1

Parenting Your Adopted 

Teenager

FACTSHEETS FOR FAMILIES | NOVEMBER 2020

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The teenage years bridge the transition 

from childhood to young adulthood. It is a 

time of enormous change and development, 

when youth forge an identity and embrace 

new interests. Adoption adds complexity 

to the normal development of teenagers, 

regardless of whether they were adopted 

as infants or when they were older. This 

factsheet is designed to help adoptive parents 

understand the needs and experiences of 

their teen and use practical strategies to 

foster healthy development. These strategies 

include approaches that acknowledge 

potential trauma and loss, support effective 

communication, promote independence, 

and address possible behavioral and mental 

health concerns.

WHAT'S INSIDE

Talking openly about adoption

Adoption and adolescent development

Behavioral and mental health concerns

Effective discipline

Conclusion

Additional resources
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 2

ADOPTION AND ADOLESCENT 

DEVELOPMENT

Adolescents experience rapid physical and 

hormonal growth. As a result, they may begin 

to look like young adults in their teenage 

years. Although some youth may begin to 

embody adult physical features, their brains 

are still developing and they need emotional 

support and nurturance from caring adults and 

continued parental guidance—whether they 

seek it or not.

BRAIN DEVELOPMENT

The chemical changes that occur in the teenage 

brain during adolescence spur youth to take 

risks and engage in new challenges. At the same 

time, teenagers are less able to control impulses 

and think through the consequences of their 

actions. As a result, it is especially important 

they receive guidance from caring adults and 

have opportunities to take healthy risks they 

can learn from. 

According to the Jim Casey Youth Opportunities 

Initiative on Adolescent Brain Development, the 

teenage brain experiences significant cognitive 

and social-emotional development that may 

be vulnerable to the impact of early childhood 

trauma and/or adoption. Sometimes the effects 

of trauma do not show up until adolescence. 

While adoption itself may not significantly 

affect brain development, early life experiences 

do. For example, the brain of a teenager who 

has experienced trauma may become "wired" 

to be hyperalert for ongoing safety threats and 

anticipate a chaotic environment and a lack of 

support. Unaddressed, this can thwart a youth's 

ability to thrive physically and emotionally and 

hamper their capacity to learn new skills. 

The North American Council on Adoptable 

Children published an issue of Adoptalk

called "The Teen Years: Brain Development 

and Trauma Recovery." For additional 

resources, see Child Welfare Information 

Gateway's web sections Understanding 

Adolescent Development and Trauma and 

Adolescent Development and the publications 

Understanding the Effects of Maltreatment on 

Brain Development and Parenting a Child Who 

Has Experienced Trauma.

What You Can Do:

 Expose your teenager to healthy 

activities (physical, social, and cultural). 

Set reasonable limits on isolating or 

passive activities (e.g., screen time).

 Help your teenager take healthy risks 

(e.g., encourage them to try a new 

sport, musical instrument, or dating; or 

apply for a job, vocational school, or 

college).

 Allow your teenager to assume some 

control by helping them to set personal 

goals and make plans and decisions. 

Help your teenager understand the 

consequences of actions and decisions.

 If you suspect a developmental delay, 

seek a professional assessment and 

advocate for your teenager. If the 

assessment reveals a disability, talk 

with school officials about creating 

an individual educational plan to 

help meet your teenager's needs. 

Teenagers who do not qualify for 

special educational services can still 

benefit from simple adjustments in the 

classroom.
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INDEPENDENCE 

Teens often go back and forth between 

wanting more freedom and wanting the safety 

and protection offered by their family. As they 

prepare to transition to more independence—

living on their own, getting a job, or attending 

community or a residential college—they may 

question their permanence in the family. The 

impending separation may trigger emotions 

associated with the loss of significant others, 

including birth parents, siblings and other 

relatives, or foster families. Some teens may 

adapt by acting more mature or independent 

than they feel to cope with fears. Others may 

become more anxious and fearful of "losing" 

yet another parent and find ways to avoid or 

even undermine these transitions. 

