VOLUME 6 AN ELECTRONIC JOURNAL OF THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF STATE NUMBER 1

JANUARY 2001
amilies are the bedrock

of all societies. They can

comprise anywhere from

a small group to scores of

individuals, and range from simple

structures — such as a married couple and

one child under one roof — to intricately

complex, multigenerational combinations,

living in one or more households.

Invariably, as a society evolves, so does

the family structure. With the modification

of other factors — for example, life

expectancy, or attitudes towards adoption

— the impact on the family is telling.

The traditional structure of the

American family — mother, father and

children — continues to prevail for the

most part as a new century unfolds. Yet,

over the past several decades, U.S. society

has witnessed an evolution in family

structure and daily life in many respects,

because of myriad factors, running the

gamut from advancements in science to

the composition of the workplace. Single 

parenthood, adoptive households, stepparenting, stay-at-home fathers,

grandparents raising children are but a

few of the newer tiles in the mosaic. 

This issue of U.S. Society & Values

seeks to define this broad tapestry

constituting "family" at this moment, how

the diverse elements play out on society at

large and the challenges being faced. It

focuses on the composition of the

American family, the changing roles and

responsibilities of parents and

grandparents, and the impact of an

evolving workplace on family life. And we

hear the voices of adults and children from

varying perspectives and sets of

circumstances.

In presenting this, we acknowledge

that another snapshot, at another time in

the near or distant future, most likely will

be different. ■

U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 2

FROM THE EDITORS FROM THE EDITORS

F
3

REFLECTIONS ON FAMILY

BY DOUGLAS BESHAROV

What are the characteristics of the American family structure today and how are they likely to evolve in the

immediate future? A leading scholar and researcher offers his perspective and predictions.

THE AMERICAN FAMILY, BY THE NUMBERS

Statistics reveal the degree of change in families and households over the past half-century.

WHAT MAKES A FAMILY?

A CONVERSATION WITH MARK HUTTER

The discussant, a university professor of sociology, offers some thoughts on various changes that have occurred in

the family dynamic over the past two decades.

THE AMERICAN FAMILY: WHERE WE ARE TODAY

BY STEPHANIE COONTZ

The author, who has written extensively on the family in the United States, presents her perspective on the

challenges facing American families, and how families are dealing with them.

DAD'S ROLE REDEFINED IN THE U.S. HOUSEHOLD

BY LESLIE MANN

The number of U.S. fathers who are their family's primary caregivers in two-parent households 

has increased steadily in the past decade. In this article, the author transmits the points of view of representative

dads themselves.

THE AGING OF THE AMERICAN FAMILY

A CONVERSATION WITH ELINOR GINZLER

The author, a specialist in health and long-term care, currently is analyzing intergenerational issues. She notes

some of her findings to date.

AN ELECTRONIC JOURNAL OF THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF STATE

VOL. 6 / OFFICE OF INTERNATIONAL INFORMATION PROGRAMS / U.S..DEPARTMENT OF STATE / NO. 1

ejvalues@pd.state.gov

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THE AMERICAN FAMILY

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JANUARY 2001

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STRONG BOND LINKS GRANDPARENTS, GRANDCHILDREN IN THE UNITED STATES

This article briefly outlines the findings of a recent survey by the American Association of Retired Persons.

SPECIAL THOUGHTS FROM A SPECIAL PARENT

BY GAY ROBIN LABRUM

Seven years of trial and error has produced for the writer, parent of a child with multiple disabilities, numerous

lessons that she offers to readers in this personal message.

REFRAMING THE DEBATE ABOUT WORKING AND CHILDREN

BY ELLEN GALINSKY

It is essential for children to be part of the conversation about work and family life, notes the author, a longtime

specialist on the American family, workplace and community.

THE VOICES OF AMERICA'S FAMILIES

BY TIFFANY DANITZ

Through the blending of voices of children and adults discussing their households, this portrait of the contemporary

American family emerges.

HOME IMPROVEMENT

BY LAURA SHAINE CUNNINGHAM

Every family or household is a culture unto itself, the author — a noted novelist and memoirist — writes, stressing

that the purpose of family remains constant.

BIBLIOGRAPHY AND INTERNET SITES

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Publisher..........................Judith S. Siegel

Editor.........................Craig B. Springer

Managing Editor......................Michael J. Bandler

Associate Editors, Reference/Research .....Mary Ann V. Gamble

.................Kathy Spiegel

Contributing Editors......................Charles Goss

Inga McMichael

.Rosalie Targonski

.Art Director/Graphic Designer.........Thaddeus A. Miksinski, Jr.

Graphic Assistant..................................Sylvia Scott

Internet Editor..................................Wayne Hall

Editorial Board

Howard Cincotta Judith S. Siegel Leonardo Williams

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E-mail address: ejvalues@pd.state.gov

26
ouglas Besharov, Resident Scholar at the

American Enterprise Institute for Public

Policy Research, in Washington, D.C.,

and a professor at the University of

Maryland’s School of Public Affairs, has

devoted much of his attention to aspects of family life

and family's needs, as they have evolved over the

years. Director of AEI's Social and Individual

Responsibility Project, he is the author of several

books on children, education and the poor. At

present, he is working on his next book, America's

Families: Trends, Explanations and Choices, the

focus of the following conversation.

Q: What is the condition of the family in the

United States, taken as a whole, according to your

findings thus far?

A: I think the American family is in the throes of

what you could call seismic change. On the one

hand, people see the changes going on reflecting

catastrophe and social breakdown. Others see

licentiousness. I see a more progressive and

evolutionary process, caused by a combination of

greater wealth, individuality and mobility. The

traditional marriage, I think, is being reshaped. But

traditional attitudes about the importance of family —

and only to a somewhat lesser degree marriage —

continue. The reason I say a somewhat lesser degree

in relation to marriage is that I think marriage is less

important in contemporary America, and that will

continue as time goes on.

Q: As you've noted, there are these contrasting

points of view — some seeing the family in sunnier

terms, and others much gloomier.

A: I don't think data support the notion that the

family is as strong as ever. It's clearly going through

some changes. You can't have three-and-a-half

decades of high divorce rates — as we have — and

as many as five decades of rising out-of-wedlock

births and not see change. Change is in the air. The

only question is whether it is catastrophic or just

evolutionary.

Q: Change, evolution, the impact of external

forces and influences can be positive phenomena.

What are examples of developments that have been

smoothly incorporated into family life — enhancing

it?

A: In terms of what has gone smoothly, there are

two massive changes that have occurred within intact

families. The first is fewer children. The second is

that mothers of school-age and younger children

have joined the labor force, either full-time or parttime. That transition has occurred really quite

smoothly. We have reduced the amount of parenting

time involved in raising children. Some like it, some

don't. But everybody accepts the fact that it's gone

relatively smoothly.

Q: Would you say kids have adjusted well to that?

A: I think that's an open question.

Q: What are the developments that raise concerns

— and can they be modified or reversed?

A: I think the greatest concern is that young

people — usually poor, uneducated teens — are

U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 5

REFLECTIONS REFLECTIONS ON

FAMIL

A CONVERSATION WITH DOUGLAS BESHAROV

Y

D
having babies outside of marriage without the

wherewithal to take proper care of them. We used to

call this “children having children.” I still think that is

what is going on. It has had a poverty overlay — a

high component of poverty that helps drive it. It's a

bad development for the children, and not good for

their mothers either. It holds them back. That is the

most serious problem facing post-industrial society

worldwide, because as you may know, out-ofwedlock births are up everywhere.

Q: Don't recent statistics indicate that chastity, or

abstinence, is beginning to take hold in some

quarters?

A: They do, on a limited basis. The trend line is

going in the right direction, but it's very tentative.

Since 1992 or so, birth rates have started changing.

But that means we're only back to the 1983 or 1984

level.

Q: Within families today, you have these diverse

stews of sorts — grandparents, stepparents, single

parents — with different values, one would think.

What happens when these different value systems

confront one another? Is a consensus reached? How

do they play themselves out?

A: I'd call them alliances. The traditional,

hierarchical, multigenerational family had those roles

clearly demarked. Grandparents always thought they

knew better how to raise kids, but at some level, they

realized the parents had "first say" in what happened

with the children. These new relationships you've

mentioned create situations in which the right of the

adults in the household to have an opinion and to

have their opinion listened to is unclear. The

responsibility of different adults in the household is

unclear and uncertain. This creates additional

opportunities for friction within the contemporary

family, because the relationships aren't so clearly

understood by all concerned.

Q: And that uncertainty affect the lines of

authority.

A: Right. 

Q: Is the older generation still regarded with

respect — however that generation is represented

within a household?

A: I think it gets complicated, especially within the

framework of divorce. You sense — especially for the

men who have left the home — less authority. The

women who've remained in the home sometimes

seem in the eyes of their children to be damaged

goods. I think that part of the moral or familial

authority that the older generation enjoys comes from

the fact that they have successfully navigated

marriage and family life. If this is not the case, it

undermines their authority.

Q: It would appear that part of the reason

grandparents are taking over households from time to

time is that life expectancy has increased.

A: We have two different trends at the same time.

Middle- and upper-income families are witnessing the

advent of the sandwich generation. Grandparents are

too old to raise their grandchildren, and also end up

having to be cared for by their children. In lowincome families, the distance between generations is

shrinking. You can have a 15-year-old mother with a

30- or 35-year-old mother herself. So Grandma can

take a more active role with her grandchildren, but,

being younger, she may feel that she has more of her

own life to live. It's very class-related, and that can

be cause for great stress.

Q: What can we look for in the near future in

terms of the changing workforce — more at-home

dads, a greater need to focus on child care, other

elements?

A: It's hard to say. The percentage of mothers

who work hasn't really gone up in the last decade, so

it could be that we've reached some level of stasis.

This is to say that women who want to work —

including mothers — are now working. Mothers who

don't want to work aren't doing so. I'm speaking of

middle class women, who have something of a

choice. In the case of low-income households,

because of welfare reform and a stronger economy,

substantially more mothers are now working.

Q: Let's focus for a moment on the impact of

religious values on the household — amidst data

showing that religion is becoming more of a factor in

people's lives. To what degree do you see any

inculcation of these values into family life?

A: I don't know how to answer. The only evidence

I've seen is that for some families, the intensity of

religious beliefs, experience and tutelage has

increased. Beyond that, I just don't know. Clearly

there is some resurgence of religious feeling across

denominations and faiths. I just don't know how

widespread it is.

