• you are not alone; families can and do survive • there is no right or wrong way to

respond; there is no right or wrong way to feel • hope is essential to your survival • to

give your child the best chances of being found, you and law enforcement must treat

one another as partners • base your relationship with law enforcement on mutual respect, trust, and honesty; however, you don’t have to agree on every detail • trust your

feelings, instincts, and gut reactions; share them with law enforcement so they can be

checked out • don’t be afraid to make suggestions or air differences of opinion • contact

the media immediately; they can be a very effective tool in asking for help • if you are

unable to speak alone, select someone to function as your media spokesperson •

remember that you control the

situation, the media do not control you • you have the right to

say no to an interview • you have

the right to refrain from answering questions if doing so makes

you feel uncomfortable • you

have the right to completely give

your side of the story • you have

the right to be treated with dignity and respect • let people know

you love your child and need their

help in finding and bringing your

child home • hold a prayer or

candlelight vigil • distributing pictures and information is an essential part of search and recovery • get as many people and organizations as possible to distribute your child’s picture • plug into

NCMEC’s photo distribution services • place reward posters where those people most

likely to have information can see them • the many offers of support will carry you

through; when people ask what they can do, try to tell them something specific • don’t

be afraid to ask for what you need . . . people really do want to help • as long as you have

specific tasks for volunteers to perform, they won’t go away • asking volunteers to help

relieves you of the burden of trying to do everything yourself, which you cannot • many

organizations are poised to help you find your missing child • do everything you can to

take care of yourself • it is okay, even necessary, to take a break from the stress for

dinner and a walk • don’t blame yourself . . . at any given moment, you are doing the

best you possibly can • you do not have to be an “emotional rock” for extended family •

seek peace and solace for yourself, encourage family members to do the same • a

laugh can be as cleansing as a good cry • your child needs you to be strong • bring the

needs of your other children into balance with those of your missing child • don’t let your

loss become a taboo subject • keep a notebook with you to record your thoughts and

review it periodically • keep your focus and exercise caution • never stop looking

U.S. Department of Justice

Office of Justice Programs

Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention

When Your

Child

Is Missing:

A Family 

Survival Guide
National Center for Missing & 

Exploited Children®

699 Prince Street

Alexandria, VA 22314–3175

800–THE–LOST® (800–843–5678) (Hotline for the

United States, Canada, and Mexico),

800–826–7653 (TTY), or 703–235–3900

703–235–2200 (Fax)

Internet: www.missingkids.com

CyberTipline: www.cybertipline.com

Branch Offices

California: 714–508–0150

Florida: 561–848–1900

Kansas City (MO): 816–756–5422

New York: 585–242–0900

South Carolina: 803–254–2326

Child Protection Division

Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency

Prevention

Office of Justice Programs

U.S. Department of Justice

810 Seventh Street NW.

Washington, DC 20531

202–616–3637

202–307–2819 (Fax)

Internet: www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ojjdp

Office for Victims of Crime

Office of Justice Programs

U.S. Department of Justice

810 Seventh Street NW.

Washington, DC 20531

202–307–5983

202–514–6383 (Fax)

Internet: www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ovc/

Federal Bureau of Investigation

See the front of your local telephone book for the

number of your local FBI Field Office.

FBI Headquarters

Special Investigations and Initiatives Unit

Crimes Against Children Unit

935 Pennsylvania Avenue NW.

Washington, DC 20535–0001

202–324–3666

202–324–2731 (Fax)

Association of Missing and Exploited

Children’s Organizations, Inc.

Internet: www.amecoinc.org

Contact Organizations
When Your

Child

Is Missing:

A Family 

Survival Guide

Third Edition

May 2004

J. Robert Flores, Administrator

Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention

Office of Justice Programs

U.S. Department of Justice

NCJ 204958
The Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention is a component of the Office of Justice 

Programs, which also includes the Bureau of Justice Assistance, the Bureau of Justice Statistics, the

National Institute of Justice, and the Office for Victims of Crime.

U.S. Department of Justice

Office of Justice Programs

Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention

810 Seventh Street NW.

Washington, DC 20531

John Ashcroft

Attorney General

Deborah J. Daniels

Assistant Attorney General

J. Robert Flores

Administrator

This document was prepared by Fox Valley Technical College under cooperative agreement number 

98–MC–CX–K010 from the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, U.S. Department of

Justice. This edition is updated from the second printing.
I remember standing in the middle

of the chaos thinking, I wish I had

a book to tell me what to do.

—Colleen Nick


ix

Foreword

In an instant, a peaceful day can become a nightmare when a child is discovered missing.

We have witnessed tragic abductions of children of all ages across America—in rural

byways and major cities. We have also been heartened by the joyful reunions of children

safely returned to their parents. 

Children may be missing from home for a variety of reasons. They may run away after a 

heated argument with their parents or be lured away by an online predator in an Internet

chatroom. They may be taken by a noncustodial parent to another country—perhaps to

strike back at an ex-spouse—or abducted by someone the child does not know. 

Whatever the reason a child is missing, parents’ lives are turned upside down, and minutes

race into hours as they frantically seek their child’s return to the safety of home. We know

that time is of the essence in terms of finding a child. What should parents do if their child

is missing? To whom can they turn? What help can they expect?

When Your Child Is Missing: A Family Survival Guide was written as a labor of love and a

vision of hope by parents who have experienced firsthand the trauma of a missing child.

It has been updated to provide parents the most current information available and provides

helpful insights into what families should do—and what they can expect—when a child is

missing. Above all, it offers encouragement and support at a time when they are needed most.

I pray that you will never experience the trauma of a missing child and that every child will

be kept safe from harm and danger. Should your child become missing, however, I hope

that this Guide gives you the knowledge to face this terrible challenge with strength and

determination.

J. Robert Flores

Administrator

Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention
xi

Acknowledgments

The Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention (OJJDP) is grateful to all of the people

who gave their time, energy, and talent to developing this Guide, especially the following parents

who know firsthand the pain, suffering, and hope of families with missing children:

Heather Cox and Marion Boburka, mother and grandmother, respectively, of Shelby

Cox, who was found murdered on November 18, 1995.

Colleen Nick, mother of Morgan Nick, who has been missing since June 9, 1995.

Claudine and Don Ryce, parents of Jimmy Ryce, who was found murdered on

December 9, 1995.

Patrick Sessions, father of Tiffany Sessions, who has been missing since 

February 9, 1989.

Patty Wetterling, mother of Jacob Wetterling, who has been missing since 

October 22, 1989.

This group of parents created this Guide as a labor of love and as a message of hope and encouragement for families whose children are still missing. Their courage and strength are greatly

admired.

OJJDP also thanks the many professionals who have given their time and effort to find children

who are missing, who have worked to prevent children from being abducted, and who have put

together this Guide for families facing this crisis. This includes Helen Connelly, James P. Finley,

and Joellen Talbot of Fox Valley Technical College. The final editing and production of this Guide

were performed by the Juvenile Justice Clearinghouse. OJJDP acknowledges C. Denise Collins

and Annie Pardo for graphic support with this 2004 update and Irene Cooperman and Beverly

Sullivan for editorial support. OJJDP also acknowledges and thanks the many individuals who

painstakingly reviewed the Guide to make sure that it provides parents with the information they

so desperately need during these crises. Special thanks also go to Ron Laney, Director of OJJDP’s

Child Protection Division. His concern for and commitment to missing children and their parents

inspired the creation of this Guide.

This Guide is dedicated to all the children who are separated from their families. Our hope is that

you always know that the search will continue until you are found.
xiii

Table of Contents

Message From Attorney General John Ashcroft ................................................................v

Message From Assistant Attorney General Deborah J. Daniels......................................vii

Foreword ..............................................................................................................................ix

Acknowledgments ..............................................................................................................xi

Introduction ..........................................................................................................................1

Checklist: What You Should Do When Your Child Is First Missing ................................2

The AMBER Alert Plan ..................................................................................................4

Chapter 1:The Search ..........................................................................................................5

Your Role in the Search: The First 48 Hours..................................................................5

The Role of Law Enforcement in the Search ................................................................5

The Role of Volunteers in the Search ............................................................................7

After the First 48 Hours: The Long-Term Search ..........................................................8

The Role of Private Detectives and Psychics in the Long-Term Search ......................10

Key Points ....................................................................................................................11

Checklist: Gathering Evidence in the First 48 Hours ..................................................13

Chapter 2: Law Enforcement..............................................................................................17

Your Partnership With Law Enforcement ....................................................................17

Key Points....................................................................................................................20

Checklist: Working With Law Enforcement ................................................................21

Chapter 3:The Media..........................................................................................................25

Media Involvement: The First 48 Hours ......................................................................25

Media Involvement: After the First 48 Hours..............................................................28

Key Points....................................................................................................................32

Checklist: Conducting Interviews With the Media......................................................33

Chapter 4: Photo and Flier Distribution ..........................................................................37

Photo and Flier Distribution: The First 48 Hours ........................................................37

Photo and Flier Distribution: After the First 48 Hours ................................................41

Key Points....................................................................................................................44

Checklist: Distributing Fliers........................................................................................45
xiv

Chapter 5: Volunteers ........................................................................................................47

Making the Best Use of Volunteers ............................................................................47

Using Untrained Volunteers in the Search Effort ........................................................49

Using Trained Volunteers in the Search Effort ............................................................49

Key Points....................................................................................................................51

Checklist: Working With Volunteer Searchers..............................................................52

Chapter 6: Rewards and Donations ..................................................................................55

Monetary Rewards......................................................................................................55

Monetary Donations....................................................................................................56

Key Points....................................................................................................................58

Checklist: Selecting a Tipline for Leads ......................................................................59

Chapter 7: Personal and Family Considerations ..............................................................61

Regaining Your Emotional and Physical Strength ........................................................61

Mentally Preparing for the Long Term ........................................................................64

Helping Your Children To Regain Their Physical and Emotional Strength ....................64

Helping Extended Family Members To Regain Their Physical and 

Emotional Strength....................................................................................................66

Key Points....................................................................................................................68

Checklist: Figuring Out How To Pay Your Bills ............................................................70

Recommended Readings ..................................................................................................73

Additional Resources..........................................................................................................77

About the Parent Authors ..................................................................................................87

Index ....................................................................................................................................91
1

Introduction

When your child is missing, your whole world

seems to fall apart. You are bombarded by

questions from friends, neighbors, the police,

and the media and forced to make decisions

that you never thought you would have to

make. You feel desperate, confused, isolated.

You may feel that you have nowhere to go for

help or support.

Many parents who have faced similar crises

have said that they wished they had a book to

tell them where to turn when their child was

missing. They felt that they were left on their

own to figure out what to do. They longed for

someone to give them direction or to tell

them where to go for help and what needs

to be done. They also wished they had known

what to expect and how to respond.

This Guide was written by parents and family

members who have experienced the disappearance of a child. It contains their combined

advice concerning what you can expect when

your child is missing, what you can do, and

where you can go for help. It explains the role

that various agencies and organizations play 

in the search for your missing child and discusses some of the important issues that you

and your family need to consider. The first

checklist, What You Should Do When Your

Child Is First Missing, summarizes the most

critical steps that parents should take when

their child is first missing, including whom to

call, what to do to preserve evidence, and

where to turn for help.

The rest of the Guide is divided into seven

chapters, each of which is structured to allow

you to find the information you need quickly

and easily. Each chapter explains both the

short- and long-term issues and contains a

checklist and chapter summary for later reference. Chapter 1, The Search, focuses on the

search for your child and explains how you as

a parent can best participate in the search.

Chapter 2, Law Enforcement, describes your

relationship with law enforcement and offers

tips that will help you work together effectively. Chapter 3, The Media, examines issues

related to the media, including media packages, press conferences, and interviews.

Chapter 4, Photo and Flier Distribution, offers

suggestions for producing fliers about your

child and for managing the photo and flier

distribution process. Chapter 5, Volunteers,

focuses on the many uses of volunteers—

both trained and untrained—to help in the

search and to provide for the needs of the

family. Chapter 6, Rewards and Donations,

discusses the use of rewards and the management of monetary donations. Chapter 7,

Personal and Family Considerations, emphasizes the need to take care of yourself, your

children, and members of your extended family. A list of recommended readings and a list

of public and private resources appear at the

back of the Guide.

It is important to note that there is no right or

wrong way to respond to the disappearance

of a child, nor is there a right or wrong way to

feel. The path you follow must be right for

you. What makes sense for you will be based

on your needs, your experiences, and your circumstances. Our hope is that the Guide will

help you to make informed decisions about

what you do and how you go about it.

You may find that the information in this

Guide is overwhelming right now. If so,

ask family members, friends, or other support persons to read it for you.They can

help you take the steps needed to help

recover your missing child.

Finally, as hard as it may seem, try to remain

hopeful. Remember that hope is more than a

wish, helping you to clear this hurdle. Hope is

essential to your survival.
2

Family Survival Guide

Checklist: What You Should Do 

When Your Child Is First Missing

The first 48 hours following the disappearance of a child are the most critical in terms of finding

and returning that child safely home—but they also can be the most troublesome and chaotic. Use

this checklist during those first hours to help you do everything you can to increase the chances of

recovering your child—but if more than 48 hours have passed since your child disappeared, you

should still try to tend to these items as quickly as possible. All of the action steps described here

are covered in greater detail later in the Guide to help you gain a better understanding of what you

should be doing and why.

The First 24 Hours

Immediately report your child as missing to your local law enforcement agency. Ask investigators

to enter your child into the National Crime Information Center (NCIC) Missing Persons File. There

is no waiting period for entry into NCIC.

Request that law enforcement put out a Be On the Look Out (BOLO) bulletin. Ask them about

involving the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) in the search for your child.

Ask your law enforcement agency about the AMBER Alert Plan (America’s Missing: Broadcast

Emergency Response). Through AMBER Alert, law enforcement agencies and broadcasters activate an urgent bulletin in the most serious child abduction cases (see page 4 for more information

on the AMBER Alert Plan).

Limit access to your home until law enforcement arrives and has collected possible evidence. Do

not touch or remove anything from your child’s room or from your home. Remember that clothing,

sheets, personal items, computers, and even trash may hold clues to the whereabouts of your

child. The checklist in chapter 1 (Gathering Evidence in the First 48 Hours) contains detailed information about securing your child’s room and preserving evidence.

Ask for the name and telephone number of the law enforcement investigator assigned to your

case, and keep this information in a safe and convenient place.

Give law enforcement investigators all the facts and circumstances related to the disappearance

of your child, including what efforts have already been made to search for your child.

Write a detailed description of the clothing worn by your child and the personal items he or she

had at the time of the disappearance. Include in your description any personal identification marks,

such as birthmarks, scars, tattoos, or mannerisms, that may help in finding your child. If possible,

find a picture of your child that shows these identification marks and give it to law enforcement.

See the chapter 1 checklist (Gathering Evidence in the First 48 Hours) for more details.

Make a list of friends, acquaintances, and anyone else who might have information or clues about

your child’s whereabouts. Include telephone numbers and addresses, if possible. Tell your law enforcement investigator about anyone who moved in or out of the neighborhood within the past year,

anyone whose interest in or involvement with the family changed in recent months, and anyone

who appeared to be overly interested in your child.

Find recent photographs of your child in both black and white and color. Make copies of these pictures for your law enforcement agency, the media, your state missing children’s clearinghouse, the

National Center for Missing & Exploited Children® (NCMEC), and other nonprofit organizations.

Chapter 4 (Photo and Flier Distribution) contains suggestions on how to produce and distribute

fliers and posters.

Call NCMEC at 800–THE–LOST® (800–843–5678) to ask for help. Also, ask for the telephone

numbers of other nonprofit organizations that might be able to help.

Look in the Additional Resources section at the end of this Guide to find the telephone number of

your state missing children’s clearinghouse. Then, call your clearinghouse to find out what resources

and services it can provide in the search for your child.
3

Introduction

Ask your law enforcement agency to organize a search for your child. Ask them about using tracking or trailing dogs (preferably bloodhounds) in the search effort. Read chapters 1 (The Search) and

5 (Volunteers) as you prepare for the search.

Ask your law enforcement agency for help in contacting the media. Chapter 3 (The Media) contains advice on working with the media.

Designate one person to answer your telephone. Keep a notebook or pad of paper by the telephone so this person can jot down names, telephone numbers, dates and times of calls, and

other information relating to each call.

Keep a notebook or pad of paper with you at all times to write down your thoughts or questions

and record important information, such as names, dates, or telephone numbers.

Take good care of yourself and your family because your child needs you to be strong. As hard as

it may be, force yourself to get rest, eat nourishing food, and talk to someone about your tumultuous feelings. When you can, read chapter 7 (Personal and Family Considerations).

The Second 24 Hours

Talk with your law enforcement investigator about the steps that are being taken to find your

child. If your law enforcement investigator does not have a copy of Missing and Abducted Children: A Law Enforcement Guide to Case Investigation and Program Management, suggest that 

he or she call NCMEC at 800–THE–LOST® (800–843–5678) to obtain one. Also, your law enforcement investigator can contact the Crimes Against Children Coordinator in the local FBI Field Office

to obtain a copy of the FBI’s Child Abduction Response Plan.

Expand your list of friends, acquaintances, extended family members, yard workers, delivery persons, and anyone who may have seen your child during or following the abduction.

Look at personal calendars, community events calendars, and newspapers to see if there are any

clues as to who was in the vicinity and might be the abductor or a possible witness. Give this

information to law enforcement.

Expect that you will be asked to take a polygraph test, which is standard procedure. If you have

not done so yet, read chapter 1 (The Search).

Ask your law enforcement agency to request that NCMEC issue a broadcast fax to law enforcement agencies around the country. If you have not already read chapter 4 (Photo and Flier Distribution), try to read it now.

Work with your law enforcement agency to schedule press releases and media events. If necessary, ask someone close to you to serve as your media spokesperson. Chapter 3 (The Media) provides tips on working with the media.

Talk to your law enforcement agency about the use of a reward. When you can, read chapter 6

(Rewards and Donations).

Report all extortion attempts to law enforcement.

Have a second telephone line installed with call forwarding. Get caller ID and call waiting. Ask law

enforcement to install a trap-and-trace feature on your phone. Get a cellular phone or pager so you

can be reached when you are away from home.

Take care of yourself. Don’t be afraid to ask others to take care of your physical and emotional

needs and those of your family. Read chapter 7 (Personal and Family Considerations) for specific

suggestions.

Make a list of things that volunteers can do for you and your family. See chapter 5 (Volunteers) 

for ideas.

Call your child’s doctor and dentist and ask for copies of medical records and x rays. Give them to

law enforcement.

Talk to your law enforcement agency about creating a Web site to capture information on leads.

Designate a screened and trusted volunteer to manage the Web site.
4

Family Survival Guide

The AMBER Alert Plan The AMBER Alert Plan

What Is the AMBER Alert Plan?

The AMBER Alert Plan is a tool that law enforcement agencies can use to safely recover abducted children.

It should be one component of the law enforcement agency’s broader child recovery plan.

The AMBER Alert Plan is a voluntary partnership among law enforcement agencies, media outlets, and transportation agencies. This partnership focuses on the recovery of abducted children by disseminating timely

and accurate information about the child, the suspected abductor, and the vehicle used in the commission

of the crime. Through AMBER Alert, law enforcement agencies and broadcasters activate an urgent news

bulletin in the most serious child abduction cases. Broadcasters use the Emergency Alert System (EAS),

formerly called the Emergency Broadcast System, to air a description of the missing child and suspected

abductor. Under appropriate circumstances, transportation authorities can use changeable message signs

(CMS) to communicate important AMBER Alert information to motorists.

How Does the AMBER Alert Plan Work?

Once law enforcement is notified about an abducted child, it first determines if the case meets the

AMBER Alert Plan’s criteria for triggering an alert. The U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ) suggests that

the following criteria be met before an alert is activated:

■ Law enforcement believes an abduction has occurred.

■ The child is 17 years old or younger.

■ Law enforcement believes the child is in imminent danger of serious bodily harm or death.

■ Sufficient descriptive information about the victim and the abduction exists to believe that an

immediate AMBER Alert broadcast will help.

■ The child’s name and other critical information, including the fact that the case is considered a

child abduction, have been entered into the NCIC system.

If these criteria are met, alert information is put together and faxed to media outlets designated as primary

stations under EAS, which in turn send the same information to area radio, television, and cable systems

where it is broadcast to millions of listeners. Radio stations interrupt programming to announce the alert

and television and cable stations run a “crawl” on the screen with a picture of the missing child. CMS can

also be used to display information to motorists.

For more information about the AMBER Alert Plan, visit DOJ’s Web site at www.ojp.usdoj.gov/amberalert.

Is an AMBER Alert Issued for Every Missing Child?

AMBER Alerts are issued by a law enforcement agency in cooperation with the media if the circumstances surrounding the child’s disappearance meet local or state AMBER Alert criteria. If the

circumstances do not meet the criteria, remember that the media can still be called on to help in the

recovery of your child. See chapter 3 (The Media).

If we could have gotten the word out immediately when

Morgan disappeared, I’m certain she would be home with

me today. With the AMBER Alert Plan . . . time is now

on the side of every parent and child.

—Colleen Nick

4

Family Survival Guide
When a child is reported missing, emotions

become raw, which can hinder the ability of

parents to make rational decisions. Yet, the

actions of parents and of law enforcement in

the first 48 hours are critical to the safe recovery of a missing child. Knowing what you can

do, what others can do, and where to go for

help will not only expedite the search and

recovery of your child, it also will help to ease

the emotional and financial burden of the

search. This chapter examines your role and

the role of others in the immediate search for

your missing child and discusses what steps

should be taken in the event that your child

does not return within the first few days.

