The Strength of

a Father’s Love

Unbreakable 

Bond

“I

realize that you don’t know me and I’m only a face in a crowd of teenagers...Why don’t I have a 

father like you? You made me cry today when you talked about the relationship you have with your 

daughter and how you show her you love her. I never cry. You learn not to in my family...I wish I had 

a father. I wish someone loved me like you love your family. You don’t know how badly I want to understand 

things, how much I want a chance to, and it may sound stupid but if someone would just hold me for one 

minute, no strings, no games, well, I really can’t explain it.”

This letter from a teenager named Lori to popular author Josh McDowell is similar to the hundreds of 

letters he receives each year when he speaks at high school campuses. The letters from lonely, scared, 

or hurting teens reflect a common theme: the longing and need for a father’s love.

Research has shown that a father’s love is just as important as—or sometimes even more important 

than—a mother’s love. Unfortunately, some men believe they are not supposed to show their emotions, 

which can affect their relationships with their children and others. Some fathers have trouble developing 

and maintaining loving relationships with their children in part because they never had an affectionate 

relationship with their own fathers. When they were growing up, their fathers might not even have been 

around very much. But fatherless fathers, or dads whose fathers showed them very little love, are not 

doomed to repeat their childhood experiences.
F

athers who enjoy a loving, nurturing relationship with their children have important 

opportunities to influence the direction children take in life. Studies have demonstrated 

that young people whose fathers are actively involved in their lives have greater selfconfidence, perform better in school, and are better able to avoid risky behaviors.

But being a loving father is not an easy task. It 

requires additional commitment and extra time, 

no matter what your children’s ages. Fathers 

must learn about the different stages of child 

development and become familiar with the 

strengths, weaknesses, personalities, and specific 

needs of their children as individuals. Dads also 

must build their listening and communication 

skills and determine the best ways to co-parent 

with the children’s mother.

Most dads recognize that young children thrive 

on attention and affection. However, many fathers 

do not realize that these needs do not change as 

a child grows. Older children and teenagers crave 

acceptance, especially from their parents. 

Teens, in particular, often act as if they do 

not need or want love and attention from their 

fathers, but they actually do. Teens might look 

like adults but their physical maturity might not 

be matched by their thinking and emotional 

abilities. Today’s teens report that their parents 

are their number one choice for support and 

information. Teens want their fathers to be 

available, set clear rules, and help them if 

they stumble or be there when they succeed. 

Providing physical or financial support is not 

enough; fathers also give emotional support, 

act as role models, and guide their children. A 

father’s love creates a healthy relationship that 

allows children to accept your guidance.

Start building a more loving connection 

with your children by responding to several 

important needs.

Children need an involved father. Simply 

spend time with your children. Pay attention 

to them, together and individually, and share 

conversation. Talking about their favorite television 

shows, music, friends, school activities, and 

other interests is a good start. Involved fathers 

often make sacrifices, such as giving up some of 

their own favorite activities, to devote more time 

to interacting with their children. Together, make 

memories your children will keep for a lifetime. 

Children need an accepting father. Make 

your children understand that you love them for 

who they are rather than for what they do. Although 

you will hold them accountable for their decisions 

and behaviors, you will love them no matter what. 

Teenagers who feel accepted by their fathers are 

more likely to trust them and open up about their 

thoughts, fears, and dreams. 

Children need an affectionate father.

Fathers can show affection in a variety of ways. 

Tell your children often that you love them. Gentle, 

encouraging words or a simple hug, especially 

when they are not expected, can strengthen 

family relationships tremendously, compared to 

the actual effort they took. When a father shows 

affection to his children, they understand they 

are loved and worthy of that love.

Children need a consistent father. When 

fathers maintain steady parenting habits, children 

know what to expect and what is expected of 

them. Constant support, as well as fair rules and 

their regular enforcement, give children certainty 

in their lives to help them grow and thrive. Fathers 

should aim to show their children consistent 

behavior, even when it is difficult to do so. 

Children need an available father. A 

father who is routinely unavailable to his children 

or teenagers, despite saying he loves them, 

can make them believe that other aspects of 

his life take priority. When a dad is available, he 

proves to his children that they are important. 

Being available can be as simple as clearing the 

dinner table with a young child, helping a middle 

schooler with homework, or chatting with a high 

school student’s friends. 

Staying connected with older children can be a big challenge. A lot of bridges may need to be 

repaired. But remember that it is never too late to tell and show your children you love them! 

Both you and your children will benefit from a stronger, more caring bond.
Be a Dad Today

Take Time to

www.fatherhood.gov

Toll-free: 1-877-4DAD411

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Administration for Children and Families

Office of Family Assistance

For Further Discussion

 When you were growing up, how did your father or the men in your life express relationships? 

 In light of what you learned in this lesson about a father’s love, do you think differently about yourself?

 What grade would you give yourself in the following three areas: personal growth, commitment, and sacrifice? 

Explain why.

 What is your reaction to the statement made by Danny: “Sometimes I feel so alone, like no one cares. My folks 

live in their own world and I live in mine. It didn’t always seem to be this way. I know it sounds crazy, but I want 

them to leave me alone and yet I want to be part of their lives. Most of the time they do leave me alone and it 

gets pretty lonely.”

Check your local public library for these recommended titles:

BOOKS MOVIES

The Five Love Languages of Children The Wild Thornberrys Movie

Daddy, I Got Chicken Pots Harry and the Hendersons

They Call Me Dad Jack Frost

Freaky Friday The Fox and the Hound

The 7 Secrets of Effective Fathers Homeward Bound

First Kid