U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 6
Q: When we speak about the public and private

sector's responsibilities with regard to families, in

what sphere do you believe government has a role to

play, and where should it keep hands off?

A: Based on the last 100 years, one would have to

say that families would be better off if the government

kept its hands off, period. I don't know too many

examples of situations or policies in which

government has helped families. Some people might

say housing policy — mortgage deductions — have

been positive in that they have made private-home

ownership more possible. But I think the evidence is

unclear.

Q: At the outset of this new century, what do you

foresee for the family life in the United States?

A: The picture I see for the family in the future is,

first, later marriage — which is to say that more

young people will wait until they're a little older

before getting married. I also see somewhat less

marriage, which means that not only will people wait

until they're a little older, but an increasing number

won't get married at all. It won't be a very large

number — perhaps about 10 percent of all women

will not marry. Divorce rates are about as high as

they're ever going to get; they may go down a bit.

We'll see smaller families. And we'll see much more

in the way of cohabitation and temporary

relationships between people. Overall, what I see is a

situation in which people — especially children — will

be much more isolated, because not only will their

parents both be working, but they'll have fewer

siblings, fewer cousins, fewer aunts and uncles. So

over time, we're moving towards a much more

individualistic society. ■

U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 7
U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 8

The American family has experienced considerable

evolution over the past few decades. Statistics bear

out the degree of change.

MARRIAGE AND FAMILY

■ The average number of persons per U.S.

household, among whites and African Americans,

has declined over the past three decades from 3.1 in

1970 to 2.6 in 1998 (the latest U.S. Census Bureau

figures available). The average number in HispanicAmerican households increased from three in 1975

to 3.5 in 1998. Among Asian Americans, the figure

has remained steady at 3.2 since 1990 (earlier data

are not available).

THE AMERICAN F THE AMERICAN FAMILY,

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BY THE

NUMBERS
U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 9

■ Fifty-three percent of the households in the

United States were headed by married couples in

1998. This compares with 78.2 percent in 1950 and

61 percent in 1980.

■ Fifty-seven percent of U.S. households in 1998

consisted of one or two people. Another 17 percent

included a third person, and 15.6 percent were fourperson households.

■ From 1975 to 1999, according to the Population

Reference Bureau, the percentage of adults in the

U.S. population who have never been married has

increased from 22 to 28 percent. 

■ In 1999, there were 70.2 million children under

18 in the United States, an increase from less than 50

million in 1950. It is projected that the number will

rise by another seven million by 2020. Yet children

under 18 made up 26 percent of the population in

1999, down from 36 percent in 1960.

■ There has been an increase in the number of

adults ages 65 and older in the total population from

eight percent in 1950 to 13 percent in 1999. That

figure is expected to increase to 17 percent by 2020.

■ The percentage of white non-Hispanic children

under 18 in the United States has decreased from 74

percent in 1980 to 65 percent in 1999. The number

of Hispanics in the child population has risen from

nine percent in 1980 to 16 percent in 1999. That

figure is projected to reach 20 percent by 2020. The

percentage of blacks in the child population has

remained stable, at around 18 percent, during the

past two decades.

■ Of families with children under the age of 18, 73

percent were headed by married couples in 1998.

This contrasts with 92.6 percent of similarlystructured families in 1950, and 80.5 percent in

1980. In 1998, 22 percent of families with children

below 18 were mother-only households, with singlefather households comprising the remaining five

percent.

■ Among children living with two parents,

according to 1996 Census Bureau figures, 91 percent

lived with both biological or adoptive parents. Nine

percent lived with a biological or adoptive parent and
U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 10

a step-parent. About 80 percent of children living

with a step-parent lived with their mother and a

stepfather. 

■ In 1998, of children in single-parent homes,

nearly 16 percent lived with their fathers. This

represents an increase from 8.5 percent in 1980.

■ With respect to children under 18 in the United

States, 68 percent were being raised by two parents

in 1998. Another 23.3 percent were being raised

solely by their biological mothers, and 4.4 percent

solely by their biological fathers. Slightly more than

four percent were being raised by other relatives or

non-relatives.

■ In 1970, 3.2 percent of U.S. children lived in a

household maintained by a grandparent. By 1997,

the figure rose to 5.5 percent -- an increase of 76

percent over slightly more than a quarter-century.

Within the 1990s alone -- from 1990 to 1997 -- the

number of grandparent-maintained households rose

19 percent.

FAMILIES, WORK AND CHILD CARE

■ In 1998, of married couples in the U.S. labor

force, 56.3 percent represented dual-earning couples.

In 21.3 percent of the cases, only the husband was

working, and in 5.7 percent, only the wife was

employed. The remaining percentage represented

non-working couples.

■ Of married working couples with children under

age 18, the percentage of dual-earning couples rose

from 59.3 in 1986 to 68 in 1998. The percentage of

families in which only the husband was employed

declined from 36.2 in 1986 to 27.1 a dozen years later.

■ The percentage of working mothers with infants

has risen dramatically. Of the 3.7 million women in

1998 who had children younger than one year old, 59

percent were working outside the home. The 1996

figure was 31 percent. 

■ According to a Bureau of Labor Statistics

tabulation, the number of "at-home" fathers ages 25

to 54 who chose not to look for work, because of

home responsibilities, rose from 4.6 percent in 1991

to 8.4 percent in 1996. ■
U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 11

r. Mark Hutter, professor of sociology at

Rowan University, in Glassboro, New

Jersey, has researched family and

urban life extensively, with particular

emphasis on the changing family,

immigrant and ethnic households, the family and the

community and the social psychology of city life.

Recently, he discussed his findings.

Q: Putting aside, for the moment, the dramatic

increase in dual-earner households, what is the most

significant change in family dynamics over the past

two decades?

A: There are several. One is the aging of the

population, causing a shift from a three- to fourgeneration family. When I think of this unit — with

great-grandparents, grandparents, parents and their

children — I have specific concern and interest in the

relationships that exist between the oldest generation

and their children — who, themselves, may be

grandparents. In particular, often daughters not only

have to take care of their children and grandchildren,

but their parents as well. The second development

to note is the fact that young people are postponing

both marrying and having children. Much of this

reflects economic changes and economic

opportunities faced by young people, for whom

marriage is not their only option as adults.

Educational and career possibilities and a greater

range of non-family life options are on hand for

them.

Q: If the family is still vital, why must family

units be scattered nationwide?

A: Economic and social factors account for this

change. Contemporary society often demands a

highly mobile group of workers who’ll go where the

jobs are. This desire to maximize economic

opportunities often causes the breakdown of

longstanding patterns of kinship interaction. In

addition, the greater concern for individual

advancement often takes precedence over interest in

extended family ties and obligations.

Q: If we speak about family and community, do

you feel communities are doing enough to support

and promote family life?

A: The trend seems to reflect a greater emphasis

on the withdrawal of individuals and the nuclear

family from community involvement. You could say

that it’s best symbolized by the shift from living in

houses with front porches to living in houses with

enclosed backyards.

Q: Talk for a moment about single parents in the

United States.

A: There are two major groups. One is

composed of formerly married people whose singleparent household is a consequence of divorce or

separation. The second group consists of nevermarried parents, a large segment of which consists

of single teenage or young adult women, many from

the lower part of the economic scale. In each case,

the success of the single-parent household depends

on the nature of the ties between the parent and

child, or children, and often upon the degree of

participation of grandparents or other relatives in

raising these youngsters. In addition, community

and governmental agencies — including day care

centers — can have an impact on the single-parent

WHAT MAKES A T MAKES A

FAMILY?

A CONVERSATION WITH MARK HUTTER

D
U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 12

family situation.

Q: Do you believe that children raised in singleparent households lack any psychological or

emotional support?

A: I don’t think so — provided that children who

grow up in single-parent homes receive the support,

nurturing and guidance of their parents, extended

family and local social institutions. Often we

presume, incorrectly, that the only person raising

that child is a single parent living in isolation. That

doesn’t usually happen.

Q: Is there a correlation between the strength of

a family and its economic status?

A: Money can alleviate many of the stresses of

everyday family life, to be sure. But it’s not the

panacea for shaping a successful family. The

process must involve nurturing and support, as well

as control and guidance of children. Affluent parents

who are neglectful cannot overcome that neglect of

their children with money.

Q: What overriding guiding principles do you find

in successful families — that is, the ones that

produce emotionally mature, well-adjusted young

adults and emotionally satisfied parents?

A: Successful parents and successful children

often result from an understanding of the different

positions and perspectives they maintain. Parents

and children must be sensitive to each other’s

respective concerns. Here, too, an atmosphere of

understanding and sharing must prevail. Family

members must accept the fact that life extends

beyond the family for each of its members. This

outside, or other life must also be taken into

consideration as one deals with another. ■

Mark Hutter is the author of The Changing Family

and The Family Experience. This conversation was

abridged from an online discussion at abcnews.com.
U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 13

odern life can be stressful — in the

family as anywhere else in our fastpaced society. And yet, with all the

challenges and concerns about

relationships, marriage and raising

children, people in the United States today have

higher expectations of parenting and marriage. In

comparing the present with the past — the so-called

“good old days” — we need to realize that many of

our worries reflect how much better we want to be,

not how much better we used to be.

Let’s consider pieces of evidence.

Fathers in intact families are spending more time

with their children than at any point in the past 100

years. Although the number of hours the average

woman spends at home with her children has

declined since the early 1900s, as more and more

women enter the workforce, there has been a

decrease in the number of children per family and an

increase in individual attention to each child. As a

result, mothers today in the United States —

including those who work part- or full-time — spend

almost twice as much time with each child as

mothers did in the 1920s. People who raised children

in the 1940s and 1950s typically report that their own

adult children and grandchildren communicate far

better with their kids and spend more time helping

with homework than they did.

America’s children are also safer today than

they’ve ever been. An infant was four times more

likely to die in the 1950s than today. A parent then

was three times more likely than a modern one to

preside at the funeral of a child under the age of 15,

and 27 percent more likely to lose an older teen to

death.

If we look back over the last millennium, we can

see that families have always been diverse and in

flux. In each period, families have solved one set of

problems only to face a new array of challenges.

What works for a family in one economic and cultural

setting doesn’t work for a family in another. What’s

helpful at one stage of a family’s life may be

destructive at the next stage. If there is one lesson to

be drawn from the last millennium of family history,

it’s that families always have to play “catch-up” with

a changing world.