Your Role

in the

Search:

The First

48 Hours

In the initial stage of the

search, devote your time

to providing information

to and answering questions from investigators.

Once you discover that

your child is missing, you

will desperately want to

help with the search. You

may, in fact, wonder how

you possibly can stand by

and let others look for your

child. But the reality is that

in most instances, the best

use of your energy is not on the physical

search itself. Rather, you need to provide

information to and answer questions from

investigators and to be at home in the event

your child calls. The checklist Gathering Evidence in the First 48 Hours identifies the most

crucial pieces of background information and

evidence that law enforcement will need in

the search for your child.

The Role of Law

Enforcement in

the Search

When a child has disappeared, most of the

initial searching of the area where the child

is believed to have been last will be coordinated by law enforcement—either federal,

state, or local, depending on the circumstances of the

disappearance. Law

enforcement needs to

direct the search effort

in order to make sure

that the search is performed properly and

that the evidence

located during the

search—and at the

crime scene—is properly protected and

preserved.

Usually, law enforcement agencies can

quickly obtain the

necessary equipment

and mobilize additional personnel by

bringing in outside forces. Because time is a

critical factor in the search and recovery effort,

equipment and staff should be requested at

5

The Search

Not knowing where your child is or if he or she is okay is the hardest

thing in the world to handle.

—Colleen Nick

CHAPTER 1

I remember sitting around

our kitchen table on the first

night our son was taken

when the investigators asked

me, “Is there anybody who

liked Jacob too much? Who

gave him special attention or

presents? Who wanted to

take him places?” I never

dreamed that a nice person

could have taken our son or

that the most common lure is

attention and affection.

—Patty Wetterling
6

Family Survival Guide

Telephone Tips

☎ If you do not already have one, buy a cellular phone or pager so you can be reached

when you are away from home.

☎ Ask law enforcement to install a trap and trace on your phone.

☎ Install a phone with the ability to tape calls.

☎ Ask your telephone company to install caller ID on your telephone line.

☎ Keep a phone log, a pad of paper, or a spiral notebook next to the phone to record the

date and time of phone calls, the name of the caller, and other information. 

Telephone Tips

the beginning of the process. Your local agency

may request that tracking or trailing dogs, infrared devices that locate heat given off from

the body, or helicopters be delivered to the

scene and may request help from the Border

Patrol, the Coast Guard, the National Guard,

other military personnel, or correctional institution staff. Many of these groups are already

trained in search procedures, and their established chain of command makes the search effort more likely to be thorough, comprehensive,

and efficient. In addition, the FBI maintains

Field Offices that have Evidence Response

Teams that could be of assistance in cases of

missing or abducted children. Your local law

enforcement agency may issue an AMBER

Alert. Do not hesitate to ask the agency about

the steps it will take to safely locate and

return your child.

In many communities, law enforcement

agencies have an established child recovery plan, similar to an emergency relief or

disaster plan, to guide their search and

recovery efforts. Ask your law enforcement

agency about its plan. Make sure the agency

has a copy of Missing and Abducted Children:

A Law Enforcement Guide to Case Investigation and Program Management (published by

NCMEC), which provides step-by-step instructions on how to respond to and investigate

missing children cases and details procedures

for conducting and managing the search. Also,

make sure that your law enforcement agency

has a copy of the Child Abduction Response

Plan (published by the FBI and available from

local Crimes Against Children Coordinators in

FBI Field Offices), which emphasizes the techniques that are essential in conducting abduction investigations.

Typically, your law enforcement agency will

designate one or two persons to coordinate

and manage the search. Ask for the name

and telephone number of your law enforcement coordinator as soon as possible. Keep

this information where you can find it in a safe,

convenient place. Keep the lines of communication open between you and your search

coordinator. Don’t be afraid to ask questions,

make suggestions, or air differences of opinion.

Find out what types of searches are

planned. Searches can be conducted in 

several ways:

■ A crime scene search of the areas where

your child was last seen.

■ A door-to-door search.

■ A grid search.

■ A land, sea, or air search.

■ A roadblock search, which may involve stopping cars at the same time of day at the

location where your child was last seen.

Because people are creatures of habit and

tend to take the same route each day, roadblock searches sometimes produce witnesses who saw your child, who observed

someone hanging around the area, or who

remember an out-of-place vehicle.
7

The Search

Ask your search coordinator what types of

searches are being conducted, and make sure

you feel comfortable that the search effort is

adequate.

Records documenting which areas were

searched, who was present, and what was

found will be kept. Law enforcement will

maintain a record showing what areas have

been searched and by whom. A second search

of critical areas for information and clues might

be advisable because something may have

been overlooked during the initial search.

Tracking or trailing dogs, preferably bloodhounds, should be brought immediately to

the scene where your child was last seen.

The fresher the trail, the more likely the dogs

will be able to find your child. Bloodhounds

are your best bet because they have 60

times the tracking power of German shepherds, can discriminate among scents, and

can follow your child’s scent in the air and on

the ground. This means that they may be able

to pick up your child’s scent even if he or she

was carried in someone’s arms or in a vehicle.

The Role of 

Volunteers in 

the Search

If volunteers are used in the search, your

law enforcement agency should still be

responsible for managing the overall search

effort. The extent to which volunteers are used

in the search will depend on whether additional

personnel—beyond the military—are needed.

A volunteer search coordinator may be needed

to organize the volunteer search effort.

Try to recruit established organizations,

agencies, or groups—rather than individual

volunteers—in the search. The use of affiliated groups makes it possible to quickly gather

and organize a large number of volunteers.

It also provides an inner chain of command,

which makes communication and training

easier, and provides an internal screening

mechanism.

When volunteers are used, request that the

volunteer staging area be located away

from your home. There will be enough traffic,

chaos, and confusion at your home without

the added burden of volunteer search teams.

All volunteer searchers should be required

to sign in each time they participate in a

search activity. The sign-in procedure can be

as simple as asking the volunteer searchers

to show their driver’s licenses and to list in a

log book their names, addresses, and organizational affiliations, such as the Boy Scouts,

local labor union, place of business, or local

post of the Veterans of Foreign Wars. Keep all

records for future reference.

A more elaborate sign-in procedure

involves videotaping the sign-in and

search efforts. Although it is impossible to

videotape every search from start to finish,

videotapes that show the searchers, the signin process, and the search locations can provide valuable information about possible clues

and suspects. Some situations that seem

innocent initially, such as the repeated appearance of an overly concerned searcher, may

not be as innocent as they appear.

Request that law enforcement run background checks for prior criminal activity on

persons volunteering for the search. In previous cases, thieves, pedophiles, and even

the missing child’s abductor have been known

to join in a search. Background checks can

prevent misguided people from volunteering

and sometimes can provide information that

helps law enforcement conduct the search.

Have your volunteer coordinator talk with

law enforcement to determine whether

additional equipment or personnel are

needed. Contact local businesses, missing

children’s organizations, NCMEC, your state

missing children’s clearinghouse, or other

agencies to obtain the necessary supplies or

tap into a network of people.
Further information about resources that

can help with the search can be obtained

by calling NCMEC. Established in 1984 as a

private, nonprofit organization, NCMEC serves

as a clearinghouse of information on missing

and exploited children. It also provides technical assistance to both

citizens and law enforcement agencies, distributes photographs and

descriptions of missing

children nationwide, and

networks with nonprofit

service providers and

state clearinghouses

on missing children.

NCMEC can be contacted at its headquarters in Virginia or in one

of its five branch offices in California, Florida,

Missouri, New York, and South Carolina.

After the First 

48 Hours: 

The Long-Term 

Search

When the search for a child becomes long

term, not all parents can or will want to be

actively involved in the search. It is okay if you

choose not to be involved. But if you want to

remain active in the long-term search effort,

there are a number of things that you and

other family members, friends, or volunteers

can do to aid in the process.

Develop a plan and set a schedule with

goals for continuing the search for your

child. Work with law enforcement to figure

out what role you and others can play in the

long-term search. This Guide can help, especially chapters 3 (The Media) and 4 (Photo and

Flier Distribution).

Schedule regular visits with your investigator. Set up a schedule for you and your investigator to review the status of the investigation

and to give each other updates. However, if

you have new, important information, make

sure that you give it to law enforcement as

soon as possible. Ask your law enforcement

agency about using the services of Team Adam

to assist with the ongoing investigation (Team

Adam is described on page 21).

Ask to see your child’s

case file periodically.

You may recognize

something meaningful

that was overlooked or

remember something

significant that law

enforcement was not

aware of. Be aware that

there may be pieces of

information that law

enforcement cannot—

or does not want to—release to you because

it may jeopardize or hinder the investigation.

This is okay. Some states do not allow the

release of police reports until a case is closed.

Ask your search coordinator what information

can be legally released to you or what you are

allowed to see.

Keep a spiral notebook with you to record

your thoughts and review it periodically.

When you reread your notebook or journal,

you may find a passage that triggers a new

idea or reminds you of something you had

previously forgotten. Advise law enforcement

about any new thoughts you have about the

disappearance of your child.

Consider offering a reward for the safe

return of your child. Chapter 6 contains specific information on the reward offer.

Find out what Crime Stoppers can do to

help with the search. Crime Stoppers

answers telephone calls 24 hours a day,

knows how to take tip information, promises

anonymity to callers, and maintains a good

working relationship with law enforcement. If

you like, ask to attend one of their meetings.

If they agree, their telephone number may be

a good choice for calls about a reward,

because NCMEC will not provide reward

information on its toll-free line.

8

Family Survival Guide

The offer of true genuine

support in the first few

days will carry you

through.

—Marion Boburka
9

The Search

Inquire about other programs that can be

used for crime tips and rewards. Talk with

your law enforcement agency and prosecutor’s office to see if they know of other local,

state, regional, or national programs that can

be used to report crime tips or offer rewards.

Contact NCMEC, the state missing children’s

clearinghouses in the 50 states, and other

missing children’s organizations across the

country. Ask for assistance with distribution of

posters and fliers. Ask each agency what types

of services it has available to assist with the

search. Addresses and phone numbers for the

missing children’s clearinghouses in the 50

states, the District of Columbia, Canada, and

Puerto Rico are listed in the Additional Resources section of this Guide. Some parents

create a Web site to gather information on

potential leads. Talk to your law enforcement

agency about this and ask for its input. Use

only screened and trusted volunteers to manage the Web site.

Keep community awareness of your plight

at a high level. If your child has been missing

for several years, ask NCMEC to develop an

age-progressed picture, then place this picture next to the original picture on shirts, buttons, and posters. Chapter 4 contains sample

fliers you can use as models for your own

fliers. Also, if there is new information about

your child—such as a sighting or an interesting lead—make sure that the public is kept

informed. But before you disclose any information, be sure to consult with your law

enforcement contact so the investigation is

not compromised.

Keep the media interested and involved.

Chapter 3 contains ideas for keeping the

media interested in your story.

Make a list of things that others can do to

help. As long as you have specific tasks for

volunteers to perform, they won’t go away.

Getting Help From Political Figures

The media often take special interest in publicizing cases in which political figures are

involved. You can solicit help from school board members; city commissioners; your state

Governor, senators, and representatives; and members of the U.S. House and Senate. You

can also seek out those individuals who can get your child’s poster displayed in the following public places:

■ On buses, on subways, and at transfer points.

■ In parks and other recreational facilities.

■ At tollbooths and rest areas.

■ In U.S. post offices.

■ In state and federal buildings.1

Be wary, however, of attempts by well-meaning politicians to involve you in hastily written

legislative proposals that could in the long run be detrimental to the plight of your child

and others like him or her. Too often, legislative change comes about as a reaction to an

incident, not as a well-planned, proactive response to a problem. Therefore, consider carefully the potential repercussions of any legislative proposal before you become involved.

Getting Help From Political Figures

1Authorized by Presidential Executive memorandum on January 19, 1996. This program requires federal 

agencies to receive and post missing children fliers in their buildings. This program is coordinated by NCMEC.
10

Family Survival Guide

The Role of Private

Detectives and

Psychics in the

Long-Term Search

Private Detectives

If the immediate search is not successful, you

may be tempted to try almost anything. Some

parents turn to private detectives to aid in the

search.

Consider hiring a private detective or investigator only if you are convinced that he or she can

do something better or different than what is

being done by law enforcement. Be certain

that you are not simply wasting money that

could be spent more productively in another

way. If you decide to use a private detective,

the following tips can help:

■ Always ask for and check references to

find out if the investigator is legitimate.

■ Be wary of people who say they can bring

your child back immediately for a specific

sum of money. If you run into this situation, report it to law enforcement.

■ Make sure you are paying a reasonable

rate. Insist that the investigator itemize

expenses.

■ Make sure the detective has experience

working with law

enforcement. Law

enforcement must

be notified immediately of any leads you

receive from a private

investigator.

■ Inform your assigned

law enforcement investigator about your decision to hire a private

investigator. In most

instances, this individual will need to talk

to law enforcement before becoming

involved in the case.

Psychics

Keep an open mind—and a closed pocketbook—when considering the use of a psychic.

Most parents are desperate to try anything,

but they need to understand that there are

very few true psychics. Many are fraudulent

or, at best, misguided individuals who want to

help so much that they have self-induced

visions. Hearing their sometimes negative

dreams and visions can cause undue stress,

a loss of hope, or an unfounded sense of

hope. If you are considering turning to a psychic, remember the following tips:

■ Ask someone close to the family to record

any psychic leads because the information

is usually distressing. Give all such leads to

law enforcement.

■ If any lead is highly specific, such as a particular address, insist that law enforcement

check it out. Follow up with law enforcement to find out the value of the lead.

■ Never allow a psychic to go into your child’s

room unattended or to take items without

making arrangements for their return.

Regardless of whether some psychics have

true visions, any purportedly psychic dream

may be an actual observation by someone

who is afraid to get involved. That is why even

psychic leads need to be

checked out whenever

possible.

Overzealous

Individuals

Be prepared to encounter

a few people who are

fanatical or obsessive in

their behavior or in their

desire to help. Keep in

mind that some people

may try to use your loss to

gain attention for themselves. Protect yourself

from people who might be delusional or who

may prey on victims through scams or by offering false hopes and expectations. The key is to

keep your focus and exercise caution.

I was in tears as my 

husband kept sending our

child’s belongings to 

psychics. We still haven’t

gotten back his stuffed 

animals.

—Patty Wetterling
11

The Search

Key Points

1. The actions of parents and of law enforcement in the first 48 hours are critical to

the safe recovery of a missing child, but the rawness of emotion can seriously

hinder the ability of parents to make rational decisions at this crucial time.

2. Your initial role in the search is to provide information to and answer questions

from investigators and to be at home in the event your child calls.

3. Most of the initial searching of the area where the child is believed to have been

last will be coordinated by law enforcement—either federal, state, or local,

depending on the circumstances of the disappearance.

4. An important aspect of law enforcement’s job is to preserve and protect any evidence gathered during the search.

5. Keep the name and telephone number of your law enforcement coordinator in a

safe, convenient place. Keep the lines of communication open between you and

your search coordinator by asking questions, making suggestions, and airing differences of opinion.

6. Bloodhounds are the best choice for use in a search because they have 60 times

the tracking power of German shepherds, can discriminate among scents, and

can follow your child’s scent in the air as well as on the ground—which means

that they may be able to follow your child’s scent even if he or she was carried

in someone’s arms or in a vehicle.

7. Established groups—rather than individual volunteers—should be recruited for

the search because they can gather together a large cadre of people very quickly, they have an inner chain of command that makes communication and training easier, and they have an internal screening mechanism that will help ensure

volunteers’ soundness of character.

8. The volunteer staging area should be located away from your home to protect

your family from the accompanying traffic and chaos.

9. All volunteer searchers reporting for duty should be required to show their

driver’s licenses and to list in a log book their names, addresses, and organizational affiliations. If possible, law enforcement should run background checks on

volunteers to guard against the involvement of misguided individuals.
12

Family Survival Guide

Key Points (continued)

10. Not all parents can or will want to be actively involved in the long-term search for

a child. If you want to stay involved, develop a plan and set up a timetable with

goals for continuing the search for your child, and set up a schedule of regular visits with your investigator to review the status of your child’s case.

11. Keep the public aware of your plight by publicizing any new information about

your child—such as a sighting or an interesting lead. Also, if your child has been

missing for several years, ask NCMEC to develop an age-progressed picture, then

place this picture next to the original picture on shirts, buttons, and posters.

12. Reread your notebook or journal periodically in case you find a passage that triggers a new idea or reminds you of something you had previously forgotten.

13. Consider hiring a private detective only if you are convinced that he or she can do

something better than what is being done by law enforcement. Always ask for 

and check references to find out if the investigator is legitimate, make sure the

detective has experience working with law enforcement, insist that all expenses

be itemized, and report to law enforcement any offers to bring your child back

immediately for a specific sum of money.

14. Be extremely cautious before you allow a psychic to become involved in your

child’s case. Give all psychic leads to law enforcement for thorough investigation.
13

The Search

Checklist: Gathering Evidence 

in the First 48 Hours

One of the most critical aspects in the search for a missing child is the gathering of evidence

that may hold clues about a child’s disappearance or whereabouts. The mishandling of evidence

can adversely affect an investigation. Similarly, the collection and preservation of evidence are

key to finding a missing child. Parents play a vital role in finding a missing child by providing critical information to law enforcement, by protecting evidence in and around the home, and by

gathering information about persons or situations that might hold clues. The following are

some tips on what you should do to help law enforcement conduct a thorough and complete

investigation. 

Secure your child’s room. Even though your child may have disappeared from outside the

home, your child’s room should be searched thoroughly by law enforcement for clues and evidence. Don’t clean the child’s room, wash your child’s clothes, or pick up your house. Don’t

allow well-meaning family members or friends to disturb anything. Even a trash bin or a computer may contain clues that lead to the recovery of the child.

Do not touch or remove anything from your child’s room or from your home that might

have your child’s fingerprints, DNA, or scent on it. This includes your child’s hairbrush, bed

linens, worn clothing, pencil with bite marks, diary, or address book. With a good set of fingerprints or a sample of DNA from hair, law enforcement may be able to tell whether your child

has been in a particular car or house. With good scent material, tracking dogs may be able to

find your child.

Do not allow anyone else to sleep in your child’s bed, play with his or her toys or computer, or use his or her bedroom for any purpose. Law enforcement dispatch should advise

you not to disturb any part of the house until a thorough search of the scene has been conducted. Investigators should let you know when their search is complete.

Be prepared to give investigators all the facts and circumstances related to the disappearance of your child. This includes knowing where your child was last seen, where your

child normally went to play, what your child was wearing, and what personal possessions your

child had with him or her.

Describe in detail the clothing your child was wearing and any personal items in the

child’s possession at the time of the disappearance. Specify color, brand, and size. If possible, have someone obtain replicas of clothing, hats, purses, backpacks, or other items your

child had or wore at the time of the disappearance. Give these articles to law enforcement for

them to release to the media and to show to searchers. Make sure you mark these items as

duplicates or replicas.

Make a list of personal identification marks and specific personality traits. Describe birthmarks, scars, tattoos, missing teeth, eyeglasses, contacts, speech patterns, and behavioral

traits. If possible, find photographs that show these unique features. If you have fingerprints of

your child or a DNA blood sample, also give these to law enforcement.

Gather together personal items, such as baby teeth, old baseball caps, or old toothbrushes. These items may contain hair or blood samples that may be useful as DNA evidence.

Also look for pencils or toys that contain impressions of your child’s teeth.

Think about your child’s behavior and routine. Be prepared to discuss where your child

played or hung out, what was the usual route taken to and from school, and what other paths

of travel might have been taken. Be specific about what your child did for recreation, including

playing outdoors, surfing the Internet, and other activities.

Try to remember any changes in your child’s routine or any new experiences. Look at personal and family calendars to see if they contain clues as to your child’s whereabouts or the

identity of the abductor. For example, during the past year, did your child join a soccer team,

change teams, or get a new coach? Did your child start playing or hanging out in a different

area? Did your child keep a diary that might hold clues?
14

Family Survival Guide

Try to remember if your child mentioned any new friends. Talk with your child’s friends and

teachers to see if they know of any new friends or other contacts your child recently made.

Find recent photographs of your child in both color and black and white, then have someone make multiple copies of the photographs and keep the originals in a safe place. Check

your cameras for undeveloped film because the most recent photos of your child may be found

there. Ask family members and friends to do the same. Give law enforcement multiple photos

showing different poses. Steer away from formal or posed photos that do not look like your child.

Being careful not to damage the photo, mark the back of each picture with your child’s name,

address, date of birth, and age when the picture was taken.

Find videotapes or movies of your child and make copies. Also ask family members and

friends if they have videotapes or movies of your child, perhaps at birthday parties, soccer games,

and so forth. Give law enforcement copies that show your child’s expressions and mannerisms.

Make a list of family members, friends, acquaintances, coaches, teachers, and other school

staff. Write down as many telephone numbers and addresses as you can. Offer information for

prior in-laws and relatives as well. Include on your list anyone you feel might have something

against you or your family.

Make a list of everyone who routinely comes to your home. Your list should include postal

workers, meter readers, garbage collectors, repair persons, salespeople, pizza delivery persons,

and so forth.

Make a list of new, different, or unusual people or circumstances in and around your home

or school within the past year. Think about if you or any of your neighbors had any home remodeling or house repairs done within the past year. Were any houses listed for sale in your neighborhood in the past year? Has there been any road construction or building in the area? Have any

traveling carnivals passed through the area?

