. The following 

resources may help guide your conversations:

 The Center for Adoption Support and

Education (C.A.S.E.) developed a series of

factsheets on helping children adjust to

adoption based on their developmental

age. The factsheets address both basic and

difficult adoption-related topics for younger

children, adolescents, and older teens (http://

adoptionsupport.org/education-resources/

for-parents-families/free-resources-links/).

 The digital magazine and websiteAdoptive

Familieshas several articles about how to talk

to your adopted child throughout the transition

process (https://www.adoptivefamilies.

com/category/talking-about-adoption/

explaining-adoption-to-kids/).

 The tip sheet, TalkingWithOlderYouthAbout

Adoption, offers suggestions for starting

conversations with teens and topics to explore

(https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/talking.

pdf).

 Child Welfare Information Gateway’s webpage,

Talking About Adoption (https://www.

childwelfare.gov/topics/adoption/adoptparenting/talking/) includes additional agespecific information and resources.

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4

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This publication is available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f-transition/

Helping Children Understand and 

Cope

When children or youth spend extended periods in outof-home care, memories of significant events and people 

can be lost. Children may lose their sense of self: who they 

are, where they have lived, the people they have lived 

with, where they went to school, memories of favorite 

items (e.g., stuffed animals or blankets), and more. You 

can help your child review and understand previous life 

experiences to clarify what happened in the past and help 

integrate those experiences so your child will have greater 

self-understanding. Acknowledging your child’s past, 

addressing potential issues of trauma, grief, and loss, and 

recognizing and embracing racial and cultural identity are 

all part of a healthy transition process.

Your child may experience a range of emotions and 

require additional support at different stages. Your child 

welfare agency, caseworker, or adoption specialist can 

help you identify appropriate and available services and 

supports. Many organizations specialize in working with 

families transitioning to adoption. If you seek counseling 

or mental health treatment, it is important to seek a 

therapist who is competent in adoption-related issues. 

C.A.S.E. (http://adoptionsupport.org/) provides 

specialized mental health services for adoptive and foster 

families and offers a nationwide directory of adoptioncompetent professionals (http://adoptionsupport.org/

member-types/adoption-competent-professionals/). 

Child Welfare Information Gateway’s factsheet for 

families, SelectingandWorkingWithaTherapistSkilled

inAdoption (https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/ftherapist/), provides guidance on seeking professional 

help.

Easing the Integration Process

When possible and safe, seek to maintain connections 

with your child’s birth family. Your child or youth comes 

with a unique story and identity that will always be a part 

of who they are regardless of how old they were when 

they first moved into your home. While children can be 

resilient and form new attachments to adults who are 

meeting their needs, recognizing and embracing their 

past can help them make sense of their personal story 

and identity and ease the integration process into your 

family. There are specific steps that can help children 

integrate existing relationships with the important people 

in their lives while promoting connections with new family 

members. Integration can help children cope with the 

potentially painful realities of separation from their birth 

family. 

Children who have experienced abuse, neglect, 

and related trauma may have a harder time 

managing transitions. Child Welfare Information 

Gateway has several factsheets for families to help 

address some of these concerns:

 ParentingaChildWhoHasExperiencedTrauma

(https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/

child-trauma) 

 ParentingaChildWhoHasExperiencedAbuse

orNeglect (https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/

parenting-CAN/)

 ParentingaChildWhoHasBeenSexually

Abused:AGuideforFosterandAdoptive

Parents (https://www.childwelfare.gov/ 

pubs/f-abused)

Both the National Child Traumatic Stress Network 

(http://www.nctsn.org/) and the Child Trauma 

Academy (http://childtrauma.org) websites provide 

related resources. 
Helping Your Child Transition From Foster Care to Adoption https://www.childwelfare.gov

5

Adoption expert Kathryn Donley was the first to describe 

the five-step integration process (1988):

1. Create an accurate reconstruction of your child’s

placement history. Creating a “lifebook” with your

child can help them see and understand their own

history. Lifebooks, scrapbooks, or memory books

are tools used by foster and adoptive parents to

help preserve a child’s personal history, create a

connection with their past, and engage them in a

conversation about adoption. They help children

and youth answer questions about how they

were separated from their birth family and where,

ultimately, they belong. Information Gateway

hosts a webpage (https://www.childwelfare.gov/

topics/adoption/adopt-parenting/lifebooks/) and

AdoptiveFamilies features several articles with

suggestions on creating lifebooks at different stages

of development (https://www.adoptivefamilies.

com/category/talking-about-adoption/

adoption-lifebooks-scrapbooks/).

