A

Working With Military Families 

 Support and Resource Guide for

Table of Contents 

Introduction............................................................................................................................................... 1
 

Purpose of This Guide .......................................................................................................................... 1
 

How to Use This Guide ......................................................................................................................... 2
 

Chapter 1: Building Interpersonal Relationships with Military Service Members 

and Families ............................................................................................................................................. 5
 

Facts and Nuances of Military Life and Culture .................................................................................... 5
 

U.S. Military Statistics ........................................................................................................................... 6
 

A Decade of War: Deployment Cycles Today ....................................................................................... 8
 

Spotlight on the National Guard............................................................................................................ 8
 

A Personal Perspective......................................................................................................................... 9
 

What to Ask and What Not to Ask: A Guide to Good, Awkward, and Ugly Questions 

When Talking With Military Service Members and Their Families ...................................................... 10
 

Chapter 2: Building Interagency Relationships with Other Stakeholders Serving 

Military Service Members and Their Families ......................................................................................... 15
 

The Military Resource Framework...................................................................................................... 15
 

Military and White House Initiatives to Coordinate Community-Based Assistance............................. 15
 

Resource for Military Children and Local Educators........................................................................... 16
 

Chapter 3: Integrating Healthy Marriage and Relationship Education into Services for 

Military Service Members and Their Families ......................................................................................... 17
 

Healthy Marriage and Relationship Education.................................................................................... 17 
 

Integration Tips for Safety-Net Service Providers ............................................................................... 18
 

Integration Resources......................................................................................................................... 19
 

Conclusion.............................................................................................................................................. 22
 

Resources .............................................................................................................................................. 23
 

References ............................................................................................................................................. 26
 

Acknowledgments and Photo Credits..................................................................................................... 27
 

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Introduction

Welcome to A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families. This guide is designed 

to help safety-net service providers and other stakeholders sustainably integrate healthy marriage and 

relationship education into their services for military service members and their families. Safety-net 

service providers are people who work in Federal, State, Local, and Tribal agencies and help others 

achieve self-suffi ciency. This definition is purposely broad because there is a wide array of people who 

focus their careers on strengthening the stability and well-being of parents, couples, and families. 

This guide uses a three-stage process organized in chapters, with tools and resources for each stage. 

Chapter 1 helps build or strengthen an agency’s ability to engage military service members and 

their families by laying the foundation for a better 

understanding of military structure and culture. 

This process is referred to as building interpersonal 

relationships with military service members and 

their families. 

This guide focuses on healthy marriage and 

relationship education because research 

shows that the core skills it teaches— 

including communication and conflict 

negotiation—strengthen both intimate and 

work relationships, including the ability to build

a social support network. Learning these skills

can positively impact a person’s physical and 

emotional health, economic self-suffi ciency, 

and stability. 

Chapter 2 focuses on how an agency can build and

strengthen interagency relationships and connect 

with existing military resource networks. These 

connections are important because when agencies 

purposely work together, their collective impact is 

often greater than the impact of any single agency 

alone or agencies operating in silos. By working 

together, agencies can pool talents and resources, 

avoid duplication of services, and streamline service delivery to military service members and their 

families. 

Chapter 3 provides tips, tools, and resources for integrating healthy marriage and relationship 

education into existing service delivery systems for military service members and their families.
 

This guide emphasizes the healthy in healthy marriage and relationship education. It is not meant 

to force military couples to get married or to stay married, especially if the relationship is physically 

or emotionally abusive. The integration resources included in Chapter 3 offer guidance for when an 

agency suspects that a family or family member might be in danger. 

Purpose of This Guide 

This guide complements other guides that 

organizations have created for military couples, 

families, and youth—all of which have been 

designed to strengthen military families. This 

guide includes research-based guidance, links 

to web resources, and practical tip sheets to 

help safety-net service providers.
 

This guide will help stakeholders: 

This guide emphasizes Federal and military 

resources and networks to encourage 

agencies to integrate services within the 

existing military resource framework. This type 

of integration can benefit an agency because 

it complements, rather than re-creating or 

duplicating, existing services and resources. 

Linking services within the existing military 

resource framework also benefits military 

service members and their families because 

it maximizes and streamlines their access to 

available services. 

1 A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families 
2 A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families 

 Understand military structure and culture;

 Develop, promote, and sustain healthy

relationships with and among military 

service members and their families, as well 

as other service organizations; and 

 Integrate healthy marriage and relationship

education into stakeholders’ services for 

military service members and families. 

This guide specifically focuses on resources 

to build the interpersonal and interagency 

relationships that form the backbone of healthy 

marriages, military families, and supporting 

communities. It is important to keep in mind that 

there are a lot of resources for military service 

members and their families, and only a fraction are 

included here. 

T –

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Tribal services.

How to Use This Guide 

This guide utilizes a three-stage process for integrating healthy marriage and relationship education 

into safety-net services for military service members and their families. Each chapter of the guide 

represents one of these three stages. 

This his Guide is designed to help stakeholders guide is designed to help stakeholders–

ncluding administrators, supervisors, and including administrators, supervisors, and 

afety-net service providers–integrate safety-net service providers–integrate healthy 

ealthy marriage and relationship skills into marriage and relationship skills into existing 

xisting service delivery systems as part service delivery systems as part of a 

f a comprehensive, culturally appropriate, comprehensive, culturally appropriate, familycentered approach to promoting self- amily-centered approach to promoting sufficiency in military families. The term elf-suffi ciency in military families. The safety-net service providers refers to erm safety-net service providers refers to governmental agencies and programs such 

overnmental agencies and programs such as Temporary Assistance for Needy Families 

s (TANF), child support services, child welfare, Temporary Assistance for Needy Families

Tlabor and workforce services, and Head Start, ANF), child support services, child welfare,

abor and workforce services, and Head Star along with other organizations that provide 

long with other organizations that provide military community and family services, 

education, youth independent living, and ilitary community and family services, 

ducation, youth independent living, and Tribal services.

The Three-Stage Process 

Build interpersonal 

relationships with 

military service 

members and 

families. 

(Stage 1) 

Build interagency 

relationships with 

other stakeholders 

helping military 

service members 

and families. 

(Stage 2) 

Integrate healthy 

marriage and 

relationship education 

into services for service 

members and families. 

(Stage 3) 

Chapter 1 covers the first stage: building interpersonal relationships with military service members and 

their families. This chapter includes facts about the U.S. military, as well as a guide to appropriate and 

inappropriate conversation questions based on conversations with military service members and their 

families. Developing a deeper knowledge of military structure, culture, and communication can help 

an agency engage and develop sustainable relationships with the military service members and their 

families. 
Lt. Col. Nathan Blood, brigade effects coordinator for 4th 

Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division (Light), 

Multi-National Division – Baghdad, shares a high-five 

with his 16-month-old daughter, Mackenzie, during a web 

camera communication. 

Chapter 2 covers the second stage: building 

or strengthening interagency relationships and 

connections with existing military resource 

networks. Interagency relationships parallel 

interpersonal relationships because when agencies 

purposely work together, their collective impact is 

often greater than the impact of any single agency 

and that of agencies operating in silos. Building 

interagency relationships strengthens support 

for military service members and families at the 

community level by providing services that are 

coordinated, streamlined, and non-duplicative. 

Chapter 3 covers the third stage: providing tips, 

tools, and resources for the sustainable integration 

of healthy marriage and relationship education into 

services for military service members and families. 

Healthy marriage and relationship education 

integration can be tailored to community-specific 

strengths and needs in a variety of ways; integration 

can take many forms from simple brochures in a waiting room to multi-week group workshops. This 

chapter discusses different strategies for integrating healthy marriage and relationship education using 

a Levels of Integration concept developed by the National Resource Center for Healthy Marriage and 

Families. It also provides links to integration tools like worksheets and tip sheets that providers can 

pick up and use to help strengthen military service members and families. 