Ask your child’s doctor and dentist for copies of the child’s medical and dental records

and x rays. Give copies of all medical and dental records to law enforcement for use in the

investigation.
15

The Search

Notes
17

Law Enforcement

To give your child the best chance of being found, you and law

enforcement must treat one another as partners.

—Don Ryce

Few parents have had experience working

with law enforcement agencies. Perhaps you

have had contact previously with law enforcement as a result of a traffic ticket or an accident. If so, you probably saw law enforcement

as the enforcer of rules that had been broken—

not as a lifeline.

But when your child is missing, you and law

enforcement become partners pursuing a

common goal—finding your lost or abducted

child. As partners, you need to establish a

relationship that is based on mutual respect,

trust, and honesty. As partners, however, you

do not have to agree on every detail. This

chapter provides insight into the relationship

you are entering into with law enforcement—

what you can expect from the investigation,

what types of questions you are likely to be

asked, and what situations you and your family are likely to encounter in the process.

Your Partnership

With Law

Enforcement

Most people do not believe that they will be

victims of crime—or that their children will be

victimized. But if a young

member of your family

becomes a victim, you will

likely wonder what law

enforcement expects of

you and what you can

expect of law enforcement.

Understanding these

expectations will deepen

your knowledge of law

enforcement’s role, establish a sound basis for your

relationship with the agencies and organizations that are there to help, and assist you

in handling this all-too-sudden change in

circumstances.

Make sure law enforcement understands

that your child is in danger and that his or

her absence is likely to be involuntary. If

your child is 10 years old or younger, it will not

be hard to show that your child is in danger.

However, if your child is older than 10, it is

important to let law enforcement know that

your child’s absence is not normal behavior

and that you would be surprised if your child

had disappeared voluntarily.

Ask your law enforcement agency if it uses

the AMBER Alert Plan (America‘s Missing:

Broadcast Emergency Response). The

AMBER Alert Plan is a voluntary partnership

between law enforcement agencies and broadcasters to activate an urgent bulletin in the

most serious child abduction cases (see page 4

for more information on the AMBER Alert Plan).

Check to see if any money, clothing (other

than what your child was wearing), or

other personal items are missing. If nothing

else is missing, be sure law enforcement is

aware of this.

Let law enforcement

know how your child

is doing in school

and if your child has

quarreled recently

with you or a friend.

If you can establish

that there is nothing to

indicate that your child

ran away, it will expedite law enforcement’s

CHAPTER 2

When asked if it bothered

me to take a lie detector

test, I told the reporter,

“They can electrocute me

if it will bring my son

back.”

—Claudine Ryce
18

Family Survival Guide

classification of your child as abducted or

endangered.

Be honest, complete, and forthcoming in

your statements and answers to law

enforcement. Fully disclose all recent activities of and conversations with your child.

What may seem insignificant to you may

be important to an investigator.

Be prepared for hard, repetitious questions

from investigators. As difficult as it may be,

try not to respond in a hostile manner to questions that seem personal or offensive. The fact

is that investigators must ask difficult and sensitive questions if they are to do their jobs

effectively.

Don’t feel guilty about relaying suspicions

concerning someone you know. It is not

often that a total stranger takes a child. You

may not want to believe that it is someone

that you know, but keep an open mind and

consider all the possibilities. Above all else,

trust your feelings, instincts, and gut reactions

and share them with law enforcement so

they can be checked out.

Do everything possible to get you and your

family removed from the suspect list. As

painful as it may be, accept the fact that a

large number of children are harmed by members of their own families, and therefore you

and your family will be considered suspects

until you are cleared. To help law enforcement

move on to other suspects, volunteer early to

take a polygraph test. Insist that both parents

be tested at the same time by different interviewers, or one after another. This will help to

deflect media speculation that one of you was

involved in the disappearance.

Insist that everyone close to your child be

interviewed. Encourage everyone—including

family members, friends, neighbors, teachers,

and coaches—to cooperate in the investigatory process. Although polygraph testing is

voluntary, refusal to take a polygraph can

cause law enforcement to spend time trying

to eliminate an individual from the suspect list

through other means and, as a result, take

valuable time away from finding the real

suspect.

Leave the interviewing of your other children to law enforcement. Do not question

your children yourself. Especially with younger

children, insist that a law enforcement officer

who is trained to interview children conduct

the questioning. Many law enforcement agencies have a child abuse unit with officers who

are specially trained to work with children.

You can also ask to have a child advocate sit

in on the interview with your child. Child advocates are specially trained volunteers who

provide assistance and support to children

involved in the legal process. Child advocates

are normally housed in the district attorney’s

office, the court, or the law enforcement

agency. Ask law enforcement for information

about your local child advocate office. If your

child is very young, you may be asked to sit in

on the interview. Don’t be alarmed, however,

if law enforcement prefers to interview your

children alone.

Be prepared for constant law enforcement

presence in your home. For the protection of

you and your family, an officer may be assigned

to your home on a 24-hour basis. Although this

presence may feel intrusive, welcome the officer, and recognize that this person is there to

answer calls and take leads, protect you and

other members of your family from potential

harm, and provide support. If your law enforcement agency is small, however, it may not

have the resources to place an officer in your

home 24 hours a day. In those circumstances,

it is still reasonable for you to ask for added

law enforcement protection in your home.

Talk regularly with your primary law

enforcement contact. The officer who

responded initially to your call for help may

not be your permanent family contact. If there

is a good chance that your child has run away,
19

Law Enforcement

for example, your primary law enforcement

contact may work in the missing persons

unit. If it is suspected that force was used to

abduct your child, your case may be handled

by a detective from homicide. Find out who

your primary law enforcement contact is and

get his or her phone and beeper numbers.

Make sure that you find

out the name of the

backup person to call

when your primary law

enforcement contact is

not available.

Pick a time of day for

your contact to call you

with information. But

realize that there will be

days when your investigator has nothing to report.

Also, designate one person to serve as the

primary law enforcement contact for the family. If your investigator is bombarded with telephone calls from family members and friends,

valuable time will be taken away from the

investigation.

Make sure investigators know that you

expect to hear about significant developments in the case from them, not from the

media. The flip side of this is that you must

honor law enforcement’s request not to disclose some pieces of information to the

media. Understand, however, that law

enforcement may not be able to tell you

everything about the case because full disclosure might jeopardize the investigation.

Satisfy yourself that law enforcement is

handling your child’s case properly. All of the

agencies involved in the investigation should

be cooperating with one another in pursuit of

one goal—finding your missing child and getting the predator off the street. The checklist

Working With Law Enforcement lists the

most important steps that

law enforcement can take

to find your missing child.

The more you understand

the investigatory process,

the better able you will be

to ask questions about it.

However, you should be

aware that most law enforcement officers do not

have firsthand experience

working on a missing child

case. If your primary contact cannot answer a

question, find out who can. Also, if you feel

that your child’s disappearance has been classified inappropriately, ask to speak to the officer’s supervisor or to someone else who may

have more experience in these types of cases.

Don’t take no for an answer if you feel strongly

that something else needs to be done.

Finally, learn about the services that are available from NCMEC, from your state missing

children’s clearinghouse, and from the television show America’s Most Wanted. See the

Additional Resources section at the end of

this Guide for addresses, phone numbers,

and brief descriptions of some of the services

that are available to you.

It’s okay if you can’t tell

me anything—just don’t lie

to me.

—Pat Sessions
20

Family Survival Guide

Key Points

1. You and law enforcement are partners in pursuit of a common goal—finding your

lost or abducted child—and as partners, you need to establish a relationship that

is based on mutual respect, trust, and honesty.

2. Most law enforcement officers do not have firsthand experience working on child

abduction cases, so if you feel that your child’s disappearance has been classified

inappropriately, speak to the officer’s supervisor.

3. In the beginning of the investigation, be prepared for extensive law enforcement

presence in your home.

4. Keep the telephone and beeper numbers of your primary law enforcement contact in a convenient location, and choose a time of day for that person to call you

with information, realizing that there will be days when your investigator has

nothing to report. Designate one person in your family to talk to your contact so

investigators can devote their time to the actual search.

5. Law enforcement may not be able to tell you everything about your case because

full disclosure could jeopardize the investigation.

6. Be prepared for difficult, personal, repeated questions from investigators. Answer

each question as honestly and completely as you can.

7. Do not question your children yourself. Especially with younger children, insist

that a law enforcement officer who is trained in interviewing children conduct

the interview.

8. Volunteer early to take a polygraph test, and ask that both parents be tested at

the same time by different interviewers, or one after another.

9. Because an abductor is often known by the family, insist that anyone close to the

child be interviewed. Share any suspicions with law enforcement so they can be

checked out.

10. Satisfy yourself that law enforcement is handling your case properly.
21

Law Enforcement

Checklist: Working With 

Law Enforcement

The following checklist describes the most important steps that law enforcement can take as

the investigation begins. Use this information to deepen your understanding of the investigatory process. Discuss these steps with your assigned law enforcement investigator, keeping in

mind that the order of the steps is likely to vary, depending upon individual circumstances.

A BOLO (Be On the Look Out) bulletin can be broadcast to local law enforcement agencies to

alert them to your missing child, and a teletype can be sent locally or regionally.

Ask your law enforcement agency if it uses the AMBER Alert Plan (America‘s Missing: Broadcast Emergency Response). Through AMBER Alert, law enforcement agencies and broadcasters activate an urgent bulletin in the most serious child abduction cases (see page 4 for more

information on the AMBER Alert Plan).

Your law enforcement agency is required by federal law to immediately enter your child’s name

into the National Crime Information Center (NCIC) registry of missing persons. There is no waiting period for entry into NCIC. If your law enforcement agency has any questions about compliance with this requirement, contact NCMEC.

NCMEC may be asked to broadcast fax your child’s picture to law enforcement agencies throughout the country. Assistance from Project ALERT (America’s Law Enforcement Retiree Team)

investigators and Team Adam may be requested. Patterned after the National Transportation

Safety Board’s system for sending specialists to the site of serious transportation incidents,

Team Adam sends trained, retired law enforcement officers to the site of child abductions

involving potential harm to the child and involves these officers in cases of child sexual exploitation. These “rapid-response” specialists, who work in full cooperation with federal, state, 

and local law enforcement agencies, advise and assist local investigators, provide access to

NCMEC’s extensive resources, and assist the victim’s family and the media, as appropriate.

Your local FBI Field Office may be notified in case additional services and support are needed. 

Your state missing children’s clearinghouse will be notified and additional services may be

requested.

The crime scene—the location outside your home where your child might have been

abducted—and your child’s bedroom will be secured. The officers who respond initially to your

call will evaluate the contents and appearance of your child’s bedroom and will secure your

child’s used bedding, clothing, and shoes and place them in clean bags to be used as scent articles. Your child’s toothbrush, hairbrush, and other items that might contain DNA evidence will

be stored in a safe place, and footprints in dust, mud, or snow will be protected to preserve the

scent. You may be asked if personal items are missing, and the last persons known to have

seen your child will be interviewed.

Tracking or trailing dogs or a helicopter equipped with an infrared or a heat-sensitive device (to

detect heat emitted from the body) may be requested after your residence, yard, and surrounding areas have been searched unsuccessfully.

Airlines, airports, bus and taxicab companies, subways, ferries, and ports may be advised of the

disappearance and given posters of your missing child.

Investigators may revisit various “hot spots” or checkpoints either at the same time of day or

the same day of the week following the disappearance to see if they can find anyone who has

seen something or who recalls something unusual at the time your child disappeared.

Your neighborhood watch should be contacted to see if anything suspicious was noticed.

The daily log of parking and traffic tickets and traffic stops will be checked to see if anything

relates to your child’s disappearance.
22

Family Survival Guide

The convicted sex offender registry will be checked to find out if a potential suspect was in the

area.

Local newspapers should be collected and reviewed to provide possible clues or leads for the

search. Local or regional events and activities—such as carnivals, county fairs, festivals, sports

events, and music concerts—and want ads for hired help may produce names or clues regarding either the predator or a witness to the disappearance.

A procedure for handling extortion attempts should be established.

Neighboring jurisdictions should be contacted to find out if incidents of a similar nature have

occurred there also.
23

Law Enforcement

Notes
25

The Media

One shot on the evening news is worth 20,000 posters.

—Patrick Sessions

The media can be important allies in the search

for your missing child. But media interest in

your case may be either intense or lukewarm,

depending on the circumstances surrounding

the disappearance of your child and the

media’s judgment of what is newsworthy.

If you are subjected to intensive media coverage, welcome the attention, even though it

may feel uncomfortable, because it is the

fastest and most important way to distribute

information about and pictures of your child. If

you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by the

amount of attention, ask law enforcement to

help you deal with the sudden barrage of reporters and requests for interviews. However,

if the media do not take an interest in your

case, there are a number of things you can do

to get the media involved. This chapter offers

suggestions for generating, maintaining, and

managing media involvement.

Media 

Involvement: 

The First 48 Hours

During the first 48 hours, you need to do as

much as you can to generate media interest in the

search for your child. The

following tips can help.

Contact the media

immediately. Media publicity is the best way to

generate leads from the

public concerning your

child. In most cases, the

media should be contacted immediately

because time is not on your child’s side. You

can ask law enforcement to make the initial

calls to media outlets, but if this is not done

within the first hour, call and give the information to the assignment editors yourself.

Intense, early media coverage ensures that

people will be looking for your child. Sometimes the coverage is so intense it causes an

abductor to let the child go.

Ask radio and television stations to run

short clips about the disappearance or to

break into their regular programming with

information, as is done with a weather

warning or other emergency broadcast.

Don’t wait until the evening news to have

information disseminated about your child.

Time is of the essence.

Although television coverage is crucial in

getting out pictures and stories of your

child, don’t ignore other types of media.

Print and radio media reach tens of thousands

of homes each day, and they may be more

generous in their treatment of your story.

Many people are likely to hear about your

child’s disappearance first on their car radios.

Supplement those broadcasts with stories

and pictures of your child in the earliest possible edition of your local newspaper.

Law enforcement may

need to be convinced

that the media are

important allies in a

missing child case.

Sometimes law enforcement is reluctant to get

the media involved in an

active criminal investigation. If your law enforcement agency is reluctant,

you will have to work

closely with your primary

contact. Point out that swift use of the media

has led to the successful recovery of more

CHAPTER 3

The media are your best

friends. Use them, don’t let

them use you.

—Claudine Ryce
26

Family Survival Guide

Setting Ground Rules

than one missing child and that your child’s

safety and recovery are more important than

building a case against a suspect. Emphasize

that you are going to be around for interrogation as weeks pass, but your child’s life is in

imminent jeopardy. Ask if certain information

should not be released because it might jeopardize the case or the safety of your child

and honor that request. As a last resort, ask

NCMEC, your state missing children’s clearinghouse, and missing children’s organizations to

assist in the event that your law enforcement

agency does not want to involve the media.

Prepare a media package and give it to all

representatives of the media. The media

package should include basic information

about your child, including:

■ A complete description of your child and of

the clothing he or she was wearing at the

time of the disappearance.

■ A description of the place where your child

was last seen.

■ Black-and-white and color photos.

■ A phone number for people to call with

possible leads.

■ Details of the reward, if one is being

offered.

■ Other pertinent information that could help

in the recovery of your child, such as a

suspicious vehicle near the location where

your child was last seen.

A media package will ensure that all reporters

start with the same information and will reduce the amount of time you spend answering basic questions. When you prepare a

media package, make enough copies to distribute, then keep the original in a safe place

in case you need it again in the future.

Select someone to function as a media

spokesperson if you feel you are not able

to speak alone. Audiences identify with the

fear and anguish parents feel when their child

is missing. Seeing your face and hearing your

Setting Ground Rules

In the very beginning, media interest is likely to be both intense and intimidating. Therefore,

it’s important for you to establish ground rules as to where and how often you or your

spokesperson will meet with the media. The following tips can help.

■ Schedule specific times and locations so reporters know when and where they

will be able to ask questions and obtain information. Remember that you control

the situation—the media do not control you.

■ Choose a location that is convenient for you but that allows the media the space they

need to cover the story. For example, you may feel most comfortable holding interviews

either outside your house or inside one room. That way, you can allow the media to

glimpse your child’s personal life without letting them become too invasive.

■ Don’t open up your home to the media without restrictions or limitations. If you do, you

will lose all privacy, and the presence of reporters could interfere with officers working at the scene.

■ Don’t feel that you are personally obligated to provide all interviews or to participate

in all media events. Ask law enforcement, your family spokesperson, and other family

members to help.

■ Remember that you have the ability to set limits in terms of timing, scheduling, and

making rules concerning the use of pictures of your other children. Be sure that the

media are aware of your rules and that you expect them to be followed.
27

The Media

voice will motivate viewers to look closer at

the picture of your child and to search harder

for him or her. Therefore, it is best if you can

speak on your child’s behalf. However, don’t

feel you need to be a great speaker. Just talk

from your heart and let people know you love

your child and need their help in finding and

bringing your child home. Bolster your confidence by having someone you know stand

beside you to provide support and step in if

necessary. On the other hand, if you or your

spouse feel unable to deal with the media,

choose someone you trust to speak for you,

and try to stand beside your spokesperson

during the interview. The

checklist Conducting Interviews With the Media

gives more specific 

tips on interviews with

both print and broadcast

journalists.

Schedule press conferences and interviews

around media deadlines.

The media operate on

deadlines. If you schedule

a press conference either too early or too late

in the day, reporters will find it difficult to finish their pieces in time to meet their daily

deadlines. Consult with reporters to find out

when and how often they would like to meet

with you. Many parents have found 10 a.m.

and 1 p.m. to be good times because they

give reporters enough time to prepare stories

for both the noon and evening news and

because many reporters have openings in

their schedule at these times.

Do not schedule draining interviews or

speeches back to back. Realize that you

have limited mental and physical resources

and that if you are not fresh, you will not be

effective. If you have an opportunity to appear

on a popular radio or television show or on a

national network, give this engagement priority over others. However, remember that local

television and radio stations will be in your

community after the networks leave, so work

to develop a long-term relationship with them.

Sometimes you can ask local stations to rerun

portions of an interview you did with the

national affiliate.

Avoid scheduling press conferences that

conflict with an important event. If you

want to make an important announcement,

such as a reward offer, make sure you aren’t

competing with another scheduled event. Find

out what events are listed in the day book—

often kept by Associated Press—which is

used by local media to keep track of newsworthy occurrences. Set your press conference for a time when nothing else significant

is happening.

Ask NCMEC or law

enforcement to contact America’s Most

Wanted on your behalf.

The staff of this television program, which

broadcasts nationally,

have a special interest

in helping to recover

abducted children. 

Be aware of your public status. Although

this is not the kind of fame you want, you

may attain some sort of “celebrity” standing

because of your continuous involvement with

the media. This sudden public status can be

very intrusive. People will recognize and

approach you wherever you go. The media

may turn up at any time and any place, asking

for information. You may be filmed any time

you are in a public place—and even through

the windows of your own home, if the photographer uses a powerful lens. Therefore, for

your child’s sake, conduct yourself as if all

eyes were upon you. Realize that you no

longer have the same privacy you once had.

Try not to be paranoid, but be careful. Don’t

do things that might cast you in a negative

light, but don’t feel guilty if you go out to dinner or to the movies to relieve the stress as

the days and weeks pass.

Stay calm, collected, and

focused. Prepare your

thoughts and ideas before

you get into an interview.

—Don Ryce
28

Family Survival Guide

Review all media stories, comments, and

tapes. Parents, family members, and friends

should review all media spots and events in

case they contain clues or pieces of information that could help you at a later date. For

example, comments by particular individuals,

multiple appearances by one individual, or

knowledge of personal or confidential information not previously revealed may help to

pinpoint either the perpetrator or persons

close to the perpetrator.

If your child is returned, don’t let him or

her review any tapes of the suspect. This

may jeopardize identification of the suspect

by your child when a lineup is scheduled by

law enforcement.

Media 

Involvement:

After the First 

48 Hours

At first, you may feel

overwhelmed by the

intense media interest

generated by your child’s

disappearance. After a

week or so, however, if

your child has not been

found, you may run into

the opposite problem. 

If media interest dies

down, you will have to

work to keep the story

going. Here are some

things you can do to 

keep your child’s story 

in the public eye.

Devise “media hooks”

to keep your child’s story in front of the

public. Schedule a press conference on an

important day, such as National Missing

Children’s Day (May 25), or prepare a press

release to coincide with federal or state

legislation relating to missing, exploited, or

victimized children. Remember, you don’t

know how long you will have to search for

your child, so you need to plan for the long

term. Ask a family member or friend to help

if you find the task too difficult.

Give the story a new slant. To give the story

a new look, you may want to change the tone

of your interviews. Try bringing in someone

new to discuss the case, such as a politician,

sports personality, popular entertainer, or

someone close to the investigation.

Pace yourself. Parcel out new developments

in the case in separate announcements to

spread coverage over a longer period of time.

Ask law enforcement to notify the press of

significant developments, such as important

leads or items found during the physical

search.

Keep the story alive by tying it to a variety

of events and activities. You can hold a candlelight vigil, announce a reward, or show

how celebrations such as a birthday, holiday,

or graduation are different without your child.