2. Identify the important attachment figures in

your child’s life by learning who these individuals

are and by listening to your child talk about people

from previous placements. These attachment figures

might be parents, but may also be siblings, former

foster parents, pastors, coaches, or extended family

members who have a connection with your child.

When adoptive parents choose not to talk about birth

families, children or youth may sense that the adoptive

parents are uncomfortable with their past and feel the

loss more intensely (Wheeler, n.d.).

3. Enlist the support of the most significant

attachment figures available: the birth parents,

grandparents, relatives, or other important figures in

your child’s life (e.g., a coach, close family friend, etc.).

Even if the birth family is not cooperative regarding a

child’s adoption permanency goal, there is likely one

important person (a teacher, a former neighbor) who

will be willing to work with you to make your child’s

transition a little smoother.

4. Clarify “the permission message.” It is necessary

for children to hear and feel from people who are

important to them that it is okay to love another

family. Every effort should be made to ensure those

individuals give your adopted child that message.

5. Communicate that permission to the child. Whether

the “permission to love your new family” comes in the

form of a letter from a close family member or from the

birth parent during visits, it is important that children

get the message that it is not their fault they are in

foster care and that it is all right to love another family.

This will go a long way toward helping them relax and

serves to strengthen the bond with the new family.

Help your child or youth understand that they are not

replacing their birth family but rather “growing” their

family and a support team that will help them through

life.

Acknowledging the Past

The following questions may help your child frame past 

experiences and address current circumstances. The 

responses may help you figure out how to help your child 

overcome past traumas and feel more secure in your 

family (Henry, 2005): 

 Who am I? (exploring identity)

 What happened to me? (exploring issues of loss and/

or trauma)

 Where am I going? (new relationships)

 How will I get there? (questions related to relationships)

 When will I know I belong? (connection and safety)

You can help your child answer these questions and 

understand his or her unique history and current situation. 

Just because children don’t bring up the past doesn’t 

mean they aren’t interested or aren’t still affected by their 

experiences. What you can do (Wheeler, n.d):

 Pay attention to your child’s nonverbal cues. If he or

she seems quiet and withdrawn, consider what might

be going on. You might want to ask if your child is

thinking about or missing his or her biological or

former foster parents or siblings. Regardless of the

answer, this will be a signal to your child that you are

willing to explore those feelings.

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6

 You might gently explain that children sometimes

feel sad when separated from people they love, and

let them know that you care deeply and they are not

alone.

 Help your child understand that separation from

his or her parents was not because they were bad

people, but because they were not able to provide

safe care. You can also help your child understand, if

developmentally appropriate, that his or her family of

origin deserves our compassion rather than judgment

or scorn. This will demonstrate your empathy and

contribute to your child’s sense of safety.

 Pay attention to lead-ins for conversation about the

past (e.g., a child comments about something they did

with their birth family or a former foster family).

Trauma, Grief, and Loss

While it may be difficult to understand the past trauma 

and losses your child or youth encountered before 

adoption, all adopted children and youth experience 

some level of loss when separated from their family of 

origin. Even if the child has lived in your home for some 

time and the adoption process has been positive, the 

finality of the adoption may intensify feelings of loss 

(DeGarmo, 2017). Children in foster care often have 

traumatic histories that affect them in ways that may be 

difficult for them to put into words and may make it harder 

for them to form trusting relationships with new family 

members (Lefebvre, 2013). The trauma may be greater if 

the child has experienced multiple foster placements. 

Your child may experience a feeling of loss from changes 

in language, culture, religion, or a separation from his or 

her siblings (Krebs, 2016). Some of the feelings of loss 

and grief may be vague—e.g., children know their birth 

parents and siblings still exist, but have no control over 

access to them. It is important to be sensitive to how 

these feelings can affect your child. Minimizing them may 

result in unresolved grief (Pickover & Brown, 2016).

The following resources may be helpful in addressing 

trauma, grief, and loss: 

 The Association for Training and Trauma on

Attachment in Children (http://www.attach.org) is an

international coalition of professionals and families

dedicated to promoting attachment and bonding by

providing access to relevant resources and materials.

 The Attachment and Trauma Network (http://www.

attachmenttraumanetwork.org) (ATN) is a national

coalition founded by adoptive parents to support

families of children who have experienced trauma.

ATN maintains a database of attachment and traumarelated resources, attachment and developmental

trauma therapists by location, professional

organizations, and respite care providers. ATN hosts

private, online peer-to-peer support groups (https://

www.attachmenttraumanetwork.org/need-help/

ask-atn/) that are moderated 24/7 by experienced

therapeutic parents. ATN will place you in a group that

best meets your needs based on the information you

provide and the severity of a child’s issues.

