U.S. Department of Justice

Office of Justice Programs

810 Seventh Street, NW.

Washington, DC 20531

Eric H. Holder, Jr.

U.S. Attorney General

Laurie O. Robinson

Assistant Attorney General

Office of Justice Programs

Jeff Slowikowski

Acting Administrator

Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention

Office of Justice Programs

Innovation • Partnerships • Safer Neighborhoods

www.ojp.usdoj.gov

Office of Juvenile Justice and 

Delinquency Prevention

www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ojjdp

This document was prepared by Fox Valley Technical

College under cooperative agreement number

2009–MC–CX–K058 from the Office of Juvenile Justice

and Delinquency Prevention (OJJDP), Office of Justice

Programs, U.S. Department of Justice. 

Points of view or opinions expressed in this document

are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent

the official positions or policies of OJJDP or the U.S.

Department of Justice.

The Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency

Prevention is a component of the Office of Justice

Programs, which also includes the Bureau of Justice

Assistance; the Bureau of Justice Statistics; the

Community Capacity Development Office; the National

Institute of Justice; the Office for Victims of Crime; and

the Office of Sex Offender Sentencing, Monitoring,

Apprehending, Registering, and Tracking (SMART).

First Edition, May 2010
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Message From Attorney General Eric H. Holder, Jr. 

Family abduction is the most prevalent form of child abduction in

the United States. Regardless of the abductor’s motive, it is an illegal

act that has lasting consequences for the abducted child, the custodial

parent, and the abducting family member. It is a crime in all 50 states 

and in the District of Columbia. 

Written with the help of six persons who have experienced family

abduction, this publication features valuable insights from a firsthand

perspective. It is designed to provide the searching family, law

enforcement, and mental health professionals with strategies to build

a comprehensive, child-centered approach to recovery and healing.

Above all, this publication was prepared to support victims subjected

to the crime of family abduction. 

The Department of Justice is committed to protecting children and

families from harm. It is my hope that The Crime of Family Abduction: 

A Child’s and Parent’s Perspective will provide those impacted by this

crime with the practical resources and support they need. 

Eric H. Holder, Jr.

Attorney General 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Message From Assistant Attorney General Laurie O. Robinson 

Each year, more than 200,000 children become victims of family

abduction. Taken from family, home, and friends by a parent or other

family member, they are thrust into a life of uncertainty and isolation. 

As we work to protect children from harm, we must remain vigilant and

informed about the dangers that face children within our communities.

A critical part of this responsibility begins with the recognition that

family abduction is a serious crime. 

This publication was written to provide victims and their families

with knowledge and support in their time of crisis. For families 

undergoing this ordeal, there is comfort in knowing they are not alone

and there are resources dedicated to assisting them in the recovery

of their abducted children. The hard-earned knowledge provided in

this publication came at great cost. May it bear rich dividends in 

helping others. 

Laurie O. Robinson 

Assistant Attorney General 
Foreword

The abduction of a child by another family member is one of the most devastating

crises that a parent could ever encounter. The impact on the abducted child is also

traumatic, as he or she grapples with a host of feelings, above all, a sense of betrayal

and loss of trust. Nor are these the only persons harmed by family abduction.

Brothers and sisters, grandparents, and other extended family, as well as friends are

also impacted. 

It is for these victims that The Crime of Family Abduction: A Child’s and Parent’s Perspective

was written with the help of individuals with intimate knowledge of this crime. 

Protecting the well-being of children and their families lies at the very heart of the

mission of the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention. We offer this

resource in the hope that it will help victims and their families in coping with the

aftermath of family abduction—a crime in every sense of the word. For when we

minimize the criminal nature of any abduction, we maximize the trauma experienced

by its victims.

Jeff Slowikowski

Acting Administrator

Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention

v
Acknowledgments

The Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention (OJJDP) is grateful to

everyone who devoted their time, energy, and passion to developing this publication,

especially those who have experienced firsthand what it feels like to be abducted by a

parent or to be the searching parent:

• Liss, Rebekah, Sam F., and Sam M., who are former child abductees.

• Daniel and CJ, who are former searching parents.

• Take Root, a peer-support network for adults who were abducted by family

members as children, and its members.

• Team HOPE (Help Offering Parents Empowerment), a family-support 

network for searching families of abducted children affiliated with the

National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, and its members. 

• Abby Potash, former searching parent, and Sheri Duncan, former abducted

child. 

OJJDP also thanks the many professionals who gave their time and effort to find 

children who were abducted by family members, who have worked to prevent family

abductions, and who have put together this publication for searching families and 

former child abductees. These include consultants Lori St. Onge, Director of

Aboriginal Justice, Mi’kmaq Confederacy of Prince Edward Island (PEI) and Case

Manager for Child Find PEI; Julie Kenniston, Director of Training and Education,

Butler County Children’s Services Board, Hamilton, OH; and retired police captain

Thomas Smith, Special Crimes Bureau Commander, Collier County Sheriff’s Office,

Naples, FL. Special thanks go to Ron Laney, Associate Administrator, Child

Protection Division, OJJDP, and Helen Connelly and Harriet Heiberg of Fox Valley

Technical College for their contributions to the preparation of this book. 

The final editing of this publication was performed by Ephy Amoah-Ntim, 

Tom Cullen, and Brian Higgins of Lockheed Martin’s Office of Justice Programs

Communications and Publications Support staff. The book was designed and 

produced by Katherine Lenard of FasterKitty, LLC. 

The Crime of Family Abduction: A Child’s and Parent’s Perspective is dedicated to survivors

of family abduction and to those who are still working to recover their missing 

children. 

vii
About This Book

The U.S. Department of Justice reports that as many as 200,000 children are victims

of family abduction each year. Although the majority of abducted children are taken

not by a stranger, but by a parent or family member, the issue of family abduction

remains laden with misconception and myth. Serious missing-child cases that have 

devastating effects on the child are too often seen as divorce and custody matters,

something private that the public and law enforcement should not concern themselves with. The truth is that family abduction can be as physically dangerous and 

even deadly for the child victims as any other form of child abduction. Most often,

however, the worst damage is imperceptible to the eye, occurring deep within the

child, leaving traces that may last a lifetime. 

This publication offers insights into what it means to be

abducted by a family member. Written from the perspective of the child

and searching parent, it is designed to help you, the reader, understand the unique

characteristics of family abduction and the nightmare that they have experienced.

Although the individual circumstances surrounding the authors’ cases show the 

multifaceted diversity of family abduction, the one thing they have in common is that

they were all missing child cases. The child victims in these cases were concealed by

their abductor, hidden not just from their searching family, friends, schools, and 

community but also from the justice and child protection systems. 

The six primary contributors to this document—four adults who were victims of

family abduction as children and two searching parents—are active in the missing

child community. The former abducted child contributors are members of Take

Root, an organization composed of former abducted children that provides peer 

support and advocates on behalf of child victims. The parent contributors are either

members of Team HOPE (Help Offering Parents Empowerment), a support network

for parents of missing children, or

active with nonprofit organizations

that work around the issue of missing

children. 

Misperceptions about family abduction

can potentially cause further trauma

to the abducted child. These misperceptions can also lead to an increase in

the incidence and duration of family

abductions. We hope that sharing these

stories will provide a new understanding of the devastating psychological

ix
harm and physical dangers that children who are abducted and concealed by family

members often face. Our objective is to increase understanding of the crime of 

family abduction and empower the reader to thoughtfully assist in the immediate and

long-term recovery of a child. Whether you are the searching parent, an abducted 

or former abducted child, a family member, a professional responder, a neighbor, a

teacher, or an advocate, you can begin to comprehend what is happening and why a

child-centered response, as outlined throughout this book, is so important.

x
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

xi

Contents

A Message From the Attorney General ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! i
 

A Message From the Assistant Attorney General ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! iii
 

Foreword ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! v
 

Acknowledgments! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! vii
 

About This Book ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ix
 

Introduction! Family Abduction Is a Crime ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! 1

Abduction! Being Missing ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! 7

What Happens to a Child Who Is Abducted? ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! 10

The Search! Looking for the Abducted Child ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! 21
 

What Happens to a Narent Whose Child Has Been Abducted? ! ! ! !21
 

What the Searching Narent May Be Feeling ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! 29
 

Recovery! Finding the Abducted Child ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! 37
 

Nlanning for Recovery ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! 40
 

Managing the Aftershocks ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! 45
 

How To Minimize Notential Nitfalls When a Child Is Returned ! ! ! ! ! 47
 

Final Thoughts ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! 53
 

Resources ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! 55
 
 

 

Bntroduction

Society underestimates the impact and

implications of children being abducted

by parents.
Introduction: Family Abduction Is a Crime

The narrative above is only one example of an all-too-real occurrence for too many

children and families in the United States.1 Unfortunately, many people have the

same response as the child in the story—they do not realize that family abduction is 

a crime. They may be reluctant to intervene because they consider it a private family

dispute, not a criminal matter.

However, three characteristics distinguish family abduction from a typical custody

battle between parents: concealment, intent to prevent contact, and flight. In many

custodial interference cases, a parent may make it difficult for the other parent to

have access to the child, but in family abduction, the child is hidden and typically

forced to live an artificially manipulated life (though sometimes without even 

knowing it). Even in its mildest form, family abduction places a child in isolation

with a distressed caretaker who may neglect the child in terms of care, feeding, and

psychological nurturing. As with other forms of abduction, the child becomes a 

missing child.

1

When I was 10 years old, someone took me from the street in front of

my home, drove me across the country, gave me a new name, made me

lie about who I was and where I was from, and told me I would never

go back to my old life or see the rest of my family again.

The strangest part of my story is that I did not realize while it was

happening that I was being abducted. A great many people around me

responded to the abduction by thinking that it was perfectly okay—

thinking, in fact, that the person who took me and hid me for 2 years

had a right to do so.

Because the person was my own mother. 

–Liss,

former abducted child

1 The Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention’s Second National Incidence Studies of

Missing, Abducted, Runaway, and Thrownaway Children (NISMART–2) estimate that 203,900 children

were victims of a family abduction in 1999. Of this number, a staggering 117,200 were missing from

their caretakers. A child can be abducted (i.e., unlawfully removed from custody by a family member)

but not necessarily missing. For example, if a child is abducted by a parent and taken to that parent’s

home in a different state at an address well known to the searching parent, but the taking parent 

refuses to return the child, that child is considered abducted but not missing.
Recognizing the real harm that a family abduction can have on a child, all 50 states

and the District of Columbia have enacted laws2 that treat family abduction as a

felony under certain circumstances. Federal law also prohibits the taking of a child

across state lines and out of the country. Many states also have laws that classify family abduction as a misdemeanor offense. Sentencing options may include an order to

return the child, community service, restitution, probation, and incarceration. 

2

2 See Family Abduction: Prevention and Response (www.missingkids.com/en_US/publications/NC75.pdf).

In addition to providing detailed search and recovery strategies, this handbook provides indepth 

information about the laws applicable to family abduction. It contains a glossary of terms to help the

searching family better communicate with lawyers and the law enforcement community.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Demystifying Family ;bduction

Family abduction

•	 Is a crime.

•	 Is not a custody issue.

•	 Is a child welfare issue.

•	 Has probable long-term psychological and social effects on the

abducted child.

•	 Has traumatic effects not only on the abducted child and the

searching parent but also on left-behind siblings, grandparents, extended

family, and friends.

Common characteristics of family abduction

•	 Concealment. The abducting family member conceals the abduction

or whereabouts of the child.

•	 Intent to deprive indefinitely. The abducting family member intends

to prevent contact between the child and anyone involved with the

searching parent for an indefinite period of time.

•	 Flight. The abducting family member transports the child out of state

or out of the country to make recovery more difficult.
When I tell people that I was abducted as a child they put on a face of dread and concern.

Then, when I tell them that my father was the abductor, I immediately hear a sigh of relief. 

But during any abduction, even if it is by a parent, a child is not just taken away from his 

parent(s)—the child is taken away from his entire life. 

