U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Administration for Children and Families

Administration on Children, Youth and Families

Children’s Bureau

Child Welfare Information Gateway

Children’s Bureau/ACYF

1250 Maryland Avenue, SW

Eighth Floor

Washington, DC 20024

703.385.7565 or 800.394.3366

Email: info@childwelfare.gov

www.childwelfare.gov

This packet is provided for birth parents, adopted persons, and others interested in learning more 

about the process of searching for birth relatives. Contents include:

Searching for Birth Relatives: A Factsheet for Families

The Impact of Adoption on Adopted Persons

The Impact of Adoption on Birth Parents

Child Welfare Information Gateway (Information Gateway) offers many other resources about 

issues related to adoption. For more information or to order additional publications, visit the 

Information Gateway website at www.childwelfare.gov, email Information Gateway at info@

childwelfare.gov, or call Information Gateway at 703.385.7565 or 800.394.3366.

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Searching for 

Birth Relatives: 

Adoption Packet 3

General 

Information 

Packet

Disponible en español

www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/

spanish_gip_three.cfm
FactSheet 

for Families

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Administration for Children and Families

Administration on Children, Youth and Families

Children’s Bureau

Child Welfare Information Gateway

Children’s Bureau/ACYF

1250 Maryland Avenue, SW

Eighth Floor

Washington, DC 20024

703.385.7565 or 800.394.3366

Email: info@childwelfare.gov

www.childwelfare.gov

June 2004

While interest among adopted persons in finding 

their birth families has always been high, the percentage of adult adopted persons who take action to 

initiate a search appears to be on the rise. This trend 

is accompanied by a growing interest on the part 

of many birth parents in searching for their (now) 

adult children who were placed for adoption many 

years earlier. The expanding number of organizations that advocate searching for birth relatives and 

Searching for 

Birth Relatives

Disponible en español

www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/

buscando/index.cfm 

What’s Inside:

The decision to search

Steps in the search process

Hiring a professional searcher

International searching

Reunion issues

Additional resources

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Searching for Birth Relatives www.childwelfare.gov

 This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit 

Child Welfare Information Gateway. Available online at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_search.cfm.

provide advice and resources for doing so 

indicate both increased interest in and acceptance of this process. New legislation in some 

States permits more access to birth information, and new technology has the potential 

to make the searching process faster. A recent 

study shows that adopted persons are more 

likely to seek out information about their 

birth families now than in the past (Harris 

Interactive Market Research, 2002). And a 

study that reviewed estimates abroad and in 

the United States suggests that 50 percent of 

all adopted persons search at some point in 

their lives (Muller & Perry, 2001a).

The purpose of this factsheet is to provide 

some guidance on the search process and 

information access, as well as resources 

for further help in conducting a successful 

search. This factsheet is designed to address 

the concerns of both adopted persons who 

are searching for birth parents or other 

birth relatives, as well as birth parents 

(both mothers and fathers) who want to 

locate a child who was adopted. While not 

a complete “how to” guide, this factsheet 

provides general information on searching 

and reunion.

In addition, a list of resources is included 

at the end. The list includes websites on 

searching, books and articles, and more. 

The Child Welfare Information Gateway 

(Information Gateway) website (www.

childwelfare.gov) is a good starting point for 

resource information.

The Decision to Search

Adults who were adopted as infants or 

young children are the most common group 

of people searching for adoption information and birth relatives. This group most 

often searches for birth mothers first (Muller 

& Perry, 2001b), but may later seek out birth 

fathers, siblings, or other birth relatives. An 

event in the life of an adopted person, for 

instance, the birth of a child or death of 

an adoptive parent, may trigger the actual 

search (American Adoption Congress, 2002). 

Other groups that search include birth 

parents searching for children placed 

for adoption years earlier and a growing 

number of adoptive parents who search in 

order to know more about their adoptive 

children’s background or medical history 

(Freundlich, 2001). In addition, some 

national organizations that work with children in foster care report increased interest 

by siblings in finding their siblings who 

were placed with other families.

The question of why an adopted person 

or birth parent searches for birth relatives 

has as many answers as there are searchers. 

Some of the more common reasons include 

the following:

General family information. Searchers 

may want to know the names of their 

birth relatives, where they live, and what 

they are like. Birth parents may want to 

know whether their birth children have 

been happy and well treated.

Family traits and personalities. Many 

adopted persons and birth parents 

want to know how their birth relatives 

look and act and whether they share 

similar traits.

Medical history information.

Information on genetic diseases and 

conditions can be crucial for safeguarding 

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Searching for Birth Relatives

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Child Welfare Information Gateway. Available online at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_search.cfm.

www.childwelfare.gov

an adopted person’s own health and the 

health of their biological children. (The 

desire or need for family medical history 

is sometimes the only reason that will 

compel a judge to open sealed adoption 

records.)

Circumstances of the adoption. Often, 

adopted persons feel a need to know why 

they were placed for adoption or why the 

rights of the birth parent were terminated 

and how that decision was made. Birth 

parents may want the opportunity to 

explain the circumstances to their child.

Steps in the 

Search Process

Every search is unique in its unfolding, but 

there are a number of steps and resources 

common to most searches. This section 

of the factsheet addresses the steps in the 

search process, including:

Emotional preparation

Assembling known information

Researching relevant State laws

Registering with reunion registries

Obtaining missing documents

Filing court petitions

Emotional preparation. Both adopted 

persons and birth parents should expect 

to prepare emotionally for the search 

process. Such preparation may include 

reading about other adopted persons’ or 

birth parents’ search and reunion experiences and talking to others who are 

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going through or have gone through the 

same process. Support groups for adopted 

persons or for birth parents who are 

searching can be extremely helpful, not 

only in providing emotional support, but 

also in sharing practical information. (For 

a State-by-State listing of support groups, 

see the Information Gateway’s National 

Foster Care & Adoption Directory at 

www.childwelfare.gov/nfcad.)

Gathering emotional support from family 

and friends also can be helpful. Adopted 

persons may be reluctant to share their 

decision to search with their adoptive 

parents for fear of hurting their feelings. 

However, in many cases adoptive parents 

can be an enormous source of support, as 

well as a source of information. Adoptive 

parents may take some comfort from 

knowing that an adopted person’s decision to search usually has nothing to 

do with dissatisfaction with the adoptive parents (Brodzinsky, Schechter, & 

Henig, 1992). 

The search process may trigger a number 

of different emotions at different stages 

for the searcher. At certain stages, some 

searchers may feel that they need more 

emotional or moral support than they 

are receiving from family, friends, and 

support groups. In these situations, they 

may want to talk to a professional counselor. Searchers who seek professional 

counseling will want to ensure that 

the counselor is familiar with adoption 

issues. (See the Information Gateway’s 

factsheet on selecting adoption therapists 

at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/r_tips.

cfm.) In addition, some State laws require 

a meeting with a counselor before a 

reunion takes place.
Searching for Birth Relatives www.childwelfare.gov

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Child Welfare Information Gateway. Available online at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_search.cfm.

Assembling known information. Once 

a decision has been made to search, the 

first step involves gathering all known 

and easily obtainable information. For 

adopted persons, this may mean talking 

to adoptive parents to find out the name 

of the adoption agency, attorney, or facilitator involved in the adoption. It also 

means pulling together all readily available documents, such as the amended 

birth certificate, hospital records, and 

any other information, no matter how 

unimportant it may seem at the time. 

Birth, death, marriage, divorce, school, 

church, genealogy, health, military, DMV, 

and property records related to the birth 

kin all have potential usefulness for 

leading to a name and location of a birth 

parent or birth child. It may be helpful to 

organize and record all information in a 

central place for easy reference. 

Researching relevant State laws.

Searchers may want to become informed 

about State laws regarding adoption and 

records access in the State(s) in which 

they were born and adopted, keeping in 

mind that some State laws vary according to the applicable years. Access to 

information about State laws as well as 

which States offer reunion registries can 

be found at the Information Gateway 

website (www.childwelfare.gov). (Other 

websites that maintain databases or 

updates on State laws are included in the 

Resource List at the end of this factsheet.)

Registering with reunion registries. A 

number of States, as well as private organizations, offer reunion registries that 

allow adopted persons and birth parents 

to register the fact that they are searching for each other. Most of these reunion 

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registries are “passive,” meaning that 

both parties (e.g., the adopted person and 

the birth mother) must independently 

register in order for a match to be made. 

When both parties register at the same 

passive registry and a match is made, 

registry officials share the mutual information and help to arrange for contact. 

