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FACTSHEETS FOR FAMILIES | FEBRUARY 2020

Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov

Adoption: Considering Your 

Options and Making a Plan

WHAT'S INSIDE

Taking care of yourself

Understanding adoption

If you're an expectant parent experiencing an 

unplanned pregnancy or if you're wondering 

if adoption is best for your child, carefully 

exploring your options can make difficult 

decisions feel less complicated. If adoption 

may be the right choice, making an adoption 

plan can lead you through the process and 

help clarify your decisions. An adoption plan 

is not an official document; rather, it is a 

process developed with the assistance of an 

adoption professional. Among other decisions, 

it can help you determine your preferences 

regarding the adoptive family and the type 

and level of postadoption contact with the 

child (for example, letters, emails, phone calls, 

or personal visits). 

Considering your options

Making an adoption plan

Conclusion

Taking care of yourself

Resources for more information
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 2

This factsheet provides information and 

guidance for exploring your parenting and 

adoption options and about making an 

adoption plan. It points to resources that may 

help you come to a choice that feels best for 

you and your child. Others who are affected 

by adoption decisions, such as your relatives, 

also may find this factsheet useful for 

answering some of their important questions. 

In addition to resources highlighted 

throughout this factsheet, a list of blogs and 

websites with more information is provided 

after the conclusion. 

UNDERSTANDING ADOPTION

Adoption is a process—with legal, social, and 

emotional aspects—in which children who will 

not be raised by their birth parents become 

permanent legal members of another family. 

There is no one right course for adoption. 

Understanding it—including why others 

choose adoption or not and its long-term 

effects—may help you figure out what's best 

for you and your child.

What is the impact of the adoption decision?

Adoption is more than a one-time legal event. 

It is a lifelong process with long-term effects 

for everyone involved. This group—sometimes 

called the "adoption constellation"—includes 

your child, you, the other birth parent, and 

the adoptive family. It also may include aunts, 

uncles, grandparents, and other extended 

family members. After an adoption is legally 

finalized, it is permanent, and it will 

significantly change your relationship with 

your child. The adoptive parents will raise 

your child and have full legal rights and 

responsibilities as the child's parents. Some 

birth parents who choose adoption have 

positive experiences and are happy with their 

decision. While experiences differ, many birth 

parents encounter feelings of loss, grief, and 

guilt. These feelings are natural and may later 

affect birth parents' lives and relationships. In 

either case, being fully informed when making 

a decision to relinquish or parent your child 

may result in higher levels of satisfaction with 

the decision. For more information, visit Child 

Welfare Information Gateway's Lifelong 

Impact of Adoption webpage (https://www.

childwelfare.gov/topics/adoption/adoptpeople/impact/) and see the Impact of 

Adoption factsheet (https://www.childwelfare.

gov/pubs/factsheets-familiesadoptionimpact/). Although that factsheet is 

written for members of the adoption 

constellation, expectant parents or parents 

exploring their parenting and adoption 

options also may find some of the information 

helpful. 

Why do some birth parents choose adoption?

Everyone's situation is different, but many 

birth parents choose adoption because they 

do not feel ready or able to raise the child. 

They often believe that the child will have a 

better life in an adoptive home with parents 

Keep in mind: While birth parents and 

children who have been adopted often 

struggle with identity issues and lifelong 

feelings of loss and grief, many learn how 

to work through these emotions, often with 

the help of counseling. 
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 3

who are ready to welcome and care for a 

child. As such, these parents typically feel that 

they are putting their child's best interests 

ahead of their own. Other factors that 

sometimes play a part in parents' decisions 

include financial issues, personal goals, and 

family attitudes. 

Why do some expectant parents decide 

to parent rather than go through with 

their adoption plan? Expectant parents 

experiencing an unplanned pregnancy who 

consider adoption but decide to parent their 

child themselves may do so because they 

conclude that they have the commitment, 

ability, and support necessary to raise the 

child. Some birth parents who were unsure 

before their child's birth find they feel ready 

to be parents after they've held and connected 

with their babies.