A parent is supposed to look out for your best interest, care for you, and help you grow. A

parent is supposed to teach you, nurture you, and put your safety first. It is not easy to put

somebody else before you, but that is a job of a parent. But, when parents abduct their son or

daughter, they forfeit their right as that child’s mother or father. They stop treating their child

as a person, and instead, treat their child as a piece of property. My father forfeited that right

when he abducted me not only from my mother, but from my entire life. 

My father abducted me when I was 10 years old. My parents had been divorced for some

time. My mother had custody of me, and I was able to see my father on weekend visitations

each month. From my parents’ divorce up until the time I was abducted, I struggled with

deciding which parent was most important to me. At my young age, I didn’t understand what

divorce was and thought that since my parents had separated, it made sense for me to choose

who I liked the most. While living with my mother, I did chores, homework, ran errands, and

had a bedtime. When I saw my Dad four times a month, I went to hockey games, played

sports and video games, and watched all the TV I wanted. I had fun when I was with my

father. To me, at age 10, it was an easy choice. I loved my father more than my mother. I never 

questioned whether my father loved me back just as much. A child is not supposed to 

question whether his parents love him or not. 

When I was with my father, I didn’t have much to judge life on other than the presents I

received and how much TV I got to watch. My father knew this. He also knew how to turn

me against my mother. Subtly, my father would tell me that my mother didn’t want us to see

each other and, more importantly, that my Dad would be put in jail if he didn’t pay child support. The only things I took away from this were that my mother was the bad guy, my Dad

was the good guy, and that I needed to protect him from my mother. So, when my Dad came

to me when I was 10 and told me he was going to run away because my Mom was having him

put in jail, he asked me a very important question, “Do you want to come with me?” He told

me that if I did not go with him that I would never get to see him again. So, I answered yes.

And even though I thought I understood what was going on, I shortly learned that I didn’t. 

My father paid for the abduction with money my parents saved for me to use for college.

Once the money began to run out and the fun was waning, I realized something was wrong.

Instead of going to hockey games, playing sports and video games, and watching all the TV 

I wanted, I was not in school and had no friends. I still got to play video games and watch TV

in the apartment, but I wasn’t allowed to leave. At this point I realized that my reality was

turned upside down and that my new reality was not one I wanted. This is when I realized

Sam F’s Story 

4
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

that whether I chose to go with my father or if he took me, that what I was removed from

was not just my mother, but my entire reality and life. I wasn’t allowed to use my real name

any more. I had a new life and a new past life that was full of lies that I had never witnessed

before.The only thing I was in control of was the lies I could tell. I was not allowed to speak

of my past.That included my mother, who I had to tell people was dead. Sam and his reality

no longer existed. It was now Ben and his reality.

At one point, my father saw how scared I was and realized what was going on. He talked to

me about it, asking me to tell him about how fearful I was of the situation and how much I

missed being Sam and wanted to go back. His response was to give me money for a bus ticket

and tell me that I could go home if I wanted to. I was 10 years old, in Sacramento, CA, while

my home, Sam’s home, was in New Jersey. He knew I couldn’t leave.That is when I began to

accept the fact that this was my new life, my new reality, and that I had no choice when I gave

up my other life.When I went with my father, I didn’t know I was giving up everything. I only

thought I was going with my father.This is what was so devastating to me. I thought I was in a

safe place, being with a parent, but I wasn’t with my parent anymore. I was with somebody

who took my life away from me and forced me to live a new one.

When I tell people that I was abducted by my father, after that sigh of relief, their next

response is that they are thankful I was recovered and brought back to my mother. But just as

quickly as I was taken from my life, my reality, and my mother, I was thrown right back into

my life, my reality, and my mother.The problem was that when I was with my father, I had a

new life and reality and did not have a mother.

The recovery process felt like I was abducted for a second time. Even though during my

abduction I finally felt like something was wrong and wanted to go back, once I returned,

I could not go back to being the same person.The major change for my family and friends

was that I was abducted and I was missing. Now that I was home, everything should have gone

back to normal.That was far from the truth then and is still today. I may have been missing

from my friends and family, but every single part of my life was also missing. I was separated

from everything I knew and was forced to create a new life for myself.When I was missing,

lying became my life, so naturally once I returned home that is all I did. My trust and love

were abused by the one person who I was supposed to trust to take care of me.And throughout this ordeal, I asked myself: If my father didn’t care about me, why should anybody else?

So, I shut down and didn’t trust anybody. My entire reality and support network was obliterated when my father decided to abduct me. So when I was home with my mother, my parent

who I was brainwashed to hate, I experienced my loved parent’s deceit and felt alone.

After 7 years of struggling to find out who I am, I realize I can’t. I can’t figure out who I am

because I am not finished growing.There is so much more to a person than the music he likes

or the clothing he wears.All I know is, for the first time in my life, I can respond with the

confident answer of at least a name. I am Sam.

5
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Abduction

I wasn’t even allowed to use my real name any

more.I hada new life anda new past life.The

only thing thatI was in control of was the lies

thatI could tell ifI spoke to anybody.I was not

allowed to speak of my past and that included

my mother, whoI had to tell people was dead.

Sam and his reality no longer existed; it was

now Ben and his reality.

–Sam F.,

former abducted child
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Abduction# Being Missing
 

Imagine this:You are at home with all the things that are

familiar to you.You have your family, your pets, your friends,

and your belongings. Someone comes into the room and

calls you by name, and you look up and answer.You are

asked to run an errand with someone you love.You get in the

passenger seat of the car.The one you love takes you on a

drive to a place you have never seen before.You feel happy.

Then you are told that you can never go back home.

You may no longer use your name. Everything is lost to you.

You will not see the rest of your family or your pets or your

home ever again.All you have left is in the car with you.

Everything else is gone. Everyone else is gone.This one

moment changes your entire life.

For some children, this is what happens when they are abducted. Other children are

taken by a parent who is regularly cruel and abusive. Still others are taken by a family

member (an absent father, for example) they do not really know.Yet others are taken

to escape real or perceived abuse. Regardless of the relationship the child has with

his abductor, in an instant, the child loses everything: the other parent and family

members, friends, pets, school, activities, even a family photo or a favorite toy.

This instantaneous loss of community can lead to lasting depression, the loss of a

sense of security or stability, a compromised ability to trust oneself or others, and a

fear of abandonment.

7
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How Abducted Children Define Family Abduction*
 

Being scared.

Learning to create“home”

for yourself.

A one-way ticket to the

loss of childhood.

Having no one to depend

on but yourself.

Being betrayed by one of the most

important people in your life.

Being scarred.

Missing people you love because of
 

the actions of someone you love.
 

Being forced to deny the past

and create a fictitious one.

Being afraid to love and trust a
 parent so much ever again and
 

thereby continuing to deny yourself
 

the full relationship you could have
 

with your nonabducting parent.
 

Not understanding who

you are supposed to be

and why it’s not okay

to be who you were.

8
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wondering if everyone

knows you’re a liar.

Feeling a huge sadness just under the

surface but being afraid to examine

it for fear that you’ll drown in the

sadness.

Moving on and appearing welladjusted on the outside but feeling

tangled up on the inside.

A childhood filled with fear,
 anxiety,confusion,deception,
 and alienation.
 

Having wanted a“mommy”

for so long and getting her

back when you are too old

to call her that.

Wondering how this could

possibly be an act of love.

Knowing the abductor hurt you and

that you are still in pain now,but

not having the physical bruises and

scars that show the rest of the world

that you have a right to your pain.

Not okay because

you were with a

parent.

* Responses from members of Take Root.Take Root is a nonprofit support network for adults

who were child victims of family abduction.

9
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What Happens to a ChildWho Is Abducted$
 

The sudden disappearance of all that is familiar and loved is only the beginning of the

abduction experience for the child. Months or years of a nomadic life may follow,

where the child is constantly on the move, continually changing names, and never

putting down roots or making real connections. Or, the child and abductor parent

may settle in a new community and establish a whole new life under a new identity.

Only one thing is certain: while gone, the child is undergoing rapid and significant

change. She is becoming further and further removed from the child pictured on the

missing-child poster back home.

Because concealment is easier in family abduction than in stranger abduction (it is

natural and expected to see a child with her parent), family abduction cases often

become measured in months and years rather than days or weeks.The “abduction

identity” may, over time, become the child’s primary identity.The bonds the child

forms and the experiences she has under that new identity can become stronger and

more significant than those in the “left-behind” life.And, as the abduction continues,

the information the child has been given to explain the absence of missing family

becomes ingrained in her mind.

Children who are abducted by family members are often—

z	 Courted or groomed by the

abducting parent prior to the

abduction" In an attempt to weaken

the bond between the child and the other

parent, the abductor may spend weeks or

even months grooming or brainwashing

the child prior to the abduction.This

brainwashing may continue well into the

abduction, making reunion with the

searching parent more difficult when the

child is recovered.The feeling that he

“agreed” to go with the abductor may

cause issues for the child later in life.The

child might feel guilty for leaving the

other parent or blame himself for going

with his abductor. It is important to

remember that the responsibility for the

abduction rests with the abductor.

My father would tell me that my

mother didn’t want us to see each

other and that she would have him

put in jail if he didn’t pay child

support. In my mind, my mother was

the bad guy and my Dad was the

good guy. I needed to protect him.

So, when he told me that he was

going to run away and I would

never see him unless I went with

him, I said yes.

–Sam F.,

former abducted child

10
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

z	 Forced to go into hiding with the

abductor" Many abducted children

describe their experience as similar to

entering the witness protection program.

The abductor, in an attempt to conceal the

child and avoid any contact with the

searching parent, may go into hiding or

leave the country altogether.

z	 Made to fear discovery" The child

may be taught to fear the very people—

police, teachers, doctors—who could help

her. In an attempt to conceal the child, the

abductor may not allow the child access to

proper educational, medical, and social

services and support.When this happens,

the safety and welfare of the child become

compromised and the child comes to rely

wholly on the abductor.

z	 Given a new name! birthdate or

birthplace! and identity" One way

family abduction is more serious than

other forms of custodial interference is

that the child experiences a sudden change

in identity.Abducted children often have

their names changed. Some have their

looks altered or are even forced to

masquerade as the opposite gender. Many

are under strict instructions not to reveal

their true identifies or circumstances.

This ultimately leads to significant issues

of identity confusion when the child is

recovered. Others may be too young to

know or understand the abduction. For

these children, the confusion comes later

when they are “reunited” with a searching

parent or family they do not know or

even remember.

I lived with the constant terror

that she—we—would be caught

and something horrible would

happen to us. She taught me to lie

and to become invisible to keep our

secret. I was afraid that I would be

the cause of her going to jail or

us being separated.That was the

biggest fear of all. Because she was

all I had left.

–Liss,

former abducted child

I couldn’t comprehend what this

stranger [an FBI officer] was telling

me.My name was Heather, not

Rebekah,and I didn’t have a father

because he did not love or want

anything to do with me.That is what

I had been told my entire life.

–Rebekah,

former abducted child

11
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

z	 Not encouraged or allowed to

grieve their losses"The abductor’s

focus is on creating a new identity, so

in many cases, the child is forbidden

to speak of the past or grieve for lost

family and friends. But the loss that the

child feels is total, and when the child

is recovered, that loss can make it

harder and more painful for the child

to learn to love and trust the searching

parent again.

z	 Told to lie about their past"

The abductor may teach the child to

conceal the truth about her identity

and circumstances.The child may be

forbidden to answer the door and told

not to play outside, to close the blinds,

to hide when riding in a car, to avoid

authority, or to evade personal questions

or lie. In such situations, distrust of

authority may become the norm.

z	 Told lies about the searching

parent" The abducted child is often

deceived about the searching parent.The

child may be told that the parent was so

dangerous or violent that the abductor

fled to save their lives, that the searching

parent did not love or want him, or even

that his parent and/or siblings died in

an accident.

We were told that our mother was

dead.We were also told that there

was no reason to be sad, no need for

crying, no time for further discussion

about Mom.

–Sam M.,

former abducted child

Honesty, honor, integrity.When your

life has been lived in the shadows

and in the realm of deception,you

become really good at covering

things up,keeping secrets,and telling

lies to protect yourself.

