National 

Victim Assistance 

Academy 

VIDEOTAPE SERIES: 

“Putting Victims First” 

Listen to My Story: 

Communicating 

With Victims 

of Crime 

U.S. Department of Justice 

Office of Justice Programs 

Office for Victims of Crime 
U.S. Department of Justice 

Office of Justice Programs 

810 Seventh Street NW. 

Washington, DC 20531 

Alberto R. Gonzales 

Attorney General 

Regina B. Schofield

Assistant Attorney General 

John W. Gillis 

Director, Office for Victims of Crime 

Office of Justice Programs 

Partnerships for Safer Communities 

www.ojp.usdoj.gov 

Office for Victims of Crime 

www.ovc.gov 

For grant and funding information, contact 

U.S. Department of Justice Response Center 

1–800–421–6770 

NCJ 195655 

This document was prepared by the Victims’ Assistance Legal 

Organization under grant number 95–MU–GX–K002, awarded 

by the Office for Victims of Crime, Office of Justice Programs, 

U.S. Department of Justice. The opinions, findings, and conclusions expressed in this document are those of the authors and do 

not necessarily represent the official position or policies of the 

U.S. Department of Justice. 

The Office for Victims of Crime is a component of the 

Office of Justice Programs, which also includes the Bureau 

of Justice Assistance, the Bureau of Justice Statistics, the 

National Institute of Justice, and the Office of Juvenile 

Justice and Delinquency Prevention. 
Listen to My Story: Communicating 

With Victims of Crime 

Video Discussion Guide 

Video produced by 

Video/Action 

for the 

Office for Victims of Crime 

U.S. Department of Justice

Written by 

Morna Murray 

Victims’ Assistance Legal Organization 

McLean, VA 

Melissa Hook 

Victims’ Assistance Legal Organization 

McLean, VA 

Anne Seymour 

Justice Solutions 

Washington, DC 

August 2005 
Contents 

Introduction ......................................................1 

Listen to 

of Crime 

Facilitator Tips for Using the 

My Story: Communicating With Victims 

Video and Discussion Guide ..........2 

Segment One: Helping Victims 

Regain Control ................................................5 

Segment Two: Listening With Compassion ....7

Segment Three: Understanding the 


Impact of Trauma ..........................................11

Segment Four: Building Trust 

Segment Five: Becoming Aware of 


......................15

Communication Barriers ................................17

Additional Resources ......................................21

Web Sites ....................................................21

Publications ................................................22

Videos ........................................................23

Guidelines for Active Listening ....................23

Other Resources for Active Listening ......25

Telephone Communications: Responding 


to Difficult Questions ....................................26

Some “Do’s” and “Don’ts” When 


Communicating With Victims ........................28

iii 
Do ................................................................28

Don’t ..........................................................29

Sources ........................................................31

iv 
Introduction 

The 

of Crime video and discussion guide were developed to offer insights into the basics of communicating with victims of crime. It can be extremely 

helpful and instructive for victim service providers 

to revisit the basics of communication. While a 

Listen to My Story: Communicating With Victims 

sense of compassion and empathy are key, effective 

interaction with victims requires more than excellent communication skills. Many other considerations should be kept in mind, such as subtle 

unintentional messages that can be conveyed that 

are actually harmful. Cultural considerations also 

are important. What is viewed as respectful and 

inviting in one culture may mean the opposite in 

another. 

The video and discussion guide explore the “ABCs” 

of communication with crime victims who have 

been traumatized. Thus, the potential effects of 

crime on the emotional and psychological wellbeing of victims are explored. All crimes are potentially traumatic, and victim service providers 

should be aware of various responses to them. 

It is also important that victim service providers 

are knowledgeable about the mental health implications and considerations involved in communicating with trauma victims. 

The 13 1/2-minute video focuses on five areas: 

✦ Helping victims regain control after a crime. 

✦ Listening with compassion. 

1 
✦ Understanding the impact of trauma on victims. 

✦ Needing to build trust when communicating 

with victims. 

✦ Understanding the various barriers to 

communication. 

