When Your

Child

 Is Missing:

 A Family

 Survival Guide

U.S. Department of Justice

Office of Justice Programs

Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention

DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE

OFF ICE OF JUSTICE PROGRAMS

BJA NI J OJJDP BJS OVC

• you are not alone; families can and do survive • there is no right or wrong way to

respond; there is no right or wrong way to feel • hope is essential to your survival • to

give your child the best chances of being found, you and law enforcement must treat

one another as partners • base your relationship with law enforcement on mutual respect, trust, and honesty; however, you don’t have to agree on every detail • trust your

feelings, instincts, and gut reactions; share them with law enforcement so they can be

checked out • don’t be afraid to make suggestions or air differences of opinion • contact

the media immediately; they can be a very effective tool in asking for help • if you are

unable to speak alone, select someone to function as your media

spokesperson • remember that you

control the situation, the media do not

control you • you have the right to say

no to an interview • you have the right

to refrain from answering questions

if doing so makes you feel uncomfortable • you have the right to completely give your side of the story •

you have the right to be treated with

dignity and respect • let people know

you love your child and need their

help in finding and bringing your child

home • hold a prayer or candlelight

vigil • distributing pictures and information is an essential part of search

and recovery • get as many people

and organizations as possible to distribute your child’s picture • plug into

NCMEC’s photo distribution services • place reward posters where those people most

likely to have information can see them • the many offers of support will carry you

through; when people ask what they can do, try to tell them something specific • don’t

be afraid to ask for what you need . . . people really do want to help • as long as you have

specific tasks for volunteers to perform, they won’t go away • asking volunteers to help

relieves you of the burden of trying to do everything yourself, which you cannot • many

organizations are poised to help you find your missing child • do everything you can to

take care of yourself • it is okay, even necessary, to take a break from the stress for

dinner and a walk • don’t blame yourself . . . at any given moment, you are doing the

best you possibly can • you do not have to be an “emotional rock” for extended family •

seek peace and solace for yourself, encourage family members to do the same • a

laugh can be as cleansing as a good cry • your child needs you to be strong • bring the

needs of your other children into balance with those of your missing child • don’t let your

loss become a taboo subject • keep a notebook with you to record your thoughts and

review it periodically • keep your focus and exercise caution • never stop looking
National Center for Missing and

Exploited Children

699 Prince Street

Alexandria, VA 22314

800–THE–LOST (800–843–5678) (Hotline for the

United States, Canada, and Mexico), 800–826–7653

(TTD), or 703–235–3900

303–235–4067 (Fax)

E-Mail: 77431.177@compuserve.com

Internet: www.missingkids.com

CyberTipline: www.missingkids.com/cybertip

Branch Offices

California: 714–508–0150

Florida: 561–848–1900

Kansas City (KS/MO): 816–756–5422

New York: 716–254–2326

South Carolina: 803–254–2326

Child Protection Division

U.S. Department of Justice

Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention

810 Seventh Street NW.

Washington, DC 20531

202–616–3637

202–307–2819 (Fax)

Internet: www.ojjdp.ncjrs.org

Office for Victims of Crime

U.S. Department of Justice

810 Seventh Street NW.

Washington, DC 20531

202–307–5983

202–514–6383 (Fax)

Internet: www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ovc/

Federal Bureau of Investigation

See the front of your local telephone book for the

number of your local FBI Field Office.

Child Abduction and Serial Murder

Investigative Resources Center

National Center for the Analysis of Violent Crime

Federal Bureau of Investigation

Quantico, VA 22135

703–632–4400

703–632–4350 (Fax)

FBI Headquarters

Special Investigations and Initiatives Unit

Crimes Against Children Unit

935 Pennsylvania Avenue NW.

Washington, DC 20535–0001

202–324–3666

202–324–2731 (Fax)

Association of Missing and Exploited

Children’s Organizations, Inc.

616 Adams Avenue

Memphis, TN 38105

901–405–8441

901–405–8856 (Fax)

Internet: www.amecoinc.org

Contact Organizations
When Your

Child

 Is Missing:

 A Family

 Survival Guide

Second Edition

October 2002

J. Robert Flores, Administrator

Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention
The Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention is a component of the Office of Justice

Programs, which also includes the Bureau of Justice Assistance, the Bureau of Justice Statistics, the

National Institute of Justice, and the Office for Victims of Crime.

U.S. Department of Justice

Office of Justice Programs

Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention

810 Seventh Street NW.

Washington, DC 20531

John Ashcroft

Attorney General

Deborah J. Daniels

Assistant Attorney General

J. Robert Flores

Administrator

This document was prepared by Fox Valley Technical College under cooperative agreement number

95–MC–CX–K002 from the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, U.S. Department

of Justice. This edition is updated from the original printing.
I remember standing in the middle

of the chaos thinking, I wish I had a

book to tell me what to do.

—Colleen Nick

vii

Foreword

In an instant, a peaceful day can become a nightmare when a child is discovered missing. Recently, we have witnessed tragic abductions of children of all ages across

America—in rural byways and major cities. We have also been heartened by the joyful

reunions of children safely returned to their parents.

Children may be missing from home for a variety of reasons. They may run away after

a heated argument with their parents or be lured away by an online predator in an

Internet chatroom. They may be taken by a noncustodial parent to another country—

perhaps to strike back at an ex-spouse—or abducted by someone the child does not know.

Whatever the reason a child is missing, parents’ lives are turned upside down, and

minutes race into hours as they frantically seek their child’s return to the safety of

home. We know that time is of the essence in terms of finding a child. What should

parents do if their child is missing? To whom can they turn? What help can they

expect?

When Your Child Is Missing: A Family Survival Guide was written as a labor of love and a

vision of hope by parents who have experienced firsthand the trauma of a missing child.

It has been updated to provide parents the most current information available and

provides helpful insights into what families should do—and what they can expect—

when a child is missing. Above all, it offers encouragement and support at a time when

they are needed most.

I pray that you will never experience the trauma of a missing child and that every child

will be kept safe from harm and danger. Should your child become missing, however,

I hope that this Guide gives you the knowledge to face this terrible challenge with

strength and determination.

J. Robert Flores

Administrator

Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention
Acknowledgments

The Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention (OJJDP) is grateful to all of the people

who gave their time, energy, and talent to developing this Guide, especially the following parents

who know firsthand the pain, suffering, and hope of families with missing children:

Heather Cox and Marion Boburka, mother and grandmother, respectively, of

Shelby Cox, who was found murdered on November 18, 1995.

Colleen Nick, mother of Morgan Nick, who has been missing since June 9, 1995.

Claudine and Don Ryce, parents of Jimmy Ryce, who was found murdered on

December 9, 1995.

Patrick Sessions, father of Tiffany Sessions, who has been missing since

February 9, 1989.

Patty Wetterling, mother of Jacob Wetterling, who has been missing since

October 22, 1989.

This group of parents created this Guide as a labor of love and as a message of hope and encouragement for families whose children are still missing. Their courage and strength are greatly admired.

OJJDP also thanks the many professionals who have given their time and effort to find children who

are missing, who have worked to prevent children from being abducted, and who have put together this Guide for families facing this crisis. This includes Helen Connelly, James P. Finley,

and Joellen Talbot of Fox Valley Technical College. The final editing and production of this Guide

were performed by the Juvenile Justice Clearinghouse. OJJDP acknowledges Tina Kramer,

Denise Collins, and Lauren Staples for graphic design and layout and Ellen Grogan, Irene Cooperman,

and Beverly Sullivan for editorial support. OJJDP also acknowledges and thanks the many individuals who painstakingly reviewed the Guide to make sure that it provides parents with the information

they so desperately need during these crises. Special thanks also go to Ron Laney, Director of OJJDP’s

Child Protection Division. His concern for and commitment to missing children and their parents inspired the creation of this Guide.

This Guide is dedicated to all the children who are separated from their families. Our prayer is that

you always know that the search will continue until you are found.

ix
Table of Contents

A Message From Assistant Attorney General Deborah J. Daniels .................................. v

Foreword ............................................................................................................................ vii

Acknowledgments .............................................................................................................. ix

Introduction ........................................................................................................................ 1

Checklist: What You Should Do When Your Child Is First Missing............................. 2

The AMBER Plan ...................................................................................................... 4

Chapter 1: The Search ........................................................................................................ 5

Your Role in the Search: The First 48 Hours .............................................................. 5

The Role of Law Enforcement in the Search ............................................................. 5

The Role of Volunteers in the Search ........................................................................ 7

After the First 48 Hours: The Long-Term Search ....................................................... 8

The Role of Private Detectives and Psychics in the Long-Term Search ................... 10

Key Points............................................................................................................... 11

Checklist: Gathering Evidence in the First 48 Hours ................................................ 13

Chapter 2: Law Enforcement ........................................................................................... 17

Your Partnership With Law Enforcement ................................................................ 17

Key Points............................................................................................................... 20

Checklist: Working With Law Enforcement............................................................. 21

Chapter 3: The Media ....................................................................................................... 25

Media Involvement: The First 48 Hours .................................................................. 25

Media Involvement: After the First 48 Hours .......................................................... 28

Key Points............................................................................................................... 32

Checklist: Conducting Interviews With the Media ................................................... 33

Chapter 4: Photo and Flier Distribution ........................................................................... 37

Photo and Flier Distribution: The First 48 Hours ...................................................... 37

Photo and Flier Distribution: After the First 48 Hours .............................................. 41

Key Points............................................................................................................... 44

Checklist: Distributing Fliers .................................................................................... 45

xi
xii

Chapter 5: Volunteers ....................................................................................................... 47

Making the Best Use of Volunteers ........................................................................ 47

Using Untrained Volunteers in the Search Effort ..................................................... 49

Using Trained Volunteers in the Search Effort ......................................................... 49

Key Points............................................................................................................... 51

Checklist: Working With Volunteer Searchers ......................................................... 52

Chapter 6: Rewards and Donations ................................................................................. 55

Monetary Rewards ................................................................................................. 55

Monetary Donations ............................................................................................... 56

Key Points............................................................................................................... 58

Checklist: Selecting a Tipline for Leads ................................................................... 59

Chapter 7: Personal and Family Considerations ............................................................. 61

Regaining Your Emotional and Physical Strength .................................................... 61

Mentally Preparing for the Long Term ..................................................................... 64

Helping Your Children To Regain Their Physical and Emotional Strength ................. 64

Helping Extended Family Members To Regain Their Physical and

Emotional Strength ............................................................................................... 66

Key Points............................................................................................................... 68

Checklist: Figuring Out How To Pay Your Bills ........................................................ 70

Recommended Readings ................................................................................................. 73

Additional Resources ........................................................................................................ 77

About the Parent Authors ................................................................................................ 87

Index ................................................................................................................................. 91

xii
1

The Search

Introduction

When your child is missing, your whole world

seems to fall apart. You are bombarded by

questions from friends, neighbors, the police,

and the media and forced to make decisions

that you never thought you would have to

make. You feel desperate, confused, isolated.

You may feel that you have nowhere to go for

help or support.

Many parents who have faced similar crises

have said that they wished they had a book to

tell them where to turn when their child was

missing. They felt that they were left on their

own to figure out what to do. They longed for

someone to give them direction or to tell

them where to go for help and what needs to

be done. They also wished they had known

what to expect and how to respond.

This Guide was written by parents and family

members who have experienced the disappearance of a child. It contains their combined

advice concerning what you can expect when

your child is missing, what you can do, and

where you can go for help. It explains the role

that various agencies and organizations play

in the search for your missing child and discusses some of the important issues that you

and your family need to consider. The first

checklist, What You Should Do When Your

Child Is First Missing, summarizes the most

critical steps that parents should take when

their child is first missing, including whom

to call, what to do to preserve evidence, and

where to turn for help.

The rest of the Guide is divided into seven

chapters, each of which is structured to allow

you to find the information you need quickly

and easily. Each chapter explains both the

short- and long-term issues and contains a

checklist and chapter summary for later reference. Chapter 1, The Search, focuses on the

search for your child and explains how you as

a parent can best participate in the search.

Chapter 2, Law Enforcement, describes your

relationship with law enforcement and offers

tips that will help you work together effectively. Chapter 3, The Media, examines issues

related to the media, including media packages, press conferences, and interviews.

Chapter 4, Photo and Flier Distribution, offers

suggestions for producing fliers about your

child and for managing the photo and flier

distribution process. Chapter 5, Volunteers,

focuses on the many uses of volunteers—

both trained and untrained—to help in the

search and to provide for the needs of the

family. Chapter 6, Rewards and Donations,

discusses the use of rewards and the management of monetary donations. Chapter 7,

Personal and Family Considerations, emphasizes the need to take care of yourself, your

children, and members of your extended

family. A list of recommended readings and

a list of public and private resources appear

at the back of the Guide.

It is important to note that there is no right or

wrong way to respond to the disappearance

of a child, nor is there a right or wrong way to

feel. The path you follow must be right for

you. What makes sense for you will be based

on your needs, your experiences, and your

circumstances. Our hope is that the Guide will

help you to make informed decisions about

what you do and how you go about it.

You may find that the information in this

Guide is overwhelming right now. If so,

ask family members, friends, or other support persons to read it for you. They can

help you take the steps needed to help

recover your missing child.

Finally, as hard as it may seem, try to remain

hopeful. Remember that hope is more than a

wish, helping you to clear this hurdle. Hope is

essential to your survival.
2

Family Survival Guide

Checklist: What You Should Do

When Your Child Is First Missing

The first 48 hours following the disappearance of a child are the most critical in terms of finding

and returning that child safely home—but they also can be the most troublesome and chaotic. Use

this checklist during those first hours to help you do everything you can to increase the chances of

recovering your child—but if more than 48 hours have passed since your child disappeared, you

should still try to tend to these items as quickly as possible. All of the action steps described here

are covered in greater detail later in the Guide to help you gain a better understanding of what you

should be doing and why.

The First 24 Hours

Immediately report your child as missing to your local law enforcement agency. Ask investigators

to enter your child into the National Crime Information Center (NCIC) Missing Persons File. There is

no waiting period for entry into NCIC for children under age 18.

Request that law enforcement put out a Be On the Look Out (BOLO) bulletin. Ask them about

involving the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) in the search for your child.

Ask your law enforcement agency if it uses the AMBER Plan (America’s Missing: Broadcast

Emergency Response). The AMBER Plan is a voluntary partnership between law enforcement

agencies and broadcasters to activate an urgent bulletin in the most serious child abduction cases

(see page 4 for more information on the AMBER Plan).

Limit access to your home until law enforcement arrives and has collected possible evidence. Do

not touch or remove anything from your child’s room or from your home. Remember that clothing,

sheets, personal items, computers, and even trash may hold clues to the whereabouts of your

child. The checklist in chapter 1 (Gathering Evidence in the First 48 Hours) contains detailed information about securing your child’s room and preserving evidence.

Ask for the name and telephone number of the law enforcement investigator assigned to your

case, and keep this information in a safe and convenient place.

Give law enforcement investigators all the facts and circumstances related to the disappearance of

your child, including what efforts have already been made to search for your child.

Write a detailed description of the clothing worn by your child and the personal items he or she

had at the time of the disappearance. Include in your description any personal identification marks,

such as birthmarks, scars, tattoos, or mannerisms, that may help in finding your child. If possible,

find a picture of your child that shows these identification marks and give it to law enforcement.

See the chapter 1 checklist (Gathering Evidence in the First 48 Hours) for more details.

Make a list of friends, acquaintances, and anyone else who might have information or clues about

your child’s whereabouts. Include telephone numbers and addresses, if possible. Tell your law

enforcement investigator about anyone who moved in or out of the neighborhood within the past

year, anyone whose interest in or involvement with the family changed in recent months, and

anyone who appeared to be overly interested in your child.

Find recent photographs of your child in both black and white and color. Make copies of these

pictures for your law enforcement agency, the media, your State missing children’s clearinghouse,

the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC), and other nonprofit organizations.

Chapter 4 (Photo and Flier Distribution) contains suggestions on how to produce and distribute

fliers and posters.

Call NCMEC at 800–THE–LOST (800–843–5678) to ask for help. Also, ask for the telephone

numbers of other nonprofit organizations that might be able to help.

Look in the Additional Resources section at the end of this Guide to find the telephone number

of your State missing children’s clearinghouse. Then, call your clearinghouse to find out what

resources and services it can provide in the search for your child.
3

Introduction

Ask your law enforcement agency to organize a search for your child. Ask them about using tracking or trailing dogs (preferably bloodhounds) in the search effort. Read chapters 1 (The Search) and

5 (Volunteers) as you prepare for the search.

Ask your law enforcement agency for help in contacting the media. Chapter 3 (The Media) contains advice on working with the media.

Designate one person to answer your telephone. Keep a notebook or pad of paper by the telephone so this person can jot down names, telephone numbers, dates and times of calls, and other

information relating to each call.

Keep a notebook or pad of paper with you at all times to write down your thoughts or questions

and record important information, such as names, dates, or telephone numbers.

Take good care of yourself and your family, because your child needs you to be strong. As hard as

it may be, force yourself to get rest, eat nourishing food, and talk to someone about your tumultuous feelings. When you can, read chapter 7 (Personal and Family Considerations).

The Second 24 Hours

Talk with your law enforcement investigator about the steps that are being taken to find your child.

If your law enforcement investigator does not have a copy of Missing and Abducted Children: A

Law Enforcement Guide to Case Investigation and Program Management, suggest that he or she

call NCMEC at 800–THE–LOST (800–843–5678) to obtain one. Also, your law enforcement investigator can contact the Crimes Against Children Coordinator in the local FBI Field Office to obtain a

copy of the FBI’s Child Abduction Response Plan.

Expand your list of friends, acquaintances, extended family members, yard workers, delivery persons, and anyone who may have seen your child during or following the abduction.

Look at personal calendars, community events calendars, and newspapers to see if there are any

clues as to who was in the vicinity and might be the abductor or a possible witness. Give this

information to law enforcement.

Expect that you will be asked to take a polygraph test, which is standard procedure. If you have

not done so yet, read chapter 1 (The Search).

Ask your law enforcement agency to request that NCMEC issue a broadcast fax to law enforcement agencies around the country. If you have not already read chapter 4 (Photo and Flier Distribution), try to read it now.

Work with your law enforcement agency to schedule press releases and media events. If necessary, ask someone close to you to serve as your media spokesperson. Chapter 3 (The Media)

provides tips on working with the media.

Talk to your law enforcement agency about the use of a reward. When you can, read chapter 6

(Rewards and Donations).

Report all extortion attempts to law enforcement.

Have a second telephone line installed with call forwarding. Get caller ID and call waiting. Ask law

enforcement to install a trap-and-trace feature on your phone. Get a cellular phone or pager so you

can be reached when you are away from home.

Take care of yourself. Don’t be afraid to ask others to take care of your physical and emotional

needs and those of your family. Read chapter 7 (Personal and Family Considerations) for specific

suggestions.

Make a list of things that volunteers can do for you and your family. See chapter 5 (Volunteers)

for ideas.

Call your child’s doctor and dentist and ask for copies of medical records and x rays. Give them to

law enforcement.
The AMBER Plan The AMBER Plan

What Is the AMBER Plan?

The AMBER Plan is a voluntary partnership between law enforcement agencies and

broadcasters to activate an urgent news bulletin in the most serious child abduction cases.

Broadcasters use the Emergency Alert System (EAS), formerly called the Emergency

Broadcast System, to air a description of the missing child and suspected abductor.

How Does the AMBER Plan Work?

Once law enforcement is notified about an abducted child, they first determine if the case

meets the AMBER Plan’s criteria for triggering an alert. NCMEC suggests that the following

three criteria be met before an alert is activated:

■ Law enforcement confirms the child abduction.

■ Law enforcement believes the child is in danger of serious bodily harm or death.

■ Sufficient descriptive information exists to believe that an immediate broadcast

will help.

If these three criteria are met, alert information is put together and faxed to radio stations

designated as primary stations under EAS. These stations then send the same information

to area radio, television, and cable systems where it is broadcast to millions of listeners.

Radio stations interrupt programming to announce the alert and television and cable

stations run a “crawl” on the screen with a picture of the missing child.

For more information about the AMBER Plan, visit the NCMEC Web site at

www.missingkids.com.

If we could have gotten the word out

immediately when Morgan disappeared,

I’m certain she would be home with me

today. With the AMBER Plan . . . time is

now on the side of every parent and child.

—Colleen Nick

4

Family Survival Guide
5

The Search

I remember sitting

around our kitchen table on

the first night our son was

taken when the investigators

asked me, “Is there anybody

who liked Jacob too much?

Who gave him special

attention or presents? Who

wanted to take him places?”

I never dreamed that a nice

person could have taken

our son or that the most

common lure is attention

and affection.

—Patty Wetterling

The Search

Not knowing where your child is or if he or she is okay is the

hardest thing in the world to handle.

—Colleen Nick

When a child is reported missing, emotions

become raw, which can hinder the ability of

parents to make rational decisions. Yet, the

actions of parents and of law enforcement in

the first 48 hours are critical to the safe recovery of a missing child. Knowing what you can

do, what others can do, and where to go for

help will not only expedite the search and

recovery of your child, it also will help to ease

the emotional and financial burden of the

search. This chapter examines your role and

the role of others in the immediate search for

your missing child and discusses what steps

should be taken in the event that your child

does not return within the first few days.