You can tie your child’s

story to something that

will be broadcast repeatedly, such as a popular

song on the radio. Then,

every time the song

plays, it will be a reminder that your child is

still missing. If you can

create a way for the

media to present your

child’s story in a different way, it is more likely

to be run. Remember

that media attention increases when you hold

special events and when

anniversaries come up. Also, remember to

coordinate all events and activities with law

enforcement because they can be an important part of the overall investigative strategy.

Once a reporter made

some incredibly insensitive

comments about our missing child in front of his siblings. We resolved their

hurt and anger by talking

the situation over in a family meeting and deciding

how to deal with such

questions in the future.

—Patty Wetterling
29

The Media

Victim’s Bill of Rights

Appearing on air, whether television or radio, is a new experience for most people. The anxiety

produced by this new experience, combined with the trauma of the initial victimization and the

retelling of it, underscores the need for parent victims to maintain control over the situation. The

following guidelines were written by the National Center for Victims of Crime to minimize the

possibility of a second victimization inflicted by the mishandling of a story by the media.

■ You have the right to say no to an interview.

■ You have the right to select the spokesperson or advocate of your choice.

■ You have the right to select the time and location for media interviews.

■ You have the right to request a specific reporter.

■ You have the right to refuse an interview with a specific reporter even though you have

granted interviews to other reporters.

■ You have the right to say no to an interview even though you have previously granted

interviews.

■ You have the right to release a written statement through a spokesperson in lieu of an

interview.

■ You have the right to exclude children from interviews.

■ You have the right to refrain from answering any questions that make you uncomfortable or

that seem inappropriate.

■ You have the right to know in advance what direction the story about your victimization is

going to take.

■ You have the right to ask for review of your quotations in a storyline prior to publication.

■ You have the right to avoid a press conference atmosphere and to speak to only one reporter

at a time.

■ You have the right to demand a retraction when inaccurate information is reported.

■ You have the right to ask that offensive photographs or visuals be omitted from airing or

publication.

■ You have the right to conduct a television interview using a silhouette or a newspaper

interview without having your photograph taken.

■ You have the right to completely give your side of the story related to your victimization.

■ You have the right to refrain from answering reporters’ questions during trial.

■ You have the right to file a formal complaint against a reporter.

■ You have the right to grieve in privacy.

■ You have the right to suggest training for the media on how they can prevent additional

traumatization for victims.

■ You have the right to be treated with dignity and respect by the media at all times.

Reprinted with permission from the National Center for Victims of Crime, 2000 M Street NW., Suite 480, Washington,

DC 20036, www.ncvc.org.

Victim’s Bill of Rights
30

Family Survival Guide

Develop rapport with someone in radio,

television, and print. If a reporter or editor

takes a special interest in your story, that person can help you devise ways to get your

child’s story back in the spotlight. Keep a list

of names, telephone and fax numbers, and

personal and professional interests. Although

reporters often change stations, newspapers,

and cities, remember that they can take a

story with them wherever they go.

Identify the assignment editors for each

news organization, and send your press

releases to their attention. Assignment editors are the ones who decide which events to

cover and whom to assign as reporters. If you

plan an event, let the news organization know

what is happening by faxing a news release.

Give the facts of the case, along with a news

“slant.”

Consider granting exclusive interviews. In

the beginning, you probably will not want to

grant an exclusive interview because interest

will be high and you will want the broadest

coverage possible. Also, granting an exclusive

interview to one news organization over

another may offend the one that you leave

out. Later, however, an exclusive interview

may be appropriate, such as to one station

that has developed a story independently or

to a national media group such as ABC, CBS,

CNN, FOX, or NBC. In some cases, an exclusive interview may be the only way to get a

particular aspect of your story out.

Use the media to appeal for special help.

The media can be a very effective tool in asking for help. If you need volunteers, training,

printing, or equipment that is prohibitively

expensive or not readily available, ask the

media to broadcast your request. Give a wish

list to local radio stations because they in particular are often willing to publicize such

appeals as a public service or interest report.

Not only can this provide you with the help

you need, but it can be yet another hook to

remind the public to keep looking for your

child.

If possible, obtain the help of a media

expert. Sometimes professionals working in

the field of public relations donate their services to parents. Because these professionals

are very savvy in their dealings with the

media, they can be a tremendous help.
31

The Media

Public Awareness Events ublic Awareness Events

Media attention generates leads and keeps your story in front of the public. The following ideas

are also excellent ways to involve volunteers in the search campaign.

■ Appear on radio and television programs to discuss your child’s disappearance.

■ Hold a press conference or other media event on your child’s birthday or on the anniversary

of the disappearance.

■ Prepare press releases or make personal statements about the disappearance of a child in

another community.

■ Prepare press releases relating to federal, state, or local legislation.

■ Publish a letter to your child in your local newspaper.

■ Ask radio stations throughout your state to play your child’s favorite song and dedicate it to

your child.

■ Hold a rally at your child’s school with music and prayers.

■ Ask your child’s school to organize a letter writing campaign to politicians, the media, or

your state legislature.

■ Organize student marches to distribute fliers or posters.

■ Develop buttons or T-shirts with your child’s picture and a special message to your child.

■ Hold a prayer vigil.

■ Hold a candlelight vigil.

■ Organize a dance or a benefit auction.

■ Give a special award to the law enforcement officer who served as your primary law

enforcement contact.

■ Ask sports teams in your area to include pictures of your child in their programs and to

make public service announcements at all games.

■ Plant a tree or dedicate a garden in your child’s name.

■ Release helium-filled balloons with your child’s name and other relevant information printed

on them.

■ Hold bowling tournaments.

■ Hold running, dance, or other types of marathons.

■ Ask local businesses or banks to dedicate a Christmas tree or a display of lights in honor of

your child.
32

Family Survival Guide

Key Points

1. The media should be contacted immediately after your child’s disappearance—

either by you or by law enforcement—because media publicity is the best way to

generate leads from the public.Time is of the essence.

2. If your law enforcement agency is reluctant to involve the media in an active

criminal investigation, work closely with your primary contact to convince the

agency that media attention has led to the successful recovery of more than one

missing child.

3. Prepare a package to give to all representatives of the media that includes a complete description of your child and of the clothing he or she was wearing at the

time of the disappearance, a description of the place where your child was last

seen, a phone number for people to call with leads, details of the reward (if one

is being offered), and black-and-white and color photos.

4. Your pleas for help will be most effective if you personally speak to the media on

your child’s behalf, but if you cannot do that, ask someone you trust to stand

beside you and step in if necessary or to be your spokesperson.

5. Schedule interviews and press conferences around media deadlines, and consult

the Associated Press day book to help you avoid scheduling press conferences

that conflict with an important news event.

6. Devise “media hooks,” such as candlelight vigils or birthday celebrations, to keep

your child’s story in front of the public. Parcel out new developments in the case

in separate announcements to spread coverage over a longer period of time.

7. The media, especially local radio stations, can be an effective tool in asking for

help.

8. Be aware that you have become a public person and that the media may turn up

at any time and any place to ask questions or to capture your activities on film.

Although being in the spotlight might feel intrusive, such attention means that

people are interested in learning more about your case.

9. If you suspect that your child has been abducted, ask NCMEC or law enforcement

to contact America’s Most Wanted on your behalf.

10. If your child is returned, don’t jeopardize identification of the perpetrator by

allowing your child to review tapes of the suspect.
33

The Media

Checklist: Conducting Interviews 

With the Media

The most successful media interviews happen because of advance planning. If you know

beforehand what points you want to get across, you are more likely to have a positive experience with the media. The following tips can help.

Articulate the most crucial information in every interview. Before you set up an interview,

be sure you are ready. Be prepared to discuss information pertinent to the case—but be sure

that law enforcement has been consulted about what information can be released and what

should remain confidential. Give essential information consistently to everyone in the media,

especially the following items:

■ Pictures of your child, in both black and white and color, if possible.

■ A description of the clothing your child was wearing and of the items your child had in his

or her possession, such as a book bag, backpack, or bicycle, along with identifying characteristics and personal traits.

■ A telephone number for people to call in leads.

Ask that your child’s picture be included in every interview you grant. This is crucial

because often the only thing that is clearly known is what your child looks like. Make sure that

the picture given to the media resembles your child and is suitable for distribution. Always hold

up a picture of your child during an interview and insist that his or her face be shown as part of

the story. Ask radio stations to include a description of your child as part of their story.

Limit the number of points you want to make and keep them simple. Organize your

thoughts and ideas, perhaps by writing them down, before you speak to an interviewer. Stay

as calm and focused as you can. Remember that you will be given a very small amount of air

time. That means that the more you say, the less control you will have over what portion of an

interview the media will play.

Try to cover the most important points first and to contain your answers to 10- to 20-

second “sound bites.” Short answers are more likely to be used than long, drawn-out

answers. Also, if you try to cover too much, you may find that your most important points

are left out of the story.

Make your child real by sharing stories that show his or her wit, interests, and other

endearing qualities. If you personalize your plea by showing favorite toys, telling short anecdotes, and airing representative videotapes of your child, people are more apt to listen and

remember and to feel they have a reason to care about your plight. However, don’t loan any

original items to the media because you may not get them back. Always label your child’s pictures, videos, and possessions.

Keep control of the story. Be prepared to field difficult questions. Although many reporters

have families and will empathize with you, their job is to give the public an interesting story.

Some may appear to be skeptical of you—at least initially—because of well-publicized disappearances in which the parents turned out to be the culprits.

Regardless of the questions asked, keep the story focused on your missing child. If a

reporter digs a skeleton out of your closet, don’t be afraid to say that a previous event has

nothing to do with the present disappearance. You may need to point out that members of the

same family can be totally different in terms of behavior, academic performance, and emotional

maturity.

Be patient with reporters because many of them may be young and inexperienced. It is

difficult for someone who is not yet a parent to imagine what you are going through. If you are

asked an inappropriate question, don’t answer it—and don’t explain why.
34

Family Survival Guide

Do not lie to the media. If you are caught in a lie, reporters will never trust you again. But

remember that you don’t have to answer every question. The only reason you are giving an

interview is to find your child. You don’t have any obligation to help the media carry a story in a

direction you don’t want it to go. If you believe a question is insensitive or irrelevant, either say

so and decline to answer or else give the information you want to present regardless of the

question that was asked. Take control of the situation. Make the points you have to make and

insist on getting your message across.

Do not disclose information to the media that your law enforcement contact has told you

to keep confidential. Consult with your law enforcement agency in advance to find out what

information can be released and what information should remain private. Remember that there

is no “off the record” comment. If reporters want confidential information, they will try to get it.

Consider holding joint press conferences with law enforcement as a way to keep information

flowing to the media yet protect confidential details.

Never publicly criticize law enforcement. Sometimes reporters ask questions intended to create controversy over law enforcement’s handling of a case. Resist the temptation to criticize law

enforcement, however, even if you are unhappy with something that has been done. You want

the story to be about your child, not about a controversy with law enforcement. You also don’t

want to risk alienating the people who are spearheading the effort to find your child. Instead,

channel any complaints you have through the appropriate law enforcement person or office.
35

The Media

Notes
37

Photo and Flier Distribution

The more people who know that your child is in danger and what

your child looks like, the better the chances are that someone will

recognize your child and report his or her whereabouts.

—Claudine Ryce

Distributing pictures of and information about

your missing child is an essential part of the

search and recovery process. During the first

48 hours, it is critical that recent pictures of

your child and facts pertinent to the disappearance be given to law enforcement, the

news media, and nonprofit organizations and

agencies. Physical traits and personality characteristics should also be described as specifically as possible. This chapter contains important tips about photo and flier distribution and

can guide you through both the short- and

long-term process.

Photo and Flier

Distribution: The

First 48 Hours

Search for the most recent pictures. Don’t

look for pictures in your scrapbook. See if

your camera has undeveloped film in it and, if

so, take it to be developed. Ask family members and friends if they have recent pictures

or videos of your child from a birthday party,

holiday celebration, sports event, or school

outing. Almost always, your child’s school will

have a copy of the latest school picture or will

be able to tell you the name and telephone

number of the school photographer. Even a

passport picture, school identification card, or

driver’s license is better than nothing.

Pick out pictures that most resemble your

child. Remember that posters and fliers will

show only the head, neck, and top of the

shoulders. Candid shots are fine, as long as

the facial image is clear. Several pictures from

different angles may give people a better idea

of what your child looks like. When selecting

photos, keep the purpose in mind—to enable

people to recognize your child, not admire a

poster that flatters but does not look like your

child. For examples of fliers, a sample template, and other items that can be distributed,

see the collage on pages 38–39.

Videos or home movies are excellent

choices for airing on television. Videos capture your child’s appearance, mannerisms,

and voice quality. They offer the added advantage of engaging the hearts of viewers, who

can relate to the image on the screen as a

live personality. Such viewers are more likely

to be on the lookout for your child or even to

volunteer to help in the search effort.

Ask someone to have copies made of the

pictures and videos you select. Photographs

can be duplicated quickly by Eckerd Drug

Store, K-Mart, Kinko’s, PIP Printing, and most

camera supply shops. Some businesses may

give you a discount rate if you give them your

child’s case number showing that you have

reported your child as missing to the police.

Put all photo originals and negatives in a

safe place. Never give away your only copy of

a picture, unless you don’t care if you get it

back.

If the picture was taken by a professional

photographer, you may need to get permission to have the picture reproduced.

Under most circumstances, professional photographers will be glad to help by giving permission to reproduce a picture once you

explain your situation. Some may even reproduce the pictures for you free of charge, so

don’t be afraid to ask. At the same time, if

possible, have the pictures digitized onto a

CHAPTER 4
38

Family Survival Guide

NONFAMILY ABDUCTION SAMPLE

NAME OF CHILD

CHILD’S PHOTO CHILD’S PHOTO

DIFFERENT ANGLE

(Date of Photo) (Date of Photo)

Date Missing: Age Now:

Missing From:

Birth: Age Disap:

Sex: Race:

Height: Weight:

Hair: Eyes:

ID Info:

Circum:

ANYONE HAVING INFORMATION SHOULD CONTACT

The National Center for Missing & Exploited Children®

1–800–843–5678

OR

LOCAL POLICE DEPARTMENT INFORMATION

Note: A missing child must be registered with the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children®

before adding the organization’s name and telephone number to this flier.

Source: National Center for Missing & Exploited Children®.
39

Photo and Flier Distribution
40

Family Survival Guide

floppy disk that can be used to send the 

picture by e-mail to nonprofit organizations

across the country that have access to the

Internet.

Put someone persuasive in charge of photo

distribution. Ask your photo distribution coordinator to keep a log showing who was given

a picture or videotape, then to follow up to

make sure that the photographs were distributed. In addition to local media outlets, local

civic and business groups,

and volunteer groups,

copies of your child’s photograph can be sent to

local government agencies. Permission can be

obtained from county

commissioners, agency

officers, or whoever has

authority to post your

child’s fliers in buses, at

bus and subway stops, in

tollbooths, at rest stops,

and in federal and state

parks and buildings.1

Get as many individuals

and organizations as

possible to distribute

your child’s picture.

Start with your neighbors

and friends. Then call

NCMEC, your state missing children’s clearinghouse, and private, nonprofit missing children’s organizations in your

state and surrounding states, eventually blanketing the country. Ask them to distribute

your child’s picture through their networks

and to display it on their Internet site. Make

use of today’s high-speed communication

links to distribute your child’s picture throughout the country.

If you are not hooked up to the Internet,

contact someone who is. The Internet

allows you to transmit clearer pictures of your

child more quickly and less expensively than

you could by fax. First, you must have your

child’s picture scanned and digitized—that is,

put on a computer disk. A print or computer

shop can provide this service to you. Next,

call individual organizations to obtain their 

e-mail addresses. Now, you can use your disk

to simultaneously send your child’s picture by

e-mail to a wide variety of

organizations. The alternative is to purchase separate color pictures and

then send your child’s picture to each organization

via overnight mail, which

is a far slower and more

expensive process than

digitizing and sending

them via e-mail.

Ask your photo distribution coordinator to find

out where your child’s

picture has been

posted. Check the Internet sites of NCMEC, your

state missing children’s

clearinghouse, and private

missing children’s organizations to find out where

your child’s picture has

been distributed. Expand

the area of distribution to

cover the entire country during the second

24-hour period by including the U.S. Customs

Service, Border Patrol, and Coast Guard.

Plug into NCMEC’s photo distribution services. NCMEC posts photos of missing children

on its Web site (www.missingkids.com). On

average, 12,190 visits are made on the site

1By Executive memorandum, NCMEC distributes fliers of missing children to federal agencies for posting in their 

buildings.

Private businesses 

throughout our state 

donated large color reward

posters, labels showing our

son’s face, a toll-free 

number for people to call 

if they had seen our son,

mailing envelopes, and 

more than $9,000 in 

postage so we could send 

25 reward posters to every

U.S. Congressperson and

every state Governor, with 

a special plea asking them to

put up posters of our son in

a heavily trafficked area of

their home communities.

—Claudine Ryce
41

Photo and Flier Distribution

each day, and many companies and agencies

have links to this site. In addition, NCMEC

can coordinate national media exposure

through its partnership with major newspapers, magazines, television networks, and

corporations.

Ask your primary law enforcement contact

to request that NCMEC send a broadcast

fax to its network of law enforcement

agencies. NCMEC has the capability to broadcast fax posters and other case-related information to more than 26,000 law enforcement

agencies, FBI Field Offices, state missing children’s clearinghouses, the Border Patrol, and

medical examiners’ offices throughout the

country. NCMEC can send your child’s picture

to its network of agencies as soon as your

law enforcement agency or the investigating

agency makes a request. NCMEC case management personnel are available oncall to

make emergency posters, broadcast faxes,

and distribute photographic images in the

evenings and on weekends.

If your child has been abducted and is in

danger, ask law enforcement or NCMEC to

contact America’s Most Wanted on your

behalf. You need to ask either NCMEC or

your law enforcement agency to make this

call. America’s Most Wanted can be reached

by calling 800–CRIMETV (800–274–6388). The

program can run a missing children alert,

which is a public service announcement

showing your child’s picture.

Photo and Flier

Distribution:

After the 

First 48 Hours

After the first 48 hours, draw on your imagination and the ideas of your many contacts to

keep your child’s picture and story alive before

the public. Here are some ideas of what can

be done.

Be creative and aggressive in getting your

child’s posters put up in heavily trafficked

areas across the country. Get approval for

your mail carrier to place fliers in mailboxes.

Ask utility companies to distribute fliers as

their meter readers make their routes. Ask

churches to request that their members

include your child’s flier in Christmas cards

and other letters. Ask banks and other groups

that make regular mailings to include copies

of your child’s flier. Ask Federal Express,

United Parcel Service, local pizza companies,

and other delivery companies to distribute

fliers on their routes. Ask trucking lines or

moving companies to post pictures on the

backs of their trucks. Ask airline pilot and

flight attendant unions to request that members post fliers in cities where airline personnel lay over. Call motorcycle clubs and other

groups that hold national meetings to see if

their members will take along fliers for distribution. If anyone helping you has difficulty

convincing a company to post or distribute

your child’s picture, you personally should get

on the phone because it is harder to say no to

a victim parent. The checklist Distributing

Fliers contains further tips for flier production

and distribution.

Prepare a press kit for distribution to national news and talk shows and magazines.

Ask local public relations firms or persons with

writing ability to help you prepare the kit and to

secure e-mail and street addresses. Be sure to

include local and regional radio stations. Your

law enforcement agency can also give you

guidance on press kit preparation.

Look for events where volunteers can

distribute fliers. Have volunteers research

and make a list of events such as sports contests, county fairs, festivals, and concerts

planned in your community, state, and region.

Distribute fliers to those events as part of

your overall canvassing plan.

Send press releases and arrange interviews

during special or seasonal events. Consider

celebrating your missing child’s birthday by

reading aloud cards or special messages you

hope he or she will hear. Speak at what would
42

Family Survival Guide

have been your child’s graduation from elementary or middle school. Distribute ageprogressed photos of your child and updated

case information to refresh people’s memories and renew interest in your child’s plight.

Enlist the aid of celebrities and politicians

who can help publicize your child’s case.

Continue to work with NCMEC and its

photo distribution program. More than 400

private-sector participants use NCMEC’s print

photographs, and a number of federal agencies

place NCMEC photos in their mail as well.

ADVO, a direct-mail company, disseminates

NCMEC’s photographs of missing children to

up to 85 million homes each week, with pictures of more than 80 different children issued

each year. About one in six children who have

been featured in the ADVO photo distribution

program have been recovered. NCMEC electronically distributes approximately 70,000

posters of missing children monthly to all WalMart stores and Sam's Clubs across the country. In addition, the U.S. Postal Service has a

photo distribution program in place that sends

fliers by fax to post offices nationwide for display and for dissemination by mail carriers.

Make your own picture cards to insert in

mass mailings. Get permission from government agencies, utility companies, and private

businesses to have your card inserted in

newspapers and envelopes containing state

license renewals, tax assessments, local utility bills, payroll envelopes, and bank statements. Talk to direct-mail advertising companies to gain access to mass coupon mailings.

Ask national groups for help. Ask law

enforcement associations, women’s auxiliary

groups, civic groups such as the Rotary Club

or Elks and Moose lodges, the Chamber of

Commerce, military groups or associations

such as the Veterans of Foreign Wars, and

college fraternities to distribute and post your

child’s poster or flier.

Ask a variety of franchise businesses to

distribute posters through their normal

supply lines. Consider especially various fast

food and gasoline chains. Individuals who

A Word About Fax Machines

If you do not own a fax machine, look for one you can rent or borrow, or get permission to

use the fax number of a nearby business or police station. You can use it for quick and

inexpensive communications with:

■ Law enforcement.

