Dealing with 

Life’s Lessons

The Courage

to Fail

“I

’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six 

times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over 

and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” — Basketball legend Michael Jordan 

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” — Inventor and businessman 

Thomas Edison

Nobody wins 100 percent of the time. That is just a fact of life and part of what makes us human. 

But no one ever loses 100 percent of the time either. Some of the most successful people in the 

world—past and present—have experienced failure and learned from it, which helped them be 

more successful. Our attitude toward failure can have a tremendous impact on our relationships 

with our children. Through our reaction to failure, they can develop valuable personal skills that 

can contribute to their future success.

By the time children reach school age, the messages they receive from adults about success and 

failure are clear: winning is good, losing is bad. Children learn quickly that an “F” grade stands 

for failure. Not making the team, losing the big game, or not being accepted by the “right” crowd 

might make children believe that if they fail, they are failures. You can show them otherwise.
A

s fathers, we must accept the idea that when we fail, the attempt 

failed...not the person. Throughout their lives, there will be many 

times when our children make an attempt at something only to 

fail, but that does not mean they are failures as people. We can 

teach our children to handle failures so they are not defeated by them but 

learn from them. Children who think of themselves as failures might give up 

and quit trying new things. Fear of failure should not stop your children’s 

creativity or ambition. It should not destroy their dreams. 

Explain that failure is one of life’s best teachers. They should expect that sometimes 

they are going to fail. And when they do, they can turn a negative incident into 

something positive by figuring out what they did wrong and applying what they 

learned in future situations. After they fail, they must keep going and try again. 

They cannot let failure stop them.

Talk to your children about successful people who have experienced failures. They 

probably learned about Abraham Lincoln in school. But they might not know how 

he faced the death of the woman he planned to marry, several failed businesses, 

and a number of lost elections before he succeeded at becoming President. Like 

so many other successful people, Lincoln was not defeated by his failures but 

moved forward through determination and hard work. 

Nobody wants to fail, but failure is just as good a teacher as success. Fathers 

should help children recognize that failure is a part of life. Failure gets our attention 

and gives us information about what works. From failure, we learn what not to do 

the next time. Failure also can push us to seek out help from others. That is where 

fathers can play a big part.

Unfortunately, many men who are fathers today grew up feeling like failures 

because they never were told, “You are loved regardless of your performance.” 

You have the chance to break that tradition with your own children. Every father 

has the opportunity to reinforce this message. Incarcerated dads can use phone 

calls, letters, and visits to encourage their children and confirm their love.

Our children should know that it is OK to fail. Failing to make an “A” in a tough 

class, earn a role in the play, or get the job does not mean they will lose your love 

or respect. Teach them that a father’s love is not based on their achievements. 

You do not take their failure personally. Tell them and show them that your love for 

them is secure and strong. Let your children know today that you believe in 

them...no matter what.

Our children face criticism and the possibility of failure every day. Teenagers are 

particularly critical of themselves. They often think they do not look good enough, 

sing well enough, are smart enough, or play sports well enough to be successful. 

They need to know that you believe in them completely and love them without 

conditions. 

Unlike the sign in the used car lot that reads, “As is – No warranty,” children 

should understand that they could carry a sign that says, “As is – FULL 

warranty.” No matter what happens, your love will never change. If they take 

this message to heart, they will learn from their fathers how to “fail forward” 

and use difficult experiences to grow.
For Further Discussion

BOOKS MOVIES

The Wit & Wisdom of Abraham Lincoln

by James C. Humes

Facing Your Giants: A David and Goliath Story for Everyday People

by Max Lucado

Failing Forward: Turning Mistakes into Stepping Stones for Success

by John C. Maxwell

Take Action. If you are able to, write a letter to each of your children, letting them know that it is OK to fail. 

Describe how they can learn from failure and that no matter what, you will always love them!

Look and Learn

 As fathers, we can teach our children how to deal with 

failures so they are not defeated by them. How can 

you help your children understand that when they fail, 

although the attempt failed, they are not failures?

 Fathers can help their children understand that failure 

is a normal part of life. Discuss an event or experience 

in your life where you failed at something but learned a 

valuable lesson.

 Children need to know that you believe in them and love 

them, no matter what. How can you make sure your 

children feel safe coming to you when they fail? 

 Describe some ways that you can explain to your 

children that it is OK to fail.

 Brainstorm ideas for helping children recognize that 

failure is not who they are. It is one of life’s best teachers 

and can allow them to develop. 

 In what areas of your life are you learning to fail 

forward? Have you shared these experiences with your 

children?

 What failures are hard for you to forgive yourself for? 

What have you done to try and forgive yourself? Why is 

it easier to forgive others than to forgive ourselves? 

Drumline

The Last Samurai

Liar Liar

Evan Almighty

Be a Dad Today

Take Time to

www.fatherhood.gov

Toll-free: 1-877-4DAD411

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Administration for Children and Families

Office of Family Assistance