Passive registries do not actively search 

for the other party.

The largest passive registry is the 

International Soundex Reunion Registry 

(www.isrr.net). This is open to all adopted 

adults over 18 years of age, all birth 

parents, and all adoptive parents of 

adopted children under 18 years of age. 

There are also a number of “active” registries that charge fees to actually go out 

and search for the birth relative. Some of 

these are State registries that will initiate a 

search for a fee. Others are maintained by 

private search and support groups. 

There are few reliable statistics on the 

success rate of these registries; however, as 

expected, passive registries tend to show a 

much lower match rate than active registries. One study of passive State registries found an average success rate of less 

than 5 percent in 1998, with only two 

States showing double-digit success rates 

(Mitchell, Nast, Busharis, & Hasegawa, 

1999).

Obtaining missing documents. At this 

point, the searcher may want to attempt 

to acquire some of the missing documents that could help with the search. 

There are many types of documents that 

may lead to locating a birth parent or 

child or provide a breakthrough to this 

5.
Searching for Birth Relatives

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Child Welfare Information Gateway. Available online at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_search.cfm.

www.childwelfare.gov

information. The following is a list of 

potentially helpful documents:

Adoption agency records—If the 

name of the adoption agency is 

known, the searcher can request 

nonidentifying information or even 

records. For instance, in her 1998 

book, Search: A Handbook for Adoptees 

and Birthparents, Jayne Askin provides 

an extensive list of possible questions 

to be addressed to the agency, including questions about siblings, medical 

information, and consent to release 

information. Askin also recommends 

that the searcher supply a waiver of 

confidentiality to the agency, so that 

information about the searcher can 

be provided to the birth child or birth 

parent, if that individual also contacts 

the agency. 

Hospital records—Hospital records, 

when they can be obtained, may 

provide information on the birth 

mother, birth father, attending physician, and incidental health information. Adopted persons generally need 

to know their birth name, as well as 

the hospital’s name and location. If the 

searcher has difficulty obtaining these 

records, a request made by a doctor 

may have a better chance for success. 

Birth records—Most adopted persons 

will not have their original birth 

certificate but will have, instead, an 

amended document listing their adoptive parents’ names. However, there are 

a few States that allow adopted adults 

to have access to their original birth 

certificate. (See Information Gateway 

information on access to adoption 

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records at www.childwelfare.gov/

adopted/obtain/index.cfm.) In other 

States, the original birth certificate may 

be available if the adopted person petitions the court.

Court adoption file—The court adoption records consist of a number of 

documents, including the original, 

unaltered birth certificate; petition 

to adopt; finalization papers or final 

decree; consent to adopt from birth 

parent(s), relinquishment papers, or 

orders terminating parental rights; and 

any agency or attorney papers, including information about birth parents. 

Many of these documents may also 

be available elsewhere. For instance, 

adoptive parents should have copies 

of the court proceedings finalizing 

the adoption, although the final court 

order will not provide the names of 

the birth parents. If this is not available, an adopted person searching for 

birth parents may be able to contact 

the attorney or law firm that handled 

the adoption to obtain it. A request 

may also be made to the court. Often, 

identifying information will be blacked 

out of the court-supplied document; 

however, there may be some remaining 

clues that are helpful. The final adoption papers should provide the name 

of the attorney, judge, and agency 

involved in the proceedings. This 

information may lead to discovering 

other useful clues.

Other court records—While most or 

all of the court records may be officially sealed, in some cases a searcher 

may be able to view the court’s Docket 

Appearance Book, a daily record of 

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who appeared in court and why on 

a particular day, or even the Minute 

Book log, with the results of each court 

appearance (Culligan, 1996). Also, local 

newspapers from the time of the adoption may carry a notice of the filing of 

the Petition to Adopt in the classified 

section. This normally includes the 

name of the couple adopting, as well as 

the birth name of the child/infant and 

the name of the social worker assigned 

to the case (Culligan, 1996). 

Other types of records—Other potentially useful records may include physician records, newspapers (for birth 

announcements), cemetery and mortuary records, probate records, Social 

Security information, records of military service, school records (including 

yearbooks), marriage licenses, divorce 

or annulment papers, DMV documents, and death certificates.

Filing a court petition. If none of the 

above have been successful, adopted 

persons may petition the court to have the 

sealed adoption records opened. Whether 

this is successful may depend on the State, 

the particular judge, the reason given for 

the request, and any number of other 

factors. Petitioning the court does not 

require an attorney’s services, but a petitioner may choose to hire an attorney. 

The judge may deny the petition completely or agree to release only nonidentifying information or a summary. In some 

States, the judge may appoint an intermediary, such as the original adoption agency 

or a professional searcher, to locate the 

birth parents and determine whether or 

not they want to release information or be 

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reunited with the adopted person. In other 

cases, the petitioner may be able to request 

the appointment of a confidential intermediary, who will conduct a search (for a 

fee) and determine if the birth parents are 

willing to be contacted. 

Following these steps may lead the searcher 

to enough identifying information that 

birth relatives can be located. In cases 

in which the search seems to be leading 

nowhere, the searcher may want to review 

information or begin to research such 

things as alternative spellings of names or 

places. In some cases, information may 

have been falsified, making it difficult or 

impossible to continue the search without 

new information.

 Hiring a Professional 

Searcher

Adopted persons or birth parents searching 

for birth relatives have the option of hiring 

a professional searcher. In some cases, it 

may be useful to hire a professional searcher 

if specific information needs to be located 

in another State. For instance, a professional 

searcher may be able to search courthouse 

or church records in a faraway locality. This 

limited professional help may be enough to 

allow the adopted person or birth parent to 

continue his or her own search.

Individuals who choose to hire a professional searcher should research the reputation of the searcher or company. There are 

some searchers who have a certification 

from Independent Search Consultants 

(www.iscsearch.com), a nonprofit organiza-
Searching for Birth Relatives

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www.childwelfare.gov

tion that trains in adoption searching. Other 

searchers may be licensed as private investigators by a particular locality. Individuals 

should ask whether private investigators 

have specific adoption search experience 

before making a decision to hire them. 

Other professional searchers may be experts 

in a particular locality or a particular field 

but may not have a certification. Before 

hiring anyone, it is crucial to call references and to check with the Better Business 

Bureau. In addition, support groups can be 

a ready source of information about professional searchers. 

In some cases, a court or agency may refuse 

to open sealed records or provide full information in response to a petition or request; 

however, the court or agency may appoint 

a professional searcher. In such cases, this 

professional searcher serves as an intermediary whose job is to locate and contact 

the birth parents (or birth child) and to 

find out whether they want to have their 

name and address revealed and whether 

they want to resume contact. The professional is given access to sealed records, but 

the petitioner (who generally receives no 

access to records) pays the fee of the professional searcher. If nothing is found, or if the 

found person refuses to release information 

or agree to contact, there is generally no 

recourse (except that the adopted person or 

birth parent can continue to search on his 

or her own).

International Searching

People who were adopted from outside the 

United States (through intercountry adoptions) face unique challenges in locating 

birth parents. Each country has its own laws 

governing information access. In addition, 

there is great variation in record-keeping 

practices across countries and cultures, and 

in many cases, searchers will find that no 

information was ever recorded, that records 

were misplaced, or that cultural practices 

placed little emphasis on accurate recordkeeping. However, in a very few cases, it 

may actually be easier to gain access to an 

original birth certificate in a foreign country 

than in the United States, since some countries do not seal their vital records.

The child-placing agency is the best beginning point for an international search. The 

U.S. agency should be able to share the name 

and location of the agency or orphanage 

abroad and, perhaps, the names of caregivers, 

attorneys, or others involved in the placement or adoption. The agency, or its counterpart abroad, may be able to provide specific 

information on names, dates, and places. 

They also may be able to offer some medical 

history, biographical information on parents, 

and circumstances regarding the adoption. 

Some other resources for international 

searchers include the following:

Adopted persons seeking documents 

(such as a birth certificate) that the U.S. or 

foreign child-placing agency is not able to 

provide may want to apply to government 

agencies in the birth country. Mailing 

addresses of offices of vital records in 

foreign countries can be found on the U.S. 

State Department website at www.travel.

state.gov/visa/reciprocity/index.htm. 

Searchers adopted from another country 

can contact the U.S. Citizenship and 

Immigration Services (http://uscis.gov/

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Searching for Birth Relatives www.childwelfare.gov

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graphics/index.htm) to receive copies of 

their immigration records.

