Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS

800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov

FACTSHEET 

FOR FAMILIES

September 2016

Frequently Asked Questions 

From Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, 

Transgender, and Questioning 

(LGBTQ) Prospective Foster 

and Adoptive Parents

WHAT’S INSIDE

How do I find a welcoming 

agency?

What States allow LGBTQ 

individuals or same-sex 

couples to foster or adopt?

Should I disclose my sexual 

orientation or transgender 

status? If so, when?

What about intercountry 

adoption?

What should I expect from 

the home study or family 

assessment?

What do I do if I think an 

agency is discriminating or 

being unfair?

How do I find support 

during the waiting process?

How do I connect with 

other LGBTQ waiting 

parents?

What do experienced 

LGBTQ parents have to 

offer as advice?

Conclusion

The landscape of parenting options for LGBTQ 

individuals and couples has grown considerably in 

recent years, with an increasing number of LGBTQ 

parents choosing to build their families through 

fostering or adoption. Many agencies, both public and 

private, are welcoming the LGBTQ community as an 

excellent resource for infants, children, and youth in 

need of a permanent family. Still, LGBTQ foster and 

adoptive parents continue to face specific challenges 

related to adoption. These challenges may be based 

on where you live, what type of adoption you are 

interested in, biases within an agency, or whether 

you adopt as a single person or a couple.1

1 See Child Welfare Information Gateway’s Adoption Options: Where Do I Start? at https://

www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f-adoptoption/.

 Becoming 

a parent is undoubtedly a daunting process, often 

requiring a significant commitment of time, emotional 

energy, and financial resources, depending on the path 

you take. This factsheet is designed to answer some 

of the initial questions LGBTQ prospective foster or 

adoptive parents may have in hopes of helping to better 

inform you during this first stage of your journey.
Frequently Asked Questions From Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning (LGBTQ) https://www.childwelfare.gov

Prospective Foster and Adoptive Parents

2

This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare Information Gateway. 

This publication is available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/faq-lgbt/.

Q: How Do I Find a Welcoming 

Agency?

A: Finding an agency whose practices are genuinely 

affirming and whose policies fit with your family’s needs 

will be an important component of ensuring you have 

a positive experience. You may want to start by asking 

other LGBTQ parents or caregivers in your community 

about their experiences. Ask them if they have agency 

recommendations or other advice to share. You can also 

search for LGBTQ parenting groups or contact your local 

LGBTQ community center.2

2 For a list of national LGBTQ advocacy and support 

organizations, refer to Information Gateway at https://www.

childwelfare.gov/organizations/?CWIGFunctionsaction=rols:main.

dspROL&rolType=Custom&RS_ID=146.

The Human Rights Campaign Foundation’s All Children—

All Families project maintains a list of adoption agencies 

that are committed to welcoming the LGBTQ community 

at http://www.hrc.org/acaf. Child Welfare Information 

Gateway’s National Foster Care and Adoption Directory 

(https://www.childwelfare.gov/nfcad/) allows you to search 

support groups for prospective and adoptive parents. 

While this list is not solely for LGBTQ families, it may help 

you become familiar with resources that are available in 

your area. 

You can also conduct your own research on the Internet 

by reviewing agency websites for images and language 

that speak to the LGBTQ community, such as, for 

example, photos of two-mom or two-dad families or client 

nondiscrimination statements. You may want to call an 

agency directly to ask about its policies or request an 

in-person meeting to learn more about the agency’s track 

record with LGBTQ families. If you live in a jurisdiction that 

has laws restricting LGBTQ foster and adoptive parents, 

ask the agency how it navigates those challenges. Be sure 

that the agency can verify that it has placed children with 

LGBTQ families and ask to speak to some of its clients. 

Other potential topics to explore with agencies include 

the following:

 The number of LGBTQ families the agency has worked 

with, what percentage of total families that represents, 

and how long LGBTQ families wait to be matched with 

a child or children

 How the agency represents LGBTQ families to 

expectant parents considering adoption for their 

infants

 How the agency’s intercountry program, if it has one, 

works with LGBTQ families and addresses barriers 

related to regulations and laws in other countries 

Q: What States Allow LGBTQ 

Individuals or Same-Sex Couples to 

Foster or Adopt?