Facilitator Tips for Using the Listen to My Story: Communicating With 

Victims of Crime Video and Discussion Guide 

The video and discussion guide are valuable training tools for victim service providers, criminal and 

juvenile justice professionals, mental health 

providers, allied professionals, and other audiences 

who seek to better understand the basics of communicating with crime victims who have suffered 

the trauma of victimization. The Listen to My Story: 

Communicating With Victims of Crime video can be 

viewed in its entirety or in segments. 

To facilitate discussion of each of the video’s segments, turn to the corresponding section in the discussion guide. Each section offers a framework for 

moderating a discussion; it provides facilitators 

with questions and “probes”—possible answers or 

responses to each question that are based on research on victim trauma and needs—to use during 

a discussion. 

The discussion guide questions are designed to 

spark dialog among participants about issues raised 

in the video. Moderators may choose any of several 

ways to use the questions, depending on the size 

and composition of the group. Moderators may 

2 
want to create viewer worksheets on which participants can write their thoughts. They may want to 

divide participants into smaller groups to discuss 

the questions, then report back to the larger group. 

When deciding how to structure a discussion, facilitators should consider how to reinforce the issues 

raised by the video and give participants opportunities to apply these ideas to their work. 

The recommendations in the discussion guide and 

video are by no means all inclusive; rather, they are 

intended to promote further dialog among viewers 

about how service providers can best serve the 

needs of victims through their communications 

with them. 

The video can serve as a primer about victims’ 

communication needs, from the time the crime 

occurs through the criminal or juvenile justice 

process. It can be a useful audiovisual aid for 

✦ Introductory training for new staff. 

✦ Continuing education for existing staff. 

✦ Professional training and education programs 

for victim service providers, criminal and 

juvenile justice professionals, and allied 

professionals. 

✦ Public awareness efforts to increase understanding of victimization and victims’ rights 

and needs. 

3 
Depending on the audience and venue, discussion 

facilitators can 

✦ Develop viewer worksheets—using the discussion questions—to encourage individual reflection on the issues addressed in the video. 

✦ Provide opportunities for viewers to apply the 

issues raised by the video to their own experiences, either as crime victims or as professionals 

who work with crime victims. 

✦ Divide viewers into small groups to discuss 

their ideas and opinions, with the opportunity 

to share insights with the whole group. 

✦ Document key points of group discussions on 

tear sheets to offer a visual summary of the 

proceedings. 

Below are suggested resources to augment effective 

facilitation: 

✦ VCR and monitor. 

✦ Viewer worksheets. 

✦ Tear sheet pads and easel. 

✦ Markers. 

✦ Masking tape. 

4 
Segment One: Helping Victims Regain Control 

The experience of being victimized has the pomon feelings reported by victims in the aftermath 

of a crime is feeling a loss of control. Because victims had no control over a victimization, this sense 

of helplessness can persist into other areas of their 

tential to turn every aspect of a crime victim’s 

life into chaos and disarray. One of the most comlives. It is so important for victims to begin to regain the sense that they are, indeed, in control 

of their lives. This segment will help viewers 

understand 

✦ Feelings of helplessness and loss of control that 

individuals experience after a victimization. 

✦ How to support crime victims in regaining a 

sense of control over their lives. 

✦ Behavior on the part of service providers that 

can inhibit crime victims’ efforts to regain a 

sense of control. 

1. What are some of the fundamental values and 

beliefs that can be thrown into question or 

destroyed by the experience of a violent 

victimization that may make victims feel 

helpless? 

Facilitator Probes 

✦ Bad things do not happen to good people. 

✦ Personal safety is a “given” in a just society. 

✦ Life is predictable and fair. 

5 
2. What interventions by victim service providers and criminal justice professionals can 

help victims restore a sense of control over 

their lives? 

Facilitator Probes 

✦ Letting victims decide when and where they 

want to talk. 

✦ Listening to victims’ stories with patience and 

respect. 

✦ Listening actively and being aware of victims’ 

state of mind and the message behind the words 

they use to describe their situations. 

✦ Expressing confidence in victims’ abilities to tell 

their stories. 

✦ Having a list of mental health and trauma referrals readily accessible. It would be helpful to 

have brochures with this information. On request, help victims make contact with the 

referrals. 