■ The news media.

■ Missing child agencies.

■ State missing children’s clearinghouses.

■ Other individuals and organizations that are willing to help.

When a face-to-face meeting cannot take place—or if information needs to be disseminated quickly—a fax machine can provide you with an important link to your law enforcement

agency as you work together to prepare and review press releases, set up interview

schedules, or provide lists of the names and telephone numbers of individuals who may

hold clues to the whereabouts of your child. A fax machine in your home will also enable

you to call organizations devoted to missing child issues, ask them to fax their intake

forms to you, and then fill out, sign, and fax back the forms immediately.

A Word About Fax Machines
43

Photo and Flier Distribution

know who has abducted or who is holding

your child may frequent liquor stores and

adult bookstores more often than banks, post

offices, and schools. Reward posters should

be posted where people with information are

most likely to see them.

Consider using publicity gimmicks to

etch your child’s face in the public’s memory. Have your child’s picture printed on buttons, T-shirts, bumper stickers, stamps, and

baseball-type cards.

Appear on talk shows on the condition

that your child’s picture is shown during

the program. Be sure that the subject of the

talk show is compatible with the seriousness

of your child’s situation and that the show’s

topics and other guests can be verified prior

to your appearance. Make sure that the storyline will help, not harm, you and your child.

Steer clear of sensational shows that focus

on serial child murders, child sexual exploitation, or other issues that can take the focus

away from your case.
44

Family Survival Guide

Key Points

1. During the first 48 hours, it is critical that recent pictures of your child, descriptions of physical traits and personality characteristics, and facts pertinent to the

disappearance be given to law enforcement, the news media, and nonprofit

organizations and agencies.

2. Distribute only recent pictures that resemble your child. Remember that posters

and fliers will show only the head, neck, and top of the shoulders.

3. Choose representative videos or home movies for airing on television to show

viewers your child’s appearance, mannerisms, and voice quality.

4. Never give away your only copy of a picture or video.

5. Be both creative and aggressive in getting your child’s posters put up in heavily

trafficked areas across the country.

6. Use publicity gimmicks, such as buttons,T-shirts, and bumper stickers, to etch

your child’s face in the public’s memory.

7. Prepare a press kit for distribution to national news and talk shows and

magazines.

8. Extend your search to the Internet, which will allow you to send your child’s

picture to a wide variety of organizations via e-mail more quickly and less

expensively than you could by fax.

9. Plug into available photo distribution services, including NCMEC, which can

coordinate national media exposure, send a broadcast fax to its national network

of law enforcement agencies, contact America’s Most Wanted requesting that a

public service announcement be aired on your behalf, and post photos of your

child on its Web site.

10. If your child has been missing for a long time, distribute age-progressed photos

and updated case information to refresh people’s memories and renew interest in

your child’s plight.
45

Photo and Flier Distribution

Checklist: Distributing Fliers

Effective fliers creatively combine photographs with basic information about your child. The following checklist can help you develop strategies for increasing the visibility of your child’s case

and generating possible leads about the disappearance.

Ask someone creative to take charge of flier and poster production. Friends, family members, and volunteers can help with this task. Your poster coordinator can ask local printers to

produce fliers free or at a discount rate. You can also work through NCMEC, whose case managers are authorized to contact your local PIP Printing store and make arrangements for several

hundred copies of fliers to be printed at no charge to the parent. Special requests for larger

quantities have been granted for children who are in particular danger.

Have fliers printed in different sizes for different purposes. Use different sizes for buttons,

handouts, reward posters, mailings, and labels. Use the samples in this chapter as a guide.

Ask your primary law enforcement contact what telephone number should be published

on the flier for people to use to call in tips. Because the purpose of fliers is to generate

leads and tips relevant to your child’s case, it is crucial to include a special phone number for

readers to call. Often, law enforcement prefers to use a 24-hour hotline staffed by trained information takers rather than the local police telephone number, which may revert to voice mail or

a beeper when no one is in the office. The NCMEC toll-free number can be used only after your

child has been reported missing to NCMEC. Crime Stoppers and other reputable hotlines experienced in taking lead information are other possibilities. If you ask, Crime Stoppers may be

willing to give and take reward information. Do not use your own telephone number or

establish your own 800 number.You need to keep your own phone line free for your child

or the person holding your child to call.
46

Family Survival Guide

Notes
47

Volunteers

The many offers of support you receive in the first few days will carry

you through. When people ask what they can do, try to tell them

something specific.Tomorrow they may be gone, and you are likely

to forget who made the offer.

—Pat Sessions

One of the most heartwarming things you 

will experience is a tremendous outpouring 

of caring from family members, friends, and

strangers. People of all races, nationalities,

religions, and socioeconomic levels will offer

you and your family emotional support, food

and other gifts, and help in the search. In 

fact, volunteers are essential to the search

process. They can and will play a variety of

roles in the effort to find your child. This chapter offers suggestions for ways to involve volunteers in the search and ideas for managing

offers to help.

Making the Best

Use of Volunteers

To make the best use of volunteers, select

a volunteer coordinator who is organized,

efficient, and able to work well with and

give direction to others. The role of the volunteer coordinator is not to handle volunteer

activities directly, but rather to delegate to

others management of specific activities,

such as bringing food to the family, providing

water for the searchers, and coordinating distribution of posters and fliers. Choose someone who is practical, well organized, and

skilled in providing leadership.

Keep a running list—or have someone

keep a list for you—of the things you need

as they arise. If you keep your list current,

new volunteers will always have a way to get

involved, and returning volunteers will know

where to go to find out what is needed next.

When someone offers to help, write down

the person’s name, telephone number, and

type of service preferred. When your child is

first missing, it is hard to think of what you

need now, much less what you will need in

the future. If you have no ready answer for

someone who asks to help, write down specific information that will enable you to contact that person later with a particular task.

Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need.

No task is too small or too large. If you need

something, the best thing you can do for

yourself is to ask. You will be truly amazed by

the amount of support you receive. People

really do want to help.

Tap into the network of resources that private clubs, businesses, and agencies have

available to them. Many local clubs, businesses, and agencies can help in a variety of

ways—by donating items, distributing photographs and fliers, or participating in the search.

Make a list of what you need, and see what

each group can provide. Here are some of the

types of organizations that may be willing to

help:

■ Rotary clubs and other civic organizations.

■ Red Cross chapters.

■ Local posts of Veterans of Foreign Wars.

■ Local lodges.

■ Churches and synagogues.

■ Parent-teacher associations.

■ Scout troops.

CHAPTER 5
48

Family Survival Guide

■ Retiree organizations.

■ Labor unions.

■ Military installations.

■ Printers.

■ Paper suppliers.

■ Pizza franchises.

■ Fast food chains.

■ Liquor store chains.

■ Airline companies.

■ Taxicab and bus companies.

■ Trucking companies.

■ Public and private transportation agencies.

■ Hospitals.

■ Colleges and universities.

■ Political groups.

Be aware that some volunteers may want

to become too involved, to get too intimate with the family, or to act beyond

their designated responsibility. Some individuals seem to enjoy media attention. They

try to shift the focus of attention away from

your child and onto themselves. Unfortunately, not all volunteers may have your best

interests in mind but are there for personal

reasons. Sometimes individuals who victimize

children are drawn to a search scene. If you

feel uncomfortable with anyone or anything

for any reason, inform your volunteer coordinator or law enforcement contact. Also, don’t

use unknown volunteers to do personal tasks,

such as washing laundry or helping with carpools. Instead, rely on friends or family members for these jobs.

Suggested Volunteer Activities

Volunteers can do many things for you. Let them. In doing so, you allow people to fulfill

their desire to help, and you relieve yourself of the burden of trying to do everything yourself, which you cannot. The following activities are particularly well suited for volunteers.

■ Participate in the physical search.

■ Canvas area businesses for donations of supplies needed for the search effort or for

the family’s upkeep.

■ Design posters or fliers.

■ Tack up pictures and posters and hand out fliers.

■ Contact nonprofit organizations, community groups, or other agencies in the community for donations or other assistance in producing or distributing posters.

■ Keep track of all donated items and write thank-you notes.

■ Answer the home telephone 24 hours a day and maintain a telephone log.

■ Prepare meals.

■ Help with household chores, such as cleaning, doing laundry, watering flowers, mowing the lawn, maintaining the yard, or shoveling the driveway.

■ Run errands, such as shopping for groceries or going to the pharmacy.

■ Take care of pets.

■ Form prayer groups.

Suggested Volunteer Activities
49

Volunteers

Using Untrained

Volunteers in the

Search Effort

Typically, law enforcement is the coordinating

force behind the search, but volunteers often

play a major role, especially in the immediate

search of the 3- to 5-mile radius around

where your child was last

seen.

Designate a volunteer

search coordinator to

work with law enforcement. The volunteer

search coordinator will

need instruction from

law enforcement to

determine:

■ How many nonpolice

personnel will be

needed in the search.

■ What locations or areas are to be searched

and on what schedule.

■ What training will be provided to

volunteers.

■ How information will be disseminated

among volunteers.

■ What specific instructions will be given to

volunteers about the process, procedures,

and parameters of the search.

Even though private individuals, organizations, and businesses may be interested in

helping with the search, it is usually easier

to work with an organized group. Organized

groups can quickly mobilize large, cohesive

groups of searchers and can work through an

already established chain of command that

will reduce battles for leadership and control.

Groups can choose their own team leaders

who can serve as a bridge between the volunteer search coordinator and the volunteer

searchers. The volunteer search coordinator’s

task of conveying information to the volunteer

searchers will be easier because the team

leader can be asked to explain to each group

what needs to be done.

Law enforcement, the volunteer search

coordinator, and the team leaders should

work together to make sure that volunteers

are doing what they are supposed to do.

Sometimes, overwrought

volunteer searchers go

beyond their designated

roles and responsibilities

and may unwittingly impose themselves on the

missing child’s family. The

checklist Working With Volunteer Searchers summarizes the most important

points that need to be

covered with volunteers.

Make sure that a list 

of the names and

addresses of all volunteers is kept. You will need this list to write

thank-you notes, and law enforcement may

need it during the search and investigation.

Using Trained

Volunteers in the

Search Effort

Project ALERT (America’s Law Enforcement

Retiree Team) provides law enforcement

agencies with free consultations on cases

involving missing children. Project ALERT

was launched by NCMEC in 1992 to link

trained, retired volunteers with law enforcement agencies involved in cases of missing

children. The following services are provided:

■ An emergency response team of seasoned

investigators who can offer additional personnel, search coordination, and other critical resources.

I was devastated when

a year later one of our

volunteers was arrested

for molesting boys in

our community.

—Patty Wetterling
50

Family Survival Guide

■ Specialized training to law enforcement

agencies to help them resolve recent or

long-term missing child cases.

■ Experienced public

speakers who can

make effective

presentations on

child safety issues

and prevention

strategies.

Law enforcement agencies can request the

services of Project

ALERT or Team Adam

by contacting NCMEC,

which will donate all

resource materials,

make all travel arrangements, and pay for all travel costs.

Many nonprofit organizations located

throughout the country are poised to help

you find your missing child. Many organizations are devoted to the search for missing

children. They can help distribute your child’s

poster, coordinate volunteer activities, locate

the nearest bloodhounds, or find a parent of

another missing child to give you advice and

support. Contact NCMEC to find out the

names and telephone numbers of organizations that meet their requirements for certification or membership. NCMEC’s Family Advocacy Division provides

case-specific intervention that enhances the

services NCMEC offers

to children and their parents. The division proactively works with families, law enforcement,

and family advocacy

agencies to provide

technical assistance,

referrals, and crisis intervention services. The

division supports Team

H.O.P.E., a support network of trained volunteers who have experienced an abduction in

their own families. These volunteers are

matched with families of missing children to

offer advice, assistance, and encouragement.

You might also want to talk with your primary

law enforcement contact and with other parents of missing children. Be wary of organizations that promise they can find your missing

child, that request payment for these services, or that are unknown in this field.

No one completely

understands your pain, 

but people genuinely care

and want to help you, so

try to overlook any behavior or comments that seem

insensitive.

—Colleen Nick
51

Volunteers

Key Points

1. Volunteers are essential to the search process.They can and will play a variety of

roles in the effort to find your child.

2. The role of the volunteer coordinator is not to handle volunteer activities directly,

but rather to delegate to others management of specific activities, such as bringing food to the family, providing water for the searchers, and coordinating distribution of posters and fliers.

3. If you need something, the best thing you can do for yourself is to ask for help.

You will be amazed by the amount of support you receive from others.

4. Keep a running list—or have someone keep a list for you—of the things you need

as they arise.

5. When someone offers to help, write down the person’s name, telephone number,

and type of service offered so you can contact that individual later when you are

prepared to accept the offer.

6. Don’t use unknown volunteers to do personal tasks, such as washing laundry or

helping with carpools. If you feel uncomfortable with anyone or anything for any

reason, inform your volunteer coordinator or primary law enforcement contact.

7. Many local clubs, businesses, and agencies can help in a variety of ways—by

donating items, distributing photographs and fliers, or participating in the search.

Make a list of what you need, and see what each group can provide.

8. Even though private individuals, organizations, and businesses may be interested

in helping with the search effort, it is usually easier to work with organized

groups, which can quickly mobilize large, cohesive bands of searchers and can

work through an already established chain of command.

9. Make sure that a list of the names and addresses of all volunteers is kept so

thank-you notes can be written and law enforcement can refer to it during the

investigatory process.

10. Be wary of organizations that promise they can find your missing child, that

request payment for these services, or that are unknown in this field.
52

Family Survival Guide

Checklist: Working With 

Volunteer Searchers

Before the physical search for your child begins, your law enforcement agency will review

important policies and procedures for volunteer searchers. The purpose is to make sure that the

search is as thorough and effective as possible, that all clues and pieces of evidence are safeguarded, and that the safety of volunteers is protected. Some of the topics that will be discussed with the volunteer searchers include the following.

Personal items and other supplies for the search. Based on time of day, climate, and terrain,

searchers will be asked to bring with them—or they may be provided with—items for personal

use or for use in the search. These items include water bottles, flashlights, batteries, sunscreen,

insect repellent, maps, compasses, walkie-talkies, notebooks, and pens.

Reporting procedures. Procedures will be established for searchers to use when they report

and sign in. The system may be as simple as signing a name or as elaborate as taking a picture

or video.

Search procedures. Searchers will be given instructions concerning:

■ What type of search is being conducted.

■ What to do if clues or pieces of evidence are found.

■ What to do if a searcher gets hurt or lost.

■ Who is responsible for searchers in a particular area and what is the chain of 

command for reporting information.
53

Vo lunteers

Notes
55

Rewards and Donations

A reward for the safe return of your child might be what it takes to

persuade someone who knows something to speak up.

—Don Ryce

It’s hard to assess the true value of a reward

in recovering a missing child. The offer of a

reward might renew media interest in reporting on a missing child, or it might be the thing

that motivates a person living on the fringe of

society to call in a lead. Although rewards do

not always produce the right leads or have the

anticipated results, the use of a reward may

be worth considering. This chapter discusses

some important issues for you to think about

before setting up a reward. It explains how to

manage reward or donation funds correctly

and where to go for help or advice.

Monetary

Rewards

Regardless of the odds that a reward will

work, most parents will want to offer one if

they possibly can in an effort to turn over

every stone in the search to find their missing

child. However, many issues need to be considered before an informed decision about a

reward can be made.

Get expert help. Because of the number of

legal and technical issues that can arise from

a reward offer, you need expert advice from a

knowledgeable attorney, your primary law

enforcement contact, your banker, and the

parents of other missing children who have

successfully established a reward fund. Make

sure that the people who give you advice

have firsthand experience managing a reward

fund.

Be aware that your reward offer can become a legally enforceable contract. If you

offer a reward, you are agreeing to pay a sum

of money if a person’s actions lead to the

requested result. That means that anyone

who complies with the terms of the offer can

be legally entitled to claim the reward and can

sue for its recovery. That’s why you must be

very careful in how you describe the terms of

the reward offer. Sloppy language can result

in serious legal problems. Ask an attorney for

pro bono legal assistance.

Be prepared to meet resistance from law

enforcement. Some law enforcement agencies disapprove of reward offers because they

can result in a torrent of false leads. Keep law

enforcement informed of any decision you

make regarding a reward, and if you sense

concern or resistance, point out that all it

takes is one solid lead to recover your child.

Also, the desire for reward money could motivate an abductor to keep a child alive.

Clearly state the purpose of the offer. First

decide what you want the reward to accomplish, then make sure that this purpose is

clearly spelled out in the offer. For example, it

is a good idea to make your child’s safe return

a written condition of the reward. The better

the description of the reward’s purpose, the

less likely it is that you will have to argue later

over whether someone complied with the

terms of the offer.

Set a time limit for the reward. One of the

goals of a reward is to generate immediate

results in order to get your child back quickly.

In the beginning, you may want to keep the

time limit fairly short and tie it to a significant

event, such as your child’s birthday. The drama

of such a countdown could generate substantial public interest. Avoid open-ended rewards

CHAPTER 6
56

Family Survival Guide

that can result in liability many years later. 

You can always renew the reward for a longer

period of time.

Be careful in establishing the amount of

the reward. Don’t offer more money than you

can afford to pay. Decide on the maximum

amount of the reward in the first offer and

stick to it because if you raise the amount

later, people may wait for a more lucrative

offer before calling in a lead.

Check to see if special reward funds

already exist. Sometimes state and local

agencies—and even the FBI—have funds

available to put up as a reward in cases involving predatory abduction. Ask your law

enforcement contact to help you find out

about such funds.

Be aware that monetary pledges are not

as reliable as donations. It is much easier

to persuade people to

pledge money toward a

reward than it is to get

them to donate cash.

Therefore, you can in

theory raise much more

money through pledges

than you can through

donations. The problem

is that you cannot be

sure that a pledge will

be honored when the

time comes to pay out

the reward. If you use

pledges, get the pledge

in writing, pay attention to the expiration

date of the pledge, and plan to spend a fair

amount of time making sure your pledges are

still legitimate. Pledges are not forever.

Do not use your personal funds to finance

the reward. As hard as it may be, refrain from

using your own personal funds for the reward.

Based on the terms and conditions spelled

out in the reward offer, you may be liable for

payment of the reward, and you may even be

sued. And though you may not realize it in the

beginning, you may be faced with financial

constraints months or years later, for example,

if you are out of work for an extended period

of time helping in the search for your child.

Monetary 

Donations

Monetary donations can be extremely helpful

to families whose lives have been turned upside down by the disappearance of a child.

They can be used to help finance the search,

fund a reward, or support the family if a parent

is unable to work during the search process.

But donations can also present problems if

they are not managed properly. For this reason,

you need to be aware of some important accounting and accountability issues that, if not

handled correctly, could

result in legal and financial ruin.

Make sure that both

you and your contributors know how the

money will be used.

Donations can be used

for many different purposes, depending upon

your need. Ask that

donations be earmarked

for a specific purpose—

such as the reward fund,

the search fund, or the

family support fund—

and if they are not, ask

one of your volunteers to

call the donor to find out

to which fund the donation should be given.

Seek professional help from both a lawyer and

a banker to help you establish separate trusts

and accounts and to oversee disbursements.

Keep separate bank accounts for each fund.

If accounts are set up properly, donors will feel

comfortable that records of the money are

being kept and that donations are being used

for the specified purpose. Creating a trust

fund—or at least establishing safeguards, such

After the search fund for

our daughter was established, the rumors began to

fly about the new vehicles

and houses we had purchased. We even heard

about a fabulous vacation

we supposedly had taken

with the money from the

fund.

—Colleen Nick
57

Rewards and Donations

as requiring dual signatures on checks and

maintaining accurate records—is crucial. You

must make sure that funds earmarked for a

specific purpose are, in fact, being used for

that purpose.

Avoid having direct control over any funds

received. Parents should not solicit funds on

their own. Use volunteer groups for this purpose instead. Parents also should not have

any signatory control over the funds because

there have been instances in which someone

attempted to extort the reward money from

parents by force. Protect yourself from this

kind of danger by putting the money, and the

power to access it, in someone else’s hands.

Designate trusted individuals outside the

family to have signature authority over the

accounts. By removing yourself from the

control of the funds, you eliminate any unnecessary scrutiny by members of the public or

the media about the use of the funds. Make

sure that the individuals selected for this task

are trustworthy and that they understand their

role and potential liability.

Maintain accurate records that show

where the donations came from and how

the money was spent. Make sure that the

individuals with signature authority maintain

proper records on all income and expenditures. A list of donors should be maintained

so thank-you letters can be sent, and copies

of receipts for all expenditures should be kept

in case questions arise. Ask a banker to help

you establish proper accounting procedures,

or ask for pro bono help from an attorney or

an accountant.

Be honest with the public. Be prepared for

questions, which may turn into accusations,

concerning the use of donated funds. Designate one person—who could be you or a

trusted friend or family member—to answer

all questions concerning how the funds are

being spent. Information concerning the number of donations or the amount in the accounts

should never be released to the media.

Specify what will happen to the reward in

the event your child is located before the

money is spent. Sometimes large sums of

money in a reward fund are left unspent. Therefore, you need to establish written procedures

for how the money is to be dispensed if it

cannot be used for the reward. For example,

you can specify that all donations over a certain amount are to be returned, if the donor is

traceable, or that unused funds are to be donated to an organization or agency that helped

with the search. Excess reward fund money

should never be used for the family’s personal

expenses because that was not the purpose

of the fund. Again, talk with an attorney to

determine how to handle this situation.
58

Family Survival Guide

Key Points

1. Most parents will want to put up a reward in an effort to turn over every stone in

the search for their missing child, even though it is not known whether rewards

actually help in cases involving a missing or abducted child.