–Liss,

former abducted child

I can still see my father’s face and

hear his voice telling me that I was

unloved and unwanted by my mother

and her family.

–Jeremy,

former abducted child

12
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

z	 Coerced and emotionally

blackmailed" Other times, an

abductor tells the child that if the child

tells anyone their secret, the abducting

parent will be taken away to jail and the

child will never see him or her again.

Even though the child has been lied to

about why the missing parent is gone, she

has no way to discover the truth.The

only information the child receives comes

from the abductor.The child’s reality and

viewpoints are shaped by what the abductor tells the child.When the child learns

the truth after being found again, she may

trust no one for a very long time.

z	 Kept out of school" The abducting

parent may keep the child out of school

to avoid detection.This can hurt the

child’s academic performance and

make it harder for the child to relate

to teachers and classmates when the

child returns.

My whole world had been shattered,

and now I had to start all over. It

took a long time for me to trust that

my dad was telling me the truth.

–former abducted child

In all, the abductor’s actions can have serious emotional, developmental,

and psychological implications for the child. The “Recovery” section of this

document contains recommendations on ways to minimize trauma during reunification

and to help the child move into his new life.

13
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Liss’s Story
 

When I was 10 years old someone took me from the street in front of my apartment

building, put me in a car, drove me across the country, gave me a new name, made me lie

about who I was and where I was from, and told me I would never go back to my old life or

see the rest of my family again. But that is not the strangest part of my story.

The strangest part of my story is that I did not realize, while it was happening, that I was

being abducted.And after I was found 2 years later, I would spend the next two decades not

certain whether anything out of the ordinary had actually happened.This is because a great

many people around me responded to the abduction by thinking that it was perfectly okay—

thinking that the person who took me and hid me had a right to do so. Because that person

was my own mother.

This one fact caused the people around me—and society as a whole—to use a different set

of colors to paint the abduction as something else. It’s different for kids who are abducted by

nonfamily members; everybody recognizes their abduction for what it is.There are no ifs,

ands, or buts about whether something traumatic—not to mention illegal—has occurred.

At the time of my abduction, as I have since learned, friends and family separated into two

camps.There were those who thought “poor Herb, how terrible for him for Venetia to take his

child away from him like that!” There were others who thought “PoorVenetia, that unreasonable Herb made her life so miserable, it was good for her to get away from him.” Nowhere in

the mix did anyone say “Good heavens, their child was just abducted!” Terms like “abduction”

and “missing child” simply were not used—the situation was minimized, normalized,

twisted—even by my own family—into a battle between my parents.

For me, it was more like entering the witness protection program. One day I was a child

growing up in NewYork City where I had been born, part of a loving extended family.The

next day, I was a different child who had been born inVirginia Beach with no other family,

pulling up at a women’s shelter in San Diego, CA. I literally became someone else overnight.

Divorce is about watching your parents fight and your family take sides. Family abduction is

about your family being eradicated from the face of the earth.

There were many things about being abducted that were hard, including becoming the closest

thing to an adult on the scene as my mother descended into emotional collapse after placing

us in fugitive isolation. My childhood was over.There was fear all the time—knowing we

were always inches away from starving as my mother struggled to earn an income when,

because of the fake identity, she had no Social Security number, references, work history, and

at first not even an address or phone number. I lived with the constant terror that she—we—

would be caught and something horrible would happen to her; that she would go to jail or,

as she made me believe, my father would do something awful.And that she and I would be

separated.That was the biggest fear of all. Because she was all I had left. My child’s brain

14
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

didn’t contemplate that this was so because of her own actions; all I knew was that when
 

everyone else disappeared, she was the only one left standing. She became my everything.

Which, of course, was just what she had wanted.

Perhaps the hardest part of all was the grief.Think about what it is like to lose someone you

love. Losing one, single, loved one is enough to send an adult into a tailspin. Overnight, I had

lost not just ALL my loved ones, but every single person I had ever known in my entire life.

Can you even begin to imagine what that would be like? And, I wasn’t able to grieve. My

mother said she was hiding me because she thought my father would be a bad influence on me

and because he was making her life miserable. He was never physically abusive but he harassed

her, and she felt like she couldn’t take it and no one was going to help, so she had to resolve

things herself. So, she abducted me and disappeared. But life as a fugitive was no easier.

Soon, she once again felt like she couldn’t take it, and no one was going to help, so she had

to resolve things herself. She made a plan involving her and me and a car idling with the

windows rolled up and a hose attached to the exhaust pipe. Luckily, I’m still here.

I don’t know why Mom was able to convince so many friends and family that abducting me

was a justified progression in her ongoing battle with my father. Hindsight has clarified for me

that my mother was not really acting under a misguided notion of what was best for me as she

claimed, but instead operating out of a desire to inflict a mortal wound upon my father. He

did indeed go to an early grave, and no one can say how much of a role the devastation of

losing his only child and recovering a stranger who hated him played in that.

Sadly, I did not begin to comprehend the full reality of what my mother had done until

after my Dad was dead.When he first found us, everything he did confirmed in my mind that

he was indeed the enemy—the crazy, dangerous, evil enemy—my mother had made him out

to be. If he tried to say that my mother was anything less than a saint who had done anything

less than heroic by taking me, it reinforced that he was indeed as crazy delusional as she had

said he was. It didn’t help that he was an alcoholic who wore his pain and victimhood like

a shroud.

I have two genuine regrets in my life, and being so hostile toward my father is one of them.

Before Mom abducted me, I was a Daddy’s girl. I never once thought of my Dad as dangerous

until she told me he was. Recently, members of my mother’s family—from who I remained

mostly estranged despite having been found because my mother had a vested interest in

keeping it that way—have told me that they always liked my Dad. It breaks my heart that they

remained silent back then. I can’t help but think how much devastation could have been

avoided for so many members of my family on both sides if those around my mother at the

time had recognized her plan to free herself of my father as an act of child abduction and

spoken up against it or reported her to the authorities.

Becoming acutely aware at such an early age that anything can change on a dime is a glass that

is both half full and half empty—I simultaneously believe in nothing and everything. I dream

15
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

big and am frequently successful because I seldom see obstacles as “real” or insurmountable,
 

but then live in constant fear that all I have manifested will disintegrate into thin air.

Desperately seeking family, I pull people in, then do my best to push them away, constantly

testing whether or not they can be made to disappear. In my world, absolutely nothing is

forever.

Or rather, that was the case before my son was born.When we found out I was pregnant,

I said to my husband, “I cannot be a Mom. How can I raise a child when I can’t even see a

future for myself?” But my husband replied, “He will lead the way. He will reach for both our

hands, and he will lead us into tomorrow.” With the birth of my son came the reality of my

union with my husband being truly “forever.” Before that, because even my blood ties to my

biological kin had not kept us bound, my 11-year marriage had remained a complete abstraction in my mind—a social convention we engaged in for expedience a few weeks after we

met because we were citizens of different countries. But rushed and casual as my wedding

may have been, I did not marry as either of my parents did. I married someone incapable of

separating a child from either of their parents. No one can predict with certainty that my

husband and I will never divorce, but I do know that he would never abandon his son. Neither

will I, so I now know my husband and son and I all will be in each other’s lives as long as the

three of us walk this earth.That’s a new, huge, solid bedrock to serve as a foundation to who

I am.The rest is a work in progress.

16
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Who Abducts$

Children may be taken by parents! family members! or caregivers

in a variety of situations"The abductor may be#

•	 Ehe parent with whom the child lives.

•	 Ehe parent the child visits.

•	 A parent whose visitation rights have been curtailed or taken away by a court.

•	 A parent who flees in response to ongoing family violence or to real or
 

perceived physical, emotional, or sexual abuse.
 

•	 An absent parent whom the child has never met.

•	 A grandparent or another family member or caregiver.

Why Do Parents Abduct$

Parents abduct for a number of reasons#

•	 Ehe abductor confuses his or her own frustration with the marital relationship

with a belief that the other parent is bad for the child.

•	 Ehe abductor is trying to get back at the other parent by taking away something

the other parent “wants” (i.e., the child).

•	 Ehe abductor is removing the child from real physical and/or emotional threat or

injury by the other parent.

•	 Ehe abductor is removing the child from perceived physical and/or emotional

threat or injury by the other parent.

•	 Ehe abductor fears the values, influences, or behavior of the other parent.

•	 Ehe abductor may have never intended to involve the other parent in raising

the child.

•	 Ehe abductor is trying to force a reconciliation with the left behind parent.

Bhildren live in all types of domestic situations before a family abduction. Darents

might be separated, divorced, still married, or never married. A child may have a

close bond with the parent who takes her or may be distant from or afraid of that

parent.Ehe child may not remember or may never have even met the abducting

parent. Cach case is ultimately different, and the motivations and circumstances that

lead to an abduction are complex.

17
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One day, I determined to listen to others because

I knew that my judgment was clouded by the

emotional turmoil of having my children taken.

I learned what support is all about and sometimes where you least expect it. I learned of

Team HOPE and gained a sponsor to give me

the support of someone who had been in my

place. I learned that I had support in the local

community from people who gave more than

I expected. Early on in the search, someone

recommended that I contact the National Center

for Missing ! Exploited Children. I found their

services and experience invaluable.

–Daniel,

former searching parent

18
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A few years before, my father hit my Mom for

the last time and the divorce proceedings began.

Mom got custody rights,of course,and my

brother and I got to spend fun weekends with

Dad.After one of those visits—to the park or a

museum,perhaps—I asked my mother,“What if

Daddy doesn’t bring us back on Sunday?” She

calmed my fears by assuring me that he always

would—the court had ordered it.Not long after

that conversation, my brother and I were

abducted by our father.

–Sam M.,

former abducted child

19
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My face was pressed against the window and I

was struggling to see inside. I had knocked and

knocked. I was picking my children up from

their summer visit with their Dad,and no one

would come to the door. Finally,a window I

could see in.The apartment was vacant.

I went from disbelief, to horror, to pain and

fear. I remember the glass phone booth—calling

my attorney and being told to come home.At

that point, I couldn’t process it . . . I couldn’t

think straight . . . I just wanted my babies.

–CJ,

former searching parent

Search
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 ’ 

 

 

 

 ’ 

 

 

 

The Search: Looking for the Abducted Child
 

What Happens to a ParentWhose Child Has Been

Abducted?

Imagine this:You go to your child s school to pick her up.You

wait in your car.Your child never comes out.You ask the teacher

where she is, and you are told that the other parent picked up

your child.You begin making phone calls and driving to the

other parent s house. You get there and find it empty"

The tears became gut-wrenching, snot-flowing sobs that arose from the

ground of my being.

–Daniel,

former searching parent

Like the child, the searching parent also deals with tremendous grief and loss.

Often, other family members and friends do not know what to do or how to

respond.They do not get involved because they view the abduction as a custody

battle that should be dealt with privately. But the crime of family abduction requires

a different response. The searching parent is often alone trying to deal with

the emotional turmoil while also trying to take steps that bring his or

her child home safely"

21
 

 

 

 ’ 

 

 ’ 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 ’ 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 ’ 

How Searching Iarents Experience Family #bduction
 

It is one thing not to be with one s

children. It is an entirely different

state of being to not know where they

are and how they are, whether they

are safe and secure. I couldn t eat because of

the emotional pain and

feeling guilty not knowing

if my son was eating.

There were days when it was like a
 raging black hole. I wish I had
 known to reach out for counseling.
 

I came to realize that my anger

was really a façade for the grief.

I couldn t go to the grocery
 

store.There were too many
 

families there.Too many
 

children who reminded me
 

of my loss.
 

I was exhausted and burnt out but I was

resolved to bring my babies home. I was

in a war...there was no time or room to

fall apart or give in to my emotions.

That came later.

Simple things could bring me to
 tears. I had to leave professional
 meetings and conferences at times to
 get a handle on my emotions. I had
 to close off my children s bedroom.
 

22
Years later, I know now that I should have known better—but I didn’t. I should have seen it

coming. I did but I didn’t take heed. She said she was going to do it. I had her threat recorded. But I didn’t think that she would follow through. I should have taken more precautions—

but I didn’t. Then she took our two girls and disappeared in the middle of our divorce. Our

children called her “Mommy.”