An international agency that may offer 

help is International Social Services, which 

provides a broad range of social work services, including helping adopted persons 

find birth families abroad. Their U.S. 

branch has a website at www.iss-usa.org.

Support groups for adopted persons 

from particular countries may be able to 

offer help and information on searching. Countries that have placed a large 

number of children with families in 

the United States, such as Korea, have 

support groups and organizations with 

websites and search information. (See the 

Resource List at the end of this factsheet.)

In general, searching overseas is more difficult than searching in the United States. In 

cases in which the search for the birth parent 

is unsuccessful, some adopted persons may 

derive some satisfaction from visiting their 

birth country and experiencing their birth 

culture. Many agencies and support groups 

have begun to organize homeland tours 

for adopted persons and adoptive families. 

These tours generally provide an introduction to the country and culture. Visiting the 

birth country for the first time as part of such 

a group may provide searchers with some 

emotional security, because the people in the 

tour group are often looking for answers to 

similar questions. (The National Foster Care 

& Adoption Directory lists groups that offer 

homeland tours: www.childwelfare.gov/

nfcad.)

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Reunion Issues

Reunions between long-lost birth family 

members have been the subject of books, 

articles, and television shows. Two important themes emerge from these accounts:

Participants should be emotionally 

prepared for the reunion experience. 

Adopted persons and birth parents may 

carry a picture in their mind of the 

perfect family, but the reunion experience may not live up to that ideal. In 

preparing for contact and reunion, 

adopted persons (and birth parents) 

should prepare for a whole range of realities, including rejection. Although most 

birth parents are agreeable to further 

contact, research indicates that a minority, perhaps 9 to 15 percent, reject any 

contact (Muller & Perry, 2001b).

Pacing the contact can be key to 

having a successful reunion and relationship. In a small study of adopted 

women who experienced reunions with 

birth kin (Affleck & Steed 2001), it was 

found that successful reunion experiences 

were associated with (1) preparation 

with a support group and (2) a slower 

pace between initial contact and actual 

meeting, involving letters and phone 

calls. This interval between contact 

and meeting allowed information to be 

exchanged and gave the “found” relatives 

some time to become accustomed to the 

idea. Such an interval can also give the 

found relatives time to share the news 

with spouses and children in their family, 

if they desire.

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Searching for Birth Relatives

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www.childwelfare.gov

Some factors that may increase the possibility of a successful longer term relationship 

include (Muller and Perry, 2001b):

The establishment of limits regarding 

each others’ lives

Support from adoptive parents

Minimal expectations

Similar lifestyles and temperaments

Acceptance by other family members

In many cases, a successful reunion with a 

birth mother may prompt the adopted adult 

to continue the search process for the birth 

father. Meeting with birth siblings also may 

occur, and each reunion experience requires 

preparation and time to evolve.

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Conclusion

Each search for a birth relative is guided by a 

unique set of circumstances. The outcome is 

uncertain and, even when the birth relative 

is located, the reunion experience does not 

always turn out as expected. Nonetheless, 

many adopted persons and birth parents 

have conducted successful searches and 

built successful relationships with their 

new-found relatives. For those who are just 

beginning the search, the best preparation may be finding out about the search 

experiences of others. To that end, a list of 

resources has been included below. In addition, support groups for adopted persons 

and birth parents across the country can be 

found in the online National Foster Care 

& Adoption Directory on the Information 

Gateway website at www.childwelfare.gov/

nfcad. 

References Cited

Affleck, M. K., & Steed, L. G. (2001). Expectations and experiences of participants in ongoing 

adoption reunion relationships: A qualitative study. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 

71(1), 38-48.

American Adoption Congress. (2002). Frequently asked questions. Updated link retrieved April 

27, 2006, from www.americanadoptioncongress.org/search.htm

Askin, J. (1998). Search: A handbook for adoptees and birthparents, 3rd edition. Phoenix, AZ: 

Oryx Press.

Brodzinsky, D. M., Schechter, M. D., & Henig, R. M. (1992). Being adopted: The lifelong search for 

self. NCY: Doubleday.
Searching for Birth Relatives www.childwelfare.gov

10 This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit 

Child Welfare Information Gateway. Available online at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_search.cfm.

Culligan, J. J. (1996). Adoption searches made easier. Miami, FL: FJA, Inc. 

Freundlich, Madelyn. (2001). Access to information and search and reunion in Korean American 

adoptions: A discussion paper. El Dorado Hills, CA: Korean American Adoptee Adoptive 

Family Network. Retrieved April 5, 2004, from the Korean American Adoptee Adoptive 

Family Network at www.kaanet.com/whitepaper.pdf

Harris Interactive Market Research. (2002). National Adoption Attitudes Survey. Dave Thomas 

Foundation for Adoption & The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute. Retrieved March 12, 

2004, from www.adoptioninstitute.org/survey/Adoption_Attitudes_Survey.pdf 

Mitchell, M., Nast, J., Busharis, B., & Hasegawa, P. (1999). Mutual consent voluntary registries: 

An exercise in patience and failure. Adoptive Families 32(1), 30-33, 63.

Muller, U., & Perry, B. (2001a). Adopted persons’ search for and contact with their birth 

parents I: Who searches and why? Adoption Quarterly 4(3), 5-37. 

Muller, U., & Perry, B. (2001b). Adopted persons’ search for and contact with their birth 

parents II: Adoptee-birth parent contact. Adoption Quarterly 4(3), 39-62.

Additional Resources

Books and Articles

Bailey, J. J., & Giddens, L. N. (2001). The adoption reunion survival guide: Preparing yourself for the 

search, reunion, and beyond. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

Byrne, M. (2000-2001). Search and reunion etiquette: The guide Miss Manners never wrote. 

American Adoption Congress (Winter/Spring), 11-13. Retrieved April 14, 2004, from 

www.americanadoptioncongress.org/articles-archives/search-etiquette.htm 

Cox, S. S.-K. (2001). Considerations for international search. Retrieved April 21, 2004, from 

www.holtintl.org/reunionsearcharticle.html

Lifton, B. J. (1988). Lost and found: The adoption experience. NY: Harper & Row.

McColm, M. (1993). Adoption reunions: A book for adoptees, birth parents and adoptive families. 

Toronto: Second Story Press. 
Searching for Birth Relatives

11 This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit 

Child Welfare Information Gateway. Available online at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_search.cfm.

www.childwelfare.gov

Strauss, J. A. (1994). Birthright: The guide to search and reunion for adoptees, birthparents, and 

adoptive parents. NYC: Penguin Books. 

Websites 

Resources for beginning the search:

The ALMA Society (Adoptees’ Liberty Movement Association) at www.almasociety.org

American Adoption Congress’s Beginner’s Search Checklist www.americanadoptioncongress.

org/search.htm

International Soundex Reunion Registry at www.isrr.net

Family Search Internet Genealogy Service (sponsored by the Church of the Latter Day 

Saints) at www.familysearch.org

Resources for international searches:

International Social Services at www.iss-usa.org

Korean Adoptee Adoptive Family Network at www.kaanet.com

U.S. State Department at www.travel.state.gov/visa/reciprocity/index.htm

Resources on State adoption laws:

American Adoption Congress at www.americanadoptioncongress.org/legislation.htm

Bastard Nation at www.bastards.org/activism/access.htm 

Child Welfare Information Gateway at www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/

state/adoption.cfm

The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute at www.adoptioninstitute.org/policy/

polreg.html

National Adoption Congress at www.americanadoptioncongress.org/­legislative-updates.htm 

National Center for Adoption Law and Policy at www.adoptionlawsite.org

The White Oak Foundation at www.whiteoakfoundation.org/mappage.htm

The National Foster Care & Adoption Directory on the Child Welfare Information Gateway 

website at www.childwelfare.gov/nfcad contains information on State adoption officials, State 

reunion registries, adoption agencies, and support groups. 

Other information on the Information Gateway website includes resource lists (www.childwelfare.gov/­organizations/index.cfm) on such topics as organizations that provide adoption research and factsheets (www.childwelfare.gov/search/pubs_search.cfm) on such topics as 

intercountry adoption. 