2. Use a reward offer to renew media interest in reporting on a missing child or to

motivate a person living on the fringe of society to call in a lead.

3. Be prepared for resistance from your law enforcement contact because of police

fears that the reward offer will result in a torrent of false leads.

4. Because of the number of legal and technical issues that can arise from a reward

offer, you need to obtain expert advice from a knowledgeable attorney, your law

enforcement contact, your banker, and the parents of missing children who have

successfully established a reward fund. Make sure that the people who give you

advice have firsthand experience managing a reward fund.

5. Your reward offer can become a legally enforceable contract, which means that

anyone who complies with the terms of the offer can be legally entitled to claim

the reward and can sue for its recovery.

6. Monetary pledges are not as reliable as donations.

7. Don’t use personal funds to finance the reward, and don’t offer more money than

you can raise.

8. Keep separate bank accounts for each type of fund—reward, family support, or

search—and maintain accurate records showing where each monetary donation

came from and how the money was spent.

9. Avoid having direct control over any funds received by designating trusted individuals outside the family to have signature authority over the accounts. By

removing yourself from control of the funds, you eliminate any unnecessary

scrutiny by members of the public or the media about the use of the funds.

10. Establish written procedures detailing how the money is to be dispensed if it

cannot be used for the reward.
59

Rewards and Donations

Checklist: Selecting a Tipline for Leads

Selecting a phone number for people to use to call in leads for the reward requires careful

thought. Your home and business telephones should be reserved for your personal use. NCMEC

operates a toll-free telephone line. However, NCMEC staff are prohibited from supplying information about rewards. Moreover, callers with leads have specific needs that must be addressed.

Callers must be able to give anonymous tips. Some people will not call unless they can be

assured of anonymity. Some tiplines assign a special number to each caller to ensure that a particular caller gets credit for the tip.

Callers must be able to call 24 hours a day. Some people prefer to call after regular business

hours. The telephone number you list should allow people to call at any hour of the day or night.

Callers must be able to phone long distance without having to pay for the call. Some

organizations offer an established toll-free telephone number you can use to gather tips or other

information about your child. Crime Stoppers is one such organization that answers calls 24 hours

a day, provides anonymity to callers, and has a good working relationship with law enforcement.

Contact your local office of Crime Stoppers to learn more about that organization’s system. Also,

your local law enforcement agency and your state missing children’s clearinghouse may be able

to provide further guidance.

The person who answers the phone must be able to handle this type of call. Answering a

telephone tipline requires a special set of skills. People who answer tiplines need to know how

to keep callers on the line, what questions to ask, and how to write down important information.

Tips must be furnished to law enforcement immediately. Law enforcement is responsible

for evaluating and following up on all tips—not parents, family members, or friends. For this reason, all tips and lead information should be passed on immediately to law enforcement, including the circumstances surrounding them—how they were made, who received them, at what

time of day, and so forth.
60

Family Survival Guide

Notes
61

Personal and Family

Considerations

I had no rational thoughts, they were all irrational.

—Heather Cox

Hanging on to my sanity for a minute at a time often took all of my

energy. I could not begin to look several days down the road.

—Colleen Nick

Not knowing where your child is or how he or

she is being treated is one of the hardest

things you will have to face. One minute you

will feel a surge of hope, the next, a depth of

despair that will threaten your very sanity. Life

will become an emotional roller coaster that

won’t really stop until you can hold your child

in your arms again.

As you enter more deeply into the nightmare,

know that you are not alone. Unfortunately,

other families have had to travel this path

and have experienced the same emotional

wringer. Families can and do survive—and

yours will, too, but it will take all the strength,

hope, and willpower you can muster.

Regaining Your

Emotional and

Physical

Strength

Your ability to be strong

and to help in the

search for your child

requires that you attend

to your own physical

and emotional needs.

Although it may be hard

right now for you to

maintain your daily routine, it is paramount

that you do so. The driving force behind the

search effort is you, and therefore you must,

for your child’s sake, be physically and mentally well in order to handle it. The fact is, the

nightmare will continue until your child is

found, so you need to take as many breaks

from it as you can.

Force yourself to eat and sleep. Your body

needs food and sleep in order to endure this

ordeal. Although eating and sleeping may

seem incredibly difficult, you must try. If eating regular meals feels like too much of a

drain or if it brings back painful memories of

your child, change your meal times and locations. If you cannot sleep at night because

you are nervous, tense, or afraid of nightmares, find a place to relax and nap during

the day. Just make sure you are doing everything you can to take care of yourself.

Find time for physical exercise. Any type of

physical activity, even walking the dog, can

help to ease the stress on your body and

clear your head. Physical

exercise also can help

you relax at night so

your body gets the

sleep it needs.

Create space for yourself. Find a place of

refuge—away from the

pressure of the search

and the investigation—

where you can be alone

with your thoughts and regroup. Even a few

quiet minutes can significantly relieve stress.

CHAPTER 7

The nightmare is always

there. A break is essential

to your sanity.

—Colleen Nick
62

Family Survival Guide

It may help to walk in the park, visit your

church or synagogue, or talk to a neighbor. 

Try to take as much time as you need and can

spare. Remember that you are the best judge

of what will help you to handle the life crisis

and that it is okay—even necessary—to take

a break from the stress for dinner and a walk.

Find ways to release your emotions. Your

emotions will be running wild and will seem

out of control. In these circumstances fear,

anger, and grief can take over your entire existence. Therefore, you need to find a way to

release your emotions because if you cannot express them, you

may find yourself taking

it out on others. Talk

with someone—a friend,

a relative, or a professional therapist—who

will just listen. Also, try

to stay busy. You can

cook, write letters that

express your feelings

without mailing them,

or record your thoughts

and feelings in a journal.

Keep a journal. Some parents find it extremely helpful to keep track of their thoughts and

feelings in a journal. Journal entries, which can

be written or tape recorded, need not be coherent or intelligent. Their purpose is merely to

record your thoughts and feelings at any particular time and to help you resolve them.

Put your anger and grief to work for you.

Come up with ideas for the search. For example, you can make a list of all of your child’s

friends, neighbors, and acquaintances—

anyone who might hold a clue as to the

whereabouts of your child. You can make a list

of places your child frequented or even occasionally visited—anywhere law enforcement

could look for your child. Finally, you can think

of ways to release your emotions in a productive manner.

Stay away from alcohol and harmful medications. Alcoholic beverages, harmful drugs,

and even prescription medications can prevent

you from being an effective member of the

search team and can even induce depression.

However, if you are having trouble sleeping at

night or coping during the day, ask your physician for help. He or she may prescribe a medication that will help you sleep or alleviate

your depression. Just be sure that you only

take medications under the supervision of a

physician because some can be addictive.

Don’t blame yourself. Looking back, you

may feel that there was something you

could have done to have prevented your

child’s disappearance. You can literally drive

yourself crazy asking,

What if . . . ? But the fact

is, if you did not arrange

for the disappearance,

you should not hold yourself responsible for not

knowing or doing something that may seem

obvious in hindsight. And

remember, children have

been abducted out of the

safety of their own bedroom while their parents

slept in the room next door.

Don’t shoulder the blame of others. Recognize that some people may blame you for the

disappearance because of their own fears for

their children. They may imply that if you had

watched your child more closely, he or she

would not have disappeared. Blaming you

may make them feel somewhat safer in the

world because they hold you—and your supposed mistake—responsible for your child’s

abduction, rather than the abductor. Also,

sometimes one spouse blames the other for

the disappearance of the child. This is hardly

ever fair and can critically harm the well-being

of the entire family. Try to stay out of the

blame game by being kind to yourself and to

one another. Understand that sometimes

anger and blame are irrational and misplaced.

Keep the lines of communication open among

family members. If necessary, seek professional counseling or other outside assistance

to help you handle the situation.

My life ended the day my

child was taken. At some

point I had to find a place

to start over.

—Heather Cox
63

Personal and Family Considerations

Stay united in your fight to find your child.

Don’t allow the stress of the investigation to

drive a wedge into your family life. When emotions run wild, be careful that you do not lash

out at or cast blame on others. Instead, give

each other lots of warm hugs to counteract

the stress inherent in the situation. Remember that everyone deals with crises and grief

differently, so don’t judge others because they

do not respond to the disappearance in the

same way you do.

Allow the opinions of

other people to be their

business, not yours.

Some people need to

have an opinion as to how

well you are handling the

situation and whether you

should be acting differently. Keep in mind that

such judgments are merely the opinions of others

and that at any given

moment, you are doing

the best you possibly can.

Seek peer support for

yourself and your family. Some parents find

talking with other parents

of missing children to be

extremely beneficial.

Sometimes it is enough

to know that you are not

alone and that someone

else in the world truly

understands. Consider

contacting one of the parent authors of this Guide

(listed in the back of this book) or a member

of Team H.O.P.E. (see page 77). Call the Child

Protection Division at the Office of Juvenile

Justice and Delinquency Prevention, U.S.

Department of Justice (listed in the Additional

Resources section of this Guide), to get in

touch with any one of the parent authors. You

can also ask your law enforcement contact for

a list of victim’s advocates and local support

groups. Nonprofit agencies or your state missing children’s clearinghouse can also provide

you with the names and phone numbers of

parents who can help.

Seek professional counseling for yourself

and your family. Professional counseling can

be extremely helpful for parents and families

to assist them in coping with their feelings of

fear, depression, grief, isolation, anger, and

despair. You may think

that you and your family

can or should get through

the crisis alone, but you

don’t have to. Encourage

family members to take

care of themselves by

seeking support and

counseling. If you need

assistance finding or paying for counseling, contact your local mental

health agency or provider

or ask another family

member or friend to do

this for you. If you are

uncomfortable with professional counseling,

consider another form of

support—from your

clergy, a physician, a lay

counselor, or a friend.

Seek peace and solace

for yourself. Many parents find comfort in their

faith and use it as a powerful incentive to survive

this nightmare. The loneliness of grief diminishes somewhat for people who believe that

they are not alone. Turning to—or returning

to—religion can give parents the support and

encouragement they need at this critical juncture in their lives.

My daughter Morgan’s

brother and sister were

very young—3 years and

22 months—when she was

abducted. Her father and I

decided to not let them

watch the news on TV, but

we kept them informed

about the search in a way

that they could understand.

As a family, we released

balloons for her at a set

time every month. That let

the two children who were

left feel like they were helping in the search for their

sister.

—Colleen Nick
64

Family Survival Guide

Mentally 

Preparing for 

the Long Term

As heartless as it may seem, your life and the

lives of your children must go on. Although

moving on with your life may seem impossible, you must do it—for the good of yourself

and your family. You will, of course, find that

there is no such thing as “normal” life as you

once knew it. Everything has changed, and

has changed forever. And whatever the outcome, you will be dealing with this nightmare

in some way for the rest of your life.

Going back to work is not abandonment of

your child. If you need to return to work, you

may feel extremely guilty. Try to remember

that your child must have a home to return to

and that you are working to provide that home

for your child. When you return to work, find a

quiet place where you can go to be alone or to

cry. Your grief is likely to come unannounced,

and you will need a place where you can express it. If your job requires a lot of concentration, which you are not able to give, look for

another position that does not place as many

demands on you. The American Hospice Foundation publication Grief at Work, listed in the

Recommended Readings section of this

Guide, has additional advice.

Focus on your emotional well-being. To keep

yourself on a more even keel, continue individual and family counseling, and try to stay busy.

You can immerse yourself in activities with

your other children or volunteer to help in

school, church, or the community. Don’t isolate

yourself. Many parent survivors try to help

other parents by working through missing children’s organizations or by starting a group of

their own. The books and articles listed in the

Recommended Readings section of this Guide

have proven to be particularly helpful.

It’s okay to laugh. A laugh can be as cleansing as a good cry. Laughter not only helps to

release tension and emotion, it helps to

restore normalcy to life.

Never stop looking. You will probably want to

dedicate part of each day to your missing child.

Use these hours to keep the search going and

to keep the hope alive. You can set aside time

to make phone calls, write letters, contact law

enforcement, or do whatever you think will

help in the search for your missing child.

Helping Your 

Children To Regain

Their Physical and

Emotional Strength

Your other children need your physical and

emotional support now more than ever, but

you may not be able to satisfy their needs.

You may have barely enough energy to keep

yourself going. You may feel that you are

abandoning your lost child if you are not doing

something every moment to find him or her.

These are normal feelings. Consider getting

additional support for your other children during this time of crisis. Here are some ideas.

Find a safety zone for your children. Find a

safe place away from your home where your

other children can be shielded from both the

search effort and the media. This is especially

important for young children, who still need to

play and be themselves. Trusted friends and

relatives can provide a reasonably normal, nurturing life for your children in a relatively stressfree environment, so this is a good time to let

members of the extended family and friends

assume a large part of the responsibility for

their care. Just remember to maintain contact

with your children—both over the phone and

with regular visits—and to reassure them frequently how much you love them.

Consider letting your other children participate in the search. If it seems appropriate,

you can allow your older children to actively

participate in the search effort. However, it is

important to consider their age, desire, and

level of maturity and to respect their right to

say no. If your children are young, you will

need to decide how much information you
65

Personal and Family Considerations

want revealed and whether it is appropriate

for them to participate in the search effort. In

some cases, younger children have distributed balloons and fliers. If you decide to let

your children participate, keep a gauge on

how well they are handling the situation and

be prepared to make changes, if necessary.

Remember that there are both emotional and

security issues to consider when your children participate in the search effort. Ask your

law enforcement contact for advice.

Think twice about letting the media interview siblings. Interviews with the media can

be extremely traumatic to the brothers and

sisters of a missing child. Children are seldom prepared for the

extremely personal

or probing questions

asked by insensitive or

pushy media personnel. Remember that

the media can and will

be persistent, particularly given the sudden

ascension of your family to “celebrity” status. Make sure that

you supervise interviews and continue

to set boundaries that are in your children’s

best interests.

Bring the needs of your other children into

balance with those of your missing child.

Focus on the needs of the children who are

still at home. Remember that they, too, are

trying to cope with their loss. Talk with your

children about their feelings of fear, anger, hurt,

and loss. Make them feel as important to you

as your missing child. Encourage them to return to the interests and activities they enjoyed

before the disappearance—by playing with

friends, participating in sports, or playing music.

Establish different routines to help your family cope. Family meetings can be an effective

way to deal with the changes wrought by the

disappearance. They offer family members a

safe, nonjudgmental environment in which to

voice feelings of fear, anger, and frustration.

They also give family members an opportunity

to keep one another informed about the ongoing investigation and involved in family

decisionmaking.

Celebrate birthdays, holidays, and other

special events. Young children will want to

celebrate birthdays and holidays even when

a brother or sister is missing. Plan ahead so

you are not caught offguard by the intense

emotional roller coaster that can accompany

such events. You can, for example, try changing family holiday traditions and beginning new

ones. Instead of throwing a big birthday party,

you can eat cake and ice cream for breakfast

and then open presents.

If you have older children,

instead of the traditional

Christmas or Hanukkah

celebration, you can go

on a trip. Remember that

your children need to

have fun and that they

want you to celebrate,

even if your heart is not

ready for it. Recognize,

however, that you have

personal limitations as to

what you will be able to

handle and that those limitations need to be

respected. The secret is to plan ahead.

Allow all members of the family to talk

about your missing child, about their emotional reactions to the situation, and about

their loss. Don’t let the absence of your child

and your deep sense of loss become a taboo

subject. Instead, let your children know that

they can freely express their thoughts and

feelings to you and that they will be met with

love and acceptance. Let your children know

that it is okay for everyone in the family—

including mom and dad—to cry and that you

can help each other by holding hands, giving

each other a big hug or kiss, or getting each

other a glass of water. Remember that even

if you do not communicate with your children

about your missing child, other children in the

neighborhood will.

We celebrated Jimmy’s

life by remembering the

profound things he had said

and the mischievous things

he had done.

—Claudine Ryce
66

Family Survival Guide

Don’t be surprised if your other children’s

behavior drastically changes. Everyone in

the family has suffered a tremendous shock.

In these circumstances, bedwetting, stomachaches, depression, anger, sullenness, quietness, and truancy are common reactions. But

by the same token, don’t be alarmed if your

child’s behavior changes very little or not at all.

Children, just as adults, react differently to the

disappearance of a child.

Help your other children return to some

type of normalcy by

returning to school.

Your children need the

normalcy that the daily

routine of school provides. But before your

children go back to

school, talk with them

about what they want

others to know. Make

sure they understand

that most people in

your community already

know what has happened. Listen to your

child’s thoughts and feelings about returning

to school. Then, talk to your child’s teachers

and counselors to help them prepare for the

return of your child.

Ask the school to bring counselors into the

classroom both after the disappearance

and when your child returns to school.

Teachers and classmates of a missing child

will also experience fear and grief. When your

other children return to school, they and their

friends—and the friends of your missing child—

are bound to feel scared. Ask your law enforcement contact if an officer can go to the

school to teach the children both how to recognize dangerous situations and how to get

away. Ask teachers and counselors for their

help in giving all of the children the support

they need to deal with this crisis. The American Hospice Foundation publication Grief at

School, listed in the Recommended Readings

section of this Guide, has additional advice.

Ask other children who have faced similar

difficulties to provide one-on-one support

to your children. A number of sources can

put you in touch with other families that have

experienced the trauma of a missing child. Try

calling your local law enforcement agency,

your state missing children’s clearinghouse,

NCMEC, or other missing children’s organizations. Your children may be more comfortable

talking with a peer who

has gone through a similar ordeal.

Seek professional

counseling for your

children. Your children

are suffering just as intensely as you are and

may need help dealing

with feelings of fear,

anger, and grief. Don’t

feel guilty that you cannot be their total support at this point in your

life. Instead, look to others to help your children

cope with the powerful emotions that follow

the disappearance of a brother or sister.

Helping Extended

Family Members

To Regain Their

Physical and

Emotional

Strength

The disappearance of a child affects many

people—grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins.

They, too, will experience deep emotional

scars from the sudden loss. All of you will

need the love and support of one another.

Extended family members can do a number

of things—contribute to the search effort,

take care of other children, or stay in close

phone contact—to help them work through

the pain and grief of losing a relative.

Watching my daughter

suffer through the loss of

her child was incredibly

painful. Not only was I

hurting over the loss of

Shelby, my granddaughter,

but also over the deep pain

of my daughter.

—Marion Boburka
67

Personal and Family Considerations

If possible, include extended family members in the search effort. Extended family

members can serve a variety of functions—as

spokesperson for the family, coordinator of

media events, coordinator of volunteers, or coordinator of searchers. They can also develop

and disseminate posters and fliers, contact

missing children’s organizations to request

assistance, and gather information to give to

law enforcement to help in the search and

recovery effort.

Put a daily report on your answering machine to keep family members informed of

progress in the search. Law enforcement

should keep you informed about the investigation, but in many cases extended family members are left out of such discussions. They

may, as a result, feel left out and unsure of

what to do. Putting simple messages on your

answering machine will keep distant family

members informed. It also will save you time

from having to make or receive phone calls

and in the process will help to free up your

telephone line in the event that your child or

someone with a tip is trying to get through.

Don’t try to provide emotional support to

everyone in your family. It is not your job to

be an emotional “rock” for the extended family. Instead, encourage family members to

seek support and comfort from friends and

other family members, from their church or

synagogue, or from local mental health agencies, professional counselors, or other community resources. Let members of your family know that you are depending on them to

help you through this ordeal.

A Word About Starting a Nonprofit Organization

As time passes and your child does not return, you may become very frustrated. You may

want to find a way to maintain or increase the level of activity. Some parents think about

establishing a nonprofit organization (NPO). An NPO must have a broad public purpose 

(that is, it cannot be devoted to a single child). Although state regulations vary, federal regulations are in place to assure the public that their contributions are well managed and

are used for the organization’s stated purpose.

There are several things to consider when establishing a tax-exempt NPO:

■ You need a purpose or mission statement, articles of incorporation, bylaws, an operating budget, and a board of directors. You will need to file necessary documentation

with appropriate state and federal agencies.

■ You must be aware of the differences between for-profit and nonprofit organizations 

to maintain the NPO’s programmatic and fiscal health.

■ You need to keep meticulous files, including financial and corporate records. These

records are open to the public. You may also have to meet the standards of charitable

watchdog agencies.

■ You may want to have an existing NPO serve as your fiscal agent.

■ You will need to develop a program that attracts enough interest and financial support

so it can be maintained.

A Word About Starting a Nonprofit Organization
68

Family Survival Guide

Key Points

1. Force yourself to eat, sleep, and exercise. Realize that your ability to be strong

and to help in the search for your child requires that you attend to your own

physical and emotional needs. If you have trouble sleeping at night or coping

during the day, ask your physician for help.

2. Stay away from alcohol, drugs, and harmful medications, which can prevent 

you from being an effective member of the search team and can even induce

depression.

3. Find productive ways to release your emotions, such as keeping a journal, talking

with a friend, taking a walk, exercising, cooking, cleaning, or thinking up ways to

extend the search. Don’t isolate yourself.

4. Don’t blame yourself for your child’s disappearance or allow yourself to shoulder

the blame of others.Treat yourself and others as kindly as you can.

5. Don’t feel guilty if you need to return to work. Remember that you are working to

provide a home for your child to return to.