Working within existing community and military resource frameworks and using the tools 

provided in this guide will help sustain efforts to integrate healthy marriage and relationship 

education to strengthen military service members and families. 

Stakeholders should use this guide as a starting point and quick reference guide: 

 To better understand military structure and culture (Chapter 1);

 To better understand and connect with existing resources for military service members and

their families (Chapter 2); and 

 To learn more about the role that core marriage and relationship skills play in work, school,

family, and military environments, as well as strategies for integrating healthy marriage and 

relationship skills into service delivery systems for military service members and their families 

(Chapter 3). 

Chapters may be used individually, but following the three-stage process in sequence will generate 

the best results. 

3 A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families 
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Chapter 1: Building Interpersonal Relationships with

Military Service Members and Families 

5 A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families 

Spc. Orlando De Jesus, of the Puerto Rico Army 

National Guard 130th Engineer Battalion, reads the 

banner prepared by his children that says: “Welcome 

home Dad, you are our hero.” 

Facts and Nuances of Military Life

and Culture 

A critical first step in engaging military service 

members and their families is developing an 

understanding of military structure and culture. 

Knowledge of the military is the foundation of 

sustainable interpersonal relationships with military 

service members, their spouses, and their family 

members. This chapter includes basic facts and 

statistics about the U.S. military and personal 

perspectives from military service members and their 

family members. The resources in this chapter will:
 

 Provide guidance on both appropriate and

inappropriate questions and/or statements for 

military service members and families in the 

context of service provider inquiries and casual 

conversations; and
 

 Provide insight about service member and family member perspectives.

Some of the resources included are in the form of 

links to online media. To gain the full benefits of 

this guide, we encourage you to access these links. 

Building awareness of the differences among active 

duty, Reserve, and National Guard purposes, 

as well as the nature of today’s deployment 

cycles, will enhance understanding of the culture 

and commitment in today’s all volunteer U.S. 

Armed Forces. This will help develop and sustain 

relationships with military service members and 

their families. 

Knowledge of U.S. military statistics will help 

tailor healthy marriage and relationship education 

integration activities to the military population. For 

example, when considering the range of integration 

options—from distributing brochures to developing 

full workshops—providers should keep in mind 

that certain states have higher concentrations of 

military service members than others. For providers 

seeking to deliver educational workshops, the 

fact that more than half of enlisted active-duty 

personnel are under age 25 and only 4.9% of 

enlisted personnel have at least a bachelor’s 

degree should be factored into curriculum selection 

to ensure that a young, non-college degreed 

audience will relate to and understand the material. 

Strengthening Our Military Families: 

Meeting America’s Commitment 

Less than one percent of Americans serve in 

uniform today, but they bear 100 percent of 

the burden of defending our Nation. Currently, 

more than 2.2 million service members make 

up America’s all-volunteer force in the active, 

National Guard, and Reserve components. 

Since September 11, 2001, more than two 

million troops have been deployed to Iraq and 

Afghanistan. Fifty-five percent of the force is 

married and 40 percent have two children. 

Only 37 percent of our families live on military 

installations; the remaining 63 percent live 

in over 4,000 communities nationwide. 

Multiple deployments, combat injuries, and 

the challenges of reintegration can have 

far-reaching effects on not only the troops 

and their families, but also upon America’s 

communities. These challenges should be at 

the forefront of our national discourse. 

(The White House, Interagency Policy Support, 

2011, p.1) 
6 A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families 

The section spotlighting the National Guard is included in this chapter for two main reasons. First, 

National Guard members and their families are more likely than active duty members and their families 

to live in a community that is not near a military installation. That means more physical stability but less 

ready access to military support services. Those National Guard members and their families must rely 

on State, Local, and Tribal safety-net service providers to provide services and support. When such 

service providers do not understand military culture, the military families can feel disconnected from 

their communities and community supports. 

Second, the increase in frequency and length of deployment cycles brought on by a decade of war has 

disproportionately impacted the nature of National Guard members’ service. National Guard members 

are meant to serve as part-time military support, but over the last decade they have frequently served 

lengthy, full-time deployments. Unlike active duty service members, National Guard members typically 

return to a non-military community, which may not be as ingrained in military culture and prepared to 

support service members and their families. 

U.S. Military Statistics 

This section provides basic facts and statistics 

about U.S. military forces.2

 Here, active duty 

refers to members of the Army, Navy, Air Force, 

Marine Corps, and Coast Guard. National Guard 

and Reserve refer to members of the Army 

National Guard, Army Reserve, Air National 

Guard, Air Force Reserve, Navy Reserve, Marine 

Corps Reserve, and Coast Guard Reserve. 

Reserve units typically serve on a part-time basis, 

providing additional combat and specialized 

services support to active-duty components. 

All branches except the Coast Guard and Coast 

Guard Reserve fall within the reporting structure 

of the Department of Defense (DOD). The Coast 

Guard and Coast Guard Reserve are part of the 

Department of Homeland Security. 

Unlike local community based safety-net service

delivery systems, military service delivery 

systems typically include communication 

networks for military spouse support during 

deployments, targeted services for wounded 

warriors preparing to either return to their unit 

or return home, and tailored pre- and postdeployment resources.
 

Active Duty Service Member

Fast Facts

Out of 1,458,697 active duty service members:

 70% are stationed in one of these 10

states: CA, CO, FL, GA, HI, KY, NC, TX,

VA, or WA; 

 85.6% are male and 14.4% female;

 82.8% of officers have a bachelor’s or

advanced degree;

 4.3% of enlisted have completed a

bachelor’s degree; 

 50.3% of enlisted and 13.4% of officers

are age 25 or younger;
 

 56.4% are married;

 38.3% are married with children;

 38.3% are single with no children

 5.4% are single parents; and

 4.1% of enlisted and 2% of officers

divorced during FY 2010. 

Overall Military and Family Member Population 

There are more than 2.3 million active duty and Reserve military members—1,458,697 active duty 

and 857,261 Reserve—and more than 3.1 million active duty and Reserve family members (spouses, 

children, and adult dependents). 

2 All military service member and family statistics cited in this guide are taken or synthesized from the U.S. Department of Defense (DOD), 

Office of the Deputy Under Secretary of Defense (Military Community and Family Policy) and ICF International (2011). Demographics 2010: 

Profile of the military community. Retrieved from KWWSZZZPLOLWDU\RQHVRXUFHPLO0265HSRUWVB'HPRJUDSKLFVB5HSRUWSGI

Other sources are noted throughout. 
Lt. Cmdr. Chris Singletary, assigned 

to the Chargers of Helicopter AntiSubmarine Squadron (HS) 14, walks 

with his son on the flight line during a 

homecoming celebration. 

The Army has the largest active duty force, with 561,979 members 

(38.5% of the active duty force); the Marine Corps has the smallest, 

with 202,612 members (13.9% of the active duty force). 

Active duty members are 85.6% male and 14.4% female; similarly, 

the Reserve force consists of 82.1% males and 17.9% females. 

Almost 70% of the active duty members stationed within the United 

States are in one of just 10 States—California, Colorado, Florida, 

Georgia, Hawaii, Kentucky, North Carolina, Texas, Virginia, and 

Washington. 

California, Florida, Georgia, North Carolina, Texas, and Virginia are 

also among the top 10 states for numbers of Reserve members, 

along with Illinois, New York, Ohio, and Pennsylvania. However, 

more than half the Reserve members (58.3%) are spread across the 

remaining states. 

Age and Education 

Active duty officers’ ages are more evenly spread out than active 

duty enlisted members, with an average age among all offi cers of 

34.7 years old. About half (50.3%) of the enlisted members are 

age 25 or younger, whereas only 13.4% of officers are age 25 or 

younger. 