If I choose adoption, will I know what 

happens to my child? Choosing adoption does 

not necessarily mean that you won't have 

future contact with your child. Today, most 

adoptions involve various levels of contact 

that may allow birth parents to learn about or 

communicate with their children who have 

been adopted. 

As an expectant parent, when do I have to 

make my decision? Most State laws require 

the final decision to be made after the child 

is born. Think of it as making the adoption 

decision twice—once during pregnancy and 

again after the child is born. After considering 

your options, you may prepare for adoption 

by selecting a licensed adoption agency or 

adoption lawyer and selecting the adoptive 

parents (or parent). Regardless, the final and 

legal decision is made by you and the other 

birth parent after the child's birth. 

Additionally, birth parents may decide a few 

years after the birth that they cannot properly 

care for their child. An adoption plan can also 

help those parents make informed decisions 

and maintain a relationship with their children 

after the adoption.

For more information on your State's laws, 

including required waiting periods after the 

birth of a child before consent to an adoption 

can be finalized, talk to an adoption lawyer 

or adoption agency representative. You can 

also review Consent to Adoption for more 

information.

Keep in mind: It’s hard to know exactly 

how you’ll feel after the birth of your child. 

It’s important that you not sign papers 

that make the adoption final until you 

are sure of your decision. Until the final 

papers are signed, you have parental rights 

to make decisions regarding your child. 

Many States also have a revocation period 

that allows birth parents to change their 

minds within a certain number of days 

after signing consents. If parents revoke 

their consent to adoption within that time 

frame, all parental rights are restored, as 

covered in Information Gateway’s Consent 

to Adoption (https://www.childwelfare.gov/

topics/systemwide/laws-policies/statutes/

consent/).
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 4

CONSIDERING YOUR OPTIONS

Choosing whether to raise a child or deciding 

to place a young child for adoption is not 

easy. Making these decisions requires courage 

and love. Taking time to gather important 

information about what adoption may 

entail can broaden your understanding of 

the process and give you a better sense of 

whether that option is right for you. Asking 

yourself useful questions about the supports 

you have in place regarding finances and 

family and whether that support is sufficient 

for you to raise your child may make the 

decision more clear and give you confidence 

that you are basing your choice on the best 

interests of your child.

GATHERING INFORMATION

As part of the decision-making process, you'll 

want to gather information, consult with 

others, and thoughtfully explore your options 

to help you make a fully informed decision. 

Reading this publication can get you started. 

Other sources of information and support are 

described below.

The internet. If you are just beginning to 

research your options, the internet can be a 

helpful way to find and digest information. 

You can explore available information by 

using search terms such as "adoption plan," 

"adoption options," "unplanned pregnancy," 

and "adoption birth mother" (or "birth father"), 

to name a few. Try to visit trustworthy 

websites. You also may want to look at blogs 

and discussion forums that include firstperson accounts and may provide insights 

into the adoption process and what others 

have experienced. Recommended books and 

magazines will likely appear as part of your 

internet search results. 

To get a more complete view of adoption, you 

can read publications that present different 

perspectives, including those of parents who 

made adoption plans, parents who adopted 

children, children and adults who were 

adopted, and parents raising children in 

specific situations (for example, being a single 

parent or parenting as a teenager). 

Trusted friends and family members. It can 

be helpful to talk through your feelings and 

options with a trusted family member or 

friend. Try to find someone who will listen 

and won't pressure you into making a 

decision. In some States, a minor parent must 

have consent from his or her parents to 

finalize an adoption. See Information 

Gateway's Consent to Adoption for more 

information.

Keep in mind: Online information can 

be biased and inaccurate. Try to look at 

several websites and blogs and note varied 

points of view as well as common themes. 

In addition, be aware that some dishonest 

online persons or groups may try to take 

advantage of people at vulnerable times. 

If it feels like someone is pressuring you or 

trying to gain from your situation, move on.