6. Stay united with your spouse in your fight to find your child. Don’t allow the

stress of the investigation to drive a wedge into your family life, and don’t misjudge others because their response to the disappearance is different from yours.

7. Don’t allow the absence of your child and your deep sense of loss to become a

taboo subject. Encourage open discussion of feelings in a safe, caring, nonjudgmental environment during family meetings.

8. Establish different routines for daily life and for celebrating birthdays, holidays,

and other events. Find a safe place away from your home—perhaps with friends

or relatives—where your other children can feel free to play and express themselves, away from the spotlight of the search and the media.

9. If it seems appropriate, allow your other children to participate in the search, perhaps by distributing posters, fliers, or balloons. Remember that both emotional

and security issues need to be addressed.
69

Personal and Family Considerations

Key Points (continued)

10. Don’t be surprised if your other children’s behavior changes drastically. Bedwetting,

stomachaches, depression, anger, sullenness, quietness, and truancy are common

reactions. But remember that children, just like adults, react differently to the disappearance of a child, and some may not show any change in behavior.

11. Help your other children return to some type of normalcy by going back to 

school, but listen carefully to them before they go. Request that the school bring

counselors into the classroom to discuss the situation with the children, and ask

your law enforcement contact to arrange for an officer to go to the school to 

teach the children both how to recognize dangerous situations and how to get

away.

12. Extended family members can serve a variety of functions in the search effort—as

spokesperson for the family, coordinator of media events, coordinator of volunteers, or coordinator of searchers.They can also help with posters and fliers,

request assistance from missing children’s organizations, and gather information

to give to law enforcement.

13. Don’t try to provide emotional support to everyone in your family. Seek professional counseling for yourself and your children to help you cope.

14. Bring callers up to date on the progress of the search by recording simple messages on your home answering machine.

15. Never stop looking. Dedicate part of each day to your missing child by making

phone calls, writing letters, contacting law enforcement, or doing whatever you

think will help in the search for your missing child.
70

Family Survival Guide

Checklist: Figuring Out How To 

Pay Your Bills

Even though your world has stopped, the rest of the world marches on. If you work outside the

home, your boss may be understanding at first, but may tell you later that you will be replaced if

your child is not found quickly. If you are in business for yourself, you will have to balance your

need to participate in the search with your need to make decisions about your company. At

some point, you will have to deal with the bills that come in and perhaps other financial concerns as well, even if it’s to buy yourself more time.

Extended leave. If you need an extended leave from work, ask a family member or friend to

talk to your employer on your behalf. For example, some employers allow employees to donate

their excess leave time to those who need it.

Extensions on bills. Talk to mortgage companies, utility companies, and other creditors to see

if you can get extensions on your bills.

Rebudgeting. Ask a friend or an accountant to help you rebudget your finances or refinance

your house.

Financial assistance. Call your state missing children’s clearinghouse to find out if they know of

local resources, such as social services or emergency or other financial assistance funds, that

might be able to provide short- or long-term support for you.

Victim compensation funds. Call the Office for Victims of Crime or your state attorney general’s office to find out about victim’s compensation funds. Such funds may cover lost wages

and other crime-related expenses.
71

Personal and Family Considerations

Notes
73

Recommended Readings

Critical Incident Response Group, Child Abduction and Serial Killer Unit. 1997. Child

Abduction Response Plan. Quantico, VA: Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Designed for law enforcement agencies, this document is available only through the Crimes

Against Children Coordinator of the local FBI Field Office. It explains essential techniques in

child abduction investigations.

Echols, Mike. 1991. I Know My First Name Is Steven. Kearney, MO: Pinnacle Books.

Though not officially out of print, this book is out of stock indefinitely at the printer. Copies may

be available at your local library or in larger bookstores. The author describes the long ordeal of

two children who were kidnapped by Kenneth Parnell and the trauma they faced.

Federal Agency Task Force for Missing and Exploited Children. 2004. Federal Resources on

Missing and Exploited Children: A Directory for Law Enforcement and Other Public and

Private Agencies. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs,

Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention.

Developed for law enforcement agencies and other federal, state, and local agencies that work

with missing and exploited children, this directory describes the many federal services, training

programs, and resources that relate to missing and exploited children. Contact information is

provided for easy access. The directory is available free of charge by calling the National Criminal

Justice Reference Service (NCJRS) at 800–851–3420. If you prefer, you can download copies of

the directory from the NCJRS Justice Information Web site (www.ncjrs.org).

Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention. 2002. A Family Resource Guide on

International Parental Kidnapping. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Justice, Office of

Justice Programs, Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention.

This guide was developed by federal, state, and local agencies and organizations, and parents

of children abducted to another country by the noncustodial parent. It offers descriptions and

realistic assessments of civil and criminal remedies, explains applicable laws, identifies public

and private resources, and identifies strategies to help left-behind parents recover their children

or reestablish meaningful contact with them in another country. This guide is available free of

charge by calling NCJRS at 800–851–3420. If you prefer, you can download copies of the guide

from the NCJRS Justice Information Web site (www.ncjrs.org).

Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention. 2002. A Law Enforcement Guide on

International Parental Kidnapping. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Justice, Office of

Justice Programs, Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention.

This guide is a companion to A Family Resource Guide on International Parental Kidnapping.

It serves as a resource for federal, state, and local law enforcement officers who are called

on to respond to international parental kidnapping cases. It offers ideas and suggestions for

preventing international abductions; discusses applicable laws, legal remedies, and liability

concerns; describes the role of law enforcement as both the initial responder and the investigator; and offers strategies for extradition, reunification, and recovery. This guide is available

free of charge by calling NCJRS at 800–851–3420.
74

Family Survival Guide

Turner, Johanna. 1995. Grief at Work. Washington, DC: American Hospice Foundation.

This booklet provides suggestions for employees and managers for coping with grief and loss

at work. The booklet is available from the American Hospice Foundation, 1130 Connecticut

Avenue NW., Suite 700, Washington, DC 20036 (202–223–0204).

Turner, Johanna. 1996. Grief at School. Washington, DC: American Hospice Foundation.

This booklet for educators and counselors provides suggestions for helping children to cope

with crisis and grief in the school setting. The booklet is available from the American Hospice

Foundation, 1130 Connecticut Avenue NW., Suite 700, Washington, DC 20036 (202–223–0204).

Walsh, John. 1997. Tears of Rage. New York, NY: Pocket Books.

This book recounts the powerful and emotional story of John Walsh and his wife Revé following the 1981 abduction and murder of their 6-year-old son Adam. The book also chronicles John

Walsh’s 16-year exhaustive efforts on behalf of missing and exploited children. Available in

bookstores.

Ward, Heather Patricia. 1994. I Promise I’ll Find You. Ontario, Canada: Firefly Books.

This heartwarming children’s book tells the story of a mother who promises to do everything

humanly possible to find her child should that child ever become lost or missing from home.

Available in bookstores.
75

Recommended Readings

Publications From the 

National Center for Missing 

& Exploited Children®

Single copies of the following books and up to 50 copies of each brochure are

available free of charge from the National Center for Missing & Exploited

Children® (800–THE–LOST® or 800–843–5678).

Books

Family Abduction Guide

Written in both English and Spanish, this guide describes the actions that parents and family

members can take and the laws that can help when their child is abducted.

Missing and Abducted Children: A Law Enforcement Guide to Case Investigation and

Program Management

This document provides law enforcement with a step-by-step guide on how to respond to and

investigate missing children cases.

Recovery and Reunification of Missing Children: A Team Approach

This report discusses the recovery and reunification of children with their families, with emphasis on a multiagency, multidisciplinary approach.

Brochures

Child Safety on the Information Highway

Teen Safety on the Information Highway

The following brochures, written in both English and Spanish, are part of the Just in Case Series

and offer step-by-step instructions for dealing with a variety of issues relating to missing and

exploited children.

Just in Case . . . Guidelines in Case You Are Considering Day Care

Just in Case ... Guidelines in Case You Are Considering Family Separation*

Just in Case . . . Guidelines in Case You Need a Babysitter

Just in Case ... Guidelines in Case Your Child Is Testifying in Court

Just in Case ... Guidelines in Case Your Child Might Someday Be a Runaway*

Just in Case ... Guidelines in Case Your Child Might Someday Be Missing*

Just in Case ... Guidelines in Case Your Child Might Someday Be the Victim of Sexual

Exploitation*

Just in Case ... Guidelines in Dealing With Grief Following the Loss of a Child

* Also available in Vietnamese.
Just in Case ... Guidelines in Finding Professional Help in Case Your Child Is Missing or the

Victim of Sexual Exploitation

Just in Case ...Guidelines on Using the Federal Parent Locator Service in Cases of Parental

Kidnaping and Child Custody

The following brochures, part of the Know the Rules Series, provide information and tips for children,

teenagers, and parents on a variety of topics relating to child exploitation, victimization, and safety. 

Know the Rules . . . Abduction and Kidnapping Prevention Tips for Parents

Know the Rules . . . After School Safety Tips for Children Who Are Home Alone

Know the Rules . . . Child Safety for Door-to-Door Solicitation

Know the Rules . . . For Child Safety in Amusement or Theme Parks

Know the Rules . . . For Child Safety in Youth Sports

Know the Rules . . . For Going To and From School More Safely

Know the Rules . . . General Parental Tips To Help Keep Your Children Safer

Know the Rules . . . Safety Tips for Halloween

Know the Rules . . . Safety Tips for Teens

Know the Rules . . . Safety Tips for the Holidays

Know the Rules . . . School Safety Tips

Know the Rules . . . Summer Safety Tips for Children

Know the Rules . . . Summer Safety Tips for Parents

Know the Rules . . . When Your Child Is Flying Unaccompanied

Know the Rules . . . When Your Child Is Traveling Unaccompanied by Bus or Train

Knowing My 8 Rules for Safety

76

Family Survival Guide
77

Additional Resources

A number of organizations and agencies in

both the public and private sector work with

parents whose children are missing. These

agencies can provide information, assistance

with photo and flier production and distribution, referral services, and investigative

resources for you, your family, and law

enforcement.

Private Resources

National Center for

Missing & Exploited

Children® (NCMEC)

NCMEC serves a variety of functions:

■ Distribution of pictures and posters of

missing children worldwide.

■ Provision of information and technical

assistance to citizens.

■ Provision of training, technical assistance,

and technical support to state missing children’s clearinghouses and to state and

local law enforcement agencies.

You can call NCMEC to get copies of its intake

and release forms mailed or sent to you via

fax and to get information on how you can

have a color picture of your child posted on

NCMEC’s Web site, distributed to NCMEC’s

photo partners, and printed on fliers for you 

to distribute.

NCMEC also manages and coordinates Project ALERT (America’s Law Enforcement

Retiree Team) and Team Adam, free consultation services on missing children cases for

law enforcement agencies.

NCMEC’s Family Advocacy Division also supports Team H.O.P.E., a parent-to-parent mentoring service. Team H.O.P.E. is a national

support network that matches left-behind

parents with trained parent volunteer mentors

who have experienced an abduction in their

own families.

National Center for Missing & 

Exploited Children®

699 Prince Street

Alexandria, VA 22314–3175

800–THE–LOST® (800–843–5678) (Hotline for

the United States, Canada, and Mexico), 

800–826–7653 (TTY), or 703–235–3900

703–235–2200 (Fax)

Internet: www.missingkids.com

CyberTipline: www.cybertipline.com

Branch Offices

California: 714–508–0150

Florida: 561–848–1900

Kansas City (MO): 816–756–5422

New York: 585–242–0900

South Carolina: 803–254–2326

Team H.O.P. E.

866–305–HOPE

Internet: www.teamhope.org

or contact NCMEC at 800–843–5678

Association of Missing

and Exploited Children’s

Organizations, Inc.

(AMECO)

AMECO is a national association of missing

and exploited children’s organizations that

work together to serve and protect missing

children and their families. AMECO seeks to

improve both the capabilities of nonprofit

missing children’s organizations and the overall quality of services provided through certification of its member organizations. AMECO

develops standards for missing children’s

organizations, provides outreach and assistance to local nonprofit organizations, and

establishes guidelines for nonprofit agencies

that serve missing children and their families.
78

Family Survival Guide

You can contact AMECO to find out the names

of nonprofit missing children’s organizations—

both in your community and throughout the

country—that can provide assistance and support to you and your family.

Association of Missing and Exploited

Children’s Organizations, Inc.

Internet: www.amecoinc.org

Other Nonprofit

Organizations

A number of private nonprofit organizations

provide services to families whose children

have been abducted. Before you contact such

an organization, however, ask NCMEC or

AMECO to tell you which organizations meet

their requirements for certification or membership. You might also want to talk with your

law enforcement contact and with the parents of other missing children. Be wary of

organizations that promise they can find your

missing child, that request payment for these

services, or that are unknown in this field.

Victim’s Advocates

Ask your law enforcement contact to arrange

to have a victim’s advocate come to your home

to explain your rights and to explore the counseling, treatment, and related services available to you. Victim’s advocates are usually

associated with the offices of the sheriff, the

state prosecutor, or the district attorney. If you

have access to the Internet, you can find a list

of victim advocacy and compensation groups

at the Office for Victims of Crime Web site

(www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ovc). Federal Resources

on Missing and Exploited Children: A Directory

for Law Enforcement and Other Public and

Private Agencies (see Recommended Readings) also contains a list of victim’s advocate

services and organizations.

Parent Survivors

Talking with parents who have survived a similar ordeal can help you regain your sanity and

increase your effectiveness in the search for

your child, for only they can truly understand

your pain and anguish. The parents who helped

to write this Guide are willing to talk to you.

To contact any of the parent authors, call the

Child Protection Division at the Office of

Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention

(202–616–3637). Other victim help groups are

listed in Federal Resources on Missing and

Exploited Children: A Directory for Law

Enforcement and Other Public and Private

Agencies (see Recommended Readings).

In addition, Team H.O.P.E. can connect trained

parent volunteers who can provide advice,

assistance, and encouragement to other parent victims. Parent survivors and volunteers

can also be reached through Team H.O.P.E. at

866–305–HOPE.

Local Businesses

Local businesses in your community can provide a number of goods and services that will

be needed in the search for your child. In addition, with permission you can post your child’s

picture in store windows, on doors, and on the

backs of trucks. See chapter 5 (Volunteers) for

a list of the types of organizations and businesses that may be willing to help.
79

Additional Resources

Government

Resources

Federal Agencies

Many federal agencies provide technical support and services to law enforcement and

other public and private agencies to aid in the

search and recovery of a missing child. A

comprehensive list of these services is available in Federal Resources on Missing and

Exploited Children: A Directory for Law

Enforcement and Other Public and Private

Agencies (see Recommended Readings). The

agencies listed below, which have been referenced throughout this Guide, provide support

and/or investigative services to missing and

exploited children and their families.

Child Protection Division 

The Child Protection Division provides support

to several missing and exploited children‘s

organizations, including NCMEC, AMECO,

and Team H.O.P.E.; provides technical assistance and training to law enforcement to

improve their investigation of missing and

exploited children cases; produces reports to

improve services to missing and exploited

children and their families; and conducts

research related to missing and exploited children. For information about any of these activities or the organizations listed above, call the

Child Protection Division at the phone number

listed below.

Child Protection Division

Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency 

Prevention

Office of Justice Programs

U.S. Department of Justice

810 Seventh Street NW.

Washington, DC 20531

202–616–3637

202–307–2819 (Fax)

Internet: www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ojjdp

Office for Victims 

of Crime (OVC)

OVC makes awards each year to state crime

victim compensation and assistance programs

to supplement state funding for victim services.

Crime victim compensation is the direct payment to a crime victim or to his or her family

to help cover crime-related expenses, such as

medical treatment, mental health counseling,

lost wages, or funeral services. Every state

administers a crime victim compensation program, and most programs have similar eligibility requirements and offer a comparable range

of benefits.

Crime victim assistance programs provide

direct services, such as crisis intervention,

counseling, emergency transportation to

court, temporary housing, and criminal justice

support and advocacy. For information about

these programs, contact your local crime victim compensation program or crime victim

assistance program. Federal Resources on

Missing and Exploited Children: A Directory

for Law Enforcement and Other Public and Private Agencies (see Recommended Readings)

contains a listing of all state offices.

Office for Victims of Crime

Office of Justice Programs

U.S. Department of Justice

810 Seventh Street NW.

Washington, DC 20531

202–307–5983

202–514–6383 (Fax)

Internet: www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ovc/

Federal Bureau of Investigation

FBI Headquarters

Special Investigations and Initiatives Unit

Crimes Against Children Unit

935 Pennsylvania Avenue NW.

Washington, DC 20535–0001

202–324–3666

202–324–2731 (Fax)

(See the front of your local telephone book for

the number of your local FBI Field Office.)

The Crimes Against Children Unit works

closely with FBI Field Offices and other FBI

components to coordinate operational support

to more effectively address crimes against

children. The FBI Field Offices house Crimes

Against Children Coordinators, who use all
80

Family Survival Guide

available investigative, tactical, forensic, informational, and behavioral science resources in

the investigation of crimes against children.

Missing Children’s

Clearinghouses1

Missing children’s clearinghouses are state

government agencies connected with law

enforcement. Because the types of services

available in each state vary substantially, you

need to call your state clearinghouse to find

out both what services are available to help

you in your search and whether the clearinghouse will distribute photographs of your missing child. Then you can call other state clearinghouses in your region and throughout the

nation to compare services and take advantage of those not available to you in-state.

Keep a list of what you learn about each clearinghouse in a spiral notebook for later use.

Alabama

Alabama Bureau of Investigation

Missing and Exploited Children

P.O. Box 1511

Montgomery, AL 36102–1511

800–228–7688

334–353–2563 (Fax)

Internet: www.dps.state.al.us/abi

ORI: ALAST0047

Alaska

Alaska State Troopers

Missing Persons Clearinghouse

5700 East Tudor Road

Anchorage, AK 99507

800–478–9333 or 907–269–5497

907–338–7243 (Fax)

ORI: AKAST0100

Arizona

Arizona Department of Public Safety

Criminal Investigations Research Unit

P.O. Box 6638

Phoenix, AZ 85005

602–223–2158

602–223–2911 (Fax)

ORI: AZ0079925

Arkansas

Arkansas Office of the Attorney General

Missing Children Services Program

323 Center Street, Suite 1100

Little Rock, AR 72201

800–448–3014 (in-state only) or 

501–682–1020

501–682–6704 (Fax)

ORI: AR060035A

California

California Department of Justice

Missing and Unidentified Persons Unit

P.O. Box 903387

Sacramento, CA 94203–3870

800–222–3463 (in-state only) or 

916–227–3290

916–227–3270 (Fax)

Internet: www.caag.state.ca.us/missing/

index.htm

ORI: CA0349454

Colorado

Colorado Bureau of Investigation

Missing Person/Children Unit

710 Kipling Street, Suite 200

Denver, CO 80215

303–239–4251

303–239–5788 (Fax)

ORI: COCBI0009

1 The ORI numbers following many of the clearinghouses in this list are assigned by the National Crime Information

Center to law enforcement agencies for administrative purposes.
81

Additional Resources

Connecticut

Connecticut State Police

Missing Persons

P.O. Box 2794

Middletown, CT 06457–9294

800–367–5678 (in-state only), 

860–685–8190 (emergency messaging),

or 860–685–8260

860–685–8346 (Fax)

ORI: CTCSP2900

Delaware

Delaware State Police

State Bureau of Identification

1407 North DuPont Highway

Dover, DE 19903

302–739–5883

302–739–5888 (Fax)

ORI: DEDSP0001

District of Columbia

D.C. Metropolitan Police Department

Missing Persons/Youth Division

1700 Rhode Island Avenue NE.

Washington, DC 20018

202–576–6768

202–576–6561 (Fax)

ORI: DCMPD0000

Florida

Florida Department of Law Enforcement

Missing Children Information Clearinghouse

P.O. Box 1489

Tallahassee, FL 32302

888–356–4774 or 850–410–8585

850–410–8599 (Fax) 

E-Mail: 74431.134@compuserve.com

Internet: www.fdle.state.fl.us

Georgia

Georgia Bureau of Investigation

Intelligence Unit

P.O. Box 370808

Decatur, GA 30037

800–282–6564 or 404–244–2554

404–244–2798 (Fax)

ORI: GAGBI0050

Hawaii

Hawaii State Clearinghouse on 

Missing Children

Department of the Attorney General

235 South Beretania Street, Suite 206

Honolulu, HI 96813

808–586–1449

808–753–9797 (Hotline)

808–586–1424 (Fax)

Internet: aloha.hgea.org/hsc/index.htm

Idaho

Idaho Bureau of Criminal Identification

Missing Persons Clearinghouse

P.O. Box 700 

Meridian, ID 83680–0700

888–777–3922 or 208–884–7154

208–884–7193 (Fax)

Internet: www.isp.state.id.us/identification/

missing/index.html

ORI: ID001015Y

Illinois

Illinois State Police

500 Iles Park Place, Suite 104

Springfield, IL 62703–2982

800–843–5763 or 217–785–4341

217–785–6793 (Fax) 

Internet: www.isp.state.il.us

ORI: IL0849800
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Family Survival Guide

Indiana

Indiana State Police

Indiana Missing Children Clearinghouse

Third Floor North

100 North Senate Avenue

Indianapolis, IN 46204–2259

800–831–8953 or 317–232–8310

317–233–3057 (Fax)