Active duty officers tend to be more highly educated than the general population; 82.8% have a 

bachelor’s or advanced degree, compared to 29.9% of the general U.S. population over age 25. About 

4.3% of enlisted members (the majority of whom are under age 25) have completed a bachelor’s 

degree. 

Most active duty members (79.5%) have a high school diploma or equivalent, but have not completed 

a bachelor’s degree. 

Marital and Family Status 

More than half of all active duty military members (56.4%) and close to half of all Reserve members 

(48.2%) are married, and most married service members have a civilian spouse. 

Divorce rates are higher than the national rate of 0.3%, especially among enlisted members; almost 

2% of active duty and Reserve officers, 4.1% of active duty enlisted, and 2.8% of Reserve enlisted 

personnel reported to have divorced during FY 2010 (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 

2012). 

Rates of single parenthood are low in the active duty force at 5.4%, compared to 9.3% of the Reserve 

force and 9.6% in the general U.S. population (Lofquist, Lugaila, O’Connell, & Feliz, 2012). 

More than one-third of active duty members are single with no children (38.3% or 542,495), and a 

similar number are married with children (38.8% or 549,409). Active duty members’ children primarily 

range in age from birth to five years (42.3% or 527,670). 

7 A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families 

General Population Active Duty Officers Active Duty Enlisted 

FY 2010 Divorce Rate 0.3% 1.9% 4.1% 
8 A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families 

A Decade of War: Deployment Cycles Today 

The national response to the attacks on September 11, 2001, 

transformed the meaning of commitment for the nation’s allvolunteer military force. Since that date, more than two million 

members of the Armed Forces have been deployed to Iraq or 

Afghanistan. Deployment cycles are more frequent and longer, with 

higher post-deployment reports of post-traumatic stress disorder 

and traumatic brain injury (The White House, 2011). 

Despite more than a decade of war, service members remain proud 

of their service, highly satisfied with their family lives, and happy 

with their lives overall (Taylor, 2011). These facts suggest that 

today’s military members and their families carry a complex mix of 

pride, satisfaction, and stress related to their service.
 

Spotlight on the National Guard 

The National Guard is the oldest component of the Armed Forces 

and is made up of 54 individual organizations in each U.S. State 

and territory. It fulfills a unique dual Federal-State mission: providing 

national defense under Federal control alongside active duty and 

Reserve personnel in foreign nations, such as Iraq and Afghanistan, 

and protecting life and property when called upon by a State governor, such as the mobilizations in 

response to Hurricanes Katrina in 2005 and Sandy in 2012. Typically, National Guard members serve 

on a part-time basis—one weekend per month plus two weeks during the summer. However, since 

September 11, 2001, the National Guard has experienced more frequent calls to duty and extended 

deployments. 

National Guard members, when not on deployment or mobilized to action, tend to stay and live within 

their local community. That brings both benefits and challenges distinct from active duty service. Active 

duty service members and their families move frequently and are more likely to live within a military 

community (on or near a military base). National Guard members experience more physical stability 

but may have less ready access to military support services. 

Soldiers from the 772nd Miitary Police 

Company based in Taunton swiftly 

construct a barrier out of sandbags 

on Narrows Road in Freetown, MA to 

prevent flood waters from damaging 

the houses of local residents. 

Caleb Riley (left) and Mark Beals play a board game called 

“Deployment” during Camp Arrowhead. Camp Arrowhead was 

designed to provide the kids of the Arrowhead Brigade with 

tools and friendships to assist with adjusting to the return of 

their parent from deployment. 

School-aged military children describe what 

education and deployments are like for them in 

a video created for the White House’s Joining 

Forces campaign. Children responded to these 

four questions: 

(1) How does deployment affect your daily life? 

(2) What are the differences between military 

and public schools? 

(3) How does the curriculum change? 

(4) What are the three hardest things to deal 

with? 

View the video at www.youtube.com/ 

watch?v=MTr2BwmT1z8. 
Lt. Col. Mark Weber of the Minnesota National Guard 

delivers a powerful Army Birthday address at the Minnesota 

History Center. 

A Personal Perspective 

Last Lecture –Army Style, a speech given by Lt. 

Col. Mark M. Weber in celebration of the Army’s 

birthday and delivered at the Minnesota History 

Center on June 14, 2012, provides a personal view 

of what it means to be a service member (Minnesota 

National Guard, 2012). Lt. Col. Weber describes the 

multiple roles filled by today’s soldiers, the need for 

humility in leadership and service, the importance of 

distinguishing between volunteer service members 

and the causes in which they serve, and the gift of 

saying thank you to service members with action 

rather than words. 

The 26-minute video is available at www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCIEXOkr-Iw. 

As of this writing, Lt. Col. Weber continues his own battle with “Buford,” his stage IV cancer, the 

tale of which he uses to help bridge the discussion between military and non-military audiences. 

Following the speech, Lt. Col. Weber’s son joins him on stage to sing a duet of Tell My Father from 

the musical The Civil War. Lt. Col. Weber’s own father was in the audience during the ceremony. 

In the song, a dying soldier asks that a fellow soldier bring a message to his father. In part, that 

message is: 

Tell my father that his son didn’t run or surrender 

That I bore his name with pride as I tried to remember 

You are judged by what you do while passing through.... 

Tell him we will meet again where the angels learn to fly...

For with honor did I die.2 

These lyrics capture the personal purpose and meaning behind the ultimate sacrifice that service 

members are prepared to make in service to the nation. 

Care for our soldiers, but be humble in how you provide that care, and be humble in how you 

receive the thanks for that care. 

Lt. Col. Mark M. Weber, 

Minnesota National Guard 

2 The Civil War (the musical) was written by Gregory Boyd and Frank Wildhorn, with lyrics by Jack Murphy. 

9 A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families 
10 A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families 

What to Ask and What Not to Ask: A Guide to Good, Awkward, and 

Ugly Questions When Talking with Military Service Members and Their 

Families 

The questions included in this section are real questions asked of and statements made to service 

members, their spouses, and their children regarding service and life in the Armed Forces. The 

contributing service members and family members categorized questions as “good,” “awkward,” or 

“ugly.” An explanation of the categorization follows each question. Wherever possible, the contributors’ 

own words are used. Where it was not, the explanations were developed by a military family member 

based on discussions with peers and were reviewed by at least one service member. Contributors 

shared their experiences to provide guidance toward good questions to ask military service members 

and families and away from awkward and ugly ones. 

This section is meant only as a representative sample and does not include all good, awkward, and 

ugly questions that may be asked of service members and their families.
 

Good Questions 

The “good” questions are all open-ended questions that invite the 

service member or family member to share either his or her personal 

story about military life or reflections on the service member’s choice to 

serve in the military. 

For a service member 

 Why did you decide to volunteer for military service? 

 Why did you re-enlist? 

 In what capacity do you devote your service? 

Explanation: The U.S. Armed Forces have been all-volunteer since 

1973. Asking these questions (in a neutral tone) allows the service 

member to share a personal story about his or her choice to join 

the military and continue to serve. The third question demonstrates 

knowledge of the fact that military service members fill a wide variety 

of roles, each requiring individual skills and knowledge. 

Bryson Couch, 2-year-old son of 

a Fightertown Marine, looks at a 

photo of his father while sitting 

at home. 

For a service member or spouse

 When did serving become more “who” you are than “what” you are? 

 How has your service shaped your concept of family? 

Explanation: These questions similarly allow the service member and spouse to tell their personal 

stories and explain how military service has shaped their lives. 

For a child of a service member 

 What do you like about growing up in the military? 