Before the separation, she told me that she would take our girls and move out of state, and I

would never see them again. Her threat to disappear came out at the first hearing. I thought

that she was going to settle down with the reality of me being the primary caretaker and

enjoy the advantages of her single life with her boyfriend. I did not object to her having

greater visitation with our girls than the judge allowed. I thought that she loved our children.

And I know they loved her.

On a visitation weekend, she did not return our children at 6 p.m. on Sunday as ordered. 

I started to worry. Sure, I had thoughts that she had followed through with her threats to take

our children and run. But I thought it more probable that she would honor the court order.

So, I assumed something worse—that she’d had an accident while bringing the girls home. In

the back of my mind, I thought she may have chosen to partially ignore the court order and

decided to return our girls directly to their school on Monday morning. I called her on her

cell phone but there was no answer. After 8 p.m., I started calling the county sheriffs along

the route from her home to mine as well as the emergency rooms along the way. At about 

3 a.m., I tried to sleep but couldn’t because reality kept seeping through my denial of her

threats to abduct our children. I got up and began surfing the Web, searching her name, her

address, her telephone number to see what popped up. My denial was swept away by what I

found. She had posted various things for sale on the Internet in the weeks before. This led to

one conclusion; she was preparing to leave town. As the time for school arrived, I had a sick

feeling inside as I made the call to confirm that our children were not in school.

In the months that followed, I learned much about myself and my local community. I had

been proud and I was humbled. I learned that support surrounded me and was sometimes

where I least expected it. I gained a personal understanding of “emotional triggers” because 

I found that I had little if no control over the emotional roller coaster that I found myself 

on in my situation as a searching parent. I had to have faith that I would see my children again,

so I strove to grasp firmly to hope in their return to my life. A Team HOPE volunteer helped

me to hold to that hope, as did my faith. It is one thing not to be with one’s children. It is an

entirely different state of being to not know where they are, how they are, and whether they

are safe and secure.

I was a lucky one. Eventually she returned our children. I don’t know why she did, but I 

suspect that she tired of the “game” of abduction. I decided that it was unproductive and a

Daniel’s Story 

23
waste of time to try to figure it out. I decided that it was better to spend time being with my

children and attentive to their needs. 

It has now been several years since “Mommy” dropped out of our children’s lives. I don’t

understand how a mother could surrender her parental rights. But I decided that for me to

attempt to understand the mind of “Mommy” in surrendering her parental rights would

require that I understand a mental attitude that I didn’t want to know. All I know now is that 

I am happy to be there to meet the needs of our children.

24
25

Checklist for the Searching Parent 

when a child is abducted, there are a number of things the searching parent 

can do to facilitate the safe return of his or her child. the first hours after an

abduction can be terribly difficult. Fear, anxiety, anger, and an overwhelming sense 

of helplessness are real emotions that parents may face. Even through the emotional turmoil and worry, it is important to act quickly. here are some things to do: 

❏ Confirm that your child is missing. Search your house and surrounding

areas thoroughly. check with family, friends, and neighbors; check your child’s

favorite places to go and/or play and ask questions of anyone there; call 

local hospitals. 

❏ Contact law enforcement. ask them to file a missing child report. Law

enforcement is required to immediately enter a missing child into the national

crime information center (ncic) Missing Person File. write down the ncic

number as well as the name, badge number, and contact information of the 

officer entering the information.

Provide law enforcement with as much information about your 

missing child as possible, including— 

• date of birth, weight, height, Social Security number, contact information for

your child’s pediatrician and dentist, name of school.

• a detailed description of what your child was wearing and any personal

items in your child’s possession at the time of the disappearance. if you can,

specify color, brand, and size. 

• a list of your child’s unique identifying features (e.g., birthmarks, scars, 

missing teeth, eyeglasses, or braces), speech patterns, and personality traits. 

• recent pictures (preferably taken within the past 3 months). if you do not

have recent pictures, ask your child’s school or ask friends and family. don’t

submit your only copy of a picture because you may not get it back. Make

multiple copies of any picture you submit to law enforcement, missing child

agencies, and/or the media. 

• your child’s completed id kit, fingerprints, and/or a dna blood sample if you

have these items. toys and pencils with bite marks, brushes, combs, and hats

are also valuable sources of dna. turn these over to law enforcement. 

Provide law enforcement with as much information about the

abducting parent as possible (e.g., contact information, Social Security, 

credit card, driver’s license and license plate numbers, biographical information)

along with any pictures you may have of the abductor.

✂ cut and carry with you
If you believe your child is in imminent danger of serious bodily 

injury or death, ask law enforcement to issue an AMBER Alert

(www.amberalert.gov). the agency will initiate an alert if the circumstances 

of the abduction meet the activation criteria.

❏ Request help and support from trusted friends or family members.

they can help you find your child and ensure you do not overlook or duplicate

any steps in the recovery effort.

❏ Contact your child’s school. inform them of the situation and flag your

child’s school records. under the Family Education rights and Privacy act,1

you have the right to know if your child’s records are transferred to another

school or if copies are sent to the other parent. Federal law requires school

officials to give you the address where the records are to be sent.

❏ Obtain legal counsel. if you do not already have a lawyer, ask people you

trust for a referral to a family law attorney. you can also refer to the resources

in the national center for Missing & Exploited children (ncMEc) publication

Family Abduction: Prevention and Response.2 you can also obtain a list of family law

attorneys from the district court and your state bar association.

❏ Determine what kind of custody you have (i.e., joint legal custody, joint

physical custody, or full custody). obtain certified copies of your custody order

if you do not already have one from the court that issued the order, and have

the court clerk certify that they are true and correct copies of the original. you

will need this documentation when you contact law enforcement. it is important for your attorney to work in parallel with law enforcement investigations.

❏ Consider filing criminal charges and getting a warrant. you will need

to complete a warrant application and attend a hearing in magistrate court. the

judge will decide whether to issue a warrant.

• if the abductor fled the state to avoid felony prosecution, ask the prosecutor

for a federal unlawful Flight to avoid Prosecution warrant.

• if the abductor is charged with a felony, ensure that the felony warrant is

entered into the ncic. 

❏ Obtain a pickup order. have your attorney request a pickup order for 

your child as soon as possible. Make sure the order references the Parental

Kidnapping Prevention act (28 u.S.c. 1738). the order should include a clause

that expressly states that law enforcement is authorized to pick up the

26

1 20 U.S.C. 1232g, 34 CFR Part 99. More information about the Act is available at www2.ed/gov/

policy/gen/guid/fpco/ferpa/index.html.

2 This publication is described in the Resources section. 

✂ cut and carry with you
27

child(ren) anywhere in any state. in-state pickup orders can be enforced in other

states and jurisdictions. Each state has their own processes for domesticating

orders so they are enforceable.

❏ Contact the U.S. Department of State’s Office of Children’s Issues 

if there is a chance that the abductor may attempt to take your child out of 

the country. Fill out a “request Entry into the children’s Passport issuance

alert Program” form and you will be notified of any pending u.S. passport

applications (www.travel.state.gov).

❏ Call the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children (NCMEC)

at 1–800–thE–LoSt and report your child as missing. 

• ask ncMEc to confirm that law enforcement entered information for your

child into ncic.

• contact your state Missing children clearinghouse. the ncMEc web site

(www.missingkids.com) provides a directory of state clearinghouses. these

clearinghouses provide support and assistance to families of missing children. 

• Find out from these missing-child organizations whether you are eligible for

state and/or federal crime victim assistance.

❏ Contact Team HOPE (help offering Parents Empowerment) at 1–866–

305–4673. team hoPE (www.teamhope.org) matches searching families with

experienced and trained volunteers who have had or still have a missing child.

they will provide emotional support, practical resources, and general assistance.

❏ Contact the Association of Missing and Exploited Children’s

Organizations (AMECO) at 1–877–263–2620 or www.amecoinc.org.

aMEco provides services to families with missing and exploited children in 

the united States and canada.

❏ Keep a notebook with you at all times to write down your thoughts 

or questions and record important information such as names and telephone

numbers.

❏ Keep your cell phone on and charged at all times. you should be easily

reachable to law enforcement, your child, or anyone with information. Forward

your calls to your cell phone when you are away from home.

cut and carry with you

✂
Your Personal Checklist

cut and carry with you

❏

❏

❏

❏

❏

❏

❏

❏

✂

28
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 ’ 

 

 

What the Searching Parent May Be Feeling

The taking of a child is a traumatic event that can

have physiological and psychological effects on the

searching parent.The parent may experience a

It can be a lonely time when

your child is missing because

rollercoaster of emotions. She may be filled with friends and family don t know

fear, helplessness, and anxiety not knowing where what to say. her children are and what is happening to them.

–Abby, The abduction may trigger intense emotions at

former searching parent what may seem like inopportune times, such as

when walking through a grocery store and seeing a

family with children.

Even as the searching parent worries about his missing child! he must

also be the driving force that brings the child home" The search for the

abducted child is exhausting, and the stress, worry, and work can cause the searching

parent to forget his own needs, even food and rest.The parent may face many roadblocks. Efforts to bring the child home can lead to frustration as the searching parent

tries to prove that his child has been taken and concealed illegally and to enlist the

help of law enforcement and other professionals.This is when friends and family

members are needed.

29
Friends want to help—have them come

over and divvy up jobs . . . phone trees,

posters, research, phone calls, etc.

–Abby, 

former searching parent

How To Help the Searching Parent

Friends and family should encourage the searching parent to:

• Take care of herself. it is extremely important for the searching parent to

remain strong and healthy. in spite of the emotional difficulty the parent faces, it

is imperative that she eats, exercises, and gets enough sleep. 

• Seek professional help. the psychological toll of a family abduction should 

not be underestimated. Encourage the searching parent to seek counseling, if

needed. the national center for Missing & Exploited children’s web site

(www.missingkids.com) provides a list of mental health professionals who are

familiar with issues faced by searching parents.

• Reach out to family and friends. often, searching parents do not reach 

out for help because they are in shock. if you are able, offer to help print out

and duplicate pictures, distribute fliers, fill out applications to missing children

agencies, conduct online searches, make meals, handle mail, or provide other

assistance. 

• Set boundaries. well-intentioned friends 

and family may try to involve the searching 

parent in their plans and activities (especially 

on holidays, the child’s birthday, or the 

anniversary of the abduction). the searching 

parent should not be pressured into doing 

anything if she is not ready and should be 

allowed as much time as is needed before 

accepting invitations and offers to socialize.

• Maintain communication with the abductor’s friends and relatives. 

the searching parent should not accuse friends and relatives of helping the

abductor if she does not know that is the case. it is possible that the abductor’s

relatives know nothing of the child’s whereabouts and are just as worried as the

searching parent. they might even help in recovery.

• Have realistic expectations of law enforcement. “tips for working with

Law Enforcement” on page 33 provides information on how searching parents

can work with law enforcement most effectively. 

• Take an active role in the search. Parents need to find something constructive to do during this time to combat feelings of helplessness. Becoming an active

part in the search instills hope and a sense of closeness to the child.

• Hold on to hope. it is imperative to remain hopeful. Some searching parents

find writing in a journal to be a positive way to deal with what they are feeling. 

30
If you’re a friend or family

member, do say: 

• you’re not alone. 

• never give up.

• there is always hope.

• take care of yourself, so you can be

strong and healthy when your child

returns.

• what can i do to help? 

• your children will come home. 

You need to have a friend or family

member who can be there and LISTEN

for you. Attend the meetings with law

enforcement, the lawyers, the media,

everything.... You need someone with

good ears and who is calm—because

all you are thinking about at times are

your kids and you may miss things.

–CJ, 

former searching parent

Tips for Dealing With a Searching Parent 

If you’re a friend or family member, don’t say: 

• it’s not that bad; at least you know

your child is with the other parent. 

• don’t worry until you have reason

to. 

• Everything happens for a reason.

• Maybe it’s a blessing. 

• why don’t you just give up? 

• it’s probably your fault.