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FactSheet 

for Families

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Administration for Children and Families

Administration on Children, Youth and Families

Children’s Bureau

Child Welfare Information Gateway

Children’s Bureau/ACYF

1250 Maryland Avenue, SW

Eighth Floor

Washington, DC 20024

703.385.7565 or 800.394.3366

Email: info@childwelfare.gov

www.childwelfare.gov

September 2004

What’s Inside:

Adoption issues

Managing adoption issues 

Resources

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As discussion of the adoption process becomes 

more open and accepted in American society, and 

as more Americans have experience with adoption, there is also more attention focused on those 

involved in adoption—the adopted person, the 

birth parents, and the adoptive parents (often 

referred to as the adoption triad or, more recently, 

the adoption constellation). People who have 

experienced adoption firsthand are coming forward 

Impact of Adoption 

on Adopted Persons

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Impact of Adoption on Adopted Persons www.childwelfare.gov

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to talk or write about their experiences, and 

researchers are conducting scientific studies 

to find out about the impact of adoption on 

all members of the adoption triad.

This factsheet examines the impact of 

adoption on adopted persons who have 

reached adulthood. While it is difficult to 

make sweeping statements about such a 

large and diverse group as adopted persons, 

it can be said that adopted persons generally lead lives that are no different from the 

lives of nonadopted persons; however, they 

have experiences that are unique to being 

adopted, and these experiences may have an 

impact on their lives at various times. 

There are several themes that emerge from 

both the personal accounts of adopted 

persons and from the studies of academic 

researchers. This factsheet addresses these 

themes, which include loss, the development of identity and self-esteem, interest in 

genetic information, and managing adoption issues.

The Adoption Issues section looks at 

some of the issues that adopted persons 

may face, including developmental and 

emotional issues and the need for genetic 

or medical information.

Managing Adoption Issues reviews some 

of the ways that adopted persons handle 

adoption-related issues.

Resources for adopted persons includes 

books, articles, websites, and more.

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Adoption Issues

Loss and Grief

The loss of the birth parents as a result of 

adoption sets the stage for the feelings of 

loss and abandonment that many adopted 

persons may experience at some point in 

their lives. Even those who are adopted as 

newborns at times experience a loss of the 

early bond to the mother, although this loss 

may not become apparent until the child 

is older and able to understand the consequences. In the book Being Adopted: The 

Lifelong Search for Self, authors Brodzinsky, 

Schechter, and Marantz (1992) suggest that 

dealing with the loss of the birth parents, 

coupled with a search for self, are two 

processes that can contribute to shaping 

the psychological development of adopted 

persons. These authors outline developmental tasks that an adopted person should 

address at each stage of life in order to make 

a healthy adaptation and to cope with the 

feelings of loss and the search for self. 

Loss, as well as feelings of rejection and 

abandonment by the birth parents, are 

frequent themes throughout the books 

and articles written by adopted persons 

about their experiences. Adopted persons, 

as children and as adults, may wonder why 

they were placed for adoption or what was 

“wrong” with them that caused their birth 

parents to give them up. Grief is a common 

reaction to the loss of the birth parents, and 

grieving may begin when the child is old 

enough to understand what being adopted 

means. Young children who are able to 

comprehend that they have gained adoptive 
Impact of Adoption on Adopted Persons

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parents are also able to understand that they 

have lost birth parents, and comprehension 

of this loss may trigger grief. The adopted 

child or adult may have a difficult time 

finding an outlet for this grief, since grieving for birth parents is not a reaction that 

society acknowledges. If the adoptive family 

is a generally happy one, the adopted child 

or adult may even feel guilty for grieving. 

Along with grief and guilt, the adopted 

person may react to the loss through the 

normal feelings of anger, numbness, depression, anxiety, or fear. These feelings may 

occur during childhood and adolescence, as 

well as during later points in life, especially 

during emotionally charged milestones, 

such as marriage, the birth of a child, or the 

death of a parent. In addition, new losses 

may trigger memories of the loss of the birth 

parents. For instance, some adopted persons 

who face divorce or death of a spouse may 

find the experience especially difficult, 

because this new loss reawakens the old 

fears of abandonment and loss. Adopted 

persons who experience feelings of loss or 

abandonment during adulthood may or 

may not recognize a connection between 

their current feelings and their old feelings 

about the initial loss of the birth parents.

Adopted persons may also suffer secondary 

losses. For instance, along with the loss of 

birth mother and birth father, the adopted 

person may experience the loss of brothers 

and sisters, as well as grandparents, aunts 

and uncles, and cousins. There may be a loss 

of cultural connection or language (in cases 

of intercountry or transracial adoption). For 

those who were adopted as older children, 

there may be a loss of siblings, friends, pets, 

foster families, schools, neighborhoods, and 

familiar surroundings. All of these losses 

may trigger grief and may require some 

outlet or some form of resolution.

Identity Development and 

Self-Esteem

Adopted persons’ questions about identity 

often occur first during adolescence. The 

task of identity development during adolescence is often more difficult for the adopted 

teenager because of the additional adoption 

issues. The adopted adolescent’s identity 

development includes questions about the 

biological family, why he or she was placed 

for adoption, what became of the birth 

parents, whether the adolescent resembles 

the birth parents in looks or in other characteristics, and where the adolescent “belongs” 

in terms of education, social class, culture, 

peer group, and more. The question of the 

influence of nature (inherited traits) versus 

nurture (acquired traits) may become very 

real to the adopted adolescent, who is trying 

to determine the impact of all of these influences on his or her own identity. 

Identity issues may continue into adulthood. The birth of a child to an adopted 

person may bring up some of these issues, 

as the new parent may experience a biological connection to a family member for 

the first time. For this person, there is now 

someone who “looks like me.” This new 

connection may cause the adopted adult 

to revisit earlier issues of identity. The new 

parent may also be prompted to think about 

what his or her birth mother experienced 

in giving birth and what the birth mother 

and father may have experienced in making 

the decision to place the child for adoption. 

Adopted adults who become new parents 

may be sympathetic to the difficulties of 

their birth parents, or they may wonder 
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how their birth parents could ever have 

placed them for adoption.

Accompanying these issues of identity 

are issues of self-esteem—that is, how the 

adopted person feels about him or herself. 

A number of studies have found that, while 

adopted persons are similar to nonadopted 

persons in most ways, they often score lower 

on measures of self-esteem and self-confidence (Borders, Penny & Portnoy, 2000; 

Sharma, McGue & Benson, 1996). This 

result may reflect the fact that some adopted 

persons may view themselves as different, 

out-of-place, unwelcome, or rejected. Some 

of these feelings may result from the initial 

loss of birth parents and from growing 

up away from birth parents, siblings, and 

extended family members; some may also 

result from an ongoing feeling of being 

different from nonadopted people who do 

know about their genetic background and 

birth family and may be more secure about 

their own identity as a result. 

Genetic Information

Adopted persons often lack genetic and 

medical history, as well as other family 

information. A routine visit to the doctor’s 

office, where the adopted person is asked to 

supply medical history information, may 

make adopted persons acutely aware of 

how they differ from those who were not 

adopted. Those who find out only later in 

life that they were adopted as infants are 

sometimes put at risk by their long-held 

assumption of a family medical history that 

they later find is completely incorrect.

When an adopted person plans to get 

married or become a parent, the need for 

genetic information may become more 

important. Adopted persons have different 

questions about the child they will produce, 

such as what the child will look like, and if 

the child will inherit any genetic disorders 

that were unknown to the adopted person.

In many cases, nonidentifying information, such as medical history, may be 

placed in the adoption file by the birth 

parents or agency at the time of the adoption. Adoption agencies or attorneys may 

allow adopted persons to have access to 

this nonidentifying information. In some 

States, adopted persons can petition a judge 

to have their adoption records opened, and 

some judges will agree to do so in order to 

provide urgently needed medical information. (See the Information Gateway legal 

factsheet Access to Family Information by 

Adopted Persons at www.childwelfare.gov/

systemwide/laws_policies/­statutes/infoaccessap.cfm). However, obtaining 

access to information provided by the birth 

parents at the time of the adoption may 

not be sufficient to provide a full medical 

history. It is more useful if birth parents, 

over the years, have updated the file that is 

kept with the adoption agency or attorney. 

In that way, an adopted person may learn 

if a birth parent or grandparent later developed a genetic disease or condition.

 Managing 

Adoption Issues

Research shows that most adopted persons 

are similar to nonadopted persons in their 

adult adjustment (see research papers by 

Kelly, Towner-Thyrum, Rigby, & Martin; 

Borders, Penny, & Portnoy; Feigelman; and 
Impact of Adoption on Adopted Persons

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Smyer, Gatz, Simi, & Pedersen). However, 

there is also significant research, along with 

the personal accounts of adopted persons, 

that suggest that many adopted persons 

struggle with issues of loss, identity, and 

self-esteem. There are a number of ways that 

adopted persons manage these issues.