Your Role

in the

Search:

The First

48 Hours

In the initial stage of

the search, devote your

time to providing information to and answering questions from

investigators. Once you

discover that your child is

missing, you will desperately want to help with

the search. You may, in

fact, wonder how you

possibly can stand by and

let others look for your

child. But the reality is that

in most instances, the

best use of your energy is not on the physical

search itself. Rather, you need to provide

information to and answer questions from

investigators and to be at home in the event

your child calls. The checklist Gathering Evidence in the First 48 Hours identifies the most

crucial pieces of background information and

evidence that law enforcement will need in

the search for your child.

The Role of Law

Enforcement in

the Search

When a child has disappeared, most of

the initial searching of the area where the

child is believed to have been last will be

coordinated by law enforcement—either

Federal, State, or

local, depending on

the circumstances of

the disappearance.

Law enforcement

needs to direct the

search effort in order

to make sure that the

search is performed

properly and that the

evidence located during

the search—and at the

crime scene—is properly protected and

preserved.

Usually, law enforcement agencies can

quickly obtain the

necessary equipment

and mobilize additional personnel by

bringing in outside

forces. Because time is

a critical factor in the search and recovery

effort, equipment and staff should be

CHAPTER 1
6

Family Survival Guide

Telephone Tips

☎ If you do not already have one, buy a cellular phone or pager so you can be reached

when you are away from home.

☎ Ask law enforcement to install a trap and trace on your phone.

☎ Install a phone with the ability to tape calls.

☎ Ask your telephone company to install caller ID on your telephone line.

☎ Keep a phone log, a pad of paper, or a spiral notebook next to the phone to record the

date and time of phone calls, the name of the caller, and other information.

Telephone Tips

requested at the beginning of the process.

Your local agency may request that tracking or

trailing dogs, infrared devices that locate heat

given off from the body, or helicopters be

delivered to the scene and may request help

from the Border Patrol, the Coast Guard, the

National Guard, other military personnel, or

correctional institution staff. Many of these

groups are already trained in search procedures, and their established chain of command makes the search effort more likely to

be thorough, comprehensive, and efficient. In

addition, the FBI maintains Field Offices that

have Evidence Response Teams that could be

of assistance in cases of missing or abducted

children.

In many communities, law enforcement

agencies have an established plan, similar

to an emergency relief or disaster plan, to

guide their search and recovery efforts. Ask

your law enforcement agency about its plan.

Make sure the agency has a copy of Missing

and Abducted Children: A Law Enforcement

Guide to Case Investigation and Program

Management (published by NCMEC), which

provides step-by-step instructions on how to

respond to and investigate missing children

cases and details procedures for conducting

and managing the search. Also, make sure

that your law enforcement agency has a copy

of the Child Abduction Response Plan (published by the FBI and available from local

Crimes Against Children Coordinators in

FBI Field Offices), which emphasizes the

techniques that are essential in conducting

abduction investigations.

Typically, your law enforcement agency

will designate one or two persons to coordinate and manage the search. Ask for the

name and telephone number of your law

enforcement coordinator as soon as possible.

Keep this information where you can find it in

a safe, convenient place. Keep the lines of

communication open between you and your

search coordinator. Don’t be afraid to ask

questions, make suggestions, or air differences of opinion.

Find out what types of searches are

planned. Searches can be conducted in

several ways:

■ A crime scene search of the areas where

your child was last seen.

■ A door-to-door search.

■ A grid search.

■ A land, sea, or air search.

■ A roadblock search, which may involve

stopping cars at the same time of day at

the location where your child was last

seen. Because people are creatures of

habit and tend to take the same route

each day, roadblock searches sometimes

produce witnesses who saw your child,

who observed someone hanging around

the area, or who remember an out-ofplace vehicle.
7

The Search

Ask your search coordinator what types of

searches are being conducted, and make sure

you feel comfortable that the search effort is

adequate.

Records documenting which areas were

searched, who was present, and what was

found will be kept. Law enforcement will

maintain a record showing what areas have

been searched and by whom. A second

search of critical areas for information and

clues might be advisable, because something

may have been overlooked during the initial

search.

Tracking or trailing dogs, preferably bloodhounds, should be brought immediately to

the scene where your child was last seen.

The fresher the trail, the more likely the dogs

will be able to find your child. Bloodhounds

are your best bet, because they have 60 times

the tracking power of German shepherds, can

discriminate among scents, and can follow

your child’s scent in the air and on the ground.

This means that they may be able to pick up

your child’s scent even if he or she was carried in someone’s arms or in a vehicle.

The Role of

Volunteers in the

Search

If volunteers are used in the search, your

law enforcement agency should still be

responsible for managing the overall

search effort. The extent to which volunteers are used in the search will depend on

whether additional personnel—beyond the

military—are needed. A volunteer search

coordinator may be needed to organize the

volunteer search effort.

Try to recruit established organizations,

agencies, or groups—rather than individual

volunteers—in the search. The use of affiliated groups makes it possible to quickly

gather and organize a large number of volunteers. It also provides an inner chain of command, which makes communication and

training easier, and provides an internal

screening mechanism.

When volunteers are used, request that the

volunteer staging area be located away

from your home. There will be enough traffic,

chaos, and confusion at your home without the

added burden of volunteer search teams.

All volunteer searchers should be required

to sign in each time they participate in a

search activity. The sign-in procedure can

be as simple as asking the volunteer searchers to show their driver’s licenses and to list

in a log book their names, addresses, and

organizational affiliations, such as the Boy

Scouts, local labor union, place of business,

or local post of the Veterans of Foreign Wars.

Keep all records for future reference.

A more elaborate sign-in procedure involves videotaping the sign-in and search

efforts. Although it is impossible to videotape

every search from start to finish, videotapes

that show the searchers, the sign-in process,

and the search locations can provide valuable

information about possible clues and suspects. Some situations that seem innocent

initially, such as the repeated appearance of

an overly concerned searcher, may not be as

innocent as they appear.

Request that law enforcement run background checks on persons volunteering for

the search for prior criminal activity. In

previous cases, thieves, pedophiles, and even

the missing child’s abductor have been known

to join in a search. Background checks can

prevent misguided people from volunteering

and sometimes can provide information that

helps law enforcement conduct the search.

Have your volunteer coordinator talk with

law enforcement to determine whether

additional equipment or personnel are

needed. Contact local businesses, missing

children’s organizations, NCMEC, your State

missing children’s clearinghouse, or other

agencies to obtain the necessary supplies or

tap into a network of people.
8

Family Survival Guide

Further information about resources that

can help with the search can be obtained

by calling NCMEC. Established in 1984 as a

private, nonprofit organization,

NCMEC serves as a

clearinghouse of information on missing and exploited children. It also

provides technical assistance to both citizens and

law enforcement agencies, distributes photographs and descriptions

of missing children nationwide, and networks with

nonprofit service providers and State clearinghouses on missing

children. NCMEC can be contacted at its

headquarters in Virginia or in one of its five

branch offices in California, Florida, Kansas,

New York, and South Carolina.

After the First

48 Hours:

The Long-Term

Search

When the search for a child becomes long

term, not all parents can or will want to be

actively involved in the search. It is okay if you

choose not to be involved. But if you want to

remain active in the long-term search effort,

there are a number of things that you and

other family members, friends, or volunteers

can do to aid in the process.

Develop a plan and set a schedule with

goals for continuing the search for your

child. Work with law enforcement to figure

out what role you and others can play in the

long-term search. This Guide can help, especially chapters 3 (The Media) and 4 (Photo and

Flier Distribution).

Schedule regular visits with your investigator. Set up a schedule for you and your

investigator to review the status of the

investigation and to give each other updates.

However, if you have new, important information, make sure that you give it to law

enforcement as soon

as possible.

Ask to see your

child’s case file

periodically. You

may recognize something meaningful that

was overlooked or

remember something

significant that law

enforcement was not

aware of. Be aware

that there may be pieces of information

that law enforcement cannot—or does not

want to—release to you because it may

jeopardize or hinder the investigation. This

is okay. Some States do not allow the

release of police reports until a case is

closed. Ask your search coordinator what

information can be legally released to you

or what you are allowed to see.

Keep a spiral notebook with you to record

your thoughts and review it periodically.

When you reread your notebook or journal,

you may find a passage that triggers a new

idea or reminds you of something you had

previously forgotten. Advise law enforcement

about any new thoughts you have about the

disappearance of your child.

Consider offering a reward for the safe

return of your child. Chapter 6 contains

specific information on the reward offer.

Find out what Crime Stoppers can do to

help with the search. Crime Stoppers answers telephone calls 24 hours a day, knows

how to take tip information, promises anonymity to callers, and maintains a good working relationship with law enforcement. If you

like, ask to attend one of their meetings. If

they agree, their telephone number may be a

good choice for calls about a reward, because

NCMEC will not provide reward information

on its toll-free line.

The offer of true genuine

support in the first few

days will carry you

through.

—Marion Boburka
9

The Search

Inquire about other programs that can

be used for crime tips and rewards. Talk

with your law enforcement agency and

prosecutor’s office to see if they know of

other local, State, regional, or national programs that can be used to report crime tips

or offer rewards.

Contact NCMEC, the State missing

children’s clearinghouses in the 50

States, and other missing children’s

organizations across the country. Ask

for assistance with distribution of posters

and fliers. Ask each agency what types of

services it has available to assist with the

search. Addresses and phone numbers for

the missing children’s clearinghouses in

the 50 States, the District of Columbia,

Canada, and Puerto Rico are listed in the

Additional Resources section of this Guide.

Keep community awareness of your plight

at a high level. If your child has been missing

for several years, ask NCMEC to develop an

age-progressed picture, then place this picture

next to the original picture on shirts, buttons,

and posters. Chapter 4 contains sample fliers

you can use as models for your own fliers.

Also, if there is new information about your

child—such as a sighting or an interesting

lead—make sure that the public is kept informed. But before you disclose any information, be sure to consult with your law

enforcement contact so the investigation

is not compromised.

Keep the media interested and involved.

Chapter 3 contains ideas for keeping the

media interested in your story.

Make a list of things that others can do to

help. As long as you have specific tasks for

volunteers to perform, they won’t go away.

Getting Help From Political Figures

The media often take special interest in publicizing cases in which political figures are

involved. You can solicit help from school board members; city commissioners; your State

Governor, senators, and representatives; and members of the U.S. House and Senate. You

can also seek out those individuals who can get your child’s poster displayed in the

following public places:

■ On buses, on subways, and at transfer points.

■ In parks and other recreational facilities.

■ At tollbooths and rest areas.

■ In U.S. post offices.

■ In State and Federal buildings.1

Be wary, however, of attempts by well-meaning politicians to involve you in hastily written

legislative proposals that could in the long run be detrimental to the plight of your child and

others like him or her. Too often, legislative change comes about as a reaction to an incident,

not as a well-planned, proactive response to a problem. Therefore, consider carefully the

potential repercussions of any legislative proposal before you become involved.

Getting Help From Political Figures

1 Authorized by Presidential Executive memorandum on January 19, 1996. This program requires Federal agencies

to receive and post missing children fliers in their buildings. This program is coordinated by NCMEC.
10

Family Survival Guide

I was in tears as my

husband kept sending our

child’s belongings to

psychics. We still haven’t

gotten back his stuffed

animals.

—Patty Wetterling

The Role of Private

Detectives and

Psychics in the

Long-Term Search

Private Detectives

If the immediate search is not successful, you

may be tempted to try almost anything. Some

parents turn to private detectives to aid in the

search.

Consider hiring a private detective or investigator only if you are convinced that he or she can

do something better or different than what is

being done by law enforcement. Be certain

that you are not simply wasting money that

could be spent more productively in another

way. If you decide to use a private detective,

the following tips can help:

■ Always ask for and check references to

find out if the investigator is legitimate.

■ Be wary of people who say they can bring

your child back immediately for a specific

sum of money. If you run into this situation, report it to law enforcement.

■ Make sure you are paying a reasonable

rate. Insist that the

investigator itemize

expenses.

■ Make sure the

detective has

experience

working with law

enforcement.

Law enforcement

must be notified

immediately of any

leads you receive

from a private

investigator.

■ Inform your assigned law enforcement

investigator about your decision to hire a

private investigator. In most instances,

this individual will need to talk to law

enforcement before becoming involved

in the case.

Psychics

Keep an open mind—and a closed pocketbook—when considering the use of a psychic.

Most parents are desperate to try anything, but

they need to understand that there are very

few true psychics. Many are fraudulent or, at

best, misguided individuals who want to help

so much that they have self-induced visions.

Hearing their sometimes negative dreams and

visions can cause undue stress, a loss of hope,

or an unfounded sense of hope. If you are

considering turning to a psychic, remember

the following tips:

■ Ask someone close to the family to

record any psychic leads, because the

information is usually distressing. Give

all such leads to law enforcement.

■ If any lead is highly specific, such as

a particular address, insist that law

enforcement check it out. Follow up

with law enforcement to find out the

value of the lead.

■ Never allow a psychic to go into your child’s

room unattended or to take items without

making arrangements for their return.

Regardless of whether some psychics have

true visions, any purportedly psychic dream

may be an actual observation by someone who

is afraid to get involved.

That is why even psychic

leads need to be checked

out whenever possible.

Overzealous

Individuals

Be prepared to encounter

a few people who are

fanatical or obsessive in

their behavior or in their

desire to help. Keep in

mind that some people may try to use your

loss to gain attention for themselves. Protect

yourself from people who might be delusional

or who may prey on victims through scams or

by offering false hopes and expectations. The

key is to keep your focus and exercise caution.
11

The Search

Key Points

1. The actions of parents and of law enforcement in the first 48 hours are critical to

the safe recovery of a missing child, but the rawness of emotion can seriously

hinder the ability of parents to make rational decisions at this crucial time.

2. Your initial role in the search is to provide information to and answer questions

from investigators and to be at home in the event your child calls.

3. Most of the initial searching of the area where the child is believed to have been

last will be coordinated by law enforcement—either Federal, State, or local,

depending on the circumstances of the disappearance.

4. An important aspect of law enforcement’s job is to preserve and protect any

evidence gathered during the search.

5. Keep the name and telephone number of your law enforcement coordinator in a

safe, convenient place. Keep the lines of communication open between you and

your search coordinator by asking questions, making suggestions, and airing

differences of opinion.

6. Bloodhounds are the best choice for use in a search, because they have 60 times

the tracking power of German shepherds, can discriminate among scents, and

can follow your child’s scent in the air as well as on the ground—which means

that they may be able to follow your child’s scent even if he or she was carried

in someone’s arms or in a vehicle.

7. Established groups—rather than individual volunteers—should be recruited for

the search, because they can gather together a large cadre of people very

quickly, they have an inner chain of command that makes communication and

training easier, and they have an internal screening mechanism that will help

ensure volunteers’ soundness of character.

8. The volunteer staging area should be located away from your home to protect

your family from the accompanying traffic and chaos.

9. All volunteer searchers reporting for duty should be required to show their driver’s

licenses and to list in a log book their names, addresses, and organizational

affiliations. If possible, law enforcement should run background checks on

volunteers to guard against the involvement of misguided individuals.
12

Family Survival Guide

Key Points (Continued)

10. Not all parents can or will want to be actively involved in the long-term search for

a child. If you want to stay involved, develop a plan and set up a timetable with

goals for continuing the search for your child, and set up a schedule of regular

visits with your investigator to review the status of your child’s case.

11. Keep the public aware of your plight by publicizing any new information about

your child—such as a sighting or an interesting lead. Also, if your child has been

missing for several years, ask NCMEC to develop an age-progressed picture, then

place this picture next to the original picture on shirts, buttons, and posters.

12. Reread your notebook or journal periodically in case you find a passage that

triggers a new idea or reminds you of something you had previously forgotten.

13. Consider hiring a private detective only if you are convinced that he or she can do

something better than what is being done by law enforcement. Always ask for

and check references to find out if the investigator is legitimate, make sure the

detective has experience working with law enforcement, insist that all expenses

be itemized, and report to law enforcement any offers to bring your child back

immediately for a specific sum of money.

14. Be extremely cautious before you allow a psychic to become involved in your

child’s case. Give all psychic leads to law enforcement for thorough investigation.
13

The Search

Checklist: Gathering Evidence

in the First 48 Hours

One of the most critical aspects in the search for a missing child is the gathering of evidence that

may hold clues about a child’s disappearance or whereabouts. The mishandling of evidence can

adversely affect an investigation. Similarly, the collection and preservation of evidence are key to

finding a missing child. Parents play a vital role in finding a missing child by providing critical information to law enforcement, by protecting evidence in and around the home, and by gathering

information about persons or situations that might hold clues. The following are some tips on what

you should do to help law enforcement conduct a thorough and complete investigation.

Secure your child’s room. Even though your child may have disappeared from outside the home,

your child’s room should be searched thoroughly by law enforcement for clues and evidence.

Don’t clean the child’s room, wash your child’s clothes, or pick up your house. Don’t allow wellmeaning family members or friends to disturb anything. Even a trash bin or a computer may contain clues that lead to the recovery of the child.

Do not touch or remove anything from your child’s room or from your home that might

have your child’s fingerprints, DNA, or scent on it. This includes your child’s hairbrush, bed

linens, worn clothing, pencil with bite marks, diary, or address book. With a good set of fingerprints

or a sample of DNA from hair, law enforcement may be able to tell whether your child has been in

a particular car or house. With good scent material, tracking dogs may be able to find your child.

Do not allow anyone else to sleep in your child’s bed, play with his or her toys, or use his or

her bedroom for any purpose. Law enforcement dispatch should advise you not to disturb any

part of the house until a thorough search of the scene has been conducted. Investigators should

let you know when their search is complete.

Be prepared to give investigators all the facts and circumstances related to the disappearance of your child. This includes knowing where your child was last seen, where your child normally went to play, what your child was wearing, and what personal possessions your child had

with him or her.

Describe in detail the clothing your child was wearing and any personal items in the child’s

possession at the time of the disappearance. Specify color, brand, and size. If possible, have

someone obtain replicas of clothing, hats, purses, backpacks, or other items your child had or wore

at the time of the disappearance. Give these articles to law enforcement for them to release to the

media and to show to searchers. Make sure you mark these items as duplicates or replicas.

Make a list of personal identification marks and specific personality traits. Describe birthmarks, scars, tattoos, missing teeth, eyeglasses, contacts, speech patterns, and behavioral traits.

If possible, find photographs that show these unique features. If you have fingerprints of your child

or a DNA blood sample, also give these to law enforcement.

Gather together personal items, such as baby teeth, old baseball caps, or old toothbrushes.

These items may contain hair or blood samples that may be useful as DNA evidence. Also look for

pencils or toys that contain impressions of your child’s teeth.

Think about your child’s behavior and routine. Be prepared to discuss where your child played

or hung out, what was the usual route taken to and from school, and what other paths of travel

might have been taken. Be specific about what your child did for recreation, including playing outdoors, surfing the Internet, and other activities.

Try to remember any changes in your child’s routine or any new experiences. Look at personal and family calendars to see if they contain clues as to your child’s whereabouts or the identity of the abductor. For example, during the past year, did your child join a soccer team, change

teams, or get a new coach? Did your child start playing or hanging out in a different area? Did your

child keep a diary that might hold clues?
14

Family Survival Guide

Try to remember if your child mentioned any new friends. Talk with your child’s friends and

teachers to see if they know of any new friends or other contacts your child recently made.

Find recent photographs of your child in both color and black and white, then have someone make multiple copies of the photographs and keep the originals in a safe place. Check

your cameras for undeveloped film, because the most recent photos of your child may be found

there. Ask family members and friends to do the same. Give law enforcement multiple photos

showing different poses. Steer away from formal or posed photos that do not look like your child.

Being careful not to damage the photo, mark the back of each picture with your child’s name,

address, date of birth, and age when the picture was taken.

Find videotapes or movies of your child and make copies. Also ask family members and

friends if they have videotapes or movies of your child, perhaps at birthday parties, soccer games,

and so forth. Give law enforcement copies that show your child’s expressions and mannerisms.

Make a list of family members, friends, acquaintances, coaches, teachers, and other school

staff. Write down as many telephone numbers and addresses as you can. Offer information for

prior in-laws and relatives as well. Include on your list anyone you feel might have something

against you or your family.

Make a list of everyone who routinely comes to your home. Your list should include postal

workers, meter readers, garbage collectors, repair persons, salespeople, pizza delivery persons,

and so forth.

Make a list of new, different, or unusual people or circumstances in and around your home

or school within the past year. Think about if you or any of your neighbors had any home remodeling or house repairs done within the past year. Were any houses listed for sale in your neighborhood in the past year? Has there been any road construction or building in the area? Have any

traveling carnivals passed through the area?

Ask your child’s doctor and dentist for copies of the child’s medical and dental records

and x rays. Give copies of all medical and dental records to law enforcement for use in the

investigation.
15

The Search

Notes
17

Law Enforcement

Law Enforcement

To give your child the best chance of being found, you and law

enforcement must treat one another as partners.

—Don Ryce

Few parents have had experience working

with law enforcement agencies. Perhaps you

have had contact previously with law enforcement as a result of a traffic ticket or an accident.

If so, you probably saw law enforcement as

the enforcer of rules that had been broken—

not as a lifeline.

But when your child is missing, you and law

enforcement become partners pursuing a

common goal—finding your lost or abducted

child. As partners, you need to establish a

relationship that is based on mutual respect,

trust, and honesty. As partners, however, you

do not have to agree on every detail. This

chapter provides insight into the relationship

you are entering into with law enforcement—

what you can expect from the investigation,

what types of questions you are likely to be

asked, and what situations you and your family are likely to encounter in the process.