• you have other children, so you 

couldn’t miss one that much. 

• i understand/know how you feel. 

• are you going to let your child

come home? 

• Sometimes you just have to let go. 

• how can you go on living? 

• you must face that your child might 

be dead.

• your child may be better off dead

than in a bad situation. 

• you should get on with your life. 

31
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you’re in law enforcement or social services, do:
 

•	 return parents’ phone calls, keep

them informed, and check back with

them in a timely fashion.

•	 Encourage the parent to write down

all contacts so that the parent can

keep them straight.

•	 ask the parent to tell you about the

child to help create an environment

of trust and caring.

•	 help the parent get in touch with

advocacy organizations and other

resources that can help him or her.

•	 Listen to the parent. Provide a

sympathetic ear. Let the parent vent

if he or she needs to.

•	 reassure the parent that what he or

she feels is normal and acceptable.

•	 reassure the parent that you are

doing all you can.

•	 reassure the parent that he or she

is doing all he or she can.

•	 Give the left-behind parent something he or she can do every day to

help in the effort to find the child.

•	 Encourage the parent to keep a

journal of his or her feelings.

•	 Speak to the parent with kindness,

hope, and concern.

•	 tell the parent that you’ll never give

up.

•	 Enter the abduction into the

national crime information center.

32
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 u 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 ’ 

 

 

 

 

 

Tips forWorkingWith Law Enforcement
 

Most law enforcement agencies in the nited States are small; nearly four-fifths

employ fewer than 25 officers.1 as a result, few are trained to handle the complexities of parental abduction cases, which are often legally complex and highly

emotional. not every case can be handled in the same way. cases can range from

I was often frustrated because I had

false expectations and didn t know

the protocol with law enforcement.

There are certain protocols and steps,

and parents need to know what law

enforcement can and cannot do.

–CJ,

former searching parent

being a civil matter to a major felony or

even a federal or international crime.

Law enforcement officers nationwide

increasingly are being taught to emphasize

safety and locating the child, even in cases

where criminal prosecution would not be

successful.the department of Justice has

increased the amount of training and

education to law enforcement on these

types of cases.

Your contact with law enforcement may be your first direct

interaction with law enforcement, ever. Being prepared is vitally

important. Here are some things to consider:

•	 Bring applicable court orders, photographs, and information about everyone

involved, including the offender, his or her relatives and friends, and anyone else

who might help support and protect the offender or know the possible whereabouts of the child or offender.

•	 Make sure law enforcement immediately enters your child into the national

crime information center Missing Persons List.

•	 Bring another person with you (except when law enforcement is conducting

one-on-one interviews) to support you in these emotional times.

•	 remain calm and positive. don’t get argumentative or confrontational, even if the

officers are reluctant to take information or a report.

•	 you may not understand everything taking place during the investigation.tactics,

responses, actions, issues, and problems that develop in the course of your case

may be too wide-ranging to discuss in depth. if you do not understand fully, ask.

1 Federal Bureau of Investigation. Police Employee Data. Crime in the United States, 2007.

www.fbi.gov/ucr/cius2007/police/index.html

33
34

• think creatively. Leave no stone

unturned. Be gently persistent and

always work in conjunction with

your investigating officer, never on

your own.

• update your child’s poster regularly.

changing or using different size 

photographs, changing the size of 

the poster itself, or even alternating

colors and text fonts will help 

freshen up your child’s poster and

make it stand out.

• take time to know the roles of agencies involved in your case: federal, state,

county, municipal, and judicial. Each has a separate yet intertwined role. 

• when approached by the media, volunteer search groups, lawyers, and others

offering to help, discuss this with law enforcement first. 

• Keep a diary of your actions, contacts, meetings, discussions regarding your case.

You will encounter many empty 

rabbit holes and dead ends in your

search for your abducted children.

Maintaining perseverance is a

required duty.

–Daniel, 

former searching parent
35

Tips for Working With the Media 

• Let law enforcement know of your decision 

and work with them to ensure that you do not

inadvertently release any information that could

jeopardize the investigation.

• Be aware that everything you do and say will be

seen as a reflection on you and your parenting. 

• coordinate with friends and family to contact a media source on the same day

you do to request the story. the media is more likely to publish your story if

there is a high level of interest about it within the community.

• do not say anything negative about the abducting parent; your child may see or

hear the broadcast.

• Make your child “real” and memorable to people. Share anecdotes, pictures, and

home movies, or ask your child’s teacher to create a project around the abduction and have your child’s friends write letters to the editor. 

• create a missing child web site and direct people to the site. include several 

pictures of your child and the abducting parent on the site. in the event of a 

possible sighting, people can visit the site to confirm whether they did indeed

see your child.

• you may be approached by people who offer guarantees to find your child for a

fee. Be wary of such offers, especially if these people are unwilling to work with

law enforcement.

Media involvement in the search for your abducted child can be a double-edged

sword. on the one hand, the media can effectively spread the word about your

abducted child and ask for help locating her. on the other hand, your private pain

now becomes public knowledge. 

If you decide to involve the media in the

search for your child:

Remember to write thank-you notes

to everyone else who helps you: law

enforcement, media, politicians,

organizations, etc.

–Abby, 

former searching parent
My face was pressed against the window and I was struggling to see inside. I knocked and

knocked. I was picking my children up from their summer visit with their Dad, and no one

came to the door. Finally, I could see in a window. The apartment was vacant. I went from disbelief to horror to pain and fear. I remember the glass phone booth, calling my attorney and

being told to come back home (my ex lived in a city 300 miles away). It was surreal. I could

not process what was going on. I couldn’t think straight. All I knew is that I wanted my babies. 

My story is a little different than others. I located and recovered my children myself. I don’t

suggest or recommend this. I felt that I needed to do this at the time. But today there are 

better laws in place, better cooperation among states, more informed and trained 

professionals, and better resources. 

Once my children were back with me, the nightmare didn’t end. I spent the next 10 years not

knowing, weekend by weekend, if my former husband would kidnap them again. I taught my

sons to forgive. I instructed them that they didn’t have to always like what we did as parents

or even like us, but they must honor us as their parents. I didn’t take my sons to counseling.

No one even at their school mentioned it. I actually didn’t know anyone that had ever been. 

I just was unaware of what emotionally had happened to my sons. They were home and I just

needed to protect them. I had no idea we all needed help. My story, though turbulent and

horribly painful, ended in the fact I got my kids back. But my sons, too, have struggled

through this and have dealt with it in different ways. Here are the words of one of my sons,

who described the ordeal as atrophy. 

“If there were one word that best encapsulates the residual effects of this disruption in the

normal course of my development, it would be ATROPHY. By definition, atrophy means the

arrested development or loss of a part or organ incidental to the normal development or life of an animal

or plant. And, just like the concentric rings that emanate out from the casting of a stone in

water, so too this atrophy radiated out in various areas of my life beyond childhood and well

into my adult life, affecting everything from relationships to my own self-image.

“In my case, I was abducted by a parent at the age of three and vividly remember all of my

abduction experience. I can still see my father’s face and hear his voice telling me that I was

unloved and unwanted by my mother and her family. I became plagued by paralyzing fears: 

• Fear that I would be taken again and that my security could end again at any moment.

• Fear of the other parent.

• Fear that I was unlikable and unlovable to anyone (save my immediate family).

• Fear that people I loved would die unless I was with them at all times. 

“Even after the trauma itself has faded into distant memory, and forgiveness and love have

replaced fear and distrust, there are still scars that remain. However, I fight daily to never

favor the old wounds.”

CJ’s Story 

36
 

 

 

 

 

 

I wanted things to go back to how they were

before,but I knew I had to tread lightly. She

had been through so much while she was gone.

It broke my heart when she didn’t just run into

my arms when I first saw her.

–former searching parent

Recovery
The day has come. Your abducted child has been found. It seems like it should be

easy; just pick up the child and bring him home. The reality is not that simple.

During the abduction, the abducted child and searching parent both experience the

passing of time. The difference is that the child was growing and changing while he

was absent from the searching parent. The searching parent remembers the child the

way he was at the time of the abduction. This can cause confusion and difficulty when

the child and parent are reunited. 

To many parents, the recovery might seem like a moment of 

celebration, but to the child, it may feel like another abduction.1

The child can feel the same as the day she was taken for the first time if she is

simply picked up, moved to a new home, and

expected to be someone different (i.e., who 

she was “before abduction”). In some cases, 

recovery can become the biggest point of trauma

for the child. 

For some abducted children, the recovery can be

even more traumatic than the original abduction.

This is especially true in cases in which the child

does not know he has been missing.

The recovery process was almost as

if I had been abducted for a second

time. Just as abruptly as I was

taken from her, I was returned to

my mother, the parent I was brainwashed to hate, and I felt alone.

–Sam F.,

former abducted child

1 Haviv, L. 2007. Re-framing recovery: An overview of the Kid Gloves Approach

to handling abducted children. Grey Papers.Take Root. 

A local criminal attorney called me to tell me that

our children had been recovered. I was instantly 

overcome with an indescribable sensation of

“joy.” I found myself sobbing and singing almost 

simultaneously as I drove to pick up our children.

–Daniel, 

former searching parent

Recovery: Finding the Abducted Child 

37
I had a lot of conflicting emotions and thoughts

after we were found. I felt guilty for getting to

know my new family. I felt guilty for feeling

guilty; I should hate my mother and 

stepfather for what they did to my family.

–Sheri, 

former abducted child

Imagine this: You were told that your mother is dead. You’ve lived

for years without her in your life. One day someone takes you

from your father and puts you in an unfamiliar place and this

woman walks in. She looks uncannily like what you remember of

your mother but she is older . . . and your mother is dead. 

My brother and I were waiting with friends at the bus stop when a car pulled

up. In the back seat I thought I saw my Aunt June, my mother’s identical twin,

inviting us in. Of course, it wasn’t my aunt, but my ‘dead’ mother.

–Sam M., 

former abducted child 

Imagine you have been told that your father is a serial killer. 

For as long as you can remember, you’ve lived in absolute terror

that he would find you and your Mom. Then, one day at school,

you are called into the principal’s office. The police are there,

along with a man you don’t recognize. You’re told he is your

father. He tries to hug you. You start to scream for help but the

police tell you everything will be okay. You begin to cry and ask

where your Mom is but all they will say is that everything is

going to be okay and your Dad is going to take good care of you.

You don’t stop crying and yelling for your Mom, but the police

put you in a car with the man who leans over, locks the door, and

drives you away. 

38
The woman [FBI agent] explained that little girl on the

milk carton was me and that I had been abducted for the

last 8 years by my mother. She said that my father was 

on his way to get me and that I couldn’t go back home or

get any of my things for fear that a family member of my

Mom’s would try to abduct me again. I was so confused, 

I instantly began to cry. I couldn’t comprehend what this

stranger was telling me. I had a different name from the

girl on the box, and I didn’t have a father. That’s what I

had been told my entire life. 

Without further explanation, the two FBI agents took me

to a foster home for the night, and bright and early the

next morning, I met my father again, for the first time.

–Rebekah, 

former abducted child

For some children, the experience of being

reunited with the searching parent is not 

as negative. However, the child could be

dealing with confusion, fear, anger, helplessness, loss, and many other emotions in

addition to joy and excitement. How does

a child process all that information, especially when others are standing around 

celebrating the child’s return? 

Because a poorly handled recovery can mimic the original abduction, it is imperative

that the recovery be carried out with a child-centered focus. Recovery of the

child and reintegration into a family should be a process that unfolds

slowly and in a manner befitting the child’s best interest. 

The return of our children to my 

custody began another phase in their

separation from one of their parents.

–Daniel, 

former searching parent

39
40

Planning for Recovery 

1 Research—Gathering information

about the common effects of abduction

and about the specific circumstances surrounding an individual case to determine

the best recovery plan. 

There are many options to consider, and

parents, law enforcement officers, and

others aiding in the child’s recovery

should prepare for several possible outcomes. The child might be overjoyed to

see the searching parent and ready to go

home with him right away. Or, the child

may need time to absorb and process

new information before being placed

with the searching parent. In these cases,

safe family members, friends, foster 

parents, or local child protection agency

resources may need to be identified for

possible placement options until the child

is ready to be placed with the searching

parent. 

