Talking to Children about the Shooting 

National Child Traumatic Stress Network

www.NCTSN.org

Talking to Children about the Shooting 

 

The recent shooting has evoked many emotions—sadness, grief, helplessness, anxiety, and anger.

Children who are struggling with their thoughts and feelings about the stories and images of the

shooting may turn to trusted adults for help and guidance.

• Start the conversation. Talk about the shooting with your child. Not talking about it can make

the event even more threatening in your child’s mind. Silence suggests that what has 

occurred is too horrible even to speak about or that you do not know what has happened. 

With social media (e.g., Facebook, Twitter, text messages, newsbreaks on favorite radio and 

TV stations, and others), it is highly unlikely that children and teenagers have not heard 

about this. Chances are your child has heard about it, too.

• What does your child already know? Start by asking what your child/teen already has heard 

about the events from the media and from friends. Listen carefully; try to figure out what he 

or she knows or believes. As your child explains, listen for misinformation, misconceptions,

and underlying fears or concerns. Understand that this information will change as more facts 

about the shooting are known. 

• Gently correct inaccurate information. If your child/teen has inaccurate information or 

misconceptions, take time to provide the correct information in simple, clear, ageappropriate language. 

 

• Encourage your child to ask questions, and answer those questions directly. Your child/teen

may have some difficult questions about the incident. For example, she may ask if it is 

possible that it could happen at your workplace; she is probably really asking whether it is 

“likely.” The concern about re-occurrence will be an issue for caregivers and children/teens 

alike. While it is important to discuss the likelihood of this risk, she is also asking if she is 

safe. This may be a time to review plans your family has for keeping safe in the event of any

crisis situation. Do give any information you have on the help and support the victims and 

their families are receiving. Like adults, children/teens are better able to cope with a difficult 

situation when they have the facts about it. Having question-and-answer talks gives your 

child ongoing support as he or she begins to cope with the range of emotions stirred up by 

this tragedy.

• Limit media exposure. Limit your child’s exposure to media images and sounds of the 

shooting, and do not allow your very young children to see or hear any TV/radio shootingrelated messages. Even if they appear to be engrossed in play, children often are aware of 

what you are watching on TV or listening to on the radio. What may not be upsetting to an 

adult may be very upsetting and confusing for a child. Limit your own exposure as well. Adults

may become more distressed with nonstop exposure to media coverage of this shooting. 

• Common reactions. Children/Teens may have reactions to this tragedy. In the immediate 

aftermath of the shooting, they may have more problems paying attention and concentrating. 
Talking to Children about the Shooting 

National Child Traumatic Stress Network

www.NCTSN.org

They may become more irritable or defiant. Children and even teens may have trouble

separating from caregivers, wanting to stay at home or close by them. It’s common for young 

people to feel anxious about what has happened, what may happen in the future, and how it

will impact their lives. Children/Teens may think about this event, even when they try not to. 

Their sleep and appetite routines may change. In general, you should see these reactions 

lessen within a few weeks. 

• Be a positive role model. Consider sharing your feelings about the events with your 

child/teen, but at a level they can understand. You may express sadness and empathy for 

the victims and their families. You may share some worry, but it is important to also share 

ideas for coping with difficult situations like this tragedy. When you speak of the quick 

response by law enforcement and medical personnel to help the victims (and the heroic or 

generous efforts of ordinary citizens), you help your child/teen see that there can be good, 

even in the mist of such a horrific event. 

• Be patient. In times of stress, children/teens may have trouble with their behavior, 

concentration, and attention. While they may not openly ask for your guidance or support, 

they will want it. Adolescents who are seeking increased independence may have difficulty

expressing their needs. Both children and teens will need a little extra patience, care, and 

love. (Be patient with yourself, too!).

• Extra help. Should reactions continue or at any point interfere with your children’s/teens’ 

abilities to function or if you are worried, contact local mental health professionals who have 

expertise in trauma. Contact your family physician, pediatrician, or state mental health 

associations for referrals to such experts.