Your Partnership

With Law

Enforcement

Most people do not believe that they will be

victims of crime—or that

their children will be

victimized. But if a young

member of your family

becomes a victim, you

will likely wonder what

law enforcement expects

of you and what you can

expect of law enforcement. Understanding

these expectations will

deepen your knowledge

of law enforcement’s

role, establish a sound basis for your relationship with the agencies and organizations that

are there to help, and assist you in handling

this all-too-sudden change in circumstances.

Make sure law enforcement understands

that your child is in danger and that his or

her absence is likely to be involuntary. If

your child is 10 years old or younger, it will not

be hard to show that your child is in danger.

However, if your child is older than 10, it is

important to let law enforcement know that

your child’s absence is not normal behavior

and that you would be surprised if your child

had disappeared voluntarily.

Ask your law enforcement agency if it uses

the AMBER Plan (America‘s Missing:

Broadcast Emergency Response).

The AMBER Plan is a voluntary partnership

between law enforcement agencies and

broadcasters to activate an urgent bulletin

in the most serious child abduction cases

(see page 4 for more information on the

AMBER Plan).

Check to see if any money, clothing (other

than what your child was wearing), or

other personal items are missing. If nothing

else is missing, be sure

law enforcement is

aware of this.

Let law enforcement

know how your child is

doing in school and if

your child has quarreled recently with you

or a friend. If you can

establish that there is

nothing to indicate that

your child ran away,

it will expedite law

When asked if it bothered

me to take a lie detector

test, I told the reporter,

“They can electrocute me if

it will bring my son back.”

—Claudine Ryce

CHAPTER 2
18

Family Survival Guide

enforcement’s classification of your child as

abducted or endangered.

Be honest, complete, and forthcoming in

your statements and answers to law enforcement. Fully disclose all recent activities

of and conversations with your child. What

may seem insignificant to you may be important to an investigator.

Be prepared for hard, repetitious questions

from investigators. As difficult as it may be,

try not to respond in a hostile manner to questions that seem personal or offensive. The

fact is that investigators must ask difficult and

sensitive questions if they are to do their jobs

effectively.

Don’t feel guilty about relaying suspicions

concerning someone you know. It is not

often that a total stranger takes a child. You

may not want to believe that it is someone

that you know, but keep an open mind and

consider all the possibilities. Above all else,

trust your feelings, instincts, and gut reactions

and share them with law enforcement so they

can be checked out.

Do everything possible to get you and your

family removed from the suspect list. As

painful as it may be, accept the fact that a

large number of children are harmed by members of their own families, and therefore you

and your family will be considered suspects

until you are cleared. To help law enforcement

move on to other suspects, volunteer early to

take a polygraph test. Insist that both parents

be tested at the same time by different interviewers, or one after another. This will help to

deflect media speculation that one of you was

involved in the disappearance.

Insist that everyone close to your child be

interviewed. Encourage everyone—including

family members, friends, neighbors, teachers, and coaches—to cooperate in the investigatory process. Although polygraph testing

is voluntary, refusal to take a polygraph can

cause law enforcement to spend time trying

to eliminate an individual from the suspect

list through other means and, as a result,

take valuable time away from finding the real

suspect.

Leave the interviewing of your other children to law enforcement. Do not question

your children yourself. Especially with younger

children, insist that a law enforcement officer

who is trained to interview children conduct

the questioning. Many law enforcement

agencies have a child abuse unit with officers

who are specially trained to work with children.

You can also ask to have a child advocate sit

in on the interview with your child. Child advocates are specially trained volunteers who

provide assistance and support to children

involved in the legal process. Child advocates

are normally housed in the district attorney’s

office, the court, or the law enforcement

agency. Ask law enforcement for information

about your local child advocate office. If your

child is very young, you may be asked to sit in

on the interview. Don’t be alarmed, however,

if law enforcement prefers to interview your

children alone.

Be prepared for constant law enforcement

presence in your home. For the protection

of you and your family, an officer may be

assigned to your home on a 24-hour basis.

Although this presence may feel intrusive,

welcome the officer, and recognize that this

person is there to answer calls and take leads,

protect you and other members of your family

from potential harm, and provide support. If

your law enforcement agency is small, however, it may not have the resources to place

an officer in your home 24 hours a day. In

those circumstances, it is still reasonable for

you to ask for added law enforcement protection in your home.

Talk regularly with your primary law

enforcement contact. The officer who responded initially to your call for help may not

be your permanent family contact. If there is a

good chance that your child has run away, for
19

Law Enforcement

example, your primary law enforcement contact may work in the missing persons unit. If

it is suspected that force was used to abduct

your child, your case may be handled by a

detective from homicide. Find out who your

primary law enforcement contact is and get

his or her phone and beeper numbers. Make

sure that you find out the name of the backup

person to call when your primary law enforcement contact is not

available.

Pick a time of day for

your contact to call you

with information. But

realize that there will be

days when your investigator has nothing to

report. Also, designate

one person to serve as

the primary law enforcement contact for the

family. If your investigator

is bombarded with telephone calls from family

members and friends, valuable time will be

taken away from the investigation.

Make sure investigators know that you

expect to hear about significant developments in the case from them, not from the

media. The flip side of this is that you must

honor law enforcement’s request not to disclose some pieces of information to the media.

Understand, however, that law enforcement

may not be able to tell you everything about

the case because full disclosure might jeopardize the investigation.

Satisfy yourself that law enforcement is

handling your child’s case properly. All of

the agencies involved in the investigation

should be cooperating with one another in

pursuit of one goal—finding your missing child

and getting the predator off the street. The

checklist Working With Law Enforcement lists

the most important steps that law enforcement can take to find your missing child. The

more you understand the

investigatory process, the

better able you will be to

ask questions about it.

However, you should be

aware that most law

enforcement officers do

not have firsthand experience working on a missing child case. If your

primary contact cannot

answer a question, find

out who can. Also, if you

feel that your child’s disappearance has been

classified inappropriately, ask to speak to the

officer’s supervisor or to someone else who

may have more experience in these types of

cases. Don’t take no for an answer if you feel

strongly that something else needs to be done.

Finally, learn about the services that are available from NCMEC, from your State missing

children’s clearinghouse, and from the television show America’s Most Wanted. See the

Additional Resources section at the end of

this Guide for addresses, phone numbers, and

brief descriptions of some of the services that

are available to you.

It’s okay if you can’t tell

me anything—just don’t lie

to me.

—Pat Sessions
20

Family Survival Guide

Key Points

1. You and law enforcement are partners in pursuit of a common goal—finding your

lost or abducted child—and as partners, you need to establish a relationship that

is based on mutual respect, trust, and honesty.

2. Most law enforcement officers do not have firsthand experience working on child

abduction cases, so if you feel that your child’s disappearance has been classified

inappropriately, speak to the officer’s supervisor.

3. In the beginning of the investigation, be prepared for extensive law enforcement

presence in your home.

4. Keep the telephone and beeper numbers of your primary law enforcement contact in a convenient location, and choose a time of day for that person to call you

with information, realizing that there will be days when your investigator has

nothing to report. Designate one person in your family to talk to your contact so

investigators can devote their time to the actual search.

5. Law enforcement may not be able to tell you everything about your case, because

full disclosure could jeopardize the investigation.

6. Be prepared for difficult, personal, repeated questions from investigators. Answer

each question as honestly and completely as you can.

7. Do not question your children yourself. Especially with younger children, insist

that a law enforcement officer who is trained in interviewing children conduct

the interview.

8. Volunteer early to take a polygraph test, and ask that both parents be tested at

the same time by different interviewers, or one after another.

9. Because an abductor is often known by the family, insist that anyone close to the

child be interviewed. Share any suspicions with law enforcement so they can be

checked out.

10. Satisfy yourself that law enforcement is handling your case properly.
21

Law Enforcement

Checklist: Working With

Law Enforcement

The following checklist describes the most important steps that law enforcement can take as

the investigation begins. Use this information to deepen your understanding of the investigatory

process. Discuss these steps with your assigned law enforcement investigator, keeping in mind

that the order of the steps is likely to vary, depending upon individual circumstances.

A BOLO (Be On the Look Out) bulletin can be broadcast to local law enforcement agencies to

alert them to your missing child, and a teletype can be sent locally or regionally.

Ask your law enforcement agency if it uses the AMBER Plan (America‘s Missing: Broadcast

Emergency Response). The AMBER Plan is a voluntary partnership between law enforcement

agencies and broadcasters to activate an urgent bulletin in the most serious child abduction

cases (see page 4 for more information on the AMBER Plan).

Your law enforcement agency is required by Federal law to immediately enter your child’s name

into the National Crime Information Center (NCIC) registry of missing persons. There is no waiting period for entry into NCIC for children under age 18. If your law enforcement agency has any

questions about compliance with this requirement, contact NCMEC.

NCMEC may be asked to broadcast fax your child’s picture to law enforcement agencies

throughout the country, and assistance from Project ALERT (America’s Law Enforcement

Retiree Team) investigators may be requested.

The FBI’s Child Abduction and Serial Murder Investigative Resources Center (CASMIRC) may be

informed of the case or asked for assistance if there is a chance the abduction was predatory.

Further information about CASMIRC is available from NCMEC.

Your local FBI Field Office may be notified in case additional services and support are needed.

CASMIRC services, for example, can be obtained through your Field Office.

Your State missing children’s clearinghouse will be notified and additional services may be

requested.

The crime scene—the location outside your home where your child might have been

abducted—and your child’s bedroom will be secured. The officers who respond initially to

your call will evaluate the contents and appearance of your child’s bedroom and will secure

your child’s used bedding, clothing, and shoes and place them in clean bags to be used as scent

articles. Your child’s toothbrush, hairbrush, and other items that might contain DNA evidence

will be stored in a safe place, and footprints in dust, mud, or snow will be protected to preserve

the scent. You may be asked if personal items are missing, and the last persons known to have

seen your child will be interviewed.

Tracking or trailing dogs or a helicopter equipped with an infrared or a heat-sensitive device (to

detect heat emitted from the body) may be requested after your residence, yard, and surrounding areas have been searched unsuccessfully.

Airlines, airports, bus and taxicab companies, subways, ferries, and ports may be advised of the

disappearance and given posters of your missing child.

Investigators may revisit various “hot spots” or checkpoints either at the same time of day or

the same day of the week following the disappearance to see if they can find anyone who has

seen something or who recalls something unusual at the time your child disappeared.

Your neighborhood watch should be contacted to see if anything suspicious was noticed.

The daily log of parking and traffic tickets and traffic stops will be checked to see if anything

relates to your child’s disappearance.

The convicted sex offender registry will be checked to find out if a potential suspect was in

the area.
22

Family Survival Guide

Local newspapers should be collected and reviewed to provide possible clues or leads for the

search. Local or regional events and activities—such as carnivals, county fairs, festivals, sports

events, and music concerts—and want ads for hired help may produce names or clues regarding either the predator or a witness to the disappearance.

A procedure for handling extortion attempts should be established.

Neighboring jurisdictions should be contacted to find out if incidents of a similar nature have

occurred there also.
23

Law Enforcement

Notes
25

The Media

The Media

One shot on the evening news is worth 20,000 posters.

—Patrick Sessions

The media can be important allies in the search

for your missing child. But media interest in

your case may be either intense or lukewarm,

depending upon the circumstances surrounding the disappearance of your child and the

media’s judgment of what is newsworthy.

If you are subjected to intensive media coverage, welcome the attention, even though it

may feel uncomfortable, because it is the

fastest and most important way to distribute

information about and pictures of your child. If

you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by the

amount of attention, ask law enforcement to

help you deal with the sudden barrage of reporters and requests for interviews. However,

if the media do not take an interest in your

case, there are a number of things you can do

to get the media involved. This chapter offers

suggestions for generating, maintaining, and

managing media involvement.

Media

Involvement:

The First 48 Hours

During the first 48 hours,

you need to do as much

as you can to generate

media interest in the

search for your child. The

following tips can help.

Contact the media

immediately. Media

publicity is the best way

to generate leads from

the public concerning

your child. In most cases,

the media should be contacted immediately,

because time is not on your child’s side. You

can ask law enforcement to make the initial

calls to media outlets, but if this is not done

within the first hour, call and give the information to the assignment editors yourself.

Intense, early media coverage ensures that

people will be looking for your child. Sometimes the coverage is so intense it causes an

abductor to let the child go.

Ask radio and television stations to run

short clips about the disappearance or to

break into their regular programming with

information, as is done with a weather

warning or other emergency broadcast.

Don’t wait until the evening news to have

information disseminated about your child.

Time is of the essence.

Although television coverage is crucial in

getting out pictures and stories of your

child, don’t ignore other types of media.

Print and radio media reach tens of thousands

of homes each day, and they may be more

generous in their treatment of your story.

Many people are likely to hear about your

child’s disappearance first on their car radios.

Supplement those broadcasts with stories and

pictures of your child in the earliest possible

edition of your local newspaper.

Law enforcement may

need to be convinced

that the media are

important allies in a

missing child case.

Sometimes law enforcement is reluctant to get

the media involved

in an active criminal

investigation. If your

law enforcement agency

is reluctant, you will

have to work closely with your primary contact.

Point out that swift use of the media has led

to the successful recovery of more than one

The media are your best

friends. Use them, don’t let

them use you.

—Claudine Ryce

CHAPTER 3
26

Family Survival Guide

Setting Ground Rules

missing child and that your child’s safety and

recovery are more important than building a

case against a suspect. Emphasize that you are

going to be around for interrogation as weeks

pass, but your child’s life is in imminent jeopardy. Ask if certain information should not be

released because it might jeopardize the case

or the safety of your child and honor that request. As a last resort, ask NCMEC, your State

missing children’s clearinghouse, and missing

children’s organizations to assist in the event

that your law enforcement agency does not

want to involve the media.

Prepare a media package and give it to all

representatives of the media. The media

package should include basic information

about your child, including:

■ A complete description of your child and

of the clothing he or she was wearing at

the time of the disappearance.

■ A description of the place where your

child was last seen.

■ Black-and-white and color photos.

■ A phone number for people to call with

possible leads.

■ Details of the reward, if one is being

offered.

■ Other pertinent information that could

help in the recovery of your child, such as

a suspicious vehicle near the location

where your child was last seen.

A media package will ensure that all reporters start with the same information and will

reduce the amount of time you spend answering basic questions. When you prepare

a media package, make enough copies to

distribute, then keep the original in a safe

place in case you need it again in the future.

Select someone to function as a media

spokesperson if you feel you are not able

to speak alone. Audiences identify with the

fear and anguish parents feel when their child

is missing. Seeing your face and hearing your

Setting Ground Rules

In the very beginning, media interest is likely to be both intense and intimidating. Therefore,

it’s important for you to establish ground rules as to where and how often you or your

spokesperson will meet with the media. The following tips can help.

■ Schedule specific times and locations so reporters know when and where they will be

able to ask questions and obtain information. Remember that you control the

situation—the media do not control you.

■ Choose a location that is convenient for you but that allows the media the space they

need to cover the story. For example, you may feel most comfortable holding interviews

either outside your house or inside one room. That way, you can allow the media to

glimpse your child’s personal life without letting them become too invasive.

■ Don’t open up your home to the media without restrictions or limitations. If you do, you

will lose all privacy, and the presence of reporters could interfere with officers

working at the scene.

■ Don’t feel that you are personally obligated to provide all interviews or to participate in

all media events. Ask law enforcement, your family spokesperson, and other family

members to help.

■ Remember that you have the ability to set limits in terms of timing, scheduling, and

making rules concerning the use of pictures of your other children. Be sure that the

media are aware of your rules and that you expect them to be followed.
27

The Media

voice will motivate viewers to look closer at

the picture of your child and to search harder

for him or her. Therefore, it is best if you can

speak on your child’s behalf. However, don’t

feel you need to be a great speaker. Just talk

from your heart and let people know you love

your child and need their help in finding and

bringing your child home. Bolster your confidence by having someone you know stand

beside you to provide support and step in if

necessary. On the other hand, if you or your

spouse feel unable to deal with the media,

choose someone you trust to speak for you,

and try to stand beside your spokesperson

during the interview. The checklist Conducting

Interviews With the Media gives more specific tips on interviews

with both print and

broadcast journalists.

Schedule press conferences and interviews

around media deadlines. The media operate on deadlines. If you

schedule a press conference either too early or

too late in the day, reporters will find it difficult to

finish their pieces in time

to meet their daily deadlines. Consult with reporters to find out when

and how often they would like to meet with

you. Many parents have found 10 a.m. and

1 p.m. to be good times because they give

reporters enough time to prepare stories for

both the noon and evening news and because

many reporters have openings in their schedule at these times.

Do not schedule draining interviews or

speeches back to back. Realize that you have

limited mental and physical resources and that

if you are not fresh, you will not be effective.

If you have an opportunity to appear on a

popular radio or television show or on a national network, give this engagement priority

over others. However, remember that local

television and radio stations will be in your

community after the networks leave, so work

to develop a long-term relationship with them.

Sometimes you can ask local stations to rerun

portions of an interview you did with the national affiliate.

Avoid scheduling press conferences that

conflict with an important event. If you

want to make an important announcement,

such as a reward offer, make sure you aren’t

competing with another scheduled event.

Find out what events are listed in the day

book—often kept by Associated Press—which

is used by local media to keep track of newsworthy occurrences. Set your press conference for a time when nothing else significant

is happening.

Ask NCMEC or law

enforcement to contact America’s Most

Wanted on your behalf.

The staff of this television program, which

broadcasts nationally,

have a special interest in

helping to recover abducted children.

Be aware of your public status. Although

this is not the kind of

fame you want, you may attain some sort of

“celebrity” standing because of your continuous involvement with the media. This sudden

public status can be very intrusive. People will

recognize and approach you wherever you go.

The media may turn up at any time and any

place, asking for information. You may be

filmed any time you are in a public place—

and even through the windows of your own

home, if the photographer uses a powerful

lens. Therefore, for your child’s sake, conduct

yourself as if all eyes were upon you. Realize

that you no longer have the same privacy you

once had. Try not to be paranoid, but be careful. Don’t do things that might cast you in a

negative light, but don’t feel guilty if you go

out to dinner or to the movies to relieve the

stress as the days and weeks pass.

Stay calm, collected, and

focused. Prepare your

thoughts and ideas before

you get into an interview.

—Don Ryce
28

Family Survival Guide

Review all media stories, comments, and

tapes. Parents, family members, and friends

should review all media spots and events in

case they contain clues or pieces of information that could help you at a later date. For

example, comments by particular individuals,

multiple appearances by one individual, or

knowledge of personal or confidential information not previously revealed may help to pinpoint either the perpetrator or persons close

to the perpetrator.

If your child is returned, don’t let him or

her review any tapes of the suspect. This

may jeopardize identification of the suspect by

your child when a lineup is scheduled by law

enforcement.

Media

Involvement:

After the First

48 Hours

At first, you may feel

overwhelmed by the

intense media interest

generated by your

child’s disappearance.

After a week or so, however, if your child has not

been found, you may run

into the opposite problem. If media interest

dies down, you will have

to work to keep the story

going. Here are some

things you can do to

keep your child’s story

in the public eye.

Devise “media hooks”

to keep your child’s story in front of the

public. Schedule a press conference on an

important day, such as National Missing

Children’s Day (May 25), or prepare a press

release to coincide with Federal or State

legislation relating to missing, exploited, or

victimized children. Remember, you don’t

know how long you will have to search for

your child, so you need to plan for the long

term. Ask a family member or friend to help if

you find the task too difficult.

Give the story a new slant. To give the story

a new look, you may want to change the tone

of your interviews. Try bringing in someone

new to discuss the case, such as a politician,

sports personality, popular entertainer, or

someone close to the investigation.

Pace yourself. Parcel out new developments

in the case in separate announcements to

spread coverage over a longer period of time.

Ask law enforcement to notify the press of

significant developments, such as important

leads or items found during the physical

search.

Keep the story alive by tying it to a variety

of events and activities. You can hold a

candlelight vigil, announce a reward, or show

how celebrations such as a birthday, holiday,

or graduation are different without your child.

You can tie your child’s

story to something that

will be broadcast repeatedly, such as a popular

song on the radio. Then,

every time the song

plays, it will be a reminder that your child is

still missing. If you can

create a way for the

media to present your

child’s story in a different way, it is more likely

to be run. Remember

that media attention

increases when you hold

special events and when

anniversaries come up. Also, remember to

coordinate all events and activities with law

enforcement, because they can be an important part of the overall investigative strategy.

Once a reporter made

some incredibly insensitive

comments about our

missing child in front of his

siblings. We resolved their

hurt and anger by talking

the situation over in a

family meeting and deciding

how to deal with such

questions in the future.

—Patty Wetterling
29

The Media

Victim’s Bill of Rights

Appearing on air, whether television or radio, is a new experience for most people. The anxiety

produced by this new experience, combined with the trauma of the initial victimization and the

retelling of it, underscores the need for parent victims to maintain control over the situation. The

following guidelines were written by the National Center for Victims of Crime to minimize the

possibility of a second victimization inflicted by the mishandling of a story by the media.

■ You have the right to say no to an interview.

■ You have the right to select the spokesperson or advocate of your choice.

■ You have the right to select the time and location for media interviews.

■ You have the right to request a specific reporter.

■ You have the right to refuse an interview with a specific reporter even though you have

granted interviews to other reporters.