Explanation: Contributors shared, “It’s way better than ‘Doesn’t moving around all the time suck?’ and 

it made me feel like the asker was interested in what I had to say instead of insulting the only way of 

life I knew.” 
Awkward Questions 

The “awkward” label is used for questions or statements that demonstrate a lack of understanding of 

military culture, but do not touch on deeply personal subjects like relationship intimacy or experiences 

around death. Awkward questions or statements tend to have underlying assumptions or presumptions 

about military life or culture. It may be easiest to avoid them by asking open-ended questions (e.g., 

who, what, when, where, how). 

Self-reflection is useful before asking personal questions to assess whether a question is based on 

a previously held assumption. During self-reflection, it is important to examine any personal beliefs 

about military life and service, the source of those beliefs, and the completeness and reliability of any 

information and sources. 

For a service member 

 I would have never guessed you were in the military and went to Iraq/Afghanistan. You’re so 

friendly [or cheerful, smart, etc.]. 

Explanation: This assumes that all those who have been deployed are haunted, angry, beat down, 

or suffering from permanent mental conditions. Most service members lose neither their basic 

personalities, nor their sense of humor after serving in a war zone. 

 Aren’t you worried about the exposure to violence that your kids have by you being in the 

military?
 

Explanation: A service member shared, “I think, and obviously [my teenage son] does as well, that this 

exposure—measured and appropriate—is actually good for them. It’s about having a world view rather 

than an insular one.” 

 You were in the Air Force; what type of plane did you fly? 

Explanation: Service members in every branch fill a wide variety of roles, each requiring individual 

skills and knowledge. Instead of assuming the service member was a pilot, ask what the service 

member’s specialty is or was. 

For a service member or spouse 

 Is it really like it is on [insert name of reality TV show]? 

Explanation: No, it is not for the vast majority of military families. 

 Any of the following leading statements before, “But, I totally support the troops. I mean, 

I really do.”
 

 [President X] is/was an idiot. We wasted so much money, and all those people died for 

nothing but oil. 

 I could never do what you did and I would die before I let my kids join the military. 

They’re too smart for the military. 

Explanation: A contributor shared, “‘I support the troops’ becomes a blanket for people to say 

pretty much anything else.” Others shared that actions demonstrating support—such as offering 

transportation assistance or making a casserole for the wife of a deployed husband who has just given 

birth—carry more meaning than the mere statement of “I support the troops.” 

11 A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families 
For a female service member 

Sgt. Guadalupe Rodriquez hands snacks to a family 

waiting to receive medical care during a women’s medical 

engagement held outside Combat Outpost Riley in 

Afghanistan. 

 Were you ever scared you’d be raped 

over there? 

Explanation: This question assumes that all female 

service members will eventually be assaulted when 

deployed to a war zone, which is not supported by 

available facts. As of February 29, 2012, there were 

20,062 deployed female service members (Burrelli, 

2012). In -2011, 42 out of 2,439 unrestricted reports 

of sexual assault in the military were suspected to 

have been committed by a foreign national.3 

 It’s gotta be tough for a female to serve; 

don’t you get intimidated by working around 

all the men? 

Explanation: This makes an inaccurate global 

assumption that there is differential treatment of 

female service members within the military culture 

and structure. Many female service members do 

not feel this way, particularly younger members. 

Additionally, U.S. laws and policies continue to evolve. Current DOD policy provides for limited 

restrictions that prohibit assigning a female service member to any unit whose primary mission is 

direct ground combat. It is not uncommon for female service members assigned to other units to have 

served alongside ground combat unit members in Iraq and Afghanistan. Further modifications to DOD 

policy are currently under review (Burrelli, 2012). 

For any child of a service member

 Where are you from? (Or when the questioner knows the child is in a military family) Where do 

you call home? 

Explanation: A contributor shared, “I am 26 years old and I still don’t know how to answer that 

question. At best, that question requires an answer that is longer than was wanted or at worst made/
 

makes people look at me like I’m a unicorn because I don’t have an answer to a seemingly easy 

question.”
 

 Doesn’t it suck to have to find new friends every time you move? 

Explanation: A contributor shared that asking “What do you like about growing up in the military?” was 

better because it “made me feel like the asker was interested in what I had to say instead of insulting 

the only way of life I knew.” 

12 A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families 

3 The DOD addresses the issue of sexual assault through a variety of policies, programs, research, and activities. Victims have a choice of 

making restricted or unrestricted reports. Restricted reporting allows for confidential medical care and services without initiating an investigation. Unrestricted reporting allows for services and also initiates a criminal investigation. The DOD estimates that there are 19,000 sexual 

assaults in the U.S. military annually, the majority of which are unreported. Of the 3,192 sexual assault reports made in FY 2011, 2,439 

were unrestricted and of those, 42 were suspected to have been committed by a foreign national. U.S. Department of Defense (2012, April). 

Department of Defense annual report on sexual assault in the military: Fiscal year 2011. Retrieved from www.sapr.mil/media/pdf/reports/ 

Department_of_Defense_Fiscal_Year_2011_Annual_Report_on_Sexual_Assault_in_the_Military.pdf. 
Ugly Questions

The following “ugly” questions—all asked of a service member, spouse, or family member—universally 

produce responses of disbelief and many result in less than composed emotional responses from 

military service members and their families. Although some measure of curiosity is natural, it is not 

okay to ask these questions. Avoid these negative reactions from military service members and their 

families by asking a “good” question, offering to provide concrete assistance to the family during or 

immediately after deployment, or simply thanking the service member and his or her family for their 

service. 

For a service member, spouse, or family member 

 All forms of “Did you kill people or see people get killed?” 

Explanation: A service member shared, “Within days of coming home from Afghanistan I was in a 

restaurant at dinner with about 12 folks. The woman seated next to me leaned over and asked, ‘So, 

what was the worst thing you saw while you were there?’” 

Another service member shared, “I’ve been asked ‘How does it feel to be a baby killer?’ And I can 

honestly say that I don’t recall ever killing any babies. Well, baby bugs. And I ran over a baby squirrel 

once. But then my girls started crying so I pulled over and I buried it so they’d calm down.” 

Not all service members engage in direct combat. That said, a war zone is dangerous and injuries and 

deaths occur. Service members receive pre- and post-deployment briefs to help prepare for and cope 

with war zone realities and their transition back to non-war zone life. Their most traumatic experiences 

are deeply personal and not always shared with their own loved ones, which means that they are not 

appropriate topics for casual discussion with curious friends, service providers, or strangers. 

 The child of a service member shared, “It’s a tie between ‘Did your Dad kill people?’
 

or ‘Are you scared your Dad is going to die?’”
 

Explanation: The contributor shared, “To the first one, not only do I not know the answer to that 

question, but I do not want to know, and he’s still my Daddy. To the second one, yes, I am. Since the 

age of three I have been exceedingly aware of what deployments and war are and that Daddy may not 

be coming back, but I’m not about to divulge that information to a person who just asked me about it 

like that.” 

 All forms of “How can you leave your children?” 

 To a female service member, “So, if you deployed, who stayed with your daughter?” 

 To a male service member, “How can you leave your wife alone with a one-year old child?” 

 To any service member, “How could you leave your baby behind? I try to think of leaving my 

babies, and I just couldn’t do it.” 

Explanation: Parents typically do not like leaving their children for extended periods. Service members 

are no different from other parents in that regard. Nevertheless, they are keenly aware that their 

voluntary service means the possibility of deployment, which necessitates leaving their families outside 

of the war zone. All service members must have a family plan that indicates their plans for child care 

in case of deployment, and military leaders typically encourage service members to communicate 

regularly with their families about both expected and unexpected changes and adjustments before and 

after deployment. 

13 A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families 
14 A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families 

 All suggestions of cheating or impropriety: For example, a female service member was asked, 

“Do you really believe that your husband remains faithful to you while on deployment?” 