 Understanding Trauma (https://www.adoptuskids.org/

meet-the-children/children-in-foster-care/about-thechildren/understanding-trauma) is a webpage hosted

by AdoptUSKids.

Racial and Cultural Identity

If your child has a different racial or cultural identity than 

you, be aware that a colorblind approach to parenting 

can limit your child’s potential to develop and own their 

full identity (Dinwoodie, 2016). Experts emphasize the 

importance of honoring and celebrating your child’s racial 

and cultural heritage (Frazier, 2016). When there is no 

discussion regarding racial or cultural differences, your 

child may get the message that conversations around race 

are off-limits, leading to potential feelings of shame or 

confusion—and leaving your child to confront his or her 

reality alone. Your child may also think that racial issues 

are unimportant or that you don’t care (Pepperdine, 2017).

For more information, see Information Gateway’s 

webpage on Transracial/Transcultural Families (https://

www.childwelfare.gov/topics/adoption/adoptive/

family-type/transracial/). 

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7

Promoting Attachment

Attachment is the deep and enduring bond that forms 

between a child and primary caregiver early in life when 

a parent is sensitive and responsive to an infant or 

young child’s needs. When this occurs, the child feels 

valued and trusts the parent (Gray, 2012). A child who 

has experienced significant instability and unmet needs 

early in life often struggles with trust issues and may need 

to experience a safe, consistent, and unconditionally 

supportive environment in an adoptive home for some 

time before feeling safe. As your child’s parent, you 

can promote attachment by confidently asserting your 

parental role and meeting your child’s essential needs 

for nurturing, safety, and limits (C.A.S.E., 2016). You 

have made a lifelong commitment with all the rights 

and responsibilities of parenthood. More information 

about this process, called entitlement and claiming, is 

available through C.A.S.E. at http://adoptionsupport.

org/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/08-Entitlement-andClaiming.pdf. In addition to assuming a loving, protective, 

and authoritative parenting role, you can help build your 

child’s sense of belonging by actively seeking similarities 

between the two of you or other family members 

(mannerisms, interests, personality traits, or even physical 

traits). 

If your child has experienced abuse and neglect, 

attachment and connection to your family may take 

extra time and effort (Keck & Kupecky, 2002, 2009). It is 

essential to validate your child’s feelings at every age 

and developmental stage (Krebs, 2016). Remember 

that trust needs to be earned and cannot be rushed—

patience is essential. C.A.S.E. offers many resources 

and a comprehensive reading list to address transitionrelated issues at different developmental stages (http://

adoptionsupport.org). 

Infants and Preschool Age Children

If you have adopted an infant or a young child, 

consistently offer the kind of physical closeness and 

attention that he or she may have missed during his or her 

earliest months and years. Helping your child feel safe, 

secure, and loved will promote healthy attachment and 

healing. What you can do:

 Spend as much time with your child as possible, taking

leave from work when you can.

 Frequently remind your child how happy you are that

he or she has become a part of your family (C.A.S.E.,

2016).

 Be aware of your facial expressions. Your eyes are the

pathway to connection. Make frequent eye contact

and smile often (eye contact may be challenging for

children with certain cultural backgrounds or for those

who have mental health issues).

 Your child may need to go back to an earlier

developmental stage before he or she can progress

developmentally. If needed, rock your child, feed your

child with a bottle, play peekaboo, etc. Nurturing your

child in the safety of your home environment can help

support needed development.

 Be emotionally and physically available to your child

(offer frequent hugs, hold hands, cuddle while reading

a book or watching TV), or talk affectionately with eye

contact, smiles, and frequent praise.

 Play with your child (stacking hands, blowing bubbles,

etc.). This lays the foundation for future social and

emotional development.

 Use an object such as a stuffed animal when you need

to be away. Speak to it in front of your child, saying

something along the lines of, “Take good care of Spot

while I’m away. I look forward to hearing about how

well things go while I’m gone and can’t wait until I get

back!” (Pickover & Brown, 2016).

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8

 Affirm your child’s feelings (e.g., perhaps a desire

to look more like you, particularly in a transracial

adoption—acknowledge their wish, tell them their skin

color is beautiful, and interact with families that share

their heritage) (C.A.S.E., 2016).

 Retell your child’s story when it feels appropriate,

including how he or she came to you. Be aware of how

your child is hearing the story and adjust its telling

accordingly. Some children love to hear their story

while others feel protective of the information and find

it difficult to hear. Every child is different.

 Talk about future family milestones, including where

your child will go to school, to assure him or her of a

role in your future.