✦ Being prepared for the fact that victims may 

have little sense of the workings of the criminal 

justice system and may be intimidated and/or 

confused by it. 

✦ Providing as much information as possible to 

victims about how an investigation will proceed. 

✦ Trying to give victims the appropriate information to help them make their own decisions if 

making decisions is an important part of reclaiming their lives. 

6 
3. What kinds of behaviors by service providers 

toward victims of violent crime might inhibit 

effective communications with them and their 

ability to regain a sense of control over their 

lives? 

Facilitator Probes 

✦ Rendering judgments or implying that victims 

were in some way to blame for a crime. 

✦ Second-guessing victims’ feelings or responses 

to a crime. 

✦ Comparing victims’ experiences of crime with 

that of other victims of similar crimes. 

✦ Arguing with victims or becoming flustered by 

victims’ anxieties. 

✦ Treating victims as evidence. 

✦ Dismissing victims’ fears and anxieties as 

unrealistic or obsessive. 

✦ Treating victims as if they are helpless. 

Segment Two: Listening With Compassion 

Listening to crime victims is perhaps the most important thing that service providers and allied 

professionals do, and it is crucial that they listen to 

victims with compassion. Compassionate listening 

conveys a genuine sense of caring and encourages 

words, facial expressions, body language, and qualvictims to speak openly and freely. Voice tone, 

ity of attention all affect whether victims sense they 

7 
are being heard. Service providers need to be conscious of the kinds of messages—both verbal and 

nonverbal—they are conveying and whether in 

person or over the telephone. This segment will 

help viewers understand 

✦ The importance of body language and the 

messages it conveys. 

✦ Positive and negative conversational skills. 

✦ Conveying interest and compassion in telephone 

conversations. 

1. What kinds of body language convey openness and compassion? 

Facilitator Probes (positive body language) 

✦ Maintaining eye contact to show interest, unless 

it is culturally inappropriate. When culturally 

appropriate behavior is in question, ask in a 

gentle and respectful way what is comfortable 

for that victim. 

✦ Using appropriate posture that conveys a relaxed but alert attitude. 

✦ Leaning slightly forward to show interest. 

✦ Practicing an awareness of other nonverbal 

messages conveyed by use of arms, hands, and 

facial expressions. 

Facilitator Probes (negative body language) 

✦ Using facial expressions or body language that 

show impatience when victims are repetitive. 

✦ Slouching. 

8 
✦ Looking around the room when they are talking. 

✦ Yawning, sighing, and other expressions of 

boredom or disinterest. 

✦ Multitasking while they are speaking. 

2. What conversational skills convey a willingness to understand and show compassion? 

Facilitator Probes (positive skills) 

✦ Speaking in a measured, kind voice. 

✦ Paraphrasing to convey compassionate interest 

in victims’ stories and assurance that they are 

being heard. 

✦ Paraphrasing victims’ stories to confirm that 

they have been accurately understood. 

✦ Paraphrasing victims’ stories as a way to 

validate feelings. 

✦ Asking open-ended questions that do not require a “yes” or “no” answer (e.g., instead of 

asking “Has this been going on for a long 

time?” ask “How long has this been going 

on?”). 

✦ Using active listening skills that acknowledge 

victims’ emotional and psychological states of 

mind (e.g., “That must have made you feel . . .,” 

“It sounds like you are really feeling . . .”). 

✦ Responding to content, paraphrasing when appropriate (e.g., “So, it is really important to you 

that . . .,” “You are really concerned about . . .,” 

“In other words . . .”). 

9 
✦ Remaining engaged in the exchange until 

victims have finished telling their stories. 

Facilitator Probes (negative skills) 

✦ Directing victims rather than letting them tell 

their stories. 

✦ Interrupting victims. 

✦ Telling victims how they should feel. 

✦ Disagreeing with victims. 

✦ Displaying a tendency to evaluate what they are 

saying. 

✦ Jumping to conclusions or filling in details. 

✦ Using vocabulary that is poorly understood or 

alienating. 

✦ Talking too much. 

✦ Knowing all the answers. 

✦ Being closeminded. 

✦ Asking “Why did you?” or “Why didn’t you?” 

questions that convey blame. 

