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Guide for Families Experiencing the Criminal Justice System

GUIDE FOR REENTRY STAGE (Guide 3 of 3)

http://www.YOUth.gOv/COIp

Families and children have unique needs when 

a parent is incarcerated. When this happens, a 

family gets involved with the justice system in 

stages. This guide is the third in a series of three 

guides that cover a family’s journey as the family 

navigates the justice system and copes with a 

loved one’s involvement in the system.

• Arrest (Guide 1),

• Jail Time/Detention (Guide 1),

• Hearing/Trial (Guide 1),

• Sentencing (Guide 1),

• Incarceration (Guide 2)

• Reentry

For this guide, the federal Interagency Working 

Group on Youth Programs draws on the work of the 

National Institute of Corrections to define reentry

as “The transition of individuals from prisons or jails 

back into the community.”

The questions and tips in this guide are 

designed to help families care for the children 

of incarcerated parents.

These questions and tips about reentry will 

promote a family’s ability to keep and strengthen 

communication and relationships, manage stress 

and emotions, and prioritize the caregiver’s 

THREE-WAY LINES OF 

COMMUNICATION: Facility 

or Probation or Parole Staff—

Incarcerated Parent—Family

Successful reentry 

involves three key 

parties—facility or 

probation or parole 

staff, the incarcerated 

parent, and the family. Together, these 

parties contribute to the success of improving 

communication, building and maintaining 

parent–child relationships, and promoting 

quality caregiver self-care and care for the 

children of the incarcerated parent.

The following is an example of how all three 

parties can work well together: 

a. The facility or probation or parole staff offers 

effective programming to prepare the parent 

for returning to family and community life.

b. The parent actively participates in and 

completes these programs.

c. The family prepares the children for the 

parent’s return to the home and community. 

The facility or probation or parole staff and 

family help the parent find a job after release, 

possibly in an area of interest using job skills 

the parent learned during incarceration.
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self-care and care for the children. Many of the concepts and tips are informed by listening sessions 

with incarcerated parents and youth who have or have had an incarcerated parent: https://youth.gov/

coip/listening-session.

Getting ready for reentry begins the first day of incarceration but intensifies the closer the incarcerated 

parent gets to release. When planning for reentry, the parent and family members should start to 

think about the parent finding a job, securing housing, resuming family roles and responsibilities, 

and rejoining the community.

The goal of reentry planning is to increase the likelihood that the parent will have a successful and 

smooth transition back into family and community life. If the children, caregiver, and incarcerated 

parent maintain a relationship (through letter writing, phone calls, visits) during the incarceration stage, 

barriers to reentry can be more easily overcome.

As you plan for the parent’s reentry, think about how the children may have been affected by their 

parent’s incarceration. Consider the following factors:

• Children’s ages

• Whether the children witnessed the arrest

• Ways the family was disrupted or impacted (in the short and long term)

• Whether community supports have helped the family overcome difficulties

Questions, by Age Group

Children will likely have a lot of questions about the incarcerated parent returning home. The following 

are some questions you may hear. Be sure to let children know it is okay to ask questions and that 

you may not have all the answers, but you will try to find out or help them figure it out. Ask follow-up 

questions to make sure you understand what they’re asking. Try to answer without judgment or 

negativity. For all ages, a helpful conversation starter is to ask the children how they feel about 

seeing the parent again.

Children 0–6 Years Old

1. Is Mom going to play with me when she gets 

home?

2. Who will tuck me in at bedtime once Daddy is 

back home?

3. Will you [caregiver] still live with me after Mommy 

gets home?

Note: For children 0–6, the parent may be a 

stranger. The children may be scared and not want 

to interact or live with the parent. Allow the children 

some time to get to know the parent. Try not to 

force interaction before the children are ready. As 

mentioned in the tips, find activities that may help 

with bonding.

Children 7–12 Years Old

1. Why is Mom spending so much time in her room 

instead of with me? Isn’t Mom glad to be back 

home with us?

2. How is Dad getting home? Will the police be 

coming to the house again, just like they did when 

they took Dad away? Or do we have to pick Dad 

up at the prison where we’ve gone to visit him?