Children who were adopted and experienced 

previous neglect or abuse often need extra 

time and practice to adapt to independence 

and learn life skills. Adolescents who are 

newly adopted have the added challenge of 

trying to develop attachment to a family at 

the very time that normal development would 

have them pushing away. These teens may 

need to spend more quality time with parents 

to build their attachment and security in the 

family. Slowing the transitions described 

above may be in their best interests.

What You Can Do:

 Set consistent, clear limits and boundaries 

while allowing some independence. Let 

your teenager work through his or her 

normal adolescent developmental stages 

and assert some independence within a 

nurturing and guiding environment. For 

example, look for opportunities to affirm 

your teen's choices in fashion and music.

 Allow for a gradual increase in your 

teenager's independence as he or she 

shows signs of readiness. Ask your 

child if he or she feels ready for specific 

responsibilities or privileges. Remember 

that teens who have experienced trauma 

and/or who have attachment issues may 

not be ready for responsibilities at the same 

time as other teens their age. If your teen 

is not yet ready for certain responsibilities, 

make it a goal to work toward them.

 Give your teen a voice in decisions.

Teenagers who feel heard and respected are 

more likely to cooperate with family rules. 

This is particularly important for teens who 

may have come from situations where they 

felt powerless.

 Support your teen’s exploration of their 

identity and culture. Teen years are an 

important time for youth to explore their 

racial, ethnic, religious, and gender identity 

and sexual orientation. Provide an open, 

supportive environment and access to peer 

and adult mentors and roles models they 

can turn to for information and guidance as 

they wrestle with these important issues. 

 Clearly state your values regarding 

alcohol, drugs, and other risky behaviors, 

and emphasize healthy lifestyle choices. 

If your teen came from a birth family where 

substance use was a problem, be aware 

that he or she may be at greater risk for 

experiencing a variety of negative outcomes 

(see Information Gateway's Parental 

Substance Use and the Child Welfare 

System). 
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 4

 Reaffirm your teen's place in your family.

As your teenager gets ready to leave for 

college or move to independent living, offer 

reassurance that he or she is an important 

part of your family and that you hope and 

expect he or she will be part of holiday and 

family gatherings even when no longer 

living at home. Stay in touch through 

texts, phone calls, or email so your son or 

daughter feels like a central part of your 

family even while living apart. Model this 

behavior by demonstrating how you stay 

connected to extended family members 

who live elsewhere. 

 If your teen is anxious about separating,

encourage options that allow for 

smaller steps toward independence, like 

community college or job-training classes 

while he or she is still home.

IDENTITY FORMATION

Many teenagers may struggle with the 

questions, "Who am I?," "Where did I come 

from?," and "Where do I belong?." Ultimately, 

it becomes a question of defining their beliefs 

and values, their educational and career 

paths, and their expectations for themselves. 

Younger teens may start to define their 

sense of self by expressing their individuality 

through clothing, hair, music, and body décor 

(piercings, tattoos, etc.). Exploring how they 

are different from their parents can be a 

healthy part of growing up. 

Teens may also start to identify more with 

peers and less with family, often deepening 

their friendships with peers and starting to 

explore romantic relationships. Some teens 

may be struggling with questions of sexual 

orientation and gender identity and may 

experience additional stressors related to 

acceptance and disclosure of being lesbian, 

gay, bisexual, transgender, or questioning 

(LGBTQ). 

Teens who were adopted may question 

who they are more deeply than their 

nonadopted peers. Forming an identity is 

more complicated for them. Not only must 

they think about how they are similar to and 

different from their adoptive parents, they 

must also wonder how they are similar to and 

different from their birth parents.

When birth family information is missing, 

it further complicates the task of identity 

formation. Unknown or missing information 

may prevent youth who were adopted from 

knowing the source of certain characteristics 

or abilities. This often drives the need to 

know more about the birth family. They may 

worry that they will take on certain "negative" 

characteristics or repeat challenging 

behaviors of a birth parent. Teens whose 

race or ethnic background is unknown, or 

whose race or ethnicity is different from 

their adoptive parents, may struggle with 

their racial identity and how they fit within 

their family and community. They may have 

a particularly strong interest in meeting or 

spending time with birth family members or 

others of a similar race or ethnic background.