Take the issue of working mothers. Families in

which mothers spend as much time earning a living

as they do raising children are nothing new. They

were the norm throughout most of the last two

millennia. In the 19th century, married women in the

United States began a withdrawal from the workforce,

but for most families this was made possible only by

sending their children out to work instead. When

child labor was abolished, married women began reentering the workforce in ever larger numbers.

For a few decades, the decline in child labor was

greater than the growth of women’s employment.

And so the male-breadwinner family surfaced. In the

1920s, for the first time, a bare majority of U.S.

children grew up in families in which the husband

provided all the income, the wife stayed home fullM

THE

AMERICAN FAMILY: AMERICAN FAMILY:

WHERE WE ARE TODA WHERE WE ARE TODAY

BY STEPHANIE COONTZ
U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 14

time, and they and their siblings went to school

instead of to work. This pattern continued for

decades. During the 1950s, almost two-thirds of the

nation’s children grew up in such families, an all-time

high. Yet that same decade saw an acceleration of

workforce participation by wives and mothers that

soon made the dual-earner family the norm — a

trend not likely to be reversed in this new century.

What’s new is not that women make half their

families’ living, but that for the first time they have

substantial control over their own income, along with

the social freedom to determine the shape of their

own lives. Also new is the declining proportion of

their lives that people devote to raising children, both

because they have fewer kids and because they are

living longer. Until about 1940, the typical marriage

ended with the death of one partner within a few

years after the last child left home. Today, couples

can look forward to spending more than two decades

together after the children leave.

The growing length of time partners spend with

only each other for company, in some instances, has

made individuals less willing to put up with an

unhappy marriage, while women’s economic

independence makes it less essential for them to do

so. Thus, on the one hand, there has been a steady

rise in the U.S. divorce rate since 1900. But on the

other, expanded life expectancies mean that more

couples are reaching their 40th and 50th

anniversaries than ever before.

Women’s new options are good not just for

themselves but for their children as well. Studies

have shown that kids do better in their own right

when their mothers are happy with their lives,

whether that satisfaction comes from being a full-time

homemaker or from full-time employment. And

largely because of women’s new roles at work, men

are assuming more of a role at home.

Although most men still do less housework than

their wives, that gap has been halved since the

1960s. Today, 49 percent of couples say they share

child care equally, compared with 25 percent in

1985. Men’s greater involvement at home is good for

their relationships with their spouses, and also good

for their children. Hands-on fathers make better

parents than men who let their wives do all the

nurturing and child care. They raise sons who are

more expressive and daughters who are more likely

to do well in school — especially in math and

science.

In 1900, life expectancy in the United States was

47 years, and only four percent of the population was

65 or older. Today, life expectancy is 76 years, and

by 2025, it is estimated, about 20 percent of the U.S.

population will be 65 or older. For the first time, a

generation of adults must plan for the needs of both

their parents and their children. Most Americans are

responding with remarkable grace. One in four

households gives the equivalent of a full day a week

or more in unpaid care to an aging relative, and more

than half say they expect to do so in the next 10

years. Older people are less likely to be

impoverished or incapacitated by illness than in the

past, and have more opportunity to develop a

relationship with their grandchildren.

Even some of the choices that worry people the

most are turning out to be manageable. Divorce

rates are likely to remain high, and in many cases

marital breakdown causes serious problems for both

adults and kids. Yet when parents minimize conflict,

family bonds can be maintained. And many families

are doing this. More non-custodial parents are

staying in touch with their children. Child-support

receipts are rising. A lower proportion of children

from divorced families are exhibiting problems than

in earlier decades. And stepfamilies are learning to

maximize children’s access to supportive adults

rather than cutting them off from one side of the

family.

As we begin to understand the range of sizes,

shapes and colors that distinguish families in the

United States today, we find that the differences

within family types are more important than the

differences between them. No particular family form

guarantees success, and no particular form is

doomed to fail. How a family functions on the inside

is more important than how it looks from the outside. 

The biggest problem facing most families in the

United States at the outset of the new century is not

that our families have changed too much but that our
U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 15

institutions have changed too little. Work policies

reflect an earlier era, when most mothers weren’t in

the workforce and most fathers weren’t involved in

the joys of child care. School schedules often seem

designed for decades ago, when children needed to

be home to help with chores or to be employed

themselves.

Still, while social institutions still have work to do,

America’s families, for the most part, are entering the

new millennium with far more resources, hopes 

and equal regard for all family members than ever

before. ■

Stephanie Coontz, author of The Way We Really

Are, is a member of the faculty at Evergreen State

College in Olympia, Washington.
U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 16

DAD’S ROLE DAD’S ROLE

REDEFINED IN THE U.S. HOUSEHOLD REDEFINED IN THE U.S. HOUSEHOLD

BY LESLIE MANN

o a lot of people, taking care of kids is

not a job,” says Ron Wilson of Aurora,

Illinois, as he fetches juice for his sons --

ages six, four and two.

"They think I'm sitting home reading magazines.

But those are the people who have never been home

with kids all day."

Watching his sons for an afternoon while Mom runs

errands doesn't count, Wilson explains. Men who are

their children's primary caretakers — day in, day out

— know that each day is an endless string of

changing diapers, cooking, folding laundry, driving

car pools, grocery shopping and trekking to the

pediatrician.

"It's a good day when I can read the paper before

my wife gets home from work," Wilson notes.

Still, he says he wouldn't trade his job for anything.

Neither he nor his wife, Denise, a quality assurance

manager for a promotional toy company, regrets the

arrangement they agreed to in the mid-1990s, when

he quit his job as a mechanical engineer. His answer

to the superwoman's "do it all" credo: "You can do it

all, but not at once."

In the U.S. Census Bureau's 1993 survey of income

and program participation, 1.9 million fathers of

children younger than age 15 defined themselves as

the primary caregivers. That is the latest Bureau

statistic for this category. But at-home dads

themselves generally believe that their number grew

steadily through the 1990s, as more of their wives

headed back to work.

Peter Baylies, publisher of the At-Home Dad

newsletter, cites his subscription list as evidence of

that growth. Subscriptions soared from 100 to 1,000

between 1994 and 1999. His website

(www.athomedad.com) receives more than 2,000

hits a week. Another website for the New Jerseybased newsletter Full-Time Dads

(www.fathersworld.com/fulltimedad), gets more than

1,500 hits a month.

"We've gone from freakish to unusual," notes

Baylies, who is an at-home father of two young boys.

"Now we're starting to see the results of the increase

— more fathering conferences and books, more dads

with kids in advertisements, and `parent-tot' rather

than `mom-tot' programs."

The traditional family, consisting of breadwinner

father, at-home mother and children younger than

age 18 — which totaled 46 percent of America's

married-couple families about a quarter-century ago

— has yielded to a demographic crazy quilt that

includes one- and two-career families juggling split

shifts, flexible hours, part-time jobs and leaves of

absence. By 1998, the percentage of traditional

families had dropped to 26.

Although at-home mothers still outnumber their

male counterparts, the men are coming along strong.

And they and their neighbors are accepting their new

titles and responsibilities.

"I've met people who said, at first, that they were

musicians, writers or coaches," says Wilson, who

T

“
U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 17

networks with other at-home dads and attends

conventions for fathers. "But really, they were only

working a few hours. Now you can admit you're an

at-home dad."

"There will always be someone who asks, `You're

not man enough to get a job?'" says John Chapman,

of Geneva, Illinois, a full-time father to his daughter

Jenna, age eight, and his seven-year-old son Ian. His

wife, Dr. Katherine Fackler-Chapman, practices

family medicine. "You have to be comfortable with

who you are," he says.

It so happens that women are not always

supportive of this arrangement when they learn of it.

But the reaction Denise Wilson and Dr. FacklerChapman hear most often from female co-workers is,

"I wish my husband would do that."

Like most couples with an at-home dad, the

Wilsons and Chapmans were two-career families who

decided to simplify their lives by ditching, temporarily

at least, the less lucrative job. They figured out the

cost of maintaining two incomes.

"By the time we added up day care, clothing,

commuting, lunches, dinners out, higher income

taxes and higher car insurance, we figured out if both

of us worked, we made only $3,000 more," Denise

Wilson says.

Neither Ron Wilson nor John Chapman had a male

role model for their new ventures. "I never baby sat,

never had younger brothers or sisters," Wilson

recalls. And Chapman notes that he brought to the

job "absolutely no previous experience."

The on-the-job training requires a sense of humor,

these fathers say. Wilson points to the questionnaire

that was part of the screening process for

kindergarten at his son's school.

"I answered all the questions, like `Can your child

count?' and `What's your child's medical history?'

Then I got to the last one — `Did you have any

difficulties with your pregnancy?' I wrote, `No.'"

There are occasional drawbacks to the role of athome father. One is isolation. In fact, a 1996 study

by a psychology professor at an Illinois community

college found that 66 percent of the caregiver fathers

felt "somewhat" or "totally" isolated, compared with

37.4 percent of caregiving mothers. And there are

other passing issues — too little free time, monotony,

and concern as to whether they can re-enter their

stalled careers, picking up where they left off.

Overall, though, the 1996 study revealed that more

than half the fathers described themselves as

"extremely satisfied" with the arrangement. 

Ed Barsotti, of Aurora, is a part-time at-home

father. He works a Monday-Wednesday-Friday

schedule as an electrical engineer, and his wife,

Laurie, works Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday as

a software engineer. Their companies allowed them

to keep their health and insurance benefits.

Wednesdays are a reminder of what life would be like

if both of them worked full-time, juggling child care

for their six-year-old son and three-year-old

daughter.

"On Wednesdays, Sara goes to Grandma's," Laurie

Barsotti explains. "Brian goes to school in the

morning, then Ed takes him to a friend's house. At

the end of the day, the dishes aren't done and the

house is a mess."

Ed Barsotti believes men parent differently. "Laurie

tends to do more quiet things with them at home," he

says. "I do more adventures." Wilson, too, says his

wife is more likely to draw pictures with the children,

while he instigates the roughhousing.

The Chapman household is different.

"A lot of roles are not necessarily because of

gender but because of circumstances," John

Chapman suggests. "Traditionally, Dad threw a ball

to the kids because Mom was making dinner. I make

dinner, so Kathy throws the ball."

Although Ed Barsotti has reduced his salary and

Chapman and Wilson have surrendered theirs for the

time being, they all consider themselves wellcompensated. Chapman and Wilson say their

rewards are their children's health and happiness.

Barsotti is more specific. It's "when my son comes

over to me out of the blue and says, `I love you.'"