Internet: www.in.gov/isp/safetyinfo/mcc/

ORI: INISP0012

Iowa

Missing Person Information Clearinghouse

Division of Criminal Investigations

Wallace State Office Building

East 9th and Grand

Des Moines, IA 50319

800–346–5507 or 515–281–7958

515–242–6297 (Fax)

Internet: www.state.ia.us/missing

Kansas

Kansas Bureau of Investigation

Missing Persons Clearinghouse

1620 SW. Tyler Street

Topeka, KS 66612–1837

800–572–7463 or 785–296–8200

785–296–6781 (Fax)

ORI: KSKBI0000

Kentucky

Kentucky State Police

1240 Airport Road

Frankfort, KY 40601

800–222–5555 (in-state only), 502–227–8799

502–564–4931 (Fax)

Internet: www.kentuckystatepolice.org/

missing.htm

ORI: KYSKP0022

Louisiana

Louisiana Department of Social Services

Louisiana Clearinghouse for Missing and

Exploited Children

Office of Community Services

P.O. Box 3318

Baton Rouge, LA 70812

225–342–8631

225–342–9087 (Fax)

Maine

Maine State Police

Missing Children Clearinghouse

State House Station 52

18 Meadow Road

Augusta, ME 04333–0052

207–532–5404

207–532–5455 (Fax)

ORI: MEMSP0000

Maryland

Maryland Center for Missing Children

Maryland State Police Computer Crimes Unit

7155 Columbia Gateway Drive, Suite C

Columbia, MD 21046

800–637–5437 or 410–290–1620 

410–290–1831 (Fax)

ORI: MDMSP9500

Massachusetts

Massachusetts State Police

Missing Persons Unit

470 Worchester Road

Framingham, MA 01702

800–622–5999 (in-state only) or 

508–820–2129

508–820–2128 (Fax)

ORI: MAMSP0070
83

Additional Resources

Michigan

Michigan State Police

Prevention Services Unit

714 South Harrison Road

Lansing, MI 48823

517–333–4006

517–336–6100 (24-hour emergency line)

517–333–4115 (Fax)

Minnesota

Minnesota State Clearinghouse

Bureau of Criminal Apprehension

1430 Maryland Avenue

St. Paul, MN 55106

651–793–1107

651–793–1101 (Fax)

Mississippi

Mississippi Highway Patrol

3891 Highway 486 West

Jackson, MS 39208

601–933–2657

601–933–2677 (Fax)

Missouri

Missouri State Highway Patrol

Division of Drug and Crime Control

P.O. Box 568

Jefferson City, MO 65102

800–877–3452 or 573–526–6178

573–526–5577 (Fax)

ORI: MOMHP0014

ORI: MOMHP0007

Montana

Montana Department of Justice

Missing/Unidentified Persons

P.O. Box 201402

303 North Roberts Street, Room 374

Helena, MT 59620–1417

406–444–2800

406–444–4453 (Fax)

ORI: MT025045Y

Nebraska

Nebraska State Patrol

Criminal Records and Identification Division

P.O. Box 94907

Lincoln, NE 68509

402–471–4545/479–4918

402–479–4054 (Fax)

Nevada

Nevada Office of the Attorney General

Nevada Missing Children Clearinghouse

555 East Washington Avenue, Suite 3900

Las Vegas, NV 89101–6208

800–992–0900 (in-state only) or

702–486–3539

702–486–3768 (Fax)

Internet: www.ag.state.nv.us/Divisions/

Fraudunits/MissingKids/miss_kids.htm

ORI: NV018025A

New Hampshire

New Hampshire State Police

Investigative Services Bureau

Major Crimes Unit

91 Airport Road

Concord, NH 03301

800–852–3411 (in-state only) or

603–271–2663

603–271–2520 (Fax)

ORI: NHNSP0800

New Jersey

New Jersey State Police

Unidentified Persons Unit

P.O. Box 7068

West Trenton, NJ 08628

800–709–7090 or 609–882–2000

609–882–2719 (Fax)

ORI: NJNSP0032
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Family Survival Guide

New Mexico

New Mexico Department of Public Safety

ATTN: Law Enforcement Records

P.O. Box 1628 

Santa Fe, NM 87504–1628

505–827–9191

505–827–3388 (Fax)

New York

New York Division of Criminal Justice Service

Missing and Exploited Children

4 Tower Place

Albany, NY 12203

800–346–3543 or 518–457–6326

518–457–6965 (Fax)

Internet: http://criminaljustice.state.ny.us/

missing/index.htm

ORI: NY001025Y

North Carolina

North Carolina Center for Missing Persons

4706 Mail Service Center

Raleigh, NC 27699–4706

800–522–5437 (in-state only) or

919–733–3914

919–715–1682 (Fax)

ORI: NCNHP0000

North Dakota

North Dakota Bureau of Criminal Investigation

P.O. Box 1054

Bismarck, ND 58502–1052

701–328–5500

701–328–5510 (Fax)

ORI: NDRCD0000

Ohio

Missing Children Clearinghouse

Attorney General’s Office

Crime Victims Services Section

65 East State Street, Fifth Floor

Columbus, OH 43215–4231

800–325–5604 or 614–466–5610

614–728–9536 (Fax)

Internet: www.mcc.ag.state.oh.us

Oklahoma

Oklahoma State Bureau of Investigation

Criminal Intelligence Office

6600 North Harvey

Oklahoma City, OK 73136

405–879–2645

405–879–2967 (Fax)

ORI: OKOBI0000

Oregon

Oregon State Police

Missing Children Clearinghouse

400 Public Service Building

Salem, OR 97310

800–282–7155 (in-state only) or

503–378–3720

503–363–5475 (Fax)

Internet: www.osp.state.or.us

ORI: OROSP0003 OROSP0004

Pennsylvania

Pennsylvania State Police

Bureau of Criminal Investigation

1800 Elmerton Avenue

Harrisburg, PA 17110

717–783–0960

717–705–2306 (Fax)

ORI: PAPSP0012
85

Additional Resources

Rhode Island

Rhode Island State Police

Missing and Exploited Children Unit

311 Danielson Pike

North Scituate, RI 02857

401–444–1125

401–444–1133 (Fax)

ORI: RIRSP0001

South Carolina

South Carolina Law Enforcement Division

Missing Person Information Center

P.O. Box 21398

Columbia, SC 29221–1398

800–322–4453 or 803–737–9000

803–896–7595 (Fax)

ORI: SCLED00M0

South Dakota

South Dakota Attorney General’s Office

Division of Criminal Investigation

East Highway 34

c/o 500 East Capitol Avenue

Pierre, SD 57501

605–773–3331

605–773–4629 (Fax)

ORI: SDDCI0000

Tennessee

Tennessee Bureau of Investigation

Criminal Intelligence Unit

901 R.S. Gass Boulevard

Nashville, TN 37206

615–744–4000

615–744–4513 (Fax)

ORI: TNTBI0000

Texas

Texas Department of Public Safety

Special Crimes Services

P.O. Box 4087

Austin, TX 78773–0422

800–346–3243 (in-state only) or

512–424–5074

512–424–2885 (Fax)

Internet: www.txdps.state.tx.us/mpch

ORI: TXDPS4300

Utah

Utah Department of Public Safety

Bureau of Criminal Identification

P.O. Box 148280

Salt Lake City, UT 84114–8280

888–770–6477 or 801–965–4500

801–965–4749 (Fax)

Vermont

Vermont State Police

103 South Main Street

Waterbury, VT 05671

802–241–5352

802–241–5349 (Fax)

Virginia

Virginia State Police Department

Missing Children’s Clearinghouse

P.O. Box 27472

Richmond, VA 23261

800–822–4453 (in-state only) or

804–674–2026

804–674–2105 (Fax)

ORI: VAVSP0000
86

Family Survival Guide

Washington

Washington State Patrol

Missing Children Clearinghouse

P.O. Box 2347

Olympia, WA 98507–2347

800–543–5678

360–644–2156 (Fax)

ORI: WAWSP00L1

West Virginia

West Virginia State Police

Missing Children Clearinghouse

725 Jefferson Road

South Charleston, WV 25309–1698

800–352–0927 (in-state only) or

304–558–1467

304–558–1470 (Fax)

Wisconsin

Wisconsin Department of Justice

Division of Criminal Investigation

P.O. Box 7857

Madison, WI 53701–2718

800–THE–HOPE (800–843–4673) 

(in-state only) or 608–266–1671

608–267–2777 (Fax)

ORI: WI013015Y

Wyoming

Wyoming Office of the Attorney General

Division of Criminal Investigation

316 West 22d

Cheyenne, WY 82002

307–777–7537

307–777–8900 (Fax)

ORI: WY0110400

Canada

Royal Canadian Mounted Police

Missing Children’s Registry

P.O. Box 8885

1200 Vanier Parkway

Ottawa, Ontario, CN K1G 3MB

877–318–3576 (toll free in North America)

or 613–993–1525

613–993–5430 (Fax)

Internet: www.ourmissingchildren.ca 

ORI: ON11074

Puerto Rico 

Missing Children Program

Centro Estatal Para Niños Desaparecidos y

Victimas de Abuso

P.O. Box 9023899

Old San Juan, PR 00902–3899

787–729–2523

800–995–NINO (limited calling area)

787–722–0809 (Fax)
87

About the Parent Authors

Heather Cox and Marion Boburka, mother and

grandmother, respectively, of Shelby Marie Cox, have

been strong proponents for missing and exploited

children and their families since 4-year-old Shelby

disappeared on November 13, 1995. She was playing

on the family porch with her older sister and friends.

After a 5-day search, Shelby’s battered body was

found in a neighbor’s shed, killed by an 18-year-old

boy who later confessed. “Shelby was a joyous

child,” Heather writes, “who saw the wonders of

this world and embraced every one of them. She

saw the magic in the clouds, the wonder of a rainbow, the beauty of a flower in bloom. She was full of

spunk and mischievousness and laughter. To say we

miss her doesn’t even come close to how deep our

feelings are. Instead, we fight for the children, for

Shelby’s peers, so that people will learn, and then Shelby’s life and death will not have been in vain.”

Colleen Nick, mother of Morgan Chauntel Nick,

has been a spokesperson and champion for missing children and their families since Morgan’s abduction on June 9, 1995. Six-year-old Morgan was

last seen at 10:45 p.m., while playing at a little

league ball game in Alma, AR. She was standing

near her mother’s car where she had stopped to

empty sand from her shoes. Witnesses observed

a man watching Morgan as she played with other

children. The man was described as white, 6 feet

tall, 20 to 40 years old, with black or “salt and

pepper” hair. Colleen writes, “You are a wonderful

friend, a treasured daughter, a loving big sister, a

blessing we cannot live without. We feel cheated

every day that goes by and we do not see your

smile, hear your bubbly laughter, or listen to your

thoughts and ideas. We know that the world was

deprived of something very precious and unique when you were taken from us. We have never

stopped believing that we will find you. We will never give up hope. Always know that you are

loved. Most of all, don’t ever give up. We will find you. We promise.”

Morgan Nick

Shelby Cox
88

Family Survival Guide

Don and Claudine Ryce, parents of Jimmy Ryce,

have devoted their lives to getting kids home safe.

On September 11, 1995, Jimmy was walking home

from the bus stop when he was abducted at gunpoint, sexually molested, and murdered. His parents

believe he could have been found if bloodhounds

had been available. As cofounders of the Jimmy

Ryce Center for Victims of Predatory Abduction,

Don and Claudine have worked to establish a network of bloodhounds across the country; coordinated a petition drive that resulted in President Clinton’s

signing of an Executive memorandum requiring that

missing children’s pictures be posted in federal

buildings and national parks; worked to place missing children’s pictures on billboards and in every driver’s license renewal packet sent out in Florida; and

helped the Dade County School Board implement the Jimmy Ryce Predator Notification Act by

sending home with each child pictures of convicted sexual predators living in the county. The Ryces

write, “Children are their own last defense against sexual predators. To make children more predator resistant, we are developing a Web site (http://jimmyryce.org) where children can learn how to

recognize dangerous situations and how to get away. It takes a lot of imagination and hard work to

make our children safer, but we can do it together. Send us your ideas at misujim@netrox.net.”

Patrick Sessions, father of Tiffany Sessions, has

devoted much of his energy to helping protect

other children who may be victimized and providing support and encouragement to their families.

Tiffany was last seen on February 9, 1989, at 

6 p.m., walking in Gainesville, FL. She was 20

years old and had blonde hair and blue eyes. 

“It is the hope of the Sessions family,” Patrick

writes, “that this Guide will be of help to families

who may find themselves in the difficult position

of searching for a loved one. Although the search

for Tiffany has not been successful, many other

families’ prayers have been answered with the

return of their loved ones. Literally thousands of

people, both friends and strangers, reached out

to help in the search for Tiffany, and those hard-learned lessons are included in this Guide. Our

small part in helping prepare this Guide is dedicated to all the people who have helped Tiffany and

the other children who have needed their help and support. Thanks to those people, we have the

strength and determination to continue our search for Tiffany.”

Jimmy Ryce

Tiffany Sessions
89

About the Parent Authors

Patty Wetterling, mother of Jacob Wetterling, has

devoted her life to child safety issues. She is a

founding member of the board of directors of the

Association of Missing and Exploited Children’s

Organizations, a cofounder of the Jacob Wetterling

Foundation, and a member of the board of directors

of the National Center for Missing & Exploited

Children®. Her most recent accomplishments

include passage of the Jacob Wetterling Crimes

Against Children Registration Act, a federal law

requiring convicted sex offenders to register their

place of residence with local law enforcement after

release from prison. On October 22, 1989, Jacob

was abducted at gunpoint near the Wetterling home

and has not been seen since. Patty writes, “I think

about you every day and wonder what you would

have become had you not been stolen from us. It’s

so unfair. If you’re not alive, we need to know. Someone has been torturing us for far too long. I still

look everywhere I go at faces, and I keep asking everyone else to look, too. Sometimes people

who were badly victimized forget who they are. I’m still asking the whole world to help. Don’t give

up your dreams, Jacob. They can still come true if you hope and don’t give up. We’re still searching for you and we will never quit until we know who did this, what happened, and where you are.

Forever and always, I love you.”

Jacob Wetterling
91

Index

AMBER Alert Plan, 2, 4, 17, 21

AMECO. See Association of Missing and Exploited 

Children’s Organizations, Inc.

age-progressed photographs, 9, 42

alcohol, use of, 62

America’s Most Wanted, 27, 41

anger, coping with, 62, 63, 65, 66

Association of Missing and Exploited Children’s 

Organizations, Inc., 77–78

BOLO. See Be On the Look Out bulletin

Be On the Look Out bulletin, 2, 21

bill paying, 70

birthdays, 28, 31, 41, 55

changes in celebrating, 65

blame, coping with, 62

bloodhounds, 3, 7, 50, 88

broadcast fax, 3, 21, 41

buttons, 31, 43

child advocate, 18

child, description of missing, 2, 13, 26, 33, 37

Child Protection Division, 63, 78, 79

children. See siblings

coordinator

of media events, 67

of photo distribution, 40

of posters, 45, 67

of volunteers, 47, 49, 67

counseling, 62, 63, 64, 66, 67, 78

Crime Stoppers, 8, 45, 59

DNA evidence, 13, 21

dental records, 14

depression, coping with, 62, 63, 66

description, of missing child, 2, 13, 26, 33, 37

digitized photographs, 37, 40

disappearance, classification of, 19

dogs, tracking and trailing, 3, 6, 7, 13, 21. See also

bloodhounds

donations, 56–57

accounting for, 56–57

drugs, use of, 62

e-mail, 40, 41. See also Internet

Emergency Alert System, 4

emotions, 62. See also mental health

evidence, collection of, 2, 13. See also 

DNA evidence

exercise, importance of, 61

extortion, 3, 22, 57

FBI. See Federal Bureau of Investigation

Family Advocacy Division, 50. See also National 

Center for Missing & Exploited Children®

family meetings, 28, 65

family spokesperson, 3, 19, 26–27, 28, 67

fax machines, use of, 40, 42

fear, coping with, 62, 65, 66

Federal Bureau of Investigation, 2, 79–80

Evidence Response Teams, 6

Field Office resources, 3, 6, 21, 80

special reward funds, 56

financial assistance, 70

financial concerns, 56, 70

fliers

distribution of, 37, 40–43, 45, 48, 65, 67

samples, 38–39

grief, coping with, 62, 63, 64, 66

helicopters, 6, 21

holidays, changes in celebrating, 65

hope, 1, 61, 64

infrared, 6, 21

Internet

surfing, 13

use of, 40, 78

See also e-mail, Web site

interviews

with law enforcement, 18

with the media, 27, 28, 31, 33–34, 41–42

journal, personal, 62
92

Family Survival Guide

laughter, 64

law enforcement

background checks, 7

case coordinator, 2, 6, 8, 18–19

classification of disappearance, 19

criticism of, 19, 34

descriptions to, 2, 13

disclosure of information to the media, 4, 19,

25–26, 29, 33, 34

expectations of, 17

leads for, 3, 10, 59

partnership with, 17–19

photographs for, 14

questions from, 18

and rewards, 55

role in search, 5–7

search and recovery plan, 6, 21–22

See also primary law enforcement contact;

Team Adam

media

choice of family spokesperson, 3, 26–27, 28, 67

deadlines, 27

disclosure of information to, 19

events, 31

ground rules for, 26, 65

“hooks,” 28, 31

packages, 26

public relations experts, 30

See also interviews; law enforcement, disclosure of information to the media; press 

conferences; press kits; press releases

medical records, 3, 14

mental health

taking care of extended family members, 66–67

taking care of your children, 64–66

taking care of yourself, 3, 61–64

missing children’s clearinghouses. See state 

missing children’s clearinghouses

missing children’s organizations

photo distribution, 2, 40, 42, 50

resources available from, 8, 9, 26, 63, 66, 80

Missing Persons File. See National Crime Information Center, Missing Persons File

NCIC. See National Crime Information Center

NCMEC. See National Center for Missing & 

Exploited Children®

National Center for Missing & Exploited Children®

assistance from, 9, 26, 27, 66

photo distribution, 2, 40, 41, 42

publications, 75–76

resources, 3, 6, 7, 8, 9, 21, 45, 50, 77

See also Project ALERT; Team H.O.P.E.; 

Team Adam; and Family Advocacy Division

National Crime Information Center, Missing 

Persons File, 2, 21

National Missing Children’s Day, 28

Nonprofit organization, 67

notebooks, uses for, 3, 6, 8, 80

Office for Victims of Crime, 70, 78, 79

Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency 

Prevention, 63, 78

parents

privacy issues, 27, 28, 29

reaction to media coverage, 25

relationship with law enforcement, 6, 17–19

response to disappearance, 1

role in search, 5, 8

as suspects, 18

See also mental health

peer support, 63, 66

photographs

age-progressed, 9, 42

digitized, 37, 40

distribution coordinator, 40

distribution of, 2, 37, 40–43

for law enforcement, 14

for the media, 26, 33

pledges, monetary, 56

police reports, 8

politicians, getting help from, 9, 28, 31, 42

polygraph testing, 3, 18

posters, distribution of, 9, 21, 42–43, 48, 67

press conferences, 27, 29, 31

press kits, 41

press releases, 29, 30, 31, 41–42
93

Index

primary law enforcement contact, 2, 6, 8, 18–19,

31, 41, 45, 50, 55, 56, 63, 65, 66, 78

privacy issues, 27, 29

private detectives, 10

Project ALERT, 21, 49–50, 77

psychics, 10

public awareness events, 31

questions

from law enforcement, 18

from the media, 26, 33–34

radio, 25, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 41

registry of missing persons. See National Crime 

Information Center, Missing Persons File

religion, 63

rewards

amount of, 56

choice of tiplines, 8, 9, 59

disposal of excess funds, 57

publicity for, 26

purpose of, 55

use of, 3, 55–56

See also donations; special reward funds

school, returning to, 66

search

law enforcement’s role in, 5–7

parents’ role in, 5

types of, 6

volunteers’ role in, 7–8, 48–50, 52

siblings, 64–66

sign-in procedures, for volunteers, 7, 52

special reward funds, 56

state missing children’s clearinghouses, 80–86

photo distribution, 2, 40

resources available from, 7, 9, 21, 26, 59, 63,

66, 70

stress, handling, 61–64

suspects, possible, 7, 13, 14, 18, 21, 28

T-shirts, 31, 43

talk shows, 41, 43

Team Adam, 8, 21

Team H.O.P.E., 50, 63, 77, 78

telephone

caller ID, 3, 6

cellular phones, 3, 6

how to answer, 3, 6, 48, 67

trap and trace, 3, 6

television, 25, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31

therapy, 62, 63, 64, 66

tiplines, 8, 45, 59

victim’s advocates, 63, 78

Victim’s Bill of Rights, 29

victim’s compensation funds, 70, 78

videotapes, of missing child, 14, 33, 37, 40

volunteers

activities for, 3, 8, 9, 30, 48

coordinator of, 47, 49, 67

discomfort with, 10, 48

role in search, 7–8, 48–50, 52

sign-in procedures, 7, 52

staging area, 7

use of established groups, 7, 49

Web site, 9

witnesses, 3, 22

work, returning to, 64, 70

x rays, 3, 14
U.S. Department of Justice

Office of Justice Programs

Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention Washington, DC 20531

Official Business

Penalty for Private Use $300

U.S. Department of Justice

Office of Justice Programs

Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention Washington, DC 20531

Official Business

Penalty for Private Use $300

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POSTAGE & FEES PAID

DOJ/OJJDP

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U.S. Department of Justice

Office of Justice Programs

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OJJDP Report