Keep in mind: While it’s good to talk 

things through with friends and family, 

ultimately, the decision is yours to make.
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 5

Counselors. A trained counselor can help you 

not only to understand your options and their 

long-term implications but also to explore 

your feelings about those options. You can find 

professional counselors—including therapists 

and social workers—at adoption agencies, 

public departments of social services, local 

health or mental health centers and hospitals, 

and religious institutions. Additionally, your 

doctor, friends, or family members may be 

able to refer you to a professional counselor, 

or you can try calling 211 or visiting http://211.

org/. No matter where you go, look for a 

counselor who is experienced in working with 

those in your position and who treats you with 

sensitivity and respect.

Adoption agencies and adoption lawyers.

If you are leaning toward adoption, talking 

with someone at a licensed adoption agency 

or with a lawyer who specializes in adoption 

may help you learn more about the adoption 

process. 

QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF

Planning for adoption with an adoption 

professional (including adoption agencies, 

adoption lawyers, and adoption counselors) 

can address questions, reduce stress, and 

help you feel more confident about your 

decision. Read more on Information Gateway's 

Considering an Adoption Plan webpage 

(https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/

adoption/birthfor/plan/). The following are 

some questions you may want to think about 

as you make your decision.

Have I explored all my options? While you 

may be leaning in one direction, it's important 

that you take time to explore all your options. 

The options that "rise to the top" may vary 

depending on your circumstances, values, 

and beliefs. Carefully assess the benefits and 

challenges of each option as well as potential 

support to address challenges. Are you 

thinking about adoption only because you have 

current financial problems or because your 

living situation is difficult? If so, there may be 

additional options. Have you considered asking 

friends and family if they can help? Have you 

looked into local programs or called social 

services agencies to see what they can offer? 

Social workers may be able to help you find a 

Keep in mind: Talking to an agency or 

lawyer does not mean you are committed 

to an adoption plan. Rather, it serves as 

another way to collect information. Do not 

sign any legal papers until you have made 

up your mind and have a fully developed 

plan. 

Keep in mind: It’s important to find a 

counselor who can answer your questions 

and provide guidance in an unbiased way 

and counsel you without gaining personally 

from the decision you make. Some 

counselors may be predisposed toward one 

option, or they may have other people’s 

interests in mind (for example, prospective 

adoptive parents waiting to find an infant or 

older child available for adoption).
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 6

way to parent your child by assisting you with 

finding a place to live, child care, job training, 

or other types of support. Alternatively, have 

you considered asking another family member 

to raise your child (formally or informally)? If 

you want more time to make your decision, 

have you asked an adoption agency whether 

short-term options are available (for example, 

temporary foster care)?

Have I involved the child's other parent 

in the decision-making process? There 

are several reasons for involving the child's 

other parent, including respecting his or 

her parental rights and giving consent to 

adoption. If you have a good relationship 

with your child's other parent, you may be 

able to help each other with considering the 

options and making a decision. Some people 

considering adoption, however, do not have 

a good relationship with the other parent. In 

such circumstances, you can ask an adoption 

agency or attorney to contact that person 

rather than talk with him or her directly. 

Regardless of your relationship with your 

child's other parent, it's also important to 

think about your child's future perspective. At 

some point, most children who have been 

adopted ask questions about their birth 

parents and the circumstances of their 

adoption. Many will want to develop a 

relationship with their birth parents. A parent 

who is not involved in the adoption decision 

or planning may not be aware of the child and 

lose an opportunity to connect with his or her 

son or daughter from an early age or later if 

the child seeks information about that parent. 

Likewise, a child who grows up with no 

knowledge of the other parent may miss a 

chance to develop a critical relationship with 

him or her.

For more information, visit Information 

Gateway's Legal Considerations for Expectant 

Parents Considering Adoption webpage 

(https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/

adoption/birthfor/legal/).

Keep in mind: Under certain 

circumstances, adoptions can be 

overturned if the other birth parent’s 

rights were circumvented and consent to 

adoption was not exercised. Regardless of 

the laws in your State, if you are exploring 

adoption it is wise to ask ahead of time 

what the process is before deciding to 

move forward with a lawyer or agency 

who will not protect the integrity of the 

adoption plan. 
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 7

Have I talked about this decision with my 

family and the other parent's family? Your 

family and/or the other parent's family 

may be sources of support as you consider 

what to do, even if the pregnancy has put a 

strain on your relationships. In addition to 

emotional support, your families may be able 

to provide money, housing, and other kinds 

of help. Consider whether someone in your 

family, the other parent's family, or other 

extended family members may wish to be 

the guardian for or adopt your child. Kinship 

guardianship/adoption can help maintain 

the child's connections to his or her family 

members and cultural heritage. For more 

information, visit Information Gateway's 

Kinship/Relative Adoption webpage (https://

www.childwelfare.gov/topics/permanency/

relatives/adoption/). 