What you can do:

 Talk to your teenager about his or her 

birth parents and extended family. Be open 

and willing to explain what you know, no 

matter how challenging the information 

(see the Talking Openly About Adoption 

section later in this factsheet). Encourage 

your teen to communicate openly about 

his or her thoughts and feelings. If there is 
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 5

limited information, make a commitment to 

help find the answers. Provide information 

about the birth family’s cultural, racial, and 

religious backgrounds. Share photos, if 

available.

 Develop a lifebook. If your teenager does 

not already have a lifebook or similar tool 

that records personal history, key events, 

and important people in his or her life, 

now is the time to help create one. Some 

adopted teens make creative photo-essays, 

videos, or blogs to tell their story. For more 

information, see the Lifebooks section

of the Information Gateway website for 

resources, tips, and samples. 

 Support youth in building a deeper 

understanding of their heritage. The 

teenage years are an important time for 

youth to explore their racial, ethnic, and 

religious identity and background. Connect 

youth to cultural, ethnic, and spiritual 

activities. Help your teenager learn about 

his or her cultural background and race (see 

Information Gateway's Parenting in Racially 

and Culturally Diverse Adoptive Families

factsheet and web section on Adoption by 

Family Type: Racially and Culturally Diverse 

Families).

 Provide opportunities to interact with 

other teens and young adults who have 

experienced foster care and/or who were 

adopted. This can help normalize your 

teenager's experience and ease the feelings 

of differentness and isolation. Look for an 

adoption support group or mentorship 

program that includes members with 

the same racial, cultural, or national 

background as your teen. Check with your 

adoption agency or search Information 

Gateway's National Foster Care & Adoption 

Directory.

 Point out similarities between you and 

your teen. If your teen can see similarities 

between the both of you, it may help 

strengthen his or her attachment to your 

family. A strong attachment can help your 

teen feel safer as he or she enters the adult 

world. Find activities and interests to share 

and bond over to reinforce the ways in 

which you're alike.

 Talk openly about intimacy and sexuality 

with your teenager. Communicate your 

values on dating, sex, and relationships. Talk 

about what it takes to develop and maintain 

healthy relationships. This is equally 

important for teens with developmental 

delays or other physical, cognitive, or 

mental health challenges. Educate youth 

about abstinence, safe sex, and birth 

control. The U.S. Department of Health and 

Human Services offers a Talk to Your Kids 

About Sex webpage. 

 Support and affirm LGBTQ youth in 

expressing who they are. Provide teens 

with an open, supportive environment and 

access to peer and adult mentors and role 

models they can turn to for information 

and guidance as they explore issues of 

gender identity and sexual orientation. 

Promote healthy development and selfesteem. Information Gateway's Resources 

for Families of LGBTQ Youth web section

provides related material.

APPROACHING ADULTHOOD

An important part of parenting teenagers is 

creating the conditions in which they can 

master adult tasks as they take on greater 

independence. Teenagers need time to 

gradually learn and practice adult life skills 

and will need ongoing support systems to 

negotiate the adult world. 
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Developmentally, teenagers who were 

adopted at an older age may need extra time 

and encouragement to learn adult tasks. They 

may not be ready for adult responsibilities 

at the same age as their peers. Additionally, 

teens who have experienced unstable living 

situations may not be emotionally ready to 

live away from their families, even if they are 

developmentally able. Some may choose to 

live at home and attend a local community 

college. Teens with learning delays or 

disabilities will require extra time and effort 

to learn adult life skills. They may need to find 

alternatives and adjustments for certain life 

skills, such as driving.

What You Can Do:

 Teach essential life skills. Provide varied 

opportunities to learn about and practice 

daily-living activities, such as managing 

their finances, cooking, doing laundry, 

making medical appointments, filling 

prescriptions, or maintaining a car. Help 

your teen identify other adults who can 

help them with specific skills, such as an 

uncle who knows a lot about cars or a 

mentor who is a whiz at creating a budget. 