A: While the Supreme Court’s historic June 2015 ruling 

in Obergefell v. Hodges3

3 The complete Court ruling can be read here http://www.supremecourt.gov/

opinions/14pdf/14-556_3204.pdf. For a live blog of the ruling, visit the Human 

Rights Campaign at http://www.hrc.org/blog/live-blog-lovewins.

 brought marriage equality to 

all 50 States, it did not specifically address fostering or 

adoption. Laws pertaining to adoption and foster care are 

State specific, and many States require that a husband 

and wife petition jointly.4

4 Connecticut § 45a-726a, which allowed the commissioner of human 

services to consider the sexual orientation of the prospective adoptive parent, 

notwithstanding provisions in the State’s laws prohibiting discrimination based 

on sexual orientation, was repealed July 1, 2013. Florida § 63.042(3), which 

prohibited adoption by a gay or lesbian person, was deleted from the statute 

June 11, 2015.

 Currently, it is unclear whether 

this language can apply to same-sex couples who are 

legally married. Additionally, most State laws are largely 

silent on the issue of adoption by single LGBTQ persons. 

In approximately 19 States, the District of Columbia, 

and the U.S. Virgin Islands, the use of gender-neutral 

language, including “spouses” or “married couples,” 

serves to allow adoption by same-sex couples.5

5 California (by spouse or domestic partner), Colorado, Connecticut, 

Georgia, Idaho, Illinois (spouses and civil union partners), Louisiana, Maryland, 

Minnesota, Missouri, Nevada, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York (spouses 

and unmarried intimate partners), North Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, 

Utah, and Vermont. In Utah, the State social services division is required to 

place a child in its custody with a man and woman married to each other 

unless that placement is contrary to the child’s best interests.

 As 

of August 2016, only Mississippi specifically prohibits 

adoption by couples of the same gender. However, in 

March 2016, a U.S. District Court judge declared this 

ban unconstitutional, citing the Supreme Court’s 2015 

marriage equality ruling. That said, the State’s law still 

includes the 2015 language prohibiting adoption by 

same-sex couples. 
Frequently Asked Questions From Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning (LGBTQ) https://www.childwelfare.gov

Prospective Foster and Adoptive Parents

3

This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare Information Gateway. 

This publication is available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/faq-lgbt/.

Regardless of whether you are married or in a civil union 

or domestic partnership, it is widely recommended 

that nonbiological and nonadoptive parents obtain 

an adoption (second-parent or stepparent adoption 

included), even if the second parent is named on your 

child’s birth certificate, in order to provide the child with 

necessary legal protection. This will typically also grant 

adoptive parents the same rights as biological parents in 

custody and visitation matters.

Before you begin your adoption process, you should 

research the laws in your State or jurisdiction. To help 

get you started, Child Welfare Information Gateway 

allows you to search statutes by State at https://www.

childwelfare.gov/topics/systemwide/laws-policies/state/. 

You can also review the publication Who May Adopt, Be 

Adopted, or Place a Child for Adoption? Summary of State 

Laws at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/parties.

pdf. 

For information about relationship recognition in your 

State, see the National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR) 

publication Marriage, Domestic Partnerships, and Civil 

Unions: An Overview of Relationship Recognition for 

Same-Sex Couples Within the United States at http://

www.nclrights.org/. You may also consult your State 

equality organization, http://www.equalityfederation.org/

members, or a national LGBTQ advocacy center, such as 

the Human Rights Campaign (http://www.hrc.org/) or the 

NCLR (http://www.nclrights.org/). 

Q: Should I Disclose My Sexual 

Orientation or Transgender Status? If 

So, When?

A: This may likely be one of the most significant 

questions, particularly if you live in a State with laws 

that don’t protect LGBTQ persons from discrimination 

or if you are not sure of your chosen agency’s policy. Of 

course, honesty is the best course of action, whether it’s 

regarding LGBTQ identity, family history, or any other 

aspect of your personal life and background. LGBTQ 

prospective parents and other caregivers often worry that 

being open about their LGBTQ identity will be viewed 

negatively by an agency, may disqualify them as parents, 

or lead to greater scrutiny as applicants. For single 

LGBTQ adults, it may seem irrelevant or unnecessary 

to disclose this information; however, in order to make 

the best placement decision possible, a birth parent 

or child welfare professional needs a full and honest 

picture of who will be raising the child or children. Being 

up front about your LGBTQ identity early in the process 

is encouraged. Agencies with experience working with 

LGBTQ parents should view your LGBTQ identity as just 

one part of that full and honest picture. 