3. In telephone conversations, what are ways to 

convey to crime victims compassion and a 

willingness to help? 

Facilitator Probes 

✦ Use first names. 

✦ Speak with warmth and interest. 

✦ Make victims aware of your willingness to listen 

to all of their story. 

10 
✦ Listen carefully to assess victims’ state of mind 

and let them know if they sound depressed, upset, or angry to help them clarify their feelings. 

✦ Let victims know that expressions of grief or 

anger are okay. 

✦ Explore with victims the problem or crime that 

provoked the call. 

Segment Three: Understanding the 

Impact of Trauma 

Victims can experience a number of traumatic 

reactions to a victimization. When they report 

or exhibit signs of ongoing mental health trauma, 

victim service providers are often the first to provide referrals to mental health experts. Even 

though most victim service providers are not mental health experts, they should understand the most 

common short- and long-term effects of crime on 

victims’ mental health and have on hand referrals 

to experts who understand trauma in the context 

of victimization. This segment will help viewers 

understand 

✦ Immediate short- and long-term trauma reactions after a victimization. 

✦ The kind of support necessary for victims who 

are coping with trauma. 

11 
1. What are some of the immediate effects of the 

trauma of victimization? 

Facilitator Probes 

✦ Shock, surprise, and terror. 

✦ Feelings of unreality, such as “This can’t be 

happening to me.” 

✦ Extremely high rates of physiological anxiety 

(e.g., rapid heart rate, hyperventilation, stomach 

distress). 

✦ Helplessness. 

2. What are some of the short-term effects of 

the trauma of victimization? 

Facilitator Probes 

✦ Preoccupation with crime (e.g., “I can’t get it 

out of my mind”). 

✦ Flashbacks and bad dreams. 

✦ Heightened concern for their personal safety. 

✦ Heightened concern for the safety of their loved 

ones. 

✦ Fear that they are at fault. 

✦ Fear that they will not be believed. 

✦ Fear that they will be blamed. 

✦ Fear of law enforcement if they belong to a 

culture that in general has a difficult relationship with law enforcement. 

12 
✦ Inability to trust anyone or any situation. 

✦ Fear of the next attack among victims of repeat 

abuse. 

3. What are some of the long-term effects of the 

trauma of victimization? 

Facilitator Probes 

✦ Posttraumatic stress disorder. 

✦ Depression. 

✦ Alcoholism and substance abuse. 

✦ Mental illness. 

✦ Suicide or contemplation of suicide. 

✦ Panic disorders. 

✦ Obsessive-compulsive disorder. 

✦ Poor health as a result of a victimization (e.g., 

physical disabilities, sexually transmitted diseases resulting from rape, immune system 

problems, developmental disabilities from a 

head injury). 

✦ Chronic pain. 

✦ Sexual dysfunction. 

4. What can victim service providers do or say 

to help victims cope with the trauma they experience as a result of a violent crime? (Recognize that eliminating trauma-related 

psychological injuries may not be a realistic 

goal.) 

13 
Facilitator Probes 

✦ Be calm and focused. 

✦ Express sorrow for what has happened to them. 

✦ Conduct a basic needs assessment to determine 

the degree of trauma victims may be experiencing. Remember that not all victims are alike. 

For each assessment, include previctimization 

characteristics and prior mental health condition and postvictimization factors, especially 

the degree of exposure to the criminal justice 

system and the quality of social support. 

✦ Be understanding when victims do not wish to 

repeat the details of the crime. 

✦ Be understanding of the fact that victims may 

not wish to look at defendants in court and 

arrange for someone to be at trials to lend moral 

support to victims. 

✦ Refer victims to stress management and mental 

health professionals based on their needs. 

✦ Receive training on red flag indicators for substance abuse and alcohol addiction that may develop as a result of a victimization and make 

appropriate referrals. 

14 
Segment Four: Building Trust 

Many victims report that their trust in the 

world as a safe place is shattered as a result 

of a victimization. If individuals are victimized for 

reasons having to do with their gender and/or identification with a particular religious, ethnic, or other group, this loss of trust can be profound. One of 

the tasks of victim service providers is to help victims move forward and reclaim the trust they have 

lost. One of the best ways victim advocates can 

achieve this is by being trustworthy in every aspect 

of their work with victims. This segment will help 

viewers understand 

✦ The loss of sense of safety and trust that victims 

experience after a victimization. 