■ You have the right to say no to an interview even though you have previously granted

interviews.

■ You have the right to release a written statement through a spokesperson in lieu of an

interview.

■ You have the right to exclude children from interviews.

■ You have the right to refrain from answering any questions that make you uncomfortable or

that seem inappropriate.

■ You have the right to know in advance what direction the story about your victimization is

going to take.

■ You have the right to ask for review of your quotations in a storyline prior to publication.

■ You have the right to avoid a press conference atmosphere and to speak to only one reporter

at a time.

■ You have the right to demand a retraction when inaccurate information is reported.

■ You have the right to ask that offensive photographs or visuals be omitted from airing or

publication.

■ You have the right to conduct a television interview using a silhouette or a newspaper

interview without having your photograph taken.

■ You have the right to completely give your side of the story related to your victimization.

■ You have the right to refrain from answering reporters’ questions during trial.

■ You have the right to file a formal complaint against a reporter.

■ You have the right to grieve in privacy.

■ You have the right to suggest training for the media on how they can prevent additional

traumatization for victims.

■ You have the right to be treated with dignity and respect by the media at all times.

Reprinted with permission from the National Center for Victims of Crime, 2000 M Street NW., Suite 480,

Washington, DC 20036, www.ncvc.org.

Victim’s Bill of Rights
30

Family Survival Guide

Develop rapport with someone in radio,

television, and print. If a reporter or editor

takes a special interest in your story, that

person can help you devise ways to get your

child’s story back in the spotlight. Keep a list

of names, telephone and fax numbers, and

personal and professional interests. Although

reporters often change stations, newspapers,

and cities, remember that they can take a

story with them wherever they go.

Identify the assignment editors for each

news organization, and send your press

releases to their attention. Assignment

editors are the ones who decide which events

to cover and whom to assign as reporters. If

you plan an event, let the news organization

know what is happening by faxing a news

release. Give the facts of the case, along with

a news “slant.”

Consider granting exclusive interviews. In

the beginning, you probably will not want to

grant an exclusive interview, because interest

will be high and you will want the broadest

coverage possible. Also, granting an exclusive

interview to one news organization over another may offend the one that you leave out.

Later, however, an exclusive interview may be

appropriate, such as to one station that has

developed a story independently or to a national media group such as ABC, CBS, CNN,

FOX, or NBC. In some cases, an exclusive

interview may be the only way to get a particular aspect of your story out.

Use the media to appeal for special help.

The media can be a very effective tool in

asking for help. If you need volunteers, training, printing, or equipment that is prohibitively

expensive or not readily available, ask the

media to broadcast your request. Give a wish

list to local radio stations, because they in

particular are often willing to publicize such

appeals as a public service or interest report.

Not only can this provide you with the help

you need, but it can be yet another hook to

remind the public to keep looking for your

child.

If possible, obtain the help of a media expert. Sometimes professionals working in the

field of public relations donate their services

to parents. Because these professionals are

very savvy in their dealings with the media,

they can be a tremendous help.
31

The Media

Public Awareness Events Public Awareness Events

Media attention generates leads and keeps your story in front of the public. The following

ideas are also excellent ways to involve volunteers in the search campaign.

■ Appear on radio and television programs to discuss your child’s disappearance.

■ Hold a press conference or other media event on your child’s birthday or on the

anniversary of the disappearance.

■ Prepare press releases or make personal statements about the disappearance of a

child in another community.

■ Prepare press releases relating to Federal, State, or local legislation.

■ Publish a letter to your child in your local newspaper.

■ Ask radio stations throughout your State to play your child’s favorite song and dedicate

it to your child.

■ Hold a rally at your child’s school with music and prayers.

■ Ask your child’s school to organize a letter writing campaign to politicians, the media,

or your State legislature.

■ Organize student marches to distribute fliers or posters.

■ Develop buttons or T-shirts with your child’s picture and a special message to

your child.

■ Hold a prayer vigil.

■ Hold a candlelight vigil.

■ Organize a dance or a benefit auction.

■ Give a special award to the law enforcement officer who served as your primary law

enforcement contact.

■ Ask sports teams in your area to include pictures of your child in their programs and to

make public service announcements at all games.

■ Plant a tree or dedicate a garden in your child’s name.

■ Release helium-filled balloons with your child’s name and other relevant information

printed on them.

■ Hold bowling tournaments.

■ Hold running, dance, or other types of marathons.

■ Ask local businesses or banks to dedicate a Christmas tree or a display of lights in

honor of your child.
32

Family Survival Guide

Key Points

1. The media should be contacted immediately after your child’s disappearance—

either by you or by law enforcement—because media publicity is the best way to

generate leads from the public. Time is of the essence.

2. If your law enforcement agency is reluctant to involve the media in an active

criminal investigation, work closely with your primary contact to convince the

agency that media attention has led to the successful recovery of more than one

missing child.

3. Prepare a package to give to all representatives of the media that includes a

complete description of your child and of the clothing he or she was wearing at

the time of the disappearance, a description of the place where your child was

last seen, a phone number for people to call with leads, details of the reward

(if one is being offered), and black-and-white and color photos.

4. Your pleas for help will be most effective if you personally speak to the media on

your child’s behalf, but if you cannot do that, ask someone you trust to stand

beside you and step in if necessary or to be your spokesperson.

5. Schedule interviews and press conferences around media deadlines, and consult

the Associated Press day book to help you avoid scheduling press conferences

that conflict with an important news event.

6. Devise “media hooks,” such as candlelight vigils or birthday celebrations, to keep

your child’s story in front of the public. Parcel out new developments in the case

in separate announcements to spread coverage over a longer period of time.

7. The media, especially local radio stations, can be an effective tool in asking for

help.

8. Be aware that you have become a public person and that the media may turn up

at any time and any place to ask questions or to capture your activities on film.

Although being in the spotlight might feel intrusive, such attention means that

people are interested in learning more about your case.

9. If you suspect that your child has been abducted, ask NCMEC or law enforcement

to contact America’s Most Wanted on your behalf.

10. If your child is returned, don’t jeopardize identification of the perpetrator by

allowing your child to review tapes of the suspect.
33

The Media

Checklist: Conducting Interviews

With the Media

The most successful media interviews happen because of advance planning. If you know beforehand what points you want to get across, you are more likely to have a positive experience

with the media. The following tips can help.

Articulate the most crucial information in every interview. Before you set up an interview,

be sure you are ready. Be prepared to discuss information pertinent to the case—but be sure

that law enforcement has been consulted about what information can be released and what

should remain confidential. Give essential information consistently to everyone in the media,

especially the following items:

■ Pictures of your child, in both black and white and color, if possible.

■ A description of the clothing your child was wearing and of the items your child had in his or

her possession, such as a book bag, backpack, or bicycle, along with identifying characteristics and personal traits.

■ A telephone number for people to call in leads.

Ask that your child’s picture be included in every interview you grant. This is crucial, because often the only thing that is clearly known is what your child looks like. Make sure that the

picture given to the media resembles your child and is suitable for distribution. Always hold up a

picture of your child during an interview and insist that his or her face be shown as part of the

story. Ask radio stations to include a description of your child as part of their story.

Limit the number of points you want to make and keep them simple. Organize your

thoughts and ideas, perhaps by writing them down, before you speak to an interviewer. Stay as

calm and focused as you can. Remember that you will be given a very small amount of air time.

That means that the more you say, the less control you will have over what portion of an interview the media will play.

Try to cover the most important points first and to contain your answers to 10- to 20-

second “sound bites.” Short answers are more likely to be used than long, drawn-out answers.

Also, if you try to cover too much, you may find that your most important points are left out of

the story.

Make your child real by sharing stories that show his or her wit, interests, and other endearing qualities. If you personalize your plea by showing favorite toys, telling short anecdotes,

and airing representative videotapes of your child, people are more apt to listen and remember

and to feel they have a reason to care about your plight. However, don’t loan any original items

to the media, because you may not get them back. Always label your child’s pictures, videos,

and possessions.

Keep control of the story. Be prepared to field difficult questions. Although many reporters

have families and will empathize with you, their job is to give the public an interesting story.

Some may appear to be skeptical of you—at least initially—because of well-publicized disappearances in which the parents turned out to be the culprits.

Regardless of the questions asked, keep the story focused on your missing child. If a

reporter digs a skeleton out of your closet, don’t be afraid to say that a previous event has

nothing to do with the present disappearance. You may need to point out that members of

the same family can be totally different in terms of behavior, academic performance, and

emotional maturity.
34

Family Survival Guide

Be patient with reporters, because many of them may be young and inexperienced. It is

difficult for someone who is not yet a parent to imagine what you are going through. If you are

asked an inappropriate question, don’t answer it—and don’t explain why.

Do not lie to the media. If you are caught in a lie, reporters will never trust you again. But remember that you don’t have to answer every question. The only reason you are giving an interview is to find your child. You don’t have any obligation to help the media carry a story in a

direction you don’t want it to go. If you believe a question is insensitive or irrelevant, either say

so and decline to answer or else give the information you want to present regardless of the

question that was asked. Take control of the situation. Make the points you have to make and

insist on getting your message across.

Do not disclose information to the media that your law enforcement contact has told you

to keep confidential. Consult with your law enforcement agency in advance to find out what

information can be released and what information should remain private. Remember that there

is no “off the record” comment. If reporters want confidential information, they will try to get it.

Consider holding joint press conferences with law enforcement as a way to keep information

flowing to the media yet protect confidential details.

Never publicly criticize law enforcement. Sometimes reporters ask questions intended to

create controversy over law enforcement’s handling of a case. Resist the temptation to criticize

law enforcement, however, even if you are unhappy with something that has been done. You

want the story to be about your child, not about a controversy with law enforcement. You also

don’t want to risk alienating the people who are spearheading the effort to find your child.

Instead, channel any complaints you have through the appropriate law enforcement person

or office.
35

The Media

Notes
37

Photo and Flier Distribution

Photo and Flier Distribution

The more people who know that your child is in danger and what

your child looks like, the better the chances are that someone will

recognize your child and report his or her whereabouts.

—Claudine Ryce

Distributing pictures of and information about

your missing child is an essential part of the

search and recovery process. During the first

48 hours, it is critical that recent pictures of

your child and facts pertinent to the disappearance be given to law enforcement, the news

media, and nonprofit organizations and agencies. Physical traits and personality characteristics should also be described as specifically

as possible. This chapter contains important

tips about photo and flier distribution and can

guide you through both the short- and longterm process.

Photo and Flier

Distribution: The

First 48 Hours

Search for the most recent pictures. Don’t

look for pictures in your scrapbook. See if your

camera has undeveloped film in it and, if so,

take it to be developed. Ask family members

and friends if they have recent pictures or

videos of your child from a birthday party,

holiday celebration, sports event, or school

outing. Almost always, your child’s school will

have a copy of the latest school picture or will

be able to tell you the name and telephone

number of the school photographer. Even a

passport picture, school identification card, or

driver’s license is better than nothing.

Pick out pictures that most resemble your

child. Remember that posters and fliers will

show only the head, neck, and top of the

shoulders. Candid shots are fine, as long as

the facial image is clear. Several pictures from

different angles may give people a better idea

of what your child looks like. When selecting

photos, keep the purpose in mind—to enable

people to recognize your child, not admire a

poster that flatters but does not look like your

child. For examples of fliers, a sample template, and other items that can be distributed,

see the collage on pages 38–39.

Videos or home movies are excellent

choices for airing on television. Videos

capture your child’s appearance, mannerisms,

and voice quality. They offer the added advantage of engaging the hearts of viewers, who

can relate to the image on the screen as a live

personality. Such viewers are more likely to

be on the lookout for your child or even to

volunteer to help in the search effort.

Ask someone to have copies made of the

pictures and videos you select. Photographs

can be duplicated quickly by Eckerd Drug

Store, K-Mart, Kinko’s, PIP Printing, and most

camera supply shops. Some businesses may

give you a discount rate if you give them your

child’s case number showing that you have

reported your child as missing to the police.

Put all photo originals and negatives in a

safe place. Never give away your only copy

of a picture, unless you don’t care if you get

it back.

If the picture was taken by a professional

photographer, you may need to get permission to have the picture reproduced.

Under most circumstances, professional photographers will be glad to help by giving permission to reproduce a picture once you

explain your situation. Some may even reproduce the pictures for you free of charge, so

don’t be afraid to ask. At the same time, if

possible, have the pictures digitized onto a

CHAPTER 4
NONFAMILY ABDUCTION SAMPLE

NAME OF CHILD

CHILD’S PHOTO CHILD’S PHOTO

DIFFERENT ANGLE

(Date of Photo) (Date of Photo)

Date Missing: Age Now:

Missing From:

Birth: Age Disap:

Sex: Race:

Height: Weight:

Hair: Eyes:

ID Info:

Circum:

ANYONE HAVING INFORMATION SHOULD CONTACT

The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children

1–800–843–5678

OR

LOCAL POLICE DEPARTMENT INFORMATION

Note: A missing child must be registered with the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children

before adding the organization’s name and telephone number to this flier.

Source: National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.

38

Family Survival Guide
39

Photo and Flier Distribution
40

Family Survival Guide

floppy disk that can be used to send the

picture by e-mail to nonprofit organizations

across the country that have access to the

Internet.

Put someone persuasive in charge of photo

distribution. Ask your photo distribution

coordinator to keep a log showing who was

given a picture or videotape, then to follow up

to make sure that the

photographs were distributed. In addition

to local media outlets,

local civic and business

groups, and volunteer

groups, copies of your

child’s photograph can

be sent to local government agencies. Permission can be obtained

from county commissioners, agency officers,

or whoever has authority

to post your child’s fliers

in buses, at bus and

subway stops, in tollbooths, at rest stops,

and in Federal and State

parks and buildings.1

Get as many individuals and organizations

as possible to distribute your child’s picture.

Start with your neighbors

and friends. Then call

NCMEC, your State missing children’s clearinghouse, and private, nonprofit missing

children’s organizations in your State and

surrounding States, eventually blanketing the

country. Ask them to distribute your child’s

picture through their networks and to display

it on their Internet site. Make use of today’s

high-speed communication links to distribute

your child’s picture throughout the country.

If you are not hooked up to the Internet,

contact someone who is. The Internet allows you to transmit clearer pictures of your

child more quickly and less expensively than

you could by fax. First, you must have your

child’s picture scanned and digitized—that is,

put on a computer disk. A print or computer

shop can provide this service to you. Next, call

individual organizations to obtain their e-mail

addresses. Now, you can

use your disk to simultaneously send your child’s

picture by e-mail to a

wide variety of organizations. The alternative is

to purchase separate

color pictures and then

send your child’s picture

to each organization via

overnight mail, which is

a far slower and more

expensive process than

digitizing and sending

them via e-mail.

Ask your photo distribution coordinator to

find out where your

child’s picture has been

posted. Check the Internet sites of NCMEC,

your State missing children’s clearinghouse,

and private missing

children’s organizations

to find out where your

child’s picture has been distributed. Expand

the area of distribution to cover the entire

country during the second 24-hour period by

including the U.S. Customs Service, Border

Patrol, and Coast Guard.

Plug into NCMEC’s photo distribution

services. NCMEC posts photos of missing

children on its World Wide Web site

Private businesses

throughout our State

donated large color reward

posters, labels showing our

son’s face, a toll-free

number for people to call

if they had seen our son,

mailing envelopes, and

more than $9,000 in

postage so we could send

25 reward posters to every

U.S. Congressperson and

every State Governor, with

a special plea asking them

to put up posters of our son

in a heavily trafficked area

of their home communities.

—Claudine Ryce

1 By Executive memorandum, NCMEC distributes fliers of missing children to Federal agencies for posting in their

buildings.
41

Photo and Flier Distribution

(www.missingkids.com). Each day, more than

440,000 “hits” are made on the site, and

many companies and agencies have links to

this site. In addition, NCMEC can coordinate

national media exposure through its partnership with major newspapers, magazines,

television networks, and corporations.

Ask your primary law enforcement contact

to request that NCMEC send a broadcast

fax to its network of law enforcement

agencies. NCMEC has the capability to broadcast fax posters and other case-related information to more than 9,000 law enforcement

agencies, FBI Field Offices, State missing

children’s clearinghouses, the Border Patrol,

and medical examiners’ offices throughout the

country. NCMEC can send your child’s picture

to its network of agencies as soon as your law

enforcement agency or the investigating

agency makes a request. NCMEC case management personnel are available oncall to

make emergency posters, broadcast faxes,

and distribute photographic images in the

evenings and on weekends.

If your child has been abducted and is in

danger, ask law enforcement or NCMEC to

contact America’s Most Wanted on your

behalf. You need to ask either NCMEC or

your law enforcement agency to make this

call. America’s Most Wanted can be reached

by calling 800–CRIMETV (800–274–6388).

The program can run a missing children alert,

which is a public service announcement

showing your child’s picture.

Photo and Flier

Distribution:

After the

First 48 Hours

After the first 48 hours, draw on your imagination and the ideas of your many contacts to

keep your child’s picture and story alive before

the public. Here are some ideas of what can

be done.

Be creative and aggressive in getting your

child’s posters put up in heavily trafficked

areas across the country. Get approval for

your mail carrier to place fliers in mailboxes.

Ask utility companies to distribute fliers as their

meter readers make their routes. Ask churches

to request that their members include your

child’s flier in Christmas cards and other letters.

Ask banks and other groups that make regular

mailings to include copies of your child’s flier.

Ask Federal Express, United Parcel Service,

local pizza companies, and other delivery companies to distribute fliers on their routes. Ask

trucking lines or moving companies to post

pictures on the backs of their trucks. Ask airline

pilot and flight attendant unions to request that

members post fliers in cities where airline

personnel lay over. Call motorcycle clubs and

other groups that hold national meetings to see

if their members will take along fliers for distribution. If anyone helping you has difficulty

convincing a company to post or distribute your

child’s picture, you personally should get on

the phone, because it is harder to say no to a

victim parent. The checklist Distributing Fliers

contains further tips for flier production and

distribution.

Prepare a press kit for distribution tonational news and talk shows and magazines.

Ask local public relations firms or persons with

writing ability to help you prepare the kit and to

secure e-mail and street addresses. Be sure to

include local and regional radio stations. Your

law enforcement agency can also give you

guidance on press kit preparation.

Look for events where volunteers can

distribute fliers. Have volunteers research

and make a list of events such as sports contests, county fairs, festivals, and concerts

planned in your community, State, and region.

Distribute fliers to those events as part of your

overall canvassing plan.

Send press releases and arrange interviews

during special or seasonal events. Consider

celebrating your missing child’s birthday by

reading aloud cards or special messages you

hope he or she will hear. Speak at what would
42

Family Survival Guide

have been your child’s graduation from elementary or middle school. Distribute ageprogressed photos of your child and updated

case information to refresh people’s memories

and renew interest in your child’s plight. Enlist

the aid of celebrities and politicians who can

help publicize your child’s case.

Continue to work with NCMEC and its

photo distribution program. More than 400

private-sector participants use NCMEC’s print

photographs, and a number of Federal agencies place NCMEC photos in their mail as

well. ADVO, a direct-mail company, disseminates NCMEC’s photographs of missing children to more than 83 million homes each

week, with pictures of 52 different children

issued each year. About one in six children

who have been featured in the ADVO photo

distribution program have been recovered.

NCMEC electronically distributes approximately 70,000 posters of missing children

monthly to all Wal-Mart stores and Sam's

Clubs across the country. In addition, the U.S.

Postal Service has a photo distribution program in place that sends fliers by fax to post

offices nationwide for display and for dissemination by mail carriers.

Make your own picture cards to insert in

mass mailings. Get permission from government agencies, utility companies, and private

businesses to have your card inserted in

newspapers and envelopes containing State

license renewals, tax assessments, local

utility bills, payroll envelopes, and bank statements. Talk to direct-mail advertising companies to gain access to mass coupon mailings.

Ask national groups for help. Ask law enforcement associations, women’s auxiliary

groups, civic groups such as the Rotary Club

or Elks and Moose lodges, the Chamber of

Commerce, military groups or associations

such as the Veterans of Foreign Wars, and

college fraternities to distribute and post your

child’s poster or flier.

Ask a variety of franchise businesses to

distribute posters through their normal

supply lines. Consider especially various fast

food and gasoline chains. Individuals who

know who has abducted or who is holding

your child may frequent liquor stores and adult

bookstores more often than banks, post offices, and schools. Reward posters should be

A Word About Fax Machines

If you do not own a fax machine, look for one you can rent or borrow, or get permission to

use the fax number of a nearby business or police station. You can use it for quick and

inexpensive communications with:

■ Law enforcement.

■ The news media.

■ Missing child agencies.

■ State missing children’s clearinghouses.

■ Other individuals and organizations that are willing to help.

When a face-to-face meeting cannot take place—or if information needs to be disseminated

quickly—a fax machine can provide you with an important link to your law enforcement

agency as you work together to prepare and review press releases, set up interview

schedules, or provide lists of the names and telephone numbers of individuals who may

hold clues to the whereabouts of your child. A fax machine in your home will also enable

you to call organizations devoted to missing child issues, ask them to fax their intake forms

to you, and then fill out, sign, and fax back the forms immediately.

A Word About Fax Machines
43

Photo and Flier Distribution

posted where people with information are

most likely to see them.

Consider using publicity gimmicks to etch

your child’s face in the public’s memory.

Have your child’s picture printed on buttons,

T-shirts, bumper stickers, stamps, and

baseball-type cards.