Explanation: It is generally inappropriate to suggest that infidelity is present in someone else’s 

marriage or relationship without a factual basis. This holds true for military service members, 

notwithstanding that divorce rates within the military are higher than the national average. The 

preparation for, separation during, and readjustment following deployments place stress on marital and 

family relationships. For this reason, healthy relationship skills are important to help couples manage 

this stress in healthy ways that build on existing family strengths. 

 All suggestions that the service member can choose which war(s) to fight: “Do you think what 

you’re going over there to do is worth it?” 

Explanation: All members of the Armed Forces volunteer for service and serve at the pleasure of the 

President. The service members’ personal or political views do not have any bearing on their duties. 

This type of question places service members in the uncomfortable position of having to state whether 

their personal views conflict with their professional obligations. 

More Facts, Statistics, and Resources 

Demographics 2010: Profile of the Military Community (Report) 

KWWSZZZPLOLWDU\RQHVRXUFHPLO0265HSRUWVB'HPRJUDSKLFVB5HSRUWSGI

Marriage and Divorce in the National Guard and Reserves (Research Brief) 

tinyurl.com/marriage-divorce-ntl-guard. 

Air National Guard (Fact Sheet) 

www.af.mil/information/factsheets/factsheet.asp?id=160. 

About the Department of Defense (DOD) 

www.defense.gov/about/. 
A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families

Chapter 2: Building Interagency Relationships with Other 

Stakeholders Serving Military Service Members and 

Their Families 

This chapter is designed to help build and strengthen interagency relationships and better connect 

services with existing resources for military families. When agencies purposely work together, their 

collective impact is often greater than the impact of any single agency and that of agencies operating 

in silos. By working together, agencies can pool talents and resources and streamline service delivery 

to military service members and their families. 

The Military Resource Framework 

Developing and sustaining interagency relationships with other service organizations within the 

existing military resource framework is encouraged. Joining a coordinated network of service providers 

that already has established protocols for continuous communication and conflict negotiation allows an 

agency to model the core elements of healthy marriages and relationships at a systems-level. 

This section highlights community-based efforts that are coordinated nationally and affiliated with 

the DOD or the White House. They represent efforts within the existing military resource framework 

that have established protocols for selection and coordination. Coordination is important because 

it (1) complements rather than re-creates or duplicates existing services and resources and (2) 

parallels healthy relationships at the systems level by taking advantage of established protocols for 

communication and coordination. Integrating your service delivery into the existing military resource 

framework also benefits military service members and families because it maximizes and streamlines 

their access to available services through known channels. 

Military and White House Initiatives to Coordinate CommunityBased Assistance 

The White House has made supporting military service members and their families a top national 

security priority. As a result, there are several coordinated national efforts to meet family member 

needs at the community level. The sites listed below provide more information on these efforts and 

how to join them.
 

 The National Guard and Reserve’s Beyond the Yellow Ribbon program sponsors Yellow Ribbon 

communities, which are comprehensive networks that connect and coordinate agencies, 

organizations, resources, and employers to support service members and military families. 

To become a Yellow Ribbon Community, a community must develop a sustainable action plan 

demonstrating its commitment to service members and military families. These communities 

primarily service National Guard and Reserve members and families. More information can be 

found at www.btyr.org/. 

 The DOD has established criteria for support organizations that serve active duty members 

and families. The www.ourmilitary.mil website (listed by category of assistance) is managed 

by the DOD Office of Community and Public Outreach. These organizations can be found at 

www.ourmilitary.mil/resources/community-support-for-our-military/. 

 The Joining Community Forces Initiative seeks to develop and strengthen family assistance and 

raise awareness of military and civilian support networks in local communities. Information on 

the initiative can be found at www.jointservicessupport.org/communityforces/. 

15 
16 A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families

The Joining Community Forces Initiative 

Joining Community Forces (formerly known as Inter-Service Family Assistance Committees) expands 

on First Lady Michelle Obama’s and Dr. Jill Biden’s Joining Forces campaign. This initiative focuses 

attention on local and community efforts to support service members, military families, and veterans. 

With the help of the DOD; other Federal, State and Local agencies; and non-profit entities, Joining 

Community Forces: 

 Fosters a sustainable network of

local support;
 

 Facilitates government, non-government, non-profit, and corporate partnerships;

 Leverages state-generated content, best practices, and training; and

 Guides community leaders and local commanders towards establishing and sustaining their

own Community Forces (Joint Services Support, 2012). 

More information can be found at www.whitehouse.gov/joiningforces. 

First grade teacher Beth Kocis briefs students and accompanying 

parents before traveling to place yellow ribbons at the homes of 

Soldiers deployed with the North Dakota Army National Guard’s 

KFOR-12 contingent. 

Resource for Military Children

and Local Educators 

MilitaryKidsConnect, at www. 

militarykidsconnect.org/, is an online community 

of military children (ages 6 to 17 years old) that 

provides access to age-appropriate resources 

to support children from pre-deployment 

through a parent’s or caregiver’s return. The 

website has a special page for educators. 

I will ensure that the commitments, partnerships, and resources endure well after the guns are 

silenced and our service members come home. 

– President Barack Obama
Chapter 3: Integrating Healthy Marriage and Relationship 

Education into Services for Military Service Members and

Their Families 

17 A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families 

This chapter provides information about the role 

that core marriage and relationship skills play in 

work, school, family, and military environments. 

It also explains different strategies for integrating 

healthy marriage and relationship skills into existing 

service delivery systems for military families. 

Healthy Marriage and

Relationship Education 

Healthy marriage and relationship education 

Statistics tell us that children from two parent 

families are less likely to end up in poverty, 

drop out of school, become addicted to drugs, 

have a child out of wedlock, suffer abuse 

or become a violent criminal and end up in 

prison. Building and preserving families are 

not always possible, I recognize that. But they 

should always be our goal. 

– President George W. Bush 

teaches core relationship skills to individuals (such as youth) or couples, on a voluntary basis, to help 

them attain, maintain, or strengthen a healthy marriage or committed relationship. It often occurs in 

a group setting and is not meant to be therapy or clinical treatment for couples already experiencing 

serious issues. 

A couple’s relationship health can ebb and flow based on life circumstances, and it can change over 

time. Based on an extensive literature review, Child Trends identified the following as core constructs 

of a healthy marriage (Anderson et al., 2004): 

 Commitment to each other and 

 any children 

 Satisfaction 

 Communication 

 Confl ict resolution 

 Lack of domestic violence 

 Fidelity 

 Quality interaction/time together 

 Intimacy/emotional support 

 Duration/legal marital status 

A healthy marriage is not based on socioeconomic status, employment status, or 

family characteristics. 

Research shows that an unhealthy marriage can negatively impact the couple’s physical and mental 

health, job functioning, and parenting, as well as their child’s social and cognitive skills and educational 

achievement (Anderson et al., 2004). 

Given the potential impacts of a healthy marriage on family safety and stability, employment, and selfsufficiency, there has been national interest in integrating healthy marriage and relationship education 

into service delivery systems to benefit families, employers, and national welfare. 

Army Sergeant First Class Charles McElveen and his wife Luticia work 

together on an exercise during an Army-sponsored Strong Bonds 

relationship workshop. Focusing on conflict resolution techniques 

and other methods of strengthening relationships between spouses. 
18 A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families 

Integration Tips for Safety-Net Service Providers 

Healthy marriage and relationship education skills can be integrated in different ways based on local 

strengths, needs, and capacity. The National Resource Center for Healthy Marriage and Families has 

created a Levels of Integration concept to visualize levels along a continuum of integration efforts. 

Levels of Integration 

Level 1- Basic Engagement 

Sharing facts about the importance of healthy marriage and relationship skills is a good starting 

point for basic engagement of military service members and families, community members, and 

other stakeholders. Basic engagement strategies can include distributing tip sheets throughout the 

community, such as at family resource centers, military housing offices, or hospitals. 