 Promote ongoing, supportive 

relationships. Few young adults are ready 

for fully "independent" living. Your teenager 

will need continued assistance and 

guidance from you, other relatives, friends, 

mentors, and others. Even after your young 

adult moves out of your home, you can 

help him or her feel less overwhelmed 

by providing emotional and tangible 

support—perhaps by helping to paint a new 

apartment, showing up with a care package 

of groceries, or giving tips on filling out tax 

forms. 

 Be clear about how you will help your 

teenager move into adult life. Young adults 

need to know how long they can live at 

home and whether they can expect their 

parents to help them with college tuition, 

rent, health insurance, and other expenses. 

Base your support and expectations on your 

youth’s abilities, level of emotional security, 

and history—and not on his or her age. If 

you feel it is time for your son or daughter 

to move out, be sure to help him or her find 

suitable housing, employment, or schooling, 

as this can be overwhelming for young 

adults.

 Advocate for services for youth with 

disabilities. Under Federal law (the 

Individuals With Disabilities Education Act), 

by the time a special-education student 

reaches age 16, the school must provide 

a plan that may include help in obtaining 

further education, getting a job, or living 

independently. Talk with the school’s 

"transition coordinator" about your teen's 

transition plan and available services.

BEHAVIORAL AND MENTAL 

HEALTH CONCERNS 

The teenage years can be a time of intense 

emotions and when behavioral or mental 

health issues surface, including some with 

genetic links, making this a difficult time for 

some adopted youth. Adoption-related issues, 

such as feelings of loss and grief, ambivalence 

over identity, and complexities surrounding 

their relinquishment and related insecurities, 

can add to those feelings. Your teenager needs 

your love and understanding more than ever 

during these transitional years. 
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In addition to your unwavering support, your 

son or daughter might benefit from talking 

with a counselor or therapist who is skilled 

with adolescents and knowledgeable about 

adoption issues. Having a teen adoption 

support group or a peer who was also adopted 

and who is a good role model or mentor can 

also be valuable.

For some youth, inner turmoil may lead to 

risky behaviors. Teens who were adopted may 

be at increased risk for a variety of negative 

outcomes due to previous abuse or neglect. 

Depression, anxiety, or relationship problems 

might indicate a response to trauma and loss. 

Childhood trauma does not resolve itself; 

it often needs to be treated by a qualified, 

trauma-informed behavioral/mental health 

provider.

Information Gateway's The Impact of Adoption

addresses some of the key emotional issues 

that can trigger behavioral or mental health 

concerns in persons who were adopted. 

The Mental Health webpage on Youth.gov 

provides detailed information and resources 

on teenage mental health.

What you can do:

 Be aware of signs that can indicate your 

teen needs help. (See the box below for 

more information.) Seek a professional 

opinion from your doctor or a mental health 

professional.

 Find the right person to help. Adoption 

support groups, postadoption programs, 

and other adoptive parents can provide 

referrals for mental health professionals 

who are knowledgeable about adoption and 

trauma. It is important that the professional 

understands the complexities of adoption 

and any special needs your teen might 

have, such as attachment issues, medical 

conditions, or learning disabilities (see 

Information Gateway's Finding and Working 

With Adoption-Competent Therapists).

Signs a Teen May Need Professional 

Help 

 Your teen exhibits extreme moods or 

emotions, such as the following: 

– Anger, sadness, or depression for 

much of the time

– Extreme fearfulness or anxiety

– Seeming withdrawn or completely 

lacking energy

 Your teen engages in risky or outof-control behaviors, including the 

following: 

– Self-injury

– Harmful sexual activity

– Eating disorders

– Drug and/or alcohol use 

 Your teen has anger management or 

relationship problems and exhibits the 

following behaviors: 

– Shows extreme anger or aggression 

with peers

– Finds family interactions stressful 

– Avoids family members and friends

– Has unsafe peer relationships

– Has no friends (is a "loner")
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Harmony Family Center, a Tennessee-based 

agency offering evidence-based therapeutic 

services to children and families, provides 

resources to help parents and caregivers, 

including a developmental timeline with 

suggested sensory interventions for children 

from birth through early adulthood. Sensory 

interventions are various mind-body exercises 

or activities that can help your teen selfregulate, focus, and calm down, such as 

practicing yoga, listening to or playing music, 

or engaging in deep-breathing exercises.