Appear on talk shows on the condition

that your child’s picture is shown during

the program. Be sure that the subject of the

talk show is compatible with the seriousness

of your child’s situation and that the show’s

topics and other guests can be verified prior to

your appearance. Make sure that the storyline

will help, not harm, you and your child. Steer

clear of sensational shows that focus on serial

child murders, child sexual exploitation, or

other issues that can take the focus away

from your case.
44

Family Survival Guide

Key Points

1. During the first 48 hours, it is critical that recent pictures of your child, descriptions of physical traits and personality characteristics, and facts pertinent to

the disappearance be given to law enforcement, the news media, and nonprofit

organizations and agencies.

2. Distribute only recent pictures that resemble your child. Remember that posters

and fliers will show only the head, neck, and top of the shoulders.

3. Choose representative videos or home movies for airing on television to show

viewers your child’s appearance, mannerisms, and voice quality.

4. Never give away your only copy of a picture or video.

5. Be both creative and aggressive in getting your child’s posters put up in heavily

trafficked areas across the country.

6. Use publicity gimmicks, such as buttons, T-shirts, and bumper stickers, to etch

your child’s face in the public’s memory.

7. Prepare a press kit for distribution to national news and talk shows and

magazines.

8. Extend your search to the Internet, which will allow you to send your child’s

picture to a wide variety of organizations via e-mail more quickly and less

expensively than you could by fax.

9. Plug into available photo distribution services, including NCMEC, which can

coordinate national media exposure, send a broadcast fax to its national network

of law enforcement agencies, contact America’s Most Wanted requesting that a

public service announcement be aired on your behalf, and post photos of your

child on its Web site.

10. If your child has been missing for a long time, distribute age-progressed photos

and updated case information to refresh people’s memories and renew interest

in your child’s plight.
45

Photo and Flier Distribution

Checklist: Distributing Fliers

Effective fliers creatively combine photographs with basic information about your child. The

following checklist can help you develop strategies for increasing the visibility of your child’s

case and generating possible leads about the disappearance.

Ask someone creative to take charge of flier and poster production. Friends, family members, and volunteers can help with this task. Your poster coordinator can ask local printers to

produce fliers free or at a discount rate. You can also work through NCMEC, whose case managers are authorized to contact your local PIP Printing store and make arrangements for several

hundred copies of fliers to be printed at no charge to the parent. Special requests for larger

quantities have been granted for children who are in particular danger.

Have fliers printed in different sizes for different purposes. Use different sizes for buttons,

handouts, reward posters, mailings, and labels. Use the samples in this chapter as a guide.

Ask your primary law enforcement contact what telephone number should be published

on the flier for people to use to call in tips. Because the purpose of fliers is to generate leads

and tips relevant to your child’s case, it is crucial to include a special phone number for readers

to call. Often, law enforcement prefers to use a 24-hour hotline staffed by trained information

takers rather than the local police telephone number, which may revert to voice mail or a beeper

when no one is in the office. The NCMEC toll-free number can be used only after your child has

been reported missing to NCMEC. Crime Stoppers and other reputable hotlines experienced in

taking lead information are other possibilities. If you ask, Crime Stoppers may be willing to give

and take reward information. Do not use your own telephone number or establish your own

800 number. You need to keep your own phone line free for your child or the person holding your child to call.
46

Family Survival Guide

Notes
47

Volunteers

Volunteers

The many offers of support you receive in the first few days will

carry you through. When people ask what they can do, try to tell

them something specific. Tomorrow they may be gone, and you

are likely to forget who made the offer.

—Pat Sessions

One of the most heartwarming things you

will experience is a tremendous outpouring

of caring from family members, friends, and

strangers. People of all races, nationalities,

religions, and socioeconomic levels will offer

you and your family emotional support, food

and other gifts, and help in the search. In

fact, volunteers are essential to the search

process. They can and will play a variety of

roles in the effort to find your child. This

chapter offers suggestions for ways to involve volunteers in the search and ideas for

managing offers to help.

Making the Best

Use of Volunteers

To make the best use of volunteers, select

a volunteer coordinator who is organized,

efficient, and able to work well with and

give direction to others. The role of the

volunteer coordinator is not to handle volunteer activities directly, but rather to delegate

to others management of specific activities,

such as bringing food to the family, providing

water for the searchers, and coordinating

distribution of posters and fliers. Choose

someone who is practical, well organized,

and skilled in providing leadership.

Keep a running list—or have someone

keep a list for you—of the things you need

as they arise. If you keep your list current,

new volunteers will always have a way to get

involved, and returning volunteers will know

where to go to find out what is needed next.

When someone offers to help, write down

the person’s name, telephone number, and

type of service preferred. When your child

is first missing, it is hard to think of what you

need now, much less what you will need in

the future. If you have no ready answer for

someone who asks to help, write down specific information that will enable you to contact that person later with a particular task.

Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need.

No task is too small or too large. If you need

something, the best thing you can do for

yourself is to ask. You will be truly amazed

by the amount of support you receive. People

really do want to help.

Tap into the network of resources that

private clubs, businesses, and agencies

have available to them. Many local clubs,

businesses, and agencies can help in a variety of ways—by donating items, distributing

photographs and fliers, or participating in the

search. Make a list of what you need, and

see what each group can provide. Here are

some of the types of organizations that may

be willing to help:

■ Rotary clubs and other civic organizations.

■ Red Cross chapters.

■ Local posts of Veterans of Foreign Wars.

■ Local lodges.

■ Churches and synagogues.

■ Parent-teacher associations.

■ Scout troops.

CHAPTER 5
48

Family Survival Guide

■ Retiree organizations.

■ Labor unions.

■ Military installations.

■ Printers.

■ Paper suppliers.

■ Pizza franchises.

■ Fast food chains.

■ Liquor store chains.

■ Airline companies.

■ Taxicab and bus companies.

■ Trucking companies.

■ Public and private transportation agencies.

■ Hospitals.

■ Colleges and universities.

■ Political groups.

Be aware that some volunteers may want

to become too involved, to get too intimate

with the family, or to act beyond their designated responsibility. Some individuals

seem to enjoy media attention. They try to shift

the focus of attention away from your child and

onto themselves. Unfortunately, not all volunteers may have your best interests in mind

but are there for personal reasons. Sometimes individuals who victimize children are

drawn to a search scene. If you feel uncomfortable with anyone or anything for any reason, inform your volunteer coordinator or law

enforcement contact. Also, don’t use unknown

volunteers to do personal tasks, such as washing laundry or helping with carpools. Instead,

rely on friends or family members for these

jobs.

Suggested Volunteer Activities

Volunteers can do many things for you. Let them. In doing so, you allow people to fulfill their

desire to help, and you relieve yourself of the burden of trying to do everything yourself,

which you cannot. The following activities are particularly well suited for volunteers.

■ Participate in the physical search.

■ Canvas area businesses for donations of supplies needed for the search effort or

for the family’s upkeep.

■ Design posters or fliers.

■ Tack up pictures and posters and hand out fliers.

■ Contact nonprofit organizations, community groups, or other agencies in the community

for donations or other assistance in producing or distributing posters.

■ Keep track of all donated items and write thank-you notes.

■ Answer the home telephone 24 hours a day and maintain a telephone log.

■ Prepare meals.

■ Help with household chores, such as cleaning, doing laundry, watering flowers,

mowing the lawn, maintaining the yard, or shoveling the driveway.

■ Run errands, such as shopping for groceries or going to the pharmacy.

■ Take care of pets.

■ Form prayer groups.

Suggested Volunteer Activities
49

Volunteers

Using Untrained

Volunteers in the

Search Effort

Typically, law enforcement is the coordinating

force behind the search, but volunteers often

play a major role, especially in the immediate

search of the 3- to 5-mile radius

around where your child

was last seen.

Designate a volunteer

search coordinator to

work with law enforcement. The volunteer

search coordinator will

need instruction from

law enforcement to

determine:

■ How many nonpolice

personnel will be

needed in the search.

■ What locations or areas are to be

searched and on what schedule.

■ What training will be provided to

volunteers.

■ How information will be disseminated

among volunteers.

■ What specific instructions will be given to

volunteers about the process, procedures,

and parameters of the search.

Even though private individuals, organizations, and businesses may be interested

in helping with the search, it is usually

easier to work with an organized group.

Organized groups can quickly mobilize large,

cohesive groups of searchers and can work

through an already established chain of command that will reduce battles for leadership

and control. Groups can choose their own

team leaders, who can serve as a bridge

between the volunteer search coordinator

and the volunteer searchers. The volunteer

search coordinator’s task of conveying

information to the volunteer searchers will

be easier, because the team leader can be

asked to explain to each group what needs

to be done.

Law enforcement, the volunteer search

coordinator, and the team leaders should

work together to make sure that volunteers are doing what they are supposed

to do. Sometimes, overwrought volunteer searchers

go beyond their designated

roles and responsibilities and

may unwittingly impose

themselves on the missing

child’s family. The checklist

Working With Volunteer

Searchers summarizes the

most important points that

need to be covered with

volunteers.

Make sure that a list of the

names and addresses of

all volunteers is kept. You will need this list to

write thank-you notes, and law enforcement

may need it during the search and investigation.

Using Trained

Volunteers in the

Search Effort

Project ALERT (America’s Law Enforcement

Retiree Team) provides law enforcement

agencies with free consultations on cases

involving missing children. Project ALERT

was launched by NCMEC in 1992 to link

trained, retired volunteers with law enforcement agencies involved in cases of missing

children. The following services are provided:

■ An emergency response team of

seasoned investigators who can offer

additional personnel, search coordination,

and other critical resources.

I was devastated when

a year later one of our

volunteers was arrested

for molesting boys in

our community.

—Patty Wetterling
50

Family Survival Guide

■ Specialized training to law enforcement

agencies to help them resolve recent or

long-term missing child cases.

■ Experienced public

speakers who can

make effective

presentations on

child safety issues

and prevention

strategies.

Law enforcement agencies can request the

services of Project

ALERT by contacting

NCMEC, which will

donate all resource materials, make all travel

arrangements, and pay

for all travel costs.

Many nonprofit organizations located

throughout the country are poised to help

you find your missing child. Many organizations are devoted to the search for missing

children. They can help distribute your child’s

poster, coordinate volunteer activities, locate

the nearest bloodhounds, or find a parent of

another missing child to

give you advice and support. Contact NCMEC

or the Association of

Missing and Exploited

Children’s Organizations,

Inc. (AMECO), to find out

the names and telephone

numbers of organizations

that meet their requirements for certification or

membership. You might

also want to talk with

your primary law enforcement contact and with

other parents of missing

children. Be wary of organizations that promise they can find your missing child, that

request payment for these services, or that

are unknown in this field.

No one completely

understands your pain, but

people genuinely care and

want to help you, so try to

overlook any behavior or

comments that seem

insensitive.

—Colleen Nick
51

Volunteers

Key Points

1. Volunteers are essential to the search process. They can and will play a variety of

roles in the effort to find your child.

2. The role of the volunteer coordinator is not to handle volunteer activities directly,

but rather to delegate to others management of specific activities, such as

bringing food to the family, providing water for the searchers, and coordinating

distribution of posters and fliers.

3. If you need something, the best thing you can do for yourself is to ask for help.

You will be amazed by the amount of support you receive from others.

4. Keep a running list—or have someone keep a list for you—of the things you need

as they arise.

5. When someone offers to help, write down the person’s name, telephone number,

and type of service offered so you can contact that individual later when you are

prepared to accept the offer.

6. Don’t use unknown volunteers to do personal tasks, such as washing laundry or

helping with carpools. If you feel uncomfortable with anyone or anything for any

reason, inform your volunteer coordinator or primary law enforcement contact.

7. Many local clubs, businesses, and agencies can help in a variety of ways—by

donating items, distributing photographs and fliers, or participating in the search.

Make a list of what you need, and see what each group can provide.

8. Even though private individuals, organizations, and businesses may be interested

in helping with the search effort, it is usually easier to work with organized

groups, which can quickly mobilize large, cohesive bands of searchers and can

work through an already established chain of command.

9. Make sure that a list of the names and addresses of all volunteers is kept so

thank-you notes can be written and law enforcement can refer to it during the

investigatory process.

10. Be wary of organizations that promise they can find your missing child, that

request payment for these services, or that are unknown in this field.
52

Family Survival Guide

Checklist: Working With

Volunteer Searchers

Before the physical search for your child begins, your law enforcement agency will review important policies and procedures for volunteer searchers. The purpose is to make sure that the

search is as thorough and effective as possible, that all clues and pieces of evidence are safeguarded, and that the safety of volunteers is protected. Some of the topics that will be discussed with the volunteer searchers include the following.

Personal items and other supplies for the search. Based on time of day, climate, and terrain,

searchers will be asked to bring with them—or they may be provided with—items for personal

use or for use in the search. These items include water bottles, flashlights, batteries, sunscreen,

insect repellent, maps, compasses, walkie-talkies, notebooks, and pens.

Reporting procedures. Procedures will be established for searchers to use when they report

and sign in. The system may be as simple as signing a name or as elaborate as taking a picture

or video.

Search procedures. Searchers will be given instructions concerning:

■ What type of search is being conducted.

■ What to do if clues or pieces of evidence are found.

■ What to do if a searcher gets hurt or lost.

■ Who is responsible for searchers in a particular area and what is the chain of

command for reporting information.
53

Volunteers

Notes
55

Rewards and Donations

Rewards and Donations

A reward for the safe return of your child might be what it takes

to persuade someone who knows something to speak up.

—Don Ryce

It’s hard to assess the true value of a reward

in recovering a missing child. The offer of a

reward might renew media interest in reporting on a missing child, or it might be the thing

that motivates a person living on the fringe of

society to call in a lead. Although rewards do

not always produce the right leads or have the

anticipated results, the use of a reward may

be worth considering. This chapter discusses

some important issues for you to think about

before setting up a reward. It explains how to

manage reward or donation funds correctly

and where to go for help or advice.

Monetary

Rewards

Regardless of the odds that a reward will

work, most parents will want to offer one if

they possibly can in an effort to turn over

every stone in the search to find their missing

child. However, many issues need to be considered before an informed decision about a

reward can be made.

Get expert help. Because of the number of

legal and technical issues that can arise from

a reward offer, you need expert advice from

a knowledgeable attorney, your primary law

enforcement contact, your banker, and the

parents of other missing children who have

successfully established a reward fund.

Make sure that the people who give you

advice have firsthand experience managing

a reward fund.

Be aware that your reward offer can become a legally enforceable contract. If you

offer a reward, you are agreeing to pay a sum

of money if a person’s actions lead to the

requested result. That means that anyone

who complies with the terms of the offer can

be legally entitled to claim the reward and can

sue for its recovery. That’s why you must be

very careful in how you describe the terms of

the reward offer. Sloppy language can result

in serious legal problems. Ask an attorney for

pro bono legal assistance.

Be prepared to meet resistance from law

enforcement. Some law enforcement agencies disapprove of reward offers because they

can result in a torrent of false leads. Keep law

enforcement informed of any decision you

make regarding a reward, and if you sense

concern or resistance, point out that all it

takes is one solid lead to recover your child.

Also, the desire for reward money could motivate an abductor to keep a child alive.

Clearly state the purpose of the offer. First

decide what you want the reward to accomplish, then make sure that this purpose is

clearly spelled out in the offer. For example, it

is a good idea to make your child’s safe return

a written condition of the reward. The better

the description of the reward’s purpose, the

less likely it is that you will have to argue later

over whether someone complied with the

terms of the offer.

Set a time limit for the reward. One of the

goals of a reward is to generate immediate

results in order to get your child back quickly.

In the beginning, you may want to keep the

time limit fairly short and tie it to a significant

event, such as your child’s birthday. The

drama of such a countdown could generate

substantial public interest. Avoid open-ended

CHAPTER 6
56

Family Survival Guide

rewards that can result in liability many years

later. You can always renew the reward for a

longer period of time.

Be careful in establishing the amount of

the reward. Don’t offer more money than

you can afford to pay. Decide on the maximum amount of the reward in the first offer

and stick to it, because if you raise the

amount later, people may wait for a more

lucrative offer before calling in a lead.

Check to see if special reward funds

already exist. Sometimes State and local

agencies—and even the FBI—have funds

available to put up as a reward in cases involving predatory abduction. Ask your law

enforcement contact to help you find out

about such funds.

Be aware that monetary pledges are not

as reliable as donations. It is much easier

to persuade people to

pledge money toward a

reward than it is to get

them to donate cash.

Therefore, you can in

theory raise much more

money through pledges

than you can through

donations. The problem

is that you cannot be

sure that a pledge will be

honored when the time

comes to pay out the

reward. If you use

pledges, get the pledge in writing, pay attention to the expiration date of the pledge, and

plan to spend a fair amount of time making

sure your pledges are still legitimate. Pledges

are not forever.

Do not use your personal funds to finance the reward. As hard as it may be,

refrain from using your own personal funds

for the reward. Based on the terms and

conditions spelled out in the reward offer,

you may be liable for payment of the reward, and you may even be sued. And

though you may not realize it in the beginning, you may be faced with financial constraints months or years later, for example,

if you are out of work for an extended period of time helping in the search for your

child.

Monetary

Donations

Monetary donations can be extremely helpful

to families whose lives have been turned

upside down by the disappearance of a child.

They can be used to help finance the search,

fund a reward, or support the family if a parent

is unable to work during the search process.

But donations can also present problems if

they are not managed

properly. For this reason,

you need to be aware of

some important accounting and accountability

issues that, if not handled

correctly, could result in

legal and financial ruin.

Make sure that both

you and your contributors know how the

money will be used.

Donations can be used

for many different purposes, depending upon

your need. Ask that

donations be earmarked

for a specific purpose—

such as the reward fund,

the search fund, or the family support fund—

and if they are not, ask one of your volunteers to call the donor to find out to which

fund the donation should be given. Seek

professional help from both a lawyer and a

banker to help you establish separate trusts

and accounts and to oversee disbursements.

Keep separate bank accounts for each fund.

If accounts are set up properly, donors will feel

comfortable that records of the money are being

kept and that donations are being used for the

After the search fund

for our daughter was

established, the rumors

began to fly about the new

vehicles and houses we had

purchased. We even heard

about a fabulous vacation

we supposedly had taken

with the money from the

fund.

—Colleen Nick
57

Rewards and Donations

specified purpose. Creating a trust fund—or at

least establishing safeguards, such as requiring

dual signatures on checks and maintaining accurate records—is crucial. You must make sure

that funds earmarked for a specific purpose are,

in fact, being used for that purpose.

Avoid having direct control over any funds

received. Parents should not solicit funds on

their own. Use volunteer groups for this purpose instead. Parents also should not have

any signatory control over the funds, because

there have been instances in which someone

attempted to extort the reward money from

parents by force. Protect yourself from this

kind of danger by putting the money, and the

power to access it, in someone else’s hands.

Designate trusted individuals outside the

family to have signature authority over the

accounts. By removing yourself from the

control of the funds, you eliminate any unnecessary scrutiny by members of the public or

the media about the use of the funds. Make

sure that the individuals selected for this task

are trustworthy and that they understand their

role and potential liability.

Maintain accurate records that show

where the donations came from and how

the money was spent. Make sure that the

individuals with signature authority maintain

proper records on all income and expenditures. A list of donors should be maintained

so thank-you letters can be sent, and copies

of receipts for all expenditures should be kept

in case questions arise. Ask a banker to help

you establish proper accounting procedures,

or ask for pro bono help from an attorney or

an accountant.

Be honest with the public. Be prepared for

questions, which may turn into accusations,

concerning the use of donated funds. Designate one person—who could be you or a

trusted friend or family member—to answer

all questions concerning how the funds are

being spent. Information concerning the number of donations or the amount in the accounts should never be released to the media.

Specify what will happen to the reward in

the event your child is located before the

money is spent. Sometimes large sums of

money in a reward fund are left unspent.

Therefore, you need to establish written procedures for how the money is to be dispensed

if it cannot be used for the reward. For example, you can specify that all donations over

a certain amount are to be returned, if the

donor is traceable, or that unused funds are to

be donated to an organization or agency that

helped with the search. Excess reward fund

money should never be used for the family’s

personal expenses, because that was not the

purpose of the fund. Again, talk with an attorney to determine how to handle this situation.
58

Family Survival Guide

Key Points

1. Most parents will want to put up a reward in an effort to turn over every stone in

the search for their missing child, even though it is not known whether rewards

actually help in cases involving a missing or abducted child.

2. Use a reward offer to renew media interest in reporting on a missing child or to

motivate a person living on the fringe of society to call in a lead.

3. Be prepared for resistance from your law enforcement contact because of police

fears that the reward offer will result in a torrent of false leads.

4. Because of the number of legal and technical issues that can arise from a reward

offer, you need to obtain expert advice from a knowledgeable attorney, your law

enforcement contact, your banker, and the parents of missing children who have

successfully established a reward fund. Make sure that the people who give you

advice have firsthand experience managing a reward fund.

5. Your reward offer can become a legally enforceable contract, which means that

anyone who complies with the terms of the offer can be legally entitled to claim

the reward and can sue for its recovery.

6. Monetary pledges are not as reliable as donations.

7. Don’t use personal funds to finance the reward, and don’t offer more money than

you can raise.

8. Keep separate bank accounts for each type of fund—reward, family support, or

search—and maintain accurate records showing where each monetary donation

came from and how the money was spent.