The child will need therapeutic support

while she is growing accustomed to the

return to her family. A mental health 

professional should be selected to assist

in the recovery process. The searching

parent has to be mentally and emotionally prepared to recover a child who may

be fearful or hostile. 

A plan should be made for the eventual

transfer of the child’s possessions beyond

what the child is able to pack and bring

when removed. 

A plan for ongoing contact with safe 

people in the child’s life (step- and 

half-siblings, friends, teachers, etc.) also

should be made prior to the removal so

that the child understands that his life is

not being taken away forever. 

All of these things should be considered

and planned out before the child is

removed from his abduction life.

I was happy to see my Mom again,

but I remember wishing it could have

happened the next day because then 

I would’ve had the cool figurine with

me for “show and tell” that I had

saved months worth of cereal box

tops to get. Plus, I could have said

goodbye to my Dad and friends, none

of whom I’ve ever spoken with since.

–Sam M.,

former abducted child

The process of recovery is not as simple as it sounds. There are a 

number of important steps that should be followed to help and 

support the child throughout this process.2

2 Adapted with permission from Take Root’s

Kid Gloves for Handling Abducted Children

(www.takeroot.org/publications.html).
2 Removal—Physically taking the child

from her current home. 

The removal of the child from the abductor

should be handled gently, in a private 

location, without sirens or guns and with

plainclothes police, if possible. The child is

unexpectedly being asked to change everything . . . again. If the child has been living

under a different name, everyone involved

should use the name with which the child 

is most comfortable. The child should be

given time to pack belongings and to say

goodbye to people in her life. She deserves

closure. 

Who first approaches and removes the child

(and how) should be thoughtfully planned

out. The child should have a trained mental

health professional as a support person during the removal to explain what is happening in a developmentally and clinically

appropriate manner. In addition, everything

possible should be done to avoid having the

child witness the arrest of the taking parent.

In some situations, it may be in the child’s

best interest to be afforded the opportunity

to say goodbye to and receive reassurance

from the abductor; however, this must be

evaluated on a case-by-case basis.

3 Reassessment—Determining the

child’s immediate emotional and psychological needs and readiness for reunion. 

In most cases, there is a prevailing assumption during the search phase that the child

will likely go home with the searching family immediately after being removed from

the abductor. This must be reevaluated once

a qualified professional has gently probed

the child’s beliefs and memories of the leftbehind family while explaining the situation

to the child during the removal phase. In

terms of the child’s immediate emotional

and psychological needs, recovery should be

seen as a chance for discovery, and assumptions must be replaced with assessment. The

results of this quick, initial reassessment

determine the pace and manner of the

reunion meeting.

4 Reunion—Structuring and facilitating 

the child’s first meeting with the searching

parent. 

The reunion can be emotional, and the

child and the searching parent may 

experience it differently. The first meeting

should take place in a controlled environment and be facilitated by a mental health

professional, with ground rules established

in advance. These can include a mechanism

for the child to signal if he feels overwhelmed and needs to take a break. In

some situations, it can be advisable to offer

the child simple choices to restore a sense

of empowerment—choices such as who

should attend, where everyone should sit,

or which game the child would like to 

play as everyone gets reacquainted. Other

times, even simple choices may overwhelm

the child. The mental health professional

who has been working with the child during

I was profoundly moved and I am

still to this day very thankful for 

all who made the recovery possible

and did so with little trauma. The

children didn’t witness their mother

being arrested.

–Daniel,

former searching parent

41
42

the removal and reassessment should

make the determination. 

The child should be given as much 

information as is available about what

will occur and what will happen when

the meeting is over, while the searching

family should be informed about the

child’s frame of mind and what is likely

to elicit the best response. The number of

attendees should be limited so as not to

overwhelm the child, and the media

should never, under any circumstances,

be involved. Everyone should continue to

use the name with which the child feels

most comfortable.

5 Return—Transferring the child’s care

and custody to the searching parent. 

Based on the child’s experiences while

away, it might be recommended that the

child be placed in a transition environment for a time prior to the return. The

environment into which the child is

returned should be warm, friendly, and

welcoming to the child and should soothe

the child’s fears about leaving the abduction environment. The environment must

give the child a sense of safety and should

not exacerbate trauma for the child. The

research phase should include a plan for

transitioning the child to the searching

parent if the child is not ready to be

immediately reunited with and/or

returned to the searching family.

What To Take When You Pick Up Your Child

Prepare a bag to have ready when you go to pick up your child. 

 The bag should contain: 

• Several certified copies of the court

order.

• Snacks in case you have a long 

journey and your child gets hungry

on the way home.

• Cash in the event that you have

short notice and do not have time

to stop at a bank.

• A change of clothes for both you

and the child. 

• Stuffed animal or familiar toy (for a

young child).

• Pictures of the child, siblings, and/or

pets. (Note: Although some children

will appreciate pictures, others may

feel manipulated, so if you bring 

pictures, ask the child first whether

she is interested in seeing them

before pulling them out.)

For years, I struggled with trust,

identity, relationship, and self-esteem

issues that stemmed from my abduction. All my mom wanted to do was

help me, but I wouldn’t let her in.

How could I trust her when I had

been so badly betrayed by my other

parent?

–Sam F.,

former abducted child
My brother and I weren’t abducted. We got to “go on a 2-week vacation with Dad in Canada!”

My older brother was 10 at the time and fondly remembers hockey games with our Dad. At age

6, I was more excited by the snow and ice-fishing. Sometime during that short vacation, Dad

told us that our Mom died, so we were “going to get to stay with Dad all the time now.

Wouldn’t that be fun?” No reason to be sad, no need for crying, no time for further discussion

about Mom. We were too busy moving from place to place across the country. 

A few years before, my father hit my Mom for the last time, and the divorce proceedings began.

Mom got custody rights, and my brother and I got to spend fun weekends with Dad. After one

of those weekends, I asked my mother, “what if Daddy doesn't bring us back on Sunday?” She

calmed my fears by assuring me that he always would—the court had ordered it. Not long after

that, of course, is when our “extended vacation” began in March 1969.

By the summer of ’69, Dad, my brother, and I settled into a small apartment in Seattle, WA. 

My brother and I started going to school again, and Dad’s girlfriend from home somehow was

in Seattle too and began living with us. She kept asking if we wanted to call her “Mom,” but even

though we thought our Mom was dead, that was still out of the question. My brother and I

established friendships, raced the bus to school some days, and got wet a lot in the Seattle rain.

Life seemed fairly normal to 6-year old Sam. 

Meanwhile, back in Pittsburgh, PA, our Mom was going crazy trying to find us. She had a job

but still worked day and night trying to get us back. She made phone calls, sent thousands of 

letters, hired private investigators, alerted the police, FBI, media, everyone, anyone. She even

wrote to J. Edgar Hoover and Pat Nixon. 

When the flier first arrived at our school in Seattle, the principal didn’t recognize us. But several

months later in December of 1969, the folder containing our photos fell open in his office while

the assistant principal was there. He instantly recognized us. They were hesitant about what to

do, since they didn’t know who was the good guy or bad guy in this scenario. Fortunately, they

phoned Sergeant Rocco, who called my mother and said, “We found our boys.” Mom leapt into

action. She flew to Seattle on the next plane with a private investigator (PI). That night, she

could see us through our apartment window, but the PI wisely made her wait until the time was

right. The next morning, my brother and I were waiting with friends at the bus stop when a car

pulled up. In the back seat, I thought I saw my Aunt June, my mother’s identical twin, inviting us

in. Of course, it wasn’t my aunt, but my “dead” mother. We went straight to the airport where

Mom hid us in the ladies’ restroom fearing that someone would spot us. I was happy to see her

again, but remember wishing it could have happened the next day because then I would’ve had

the cool figurine with me for “show and tell” that I had saved months’ worth of cereal boxtops

to get. Plus, I could’ve said goodbye to my Dad and friends, none of whom I’ve ever spoken

with since. 

My mother chose not to put us through any more trauma and opted not to press charges.

Sam M’s Story 

43
Instead, she got a restraining order against our father. I never got to talk to him as an adult. I’m

not certain why my father took us from our mother. I suppose there was some amount of love

involved, but more than likely, it was just another way to hit her after the divorce. I don’t know

if he regretted taking us or even losing us. 

I grew up determined not to use what happened as a crutch, but instead became fiercely independent and active: Senior Patrol Leader of my Boy Scout troop, paperboy at age 11, captain of

the high school soccer team, president of my college fraternity, etc. My brother’s life has been

tougher. The effects on him are more obvious. He bonded more with our Dad and believes himself to be the “spitting image” of his father, bad traits and all. My brother can’t always be counted

on to tell the truth, and he’s had trouble holding a job. He blames himself still for things he did

or did not do during our “time with Dad.” Perhaps, he should have called someone in the family

or told Dad’s girlfriend off for suggesting she could be our “mother.”

Though the impact on my life wasn’t as evident initially, over time, I have come to learn how

being abducted by my Dad and reabducted by my Mom has affected my life. For the longest

time, I thought the best way to deal with what had happened to me as a child was just to forget

about it. Push it into the past and leave it alone. Move on. I denied it had any effect on my life,

but in fact, I convinced myself that it had made me stronger. More independent. 

I’m not sure what made me agree to go to that first-ever meeting of adults who had been

parentally abducted as children at the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children in

March of 2002. Perhaps it was a combination of curiosity, a promise to an involved friend, the

free trip to D.C., the chance to help others, most notably my own brother, but certainly not to

resolve any issues for myself. Or so I thought.

It turns out I had been suppressing thoughts and feelings about my childhood abduction (“kidnapping,” we called it then). It turns out that talking about it as much as I have has made me feel

better about myself, lighter inside. And, hearing the stories of others who have gone through the

experience has made me more aware than ever of the many, many possible effects from parental

abduction. Some of the other stories made me actually feel fortunate that my situation wasn’t so

bad. Learning from professionals about the ramifications has opened my eyes and heart as well.

Take Root has created a safe environment for adults who were parentally abducted to encourage

introspection and learning. My biggest “aha” from talking about my hidden secret to so many,

though, has really had little to do with me or parental abduction. By sharing my deep, dark

story, I’ve come to learn that nearly everyone, almost to a person, has responded by opening up

to me to share the tragedy of their life. Anorexia, alcoholism, lost parents, rape or sexual abuse,

the list goes on and on. So many of us have not had anywhere near a perfect life or childhood.

It’s just that we all think we are the only ones with a sad secret. Opening up to others has

brought me closer to people—family and strangers—than I had ever been capable of being.

Finding out we are not alone, and being encouraged by the fortitude of others, has been my

biggest blessing. 

44
The effects of an abduction on a child depend on a variety of

factors, including the length of the abduction, the age of the

child, the events that occurred during the abduction, the way

in which the child dealt with the abduction, and the manner in

which the recovery was handled. 

Immediate and/or long-term issues that commonly surface 

in survivors of child family abduction include feelings of loss,

anger, shame, loneliness, insecurity, and being unloved; confusion about identity; and a fear of loss and/or commitment.

Family abduction survivors may also have trouble telling the

truth from the lies the abducting parent told them. 

Managing the Aftershocks 

Even after I was recovered and in the loving hands of my rightful 

family, I remained plagued by various paralyzing fears— 

• Fear that I would be taken again and that my security could end

again at any moment.

• Fear that I was unlikable and unlovable to anyone (save my 

immediate family), which resulted in me being fairly socially

reclusive until college. 

• An irrational fear that people I love would die unless I was

with them at all times.

Furthermore, as I entered adulthood, I discovered that

I struggled to trust the loyalty of others. I questioned

the strength of friendships and romantic relationships, often alienating others because of my own 

poor self-image.

–Jeremy, 

former abducted child

45
I’m sorry I will never be the child

you would have raised . . . One

thing that was always so hard for

me was that I knew they felt

(because they have even said it at

times) that if I had grown up there 

I would probably be more like them.