THE EFFECTS OF TRAUMA

Children and youth who were adopted may 

have been exposed to trauma early in life. 

According to the National Child Traumatic 

Stress Network, untreated trauma can 

interfere with physical, cognitive, and 

social-emotional development and result 

in behavioral and mental health problems. 

Depending on your teenager's prior 

experiences, he or she may overreact in 

certain situations, have a hard time with 

trusting, shut down emotionally, or act 

aggressively. The effects of trauma may be 

retriggered and/or reprocessed through the 

developmental lens of adolescence. Traumarelated effects that previously seemed to have 

gone away may suddenly reappear.

What You Can Do:

 Be available, predictable, and 

understanding. Build trust by being 

emotionally and physically available, even if 

your teen tries to keep you at a distance.

 Identify trauma triggers. Try to notice 

what might trigger past traumas and the 

accompanying behaviors or emotions. 

Certain noises, actions, and/or smells 

may trigger memories of traumatic events. 

Help your teen learn how to recognize and 

manage these set points.

 Create a safe space for your teen to 

express emotions without being judged.

Emotional outbursts may be a natural 

response to reminders of past threats. 

Try to remain calm and reassuring.

 Get professional help, if needed. 

An adoption and trauma-competent 

therapist may be needed to help your teen 

and your family overcome trauma-related 

behaviors (see Information Gateway's 

Finding and Working With AdoptionCompetent Therapists).

Child Welfare Information Gateway offers 

several resources to help you understand 

your teenager's behavioral and mental 

health needs: 

 Understanding the Emotional Impact of 

Adoption (web section)

 Behavioral Health and Wellness 

Resources for Children and Families

(web section)

 Behavioral Health Consequences of 

Child Abuse and Neglect (web section)

 Emotional/Behavioral Health Needs of 

Children and Youth (web section)
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EFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE

Teenagers will frequently test the boundaries 

of family rules as they increasingly assert their 

independence. They may experiment with risky 

or forbidden activities while navigating peer 

pressures. It is important that you be clear and 

consistent about your expectations for youth 

and set reasonable limits (e.g., curfews). Talk 

openly about safety concerns. At the same time, 

allow your son or daughter to make choices 

and see that you trust him or her to make 

good decisions. Look for positive discipline 

approaches that emphasize strengthening your 

relationship and support independence while 

providing guidance and structure.

Teens who were adopted, particularly those who 

were recently adopted or who were previously 

abused or neglected, require discipline practices 

that emphasize relationship building and 

support attachment and trust. It is important 

to reinforce positive behaviors as often as 

possible and be clear about which behaviors are 

unacceptable. Some punishment can trigger 

trauma memories, create anxiety, lessen trust, 

and cause further harm. In addition, discipline 

should take the teen’s prior experiences and 

developmental level into account. For example, 

an adopted teenager who has experienced 

severe neglect may not respond well to the 

removal of his or her valued belongings. 

Requiring a youth who has attachment issues to 

go to his or her room may not be as helpful as 

having that teen work alongside you to complete 

a household chore. If your child struggles with 

peer relationships or low self-esteem, it is not 

wise to remove an activity (such as a youth 

group or sport) that provides an opportunity for 

growth in these areas.

What You Can Do:

 Focus on attachment and relationship 

building. Create avenues of open 

communication and support that build trust 

and a strong relationship.

 Encourage and reinforce good behavior.

Point out things that your son or daughter 

does right as often as possible, and more 

often than the things you find wrong. Say yes 

as often as possible. 

 Be specific. Instead of telling your teenager to 

be home "at a reasonable hour," let them know 

the exact time you expect them in the door. 