9. Avoid having direct control over any funds received by designating trusted

individuals outside the family to have signature authority over the accounts.

By removing yourself from control of the funds, you eliminate any unnecessary

scrutiny by members of the public or the media about the use of the funds.

10. Establish written procedures detailing how the money is to be dispensed if it

cannot be used for the reward.
59

Rewards and Donations

Checklist: Selecting a Tipline for Leads

Selecting a phone number for people to use to call in leads for the reward requires careful

thought. Your home and business telephones should be reserved for your personal use. NCMEC

operates a toll-free telephone line. However, NCMEC staff are prohibited from supplying information about rewards. Moreover, callers with leads have specific needs that must be addressed.

Callers must be able to give anonymous tips. Some people will not call unless they can be

assured of anonymity. Some tiplines assign a special number to each caller to ensure that a

particular caller gets credit for the tip.

Callers must be able to call 24 hours a day. Some people prefer to call after regular business

hours. The telephone number you list should allow people to call at any hour of the day or night.

Callers must be able to phone long distance without having to pay for the call. Some organizations offer an established toll-free telephone number you can use to gather tips or other

information about your child. Crime Stoppers is one such organization that answers calls 24

hours a day, provides anonymity to callers, and has a good working relationship with law enforcement. Contact your local office of Crime Stoppers to learn more about that organization’s

system. Also, your local law enforcement agency and your State missing children’s clearinghouse may be able to provide further guidance.

The person who answers the phone must be able to handle this type of call. Answering a

telephone tipline requires a special set of skills. People who answer tiplines need to know how

to keep callers on the line, what questions to ask, and how to write down important information.

Tips must be furnished to law enforcement immediately. Law enforcement is responsible

for evaluating and following up on all tips—not parents, family members, or friends. For this

reason, all tips and lead information should be passed on immediately to law enforcement, including the circumstances surrounding them—how they were made, who received them, at

what time of day, and so forth.
60

Family Survival Guide

Notes
61

Personal and Family Considerations

Personal and Family

Considerations

I had no rational thoughts, they were all irrational.

—Heather Cox

Hanging on to my sanity for a minute at a time often took all of

my energy. I could not begin to look several days down the road.

—Colleen Nick

Not knowing where your child is or how he

or she is being treated is one of the hardest

things you will have to face. One minute you

will feel a surge of hope, the next, a depth of

despair that will threaten your very sanity. Life

will become an emotional roller coaster that

won’t really stop until you can hold your child

in your arms again.

As you enter more deeply into the nightmare,

know that you are not alone. Unfortunately,

other families have had to travel this path

and have experienced the same emotional

wringer. Families can and do survive—and

yours will, too, but it will take all the strength,

hope, and willpower you can muster.

Regaining Your

Emotional and

Physical

Strength

Your ability to be strong

and to help in the search

for your child requires

that you attend to your

own physical and emotional needs. Although it

may be hard right now

for you to maintain your

daily routine, it is paramount that you do so. The driving force behind the search effort is you, and therefore

you must, for your child’s sake, be physically

and mentally well in order to handle it. The

fact is, the nightmare will continue until your

child is found, so you need to take as many

breaks from it as you can.

Force yourself to eat and sleep. Your body

needs food and sleep in order to endure this

ordeal. Although eating and sleeping may

seem incredibly difficult, you must try. If

eating regular meals feels like too much of a

drain or if it brings back painful memories of

your child, change your meal times and locations. If you cannot sleep at night because

you are nervous, tense, or afraid of nightmares, find a place to relax and nap during

the day. Just make sure you are doing everything you can to take care of yourself.

Find time for physical exercise. Any type

of physical activity, even walking the dog, can

help to ease the stress on your body and clear

your head. Physical exercise also can help you

relax at night so your

body gets the sleep it

needs.

Create space for yourself. Find a place of

refuge—away from the

pressure of the search

and the investigation—

where you can be alone

with your thoughts and regroup. Even a few

quiet minutes can significantly relieve stress.

The nightmare is always

there. A break is essential

to your sanity.

—Colleen Nick

CHAPTER 7
62

Family Survival Guide

My life ended the day my

child was taken. At some

point I had to find a place

to start over.

—Heather Cox

It may help to walk in the park, visit your

church or synagogue, or talk to a neighbor.

Try to take as much time as you need and can

spare. Remember that you are the best judge

of what will help you to handle the life crisis

and that it is okay—even necessary—to take

a break from the stress for dinner and a walk.

Find ways to release your emotions. Your

emotions will be running wild and will seem

out of control. In these circumstances fear,

anger, and grief can take over your entire

existence. Therefore, you need to find a way

to release your emotions

because if you cannot

express them, you may

find yourself taking it

out on others. Talk with

someone—a friend, a

relative, or a professional

therapist—who will just

listen. Also, try to stay

busy. You can cook,

write letters that express

your feelings without

mailing them, or record

your thoughts and feelings in a journal.

Keep a journal. Some parents find it extremely

helpful to keep track of their thoughts and

feelings in a journal. Journal entries, which can

be written or tape recorded, need not be coherent or intelligent. Their purpose is merely to

record your thoughts and feelings at any particular time and to help you to resolve them.

Put your anger and grief to work for you.

Come up with ideas for the search. For example, you can make a list of all of your child’s

friends, neighbors, and acquaintances—anyone

who might hold a clue as to the whereabouts

of your child. You can make a list of places your

child frequented or even occasionally visited—

anywhere law enforcement could look for your

child. Finally, you can think of ways to release

your emotions in a productive manner.

Stay away from alcohol and harmful medications. Alcoholic beverages, harmful drugs,

and even prescription medications can prevent

you from being an effective member of the

search team and can even induce depression.

However, if you are having trouble sleeping at

night or coping during the day, ask your physician for help. He or she may prescribe a medication that will help you sleep or alleviate your

depression. Just be sure that you only take

medications under the supervision of a physician, because some can be addictive.

Don’t blame yourself. Looking back, you

may feel that there was something you could

have done to have prevented your child’s

disappearance. You can literally

drive yourself crazy asking, What if . . . ? But

the fact is, if you did

not arrange for the disappearance, you should

not hold yourself responsible for not knowing or

doing something that

may seem obvious in

hindsight. And remember, children have been

abducted out of the

safety of their own

bedroom while their parents slept in the

room next door.

Don’t shoulder the blame of others. Recognize that some people may blame you for the

disappearance because of their own fears for

their children. They may imply that if you had

watched your child more closely, he or she

would not have disappeared. Blaming you may

make them feel somewhat safer in the world

because they hold you—and your supposed

mistake—responsible for your child’s abduction,

rather than the abductor. Also, sometimes one

spouse blames the other for the disappearance

of the child. This is hardly ever fair and can critically harm the well-being of the entire family. Try

to stay out of the blame game by being kind to

yourself and to one another. Understand that

sometimes anger and blame are irrational and

misplaced. Keep the lines of communication

open among family members. If necessary,

seek professional counseling or other outside

assistance to help you handle the situation.
63

Personal and Family Considerations

Stay united in your fight to find your

child. Don’t allow the stress of the investigation to drive a wedge into your family life.

When emotions run wild, be careful that you

do not lash out at or cast blame on others.

Instead, give each other lots of warm hugs to

counteract the stress inherent in the situation. Remember that everyone deals with

crises and grief differently, so don’t judge

others because they do not respond to the

disappearance in the same way you do.

Allow the opinions of

other people to be their

business, not yours.

Some people need to

have an opinion as to

how well you are handling the situation and

whether you should be

acting differently. Keep

in mind that such judgments are merely the

opinions of others and

that at any given moment, you are doing the

best you possibly can.

Seek peer support for

yourself and your family. Some parents find

talking with other parents of missing children

to be extremely beneficial. Sometimes it is

enough to know that you

are not alone and that

someone else in the

world truly understands.

Consider contacting one of the parent authors of this Guide (listed in the back of this

book) or a member of Team H.O.P.E. (see

page 78). Call the Child Protection Division at

the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, U.S. Department of Justice (listed in the Additional Resources

section of this Guide) to get in touch with

any one of the parent authors. You can also

ask your law enforcement contact for a list of

victim’s advocates and local support groups.

Nonprofit agencies or your State missing

children’s clearinghouse can also provide you

with the names and phone numbers of parents who can help.

Seek professional counseling for yourself

and your family. Professional counseling

can be extremely helpful for parents and

families to assist them in coping with their

feelings of fear, depression, grief, isolation,

anger, and despair.

You may think that you

and your family can or

should get through the

crisis alone, but you

don’t have to. Encourage family members to

take care of themselves

by seeking support and

counseling. If you need

assistance finding or

paying for counseling,

contact your local mental health agency or

provider or ask another

family member or friend

to do this for you. If you

are uncomfortable with

professional counseling,

consider another form

of support—from your

clergy, a physician, a lay

counselor, or a friend.

Seek peace and

solace for yourself.

Many parents find comfort in their faith and

use it as a powerful incentive to survive this

nightmare. The loneliness of grief diminishes

somewhat for people who believe that they

are not alone. Turning to—or returning to—

religion can give parents the support and

encouragement they need at this critical

juncture in their lives.

My daughter Morgan’s

brother and sister were

very young—3 years and

22 months—when she was

abducted. Her father and I

decided to not let them

watch the news on TV, but

we kept them informed

about the search in a way

that they could understand.

As a family, we released

balloons for her at a set

time every month. That let

the two children who were

left feel like they were

helping in the search for

their sister.

—Colleen Nick
64

Family Survival Guide

Mentally

Preparing for

the Long Term

As heartless as it may seem, your life and the

lives of your children must go on. Although

moving on with your life may seem impossible, you must do it—for the good of yourself

and your family. You will, of course, find that

there is no such thing as “normal” life as you

once knew it. Everything has changed, and

has changed forever. And whatever the outcome, you will be dealing with this nightmare

in some way for the rest of your life.

Going back to work is not abandonment of

your child. If you need to return to work, you

may feel extremely guilty. Try to remember

that your child must have a home to return to

and that you are working to provide that home

for your child. When you return to work, find a

quiet place where you can go to be alone or to

cry. Your grief is likely to come unannounced,

and you will need a place where you can express it. If your job requires a lot of concentration, which you are not able to give, look for

another position that does not place as many

demands on you. The American Hospice Foundation publication Grief at Work, listed in the

Recommended Readings section of this Guide,

has additional advice.

Focus on your emotional well-being. To

keep yourself on a more even keel, continue

individual and family counseling, and try to stay

busy. You can immerse yourself in activities

with your other children or volunteer to help in

school, church, or the community. Don’t isolate

yourself. Many parent survivors try to help

other parents by working through missing

children’s organizations or by starting a group

of their own. The books and articles listed in

the Recommended Readings section of this

Guide have proven to be particularly helpful.

It’s okay to laugh. A laugh can be as cleansing as a good cry. Laughter not only helps to

release tension and emotion, it helps to restore normalcy to life.

Never stop looking. You will probably want

to dedicate part of each day to your missing

child. Use these hours to keep the search

going and to keep the hope alive. You can set

aside time to make phone calls, write letters,

contact law enforcement, or do whatever

you think will help in the search for your

missing child.

Helping Your

Children To Regain

Their Physical and

Emotional Strength

Your other children need your physical and

emotional support now more than ever, but

you may not be able to satisfy their needs.

You may have barely enough energy to keep

yourself going. You may feel that you are

abandoning your lost child if you are not

doing something every moment to find him

or her. These are normal feelings. Consider

getting additional support for your other

children during this time of crisis. Here are

some ideas.

Find a safety zone for your children. Find a

safe place away from your home where your

other children can be shielded from both the

search effort and the media. This is especially

important for young children, who still need to

play and be themselves. Trusted friends and

relatives can provide a reasonably normal,

nurturing life for your children in a relatively

stress-free environment, so this is a good

time to let members of the extended family

and friends assume a large part of the responsibility for their care. Just remember to maintain contact with your children—both over the

phone and with regular visits—and to reassure

them frequently how much you love them.

Consider letting your other children participate in the search. If it seems appropriate,

you can allow your older children to actively

participate in the search effort. However, it is

important to consider their age, desire, and

level of maturity and to respect their right to
65

Personal and Family Considerations

say no. If your children are young, you will

need to decide how much information you

want revealed and whether it is appropriate

for them to participate in the search effort.

In some cases, younger children have distributed balloons and fliers. If you decide to let

your children participate, keep a gauge on

how well they are handling the situation and

be prepared to make changes, if necessary.

Remember that there are both emotional

and security issues to consider when your

children participate in the search effort. Ask

your law enforcement contact for advice.

Think twice about letting the media interview siblings. Interviews with the media can

be extremely traumatic

to the brothers and sisters of a missing child.

Children are seldom

prepared for the extremely personal or

probing questions asked

by insensitive or pushy

media personnel. Remember that the media

can and will be persistent, particularly given

the sudden ascension of

your family to “celebrity” status. Make sure that you supervise

interviews and continue to set boundaries that

are in your children’s best interests.

Bring the needs of your other children

into balance with those of your missing

child. Focus on the needs of the children

who are still at home. Remember that they,

too, are trying to cope with their loss. Talk

with your children about their feelings of

fear, anger, hurt, and loss. Make them feel

as important to you as your missing child.

Encourage them to return to the interests and activities they enjoyed before the

disappearance—by playing with friends,

participating in sports, or playing music.

Establish different routines to help your

family cope. Family meetings can be an effective way to deal with the changes wrought

by the disappearance. They offer family members a safe, nonjudgmental environment in

which to voice feelings of fear, anger, and

frustration. They also give family members an

opportunity to keep one another informed

about the ongoing investigation and involved

in family decisionmaking.

Celebrate birthdays, holidays, and other

special events. Young children will want to

celebrate birthdays and holidays even when a

brother or sister is missing. Plan ahead so you

are not caught offguard by the intense emotional roller coaster that can accompany such

events. You can, for example, try changing

family holiday traditions and beginning new

ones. Instead of throwing

a big birthday party, you

can eat cake and ice

cream for breakfast and

then open presents. If you

have older children, instead of the traditional

Christmas or Hanukkah

celebration, you can go on

a trip. Remember that

your children need to have

fun and that they want

you to celebrate, even if

your heart is not ready for

it. Recognize, however, that you have personal

limitations as to what you will be able to handle

and that those limitations need to be respected. The secret is to plan ahead.

Allow all members of the family to talk

about your missing child, about their emotional reactions to the situation, and about

their loss. Don’t let the absence of your child

and your deep sense of loss become a taboo

subject. Instead, let your children know that

they can freely express their thoughts and

feelings to you and that they will be met with

love and acceptance. Let your children know

that it is okay for everyone in the family—

including mom and dad—to cry and that you

can help each other by holding hands, giving

each other a big hug or kiss, or getting each

other a glass of water. Remember that even if

you do not communicate with your children

We celebrated Jimmy’s

life by remembering the

profound things he had said

and the mischievous things

he had done.

—Claudine Ryce
66

Family Survival Guide

about your missing child, other children in the

neighborhood will.

Don’t be surprised if your other children’s

behavior drastically changes. Everyone in the

family has suffered a tremendous shock. In

these circumstances, bedwetting, stomach

aches, depression, anger, sullenness, quietness, and truancy are common reactions. But

by the same token, don’t be alarmed if your

child’s behavior changes very little or not at all.

Children, just as adults, react differently to the

disappearance of a child.

Help your other children return to some

type of normalcy by

returning to school.

Your children need the

normalcy that the daily

routine of school provides. But before your

children go back to

school, talk with them

about what they want

others to know. Make

sure they understand

that most people in your

community already know

what has happened. Listen to your child’s

thoughts and feelings about returning to

school. Then, talk to your child’s teachers and

counselors to help them prepare for the return

of your child.

Ask the school to bring counselors into the

classroom both after the disappearance

and when your child returns to school.

Teachers and classmates of a missing child

will also experience fear and grief. When your

other children return to school, they and their

friends—and the friends of your missing

child—are bound to feel scared. Ask your law

enforcement contact if an officer can go to the

school to teach the children both how to recognize dangerous situations and how to get

away. Ask teachers and counselors for their

help in giving all of the children the support

they need to deal with this crisis. The American Hospice Foundation publication Grief at

School, listed in the Recommended Readings

section of this Guide, has additional advice.

Ask other children who have faced similar

difficulties to provide one-on-one support

to your children. A number of sources can

put you in touch with other families that have

experienced the trauma of a missing child. Try

calling your local law enforcement agency,

your State missing children’s clearinghouse,

NCMEC, or other missing children’s organizations. Your children may be more comfortable

talking with a peer who

has gone through a similar ordeal.

Seek professional

counseling for your

children. Your children

are suffering just as

intensely as you are and

may need help dealing

with feelings of fear,

anger, and grief. Don’t

feel guilty that you cannot be their total support

at this point in your life.

Instead, look to others to

help your children cope

with the powerful emotions that follow the

disappearance of a brother or sister.

Helping Extended

Family Members

To Regain Their

Physical and

Emotional

Strength

The disappearance of a child affects many

people—grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins.

They, too, will experience deep emotional

scars from the sudden loss. All of you will

need the love and support of one another.

Extended family members can do a number of

things—contribute to the search effort, take

care of other children, or stay in close phone

Watching my daughter

suffer through the loss of

her child was incredibly

painful. Not only was I

hurting over the loss of

Shelby, my granddaughter,

but also over the deep pain

of my daughter.

—Marion Boburka
67

Personal and Family Considerations

contact—to help them work through the pain

and grief of losing a relative.

If possible, include extended family members in the search effort. Extended family

members can serve a variety of functions—as

spokesperson for the family, coordinator of

media events, coordinator of volunteers, or

coordinator of searchers. They can also develop and disseminate posters and fliers,

contact missing children’s organizations to

request assistance, and gather information to

give to law enforcement to help in the search

and recovery effort.

Put a daily report on your answering machine to keep family members informed of

progress in the search. Law enforcement

should keep you informed about the investigation, but in many cases extended family members are left out of such discussions. They

may, as a result, feel left out and unsure of

what to do. Putting simple messages on your

answering machine will keep distant family

members informed. It also will save you time

from having to make or receive phone calls

and in the process will help to free up your

telephone line in the event that your child or

someone with a tip is trying to get through.

Don’t try to provide emotional support to

everyone in your family. It is not your job

to be an emotional “rock” for the extended

family. Instead, encourage family members to

seek support and comfort from friends and

other family members, from their church or

synagogue, or from local mental health agencies, professional counselors, or other community resources. Let members of your family

know that you are depending on them to help

you through this ordeal.

A Word About Starting a Nonprofit Organization

As time passes and your child does not return, you may become very frustrated. You may

want to find a way to maintain or increase the level of activity. Some parents think about

establishing a nonprofit organization (NPO). An NPO must have a broad public purpose

(that is, it cannot be devoted to a single child). Although State regulations vary, Federal

regulations are in place to assure the public that their contributions are well managed

and are used for the organization’s stated purpose.

There are several things to consider when establishing a tax-exempt NPO:

■ You need a purpose or mission statement, articles of incorporation, bylaws,

an operating budget, and a board of directors. You will need to file necessary

documentation with appropriate State and Federal agencies.

■ You must be aware of the differences between for-profit and nonprofit organizations

to maintain the NPO’s programmatic and fiscal health.

■ You need to keep meticulous files, including financial and corporate records. These

records are open to the public. You may also have to meet the standards of charitable

watchdog agencies.

■ You may want to have an existing NPO serve as your fiscal agent.

■ You will need to develop a program that attracts enough interest and financial support

so it can be maintained.

A Word About Starting a Nonprofit Organization
68

Family Survival Guide

Key Points

1. Force yourself to eat, sleep, and exercise. Realize that your ability to be strong

and to help in the search for your child requires that you attend to your own

physical and emotional needs. If you have trouble sleeping at night or coping

during the day, ask your physician for help.

2. Stay away from alcohol, drugs, and harmful medications, which can prevent you

from being an effective member of the search team and can even induce

depression.

3. Find productive ways to release your emotions, such as keeping a journal, talking

with a friend, taking a walk, exercising, cooking, cleaning, or thinking up ways to

extend the search. Don’t isolate yourself.

4. Don’t blame yourself for your child’s disappearance or allow yourself to shoulder

the blame of others. Treat yourself and others as kindly as you can.

5. Don’t feel guilty if you need to return to work. Remember that you are working to

provide a home for your child to return to.

6. Stay united with your spouse in your fight to find your child. Don’t allow the

stress of the investigation to drive a wedge into your family life, and don’t

misjudge others because their response to the disappearance is different

from yours.

7. Don’t allow the absence of your child and your deep sense of loss to become a

taboo subject. Encourage open discussion of feelings in a safe, caring,

nonjudgmental environment during family meetings.

8. Establish different routines for daily life and for celebrating birthdays, holidays,

and other events. Find a safe place away from your home—perhaps with friends

or relatives—where your other children can feel free to play and express

themselves, away from the spotlight of the search and the media.

9. If it seems appropriate, allow your other children to participate in the search,

perhaps by distributing posters, fliers, or balloons. Remember that both

emotional and security issues need to be addressed.
69

Personal and Family Considerations

Key Points (Continued)

10. Don’t be surprised if your other children’s behavior changes drastically. Bedwetting,

stomach aches, depression, anger, sullenness, quietness, and truancy are common

reactions. But remember that children, just like adults, react differently to the

disappearance of a child, and some may not show any change in behavior.