The Chapman, Barsotti and Wilson children are too

young to appreciate their good fortune. But Nate

Szymczak, 21, a University of Illinois student, has a

perspective on having an at-home dad. His father,

Len, was home with him and with his sister, now 23,

in the early 1980s, when they were growing up. Len,

for his part, describes those times as "the days before

men's rooms had changing tables."

"It didn't seem unusual to me at the time," Nate

says. "But looking back, he was the only dad at the
U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 18

first day of kindergarten. He was always there for us,

which is probably why we still have a close bond that

not all my peers have with their fathers. I don't see

parenting as feminine or masculine. Men should and

can spend a lot of time with their children." ■

Leslie Mann is a freelance writer based in St.

Charles, Illinois. She is a frequent contributor to the

Chicago Tribune, in addition to other publications.

Reprinted with permission by Leslie Mann.

Copyright (c) 1999..
U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 19

aken as a whole, the U.S. population is

aging. People are living longer, and the

impact is being felt decidedly within the

American family. Elinor Ginzler, a specialist in

health and long-term care for the American

Association of Retired Persons (AARP), is currently

analyzing the concerns of the working “babyboomer” generation (born 1945-1960) about their

aging parents. 

Q: How would you assess the relationship

between the new generations and their aging or aged

parents and other family members?

A: We are living in an increasingly complex

society, and families find themselves spread more

geographically than ever before. More mothers are in

the workforce than in the past. All of these factors

make it more difficult to address issues of aging

parents. Still, there are a lot of families caring for

aging parents and aging family members — 22

million, in fact.

Q: What are your thoughts about efforts to

bring together elderly citizens and children in

constructive and creative ways — in organizations

like Generations United?

A: Efforts to address intergenerational

activities are critical. These exchanges of information

among people from different generations spending

time together benefits everyone. Older people

appreciate the time and attention. Younger people

are fascinated by the wisdom and experience of their

elders. As our society continues to age, I believe that

such activities will expand more and more.

Q: Discuss the impact of increased mobility

on U.S. family life, particularly with respect to the

oldest generation.

A: In most early stages of family life in the

United States, everyone, from every generation, lived

together in one or two houses. The next progression

was for families to separate, but still be close by — in

the same town, perhaps even on the same street. As

suburbia developed outside the cities, the migration

of young families outward created the first significant

distancing in family life. Today, to some degree, our

world keeps getting smaller, but the distances are still

significant. Adult children often live hundreds if not

thousands of miles away from their aging parents.

Yet even across those distances, they remain

involved in caregiving responsibilities. They rely on

many others to assist in these activities, but that does

not diminish their concern and level of caring.

Q: If the family is more geographically close,

how do the actions and habits of grandparents affect

young children?

A: It is important to recognize that living

together, or close by, means there will be some

changes in the way in which family members interact.

Grandparents can have a very strong, positive

influence on their grandchildren. And yet, I believe

that patterns of interaction in families that have been

set need to be acknowledged — and if necessary

worked through and modified. In some cases,

moving back home can be a wonderful growth

experience. It always helps if everyone has discussed

this on all levels, among all generations. And it also

helps if everyone is honest with each other about the

strengths and possible stresses involved.

Q: Will the older generation become more in

vogue — in the mass market and in the media — as

the aging of the population continues?

A: By the year 2020, there will be more

people ages 60 and older than ages 18 and younger.

These older adults not only will have the power of

numbers, but also the power of economics

accompanying those numbers. So as we age as a

THE AGING OF THE AGING OF 

THE AMERICAN F AMERICAN FAMILY

T

A CONVERSATION WITH ELINOR GINZLER
U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 20

society, I think the emphasis will shift. We will see

more elderly people in advertisements, on television,

in the movies. The marketplace will reflect society of

that time and place.

Q: How does a grandparent overcome the

distance separating him or her from a grandchild?

A: It is important to remain a significant force

in the young person’s life. If the grandchild is in the

primary grades, one way is to read to him or her —

on the phone, for instance. Record an audio tape of a

favorite children’s book, and send it. Grandchildren,

in turn, can make videotapes of their activities. On a

more elaborate level, there can be intergenerational

vacations planned, or frequent visits back and forth.

And, for a personal touch, there’s nothing more

appreciated, on either side of the generational divide,

than communication — via e-mail or a letter. ■

This conversation was abridged from an online

discussion at abcnews.com.
U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 21

STRONG BOND STRONG BOND

LINKS GRANDP LINKS GRANDPARENTS, GRANDCHILDREN ARENTS, GRANDCHILDREN

IN THE UNITED ST IN THE UNITED STATES

FROM THE AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF RETIRED PERSONS

randparents have an unusually strong

relationship with their grandchildren,

a recent survey by the American

Association of Retired Persons

(AARP) reveals.

Despite a belief in many quarters that crossgenerational family ties have been shattered in recent

decades, the national survey of more than 800

grandparents over the age of 50 has found that most

regularly interact with grandchildren in a variety of

ways, and think their relationships with grandchildren

are “very positive.”

For example, 82 percent of those polled say they

have seen a grandchild in the past month, and 85

percent say they have talked to a grandchild on the

phone in that period. More than seven out of 10 (72

percent) say they have shared a meal with a

grandchild in the past month, and an equal number

have purchased a gift within that time.

“The state of American grandparenting is strong,”

explains Gretchen Straw, associate research director

of the AARP Research Group. “The relationship with

grandchildren is a rewarding one.”

“Perhaps the most striking finding of this study is

the extent to which generations are connected to

each other,” the survey notes, notwithstanding our

“mobile society (and) busy lives.”

Thirty-one percent of adults in the United States —

approximately 60 million Americans — are

grandparents. AARP found that 11 percent of

grandparents over the age of 50 are caregivers; eight

percent are providing day care on a regular basis,

and three percent actually are raising a grandchild.

Forty-three percent of grandparents say it is “very

easy” to devise potential activities for a grandchild,

and another 25 percent say it is “somewhat easy.”

The favorite diversions are eating meals together at

home or in a restaurant, watching television, staying 

overnight, shopping for clothing and participating in

exercise or sports.

Of those grandparents who are not caregivers and

who do not live in the same household as their

grandchildren, 44 percent see one every week.

Nearly a third of those surveyed say they both see,

and speak by phone to, a grandchild at least once a

week.

The roles grandparents play vary when interacting

with a grandchild. Nearly one-half (49 percent)

suggest they serve as a companion or friend, and

more than a third of those polled say they frequently

offer advice, talk about family history, or recount

aspects of the parent’s young lives. Twenty-nine

percent say they often chat about “the good old days.”

In response to a question about important values

or ethics to be passed on to their grandchildren, 42

percent of the grandparents cited high morals and

integrity. Another 21 percent mentioned “success or

ambition,” 20 percent identified religion, 14 percent

pointed to consideration of others, and 10 percent

said they urged their grandchildren to be responsible

or trustworthy.

The average grandparent in the United States has

five grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Onefourth of grandparents, in fact, have greatgrandchildren. ■

G
U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 22

In the United States, persons with disabilities of one

type or another, requiring specific attention and care,

most typically gain that consideration within their

families and in society as a whole — both the public

and private sectors. In this article, a mother of a child

with disabilities offers some guidance. The advice

she conveys to others in similar circumstances is the

product of more than seven years of trial and error.

I am a special parent. This means that my son,

Joshua, has special needs. 

He was born on September 10, 1993. He has curly

red hair, brown eyes and a passion for music. He

loves to hear me sing and adores his father.

He has epilepsy, cerebral palsy, a severe hearing

loss and a clubfoot (corrected with surgery). He also

has a gastrotomy tube for feeding, and a

tracheotomy. His brain injury was caused by a knot

in his umbilical cord that resulted in a lack of oxygen

at birth. He does not walk or talk, but he still has the

best smile and laugh in the world.

Caring for him sounds like a lot of work — and it is.

Some days during his first year and a half seemed

overwhelming. But he is good-natured, and that

makes a difference. My experiences with Joshua

have taught me a lot, and I would like to share some

wise words with other parents of special children. I

hope they help.

■ Take it one day at a time. We can only live one

day at a time.

■ Keep the faith. Pray a lot.

■ Cry when you need, as often as you need.

Release your feelings. Talk to someone. Friends,

family, support groups and psychologists all help.

Talking to a family counselor has opened the

communication channels between my husband

James and me. We talk much more freely these

days.

■ Don’t be discouraged. Doctors don’t know

everything. Wonderful things still happen. Read

these words often.

■ Get enough sleep. It is essential to your

emotional harmony.

■ Pamper yourself. Treat yourself like someone

special. “Take care of that baby,” people have said

to me. “What about me?” I ask them. Do not get so

caught up in caring for your child that you neglect

your inner self. Go for a walk. Read a book. Start a

craft. Play the guitar or dance. Enjoy all the things

that make you a special person.

■ Forget the housework. Care for and enjoy your

child now. The housework can wait.

■ Remember that the present is precious. Deal

with problems as they arise and don’t worry about

any possible future problems. Don’t get caught up in

“what if.” We can only live with today. Love your

child today.

■ Follow your intuition. Most times, parents do

know best. After all, you know your child better than

anyone else. Listen to your inner voice.

■ Keep your sense of humor and your perspective.

James and I say that it’s not always easy having a

special child, but we love using handicapped parking

spots!

■ Take time to be alone with your spouse. Keep

your marriage alive and strong and you can triumph

over anything.

■ Keep up-to-date medical records, including

evaluations, medication lists and phone numbers of

key medical and support personnel. Always take this

information along when your child goes into the

hospital.

■ Ask everyone lots of questions. Do not be

intimidated. This is your child, and you have a right

to ask, and to know what is happening.

■ Do not compare your child with other children.

Every child is special. If your child progresses at a

different rate from another, so what? Everything your

child accomplishes is wonderful and special, because

it takes more effort for him or her than for a child with

no disabilities.

■ Do not feel guilty or ashamed. Tell people you

have a child with special needs. Be tolerant and open

to questions. Help people to understand disabilities.

SPECIAL THOUGHTS FROM A

SPECIAL SPECIAL

PARENT

BY GAY ROBIN LABRUM
U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 23

■ Get to know your child. Learn to see past the

disabilities.

■ Give yourself credit.

■ Always hope for the best. Look for the positive.

■ Never give up. Your child will progress to his or

her highest skills as long as you are there to

stimulate, give encouragement and love.

■ Don’t be intimidated by therapists. Their task is

to give you suggestions, so talk with them. Tell them

how you are feeling and what your strengths and

limitations are. Do what you can each day, and

appreciate what you accomplished. Don’t feel guilty

about what you didn’t.