✦ What providers can do to help victims regain 

their sense of trust and safety. 

1. What are some of the reasons that it may be 

difficult to establish trusting relationships 

with crime victims? 

Facilitator Probes 

✦ Victims’ fundamental assumptions about life 

may have been shattered and therefore they 

may have difficulty identifying what they can 

believe in and trust. 

✦ They may belong to a different culture. 

✦ They may speak a different language. 

15 
✦ Victims of hate and bias crimes may feel persecuted and expect repeat victimizations. 

✦ They may not trust anyone they perceive as a 

representative of the criminal justice system. 

✦ Their previous experiences with the criminal 

justice system may have been unsatisfactory. 

✦ Victims may have concerns about their rights to 

confidentiality. 

✦ They may be on their guard that people in the 

system may try to blame them. 

✦ They may be angry. 

✦ They may feel guilty. 

2. What can victim service providers say or do 

to help build trust? 

Facilitator Probes 

✦ Express sorrow for what has happened to 

victims. 

✦ Be clear in communicating that it was not the 

victims’ fault that they were victimized. 

✦ Explain the specific role of the professional and 

how it can help victims. In the role of advocate, 

do not make promises to victims that cannot be 

kept. 

✦ Explain the specific rules of privilege that may 

apply to communications with victims, i.e., disclosure requirements versus confidential communication between advocates and victims. 

16 
✦ Know the state laws and agency rules about 

confidentiality and abide by them. 

✦ Explain the criminal justice process as it relates 

to victims. 

✦ Explain the purpose behind the questions that 

are being asked. 

✦ Explain to victims what their options are with 

regard to reporting a crime and participating in 

the process. 

✦ Be sensitive to victims’ mental health and medical needs and make appropriate referrals. 

✦ Explain victim compensation and help victims 

apply for it when they are eligible. 

✦ If victims feel alienated as a result of their age, 

culture, race, religion, gender, or sexual preference, partner with a representative from the 

relevant community to improve the quality of 

victim assistance. 

Segment Five: Becoming Aware of 

Communication Barriers 

Victim service providers must do everything in 

their power to become aware of and overcome 

any communication barriers that might exist in 

their relationships with crime victims. Barriers to 

communication might include cultural differences 

between providers and victims, programmatic barriers such as lack of adequate training, and physical 

17 
barriers such as the geographical distances some 

victims must travel to access services. This segment 

will help viewers understand 

✦ Cultural barriers to effective communication 

with victims. 

✦ Programmatic barriers to effective communication with victims. 

✦ Physical barriers to effective communication 

with victims. 

1. What are the cultural barriers that might 

impede good communication with crime 

victims? 

Facilitator Probes 

✦ The role of family (e.g., sharing intimate information about a crime generally may be frowned 

on in certain cultures). 

✦ Cultural mores that emphasize loyalty to a 

group over an individual. 

✦ Cultural indications of shame with respect to 

victims. 

✦ Variations among cultures in the grieving 

process. 

✦ Prejudice, either conscious or unconscious, on 

the part of helping individuals. 

✦ Victims’ perception of what will be held private 

and what must be shared with law enforcement 

officials. 

18 
✦ Distrust of the criminal justice system because 

of culture or experiences that members of a culture have had with the criminal justice system. 

✦ Fear of deportation. 

✦ Poor understanding of service providers’ role. 

✦ Poor understanding of victims’ rights and/or the 

criminal justice process. 

✦ Culture of gender-based passivity. 

✦ Fear of law enforcement. 

✦ Religious beliefs. 

✦ Disenfranchisement for various reasons (e.g., 

extreme poverty, illness, isolation). 

2. What are the programmatic barriers that 

might impede good communication with 

crime victims? 

Facilitator Probes 

✦ False assumption by service providers that they 

have qualities or attitudes in common with 

victims. 

✦ Lack of diversity among victim services staff. 

✦ Language barriers. 