Level 2 - Partnerships 

Engaging community members and other stakeholders also helps agencies reach the next level of 

integration–partnerships. Developing partnerships with providers within the community and the military 

resource framework is a great way to pool resources and expertise for the benefit of military families. 

All partners should share a common vision of promoting healthy marriage and relationships, which 

may require educating other stakeholders about the positive impacts of a healthy marriage on family 

safety and stability, employment, and self-suffi ciency. 

Through partnerships, agencies can identify resources and experts on various components of healthy 

relationship skills—such as communication, conflict resolution, parenting, and fi nancial capability—and 

collectively integrate the components into a group workshop or class for military service members 

and families. The National Resource Center for Health Marriage and Families provides more tips and 

tools on developing partnerships to promote healthy marriage and relationship education, including a 

collaboration assessment and partnership agreement template, at www.HealthyMarriageandFamilies. 

org/partnerships. 
Level 3 – Full Integration 

Most military installations offer healthy marriage and relationship education courses, workshops, 

or retreats to military service members, but the offerings vary by installation. For example, not all 

installations offer healthy marriage and relationship skills education to single or co-parenting service 

members. Additionally, many military service members and families do not live near a military 

installation; this is especially true for National Guard and Reserve members. Thus, stakeholders in 

communities throughout the country can help strengthen military families’ health and well-being by fully 

integrating healthy marriage and relationship education into existing social service delivery systems 

that also serve military families. All service providers should be trained or cross-trained so they are 

prepared to discuss and teach core skills (e.g., communication, conflict resolution, parenting, and 

financial management) as an interwoven part of service delivery. Well-established partners can help 

effectively integrate healthy marriage and relationship education into service-delivery systems by 

providing training, tips, and other resources. State, Local, and Tribal stakeholders should contact the 

National Resource Center for Healthy Marriage and Families at www.HealthyMarriageandFamilies.org 

for assistance. 

Integration Resources 

The following section includes tip sheets for distribution, practical information about incorporating 

family safety protocols, resource links to help identify existing healthy marriage education providers 

and marital counselors that may serve as potential partners or accept referrals to provide services to 

military service members and families, and resource links to help agencies develop their own healthy 

marriage or relationship education programs.
 

Practical Tips for Healthy Couple, Co-Parenting, and Marital Relationships 

Below are links to tip sheet samples that were created for marriage and relationship education 

professionals, but are useful to safety-net service providers for basic engagement. They include 

practical tips that anyone can apply to strengthen an intimate or 

co-parenting relationship.
 

 Why Trust Matters (Tip Sheet) 

tinyurl.com/why-trust-matters. 

 Why Forgiveness Matters (Tip Sheet) 

tinyurl.com/why-forgiveness-matters. 

 Why Commitment Matters (Tip Sheet) 

tinyurl.com/why-commitment-matters. 

 Strategies for Couples Dealing with Financial

Strain (Tip Sheet) 

tinyurl.com/strategies-financial-strain. 

Capt. Spencer Crandall and his wife Kristen say their vows to 

each other again during a marriage retreat in Charlotte, NC. 

19 A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families 
20 A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families 

Long Distance Relationships and the

Home and Away Series by Ohio State 

University Extension 

The resources listed below are part of a series specially 

developed by Ohio State University Extension to 

strengthen couple and family relationships when one 

partner’s job takes him or her away from home. All or part 

of the fact sheets may be copied without permission for 

educational or non-profit purposes, with credit given to 

Ohio State University Extension. 

 Long Distance Relationships (Fact Sheet)

ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/5000/pdf/Long_Distance_ 

Relationships.pdf. 

 Making the Most of Your “Home Time” (Fact Sheet)

ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/5000/pdf/Home_Time. 

pdf. 

 Keeping the Romance Alive (Worksheet)

ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/5000/ha_3.html. 

 Roles and Responsibilities: Who Does Them When You Are Gone? (Worksheet)

ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/5000/5190.html. 

 Strategies for Staying in Touch (Fact Sheet)

A deployed paratrooper with 1st Brigade, 82nd 

Airborne Division, uses an online video chat 

program to talk with his wife and children back at 

Fort Bragg, NC., during the Christmas holidays. 

Many service members use chat programs, such 

as Skype, to stay connected with their families. 

ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/5000/pdf/Strategies_Staying_in_Touch.pdf. 

Safety First: What to Do if You Suspect Intimate Partner Violence or 

Child Maltreatment 

Healthy marriage and relationship education is part of a holistic, preventive approach to strengthening 

families; it is not a safety intervention and it is not about forcing couples to stay in unhealthy or abusive 

relationships. For couples who are experiencing high physical or emotional confl ict, particularly 

based on power and control dynamics, healthy marriage and relationship education may not be 

an appropriate or timely resource. The sites listed below can help providers locate local marriage 

therapists for couples who are interested in repairing a high conflict relationship or seek assistance for 

suspected intimate partner violence or child maltreatment. 

Most safety-net service providers have protocols for reporting suspected violence or child 

maltreatment. All staff should be trained to follow those protocols. Below are some additional 

resources that may be helpful.
 

For Intimate Partner Violence. 

 Local domestic violence shelters or the National Domestic Violence hotline at 800-799-SAFE

(7233) can help providers that suspect intimate partner violence. Visit www.thehotline.org/

for more information. In 2011, the DOD established a confidential hotline for victims of sexual 

assault at 877-995-5247. Victims can also visit www.safehelpline.org. 
For Child Abuse or Neglect. 

Child Welfare Information Gateway can help with suspected child maltreatment. This website, at 

www.childwelfare.gov/responding/how.cfm, has national crisis hotline information and links to State 

reporting phone numbers and other resources. Child Welfare Information Gateway is a service of the 

Children’s Bureau, Administration for Children and Families, U.S. Department of Health and Human 

Services. 

 Agencies near a military installation should also contact their local Family Advocacy Program.

All providers subject to DOD policy must report child maltreatment to the military installation’s 

Family Advocacy Program. MilitaryHOMEFRONT’s child abuse page, at www.militaryhomefront. 

dod.mil/tf/childabuse, has more information and provides links to local advocacy programs. 

Referrals to Existing Providers 

Another way to strengthen military couples is by partnering 

with a community-based healthy marriage program or a 

counseling service whose providers understand military 

stressors, such as deployment. 

 Real Warriors’ Marital Counseling page provides

information on military counseling and healthy 

marriage programs, at www.realwarriors.net/family/

care/maritalcounseling.php.

 The National Extension Relationship and Marriage

Education Network (part of the Cooperative 

Extension system) provides information on local 

contacts for civilian healthy marriage programs, at 

www.nermen.org/stateinit.php. For couples who 

either cannot access military services or feel more 

comfortable using a civilian provider, local marriage 

and family therapists can be identifi ed via 

www.therapistlocator.net. Pfc. Michael Catlin and Pfc. Sara Catlin, 

deployed five months apart of each other but 

completed their tour together with Division 

Special Troops Battalion, 10th Mountain 

Division. 

Program Development and Curriculum Considerations 

When there are no healthy marriage programs in a community or the existing programs are not 

tailored to meet the needs of military service members and their families, service providers should 

consider pooling community and military resources to develop a program or partnering with 

organizations that have expertise in teaching one or more of the core healthy marriage constructs and 

understand military structure and culture. Free and low-cost curricula are also available that can be 

adapted to meet service members’ and families’ needs. 

There are many other considerations involved in program planning, development, and 

implementation that cannot fully be covered in this guide. The National Resource Center for Healthy 

Marriage and Families website contains lots of helpful tips and tools on full integration and program 

development at www.HealthyMarriageandFamilies.org/program-development. 