 Be the primary meal provider during the first six

months to enhance the bonding process (Ostyn, 2017).

 Your child needs to know that he or she can rely on

you. Do not worry about spoiling or overindulging your

child (Ostyn, 2017).

For more information on this age group, see Parenting

YourPreschoolAgeChild (https://www.childwelfare.gov/

pubs/factsheets/preschool/).

Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, 

and Empathy

One very effective way to create a connection with 

a child is to utilize the “PACE” model of parenting. 

The PACE (playfulness, acceptance, curiosity, 

and empathy) parenting method emphasizes a 

way of connecting with young children to help 

build attachment and make them feel safe and 

understood (https://ddpnetwork.org/about-ddp/

meant-pace/). Playfulness, curiosity, and empathy 

help children develop well-being, and accepting 

their feelings and desires—rather than imposing 

your own—will help assure them they are safe in 

sharing ideas with you (this may require significant 

work on your part). 

Accepting a child’s feelings, wishes, and emotions 

is not the same as granting permission for unsafe 

or inappropriate behaviors. If your toddler wants 

a second cookie, for example, you can let them 

know you appreciate that craving while also being 

firm that this is not an option. Or, later on, if a 

teenager believes he or she should be allowed to 

use illegal substances, you can acknowledge the 

desire but point out that you have a responsibility 

to help them obey the law and stay safe. This way, 

your restrictions are on unsafe or inappropriate 

behaviors, not on your child’s or youth’s personal 

beliefs (Golding & Hughes, 2012).

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9

School-Age Children

School-age children need routine and understanding. 

With its academic and social challenges, school can be 

overwhelming for some children. But school can also play 

an important role in how children perceive their adoption, 

especially when educators communicate that adoption 

is a good way to build families. With positive feedback 

from the school community, children have a better chance 

of feeling self-confident and positive about their status. 

Unfortunately, not all teachers have received training to 

prepare them to talk about adoption, resulting in silence 

on the topic (C.A.S.E., 2016). Your child may become 

aware that there are few if any children at their school 

who are adopted and may be uncomfortable when asked 

questions by peers or others. What you can do:

 Talk to your child’s teachers and school administrators

about adoption and provide them with adoption

resources.

 Propose that your school forms a parent committee

representing adoptive families and adopted students.

 Offer predictable routines and schedules.

 Affirm and show empathy for whatever your child is

feeling.

 Make your home a safe spot for your child’s emotions,

both positive and negative.

 Help your child construct an adoption story they are

comfortable sharing with peers. C.A.S.E. created

the W.I.S.E. UP Powerbook (http://adoptionsupport.

org/general/w-s-e-empowers-kids/) to help children

answer awkward questions from classmates and peers.

 Watch for signs that your child may need extra

support.

 Look behind your child’s behavior–it is a window to

how they are feeling.

 Be aware of what your face may be communicating and

how your child is responding.

 Play board games or engage in activities that put you

eye-to-eye with your child.

 Don’t force a child to make eye contact before he or

she is ready.

 Provide nurturing physical contact.

 Speak positively about past caregivers and birth

parents so your child is not shamed.

 Include your child in planning family activities to

reassure them that their feelings matter.

 Encourage self-esteem by providing activities that

reflect the child’s interests and assign age-appropriate

household responsibilities.

 Offer frequent encouragement and praise (e.g., put a

note in a lunchbox).

The following are positive signs that attachment is 

underway:

 Your child is increasing the frequency of eye contact.

 Your child comes to you when distressed.

 How you feel matters to your child.

 Your child looks to you for praise.

 Your child is happy to cuddle—even for a moment.

 Your child prefers you over strangers.

Consult Information Gateway’s factsheet ParentingYour

AdoptedSchool-AgeChild (https://www.childwelfare.

gov/pubs/factsheets/parent-school-age/) for more 

information.

Youth

Because they have likely had multiple disappointments in 

their lives, older children may take longer to form deep 

and enduring attachments. The older your child is at 

the time of adoption, the more likely it is that he or she 

has experienced not only rejection but also insecurity 

related to multiple foster care placements and temporary 

relationships. He or she may feel unlovable or dispensable 

as a result and question your commitment and the 

permanence of the adoption (Matloff, 2014). This can 

cause your child to actively resist your affection or test you 

to make sure your love is real and permanent (Kupecky, 

2014). This may come in the form of angry outbursts or 

withdrawal. It is important to recognize these behaviors as 

a process your child needs to work through and not take 

them personally.