Support Groups. Many adopted persons 

are helped by support groups where they 

can talk about their feelings with others 

who have similar experiences. The support 

group may provide a long-needed outlet 

for any lingering feelings of loss or grief. 

Adopted persons may also find support 

for new losses that occur during their 

adult years. In addition, support groups 

may provide help for the adopted person 

with the decision of whether to search for 

birth relatives or other issues. Listings of 

support groups by State may be found in 

Information Gateway’s National Foster 

Care & Adoption Directory at www.

childwelfare.gov/nfcad.

Counseling. Some adopted persons may 

need more help than they find from 

family and friends or through a support 

group. In these instances, adopted 

persons may seek professional counseling. It is important to identify a counselor 

who has experience with adoption issues. 

Sometimes, the original adoption agency 

may be able to provide a referral. Also, 

support groups may have experience 

with local counselors and be able to make 

a recommendation. The Information 

Gateway website carries a factsheet, Tips 

on Selecting an Adoption Therapist, that can 

be accessed at www.childwelfare.gov/

pubs/r_tips.cfm. 

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Education. For many adopted persons, 

reading about the experiences of others 

can be a helpful coping mechanism. 

Knowing that there are others who have 

gone through similar experiences can 

provide reassurance that these feelings 

and experiences are normal. A growing 

number of books and websites deal with 

adoption, and the adopted person who 

has the time to seek these out should be 

able to find stories and information about 

people with similar experiences. These 

may include information about persons 

adopted domestically as infants or as 

older children from foster care or persons 

adopted from another country.

Searching. More and more adopted 

persons are acting on their desire to 

search for their birth families. This is 

reflected in the number of websites and 

books about searching and even in the 

change in some State laws that regulate 

access to adoption records. Reports of 

adoption reunions are mixed; some lead 

to happy new relationships, and some do 

not. Regardless of the result, most searchers report that they are content to have 

found the truth about themselves and 

that the truth has filled a void for them. 

The searching process actually encompasses a number of steps, from making 

the decision to search for birth parents or 

other birth kin, to conducting the search, 

and, if successful, arranging the reunion 

and establishing a postreunion relationship with birth family members. The decision to initiate a search is a personal one, 

and many adopted persons never search. 

For those who do, the decision may be 

triggered by a life event, or it may be the 

culmination of many years of unanswered 

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Impact of Adoption on Adopted Persons www.childwelfare.gov

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questions. The search process itself can be 

stressful and time consuming; however, 

the rewards can be great when it results in 

a reunion that is desired by both parties. 

Adopted persons who are interested in 

searching should refer to the Information 

Gateway factsheet Searching for Birth 

Relatives (www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/

f_search.cfm).

Searchers will find that there is no Federal 

law that governs whether an adopted 

person can access information about birth 

parents, the adoption, or an original birth 

certificate. Instead, access to adoption 

information is regulated completely by 

the laws of the State in which the adop-

•

tion took place, and these State laws vary 

dramatically. Information about access to 

birth family information and documents 

can be found in the Information Gateway 

legal factsheet Access to Family Information 

by Adopted Persons (www.childwelfare.

gov/systemwide/laws_policies/­statutes/infoaccessap.cfm); a search about access 

can be conducted on a State-by-State 

basis at the Information Gateway website 

at www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/

laws_policies/search/index.cfm. Support 

groups for adopted persons may also be 

a good source of practical information 

about searching. 

Resources

The following list of resources is designed to be a starting point for adopted adults who are 

interested in further information about the impact of adoption. The resources include books 

and articles by members of the adoption triad, studies by researchers, and websites. A brief 

description of each resource is included.

Books

Brodzinsky, D. M., & Schechter, M. D. (Eds.). (1990). The psychology of adoption. New York, NY: 

Oxford University Press.

The various chapters of this book are written by leading researchers in the field of adoption, and 

they cover such topics as theoretical perspectives on adoption adjustment, outcomes in adoption, 

identity formation, interracial adoption, family therapy, social policy, and open adoption. 

Brodzinksy, M. Schechter, M. D., & Henig, R. M. (1992). Being adopted: The lifelong search for 

self. New York, NY: Doubleday.

This book outlines developmental tasks at each of seven stages throughout the life of an adopted 

person.

Eldridge, S. (2003). Twenty life-transforming choices adoptees need to make. Colorado Springs, CO: 

Pinon Press.

The author, a reunited adopted person, interviewed 70 adopted persons for this book, which 

addresses some of the hard questions that adopted persons face, and offers advice about taking 

control through making choices.
Impact of Adoption on Adopted Persons

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www.childwelfare.gov

Freundlich, M. (2001). The impact of adoption on members of the triad. Volume 3 in the Adoption 

and Ethics Series. Washington, DC: Child Welfare League of America.

This volume examines impact on all members of the adoption triad; for adopted persons, the topics 

of adjustment and well-being for children and adolescents, identity formation, and search and 

reunion are addressed.

Lifton, B. J. (1998). Lost and found: The adoption experience. New York, NY: Harper & Row.

The author draws upon her experience as an adopted person and upon her work with all members 

of the adoption triad to explore the psychological issues faced by adopted people before, during, and 

after their search for their birth family.

Pavao, J. M. (1998). The family of adoption. Boston, MA: Beacon Press.

The author, an adopted person and an adoption therapist, describes the developmental stages and 

challenges for adopted people, and includes real-life examples to illustrate these stages.

Rosenberg, E. B. (1992). The adoption life cycle: The children and their families through the years. 

New York, NY: Free Press.

Written by a clinical professor in psychiatry, this book draws on case examples to show how the 

different members of the adoption triad influence each other and to describe developmental tasks for 

those in the adoption circle.

Schaefer, C. (1991). The other mother: A true story. New York, NY: Soho Press, Inc.

The author tells her story of being a birth mother and of later searching for and finding her son.

Schooler, J. (1995). Searching for a past: The adopted adult’s unique process of finding identity. 

Colorado Springs, CO: Pinon Press. 

This book was written by an adoption coordinator and discusses the emotional and psychological 

issues that adopted persons face in the different phases of searching for birth parents.

Articles

Borders, L. D., Penny, J. M., & Portnoy, F. (2000). Adult adoptees and their friends: Current 

functioning and psychosocial well-being. Family Relations, 49, 407-418.

The authors of this study found more similarities than differences when they compared 100 middleaged persons who had been adopted as adults with 70 nonadopted adults.

Feigelman, W. (1997). Adopted adults: Comparisons with persons raised in conventional 

families. Marriage and Family Review, 25(3/4), 199-223.

This research article compared adult behavior patterns of 101 adopted persons with those of 3,949 

adults raised in broken families and 6,258 adults raised with both biological parents. Results 

showed that adopted persons resembled nonadopted persons raised in intact families on most 

measures; however, adopted persons did have a higher incidence of adolescent identity crisis issues. 
Impact of Adoption on Adopted Persons www.childwelfare.gov

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Child Welfare Information Gateway. Available online at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_adimpact.cfm.

Grotevant, H. D., Dunbar, N., Kohler, J. K., & Lash Esau, A. M. (2000). Adoptive identity: How 

contexts within and beyond the family shape developmental pathways. Family Relations, 49, 

379-387.

This paper discusses the development of the adoptive identity in terms of the intrapsychic component, 

family environment, and contexts beyond the family; implications for practitioners are included.

Kelly, M. M., Towner-Thyrum, E., Rigby, A., & Martin, B. (1998). Adjustment and identity 

formation in adopted and nonadopted young adults: Contributions of family environment. 

American Journal of Orthopsychiatry 68(3), 497-500.

Adopted college students were compared with nonadopted college students on measures of 

adjustment and identity formation, and the two groups were found to be largely similar.

Lifton, B. J. (2001). Shared identity issues for adoptees. In V. Groza & K. F. Rosenberg (Eds.), 

Clinical and practice issues in adoption: Bridging the gap between adoptees placed as infants and 

as older children, (pp. 37-48). Westport, CT: Bergin and Garvey.

The author discusses the identity issues common to children adopted as infants, those adopted as 

older children, and those adopted from a foreign country.

Sharma, A. R., McGue, M. K., & Benson, P. L. (1996). The emotional and behavioral 

adjustment of United States adopted adolescents: Part I. An overview. Children and Youth 

Services Review, 18(1/2), 83-100.