■ Some days, just do the minimum. You may be

exhausted, or stressed — so do the minimum and

nothing else. When I am emotionally drained, all I

can do is take care of Joshua. I’ve learned that’s

okay. You do not have to be “Superparent.” You are

human.

■ Gain strength from your child’s inner strength.

My son Joshua is a fighter. He wouldn’t have

survived this long if he wasn’t. He is a strong child,

and we aren’t giving up.

■ Treat your child the way you would want to be

treated yourself. Then you will know you have done

your best.

■ Be glad you have a child. Be glad for what you

have.

■ Savor the special moments. A bond is created

that cannot be broken and will only grow stronger

with time.

■ Be patient and gentle with your child. Your child

did not ask to have a disability. Don’t take your

frustrations out on him or her.

■ Notice the beauty in the world, and share it with

your child. Don’t get so caught up in caregiving that

you forget everything else. Be aware of the peace

that can be found in seeing a glorious sunset,

smelling a beautiful flower, or experiencing the

coolness of a rain shower and the smile of a stranger.

■ Be happy. Accept that your life will be different,

but no less wonderful than anyone else’s life. Life is a

journey and an adventure, not a destination. It is

what you make it. Learn to view your child’s

problems as obstacles to be overcome, and his or her

life as an obstacle course you will help your child run.

We have a lifetime of Joshua ahead of us. He is a

very happy boy who makes progress each day. Life

will not always be easy, but it will never be boring.

We are on an adventure with him, which is a pretty

good place to be.

I am content. I am happy. I am a special parent. ■

This article has been reprinted with expressed

consent and approval of Exceptional Parent, a

monthly magazine for parents and families of children

with disabilities and special health care needs. The

article originally appeared in the July 2000 issue, pp.

22-23. Subscription cost for the magazine is $39.95

per year for 12 issues. Call 1-877-372-7368. Offices

are at 555 Kinderkamack Rd., Oradell, NJ 07649.
U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 24

rom time to time, whenever I mention

that we are studying children’s views of

their employed parents, parents inevitably

respond, “I wonder what my children would say?”

Although many of us probably have not asked

our own children, we are ready to listen. Over the

years, pursuing issues of work and family life, I have

seen an evolution in our interest in understanding

social change. At different times, there is a “societal

readiness” to take on certain issues. I believe that

we are ready to listen because it is finally the right

time. More important, we are ready to listen because

we really do need to know.

Our attitudes as to whether or not mothers should

work have changed over the past 30 years because

of the ongoing national conversation in the United

States about the role of mothers and fathers in work

and family life. The inclusion of children, and their

views of their working parents, is the logical next

step in this dialogue.

Why do I call it a conversation? Because,

essentially, the discussion about the changing roles

of men and women has taken place in the public

square. A controversial or tragic occurrence — a

random act of violence, a polarizing study, a trial, a

television documentary — invariably captures the

public’s attention because it brings to the fore an

issue about which, frequently, we are ambivalent,

and even strongly divided. This subject will be

widely discussed, at home, at work and at leisure.

Bringing both children and parents into the picture

moves us beyond a black-and white point of view.

THE ONGOING DEBATE

Is having a working mother good or bad for children?

Can mothers who work have equally sound

relationships with their children as mothers who are

at home with their children full-time? In our Ask the

Children study, we questioned a representative group

of employed parents as to whether they agreed or

disagreed with the following statement: “A mother

who works outside the home can have just as good a

relationship with her children as a mother who does

not work.” Overall, 76 percent of employed parents

agreed “strongly,” or “somewhat.”

Of the remaining 24 percent, fathers are much

more likely to disagree than mothers, particularly in

single-earner households. Among dual-earner

couples, there are no differences between fathers and

mothers on the statement. As for employed mothers

who are single parents, it isn’t surprising that 90

percent support the statement.

The steady increase in the number of those who

believe employed mothers can have as strong a

bond with their children as at-home mothers is

attributable, largely, to the gradual social and cultural

change that ensued as women became more

numerous in the workforce and as families have

become more dependent on that second income.

“I’ve seen growth in [my daughter], and I think a

lot of that has to do with my own growth,” one

working mother surveyed for the Ask the Children

study noted. “And a lot of that growth has to do with

the fact that I had that extension of my life into the

world of working. I may have had other

interests...had I not worked...but I think I gained

more, and was able to give more to her, as a result

of having that amount of independence in my own

life.”

“I think you can be just as good a parent working

or staying at home,” another parent suggested. “It

depends on where the parent is coming from, and

what her skills are.”

Researchers have found instances in which a

mother’s employment had a negative impact on the

bond with her child. But this was more likely to

occur either in instances when the children received

inferior child care, spent more than minimal amounts

of time in child care, or experienced too frequent

changes in the child care routine.

Within the public debate, however, these nuances

REFRAMING THE DEBA REFRAMING THE DEBATE ABOUT WORKING AND TE ABOUT WORKING AND

CHILDREN CHILDREN

BY ELLEN GALINSKY

F
tend to be dismissed by those who view maternal

employment as an either/or proposition. If a mother

works, it’s either good or bad for her children. There

are those, too, who will question women who choose

to stay at home. If working doesn’t harm children,

then what’s the justification for not doing so? Athome mothers say they know their full-time presence

in the household has been good for their children,

and typically, they are correct. So, too, are mothers

who say their employment has benefited their

offspring. Largely, the success or failure of one

approach or the other depends on the people

involved and the circumstances of their lives. What’s

right for one person may not be right for another.

And the quality of caregiving and the individual

child’s experience within it go a long way toward

determining the resulting impact.

As part of our involvement in this ongoing debate,

we posed another question: “Is it much better for

everyone involved if the man earns the money and

the woman takes care of the home and the

children?” Fifty-one percent of employed parents

polled “strongly” or “somewhat” agreed. Once more,

employed fathers were more likely to agree than

employed mothers, with the distinctions arising not in

dual-earner families, but rather with employed

fathers whose spouses remained at home.

One wonders why there is such strong support for

the traditional family at a time when fewer

households fall into that pattern? Among married

fathers in the labor force, the percentage with

employed spouses rose from 49 percent in 1977 to

67 percent 30 years later.

I believe that the views of employed parents are

complex — more so than those who would interpret

the findings as a call for mothers to exit the

workforce and return home realize. In fact, more

than seven in 10 employed mothers and fathers

agree that it would be okay for the woman to

become the economic provider and the man to be

the nurturer. Ultimately, most employed parents are

not endorsing or rejecting the traditional family

structure; rather, they simply yearn for a less

stressful life.

MOVING BEYOND “EITHER/OR”

Until now, the language we have used to describe

work and family life has also fallen into patterns of

either/or — reflecting the notion that work and family

are separate, non-overlapping worlds. This must

change. As Rosalind Barnett, of Brandeis University,

wrote in 1997, we must move beyond the concept of

separate spheres toward understanding that work

and family are inextricably interconnected, and that,

in fact, multiple roles can energize, rather than

deplete us.

There is also a misguided “either/or” notion

regarding the balance of work and family. Balancing

connotes a set of scales: If one side is up, the other

must be down. The goal, as working parents

typically see it, is to keep both sides even or equal.

Although the notion of balance is correct in

considering both work and family on the same

continuum, the connections are more dynamic than

balance implies. Both sides can be up or down.

What works for one person does not necessarily work

for another.

Finally, there is the concept of quality time versus

quantity time. It implies that they are mutually

exclusive. We have found, however, that one cannot

separate the amount of time from what happens

during that time.

And so we must come to the next step: asking the

children. In doing so, not only are we able to see

what we do in a new way; we also reframe the

debate. From my many discussions with parents

across the country, I believe we are ready to listen to

children, and in doing so, to embrace a more

accurate and more empowering view. ■

Ellen Galinsky is co-founder and president of the

Families and Work Institute, a New York City-based

nonprofit center for research on the changing

American family, workplace and community. She is

the author of 20 books and reports, including Ask the

Children: The Breakthrough Study That Reveals How

to Succeed at Work and Parenting (Quill, 2000), from

which this article is excerpted.

U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 25
U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 26

Through the blending of voices of children and adults

discussing their households, a portrait of the modern

American family emerges.

THE PREACHER'S KID

Chris Haney, 17, lives in Charlotte, North Carolina.

His father, Doug, is a Music Minister at a Baptist

church and his mother, Laurie, helps administer a

day care service. He lives with both parents, who

are in their 40s, and a 14-year-old sister.

"Compared to how many people I know who do

have divorced families, I think it is odd that my

parents rarely even fight. I'm lucky; my parents are

just about perfect and they are very, very happy. I

see them joking around with each other, laughing

more than fighting. I don't think about it often, but

every now and then I think, I want something like

what I'm living now, later," he says, contemplating

his future.

Preachers' kids have a reputation for being a bit

wild, but Chris says he doesn't need to act out too

much. "I'm the only boy wearing earrings in the

church and I'm the only kid who talks about getting

a tattoo, but I'm not a bad kid at all. I kind of like

that someone might look at me and think, ‘oh, my,'

but people who talk to me see that I'm just as nice

as the next guy."

Chris adds that "without a doubt" religion is

important to him because of his parents. "It is how I

was brought up." As for his Dad, Chris says, "I've

just started to realize that he's really good at what he

does and I kinda respect it. Me and my dad are

really chill [terrific] together."

WHEN ALL YOU HAVE IS YOU

A typical day for John McCaslin, 43, a single,

divorced father of a 12-year-old daughter, Kerry, in

northern Virginia, is jam-packed with activities.

McCaslin and Kerry get up early and eat breakfast

before he drops her off at school. He then drives

over the Potomac River to Capitol Hill or the White

House to get fodder for his newspaper column in The

Washington Times. He returns to Virginia to pick her

up from school.

"In seven years I have never not picked her up at 3

p.m. every day. I'm lucky. How many parents can

say that?"

His daughter has lacrosse, karate, soccer or

basketball on her schedule. "There is always

something going on two or three days a week, after

school, and two or three hours of homework,"

McCaslin says.

He does much of the cooking. A couple of times a

week, they go out for dinner. But he doesn't see

himself as both mother and father. "I don't think

anyone can ever substitute" for a mother, he agrees.

"But mothers and fathers need to realize the

functions I'm performing are a parent's function, not

a mother's or father's — especially in this day and

age."

Still, McCaslin says he has felt the stigma of raising

a daughter by himself.

"A lot of the mothers at the school think it's weird

that I haven't settled back down [again]. But I don't

think I'm ready," he explains.