 Give your teen a voice. Engage your son or 

daughter in setting reasonable rules and 

resolving issues. For example, ask, “What can 

we do to help you remember to clean up the 

kitchen after you’ve used it?" Being invited 

into the problem-solving process shows your 

teen respect and motivates him or her to 

be part of the solution. If you find out that 

your teenager has broken a family rule (e.g., 

attended a party with no adult supervision), 

listen to his or her explanation yet be clear 

about limits and your concerns for his or her 

safety. 

 Make sure discipline matches your teen’s 

abilities. Match your expectations to your 

teen’s developmental stage. While using 

logical consequences can sometimes 

discourage undesirable behaviors (e.g., 

limiting video game time in response to 

inappropriate behavior), it may not be 

practical for a teen who has difficulties 

seeing the connection between actions and 

consequences. In addition, tying incentives 

to short-term rewards (e.g., allowing use of 

the car if good grades are maintained) may be 

more powerful than longer-term goals such 

as studying for college.
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 Stay calm. A teenager’s emotions can be 

overwhelming and result in challenging 

behaviors. Be a role model in how you deal 

with frustration. When emotions "heat up," 

stay composed and resist the urge to raise 

your voice. Take a few moments to calm 

down, if needed. Reassure your teen that 

he or she is safe and cared for and discuss 

the situation calmly when you regain 

composure. 

Information Gateway's Parenting Children and 

Youth Who Have Experienced Abuse or Neglect

offers recommendations for how to handle 

discipline issues with youth who have been 

maltreated.

TALKING OPENLY ABOUT 

ADOPTION

Parents who are positive about adoption, 

comfortable talking about it, and acknowledge 

their teenager's feelings are best able to help 

their youth do the same. If you tense up when 

the topic of adoption is raised, you may create 

a negative impression for your teen. Don't 

wait until your teenager raises the topic or 

asks questions about his or her birth family. 

Some children never raise the topic for fear 

of offending their adoptive parents. Others 

may act disinterested when they might really 

like to talk about it. Bringing up adoption in 

a matter-of-fact way and inviting your child 

to explore questions will encourage healthy 

discussion and show your child you are not 

threatened by their curiosity. 

You may struggle with sharing potentially 

upsetting information about your teenager's 

past (for example, if your teenager was 

abandoned early in life or if one of the 

birth parents was incarcerated). Remember 

that not being straightforward about your 

teenager's past might cause him or her to 

imagine something worse than what actually 

happened and withholding information can 

get in the way of a trusting relationship with 

your child. The teenage years are an ideal time 

to help your son or daughter understand his 

or her birth family story and make sense of 

personal history.

What You Can Do:

 Be direct about your willingness to talk 

about adoption and your teenager's 

feelings. Your son or daughter may fear 

they are being disloyal to you if they want 

to talk about their birth family and/or want 

to have a connection with them. Let them 

know that you love them and will support 

these emotional and physical connections. 

 Be honest about your child's past.

Teens who were adopted can handle 

more sensitive and potentially difficult 

information than younger children. 

Let your teenager know what you know 

or can find out about their birth and 

adoption circumstances. Share information 

that may be upsetting or difficult and help 

him or her to manage the painful aspects of 

their past.

 Help your teenager frame a full picture 

of his or her birth parents. Hearing one 

side of the story (for example, the birth 

mother was not able to parent) provides 

an incomplete picture. Help your 

teenager consider the full extent of his 

or her birth parents' experiences and 

characteristics. Talk about them as 

individuals with strengths and challenges. 

It is important to let your teen express 

anger, disappointment, or frustration 

about his or her experience while also 

offering a more balanced perspective of 

the circumstances.
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 11

 Look for "teachable moments" to open 

conversations. A television program, current 

event, or a new family in the neighborhood 

might provide the perfect opening to ask 

about your teenager's thoughts and feelings.

 Be patient. Communication may be a 

struggle. Teenagers may shun conversation to 

assert independence. Talking while engaging 

in an activity, such as going some place 

together in the car, may come more easily. 