✦ Absence of outreach to different groups about 

victims’ rights and services. 

✦ Prejudice. 

✦ Lack of training to develop skills and preparedness so victim service providers can address the 

19 
needs of the populations served; lack of cultural 

competency. 

3. What are some of the physical barriers that 

might impede good communication with 

crime victims? 

Facilitator Probes 

✦ Location of service providers. 

✦ Long distances victims need to travel to access 

services in rural areas. 

✦ Victims’ isolation and lack of awareness of 

services for crime victims. 

✦ Victims’ lack of transportation. 

✦ Victims’ lack of a telephone. 

✦ Poor access to service providers’ offices for 

people with disabilities. 

✦ Elderly victims who are dependent on others 

for access to services. 

✦ Child victims who are dependent on others for 

access to services. 

4. What efforts can service providers make to 

address barriers that impede communication 

with crime victims? 

Facilitator Probes 

✦ Participate in diversity training. 

✦ Identify populations in the community that are 

challenging to serve. 

20 
✦ Assess the general needs of victims from populations in the community that are challenging 

to serve. 

✦ Evaluate staff’s cultural competence for assisting underserved victim groups. 

✦ Determine ways in which agency policy can 

change to better serve target groups. 

✦ Develop a culturally diverse staff. 

✦ Form partnerships with culturally diverse individuals and engage their assistance in serving 

victims from their communities. 

Additional Resources 

Web Sites 

Active Listening Skills 

active.htm 

Conflict Research Consortium, University of ColAcademic Resource Center, Utah State University: 

Web site: www.usu.edu/arc/idea_sheets/ 

orado: International Online Training Program on 

Intractable Conflict 

Web site: www.colorado.edu/conflict/peace/ 

treatment/activel.htm 

Homicide Support Project, Virginia Mason Medical Center, Seattle, WA 

Web site: www.vmmc.org/dbSeparation/ 

sec70517.htm 

21 
National Crime Victims Research and 

Treatment Center 

Web site: www.musc.edu/cvc 

National MultiCultural Institute 

Web site: www.nmci.org 

New York State Governor’s Office of Employee 

Relations: Communication Skills 

Web site: www.goer.state.ny.us/Train/ 

onlinelearning/FTMS/600s3.html 

Publications 

Bucqueroux, Bonnie. n.d. Tips on Interviewing Victims: The Anniversary Story. Michigan State University School of Journalism. 

Web site: victims.jrn.msu.edu/public/articles/ 

anniv.html 

Burley-Allen, Madelyn. 1995. Listening: The Forgotten Skill: A Self-Teaching Guide. 2d ed. New York, 

NY: John Wiley & Sons, Inc. 

Covey, Stephen R. 1990. The 7 Habits of Highly 

Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change. 

New York, NY: Simon & Schuster. 

Gerbert, Barbara, Nona Caspers, Nancy Milliken, 

Michelle Berlin, Amy Bronstone, and James Moe. 

2000. “Interventions That Help Victims of Domestic Violence.” Journal of Family Practice (49)(October): 889–895. 

Web site: www.findarticles.com/cf_dls/m0689/ 

10_49/66758940/p1/article.jhtml 

22 
Office for Victims of Crime. 2001. First Response 

to Victims of Crime 2001. Washington, DC: U.S. 

Department of Justice. 

Web site: www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ovc/publications/ 

infores/firstrep/2001/welcome.html 

Ogawa, Brian. 1999. Color of Justice: Culturally Sensitive Treatment of Minority Crime Victims. 2d ed. 

Needham Heights, MA: Allyn & Bacon. 

Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape. 2000. The 

Trainer’s Toolbox: A Resource Guide for Sexual Assault 

Counselor Training. Enola, PA: Pennsylvania Department of Public Welfare. 

Sullivan, James E. 2000. The Good Listener. Notre 

Dame, IN: Ave Maria Press. 

Videos 

National Victim Assistance Academy. 2005. Substance Abuse and Victimization. Videotape Series. 

Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Justice, 

Office for Victims of Crime. 