In a comparison of adjustment and family functioning in over 4,000 adopted adolescents and over 

4,000 nonadopted adolescents, small but significant differences were found between the groups, 

with one finding showing lower self-confidence and optimism in adopted persons.

Silverstein, D. N., & Kaplan, S. (1988). Lifelong issues in adoption. In L. Coleman, K. Tolbor, H. 

Hornby, & C. Boggis (Eds.), Working with older adoptees (pp. 45-53). Portland, ME: University 

of Southern Maine. Retrieved April 23, 2004, from http://www.adopting.org/silveroze/html/

lifelong_issues_in_adoption.html

The authors describe seven issues that all members of the adoption triad must address.

Smyer, M. A., Gatz, M., Simi, N. L., & Pedersen, N. L. (1998). Childhood adoption: Long-term 

effects in adulthood. Psychiatry, 61, 191-205. 

Researchers studied adult outcome variables in 60 pairs of twins who had been separated as infants 

or children, so that one was raised in the biological family and one was raised in an adoptive 

family; results emphasize the impact of socioeconomic status on adult outcomes, such that adopted 

adults were better educated but also showed greater psychological distress.

Support Groups

Child Welfare Information Gateway compiles the National Foster Care & Adoption Directory, 

which lists support groups on a State-by-State basis. Go to www.childwelfare.gov/nfcad.
Impact of Adoption on Adopted Persons

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www.childwelfare.gov

Websites and Other Resources

American Adoption Congress: www.americanadoptioncongress.org

The American Adoption Congress (AAC) is an international network of individuals and 

organizations committed to adoption reform. Through education and advocacy, they promote 

honesty, openness, and respect for family connections in adoption, foster care, and assisted 

reproduction. Membership is open to adoptees, birth parents, adoptive parents, professionals, and 

all others who share a commitment to the AAC’s goals.

Child Welfare Information Gateway: www.childwelfare.gov

Information Gateway offers information on all aspects of adoption for professionals, policymakers, 

and the general public. Information Gateway develops and maintains a computerized database 

of books, journal articles, and other materials on adoption and related topics, conducts database 

searches, publishes materials on adoption, and gives referrals to related services and experts in the 

field. Information Gateway also maintains a database of experts knowledgeable in various areas of 

adoption practice.

Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute: www.adoptioninstitute.org

The Adoption Institute seeks to improve the quality of information about adoption, to enhance the 

understanding and perceptions about adoption, and to advance adoption policy and practice.

Korean American Adoptee Adoptive Family Network: http://www.kaanet.com

This organization links adopted persons, adoptive families, and other Korean-Americans, providing 

resources, a newsletter, and a conference. 

Minnesota Texas Adoption Research Project: http://fsos.che.umn.edu/mtarp/

This site provides research findings from this major study of variations in openness in adoption and 

the effect of openness on all members of the adoption triad.

National Resource Center for Foster Care and Permanency Planning’s packet on Searching: 

http://www.hunter.cuny.edu/socwork/nrcfcpp/downloads/information_packets/birthright_

adoptees_right_to_know.pdf

This packet for adopted persons includes a factsheet on searching, a list of references and websites, 

and a summary of the debate about searching.

Stars of David International, Inc.: http://www.starsofdavid.org/

This is a Jewish adoption information and support network for all members of the adoption triad.
Impact of Adoption on Adopted Persons www.childwelfare.gov

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Child Welfare Information Gateway. Available online at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_adimpact.cfm.

Information on the issues facing birth parents can be found in the Information Gateway 

factsheet Impact of Adoption on Birth Parents, which can be accessed at www.childwelfare.

gov/pubs/f_impact/index.cfm. The Information Gateway factsheet Searching for Birth 

Relatives can be accessed at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_search.cfm. Information on open 

adoption can be found in the Information Gateway factsheet Openness in Adoption, which 

can be accessed at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_openadopt.cfm.
FactSheet 

for Families

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Administration for Children and Families

Administration on Children, Youth and Families

Children’s Bureau

Child Welfare Information Gateway

Children’s Bureau/ACYF

1250 Maryland Avenue, SW

Eighth Floor

Washington, DC 20024

703.385.7565 or 800.394.3366

Email: info@childwelfare.gov

www.childwelfare.gov

September 2004

What’s Inside:

Responses to adoption placement

Gaining control and resolution

Resources

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This factsheet discusses some of the emotional 

issues that parents face after making the decision 

to place an infant for adoption, in surrendering 

the child, and in handling the feelings that often 

persist afterwards. In addition, it addresses some 

of the emotional issues of parents whose children 

are permanently removed from them and whose 

parental rights are terminated. This factsheet may 

be a helpful resource for birth parents, as well as 

Impact of Adoption 

on Birth Parents

Disponible en español

www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/

impactobio/index.cfm
Impact of Adoption on Birth Parents www.childwelfare.gov

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Information Gateway. Available online at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_impact/index.cfm.

family members, friends, and others who 

want to support birth parents. It may also 

provide some insight to adopted persons 

and adoptive parents who want to understand the struggles faced by birth parents.

It is difficult to generalize about the feelings or experiences of all birth parents. Each 

has faced a unique experience and coped 

in his or her own way. A number of birth 

parents have written personal accounts of 

their experiences in placing their children 

for adoption; there are also a few research 

studies of the experiences of birth parents 

and the emotions that often linger long 

after the adoption. Certain themes emerge 

in both types of literature, including themes 

of loss, guilt, and resolution. As a framework 

for this discussion, this factsheet explores 

the experiences of birth parents by exploring some of these themes:

The Responses to Adoption Placement

section looks at feelings and experiences 

that birth parents often describe, including grief over the loss, shame and 

guilt, identity issues, and long-term 

emotional issues.

The Gaining Control and Resolution

section explores ways of gaining control 

of these feelings that have been useful for 

some birth parents. 

The Resources section includes a list 

of resources to help birth parents find 

further information and to locate 

support groups of individuals with 

similar experiences. 

•

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•

 Responses to 

Adoption Placement

Grieving the Loss of the Child

Placing a child for adoption can cause a 

sense of loss that is all-encompassing. This 

sense of loss begins with the pregnancy itself 

as the expectant parents come to accept the 

reality of the unplanned pregnancy and 

the loss of their own immediate life plans. 

Most struggle with the decision to place the 

child for adoption; those who decide to do 

so begin to plan for a great loss in their own 

lives with the hope that placing the child 

for adoption will result in a better life for 

their baby and for themselves. 

The actual physical separation generally 

occurs soon after the birth. Many circumstances can have an impact on the birth parent’s feelings at the time, including mixed 

feelings about the adoption placement, 

support from other family members and the 

other birth parent, and whether the planned 

adoption is open (i.e., allowing some later 

contact with the child). The actions of the 

agency personnel (if an agency is involved), 

as well as those of the adoption attorney, 

adoptive parents, hospital personnel, and 

physician can all affect the feelings of the 

birth mother and father as they proceed 

through the process of the adoption and the 

termination of their own parental rights.

The birth and the actual surrendering of 

the baby may prompt feelings of numbness, shock, and denial, as well as grief, in 

the birth parents. All of these feelings are 

normal reactions to loss. This particular 

type of loss is different from a loss through 
Impact of Adoption on Birth Parents 

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death, however, because there is rarely a 

public acknowledgment, and friends and 

family of the birth parents may attempt to 

ignore the loss by pretending that nothing 

has happened. In some cases, the secrecy 

surrounding the pregnancy and adoption 

may make it difficult for birth parents to 

seek out and find support as they grieve 

their loss. In addition, the lack of formal 

rituals or ceremonies to mark this type of 

loss may make it more difficult to acknowledge the loss and therefore to acknowledge 

the grief as a normal process. 

When birth parents first deal with their loss, 

the grief may be expressed as denial. The 

denial serves as a buffer to shield them from 

the pain of the loss. This may be followed 

by sorrow or depression as the loss becomes 

more real. Anger and guilt may follow, with 

anger sometimes being directed at those 

who helped with the adoption placement. 

The final phases, those of acceptance and 

resolution, refer not to eliminating the grief 

permanently but to integrating the loss into 

ongoing life.

Grieving Other Losses

Placing a child for adoption may also cause 

other (secondary) losses, which may add to 

the grief that birth parents feel. No one fantasizes about having a baby and then giving 

it up, so expectant parents who are planning 

to place the child for adoption may grieve 

for the loss of their parenting roles. They 

may grieve for the person their child might 

have become as their son or daughter. These 

feelings of loss may re-emerge in later years, 

for instance, on the child’s birthday, or 

when the child is old enough to start school 

or to reach other developmental milestones. 