How might I feel in 10 or 20 years if I make 

an adoption plan for my child or I parent 

my child myself? While it's impossible to 

know for sure how you will feel many years 

from now, you should consider the potential 

long-term effects of any decision you make. 

For instance, you may want to think about 

your future both with and without this child. 

How would raising the child affect what you 

want from life? What support systems may be 

needed to achieve your long-term plans under 

each of your options? How might you feel if 

you go on to have other children, or if you do 

not have any other children?

Fathers' Roles and Responsibilities in 

Adoption

Laws related to the father's role and 

responsibilities in adoption differ from 

State to State. Most States require that 

the father (or any man that could be the 

father) be told about the child before the 

adoption. This is true whether or not the 

mother and father are married. While laws 

vary, a State's law may require that a child's 

father sign legal papers agreeing to the 

adoption—granting legal consent—before 

adoption can be a valid possibility. In some 

cases where agencies and lawyers have 

pushed through adoptions without the 

father's consent, the court has later legally 

overturned the adoption. In some States, 

if parents are unmarried, the presumed 

father (or "putative" father) has a certain 

amount of time to put his name on the 

State's putative father registry or take 

other legal action to claim that he is the 

child's father. Some States require that a 

notice be published if the father's name or 

whereabouts are unknown.

For more information specific to birth 

fathers, see the following Information 

Gateway resources:

 Fathers' Involvement in Adoption 

Planning [webpage] (https://www.

childwelfare.gov/topics/adoption/

birthfor/father/)

 The Rights of Unmarried Fathers [State 

Statutes] (https://www.childwelfare.

gov/topics/systemwide/laws-policies/

statutes/putative/)

Keep in mind: There are no “right” or 

“wrong” responses to these questions, and 

you may not know the answers right now. 

You may have a mixture of feelings, and 

that’s okay.
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 8

MAKING AN ADOPTION PLAN

Once you have considered your options 

and decided to proceed with adoption, an 

adoption plan can help you process emotions, 

think about the type of family you want your 

child to grow up in, the role you would like 

to play in his or her life, and other adoption 

considerations. An adoption plan involves 

arranging for your biological child to be raised 

by adoptive parents as a full and permanent 

legal member of their family and is a process 

for gathering information and clarifying your 

decisions. Selecting the type of adoption that 

works best for you (an agency or independent 

adoption), choosing adoptive parents for 

your child, and deciding how to maintain a 

relationship with your child after adoption are 

part of making an adoption plan.

SELECTING AN AGENCY OR INDEPENDENT 

ADOPTION

If you decide to make an adoption plan for 

your child, you will choose whether you want 

an agency adoption or an independent (or 

private) adoption handled by an adoption 

lawyer. You may not know which type of 

adoption will work best for you and your 

child until you have explored these options 

further. In an independent adoption, the 

prospective adoptive parents often pay for the 

expectant mother's medical costs, legal fees, 

temporary housing expenses, and possibly 

other expenses. This section describes each 

type of adoption, including considerations and 

resources for selecting qualified professionals. 

See Information Gateway's Finding an 

Adoption Agency or Lawyer webpage (https://

www.childwelfare.gov/topics/adoption/

birthfor/lawyer/) for additional information.

Agency Adoption. Adoption agencies are 

organizations that provide counseling 

services to expectant or birth parents, 

adoption support and preservation services, 

assessments of prospective adoptive parents, 

and/or preparation services for children to 

live with adoptive families. Agencies work 

with many families and expectant parents to 

find the best families for infants; newborns; 

and, in some cases, young children. Some 

expectant parents choose an agency adoption 

rather than an independent adoption because 

licensed agencies must follow State adoption 

standards and often provide more services, 

such as counseling, before, during, and after 

the adoption. Agencies may be able to assist 

you even if you would like to explore adoption 

options and other resources for an older child. 