The rewards of a flexible schedule are obvious,

he continues. 

"The opportunity to be there for a child is one,

VOICES

THE

OF AMERICA AMERICA’S FAMILIES AMILIES

BY TIFFANY DANITZ

Tiffany Danitz is a staff writer for stateline.org, an online news service that 

covers politics and issues in the 50 U.S. states.
U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 27

but also to have the opportunity to be there more

than any other father -- and the love you get in

return. It is amazing. The downside is that we're not

a whole family. I'm definitely a proponent of the

typical functional family. The old-fashioned unit I

believe in seems bizarre in my situation. That's the

downside — not so much for me, but for her." Still,

he says, everywhere he goes, he gets accolades from

people who have talked with her. "`What a

tremendously well-rounded individual,' they say."

Even his ex-wife's parents marvel at how well

everything has turned out.

Still, he isn't patting himself on the back.

"I've been lucky. I realize how hard it is, for any

child to go through this. But I've been blessed. We

have a very open channel of communication and I'm

very receptive."

STEPPING UP

Living in Dallas, Texas, Jean-Ann Cooper, 46, is a

stepmother.

Her first challenge in that role, she recalls, was to

overcome fear, "to-the-bone kind of fear. Even

though their mom had remarried, the kids didn't

want their dad to get married again." 

Although Jean-Ann is now married to Bob Cooper,

50, who has three children ranging in age from 19 to

24, she grew up in a traditional family with two

brothers and parents who, as of now, have been

married for 56 years.

Cooper says she was scared Bob's kids wouldn't

like her.

"I mean, it was three against one! What are the

odds? I was also scared that Bob wouldn't like the

kind of stepmother I might be. The biggest

challenge I have is to parent without parenting. In a

step-parenting situation, there must never be a doubt

that blood is thicker than water. Even when my

husband is angry with his kids and intends to

discipline them, I've learned the hard way that I

should never agree with him out loud. It's better to

just listen and support his decisions on the best way

to handle the situation.

"My experience has taught me that it's difficult for

a parent to understand why the stepparent doesn't

love the kids as much as the parent does. It's not

that I don't love my stepkids. I'm crazy about them,

and don't know how I could love them more than I

do. It's just that there's no substitute for "birthing"

those babies yourself. No matter how much time I

spend with them, or how often I tell them I love

them, I know Bob wishes I would love them more.

The bottom line is that I don't believe I'll ever have

the capacity to love them nearly as much as he

does."

But Cooper loves her family life.

"The day-to-day experiences of being a stepparent has enriched my life beyond my wildest

dreams. I've loved taking an active part in their

lives. I've loved watching their tennis matches,

driving them to school, baking their birthday cakes --

even taking them to traffic court! And while they're

away at school, I love when their friends stop by just

to see Bob and me. It's a little slice of heaven,

knowing that the kids' friends are our friends too --

confirmation that we must have done something

right.

"Maybe it's because we are a stepfamily that a

large percentage of our close friends are in

stepfamiies. There's no doubt that being in a

stepfamily presents challenges for each and every

member, but at least I have a lot of close friends who

are step-moms to talk to when I hit the wall!"

WITH EACH OTHER

Elin Ross and Michael Olson of Frederick, Maryland,

have been married 10 years, since she was 21 and

he was 23. They have chosen not to have children.

Ross says their lifestyle allows them to pay off

college loans, volunteer more often and travel.

Ross recalls hearing a radio program recently on

childless couples. "Unfortunately, most of them

sounded like militant child-haters, which bothered

me because I think most people who don't have kids

are not like that. I think they just made a conscious

choice to focus on other things in their lives.

Parenting is a big responsibility, and holds a lot of

power. I'm not sure I'm comfortable having that kind

of control."

NUCLEAR AND CHALLENGED

Terry Whitney, 38, a pre-loader for the United Parcel

Service in Denver, Colorado, sums up a common
dilemma for the nuclear family.

"Our greatest challenge is finding enough time to

share with each other as a family, given the

competition of work, community and volunteer

activities. It is also a challenge to be a parent in

today's world, given the cost of food, day care,

energy and clothes."

LIVING WITH AUTISM

Rachel Brenner, 11, and her brother Dov, seven,

explain what it is like to live with their older brother,

Michael, 12, who is autistic. [Autism is a mental

disorder that inhibits the ability to interact; yet in

many instances, persons who are autistic have

special gifts or abilities.]

"Sometimes it is hard when he is in his autistic

mode and tunes you out," Rachel says. "But he has

these talents that amuse everybody, so living with

him is kind of weird, but it is fun, too."

When Rachel's friends come to the family's house

in upstate New York, Michael will show off. "He'll sit

at the piano and start playing without reading music

or anything," she says.

The children play video games together and go to

movies or bowling together. But Dov points out that

watching television with his brother can be

frustrating.

"Sometimes he changes the channels while people

are watching. I tell him to turn it back, but he won't

listen. Sometimes if I'm sleeping with him and he's

talking, I'll tell him to stop — but he doesn't."

Dov's mother, Stephanie Brenner, understands his

frustrations. If Dov leaves the computer for a

minute, Michael may come over and call up a

different program, "which really frustrates Dov a lot."

These are the things that make it difficult for a family

living with autism, she adds.

And yet, the children still exhibit a healthy dose of

sibling rivalry, and find themselves in tiffs typical in

"normal" families. Dov sounds typical when he says

he doesn't get along with his sister, noting that "I sort

of get along with Michael." And Rachel admits that

sometimes she craves the attention her brothers get.

"I've been good in school," she explains. "My

parents never needed to help me. When Dov was

starting school, they had to help him. Michael needs

help every day with his homework. If I need help, I

have to wait."

She also points out that sometimes, the family

can't go places or do things because of Michael. "It

does draw attention away from me," she says, "but I

don't care. I'm able to deal with it. And I'd give

Michael all my attention, because he is a great guy."

ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE

Monroe, North Carolina, is home to real estate agent

James Kerr, 34, his wife Dana, 33, and their threeyear-old son McCain. "We rarely watch television

unless it's a news program," Dana, a stay-at-home

mom says.

"We do a lot of reading — especially James," she

notes. "We both read to McCain. We would choose

art over sports any day, and it is a rare occasion

when we do not dine together."

Dana believes that the love she and James share

has helped their son grow.

"I believe our relationship is healthier and stronger

than almost any. We are truthful with each other,

plan time alone together and enjoy laughing

together. We pride ourselves on not having a typical

marriage. I feel that our child will be strong. Our

marriage is strong. We have shared our love with

each other and with our son. That is the most

anyone can hope."

THE NUCLEAR UNIT

Nicholas Fitz, 11, is in the sixth grade at John Eaton

School in the Cleveland Park section of Washington,

D.C. He says living in the city is great, that it gives

families a lot of fun things to do together. Although

only Nick lives with his mother and father, he has a

31-year-old half-brother who lives in California, and

a 27-year-old sister in Chicago — both from his

father's previous marriage. Many of his friends have

half-siblings as well. As a result, he sees his family

as average within his peer group.

He is quite caught up with his parents.

"I can do a lot of things with my dad, like kayaking

and going on trips," Nick says. "He's really

understanding. He can talk to me and everything.

My mom knows exactly how I feel, and what I want.

She's always there for me, helping me a lot."

U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 28
U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 29

OVER-SCHEDULED KIDS

Just listening to Stacey Rose-Blass, 40, describing

her day can wear a person out.

She and her husband, Jay, 42, divide their free

time shuttling their two daughters, 10 and seven, to

dance classes, soccer, basketball, writing club,

school chorus and Hebrew lessons. Blass says she

wonders if they are hyper-parenting or getting their

children over-involved in activities. In fact, at one

point, Blass and her husband sought marriage

counseling until they realized they were going just to

spend some time alone together. 

Blass' husband is a construction project manager

in Maryland, and leaves for work at 5:30 a.m.

Stacey gets the girls ready for school before heading,

at eight, to her U.S. government agency, where she

works as a regional program manager.

"I usually spend about 45 minutes in the car," she

says about the commute, "which I've come to

cherish because it is the only free time I have." The

girls go to day care when school ends at two in the

afternoon. Their father picks them up on his way

home from work. Then the activities begin, and the

two parents split up transporting the girls, and

arranging dinner as well.

"Dinner is usually my husband's responsibility,"

Stacey says. "I'm really lucky that way, because

most of my women friends are still responsible for

doing all the cooking, cleaning and laundry."

Even though the girls have something to do every

night and most weekends, Blass and her husband

don't let anything interfere with religious instruction

in Judaism. "It is so important," Stacey maintains.

"We aren't super-religious, but we want our children

to grow up with the same religious practices we have

— and to have a solid framework within which to do

that."

SINGLE-HANDED ACCOMPLISHMENTS

Kathleen Boyle is a U.S. foreign service officer, and a

single mother to two Bolivian girls, ages eight and seven.

"In the foreign service community, almost

everyone I know has at least one adopted child," she

says. It is a unique lifestyle that allows the children

to learn much more about the world around them.

Boyle took the girls to Laos with her on an

assignment. Now they are back in the United States

awaiting her next task.

"They are more aware of the world than the rest of

the kids in their Brownie [girls' scouting] troop,"

Boyle notes.

Kit Boyle is the first member of her Irish-American

family to adopt children from a different ethnic

group, but the girls have been well accepted by her

extended family.

"What has been really interesting," she discloses,

"is the `nature versus nurture' aspect. In many ways,

they [the girls] are so much like me. Our interests

are the same — camping, swimming — things I

enjoy doing. My siblings don't, but my kids do! And

my Inca daughter has Inca genes — she can build

anything!"

LIFE IN TWO DIFFERENT WORLDS

"I'm a Jew from New York, married to a ChineseMalaysian who was educated in England," says

Nadine Leavitt Siak, 35, an editor for an international

publication.

"We still have a house and two cars, and we live in

suburbia with a dog. I don't see us as being unusual.

The details may be unusual, but the overall picture is

typically American," she notes.

To emphasize the point, she adds, "we watch TV

and we don't play bizarre sports. My husband is a

coffee addict and I like tea. The only thing that may

be unusual is our concentration on food — which

seems to be very Chinese and very Jewish. Meals

have a greater significance in our family than in the

average American family."

Living in a mixed marriage hasn't affected their

relationship, she continues. "When we disagree, I

tend to think of it as a male-female dichotomy more

than Chinese-Christian, Jewish-American. I think it

is greatly beneficial to get his perspective — his

male, Chinese perspective — on all matters small

and large, from the presidential election to how to

load the dishwasher."