Your teenager is more likely to share his or 

her thoughts if you are calm, relaxed, and 

open.

 Create opportunities for your teenager to 

talk with others. Meeting with other teens 

who were adopted or someone who serves in 

a mentor role can create a safe haven for your 

teenager to discuss what's on his or her mind.

How to Talk With Tweens & Teens About 

Adoption on the Creating a Family website 

offers additional tips.

CONNECTING WITH BIRTH RELATIVES

Helping your teenager maintain or explore 

a relationship with birth family members—

assuming this is in his or her best interests—

can help develop your teen's sense of identity. 

Talk with your adoption professional and see 

Information Gateway's factsheets on Searching 

for Birth Relatives and Helping Your Adopted 

Children Maintain Important Relationships 

With Family and the webpage on Maintaining 

Connections With Birth Families in Adoption 

for more information. The internet and social 

media have made it easier for youth to have 

contact with their birth families. While new 

connections may be made, this may happen 

without your son or daughter being emotionally 

prepared and without your knowledge. 

What You Can Do:

 Build healthy relationships with birth 

family members if connections exist. 

Show respect for the family and maintain 

a genuine commitment to supporting your 

teen's relationships.

 If your teenager has not established 

connections with the birth family and wants 

to find his or her birth parents or additional 

family members, explore options for learning 

more. Ask your son or daughter about his 

or her feelings about potential contact with 

birth relatives. This can be a very emotional 

process. Emphasize the importance of being 

prepared and having supports in place before 

starting a search. 

 Be familiar with your teenager's social 

media use. Establish internet rules and 

provide guidance for safe use (e.g., don't 

give out identifying information and location). 

Let your teen know that you want to 

 join him or her in searching and that you 

prefer your teen not to do this alone. 

Discuss the possibility that a birth relative 

could try to make contact through social 

media, the importance of you knowing 

about any attempts at contact, and the 

various ways you might respond—together 

(see Information Gateway's Social Media in 

Adoption web section).

 Find support. You and your teenager may 

benefit from learning about other people's 

experiences, for example through support 

groups for persons who were adopted and 

adoptive parent support groups. To find 

groups in your State, search Child Welfare 

Information Gateway's National Foster Care & 

Adoption Directory.
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ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

 The Center for Adoption Support and 

Education provides resources for adoptive 

parents.

 The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and 

Prevention provides a webpage, Information 

for Parents With Teens (Ages 12–19), that 

includes health, safety, and parenting tips.

 The National Council for Adoption provides 

resources for adoptive parents. 

 Postadoption Services and Support is an 

Information Gateway webpage that provides 

information and examples of postadoption 

services.

 Support for Parents Who Adopt From Foster 

Care is an AdoptUSKids webpage that focuses 

on understanding the emotional needs of 

children who have experienced foster care.

CONCLUSION

Parenting your adopted teenager can be greatly 

rewarding as you help your son or daughter 

navigate the need for greater independence 

while offering continued guidance, supervision, 

and support. It is exciting to watch a young 

person strengthen his or her identity and 

develop new capabilities. 

Parents who show respect for their teens' 

background and histories will help create 

long-lasting, positive relationships with their 

sons and daughters. With clear communication, 

trust, and support, parents can help their 

teenagers prepare for healthy, happy, and 

productive adulthoods.

Suggested citation: Child Welfare Information 

Gateway. (2020). Parenting your adopted 

teenager. U.S. Department of Health and 

Human Services, Administration for 

Children and Families, Children’s Bureau.

Postadoption Contact With Birth 

Relatives 

Child Welfare Information Gateway offers 

several resources to help adoptive families 

maintain or develop relationships with 

birth relatives:

 Helping Your Adopted Children 

Maintain Important Relationships With 

Family (factsheet)

 Facilitating Postadoption Contact and 

Ongoing Relationships (web section)

 Maintaining Connections With Birth 

Families in Adoption (web section)

This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare Information 

Gateway. This publication is available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/parent-teenager/.

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services 

Administration for Children and Families 

Administration on Children, Youth and Families 

Children’s Bureau