If you choose to work with an agency, look 

for a licensed agency with a good reputation. 

You can find contact information for licensed 

domestic adoption agencies in your State 

from the National Foster Care & Adoption 

Directory Search (https://www.childwelfare.

gov/nfcad). To find information on the 

reputation and licensing of an agency, follow 

the instructions provided in How to Assess 

the Reputation of Licensed, Private Adoption 

Agencies (https://www.childwelfare.gov/

pubs/twenty/). 

After you contact a licensed agency, you will 

generally work with an adoption counselor. 

During initial meetings, the adoption 

counselor typically will do the following: 

 Provide you with information about options 

for you and your child 

 Explain the processes for selecting adoptive 

parents and relinquishing your parental 

rights
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 9

 Collect information about you and the 

child's other parent to create a medical 

and social history for the child. (For more 

information, see Providing Adoptive Parents 

With Information About Adoptees and Their 

Birth Families at https://www.childwelfare.

gov/topics/systemwide/laws-policies/

statutes/collection/.)

 Work with you to develop an adoption plan

 Discuss options for and benefits of ongoing 

contact after adoption

Private/Independent Adoption. Some birth 

parents choose to make an adoption plan 

without the involvement of an agency. In an 

independent adoption (or private adoption), 

parents work with a lawyer and the family 

selected to adopt the child. Some parents 

feel that this will provide them more control, 

or perhaps they already have identified a 

prospective family and want to proceed with 

the adoption. 

To help prevent exploitative practices ("baby 

selling," for example), each State has strict 

laws about what prospective parents can 

and cannot pay for. For more information, 

see Regulation of Private Domestic Adoption 

Expenses (https://www.childwelfare.gov/

topics/systemwide/laws-policies/statutes/

expenses/). 

If you choose to work with a lawyer, be sure 

the lawyer has experience with adoption, 

is licensed to practice law in your State, 

and is in good standing with the State bar 

association. You can find names and contact 

information for adoption attorneys on the 

Academy of Adoption & Assisted Reproduction 

Attorneys website (https://adoptionart.org/

find-an-attorney/). Additional legal referral 

resources can be found for each State through 

the American Bar Association's Find Legal 

Help website (https://www.americanbar.

org/groups/legal_services/flh-home/). 

This website also can provide information on 

whether a person is licensed to practice law 

in your State (click on "Explore Licensing" and 

select your State).

When selecting a lawyer, find out about 

the lawyer's qualifications, experience with 

adoption, services, fees, and processes. Look 

for a lawyer who won't charge you a fee if you 

decide not to proceed with your adoption plan.

SELECTING ADOPTIVE PARENTS

Whether you work with an agency or adoption 

lawyer to make an adoption plan, you should 

have a great deal of choice in selecting the 

adoptive parents for your child. Spend time 

thinking about what type of family and home 

you would prefer for your child. For example, 

are you looking for parents who share your 

values and beliefs? Is it important to you that 

your child be raised by two parents or with 

other siblings? Do you want a family who 

feels the same way you do about maintaining 

a relationship after the adoption? For a list of 

sample questions to ask prospective parents, 

see the Adoption Interview Questions: What 

Keep in mind: You should plan to have 

your own lawyer represent you and your 

child, and the adoptive parents should 

have a different lawyer representing them. 

It’s important that your lawyer is looking out 

for your interests.
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 10

to Ask Adoptive Families or Birth Parents page 

on the Considering Adoption website (https://

consideringadoption.com/adopting/openadoption/adoption-interview-questions).

In an agency adoption, families interested in 

adopting will apply to the agency. You may 

have the opportunity to look through profiles, 

letters, pictures, and/or videos to select 

potential parents for your child. If you prefer, 

many agencies will arrange for you to meet 

prospective adoptive families before you make 

a decision. 

In an independent adoption, you may find 

potential adoptive parents in a variety of ways. 

You may become aware of families interested 

in adoption through a lawyer, doctor, family 

members, a friend, or your faith community. 