Nadine submits that trying to capture the essence

of the American family is like trying to answer the

question, "what is the weather like in China?" The

answer? "Well, it's a big place." Then what is the

American family like? "Like the weather in China, it

is anything and everything," she observes. ■
U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 30

ome mornings, in those gray moments

between dreaming and waking, I confuse

the past with the present.

I hear a small girl cry for her mother

and, for an instant, imagine that it is I who

is crying. “Mommy,” still evokes my own mother,

and the call echoes a need that somehow has never

been met. But now the cries come from my own

small daughters, and I am the one who must

summon up the comfort and the answers.

I hit the floorboards running. In the predawn

dimness, I run, half-blind, without my contact lenses,

into the fuzzed atmosphere of childish fear. In this

haze, the alarm sounds in my subconscious. It is

easy to remember another household, another time,

another call for help. Now my daughters are eight

and six years old. When I was eight, my nightmare

was real — my mother died.

In the shadows that surround us, I am mentally

returned to that earlier time, the apartment in New

York City that I shared with my mother, and later,

after her death, with her brothers — my uncles. The

uncles stayed with me for the next eight years.

This was a major move for my uncles: They had

long lived separate, if similar, solitary existences in

different boroughs. My Uncle Len had cultivated an

aura of mystery — he stayed in hotels, seemed to

use aliases, and alluded to working “undercover.”

For years, I believed he was a spy. (As an adult, I

deduced that he had been an economist who

sometimes moonlighted as a private eye.) He was

also a writer of detective stories that featured heroes

like himself — giant men in slouch hats and coats

who traveled incognito to exotic ports of call.

Len traveled light. As he said, he carried his

clothes in a manila envelope. When he moved in

with me, it was with a file, not a truckload of cartons.

His kid brother, Gabe, two years younger at 38 when

he moved in, was quite unlike Len. Gabe loved to

sing and play children’s games. He sang night and

day. He knew nothing about domestic life. Both my

uncles were regarded as eccentric, if not insane, by

the women in the neighborhood.

Into this household soon stepped a fourth person

— my grandmother Etka, from Russia. She was 80

when she moved in, and I was eight. We shared a

bedroom that we called the Girls’ Room. We also

shared our night terrors — Etka, too, woke confused

by phantoms, crying out for help. Some nights, my

grandmother — a veteran of five home births —

imagined she had given birth to a baby, and that the

baby had become lost in her bedding. My uncles

would run in to comfort her.

Today, if my daughters cry loudly enough, they

will wake one of those same uncles. Len, now 84,

lives with us. (Gabe, who married almost 30 years

ago, lives in Israel.) He will call out, “is everything

all right?” The very sound of his voice, which

reassured me during my childish nightmares, will

soothe us all now.

My life today not only repeats but also reworks the

patterns that are woven through our family history.

The key difference may be that what was odd in the

late 1950s has become less unusual now. At the

time I was born, families created by deliberately

single women were almost unknown in middle-class

America. Ahead of the trend, my mother was a 35-

year-old career woman when she had me as a single

parent. In that more traditional time, she was

obliged to weave a tapestry of white lies to cover any

HOME

IMPROVEMENT

S

BY LAURA SHAINE CUNNINGHAM
U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 31

embarrassment or scandal. She invented the legend

of my namesake father, Larry, a “war hero” who had

died overseas. He was the most handsome, bravest

soldier — the best dancer, the most decorated pilot.

When she died, she left the legend, and a

photograph, with me. I still have that snapshot in a

file I try never to open. Never distinct, it has further

faded and cracked, as has my belief in its subject.

Now I am not even certain the man is my father. He

could be a stand-in, someone tangible that my

mother could present to me. Nevertheless, I cherish

the picture.

My daughters are adopted; most likely, they were

born out of wedlock, as was I. Both were orphans as

a result of political situations in the separate

countries of their birth. In our circle of friends and

acquaintances, there are many other adopted

children, some from similar circumstances. Perhaps

we are the new “typical” family — single mother with

adopted daughters of mixed ancestries.

The homogeneous home may also belong to the

century just past. As a consequence, the intimacy of

the home has opened to accommodate refugees

from foreign turmoil. The girls’ biographies are also

the histories of their respective nations.

My older daughter, Sasha, was born in the

aftermath of the Romanian revolution. The

dictatorship had outlawed all forms of birth control

and abortion, resulting in thousands of unwanted

pregnancies, babies born and put up for adoption.

My younger daughter, Jasmine, is a member of a

sad sorority of sorts — 300,000 girls abandoned

each year under China’s “one child” policy that

makes it horribly practical to place a first-born

daughter in an orphanage in anticipation of having

the desired son with the next pregnancy.

At 43, I found myself an unmarried mother — as

my own mother had been. I was divorced after 27

years of marriage. Why? Was it personal? Partly, of

course. But were we also part of a greater

phenomenon — the explosion of the “nuclear

family”? What reconciles me to my own shattered

history is that the combined efforts of my husband

and me rescued two baby girls far more grave than

the one to which we unwittingly subjected them —

our divorce. I trust that our “broken” home is still

better than any orphanage. Certainly, it is the best

and only shelter I can provide. The girls sleep

together, most nights snuggling, undisturbed in their

cuddlesome world. But I know, first-hand, from my

own childhood, when I lost a mother who was

dancing one week and dead the next, that all safety

is an illusion. Only luck, fragile as a membrane,

separates us at every second from disaster.

As I stumble into each day, gathering up my

daughters, consoling them, rushing through the

rituals of morning, I am aware that some distance

down the hall, my Uncle Len is also awakening, or

perhaps, more accurately, is still awake. He claims

he never truly sleeps — only rests. I recall his pose,

sitting in his wing chair, from childhood — we called

it his “Lincoln Memorial look,” in honor of his hero,

the great U.S. president who Len still somewhat

resembles.

So the girls and I have our hero on the home front

after all, as legendary as my father. At 84, he will

still somehow manage to move quickly if a small girl

cries for him. He gives my daughters what he

always gave me — unlimited love and approval. His

stream of consciousness is a running commentary of

praise for the duo he has dubbed “the Adorables.”

They are the brightest, the prettiest, the most gifted.

They paint like Picassos, sing like opera stars. They

have Uncle Len bewitched.

Every family is a culture unto itself, and ours

differs in its details from other homes. We have our

own language of love, customs, songs. But the

purpose of family remains constant — the protection

of the children, the inclusion of the past generation,

the need we have for one another. And so we

proceed with our lives: singing, painting, decorating

our walls with personal designs. Under our roof,

three generations reside, another reprise of my

original home.

Although my grandmother behaved more like an

aged kid sister — she swiped my costume jewelry

and even my clothes — she also taught me how to

say “I love you” in Russian. We quote her every day.

She was petite, with eyes as bright as espresso

beans — until the bad one clouded over, opaque with

a cataract. Sometimes, as my Uncle Len still does,
U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 32

she saw clearly through time and mist of age. One

night, she gripped my arm and told me, with

pressure strong as the bars that locked her into bed

at night, “My life passes as a dream.”

I think of those words as I run to my daughter’s

room. I run fast, to outrace their fears, to provide the

only comfort that I can, the eternal comfort of every

parent in every time:

“Don’t cry — Mama’s here.” ■

Laura Shaine Cunningham is the author of a

memoir, A Place in the Country, and Sleeping

Arrangements and other novels.
U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 33

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Harvard Business Review on Work and Life Balance.

Boston, MA: Harvard Business School Press, 2000.

BIBLIOGRAPHY IBLIOGRAPHY

IF YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT. . .
U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 34

Helburn, Suzanne W., ed. "The Silent Crisis in U.S.

Child Care." The Annals of the Academy of Political

and Social Science, May 1999, pp. 8-219.

This issue treats the costs, effects and quality of child

care in America.

Hochschild, Arlie Russell with Anne Machung.

Second Shift: Working Parents and the Revolution at

Home. New York: Viking, 1989.

Hochschild, Arlie Russell. The Time Bind: When

Work Becomes Home and Home Becomes Work. New

York: Metropolitan Books, 1997.

Hutter, Mark. The Changing Family. 3d ed.

Needham, MA: Allyn and Bacon, 1998.

Hutter, Mark, ed. The Family Experience: A Reader

in Cultural Diversity. 3d ed. Boston: Allyn and

Bacon, 2000.

Kaetz, James P., ed. "Marriage & Family." The Phi

Kappa Phi Journal, Summer 2000, pp. 10-45.

A series of articles by Stephanie Coontz and others.

Lynd, Robert S. and Lynd, Helen Merrell.

Middletown: A Study in Modern American Culture.

New York: Harcourt, Brace, 1959.

Mintz, Steven and Kellogg, Susan. Domestic

Revolutions: A Social History of American Family

Life. New York: Free Press, 1988.

Perlow, Leslie A. Finding Time: How Corporations,

Individuals, and Families Can Benefit from New Work

Practices. Ithaca, NY: ILR Press, 1997.

Pitt-Catsouphes, Marcie and Googins, Bradley K.,

eds. "The Evolving World of Work and Family: New

Stakeholders, New Voices." The Annals of the

American Academy of Political and Social Science,

March 1999, pp. 8-211.

Articles address diverse families and organizations,

families and organizations in transition, and offer

policy perspectives on work and family.

Robertson, Brian C. There’s No Place Like Work: How

Business, Government and Our Obsession with Work

Have Driven Parents from Home. Dallas, TX:

Spence, 2000.

Shellenbarger, Sue. Work & Family: Essays from the

‘Work & Family’ Column of the Wall Street Journal.

New York: Ballantine Books, 1999.

Smith, Tom W.; Davis, James A.; and Marsden,

Peter V. The Emerging 21st Century American

Family. Chicago: National Opinion Research Center,

University of Chicago, November 24, 1999.

http://www.norc.uchicago.edu/online/emerge.pdf 

Sommers-Flanagan, Rita; Elander, Chelsea; and

Sommers-Flanagan, John. Don’t Divorce Us! Kids’

Advice to Divorcing Parents. Alexandria, VA:

American Counseling Association, 2000.

South, Scott J. and Tolnay, Stewart E., eds. The

Changing American Family: Sociological and

Demographic Perspectives. Boulder, CO: Westview

Press, 1992. 

Stacey, Judith. In the Name of the Family:

Rethinking Family Values in the Postmodern Age.

Boston: Beacon Press, 1996.