It’s important to note that some agencies may consider 

your withholding information or not being truthful as a 

red flag. Without an honest relationship between you 

and your agency, you could also miss out on important or 

relevant information and opportunities to better prepare 

you and your family. Effective support systems offer the 

most promising foundation for a successful adoption for 

everyone. 

For unmarried same-sex couples in States where 

adoption by two unmarried partners (joint adoption) is 

not allowed, you may need to identify one person to be 

the primary applicant and one to be the “other member 

of household.” Ideally, the agency, and the home study 

social worker in particular, will be aware of your LGBTQ 

identity and/or relationship status so they can help you 

navigate any potential challenges in the city, county, or 

State where you reside.

If there is a compelling reason why you are not able to 

disclose—for example, you live in a State that restricts 

fostering or adoption by LGBTQ couples6

6 The Human Rights Campaign maintains maps detailing the current status of 

laws and policies affecting the LGBTQ community in each State at http://www.

hrc.org/state_maps.

—consult 

with an LGBTQ family law attorney or LGBTQ advocacy 

organization before moving forward. You can find legal 

help on the National Center for Lesbian Rights Legal 

Help Line at 800.528.6257 or do your own search on 

the Internet for local resources. There may be ways to 

resolve difficult scenarios, and it is best to have as many 

supportive connections and as much information as 

possible. 
Frequently Asked Questions From Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning (LGBTQ) https://www.childwelfare.gov

Prospective Foster and Adoptive Parents

4

This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare Information Gateway. 

This publication is available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/faq-lgbt/.

Q: What About Intercountry 

Adoption?

A: At this point, it can be difficult for any individual or 

couple to pursue an intercountry adoption, regardless of 

their sexual orientation or gender expression. The process 

is becoming increasingly complicated and restrictive, and, 

more often, the children who are available for adoption 

are older and often have additional physical or emotional 

challenges. There will likely be additional challenges for 

same-sex couples as many countries that remain open 

for intercountry adoptions have laws, policies, or cultural 

norms that create barriers to adoption for LGBTQ couples. 

Agencies may be cautious about representing LGBTQ 

couples for intercountry adoption based on the realities of 

these regulations, though this may not necessarily reflect 

an agency’s overall view of adoption by LGBTQ adults. For 

more information about a specific country, you can visit 

the U.S. State Department’s database of written laws and 

policies for each country from which U.S. citizens are able 

to adopt at www.adoption.state.gov/ countryinformation.

html.

Q: What Should I Expect From the 

Home Study or Family Assessment?

A: Many families will find the home study (or family 

assessment) somewhat daunting or even intrusive. The 

goal of this process is to learn about you as an individual 

and as a couple, if applicable. It will assess the strengths 

and capacities you would bring to parenting a child 

or children and help prepare you for the transition to 

parenthood. It is also the process through which the social 

worker determines that the home is a safe and secure 

place for a child, while taking the child’s age, individual 

needs, and preferences into consideration. It will be 

helpful to keep that in mind when preparing for your 

home study. The home study may create added anxiety 

for LGBTQ individuals and couples, particularly when 

there are concerns about a chosen agency’s policies or 

procedures. Again, by researching welcoming agencies 

beforehand and ensuring open communication upfront, 

you increase the likelihood that the home study social 

worker will be prepared to conduct an open and mutually 

beneficial home study.

If you feel at any point that your home study social worker 

is asking inappropriate questions, is uncomfortable with 

you, or is being biased in the assessment, you should 

express your concerns with that person first and then 

their supervisor. For more information on the home study 

process, see Child Welfare Information Gateway’s The 

Adoption Home Study Process at https://www.childwelfare.

gov/pubPDFs/f_homstu.pdf. 

Q: What Do I Do if I Think an Agency Is 

Discriminating or Being Unfair?