21 A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families 
Conclusion 

22 A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families 

The three-stage process outlined in this guide is designed to assist efforts to integrate healthy 

marriage and relationship education into existing service delivery systems for military service 

members and their families. Understanding military life and cultural nuances are the foundation for 

developing interpersonal relationships with military service and family members. Interagency 

relationships create synergy for the integration of healthy marriage and relationship education at the 

community level and help establish a common vision of the benefits of healthy marriage and 

relationship education. 

Integration efforts can be simple, through steps such as distributing brochures. Gaining community 

support and nurturing partner relationships may lead to a service delivery system that can support 

the full integration of healthy marriage and relationship education through workshops and classes. 

As providers become more aware of the benefits of healthy marriage education skills, they can 

better identify appropriate opportunities to discuss and teach healthy relationship skills such as 

communication, conflict resolution, parenting, and fi nancial capability. 
Resources

Federal and Federally Sponsored Resources 

National Resource Center for Healthy Marriage and Families 

The National Resource Center for Healthy Marriage and Families is a service of the Office of Family 

Assistance, Administration for Children and Families, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 

which offers a variety of tools and resources designed to educate interested stakeholders in the 

benefits of integrating healthy marriage education into existing social service systems. The Resource 

Center also provides a range of training, services, and support to interested State, Local, and Tribal 

government agencies as they work to integrate these healthy marriage and relationship skills into their 

existing services in order to best support the families in their communities. 

www.HealthyMarriageandFamilies.org/

Military Homefront–Resources for Service Providers 

This DOD-sponsored site offers information about existing military support services for major stressors 

that impact military couples, including financial management, the exceptional family member program, 

new parent support, and deployment support. 

www.militaryhomefront.dod.mil/sp 

Military Homefront–Deployment Guide 

This is a comprehensive preparation guide for service members and their families, whether the service 

member is deploying as active duty, National Guard and Reserves, or an Individual Augment.

 www.militaryhomefront.dod.mil/sp/deploymentreadiness 

Military OneSource 

Military OneSource is a free service provided by the DOD to service members and their families 

to help with a broad range of concerns including money management, spouse employment and 

education, parenting and child care, relocation, deployment, reunion, and the particular concerns of 

families with special-needs members. It also includes more complex issues like relationships, stress, 

and grief. Services are available 24 hours a day by telephone and online. 

www.militaryonesource.mil 

Joining Community Forces’ ISFAC Guide 

This guide has all the information and tools needed to establish a valid, effective Community Force, 

including templates for charters, a sample memorandum, communication guidance, and more. 

www.jointservicessupport.org/communityforces/documents/ISFAC.pdf 

23 A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families 
24 A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families 

Joining Community Forces’ Commander’s Guide(s) 

This guide can help generate a Commander’s Family Support Communication Plan and Toolkit 

(designed for Commanders and State Leadership). 

www.jointservicessupport.org/communityforces/documents/ISFAC-commander.pdf 

America’s Heroes at Work 

A Department of Labor program that addresses the employment challenges of returning service 

members and veterans living with Traumatic Brain Injury and/or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. 

www.americasheroesatwork.gov 

U.S. Department of Agriculture 

The U.S. Department of Agriculture’s website has information and pre-screening tools for military 

families for food programs, including SNAP and WIC. 

www.fns.usda.gov/outreach/getinvolved/military.htm 

Service-Specific Family Resources 

Air Force - Combat Support and Community Service 

www.usafservices.com 

Army One Source 

www.myarmyonesource.com 

Coast Guard – Office of Work-Life 

www.uscg.mil/worklife 

Marine Corps Community Services 

www.usmc-mccs.org 

National Guard Bureau Joint Services Support Gateway 

www.jointservicessupport.org 

Navy Fleet and Family Support 

www.ffsp.navy.mil 
Non-Profi t Resources 

National Military Family Association’s Finding Common Ground: A Toolkit 

for Communities Supporting Military (Toolkit) 

www.militaryfamily.org/publications/community-toolkit/ 

Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) 

Toll free number: 1-800-959-TAPS (8277) 

www.taps.org/ 

Operation Homefront 

Provides emergency financial and other assistance to the families of service members and wounded 

warriors. 

www.operationhomefront.net/

25 A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families 
References 

26 A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families 

Anderson Moore, K., Jekielek, S. M., Bronte-Tinkew, J., Guzman, L., Ryan, S., & Redd, Z. 

(September 2004). What is “healthy marriage”? Defining the concept (Research Brief No 2004-

16). Retrieved from www.childtrends.org/Files/CT_HealthyMarriage.pdf.

Burrelli, D. F. (April 2012). Women in combat: Issues for Congress (CRS Report No. R42075). 

Washington, DC: Government Printing Office. 

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Health Statistics. (2012). Marriage 

and divorce. FastStats. Retrieved from www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/divorce.htm.

Joint Services Support (2012). Joining Community Forces – About the initiative. Retrieved from 

www.jointservicessupport.org/communityforces/About.aspx 

Lofquist, D., Lugaila, T., O’Connell, M., & Feliz, S. (April 2012). Households and families: 2010 

(Census Brief C2101BR-14). Retrieved from www.census.gov/prod/cen2010/briefs/c2010br-14. 

pdf.

Minnesota National Guard. (2012). Last Lecture–Army Style [Video, 26 min.]. Retrieved from 

www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCIEXOkr-Iw. 

Taylor, P. (Ed.). (2011). War and sacrifice in the post-9/11 era: The military-civilian gap. Retrieved from

www.pewsocialtrends.org/fi les/2011/10/veterans-report.pdf.

U.S. Department of Defense. (April 2012). Department of Defense annual report on sexual assault in

the military: Fiscal year 2011. Retrieved from www.sapr.mil/media/pdf/reports/Department_of_ 

Defense_Fiscal_Year_2011_Annual_Report_on_Sexual_Assault_in_the_Military.pdf.

U.S. Department of Defense, Office of the Deputy Under Secretary of Defense (Military Community 

and Family Policy) & ICF International (2011). Demographics 2010: Profile of the military 

community. Retrieved from http://www.militaryonesource.mil/12038/MOS/Reports/2010_ 

Demographics_Report.pdf. 

The White House, Interagency Policy Committee. (January 2011). Strengthening our military families:

Meeting America’s commitment (Presidential Study Directive-9 [PSD-9]). Retrieved from www. 

whitehouse.gov/sites/default/files/rss_viewer/strengthening_our_military_families_meeting_ 

americas_commitment_january_2011.pdf.

The White House, Joining Forces. (2011). Children of the Deployed [Video, 6 mins]. Retrieved 

from www.youtube.com//watch?v=U0y-RxWzGt0 and http://www.youtube.com/user/ 

CommandMediaCorp.
Authors 

This guide was prepared by the National Resource Center for Healthy Marriages and Families. 

Acknowledgments 

This guide would not have been possible without the generous contributions of service members, 

military spouses and family members, and civilian supporters. In particular, many individuals shared 

their personal experiences for What to Ask and What Not to Ask: A Guide to Good, Awkward, and 

Ugly Questions When Talking with Military Members and Their Families about Their Service in 

Chapter 1. Contributors include Sergeant Amber Blanchard, U.S. Marine Corps; Bekah Clark; Senior 

Master Sergeant Tyler Foster, U.S. Air Force; Lieutenant Colonel Cliff W. Gilmore, U.S. Marine Corps; 

Lieutenant Colonel Jas Logue, Australian Army; Gunnery Sergeant Angela Mink, U.S. Marine Corps; 

Senior Master Sergeant Charles Ramey, U.S. Air Force (Ret.); Anup Samanta; Master Sergeant Jason 

Tudor, U.S. Air Force (Ret.); Lieutenant Colonel Mark Weber, Minnesota National Guard; and Tech 

Sergeant Julie Weckerlein, U.S. Air Force Reserve. 