Guidelines for Active Listening 

Active listening is a structured form of listening 

and responding to another person that conveys 

involves listening not only with the ears but also 

with the eyes and other senses and an awareness of 

body language. Active listening has several 

benefits: 

empathy, focused attention, and understanding. It 

23 
✦ People are forced to listen attentively to what 

others are saying. 

✦ Paraphrasing to confirm what has been said 

helps avoid misunderstandings. 

✦ Paraphrasing to validate feelings helps create an 

open environment for exchange. 

Several communication techniques come into play 

in active listening: 

✦ Asking open questions. Rather than ask questions that require only a “yes” or “no” answer, 

ask open questions. For example, instead of saying “Has this been going on a long time?” ask 

“How long has this been going on?” That way, 

instead of closing the conversation with a “yes” 

or “no” response, individuals are encouraged to 

keep talking. 

✦ Paraphrasing. It helps to show that you have 

been listening attentively and have an accurate 

understanding of what has been said. For example, if a victim tells you about an abusive relationship that she does not know how to get out 

of, you can paraphrase this as, “You’re being 

treated terribly by your partner but you are 

afraid to leave.” 

✦ Reflecting. Repeating back a word or phrase 

can encourage people to go on. If a victim says 

“It’s been really difficult recently,” keep the conversation going simply by repeating the word 

“Difficult . . . .”

24 
✦ Clarifying. Everyone skirts around or glosses 

over the most difficult situations and emotions. 

They will avoid discussing them if allowed. If a 

victim glosses over an important point, help him 

or her clarify it by saying, “Tell me more about 

. . .” or “. . . sounds like a difficult area for you.” 

✦ Using short words of encouragement. Saying 

“yes,” “go on,” or “I see” can give some muchneeded encouragement. 

✦ Reacting. Sympathy and understanding are vital. Saying, for example, “That must have been 

difficult,” can help a person feel he or she is being understood. 

Source: Adapted from “Active Listening,” Change 

Our Minds awareness campaign, Samaritans, Surrey, England. 

Web site: www.changeourminds.com/do_listen_ 

approaches.html 

Other Resources for Active Listening 

Active Listening, Study Guides and Strategies, 

University of St. Thomas, St. Paul, Minnesota 

Web site: www.studygs.net/listening.htm 

Active Listening Resources for Educators 

Web site: 7-12educators.about.com/cs/ 

activelistening 

Academic Resource Center, Utah State University: 

Active Listening Skills 

Web site: www.usu.edu/arc/idea_sheets/ 

active.htm 

25 
Telephone Communications: Responding to 

Difficult Questions 

The following examples of telephone call exchanges 

between victim and listener/responder may be useful in checking one’s own way of responding to victims that promotes active listening skills. 

Victim Caller Listener/Responder 

Can you help me? I’d like to try. Can you tell 

me more about your situation 

and we’ll see what we can do. 

Tell me more about Perhaps it will become 

what that means. clearer as we discuss the 

reasons why you called. 

What should I do about What do you feel is possible 

my problem? for you to do at this time? 

I want you to help me I’d like to be helpful to you. 

make a decision. That’s Which of the things we’ve 

why I called. discussed do you feel most 

comfortable in carrying out? 

Everyone so far has I’m so sorry you feel you’ve 

treated me like a dog. been treated badly. I’m going 

to try my best to help you in 

a respectful way. 

26 
Victim Caller Listener/Responder 

I hope you have a couple 

of hours to talk to me. 

I wish I did. Right now I 

have [amount of time]. Let’s 

try and identify your major 

needs and concerns, and see 

if we can address them in 

this time. Otherwise, we can 

reschedule when we both 

have more time. 

That [allied professional] 

is an idiot! 

I’m sorry you had such a bad 

experience. Let’s talk about 

what happened and see if I 

can help you solve your 

problem. 

Can you guarantee 

[this] will happen? 

I’m sorry, I can’t guarantee 

anything. However, I can 

work closely with you to 

see if we can help make it 

happen. 

Do I have to tell you Only if you decide to do so. 

who I am? 

You seem so factual and Yes, I do. 

objective. Do you really 

care what happens to me? 

How can you care about If you share your personal 

a stranger, someone concerns with me, I don’t 

you’ve never met? feel you are a stranger. 