11. Help your other children return to some type of normalcy by going back to

school, but listen carefully to them before they go. Request that the school bring

counselors into the classroom to discuss the situation with the children, and ask

your law enforcement contact to arrange for an officer to go to the school to

teach the children both how to recognize dangerous situations and how to get

away.

12. Extended family members can serve a variety of functions in the search effort—

as spokesperson for the family, coordinator of media events, coordinator of volunteers, or coordinator of searchers. They can also help with posters and fliers,

request assistance from missing children’s organizations, and gather information

to give to law enforcement.

13. Don’t try to provide emotional support to everyone in your family. Seek professional

counseling for yourself and your children to help you cope.

14. Bring callers up to date on the progress of the search by recording simple

messages on your home answering machine.

15. Never stop looking. Dedicate part of each day to your missing child by making

phone calls, writing letters, contacting law enforcement, or doing whatever you

think will help in the search for your missing child.
70

Family Survival Guide

Checklist: Figuring Out How To

Pay Your Bills

Even though your world has stopped, the rest of the world marches on. If you work outside the

home, your boss may be understanding at first, but may tell you later that you will be replaced if

your child is not found quickly. If you are in business for yourself, you will have to balance your

need to participate in the search with your need to make decisions about your company. At

some point, you will have to deal with the bills that come in and perhaps other financial concerns

as well, even if it’s to buy yourself more time.

Extended leave. If you need an extended leave from work, ask a family member or friend to talk

to your employer on your behalf. For example, some employers allow employees to donate their

excess leave time to those who need it.

Extensions on bills. Talk to mortgage companies, utility companies, and other creditors to see if

you can get extensions on your bills.

Rebudgeting. Ask a friend or an accountant to help you rebudget your finances or refinance

your house.

Financial assistance. Call your State missing children’s clearinghouse to find out if they know of

local resources, such as social services or emergency or other financial assistance funds, that

might be able to provide short- or long-term support for you.

Victim compensation funds. Call the Office for Victims of Crime or your State attorney general’s office to find out about victim’s compensation funds. Such funds may cover lost wages

and other crime-related expenses.
71

Personal and Family Considerations

Notes
73

Recommended Readings

Recommended Readings

Critical Incident Response Group, Child Abduction and Serial Killer Unit. 1997. Child

Abduction Response Plan. Quantico, VA: Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Designed for law enforcement agencies, this document is available only through the Crimes

Against Children Coordinator of the local FBI Field Office. It explains essential techniques in

child abduction investigations.

Echols, Mike. 1991. I Know My First Name Is Steven. Kearney, MO: Pinnacle Books.

Though not officially out of print, this book is out of stock indefinitely at the printer. Copies may

be available at your local library or in larger bookstores. The author describes the long ordeal of

two children who were kidnapped by Kenneth Parnell and the trauma they faced.

Federal Agency Task Force for Missing and Exploited Children. 2001. Federal Resources on

Missing and Exploited Children: A Directory for Law Enforcement and Other Public and

Private Agencies. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs,

Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention.

Developed for law enforcement agencies and other Federal, State, and local agencies that work

with missing and exploited children, this directory describes the many Federal services, training

programs, and resources that relate to missing and exploited children. Contact information is

provided for easy access. The directory is available free of charge by calling the National Criminal Justice Reference Service (NCJRS) at 800–851–3420. If you prefer, you can download copies of the directory from the NCJRS Justice Information Web site (www.ncjrs.org).

Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention. 2002. A Family Resource Guide on

International Parental Kidnapping. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Justice, Office of

Justice Programs, Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention.

This guide was developed by Federal, State, and local agencies and organizations, and parents

of children abducted to another country by the noncustodial parent. It offers descriptions and

realistic assessments of civil and criminal remedies, explains applicable laws, identifies public

and private resources, and identifies strategies to help left-behind parents recover their children

or reestablish meaningful contact with them in another country. This guide is available free of

charge by calling NCJRS at 800–851–3420. If you prefer, you can download copies of the guide

from the NCJRS Justice Information Web site (www.ncjrs.org).

Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention. In press. A Law Enforcement Guide

on International Parental Kidnapping. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Justice, Office

of Justice Programs, Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention.

This guide is a companion to A Family Resource Guide on International Parental Kidnapping. It

serves as a resource for Federal, State, and local law enforcement officers who are called upon

to respond to international parental kidnapping cases. It offers ideas and suggestions for preventing international abductions; discusses applicable laws, legal remedies, and liability concerns; describes the role of law enforcement as both the initial responder and the investigator;

and offers strategies for extradition, reunification, and recovery. This guide will be available free

of charge by calling NCJRS at 800–851–3420. Readers will also be able to download copies of

the guide from the NCJRS Justice Information Web site (www.ncjrs.org).
74

Family Survival Guide

Turner, Johanna. 1995. Grief at Work. Washington, DC: American Hospice Foundation.

This booklet provides suggestions for employees and managers for coping with grief and loss

at work. The booklet is available from the American Hospice Foundation, 1130 Connecticut

Avenue NW., Suite 700, Washington, DC 20036 (202–223–0204).

Turner, Johanna. 1996. Grief at School. Washington, DC: American Hospice Foundation.

This booklet for educators and counselors provides suggestions for helping children to cope

with crisis and grief in the school setting. The booklet is available from the American Hospice

Foundation, 1130 Connecticut Avenue NW., Suite 700, Washington, DC 20036 (202–223–0204).

Walsh, John. 1997. Tears of Rage. New York, NY: Pocket Books.

This book recounts the powerful and emotional story of John Walsh and his wife Revé following the 1981 abduction and murder of their 6-year-old son Adam. The book also chronicles John

Walsh’s 16-year exhaustive efforts on behalf of missing and exploited children. Available in

bookstores.

Ward, Heather Patricia. 1994. I Promise I’ll Find You. Ontario, Canada: Firefly Books.

This heartwarming children’s book tells the story of a mother who promises to do everything

humanly possible to find her child should that child ever become lost or missing from home.

Available in bookstores.
75

Recommended Readings

Publications From the

National Center for Missing

and Exploited Children

Single copies of the following publications are available free of charge from

the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (800–THE–LOST or

800–843–5678).

Books

Family Abduction Guide

Written in both English and Spanish, this guide describes the actions that parents and family

members can take and the laws that can help when their child is abducted.

Missing and Abducted Children: A Law Enforcement Guide to Case Investigation and

Program Management

This document provides law enforcement with a step-by-step guide on how to respond to and

investigate missing children cases.

Recovery and Reunification of Missing Children: A Team Approach

This report discusses the recovery and reunification of children with their families, with emphasis on a multiagency, multidisciplinary approach.

Brochures

Child Safety on the Information Highway

Teen Safety on the Information Highway

The following brochures, part of the Just in Case Series, offer step-by-step instructions for dealing

with a variety of issues relating to missing and exploited children.

Just in Case . . . Guidelines on Using the Federal Parent Locator Service in Cases of Parental

Kidnaping and Child Custody

Just in Case . . . Parental and Professional Guidelines in Dealing With Grief Following the

Loss of a Child

Just in Case . . . Parental Guidelines in Case You Are Considering Day Care

Just in Case . . . Parental Guidelines in Case You Are Considering Family Separation

Just in Case . . . Parental Guidelines in Case You Need a Babysitter

Just in Case . . . Parental Guidelines in Case Your Child Is Testifying in Court

Just in Case . . . Parental Guidelines in Case Your Child Might Someday Be a Runaway

Just in Case . . . Parental Guidelines in Case Your Child Might Someday Be Missing

Just in Case . . . Parental Guidelines in Case Your Child Might Someday Be the Victim of

Sexual Exploitation

Just in Case . . . Parental Guidelines in Finding Professional Help in Case Your Child Is

Missing or the Victim of Sexual Exploitation
The following brochures, part of the Know the Rules Series, provide information and tips for children,

teenagers, and parents on a variety of topics relating to child exploitation, victimization, and safety.

Know the Rules . . . After-School Safety for Children Who Are Home Alone

Know the Rules . . . For Child Safety in Amusement or Theme Parks

Know the Rules . . . For Child Safety in Youth Sports

Know the Rules . . . General Parental Tips To Help Keep Your Children Safer

Know the Rules . . . Going To and From School More Safely

Know the Rules . . . Halloween Safety Tips

Know the Rules . . . Holiday and Safe Shopping Tips

Know the Rules . . . School Safety Tips

Know the Rules . . . Summer Safety Tips for Children

Know the Rules . . . Summer Safety Tips for Parents

Know the Rules . . . When Your Child Is Flying Unaccompanied

Know the Rules . . . When Your Child Is Traveling Unaccompanied by Bus or Train

Knowing My 8 Rules for Safety

76

Family Survival Guide
77

Additional Resources

Additional Resources

A number of organizations and agencies in

both the public and private sector work with

parents whose children are missing. These

agencies can provide information, assistance

with photo and flier production and distribution, referral services, and investigative resources to you, your family, and law

enforcement.

Private Resources

National Center for

Missing and Exploited

Children (NCMEC)

NCMEC serves a variety of functions:

■ Distribution of pictures and posters of

missing children nationwide.

■ Provision of information and technical

assistance to citizens.

■ Provision of training, technical assistance,

and technical support to State missing

children’s clearinghouses and to State

and local law enforcement agencies.

You can call NCMEC to get copies of its intake

and release forms mailed or sent to you via

fax and to get information on how you can

have a color picture of your child posted on

NCMEC’s Web site, distributed to NCMEC’s

photo partners, and printed on fliers for you to

distribute.

NCMEC also manages and coordinates

Project ALERT (America’s Law Enforcement

Retiree Team), a free consultation service on

missing children cases for law enforcement

agencies.

National Center for Missing and

Exploited Children

699 Prince Street

Alexandria, VA 22314

800–THE–LOST (800–843–5678) (Hotline for

the United States, Canada, and Mexico),

800–826–7653 (TTD), or 703–235–3900

703–235–4067 (Fax)

E-Mail: 77431.177@compuserve.com

Internet: www.missingkids.com

CyberTipline: www.missingkids.com/cybertip

Branch Offices

California: 714–508–0150

Florida: 561–848–1900

Kansas City (KS/MO): 816–756–5422

New York: 716–242–0900

South Carolina: 803–254–2326

Association of Missing

and Exploited Children’s

Organizations, Inc.

(AMECO)

AMECO is a national association of missing

and exploited children’s organizations that

work together to serve and protect missing

children and their families. AMECO seeks to

improve both the capabilities of nonprofit

missing children’s organizations and the overall quality of services provided through certification of its member organizations. AMECO

develops standards for missing children’s

organizations, provides outreach and assistance to local nonprofit organizations, and

establishes guidelines for nonprofit agencies

that serve missing children and their families.

In addition to these services, parent-to-parent

mentoring services are available to parents of

missing children through Team H.O.P.E. Team

H.O.P.E. is a national support network that
78

Family Survival Guide

matches left-behind parents with trained

parent volunteer mentors who have experienced an abduction in their own families. You

can call AMECO to find out the names of

nonprofit missing children’s organizations—

both in your community and throughout the

country—that can provide assistance and

support to you and your family.

Association of Missing and Exploited

Children’s Organizations, Inc.

616 Adams Avenue

Memphis, TN 38105

901–405–8441

901–405–8856 (Fax)

Internet: www.amecoinc.org

Team H.O.P.E.

P.O. Box 2752

Cinnaminson, NJ 08077

800–306–6311

Internet: www.teamhope.org

Other Nonprofit

Organizations

A number of private nonprofit organizations

provide services to families whose children

have been abducted. Before you contact such

an organization, however, ask NCMEC or

AMECO to tell you which organizations meet

their requirements for certification or membership. You might also want to talk with your

law enforcement contact and with the parents

of other missing children. Be wary of organizations that promise they can find your missing

child, that request payment for these services,

or that are unknown in this field.

Victim’s Advocates

Ask your law enforcement contact to arrange

to have a victim’s advocate come to your

home to explain your rights and to explore

the counseling, treatment, and related services available to you. Victim’s advocates

are usually associated with the offices of

the sheriff, the State prosecutor, or the

district attorney. If you have access to

the Internet, you can find a list of victim

advocacy and compensation groups at

the Office for Victims of Crime Web site

(www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ovc). Federal Resources

on Missing and Exploited Children: A Directory for Law Enforcement and Other Public

and Private Agencies (see Recommended

Readings) also contains a list of victim’s

advocate services and organizations.

Parent Survivors

Talking with parents who have survived a

similar ordeal can help you regain your sanity

and increase your effectiveness in the search

for your child, for only they can truly understand your pain and anguish. The parents who

helped to write this Guide are willing to talk to

you. To contact any of the parent authors, call

the Child Protection Division at the Office of

Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention

(202–616–3637). Other victim help groups are

listed in Federal Resources on Missing and

Exploited Children: A Directory for Law Enforcement and Other Public and Private Agencies (see Recommended Readings).

In addition, Team H.O.P.E. can connect

trained parent volunteers who can provide

advice, assistance, and encouragement to

other parent victims. Parent survivors and

volunteers can also be reached through Team

H.O.P.E. at 800–306–6311.

Local Businesses

Local businesses in your community can provide a number of goods and services that will

be needed in the search for your child. In addition, with permission you can post your child’s

picture in store windows, on doors, and on the

backs of trucks. See chapter 5 (Volunteers) for

a list of the types of organizations and businesses that may be willing to help.
79

Additional Resources

Government

Resources

Federal Agencies

Many Federal agencies provide technical

support and services to law enforcement and

other public and private agencies to aid in the

search and recovery of a missing child. A

comprehensive list of these services is available in Federal Resources on Missing and

Exploited Children: A Directory for Law

Enforcement and Other Public and Private

Agencies (see Recommended Readings).

The agencies listed below, which have been

referenced throughout this Guide, provide

support and/or investigative services to missing and exploited children and their families.

Child Protection Division

The Child Protection Division provides support

to several missing and exploited children‘s

organizations, including NCMEC, AMECO, and

Team H.O.P.E.; provides technical assistance

and training to law enforcement to improve their

investigation of missing and exploited children

cases; produces reports to improve services to

missing and exploited children and their families;

and conducts research related to missing and

exploited children. For information about any of

these activities or the organizations listed above,

call the Child Protection Division at the phone

number listed below.

Child Protection Division

U.S. Department of Justice

Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency

Prevention

810 Seventh Street NW.

Washington, DC 20531

202–616–3637

202–307–2819 (Fax)

Internet: www.ojjdp.ncjrs.org

Office for Victims

of Crime (OVC)

OVC makes awards each year to State crime

victim compensation and assistance programs to supplement State funding for victim

services. Crime victim compensation is the

direct payment to a crime victim or to his or

her family to help cover crime-related expenses, such as medical treatment, mental

health counseling, lost wages, or funeral services. Every State administers a crime victim

compensation program, and most programs

have similar eligibility requirements and offer

a comparable range of benefits.

Crime victim assistance programs provide

direct services, such as crisis intervention,

counseling, emergency transportation to

court, temporary housing, and criminal justice

support and advocacy. For information about

these programs, contact your local crime

victim compensation program or crime victim

assistance program. Federal Resources on

Missing and Exploited Children: A Directory

for Law Enforcement and Other Public and

Private Agencies (see Recommended Readings) contains a listing of all State offices.

Office for Victims of Crime

U.S. Department of Justice

810 Seventh Street NW.

Washington, DC 20531

202–307–5983

202–514–6383 (Fax)

Internet: www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ovc/

Federal Bureau of Investigation

Child Abduction and Serial Murder

Investigative Resources Center

National Center for the Analysis

of Violent Crime

Federal Bureau of Investigation

Quantico, VA 22135

703–632–4400

703–632–4350 (Fax)

The Child Abduction and Serial Murder Investigative Resources Center (CASMIRC) provides

investigative support to Federal, State, and

local authorities across the country in matters

involving child abductions, mysterious disappearances of children, child homicide, and

serial murder. Services can be accessed by a

request from a law enforcement agency.
80

Family Survival Guide

FBI Headquarters

Special Investigations and Initiatives Unit

Crimes Against Children Unit

935 Pennsylvania Avenue NW.

Washington, DC 20535–0001

202–324–3666

202–324–2731 (Fax)

(See the front of your local telephone book for

the number of your local FBI Field Office.)

The Crimes Against Children Unit works

closely with FBI Field Offices and other FBI

components to coordinate operational support

to more effectively address crimes against

children. The FBI Field Offices house Crimes

Against Children Coordinators, who use all

available investigative, tactical, forensic, informational, and behavioral science resources in

the investigation of crimes against children.

CASMIRC services can be obtained through

the local FBI Field Office.

Missing Children’s

Clearinghouses1

Missing children’s clearinghouses are State

government agencies connected with law

enforcement. Because the types of services

available in each State vary substantially, you

need to call your State clearinghouse to find

out both what services are available to help

you in your search and whether the clearinghouse will distribute photographs of your

missing child. Then you can call other State

clearinghouses in your region and throughout

the Nation to compare services and take advantage of those not available to you in-State.

Keep a list of what you learn about each clearinghouse in a spiral notebook for later use.

Alabama

Alabama Department of Public Safety

Missing and Exploited Children

P.O. Box 1511

2720 West Gunter Park Drive, Suite A

Montgomery, AL 36109–1014

800–228–7688 or 334–260–1172

334–260–8788 (Fax)

E-Mail: acmec@gsiweb.net

ORI: ALAST0047

Alaska

Alaska State Troopers

Missing Persons Clearinghouse

5700 East Tudor Road

Anchorage, AK 99507

800–478–9333 or 907–269–5497

907–338–0276/7243 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.124@compuserve.com

ORI: AKAST0100

Arizona

Arizona Department of Public Safety

Criminal Investigations Research Unit

P.O. Box 6638

2310 West Encanto Boulevard

Phoenix, AZ 85005

602–223–2158

602–223–2911 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.127@compuserve.com

ORI: AZ0079925

Arkansas

Arkansas Office of the Attorney General

Missing Children Services Program

200 Catlett-Prien Building

Little Rock, AR 72201

800–448–3014 (in-State only) or

501–682–1323

501–682–6704 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.126@compuserve.com

ORI: AR060035A

1 The ORI numbers following many of the clearinghouses in this list are assigned by the National Crime Information

Center to law enforcement agencies for administrative purposes.
81

Additional Resources

California

California Department of Justice

Missing and Unidentified Persons Unit

P.O. Box 903387

4949 Broadway

Sacramento, CA 94203–3870

800–222–3463 (in-State only) or

916–227–3290

916–227–3270 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.130@compuserve.com

Internet: www.caag.state.ca.us/missing/

 index.htm

ORI: CA0349454

Colorado

Colorado Bureau of Investigation

Missing Children Project

690 Kipling, Suite 4000

Denver, CO 80215

303–239–4251

303–238–6714 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.131@compuserve.com

ORI: COCBI0009

Connecticut

Connecticut State Police

Research and Planning/Missing Person

111 Country Club Road

Middletown, CT 06457

800–367–5678 (in-State only),

860–685–8190 (emergency messaging),

or 860–685–8260

860–685–8355 (Fax)

ORI: CTCSP2900

Delaware

Delaware State Police

State Bureau of Identification

1407 North DuPont Highway

Dover, DE 19903

302–739–5883

302–739–5888 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.133@compuserve.com

ORI: DEDSP0001

District of Columbia

D.C. Metropolitan Police Department

Missing Persons/Youth Division

1700 Rhode Island Avenue NE.

Washington, DC 20018

202–576–6771

202–576–6561 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.132@compuserve.com

ORI: DCMPD0000

Florida

Florida Department of Law Enforcement

Missing Children Information Clearinghouse

P.O. Box 1489

2331 Phillips Road

Tallahassee, FL 32302

888–356–4774 or 850–410–8585

850–410–8599 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.134@compuserve.com

Internet: www.fdle.state.fl.us

Georgia

Georgia Bureau of Investigation

Intelligence Unit

P.O. Box 370808

3121 Panthersville Road

Decatur, GA 30037

800–282–6564 or 404–244–2554

404–244–2798 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.135@compuserve.com

ORI: GAGBI0050

Hawaii

Missing Children Center-Hawaii

Department of the Attorney General

Kekuanaoa Building

465 South King Street, Suite B–3

Honolulu, HI 96813

808–586–1449

808–586–1424 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74777.115@compuserve.com

Internet: www.hgea.org/HSC/
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Family Survival Guide

Idaho

Idaho Bureau of Criminal Identification

Missing Persons Clearinghouse

P.O. Box 700

Meridian, ID 83680–0700

888–777–3922 or 208–884–7130

208–884–7193 (Fax)

E-Mail: 76710.404@compuserve.com

Internet: www.isp.state.id.us/identification/

 missing/index.html

ORI: ID001015Y

Illinois

Illinois State Police

I–SEARCH

500 Iles Park Place, Suite 400

Springfield, IL 62718

800–843–5763 or 217–524–9572

217–785–3328 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.137@compuserve.com

Internet: www.isp.state.il.us

ORI: IL0849800

Indiana

Indiana State Police

Indiana Missing Children Clearinghouse

Indiana Government Center North

Third Floor North

Indianapolis, IN 46204–2259

800–831–8953 or 317–232–8310

317–232–0652 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74777.116@compuserve.com

Internet: www.in.gov/isp/safetyinfo/mcc/

ORI: INISP0012

Iowa

Missing Person Information Clearinghouse

Division of Criminal Investigations

Wallace State Office Building

East 9th and Grand

Des Moines, IA 50319

800–346–5507 or 515–281–7958/5138

515–242–6297 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.136@compuserve.com