Photo Credits 

Cover Photos 

1 

2 

3 

4 

5 

6 

1. Photo by Mass Communication Specialist 2nd Class Rosalie Garcia

(5/23/12).

Logistics Specialist 2nd Class Roel Lunod, of the guided-missile cruiser

USS Bunker Hill (CG 52), receives the first hug from his daughter during

a homecoming celebration at Naval Base San Diego.

2. Photo by Staff Sgt. Lakisha Croley (3/11/10).

U.S. Air Force Capts. Regina and Jared Wall, C-130 pilots with the 39th

Airlift Squadron at Dyess Air Force Base, TX, served on their second

deployment together with the 737th Expeditionary Airlift Squadron at an

air base in Southwest Asia.

3. U.S. Coast Guard photo by Petty Officer 2nd Class Michael Anderson

(1/23/10).

A Clearwater, FL, based Port Security Unit 307 member embraces his

child after returning home from an extended deployment to the Middle

East. While deployed, PSU 307 members provided harbor defense

and security to ports, seaward approaches, and waterways within U.S.

Central Command’s area.

4. Photo by Staff Sgt. Rob Strain (11/3/08).

Spc. Joshua Gillard, a truck driver with the 418th Transportation Company, 180th Transportation

Battalion, 15th Sustainment Brigade, hugs his wife C’alace and daughter Jordan at the Kieschnick

Physical Fitness Center on Fort Hood. About 200 Soldiers from the 13th Sustainment Command

(Expeditionary) returned home during the ceremony.

5. Photo by Cpl. Jennifer Pirante (2/27/12).

Sgt. Lindsey Sine, supply administration and operations specialist with I Marine Expeditionary

Force (Forward), holds her daughter, February 27, 2012, as approximately 150 Marines and

sailors prepare to deploy to Afghanistan. Family members and friends gathered to say goodbye to

the Marines and sailors who would be forward deployed for approximately one year.

27 A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families 
28 A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families 

6. Photo by Sgt. Shejal Pulivarti (5/22/11). 

The Joint Service Color Guard presents the Colors at the opening ceremony of the 2011 Joint 

Services Open House held on Joint Base Andrews, MD. The Color Guard was comprised of all 

five branches of the military. 

Page 3: Photo by Sgt. 1st Class Matthew Meadows (8/16/08). 

Lt. Col. Nathan Blood, brigade effects coordinator for 4th Brigade Combat Team, 10th 

Mountain Division (Light), Multi-National Division – Baghdad, shares a high-five with his 

16-month-old daughter, Mackenzie, during a web camera communication. Blood was highfiving Mackenzie from the forward operating base and she returned it from Fort Polk, LA. 

Page 5	 Photo by Staff Sgt. Joseph Rivera-Rebolledo (1/13/12). 

Spc. Orlando De Jesus, of the Puerto Rico Army National Guard 130th Engineer Battalion, 

reads the banner prepared by his children at the Luis Muñoz Marin International Airport 

in San Juan, Puerto Rico, on January 13, 2012 after returning home from his tour in 

Afghanistan. De Jesus is one of the many members of the PRANG who has served during 

Operation Iraqi Freedom and Operation Enduring Freedom. De Jesus returned from his 

tour in Afghanistan to reunite with his family. The banner reads: “Welcome home Dad, you 

are our hero.” 

Page 7:	 Photo by Mass Communication Specialist 2nd Class Justin Smelley (11/19/12). 

Lt. Cmdr. Chris Singletary, assigned to the Chargers of Helicopter Anti-Submarine 

Squadron (HS) 14, walks with his son on the flight line during a homecoming celebration. 

HS-14 completed a deployment aboard the aircraft carrier USS George Washington 

(CVN 73). 

Page 8: 65th Public Affairs Operations Center, Massachusetts National Guard (3/30/10). 

Soldiers from the 772nd Miitary Police Company based in Taunton swiftly construct a 

barrier out of sandbags on Narrows Road in Freetown, MA to prevent flood waters from 

damaging the houses of local residents, March 30, 2012. A bridge on Narrows Road was 

severely damaged and rendered impassible by the swift moving waters. 

Page 8:	 Photo by 1st Lt. John Shaff (11/3/12). 

Caleb Riley (left), 11, son of Capt. Ian Riley, and Mark Beals, 10, son of Maj. Mark Beals, 

play a board game called “Deployment” during Camp Arrowhead at the North Fort Chapel, 

Joint Base Lewis-McChord, November 3, 2012. Camp Arrowhead was designed to provide 

the kids of the Arrowhead Brigade with tools and friendships to assist with adjusting to the 

return of their parent from deployment. 

Page 9: Video by Sgt. John Angelo and Staff Sgt. Ben Houtkooper. (6/19/12). 

In spite of his battle with stage four cancer, Lt. Col. Mark Weber of the Minnesota National 

Guard delivers a powerful Army Birthday address at the Minnesota History Center in Saint 

Paul June 14, 2012. Weber and his son also sing the Civil War era song “Tell My Father” in 

honor of Father’s Day. 

Page 10:	 Photo by Lance Cpl. Courtney White (10/13/10). 

Bryson Couch, 2-year-old son of a Fightertown Marine, looks at a photo of his father while 

sitting at home. 

Page 12:	 Photo by Cpl. Megan Sindelar (7/10/10). 

Sgt. Guadalupe Rodriquez hands snacks to a family waiting to receive medical care 

during a women’s medical engagement held outside Combat Outpost Riley, July 10, 2010. 

Rodriquez is assigned to the female engagement team, Regimental Combat Team 7. This 

is her second deployment, first to Afghanistan. Rodriquez, 29, is from Sells, AZ. 
Page 16:	 Photo by Bill Prokopyk (10/9/09). 

Centennial first grade teacher Beth Kocis briefs students and accompanying parents 

before traveling to seven homes in Bismarck to place yellow ribbons at the homes of 

Soldiers deployed with the North Dakota Army National Guard’s KFOR-12 contingent. 

Page 17: Photo by Staff Sgt. Ben Navratil (4/21/12). 

Sgt. 1st Class Charles McElveen and his wife Luticia work together on a exercise during 

an Army-sponsored Strong Bonds relationship workshop at the Opryland Hotel on April 

21, 2012. The workshop was a chance to work on conflict resolution techniques and other 

methods of strengthening relationships between spouses. 

Page 19:	 Photo by Airman 1st Class Krystal Jeffers (9/23/12). 

Capt. Spencer Crandall, currently assigned to U.S. Air Forces Central, and his wife Kristen

say their vows to each other again during a marriage retreat in Charlotte, NC, September 

23, 2012. During the 3-day retreat, the chaplain who led the event broke down the 

meaning of different lines of their vows and what those lines meant to each other. 

Page 20:	 Photo by Sgt. Mike MacLeod (12/28/09). 

A paratrooper with 1st Brigade, 82nd Airborne Division (Advise and Assist Brigade), 

deployed in Iraq since August 2009, uses an online video chat program to talk with his 

wife and children back at Fort Bragg, NC, during the Christmas holidays, 2009. Operation

Homelink, a nonprofit organization that works with corporate donors to link families 

and their deployed soldiers with computers, partnered with Dell Computer to donate 75 

computers to families of 1/82 AAB paratroopers prior to its deployment. 

Page 21: Photo by Staff Sgt. Michel Sauret (12/5/08). 

Pfc. Michael Catlin and Pfc. Sara Catlin, deployed five months apart of each other but 

completed their tour together with Division Special Troops Battalion, 10th Mountain 

Division. 

29 A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families 
30 A Support and Resource Guide for Working With Military Families

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Funding for this project was provided by the United 

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90FH0002. Any opinions, findings, and conclusions 

or recommendations expressed in this material 

are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily 

reflect the views of the United States Department 

of Health and Human Services, Administration for 

Children and Families.