A: As noted above, if you feel at any time that a particular 

agency staff person is being unfair, disrespectful, or 

discriminatory, you should share your concerns first with 

that person. There may be a simple misunderstanding 

that can be corrected immediately. If you do not get a 

reasonable response, you may then choose to report 

your concerns to that person’s supervisor. Keep in mind 

that while the potential for being treated unfairly exists, 

sometimes agencies have competing demands. For 

example, the agency’s social workers may not return 

anybody’s calls quickly because of staff’s high workload. 

Different-sex couples may very well be waiting just as long 

as same-sex couples. 

Support groups are one way to interact with other couples 

who are going through the process of waiting and who can 

share your experiences and offer support. It is important to 

speak up when you feel something is unfair, to report up the 

chain of command, and to be open to the possibility that 

you may be misjudging the situation. If you still experience 

complications after speaking with a supervisor, you may 

elevate your grievance to the attention of the county or 

district agency director or State ombudsman.7

7 Information Gateway maintains a list of contact information for local 

and county child welfare agencies at https://www.childwelfare.gov/

organizations/?CWIGFunctionsaction=rols:main.dspROL&rolType=Custom&RS_

ID=56. It also offers a list of child welfare State complaint offices at https://

www.childwelfare.gov/organizations/?CWIGFunctionsaction=rols:main.

dspROL&rolType=Custom&RS_ID=31.

 In cases of 

explicit discrimination after speaking with a supervisor or 

county director, contact an LGBTQ advocacy organization. 

Information Gateway also offers the factsheet for families 

From Complaint to Resolution: Understanding the Child 

Welfare Grievance Process, which is available at https://

www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/cw-grievance/. 
Frequently Asked Questions From Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning (LGBTQ) https://www.childwelfare.gov

Prospective Foster and Adoptive Parents

Q: How Do I Find Support During the 

Waiting Process?

A: Many agencies, both public and private, have support 

groups available for families waiting to adopt. Be sure to 

ask your social worker for a referral to those groups, ask 

if other LGBTQ families are in the group, and find out if 

the facilitator is LGBTQ-competent and friendly. There 

are also LGBTQ parent support groups across the country 

where you can connect with other foster and adoptive 

families. It is helpful to think of the waiting period as 

an opportunity to start networking with other LGBTQ 

families who can become a support network for you as 

you transition to parenthood. If you are not able to find 

a group in your local community or through your local 

agency, you can explore online discussion forums for 

waiting families and for LGBTQ families in general. You 

might even want to consider starting a group if one does 

not currently exist. 

AdoptUSKids, at http://www.adoptuskids.org/, provides 

free assistance to LGBTQ families who are seeking to 

foster or adopt children from foster care. To talk with an 

LGBTQ adoption specialist, you can also call AdoptUSKids 

toll free at 888.200.4005 or email LGBTSupport@

adoptuskids.org. 

Q: What Do Experienced LGBTQ 

Parents Have to Offer as Advice?

A: Most LGBTQ parents say that they benefit from being 

part of a larger community of LGBTQ parents where 

their children can see other families like theirs, especially 

as they get older. LGBTQ adoptive parents often have 

networks that overlap, some of which are linked to the 

adoption community and some to the LGBTQ community. 

Experienced parents also recommend that you research 

the LGBTQ policies of your local child care facilities or 

schools and identify pediatricians and other service 

providers who are both affirming and a good fit for your 

family’s needs. Finally, other LGBTQ parents recommend 

that you think about how you will talk to your family, 

friends, neighbors, teachers, and others about your family 

and how you will answer challenging questions that may 

arise. 

Conclusion

Adoption professionals can find more information and 

resources about working with LGBTQ families in Child 

Welfare Information Gateway’s Working With Lesbian, 

Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning (LGBTQ) 

Families in Adoption at https://www.childwelfare.gov/

pubs/f-profbulletin/. All qualified individuals and couples 

who are willing and able to provide a loving, permanent 

home to a child should be encouraged to do so and 

receive support in the process. 

Suggested Citation: 

Child Welfare Information Gateway. (2016). Frequently 

asked questions from lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, 

and questioning (LGBTQ) prospective foster and adoptive 

parents. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Health and 

Human Services, Children’s Bureau.

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services 

Administration for Children and Families 

Administration on Children, Youth and Families 

Children’s Bureau