Yes, I probably would. And in some

ways that would be great. In other

ways, I’m proud of who I became.

–former abducted child

• The returning child has many things to deal

with: parents, family, siblings (maybe even

some new ones), friends, and community.

Everything will be different.

• The child may have a changed identity as

well as a new name.

• The child may go from an only-child family

to a new, larger family, making the transition

even more difficult.

• The child’s educational situation may change

—the child may be placed in a different

grade level and probably a totally different

school setting.

• The abducting parent and searching parent

may have different rules, expectations, and

ways of parenting, creating confusion and

anxiety for the child and the family to

whom the child is returning.

• The returning child will probably have a

totally new living environment—home,

family, school, community, even the area of

the country. 

• The abduction was not just an event but an

ongoing experience that changed the child’s

whole life.

• The abduction is about the child and what

he has experienced—sometimes this is lost

in the process.

• There are developmental issues unique to

abducted children that should be paid attention to:

• The child may have been forced to grow

up before her time.

• The child may have missed out on milestones such as birthdays, holidays, and

school promotions. 

• The child has been constantly starting

over—new schools, new residences, new

classmates and acquaintances. 

• There is no continuum—the child may

have been forced to assume a new 

identity, often several times over. 

• The child may lag behind emotionally and

educationally.

• The child operates in survival mode.

• The child loses his childhood.

• Abnormal things may have become 

normalized, such as hiding in the car,

keeping curtains closed all the time, 

keeping lights off, not answering the door,

and continual moving from location to

location.

Parents, family members, friends, and teachers must recognize that the child

who returns is different than the one who was taken. The child has had many

experiences while gone—not all of them bad—and should be allowed to be his true self,

even if that true self is different from the searching family’s “usual” way. 

46
The returning child is not just returning to the searching 

parent. The child will need to assimilate into a new school,

extended family, culture, and community. Parents, family

members, friends, and teachers must acknowledge that the

returned child is different from the one who was taken. The

focus should be on helping the child gradually repair

his ruptured identity, transition from the abduction

identity to the new life, and rebuild relationships.

There are many ways to foster the transition between the two

identities so recovery does not become another point of 

rupture for the child.

How To Minimize Potential Pitfalls When a

Child Is Returned1

I wish I knew then what I know now so that I could

have better managed the challenges we all faced

when the boys returned to me. They were home and 

I just needed to protect them. I had no idea we 

all needed help.

–CJ, 

former searching parent

1 Haviv, L. et al. 2007. Handling Abducted Children: Kid Gloves for Left-Behind Parents.

Kalama, WA: Take Root.

• Provide access to qualified 

mental health counseling. 

The child should have his own therapist,

someone who is skilled in working with

traumatized children. The therapist

should complete an assessment of the

child’s mental health status and may recommend individual therapy for the child

and/or family therapy. Because the child

may be experiencing conflicting loyalties,

it will be important for him to have his

own counselor to help deal with both the

abduction and the recovery. At the same

time, good family therapy can help the

family better understand the child and

help the child and family integrate.

When I finally found a safe environment with a therapist I trusted, it

was wonderful to have a neutral

place to go and not be guarded or

embarrassed by my feelings.

–Rebekah,

former abducted child

47
48

• Allow the child to set the pace. 

As the child begins to integrate the “new

reality” into her life, she will also be coming

to grips with the loss of the old reality. It

can take time for the child to accept that a

trusted, beloved parent was lying to her.

And it may be scary to let go of a parent on

whom she has been completely dependent.

Giving the child the time, space, and 

appropriate professional mental health assistance to reconcile the two competing views

is crucial. Attempting to push or force the

child into the “new reality” simply mirrors

the abduction experience. The child should

set the pace for sharing both details about

the abduction and affection toward the

searching family.

If I could say one thing to my Mom, I would 

just ask her to please hear me. Don’t change 

the subject if I want to talk about what 

happened. Don’t try and make me feel 

crazier than I already do, and I don’t 

want or need to hear about how bad it 

was for her when I was gone. I know that 

sounds harsh, but sometimes it’s so 

hard. I’ve spent so long taking care of 

her, taking care of my Dad, pretending 

like I’m fine and that my life was ‘normal.’ 

If I stray from that . . . if I talk about how 

confusing it was to be moved from state to 

state, to never have friends, to think that my 

Mom didn’t care about me . . . then that’s not acceptable 

to hear. If I talk about my pain, then I’m somehow negating her pain 

of being left behind. I want to know that my Mom, the one who loved me

and cared for me so many years, still cares that I’m hurting and wants to

hear about what happened to me. I want her to hear me.

–former abducted child
49

• Do not take rejection personally. 

The child might be wary of, act negatively

toward, or reject the searching parent. The

searching parent should remember that he 

is asking for the child’s trust just as the child

is being confronted with the consequences

of an enormous breach of trust by his

abductor. It will take time for the child to

trust again.

• Set clear expectations. Provide

structure and discipline. During the

abduction, the child may have been encouraged to lie or keep secrets. She also may

also have become accustomed to a lack of

adult supervision. Giving the child clear

messages about how things are done in her

new home will reduce confusion about the

new behavioral expectations.

• Acknowledge the trauma the

child has been through. The child

will face tremendous pressure to present

herself as being “okay” when he returns,

often in ways that are not evident to the

parent or family members. The pressure can

come from a desire to protect the family

from further worry, a desire to fit into the

family or other social settings, or as a

response to cues all around him telling him

that being “okay” now is what is expected.

He may suppress the abduction as a means

of protection and survival, just as he learned

to suppress the left-behind life during the

abduction.2

• Do not say negative things about

the abductor in front of the child.

A child’s relationship with the abductor

does not disappear into thin air. There has

been a bond—be it healthy or dysfunctional—that must be considered in postabduction planning. There may be circumstances

where it is safe and beneficial for the child

to have some ongoing contact with the

abducting parent. In other circumstances, it

may not be possible or advisable. This can be

thought through with the help of a mental

health professional. But it is important to

recognize that the child will have his own

feelings about the abductor, which may be

negative or positive. Denigrating the abductor or trying to persuade the child to see

him in a negative light can mirror the

abductor’s actions and may make the

reunion more difficult.

2 Haviv, L. 2010. A typology of family abductions. Grey Papers. Take Root.

We were expected to be happy 

that the ordeal was over. And so I

learned to try to pretend that

everything was okay. So that I 

didn’t hurt anyone’s feelings, I

learned to hide some of my own.

–Sheri,

former abducted child

Your child might voice thoughts about

the other parent that may be positive. As

difficult as it is for you, give them the

space to do that—give your child the

freedom to love both parents; don’t make

them choose sides. This will actually

bring you and your child closer and your

child will be able to trust you with their

innermost thoughts and feelings.

–Abby, 

former searching parent
Helping Your Child Adjust to a New Home 

• Let the child use the name he prefers. 

• Encourage her to continue activities she was involved in during the abduction,

such as scouts, soccer, tumbling, and softball.

• Encourage her to keep in touch with friends she made, as long as it is safe. 

• Be creative—for example, if the child was taken to a city where he became a fan

of the local team, get that team’s pennant for his room.

• Keep the child’s life structured, organized, and disciplined, but give her choices that

empower her—even if it is the smallest of choices, like “Do you want eggs or

cereal for breakfast?”

• Make a chronicle of what happened

while the child was gone and let him

know he is welcome to read it. Write

down what steps were taken to find

the child. Include pictures of important

family events like new births or graduations or bringing the family dog home

as a puppy. 

• Above all, encourage the child to freely

express all her memories from the

abduction identity, both good and bad. 

Children do get found and they do come home. When this happens, the searching 

parent is often overjoyed and ecstatic. However, the searching parent needs to 

recognize that the child has just been pulled from the life she was living and from 

the parent she depended on, whether the situation was good or bad. Now the work

of getting to know one another begins. This requires patience and understanding.

How reunification is handled will influence the child’s connection with the

searching parent for a long time. The searching parent should acknowledge 

that the child still has connections with her former life and judiciously allow her to

maintain those connections while creating new routines that add stability to the

child’s life and help to strengthen the ties to her new home. 

50

I wish I had stuck with therapy

much longer than I did. I wish I

had faced the fears, anxieties, and

paranoia early on rather than

repressing them.

–Rebekah,

former abducted child
It was like any other day sitting in my fifth-grade classroom in Eureka, CA. I was dreading the

math problems the teacher just assigned when the principal walked into class and abruptly

asked me to come with him. I remember walking to his office. He was looking at me weird,

like he didn’t recognize me, and the silence was deafening. I was so nervous. I started running

through all the things I might have done to get me in trouble and be pulled out of class by the

principal himself. We arrived at the main office and he asked me to wait in the reception area

for a minute. He went inside his office and shut the door. After a few minutes, I heard his

footsteps on the other side of the door as he opened it to escort me in. 

In his office, I found two “suits,” two police officers, and one nicely dressed woman. The

woman was sitting on the couch, the police stood by the door, and the suits were by the desk.

The woman asked me to sit by her and I did. I was completely freaked out and nervous. I 

didn’t know what to think. Just as I sat down, the woman introduced herself, followed by the

two FBI agents and the two police officers. To this day, I cannot remember their names.

Before I had a moment to ask any questions, the woman pulled out a flattened milk carton

with a picture of a little girl on it. The woman asked me if I knew who the little girl was, and

I said no. She explained that little girl was me and that I had been abducted for the last 8 years

by my mother—and that my father and the FBI had been looking for me ever since. But my

name was Heather! I was so confused. I instantly began to cry. I didn’t know how to comprehend what this stranger was telling me. My name was different. I did not have a father

because he did not love me or want anything to do with me. This is what I thought my whole

entire life. I truly didn’t know what to think or feel, so I asked for everyone’s identification.

In retrospect I know it is funny—a 12-year-old girl asking the FBI and police for their credentials. None of this made sense to me. How do I deal with being told that my whole life is a

lie? The woman told me my father was on his way to get me and that I couldn’t go back home

or get any of my things for fear that a family member of my Mom would try to abduct me

again. Without any further explanation, the two FBI agents took me to a foster home for the

night and early the next morning, I met my father again, for the first time.

After I was reunited with my father and siblings, my mother was arrested, given a felony, and

put on probation for 7 to 10 years. Though it sounds like my Mom got judicial justice, her

stay in jail was 2 days, and her probation was never followed up—she left Illinois numerous

times even after she was ordered not to. Emotionally, I was angry and resentful toward her. 

I hated her for lying to me and for what she did. She took me away from my childhood and

my siblings. She robbed me of my “normal” childhood and the love of my father and siblings.

Along with the anger came confusion. I didn’t have any grasp on reality or what was emotionally real around me. I didn’t know who or what situations to trust. All I could do was seek

answers as to why this happened to me. Little did I know I was never going to get them. I was

asking these questions of my mother, the one person whose reality and word I could not

trust. Her answer was simply, “I was protecting you and taking you out of harm’s way.” 

Rebekah’s Story 

51
My retort was always the same, “that is another lie because if that were true, you would have

tried ‘saving’ your other children as well, unless, of course, you just didn’t love them or care if

they were in danger.” Anger and confusion manifested itself in many ways. The most harmful 

way was that I did not know how to be Rebekah without emotionally and mentally killing my

namesake Heather. I had a new life now, a new reality that had a swarm of people who loved and

supported me. How can I be Heather in that? Everything from my former life was lost and gone.

I didn’t live in the same state, didn’t have my friends, didn’t have any of my possessions, and 

didn’t have my mother. I now had siblings, a father, a cat, real Converse shoes—and all of 

these things came literally overnight. Not one thing in my life was the same other than I was

physically me. 

I look back on my first life and can’t remember much, including names and faces of important

people to me at the time because not only was I not allowed to take anything from that life but 

I felt I was forced to bury it to become who I really was, which was Rebekah. Who is Rebekah?

To this day, I still don’t always know. I have struggled my whole life to identify with the one 

person who should be innate—me. I never had a reality or foundation to start from to create

that. Yes, I had a loving and supporting family, but that was outside of me—that is not who I am.