After you make contact with a potential 

adoptive family, an adoption lawyer can help 

you follow up, which may involve meeting and 

getting to know the family.

Sample Questions to Ask an Adoption Agency Representative or an Adoption Lawyer

If you are considering making an adoption plan, talk to several agencies or lawyers and ask as many 

questions as you need to feel comfortable. The following are some questions you may want to ask. 

 What types of services do you offer, and what are the fees (if any)?

 Will I get counseling? During what time period? Before the birth? After a child has been 

adopted?

 How will you handle obtaining the consent of the child’s other parent?

 If I decide to parent, will I have to pay for services already received? (Note: This is illegal in most 

States.)

 How do you find and screen prospective adoptive parents? 

 What role can I play in getting to know and selecting the family who may adopt my child? 

 What services do you provide to help me maintain a relationship with my child after the 

adoption is complete?

 How would you handle the situation if my child were born with or has a disability?

 Can you provide me with references (names and contact information) of clients who have made 

adoption plans and have agreed to talk with expectant parents considering adoption?

Keep in mind: While the internet and social 

media make finding information about 

prospective adoptive parents quicker and 

easier, they also can create opportunities 

for pressure, fraud, and exploitation. If you 

use the internet to find potential adoptive 

parents, be sure to ask lots of questions 

to assess whether the parents and service 

providers are ethical and the services are in 

your and your child’s best interests. 
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 11

MAINTAINING A RELATIONSHIP WITH 

YOUR CHILD AFTER ADOPTION

Today, most domestic adoptions involve some 

level of ongoing contact between adoptive 

and birth families. Maintaining a relationship 

with the child is considered to be in the best 

interests of the child. After the adoption, 

you (and possibly other family members), 

your child, and the adoptive family can 

communicate in various ways—letters, phone 

calls, social media, emails, texts, video calls, 

and/or regular visits. Through direct contact 

with you and other birth family members, 

your child benefits by learning more about his 

or her personal history, family background, 

medical information, and why you chose 

adoption. As a result, your child can develop 

a stronger sense of identity, self-worth, and 

connection. 

For a summary of research on birth parents 

maintaining a relationship with the adoptive 

family, see Openness in Adoption: From Secrecy 

and Stigma to Knowledge and Connections on 

the Donaldson Adoption Institute website 

(https://go.usa.gov/xPSNF).

Talk to your adoption counselor or adoption 

lawyer about what kind of relationship you are 

interested in having with your child and his or 

her adoptive parents. You and the prospective 

parents should work out in advance how you 

will keep in touch and how often, among 

other considerations. These arrangements 

can be formalized in a written postadoption 

contact agreement in most States. Contact 

agreements are highly recommended 

because they can help you make sure that 

everyone has a shared understanding of the 

expectations for contact between the families. 

It's also important that discussions about 

contact agreements are made apart from 

making adoption plans. You should not make 

an adoption plan based only on a promise 

of contact. For more information, see 

Postadoption Contact Agreements Between 

Birth and Adoptive Families (https://www.

childwelfare.gov/topics/systemwide/lawspolicies/statutes/cooperative/).

The Home Study

In both agency adoptions and independent 

adoptions, prospective adoptive families 

must complete a home-study process. 

The purpose of the home study is to 

ensure that the adoptive home is safe 

and appropriate for the child. A home 

study typically includes interviews with 

prospective parents, visits to the home, and 

background and criminal records checks. 

Talk with your counselor or lawyer about 

getting a copy of a potential adoptive 

family's profile and/or home study. For 

more information, read The Adoption 

Home Study Process (https://www.

childwelfare.gov/pubs/f-homstu/).
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 12

For more information about maintaining 

a relationship with your child after he or 

she has been adopted, see Helping Your 

Adopted Children Maintain Important 

Relationships With Family (https://www.

childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets-familiesmaintainrelationships/). Although that 

factsheet is written for adoptive parents, 

parents who place their children for adoption 

also may find some of the information helpful.

TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF

During and after an unplanned or crisis 

pregnancy or when you're considering 

adoption for an older child, you may feel 

anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, and many 

other emotions. Be sure to take care of 

yourself and get proper health care for 

your child and yourself. Counseling during 

the pregnancy—particularly with a neutral, 

trained professional—may help you cope with 

your emotions and empower you to make 

sound decisions for yourself and for the child. 

Counseling after the birth; during the 

decision-making process; and after the 

adoption, if it occurs, can help you cope with 

the impacts as they arise over the years. 

Some licensed adoption agencies will provide 

counseling services after the adoption for as 

long as you need it. In independent adoptions, 

most States allow, and some States require, 

adoptive parents to pay for the birth mother's 

counseling (with various time limits). For 

more information, see Regulation of Private 

Domestic Adoption Expenses (https://www.

childwelfare.gov/topics/systemwide/lawspolicies/statutes/expenses/).

Grief and loss are common reactions for 

birth parents who make an adoption plan. 

Some birth parents also experience phases 

of feeling guilty and angry. Strong feelings of 

grief and regret may occur many years after 

the adoption is finalized. It's important to 

admit these feelings to yourself and to know 

that they are normal. For more information, 

see Impact of Adoption (https://www.

childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets-familiesadoptionimpact/). 

If you have not had contact with your child 

after the adoption, you or your child may 

try to contact one another years later. 

The search and reunion process can be an 

intense emotional experience, and you may 

benefit from professional support. For more 

information, visit the Information Gateway 

Search & Reunion webpage (https://www.

childwelfare.gov/topics/adoption/search/).

Whatever level of ongoing contact you have 

with your child, counseling can be helpful. 

One-on-one counseling and/or support 

groups with other birth parents may help you 

accept your adoption arrangements, resolve 

your grief, feel good about yourself and your 

decision, and plan for your future. 

Keep in mind: Postadoption contact 

agreements can be useful tools in setting 

common expectations and should be filed 

before the adoption is finalized. However, 

such agreements may not be enforceable 

by law if the adoptive or birth parents 

change their minds and decide to stop or 

change communication.
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 13

CONCLUSION

Choosing between parenting a child and 

arranging for him or her to be raised by 

adoptive parents is a difficult decision, and 

either choice requires courage and love. 

Knowing the questions to ask yourself and 

the resources to consider can enhance 

your decision-making process and lead 

to a clear and confident understanding of 

whether parenting is the best decision for 

you. Developing an adoption plan moves 

the process forward, but it does not mean 

you can't have a change of heart. You should 

not feel pressured by earlier discussions, 

payment of expenses, or what the prospective 

adoptive parents and others hope and want. 

An ongoing relationship with your child can 

and should be negotiated before the adoption 

and reexamined as the child grows. Moving 

the process forward means that you are 

ready to accept and integrate the adoption 

as part of your life. Making an adoption plan 

can help you more clearly and easily find that 

acceptance. 

RESOURCES FOR MORE 

INFORMATION

The following resources provide additional 

general information for expectant or current 

parents who are considering making an 

adoption plan. 

WEBSITES AND BLOGS

Child Welfare Information Gateway

 For Expectant Parents Considering 

Adoption and Birth Parents, 

https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/

adoption/birthfor/

 Laws Related to Adoption, https://www.

childwelfare.gov/topics/adoption/laws/

 National Foster Care & Adoption Directory 

Search, https://www.childwelfare.gov/

nfcad/

American Adoption Congress, 

http://www.americanadoptioncongress.org

American Pregnancy Association, 

http://americanpregnancy.org/adotion/

adoptionfaq.html

Concerned United Birthparents, Inc., 

http://www.cubirthparents.org

National Council For Adoption, 

IChooseAdoption.org, 

http://ichooseadoption.org/

SUGGESTED CITATION:

Child Welfare Information Gateway. 

(2020). Adoption: Considering your options 

and making a plan. Washington, DC: U.S. 

Department of Health and Human Services, 

Administration for Children and Families, 

Children's Bureau.

This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare Information 

Gateway. This publication is available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets-families-adoptionplan/.

U.S. Department of Health and Human 

Services Administration for Children and 

Families Administration on Children, 

Youth and Families Children’s Bureau