3. Dad hasn’t been here for me. What are we 

supposed to talk about?

4. Is Dad going to come to my baseball game?

5. Mom is getting out of prison. But why aren’t we 

living with her?
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Tips

These tips are suggestions. Not every tip is right for every family. You can decide which tips you like 

and which tips meet the unique needs of your situation. Choose the tips that are the right fit for the 

children, the family, and the incarcerated parent.

Tips for Before Reentry: The Planning Phase

• Consider having a counselor assess the children to determine if re-establishing a relationship 

with the parent will impact their well-being. A counselor may be available through your case 

manager, the children’s school, the local mental health center, advocacy organizations, or a 

community-based organization.

• Remind children that their parent may need some private time or space to get used to being 

back home. However, this doesn’t mean the parent loves the children any less or is less interested 

in them.

• For some children, after the parent went to prison, the parent has not only been physically 

absent but may also have been emotionally and psychologically absent. Children will need 

time to get to know their parent again, even for families who have worked hard to build and 

maintain relationships during the incarceration.

• Be prepared to talk with children about having the parent back in the home. This talk is especially 

important if children haven’t seen the parent since the time of arrest. Consider having more 

Youth 13–18 Years Old

1. Dad has not been around for a long time, and 

I have only seen him on short visits. How am I 

supposed to know what to say or do or how to act 

around Dad?

2. Why do I have to keep doing these chores while 

Mom is in her room listening to music to relax? I 

want to relax too!

3. With Mom getting out of prison, will I have to 

change schools?

4. Why do I have to do what Dad tells me to do? He 

hasn’t been around for years.

5. I’m happy here with Grandma. This is where my 

friends are, and I feel safe here. Why do I have to 

go and live with Mom?

Note: Children 7–12 years old and youth 13–18 

years old might act out instead of asking questions. 

For example, they may go to their rooms or to a 

friend’s house to avoid a situation or deal with a 

parent who is back in their lives. Allow children time 

and space to get comfortable with their parent. Talk 

about and set expectations for mutual respect.

Young Adults 19–25 Years Old

1. I have been working and giving you money to help 

take care of us. But, when Mom gets out of prison, 

will she get a job and contribute to the family? Will I 

have to keep working?

2. With Dad coming home, where will everyone 

sleep? Should I find another place to live?

3. Do you think Dad will be able to stay out of 

trouble?

4. Do you think Mom will like my boyfriend? When 

should I introduce him to her, and how should I do 

it?

Note: Young people 19–25 years old may appear 

to be unconcerned by the parent’s planned arrival 

home; however, they may have real concerns 

and questions that they either do not know how 

to express or that they may feel awkward about 

asking. Let them know it is okay to ask questions. 

As with younger children, talk about and set 

expectations for mutual respect.
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support at the home when the parent walks through the door. Such support can come from a 

trusted adult or a counselor. You and the children can also prepare for the parent’s return home by 

talking with a counselor in advance.

• As a condition of parole, courts may decide that the parent cannot move back into the 

home or may see the children only when another caregiver is present. If possible, talk with 

a counselor about how best to prepare children for this situation.

• The released parent may face a lot of barriers during reentry. Barriers may include finding 

employment and housing, handling peer pressure, and adjusting to life after a long time away 

from loved ones. To help relieve stress on the parent, children, and other family members, discuss 

with everyone how they can support each other and help the parent get back to everyday life.

• Help children understand the value of the police and the legal system; its purpose is more 

than just the reason the parent was separated from the family; the system is in place to keep 

communities safe.

• The parent may lose or be in danger of losing parental rights to the children. This means the 

children may be in the foster care system or may be headed there. Work with the foster care 

system to determine strategic next steps to get the family back together (see reunification guide).

• Consider planning some family activities to promote a successful reentry for the parent. For 

example, if your children are ready and have expressed some interest, you might encourage 

them to make welcome banners and initiate contact by asking the parent to watch a TV show, 

read a book, or play a game. It is important to prepare the children for possible parent reactions, 

including not being interested.

• Prepare children for establishing or building an emotional relationship with the parent. This may 

be difficult if the relationship never existed in the first place or was lacking in recent years. Seek 

the help of a counselor to build the relationship.