That enriches my life but does not create it. I have never had the confidence long enough of

being one person to build who I am and my own identity. The fact I am an adult survivor of a

childhood parental abduction has become my identity now. It is the only thing that makes sense

to identify with. 

This is the reality my mother created for me. A reality based on lies so deeply rooted that as a

human being I can’t identify with myself internally and externally in the world around me. I do

not want to sound so emotionally severed from myself as to suggest I have not made strides at

self-awareness and identification because I have. In ways, I feel I know myself emotionally within

the constructs of my abducted identity more than most people know themselves in a whole lifetime. But my struggle is who would I have been without this rupture? Who am I authentically

without the alienation, anxiety, fear, paranoia, and self-doubt? How do I become that person I

know I can be without those limitations on my life as my default? I don’t want to waste any time

regretting my past and that’s why I have always tried to make the most of my present and future.

Not a day has gone by that I feel I have emotionally or mentally been able to do so because of

the trauma I went through. What limits would I have if I didn’t have those of my identity crisis? I

honestly think not many. I was robbed of a life without perpetual innate anxiety, fear, alienation,

anger, and paranoia as a default state of mind. At this point, I don’t think I would know how to

live without those things, and the fleeting moments it does happen are the most insecure. 

52
53

Final Thoughts 

Family abduction is a crime that has lasting effects on those who experience it.

Understanding what it is and its potential outcomes can help professionals and those

who work with abducted children and searching parents respond appropriately,

thereby reducing further victimization and trauma. In the earlier sections of this 

document, the realities of family abduction have been described through the eyes of

the abducted child and the searching parent. Their words provide insights into what it

means to be abducted by a family member and, in doing so, offer professionals and

volunteers the knowledge and information they need to support others facing similar

situations. The contributors hope that by sharing their stories and thoughts, they can

empower law enforcement professionals, social workers, volunteers, and others to

make a difference.

Things do get better with time if you

make the effort to work through things

and face yourself and your fears.

–Rebekah, 

former abducted child
Resources

This section contains resources for 

missing and abducted children and

their families. 
This section provides information regarding additional publications, programs, and

resources that focus on and support missing and abducted children and their families. 

Publications 

The following selected publications relating to

child abduction are available online from the

Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency

Prevention (OJJDP), the National Center for

Missing & Exploited Children (NCMEC), and

Take Root. 

A Child Is Missing: Providing Support for

Families of Missing Children

This handbook provides professionals who

support families of missing children with

information about the needs of and ways to

support the missing child’s immediate family

members, extended family members, friends,

and others from the time the child is determined to be missing through the hours, days,

weeks, and years of the absence. 

(NCMEC, www.missingkids.com/en_

US/publications/NC172.pdf, 56 pp.)

Family Abduction: Prevention and Response

This handbook contains step-by-step information for those who have experienced a family

abduction—whether domestic or international. It was produced in cooperation with the

American Bar Association. The handbook

guides families through the civil- and criminaljustice systems, explains the laws that will help

them, outlines prevention methods, and provides suggestions for aftercare following the

abduction. It also details search and recovery

strategies and contains valuable advice for

attorneys, prosecutors, and family-court

judges handling these difficult cases. 

(NCMEC, www.missingkids.com/en_

US/publications/NC75.pdf, 244 pp.)

Family Resource Guide on International

Parental Kidnapping (Second Edition)

Presents practical and detailed advice about

preventing international kidnapping and

increasing the chance that children who are

kidnapped or wrongfully retained will be

returned. This OJJDP Report offers descriptions and realistic assessments of available civil

and criminal remedies, explains applicable

laws, identifies public and private resources,

and identifies strategies to help left-behind

parents recover their children or reestablish

meaningful contact with them in another

country. It covers important developments in

policy and practice since the publication of the

first edition in February 2002. The guide

includes a list of recommended readings; a

directory of related resources, including Web

sites; a Hague Convention application, with

instructions; a checklist for parents involved in

non-Hague cases; and an index. 

(OJJDP, search “NCJ 215476” at

www.ncjrs.gov/App/Publications/

AlphaList. aspx, 164 pp.)

Family Reunification After a Lengthy

Abduction

This handbook contains information for 

victims of abduction, their families, and the

professionals serving them. The information

comes from interviews conducted with adults

who were abducted as children. This handbook

guides victims, families, and professionals

through the often lengthy process of 

reunification. The handbook also details the

experiences of those interviewed. 

(NCMEC, www.missingkids.com/en_

US/publications/NC23.pdf, 52 pp.)

Resources

55
Kid Gloves for Handling Abducted Children

This publication consists of a multimedia 

journey through the abduction experience that

crafted entirely in the firsthand voices of former abducted children; text chapters that

summarize major themes and terms associated

with the child’s experience of abduction and

recovery; and individual guides for left-behind

parents, law enforcement, case managers,

mental health professionals, guardians ad

litem, and judges working with children in

cases of family abduction. The guides are 

also available as individual, stand-alone 

publications.

(Take Root, www.takeroot.org/

publications.html)

Re-Framing Recovery: An Overview of the

Kid Gloves Approach to Handling

Abducted Children

This paper provides an overview of Take

Roots’ Kid Gloves Approach. The Kid Gloves

Approach is designed to manage a recovery

event in a way that minimizes potential new

trauma for the child while maximizing the

potential to facilitate a healthy transition for

and provide assistance to the child from the

moment of first contact.

(Take Root, www.takeroot.org/

publications.html, 8 pp.)

A Typology of Family Abductions

This paper by Take Root’s Executive Director

Liss Haviv puts forward a typology for kinds of

abduction experiences had by children who

are taken by family members, and examines

the implications for “recovery” associated with

each type. Based on Take Root’s program work

with hundreds of former abducted children,

the paper also take a brief look at points of

congruity across different types of cases.

(Take Root, www.takeroot.org/

publications.html)

What About Me? Coping With the

Abduction of a Brother or Sister

Written by siblings of children who have been

abducted, this guide contains information to

help and support children of all ages when

their brother or sister is kidnapped. The guide

provides ideas on what children can expect,

the feelings they may experience, the events

that may occur from day to day, and the things

they can do to help themselves feel better.

Written in child-friendly language, it is 

divided into such sections as: home, family,

law enforcement, the media, school and work,

and holidays and anniversaries. In addition, the

guide contains activity pages for children of 

all ages, including those who are too young 

to read. 

(OJJDP, search “NCJ 217714” at

www.ncjrs.gov/App/Publications/

AlphaList.aspx, 69 pp.)

56
When Your Child Is Missing: A Family

Survival Guide (Fourth Edition)

This guide provides parents with the most 

current information on, and helpful insights

into, what families should do when a child is

missing. The first edition of this guide was

written in 1998 by parents and family members who have experienced the disappearance

of a child. It contains their combined advice

concerning what to expect when a child is

missing, what needs to be done, and where to

go for help. It explains the role that various

agencies and organizations play in the search

for a missing child and discusses some of the

important issues that need to be considered.

The guide is divided into seven chapters, each

of which is structured to allow information to

be found quickly and easily. Each chapter

explains both the short- and long-term issues

and contains a checklist and chapter summary

for later reference. A list of recommended

readings and a list of public and private

resources appear at the back of the guide. 

This fourth edition of the guide was published

in 2010.

(OJJDP, search “NCJ 228735” at

www.ncjrs.gov/App/Publications/

AlphaList.aspx, 112 pp.)

You’re Not Alone: The Journey From

Abduction to Empowerment

This guide presents several stories of child

abduction survivors and how they have grown

and developed from their traumatic experiences. Written by survivors of child abduction,

this guide provides information to help other

child abduction survivors cope with their own

experiences and begin their journeys toward a

better future. Additionally, this guide contains

space where readers can write down their own

thoughts and feelings in response to each 

personal story. 

(OJJDP, search “NCJ 221965” at

www.ncjrs.gov/App/Publications/

AlphaList.aspx, 76 pp.)

57
58

U.S. Department of Justice

Resources 

The Office of Juvenile Justice and

Delinquency Prevention (OJJDP) 

provides national leadership, coordination, and

resources to prevent and respond to juvenile

delinquency and victimization. OJJDP 

supports states and communities in their

efforts to develop and implement effective 

and coordinated prevention and intervention 

programs to improve the juvenile justice 

system so that it protects public safety, holds

offenders accountable, and provides treatment

and rehabilitative services tailored to the needs

of juveniles and their families. Visit the OJJDP

Web site at www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ojjdp.

The Office for Victims of Crime (OVC)

was formally established by Congress in 1988

through an amendment to the 1984 Victims of

Crime Act (VOCA) to provide leadership and

funding on behalf of crime victims. OVC 

provides federal funds to support victim 

compensation and assistance programs across

the nation. OVC also provides training for

diverse professionals who work with victims,

develops and disseminates publications, 

supports projects to enhance victims’ rights

and services, and educates the public about

victim issues. Visit the OVC Web site at

www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ovc.

The U.S. Department of Justice also

supports:

• The AMBER AlertTM program, an 

early warning system to help find abducted 

children. The AMBER Alert program is a

voluntary partnership between lawenforcement agencies, broadcasters, 

transportation agencies, and the wireless

industry to activate an urgent bulletin in the

most serious child-abduction cases. The goal

of an AMBER Alert is to instantly galvanize

the entire community to assist in the search

for and the safe recovery of the child. To

access the AMBER Alert Web site, visit

www.amberalert.gov.

• The National Criminal Justice

Reference Service (NCJRS), a federally

funded resource offering information to the

public and juvenile justice practitioners.

NCJRS is sponsored by a partnership of 

federal agencies from the U.S. Department

of Justice and the Executive Office of the

President. It hosts one of the largest 

criminal and juvenile justice libraries and

databases in the world. To access information from NCJRS, or to order or download

this publication, visit www.ncjrs.gov.
59

Missing Child Organizations

The Association of Missing and

Exploited Children’s Organizations is a

membership organization of nonprofit local

agencies in the United States and Canada 

that provides services to missing children’s

families. This includes help with poster and

flier development and dissemination, advocacy,

aid to local law enforcement, and resource

referrals. Visit www.amecoinc.org

or call 1–877–263–2620. 

The National Center for Missing &

Exploited Children (NCMEC) works 

to prevent child abduction and sexual 

exploitation; find missing children; and 

assist victims of child abduction and sexual 

exploitation, their families, and professionals. 

To access their resources, call NCMEC at

1–800–THE–LOST (1–800–843–5678) or

visit www.missingkids.com.

Every state, the District of Columbia, Puerto

Rico, and Canada has a state Missing

Children Clearinghouse that provides 

support and assistance to families of missing

children. A listing of every state clearinghouse

is available on the NCMEC Web site at

www.missingkids.com. On the left side of

the page, click on the tab for resources for

parents and guardians.

Peer Support

Take Root is a nonprofit organization started

by and for former abducted children. Its mission is to respond to child abduction from the

unique perspective of the abducted child by

raising issue awareness, gathering and sharing

knowledge, and facilitating healing. Take Root

administers a national peer-support program

for adults who were abducted as children, and

uses program findings to provide education for

multidisciplinary response professionals, victims’ families, and the public on the victimology of child abduction and the best approaches

to prevention, intervention, and treatment in

cases of family abduction. Take Root’s vision is

to expand our nation’s response to missing

children “beyond recovering missing children, to

helping missing children recover.” 

Call 1–800–ROOT–ORG (1–800–766–8674)

or visit www.takeroot.org.

Team HOPE (Help Offering Parents

Empowerment) is a parent mentoring 

and support program for families of missing

children. Made up of parent volunteers, 

Team HOPE provides mentoring services,

counseling, emotional support, resources, 

and empowerment to parents and families.

Volunteers can be reached at

1–866–305–HOPE (1–866–305–4673) or

visit www.teamhope.org.
I don’t know why my mom was able to convince

so many friends and family that abducting me

was a justified progression in her ongoing battles

with my father. Hindsight seems to have clarified

for everyone—including my mother—that it

was a tragic mistake. I can’t help but think how

much trauma and heartbreak could have been

avoided if those around my mother at the time

had recognized her plan for what it was, an act

of child abduction, and spoken up.

–Liss, 

former abducted child 

61