Internet: www.state.ia.us/government/dps/

dci/mpic/index.htm

Kansas

Kansas Bureau of Investigation

Missing Persons Clearinghouse

1620 SW. Tyler Street

Topeka, KS 66612–1837

800–572–7463 or 785–296–8200

785–296–6781 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.140@compuserve.com

ORI: KSKBI0000

Kentucky

Kentucky State Police

1240 Airport Road

Frankfort, KY 40601

800–222–5555 (in-State only), 502–227–8799,

or 502–564–4310 (afterhours answering

machine)

502–564–4931 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.141@compuserve.com

ORI: KYSKP0022

Louisiana

Louisiana Department of Social Services

Louisiana Clearinghouse for Missing and

Exploited Children

Office of Community Services

P.O. Box 3318

Baton Rouge, LA 70812

504–342–4011

504–342–4038 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.142@compuserve.com

Maine

Maine State Police

Missing Children Clearinghouse

State House Station 164

Augusta, ME 04333–0052

207–624–8705

207–624–8711 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.145@compuserve.com

ORI: MEMSP0000
83

Additional Resources

Maryland

Maryland Center for Missing Children

Maryland State Police

7155 Columbia Gateway Drive, Suite C

Columbia, MD 21046

800–637–5437 or 410–290–1620

410–290–1831 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.144@compuserve.com

ORI: MDMSP9500

Massachusetts

Massachusetts State Police

Missing Persons Unit

470 Worchester Road

Framingham, MA 01701

800–622–5999 (in-State only) or

508–820–2130

508–820–2128 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.143@compuserve.com

ORI: MAMSP0070

Michigan

Michigan State Police

Prevention Services Unit

P.O. Box 30634

Lansing, MI 48909–8134

517–333–4006

517–333–4115 (Fax)

E-Mail: 76711.3052@compuserve.com

Minnesota

Minnesota State Clearinghouse

Bureau of Criminal Apprehension

1246 University Avenue

St. Paul, MN 55104

612–642–0627

612–642–0618 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.146@compuserve.com

Mississippi

Mississippi Highway Patrol

P.O. Box 958

Jackson, MS 39205

601–987–1592

601–987–1579 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.150@compuserve.com

Missouri

Missouri State Highway Patrol

Division of Drug and Crime Control

P.O. Box 568

Jefferson City, MO 65102

800–877–3452 or 573–751–3452

573–526–5577 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.147@compuserve.com

ORI: MOMHP0014

ORI: MOMHP0007

Montana

Montana Department of Justice

Missing/Unidentified Persons

303 North Roberts Street, Room 374

Helena, MT 59620–1417

406–444–1526

406–444–0689 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.151@compuserve.com

ORI: MT025045Y

Nebraska

Nebraska State Patrol

Criminal Records and Identification Division

P.O. Box 94907

Lincoln, NE 68509

402–479–4019/4938

402–479–4002 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.154@compuserve.com

Nevada

Nevada Office of the Attorney General

Nevada Missing Children Clearinghouse

555 East Washington Avenue, Suite 3900

Las Vegas, NV 89101–6208

800–992–0900 (in-State only) or

702–486–3539

702–486–3768 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.157@compuserve.com

ORI: NV018025A
84

Family Survival Guide

New Hampshire

New Hampshire State Police

Major Crimes Unit/Missing Children

Hayes Building

10 Hazen Drive

Concord, NH 03305

800–852–3411 (in-State only) or

603–271–2663

603–271–2520 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.155@compuserve.com

ORI: NHNSP0800

New Jersey

New Jersey State Police

Missing Persons Unit/Child Exploitation

P.O. Box 7068

West Trenton, NJ 08628

800–709–7090 or 609–882–2000

609–883–2007 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.156@compuserve.com

ORI: NJNSP0032

New Mexico

New Mexico Department of Public Safety

ATTN: Communications

P.O. Box 1628

Santa Fe, NM 87504

505–827–9191

505–827–3396 (Fax)

E-Mail: 75162.2462@compuserve.com

New York

New York Division of Criminal Justice Service

Missing and Exploited Children

4 Tower Place

Albany, NY 12203

800–346–3543 or 518–457–6326

518–457–6965 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.160@compuserve.com

Internet: criminaljustice.state.ny.us/missing/

 index.htm

ORI: NY001025Y

North Carolina

North Carolina Center for Missing Persons

Administration Building

116 West Jones Street

Raleigh, NC 27603–1335

800–522–5437 (in-State only) or

919–733–3914

919–715–1682 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.152@compuserve.com

ORI: NCNHP0000

North Dakota

North Dakota Clearinghouse for

Missing Children

North Dakota Radio Communication

P.O. Box 5511

Fraine Barracks

Bismarck, ND 58502

800–472–2121 (in-State only) or

701–328–2121

701–328–2126 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.153@compuserve.com

ORI: NDRCD0000

Ohio

Missing Children Clearinghouse

Attorney General’s Office

Juvenile Justice Section

30 East Broad Street, 16th Floor

Columbus, OH 43215–3428

800–325–5604 or 614–644–8066

614–466–8226 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.161@compuserve.com

Internet: www.ag.state.oh.us/juvenile/

 mcc/missing.htm

Oklahoma

Oklahoma State Bureau of Investigation

Criminal Information Unit

660 Harvey, Suite 3007

Oklahoma City, OK 73136

405–879–2645

405–879–2967 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.162@compuserve.com

ORI: OKOBI0000
85

Additional Resources

Oregon

Oregon State Police

Missing Children Clearinghouse

400 Public Service Building

Salem, OR 97310

800–282–7155 (in-State only) or

503–378–3720

503–363–5475 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.163@compuserve.com

ORI: OROSP0003 OROSP0004

Pennsylvania

Pennsylvania State Police

Bureau of Criminal Investigation

1800 Elmerton Avenue

Harrisburg, PA 17110

717–783–5524

717–705–2306 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.164@compuserve.com

ORI: PAPSP0012

Rhode Island

Rhode Island State Police

Missing and Exploited Children Unit

311 Danielson Pike

North Scituate, RI 02857

800–546–8066 or 401–444–1125

401–444–1133 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.165@compuserve.com

ORI: RIRSP0001

South Carolina

South Carolina Law Enforcement Division

Missing Person Information Center

P.O. Box 21398

Columbia, SC 29221–1398

800–322–4453 or 803–737–9000

803–896–7041 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.166@compuserve.com

ORI: SCLED00M0

South Dakota

South Dakota Attorney General’s Office

Division of Criminal Investigation

East Highway 34

c/o 500 East Capitol Avenue

Pierre, SD 57501

605–773–3331

605–773–4629 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.167@compuserve.com

ORI: SDDCI0000

Tennessee

Tennessee Bureau of Investigation

Criminal Intelligence Unit

1148 Foster Avenue

Nashville, TN 37210

615–741–0430

615–532–8315 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.170@compuserve.com

ORI: TNTBI0000

Texas

Texas Department of Public Safety

Special Crimes Services

P.O. Box 4087

Austin, TX 78773–0422

800–346–3243 (in-State only) or

512–424–2810

512–424–2885 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.171@compuserve.com

Internet: www.missingkids.org

ORI: TXDPS4300

Utah

Utah Department of Public Safety

Bureau of Criminal Identification

P.O. Box 148280

Salt Lake City, UT 84114–8280

888–770–6477 or 801–965–4500

801–965–4749 (Fax)
86

Family Survival Guide

Vermont

Vermont State Police

RR#1 Box 4468

Rutland, VT 05701

802–875–2112

802–875–2176 (Fax)

Virginia

Virginia State Police Department

Missing Children’s Clearinghouse

P.O. Box 27472

Richmond, VA 23261

800–822–4453 (in-State only) or

804–674–2026

804–674–6704 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.172@compuserve.com

ORI: VAVSP0000

Washington

Washington State Patrol

Missing Children Clearinghouse

P.O. Box 2347

Olympia, WA 98507–2347

800–543–5678 (in-State only) or

360–586–0030

360–586–8231 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.173@compuserve.com

ORI: WAWSP00L1

West Virginia

West Virginia State Police

Missing Children Clearinghouse

725 Jefferson Road

South Charleston, WV 25309–1698

800–352–0927 (in-State only) or

304–558–1467

304–558–1470 (Fax)

Wisconsin

Wisconsin Department of Justice

Crime Information Bureau

P.O. Box 2718

123 West Washington Avenue

Madison, WI 53701–2718

800–THE–HOPE (800–843–4673)

(in-State only) or 608–266–7314

608–267–1338 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.205@compuserve.com

ORI: WI013015Y

Wyoming

Wyoming Office of the Attorney General

Division of Criminal Investigation

316 West 22d

Cheyenne, WY 82002

307–777–7537

307–777–7252 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.174@compuserve.com

ORI: WY0110400

Canada

Royal Canadian Mounted Police

Missing Children’s Registry

P.O. Box 8885

1200 Vanier Parkway

Ottawa, Ontario, CN K1G 3MB

877–318–3576 (toll free in North America)

or 613–993–1525

613–993–5430 (Fax)

E-Mail: 74431.175@compuserve.com

Internet: www.ourmissingchildren.ca

ORI: ON11074

Puerto Rico

Missing Children Program

Centro Estatal Para Niños Desaparecidos y

Victimas de Abuso

P.O. Box 9023899

Old San Juan, PR 00902–3899

787–729–2000 or 787–729–2697 (24-hour line)

787–722–0809 (Fax)
87

About the Parent Authors

About the Parent Authors

Heather Cox and Marion Boburka, mother and

grandmother, respectively, of Shelby Marie Cox, have

been strong proponents for missing and exploited

children and their families since 4-year-old Shelby

disappeared on November 13, 1995. She was playing

on the family porch with her older sister and friends.

After a 5-day search, Shelby’s battered body was

found in a neighbor’s shed, killed by an 18-year-old

boy who later confessed. “Shelby was a joyous

child,” Heather writes, “who saw the wonders of this

world and embraced every one of them. She saw the

magic in the clouds, the wonder of a rainbow, the

beauty of a flower in bloom. She was full of spunk and

mischievousness and laughter. To say we miss her

doesn’t even come close to how deep our feelings

are. Instead, we fight for the children, for Shelby’s peers, so that people will learn, and then

Shelby’s life and death will not have been in vain.”

Colleen Nick, mother of Morgan Chauntel Nick, has

been a spokesperson and champion for missing

children and their families since Morgan’s abduction

on June 9, 1995. Six-year-old Morgan was last seen

at 10:45 p.m., while playing at a little league ball

game in Alma, AR. She was standing near her

mother’s car where she had stopped to empty sand

from her shoes. Witnesses observed a man watching Morgan as she played with other children. The

man was described as white, 6 feet tall, 20 to 40

years old, with black or “salt and pepper” hair. Colleen writes, “You are a wonderful friend, a treasured

daughter, a loving big sister, a blessing we cannot

live without. We feel cheated every day that goes by

and we do not see your smile, hear your bubbly

laughter, or listen to your thoughts and ideas. We know that the world was deprived of something

very precious and unique when you were taken from us. We have never stopped believing that we

will find you. We will never give up hope. Always know that you are loved. Most of all, don’t ever

give up. We will find you. We promise.”

Shelby Cox

Morgan Nick
88

Family Survival Guide

Don and Claudine Ryce, parents of Jimmy Ryce,

have devoted their lives to getting kids home safe.

On September 11, 1995, Jimmy was walking home

from the bus stop when he was abducted at gunpoint, sexually molested, and murdered. His parents

believe he could have been found if bloodhounds had

been available. As cofounders of the Jimmy Ryce

Center for Victims of Predatory Abduction, Don and

Claudine have worked to establish a network of

bloodhounds across the country; coordinated a petition drive that resulted in President Clinton’s signing

of an Executive memorandum requiring that missing

children’s pictures be posted in Federal buildings and

national parks; worked to place missing children’s

pictures on billboards and in every driver’s license

renewal packet sent out in Florida; and helped the Dade County School Board implement the

Jimmy Ryce Predator Notification Act by sending home with each child pictures of convicted

sexual predators living in the county. The Ryces write, “Children are their own last defense against

sexual predators. To make children more predator resistant, we are developing a Web site

(jimmyryce.org) where children can learn how to recognize dangerous situations and how to get

away. It takes a lot of imagination and hard work to make our children safer, but we can do it together. Send us your ideas at misujim@netrox.net.”

Patrick Sessions, father of Tiffany Sessions, has

devoted much of his energy to helping protect other

children who may be victimized and providing support and encouragement to their families. Tiffany

was last seen on February 9, 1989, at 6 p.m., walking in Gainesville, FL. She was 20 years old and had

blonde hair and blue eyes. “It is the hope of the

Sessions family,” Patrick writes, “that this Guide

will be of help to families who may find themselves

in the difficult position of searching for a loved one.

Although the search for Tiffany has not been successful, many other families’ prayers have been

answered with the return of their loved ones. Literally thousands of people, both friends and strangers, reached out to help in the search for Tiffany,

and those hard-learned lessons are included in this Guide. Our small part in helping prepare this

Guide is dedicated to all the people who have helped Tiffany and the other children who have

needed their help and support. Thanks to those people, we have the strength and determination to

continue our search for Tiffany.”

Jimmy Ryce

Tiffany Sessions
89

About the Parent Authors

Patty Wetterling, mother of Jacob Wetterling,

has devoted her life to child safety issues. She is

a founding member of the board of directors of the

Association of Missing and Exploited Children’s

Organizations, a cofounder of the Jacob Wetterling

Foundation, and a member of the board of directors

of the National Center for Missing and Exploited

Children. Her most recent accomplishments include

passage of the Jacob Wetterling Crimes Against

Children Registration Act, a Federal law requiring

convicted sex offenders to register their place of

residence with local law enforcement after release

from prison. On October 22, 1989, Jacob was abducted at gunpoint near the Wetterling home and

has not been seen since. Patty writes, “I think

about you every day and wonder what you would

have become had you not been stolen from us. It’s

so unfair. If you’re not alive, we need to know. Someone has been torturing us for far too long. I

still look everywhere I go at faces, and I keep asking everyone else to look, too. Sometimes people

who were badly victimized forget who they are. I’m still asking the whole world to help. Don’t give

up your dreams, Jacob. They can still come true if you hope and don’t give up. We’re still searching for you and we will never quit until we know who did this, what happened, and where you are.

Forever and always, I love you.”

Jacob Wetterling
91

Index

Index

AMBER Plan, 2, 4, 17, 21

AMECO. See Association of Missing and Exploited

Children’s Organizations, Inc.

age-progressed photographs, 9, 42

alcohol, use of, 62

America’s Most Wanted, 27, 41

anger, coping with, 62, 63, 65, 66

Association of Missing and Exploited Children’s

Organizations, Inc. 50, 77–78

BOLO. See Be On the Look Out bulletin

Be On the Look Out bulletin, 2, 21

bill paying, 70

birthdays, 28, 31, 41, 55

changes in celebrating, 65

blame, coping with, 62

bloodhounds, 3, 7, 50, 88

broadcast fax, 3, 21, 41

buttons, 31, 43

Child Abduction and Serial Murder Investigative

Resources Center, 21, 79

child advocates, 18

child, description of missing, 2, 13, 26, 33, 37

Child Protection Division, 63, 78, 79

children. See siblings

coordinator

of media events, 67

of photo distribution, 40

of posters, 45, 67

of volunteers, 47, 49, 67

counseling, 62, 63, 64, 66, 67, 78

Crime Stoppers, 8, 45, 59

DNA evidence, 13, 21

dental records, 14

depression, coping with, 62, 63, 66

description, of missing child, 2, 13, 26, 33, 37

digitized photographs, 37, 40

disappearance, classification of, 19

dogs, tracking and trailing, 3, 6, 7, 13, 21. See also

bloodhounds

donations, 56–57

accounting for, 56–57

drugs, use of, 62

e-mail, 40, 41. See also Internet

Emergency Alert System, 4

emotions, 62. See also mental health

evidence

collection of, 2, 13

DNA evidence, 13, 21

exercise, importance of, 61

extortion, 3, 22, 57

FBI. See Federal Bureau of Investigation

family meetings, 65

family spokesperson, 3, 26–27, 28, 67

fax machines, use of, 40, 42

fear, coping with, 62, 65, 66

Federal Bureau of Investigation, 2, 79

Evidence Response Teams, 6

Field Office resources, 3, 6, 21, 80

special reward funds, 56

financial assistance, 70

financial concerns, 56, 70

fliers

distribution of, 37, 40–43, 45, 48, 65, 67

samples, 38–39

funds, financial assistance, 70

grief, coping with, 62, 63, 64, 66

helicopters, 6, 21

holidays, changes in celebrating, 65

hope, 1, 61, 64

infrared, 6, 21

Internet

surfing, 13

use of, 40, 78

See also e-mail

interviews

with law enforcement, 18

with the media, 27, 28, 31, 33–34, 41–42

journal, personal, 62

laughter, 64

law enforcement

background checks, 7

case coordinator, 2, 6, 8, 18–19
92

Family Survival Guide

classification of disappearance, 19

criticism of, 19, 34

descriptions to, 2, 13

disclosure of information to the media, 19,

25–26, 29, 33, 34

expectations of, 17

leads for, 10, 59

partnership with, 17–19

photographs for, 14

questions from, 18

and rewards, 55

role in search, 5–7

search and recovery plan, 6, 21–22

See also primary law enforcement contact

media

choice of family spokesperson, 3, 26–27, 28, 67

deadlines, 27

disclosure of information to, 19

events, 31

ground rules for, 26, 65

“hooks,” 28, 31

packages, 26

public relations experts, 30

See also interviews; law enforcement, disclosure of information to the media; press

conferences; press kits; press releases

medical records, 3, 14

mental health

taking care of extended family members, 66–67

taking care of your children, 64–66

taking care of yourself, 3, 61–64

missing children’s clearinghouses. See State

missing children’s clearinghouses

missing children’s organizations

photo distribution, 2, 40, 42, 50

resources available from, 7, 9, 26, 63, 66, 80

Missing Persons File. See National Crime Information Center, Missing Persons File

NCIC. See National Crime Information Center

NCMEC. See National Center for Missing and

Exploited Children

National Center for Missing and Exploited Children

assistance from, 9, 26, 27, 66

photo distribution, 2, 40, 41, 42

publications, 75–76

resources, 3, 6, 7, 8, 9, 21, 45, 50, 77

See also Project ALERT

National Crime Information Center, Missing

Persons File, 2, 21

National Missing Children’s Day, 28

Nonprofit organization, 67

notebooks, uses for, 3, 6, 8, 80

Office for Victims of Crime, 70, 78, 79

Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency

Prevention, 63, 78

parents

privacy issues, 27, 28, 29

reaction to media coverage, 25

relationship with law enforcement, 6, 17–19

response to disappearance, 1

role in search, 5, 8

as suspects, 18

See also mental health

peer support, 63, 66

photographs

age-progressed, 9, 42

digitized, 37, 40

distribution coordinator, 40

distribution of, 2, 37, 40–43

for law enforcement, 14

for the media, 26, 33

pledges, monetary, 56

police reports, 8

politicians, getting help from, 9, 28, 31, 42

polygraph testing, 3, 18

posters, distribution of, 9, 21, 42–43, 48, 67

press conferences, 27, 29, 31

press kits, 41

press releases, 29, 30, 31, 41, 42

primary law enforcement contact, 2, 6, 8, 18–19,

31, 41, 45, 50, 55, 56, 63, 65, 66, 78

privacy issues, 27, 29

private detectives, 10

Project ALERT, 21, 49–50, 77

psychics, 10

public awareness events, 31

questions

from law enforcement, 18

from the media, 26, 33–34
93

Index

radio, 25, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 41

registry of missing persons. See National Crime

Information Center, Missing Persons File

religion, 63

rewards

amount of, 56

choice of tiplines, 8, 59

disposal of excess funds, 57

publicity for, 26

purpose of, 55

use of, 3, 55–56

See also donations; special reward funds

school, returning to, 66

search

law enforcement’s role in, 5–7

parents’ role in, 5

types of, 6

volunteers’ role in, 7–8, 48–49, 52

siblings, 64–66

sign-in procedures, for volunteers, 7, 52

special reward funds, 56

State missing children’s clearinghouses, 80–86

photo distribution, 2, 40

resources available from, 7, 9, 21, 26, 59, 63,

66, 70

stress, handling, 61–64

suspects, possible, 7, 13, 14, 18, 21, 28

T-shirts, 31, 43

talk shows, 41, 43

Team H.O.P.E., 63, 77–78

telephone

caller ID, 3, 6

cellular phones, 3, 6

how to answer, 3, 6, 48, 67

trap and trace, 3, 6

television, 25, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31

therapy, 62, 63, 64, 66

tiplines, 8, 45, 59

victim’s advocates, 63, 78

Victim’s Bill of Rights, 29

victim’s compensation funds, 70, 78

videotapes, of missing child, 14, 33, 37, 40

volunteers

activities for, 3, 8, 30, 48

coordinator of, 47, 49, 67

discomfort with, 10, 48

role in search, 7–8, 48–49, 52

sign-in procedures, 7, 52

staging area, 7

use of established groups, 7, 49

witnesses, 3, 22

work, returning to, 64, 70

x rays, 3, 14
U.S. Department of Justice

Office of Justice Programs

Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention

Washington, DC 20531

Official Business

Penalty for Private Use $300

PRESORTED STANDARD

U.S. POSTAGE PAID

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Permit No. G–91

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