Additional losses may occur as a result of 

the pregnancy and placement. In some 

cases, the birth mother loses her relationship with the birth father under the stress of 

the pregnancy, birth, and subsequent placement decision. The birth parents may also 

lose relationships with their own parents, 

whose disappointment or disapproval may 

be accompanied by a lack of support. In 

extreme cases, the birth mother may need to 

leave her parents and her home. The birth 

mother may lose her place in the educational system or in the workplace as a result 

of the pregnancy. Birth parents may also 

lose friends who are not supportive of either 

the pregnancy or the decision to place the 

child for adoption. 

Guilt and Shame

Birth parents may experience guilt and 

shame for having placed their child for 

adoption, since societal values reflect a 

lack of understanding of the circumstances 

that might prompt birth parents to make 

an adoption plan for their child. At first, 

there may be shame associated with the 

unplanned pregnancy itself and with admitting the situation to parents, friends, coworkers, and others. Shame about the pregnancy may lead to feelings of unworthiness 

or incompetence about becoming a parent. 

Once the child is born, the decision to place 

the child for adoption may prompt new 

feelings of guilt about “rejecting” the child, 

no matter how thoughtful the decision or 

what the circumstances of the adoption. 

The shame and guilt felt by birth parents is 

often supported by the secrecy surrounding the adoption process. Thus, keeping 

the pregnancy a secret, maintaining secrecy 

throughout the adoption proceedings, and 
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then treating the experience as unimportant may promote a feeling of shame in birth 

parents, since the pregnancy and adoption 

are not even discussed. Birth parents who 

can discuss their feelings with supportive 

friends, family members, or professional 

counselors may more easily come to terms 

with their decision over time and be able to 

integrate the experience into their lives.

Identity Issues

Placing a child for adoption may trigger 

identity issues in some birth parents. They 

may wonder, “Am I a parent?” Some birth 

parents may experience a sense of incompleteness, because they are parents without 

a child. Generally, their status as parents 

is not acknowledged among family and 

friends. If the birth parents go on to have 

other children whom they raise, this may 

also affect how the birth parents view 

their own identity, as well as that of all 

their children. 

These questions about identity may also 

extend to the relationship with the child 

when the adoption is open. Birth parents 

who participate in open adoptions may 

initially wonder how they will fit into that 

new relationship with their child once the 

adoptive parents become the legal parents. 

However, this relationship with the child 

and adoptive family in an open adoption 

may evolve so that the birth parents maintain an agreed-upon role in the life of the 

child. Still, there are few role models for 

birth parents to help clarify this issue of 

identity. (For more information about open 

adoptions, see the Information Gateway 

factsheet Openness in Adoption at www.

childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_openadopt.cfm.)

Long-Term Issues

Many birth parents continue to mourn the 

loss of their child throughout their lifetime, 

but with varying intensity. For instance, 

birth parents may continue to track the 

milestones of their child’s life by imagining 

birthday parties, first days of school, graduation, and more. Some birth parents experience longstanding grief, that is, grief that 

lasts a very long time and may continue to 

actually interfere with a birth parent’s life 

many years later. Some of the factors that 

have been found to be associated with longstanding grief include:

A birth parent’s feeling that she was pressured into placing her child for adoption 

against her will

Feelings of guilt and shame regarding the 

placement

Lack of opportunity to express feelings 

about the placement

The personal stories of some birth parents, 

as well as studies with birth parents in 

therapy, have indicated that some birth 

parents experience difficulties beyond longstanding grief (see, for example, Winkler 

& van Keppel, 1984). For instance, some 

birth parents may have trouble forming 

and maintaining relationships. This may be 

due to lingering feelings of loss and guilt, 

or it may be due to a fear of repeating the 

loss. Other birth parents may attempt to fill 

the loss quickly by establishing a new relationship, marrying, or giving birth again—

without having dealt with the grief of the 

adoption placement. A few birth parents 

report being overprotective of their subsequent children, because they are afraid of 

•

•

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repeating the experience of separation and 

loss (Askren & Bloom, 1999).

For some birth parents, the ability to establish a successful marriage or long-term 

relationship may depend on the openness 

with which they can discuss their past experiences of birth and adoption placement. 

Some birth parents never tell their spouses 

or subsequent children of their earlier child. 

Others are comfortable enough with their 

decision to be able to share their past.

Gaining Control 

and Resolution

Acceptance of the loss and working through 

the grief does not mean that birth parents 

forget their birth child and never again 

feel sorrow or regret for the loss. Rather, it 

means that they are able to move forward 

with their lives and to integrate this loss 

into their ongoing lives. For those in an 

open adoption, this may mean developing 

a new relationship with the child and the 

adoptive parents. For birth parents whose 

child was adopted in a closed adoption, it 

may mean learning to live with uncertainty 

about whether the parent will ever see the 

child again. 

A number of birth parents have written 

about their experiences (for example, see the 

books by Brenda Romanchik listed in the 

resource section at the end of this paper). 

These authors describe a number of different 

ways of dealing with loss and grief:

Entrustment ceremonies. Some birth 

parents describe a ritual or ceremony that 

took place when they entrusted their child 

to the adoptive parents. In many cases, 

these entrustment ceremonies took place 

in the hospital. These ceremonies allowed 

the birth parents to say good-bye to their 

child and to maintain a sense of control 

over the placement. Such ceremonies may 

help with the later grieving process.

Ongoing rituals and traditions. Birth 

parents may find it helpful to create a 

tradition that honors the child and the 

decision that was made. For instance, 

planting a tree or writing a letter to the 

child (whether it is sent or not) are ways 

of acknowledging the loss. On special 

days, such as the child’s birthday, birth 

parents may want to continue with that 

type of ceremony or tradition.

Taking time. Both birth parents and 

counselors advise that birth parents must 

allow themselves time to grieve and 

recover (Roles, 1989). There is no timetable that predicts when the grief will be 

resolved, and there may be occasions, 

even many years later, when the grief 

may resurface. Birth parents who allow 

themselves time to grieve and to accept 

the loss may be better able to move on.

Finding Support. Birth parents should 

seek out friends, support groups of other 

birth parents, or understanding counselors in order to have a safe place to communicate their feelings. Being able to 

openly share feelings can be helpful in 

moving through the stages of grief and 

achieving some resolution. 

Education. There are a number of books 

and articles about adoption and the birth 

parent experience, as well as a growing 

number of websites that carry information on the topic. Many of these include 
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first-person accounts from birth parents, 

which can provide some context for what 

some other birth parents experience. 

These can be helpful to birth parents who 

may feel that they are essentially alone in 

their loss.

Writing. Birth parents may find it useful 

to keep a journal or diary of their experiences and feelings. This may serve as an 

outlet for grief or other emotions, and it 

can also serve to provide some perspective over time. Keeping a journal also 

allows birth parents to remember details 

that might otherwise be forgotten over 

the years.

Counseling. Birth parents may find that 

they need more support than family and 

friends can offer, or they may be unable 

to move forward in the grieving process. 

In such cases, professional counseling 

may help the birth parent make progress 

in dealing with the grief or may reassure 

the parent that such feelings are normal. 

A counselor should be able to help a birth 

parent replace unrealistic fantasy with 

reality, to acknowledge what has happened, and to heal. 

Birth parents should look for counselors 

who have significant experience with 

adoption and with bereavement. Referrals 

for counselors may come from friends, 

birth parent support groups, or from the 

adoption agency or attorney who helped 

with the adoption. 

While the birth parent will never forget 

the child, it is important that the birth 

parent adapts to the new circumstances and 

comes to terms with any regret. When birth 

parents are able to integrate the loss into 

their lives and gain some feeling of control, 

they can then move on to deal with whatever else life presents to them. 

Resources

Books

Clapton, G. (2003). Birth fathers and their adoption experiences. Philadelphia: Jessica Kingsley 

Publishers. 

Interviews were conducted with 30 birth fathers to relay information about their reactions and 

emotions during the pregnancy and postadoption periods.

Foge, L., & Mosconi, G. (1999). The third choice: A woman’s guide to placing a child for adoption. 

Berkeley, CA: Creative Arts Book Company.

Written by two adoption counselors, this book takes birth mothers through the periods of pregnancy, 

adoption planning and placement, and grief and recovery.

Gritter, J. L. (1997). The spirit of open adoption. Washington, DC: Child Welfare League of 

America.