• Visit and communicate with the parent as often as possible during the final 6 months of 

incarceration. Prepare children to talk with the parent about what they will do when the parent 

returns home. Through these talks, the parent can learn more about the children, for example, 

likes and dislikes.

• Before release, share with the parent information about the children’s habits, likes and dislikes, 

fears, and anxieties. Examples include the children’s favorite stuffed animals and the foods 

they like most and least.

• Encourage the parent, caregiver, and family members to take part in training programs designed 

to prepare the parent for reentry.

• Work with the parole office, facility, and parent to develop a structured plan regarding 

opportunities after reentry and challenges to reentry. Some facilities have their own reentry tip 

sheets and materials available. You can also mention the challenges to reentry in the family 

session that takes place prior to release and ask to be a member of the reentry team if the facility 

creates a reentry plan.
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Tips for After Reentry: The Adjustment Phase

• Understand that, after release, the incarcerated parent will need help adjusting to most aspects 

of family life. Family life is less structured than life in facility settings. Children will also have to 

adjust to having the parent around the home.

• The family system, such as roles and responsibility, bonds, and relationships, may have changed 

a lot while the parent was incarcerated. As a result, the 

parent may feel disconnected for not having much, if any, 

influence on these changes.

• Relationships in and outside the home may have changed 

or may be new since the parent was incarcerated. Discuss 

those relationships with the parent, especially any concerns 

the parent has with the children’s other parent or caregiver. 

Also talk about the impact of these relationships on 

guidelines for visits and involvement in decision making.

• Remember that children may struggle with stress or feelings 

of shame over the social stigma of having an incarcerated 

parent. These feelings may get worse for children when the parent returns home or to the 

community.

• Help children answer questions their peers may ask about the parent returning home. Children 

may have to face questions or comments such as the following: “So, where has your dad been 

all this time?” “This is the first time I’ve seen your mother.” “Who was that sitting with your family 

at the basketball game?”

• Seek out social service agencies, advocacy groups, and the faith-based community to help 

children adjust to the return of an incarcerated parent.

• Ask extended family members, such as aunts, uncles, and grandparents, to be a resource for 

children as they adjust to having the parent back in the home.

• For homes with multiple children, create special time for each child to spend with the parent. 

Activities should be of interest to the child and can happen at or away from home.

• Help children accept and adjust to changes that must occur when the parent returns home. 

For example, a child may have to bunk with a sibling or change where he or she sits for meals.

• Help children through daily routines that may be different after the parent arrives home, 

for example, changes related to school homework, bedtimes, and discipline.

• Seek out social service agencies that provide classes or sessions on improving the bond 

between the parent and children.

• If the current caregiver will no longer be the primary caregiver, allow some overlap in time 

between the caregiver leaving the home and the parent taking over.

Extra Resource: This tip sheet 

was written BY youth who 

have or have had incarcerated 

parents FOR youth who have 

incarcerated parents: https://

youth.gov/youth-topics/

children-of-incarceratedparents/listening-sessions/tipsheet-for-youth-coip
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Resources for Caregivers: Talking to Children

Advice for caregivers: http://nrccfi.camden.rutgers.edu/files/cipl202-questionsfromcaregivers.pdf

https://nrccfi.camden.rutgers.edu/files/CIPL-204.pdf

Age-specific guidance: http://nrccfi.camden.rutgers.edu/files/cipl201-caringforcip.pdf

Materials from the National Resource Center on Children and Families of the Incarcerated: http://nrccfi.

camden.rutgers.edu/resources/library/ children-of-prisoners-library/

Materials from the New Jersey Department of Corrections, “When a parent goes to prison: A guide 

to discussing your incarceration with your children”: http://www.state.nj.us/corrections/pdf/OTS/

InmateFamilyResources/WhatAboutMe.pdf

Materials from youth.gov on Tools, Guides, and Resources for Parents and Caregivers: https://youth.gov/

youth-topics/children-of-incarcerated-parents/tools-guides-resources

Sesame Street’s “Little Children, Big Challenges: Incarceration”: http://www.sesamestreet.org/parents/ 

topicsandactivities/toolkits/incarceration