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10

As identity development and separation are a major part 

of adolescence, your child’s interests and tastes may 

change frequently. These feelings have the potential to 

overwhelm your child, because his or her developing 

independence may feel like abandonment and rekindle 

old feelings associated with the initial separation from the 

birth family. It is important for your child to feel as though 

he or she can share these feelings with you or work with a 

therapist to get through this challenging period (C.A.S.E., 

2016). 

Promoting attachment may be as much about being 

physically and emotionally available as understanding 

when to offer space. Involvement with an adoptive parent 

support group can help you learn how to connect with 

your youth and “let go” at the same time (C.A.S.E., 2016). 

What you can do:

 Be available and predictable.

 Allow your youth to express emotions without being

judged.

 Talk openly (on their terms) about things that are

important to them.

 Help your youth make a lifebook if there is not one

already.

 Point out similarities between the two of you.

 Understand that birth parents might be idealized and

that issues of loyalty might surface (Krebs, 2016).

 Help your youth practice how to communicate his or

her story with peers (Krebs, 2016).

There are certain steps you can take to help manage 

difficult behaviors or feelings as they arise (Skalnik, 2016):

 Identify when a situation is escalating for your child.

 Recognize what causes these behaviors and help

your child understand these triggers and control their

responses.

 Be ready with patience and empathy.

 Move to a private area, if possible, so your child can

feel safe.

 Ask your child what he or she may need (do not

assume you know).

 Remember this is about your child, not about you. Do

not take problem behavior personally.

 Recognize when to give space.

 Seek peer support from other adoptive parents.

 Understand and support your child’s growing need for

autonomy (White, 2013).

If you are concerned about certain behaviors, remember 

that it is always a sign of strength to seek help. For more 

information, see Information Gateway’s ParentingYour

AdoptedTeen (https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/

factsheets/parent-teenager/). 

Conclusion

While it may seem easy for a child or youth to transition 

from foster care to adoption within the same family, in 

reality, the internal process—for both the child and for 

families—is much more complicated. Allowing children 

to “drift” into adoption without actively acknowledging 

the significant changes up front may lead to difficulties 

at a later time. Just as your child will need help building 

attachments to you and your family, you may benefit 

from the support of adoption-competent therapists and 

peer counselors to ensure a healthy transition for you and 

your growing family. Connecting with the postadoption 

preservation and support network available in your 

State—both before and after the adoption has been 

finalized—will help you with the transition process and 

beyond.

Adoption is a big step for everyone involved. Keep 

realistic expectations about yourself, your family, and 

your child or youth transitioning from foster care. Lastly, 

recognize that transition can be a lifelong process and 

there are many organizations, adoption professionals, and 

supportive services available to help you succeed. 

This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare Information Gateway.

This publication is available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f-transition/.
Helping Your Child Transition From Foster Care to Adoption https://www.childwelfare.gov

11

Resources

 Adoptions Together/FamilyWorks Together website

(https://www.familyworkstogether.org/for-families/)

provides family education and support, transracial

adoption community support, and 24-7 crisis

intervention services

 American Adoption Congress, an international

organization promoting family connections, hosts a

webpage with State-specific adoption support groups

(https://americanadoptioncongress.org/support_grps.

php)

 Circle of Security International (https://www.

circleofsecurityinternational.com/for-parents) offers

resources and training programs to help parents and

caregivers build attachment with infants, children, and

youth

 “Helping Kids Transition from Foster Care to

Adoption,” 2012 podcast from Creating a Family

(https://creatingafamily.org/adoption-category/

helping-kids-transition-from-foster-care-to-adoption/)

 “Helping Children and Youth Transition from Foster

Care to Adoption” 2016 StrengtheningYourFamily

WebinarSeries from C.A.S.E. (http://adoptionsupport.

org/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/November-2016-

Webinar-Handout.pdf)

 North American Council on Adoptable Children

website (https://www.nacac.org/get-training/recordedtrainings/) includes multiple webinar trainings for

adoptive parents on topics such as “I’ll Tell Them

When They’re Older...Talking to Children About Their

History” and “Understanding the Acting-Out Behavior

of Your Adopted Children” https://www.nacac.org/

get-training/recorded-trainings/

 PostadoptionContactAgreementsBetweenBirth

andAdoptiveFamilies (https://www.childwelfare.gov/

topics/systemwide/laws-policies/statutes/cooperative/)

looks at State-specific laws addressing postadoption

contact between adoptive and birth families

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This publication is available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f-transition/.
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Administration on Children, Youth and Families 

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Suggested Citation:

Child Welfare Information Gateway. (2018). Helpingyour

fosterchildtransitiontoyouradoptedchild. Washington, 

DC: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 

Children’s Bureau.