A pioneer in open adoption practice, the author gives a realistic look at the pain, joy, and beauty 

that open adoption holds for all members of the triad.
Impact of Adoption on Birth Parents 

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Jones, M. B. (1993). Birthmothers: Women who have relinquished babies for adoption tell their 

stories. Chicago: Chicago Review Press.

The stories of a number of birth mothers are told throughout this book, which addresses all of the 

issues birth mothers encounter, including the pregnancy, placement, dealing with grief, marriage, 

later children, searching, and reunion.

Mason, M. M. (1995). Designing rituals of adoption for the religious and secular community. 

Minneapolis, MN: Resources for Adoptive Parents.

This handbook describes religious and nonreligious ceremonies, such as entrustment ceremonies, 

that might be used in adoption.

Mason, M. M. (1995). Out of the shadows: Birthfathers’ stories. Edina, MN: O.J. Howard 

Publishing. 

The stories of 17 birth fathers are told to highlight the situation of this often forgotten group.

Pavao, J. M. (1998). The family of adoption. Boston, MA: Beacon Press.

The author, an adopted person and an adoption therapist, describes the developmental stages and 

challenges for adopted people, and includes real-life examples to illustrate these stages.

Roles, P. (1989). Saying goodbye to a baby. Volume I: The birthparent’s guide to loss and grief in 

adoption. Washington, DC: Child Welfare League of America.

Written by a social worker and birth mother, this book covers all of the issues faced by birth 

parents, including the pregnancy, adoption decision, loss, later issues, and reunion.

Romanchik, B. (1999). Being a birthparent: Finding our place. Royal Oak, MI: R-Squared Press.

This handbook, written by a birth parent, discusses the role of the birth parent in an open adoption.

Romanchik, B. (1999). Birthparent grief. Royal Oak, MI: R-Squared Press.

This handbook, written by a birth parent, discusses the different phases of grief, counseling, and 

dealing with difficult times.

Romanchik, B. (1999). Your rights and responsibilities: A guide for expectant parents considering 

adoption. Royal Oak, MI: R-Squared Press.

This handbook, written by a birth parent, discusses the responsibilities and rights of birth parents 

at each phase of the adoption plan.

Rosenberg, E. B. (1992). The adoption life cycle: The children and their families through the years. 

New York, NY: The Free Press.

Written by a clinical professor in psychiatry, this book draws on case examples to show how the 

different members of the adoption triad influence each other and to describe developmental tasks for 

those in the adoption circle.
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Schaefer, C. (1991). The other mother: A true story. New York, NY: Soho Press, Inc.

The author tells her story of being a birth mother and of later searching for and finding her son.

Research Articles

Askren, H. A., & Bloom, K. C. (1999). Postadoptive reactions of the relinquishing mother: A 

review. Journal of Obstetric, Gynecologic, & Neonatal Nursing, 28(4), 395-400.

The authors identified 12 studies with a total of 625 birth mothers, and they report the studies 

show that mothers are at long-term risk for repercussions; grief reactions, long-term effects, efforts 

to resolve, and influences on the relinquishment experience are discussed.

Connelly, M. (2002). Given in love: For mothers who are choosing an adoption plan. Omaha, 

NE: Centering Corporation. 

This booklet describes some of the emotions that many birth mothers experience when making an 

adoption plan and addresses such topics as naming the baby, keeping mementos, writing letters, 

and spiritual grief. 

De Simone, M. (1996). Birth mother loss: Contributing factors to unresolved grief. Clinical 

Social Work Journal, 24(1), 65-76.

The authors surveyed 264 birth mothers an average of 25 years after placing their infants for 

adoption to solicit information on such topics as unresolved grief, extent of social support, 

moderating variables, and reunion experiences. Higher levels of grief were correlated with the 

mother’s perception that she was coerced into the placement and with feelings of guilt and shame.

Deykin, E. Y., Patti, P., & Ryan, J. (1988). Fathers of adopted children: A study of the impact of 

child surrender on birthfathers. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 58(2), 240-248.

Questionnaire data provided by 125 birth fathers indicated long-term unresolved issues related to 

the adoption.

Fravel, D. L., McRoy, R. G., & Grotevant, H. D. (2000). Birthmother perceptions of the 

psychologically present adopted child: Adoption openness and boundary ambiguity. Family 

Relations, 49, 425-433.

Interviews with 163 birth mothers in the Minnesota/Texas Adoption Research Project show that the 

child placed for adoption remains psychologically present.

Portuesi, D. (1996). Silent voices heard: Impact of the birthmother’s experience—then and 

now. Adoption Therapist, 7(1), 1-4.

The author, a birth mother and psychotherapist, describes some of the emotional reactions of the 

birth mother, as well as ways that therapists can aid in the healing process.
Impact of Adoption on Birth Parents 

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Silverstein, D. N., & Kaplan, S. (1988). Lifelong issues in adoption. In L. Coleman, K. Tolbor, H. 

Hornby, & C. Boggis (Eds.), Working with older adoptees (pp. 45-53). Portland, ME: University 

of Southern Maine. Retrieved April 23, 2004, from www.adopting.org/silveroze/html/

lifelong_issues_in_adoption.html

The authors describe seven issues that all members of the adoption triad must address.

Winkler, R., & van Keppel, M. (1984). Relinquishing mothers in adoption: Their long-term 

adjustment. Melbourne, Australia: Institute of Family Studies.

The authors studied 213 birth mothers who had placed children up to 30 years earlier and found 

that many had continuing experiences of loss, which were often worse for women who lacked social 

support and opportunities to discuss their loss.

Support Groups

Child Welfare Information Gateway compiles the National Foster Care & Adoption Directory, 

which lists support groups on a State-by-State basis. Go to www.childwelfare.gov/nfcad.

One well-known national organization that also has some local chapters is Concerned United 

Birthparents (CUB). Their website can be found at www.cubirthparents.org.

Websites

American Academy of Adoption Attorneys: www.adoptionattorneys.org

AAAA is a national membership association of attorneys who practice, or have otherwise 

distinguished themselves, in the field of adoption law. AAAA works to promote the reform of 

adoption laws and to disseminate information on ethical adoption practices. Their Membership 

Directory, including members from the United States and Canada, lists attorneys who are well 

versed in the complexities of adoption law as well as interstate and international regulations 

regarding adoption.

American Adoption Congress: www.americanadoptioncongress.org

The American Adoption Congress (AAC) is an international network of individuals and 

organizations committed to adoption reform. Through education and advocacy, they promote 

honesty, openness, and respect for family connections in adoption, foster care, and assisted 

reproduction. Membership is open to adoptees, birth parents, adoptive parents, professionals, and 

all others who share a commitment to the AAC’s goals.

Child Welfare Information Gateway: www.childwelfare.gov

Information Gateway offers information on all aspects of adoption for professionals, policymakers, 

and the general public. Information Gateway develops and maintains a computerized database 

of books, journal articles, and other materials on adoption and related topics, conducts database 

searches, publishes materials on adoption, and gives referrals to related services and experts in the 
Impact of Adoption on Birth Parents www.childwelfare.gov

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field. Information Gateway also maintains a database of experts knowledgeable in various areas of 

adoption practice.

Concerned United Birthparents (CUB): www.cubirthparents.org

CUB’s mission is to provide support to birth parents who have relinquished a child to adoption, to 

provide resources to help prevent unnecessary family separations, to educate the public about the 

life-long effects on all who are touched by adoption, and to advocate for fair and ethical adoption 

laws, policies, and practices.

Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute: www.adoptioninstitute.org

The Adoption Institute seeks to improve the quality of information about adoption, to enhance the 

understanding and perceptions about adoption, and to advance adoption policy and practice.

Insight: Open Adoption Resources and Support: www.openadoptioninsight.org

This site provides resources for all parties interested in open adoption, including expectant parents, 

adopted persons, adoptive parents, and birth parents.

Minnesota Texas Adoption Research Project: http://fsos.che.umn.edu/mtarp/

This site provides research findings from this major study of variations in openness in adoption and 

the effect of openness on all members of the adoption triad.

Information on the issues facing adopted persons can be found in the Information 

Gateway factsheet Impact of Adoption on Adopted Persons, which can be accessed at www.

childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_adimpact.cfm. The Information Gateway factsheet Searching for 

Birth Relatives can be accessed at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_search.cfm. Information on 

open adoption can be found in the Information Gateway factsheet Openness in Adoption, 

which can be accessed at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_openadopt.cfm.