You don’t care! Why do you feel that way? 

Perhaps if we talk more 

about the reason you’ve 

called, you’ll be better able 

to judge. 

27 
Some “Do’s” and “Don’ts” When 

Communicating With Victims 

Do 

✦ Attempt foremost to communicate trust, 

support, and confidence. 

✦ Calm and comfort victims. Ask “How are you 

doing?” 

✦ Allow victims time to tell what happened and 

describe how they are feeling in their own 

words. 

✦ Give victims back the control an offender took 

away by letting them decide when and where 

to talk. 

✦ Reassure them that their feelings are quite normal and natural, even though they may seem a 

bit unusual at the moment. 

✦ Let victims know that any feelings of anger, 

distress, frustration, fear, and the like are not 

uncommon and are justifiable. 

✦ Be willing to listen to victims share their experiences if they want to talk about a crime and its 

effects, and validate that experience with empathy and support. 

✦ Be alert for hidden meanings and messages not 

directly expressed by victims, without making 

unwarranted assumptions. 

✦ Be encouraging, but not unrealistic. 

28 
✦ Be alert for opportunities to stress victims’ qualities and strengths, but do not patronize. 

✦ Accept the fact that you may never know 

whether victims follow through with your 

recommendations. 

✦ Have an information and referral system—with 

names, addresses, telephone numbers, e-mails, 

and Web sites and pages—to determine appropriate referrals. 

✦ Offer to make referral calls and contacts for 

further information and victim support to ensure that victims make the connections. 

✦ Ask for assistance from a supervisor if a call 

appears to be too difficult to handle yourself. 

✦ Recognize that mistakes will be made and that 

improved communication skills come from 

learning from your mistakes. 

✦ Understand that many victims will have extreme difficulty reconstructing their lives after a 

violent crime, and that some may never recover 

from the tragedy. 

Don’t 

✦ Be judgmental or blame victims for the crimes 

that were committed against them. 

✦ “Second guess” how victims have reacted to a 

crime, either at the time it was occurring or in 

its aftermath. 

29 
✦ Avoid victims or avoid listening to their reactions to a crime. Listening and validating those 

experiences and emotions are critical to victims’ 

reconstruction after a crime. 

✦ Try to compare victims’ experiences with similar 

ones, including your own. It is essential to individualize each victim, each crime, and each victim’s reaction to that crime. 

✦ Be “over-helpful” by making decisions and 

choices for victims. Because individuals do not 

choose to be victimized or have control over a 

violent act committed against them, their ability 

to regain control over and make decisions affecting their lives becomes extremely important. 

✦ Be discouraged if you feel a call has been unsuccessful. You are not expected to “solve” 

most problems with a single phone call. 

✦ Be afraid of silence. Use it constructively. Do 

not talk more than your victim callers. 

✦ Become flustered by victims’ anxiety or urgency. One of the most important factors is that 

you must remain calm, even in a crisis. Remember that your anxiety also can easily be transmitted over the telephone. 

✦ “Take sides” with victims who have difficult experiences with the criminal or juvenile justice 

system. Work to solve problems and assure victims that you will do your best to address their 

identified needs. Avoid “trash talk” about allied 

professionals at all costs. 

30 
✦ Become defensive or arrogant or get into an 

argument with victims. 

✦ Expect to be a psychotherapist or to know all 

the “right” answers. Your job is to listen and 

help victims—to the degree possible—in handling their immediate issues. 

Sources 

Kaufman-Yavitz, Louise. 1982. “Some Common 

Do’s and Don’ts.” Training materials. St. Louis, 

MO. 

Seymour, Anne. 1998. “Do’s and Don’ts in Supporting Victims of Crime.” Unpublished. 

Stout, Ed. n.d. “Victim First Aid.” St. Louis, MO: 

Aid for Victims of Crime. 

Information in this guide also was gathered from 

unpublished material written by Louise KaufmanYavitz, Anne Seymour, and Ed Stout. 

31 
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Refer to publication number NCJ 195655. 

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assistance available from OVC, please contact 

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Telephone: 1–866–OVC–TTAC (1–866–682–8822) 

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www.ovcttac.org 
*NCJ~195655*