Teachman, Jay D.; Tedrow, Lucky M.; and Crowder,

Kyle D. "The Changing Demography of America’s

Families." Journal of Marriage and the Family,

November 2000, pp. 1234-1246.

Unell, Barbara C. and Wyckoff, Jerry L. The 8 Stages

of Parenthood: How the Stages of Parenting

Constantly Reshape Our Adult Identities. New York:

Times Books, 2000.

U.S. Dept. of Labor. Meeting the Needs of Today’s

Workforce: Child Care Best Practices. Washington:

1998.

http://www.dol.gov/dol/wb/childcare/child3.pdf

U.S. Dept. of Labor. Women’s Bureau. Employer

Child Care Resources: A Guide to Developing

Effective Child Care Programs and Policies.

Washington: 1998.

Urban Institute. Snapshots of America’s Families II: A

View of the Nation and 13 States from the National

Survey of America’s Families. Washington: Urban

Institute, 2000. 

http://newfederalism.urban.org/nsaf/snapshots_index

.html

A comment on the study released by "U.S. News

Online" is available at:

http://newfederalism.urban.org/nsaf/media/usnews.h

tml

Wallerstein, Judith; Lewis, Julia; and Blakeslee,

Sandra. The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25-

Year Landmark Study. New York: Hyperion Books,

2000.
U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 35

Zuckerman, Diana, ed. On Common Ground:

Prominent Women Talk about Work and Family.

Washington: Institute for Women’s Policy Research,

1999.

INTERNET SITES

AARP (American Association of Retired Persons)

http://www.aarp.org/

A leading organization for people age 50 and older,

AARP "serves their needs and interests through

information and education, advocacy, and

community services. . . . " 

Some of the topics addressed on the Web page

include computers and technology, health and

wellness, legislative issues, leisure and fun, life

transitions, money and work, research and reference

and the volunteer experience.

AARP Grandparent Information Center

http://www.aarp.org/confacts/programs/gic.html

AARP’s Grandparent Information Center serves

"grandparents raising grandchildren, grandparents

who are concerned with their visitation rights with

their grandchildren, step-grandparents, and

traditional grandparents who want to have a role in

their grandchildren’s lives." Services offered include

Web site tip sheets on a variety of topics, print

publications, a newsletter called Parenting

Grandchildren, information and referral to local

support groups, technical assistance and networking,

research and advocacy.

AFL-CIO Working Women Working Together

http://www.aflcio.org/women/index.htm

Fact sheets on working women, equal pay and

childcare are a notable feature of this site. It also

contains sets of links of interest to working women

http://www.aflcio.org/women/ww_links.htm 

and working families

http://www.aflcio.org/front/wf_links.htm . 

The Alliance of Work/Life Professionals

http://www.awlp.org/

This membership organization has the mission of

"promoting work/family and personal life balance."

In addition to providing members with information on

upcoming events and job postings, the site allows

you to search for books, software, videos, workshops

and training courses on benefits, child care, elder

care, culture and flexibility. 

AmeriStat

http://www.ameristat.org/

Developed by the Population Reference Bureau in

partnership with demographer Bill Frey and experts

from the University of Michigan and the State

University of New York at Albany, AmeriStat provides

instant summaries of the demographic characteristics

of the U.S. population. Areas of interest include

marriage and the family, population estimates and

projections, children and the older population.

At-Home Dad

http://www.athomedad.com/

At-Home Dad is a quarterly on-line newsletter, which

was started "to connect the over 2 million fathers who

stay home with their children." The newsletter also

provides tips for home businesses, personal accounts

from other at-home dads, surveys and various other

resources available for dads and their children.

The Center for Work and The Family

http://www.centerforworkandfamily.com/

With offices in Bethesda, Maryland, and Berkeley,

California, the center offers training and support to

employees and their partners on and off the work

site. The goal is to "bridge the gap between the

needs of families and the world of work." Information

on the center’s various training seminars and

programs is presented on this site.

The Center for Working Families

http://workingfamilies.berkeley.edu/

Composed of an interdisciplinary group of UC

Berkeley faculty, graduate students, visiting scholars,

and postgraduate researchers who are doing research

on families and "cultures of care," the center offers a

rich variety of resources on this site. Sections

provide information on lectures, workshops, research

projects, publications, working papers,

bibliographies, syllabi, media reports,

announcements and related links. 

Childless by Choice

http://now2000.com/cbc/

"Childless by Choice is an information clearinghouse

for people who have decided not to have children,

and for those who are deciding whether or not

to become parents." Books, back copies of the CBC

newsletter, and other items can be purchased on the

site. Links to related resources are also available.
U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 36

Children Now

http://www.childrennow.org/economics/

This advocacy group for children sponsors several

programs, including one on Working Families, which

promotes. . . "quality child care, health care, child

support, and fair tax policies" to help working families

move from public assistance into the workforce.

Reports, fact sheets and other resources are featured

on this site.

Children with Disabilities

http://www.childrenwithdisabilities.ncjrs.org/

The Children with Disabilities Web page has

information for families, service providers and

individuals on advocacy, education, employment,

health, housing, recreation, technical assistance and

transportation. The site is divided into federal,

state/local and national resources; a calendar of

events; information on grants and funding; research

and statistics; "Youth to Youth" projects, and

highlights of new features and resources.

ChildStats.gov: Forum on Child and Family Statistics

http://childstats.gov/

This is the official Web site of the Federal Interagency

Forum on Child and Family Statistics, which fosters

coordination and collaboration in the collection and

reporting of Federal statistics on children and

families. The site offers easy access to federal and

state statistics and reports on children and their

families. Topics addressed include: population and

family characteristics, economic security, health,

behavior and social environment and education.

The Council on Contemporary Families (CCF)

http://www.contemporaryfamilies.org/

Through the dissemination of educational materials,

media coverage, conferences and seminars, CCF

enhances "the national conversation about what

contemporary families need and how these needs can

best be met." Recent publications, news stories,

links, and other resources are accessible on this

page.

Eparent.com

http://www.eparent.com/

The on-line version of Exceptional Parent Magazine,

this site provides "information, support, ideas,

encouragement and outreach for parents and families

of children with disabilities and the professionals who

work with them." The site is searchable and provides

a means for visitors (adults and children) to

exchange information about their experiences. Links

to products and services; books, videos and software;

toys; and resources on health care, mobility and

financial planning are also included.

Families and Work Institute

http://www.familiesandworkinst.org/

This non-profit advocacy group addresses "the

changing nature of work and family life." Major

activities include policy and work site research,

evaluation and technical assistance, and

dissemination of research reports and other

publications. Another major initiative is the

Fatherhood Project (http://www.igc.org/fatherhood/).

Founded in 1981, this national research and

education project examines the future of fatherhood

and is developing ways to support men’s involvement

in child rearing, using books, films, seminars,

consultation and training.

Generations United

http://www.gu.org/

Generations United is a national coalition dedicated

to intergenerational policy, programs and issues. It

serves as a resource and forum for policymakers and

those working with caregivers. This Web page

outlines innovative programs, legislation, legal

strategies, public benefits, support groups and other

initiatives related to grandparents and other relatives

who are raising children without a parent present.

The Institute for Women’s Policy Research

http://www.iwpr.org/research_work.html

Work and family issues are of critical importance to

this nonprofit, scientific research organization.

Current projects assess the need for family and

medical leave, survey prominent women on their

struggle to combine work and family, and analyze

issues related to shift work and child care. 

National Center on Fatherhood and Families

http://www.ncoff.gse.upenn.edu/

NCOFF is an interdisciplinary policy research center

devoted to studying father involvement and family

development. Sections on this site include FatherLit,

an on-line database; an events database; a programs
U.S.SOCIETY&VALUES / JANUARY 2001 37

database; NCOFF Publications; the

Father&FamilyLINK Web site; a list of national

research, public awareness, practice, and policy

resources; and employment opportunities.

National Child Care Information Center

http://nccic.org/

This center links information and people to

"complement, enhance, and promote" the child care

delivery system and works to ensure that all children

and families have access to high-quality

comprehensive services. The center is a project of

the Child Care Bureau of the Administration for

Children and Families, U.S. Dept. of Health and

Human Services. 

National Council on Family Relations

http://www.ncfr.com/

The mission of the council is to act as a "forum for

family researchers, educators, and practitioners to

share in the development and dissemination of

knowledge about families and family relationships. . . . "

The organization also publishes two scholarly

journals, Journal of Marriage and Family and Family

Relations, as well as books, audio/video tapes and

learning tools. It sponsors an annual conference,

promotes family life education, and fosters dialogue

among family professionals using a variety of

approaches including this Web page.

Alfred P. Sloan Working Family Center on Parents,

Children, and Work 

http://www.spc.uchicago.edu/orgs/sloan/

This center at the University of Chicago is dedicated

to "understanding how the intricately woven

influences that working families experience affect

parents, children, and family life." On this Web site

you can find lists of workshops, publications, working

papers, presentations and links.

Stepfamily Association of America

http://www.stepfam.org/

Links to books, educational materials, advocacy

activities and events, facts and figures, and various

other programs and services are located on this site.

SAA is a national organization, which provides

education, training and support for stepfamilies and

professionals who work with stepfamilies. 

U.S. Bureau of the Census

http://www.census.gov/

The Census Bureau Web site provides on-line access

to its data, publications, products and programs.

Some of the topics addressed include children,

households and families, child care, and

grandparents and grandchildren. Population

projections for households and families are also

provided. 

U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services.

Administration for Children and Families

http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/

Responsible for federal programs that promote the

economic and social well-being of

families, children, individuals and communities, ACF

provides access to fact sheets, news articles, and

statistics on topics ranging from adoption to youth

development on this page.

U.S. Dept. of Labor. Women’s Bureau

http://www.dol.gov/dol/wb/

Central to the mission of this government agency is

"the responsibility to advocate and inform women

directly and the public, as well, of women's work

rights and employment issues." Among the many

resources on this page is a section on child care and

elder care. The Women’s Bureau also sponsors a

work and family clearinghouse and is the source of

many useful publications.

Working Moms Refuge

http://www.momsrefuge.com/

The founder of Working Moms Refuge says: "I had

felt for a long time that there wasn't a site on the Web

that really spoke to me and my life. So, I invited this

impromptu community of working moms to help me

create that place. . . . This is a home for all of us who

live the manic life of juggling." Resources cover

family, career, single moms, dads' voices and news. ■
JANUARY 2001

VOLUME 6 ELECTRONIC JOURNALS OF THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF STATE NUMBER 1